#damned if i do damned if i don't w literally Everything in this fucking family

[phjlavtia]

genitori ti diranno devi studiare perché non voglio che tu finisca a fare il lavoro fisicamente massacrante che faccio io e poi si incazzeranno con te e ti insulteranno perché non hai l'efficienza e la forza fisica e la resistenza di una ditta di traslochi e hai bisogno di stenderti ogni tanto e mangiare qualcosa per recuperare le forze

[outlawinthisworld1117]

Perhaps in another life | Fleabag AU

☆ pairing: priest!Yunho x fleabag!(fem)reader

☆ genre: Angst, Smut, there is some light fluff as well because I genuinely cannot resist writing it in everything I do.

☆ summary: It's just a Fleabag au... I don't really know what to say here. Yunho is the Priest and you are Fleabag…

☆ warnings: 18+ MDNI!!! Religious themes, fingering, oral (f), Praise kink?, edging, vaginal sex, protected sex, aftercare (idk if I need to put a warning for that? but I've seen other ppl do it before so...), pet names (Angel, baby, good girl), Priest kink??, reader does call him Father sometimes, requited love that can't be pursued... ouchie.

☆ word count: 3.8k

☆ authors note: I heard that Yunho is (most likely) Catholic and my religious trauma manifests in interesting ways >:). This work is fiction and purely self-indulgent (really as all fanfics should be), it doesn’t reflect any of the members personally. The fourth wall break text is highlighted in red!

You weren’t good at love, never had been, and probably never would be. But it wouldn’t stop you from trying because he was all you could think about. Day and Night. Always on your mind. You met him at a family dinner you were unwillingly dragged to. Jeong Yunho. Pretty name. He was the only one that asked about you the entire night. No one ever cared to ask about you, but he did. How could you not form an attachment? You ran into him again while on your way home from work. You were able to see him better in the sunlight. Beautiful smile, really tall, kind eyes… his hands. Oh, Lord. His hands were gorgeous, and his neck was so— Shit… He was wearing a clerical collar. Fuck. He was Father Yunho. 

He’s a priest. I want to fuck a priest…

That didn’t stop you from seeing him though, nor thinking about him the way you did. How could it? Religious trauma manifested in strange ways. You would visit him at his church. He always welcomed you with a smile, and you would talk for hours. Sometimes about God, you weren’t religious and probably never would be, but sometimes he would ask about you. How you were doing. What your job was. How long you’ve lived here. Where you grew up. Your favorite color. The movies you enjoyed most. Your ex-boyfriends. Your future plans. What you ate for breakfast. He was so curious about everything you had to say. Shit. This was dangerous. You didn’t care though. You would ask about him and the more you learned the more you felt yourself falling for him. Your conversations started to become more intimate. Oh fuck. You were so attracted to him and you could tell he felt the same way about you.

How you ask? Well, it’s simple. Let me recall what happened yesterday, shall I?

“I’d better get going Father, lot’s of stuff to do today—”

He grinned, “Oh fuck you calling me Father like it doesn’t turn you on just to say it”

That’s how… 

And we made out in the confessional box right after.

You felt sick. Nauseous. Your head was pounding.

I really shouldn’t have gone out last night.

Or maybe your headache wasn’t from the ridiculous amount of alcohol you consumed, but instead, of each thought about him that consumed your very being. You didn’t know. What you did know was that if your bus didn’t show up in the next couple of minutes you were probably going to throw up all over the bench you were sitting on. Putting your head in your hands helped distract you from the throbbing against your skull. Though it couldn’t help you with what would happen next. Taking a deep, mind-clearing breath, you lifted your head up from your hands and there he was. Sitting right beside you. Like a damn apparition, waiting to jump scare you.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry!—” He waved his large hands expressively.

“How long have you been—”

“Literally like two seconds,” He clarified quickly.

You exhaled, what felt like your entire soul, out, “W-why? What are you doing here?”

