#dawnriscn

[nesciret]

it’s sparked by the constancy of dread tenaciously clinging to his conscience—  the feeling of overwhelming insecurity within his current standing. there is no foothold on the jagged pass he climbs;  no outcome where they both remain happily within each other’s arms as though death doesn’t hand over their heads, idly watching and waiting for the perfect moment of ideal grace vanitas is dealt to strike and so quickly steal it. it’s a thought that lingers like a stray cat—  never around constantly, but always returning when it’s fed. with this thought, he’s left to stir within their bed, sleep evading him as though he were a plague to be cast out. vanitas turns on his side, facing away from riku as though it would take his mind off his rest’s silent thief, but to no avail. his fingers grip at the blanket that only partially covers them both, himself having stolen whatever purchase there was for riku to find within it during his fitful, temporary sleep. 

it grows, festers, and becomes a beast no longer able to be tamed;  the ideal monster nourished by his family’s curse, he thinks. it’s laughable—  he’d thought that just this once he’d be able to escape it. the monster hadn’t always been so enormous;  once, it hadn’t even existed on the same plane as he whenever he and a loved one were near.  little by little,  life by life,  each and every one of them had contributed to the beast’s dwelling, making a home for it deep within his chest that he would suffer whenever he’d so much as thought of approaching someone new. now, it roared with a ferocity that could only ever be quelled by the touch of riku’s hand against his cheek, palm settling when he wished to grant the affection he’d known was needed but never asked for. it’s only when he’s granted no small amount of affection  ( because he wants to, not because he needs to )  that it returns to a small, incessant voice only to be heard when he listens hard enough. vanitas turns once more, this time, intent on gazing at the beautiful features of his sleeping lover—  long frostbitten lashes closed, lips slightly parted when he breathes ever so softly, hair sprawled about the pillow his head rests upon. 

he must let him go, he thinks, otherwise he won’t be able to live with himself knowing that it’s the beast that’s killed him. he must leave and never come back, he thinks, his own palm cupping a pallid cheek as he smiles, as if yearning. 

@dawnriscn

[nesciret]

it’s with merciless fervor that he wishes to waive riku’s doubts— to cast them aside as if they had no merit and furthermore to tell him that he never had any cause for concern. he stills, fists clenched at his sides where once they’d fallen carelessly as though they’d never have any disputes even among the most trivial of mundane tasks. he’d seen riku dragged to the very depths of hell;  his skin smoldering and his eyes glaring like that of a demon raging from being cast out, unwilling to relinquish its host. there a solemn pride that swells within the cage of his ribs, heart pounding when those eyes cast him a different kind of look—  it’s one that seeks to learn instead of one that’s hellbent on razing every good thing he’s built up until now. he is a changed man, the very thought is enough to draw sentimentality from lips that have screamed with little regard to anyone else that might have heard  ( ‘ you’re gonna be okay, riku! listen to me, riku! i’m here for you and i’m not going anywhere! ‘ ).  he remembers days reminiscent of nightmares where riku had wanted nothing more than to tear vanitas’ smaller frame from his own, screaming that there was no one he could possibly have hated more in the world than himself right now. smile turns to smirk—  oh, how times change.

he’ll take riku’s hand within his own, palms to touch, as he leans fully against his frame. there is no barrier of  ‘ personal space ‘  known to him, especially when he needs riku to derive some comfort from his presence with him.   ❝ stay with me, ❞   and his voice is akin to the sound of sirens wailing when silence pervades, a warning of danger far away. it’s a silent demand because he has already presented his vow to never leave his side, the derisive inklings of insecurity always a constant damnation of his conscience.   ❝ i want you to stay. ❞

@dawnriscn  

[nesciret]

@dawnriscn is a fucking menace