#dangerous fellows memes

[kinda-cute-kinda-insane]

I am lazy to do the erasey erase thingy

Calling 4 the dangerous fellow fandom pspspspps

[otobabe]

[changelingsandothernonsense]

he he my two fav losers Making a personal react image and will be trying something new XD

(Or just me on my TelxErra crap)

[wroetolando]

𝙾𝚏𝚏𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝙵𝚘𝚛 𝚈𝚘𝚞 | 𝙻𝙽𝟺

𝗮/𝗻: hey guys! so sorry I haven’t been posting recently. I’ve been super busy with school with finals and graduation coming up! will be a lot more stories being posted during my spring break! april 7-11!

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: lando norris x chronically online! reader

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: the one where the chronically online reader gets publicly exposed by lando, roasts him on stream, and swears they’d never fold

𝗺𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗰: cloud 9 - beach bunny

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: none!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・

You had a reputation. Not in a bad way—at least, not to you. Some people called you “chronically online,” but that was just a fancy way of saying you were really, really good at the internet. You were the first to catch onto memes before they went mainstream, you knew every streamer’s latest drama, and your Twitter feed was a masterclass in unhinged yet somehow lovable posts.

Lando, however, did not fully understand the depths of your internet obsession. He was online, sure, but in a different way—his world was filled with F1 updates, Twitch streams, and the occasional chaotic group chat with his fellow drivers. Meanwhile, you lived in a universe where knowing whether a brand was about to get canceled was as essential as breathing.

And yet, somehow, he was absolutely in love with you.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・

It started with a joke. Or, more accurately, it started with a tweet.

@yourhandle: “if lando norris ever called me babe i would simply evaporate”

He saw it. He saw it, and you knew he saw it because his little gremlin self had the audacity to like the tweet. He didn’t reply, didn’t quote it—just a simple like that sent your notifications into a frenzy.

Your friends went feral.

BESTIE, HELLO??

Did he just acknowledge your existence???

This is basically a marriage proposal.

You tried to act normal. Failed. DMed him something casual like, “did you just publicly expose me?”

To which he responded:

“Just testing a theory. Should I call you babe and see what happens?”

And that was the beginning of the end.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・

It wasn’t long before you found yourself in Lando’s world—whether that meant sitting on his stream, half-distracted while scrolling your phone, or joining his Discord calls just to roast his gaming skills. The internet loved your dynamic.

“Lando getting cyberbullied by his own girlfriend is my Roman Empire.”

“Y/N being a menace online and Lando just going along with it is peak relationship goals.”

“Her: ‘He’s so dumb but he’s my dumbass.’ Him: ‘I just work here, man.’”

You two were a content goldmine, even when you weren’t trying to be.

One particular night, you were both curled up on the couch, Lando setting up for a Twitch stream while you scrolled mindlessly through your phone. You weren’t paying attention until you heard your own voice.

“Guys, I have a very special guest today,” Lando said in his usual mischievous tone. “My girlfriend, who is currently ignoring me for Twitter.”

You didn’t even look up. “That’s crazy. What’s Twitter saying?”

Chat immediately erupted.

“SHE DIDN’T EVEN LOOK UP LMFAO.”

“Peak chronically online behavior.”

“Lando, blink twice if you need help.”

Lando fake pouted. “See? She doesn’t love me, chat. She loves her parasocial relationships more.”

You finally glanced at the screen. “Why would I need a parasocial relationship when I already have you to annoy in real life?”

The clip went viral within minutes.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・

Despite all your time spent online, you did, in fact, exist in the real world. And the more time you spent with Lando, the more you realized how much you liked his world too.

There was something peaceful about watching him work on his racing sim, focused and determined, even when he was grumbling under his breath about understeer. There was something nice about walking into the McLaren garage and seeing how the team operated, how much they adored him.

And there was something absolutely dangerous about the way he looked at you when he thought you weren’t paying attention.

Like right now.

You were at a race weekend, standing just outside his driver’s room, eyes glued to your phone. He was supposed to be reviewing data, but you could feel his eyes on you.

“Lando,” you said without looking up, “why are you staring at me like that?”

He didn’t even try to deny it. “I think I’ve figured out how to get you off your phone.”

That made you look up. “Oh? Do tell.”

A smirk curled at his lips. “No.”

You narrowed your eyes. “No?”

Instead of answering, he took two long strides forward, gently plucking your phone from your hands and placing it on the nearest table. Before you could protest, he had you backed up against the wall, his hands resting on either side of you.

Oh.

Oh, he was serious.

“Lando,” you said, a little breathless, “are you—”

“I like your little internet world, I do,” he murmured, voice warm and teasing. “But sometimes I think you should focus on this world. On me.”

You swallowed. “That so?”

He nodded. “Yeah. And right now, I want your undivided attention.”

Mission accomplished.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・

You weren’t going to lie—you had expected the internet to roast you once they realized that your whole brand was being chronically online, and yet Lando had somehow turned you into a simp.

And they did roast you.

“So you’re telling me Y/N was ‘if he calls me babe I’ll evaporate’ and then Lando hit her with a real-life slow burn fanfic moment???”

“POV: You thought she was a keyboard warrior but she’s actually a simp in disguise.”

“Lando pulled a ‘look at me, I’m the main character now.’”

Lando, of course, thrived off the reactions.

You were sitting next to him on the couch when he turned his phone toward you. “Look at this one—‘Y/N has spent her entire internet existence roasting men, and yet all it took was one good wall pin for her to fold.’”

You glared at him. “I hate you.”

He grinned. “No, you don’t.”

You groaned, shoving his face away playfully before burying your head in your hands. “I will never live this down.”

He pulled you into his side, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Nope. Never.”

And for the first time in a long time, you didn’t feel the need to check your phone.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・

masterlist

[homunculus-argument]

On a scale of one to "Americans have no sauna fairy", how pissed are you?

There's a post circling around finnish tumblr rn where someone (a fellow finn) had been prescribed antibiotics that aren't dangerous to mix with alcohol, but you have to avoid sunlight while on them. And they remarked that this sounds like a very finnish combination, a prescription of "sit in the dark and get drunk."

This meme was astral projected into the reddit OP's brain. A finn could have made that.

[liulith]

We as a fandom need to open our hearts to the insane comedic potential of Sir Pentious being included as a background character in stories taking place in the "old days" before Vox and Alastor's falling out. AND the comedic potential of one-sided Sir Pentious -> Vox.

Why?

Canon!Sir Pentious is attached to his era's aesthetics but he also wants to be "hip and cool" (see pilot episode; Sir Pentious as the how do you do fellow kids meme) and join the "Almighty Vees". When did he start wanting that? He's not a media demon trying to keep up with his audience and be a likeable public figure. He's a mechanic trying to conquer Hell by force thanks to his machines and obviously relishes in acting like a villain (fear me! I'm so evil! I'm the architect of destruction! etc. etc).

This is very different from the Vees' approach - maintaining a perfect public image, insidious manipulation tactics... Vox threatens Alastor in the show, but the Vees clearly haven't built their power through turf wars, which is and has always been Pentious' one and only strategy. All the machines we've seen him make are war weapons (+ the Egg Boyz who do his bidding, and help him operate those very weapons). Voxtek probably sells weaponry too but that is more Camilla's domain, so it would be more logical for Pentious to try and join her.

Pentious' and the Vees agenda and interests aren't aligned, so why is Pentious so desperate to join the Vees?

there are many reasons why Pentious could want to be part of the Vees besides the one I'm gonna talk about but you know what MY agenda is:

Vox is Pentious' idol. Pentious is an inventor, an innovator. He would have loved waking up in Hell with a mechanical body he can upgrade however he wants and finds the whole concept fascinating.