He smiled at you. It always made you feel weak. Such a beautiful smile, but it was quickly replaced with a pursed frown. His eyes became serious as he stared into yours. Then at your lips. Lingering for a moment before going back to your eyes.

“I don’t think you should come by the church anymore. Actually, I don’t just think… this is me pleading with you to not come by anymore.”

You just stared at him, unable to breathe, your chest felt so tight.

“And I mean that with the greatest of compliments,” he gushed before he got up and left. Just like that. He was gone as quickly as he had arrived.

What. the. fuck…

Regardless of his intent, it didn’t matter if you never went to that church again because you would still see him. At your house. Later that night. Knocking on your door like his life depended on it. So when you opened it up for him, he rushed in looking frantic. Pacing back and forth in your living room before sitting down on your couch, imploring you to do the same. So you did. He wasted no time to speak.

“I’ve sacrificed a lot for this life— I…” His words faltered, unsure of what to even say or why he came to your house in the first place.

You seemed to understand why he was there though. Nodding you took his hand, squeezing it gently in hopes that it would provide him some shred of comfort.

He took a relaxed breath, staring at the floor for a long time before he spoke again, “I shouldn’t have done what I did yesterday. I have to make sacrifices, yet I chose to be selfish. You…. You make me want to be selfish more than anything.”

You didn’t even realize he had moved until you felt his breath tickling your face. He was so close to you. Staring into your eyes, searching, begging, praying that he would find an answer he so desperately craved.

“It’s okay to be selfish, Father,” You whispered, “You’re not going to burst into flames. It  just makes you human.”

His palm was on your cheek, caressing it as he moved just a little bit closer to you. His breath seemed strained, building up to being labored. You had no idea the effect you had upon him, “I know. But… I can’t. I can’t allow myself to be selfish with you.”

Oh my god. We’re going to fuck.

“Why not allow yourself to, Father?”

He’s totally going to fuck me right here.

“I cannot be intimate with you—”

Oh, yes, yes he can.

“— oh for FUCKS SAKE. What is that?” He leaned back from you, his hand moved from your face to your thigh as his eyes were once again searching yours.

“What is what?”

His hand is…

“THAT! Right there. Where do you go when you do that?” His eyes were locked in on you, with extreme clarity, like he could effortlessly read the inner workings of your soul.

“I— I was just thinking…” You whispered, overwhelmed by his detailed observation. No one had ever noticed you like he did. No one. It made you feel hot.

“What are you thinking, Angel?” He pleaded sweetly as if he didn’t just shock your entire being.

Angel…

You stayed quiet, feeling exposed in front of him, worried that he could read your thoughts. He started to rub along your thigh, stilling before he spoke with a deep husky tone, “We’re going to have sex, aren’t we?”

You nodded slowly, “Yeah…”

That was all he needed before moving his other hand to cup your face, quickly closing the gap between you as he ardently placed his lips upon yours. He started slow, mapping out your lips with his. He was so observant, noting every touch, taste, and feeling with small, curious movements. Warmth blossomed in your chest, he made you feel so wanted and cared for. He always made you feel this way. And then, as if he was suffocating and you were his oxygen, he began kissing you fervently. Pouring every ounce of selfishness he could into this act like he would never get to do it again. You carded your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer, never wanting to let go of him out of fear he would slip away forever. Begging to be let in, he pressed his tongue lightly, and you gladly obliged, parting your lips like they were the Red Sea. He tasted of red wine and he always smelled so good. Like a room full of unscented candles that were just blown out. Smokey and sensual. It turned the warmth in your chest into a burning desire. You couldn’t help the sounds you were letting out as his hands explored over your body. His dexterous, long fingers traced along you, memorizing how you felt beneath him.

“Do you know what you do to me, Angel?” He moved your position so that you were lying down, his weight pressing on top of you, enveloping your senses completely. You could feel what he meant on your hip. Oh; And his pants were restraining him. A lot. Oh, Jesus… Hallelujah.

