#danish diaper

[dk-diaperboy]

Could not stay in my home, you can see on the pics and my diaper have prints like a baby. Make pics where I go outside with my diaper. Without my diaper to be used 24/7. And force yourself walk and lay in the grass only in diaper. And you keep it visible to expose you wear diaper when you maybe get caught.

[dulltoned]

Kismet Snippets

Brought to you by the Trolls Discord.

Ablaze:

- Used to be "We R Who We R" by Kesha

- After being introduced to rock music it's now also "Why Worry" by Set It Off

Trickee:

- "Lucky Strike" by Maroon 5

- "Deal with It" by Ashnikko

- Listens to a lot of sad music when he's alone

Hype:

- Will lose his shit to Kesha with Ablaze but he prefers "Crazy Kids"

- A really big fan of "Right Now" by Sabrina Carpenter and "Anything Can Happen" by Tors

Boom:

- Loves "What a Man Gotta Do" by the Jonas Brothers

- Guilty pleasure for country, really likes "Homegrown" by Zac Brown Band and "I Don't Want This Night to End" by Luke Bryan

- Favorite song of all time is "It's Gonna Be Me" by BroZone and he will not tell Branch that.

Branch:

- Eclectic loser, doesn't have a favorite

- Really likes "Lose Your Way" by Broadside and "When the Earth Stands Still" by the Phoenix Chamber Choir, though.

Ablaze: Raspberry Sprite and Steak Nachos with extra jalapeños.

Trickee: Limonada/Brazilian Lemonade and blackberry and cheese danishes.

Hype: Fruit Punch Energy Drink (any brand) and fruit salad without any grapes.

Boom: Supersweet caramel coffee with whipped cream and soba, hot or cold for both the food and the drink.

They all build their bonds with Branch before they start to meet each other through him. Their individual friendships start to form long before they consider starting up a band.

Branch never stopped singing, not completely. Not until Kismet broke up. He didn't sing often after Grandma Rosiepuff died and he never sang in public. What he did sing was never happy but he still sang to himself on occasion. Music was in his blood, both as a Troll and as someone who's been performing since he was in diapers. It's not something that he could just quit at the drop of a hat like that.

It's only after Branch builds them their own hideout that the idea starts to form. Kismet are all hanging out in the space that Branch built for them, drinking after some party or another, and singing loudly. Underneath them screaming the lyrics, though, one of them hears a softer voice singing along. "Oh my- Branch your voice is so good!" "You sing!?" "Hey, that's damn good."

That's when the first spark ignites.

It takes a while for them to bring up being a band, let alone getting Branch to join in, and it takes even longer for Branch to open up about BroZone and his childhood. But they get there, they assure Branch that there's no pressure, but Branch feels safe with them and he likes singing so one day he tentatively agrees.

Branch never preformed on stage and he was never shown in the band's branding but everyone knew there was a fifth member of Kismet.

[yourbravestpigeon]

‘How long can a baby sit in a soiled diaper’, Alberich typed into the search bar. The answers were discouraging. He sighed and glanced at the toddler playing with his phone charger.

“Couldn’t have waited an hour longer, eh?”, he asked, digging into Catherine’s backpack for one of the spare diapers he’d seen tucked in there. “You didn’t even finish half your fruits, but sure, that was enough to shit yourself.”

Catherine ignored him, busy stuffing the charger between the couch cushions as far as it’d go.

“Well, we’ve all been there, don’t worry…”, Alberich mumbled as he spread a kitchen towel across a counter and sat her down on top of it. The charger tagged along, and thank god for it because Catherine was so distracted tangling the thing up she didn’t fuss as Alberich gingerly peeled the crap-covered garment off her body. There was some undignified wiping he could have done without, a bit of trial and error how to fasten the new diaper, and then the hardest part: wrestling the little duckie-pants Catherine had been sporting back on. They were yellow and cheery, and currently the worst thing in his entire life.

He’d just looped the first pant leg around her foot when Catherine decided she was fed up with lying on some guy’s kitchen counter and struggled to get back up. She grimaced and tried flipping onto her belly, legs getting tangled up with the pants in the process.

“Could you just stop fucking around”, Alberich begged as she started wailing, finally managing to trap the first leg and drag the pants halfway up. “You’re making this worse for both of us.”

But she was crying, making a whole point of it he was sure.

“It’s just pants; I didn’t hurt you”, he stressed, dragging the rest of the garment in place and putting her down on the floor again. “Now you can play.”

But she was crying.

“Look at the duckies”, Alberich tried, pointing at the fabric.

But she was crying, crying and crying.

He gave up reasoning with someone not to be reasoned with and turned on a kids channel on TV. The media didn’t lie; children really only cared about television these days, for the sight of the bright blaring screen made Catherine stop dead in her tracks and shut up. She settled down next to the coffee table, mostly entranced but occasionally babbling things pertaining to the events on the screen.

Alberich had never watched an episode of SpongeBob, and after half an episode he decided he wouldn’t be watching an episode of SpongeBob. He picked Catherine up and lifted her in front of one of his DVD shelves, the one that held all the old school stuff but also movie adaptations of fairytales.

“Pick one”, he told her, swaying her so she was eye level with the Anderson classics. He wasn’t sure about synchronization, but someone who thought noft was a word probably couldn’t distinguish English and Danish anyway.

Catherine kicked out with her foot instead, knocking into a Best of Hitchcock box set and Pulp Fiction.

“Whgaaahg”, she complained.

“You wanna watch those?”

She kicked out again, this time hitting the lamp standing next to the shelf.

Fearing that she was close to losing it again Alberich clumsily grabbed Pulp Fiction while still balancing the toddler, then moved their party back to the couch – he’d seen the movie a couple months ago, but he didn’t mind. Catherine watched the DVD player swallow the disc with a little zzzzt, then cheered as the TV lit up with the production company logo.

“Now look, there’s some really horrid stuff in that one”, he let Catherine know. “And I know you’re probably not processing anything properly anyway, but we’ll be safe and skip it.”

Catherine didn’t seem to mind. When the prologue started rolling Alberich got up to get Catherine her sippy cup and himself a glass of gin. There were also the leftover fruits; If she hadn’t been a baby he might have considered not handing her back the bowel-movement inducing stuff, but he felt a bit less selfish around beings that couldn’t even do anything. He had the same thing around dogs; they were just there, counting on you to not drop the ball entirely. So he handed her the dinosaur-print Tupperware, briefly left to get some ice for his drink, then dropped back down on the couch.

“Look, that’s Amanda Plummer”, he told Catherine, pointing at the screen. “She’s also in Star Trek Picard. Season 3 aired the year you were born, so you might not remember her. She’s one of the more memorable villains though, the first two seasons were abysmal.”

Amanda Plummer pulled a gun and shouted threatening profanities.

“They’re robbing the restaurant”, he explained. Catherine leaned towards him and tried grabbing the glass out of his hands.

“No. Catherine, no. We can watch Pulp Fiction, but I can’t let you drink.”

He squeezed an apple slice into her grabby fist instead.

“When you’re older, I promise. Though if your mother’s any indicator you’ll be preferring brandy by then.”

The scene cut to John Travolta; Catherine gave off a content squeaking kinda noise. Alberich wasn’t sure he made a fine babysitter, but Catherine sure made a fine baby.

