#dangerghost20

[thesadboisguidetolife]

The absolute beautiful @snikt-yip tagged me to stop drop and selfie and I've pretty much been going nonstop till right now (though i could have probably taken a selfie at Target 🤔 lol) so heres me in one of my favorite thrifted shirts looking tired AF and worried that i just may one day burn my place down with how many candles i burn

And since i havent been tagging people, i will be making up for that now lol

@campcrow @sailor-freddie-mercury @makeyouradiate @505913568 @brujadelsur @yddaw @jaysunshappyhour @thickness-protection-program @catgifsinthesenate @penismage @aegisblaze @chubb-e-cheese @xoxothickbitch @beast-0f-lavendertown @circle-of-power @we-dont-matteratall @neofooturism @frickfrackpaddywack @pocketphoenix @dizzolving @erikbbvm @ferdieping @anime-penis @skiingcows @am-i-just-high @dickspooky @insanityat-its-finest @the-endless-storm @cyan--scientist @probioticstan @floofiest-doof @floodnflow @poliwhirl-swirl @zelmoe @vidibit @ryguy5382 @pollofrita @slowkingslayer @jacob-blogs @lordfenric @dangerghost20 @newsinthenightsky @fagtomex @fatprincessbinch @readingthese-brokenlines @biglawbear @persistent-wallflower @boyanachronism @boybarrett i legit felt like i was about to start pulling out coupons for sunglasses lol no pressure guys but so many of y'all have shown me a lot of love so you know id love to send some back 🥰

[tytoalbion]

Send this to the 12 nicest people you know or who seem to have a good heart and if you get 5 back you must be pretty awesome. 💙💙

Thank you 🥺 and right back at ya!

[the-endless-storm]

@dangerghost20 tagged me to list 5 things that make me happy, which is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

Seeing my friends (who I haven’t seen since July last year and certainly haven't got drunk with them since 2019) / chatting with mutuals

Pokemon

Good science fiction I can get immersed in

Super-power films (not specifically super hero films)

The misfortune of people I dislike A good mug of coffee after a stressful day

I will tag the following, but don’t feel you have to do it (especially if you have a reputation of being grumpy that you can’t jeopardise by suggesting you can be happy):

@fatherharlot @tarrynator @cardsonthemartyn @grizzlyadventures @lukois @twud @matthewisaprude @remember-you-are-needed

[dangerghost20]

Morning tumblr even if I have been up every two hours last with insomnia. How this in the picture? It is what I am cuddling instead of my pillow (since no guy around to cuddle instead). 

[jockoppressor]

8, 44 and 45

8: Want any tattoos?

i want the whitman quote “I exist as I am, that is enough,” a watercolor blackbird on my left shoulder circled with the text “how much sorrow can i take?” and a stylized version of this image from my favorite game 

44: A random fact about anything

a pantoum is a poem in which the second and fourth lines of one stanza are repeated as the first and third lines of the next

45. Selfie

[cyan--scientist]

30, 58 & 89

30. Any cool places in your area? I live in NYC so there are lots of cool places in my area! We still haven’t been able to explore as much as we’d like (because of COVID), but there are lots of cool restaurants, museums, shops, and parks here. I couldn’t pick a favorite even if I tried!

58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with? Montero (Call Me By Your Name) by Lil Nas X has def been on repeat lately!

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? Hmm, maybe a werewolf just to be even more of a gay stereotype? 😅

Thanks!

[vulnerary-prince]

10, 12, & 14

10. What’s something your excited for?

Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines 2 has to come out at some point and I just want it to be good.

12. How are you?

Today I’m good for once. Here’s to keeping that streak going!

14. Favorite feel-good show?

Idk if you’d describe Schitts Creek as feel good, but it always puts me in a good mood so probably that.

Thank you for the asks!!

[caffeinatedslothgaymer]

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?

OOO BOY I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS FAR TOO MUCH.

So theres a couple of paranormal beings i would be:

The main one being a poltergeist. I’d love to just move peoples shit. Put it in a safe place? Sorry susan, it’s now in the garbage . Looking for your keys? Have you tried retracing your steps? Well, you won’t find it, because i’ve placed them in the washing machine.

