#de is 100% normie here

[peridotsarelongterm]

DeForest Kelley, The Californians, “The Painted Lady” (1959) (1 of 2)

I was going to do a gifset of this, but it’s another of De’s “blink and you’ll miss it” roles (he’s not even credited here). So, I’ll just put his two brief scenes on here.

This is your standard TV western, lawman in 1850s Gold Rush San Francisco. This time, though, De is neither bad nor cowboy, he’s a prosecutor on the right side of the jail bars.

I’m still a little disappointed he’s not the one with leggy hitched up, but maybe that move was reserved for the main cast back then.

[accirax]

Disventure Camp Season 4 Pre-Season Analysis

Welcome back, campers! Now that we've fully spun off the end of DCAS, another season has rolled into town. And, in my opinion, it's looking really great so far!

As with any series of predictions, it's sort of a fool's game to try to predict entire-season arcs and characterizations when all we have are a couple of minute-long intros and a singular trailer. Still, I wanted to share what I've observed so far, as well as analyzing what was happening in that chaotic trailer before the first episode comes out-- for us non-Patreon normies, at least.

SPOILERS for the prior 3 Disventure Camp seasons, as well as possibly this one if I'm right in my analysis. You've been warned? Here we go!

The Profile Rigs

When I originally watched the 18 individual character intros, I was watching very closely for one thing-- the profile rigs. When Anastasia's trailer dropped, everyone was quick to notice the spicy new front-facing and side profile rigs the characters seemed to be sporting. However, come Hannah's interview, suddenly, her profile rig was nowhere to be seen. Did that mean it didn't exist?

Slowly but surely, the trailers were released, and six characters were left without profile rigs-- Hannah, Benji, Lynda, Spencer, Jade, and Diego. Would these be six pre-merge boots with no shot at returning for the latter half of the season?

... And then the actual trailer dropped and Lynda, Jade, and Diego were revealed to have profile rigs as well. It's possible the other three have them as well; I didn't scrub closely enough to 100% confirm that they didn't. And that's why I waited until all of the character trailers were out to make my theories! Saved myself a lot of work by letting my theories get disproven before I write them 😎 But, for anyone else who was thinking along those lines, know that line of logic is essentially debunked.

Haha. About that. While I anticipated that there might be a trailer after the audition tapes finished, I certainly wasn't expecting there to be an Episode 1 trailer AFTER the main series trailer. Therefore, I wrote part of this post before watching the Episode 1 trailer. There honestly isn't a whole much in it other than some further character work (which is great) but in terms of challenges and stuff it doesn't change much of what I wrote. In the event that it does, I'll be adding further thoughts like this, in pink text.

Episode Count

Let me preface this by saying that, along with not being a member of the Patreon, I also don't follow Jared or Robert on Twitter, nor am I a member of any Disventure Camp Discord servers, official or otherwise. (And yet, I still take the time to write out this entire post. Such is my personality.) Therefore, it's possible that I could be missing out on something that's been confirmed or de-confirmed along the way.

That being said, I know from DC4's original announcement that this season has been stated to be 26 episodes long. That's two episodes longer than All Stars, our previous 18-person example. A standard 18-person season with no bells and whistles would need a total of 16 episodes to eliminate 15 people one-at-a-time, with a one part finale. That boosts up to 17 episodes if you assume a two-part finale, which I am at this point. However, that still leaves us 9 episodes short from our episode count this season. What does that mean?

Well, for starters, I'm going to assume that the first episode is an introductory, non-elimination one. Whether that's in the S1 tribe swap sense, the AS interview into tribe reveal sense, or an entirely new sense altogether, I don't know. But, even the description of the first episode on the wiki seems to support that the first episode will just be about introducing the contestants (as does the apparent lack of challenge/tribal footage in the Episode 1 trailer), so I'm fairly confident that can lock us in for at least 18 episodes.

For the other 8 episodes, I think we can predict a combination of:

Hidden Tribe Swaps: This is describing the thing that happened to Grett and Ellie in S1, where they thought they were being eliminated but instead they swapped tribes. I feel like I remember people being disappointed that nothing like this ever happened in All Stars, so I wouldn't be surprised to see it make a comeback in S4. Any instance of this occurring would add an additional +1 episodes to the season, because although it "saves" two people from elimination, given that the standard rate of elimination is 1 person/episode, we only actually prevented one person's elimination. Therefore, if this were the only solution, we could have 8 whole tribe swaps. I really hope that doesn't happen.

Comeback Challenges: You all know what this means. Someone is eliminated from the competition, but they get to come back through some sort of redemptive challenge! Based on the length of the season, I'm almost certain that this will be included. It grants you a whole +2 episodes every time it happens, because not only do you cancel one episode's elimination, but you add another player who will need to be eliminated again. If this happened, for instance, once at the midpoint and once near the Final 5-- mirroring the comeback systems of shows like Top Chef or Survivor in its seasons with the Edge of Extinction-- that could already book us for half of our extra episodes this season. Also, I want to point out that we know from the original DCAS boot order list's third version that ONC was once planning to have a comeback challenge in which two eliminated contestants came back at once. (Maybe the original plan was that eliminated contestants would work together, instead of being paired with a current player.) That also opens the door to the idea of two players coming back via one challenge, each instance of which would be +3 episodes.

Non-Elim Cliffhangers/Two Parters: This, to my memory, has not yet happened in Disventure Camp outside of a finale, but I think it's still possible. This refers to any episode that doesn't end on an elimination ceremony, but instead on some other twist or revelation-- Survivor's infamous hourglass twist did this in Season 41 and 42. If this was to occur, I hope that the ending-worthy cliffhangers would be more along the lines of a big strategic decision and less "OMG A is about to tell B that they like them!!!" However, given something we see in the trailer (which I'll get to in a minute), I'm inclined to think that this happening would be more advantage based and less love triangle based. But we'll see. And, obviously, each time this happened would grant us +1 episode.

Non-Competition Episodes: Namely, the Loser's Motel episode. Or, alternatively, if we spent an entire episode focused on the staff, or Jensen, or prior competitors or whatever. (I do not want it to be that alternative possibility.) Instances of this would likely be very limited, but they could still be used to absorb +1 episode or two a couple of times throughout the season. There are enough "missing" episodes that I wouldn't be surprised if each of these things happened at least once.

The Trailer

Finally, time for some actual, direct content analysis! I think it'll work best if I divide this into sub-headers. Before that, though, I want to point out that I'd imagine that anything depicted in this trailer is probably from, like, Episode 4 at the latest. That's not just because of not wanting to spoil what happens too late into the season, but also because I just don't think they'd have animation for any farther than that complete at this stage.

The Setting

It's a circus. With clowns. Yeah that's pretty obvious. I'm just putting this here because most of the opening trailer shots (of the season trailer and the Episode 1 trailer) seem to be communicating this fact and this fact alone.

The Teams

I swear there was an official image delineating the teams somewhere, but I can't find it. No matter, it should be pretty easy to determine who's on which team based on this trailer anyways.

There are many images in the trailer that support these being the teams, but this is the only one where everyone is on screen at once. Therefore, it's a given that the Ice Team is comprised of Logan, Ted, Marissa, Anastasia, Natalia, Isabel, Lynda, Richard, and Alessio, while the Fire Team is comprised of Zaid, Hannah, Tristan, Ivy, Jade, Benji, Amelie, Spencer, and Diego.

This will be important to keep in mind, as tribe draw is a crucial factor in determining whether you'll find allies in the early days, or if you'll wind up on a tribe you don't mesh with and be kicked out for it. For instance, the Fire Team seems to have a lot of younger players on it, which means that Amelie, the only player in her mid-30s, could initially be on the outs and struggle to find allies. Doesn't mean she's totally screwed, but leanings are all we really have right now.

The Challenges

Based on the trailer, I think I can confidently say that we've been shown three different challenges thus far.

The first is this "fighting with sticks in swimsuits" challenge, which happened in both S1 and S2, if I remember correctly. The weird thing here is that they don't actually seem to be near a body of water, but what do I know?

Based on the crowd, we can see that everyone is present at this challenge, which means it must happen pretty early in the season-- probably either the first immunity or reward competition. I'm going to wager that we didn't get enough footage to definitively decide which team wins, so I'm not even going to try to determine that.

The next is what I can only describe as a "hunting clowns" challenge. Not sure if it's a "last clown standing without being shot wins" or a "the most points scored on the clowns at the end of the challenge wins," but it's likely one of those. The only characters we're able to definitively place in this challenge are Marissa, Isabel, and Natalia (all as archers) and Hannah, Diego, Benji, and Spencer (with the former as archers and the latter as clowns). ONC was a lot cagier with who was shown in this challenge, which would make me think that it' might take place after the first elimination. If true, that would make all of these characters safe from being the first boot of their tribe.

This challenge is even cagier that the last, as the only way to piece together that they are likely part of the same challenge is by noticing that they all take place in this train-looking location.

I have no idea what happens in this challenge. We've got chickens, math, ice baths, worms, and getting your head shaved. I'd think that this might be a repeat of the "face your fears" challenge from S1, but chickens for the tour guide and math for the marine science student feel a little out of place for that. Also, why would Richard's fear be going bald if he basically already is bald? It's probably something else, but I have no clue what.

Anyways, we can see Diego, Jade, Ted, Ivy, and Richard in this challenge, with a bonus Logan, Anastasia, and Spencer as they can all be seen on the train in these scenes.

Other than that, there are a couple of screenshots that I think could be challenges, but likely aren't.

Between the log and the booth (both showing opposite teams), I at first thought there might be some sort of heavy lifting challenge in the works. However, both scenes look like they take place in a more camp-like setting, so I think these are probably just taken from scenes of each team arranging the camp. The last one would also match with that, as Ivy holding up a decorate posted while Zaid might be dusting or adjusting some lights. The trio looks a bit too calm for a challenge in that last screenshot, anyways.

Then there are these, which are a bit more confusing.

We've got Spencer rearranging some flags, and Jade taking a swim... in her normal clothes? Both of these could be challenge-related, but they also could be more scenes of daily life around camp. Spencer's could truly go either way, as rearranging the flags could be more housekeeping work or it could be some sort of puzzle. I'd be inclined to say that Jade's was part of a challenge, except them it seems like she would be in her swimsuit...?

In the Episode 1 trailer, we see Spencer collecting similar flags from the other members of his team (with several of them looking displeased).

That definitely places this scene in Episode 1, and, based on their stances, probably not in a challenge? But, also, I don't know what this would mean outside of a challenge. Perhaps it's not a team vs team event, but something more like the Sweat vs Savvy challenges that have been seen in recent Survivor seasons? In them, contestants have to choose between attempting a grueling but fairly reliable test of athleticism or a quick but unpredictable test of intelligence in order to earn flint for their tribe. I could see that the Fire Team might have wound up doing the intelligence (Savvy) task, which Spencer fully takes over-- possibly to win or lose it. However, there are a few flaws with this. First of all, Disventure Camp contestants don't need flint, so I don't know what they would be competing for. Secondly, there doesn't appear to be any corresponding footage of the Ice Team competing in any challenge...? Therefore, I'm not sure how Fire would wind up in this disadvantageous position, where Ice neither had to win a different challenge nor compete in their own Sweat vs Savvy task. So, maybe it's just about camp decor? I'm excited to see what these flags are about on the 30th.

Between the hunting clowns challenge and the train challenge, we've had confirmed appearances from Marissa, Isabel, Natalia, Ted, Richard, Logan, Anastasia, Hannah, Diego (in both), Benji, Spencer (in both), Jade, and Ivy. If I'm correct that these are immunity challenges two and three (in either order), that could spell trouble for Lynda or Alessio on Ice and Tristan, Zaid, or Amelie on Fire. Again, because we don't know which challenge will occur first (or even that they're guaranteed to be immunity challenges), none of the people pictured are guaranteed safe. However, especially for Spencer and Diego, I feel confident that they won't be the earliest of early boots.