-----

Part 2 of the fun AU idea @withlovebinnie started! I cannot get my brain to stop producing unhinged babysitting scenarios

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

So I found a book where danish kids has been asked their views about children and birth. Here’s some highlights

”Sometimes you’re yellow in the face when you’re newborn…” - Barbara, 6

”… it’s not the child that gets {yellow}, the dad is.” - Mohammed, 7

”It’s fun when mom gives birth, because then you get McDonalds with your dad.” - Rasmus, 6

”My little sister was born too early. So dad hadn’t been able to do the dishes.” - Rikke, 8

”Vera’s dad left when she was born. But I think they’re still looking for him.” - Christian, 7

”The dad is really nervous and sit and talk all the time. That’s why he can’t be at the birth.” - Kirstie, 8

”The dad can’t tickle the baby when it has just come out. Because it can happen it (the baby) is not used to it.”

”When you’re born, you come to a place where you can breathe. I haven’t gone there yet.” - Rebecca, 6

”I know twins that look alike. Only that the other one is 10 minutes bigger than the other.” - Emil, 8

”If the babies drink the same milk they become twins.” - Mathias, 8

”If they get two kids at once and mom can’t birth both, the dad can give birth to one.” - Rikke, 6

”If the mom doesn’t notice she got three kids then it’s just to remove two.” - Emil, 7

”It doesn’t matter if babies play on the road, because they’re so small cars can’t run over them.” - Alexander, 8

”When you have a little baby you need to make sure it doesn’t smell. Or else the dad will never want to kiss it” - Lotte, 8

”When the baby is born, the mom shouldn’t forget to buy a bra” - Katrine, 8

”You can’t forget to feed the baby, or else it becomes too thin and the intestinals won’t fit.” - Carl, 7

”If the baby has done something really good you need to complement it. Even if it smells.” - Lucas, 7

”Babies need pacificers, or else they’ll make a giant big hickey on the mom.” - Sofie, 8

”When the baby gets home you can’t forget to buy saturday candy* to them and put them in a lot of diapers.” - Maj Beate, 7

*I don’t know how many countries this is a thing in but in the Nordic countries, to make kids not eat too much candy all the time, it’s often common to only let them eat candy on saturday. This is not a rule like an american tiktoker once made it seem like it was, but rather just something parents tell their kids so they don’t eat too much sugar all the time. Every nordic kid has the experience of walking inside the room in the middle of the week and find your parents eating candy, and exclaim ”BUT IT’S NOT SATURDAY?!”

”When the baby is small you should buy a bed with tree trunks with holes in them, so they can look out” - Fadi, 8

”You can’t forget to buy a little hook so the baby can’t get out and make a mess everywhere.” - Bjørn, 6

”The baby can’t drink from a glass when it’s newborn. That’s why the mom pours it in her breast” - Philip, 6

”It doesn’t matter if the kids eat at Makke Donnas*. If you just take away the pickle it’s pretty healthy.” - Rebecca, 6

*I think she means McDonalds but this is how a danish child would pronounce it. My brother pronounced it similarly and we’re swedish. But Makke Donnas might be an actual place in Denmark what do I know

”It doesn’t matter if the child drinks coca cola - it helps when you’re hurt.” - Rasmus, 6

”A tree is called tree. A chair is called chair. Pregnant is called pregnant and that’s why my name is Laura.” - Laura, 7

”It’s only in Vietnam and in poor countries that children should work. In Denmark they shouldn’t, cause we’re millionaires.” - Maj Beate, 7

”I’m gonna go to the cinema and watch ’the ringer of Nutella’*. But I don’t know who to go with. Cause it’s forbidden.” - Nikolaj, 5

*I think he means the hunchback of notre dame, in some translations the title is ”the ringer of notre dame” instead.

”If I have kids I won’t give them a blue eye*. Cause that shows on you.” - Sofus, 7

*They mean it like they’re gonna punch them so their eye gets a bruise, not that their eye color would be blue

”I think it’s ok to get grounded if you have set fire on the pillows.” - Kim, 9

”You have to be nice to your child by asking them to take the trash out in a kind way.” - Maria, 6

[bates--boy]

He raised the infant up closer to his face, until her tiny waving hand met his waiting lips, and he gave the little knuckles a kiss for good luck. He stepped into the room after his father, who graciously carried in the diaper bag for his son, while his gaze hardly strayed from his daughter, finally glancing up to smile at the others in the room.

"Gentlemen," Peter said, stepping closer to the huddled group of men, bouncing the baby in his arms, "Meet Sadaf!"

Soft gasps filled the room, followed by a hush of bated breaths, as Peter angled the blanketed bundle so his family could see the wonder.

"Oh, my god..." Timo placed a hand on his chest. "Peter, she's..."

"So tiny," Emil said, though whether it was to complete Timo's sentence or was its own separate thought remained to be seen. He looked up at Peter. "And she's okay to be out of a hospital, right?"

"So far, yes," Peter replied. He tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice; he knew Emil was just worried, but still, it wasn't like Peter hadn't taken every precaution with his child. You'll never catch me slacking with her, he had wanted to say, but Emil sighed his relief and smiled, and Peter had to bite his tongue. For now, while Sadaf was the center of attention.

And it didn't seem like Peter had to say anything, after all; Berwald came up to Peter's side and reached to stroke Sadaf's hair. "Don't worry so much, Emil," he said. "Peter would never let any harm come to her. None of us will, right? We're going to take good care of her."

"Of course," Emil said, "I know. I just, you know, with her being a preemie and all--"

Snf.

Everyone stopped, all eyes turning to Magnus. None of them had noticed when he stepped back, hiding just a bit behind Emil, Lukas, and Timo, covering his mouth with his hand and keeping his head tilted down.

"Uncle Den...?" Peter asked.

"Are you --" Emil tilted his head to look at the downward titled face. "Magnus, are you crying?"

Magnus sniffed some more, wiping his eyes dry with the heel of his hands. He gave a breathless, embarrassed chuckle and shrugged. "I mean, can you blame me? I knew she was gonna be a preemie, but I didn't think... I just... She's so..."

Magnus cleared his throat, looking away to try to compose himself, pursing his lips so he could hide the quivering bottom one. "Oh, Magnus," Timo said, coming closer to the man and rubbing his back.

Magnus, cheeks tear-stained and already blotchy, held out his hands. "Can I hold her? Please?"

"Oh!" Peter blinked, and then hurried closer, adjusting the child. "Of course!"

Emil, Timo, and Lukas stepped aside, allowing Peter to place Sadaf into his uncle's arms. Magnus shifted her in his hold and started bouncing her, bending his head closer to her. "Hej, min lille blomst," he murmured, "Jeg er din onkel Magnus!"

And as he watched his other uncles and his other father crowd around Magnus while he sang a soft Danish lullaby, and felt Berwald wrap an arm around his shoulder and kiss the top of his head, and the way Sadaf reached out and touched her little fingers to Magnus's face, Peter knew that this was right.

[monstermaster13]

- Character tf into a character that is rarely done or one you really like but it's a rubber version. Or even worse it's a lewd pervy version. I imagine you look for tf art into characters from children's shows and when you do it's a rubber version or a lewd version. Yeah, Noddy for one. He's a child, why do almost all the Noddy ones I see always have to be lewd and with creepy MC? He's a child character for crying out loud. Also aaaw come on, I like Pinkie Pie but why a rubber version of her?

