#dark themes are hell because all the letters blur together and it's very hard or even impossible for me to read

[swellwriting]

Mistakes that Make and Break.

Fandom: Harry Potter, Marauders Era

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader

Warnings: Mature themes?? Nothing major. Angst and immense fluffy sweetness.

Request: Remus doesn't know he has a 7th-year daughter until he teaches her?

Word Count: 4.4 k

A/N: Timelines and ages don't really make sense but let's bend the rules ok, this is the land of pretend. Also, I'm changing the year to 3 instead of 7 :))) This has been sitting in my WIP’s folder so I guess I should just post it lol.

Remus Lupin is not an easy man to find. After his friends died he sort of went into isolation, he wouldn't see anyone not even you.

You weren't even sure if he remembered what had happened, if he didn't care, or was purposefully avoiding you.

It was the night of Halloween, the same night Lily and James were killed. Maybe he blamed you and that's why he ignored you for that first while and then became totally unreachable for years. 

But that night, seemed a blur, a tragic terrible and happy accident all rolled into one. You were at their Halloween party, you got drunk, told too many truths, lost your ability to stop yourself from staring at Remus the way you were. He was drunk, so were you, both dumb virgins, or so you thought, you weren't too sure anymore if he had lied.

He took you to his house, it was small and poorly but you didn't care in the slightest, he would usually be ashamed but he was too drunk to care and you were taking off your clothes in his bedroom so he was purely focused on that. He was all clumsy hands and toothy grins, messy curls in his face and too drunk to even care about you seeing his scars. He was considerate and sweet and funny and he filled you with so much hope with every sweet compliment he whispered in your ear.

You fell asleep shortly after, both drunk and tired, when you woke up Remus was gone and you had lunch plans with Lily so you had to go home and change, you were so excited to gush to her about Remus. You worried that it was weird that he left you alone in his house, but maybe he had somewhere important to be. 

It wasn't until you apparated home that you heard the news, so many of the people you saw the night before were now dead, Lily, James and Peter, and Sirius was behind it all. You remembered taking shots with him that night, a sour taste fills your mouth and you quickly ran to the bathroom just in time.

It was easy to blame it on the drinking, the loss and sadness you were facing, that's why you felt so sick, for over a week. Then you blamed it on heartbreak when Remus kept ignoring you, avoiding you. You felt so alone, unwanted. When your period never came the following week you sort of saw it coming. It was like life was trying to make this horrible loss of your friends even worse. Making you pregnant by a man who won’t even acknowledge your existence or what happened between you. Your best friend was dead and you couldn't confide in her for help or advice. 

You were alone, 9 months later your daughter was born and then you didn't feel so lonely anymore. You sent an owl out for Remus every month for the first few years, but you had no idea where he really was so they kept coming back. 

You still thought about him all the time, the way he left you, broke you. You still hoped one-day he’d come back, that he wasn't dead somewhere waiting to be found.

Raising your daughter all alone was hard, you had your parents to help you but for most things, you were on your own. It became much harder when you found out your daughter had a specific gene passed down to her, one you didn't even know Remus had and one you had no experience with. When you found out you felt like nothing could get any worse, you didn't want to report your daughter to the ministry, you wanted her to live a free and happy life as best she could. You bought wolfsbane potion each month and even confided in the last person you wanted to talk to. 

You wrote a letter to Sirius Black, you started by saying that you had no desire to talk to him, to know how he is or to hear his excuses but that you needed help. You told him what happened between you and Remus, about your daughter, and ever so secretly about her “unruly attitude” that was exactly like Remus “problem” and asked him how he dealt with that in the past, or if he even knew enough to understand what you were really talking about behind these codewords.

Sirius was quick to write back, somehow he was easier to reach in Azkaban than Remus was, where ever he might be, Sirius told you every trick he learned over the years to helping Remus and they all helped magnificently, the tips and tricks, the chocolate. When she was young she was easy to control but as she got older she became stronger, you loathed sending her away to Hogwarts when the day finally came. After making plans with Dumbledore, thanking him profusely for everything you mind was a little calmer.

Everything was going fine, as smoothly as possible until your daughter's third year. Even though you cried back in the first year when she told you she finally met Harry potter and he was so cool and nice and she definitely didn't have a crush on him. You told her all about him as a baby, his parents and the memories, but made sure to leave Remus out of them until she was older at least.

You had named your daughter Hope, after Remus’ mother, you had no idea what else to name her and you hoped that if he ever found out about her, this would make him want to meet her more, love her more somehow.

-

Hope couldn't help her crush on Harry, so when she saw him walking towards the Defence against the Dark arts classroom she walked up beside him.