Also, I wasn't sure where else to put this, but, hey, it's that thing I said we'd get to later. This sign-- which reads "Go down the path together to a private booth; you're both about to make a major decision" is giving BIG Journey energy. If you don't know what a Journey is, in the new era of Survivor, they've started having points at which (typically) one player from each tribe goes off to an island together, they get to chat for a little bit, and then they play sort of game (whether against each other or against chance) where they either win something (typically some sort of advantage) or lose something (typically their vote).

The interesting thing here is that this scene is decisively set at night, which, in Disventure Camp, is often reserved only for Tribal Councils. That being said, we already have footage of a challenge happening at night (hunting clowns), so this could be part of a challenge or on a non-Tribal night instead. No idea who will be part of this Major Decision Pair together, but it's neat that they're bringing in even more strategic Survivor aspects into this new season. I love strategy!

The Tribal Councils

Just pointing out that we have footage of both tribes going to Tribal council, at which I would have to imagine that everyone is present. (Why would ONC show footage of a Tribal at which not everyone is present if that necessitates that said tribe already went to a Tribal Council at which everyone was present???) Not much to say here, just that it seems very likely that both Tribes will go to Tribal a minimum of one time in the first 3-or-so rounds of the competition. My money is on the first two Tribals being one per team.

The Relationships

Given Tumblr's image limitations (and also the limitations of the time I want to spend writing this post), I'm not going to go over every time two characters are shown on screen together. Given that, I am necessarily being biased in portraying which trailer relationships I think might be important. It could be that I'm blowing something small out of proportion, or ignoring something important because I think it's more circumstantial.

Oh, and, also, just because this is the "relationships" section doesn't mean that I think all of these relationships will be romantic in nature. Friendships and other platonic relationships totally qualify as well! That being said, Disventure Camp's gonna Disventure Camp, so I wouldn't be surprised if several of these relationships are romantic in nature.

Speaking of toss-ups, Hannah and Benji! This is the pairing that I most fear I might be blowing out of proportion the most. But, when I saw this shot in the trailer, I immediately thought, "oh, I guess they're gonna be a couple!" We know from Hannah's intro that she's bi, which means that she has the capacity to be attracted to Benji.

I hadn't thought of these two as a pair before because I thought Benji would be eliminated early, but I think they could be really cute! I could see Benji's silly vibes making Hannah laugh, and Hannah's social skills covering up for some of Benji's awkwardness. Even if the relationship is short due to Benji getting eliminated early, I hope we get to see a lot of this dynamic!

As opposed to the other two, Ivy and Zaid seem to be shown together a lot in this trailer. Another pairing that I did not expect, but that I'm open to! They seem like they're having fun with each other. Sort of predicting romantic on this one as well, but it could totally be a friendship. Either way, an alliance seems inevitable.

Spencer and Diego definitely seem to have some sort of bond, as everyone predicted from the poster alone. Many people have also, I believe, already begun to ship them. I went on the record a few weeks ago as saying that I thought that Logan and Spencer would be the ship of the season, but with their being on different teams, I can't deny that spenciego(?) might win out in the end.

Of course, these two could also just be friends, and Spencer could wind up with Logan, or no one at all. Or, imagine if there was a love triangle with Spencer of all people being the main target of affection. Would that be wild or what? No matter what, I'm a fan of "opposites attract" dynamics (romantic or platonic) so I'll be happy if these two do wind up being a pair!

In the same post in which I predicted logancer(?) true canon, I also predicted that Richard would befriend Logan, which seems to be the case. I mean, c'mon. A gay basketball coach father figure and a probably-gay swimmer with a probably-not-great relationship with his parents feel like they were made for each other. And, given that these are fictional characters and not real people, they probably literally were...!

Don't have much more to say about these two because their dynamic already feels really familiar. They even both have their first initial on their shirt. They will be besties, for however long both are in the game.

Those are all of the main dynamics I got out of watching the trailer, but I did want to highlight a couple more that struck my interest.

Isabel + Natalia

Could just be a coincidence, but I felt like Isabel and Natalia were pictured together a lot in the trailer. And that's so cool. Again, a relationship I totally didn't see coming, but that I would love to see play out throughout the season if that's ONC's plan.

A lot of people in the comments of Isabel's audition tape were expressing the fear that Isabel would be one of the main villains of the season, and while (as an agnostic person) I don't have any particular dog in that fight, I do think it would cool to have the nun become besties with the trans woman. Show a little example of what Christian people should be doing, eh? They seem like they could balance each other out well, in another "opposites attract" kind of way.

Anastasia + Logan

These two have a very clear scene together in the trailer, with Anastasia yelling at Logan (on the train). This could be more of an established dynamic, but I could also see it being more circumstantial, with Logan, like, messing something up in that challenge or whatever. I could see them being a pair as a sort of prep girl x jock boy kind of thing? Not sure, but I'm noting it for posterity.

Lynda + Everyone

Seemingly, everyone wants to talk to Lynda. We have Marissa shaking her hand, Ted pulling her into a bush, and even Emily spying on her spying. It's interesting in the context of her saying that "she'll be the one pulling the strings." Aren't people like that supposed to be more... under the radar?

Still, it's probably a good sign for her, at least in the short term, to have so many people wanting to talk to her. I couldn't really pick one of these instances that seems more important than the others, so down here it goes.

Character Thoughts/Predictions

The only thing I really have left to do is run through the characters themselves and provide individual thoughts on how far I think they'll make it based on (mostly) their audition tapes). I'll try to keep each individual character's part fairly short and sweet, because... well, this post is long enough as is.

I'll go in order of the audition tapes' publication because why not. And I'll now feature the last names, so that I can try to internalize them before I presumably start tagging them all the time when I make my posts!

Anastasia Sizova

This girl has a name that's really similar to someone I went to college with. It's very distracting.

Distractions aside, I've seen people predict that Lynda, Amelie, or Isabel would be the main antagonist of the season, but honestly, I kind of get those vibes from Anastasia. She's not as obviously ~evil~ as the former two, which I think could help her make it deeper into the competition. Plus, with her not revealing why she moved to Australia, as well as having a stated goal outside of winning Disventure Camp, Anastasia feels pretty fleshed out. She's got secrets to share later down the line-- although, not necessarily as a villain like I predicted.

I definitely get late game vibes from her, and I think she'd at least make the merge. However, I don't think that Ice is a great tribe draw for her, as I don't see any clear allies for her there. Is "eliminated early, but returns via unannounced comeback challenge to slay" way too specific of a prediction? Yeah, definitely. So, I'll just stick with "late game and I like her" for now.

Ted Gordon

Many people have claimed that Ted has first boot energy, which I... sort of disagree with? Back at the time of Hannah's tape, at which point I was thinking that anyone with a profile rig would be making it decently far into the game, I could very easily see a future in which Ted made it deep into the game. Whether it was Ted actually delivering on the strategy he promised, or others finding his rough edges endearing, I could see him making it decently far into the game.

However, watching it back, I can also see why Ted would be a first boot. He's got a fairly abrasive personality, and his overconfidence could easily lead to overplaying. Personally, I see more of a mid-game exit from him, with maybe a slight bias for pre-merge as opposed to post merge. Let's hope the train can save him from an embarrassing early exit.

Hannah Roxas

Similarly-but-opposite to Ted, despite initially predicting that Hannah might win the entire season (very early, with only the Casting Call Club info), when I thought she was destined for pre-merge, I could easily see Hannah going out pre-merge. Her not knowing anything about Disventure Camp could easily lead to her being outplayed, and her revealing she's bi in her interview felt like something that ONC wanted the audience to know, but didn't have the time to explore in the series proper.

The trailers, however, started changing my mind back. Now, Hannah has something in the works with Benji, and seems to often be annoyed at Spencer. If the two of them are fighting, it could mean one of them is out of the game soon. Or, it could be DC's classic bickering duo and they could both totally make it far. I could definitely see Hannah as an Ashley-like "fuck all y'all villains"-type character, where her lack of knowledge of the game leads to her condemning those who are more into strategy than friendship.

Overall, I guess I'd place Hannah as a mid-gamer, more likely post-merge than pre-merge. But also, I think that early premerger is her cap-- I don't see her making it super late game.

Logan Bell

I remember who his voice reminds me of! It's Brett Hand from Inside Job. I love Inside Job...

In my mind, Logan has an easy ticket to the merge. As established, he has a clear ally in Richard, and his Olympic-level athleticism will surely make him a critical player for his team to keep around if they want to be winning challenges. However, athleticism is always a double-edged sword, as physical prowess can also make you a target once it's every man for himself.

I see like a final 7 or 8 placement for him? Little bit further if he does have the aforementioned romance plot with Spencer? He'll be #1 in everyone's rankings of their favorite himbo. Of this season. It'll take a lot to beat the collective love of Tom.

Zaid Hakim

I truly had no vibes on Zaid going into the audition tapes, and, even now, I still struggle with what to do with him. At least now I have a relationship with Ivy to go off of, as well as his care for his mom. That's cool!

Overall, Zaid seems like a really chill guy. If I knew him in real life, I'm sure I'd want to be his friend. However, average, cool guys are hard to place in a series like DC. Does his lack of exaggerated traits indicate that he might be easy weight to cut early in the game, or is his personality now simple to allow it to grow later in the season?

Due to the immense focus on him and Ivy hanging out early in the season, I'm sort of inclined to believe that it would be the former. Of the two, the Episode 1 trailer seems to indicate that Ivy has a bit more going on, so if this pair is to be separated partway through the game, I think it would be Zaid out first. And, they might be focusing a lot of Ivy and Zaid early because they don't get that long in the game together.

I have no oppositions to Zaid, but I guess I'm putting him premerge. I won't be at all upset if he makes it further, though.

Tristan Vik

Tristan actually had a shockingly low amount of content portrayed in both of the trailers, given the fan favorite I assume they'll be. It makes me worry that they might be an earlier boot than people expect.

That's compounded by the fact that I don't feel they have any natural allies on the Fire Team. Preseason, I had scoped out Natalia (trans handshake) or Alessio (artist handshake) as allies for them, but both of those two are on the Ice Team. I could see Tristan being friends with Hannah, as they're both friendly and about the same age? They were also shown in the trailer with Ivy and Zaid, so they could be a third cog of that relationship.

It is true that Tristan's perhaps overly jokey nature and apparent lack of strategy could cost them early on. I would have predicted a pretty late-game finish for them otherwise, but maybe the vibes are off? Or, maybe the lack of content is just indicative of them saving Tristan's content for later on in the season. With their spindly build and machinating lack, I can't see why anyone would really target them early on. At this point, I'm kinda thinking surprisingly early (premerge) boot for Tristan, but I could totally see it going the other way.

Marissa Xulu

I really want to know why Marissa's dressed so army-core when she isn't even enlisted in the army yet. That doesn't make sense to me. I guess she just comes from a super military family?

Anyways, copy and paste Logan's curse of athleticism bit here. Kinda wild that the two of them are on the same team, actually? I guess whoever in the (in-universe) DC staffing department wasn't too concerned with balancing strength, because they seem like the two biggest athletes here.

I feel like Marissa will also be a mid-game, probably post-merge boot? But I also feel like I keep saying that for everyone. Hopefully that'll change as we move further on the list.

Amelie Pierre

You can see it throughout this post-- Amelie seems like she's at risk for not having any natural allies on her team, she doesn't seem to appear in much of the challenge footage, and I (personally) have claimed that she seems like too obvious of a villain to be the true main villain of the seasons. With those aspects combined, it's not hard to predict that I personally think that Amelie is at risk of being the first boot, or at least the first boot off of the Fire Team. There's a very easy path to nobody liking her (due to her clearly not helping out with whatever log moving the team is doing in Episode 1) leading to everyone voting her out first as a consensus pick of an unfriendly and strategically dangerous player.

I do really like her vibes and backstory, though-- making a character like this a wedding planner feels like a match made in heaven, yet somehow not too much of a stereotype. Amelie's continued presence wouldn't be a problem, but she is probably my best pick for first boot at the moment.