- Any tf Ciel has done. I have nothing against Avianine but I find that her TF art is overrated and I hate the Ciel character, I HATE her anthro Pokemon tfs because a lot of them either have MC or are too overly sexually designed (it wouldn't kill her to put some clothes on those Poke-girls would it?), her inanimate tfs either make no sense or creep me out (were-pooltoys don't make any sense, pooltoys don't have teeth or anything you could get caught on which could turn you into one, how does that even work anyway? Also why did it have to be a full moon trigger when a water trigger would have made more sense? Why did it have to be a full moon? You know, you could have just made it that water is the trigger for a pooltoy transformation, you could have just made it a cursed swimming pool but nooo you had to make it a fucking full moon trigger), drone tfs that make me feel uncomfortable (yeah i'm sorry but seeing a bulge between the legs of some of the more feminine forms of drones makes me feel weirded out, I know Avianine has done Futa type tfs before, it's all in her Furaffinity account but that one Judy Hopps one where the victim still has a male bulge despite Judy clearly being female pissed me off, it's like when people thought Jamie Lee Curtis is a guy, uhhh...Jamie Lee is female, and so is Lady GaGa!), her Pokeslut stuff (which thankfully is not on here, Avianine, how can you be sexist against your very own gender? You have a sort-of-canonically trans-character yet you totally fetishize female characters anyway? Forshame. Al ot of her slutty tf content is just sexualizing certain species or even her own gender), her 'hero suit' stuff (Uhhh...yeah, tell me how a suit that prohibits the villain from taking it off not even to use the toilet is supposed to do any good. And also yeah i'm sorry, but if it's forcing someone to be good, that is still more evil than good), anything Puro related or Puro adjacent (how can anyone like this? Knowing that Dragonsnow is a sick bastard in real life, yes he supports shotacon erotic art of his own characters even though Collin is a teenager in the game, he's the Dan Schneider of the transformation community, the game was awful enough with it being a blatant fetish-fest but Avianine's Puro stuff made it worse), and of course anyone where Ciel turns someone into herself..(I swear Ciel is the most arrogant phoenix ever, she sometimes forcibly turns people into clones of her. Does Agent Smith know she is stealing his gimmick? And also, arrogant, much?).

- Character tfs that are absolutely cursed, even as a joke. The Noid, seriously? Poor Honeycomb Craver and Honey Monster barely get any, and what about those 'Cadbury Creme Egg' ad characters made to represent star signs who either have a weird ability based on their sign or turn into the animal the star sign is of (e.g the twins who like to slurp it/bite it, the Delboy looking Aries dude who turns into a ram, the Scorpio lady with the whip-like hair-do, or the guy in the sweater who morphs into a crab). Pepsiman, seriously? You know, there's a lovely underrated Danish anthro cow mascot who needs TF attention and also a whole group of lovely anthro animal-girls that need more love. Also Cool Cat? Even if it's a joke or a parody, never use Cool Cat in anything not even in TFs unless it's about Cool Cat and Daddy Derek being punished for being terrible role models. Also seriously, those creepy Poopsie unicorn dolls that wear diapers?

- Fat nerd stereotypes. Oh sure, all anime fans are overweight and are bad at sex, all nerds are bad at sex and have bad hygiene, that is totally not an untrue stereotype at all.

[alexhoghdaily]

Review

'Call Me Dad': When Your Best Friend Becomes Your Stepdad

Despite the sympathetic protagonist, this Danish combination of comedy and drama does not excel in either genre.

Caterer Emil discovers that his mother has found a very unexpected new lover. Emil has known his best friend Viktor since they were in diapers. In fact, Emil's mother even changed Viktor. And now it turns out that the two have been in a relationship for six months. Emil has little choice but to simply accept this new reality, because in addition to being his best friend, Viktor is also his partner.

The idea for the Danish comedy-drama Call Me Dad came from the minds of the protagonists Alex Høgh Andersen and Magnus Haugaard Petersen. Together they came up with what is perhaps the biggest nightmare in a close friendship: that the woman who comes between two men is your very own mother. With the revelation that his best friend will become his stepfather, the mess in Emil's life is complete. He also suffers from severe nosebleeds and also has a lot to deal with with his unstable girlfriend Carla.

Only six episodes of barely half an hour are devoted to the rearrangements that Emil is forced to make in his life. The concept of mother's new love is not fully developed consistently. It regularly fades into the background, for example when Carla files a rather absurd claim against Emil and Viktor's company. Or during the exciting encounters that Emil has during his daily swim.

Call Me Dad is a lot thematically, but at the same time disappointingly little due to the minimal emotional effect. Emil's search for the medical defect that causes his nosebleeds is extremely messy and fragmented. Girlfriend Carla is an insufferable mental wreck and mainly serves to illustrate Emil's lack of backbone. Conversations between Emil and Viktor about how the new love between friend and mother comes in do not take place. The humor of these situations is barely explored, while the dramatic depth is lacking.

The fact that comedy and drama do not flow smoothly together in Call Me Dad does not mean that this far-too-short series is a complete waste of time. Despite his inability to stand up for himself, Emil is a sympathetic boy who would wish you more and, above all, better. The character turns one hundred and eighty degrees in the final episode to discover that he will not find much salvation there either. Just like the main character, the makers of this series are constantly searching.

Call Me Dad can be seen on NPO Start .

—

SOURCE

[askthebonbonlandgang]

THE HISTORY OF BONBON LAND FOR DUMMIES!!!!!!

When danish candy inventor Michael Spangsberg presented his son, Nicolai, with some brown candies many years ago, the boy exclaimed; "Aw, it looks like dog farts - and they're sticky".

Thus, the idea with the candy and the cheeky BonBon names was born. And thus the reason why you are reading this right now. Who in their wildest imagination would have imagined that they would sink their teeth into Seagull Blots, Wet Diapers and Ear Wax?

The new candy was received with cheers and it sold like crazy. It started a trend where many sent their suggestions for new candy names to the candy factory in Holme-Olstrup.

The candy with the funny BonBon figures became so popular that many schools and kindergartens wanted to visit the candy factory in Holme-Olstrup in South Zealand. They all wanted to experience how to make cheeky and crazy candies.

However, the candy production had to meet some strict hygiene requirements and therefore could not have visitors. Despite that, Michael, who was full of ideas, opened a very small BonBon-Land in 1992. The amusement park then consisted of a confectionery workshop, a cinema, shop, and 4 duck boats in a lake.

The dog farts who started it all got their very own dog fart statue, which welcomes the guests. Henry Hundeprut, which is the dog's name, has become an icon among children and has even got his own rollercoaster.

Since opening, BonBon-Land has become one of Denmark's most visited amusement parks, and to celebrate their freaky mascots, I've created this askblog as a way to show my love for them! - Madock Jones, owner of the askblog.

[project1939]

(The What's My Line? panelists, top, Hattie McDaniel bottom left, The Great Gildersleeve cast, bottom right.)

Day 49- TV and Radio: 

TV: 

What’s My Line?, season 3, episode 29, “Victor Borge,” July 27th, 1952. 

The Beulah Show, season 2, episode 18, “Donnie and the Dogs,” July 29th, 1952. 