“Hey, Harry!” She said excitedly, she wanted to tell him everything you told her this summer about his parents and him. “Hi Hope, how are you?” He asked, though his mind seemed to be somewhere else.

“Good, have a good summer, Harry?” She asked sweetly.

“Not particularly,” he answers and then stops right in front of the dark arts classroom, Lupin is standing inside, watching from his desk as the two students interact at his door.

“Oh, I'm sorry.”

“Not your fault,” he answers quickly, “I have to go talk to Professor Lupin if you don’t mind,” he says and walks into the classroom.

“If you want me to cheer you up, my mum told me more stories about you, when you were a baby and about your parents,” she says and Remus wasn't really listening to their conversation until then, his head perks up.

“Maybe later, I've just-” Harry tries to make up an excuse but Remus is interested in what the young girl has to say.

“No rush Harry, there is time for a story. I’d like to hear it too,” he says and gestures for the girl to come over to his desk.

Something about her face is too familiar, though he knows he's never seen her before, she has a few faint scars on her cheek and forehead, brown messy hair, she’s lanky but still shorter than Harry.

“Hello, Mr. Lupin.” She says timidly, and he smiles at her, “I'm Hope.”

He nods his head as for her to continue and she does right away very excited.

“My mum says she was there when you were born and you were really tiny, so tiny that your dad was scared to hold you. And she says your dad was a really good Quiddich player, but you probably knew that because you're really good too. She says your dad once threw a quaffle and hit her right in the face and it was really funny because he felt really bad.”

The pieces started to fall together for him, clicking in his mind. The more she talked the more it clicked into place.

“Hope, who exactly is your mother,” he asks, as though he doesn't want to believe it.

“Uhm her name is Y/n Y/l/n, why Mr. Lupin?” She asks, completely unknowing.

“She is your mother?” He asks again as though he can't believe it.

“You knew her too, I mean if she knew my parents, and you knew my parents it makes sense?” Harry questions.

“I... I did,” he admits and he looks white as a ghost, both kids stare at him, wondering why he is acting so strange.

He is racking his brain, he hadn't seen you since that night at his place, when he left you there, the way he avoided you and ignored you. He tried to do the math in his head but his brain wasn’t working, who the hell could this girls father have been, he couldn't picture you being with anyone, for as long as he knew you, you only had a crush on him and then he ruined it. Did you move on that quickly? He shouldn't ask, it’s improper to but he can't help himself.

“Hope, dear may I ask who your father is?” Remus asks quietly and Harry is beyond confused at this entire interaction.

Her face goes pale, her bottom lip goes in between her teeth as she bites hard, her eyes travel between Remus and Harry before she quietly mumbles, “I don't know, sir.” and hearing those words makes his heart stops. 

He stares at her for a moment, she has his messy hair, the same damned nose, similar scars decorating her face and he feels like throwing up. His head is spinning and he doesn't know what he is going to do. “Very well,” he manages to say. “Uhm Harry I'm rather sorry but I’ll have to talk to you later I have a lot of papers to grade, so if you don't mind,” he says and points a shaky hand towards the door.

“Okay,” Harry says and Hope follows him out the door like a puppy, they quickly fall into a much more normal conversation.

He isn't sure what to do with himself. He suddenly is filled with regret and self-hatred. He left you the way he did, with no explanation, he wasn't there for you after he lied to you, made you think that he wanted you, which he did but then everything changed. He ignored you, he thought you were just in love with him or something, feelings he couldn't process but in reality, you were simply just trying to tell him that you were pregnant. He left you alone to deal with the grief of such a great loss and then alone to raise your child. He missed out on so much of her life, he wasn't sure she would even want him anymore.

Then he remembered the scars and it hits him. Not only did he have a child he didn't know about but he had also passed down lycanthropy to her, he left you alone to deal with a child that had the rotten luck of getting his stupid gene. You who didn’t even know Remus was a werewolf, who didn’t know what you were signing up for with one stupid mistake of one night. 

His heart felt as though it was snapping into a million pieces, her little happy smile replayed in his mind, the way she looked up at Harry like she admired him so much made his heart hurt too, the way she talked about her mom, talked about you.

-

You hadn't known Remus had been teaching at Hogwarts, your daughter wasn't assigned to his class and you didn't often read a list of the entire faculty of Hogwarts in your spare time. When your daughter started at Hogwarts you moved to the village of Hogsmead, this meant your daughter was never too far if she needed you, and you could easily visit her with the help of Dumbledore.

Tomorrow was the first Hogsmead visit of the year, your daughter would always come by the house with her friends and you had baked cookies expecting their arrival the next day.