Benji Hattori

Do you guys think Benji will be eliminated early--

Repeat from Hannah's section; I could very easily see a Benji-less future for S4 when I thought it was "foreshadowed" that would be the case. And, even now, he's not giving me a ton of hope. Both his Casting Call lines and his audition tape are giving big clowned upon energy, and in the hunting clowns challenge (where he literally is a clown), we see Spencer getting mad at him before he gets hit by an arrow. At least we know he won't be eliminated as a challenge threat...!

His friendship with Hannah might buy him a bit of time, but I could still totally see Benji being the second or third boot off of the Fire Tribe, pre-merge. If, for instance, Spencer is the one to orchestrate his removal, it could further the rivalry between him and Hannah. There's also a future where Benji makes it surprisingly deep as a non-threatening comic relief character, but I'm definitely leaning towards a quick exit.

Natalia Baez

I can tell they're gonna have fun with Natalia. All of her dialogue in her audition tape feels to me like the writers have a great understanding of her character, which is great to see. And, damn, why is she so strong?!

Outside of being excited for a potential relationship with Isabel, I don't really have much to say about Natalia, other than that I like her. I imagine she's probably going to make it decently far, as another fan favorite-looking type...? Really, that's it, though.

Lynda Anderson

Even preseason, I felt like Lynda was way too obvious of a villain to make it far. I know that she says she's going to be behind the scenes and under the radar, but the woman just oozes evil vibes. Like, these people have all seen Fiore compete in S1, right? They should be able to spot this "innocent" act from a mile away!

My best guess is that Lynda will attempt to play the under the radar game, but get ratted out by her team pretty early. That could be as early as the first Ice boot, as the footage seems to suggest, or maybe more of a second or third Ice boot.

However, I could be overthinking it as well. A lot of people seem to want to talk to her, which could indicate that she's assimilating well. Of course, one of those people is Ted, who probably wouldn't want to align with the "innocent house wife," so it could also go to show that her act isn't working.

Lynda is one of those characters who's either getting cut really early or making it super close to the end, but will most likely not get eliminated in the middle of the game. I guess I'll call it a "high variance character" for lack of a better name. Lynda could get kicked out for scheming early, or place, like, third as the main villain. As I said, I'm predicting the former, but if Lynda makes it to the merge, she could go super deep.

Isabel Carboni

Isabel... confuses me. Like, she's super cool, but I have no idea what to do with her. There just aren't many characters like her out there to compare tropes against, y'know?

I do think that the Lord has big plans for Sister Isabel in the sense that the DC writers are the gods of the DC universe, and I don't know why they'd create a character like Isabel if they didn't have plans of what to do with her. There's a slim chance that she was just added to DC4 as an early flame-out character, but I definitely get the sense that there's more to her beneath the hood than that.

I don't think she'll be a villain, though, despite her hinting at it in her audition tape. I think she might make, some kinda mean moves, but I don't think she's going to be an all-out "religion is bad" kind of character. Even if she is the main antagonist, I believe it'd be in a way that's divorced from her faith. I also don't really think Isabel's going to win, but, maybe a losing finalist...? That might be pushing it a bit too far, though. Given how popular Isabel seems to be, I bet ONC is wishing that Isadore has a late game placement, at least.

Is anyone else worried about the 999 (upside down 666) on her name tag...?

Spencer Lawrence

Spencer is perhaps the highest variance character in this cast. He's either getting voted out, like, literally first as a consequence of his hubris, or he's going to character arc his way into being the winner or something. Personally, I'm sticking with my prediction that he could be the winner.

If he does win, though, he's got a long road to get there. His audition tape is basically screaming for him to get proven wrong one way or another, whether that means getting voted out or just coming close. For a highly specific prediction, my vibes say that the first Fire vote will come down to which the Fire team dislikes more: Spencer or Amelie. Diego, seeing potential in Spencer, will pull some strings to make Amelie the boot instead, and then Spencer will be forced to play the game from the bottom instead of being the dominant force that he planned.

The fact that Spencer is seen so often throughout the trailer (in all three of the challenge locations, even) definitely bolsters my opinion. I'm probably reading into his interactions more because I thought he might win, but he seems to have something cooking with Diego, Hannah, and Benji already. It's main character energy! ... Or "gotta show the early boot before they leave" energy. Like I said, high variance.

He literally has the vibes of Jake combined with Alec, people. And you know who various groups wanted to win DCAS? Jake and/or Alec. Boom, I rest my case. (/j)

Richard Miller

You keep slaying, Richard. You keep slaying...

Richard also has decent longevity to me because of how strongly I believe he's going to have some sort of emotional arc with Logan. Other than that... yeah, I dunno, chief.

I certainly don't think that Richard is winner material, especially in a world where Miriam already won the first season. I think he'll likely be eliminated before Logan; it's just a question of when. Do I mark him down as another vaguely early post-merge boot? Yeah, probably. I could also see him as, like, the last pre-merge Ice boot, to force Logan to play for himself going into the merge. It's something like that.

Ivy Berki

I didn't really get much from Ivy preseason, but now that we've seen more of her, I really like her! Her combined aspects of a relationship with Zaid, an actress' redemption, and a potential nepo baby backstory(?) give her the legs to make it really far in the competition, honestly. Plus, she has a good tribe draw-- she's near the middle of the pack age-wise, and on top of foreshadowed relationships with Zaid and Tristan, I could totally see her being friends with Hannah and/or Benji due to their similarly bubbly personalities.

Given that Riya just won last season, I really doubt that Ivy would win this one here. However, it would be pretty funny if she came in third place, so that actresses would have taken up the first, second, and third slots collectively. Otherwise, she could also go out in more of the Final 5-6 zone, potentially. Or, earlier than that, obviously. But I definitely get the vibes that, out of her and Zaid, she'll be the one that makes it longer in the competition.

Jade Tanko

I know a lot of people think Jade has super late-game energy, but I... don't...? Not really, at least.

I just feel like we don't know a lot about her. We know that she has vitiligo, and that her parents are from Nigeria, and that she likes marine biology, and she wants to "change the way that this game is played." That's cool, but, like, what's her personality? "Chill"? Without any obvious allies, is that enough to carry her to the endgame?

I'd very much like to see whatever game-changing strategies Jade has in store, but I don't know if I believe it. She could be the sort of "kind yet under-focused" early boot trope that Lill, Dan, or Maggy fell into. But, in their fourth season, I sort of hope that wouldn't be the case, and I also don't know why they'd have her claim that she was going to shake up the game if that wasn't untrue.

I genuinely have no clue what to do with Jade. Maybe I should just call her fifth place as some sort of consensus. Personally, I'd lean more midgame. But I could just be missing that special something that everyone else can apparently see.

Diego Olivo

Diego's initial lack of a voice actor troubled me, but I don't actually think that situation was under "his" control. Now that he does have one, I think he could do fine! ... Probably!

His potential for romance with Spencer is really what's saving his chances with me. Spencer had better not get voted out early, lol.

Don't get me wrong, Diego seems like a sweetheart! He's another person that I'd love to know irl. And, most likely, he'll make it pretty deep due to his friendly personality and probable physical strength. Between him and Spencer, I still lean Spencer, but it could be Diego! Who can say? I was also willing to believe that his no-profile-having-ass could have been kicked immediately. Let's dub him fourth or whatever and call it a day.

Alessio Castelli

I want Alessio to kick ass in the competition because I think he's cool, but... I fear the first boot allegations may be tolling for him. If Lynda isn't the first Ice boot, I think it's basically over for Alessio due to the footage. And because I don't know what allies he'd have on that team. He's shown with Logan in the trailers, I guess...?

Although having a spotlighted presence in the Episode 1 trailer is ostensibly good, for Alessio, I can't help but read it negatively. "I don't care about early bonding; I care about the deconstruction of civilization" sounds all well and good. But, it could also easily be a confessional illustrating how his lack of game awareness will be his quick undoing. The main point I've seen in favor of Alessio is that his character intro says, "Will Disventure Camp 4: Carnival of Chaos inspire him to find his artistic spark again?" as opposed to just "will Alessio win" or "have fun watching Alessio!," which could indicate a longer run for him in which that question is answered. However, it could also be answered with a resounding "no" as he's eliminated first. It could even be that he figures it out in the Loser's Motel or at the finale or whatever.

Even if Lynda is the first Ice boot and Alessio survives, I don't think he'd make it too much further. Early merge boot is my latest forecast for him.

Finally done! This post is way too long. Excited to see the season on the 30th, and get proven totally wrong in subsequent episodes 😎 Thanks for reading!

[marinetti-dinner-party]

they're asking $60 for polyester and elastic

the longer version is a bit more promising, the same price, and even has more info on location of manufacture/components.

And they're quite size-inclusive!

That's a better size range than lots of brands who pride themselves on size-inclusive product! Modcloth wishes she could!

And it comes in a few colorways! The blue is my favorite but this one's also pretty:

It lacks the puffy sleeves the meme suggests, and is not an especially flattering silhouette (very LulaRoe type of beat), but it's not bad. If you want to dress like a racist kindergarten teacher, Western Aesthetics has you covered.

They also have this skater skirt, which is a little trendier in terms of silhouette, but it's also $46 for an above-the-knee amount of cheap, mass-produced fabric. Bestie, in what world?

Again, if I might play merch/marketing director for a fash fashion startup (DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT THINK OPTICS MATTER AND I DO NOT THINK IT IS POLITICALLY USEFUL OR PRODUCTIVE TO CLOWN ON THE CLOTHING OF IT ALL, I AM JUST HAVING SOME RESTRAINED SUMMER FUN), here's what I'd do: focus on slow fashion, sustainability, 'traditional methods of garment-making' (it doesn't have to be 100% traditional, but like, get a little Marinetti with it and source local folkways and textile techniques), and emphasize how the workers are both local and well-compensated. Even better if you can get some troop worship in a la Black Rifle Coffee Co, to get the normies on board, and make a point of hiring some troops. Some fascist brands have gone this route already (the soaps and coffees people), but none of the fash have gone atelier mode yet. Not even 'TR Sartor' is doing it the right way, although bless him he's trying. The process should be just as advertised as the finished product.

In silhouette and fabric choice, the company should aim for timeless, not trendy or easy. 'Old money aesthetic' was big on tiktok for awhile (even though it didn't reflect how the wealthy dress at ALL), there's a young market for people who want timeless fashion.

Here are the clothing sellers I think a fascist merch-merchant should look to, if they really want to sell a product:

Selkie (for the whimsical romantic)

Gaala Paris (for the chic Euro-moderne)

Linennaïve, Son de Flor (for the cottagecore girlie)

Reformation (for the regular-degular fascist running errands)

It can't get TOO simple though; part of wearing merch-as-ideology is that you want people to notice and identify you as part of an in-group (but not so blatant people start throwing rocks at you for being a fascist). Perhaps they could also incorporate some jewelry pieces in there. A simple charm bracelet, perhaps, in gold or silver. Again, local artisans small-batch production.

If the up-front costs of a full scale fashion haus are too much, they could start small, with accessories. Again, jewelry, but also, ties, hats, and socks.

"But Hammer! How will people afford it?" Great question! These prices would be at least 50% higher than the ones currently on the site, in my estimation, but I think people who want to look nice and have special occasion clothes they think align with their values will pay a premium. Like how Juicy Couture tracksuits cost like $150 when I was in middle school yet somehow every girl in my middle-income school had one. The exclusivity will allow customers to feel unique, cherished, and connected to something bigger, some larger purpose. Which is exactly the feeling a fascist ought to cultivate. Right now they’re already overcharging because they know marketing through ideology is lucrative. But Coco Chanel and Hugo Boss didn't make what they did so you could be out here in drop-shipped polyacrylamide slogan t-shirts.

Theodor Herzl sparkling water is right up there with ‘Francisco Franco body wash’ and ‘tradwife sundress from the wojak meme but in shitty garbage fast fashion fabric’ in terms of ‘tacky politics products I will demand from haters when they incur my wrath.’