And the other one that im toying with the idea with is like SCP-079. Who is this old sentient AI. Now that’d be cool. I’d have advance knowledge on everything, and i’d leak good shit like the recipe for krispy kreme donuts or like KFC recipe.

And finally, just because it’s a funny concept in my head, like a wendigo but im constantly voguing

[penismage]

20 and 21 (3 things ask post)

thanks for the ask! 😊

20. 3 adjectives that you’d use to describe yourself

hmmm,, sleepy, chaotic, and unsure

21. 3 things you are the most passionate about

definitely knitting, music, and theater

[thesadboisguidetolife]

The adorable @ryguy5382 in his adorable GIR shirt tagged me for a selfie and i havent been bothered to put on pants even though its kinda chilly outside lol

Titties out and everything.

Imma tag @campcrow @makeyouradiate @lilmonstaj @catgifsinthesenate @505913568 @pachyvore @circle-of-power @brujadelsur @sailor-freddie-mercury @spider-boy1989 @sadboyjourney @dangerghost20 @iamanimaginarybeing @iamnotlanuk @readingthese-brokenlines @fatprincessbinch @hexdoll03 @newsinthenightsky @represent-asian @jockoppressor @nonsequiturpizza @druidofthegrove @the-skies-turned-purple @sorrythatisaysorrywaytoomuch @boostios @just-osgood @ricky-rawrasaurus-rex @yddaw for now cus im behind on 3 tags so ill tag more people in the next lol

Thank you for the tag handsome!!!

[the-endless-storm-deactivated]

✂️ reblogs… @dangerghost20 wants to know my food preferences.

Eggs: Scrambled or Omlette

Steak: Medium

Milk: Semi-Skimmed

Alcohol: Wine at home, Ale when out, Fruity Cider when it's hot, Cocktails at Parties.

Warm Drink: Coffee, but I’ll drink Tea a lot too.

Let's see… @giraffacakes @jampot677 @isitahairbrush

Ok I'm starting another tag game because why not

Egg: Fried, over easy

Steak: Medium rare

Milk: whole (but not by itself, only in things)

Alchohol: I'm a minor but I guess banana daquiris

Warm drink: Mocha

@jo-the-nerd @nakitengoku @lostinthoughtsandfandoms @you-get-killed-walk-it-off @5-dollars-in-the-slug-jar @bonobos-candy-bar @lesserbeans and anyone else who would like to participate :)

[tytoalbion]

Beautiful person award! Once you are given this award you’re supposed to paste it in the asks of 8 people who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing happens, but it's sweet to know someone thinks you’re beautiful inside and out.💕

Aaaah I know this was from a while ago but thank you 🥺💙

[the-endless-storm]

💚 🦄🔥 😊

💚 - You're cute

🦄 - you're adorable

🔥 - You're hot

☺️ - Your blog makes me smile

Sir you are too kind! I am always happy to know my reblogs entertain people, and any compliments at all mean a lot to me.

[dangerghost20]

Long Post #1 (other will be another date)

I have struggled to write this out multiple times. Some people know the basics of what I am about to reveal. I think what I am about to reveal has been the reason for some of the problems in my life. I have been to a therapist about it and dismissed after one session saying it was just stress (I don’t trust them now. Just the attitude about it.). I was urged by a great friend to go after having a meltdown during freshman year of college trying to write a paper (having the professor called my first paper the worst thing he had ever read). To sum up, I am a survival of mental and physical child abuse. 

I think some details should be involved here because it was both by my mother and father (they divorced right after I was born). Let's start with my father, because he did so much with little time. I have a problem with food, and I know it. It really comes down to what my father would do. I would have my breakfast, lunch or dinner sat in front of me and be told, and I quote, “You have five minutes to finish the meal before I take it away and throw it in the trash.” One distinct plate had a whole hamburger, fries and some type of vegetable (I was like 6 here). I learned to eat a whole plate of food in under five minutes. This is not healthy and to this day I can still do. I have to think about eating slowly. When I eat fast I get hungry more often and will snack. I also got starved for a whole day because I was a kid taking a bath, farted and poop came out (I tried to get it in the toilet before he saw, but no luck. I also got my ass whipped for it too). It has been known in my family that I am extremely scared of snakes, even by him. As a kid, he had my bedroom as the same room as his snakes, meaning I would not sleep. He would even force me to have it on my lap for hours, where I would sit as still as possible. As I got older, I was told “If you want to have a relationship with your father, you should be the one calling me.” I am sorry, but that is not how a parent should act. I have not heard from him since my high school graduation, which I was forced to invite him to and interact with afterwards, at the family get together.