-

Remus, after throwing up three times, and drowning in self-pity and regret, made his way to Dumbledores office keeping his head down to hide his sickly face and red eyes.

Dumbledore let him in quickly, with a knowing look on his face.

“You knew didn't you?” Remus said, not angry-sounding just looking for answers.

“Knew what Professor Lupin?”

“You knew I had a daughter, you knew she was here and you didn't tell me.”

“It was not my place to intrude. I knew you had a daughter, yes, but I only knew so much as Y/n told me.”

“What did she tell you? I haven't seen her in years since James and Lily died. I had no idea.”

“She came to me when Hope was starting her first year, she told me she hadn't seen you in years, couldn't get ahold of you no matter how hard she tried. She said she resorted to writing to Sirius for advice, and Sirius had told her to come to me for help just as I helped you when you started at Hogwarts.”

“She went to Sirius for help? How could she?”

“She didn't have another option, everyone she knew was dead and she couldn't find you.”

“I didn't know,” Remus says more to reassure himself.

“It wasn't my place to tell you about a child you had no idea about, I didn't know why you were avoiding her.”

“That's what you were hinting at, back at the beginning of this year wasn’t it.”

“Yes.”

“I thought you just meant Harry when you mentioned an “interesting student”, I didn't know. And she's like me and, I feel so guilty I don't even know how to tell Y/n, how to apologize I'm scared she will hate me.”

“There is a trip to Hogsmeade tomorrow.” Dumbledore states.

“And?” Remus asks confused.

“She moved there when Hope started school, so she could be closer. As far as I know, she never moved on. And she is one of the kindest people I've ever met, more forgiving than most. Be honest with her, I'm sure she will listen but don't tell Hope anything until you have spoken to Y/n, it's her decision if you get to be a bigger part of Hope’s life.”

“Okay, you’re right,” Remus says as he nods his head thinking deeply, “thank you.”

“Oh and Remus, “ Dumbledore starts and Remus stops walking and turns back, “I’d keep an eye on Potter.”

“You think I'm going to just forget about him because of all of this?” Remus asks, offended.

“Not at all, I was merely telling you to keep an eye out for Harry and Hope, she seems to have as some would say, a schoolgirl crush.”

“Oh, Merlin,” Remus curses as he walks out the door, head in his hands.

Remus goes to his room, he showers, nerves filling every inch of his skin until he resorts to sitting on the bottom of the tub and letting the hot water turned cold fall on his head, it isn't long until the water is mixed with salty tears. He is overcome with fear and shame and he brings his knees to his chest, hiding his face as he cries and cries, ribs shaking as he squeezes his arms leaving crescent moon marks in his fingers wake.

He tries to sleep but he can't, he feels so bad about Hope, about abandoning her for all these years, about abandoning you and he is so scared to face you.

-

When the time to leave for Hogsmeade comes around he tries to avoid everyone, not wanting to be asked why he suddenly has an interest in travelling to the small village. 

The ride seems longer than usual and Remus pulls his thick sweater over his hands to keep them warm. He goes to the house Dumbledore directed him to and stands for a good five minutes at the front door before knocking, he wants to make sure he gets there before Hope does.

You have the cookies ready and you’re surprised to hear the door so early but excited to see your daughter none the less. When you open the door the last person you expect to see is standing there looking like a scared child.

“Y/n,” he says like the word is foreign in his mouth.

You take a step forward and then slap him across his face, not as hard as you could but hard enough to sting his skin. It’s easier to be mad at him, it’s the only emotion you can process right now. You don't want to feel the hurt, the sadness, the love you have deep down for him, the pain of being left behind and forgotten.

“How dare you,” you say, voice weak and lip quivering.

“Y/n please let me explain myself, I never meant to hurt you.”

“Hurt me? You have done more than hurt me.”

“I didn't know!” He whines, keeping his distance from you.

“You didn't know? Yes, you are right, you didn't know that you got me pregnant, you didn’t know you had a daughter, you’re right Remus. But you did know that I had a crush on you, that I had never been with anybody else, you knew I would have been alone after our friends died, you knowingly let me grieve for them all alone, you knew I was alive somewhere and you never once tried to find me, even just to be a friend. You may be innocent in some ways but in others, you’re not, and how can I forgive you for that without losing all of my self-worth.”

He sighs deeply, feeling defeated. ‘I know, I know I fucked up and I don't know if I can fix it or what to do but I found out you were here and even if you just stand there and tell me you hate me, I had to come to see you.”