He's not against new technology, as his creations clearly go beyond what people could have had invented in his time despite their "steampunk" aesthetic (see: the effing death ray). So I think his current "limitations" are more a matter of him having to stick with what he knows best because it's hard to keep up with the constant stream of new tech. This is why he's more than impressed with Vox's extraordinary ability to adapt to change and master new technologies again and again. He's a fellow innovator! That's one reason for Pentious to be obsessed with the guy.

And if you think obsessed isn't the right word, think about this: Sir Pentious repeatedly challenges Alastor to fights even though he's clearly outmatched and it's an incredible risk to take considering what Alastor does. Pentious is OLDER than Alastor, he was there when he broadcast the most powerful Overlords' scream all over Hell. Plus, losing always leaves him in a very vulnerable position (without his best weapons). Is it madness? Hubris? An obsession for Alastor? No!

Sir Pentious to Alastor: Silence! Now Cower! For when I've slain you, the Almighty Vees will finally acknowledge me!

Sir Pentious thinks defeating Alastor is the only way the Vees will finally acknowledge him. No matter how dangerous it is, he has to try, for the Vees (Vox). Just like he took the risk of angering the Princess of Hell to get in Vox's good graces. This says a lot, for someone as paranoid as him, who doesn't trust anyone who is "too nice" to him.

If Hazbin had more episodes there should have been one about Pentious struggling with the fact he disappointed his idol and told to KHS 👀

(btw this is old news but we know that one of the Hazbin episodes that Viv originally pitched was about a science contest organized by Voxtek in which Pentious and Baxter competed against each other! Pentious could have done that after ep2!)

Anyway, back to the comedic potential of it all & Vox's arrival in Hell. Can you imagine his reaction as a newly fallen Sinner, when he's hanging out with Alastor (aka following him like a lost puppy?) and he meets Sir Pentious for the first time? Like sure, Hell is full of insane people but Alastor obviously has a Reputation and no one ever challenges him. And suddenly... Hm... Alastor?? There's an airship with a giant cannon pointed right as us?? Firing a DEATH RAY?!

It's also so funny to imagine Sir Pentious being obsessed with Alastor and considering him his archnemesis back in the day, only to slowly become obsessed with Vox instead and only caring about defeating Alastor because he thinks Vox will like it. It starts with Sir Pentious trying to "gather intel" on Alastor's new "ally", spying on them or sending his Egg Boyz to do so (and we already know great he is at spying so you can guess how that goes lol), and the rest is history.

Alastor loves attention so he probably let Pentious spy on him behind bushes from time to time if only because it's very entertaining to watch him try to be discrete and make his shadow tap on his shoulder. How hilarious would it be if Alastor noticed Sir Pentious' growing crush on Vox but not Vox's crush on him? Also, Vox misunderstanding Pentious and Alastor's relationship and thinking Pentious is a weird obsessive ex... The world is a stage and the stage is a world of entertainment!

[hana-no-seiiki]

Good news. Did some decent progress on What’s Up Danger so you guys will finally get fed this Wednesday! Bad news, the quality might not be the best since I’m fasting while writing it oTL

Anyways, here are some Batfam w/ Cat Villain! Reader moments/snippets.

TW YANDERE AND MENTION OF NONCON/SOMNO

Both Jason and Reader’s first words to each other were, “What the fuck.”

Reader referring to Jason being a giant, and violent asf esp in comparison to Dick. While Jason was confused at his heart beating so fast and mildly crushing on you while you were fighting.

Bonus points: You guys did the spiderman point meme.

You have the biggest age gap with Dick. I headcannon the boys to be close in age so there wouldn’t be any not so good implications when it comes to relationships, but it’s almost unavoidable unless Batman switches sidekicks every year or so. (You are younger than Jason but older than Tim)

But that is also another reason why you two didn’t click as well as you did with Jason

You’d often make jokes or use slang and Dick would just be “???” He tried his best though.

On the reverse side of things, and like I mention before Tim and you got along too well as friends. He’s one of the few people you could gush to about literally any fandom and he somehow (through stalking your searches and literally every gadget/appliance you owned) knew everything about it already.

You two have written several theses on fellow vigilantes and villains (mostly ‘dumb’ ones like who has the best cake based on so and so criteria)

Damian is the best when it comes to bantering with you mid-fight. It’s the combined years of sass and assassin training. Went from plain insults to whole ass (not so) subtly being horny when you beat each other down.

He’s also the worst (best?) when it comes to your nicknames. He insists that you two use it on each other. Some exclusive while others he’s usually fine hearing from other mouths.

There was one point in time where you were called Kitten while the boys forced/bribed you to call them Daddy

Tim and Jason have tattoos of you/related to you.

For Jason it’s your name with a few paw prints, and for Tim it’s when he first fought you (and got his ass whooped)

After Jason came back and revealed himself to you, he tattooed the scratch marks you left him on his back after doing the deed.

Damian secretly practices doing henna so he can draw on you during your “wedding” since he doesn’t want anyone touching you. Sort of defeats the purpose, but go off king.

Being the thorough guy he is, he uses lab equipment to make his own blends.

Bruce? Bruce hates your ass. Sometimes it’s in a hatefuckey way but most of the time he blames you for corrupting his kids.

So he corrupted you in turn.

I feel like he gets off to cucking them honestly (blame that one comic) but if Reader is AFAB I wouldn’t be surprised if he impregnated them.

He’s a softie at heart when it comes to you though, courtesy of your similarities with Selina.

Speaking of, Talia adores you.

Like if there was anyone she would want with her son it was you.

She thinks the fact that you haven’t been put behind bars is a testament to your skill, and after getting over your similarity to her “rival in love” she would actively get you to be with her son.

Eventually she realizes she loves you more than Bruce and well, that’s a story for another fic.

You have at least a dozen trackers on you at all times.

Most of them you’ve ingested and pooped out.

It’s mostly Tim of course. But the duty of actually feeding you that stuff usually goes to Dick.

Dick has uh- somnophillia’ed you a fair bit after the break up.

He really, and I mean really likes to watch you sleep.

It reminds him of those ‘catnaps’ you’d take while watching over the Titans.

There would be times where he’d just be in a daze/in autopilot for hours reminiscing about your past together

His favorite memories to go back to were your first fight together, first kiss, and times under the sheets, and a date you guys had before in a festival/circus.

He never takes the antidote for Poison Ivy’s sex pollen and always comes to you for it, regardless of his or your relationship status.

Tim has at least a million typewritten chats with AI you, and around a few hundred hours of voice chats.

You did eventually take his virginity.

He came as soon as he was inside you/you were inside him.

You have been offered to be a part of the bat crew or a vigilante. But,

you massacred many after Jason’s supposed death and feel too guilty to call yourself anything other than a villain.

Chokers with bells. It’s a popular gift to give you. Especially ones that are custom made with expensive ass materials and engraving.

Sometimes Tim just gives you weapons.

Alfred is your best source of blackmail material.

You’ve actively tried cursing him (with immortality). You love the man.

He’s secretly the president of your official fanclub/fansite but you didn’t hear that from me.

You fight a lot with Damian’s pets. Like in a way that you turn into a literal cat and hiss at them.

And last but not least, you’re vv close with every member of the Teen Titans (besties with Rachel and Garfield)

NOT PROOFREAD!!!