Radio: 

The Great Gildersleeve, “Bronco Sells Gildy’s House,” July 30th, 1952. 

The Whistler, “You Can’t Trust a Stranger,” July 27th, 1952. 

What’s My Line? was the highlight today, unsurprisingly. I was curious to see what Victor Borge would do with his voice to try to fool the panel, because he has a fairly prominent Danish accent. He answered mostly “yes” or “no,” using all kinds of weird voices. One of the panelists even asked if he worked for Disney! It didn’t take them too long to guess who he was, though. The other contestants had great jobs- one woman used techniques and products to grow hair for bald men, one man was the Chief of traffic cops at the Chicago conventions, and the final man weaved the cloth that was used to make diapers! 

I was hesitant to watch The Beulah Show today, because I really was not feeling well. I did want to try and see it though, because Hattie McDaniel was playing Beulah this time. (The actress from Gone With the Wind who was the first African American to win any kind of acting Oscar.) She has a famous quote about playing maids as a black actress: “I'd rather play a maid than be one. Why should I complain about making $700 a week playing a maid? If I didn't, I'd be making $7 a week being one.” I try to remember her attitude, and that makes watching the show easier. (For context, $700 a week would be about $8,000 a week today!) This episode had some funny parts. When the little boy of the family had to return a stray dog he found because his parents wanted no pets, one by one people gave in, feeling bad about it. The mom brought home another dog for him, and his father, not knowing the mom did, brought one home as well. Bill, Beulah’s boyfriend, also brought the little boy a dog. By this point, the boy had found his original dog, and she promptly had 7 puppies! 

...And now a word from today’s best sponsor: Signal Gasoline! (And oil!) Signal Signal Signal Gasoline! Your car will go far with no other gasoline! Are you sick of lazy old fashioned oil? You want something that does more than just lubricate, don't you? Try Heavy Duty Signal Premium! It cools, cleans, cushions, seals and protects! It reduces engine wear by 50%, so your engine keeps its pep and power twice as long! It's high time you went to your local Signal Service Station for an oil change! Tell them you want your lazy flaccid oil drained and replaced with a perky peppy pickup!

[dk-diaperboy]

Ups! I need to use diaper to be safe when i only can let go. And it go in the diaper and wear wet and used diaper untill my diaper is changed.

[casualist-tendency]

Danh Vō (Danish, b. 1975), Mamy Poko Pants Diapers, 2011

[toogoodmusic]

THE TOO GOOD TEN with MADS LANGER

Growing up in the countryside near the small town of Skive, singer, songwriter and musician Mads Langer grew up always knowing he’d be in music. From singing songs at the age of 18 months in his own language to his latest release, “Lightning,” the new dad has been pursuing the dream for a long time now. Through honest, original and disruptive music the Danish singer has been able to be reborn time and time again through his music and continues that creativity as he looks to the release of his upcoming EP, Where Oceans Meet. The boundary pushing message of love is love in “Lightning” serves as a taste of the upcoming EP and contributes to the already 38 million streams and 506k monthly listeners he’s amassed across his career. He takes a break from his world domination to take on the latest Too Good Ten. Check out the full interview below to learn more about the latest release, “Lightning,” how becoming a dad has changed his perspective on life, how he rebounded from getting dropped by his girlfriend and label around the same time and much more.

The Too Good Ten. Ten Questions. One Artist. Too Good.

1. Looking at the beginning of your career – what was it about music that inspired you to pursue a career in it?

MADS LANGER: Expressing myself through music has been a fundamental part of my language for as long as I remember. My parents have recordings of me singing my own songs in my own language when I was 18 months old. I always knew that music was going to be my path in life. It wasn't a decision that I made at a certain time. It was more a realization that I was not gonna be able to pursue any other career even though I’ve always had plenty of other interests. I could have been in politics, in sports, in science and many other things. I could have been a teacher as my parents, my grandparents and my great grandparents were. And then again, none of these career paths were ever up for grabs. Music was and always will be my thing.

2. You got signed and had an album that you ended up describing as “flopped” and had to start over and spent time busking all over Europe. How did you come to the decision to busk in the wake of “starting over?” What did you do to keep your internal mental conversation strong through the hardships that I assume came with traveling around?

ML: I got signed when I had just turned 18. I went straight from living in my parents house, in the countryside of Denmark, to living a life full of pressure and expectations in New York City. That was quite a shocking change of scenery to be honest. Looking back, I was definitely too young at that time. When a major label first wants you it’s the end of the innocence. I had to grow up overnight and try to keep up with that big machine that started dictating how I was gonna live my life. When my first record didn't succeed commercially and I got dropped I think I saw it as an opportunity to do some of the stuff that most of my friends had done after finishing high school. But most of all that whole 6 months of busking in my old van all over Europe was an escape from heartbreak. My first girlfriend had dropped me around the same time that my label dropped me. She fell in love with a really cool guy in Paris who was older than me and he could grow a very impressive beard, hahaha…

As far as keeping my internal mental conversation strong, that's has never been problem at all and as you can imagine I had plenty of stuff to think about, write about and then finally sing about in the streets of all of these beautiful cities that I got to visit on that trip.

3. “Lightning” is the latest release and gives fans the first taste of your upcoming album Where Oceans Meet which is due out October 1st. How did you decide to release this one as the lead single? What was the inspiration behind it?

ML: In many ways, I think “Lightning” is a song that represents that certain place where the oceans meet on my album. “Lightning” is a song about recognition. When I wrote this song, I thought about all those moments in my life where I really felt recognized on a deeper level. When I met my wife. When I looked my newborn daughter in the eyes for the first time. In concerts when my music meets the audience and it feels like we're all getting struck by the same lightning. Those kinds of moments.

CHECK OUT THE FAUSTIX REMIX OF “LIGHTNING” HERE.

4. Speaking of the upcoming album – what’s the meaning behind the album title? How many songs? Any collabs? Is there a song on the album you’re nervous about releasing out to the world?

ML: Where Oceans Meet is a metaphor. The entire album circles around the different contrasts that we all face in our lives. The light, the dark. The head, the heart. Hopes and fears. It’s about loving and longing at the same time. Where Oceans Meet represents the idea of the place where all these contrasts meet and embrace each other.

5. “Lightning” follows up “Hanging With You” which peaked at #1 in Denmark radio. What’s the story behind when you first heard one of your songs on the radio? Does it ever get old?

ML: It never gets old. Every time I listen to the radio, I must admit that I hope that they will play my song. It's the best feeling ever. This might be a little far-fetched, but it's kind of like when you give someone you really care for a present for their birthday. And it's not just any kind of present. It’s a present that you put all your time, thoughts and heart into. And then one day you randomly turn on the TV. Look who's there. Is that special person that you gave the present to. She’s actually wearing that sweater that you spent five years learning how to knit. After endless attempts, you finally managed to knit a sweater that you would give her without being scared that she would think it was a joke. She’s not wearing it because she feels like she has to, because you’re on a date with her. She’s wearing it because she likes it. And she just put it on that day that she randomly got stopped by the tv-station and interviewed in the streets of your hometown. That is close to the feeling I get when I hear my songs on the radio. And no, I have no clue how to knit a sweater, but I like the image.

6. The past year in the pandemic had a lot of its own challenges but it also had some beautiful moments like the drive-in concert you organized in Denmark last May. Why did you feel it necessary to put something like this together during that time? Being the first one to do so, how did you figure out logistics, etc. for the entire event? Anything you would’ve changed about it looking back?