“Yunho…” You breathed lightly, aching for more of him. To which he understood, perfectly, like he always did.

You wrapped your legs around his waist when he picked you up from the couch. Easily. His arms never letting go of your ass on the way to your room. He groaned at the friction he was getting from you as he walked. Once he set you down he began loosening his collar. You watched tantalizingly as he began to slowly unbutton his shirt. He was so beautiful, his chest was lean and sculpted, like a marble statue. You whined when his shirt slipped off completely, feeling embarrassed from the noise that escaped your lips. He grinned at you as he moved forward, causing you to lay flat against your bed. His long fingers teased at the hem of your shirt before he pulled it over your head. His breath hitched when he saw your bra. A black, lacy one you bought recently in the hopes he would be seeing it. 

Dreams do come true.

“Stop that. I want you present here with me,” He begged, tipping your chin so you were looking at him again, as his lips attached to your neck in a feverish haste. Nipping and licking along you like you were a sweet treat he was enjoying for the first time after Lent. Small moans escaped his lips, causing heat to shoot to your core. He moved down from your neck to the mounds of your breasts, kissing lightly while his hand explored your inner thigh. Every small movement made the warmth inside you grow. Snaking his fingers up to the button on your pants he undid it quickly, expertly removing your pants and tossing them to the side with the rest of the discarded clothing. Your panties matched the bra, earning a small hiss from him that shot a thrill through you.

“You’re quite good at this Father. Like you’ve done it before?” You teased him. His eyes were dark and needy, admiring you lying beneath him as he towered above you. The dark patch from your core caught his attention, hitching his breath. He looked different from his normal self. Hungry. Possessive. Almost like a demon had taken over. An incubus of a man before you.

“I had a life before the church, Angel,” Was all he avowed before kneeling down to worship you. Sliding his fingers under the waistband, he grabbed the edge of your panties with his teeth, and slowly… pulled… them… off. The act made you arch your back and let out a gasp; It was singlehandedly the most toe-curling thing you had ever witnessed. He trailed kisses along your leg, starting at your ankle and moving up. Feathery kisses on your calf. Light ones at your knee. Nibbling on your thigh, and ending up between them, where you needed him most. Your breath had become ragged, matching his. He shuddered when he looked at your core, pulsating around nothing.

“Oh fuck… look at how wet you are for me,” He whimpered, gathering your arousal on his fingers, and showing it to you. You moaned at the sensation of him touching your folds. He sinfully grinned at your reaction before latching on to you with his mouth, swiping his tongue along you salaciously. It ignited a fire with you. Each lick felt like a pleasure you had never experienced before. You were more turned on than you had ever been in your entire life and it was all because of him. His touch made your skin feel like it was on fire in the best way.

“Please— I,” Moaning out, unable to express how he made you feel. You could feel a familiar coil building within you, his ministrations against you were heavenly, “Yun, that feels so good.”

He slipped in one long finger, curving it up, immediately finding your g-spot. He was so fucking good at this. It shocked you. A celibate man who still had all this expert knowledge years later. God, what couldn’t he do? The spring inside you was close to snapping, and he grinned against you, “You gonna cum, Angel?”

“Y-Yes I’m gonna—” He pulled away from you, leaving you right on the edge of bliss. Release escaped you and you cried out, “No, no…Please, Yunho, please.”

You grabbed him gently, but franticly, by his hair, trying to put him back. He just chuckled, the vibrations of his voice buzzed through you, “What’s the rush baby? You’ve waited a long time for this. I’d like to make it last.”

He crawled up to you so that your faces were parallel once again. Kissing you softly, you could taste yourself on him, which made you shiver. Arching your back, he took the opportunity to take off your bra swiftly. He looked at you with heavy-lidded eyes, breathing you in, and then commanding, “Take them off.”