[spookberry]

For your Half-Normie AU:

I don't know much about monster high lore but did the ghost/ghoul students who attend the school actually die to become ghosts, and if they did die did it happen recently or a long time ago? If they didn't die or if their deaths happened a long time ago would they be horrified by how young and recently Danny died or would how he died (electrocution is not a quick or painless way to go) shake them more? Would Danny and Tucker's amity park activities be considered highly dangerous and suitably horrific to any non-normies or is this a blue-orange morality type thing. This whole ask hinges on if you're even planning on using phandom levels of angst in a distinctly monster high au so feel free to ignore me.

this is a wonderful ask! Cuz despite the very cheery and child friendly vibes that monster high puts out, much like DP it contains a LOT of secret angst. Like several of the ghouls have pretty tragic backstories? From the De Niles having been buried alive in their tomb for 100s of years, to the loss of Draculaura's biological parents.

But specifically talking bout ghosts here, I'm basing this mostly what I know of Spectra ngl. Cuz she is one of the few monster's where her backstory is Legit a mystery. All we know is her whole family is dead and that it was something tragic that she doesn't like to talk about. In MH it seems kinda taboo to like point out the fact that Ghosts are in fact Dead People? You can acknowledge they're currently experiencing their Afterlife, but referencing their actual DEATH?? unheard of.

And obvi they aren't going to acknowledge death a whole lot cuz its intended for a younger audience. But it does leave an interesting effect on the world. Where ghosts are treated like just another type of monster despite the fact that a majority of the one's we meet were very obviously Humans before they died(theres also a background ghost who has wolf ears in Haunted and also its canon that ghosts can reproduce with other monsters to make hybrids or just by themselves?? Scarah doesnt seem to have a dad as far as i can tell). Death, for the ghosts and other undead students, seems to be a very Difficult topic that many of them just... don't really acknowledge. Which absolutely leaves for a lot of hidden trauma and issues that would be sweet sweet pickins for the angst fiends.

[musings-from-an-elder-goth]

What It's Like Being a Goth in Florida

From time to time, folks who hail from colder climes will message me offering pity for the poor darkling stranded in The Sunshine State, or to simply inquire as to what herculean efforts I must undertake to avoid being burned to a crisp. These concerns are entirely fair and understandable - even I would never have guessed that a goth could survive in Florida prior to relocating here. I assumed my world was about to become profoundly limited and that I'd be the only shadow scurrying about in a futile attempt to dodge the sun, heat, and humidity. So, without further ado, here's something of a Goth Survival Guide to Florida. (Abridged edition.)

Sun & heat. Yes, those are a powerful pair of adversaries for any who dress the dark, especially in more southerly locals such as La Pascua de la Florida. First, you have to understand that most folks who live here have adapted to the heat and humidity to some degree - some quite a bit, others less so, but all of us more than someone visiting for a week from, say, Toronto. So the heat a northerner feels is much worse than the heat we feel (for example, I'm perfectly comfortable at 80 degree Fahrenheit, as long as I'm not in direct sunlight). Nevertheless, even those goths born here don't generally go outside during the day in the summer. However, it cools down quite a bit at night, and that's when you'll see us out and about. During the day, air conditioning is your bestie. Your home, car, and work will all have it and it will be blasting. We dash from one AC source to another during those dog days of summer, but that's just how it is here. I used to live in Minnesota and my life there was reversed - I'd stay inside all winter - so, pick your poison.

The beach. Yes, folks will try to get you to go to the beach. My advice? Spit in your hand and slap them. Kidding! I just say, "No, thanks," and tell them that the beach just isn't my thing. Which it isn't, so not even lying - I'm more of a forest kind of person. I've come across goths that like the beach at night, which is understandable. The temperature cools significantly once the sun sets and those pesky crowds also clear away. Perfect time for a small gathering around a little fire. Few drinks, good conversation, perhaps a ghost story or two. Not too bad, actually.

Clothing. Do I mostly wear black? Yup. Even in summer? Yup. The trick is to wear lightweight fabrics. Again, I'd never subject myself to the daylight during August, but once the sun sets, it gets much nicer. Goth gals still look lovely in light, breezy, black summer dresses and goth guys still look sharp in light black slacks and t-shirt. No one needs to break a sweat. Now, if you have to go out during the day in the summer, which sometimes just can't be avoided (graveyard photo shoot), be sure to wear a wide brimmed hat, slather on the SPF 100 sunblock, drink plenty of water, and try to stay in the shade. Personally, I've reached the point where nothing - absolutely nothing - drags me out of the AC in the summer during the day. Funeral for a friend? I'll send my condolences regarding his death. My co-workers wedding? I'll send my condolences regarding his death.

Critters. 'Aren't mosquitos attracted to dark colors?' Yup. 'So...aren't you plagued by mosquitos?' Oddly, no. 'What about poison ivy? What about Florida Man? Don't you live in terror of The Florida Man? And Skunk apes? And gators?' The flora and fauna hazards of Florida have been much less of an issue than the media had lead me to believe. Mosquitos certainly thrive here and I do get stabbed by one from time to time, but no more so than in other states I've called home. In fact, alligators, poison ivy, Florida Man, alien abductions, and skunk apes have all had minimal impact on my life here. I didn't say zero - just minimal.

Harassment from non-goths, i.e. The Normies. I genuinely thought I'd never see another darkly inclined person again when moving to Florida, but I was pleasantly surprised that not only are there goths here, but there are many goths here. One benefit of a large goth population is that the normies are accustomed to seeing us. They may not understand us, but at least they're used to us being part of the landscape. Thus, I've never been harassed or even lightly teased about being goth here in Florida. People don't even stare. I think they view it as just another character aspect, like being a sports fan or a serial killer. Additionally, many normies here are remarkably well informed about local goth culture. They usually know about the local goth clubs & sometimes about local goth bands. Many of them have even gone to the local goth clubs - for sure as a novelty lark - but they usually say they had a great time and would love to go again. Refreshingly different attitude from the people in some other places I've been.

Goth activities. "Do goth bands even play in Florida?" Wow, do they ever! I legit go to more shows here than even when I lived in LA. Bands playing for the first time here always say they're surprised at the large number of enthusiastic folks at the show and bands frequently return year after year, so as far as live music goes, we have an embarrassment of riches. If there's no live music going on, you can always head to a goth club for music and dancing on the weekend. Plus, there are various non-music events that usually interest most goths like horror conventions, vampire balls, oddity markets, etc. Just a couple weeks ago, I had to decide if I'd go to the Florida Bat Festival or a horror convention, so sometimes there just isn't enough time to do everything you'd like to and you have to pick and choose. (I went with the horror convention.)

So as you can see, no need to worry about the poor goths under the pitiless, Florida sun. We're managing quite well, actually. Because even in The Sunshine State, the sun does still set.

And the night belongs to us. 🦇🖤🦇

creaturesfromelsewhere 11-3-2022

[ekicanons]

Hey there, welcome to the world of fandom blogs! Do you mind if I request some Obey Me! babies with a S/O who has a tendency to bend over and scream whenever they’re frustrated as a way to deal with their stress or annoyance? Don’t feel pressured to do it if you don’t want to though, and have fun with your new blog!

Hi, there! You’re too kind. Thank you so much for the warm welcome! Sure, I’d love to write this one. I also have a friend contributing to this account, so you’ll get it from two different writers. I’m going to put this under a cut because it got pretty long.

Obey Me boys; S/O has a tendency to bend over and scream whenever they’re frustrated as a way to deal with stress and/or annoyance. - Gender Neutral.

Scenario A: 

Belphie

The only thing that you wanted to do was cuddle up and take a nap with your boyfriend. 

Unfortunately, you were behind on an assignment that was due the next day. Belphie tried to convince you to blow it off, but your conscience wouldn’t let you do that. You were here to go to school after all. 

Beel was in the kitchen, so you were working on the desk in the twin’s room while Belphie slept in his bed. 

You thought that you were almost done, but you flipped the page and found out there as entire second side of equations to work on. You’ve got to be kidding. 

The frustration that had been building up boiled over and without even thinking about it you stood up and bent over, letting out a loud and frustrated scream. 

Belphie woke up startled, rubbing his eyes at the confusion. 

“Y/N why are you yelling?” he asked, his low sleep-laced voice already soothing you. That was, until the guilt hit you for waking him up.

“I’m sorry! I got so frustrated with this assignment that it just came out. I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

Belphie just gave you a sleepy smirk. “Well since it’s your fault that I’m awake, I guess you have to make it up to me. Come lay with me.” 

It’s gotten too difficult to resist at this point, so you easily go up and snuggle into his side. 

“Okay, but only for a few moments and then I’ll get back to work.”

“Mhmm,” Belphie responded, wrapping his arms around you and kissing the top of your hair before resting his head there.

You both knew you weren’t going to get back to it. 

Satan 

You were so frustrated. You had been working days to try and get Lucifer and Mammon to make up with each other after getting in a huge fight. Honestly, you should get paid for being this families therapist. 

After going in circles with the two of them, you decided you were the one that needed to take a breather and left the room, stomping down the hall in frustration. You couldn’t believe the absolute nerve and stubbornness of those two. 

Stopping in the middle of the hall, you bent over and let out a loud scream with your face in your hands. 

“And here I thought that I was the Avatar of Wrath”

You heard an amused voice coming up behind you with a small chuckle to follow. 

Turning around, you saw Satan coming your way. 

You cover your face with your hand, trying to hide your shame and embarrassment from your outburst. 

“Don’t be embarrassed, y/n,” Satan removed your hands from your face, holding them in his own.

Leaning forward, he whispered seductively in your ear. “I actually find it kind of sexy when you get angry.” 

“Y-You can’t just whisper seductive things in my ears and think you can get away with it! Even if you are the demon here!” 

You wrap your arms around his shoulders and surprise him with an intimate kiss. 

This time, he was the one blushing.

Asmo

Asmo’s birthday was coming up and as your significant other, it was your job to get him the absolute best gift he had even seen. 

The Avatar of Lust had tons of admirers who were sure to shower him in gifts, so yours had to be the BEST. 

Hence the built up stress you were now dealing with. 

You were currently standing in a store full of trinkets, looking for the perfect item. Picking up different pieces, nothing really seemed to stand out as good enough. Maybe the next shop would have something. 

When you walked outside, you let out a heavy sigh and bend over, suddenly letting out a stressed scream. 

“Y/N!” you hear the endearing whine of your boyfriend appear from behind you.

Asmo pressed his hips against your bent over form, leaning over you and nuzzling into your back.

“If you bend over like that, you’re just going to get me excited.”

Turning around, you jump into Asmo’s arms, burying your face in his chest. 

“What’s wrong, my cupcake?” Asmo giggles, happily wrapping his arms around you.

“I can’t find the perfect birthday present for you. I’ve looked everywhere and nothing is good enough,” you mumble into his chest.

“It is hard to find the perfect item for someone as perfect as me, but you are the perfect present for me. Especially if you’re naked and wrapped in a bow!” 

Why didn’t you think of that? Of course that was the perfect gift! 

“Let’s go back home. I know the perfect way to de-stress,” Asmo purrs. 

“Are you being naughty again?” 

“I meant painting our nails! Such a dirty mind, y/n! However, if you insist, hmm, hmm!”

Levi

“This is maddening!” Levi threw his handheld game console onto the floor in front of him. 

You were currently hanging out in your boyfriend’s room, your head on his lap as the two of you played a newly released game that Levi had gotten a preorder of for the both of you.

“I must have tried 100 times to beat this boss and I can’t. I don’t deserve my title as gamer. I’m not ready to become a normie.” 

You look up and give him a soft chuckle. “I think you’re being a little dramatic. 

“I’m so frustrated I think I’m going to... explode!” 

“Come on, I’ll show you what I do when I’m frustrated in order to get it all out!” 

You stand up and pull Levi up with you.

“Okay, you just bend over and-,” you let out a scream that makes Levi jump in surprise. 

“Are you trying to pull a prank on me to make me look dumb?” 

“Of course not! It really does help!” you insist. “Come on, I’ll do it with you.” 