@sophiethewitch1

[rainystarters]

๋࣭ ⭑𓆩✧𓆪🗡ྀ࿔ 〖 and other stories . . . 〗 a collection of dialogue + action prompts inspired by angela carter's the bloody chamber and other stories. some prompts usfw. add +reversed for the muse receiving the meme to perform the action instead. adjust details as necessary.

dialogue :

are you sure you want to marry him?

oh! how you must want me!

soon.

i had never been vain until i met you.

anticipation is the greater part of pleasure.

all the better to see you.

what is that key? the key to your heart?

every man must have one secret, even if only one, from his wife.

all is yours, everywhere is open to you.

but now... what shall i do now?

my darling, i cannot wait for the moment when you make me yours completely.

there is a striking resemblance between the act of love and the ministrations of a torturer.

you are in some great distress.

any bride brought to a castle should come ready dressed in mourning.

oh god. i can smell the blood.

i thought all these were old wives' tales, chattering of fools, spooks to scare bad children into good behavior!

can't it wait until morning, my darling?

who can say what i deserve or no?

i've done nothing; but that may be sufficient reason for condemning me.

i have a place prepared for your exquisite corpse upon my display of flesh.

good fellow? i am no good fellow.

forgive me for robbing your garden!

all she wanted, in the whole world, was one white, perfect rose.

and what else was there to be done?

they are the death of any tender herbivore.

so late! you will want sleep.

you will come back to me? it will be lonely here, without you.

i will come back. soon, before the winter is over.

i am sick and i must die.

if you'll have me, i'll never leave you.

i think i might be able to manage a little breakfast today.

i have lost my pearl, my pearl beyond price.

if you are so careless of your treasure, you should expect them to be taken from you.

for all my pride, my heart is heavy.

if you wish to give me money, then i should be pleased to receive it.

i shall twist a noose out of my bed linen and hang myself with it.

you are a woman of honor.

nothing human lives here.

we have dispensed with servants.

take off my clothes for you, like a ballet girl? is that all you want of me?

all cats are cynics.

you read my thoughts, my love.

the woods enclose. the wood swallows you up.

all will fall still, all lapse.

it is easy to lose yourself in these woods.

i thought that nobody was in the wood but me.

there are some eyes can eat you.

sometimes the birds, at random, all singing, strike a chord.

eat me, drink me.

dive in and fetch it for me.

now you are at the place of annihilation.

and she is herself a cave full of echoes, she is a system of repetitions, she is a closed circuit.

can a bird sing only the song it knows or can it learn a new song?

beauty is a symptom of disorder, of soullessness.

a single kiss woke up the sleeping beauty in the wood.

be he alive or be he dead.

coffee. you must have coffee.

welcome. welcome to my chateau.

i rarely receive visitors and that's a misfortune since nothing animates me half as much as the presence of a stranger.

this place is so lonely.

now the village is deserted.

often i am so silent that i think i, too, will soon forget how to do so and nobody will ever talk any more.

i must apologize for the lack of light.

you have such a fine throat, like a column of marble.

i am condemned to solitude and dark.

i do not mean to hurt you.

i will be very gentle.

and could love free me from the shadows?

i've been waiting for you in my wedding dress, why have you delayed for so long.

you will feel no pain, my darling.

so delicate and damned, poor thing. quite damned.

the end of exile is the end of being.

it is a northern country; they have cold weather, they have cold hearts.

the devil is as real as you or i.

do not leave the path.

you are always in danger in the forest.

they are as unkind as plague.

fear and flee the wolf; for, worst of all, the wolf may be more than he seems.

besides, aren't you afraid of the wolves?

actions :

clasp. from behind, the sender places their hands over the receiver's eyes.

opera. through opera glasses, the sender watches the receiver.

choker. the sender fastens a gemstone necklace around the receiver's neck.

carriage. the sender locks the receiver in with them in their train compartment.

spine. the sender presses a kiss to the back of the receiver's bare neck.

cigar. the sender leans in and blows smoke in the receiver's face.

ermine. the sender wraps the furs around the receiver tighter as the snow falls.

keys. the sender silently enters the room and listens to the receiver play piano.

harem. the sender undresses the receiver before a collection of mirrors.

lazy. the sender brings the receiver breakfast in bed.

call. the sender calls the receiver and bursts into tears upon hearing their voice.

note. the sender discovers a love letter sent to the receiver from a previous lover.

death. the sender finds the receiver with the body of their latest victim.

hospitality. the sender watches from the shadows as the receiver take refuge from a storm in the sender's seemingly abandoned home.

servant. invisible, the sender feeds/washes/cares for the receiver.

hearth. the sender and the receiver talk past midnight by the fire's light.

hands. the sender falls to their knees before the receiver and kisses their hands.

bouquet. the sender has a hundred white roses sent to the receiver.

reunion. the sender lays eyes upon the receiver for the first time in an age.

bad luck. the sender hangs their head having lost a bet to the receiver.

voice. the sender sends their valet to speak their desires to the receiver.

powder. the sender dresses/makes up the receiver before an important night.

stallion. the sender grabs the reins of the receiver's horse and leads them away.

weep. the sender cries at the sight of the receiver in such a state.

dry. the sender brushes a tear from the receiver's cheek.

flush. the sender pinches the receiver's skin, watching it redden with blood.

prey. the sender guides the receiver's hands as together they skin a rabbit.

song. the sender sings and the receiver is spellbound, their feet following their song's command.

caught. the sender locks the receiver into a cage.

green. by the sender's command, the growth begins to take over the receiver.

tarot. the sender tells the receiver they are doomed to a sad fate.

stain. the sender touches the bloodstain on the receiver's white negligée.

wild. the sender rides hard through the night, chasing the receiver.

thirst. the sender sinks their teeth into the neck of the receiver.

china. the sender pours tea for the receiver and offers them biscuits.

blemish. the sender explores the receiver's skin and finds the mark of a witch.

wolf. the wolf reveals themself to be the sender before the receiver.

muzzle. the sender kisses the monstrous mouth of the receiver.

[rnnsdrms]

f1 drivers and popular romance tropes: charles leclerc !!

DEAREST READER. hello there! while waiting for the two-week break to end, i needed a little f1 headcanon/scenario to heal me from the famine. anyway, here’s for the leclerc fans out there! it’s funny that i’m posting his first when i actually finished oscar’s first 😂 i hope you’ll enjoy~ for more drivers, you can see my masterlist at the end of the post !

CONTENT WARNINGS. no warnings. just a heads-up that i am an 18+ blog and i prefer only adults visit my profile page. if you’re a minor, you can still read this work since it’s sfw. so, i hope everyone out there is being honest with themselves. oh, probably my fucked up english grammar because why do i care it’s pure vibes !

WORD COUNT. 998 words (ugh, so close to 1k) !

I debated with this idea, but after some time, I decided that mutual pining suits Charles Leclerc better. There is so much potential for slow-burn and comedy. It’s the kind of story where there’s already an established sense of familiarity between you and Charles, one that has existed for as long as either of you can remember. But it has never crossed into anything as intimate as being ‘lovers’. Sure, both your groups of friends always comment about how the two of you argue like a married couple and suggest you should just make it official already, but you and Charles dodge these accusations as swiftly as an F1 driver dodging a collision course.

While you and Charles may eye-roll or stick your tongue out at the sight of each other, both of you secretly wish for something more. Yet, neither dares to make a move, fearing the loss of the bond binding you and him. The platonic relationship between you and him feels comfortable, and disrupting that would seem like the foolish move of the century. So, to preserve it, you’re quick to ignore your feelings, and he does the same. As a result, pent-up, endearing emotions often spill out in the form of silly banter and subtle jealousy. The sneaky glances across the room and the lame lies told when either of you got caught staring seem endless. This routine is no different to playing a song on repeat: it’s the only thing that you’re both fixated on, apparently. At this point, provoking each other just to see what kind of reaction the other can elicit can be considered a love language. You think he’s just being annoying as usual, while he thinks you’re unbearably nosy–and it doesn’t help that he has heard of the ‘you want to kiss me so bad’ meme and he has used it against you every single time you are about to start an argument with him.