So you did. Unbuttoning his pants quickly so that he was free of them. You might just convert to Catholicism after this because you don’t know what you did to deserve that. He was perfect and painfully hard; there was precum already leaking from his pretty red tip. Experimentally, you reached out and wrapped your hand around him, and the sound that he let out… was pathetic. He screwed his eyes shut and whimpered into the crook of your neck, “FucK-uh! Angel… not yet. Please.”

He hadn’t been touched in so long that he was afraid he would burst at the slightest stroke from you. It made you feel unbelievably powerful, so, teasingly, you did it again and he grabbed your wrist, “Behave. Don’t make me say that again.”

“Or what, Father?” You purred into his ear.

“Or I’m going to have to make you repent, Angel,” He glared at you lustfully. It shot a thrill through your entire being, “I’d chose your next words carefully…”

You stayed silent, not out of obedience, but because you didn’t know what to come back with. When you first met him you never would’ve expected him to be like this, but you weren’t going to complain. He grinned, thinking that you had learned your lesson, “Good girl.”

You could’ve come right then. Good girl? It’s like he was trying to kill you. You loved hearing him praise you and he caught onto it quickly. He trailed his fingers lightly up and down your inner thighs as he kissed along your jaw, it made you shudder.

“You’re going to keep being good for me now, okay?” He sighed, breath quivering. You nodded numbly, enjoying this unseen side of him.

“Yunho, please…” You begged him to do something, anything.

“Of course Angel, you’ve been so patient,” He kissed your forehead before he rubbed his fingers against your folds, teasing around your opening. You gasped when he pressed two digits in, all the way to the knuckle, he hissed, “Fuck… you’re so tight, baby. I’m going to have to stretch you out first.” 

He began to move them, curling into your sweet spot again, pumping in and out while his thumb found your clit; he could already feel your walls loosening around him. As he worked you down there, his lips attached to one of your nipples. It made you cry out. He licked and tugged at the swollen bud before moving to the other one, repeating his actions. The coil in your abdomen wound up quickly and you knew that he wouldn’t have to go much longer. Grasping at his back you took a second to look at him, his face was flushed, and his lips were red from kisses. He was so beautiful it made your heart hurt. Lazily he rubbed circles along your clit as he continued his movements, “Can you cum for me, Angel?”

His words sent you spiraling into ecstasy, your walls trembling around his fingers as he skillfully guided you through your orgasm. Waves of pure pleasure crashed over you, and for a fleeting moment, you could have sworn you glimpsed heaven itself. You took a moment, trembling and breathing heavily, to gather yourself. It was undeniably one of the best orgasms you had ever experienced. When you finally opened your eyes, he was positioned at your entrance, condom already on. His eyes found yours, like a prayer for your consent, to which you nodded in reply. He rubbed slowly along your folds, gathering slick before he steadily began to enter you. He was stretching you out way more than his fingers did, but it wasn't painful; you gasped as he finally bottomed out, “You take me so well, Angel. Are you alright?”

You nodded your head lazily, “More than alright, Yun.”

He kissed you, so lovingly, so sweetly, it made you blush. Every movement of his lips against yours was infused with a depth of emotion, while his hands lovingly caressed your face, his thumb softly brushing against your cheek. He obviously couldn’t say how he felt, but you knew. You knew unmistakably in that kiss. It brought tears to your eyes and, of course, he knew why they were there. You two just understood each other so well. He was inside you, and yet that was the most sacred, intimate thing he could have done. He delicately kissed away the tears on your face until they vanished, and then, tentatively he began to move.

Starting slow, he gently pulled out a bit at a time, allowing you to fully adjust to the movement. When he sensed that you were ready for more, the pace quickened. You clung to his back, as he withdrew to the tip and then thrust back into you. It was as if he was perfectly made for you, with every thrust meeting that sweet spot inside you over and over again. The heat in your core began to intensify, each whimper and moan from him sending waves of pleasure coursing through you, “FUck-ah! Mmm Angel, fuck you feel s-so good.”