You bend over and scream again, but Levi still seems hesitant.

“I’m going to keep doing it until you join me.” 

“Okay, okay, fine! Someone is going to think I’m murdering you in here if you keep going!” 

You and Levi both bend over and let out the loudest and longest yell you possibly can until you’re both out of breath and in a fit of laughter, the frustration that Levi had felt melted away.

Levi wraps his arms around you and pulls you into a hug. “You make me so happy, y/n.” 

Solomon

“Solomon, you may want to go help y/n. It seems like they’re having some kind of meltdown in the hallway,” Simeon told your boyfriend who was still in the classroom. 

Solomon walks into the hallway with curiosity, seeing you bent over with your hands on your knees and letting out a loud yell. 

He was quite surprised. After all, Solomon was someone who usually kept what he was feeling buried inside and a calm composure on the outside. Seeing you so outwardly express your frustration both intrigued him and made him a bit envious. 

“Y/N? Is everything alright?”

You explained to him that you’re feeling stressed and the frustration was building up. You just needed to get it out before it made you explode. 

Solomon proceeded to pull you into a nearby empty classroom. 

“I like your technique, but do you want to see how I ease my stress?” 

You feel the warm welcome of his lips on yours and allow yourself to melt into his kiss, his arms pulling you into a close embrace. 

Maybe this was a good way to get out stress as well.

Mammon

When you suddenly let out a loud yell, Mammon jumped back and jerked his head up to look at you.

“Oi, y/n, what’s the big idea yelling like that? You almost made me drop goldie!” 

Mammon then proceeds to rub the credit card to his face, assuring it that he would never let it fall onto the dirty floor. 

After you tell him why you were screaming, he apologized to Goldie that he would have to put her away for now because you were more important. 

“I know what would make you feel better...,” Mammon tells you before laying down on the couch you were sitting on in his room and resting his head on your lap. 

“Petting my hair is great stress relief. It’s sound proof.” 

You grumble, but find yourself running your fingers through his soft hair, enjoying the look of pleasure on his face. 

It actually was sort of calming you down, like petting a cat.

“See? Fool proof. I’ll always be here for you, y/n. So count on me.”

Simeon

You were dating an angel, literally.

Contrary to the other angel, Luke, Simeon always seemed to be an aura of calmness so you especially liked to be around when you were stressed.

However, you weren’t around Simeon right now and the frustration and stress of of this class was starting to get to you. 

As you walk outside to get some fresh air, you go back to your old ways of coping and lean over and let out a loud scream. 

Almost like he could sense that he felt you needed him, Simeon appeared beside you, a playful chuckle on his lips. 

“Are you okay, y/n? Have you been hanging out with Luke too much?” he would joke about the way you screamed when stressed. 

You would admit to him that you were stressed and frustrated. Simeon would insist on taking you back to his room.

When you got there, he would make you some tea and “borrow” some of the cookies that Luke had just baked for you guys to share. 

Simeon would hold you in his arms and pet your hair until you felt more relaxed, no matter how long it would take.

----------

Scenario B:

Lucifer

Being the eldest, this demon is DOMINANT. He likes to always feel in control and one step ahead of everyone else.  That being said, nothing could have prepared him for the way you dealt with your stress.

One night after dinner, he was going over the class schedule for finals at RAD.  It was overwhelming information and you were so nervous – wanting to do your best and make a good name for humans.  As Lucifer was talking, you just had to release some of that pent up stress.  The two of you were on the stairs, walking to the bedrooms.  You grabbed the railing, leaned your torso back, and let out a scream from the depths of your soul.

 Lucifer was momentarily shocked.  Nothing seemed to jar him, but he was surprised to see this behavior from you.  He was ahead of you on the stairs and stopped to turn around and look at you.

When you finish screaming, breathing slightly heavier and tears forming in your eyes from Emoting™, Lucifer would look at you, a smug smile pulling at his lips.

“Are you done now, y/n?” he’d ask with amusement in his voice, only making you feel more frustrated.

“Come with me.” He’d say, taking you to his room. Once in there he’d place his hands on your shoulders, gently guiding you and pushing down til you were sitting on the edge of his bed.

Lucifer would get on his knees in front of you, thumbs caressing the corner of your eyes, and wiping away any signs of tears.  He’d run his hands down your arms. Once he reaches your hand, he’ll bring it to his mouth, kissing the back of it.

He wasn’t prepared for the emotions coursing through him.  He did not like to see you upset.  After kissing your hand, he’d turn it over, and with his other hand he’d trace the lines on your palms.  With his eyes locked on yours, he’d then bring your fingers to his mouth. Gently sucking on them one at a time.

Lucifer’s goal is to erase the stress and fill it with pleasure.  He’d then spend the rest of the night learning your body, worshiping it, making you quiver and need him.

Till the stress has completely left your mind and all that’s there is the way your body yearns for his.

Mammon

“OH –oh nO. I – I BROKE THEM !!!”

Mammon would completely freak out that he did something to break you (you are a fragile human anyway) He’d probably be like a Sim when there was a fire in the game and just kind of jump around, hands on his head and then hands out stretched towards you, wondering what to do and how to fix you, but not really doing anything except freak out.

After you finally finish your scream, he would let out a sigh of relief.

Looking into your eyes after you had let out your emotions, Mammon would be able to tell that something was off.  The stress had turned your normally bright eyes lifeless. And where there was normally a beautiful smile was replaced by a pout.  This made Mammon’s own lips turn down in a frown.

It was out of character for you and he wanted to make the sadness go away.  The greedy demon uncharacteristically put you before him.  I mean, he is the FIRST demon you made a pact with.  He’d justify his behavior by telling his brothers he can’t have you being stressed or sad because it would reflect badly on him since he’s pacted with you (but everyone knows that he truly cares for you)

Mammon would run up to his room and go into his secret stash of money that he was saving for a new jacket that was going to be released soon at Majolish.  He’d grab you and take you out of the House of Lamentation.

Mammon would spend the rest of the day trying to distract you so you wouldn’t focus on the negative feelings you were having before the scream.

He’d take you to the movies; a romantic comedy would do the trick.  He’d have you smuggle in candy from the grocery store (the Avatar of Greed does not pay for over priced movie theater candy) and he made a mental note of which candies were your favorite as you had shopped.

The whole time during the movie, he’d be holding your hand or resting his hand on your thigh, rubbing it to give you comfort.

 After the movie to make sure that all of the earlier negativity was gone, you two would go on a walk through the flower garden at RAD before going back home and snuggling up.

Levi

As soon as you lean back and start screaming Levi would look at at you in utter confusion. He’s not really sure how non-virtual humans act so he thinks this might be some kind of weird human mannerism.

Levi also leans back and let’s out a scream as well, but there is a hint of questioning in his tone as he hopes he’s doing it right. After you finish he abruptly stops too.

“So, what did we do that for?” he’d ask you seriously.  Then you’d explain to him how when you feel overly frustrated, annoyed, or stressed it helps you relieve some of the emotions.  Which causes him to panic, thinking he may have annoyed you in some way.

He’d ask you to come with him to his room, where he’d frantically tell you that you could borrow ANY manga from his collection, play any of his games, even the newest one that just came in from Akuzon.

His worried frenzy of offering you some of his favorite stuff makes you let out a chuckle.  Which is a HUGE relief to him to see you smile.  You let him know that his stress isn’t caused by him, but if he wants to help you know something that would work.

So you both end up lying cuddled together in his bathtub while you watch season one of TSL. It’s his absolute favorite but he can’t even focus on watching it (though he has the whole thing memorized anyway).  His cheeks burn red and his heart pounds loudly as he holds you in his tub, SO nervous but wanting to do anything to make you feel better.

Satan

He would immediately know something’s wrong once he gets over the initial shock of seeing you lean back and scream.  Before you can even finish your scream, he grabs you by the wrist and drags you out the door.

You’re so shocked and still frustrated from all that’s on your mind to even stop him or ask him what he was doing.  But he pulls you through the streets until you reach the local pet store.

He let’s go of your wrist once you’re in the store and you watch the kittens playing in the window as he walks up to the store owner.  He’d then convince (threaten) the owner to let you into the display where all of the kittens are.

At first, he would lean back against the wall and watch how happy you look as you hold up a toy for a kitten while others crawl on your lap trying to get you attention.

Eventually you look up and meet his soft gaze and beckon him to come join you, and the demon cannot resist.  The two of you laugh and enjoy your time playing with the kittens together.  Finally when the owner makes you both leave, you let out a sigh, sad that your time with Satan is going to be over soon and scared you’ll fall back into your negative thoughts.

But he won’t let that happen.  When you get back to the House of Lamentation he grabs your wrist again and pulls you into his room.

Satan sits down on his bed and pulls you into his lap.  He grabs a book from his night table, opening it to a random page.

You don’t object and lean your back into him as he rests his head on your shoulder and soothingly reads to you.

Asmo

Asmo would bring his hand to his mouth, shocked that someone as beautiful as you could lean back and let out such an unbecoming sound.  Though he is shocked, he still loves you nonetheless and knows that something must be bothering you.

So he grabs your hand and takes you into his room.

He throws you one of his softest robes and urges you to change into it.  While you’re changing behind his folding screen, he lights incense with an aroma that’s suppose to be stress relieving.

After you’re done changing, he dons a robe as well and starts mixing together the best facemasks he has.

The whole time, he’s talking to you non-stop about anything and everything.  About what he did today, new products soon to be released and how soft and they were going to make his skin.

He’s hoping it distracts you from whatever had gotten into your head to cause you to scream like that.  He covers your face in the concoction he made before spreading it onto his face as well.

He decides to pull out the foot spa he has and gives you a pedicure, a leg massage, and all out pamper you to help relieve your stress.

Though, his condition is that since he’s pampering you, you have to pamper him as well (though he didn’t tell you about this condition til he was done) but it was just his way of keeping you with him and so he could enjoy the feel of your hands on him.

Beel

As soon as you lean back and scream, Beel would be very worried (and a little frightened) and run away from you.

Though he would quickly come back a minute later with a plate full of chocolates, cake, and cookies (each with a bite taken out of it) and a glass of milk.

He’d find a place to sit down with you and hold your hand, leaning towards you as he would rub circles in the back of your hand and ask if you were okay or wanted to talk about it.

Beel is such a good listener.

He stays with you as you vent all of your stress to him, talking in between bites of the sweets he got for you.

He’d try so hard not to look at the plate of sweets.

He wants to be completely focused on you, and he does.

He takes in every single word you say, though he cannot stop his stomach from growling loudly when food was close.

You’d ask him to lean forward, feeding him a piece of cookie which he graciously takes, but you give him a quick peck on the lips before he’s able to pull away and thank him for the treats and for listening.

Belphie

As soon as you let out your scream, Belphie would just blink and stare at you.  Not really sure what it means or why you were doing it.

He would be able to pick up on your energy and could tell you were feeling agitated and stressed.

He’s so used to picking up Beel’s emotions and now that he’s become close to you, it’s easier to read and feel you out.

Once he’s able to determine that you’re stressed, it doesn’t matter where you are, that boy will throw his spotted pillow down on the floor and lay on it.

“Y/n, come here. Right now.” His demanding tone pulls you out of your scream.

Whenever Belphie got bossy, it usually did you best to listen.  Still a little shaky from emotions, you would tentatively join him, lying down.

He’d turn you so your back was facing him.  Pulling you close, he would throw his leg over you and hold you tight as his face nuzzled into your neck.

You’d try to ask him what he was doing, but he’d just stop you from talking.  It was not the time for questions, only cuddles.  And you needed it.  You needed the break – to calm down and relax even if it was in the middle of the floor.

The weight of his body on you, the smell of him, and the sound of his breathing would lull you into a much-needed nap.

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

Did MJ try to make Spidey retire?

Short answer: Never when she was in character and never unjustifiably!

The number of times I’ve heard people claim this is unbelievable. I’m going to settle this shit once and for all. Feel free to share this with anyone making these claims.

The simplest way to do this would be to run through things chronologically.

