#dandelion.txt
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this apathy is really starting to get to me, all I can feel is this dull, persistent ache and I just want to claw my chest inside out. it's like my brain just went nope and cut me off from feeling anything about the outside world.
#dandelion.txt#and i'm Bored. I can't even enjoy anything it's not fun#and i'm just exhausted trying to pretend like I am feeling stuff#it's happened before it's just been a while but#I hate that it's about everything. I can't even have fun writing or playing video games#I want to try to talk to friends but all I really have any sort of feeling on rn is. specifically a couple of characters and also dirt#and I go to try and remember that they don't care and remembering that is the only thing that actually hurts rn#it's frustrating bc I was doing alright and then I slipped and just. regressed#this is almost as bad as my post Tower Year self I think#I think at this point i'm just someone who is meant to be alone and I can't even get myself to be upset about that
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i really hate that they retconned all the hawkins labs kids into having the Same Exact Powers when the one other person we previously saw from the lab explicitly had different powers from el. like kali having illusion powers while el had her telekinesis/telepathy added to the lore and mystery of the world bc if they were just two out of eleven (or more!) who KNOWS what else is out there!! but now they're just like. sorry u can have one (1) power and that's it. we forgot all about kali the second she left
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i think its beautiful that whenever a human sees an animal our first instinct is to gasp and say hello!! like we have just met a new friend and immediately we are smiling so big and feeling very warm. i love that.
#cottagecore#softcore#grandmacore#animals#particularly cats!! i say hi to my cat every time i see her :)#dandelion.txt
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hello! im delilah and im pretty new to tumblr!
im a girl (she/her pls) and im 20 yrs old! im really tiny. like 4′9 tiny! im also part of an osdd system!
i like the boho/hippie style and aesthetic and i LOVE dandelions lol i also really like sunflowers
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#yesss!!!!!!!!!yesss!!!!!!#im so excited!!!!good!!!!!!!#my life has meaninf again!!!!#animal crossing#animal crossing pocket camp#nintendo#acnl#dandelion.txt
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when bell can tell i'm upset and curls up right behind my shoulders and snuggles. yeah 🥺
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someone has to say it. eddie would unironically do the riverdale im a weirdo monologue
#maybe other people have already said it but i havent seen them so#stranger things#eddie munson#eddie voice im weird im a weirdo i dont fit in i dont want to fit in#ITS LITERALLY HIM#dandelion.txt
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sitting outside during that midpoint between sunset and dark has such a specific energy, its feeling the last rays fall behind the horizon and feeling the cool air as night takes her hold, its sitting on the porch while the birds get quiet and the bugs start humming, its the contrast of stark white next to the darkness of shadows, its breathing in the fresh air of change as one day ends and blends into another, its the feeling that today wasnt enough but tomorrow could be, its the sting of bitter endings and potential for new beginnings
#idk what this is. im feeling romantic#romanticism#Romance#nightfall#sunset#cottagecore#naturecore#dandelion.txt
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im going to start posting more art here, but if u want to see all the art ive already posted my art archives blog is @mayorpen ✌
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my blood sugar deciding to go majorly high for absolutely No reason while i'm at work and can do nothing about it sure is a way to end the day
#dandelion.txt#i'm sweaty and sore and dizzy and in pain#and i've already dosed#but i'm like tearful and one sevond away from a hyperglycemia induced rage#in fromt of customers
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been thinking a lot about my identity lately and how i've become more comfortable with my aroace label. saying that, I think I am also leaning towards bi alterous, or at least testing out that for a bit and seeing how I feel
I think that label being so flexible and open helps w the system stuff too, bc while there might be some variation between us the overall vibe is There, and that's always been difficult in the past.
#dandelion.txt#not even gonna attempt to find a gender label lmfaooooo#like I don't mind feminine descriptors but being called girl or woman? nah#some masc descriptors are fine but boy/man certainlt is not#i'm a thing a creachur a silly lil guy#a girlhusband if u will#the amount of joy it/its pronouns brings me
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sometimes I miss having system friends that I could talk to about feeling blurry or identity issues. but also because I could be like "THIS FUCKING BITCH" whenever a systemmate did something annoying
#dandelion.txt#I know for a fact sysmates did it about me too#but this is prompted by the full on throw down argument I got into with fyodor last night
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my brain really spiraled in such a short amount of time and now it's stuck in a place it really shouldn't be, but like a record it just keeps skipping back there. I could play a game but I do have to work tomorrow and planning on that helps,, but laying down doing nothing but thinking to sleep is gonna make it worse.
#dandelion.txt#vent cw#I am not gonna go into detail but I am. idek#I didn't expect to make it past high school and then it was college graduation and now it's college graduation 2.0#and I. I don't know how many times I can keep fighting the inevitable destination#I was always going to end up here#by the time I wanted to try it was too late. and now it feels like there is nothing I can do#no matter what I am always just going to be a waste#there will be no hole left behind by me because I never took up any meaningful space anyway#I keep fighting it and I am just so tired
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google search how to stop being so excited about my interests so that I remember nobody wants to fucking hear about them
#dandelion.txt#idk why I keep trying bc this happens every time#ugh#and now i'm sad at a gathering of people#should just go back intovmy don't speak unless spoken to mode#maybe if I stop taking my meds it'll be easier to remember that I don't actually matter for my own self
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#dandelion.txt#genuinely hate that feeling when like#three people are fronting at once but it's blurry and so you have three wildly different emotional states all butting up against one other#literal hell#also pretty sure two of us are new but!!! tha'ts a problem for future us#sure as hell can't figure it out now
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nothing hits quite like getting the urge to yap about something you're excited about, opening the group chat, remembering that actually nobody cares and they don't wanna hear it, and closing it again.
#dandelion.txt#the tension between me and just. disappearing is so crazy rn#trying time and time again just to be reminded#like actually I think being alone is preferable
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