“F-Father…” You tightened around him with each thrust, the room alive with the sounds of squelching and skin meeting skin, intertwined with the breathless whimpers from both of you. It left you feeling delightfully dizzy. He pressed his face into your neck, teasing, and nipping along it, leaving behind little marks that would greet him in the morning light, “God… Yunho, Please, more please.”

He was ramming into you at an ungodly pace with an intensity that felt almost divine, the coil inside you teetering on the brink of snapping once more. Attacking your neck with fervent nips and tantalizing licks that sent waves of pleasure humming through you. His movements began to grow frantic, his rhythm wavering as he neared the edge with you. Your second orgasm surged through you unexpectedly, his clumsy thrusts elongating the pleasure to new lengths. With a few erratic movements, he tensed in your embrace, a chorus of moans, whimpers, and whispered curses escaping his lips as he reached his peak. He relaxed in your arms, letting his full weight rest on you as you both came down from your highs, feeling the rhythm of each other’s heavy breaths intertwining in the stillness.

“I can’t believe you did that, Father,” You whispered, in a post-high clarity.

He chuckled against you, resting his chin on your chest, smiling as he looked up at you, “Yeah… me either.”

He tenderly kissed your cheek before pulling out and disposing of the condom. With a gentle smile, he got up and went to your bathroom, returning with a warm, wet rag to clean both you and himself with. After he was done he grinned, “Go use the bathroom, Angel, and then come back here, okay?”

You came back out from the bathroom wearing a comfy T-shirt and a fresh pair of underwear, and he was waiting on your bed, with his boxers back on. He looked absolutely adorable with his tousled hair and those sleepy, drowsy eyes. He pulled you back onto the bed, nestling close to you, awaiting blissful sleep to lull over you both.

His hair softly ticked you awake. He was wrapped around you like he had used you as a body pillow at some point during the night. You hadn’t slept that great in a while. Your stirring had woken him up. He inhaled deeply, holding you tightly for a moment before releasing you. A radiant smile lit up his face, and you could see the gears behind his eyes whirring with life.

“What are you thinking about?” You titled your head to capture his attention.

He just grinned at you, “I just… I don’t know what this feeling is.”

“Is it God or is it me?” You playfully joked.

“I don’t know,” The smile on his face wavering slightly, taking your question seriously into consideration. It made your heart drop a bit.

Your feet ached from a long, exhausting day at work. You were glad to finally be on your way home. Looking up at the bus stop schedule you saw that yours was about twenty minutes away.

Great…

You heard a sharp inhale next to you and a small chuckle, “Might be quicker if you walked, Angel.”

Yunho was sitting next to you at the bus stop, once again.

“Long time no see stranger,” You smirked.

He smiled at you warmly, but there was a look in his eyes that squashed your joking mood. He just dryly laughed and stared into your eyes for a good while. Those loving brown orbs of his were full of sincerity and anguish. You nodded slowly, a suffocating ache in your chest made itself present.

“It’s God… isn’t it?” You choked, the lump in your throat had become overwhelming.

“Yeah…” He sighed, taking hold of one of your hands in his.

You just let out a small laugh and smiled, tears welling into your eyes, making it hard to see him, “You know, the worst thing is that I fucking love you. I- I love you.”

“Angel—”

“No, no. Let’s not. Let’s just leave that out there for a moment okay?” You interrupted, the tears breaking free from your eyes to roll down your red cheeks, “I love you.”

He squeezed your hand, a warmth that provided little comfort to you now, before he whispered, “It’ll pass”

You bit at your lip, trying to prevent yourself from having a breakdown at the bus stop. So you plastered on a fake smile, choked back your tears, and nodded. You stayed like that, with your hand in his, for what felt like a fucking eternity, until he got up.

As he began to walk away he paused, turning to you one last time, confirming what you already knew, “I love you too.”

Fucking hell...