Charles Leclerc, despite being a multiple Grand Prix winner and has earned himself many titles–The Prince of Ferrari, The King of Monza, The Sun of Maranello, The Predestined–he still can’t officially call himself ‘your boyfriend’. It’s pathetic and it pisses him off. Currently one of the best drivers on the F1 grid, he has placed himself among legendary rivals, and yet, he can’t seem to place himself on the same bed as yours. Although his fame attracts the attention of high-profile celebrities and influencers, Charles has his thoughts and eyes only on you, even when he is currently surrounded by them. You, on the other hand, love to torture yourself by watching him sitting and talking with glamorous models–or just pretty women in general. He says it’s an occupational hazard, but the way you see it–or rather, feel it–it is more of an emotional hazard to you. But you’re not just going to sit around and drink your sorrows away. No. You’re going to greet and chat with his driver friends … but him.

His eyes narrow dangerously whenever he sees you hanging out with another man, even with his fellow F1 driver friends. But he starts losing his cool when he sees one of them initiate physical contact with you. While you’re giving them your best smile and laughter, Charles is already plotting how to commit a massacre on the next circuit. When you notice that he’s beginning to space out, you decide to approach him, incoming snide remarks already up your sleeve to torment Ferrari’s golden boy.

‘So,’ you start, taking the long-awaited empty seat beside him, ‘is she going to be your next in-chi-dent? Or just another pit stop?’

‘What? I’m the most charming guy in the room. I can’t help if all the ladies want a piece of me.’

‘Oh, please.’ You roll your eyes, ‘you’re about as charming as a stalled-out engine on a race day.’ You add, taking a sip of your drink.

A grin spreads across Charles’ thin lips as he leans closer to you–his chin barely above your shoulder. ‘Is that so? Funny, because I thought I’m just like Ferrari–impossible to resist.’

You try to repress the blush that is beginning to creep up your cheeks by staring at him dead in the eyes. ‘Well, since you are a Ferrari, then I guess I’m the safety car. Always having to slow you down when you get too full of yourself.’

The slight shock on Charles’ face gives you immense satisfaction, and you don’t try to hide it. But he is also quick to gain composure.

‘Or maybe, you’re just the chequered flag I’ve been racing toward all along ...’ He said, but his words seem to trail off in the wind.

It catches you off guard, and you stare at him with a questioning look, only to see Charles’ green eyes gazing at you tenderly. Oh, you hate it so much when he looks at you like that.

‘Nice try.’ You quickly cover your raging emotions with a smirk. ‘But you’re still stuck in the pits.’

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[ SONGS FOR THIS TROPE: Taylor Swift – Dress ✦ Sabrina Carpenter – Nonsense ✦ Arctic Monkeys – I Wanna Be Yours ✦ Gracie Abrams – Feels Like ✦ Lana Del Rey – Say Yes To Heaven ✦ Ariana Grande — goodnight n go ]

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˗ˏˋ MASTERLIST ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ KO-FI ˎˊ˗

RNNSDRMS™. SUPPORT WRITERS BY REBLOGGING THEIR WORK. DO NOT PLAGIARIZE, TRANSLATE, OR POST MY WORKS ON ANY SITE. I WILL POST MY POSTS ON OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA SITES MYSELF AND THAT’S ALL YOU GET.

[nonbinarylocalcryptid]

I'm gonna give you all (and at the same time, write It all down for my future self) an inside of how my writing process works feat. ADHD and sponsored by the autistic hyperfixation of the moment

*insert Professor Layton puzzle music*

Picture the #daddy Odysseus AU/Astyanax lives, now think about the timeline, how does that work? Allow me to bring up the following points/establish some sort of timeline:

-The kid must be ten years old by the time Odysseus reach Ithaca or the math won't be mathing and we can't have that

-This whole scenario must be as much Canon Compliant as possible. "But Morgan, the Odyssey has many adaptations!" Well my fellow Tumblr users, that's why we are sticking to Epic: The Musical; that, greek mythology and the power of fanfic make a dangerous yet powerful combination. And memes, a lot of memes.

-Keep in mind Zeus wants Astyanax dead because "it's the will of the gods", aka I'm inmortal and bored and it's way more dramatic this way

-Poseidon wants him dead because Zeus wants him dead. Odysseus, dude, how do you dare to defy a god's orders by keeping a baby alive???

-So the father and son duo has pissed off two major gods, Eurylochus is having an aneurism, Polited welcomes the kid with Open Arms (evil laugh)

-The musical goes as we know but with a toddler, chaos guys, chaos everywhere, so much things to write...

-My brain keeps telling me Astyanax starts teething by the time they leave the island in the sky, so not only have Odysseus to keep an eyes on the bag-that-does-not-contain-treasure he also is kept awake by a crying baby

-Tiresias is quite surprised that Odysseus keep the kid but this is greek mythology and at this point, in John Mulaney's wise words, this may as well happen.

-Little Astyanax can't not hold a sword because it's way too heavy for him, but the Odyssey is dangerous so let's give him a KNIFE and a BOW

-Also he's sassy, like, really sassy

-Odysseus is doing what he can, but lmao, try to raised someone in the middle of the Odyssey

-Let's pepper in some beautiful moments of paternal love because that's why we are here

-Odysseus has the mission to raise this kid with the perfect balanced of the Ruthlessness nad Open Arms philosophies, which is complicated because he is busy dealing with crysis after crysis and it's also hypocrital of him, he's way more ruthless with every day it passes.

-To maximize ✨DRAMA✨, Astyanax must learn about what happened in Troy and who he is (because guys, this is greek mythology, let's make it dramatic)

-Astyanax's opinion of the gods is quite cynic (can't blame him *cough cough* Zeus *cough cough*), but he still likes a few

-Because of the point above, this smol boy filled with rage and raised by Odysseus (dangerous combination) it's going to have a certified teenage rebellion and flee away in the middle of the night™ after facing Scylla and right before Mutiny and Thunder Bringer. This way, he can have a yelling match with his father figure, and Odysseus will face his crew alone etc

-I'm still working out in the how, but Astyanax will go back to Circe's island, and Circe will give out some really good advice and a power up, maybe even Hermes would stir up the pot a bit because damm, this shit is hilarious may as well fuck it all up a bit more.

-Astyanax reunites with Odysseus while he is fighting Charybdis, beautiful father and son moment blah blah blah, Astyanax is still salty (cuz they are in the middle of the sea hehe) but the time away has allowed him to rethink stuff. He is also a little shit and always has been so expect a lot of jokes and dark humour about Troy (coping mechanisms and all that). Odysseus could barely handle his sarcasm before, now he has no chance, he rather fight Poseidon blindfolded.

-Talking about Mr Why Did You Blind My Son, they faced him together.

-As the chaotic little shit he is, Astyanax assists Telemachus in his fight against the suitors. Telemachus does not know who this feral kid is but this is not the moment to ask questions.

-Athena loves the little shit, much to her surprised.

-Angst with Happy Ending because of the power of fanfic and headcanons

-Everything else after this point is slice of life feat. comedy

-Odysseus and Athena reconcialiation of we riot feat. Telemachus' face when he realizes who his friend was.

-Maybe a young man Astyanax decides to reclaim his throne helped by Telemachus and backed up by Ithaca?