The sadness in his voice breaks your heart a little, and you don't want to feel bad for him, but you also don't want your neighbours seeing you yelling at some man outside so you turn abruptly walking inside and leaving the door open. He hesitantly comes inside.

There are pictures of Hope on the walls, her artwork. There are pictures of James and Lily, ones with Peter and even Sirius is in the back of one but none of Remus.

“You never told her.”

“I was hoping you would come back and tell her yourself.”

“I’d like to. If you will let me.”

“Of course I will, just because I lost you, just because you don't want me doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve you in her life.”

“Don’t say it like that. Like I left because I didn’t want you.”

“What else am I supposed to think?” You yell loudly, scaring yourself as you sit down, gesturing to the opposite couch for him to sit on.

“I planned to stay that morning, I told myself that if you hadn’t left when I woke up that we would eat breakfast and I would tell you how I felt and even tell you about the worst parts of me, but I didn’t get the chance, I woke up and instantly found out the news, I ran out the door, I panicked I had to get out of there, do something. I hadn’t even thought about you at that moment and I'm sorry.”

You had no words to say to him other than words of forgiveness so easily threatening to spill from your sorry pathetic lips, it was so easy to forgive him and you didn't want to just yet so you stayed silent, letting him continue talking.

“After James and Lily died I didn't know what to do, I went into a dark place and hid away from everybody, you were never supposed to be a casualty, Hope was never supposed to be one either I just didn't know, I never in my wildest dreams could have thought of that happening. I had never been with anybody else I didn't know what I was doing.”

“I thought you lied about that part.” You admit and he frowns deeper.

“Why would I lie about that?” He asks, clearly offended.

“I don't know, to get me to sleep with you.”

“Oh because that's such an appealing trait, Y/n please fuck me I'm a dumb clueless virgin. Works on all the girls really.”

“Stop it!” You yell as you hide your face, “Don't make me laugh I'm mad at you.”

“I'm just being honest here,” he says as he stares at your face the trace of a smile gone after a second. “Y/n you are the only girl I have ever even thought about being with, the only girl I've ever had feelings for and I felt so worthless without my friends, I was sure there was no way you actually wanted me so I ran.”

“Oh, so when I slept with you that made it very clear that I didn't want you, when I was so obviously crushing on you for years that was a key indicator that I wanted nothing to do with you! All you do is make me feel like an absolute fool Remus! You left me for years, no letters, no calls and I still want you.” You admit and instantly regret it.

“You don't hate me?” He asks standing up and quickly trying to move closer to you.

“I hate that I don't hate you, I hate what you did but I have so much faith in you, that you can fix this.”

“Please, please let me try I’ll do everything I can do. Just give me the chance to fix this, to fix this relationship we never got a chance to try and also to fix things with Hope, I just need one chance I won’t mess it up,” he pleads with you as tears fill his eyes and it breaks your heart to see him begging you, you never imagined him coming back would be like this. And you're weak for him, oh so weak and you just want to hold him again, so you wrap your arms around him and pull him close hugging him tightly.

“Okay,” you whisper and by the time you release him from the hug you hear the door open. Four kids barge into the house and freeze when they see who is there.

“Mum? What is Mr. Lupin doing here?”

“It’s Professor Lupin, Hope. Not Mr.” Hermione corrects her and Ron and Harry just stand there confused.

“Uhm Hope, I need to talk to you, can your friends go back to the village and I'll walk you back over thereafter?” You ask her but she looks confused and she’s stubborn so she won’t let it go that easily.

“No, tell me what Mr. Lupin’s doing here!”

“Professor,” Hermione whispers and Hope glares at her, now not being the time to be corrected.

“I'm not really sure how to say this but-” You pause and Hermione's brain is working so fast that she realizes it before anyone else and interrupts you.

“Professor Lupin is your dad, isn’t he?”

“What no?” Hope argues, “I don't know who my dad is.”

“I never told you because I hoped one day he could tell you himself, I was honest when I said I hadn't seen him in years, that I couldn’t find him, I never imagined he would become a professor at Hogwarts. I never meant for it to be like this.” You try to explain, lost for words at the entire bizarre situation.

“I don’t believe this. You are missing for years, my whole life and then just like that you come back? That’s not fair.” She says crossing her arms. Her friends stand behind her, ready to do whatever she asks of them, whether it be staying and having her back or leaving her alone.

“Hope you can’t begin to understand how sorry I am, how much I will regret my past for the rest of my life, if I had known you existed I would have been here. I wasn't trying to hide from you or run away, I didn’t know.”

“One simple excuse doesn't make up for years of absence!” She yells and Hermione holds her arm, a soft comfort.