And then he was gone. Your bus was there, magically, and he was gone. Perhaps in another life, he wouldn't be. But this was the one you had.

a/n: This is my first time writing smut and posting it somewhere. So I am very open to feedback and constructive criticism. If you enjoyed please consider reblogging, it lets me know that I should continue writing <3

Masterlist

[nolita-fairytale]

burn your life down | chef luca x fem!reader | chapter eight

summary: you and luca pick up where you left off a week ago.

warnings: fluff, smut (18+ only), literally just p*rn FOR the plot. big note on consent: there is protected (then sort of) unprotected sex in this chapter. the biggest point i'd like to make here is that both characters consent to both kinds and have a very open and honest conversation about it which, if you take away anything from this chapter, it's PLEASE HAVE HONEST CONVERSATIONS WITH THE PEOPLE YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH FOR EVERYONE'S SAFETY. ok rant over.

word count: 4.9k

listen to: the official 'burn your life down' playlist

a/n: another busy week ahead of me so I wanted to get this out here ASAP, but most likely won't be able to get the following chapter out for a bit. obviously, we don't know what happens w/ marcus' mom, but in this world, she doesn't die opening night of The Bear.

on another note: you guys are seriously the best and leave the sweetest and most excited comments/reblogs. i seriously love it when you guys scream at me in gifs/memes/all caps. let me know if you'd like to be added or removed from the taglist.

part seven | masterlist | part nine

“Yeah uh, everything’s been goin’ good. I think Carm’s still trying to deal with everything that happened since opening – I don’t know if you heard but – but… it’s been good,” Marcus says over his FaceTime call with his mentor. 

“No, I hadn’t. Eh, haven’t talked to him much since before you visited,” Luca answers, hesitant to ask about what happened during that first night. 

“Got locked in the fridge and kinda lost it but… he’s doin’ okay,” Marcus explains, summing up the events of The Bear’s friends and family night. 

“How are you doing? How’s your mum?” Luca asks, changing the subject from Carmen to his mentee. 

He’s had more contact with Marcus – knows more of what’s going on in Marcus’ life than Carmen’s for a bit now – and Luca wants to make sure he’s being a good friend to him, considering he’d heard about Marcus’ mom’s emergency the night of The Bear’s friends and family night. 

“She’s hangin’ on but… it’s not lookin’ great. It’s hard, man. I’m… doin’ the best I can,” Marcus admits, solemnly. 

“I can only imagine,” Luca empathizes, because he can’t bear the thought of losing his own mum. 

“But uh… anyways, what’s up? What’s new with you?” Marcus asks, his voice much more energetic from the prospect of changing the subject. 

“You sure you want to hear about me?” Luca hesitates cautiously. 

“Yeah, man,” Marcus agrees. Luca can hear something so sure in his voice, as if Marcus is in dire need of a distraction – to talk about anything but his sick mom. “Shit. I’d love to hear about someone else’s drama for once,”

Luca chuckles softly, his voice light as he replies, “No drama on my end. Though. Ehm… I met a girl. I actually kinda have you to thank for it, mate.” 

“What do you mean?” Marcus questions. 

“Well. All that talk about inspiration…” Luca says, thinking about how what he’s just makes sense. 

“... you know, about being open to things outside the kitchen…. After you left, it made me realize that it’d be a while since I’d taken my own advice. Got stuck on a menu, went out for inspiration, and, well you know what they say: the rest is history.”

He knows it’s not as simple as that, but it seems like Marcus needs a little good news right now. 

“Oh shit! How’s that going?” Marcus asks, his tone much lighter now. 

“I’m positively chuffed, mate,” Luca chuckles, unable to hide the i’m-very-much-enamored smile that spreads across his face.

“The fuck does that even mean, man?” Marcus teases with a laugh at the oh-so-posh-sounding expression. 

Luca laughs again before explaining, “It means I'm pretty damn smitten.” 

“Shit,” Marcus sighs. 