[ovur]

my god you americans are whiny pissbags you'll elect a r*pist fascist idiot as the president Twice and make sure a gun has more rights than a black person but god forbid an animal who's always lived outdoors despite having been domesticated for 6000 years goes outside and lives a fulfilling life instead of bedrotting their poor little life away staring out of your tiny apartment window, clinically depressed. the irony of posting that family guy meme of them in evening attire as if your inane opinion on this matter was any classier than your uncivilized embarrassing 'culture'. I've had 5 outdoors cats, not once has anything happened to them in my safe suburban environment where I have a 1800 square metre garden (dgaf what that is in your bs imperial system, learn to use proper measurements). they've all lived 15+ years which is way more than the average life span of their species and have died of natural causes. they've caught a rat or two, what a travesty and an abomination for continuing the proud ancient tradition of pest control! we don't have any of the predators you yanks have listed in urban areas and unlike you, we have a working public transportation system so our suburbs aren't as car-infested and speeding isn't allowed. although if you train your cat to be an outdoor cat they are intelligent enough to stay away from cars and the middle of roads. cats are extremely curious, playful and independent animals who need the stimulation of roaming around, scenting etc that only the outdoors can to offer. some of my friends have indoor cats (and I don't attack them for it like a lunatic btw) because they don't have a safe private garden. none of them have lived as long as my cats though, maybe because their entire life consists of sleeping and hiding from children/ dogs high up in a cat tower and eating. what a depressing existence. if fact I have several fellow cat lover friends who refuse to adopt a cat rn because they live in a flat and say it would be inhumane to force a cat to live there as they would be unhappy and depressed. I risk a shorter life too by leaving my house every day yet I'd rather go tomorrow than spend my entire life between four walls in captivity. so you may as well suggest it's also too dangerous for people to go out without a leash but I guess you freaks have already normalized mentally ill gooners identifying as pupself and going out in a fursuit so one can’t expect any respect for anything natural from your deranged utterly fucked country to begin with.

I've never had racist transphobic eurotrash in my inbox before, how exciting. You can type and type but at the end of the day you're still a pussy who's bitching anonymously in my inbox. Please don't act like you care about black people either, you inserting that dumbass line proves you're racist on top of being too scared to say any of this with your url attached. This is not the gotcha you think it is, Europe is just as racist and they love acting like they're not, you're a great example. I'm sorry you're not capable of providing a life of quality for your animals so you need to let them outside, you're stupid enough that I think they really are better left exposed to the elements, you've convinced me. You're talking about a DOMESTICATED animal, they will always come home until one day they don't. Either they'll be picked up by someone who will actually love them, which is what I hope for, or what's going to happen is what you want since you can't be bothered to take care of them, they'll be put out of their misery. Anything is better than having an "owner" like you though. I'd mention the environmental issues too but we all know you don't care about anything but yourself, you don't even care about your pets.

[gotham-daydreams]

Finally, some loser reader representation in isekai fanfic! Don't get me wrong, I love a good power trip, but as a fellow reader who is a fucking loser with stupidly large amounts of anxiety, I'm glad to see our name being spread out there

Because realistically, I feel like most people that were isekaied would totally avoid the main characters out of sheer embarrassment of themself and because of their pathetic amount of social anxiety. I mean, if they can't even ask the waiter for ketchup when they eat out, how would you expect them to talk to their favorite characters who are literally perfect in almost every way?

EXACTLY!!! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

I mean, in the fic the reader will definitely use the excuse of them being "danger magnets" (which,,, they are), but it literally is because, what are they even supposed to say. What do they even do while in front of Bruce Wayne while knowing about his nightly activities that - contrary to everyone else's belief in that universe, doesn't involve getting frisky in the sheets (too much, at least)? How are they supposed to be normal around all of these freaks? And when they're attractive too??? HELLO????

How are you supposed to talk to such smart, charismatic, personable people, when you can't even correct the cashier or server when they mishear you and or get your order wrong? How are you supposed to even look at someone who's naturally intimating, when you can't even maintain eye contact with normal people? How are you supposed to do this?????

God forbid you get saved, imagine how embarrassing that must feel to actually be in that position... and awkward too because of how, y'know, you KNOW their secret identity. At least you have more of an excuse to act nervous in that scenario, but how are you supposed to act like you didn't just get saved by one of the Wayne's either????

You know that one meme that as a guy standing in the corner of a poorly drawn party, holding a red cup? The "they don't know" meme? That's the reader in Intruder. That's you, bro.

[shortstrawberry]

Done with playing all the routes and their endings in Resident Lover. Here's the remaining yandere headcannons for Angie, Dani, Alcina and Miranda mommy.

1. Angie

Angie, just like her beloved aunt Donna, hates to be alone. But instead of shrinking into a wall like Donna, she went the exact opposite way. She fills up the emptiness inside of her by socialising with people while high on alcohol. Still, it isn't enough. At least until she met you.

If Angie is a unstoppable force, you are the unstoppable object. You ground her to the surface, show her that fun can be had outside of the bottle of vodka. Soon enough, Angie starts to depend only on you for her emotional fulfilment.

Angie is the fun kind of yandere. She will not put you under a lock and key. Oh no, she wants to take you around the world, show you the sights. One day you'll be on a cruise and the next night you'll be DJing across Europe. Angie will show you the world, whether you like it or not.

It comes with a catch however. You are allowed only to see the world. Try to interact, be too close with people who are not her, she will show you her Beneviento side. One party you danced too close with a fellow partier. That was enough for Angie to shriek and crack a bottle on that poor person. It's good Angie wasn't too drunk. Her drunk jealousy rages are downright lethal.

Overall, Angie is the kindest of all Resident Lover yanderes. She wants you to have fun. It just better be with only her.

Daniela

Have you ever seen a golden retriever with hidden canines? That's exactly what the youngest Dimiterescu sister is. She is the most easy going sister among the whole lot, and possibly the most dangerous one as well.

Daniela is all about that daily softcore gay romance. Taking you to cheesy pizza places, movie dates, or just Netflix and chilling in her dorm room. Dani adores her regular couple life with you.

It's no wonder you feel like you and Daniela are just like any other couple. But then you see glimpses of the simmering insanity beneath your girlfriend's sunny smile. Someone accidentally pushes you while in a packed concert? Daniela pushed back with her muscular shoulder so hard that the person smacked his head on the floor.

Baseline: Daniela is protective. Too protective actually. Even the slightest threat to your safety will set her off. Her protective rage is almost beastial in nature, as you found out when she beat up Cassandra's groupies for bullying you.

Her feral nature also showcases itself in another aspect the relationship: sex. It almost always starts sweet and gentle, but always ends with you completely ravaged and littered with bright hickeys. You have been asked on more then one occasion if you were attacked by a animal last night. You wonder if you should be honest and just say yes you actually were attacked by your beast of a horny girlfriend.

Thankfully, Daniela is her golden retriever self on most days. The leash is firmly in your hands, and your puppy of a girlfriend follows along wherever you go. At least, that's what you think. You never realise that Daniela is a Dimiterescu as well, the cunning inherited into her.

You never notice that ever since you've started to date her, your time with other friends has drastically lessened. You spent most of the time cuddled up by her side. Or on your phone laughing at her memes. But hey, Daniela is the best girlfriend in the world. So what if she tags along to every hangout of yours? That's just what happens in any fairytale romance, right?

3. Alcina aka Mommy D

In your first meeting with Alcina Dimiterescu, she had threatened to fire her chef because she thought you didn't like the extravagant breakfast served to you. That should give you a good idea of what kind of person Lady Dimiterescu is.

Alcina Dimiterescu is a noble through and through and she will treat you like her queen. You liked that one donut from that one shop. Alcina would make sure to hire that donut chef so you can have them donuts anytime you want. You like red dress? Here, have 10 dresses more.