ML: I had just started touring when the pandemic hit us all. I had spent months preparing the show and I was extremely disappointed when I had to turn around the tour bus and go back home after only playing 10 out of 100 shows. I had a couple of weeks where I was feeling really depressed. But then I decided to see if I could turn this whole thing into some sort of an adventure. I made a list of stuff I wanted to do. On that list I had drive-in concerts for some reason. I know a couple guys who are really good at putting together big events that include live music, so we talked about how we could make this happen. All credit to them for putting logistics together. I just played the shows. I had no idea that I would be the first one in the world to do a drive in concert. But it was really fun and I would not change a thing. In my shows, everyone was on the same video conference call. I loved that because I could talk to the people in the cars in between the songs. The people in their cars requested what songs of mine that they wanted to hear. And often they had really personal stories to the songs that I never heard before. So that was something that I will never forget.

7. The past year also brought about a new baby for you – congrats! What’s been the most surprising thing about having a baby that you might not have known before?

ML: Thank you so much. Yeah, that's truly a life changing event. My little daughter is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I'm so grateful that I got to receive a little soul with my wife. Even though it has happened billions and billions of times already it still feels like a miracle. I think the biggest surprise is the fact that your whole perspective changes in the blink of an eye. She is now the single most important thing in my life. I thought that would be something that would happen gradually, but for me it really happened at the moment that she was born.

8. What do you hope to accomplish with your music in the future that you may feel you have not done already? Have any of those goals or aspirations shifted with the new addition to the family?

ML: I really hope that people will recognize themselves in my songs. Obviously, the goal is that my songs will travel and become part of people's lives in new territories. I have spent so much time in the US since I moved away from home. I lived in New York City and in Los Angeles and I spend at least three or four months a year in the US working with all the talented people that I have met over the years. Building an audience in the US is a huge dream of mine. Hopefully this album will help introducing me to people all over America.

9. If you could only listen to (5) artists for the rest of your life, who would they be?

ML: 

The Beatles

Pink Floyd

Keith Jarrett

Mozart

Radiohead

10. What’s the rest of 2021 and beyond look like for Mads Langer?

ML: My album comes out in October. That is obviously a huge event in my life, and it looks like I'm going to be very busy talking about the album and singing the songs from it in many different places all over the world. Apart from that I will be changing diapers on my newborn daughter. Kissing my wife. Learning Chinese and writing my first score for a movie that comes out in 2022.

A HUGE shout-out to the talented Mads Langer for hanging for this latest Too Good Ten interview. Keep up to date with everything he has going on by following the links below and be sure to be on the look out for his latest EP, Where Oceans Meet due out October 1st. 

SOCIAL LINKS:

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

YouTube

MUSIC:

Apple Music

Spotify

[michbigbagofweird]

She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

Just an Everlark Valentine’s Day Drabble. All mistakes are mine. I apologize in advance. 😊

I planned this for weeks. I was going to finally tell my friend, Katniss Everdeen, that I wanted to be more than friends. That I think we could be good together. I wasn’t going to admit that I was totally head over heels in love with her… yet. I didn’t want to completely scare her with my deep, unwavering feelings. Feelings that have been there in some degree before I knew how to write my name. These feelings have grown and blossomed in the five years we’ve been friends.

I needed a push, so I decided to give myself a timeline to tell her, and I thought maybe I could grow some balls before February 14. It felt like fate or destiny was smiling down on me because Valentine’s Day landed on a Friday, and Katniss and I have a standing Friday breakfast date.

Somewhere between my apartment, the florist and the bakery, I began to second guess myself. Should I have picked daisies to give her? Should I even tell her? I’m going to love her forever, regardless. I could just wait until she realizes it herself. But what if she meets someone else? I probably should have brought her chocolate, too. My thoughts would not stop.

By the time I arrived at my family’s bakery, our meeting place, I had a headache, and I wanted to cancel the day.

Right now, I’m sitting slumped on a bench in front of the bakery surrounded by petals and stems. One by one I pluck the white petals from the daisy. “She loves me, she loves me not,” I  whisper as each petal floats to the pavement. Out of the dozen or so daisies I bought, the tally is she loves me more than she doesn’t. That’s a good sign, right?  I was down to the last one before I noticed a pair of boots in front of where I’m sitting.

“Peeta, what are you doing?”

“I, uh, brought you flowers.” I squint up at Katniss. The sun is shining down on her back, surrounding the outline of her body, giving her this ethereal glow.

She glances around at the flower debris and looks back at me. “They’re lovely,” she says, chuckling.

I stand up in front of her, dropping the last stem with the last petal. As it fell, I watched its descent to the ground. I stare at the mess I created, and it occurs to me that I better clean this up before my mom sees. And then I wonder why I’m worrying about my mom right now when I should be concerned about what I was going to say to Katniss.

I sigh. “Well, they were beautiful at one time. I was just sitting here, and got, uh, nervous.” I can feel my face heating up in embarrassment. My heart is pounding, and my palms are sweaty. Again I wonder why I thought this was a good idea.

“Nervous about what?” She asks softly.

“Um, it’s Valentine’s, as you know, and I thought this would be as good a time as any to tell you…” I trail off. I don’t know if I can do this. “You know what? I’m sorry. Forget about it.”

“I don’t want to forget about it. Tell me what, Peeta?” She gently commands, stepping closer to me. So close, that if I stepped back, I’d fall back onto the bench and probably make a bigger fool of myself.

I take a deep breath, clenching my fists. No going back now. I slowly lift my head, gliding my eyes up her body until my eyes meet hers. Not for the first time I realize, Katniss is the most beautiful person I’ve ever known. A beauty that is as internal as it is external, and as I gaze at her, I see something there. Tenderness? And maybe something more.

“I know we’ve been friends for years, and I love our friendship, but I, uh, I really think there could be something more between us. And I, I think you’re the sweetest, most stubborn, loving, independent, gorgeous person. And… just. Crap, Katniss, I sound stupid.” I hang my head in shame and continue, “And I don’t want to lose your friendship, so if you don’t feel anything, it’s really okay.”

I feel her hands on my cheeks, tenderly lifting my head. I close my eyes, afraid of seeing rejection on her face.

“Look at me, Peeta.”

My eyelids flutter open, and I finally meet her lovely grey eyes. Instead of rejection, I see hope, longing, affection. And before I can muster the courage to respond, I feel a gentle tug, and soft lips on my own. My eyes widen in surprise, but before she can retract, I slide my arms around her waist, up her back and pull her into my body. Her fingers slip into my curls, while her lips are pliant under the pressure of mine. I hear her hum, making me bolder. I guide my tongue, tracing her lips until she opens. Our tongues dance and nothing I’ve ever experienced can come close to the ecstasy I feel, holding Katniss, kissing Katniss. Knowing she shares at least some of my feelings.

And then to my horror, sounds interrupt my bliss. The sounds of someone clapping and whistling obnoxiously, which could only belong to one person… Rye.

Katniss and I pause, stepping slightly away from each other, neither one completely releasing the other from our grasps.

“Rye.” I growl.

“It’s about damned time, brother. You’ve been pining for this one, since you were in diapers.”