He can see it all over his face as he continues to see his mentor. 

“You’re a goner, man.”

-------------------------------

Luca walks you home this Saturday evening after his regular dinner date at your restaurant. While you had a steady flow of business tonight, Mathilde and the rest of your kitchen staff made it a point to rally so that you could join him for a bit. It’s been a week since your unplanned sleepover with Luca (and your pleasantly surprising sexy morning after), and you haven’t stopped thinking about it. 

Haven’t stopped thinking about him:

The way he called you ‘love.’ The way he watched you fall apart with the most pleased look on his face. The way his fingers felt inside of you. 

“Luca,” you begin. 

The two of you stand across from one another, at a crossroads. The night could end here. You could say your goodbyes, give him a goodnight kiss, and go your separate ways, but that’s far from the option you’d prefer.

“Yes, love?” he asks you, as if he’s waiting for you to ask first.

There it is again. 

Love. 

Your eyes flicker from the cobblestone streets then back up to him as you the words fall out of your mouth:

“Do you… wanna come up?” 

Something flashes across Luca’s face as he opens mouth to say something, pausing for a moment before answering, as if it’s an agreement to what you’re really asking, an ever-so confident,

“Yes.” 

You smile, take a breath, then grab his hand as you turn towards the door to your building. As Luca follows you, the only sound between the two of you are your footsteps as you make your way up the stairs. The tension between you is thick, the anticipation of what happens next palpable, that takes shape as a pregnant silence. Luca is more-than-patient as you unlock your door, welcoming him into your home once again, before locking your front door behind you. He’s busy removing his shoes as you giggle, taking yours off as well. 

Once both of you are barefoot, you reach for him, pulling him towards you so that he towers over you, your back pressed against the front door once again. 

“This feels… eerily familiar,” Luca jokes softly, so close to kissing you that it hurts. 

“Yeah,” you agree, under your breath. This is exactly where he had you a week ago, before you both decided not to do the thing you were about to do. “Think you might wanna… pick up where we left off? Now that neither of us are plastered?”

Luca waits a beat, leaning in and ghosting his lips over yours, causing you to gasp in response to his teasing. 

“Do you?” he asks, his voice steady.

He wants to know that you’re sure. Wants to know that you want this as much as him. That you haven’t stopped thinking about the other day when he watched you fall apart on his fingers and how it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. 

“Yes,” you answer, your voice unwavering. 

He swears under his breath before his mouth is on yours, kissing you so deeply that your head spins. You make a mental note to tell him later how absolutely perfect his lips are – how deliciously plump they are, how they feel perfect against yours, how talented they are. You kiss him back, allowing him to steal the air from your lungs as he does it, crowding you up against your front door. 

Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer to you. You push your body against his, surprised at how steady his hands are, while yours feel so desperate, so frenzied, when he reaches for you. 

His hands are all over you, leaving confident, strong touches all over your body: pulling you in closer to him by your hips, stroking up and down your back, sliding underneath the hem of your shirt like he’s already done this with you a thousand times before. With his hands already underneath your shirt, exploring new territory, and his mouth leaving a trail of wet kisses down your neck, his name leaves your lips like something between a sigh and a moan. 

He hums in response, pulling back for a moment. Your heart skips as a beath, as blue eyes lock with yours in a heated, lust-filled standoff. 

“Come with me,” you whisper, causing Luca to move aside, letting you lead him towards your bedroom. 

On the way there, you flip a hallway light on so that you can at least see where you’re going. You feel his fingers tangle with yours as he grabs your hand, his heart pounding in his chest. As soon as you reach your bedroom, you sit him down on your neatly-made bed, before turning on a small, soft, golden lamp that feels like candlelight. 

It’s just enough – more of a nightlight than a lamp, really.

