#dark hearted: lameass haters

[nyaskitten]

You can always tell the qualities of ones heart by how they feel about Master Wu.

[georgesdamnton]

ok, uve roasted the amrev, can you roast the engrev??

CAN I?? JOKES ON YOU IM AN EXPERT ON 17TH CENTURY ENGLAND BITCH HAHA

If you want a more focused roast like individuals, parliaments, parties, etc, you're gonna have to send a different ask cus this is a vague infodump of my grievances with the commonwealth.

Warning: digression ahead.

Firstly, I've never heard anyone refer to the republic as "engrev" and I'm shook. The only time I've heard people even use the word revolution is for the Glorious """Revolution""", and I've written 2 separate papers on why that doesn't count as a revolution in any way, so don't get me started on that. I'm assuming by "engrev" you mean the no-more-king part, like frev and amrev does.

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So which part of "engrev" (it's growing on me ngl) was stupid and lame? Most of it. No offence. Wait I'm the English person here why am I no offence-ing you? Yes offence. England sucks. Stupid clown country. A key part of "engrev" is that the British parliament sucked and still sucks. Full of morons since 1215. Our government is, and always has been, a joke. So since we hate the monarchy, we are pro-republic, autocracy is a terrible system and we actively fight it: we don't have an engrev fave. Both sides are embarrassing.

The main criticism of the engrev is the following: WE'RE STILL STUCK WITH THE FUCKING ROYAL FAMILY ITS 2020 AND THEY STILL HAVENT FUCKED OFF WHAT THE FUCK GO AWAY YOU PARASITIC INCESTUOUS BUNCH OF GHOULS

It didn't stick!! I will say this, however, Charles II was a boss-ass bitch and if he wants to come back anytime he's welcome to. To sum him up: religious freedom and getting shitfaaaced~. Now there's a cause I can get behind. Also pretending to be a scientist. Which I do a lot. Respect. He also tried his best to work with parliament, despite it being filled with talking penis's, so kudos my guy. But ultimately he was still a king (not a scientist) so like. Sad face. But the reason he came back, bringing the monarchy with him since we removed his dad's head from his body thereby rendering him unable to be king, or be alive, was that parliament SUCKED. Mainly, they couldn't get anything done. You see, only men were allowed in parliament at this time, and if you know anything about British men, you'll know this means they're all useless and stupid and likely ugly. And you know something? I don't blame Charles II for bringing back the monarchy either because what is Lord Protector if not king but without the small amount of sex appeal being king might bring? They deadass offered Olly C the throne as if that didn't completely defeat the point of getting rid of the king in the first place. Sure ya boi had the sense to be like "that's.. probably.... Not.. a great idea......" but then they basically stuck a sticky label on the crown that said "Not A King" and ran with that instead. Thanks guys. Bunch o' bitches. Tbf though, Olly C rocking up like "not a king, a protector ;)))" (The thought of Olly C doing a winky face make me kinda ill. Sorry.) is kinda the same as Napoleon rocking up like "not a king, an emperor ;)))" except Olly C was fucking repressed, though at least he didn't pretend to be hot like one Mr Boner Heart. No matter how hard David simped, we know Napoleon's dick was tiny and his hairline tragic. Same way we know that Marat wasn't a twink in any capacity. But obviously we appreciate the effort, Mr David. Even if your taste in men is embarrassing, your work is lovely.

But honestly, dare I say it, the engrev walked so frev could run. The Cordeliers club took a lot from the English republicans, particularly John Locke, and not to be childish but WE CUT OFF OUR KINGS HEAD FIIIIRST~ NA-NA-NA-NA-NA~ We had the right idea in deciding that a king couldn't just ignore his duty to his people. Putting forward ideas that democracy should have a bigger role in the state and that the monarch's powers should be limited and that they should answer to the people not the other way around was pretty sexy of us actually. But it stopped there. The commonwealth was poorly managed and execution gets a 2/10. We flopped. And then we immediately brought back the monarchy! And kept them! For 360 years! How cringe is that!!

I think timing had something to do with it though. The 17th century was a weird time for everyone really. You think if they tried to pull frev with Louis XIV it would've been as cool? "Hey, you, king man, stop screwing us" "Haha no" and that's frev 1689 edition. Don't fuck with the sun king is all I'm saying. Wait omg call that a.. sunburn, amirite ladies? That wasn't really a burn in any way but I thought of the joke and.. someone say something mean about Louis XIV! I wanna use my sunburn joke! And idk enough about him! He was mean to protestants? Haha take that Louis you protestant-hater! Ha! Idk what I'm doing. Uhhhh right England! England is terrible. Engrev was also terrible. I mean, at least they tried. And the political thinking/theory was pretty sexy. But ultimately a flop. Thanks a lot Cromwell. Lord Protector more like.. Lord.. Bitch. More like.... Lord Spectre?? Lord Erector? Haha erector. Haha. Penis. Haha. Basically he was lame. I don't like him.

SO IN SUMMARY: British parliament is consistently terrible at everything, engrev was a flop but we committed regicide first so haha suck my dick, Charles II was a sexy mf, David needs to stop simping for funky looking dudes since he obviously wishes they were dark-haired twinks (ANTOINE IS RIGHT THERE DUDE), I'm a little scared of Louis XIV, Cromwell was a lameass loser, I didn't proofread this, and I'm keeping the term engrev I love it.

Also I once saw someone who shipped Robespierre and Cromwell and that really messed me up for a few months I won't lie to you like that's next-level fucked up dude