“I'm aware of that, but if you’ll let me I’d like to make it up to you,” he offers.

“What about my mum, you left her alone, regardless of whether I existed or not, how can I forgive you for doing that to her.”

“Hope, that's something me and your father will have to work out, you don't need to worry about that, I promise you if I didn't want him in your life and if I didn't trust him he wouldn't be here.”

“So just because you trust him, I'm supposed to too?”

“No honey, of course not, it will take a lot of time to become a normal family, It takes time to build love and trust I know that. Why don't you guys come in, eat some cookies and tell me about how your classes are going.” You offer the kids and as much as Ron wants homemade cookies, he waits with the others for you to decide.

“Okay,” Hope says finally agreeing to work on this. She walks over and grabs two cookies, shoving them in her mouth and taking a seat right beside Remus. Its something he doesn't expect and he freezes a little, you can tell he doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know how to be a father. You grab his hand to reassure him.

“I guess I’ll be in your class next semester.” She mumbles as crumbs of cookie tumble from her mouth.

“I’ll be sure not to play favourites then.” he teases as he too takes a cookie before Ron and Harry eat all of them.

“No!” She yells playfully, “you better play favourites that's the whole point!”

“Noted,” Remus says with a smile and your heart feels so full, seeing them interact, having him back in your life no matter what type of relationship it ends up being you’re just grateful he's here and he is okay.

HP TAGLIST: @fortisfiliae​​ @bluemadcnna​​ @theboywhocriedlupin​​ @mayakblack​​ @viper-official​​ @southsidesarcasticwriter​​ ​ @hermionie-is-my-queen​​ @brighteyedmichelle​​ @rebelspacequeen​​ @behobiful​​ @pheonix-nin​​ @remilupin22​​ @mottergirl99​

EVERYTHING TAGLIST: @siriuslyimmoony​​ @carolinesbookworld​​ @jordan-ia​​ @theseuscmander​​ @teenwolftimelord​​ @celestial-vomit​​ @insertagoodname​​ @simonsbluee​

[kates-sweet-escape]

Dance with me [SN | F]

pairing: Shownu X Reader (Gender neutral)

genre: Fluff with a hint of Angst

word count: 3.6k

summary: Your life is shattered into a million little pieces when a chance encounter with a stranger changes your life forever.

trigger warning: This story contains hints towards abuse and suicide. If any of these themes are triggering for you please don’t read the following story.

cover: Made by me. Picture credit to 1st Look. 

song: “Livin’ it up” by Monsta X

lyrics: “I was searching for something that would excite the ordinary everyday. This miracle that we’ve met makes it rain on my parched soul.”

This isn’t the end of the world. This isn’t the end of the world. This isn’t…

You kept repeating that thought inside your head over and over and over again like a magic spell that would suddenly turn your life around and make it seem less like a failure.

But you knew that wouldn’t happen.

Because in reality there were no magic spells. No time travels. No nothing.

Instead, you had to face the fact that you’d just failed your final exam for the third time, immediately resulting in you getting expelled from Seoul National University. Which meant you’d just wasted three years of your life working relentlessly for a degree you would never be able to get.

Not now. Nor ever.

You let out a deep sigh as you imagined the disappointed expression on your mother's face who’d always wished for you to become a successful lawyer. She’d told the whole neighborhood about it when you’d gotten into SNU Law school, bragging about how smart you were and how you’d turn your family’s fate around and make them wealthy enough to stop worrying about how to put food on the table for you and your little brother. You’d been a scholarship recipient, defying the odds by being one of the few people in your year to make it into SNU without rich parents and an armada of tutors and teachers stepping on each other just to help you out.

And you’d been able to maintain your scholarship throughout the past three years. Your grades had been excellent. Your behavior had never been off. Not even once. When everybody had gone out to party you’d stayed home to study, your nose buried in the books until the break of dawn. But all that seemed to be of no use because you failed the final exam. Three times in a row. And you had no idea why.

You couldn’t even really remember taking it. Everything was a blur. From the moment you got up on exam day until you left the classroom. You couldn’t remember the questions or the answers you’d given. You couldn’t even remember the faces of the students that had taken the exam with you. Not even one.

And that had been the case every damn time.

So you haven’t been all that surprised when you’d received the notice from SNU that you’d been expelled due to insufficient academic performance. But opening that letter and looking at the black ink on the white paper that turned your worst fears into reality had still hurt like hell. And it still kind of did.

You looked down towards the big box at your feet that you’d brought with you all the way to the Han River Bridge. You knew what was inside but you were hesitant to open it. You didn’t want to look at all your textbooks, notes and cue cards that you’d put together so carefully over the past three years. Because in the end, all that hard work hadn’t paid off. You’d still failed. You’d still let your family down.