Alcina is also terribly territorial over you. Woe upon who dares to lay their eyes on you. Hell, one time Alcina in her seething possessiveness had banned a student from her class, just because they were getting to chatty with you. She also went ahead and banned her own daughter Cassandra from family dinners, just because she was flirting with you right in front of Alcina's fois gras.

Does Alcina use her professorly powers to make you stay with her longer? Absolutely yes. You know you don't need those extra classes, but your girlfriend insists that she teaches you extra. How the remedial classes end up on her office couch, you have no idea. You just wish she would stop ripping your clothes all the time.

Despite all this, you are happy with her tall hot girlfriend. Although it saddens you that you lost Daniela and Angie has roommates and friends. You're sure Alcina mourns their loss too. They were her family afterall. Little do you know, Alcina is actually secretly happy that now she can have you all to herself.

4. Miranda aka Mommy Miranda

Here's a honest fact. No one, absolutely no one can beat Miranda when it comes to being batshit crazy. The woman changes the laws of physics to finally have you. From the get go, you know not to push Miranda's buttons. She is willing to kill you and get her desired version of you.

Miranda wants you to have unconditional trust in her. Trust Miranda to protect you, love you, care for you. Hiding anything from her is a big no no. For one, she knows everything thanks to her crows spying on you. Two, she will actually put you in a leash until you are deemed to be obedient enough again.

Miranda is possessive and protective, yes. But she does expect you to be her best self. You have to study and work hard to keep up with her demands. Don't worry though, Miranda would always reward you with plenty affection and bedtime love for your good behaviour.

Miranda is surprisingly not as cagey as you thought she would be. You are still allowed to meet with your friends, even Mia who Miranda absolutely loathes. However, Miranda does keep you in a tight curfew. You should be back in her arms at the exact time she has given you, or she would be out for blood. She has always been a stickler for time. Even if she has all the time in eternity.

Miranda is ironically also a impatient woman. You are a minute late? You have to pacify her by sitting on her lap and begging for her forgiveness. She is also incredibly greedy. You didn't give her a long enough kiss? You have to give her 10 more to sate her endless desire for you.

At the end of the day, you guess Miranda deserves to have so many demands of you. She did break the universe to have you back. So let's cut her some slack, shall we?

[sailormoonandme]

Mamoru is NOT useless in the Anime

Yes, yes, the memes are funny and all, but this is simply objectively not true and I'm rather exhausted of folks critiquing the character/the anime as though it were.

I will hopefully kill his BS once and for all.

"He just throws a rose and leaves!"

For those who have actually watched the anime (or even just the very first episode) to describe Tuxedo Mask as 'useless' is reductionist to the point of being outright disingenuous. In particular when this argument is made in such a way as to negatively compare him to his manga counterpart, who is put over as allegedly superior on this point.

The original 1992 Sailor Moon anime had 200 episodes, 3 TV specials*, 2 theatrical shorts and 3 films, with these latter theatrical releases being dubiously canonical to the anime. Mamoru appears in the overwhelming majority of those 208 entires, even accounting for the final 34 episodes where he was dead/functionally absent almost all of the time. Even if we seriously low balled things, the majority of those appearances feature him partaking in the following scenario.

Sailor Moon, often with her fellow Senshi, are fighting the monster of the day (maybe it's a higher ranking villain, or a general threat they are dealing with).

They get into a tight spot where either they or whoever/whatever they are trying to protect is in danger from whatever threat they are combatting.

Then, out of the blue, a rose slices through the air and imbeds itself into the scenery like a dart. Typically, this action saves the lives of Sailor Moon, her friends or whomever they might be protecting.

Tuxedo mask gives a speech and either leaves or else sticks around to see Sailor Moon perform her finishing move that effectively ends whatever threat she was dealing with, often with Tuxedo Mask being the one to prompt her into performing this finshing move.

For the sake of argument lets pretend that the above is literally the sum totality of what Mamoru does in regards to the superheroics of Sailor Moon. How could anyone describe the above as 'useless'?

If his interventions regularly save Sailor Moon's life then that is a zillion miles away from useless. For him to be useless, his actions need to be superfluous, pointless, contribute nothing. Even if he contributed a little bit he would by definition not be useless. And saving the protagonist's life is much more than 'a little bit'. If the protagonist dies then the story is over. Evil has won, the world is doomed.

And this isn't even considering all the ways Mamoru contributes OUTSIDE of the above scenario.

He has, whilst untransformed, stabbed a Lemures with a knife to save Sailor Moon.

He has willingly acted as a magical life support system for Chibi-Usa when her Pure Heart was stolen, an act that maybe anyone else could have performed but it is still a noble thing to do, in particular when it freed up the more powerful characters to go get her heart back.

He personally met up with the Outer Senshi to learn about them on behalf of the other girls, going alone which might have been dangerous, but the episode also gives the impression that he, as the oldest member of the team, was better positioned to get info from the older Outer Senshi who has a demeaning view of the younger Inner Senshi. In this same episode, he tried to convince the Outers to join forces with the Inners, acting as a diplomat.

He went 1-on-1 with Rubeus to defend an injured Sailor Moon who was herself acting as a human shield for Chibi-Usa

He has personally gone on a one man mission to infiltrate the Black Moon Clan's HQ to rescue Sailor Moon from being sexually assaulted by Prince Demande.

Mere episodes later he and Artemis went on a scouting mission to learn more about the Malefic Black Crystal

He formed a double team with Sailor Moon to tackle a tennis themed Youma, an encounter that involved more than a singular rose throw and a speech. One of the multiple times he got more directly involved in fighting the monster of the day

He literally carried Sailor Moon on his back to save her when they were both trapped in an elevator courtesy of Nephrite

He was prepared to willingly reveal his identity and hand both himself and his Rainbow Crystals over to Zoisite in order to save Sailor Moon and her friends

The love he shared with Usagi directly led to the manifestation of the Silver Crystal, to the salvation of Chibi-Usa when she'd been brainwashed into Black Lady & the creation of a new weapon and transformation brooch for Usagi in season 3

As Prince Endymion, he went against his own subjects and risked his life to infiltrate the Moon Palace and warn his beloved Serenity that his home planet was going to invade her home

He took not one, not two, but three impalements to protect Sailor Moon's life

More often than not he has acted as reliable emotional support for Usagi and Chibi-Usa, encouraging them, helping them with homework or just being there for them. i.e. he is an imperfect, but ultimately good husband and father. Which is particularly impressive considering he hadn't yet married his wife nor conceived his child.

There are those who might scoff at the latter. Is emotional support really useful? Well, putting aside how the Sailor Moon universe clearly demonstrates how magical power/energy is directly linked to emotions, this is categorically true in the real world as well. There are no end of testimonies from fire fighters, doctors, people who have serious illnesses, or soldiers that the emotional support of thier loved ones have kept them going and kept them alive. So, this is rather useful for our heroine Usagi who's job is that of a Sailor Soldier.

The Outer Senshi

Furthermore, there is an inherent hypocrisy in the 'Mamoru is useless' narrative because such criticisms are never levelled against other characters whose typical role in the narrative are similar to Mamoru's.

The most popular season of the original anime was season 3 (Sailor Moon S) and one of the biggest reasons for that show's popularity were the fan favourite Outer Senshi: Sailors Uranus, Neptune, Pluto and Saturn. Let's exclude Saturn as she wasn't active as a Senshi for most of season 3. Uranus and Neptune's role in the first half of season 3 typically amounted to

Attacking the monster of the day, usually to the same end that Mamoru's rose throws did, i.e. a distraction or last minute save

Swiping the Pure Heart of that episode's victim

Checking it over before concluding it wasn't a Talisman

Leaving, or else at least standing by as Sailor Moon administered her finishing move on the monster of the day

Golly...that seems just as 'useless' as Mamoru now doesn't it? In fact, maybe more so considering they weren't even trying to help Sailor Moon in the first place. In fact, during their second appearance, they unintentionally saved the lives of a powerless Usagi, her friends and an innocent civilian to check a Pure Heart, then uncaringly left them all in danger.