My cheeks heat, and I think I’m going to die on the spot. I can’t look at Katniss.

I grit my teeth. “Shut up. Don’t you have work to do?” I growl.

“Sorry, you two. Just wondering if you were going to come in for breakfast. The heart shaped danishes are especially delightful this morning,” Rye says with a smirk and a wink as he walks back into the bakery.

I sigh. “I’m sorry, Katniss.”

Katniss laughs. “Don’t be. It’s just Rye being an ass. So, since diapers?”

“Um, no, but not too long past that. Kindergarten.”

“You know when I first noticed you, Peeta? It was in the first grade. Cato pushed me down, and I scraped my knee. And this little pudgy boy with golden curls and the bluest eyes came and helped me up. He went and brought back a paper towel to wipe the blood that was dripping down my leg. Since then, I’ve kept my eye on him.”

“Really?” I ask, disbelieving.

“Yes, and I’ve been hoping that boy would ask me out. I’ve been pining for him too.”

I stare into her eyes, smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. “Katniss Everdeen, would you like to go on a date with me?”

“I would love to, Peeta Mellark, but first, let’s get breakfast,” she winks, grabbing my hand and weaving our fingers together, and tugging us into the bakery.

I spare a glance at the last daisy stem with the last petal.

She loves me.

[lancsnerd]

Lightning strikes twice

Pairing: Thor x f!reader

Prompt: “You’re lucky.” “I think the word you’re looking for is competent.”

Words: 1.8k

Warnings: Babies, fluff, dad Thor so LOTS of fluff

A/N: This was written for Attie’s challenge. Character is named after my beautiful Danish niece. First attempt to post this went weird so fingers crossed this works!

Also posted on AO3 under ‘Leo_nine’, feedback and comments gratefully received.

Masterlist with links to other fics on bio header.

*****

The silence of the night was shattered by a piercing wail.

You groaned. “Oh come on, I literally just fed you child.” Yawning, you rubbed your eyes and shuffled to sit up but were stopped by a firm hand on your arm.

“Stay here, my love. I’ll deal with it,” Thor said, voice thick with sleep. He leant over to kiss your forehead, the only part of you visible as you gratefully snuggled back into the comforting warmth under the blankets, before he threw back the covers on his side and swung his long legs out of bed. From under heavy lids, you watched him head out of the room, enjoying the sight of the ripple of muscle and sinew as he stretched tired limbs. Then you turned over and tried to let sleep take you once more.

The noise from the other room didn’t let up though. If anything, the cries got louder the longer Thor was in there. Every damn night. You turned onto your back and stared at the ceiling, saying a silent prayer for a miracle to whoever the god of parenthood was - please let tonight be different, please let him have this. Five minutes of wailing later, it was clear that once again your prayers weren’t going to be answered and you got out of bed, unable to ignore the agonised cries any longer.

From the moment he’d found out you were pregnant, Thor had been determined to be the best father he could, to help with everything, to always be there to share smiles and wipe away tears. When Freja was born, he had looked in helpless adoration at the tiny bundle cradled in his huge hands, innocent blue eyes that matched his own staring up at him, and known that his heart was forever hers. From that moment his devotion had been absolute, wanting to be involved in every aspect of his daughter’s life and help to look after her whenever and however he could.

In the daytime all was well but for some reason Freja just wasn’t on the same page when it came to the night time. When she woke crying in the early hours, the only thing that consoled her was being held by you - never Thor, only ever you. Which was fine most of the time since she still needed to be breastfed regularly through the night but after 2 months of broken sleep you were desperate for any rest you could get.

Not that it was all bad, of course. Sitting in the semi-darkness with your daughter nestled against your chest, seeing her eyes flutter closed, hearing her little huffed breaths slow as you comforted her was a feeling like no other. Despite the exhaustion, it made your maternal heart swell with pride to have this bond with your child, to be able to hold her close and calm her, and you wanted your husband to feel that connection too. The two of you had tried to solve it but so far nothing had worked. He’d even tried wearing your old maternity pyjama top, now stretched and ripped beyond repair, to see if she was reacting to your scent but nope, no luck. And it seemed as though tonight was no different.

You stood in the doorway of the nursery for a moment, surveying the familiar scene in front of you with a weary smile. Your enormous husband, the mighty warrior who had defeated giant monsters and entire armies, losing his battle with a small screaming bundle of flailing arms and legs. Packs of wipes and clean diapers were scattered across the floor, presumably knocked off the shelf in his rush, and you bent to pick them up, thankful that any dirty items had at least been tidied away.

Thor looked at you hopelessly, as he fiddled unsuccessfully to dress her. “I have managed to change her diaper but she just won’t stop crying. Or wriggling. I just do not seem to have the necessary skills for this.”

“Here, let me.” He stepped to one side sadly and you took over. With your practised touch and the sound of your voice, she calmed down almost instantly and you finished refastening the sleepsuit poppers and fitted her back into her infant sleeping bag. Knowing that it was too soon to place her back in her crib you sat on the large nursery chair, cradling her in your arms as she snuffled contentedly against you.

“It’s as though you are an expert with babies,” Thor sighed, running a hand distractedly through his hair. “You’re lucky.”

Lack of sleep made you crankier than usual, bristling at the implication that this all came easy to you. “I think the word you’re looking for is competent,” you snapped. Seeing the dejected look on his face though, you instantly relented. “Just barely competent. I’m winging this, same as you.”

Thor knelt next to the chair, staring at the two of you in awe. “I love her so much, I just want to take care of you both. Why can’t I do this right?”

“Oh honey, stop being so hard on yourself. You’re doing fine and she loves you. She’s only 9 weeks old, this is all new to her too.”

“But she doesn’t cry when you touch her. Am I doing it wrong, do I hold her too tight? Am I ...”

You stroked his arm sympathetically. “She doesn’t cry when I hold her because she knows I come ready-equipped with food.”

“But she’s not even hungry now, and yet she still won’t let me pick her up without crying,” he persisted.

“I just feel different to her, I guess. I mean, my body’s way squishier, plus my body temperature is naturally lower than yours.’ You leant over to kiss his cheek, resting your head against his. “We’ll figure it out, honey.” The mention of body heat made you notice the chill in the air and you suddenly regretted the thin pyjamas which offered little protection against the cold.

Thor noticed the goosebumps forming along your bare arms and rose to his feet. “I’ll get you a blanket, my love.”

“No, I’ll be fine. Like I said, not all of us have your body heat, that’s all, “ you said, giving him a soft smile. “How about a hug to keep us warm?”

His face lit up in return. “That is something I can definitely do.”

You shuffled to make room and he fitted into the chair beside you, letting you lean against him before enveloping you both in his huge arms. Freja fretted as you moved and you made shushing noises, stroking her smooth little hand softly. Within a few minutes she was starting to doze, delicate eyelashes brushing against chubby cheeks, so peaceful that it was hard to believe that such a tiny body could have made so much noise. Resting your head against your husband’s broad chest, cuddling with the two people you loved most in the world, you let the blissful warmth of his body overwhelm you.

The feel of your body relaxing in his arms coupled with the slow rise and fall of your chest quickly made it clear that you’d fallen asleep, but Thor was unwilling to move so soon, his gaze shifting between the two of you. Valhalla, he thought, this is my Valhalla.