God - You’re father would be furious once you’d go back home to Busan. He’d scream at you, calling you a disgrace before eventually kicking you out. And your mother and little brother would only be able to watch since they knew better than to get involved once he’d gone into full-on rage-mode. And you wouldn’t want them to get involved anyway. You’d always been the protector of your family, taking on your father’s outbursts of anger so that those two wouldn’t have to put up with his temper tantrums. So you were used to it. Used to being called all sorts of names. Used to getting kicked out of your home temporarily. And even used to getting hit once or twice. So it wasn’t anything you couldn't handle.

Yet you already dreaded the day of your return, if you were completely honest.

You rested your hands on the railing and looked towards the glistening water of Han River. You knew that people were sitting on the shore, drinking beer, chatting away and looking at the beautiful lights on the bridge in awe. But to you the water down below looked like a dark, black hole even though it was illuminated in all sorts of colors. It would be so easy to just climb over the railing and just let yourself fall into this black nothingness. Maybe it would hurt when your body hit the surface of the water. You had read in some newspaper that it was similar to your body hitting concrete. So it would most definitely hurt like hell. But at least the water wouldn’t be cold in this hot summer night.

And then everything would just be over in a split second.

But unfortunately, quitting on life like that wasn't your style.

You’d always been the stubborn type. The one to fight your way through any situation. No matter how bleak it may seemed.

You father called it stupidity. Your mother called it bravery.

And you? You didn’t know what you’d call it.

“Move it!” Your head snapped towards the loud voices that were coming closer. They were accompanied by thumping footsteps that sounded a lot like a large group of people running. And just as you were leaning back slightly they came into view.

Seven young men were running in your direction. Followed by what looked like a small mob of people dressed like waiters.

The group of young men that you estimated to be around your age was lead by a guy with silver blondish hair. He wore black dress pants and a grey button down while carrying a blazer in his hand. He was tall and skinny with long legs that seemingly helped him to get ahead. The smile on his face was blindingly bright and he seemed to have the time of his life, judging by the laugh that echoed through the night.

He was closely followed by someone significantly shorter than him who didn’t look nearly as pleased or amused as the guy with the silver hair.  Instead, he looked rather angry, gritting his teeth as he looked back for a second, the fringe of his purple hair sticking to his forehead. “This was a stupid idea!”

“Kihyun - loosen up a little.” Another tall guy with the face of a model caught up to the two runners that lead the group. His words were barely audible because he heaved like a dying animal as he sped up his steps to catch up to them.

“Less talking - more running.” Two shorter guys with pitch black hair were next in line. One of them had a very unique nose. He was holding the hand of the other guy, who had a ridiculously symmetrical face, practically dragging him along and preventing him from falling several times.

“Hate to admit it but Changkyun is right.” The blonde guy who was second to last seemed to be jogging instead of running, his blue eyes glistening with amusement. He suddenly turned around to run backwards, taunting his pursuers with an annoying smirk and an offensive hand gesture. It was more than evident that he could have gotten ahead easily. He had massive thighs and was obviously in shape. Running seemed to be a piece of cake for him. Just like for the guy who was running right next to him.

He had dark brown hair that seemed to have been carefully styled while a black suit was accentuating his height and broader frame. He looked comfortable. Happy almost with the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. Running seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary for him. His skin didn’t turn bright red. He was hardly sweating even though it was a hot summer night and his breathing seemed to be very steady. His whole body just screamed athlete. The upper two buttons on his shirt were undone, giving you a good look at his toned chest and the bronzed skin while the subtle gold chain around his neck added a nice touch.

He was handsome. In the classic way. His face was very masculine and well structured with high cheekbones and a strong jawline. But his rather plush lips evened out his harsh facial features, smoothing them over and giving him and almost gentle touch. And his warm, dark brown eyes were… transfixed on you.

You couldn’t help but stare back at him, completely caught off guard by the way he looked at you. Or rather the way the look in his eyes made you feel. You’d never met him before. He was a complete stranger to you. Yet you felt oddly calm looking into his eyes. The stress and anxieties seemed to just leave your body, taken away by a cleansing wave of comfort and security.

Who the hell was this guy and what on earth…

“YOU! STOP RIGHT THERE YOU THIEVES!”

You realized that the group was still headed your way. And that they’ve gotten a lot closer to you while you’d been staring into some stranger’s eyes. If you weren’t gonna get out of their way quickly, they’d probably run you over. So you did the first thing you could think of. You took a huge step back and hopped onto the cardboard box that you’d brought with you, just to get out of their way. You weren’t gonna let yourself get stomped to death by a bunch of guys. No way in hell.