You know who then saved them immediately after that? Mamoru!

Later when he too was overwhelmed by the monster he directly contributed to saving the day as his emotional bond with Usagi generated the Spiral Moon Heart Rod, upgrading Sailor Moon and giving her the power to save everyone.

During the third sub-arc of season 3 (where the recurring villain was Mimet of the Witches 5) Sailor Pluto joined the Outer Senshi's ranks and their role in the typical monster of the day plots became yet more minimal. More than once, the trio literally appeared but did nothing, something that had also happened at least once before Pluto joined the team. Examples include (but are not necessarily limited to) episodes 97 (The Labyrinth of Water – Ami Targeted), 116 (Sunny Skies After a Storm – A Friendship Dedicated to Hotaru) and 118 (Battle Inside the Demonic Space – The Sailor Guardians’ Gamble). In some of these instances the Outers deliberately choose to do nothing.

Barring 2 of the specials mentioned above (one of which was a clip show), the Outer Senshi were wholly absent in season 4/Sailor Moon SuperS. In one of those specials, upon learning that a new threat had arisen Uranus and Neptune...choose to continue their road trip and leave the fighting to Usagi and the others...How...useful???????

They, along with Pluto and Saturn get much more involved during the course of the final season/Sailor Stars. Even then, Saturn only appears in the first few episodes and the last few. Pluto only gets involved in the monster of the day schemes once or twice and Uranus and Neptune three or four times, if that. Whilst Mamoru is barely involved at all in this season, he at least has the excuse of being dead for most of it.

So, the fan favourite Outer Senshi got far LESS involved and were LESS useful than Mamoru typically was in the course of the whole show. In fact, even if we exclude the first two seasons where (exempting Pluto) the Outer Senshi hadn't appeared yet, Mamoru overwhelmingly contributed MORE than the Outer Senshi did.**

The Other Senshi

Much the same can be applied to the Sailor Starlights. The Starlights more often than not actually got MORE involved in fighting the monsters of the day during season 5 than the Outer Senshi did in season 3; or at least they were interested in defusing a direct and active threat to innocent lives. But even they literally showed up and did nothing on at least one occasion.

Whilst the Starlights are nowhere close to the Outer Senshi's popularity, they are also never subjected to the 'they are useless' narrative Mamoru frequently is.

Nor in fact are the Inner Senshi of Sailors venus, Mars, Jupiter and Mercury. Now, whilst it's easy to argue due to their superior screentime, the fact that they often initiate combat with the monster of the day and are generally heavily involved in whatever crisis is happening, that they are obviously more useful than Mamoru is.

And you know what, even including the rare occasions they too show up and do nothing else (or do a last minute save like Mamoru is prone to do) this is perfectly true. It is also perfectly true however that the quartet have rarely ever defeated any monster of the day on their own. The overwhelming majority of the time the Inner Senshi act as a distraction to the Monster of the day or else sufficiently lower its HP so that Sailor Moon can actually beat the monster. That might be more useful than Mamoru's typical contributions, but, call me crazy, it seems like Sailor Moon is doing the lion's share of the work there. So, how 'useful' are the Inner Senshi really if we run by the 'Mamoru is useless' narrative?

If Mamoru is useless so are many if not all of the more popular heroic characters in the series.

But...how useless is Mamoru in the anime compared to the Manga?????????

*Well, one special with three segments, but go with me on this.

**They were mostly absent from season 4 whilst he appeared routinely in that season. Meanwhile, in the season he was mostly absent, they rarely helped out.

Obviously, there are real life writing reasons behind that difference, but my point is why is the fandom not treating the Outer Senshi as 'useless' too?

[lovingthewildlife]

Reader x Leman Russ

I couldn't get this stupid meme plot thing out of my head and now I'm inflicting it on the rest of you. But hey, if you enjoy oral then I guess this is for you and me both! It's a named character, hope that doesn't put anyone off.

It was never supposed to be this dangerous. There was a Primarch with them. The great and noble Leman Russ. No one who had any common sense in them would ever think that he could be bested. But the demon hoard had them surrounded and the Wolves were on the back foot as the Sisters did their all to support and scrambled to aid. Those with Psyker abilities were creating trenches to better push away the enemy.

Gloria swung her axe in an arc, pivoting as she activated the sonic vibrators that would make it easier to penetrate flesh and send their enemies scattering before them. Her skirts were tattered and her leg muscles were screaming at her to stop and rest but she couldn't. Blood dripped down her thighs, streaking the pale flesh and occasionally flicking off when she gathered enough energy to quicken her pace and throw off her latest combatant.

Turning her head, she could see that some of the men were falling to their knees, struggling to get up. The hopes of the men were dying as their fellows had to continue to fall back. She heard the struggled screaming of her Lord and twisted, horror infusing her when she saw that three of the things had him pinned down and he was grappling to get up, twisting to keep himself from being pinned with a blade or claw.

Her mouth was dry and her eyes widened, her jaw trembling slightly. He couldn't stay down. He was the mightiest of them all. He was the one she chose to follow. When she was given the choice she had jumped aboard his ship with no second thoughts and he had accepted. Her now brothers needed him to get up. She needed him to get up!

"My Lord!" Gloria let her voice raise up in desperation, no wavering to her tone, only that utter need to have him hear her and listen. She needed to tell him to get up!

"IF YOU FIGHT THESE CREATURES I WILL SIT ON YOUR FACE!!!"

One slice was all it took to take down all three of the things pinning him. Her eyes widened as her cheeks flamed with sudden shock. Leman Russ charged back into battle with a renewed furry and she abruptly turned to smack down another enemy. She didn't know what had put that thought in her head, but it worked.

-------------------------------------------

When the battlefield was cleared of enemies and they were gathering the wounded, Gloria smiled slightly when she saw that there were none dead amongst their fighters. Some gathered close to the standard bearers and regained some strength while others immediately began to help the wounded back to the base. Flicking away some of the blood, she did her best to clean her axe before setting it on her back and starting to go help.

She started to at least. Her hand was grabbed before she was more than five feet away from her small squad. Turning, she looked up at the Primarch and froze when he stared down at her.

"You meant what you said?" He asked with no preamble.

A Sister did not spread falsehood. She did not back down. Lifting her chin slightly, she cleared her throat.

"I meant it, my Lord."

Her hand was squeezed, lightly, as he knew how much stronger he was than the rest of them. His teeth were more like fangs when he grinned at her and began to lead her away. There were several others on the transport that would take them to their home away from home and none of them seemed interested in looking at anything but her and their Lord.

She kept her eyes ahead of her, looking unaffected as he settled her on his lap and ran his fingers up and down her thighs. His face pressing against her neck and pushing down the high collar of her robes so he could lick away the sweat there. Hesitantly at first, she returned the small gestures, touching his hand and arm and then cupping his head to hold him close when she tipped her head to the side and he found the sensitive spot close to the nape of her neck in the back. His lips and tongue were soft against her, insistent and tugging with a tender suction, but it was his teeth that had her shuddering as he bit her hard enough to leave bruises.

Her body shook slightly when the doors of the transport opened and the others made way for them so they could get off first. Everyone would have heard her scream so they knew what was going to happen. It should have embarrassed her at least a little but she couldn't find it in her to care much.