He knew that you needed your rest, though, and that this perfect moment had to end, so after a few minutes he reluctantly moved. Barely daring to breath, Thor shifted position so you were supported on the chair rather than him and carefully, so carefully, lifted Freja from your arms. Resisting the urge to kiss her tiny hands and face as he carried her across to the crib, he placed her down gently with a whispered “Sleep well, precious girl.”

With a last fond look at her sleeping form, he scooped you up effortlessly and took you back to your room. Placing you on your side of the bed, he pulled the covers over you carefully before snuggling in behind you, wrapping one arm around your waist to pull you closer. He nuzzled up against you, pressing soft kisses to your neck that made you sigh in your sleep. Yes, he thought as he closed his eyes, Valhalla.

It seemed just minutes had passed when the heavy thud of raindrops on the glass pane disturbed you. Still groggy, you were about to check the time when there was a bright flash outside and a crash of thunder rattled the windows. The noise outside was nothing though compared to the ear-splitting shrieks that echoed through from the nursery.

Turning slightly in his embrace to face him, you poked Thor firmly in the ribs. “Definitely your turn to get up, thunder god, it’s your fault she’s woken up again.”

“Not guilty, this storm isn’t of my doing, love,” he grunted. “But I’ll do my best to calm her.” Giving you a quick squeeze, he rolled out of bed.

As he headed through the door with a resigned expression on his face, you called after him. “Bring her in here if you like, none of us will sleep until this weather passes.”

Sighing, you checked the clock and decided you might as well get up since sleep didn’t look likely any time soon. On the way to the kitchen to make you both some coffee you halted in your tracks, realising that the crying had stopped even though the thunder was getting louder. OK, that was unexpectedly great.

As you approached the nursery, the lights were still off but the faint glow of moonlight was enough for you to see Thor standing at the window with his back to you, holding Freja against his chest so she was looking outside. Hearing you enter, he turned and a lightning flash briefly lit up the room, illuminating his face that was split in a broad grin.

“She cried when I first picked her up just like always, but when I opened the curtains she stopped. I think the lightning distracts her.” He looked down at the baby in his arms with pride. “My girl likes the storm.”

“She’s definitely going to take after her daddy.” You stretched up to kiss his cheek. “I’m so happy for you, honey.”

“Come and watch with us, my love.” Thor stretched to make space for you in his arms next to Freja but you shook your head.

“No, this is your time together. I’ll leave the two of you to enjoy the rest of the show.” You paused as you got to the door. “Does this mean we’re going to be having an unseasonal number of thunder storms from now on?”

His grin got even wider. “Perhaps.”

[dk-diaperboy]

Sleeping in my bed with my diaper on woke up for some pics of my diaper!!

[cecilspeaks]

147 - The Protester

Hot singles in your area are staring into the forest and grinning absently. 

Welcome to Night Vale.

Astronomers are frantically trying to determine why a chunk of the moon is missing. Ragged and greedy like a slice removed from a pie by hungry hands rather than a civilized serving utensil, the gap in the moon has been baffling professional sky gazers for weeks. Fun fact: did you know a group of astronomers is called a commotion?

Astronomers believe the moon could be eroding, because people have stopped believing in it, like ancient Roman polytheism. Others have theorized that the moon was damaged by enemy ships in the ongoing Blood Space War. But people on the internet have countered that this is part of the mandala effect, and that that piece of the moon has always been missing and we’re collectively misremembering. Like how those beloved picture book bears that we all remember as the Berenstein Bears, have by all physical evidence always actually been spelled “The Dog Pound Boyzzzz”. Boyz with a Z. Because of the 2016 city ordinance that proclaimed that anything can be true if you say it loud enough, astronomers are forced to consider all sides.

I don’t know any astronomers, but I do know a scientist! My husband Carlos has been the leading scientific mind in Night Vale since we started dating, almost six years ago. Carlos says that he has been studying and interesting meteorite he found out in the sand wastes and scrublands beyond Night Vale. He believes this particular rock is a piece of the moon. Standing before a giant wall of blinking lights, flickering screens and intermittent beeps, Carlos determined that this piece of the moon broke off only one month ago. But this is impossible, because no one can remember seeing the moon breaking apart in the sky. Well, maybe we were all asleep when it happened, I told Carlos as I dabbed away a small crumb from a cheese Danish that had gotten stuck in his beard. Oh, fun fact: Carlos grew a beard! And I have never liked beards on men, but now – I do. It’s got two thin silver racing stripes down the chin, and the hair is so soft. We’ve been married over two years and every day, I fall more in love.

Oh right, the moon, OK good God, always with the moon. [mutters] Yeah, yeah… Carlos has been studying an unusual number of empty homes and businesses about town. He noticed that the houses on either side of us are completely empty, but he didn’t remember them being empty before. He remembers us having neighbors, but he couldn’t name a single thing about them. He believes this might be related to the damaged moon. Whatever happened a month ago to the moon immediately caused us all to forget it, because something in our timeline changed. Carlos said: “Perhaps we are not forgetting people and events, perhaps they never existed at all.” His eyes were cloudy with pensive thought, and I touched his furry cheek and said: “You’ll save us, hon. I know you will.” He smiled and asked if I’d be willing to reach out to archeology professor Harrison Kip again. Carlos, uh, had been communicating with Kip about this very issue, but now emails to Harrison keep bouncing back, and his phone number is no longer in the phone company’s database of working numbers. I laughed and said: “Carlos, I don’t know who Harrison Kip is!” Carlos looked worried, and said he wasn’t sure he did either. But he felt like he should.

Protestors have organized a sit in in front of city hall, demanding an end to the Blood Space War. The city council, seeing the crowd of about 150 people gathered around the front entrance of their building, took immediate action. They announced they would be taking a long planned family vacation to the Badlands National Park in South Dakota, until this whole protest thing runs its course. “We don’t believe South Dakota actually exists,” the single-bodied, multi-voiced council said. “When you look at a map, it seems like it exists, like it’s just right there when you look at it and it’s between two other identical states, so it would make more sense for it to be there than not. Anyway, this feels like a great time to take the kids to see Mount Rushmore.” As the city council said this, several small childlike heads emerged from the city council’s singular body and screamed in happy unison. Or terrified unison. Mm, it’s hard to get an emotional reading on screams.

The organizer of the protest is 20-year-old Night Vale community college student, Basimah Bishara, whose father Lieutenant Fakir Bishara returned home from the Blood Space War three years ago. Basimah greeted her father’s return with joy, but that joy has since been replaced by confusion and pain. Let’s hear Basimah’s story in her own words.

Basimah: Time no longer works correctly for my father. I understand time does not work correctly for many people in Night Vale, but it had always worked correctly for him before the war. In December 2015, he returned home after 11 years of serving our city, our country, our planet in a war that still makes no sense to me. I was six when he volunteered for service, he was 30. 11 years later when he returned home, I was 17. My father was 19. He did not remember joining in the war nor having a daughter nor meeting his wife. He is a teenager, like I was. I no longer am a teenager, but my father still is. He has stayed 19 years old. Time no longer works correctly for him.

My mother Tahira raised me. She expressed reticence about the band I started, the music we played. She grounded me when my grades slipped and shouted at me when I told her I had a girlfriend. But she came to love Marina and more, my mother came to understand as both as people, as women. Not as rivers to be damned or levied.