Only seconds later they were passing you by, their laughter now mixing with the sound of the cars that were driving across the bridge.

They seemed so happy. So carefree. So… unbothered.

Unlike you.

But they also seemed to be in a lot of trouble, judging by the fact that they were being chased.

You let out a deep sigh. You’d never gotten into trouble. Not even once. You’d always been cautious. Scared to make a mistake. Scared to do something reckless. You’d always been good. But for what exactly? Your life had turned out this way anyway. You should have gone out. Have fun and make friends instead of keeping to yourself and learning for exams. You should have…

You let out a yelp of surprise as you suddenly felt a hand grab your wrist. Strong fingers were wrapped around it tightly and you could feel the warmth of skin on skin before you were suddenly dragged off your little box and back onto the sidewalk.

You looked up just to see the smile of the handsome stranger that had been staring at you so intensely just seconds ago. From up close he was almost breathtakingly beautiful, with his almond shaped eyes and his straight and flawless nose.

When did he stop running? It must have been when your mind had started to wander. Otherwise you would have noticed immediately.

You tried to take a deep breath to calm down that heavy beating heart of yours but instead of some hot summer night air you seemed to only breathe him in. His cologne had an exquisite smell. It reminded you of leather and fresh cut wood with a hint of flowers.

Unique. Just like him.  

“Are you ready?”. That’s all he said. Nothing else. No explanation on why he’d suddenly grabbed your wrist. Or why he wanted you to come along. He just stood there on the bridge right next to you, a complete stranger. He was oddly close, only standing inches apart from you while seemingly being absolutely unfazed by the fact that the group of waiters was catching up fast. He acted like he had all the time in the world to wait for your answer.  

But what answer did he expect?! You knew absolutely nothing about him. Not even his name. Why would you even consider-

“Yes”.

Wait. Did those words really just leave your mouth? Did you really just go insane? Yeah, that was most likely the case judging by the fact that you just...

He smiled at you and suddenly all the thoughts inside your head went quiet. You knew how stupid it was to trust some random stranger. How dangerous it was to even consider following him.

Yet you felt like you could follow him anywhere without having to worry about a thing.

How strange.

“Then let’s go”, he said before he started running again, taking you along to a destination that only he knew.

Coming along with that stranger that you now knew as Shownu had been the best decision you’d ever made your entire life. At least that’s what you thought when you were sitting in the booth of some club, surrounded by the guys you knew nothing about except for their names and the fact that they were excellent dancers. Well, you looked towards Kihyun, at least most of them were.

Your body was buzzing with energy from dancing for the past two hours and your clothes slightly stuck to your skin with sweat. The music was loud enough to almost make you go deaf and the deep base vibrated through your body. It felt like it was making its way straight to your heart, helping it to continue beating despite all the hurt and disappointment you’d felt ever since opening that godforsaken letter.

For the first time since you’d been expelled, it felt like you could breathe again. Like some sort of burden had suddenly been lifted from your chest, allowing you to take one deep breath after the other, pumping oxygen into your lungs while igniting a spark inside you that turned into an all consuming fire of resolve and determination.

Getting expelled wasn’t the end of the world.

Quite the contrary. It was a new beginning. A fresh start that allowed you to finally figure out what you truly wanted to do with your life. It was the key to a future that you would decide on all by yourself, without taking your family into consideration since your father would disown you anyway.

You felt like crying. Not because you felt an all-consuming sadness. But because you felt an overwhelming sense of relief instead.  

All your life you’d been forced onto an already set path. You’d given up on all the sparks of passions you’d felt. You’d given up on friends and hobbies. On love and a social life. Or just on the idea on a life for yourself in general.

You’d been this empty shell that your parents had used as a puppet to fulfil their own dreams and aspirations instead of taking some time to even ask you once what you wanted to do with your life. They’d used you. Molded you into something you’d never wanted to be, making you lose sight of yourself in the process while justifying their actions under the pretense of doing what was best for you.

But had all of this really been the best for you?

When you thought of everything you’d sacrificed and all the times you’d thrown up before taking an exam, you highly doubted that.

“So, are you the next addition to Shownu’s collection of lost souls?” Changkyun’s low voice still sounded so unfamiliar that you could easily hear him over the loud music. He was sitting across from you on the other side of the round table right next to Wonho and Minhyuk.

Shownu’s collection of what? “Excuse me, but I don’t really get it.” You looked at Shownu in confusion.