If I wrote about everything my mother did to me, you would be reading for days so these are some highlights. I should mention that all this happened by the time I was in fifth grade (11 years old) and due to some family members stepping in, help was given. My mother did get help and after a couple years of not having custody, it was granted back when she remarried to my step-dad. It is related to my mother’s drinking and one reason I have to watch how much I drink (afraid I will be just like her). 

Some of the events that stand out are the following. Multiple times I would be whipped with a leather belt (sounds normal but the amount of times and degree it was done is not) but so bad that my ass would be bleeding. One time she made me sit in front of a fan on my ass because of the whipping while she had friends over and they laughed at the site while drinking. I was always told I was fat (as a kid) and because she thought this, one of my punishments was I was not allowed to eat anything but jello for a whole week and drink only water. Thanks to my sister sneaking me food, I was able to have something more. I was dragged across payment for 50 to 100 feet, causing a road rash on my legs that took two weeks to heal. I have been hit, kicked and punched as I slept on a futon. I was told that I was stupid and would never become anything and no one will ever love me (Still struggle with that last statement and so when some of you give me compliments, it is hard for me to take them serious). I was told by my mom she wished I was never born. 

It took years for me to forgive my mother, but I do not forget. Imagine hearing an 8 year kid crying in a closet because his mother was coming to get him from his grandparents house saying “I wish I was dead.” I did that and my grandmother had to hear it after I would spend the weekend at their house. My mother has never apologized for what happened but only has mentioned what has happened once in a sleeping pill induced talk. I am great with reflection in my life. I know that some of my issues (body, self, confidence, delay understanding who I am) all relate to my past. I know some of my past has allowed me to become as successful in my career as I am today, but I think it has always delayed a lot of things for me. 

One thing I should mention, about people who have been abused as a kid, we hide it all. No one knew this was going on, outside of my family and even they did not know all of it (just what they witnessed). I learned to have a fake smile to not show the pain inside. In a class in high school we read a book called “I Child Called It.” It was about a kid being abused and it meanted the fake smile. The other people in class disagree that a kid would do that. It got to me so much that I actually verbally told them they were wrong. When pressed why I believed it by the teacher, I said, and I quote because I remember, “Because I was abused and none of you knew because I always had a smile on my face.” The room went silent and we went to quiet reading time (but I was never called to the guidance office about it which is so strange). I learned to hide the injuries on my body and not let it show when I could not sit down (choose to stand) or walk well (saying I did not want to play). I learned to fend for myself. I could not have friends over so I lost friends from not being open (why I try to be open now but also why making friends is hard for me). I learned to lie to hide everything which lost me friends (that is why I am honest now but that always loses friends too). 

I am not posting this for sympathy. I think it is time to stop hiding my past and letting it run my life. I still have trouble loving anyone fully. I have issues that I need to work through. I can’t let this define me anymore. (Note: I am crying about this right now because it is painful to talk about). I don’t talk about my religion much but it has helped me through much of it. It is why I struggled coming terms with who I am, sexuality wise, because I could not lose that part of my life. 

Please do not act differently to me. When I have revealed this before to a friend, they acted like they had to walk on eggshells with me. It happened and I do deal with it daily in some way or shape. I still have mastered the fake smile and still hide my pain. But don’t let it change what you reblog, like, ask or message. I am still the person you already know, just know a little better. 

[jockoppressor]

6 & 7

6. what are your favourite films?

the LotR films, pan’s labyrinth, the fifth element, la regle du jeu, koyaanisqatsi, embrace of the serpent, and the host are the ones i can think of right now

7. what kind of weather do you like?

my favorites are snow and thunderstorms

[cyan--scientist]

24, 31, & 61

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Yes, I have 3 tattoos and I’ll likely get more lol.

31. What type of day are you having? A typical Sunday (aka dreading returning to work tomorrow).

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Omg absolutely, 1 million dollars is worth whatever I’d have to deal with lol.

Thanks friend!