Unless anybody can bring up other examples, off the top of my head I can recall only three times before ‘One More Day’ where MJ floated the idea of Peter retiring.

The first time was in ASM #283. However the important context of this is that Peter himself  has already resolved to quit as soon as he is done with his latest case involving his friend Flash Thompson.

However further important context is that Peter has resolved to retire even earlier in ASM #275 and in that issue it was MJ (after learning his origin story) who encouraged him to NOT quit.

An issue later she was back to being against his work as Spider-Man.

However, many issues around this era (which was before  they got married!) depict MJ flip-flopping on her feelings and the reasons why boil down to her being concerned for Peter’s safety.

At which point why is MJ being out of order in desiring him to  retire? She loves this man and doesn’t want him to be hurt but also understands why he does what he does and it’s that fundamental heroism that is a major reason for why she loves him. This is again summed up in Web of Spider-Man #6.

Next up we have an example of when MJ didn’t  ask Peter to quit. But people always treat it as though she did so we’re going to address it anyway.

It stems from the clusterfuck that was ‘Maximum Carnage’.

Let’s give you that all-important context.

In Spider-Man Unlimited #1 Pete and MJ are attending Harry Osborn’s funeral. Harry died in chronologically the story right before ‘Maximum Carnage’ so this is a very fresh wound; he died merely days earlier.

Prior to his death, Harry had been waging months of psychological warfare on the Parkers and even tried to kill Peter. His attempt actually almost killed MJ and his own son Normie. During this whole time Harry’s wife (now widow) Liz Allan had been pushed to her wits end too.

As a result Mary Jane is reluctant to talk to Liz.

Also, for months now (starting with Carnage’s debut actually) MJ had taken up smoking to cope with the stress of their lives, chiefly her concern for Peter’s well-being. This topic and her behaviour at the funeral gets raised when they return home.

The talk zeroes in on the risks to Peter’s life and how he and MJ got lucky with Harry. MJ asks Peter to take a break for a week or two.

Not retire permanently.

Not take an indefinite hiatus.

Not even take a break for a month or definitely two weeks.

She literally asks for 7-14 Spider-Man free days so they can de-stress and catch their breaths in the wake of a serious crisis and loss.

Peter promises he will.

Unfortunately Carnage has just broken free of the authorities and formed a gang.

For the sake of argument let’s say MJ doesn’t know much about Carnage’s cronies. She just knows he has back up.

However, she absolutely knows about Carnage.

As his name implies, is an incredibly lethal foe. You know Venom, that guy who’s famous for being a bigger badder version of Spider-Man? Yeah Carnage is an even more powerful version of that  guy. Spider-Man one-on-one is physically incapable to defeating him and had to team up with Venom to do it. Even then they actually weren’t strong enough to beat him physically because Carnage is stronger than the pair of them combined!

Making matters worse Carnage’s whole body is extremely durable to injury, with blunt force not being the most effective way of fighting him. His forte is being able to quickly generate a large arsenal of sharp edged weapons from his body; think the T-1000.

This skillset is appropriate given how Carnage prior to obtaining any of these super powers was already a highly violent and sadistic serial killer who killed purely for the pleasure of it. How violent and sadistic? 11 life sentences merely for hi known  crimes. That’s how violent and sadistic. And again, this was when he was just a normal guy.

Oh, and on top of all that he doesn’t trigger Peter’s Spider Sense, making him immeasurably more vulnerable to an already overwhelming powerful foe.

He is possibly the single most physically dangerous Spider-Man villain of all!

This isn’t idle little trivia about the character by the way. It is key to his whole concept and was laid out explicitly in his original appearance. In fact, in that first appearance he was so powerful that Peter was helpless and forced to team up with Venom, who lived to kill him!

Even when backed up by Cloak and Dagger, Spider-Man’s ribs take a pounding from Carnage, Shriek and Doppelganger. It is in this injured state he returns home to a concerned and naturally  upset Mary Jane.

She then begins an argument with Peter when he tells her he plans on going back out there.

Let’s sum up so far.

MJ has been stressed for months prior to this to the point where she’s started smoking.

Peter and her nearly died mere days ago because their friend went psycho.

Said friend died in front of them.

Their other friend, his wife (who MJ was naturally going to relate more to since they were both the wives of costumes folks) is now a grieving widow.

MJ’s husband promised her he’d take a break for a little while so they can recover a bit.

Her husband then almost immediately went back on that promise.

His risking his life again against a bad guy who’s all but guaranteed to kill him if he fights him alone.

Last time MJ’s husband beat this guy he did it with the help of a powerful nasty piece of work who wanted to kill him. Even then they only just won. That’s how dangerous Carnage is.

This time Peter is fighting him alone, whilst injured, and Carnage has two  people backing him up.

So if it wasn’t a guarantee that Peter was dead meat before, now she might as well get ahead by planning the funeral.

THAT is the context behind MJ’s rage and desire for Peter to not be Spider-Man temporarily  in this story.

However, noticeably by the end of the story she’s changed her mind!

We then jump forward to the ‘Clone Saga’, specifically a mini-series called Spider-Man: the Final Adventure.

The context behind this story was that Peter, upon believing he was a clone and that Ben Reilly was in truth the original Peter Parker, had decided to retire and support a pregnant Mary Jane.

To this end they had both left New York but due to a lab experiment involving Peter’s blood a serial killer had mutated into a spiderlike monster. With no other heroes around Peter suits up again as Spider-Man to the dismay of the heavily pregnant Mary Jane who wants him to NOT do that.

Is this MJ being not as understanding as she could be, maybe even selfish to some degree?

Sure.

Is it also Peter being in the wrong too?

Also yes, the story brilliantly points that out.

But more significantly prior to this story the Parkers had been through Hell.

In less than a year (in-universe):

Peter’s robot parents had turned up pretending to be the genuine articles

They’d betrayed Peter, breaking his heart

Their close friend Harry Osborn had gone mad

Harry and used his knowledge of Peter’s identity to torment the Parkers

Aunt May had gone into a coma

Peter had suffered a mental breakdown

Ben Reilly and other clones had shown up (including clones of Pter’s murdered lover Gwen Stacy)

Aunt May has passed away

Peter was framed for murder

MJ had been targeted for abduction more than once

They’d discovered MJ was pregnant and that the baby might have serious health issues due to Peter’s mutated DNA

Peter was revealed as a clone and had a second mental breakdown

During his mental distress Peter had accidentally smacked MJ across the room

The Jackal had nearly killed everyone on the planet

The Jackal mind controlled Peter into trying to murder MJ

MJ had nearly died due to complications with the pregnancy

That isn’t even everything but all that stuff had been happening across the previous three years of publication alone. And as I said in-universe it was less than a year.

So MJ and Peter had been through a LOT of horrible and stressful things that had put them both on the edge and sometimes over it. Most of that stuff was connected to Peter’s life as Spider-Man that MJ always had mixed feelings about at best. And now after Peter FINALLY retired and their lives were blissfully normal, allowing them to catch their breaths and do some much needed healing, Peter is coming out of retirement…When it isn’t 100% necessary for him to do so.

And all this is happening during MJ’s second or third trimester when she is very obviously heavily pregnant. This often can be a stressful time for pregnant people generally and of course sometimes mood swings occur due to hormones firing all over the place. And MJ is dealing with super powered spider hormones on top of all this. With a baby that is a total lottery because nobody on Earth has ever been pregnant with a half human/half spider powered baby before.

Given that she is dealing with ALL that is it really unreasonable for her to desire for Peter to simply continue to be retired.

She isn’t demanding he give up being a hero.

She is angry and demanding that Peter CONTINUE the choice he already made about giving up.

Which is not the same thing and she was okay with him going back into the hero game after he pregnancy concluded.

Finally we come to the Howard Macke/John Byrne run on Spider-Man where MJ again desired Peter’s retirement.

Here is the thing, MJ once again was desiring Peter STAY retired as opposed to demanding he outright quit.

Moreover the Mackie/Byrne era was a period where MJ, Peter and other characters were often written incredibly out of character practically systemically. For example Flash Thompson behind Peter’s back literally made fun of the fact that his girlfriend Gwen Stacy and his wife Mary Jane were dead (at the time MJ’s death was faked by a stalker).

Peter and MJ were actually written in this reductive way back during this run as part of an editorial policy to break up the marriage.

The thinking at the time was to make their relationship unlikable in order to make people glad for when they got rid of it via killing off Mary Jane and leaving Peter single.

So essentially not only was MJ and Peter out of character back during this era but they were literally being sabotaged so readers would hate them.

Between that and how OOC (out of character) the characterizations were back then this by rights should simply not count in any analysis of the characters.

Now, there have been instanced post-OMD of MJ clearly wanting, asking, demanding, etc. for Peter to quit.

But as with the Mackie/Byrne era (or Black Cat from 2009-2018) these are out of character and should not truly count.

So when written in character and when there are not extenuating circumstances (like pregnancies) involved, Mary Jane would actually not ask Peter to quit and never truly has.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

So Dylan Brock is simultaneously the son of Eddie Brock, the son of his ex-wife Ann Weying and the son of the Venom symbiote itself. He is in essence a human/symbiote hybrid. He also stems from a run on Venom which clearly uses the theme of family a lot.

Cates’ opening arc established Knull, the creator/God/father of the symbiotes who referred to them as his children. Carnage even referred to him as ‘grandfather’. 

The second arc explored Eddie Brock’s relationship with his father, with his ‘brother’ Flash Thompson, with Dylan, his uncle and sister (who turned out to not be real) and with his ‘partner’ the Venom symbiote.

Absolute Carnage itself not only involves Venom’s ‘son’ Carnage, but also his other children, Scream and the Life Foundation symbiotes. The latter showed back up bonded to a family breaking apart due to divorce. Scream meanwhile bonded to Patricia Robertson, host to a clone of the Venom symbiote and is currently bonded to Andi Benton, another host of that same symbiote and Flash Thompson’s kinda sorta daughter/little sister figure. 

Absolute Carnage also emphasised the Osborns along with Spider-Man being Normie’s godfather. 

The coup de gras of the story involved Eddie Brock bonded to pieces of every symbiote ever on Earth killing Carnage to save his son.

The theme of family is ALL OVER this run of Venom and of Dylan in particular.

Dylan was conceived at some point in the Clone Saga, and as Absolute Carnage showed us he is close in age to Normie Osborn.

This has sparked an interesting possibility to me.

What if Dylan Brock were introduced into the MC2 universe?

That whole universe, and in particular it’s poster child Spider-Girl, is DEFINED by the idea of legacy and family.

He’d be a natural fit!

Hell he wouldn’t even be the first human/symbiote hybrid, as he’d have been preceded by Mayhem. She was created by Norman Osborn merging Mayday’s DNA with that of the Venom symbiote, rendering her in essence Dylan’s ‘sister’. Since he was conceived during the Clone Saga he’d be close to May’s age and in a way stems from the pre-1998 Marvel continuty the MC2 universe uses as it’s bedrock before diverging from the 616 universe.