Changkyun shrugged as he grabbed his glass of soju, drinking the last remaining amount of the alcohol in one shot. “Well, he picked all of us up from the street like some stray dogs. Just like he did with you tonight. So we-”

Jooheon rolled his eyes before he reached across the table and stuffed Changkyun’s mouth with some snacks he’d ordered previously. “Why don’t you just shut up, Mister Theatrical.” Jooheon looked at you and smiled so that his eyes turned into small crescent moons and deep dimples appeared on his face, completely transforming his face. “What Changkyun was trying to say is that we all have our story. So we understand.”

Okay, now they’d really lost you. “You understand what?”

Hyungwon brushed back some of his hair. “You standing on that bridge.”

Okay, what the hell was going on? “I fear I don’t…”

“Come on.” Shownu suddenly grabbed you hand, forcing you to get out of the booth. “Dance with me.”

“But” you pointed towards your water “I still didn’t get the chance to drink anything and…” You gave up as soon as you noticed that he wasn't listening to you. You just followed him unto the crowded dance floor, his hand still tightly holding yours before he pulled you closer to him.  

Being this close to him was still very new to you even though he’d danced like this with you before. Even when the others were around he’d always made sure to dance with you. Sometimes with your back leaning against his chest or like now with his chest touching yours. He let go of your hand and wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you in even closer.

It was obvious that he didn’t give a sh*t about what people thought of him because otherwise he wouldn’t have held you this close in public. And you kind of wished that he’d care a bit more because you could feel the heat rising to your cheeks while you prayed to God that he didn’t feel the loud thumping of your heart against his chest.

Shownu started to move to the music that seemed to be one with his body before he leaned in closer, his lips brushing over your ear before he started to speak softly.  

“I am very sorry about the guys.” His tone was very careful, almost as if he was afraid of your reaction. “They can be a little… blunt sometimes. Especially Changkyun and Hyungwon.” He pulled you even closer, pressing your body flat against his while all his movements came to a halt. “I am really sorry.”

“About what?” You tried to push yourself away a little to take a look at his face but he held you too tight. “I don’t even really know what they were talking about.”

“About you…” Shownu cleared his throat. “About the fact that you tried to kill yourself.”

His words left you dumbfounded for a second. What? How did they come up with that nonsense? When did you ever…

You couldn’t help but laugh when you finally caught up to things. Gosh, those idiots. “I didn’t try to kill myself.” You chuckled as Shownu suddenly lifted his grip a little to look at you in utter confusion. “Is this some sappy drama? Do all the people go to the Han River Bridge to throw themselves off of it?”

“But you were standing on a box and…”

“Yeah - A box full of things I planned on throwing INTO Han River!” You couldn’t help to smile like an utter idiot. Somehow this was very funny to you. Maybe because of the absurdness of this whole situation. “I never planned on killing myself. Not even for a second.”

“Oh God…” You laughed even more as you saw Shownu’s cheeks turn bright red. “I am such an idiot.”

“Yeah.” You patted his shoulder. “But at least you are a nice idiot who dragged somebody along just because you thought that person was suicidal.”

Shownu forced a smile, making it look a little odd. “Well… I am the type of guy that can’t leave people alone that seem to have a hard time.” He nodded towards the table, his awkward smile tuning into an honest and warm one. “That’s how I ended up with those dorks.” He looked you straight in the eye. “They’ll tell you their stories one day. When they are ready.”

God, what was it with his eyes that made you feel so at ease while your heart started beating even faster?!

“You make it sound like I’ll be around for a long time.”

He nodded slowly. “I’d like that.” He suddenly broke eye contact, looking around instead. “Well only if you’d want to. I mean I forced you along so I-”

You had no idea what gave you the courage to grab him by the collar of his shirt before pulling him in for a kiss. Him, a complete stranger you knew nothing of but his name, his kind and big heart and the fact that you felt so safe with him that you’d follow him anywhere if he’d just ask.

His lips felt incredibly soft and you felt his warmth all over as he pulled you in as close as he could, not leaving any room between his body and yours.

When he kissed you back you just knew that this was your new beginning.

He felt like warmth and home. Like security and understanding.

But he tasted like vodka, energy drinks and endless possibilities.

And you were addicted immediately.

When you let go of him you were out of breath. You felt your blood rushing through your body while feeling a little light-headed. But you weren’t afraid. Not even concerned.

You knew this was where your life would start to feel like yours again. And even if there wasn’t any magic in this world, this moment kind of felt like it.

So instead of answering, you wrapped your arms around Shownu’s neck and kissed him again. Because something told you, that you’d really be around for a very long time.