When they reached his room, he stripped himself bare of his armor but left his trousers on. When she started to do the same, however, there was an almost manic light in his eyes as he pulled her hands away from her stays and drug her onto the bed with him. His eyes darkened when he fingered the ripped sections of her skirt and with only a small effort he shredded it the rest of the way to make the long fabric into little more than a loin cloth that he could push aside.

She caught her breath when he made himself comfortable and quickly arranged her so she could look down at him as he enjoyed her. Her fingers caught the plush of the pillows he rested back against and held tightly to them when his fingers jerked her underwear and snapped the gusset in twain, exposing her to his eager mouth.

Perhaps she should have remembered his upbringing before she uttered the desperate words. Perhaps she should have been more hesitant on the ride over.

His hands gripped her ass and yanked her down on his mouth so he could eat her like a man starved. Her eyes widened when the flat of his tongue drove into her and slurped, working across her sex and stroking her lips as his jaw adjusted and he moaned gratefully as she began to twitch on her 'throne'. Looking down into his eyes, she wanted to remain aloof like she so often was. Her jaw clenched and she held her breath as her head tipped back.

So he helped her to grind her hips down against him, seeking her clit and sucking on it in between flicks of his tongue. His strong hands massaging her ass and thighs, keeping her firmly in place. Moving her just where he wanted her so he could get any little droplets of moisture that her pussy produced. She couldn't help but snap her head down to look at him then and she made a strangled sound when his fingers teased her opening briefly before his tongue struck home again.

Panting softly, her eyes couldn't pull away from him and she moved with his hands then, easing herself back and forth and little when he teased her folds and flickered his tongue on her clit before kissing and sucking it gently. That was the only place he was gentle, it seemed. The man was bound and determined to tongue fuck her into oblivion. She wasn't sure if it was punishment for screaming at him or a reward for him for surviving.

"My Lord." She gasped, her hips grinding down eagerly.

He didn't pull away to respond, only held her closer and swept his tongue in quick circles that had her inner walls clenching on him. Her hands gripped his hair as she tried to hold him in just one place but he shook his head and continued his feast. He gave her a small mercy of a single digit seeking upwards inside her and her back arched sharply as she came with his lips on her and his name on hers.

[blushblushbear]

Can you do general Scale headcanons pls?

if Batman existed in his universe, he would probably be a Robin

is actually a tea guy, but he's not snobby about it

had a very weird childhood

was adopted into an assassin order at a young age and never looked back

lived in different parts of Asia for a while

really likes the life he ended up in, but he does sometimes wish he could've just been a regular guy

is actually working towards being just a regular person who does regular things (like bowling)

this is not fully because of you but he'd be lying if he said meeting you didn't give him a new lease on life

he kinda wants to start a new chapter of it all ya know??

a chapter specifically with you in it

likes floral and herbal flavors

is 50/50 on mint though

has a high tolerance for spice that he trained to have

also a high tolerance for poisons but same thing

can speak a little bit of a few other languages, but he's not fully fluent in them

doesn't actually watch a lot of anime, but is very interested in doing so if you're down

doesn't own too many clothes that are not either assassin uniforms or disguises

he's not gonna ask you to take him shopping for new clothes, but if you offered...

this is totally a big huge secret that is not a secret at all but he's kinda wrapped around your finger

has insecurities about his masculinity

(I'm not saying trans, but I am heavily implying it and would be down if it was ever made canon)

knew magic existed before meeting you but had never experienced it first hand

misses being a dragon sometimes

loves eating fruits and veggies as a snack

(this is gonna age me greatly, BUT DO Y'ALL REMEMBER OG Japanese Iron Chef where the chairman would take a bite of a raw bell pepper in the intro??? yeah, that's Scale unironically)

ya know what, fuck it, he watched og iron chef

I feel like Japanese, Chinese, and Spanish are the main 3 languages he's the most comfortable with (also a little bit of french but his pronunciation is ASS)

was a vegetarian briefly as a teen

still trying to figure out who he is past his assassin identity/persona

always trying to push himself to be better in some aspect of himself-- usually in the past it was physical and mental, but now he's also leaning more towards mental/emotional

he tries to always find peace within himself

mostly cause he was the only constant throughout his life

also danger

but also in his line of work you can't trust anyone (not even yourself lol meme)

hasn't listened to a lot of music, but the main things he knows are classical/traditional music and pop

is not a kpop stan, but he does love him some kpop

also jrock but like--- old school jrock

early 2000's jrock

also oldies pop (looking at your Brittney, we're old now... *sigh* hit me baby one more time...)

has gotten drunk before, but only to test his limits

he thinks he's a very smooth drunk

he is not

alcohol is actually the one thing he doesn't have a high tolerance for

but he genuinely thinks that he does

(not that he gets a lot of times he can show it-- you 19 y/o CHILD)

is really really into cuddling and being held actually

also really into just chill lazy days at home with you

just chilling together in pjs, sharing a blanket, catching up on shows, ordering Chinese--- good stuff

kind of wants a cat or dog, but semi-retried assassins can't afford just an adorable target (see: John Wick)

does want to retire someday

also maybe wants kids

he's not sure yet

about a lot of things actually

he's a pretty dangerous guy living a pretty dangerous life and just cause he quits it doesn't mean it quits him ya know???

he will 10000000000% go John Wick or Liam Neeson on someone's ass if they mess with his family, but he'd prefer his loved ones not be in danger in the first place

btw you're the first person he's truly gotten close to who was not also a fellow assassin

also he totally considers you family by this point

only knows a handful of memes, but is actually very memely minded

has only scene the first star wars movies, has not seen the prequels, but if he did, he'd love them

actually does play video games a bit but is not always up to date with what's the newest thing in the gaming world (he's a busy guy, but also hand helds can travel well so)

actually still gets butterflies and heart flutters when you kiss him

likes to try and charm you/make you swoon and honestly I can't ever see that stopping

he WILL get taller, but only a little

can last 2 or 3 full days without food water or sleep (though he's a total and utter mess by the end of it and needs a day to recoup)

has tried to read Jane Austen at least 5 different times but can't get past how they talk...

has a lot of pictures of you, some of which he took without you knowing

you are his phone bg and he looks at pictures of you often whenever he hasn't seen you in a while (and a while can be from a full day to a few hours)

is worried he's putting you in danger...

if anything ever happened to you cause of him he'd probably have a full on melt down

gets vaguely annoyed every now and then, gets well and truly angry almost NEVER

is actually very chill

also very blunt sometimes-- dude is mostly a realist honestly (crazy cape and daggers not withstanding)

owns SO MANY knives, daggers and swords

some of which are cursed!

has given you daggers/knives/swords/etc as a gift

low key is thinking of proposing with one, but he'll cross that bridge when he gets to it

loves a good fantasy novel

travels A LOT, and is actually really good on a plane

somehow manages to always have his phone charged

has taken on fewer assassin jobs lately, mostly cause he's preoccupied with you <3

wants to go on every cliche date with you under the sun

ice cream, movies, dinner, bowling, skating, ice skating, moonlit walks on the beach, trips to wild new places, dancing, flirty sword fights

has imagined many a romantasy scenario with you and himself-- enemies to lovers, bodyguard and royalty, rival assassins, target and assassin who falls in love with the target-- wait that last one is just real life

doesn't always tell you that he loves you, but does it more than you'd think and when he does he makes sure you know he means it

has threatened someone over you (say another word and you'll end up swallowing a knife, asshole)

looping back to the cat, will probably end up adopting a random street cat that he picked up on one of his missions cause it was small and alone and it's big eyes reminded him of you and he just couldn't leave it all by itself out there in the big scary world-- no, it had to come home to meet you