Here are some off the cuff ideas I came up with:

 a)       Dylan becomes the new MC2 Venom following the symbiote’s death in Spider-Girl #100. Eddie Brock is already dead in that universe. Presumably Ann would be too (that’d track with the Peter losing his leg 2 years after the Clone Saga in that universe) and his final parent died in that issue. Not only did it die protecting Mayday, Peter but also Normie. If you wanted to you could create a new MC2 universe that takes more modern events into account thus Normie’s presence is a big deal due to their friendship in Absolute Carnage. If you didn’t, then Normie’s presence is still a big deal given how Norman Osborn created Mayhem (Dylan’s ‘sister’, who is also dead) and was bonded to Dylan’s ‘parent’. You could easily use all of that as fuel to make Dylan a villain. Or....

b)      You could turn him into an anti-hero, Lethal Protector Venom but with none of the baggage. The stuff above could still be used to milk a lot of drama! He’s a good guy but there is natural resentment towards the Parkers and the Osborns. Thus Spider-Girl and the new Venom could work together but there’d always be tension and ironically it’d be tension, much like the early Spidey/Venom alliances. But it’d be a subversion as Dylan wouldn’t be trying to hurt anyone and Mayday and Peter could feel legitimately guilty that this kid is parentless partially because of them.

c)       I can’t recall if on here I ever shared this idea, but a long time ago I dreamed up a story wherein Spider-Girl (in my mind an older 20something Mayday) would date a fellow superhero in her Spider-Girl identity. Whilst her lover wouldn’t be cat themed this relationship would obviously pay tribute to the Spidey/Black Cat relationship. The twist would be that Mayday would be aware of what her Dad went through and so we’d milk drama from ‘will we still be in love if we unmask?’/‘Can I really trust someone who’s identity’s a secret?’/‘Does he really know me, if I’m only letting him see one half of who I am?’. I wasn’t even too fussed about who this could be. I considered for example Ezekiel’s never before heard of grandson or something (although since I’m open to Mayday being bi, I guess this could all happen with a female character). But what if we used Dylan in this role! Imagine this guy who seems to have some kind of Spider like powers and then the big twist is he’s got a symbiote. But Mayday gets passed that but the further twist is he’s not just a guy with a symbiote. He’s literally the son of Venom. Spider-Man’s daughter has been dating the son of Venom the entire time! So now the big reveal isn’t simply going to create tension from Mayday’s end or from her parents’ end, but from Dylan’s too. Is HE comfortable dating the person his parent died to save? How is MJ going to feel about her daughter shacking up with the son of the thing that terrorized her? With all the Parker/Osborn/symbiote connections it’s a well spring for drama!

And you’d STILL have to answer those questions about how much Mayday or Dylan would even know one another now they’ve unmasked

d)      This sounds creepy, but the symbiotes are supposed to be creepy. What if Dylan is injured and can only live as a symbiote. Thus Mayday bonds with him, and becomes esstially the Earth X costume? Bonding in symbiote lore has often been treated as a romantic relationship!

[soulvomit]

I feel like one of the things that's getting unpacked in my analysis and personal narrative around the 80s and 90s, is that so much liberal white culture was basically white middle class/aspirationalist culture with superficially progressive values. (Not on the whole, everywhere. But this is the culture "liberalism" is often used to describe, by both wings.)

The main thing was the receding of counterculture and the rise of lifestyle liberalism: a focus in a lot of superficially progressive thought on how progressive environments allowed for more individualism and more freedom of self-actualization and self-expression for *privileged* people.

They recognized "normie culture" as a problem, but their main praxis was around their experience of this culture as individuals, and how mainstream white culture was oppressive to their personal freedoms.

So it makes sense that any feminism that came out of this, would serve the same ends.

So many 1960s-1990s feminist men recognized toxic masculinity, but saw toxic masculinity as a system of responsibilities and obligations that didn't have any other components. The main thing for them was that life after the sexual revolution was more fun, and that feminism let them off the hook for having to pay the bills on it.

To not be uncharitable, there is a lot about the environment of the collapsing middle social strata, because many low-education-requiring middle income jobs disappeared in the 70s and 80s (this is the other side of the "slacker culture" equation, my generation were the canaries in the coal mine that collapsed upon yours.)

But the environment in which many in my generation came up, in middle class and affluent liberal environments, was the kind of self-improvement/personal freedom/enjoyment liberalism that I'm describing. I remember claiming to be "traditional" and hiding behind my Jewish identity as a teenager just to escape being bullied by liberal-identified men. Traditionalist men often acted more respectful, just a tiny little bit, on the condition that they believed I was actually a virgin, or good at playing "respectability politics." I wasn't good at that.

This is the environment that probably produced a big spike in neo-traditionalism, because this kind of a culture was not sustainable in the long run without a strong middle class base to support it. People have been sick of it for a long time, and without the middle class, what we saw now are the behaviors of the most privileged people (who have always enjoyed more personal and sexual liberties) where these behaviors stood out in sharp relief.

What's happened in my worlds is that the people who were not already actually marginalized, who were along for the ride until the party ended, jumped off of the liberal train and many went full trad and or right wing. Some who are old school liberals now identify as libertarian.

But what we had in the 80s and 90s were white, middle class and affluent liberals who didn't want to deal with the genuinely marginalized, and had zero analysis or unpacking around that, and had zero analysis whatsoever around actual intercultural etiquette, but found that progressive spaces made their own individual lives more personally enjoyable. They got to enjoy a bigger array of consumer choices and enjoy a broader range of lifestyles which were still restricted to other people.

In short, liberal culture ended up leveraging the gains of radical or socially progressive movements to gain *more* privilege and *more* hegemonic cultural capital, as in the post-60s world, so many things became de-radicalized for non-marginalized people that remained radicalized or restricted for everyone else.

There is a whole analysis here about why 90s/Aughts edgelord humor was treated like protected speech: because privileged liberalism was generally treated like a social environment or set of lifestyle choices to begin with. Even in the 50s, it's not like someone could just say anything at all in any public space. Progressivism at some point came to be conflated with lifestyle liberalism.

To restrict what would otherwise be a huge topic, because I want to narrow the focus on gender and dating in the 80s and early 90s, the thing is that 80s pop feminism 100% focused on the self-actualization goals of privileged women, and there were lots of constructions of feminism that primarily benefited cis het men, and there was still quite a "swinging singles" culture left over from the 60s and 70s that Boomers were hanging out in. (My mom, who separated from my dad in 1987 and remarried in 1992, could tell you all about it.)

I went all over the place in this post but hopefully there is some kind of point to it. I mean to go on to talk about the culture of 80s and 90s hetero dating, the total joke of my coming out bi in the early 90s (believe it or not, it got a *bit* better!), and I also mean to talk about "codependency culture" and the impact it had on middle class social spaces. The thing is, this whole topic just has so much to unpack and so many interrelated moving parts.

[werevulvi]

Okay I feel like I just got very close to what's going on with me genderwise and why I've been spinning in circles about it so much. Especially lately, but also always. Keep in mind most of this text is just me ranting in attempts to try to figure myself out. It’s not definitive or a conclusion. Input is however always welcome. I think I would have been nonbinary if I hadn't become a radfem and no longer identify with gender as a concept. My personality/brain is very androgynous and I literally can't say it's of any specific gender. The question, of course, is does anyone's brain even have a gender? Well I'm no expert but I think it's possible that some people do, or rather that they come to the conclusion that they do. In my world, gender is ideological and belief-based rather than factual. It's a belief that I don't have, but I'm generally fine with others having it. Just like I'm fine with people believing in God, or any other deities. Cause I mean heck, I believe in Satan, so...

But I like and want for general society to be sex-based, not gender-based; just like I want for all societies to be secular. Cause gender hurts people (women, mostly) just like religion does too.

My dysphoria is pretty much telling me I should be partially both male and female (as opposed to neither sex), so from that I could theoretically come to the conclusion that my gender is nonbinary, now in my detransition, if I believed in gender. But since I don't, I simply scratch the concept of gender altogether and only go by my biological sex instead. Which is, transitioned or not, and regardless of what I wanna look like, still female. And it's possible that since my dysphoria is at least half okay with me being female, that could be why I'm also totally fine with seeing myself as a woman, cause even my dysphoria doesn't entirely oppose of that. It just partially wants me to me a man as well. Somehow.

And I've always been much more concerned with my physical/bodily situation than however I'm perceived socially, anyhow. But simply "getting over" being perceived as a man 100% of the time when my brain just goes against that, is not so easy. Sometimes I like it but not by every new person I meet. I want to be consistent, but for unknown reasons I hate neutral terms and the "they" pronouns. I guess ideally I'd be a "he/she" but I'd absolutely hate being such an obnoxious brat as to even kindly ask people to switch around terms and pronouns for me. Like I'd hate myself for it and feel like a complete burden. So I stick to only female terms/pronouns for convenience and consistency.

It's not that I see myself as a man one day and a woman the next, but rather my dysphoria says I'm somehow both a man and a woman at the same time, always, and it doesn't really shift around or change. Although on some days I do connect more or less to one or the other, but always acknowledge both. You know those old depictions of Satan painted as half a man and half a woman? (Usually with a goat head, but ignore that part.) Yeah something like that, but more coherently blended together, like equally mixed on both sides. However I still like and want for my body to be predominantly female, I just also like it having gone through both a female and a male puberty. It's like I connect with both sexes, but I know I'm not actually both. I'm just female. And perhaps I would ideally want to be seen as a "both male and female" person, but I'm also totally fine with being seen as just a medically masculinised woman, cause that's what I literally am. We're back to scientific basics here. What my dysphoria says is a deluded fairytale; what I say is let's be rational. And I don't want to be seen as or consider myself as something I am not. Not anymore. "I want to live in the real world" as Neo says in The Matrix movie when he takes the red pill. But when it comes to labels... yeah, no there really isn't a term for someone like me, who de-/transitions in a nonbinary way but sticks with sex-based terms/words and doesn't agree with gender ideology. FTX, perhaps? No, I hate that one too, cause it looks like I tried to erase my sex instead of enhancing it and making it... merrier. Also, is it just me or don't most nb people who medically transition seem to quite often actually want to look genderless, rather than double the dose? As in wanting to look both male and female at the same time. Well, just thinking about getting anything removed from my body gets me anxious... I can't imagine what it's like to want no sexed traits, and the thought of it makes me a little woozy. Not to judge others' dysphoria, just saying I so can NOT relate to that, what so ever. Cause I guess that's the total opposite of my own dysphoria.

But anyhow, because I don't go by any gender identity, or because I ask to be gendered in accordance with my bio sex, I've little in common with the popular circles of nonbinary people who only seem to be interested in calling out accidental misgendering, making up ridiculous fake genders and neo pronouns, claiming to be "non-dysphoric trans" or whatever the fuck have you. I kinda don't wanna associate myself with that kind of clownery. And let's not even get into what I think of their harmful fake-feminism views that they often drag along with their gender views... Probably the only things I've in common with (some of) those nb people is having atypical dysphoria and wanting more gender neutral bathrooms/locker rooms available. And yeah, less harrassment of gnc people in society, please. Oh well, being part of any pack has never really been my thing. It's always tempting from the outside, but suffocating from the inside. But my real pet peeve is that all trans labels are based on the notion that everything starts with gender identity, rather than gender dysphoria. And I guess that's the thorn in my side. That I don't like how gender-obsessed everything has become. I'd be embarrassed to say "I'm nb" if someone would ask me if I'm a man or a woman. Just like trans isn't a "third gender" I don't think nb is either, but people really do treat it as such. I don't even see transitioning as becoming or transforming myself into something I wasn't born as. I don't see myself as any less female than any women who don't wanna look partially male like I do.

But fact of the matter is a huge reason why I now feel so super comfortable to just go bat shit crazy with my hyper-femininity is because I've got my now additional maleness to balance it out with. I feel very balanced and harmonic with my maleness and femaleness, my femininity and masculinity, or I would if only I also had boobs again. When I imagine that I do (which I do at least several times per day, cause it just happens), I feel so right that there are no words for it... gender euphoria? Those might be the words I'm looking for!

I've been considering possibly just calling myself nonbinary though, for simplicity's sake, even though I don't like that term or associating myself with that community. Cause few outside of radfem circles seem to understand what I am at all, as a dysphoric detrans woman, and I feel desperate for a simple thing to call myself that would make my communication easier. That is why I'm hunting labels, with probably very apparent desperation, cause now I've so thoroughly entangled myself in a web of not being able to communiate my situation to either genderists or normies. Perhaps I could use the slightly incorrect label nb as a crutch or foundational brick, and then explain that despite what my dysphoria is telling me I consider myself a woman, lesbian, she/her, etc because of my female biology.

I dunno, though. I hate it all. Why did I put myself in this situation to begin with?! I want gender abolished yesterday. It's giving me a headache.

[silentwalrus1]

bdsm badfic bingo

reading fiction that involves kink? well, make sure you got your shotglass and vodka handy, because you get to knock one back every time one of these bad boys crops up!