My father’s return has been especially hard on her, because she is 45 and her husband is a 19-year-old stranger. You probably know what it’s like to have a father, to have a man much older than you who changed your diapers or watched your diapers being changed. Who taught you to speak or ride a bike, who helped you develop as a human from an animal from a larva from the simplest, squirming wad of meat into an adult. That father will always be a father, not a friend, not an equal, a father. You probably do not know what it’s like to see a father at your age, to talk with your father when he is also barely an adult. To have your father lonely and inquisitive think of you as his only friend in the world, while you look to him for guidance and love. But he is incapable of both, at least not in the way you need to be guided and loved.

It took two years for Fakir to open up about the war and it still makes no sense to him nor me. The Blood Space War requires constant shifts through time, through worm holes to change lost battles into won battles, to undo what has already been undone thousands, millions of times over. The future does not look like a blank page, it looks like a tattered sheet of paper, grayed and frayed from countless transcriptions and erasures of history. Battles are won and then undone through time travel. We lose our lives and then regain them by traveling backwards and fighting again. We are winning the war by perpetuating the war. Last month, the Polonians attacked our earth, I am sure of it. The only evidence is our broken moon. I believe the general undid this attack with time travel and this has changed our reality, changed who was born, who ever lived in the first place. People are disappearing because they will have never existed.

People think we’re crazy for protesting. I’m 20 and my father is still 19. I’m not crazy. My mother Tahira is not crazy. We are angry.

Our next protest is scheduled this afternoon at the corner of Earl and Somerset by the Dog Park near the Ralphs.

Cecil: Not sure what Basimah was referring to. That’s an empty lot by the Ralphs. There was word for a dog park to be built there many years ago, but it never materialized.

[clears throat] Let’s have a look now at local news. Earth sciences professor Simone Rigideau announced today that she is scrapping all text books and lesson plans at the community college in favor of organized prayer to a god named Huntokar. Several students and parents argued against such an extreme divergence from core curriculum in favor of French religious practices, but college president Sarah Sultan supported her staff member by saying: “Cut Simone some slack. She doesn’t even teach classes. She’s a transient who lived in a storage closet inside the earth sciences building for 20 years. The only reason she has the title of professor is because of antiquated squatter’s rights laws.” Rigideau donned rabbit furs and an old bicycle frame wraught into the shape of antlers, and began spray paintin the Fibonacci sequence on the cars in the college parking lot, all the while singing a ballad about clocks.

The intergalactic military headquarters released their first quarter earnings statmenet this week. Investors were displeased to see that each of the board members of the privately own space defense contractor had purchased a 125-foot yachts and NFL franchises. But those fears were quickly allayed by the announcement of layoffs of more than 5,000 employees. Stock prices for the intergalactic military soared to an all time high this afternoon, at 490 dollars a share. Senior strategic advisor Jameson Archibald said the intergalactic military has no actual earned income. 100 per cent of their gross is from venture capital. Archibald said: “Some investors keep asking how we plan to monetize our military, which is a stupid question, man! I mean, look at this Patek Philippe watch I bought. It’s encrusted with 10 pounds of diamonds, and the watch face was made using an actual piece of the Sistine Chapel. We are doing fine.” Archibald added that the intergalactic military is developing an app and a subscription service that allows people to engage in celestial war fare any time they want for only 12,99 a month.

Alright, listeners, I heard back from Basimah, and she said I was right. There is no dog park. Of course I was right. If I knew there was a dog park being built in this town, I would have reported it immediately. Carlos and I have a dog. His name is Aubergine because he’s purple and European, and Auby is adorable and we love him dearly. I mean, I wasn’t into the idea of having to care for a dog, but Carlos strongly urged this case one morning over breakfast when he said, “I think we should get a dog”, and 20 minutes later, we were leaving the SPCA with our adopted pet. [clears throat]

Basimah said she was positive there was a dog park next to the Ralphs, but when she arrived at the corner of Earl and Somerset, it was all empty lots. To be honest, I don’t remember her mentioning a Ralphs before, because I would have corrected her. There’s never been a Ralphs affiliate in Night Vale. This is what Basimah had to say. Um, hang on, let me just insert the tape I used to record her. And there we go.

Basimah: If a person never exists, did they disappear? If you never knew them, can you miss them? My father spends most of his days playing basketball with friends he made at the rec center. He is 19 years old and trying to escape a decade of inescapable drama from warfare. Asked him who my mother was. I grew up with only my uncle Omar and did not know my parents until my father returned from war. Fakir did not remember my mother. He did not remember his marriage or my birth, because it has not happened yet in his timeline. Asked what if mother didn’t exist at all. What if the general’s time traveling has altered our lives so much that my mother was never born and you can never meet her. My father, the teenager said: “If I never met a woman, I do not know I will not miss her. But I’ll meet another woman.” I asked: “What if I was never born?” My dad said: “Basi?” He hid his tears and then he hugged me, but it was not the hug of a father and daughter. It was the hug of a son and mother. He buried his head into my shoulder and sobbed, repeating: “Basi! Basi!” And I comforted his heaving head with my palm. I said: “Father, Fakir. I think I shall no longer exist soon. [voice fades] I think I-

Oh OK, sorry for the dead air, listeners, I was playing a recording of an interview I did. Wait, nope. I just checked, there’s no tape in the player at all. I thought I had been talking with… Ugh. Aah! Who have I been talking to? Maybe it was my husband Carlos reporting on his findings about the damage done to our moon or, mh, or maybe it was nothing at all. [clears throat] Well, let us forget that we forgot, and go now To the weather.

[Shake” by Wednesday’s Wolves https://www.wednesdayswolves.com]

We have an update on the Blood Space War, Night Vale. John Peters says his brother has returned home again. When he left a month ago, James Peters was 22 years old. But he is now in his seventies, which is the age he should be. John held his brother tightly, crying in gratitude and relief that his own family could return to some kind of normalcy. James at first was heartened to see John again, to see his home again, and to learn that he and the general had thwarted the Polonian attack on our planet. But his tearful smile drifted slowly downward, an evening shadow overtaken by night. Upon James’ face now was the sudden knowledge that he had made a grave error. James looked around Night Vale seeing empty lots and homes, abandoned buildings and sparse streets. According to James, thousands of people have gone missing from Night Vale, because they never existed or never moved here in the first place. The general had leapt in time to successfully stop the Polonians from ever reaching Earth, but the change in the timeline caused Night Vale to change too.

Listeners, this may seem strange, but perhaps there are people you once knew, family you once lived with, places you were in, all of which are gone, and without your knowing. I have tried hard to think of any memory of any experience or person I have lost in the last month, but I can think of none. I told James Peters that perhaps the change in timeline did not matter if no one knew what they had lost, if no one noticed any change. James said: “Cecil, I just don’t know. I don’t know. Maybe if we had a scientific perspective on this, we could better understand how this is affecting us as a community.” And I said I didn’t know any scientists, not personally anyway. There’s the strange woman who lives in the storage closet at the community college, I suppose we could ask her.

The important thing is that we are safe, and that another veteran has returned home, and it is another beautiful day in Night Vale.

Stay tuned next for “Conspiring to Love”, our new relationship advice show, which as a lifelong bachelor sounds like something I should check out.

Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: “Nothing lasts forever” is a phrase with two meanings, and they’re both true.