- the kink is the Bad Scary Ordeal the characters have to get through to get to the Real Twue Wuv Vanilla Sex

- Sub Character does not actually enjoy any pain/masochism in any way, just inexplicably,,,,, Wants It. For Reasons

- Overwrought paragraphs explaining that these characters aren’t really in a D/s relationship, they’re secretly equals, no no the Sub Character is the one who truly has all the power in the scene, I Promise This Sex Is Not Deviant At All Guys They’re Vanilla On The Inside

- Overwrought paragraphs describing the Scary Leather Outfits, Scary Black Buttplugs and Scary Leather Dungeons as a thinly veiled way for the author to go Get A Load Of This Weird Shit! Sure Is Freaky Huh Guys! If i throw enough Weird Freaky Kink stuff in here that might spare me from having to write any character development, emotional depth or plot!!!

- there’s gotta be a dungeon. Because that’s where this stuff happens, y’know, in dungeons

- characters have literally zero hobbies, interests or personality outside kink stuff aka Hi My Name Is Dom McDomTop I Like To Dom While I Dom With My Dom In My Dom de dom dom  

- nobody goddamn enjoys the kink stuff at all, they’re just Into This Freaky Shit because they must Atone For Their Grievous Sins/Have A Dark Traumatic Past/Are Just Fucked Up

- everyone feels guilty but instead of it being addressed or explored as a part of the characters’ emotions it’s just.... this general cloud of Atmosphere spritzed on by the author like pointless perfume 

- because What They’re Doing Is Bad. BDSM Is Bad Naughty Sex That’s Not For Normal People

- “but oh!!! i don’t want to Hurt you!!! i would feel So Bad!!” - Dom Character, ten seconds before prowling towards Sub Character, suddenly completely on board and 100% ready and confident to Get Kinky  

- “HOW could you WANT THIS” - Dom Character, ten seconds before prowling towards Sub Character, suddenly completely on board and 100% ready and confident to Get Kinky

- Dom Character is EXPLICITLY UNCOMFORTABLE with kink or even just the idea of kink but Sub Character says “i need this” and suddenly it’s game on like it’s totally okay to override Dom Character’s objections and concerns like that

- see above, but vice versa

- Random And Unnecessary Safeword Check-ins, aka the author appears to rediscover the existence of safewords every few sentences and joyously sprinkles them into the text regardless of whether it makes sense for the characters to do so

- Safewords Are Our Only Means Of Communication aka Dom Character interrupts scene every five minutes to demand check-ins because apparently they have no other goddamn way of telling whether or not their partner is enjoying themselves

- When You Do The Freaky Naughty Sex “NO” Doesn’t Work!!! Ever!!! You have to yell GOLDFISH AMBULANCE or whatever other safeword because NO is AUTOMATICALLY DISREGARDED in TEH BDSMZ. This is all true and applies regardless of whether the characters have discussed any actual reason why "no" or other plain language isn't sufficient 

- subspace is depicted either as a supernatural phenomenon, a wild acid trip or an imminent medical emergency. There are descriptions of glowing bubbles and colored lights. There are out of body experiences. There are literal visions of the divine

- bonus round: the Kinky Characters discuss their Naughty Kink everywhere and anywhere to Shock The Normies and remind the audience they’re So Kinky, Oh Yes, So Freaky Omg They’re Basically Exotic Zoo Animals

In conclusion: i wish i could set every copy of 50 Shades on fire with my mind, and I wish people would like......... do the bare minimum of research before writing kink stuff, as in any writing. And i don’t mean in the like, “what kind of nipple clamps should Character X use”, i mean more like “if Character X actually enjoys kink stuff, what would the internal emotional landscape of that look like?” 

[thorn-png-blog]

some asexuality discussion

honestly if you asked me if I was asexual, I would say no. but others would say different. here’s why.

in my definition, asexuality is “without sexual feelings”. ei being unable to feel sexual feelings. I have never wanted to date anyone in real life or have sex with anyone in real life. my desires are and have always been purely for fictional characters. one in particular right now, and it has been that way since 2014 (this one character) and I intend to keep it that way because I dislike the idea of hugblanketing or just having comfort characters because that seems so wishy-washy. there is one character I really like and have for years. that is just my lifestyle choice.

I have strong romantic and sexual feelings towards this character.

never ever have for anyone irl, never had a crush or wanted to have sex with anyone.

I see people defining asexuality as “not wanting any sexual activity” and I guess that could apply to me considering I would never have sex with anyone irl. EXCEPT…

if this specific character existed in real life (just de-cartoonized) I would definitely 100% agree to have sex with him. 100%, no questions asked. this also applies to romantic relationships. I would definitely want to have a romantic relationship with him but if I was rejected I would be crushed. so maybe it’s a good thing he is “fictional” but his character is not picky so I would take that risk maybe idk

so, I guess I could be considered aro - ace. sure.

but honestly I think that I am a fully allosexual (allo meaning not asexual) homo because I define asexuality as not having sexual desire or feeling… and those exist for a character I also heard of something called “fictosexuality” which I dismissed at first because I was like “lmao anyone can feel attraction to fictional characters” and then I wondered if it could be considered a type of asexual if the attraction is STRICTLY fictional characters, and if we are going by the “not interested in sex or dating” thing.

anyway what do you think? am I aro ace or nah? the thought of sex with anyone I have EVER SEEN irl is not appealing. but I watch porn to help me visualize my own… brain scenarios, even if I sometimes feel awkward watching it because I am not attracted to the male. plus cis heterosexual porn is basically a fetish for me at this point because almost all gay porn is just cis guys and anal is gross imo and any porn with FTM, the FtM dudes are usually either topping with a strap on or trying to emulate the style of cis gay sex where the bottom is acting manly too lol I dislike seeing the faces of literally any porn actor I just find all of them unappealing

any pre existing rule 34 of the character I was talking about is all with other characters in the series, and looking at ship art like that causes me immense stress and weird panic so I try to avoid that at all costs. it shouldn’t bother me but I really just feel dreadful when looking at it. I only have two decent r34 pictures because it’s solo and it still doesn’t really look like him

SIGH

I basically just explained my entire sexuality in this post and keep wording my paragraphs as if I’m ending it so this will be the final paragraph. what do you think? am I aromantic asexual or homoromantic homosexual? or am I “"fictosexual”“ is fictosexual even a possible part of asexual or is it just a specific preference like demisexuality and not really a sexuality as much of a preference? like I said I feel that most "normie” people would think I’m fully ace aro but I want to see if tumblr can make sense of my sexuality.

it ain’t easy lads. there may never be an answer

(also this isn’t an “is asexual LGBT” post, please keep that out of the discussion here)

[junker-town]

Adrián Beltré retired, and the internet’s heart is broken

If you appreciated Adrián Beltré as much as you should have, you’re a member of a select fraternity.

If you want the genius of Adrián Beltré, it’s right there on the back of his baseball card. He hit 477 homers and collected 3,166 hits. He’s 26th in Wins Above Replacement, according to Baseball-Reference.com, ahead of Wade Boggs, George Brett, and Chipper Jones. He’s 10th on the all-time list for defensive WAR, and everyone ahead of him is an unimpeachable defensive legend. Some legends come up when they’re teenagers and smack you in the face, saying, “I’M HERE. LOOK AT ME.” Some legends are a slow burn that take a few years to appreciate. Beltré is most certainly the latter.

But if you want the real genius of Adrián Beltré, you should have been there, man. Should have been there. It wasn’t just the stats or when he created a Positive Baseball Event to help his team. It was the joie de vivre, the élan, the feeling that nobody in the world was having as much fun playing baseball. It was a mere feeling, sure, but it also could have been a verifiable scientific fact if you had tasked the right scientist and gave him or her the right equipment.

Beltré was the guy who (deep breath) ...

constantly joked around with his buddy in the middle of games, which is something I’d like to think I would do

was always dropping to one knee for his prodigious home runs, which gave him a cartoonish superhero quality. I’ll bet Ben Grimm would drop to one knee because he swung so hard, too

didn’t like his head being touched and would threaten to murder the people doing it

never murdered anyone for touching his head, even though he wanted to

had a father-son relationship with Elvis Andrus that was teetering perfectly on the edge of appropriate or reckless when it came to in-game shenanigans

continually messed with umpires in the most engaging, jocular way

look, there’s a whole bunch more, start digging

Adrián Beltré was the guy who would do this for a very simple reason:

Because it was funny. Because baseball is fun. Because where the regular player sees an opportunity to pick up the ball and wordlessly toss it back to his pitcher, Beltré saw an opportunity to wink at everyone in the stands and watching on TV.

This is all well and good, but I’m going to tell you something else about Beltré’s popularity that you might not have thought of. I don’t think it’s a controversial sentiment, but it’s definitely not something we think about a lot, and it goes something like this:

Not everyone thought this about Adrián Beltré.

It’s true! Go up to 100 people at any baseball game, and ask them their thoughts about Beltré. I’m not going to pull a number out of my nether regions and pretend it’s verifiable, but I’d be surprised if more than 10 of those people could tell you a fraction of what made the Adrián Beltré experience so enjoyable and different. This isn’t 1950, where baseball’s top stars appeared on Push That Button!, a popular game show where famous people would push a button over and over again. He wasn’t on the cover of the issue of LIFE that was in every home and in every doctor’s office. He was a baseball player, one of 750, who had very little name recognition among the normies.

Do you know what that means for the people in the internet bubble, those of us who would eagerly awaited each new silly Beltré moment and gave a Gene Parmesan squeal when we got one? It means we were in a secret club. Maybe not a secret club, but certainly one with a finite membership.

There are two kinds of baseball fans in this word, those who get Adrián Beltré and those who are complete squares. When you dug down beneath the topsoil and outer crust of baseball, just really started digging and digging and digging, an enduring appreciation of Beltré was one of your rewards. Think of it like an Xbox achievement or a fancy certificate in a classy, ornate frame.

When you have paid attention to (x) amount of baseball, you get Adrián Beltré. You understand him and why he makes baseball better. You’re in the club.

He is our special internet friend, then, the kind of player who didn’t need to be a national star like the players from bygone eras. He was the perfect player to pass through our internet bubble without popping it. And he would leave gifts. So many gifts.

And now he’s gone. There was no ceremony, no farewell tour. We didn’t get to watch Beltré stand awkwardly in front of a San Diego crowd while he accepted a surfboard signed by Nick Cannon. That’s in part because of the sudden retirement, but it’s also in large part because there probably wouldn’t have been a team-by-team ceremony like there was for Mariano Rivera or Derek Jeter. This is more proof that you’re part of a large-yet-secret club of people who truly get it in a way that regular slobs don’t.

People love believing in conspiracies — don’t google “California wildfire government lasers” if you know what’s good for you — because of a natural desire to feel superior to people who aren’t as enlightened. But I never understood that because you can get the same feeling by doing something like, oh, paying attention to Adrián Beltré while he’s active. We’re in the know, we’re hep. Anyone else who didn’t get a chance or, even worse, didn’t understand what the big deal was? Cluck your tongue, shake your head, and pity those poor souls. It was right there, in front of us, the whole time.

It was pretty awesome, everyone.

Baseball will survive, a little duller than before. There won’t be more back-and-forths with Felix Hernandez, no more giggling from Elvis Andrus when he does something antagonistic toward Beltré. The foul balls will be calmly picked up, and the on-deck circles will stay right where they are. Home runs will be hit from one knee again, but they’ll be paying homage to a legend, not original material.

Eventually someone will come along who is just as fun as Beltré. Maybe they’re already here. That’s how the conveyor belt of baseball and time works. But no one will be Adrián Beltré, a true original, a guy who was so unique that he lied about his age to be younger than his peers, a special, fun-loving soul who was a member of a small fraternity of players who understood that baseball was supposed to be fun. He’ll be missed.

And when he’s in the Hall of Fame, I’m gonna touch the bronze head on the plaque until security drags me out of there, just like he would have wanted. Happy trails, Adrián Beltré. Happy trails, and thanks.