You approach him without a word, and Luca marvels at you. You’re a sight for sore eyes: your hair messy from the heated makeout against your front door, your lips kiss-swollen from the fact that he can barely keep his hands, let alone his mouth off of you, your pupils blow wide with desire for him and only him. You pull your shirt over your head as you climb on to his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck as you press a searing kiss to his lips. 

“My god,” he murmurs, his hands coming up to meet the newly exposed skin. You settle into his lap, pressing your hips against his, arching your back into him in response to each touch. “You are so incredibly beautiful.”

You giggle before thanking him.

“Yeah, and I know that you know you’re hot,” you tease him in between kisses, because the man must know what he looks like, right? Luca mutters something about how he wasn’t trying to solicit a compliment from you as he lays back on your bed, taking you with him.

His hands hungrily grab at exposed flesh: the sides of your back, your breasts, the straps of your bra, just to pull them down enough to think he’s going to take it off. Impatiently, you grind your hips against where a tent in his pants has begun to form, earning a moan from his lips as he bucks his hips up to meet your clothed core. 

“We should um-,” you start, already so turned on by the way Luca’s body moves against yours that you think you should bring this up sooner rather than later. “Things we should talk about….”

“Yes, my love?” Luca asks, grinding against you again. 

You moan in response, throwing your head back as you giggle, knowing that he’s teasing you – testing your patience. 

You settle down, just for a moment, both hands going to his well-toned chest. Luca’s hands still around your hips as you say:

“I have condoms. In my nightstand. And I’m also on the pill. I… just got back on it.” 

Just got back on it when you started seeing him – you know, just in case this became a thing. 

“I haven’t been tested since my yearly physical which was… almost a year ago… but I also haven’t exactly been having sex so,” you add, your eyes flickering away for just a moment before returning to Luca’s very blue ones. 

“That’s very sexy,” he smiles up at you, his hands softly stroking your hips. 

“What?” you ask with a giggle, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip as you shoot him a quizzical look. 

“This… very direct communication,” he replies with a smirk, grinding his hips back up into yours again. 

“Luca!” you squeal in response, catching yourself against him so that you don’t lose your balance. 

He grins before answering, “My last test was three months ago at my yearly physical. Clean bill of health.” He pauses before saying the next thing. 

“And I’m not seeing anyone else.”

You nod, leaning down to kiss him in understanding, “Okay.”

“Okay,” he replies, bringing you down once more for another passionate makeout. 

Luca is right. It’s an even bigger turn on, the open communication, and now that you’ve gotten that conversation out of the way, you’re ready to dive in head first to exactly where you hope this is going. Getting undressed is a sexy, dreamy blur. You’re practically tearing Luca’s shirt over his head, unable to hide the fact that your jaw is near-on the floor as you take it in the hard planes of his abdomen. He expertly removes your bra, and before you know it, he’s gotten you onto your back, and you’re kicking your pants off to the bottom of the bed. 

Luca pins both of your hands to the bed overhead with one of his hands – his fingers laced with some of yours as he holds them in place – while his other hand once again makes its way between your legs. You gasp in anticipation, unable to stop the confession that comes out of your mouth. 

“I haven’t stopped thinking about that. About you. All week,” you whisper, eager to have him touch you again. 

“That so?” Luca asks cockily, in between kisses. 

“Yes,” you gasp, squirming underneath your touch as two his fingers dance over your clothed core. 

From the wetness pooling between your legs up to your clit, the way he touches you sets off sparks all over your body. You pant, unable to think straight as Luca pulls your pantied aside, his fingertips meeting your wetness immediately. He moans in response to this discovery, his forehead pressed against yours, and you cry out when he finally gives you what you’ve been begging for, as he slips a finger into you. 

“Luca,” you sigh, like you’ve gotten the only thing that could remedy your restlessness as of late. 

Luca kisses you again, his tongue slipping into your mouth for a millionth time tonight as he begins sliding his finger in and out of you. 

“You’re so wet, love,” he coos, teasingly, into your mouth. “It’s too easy. The way my fingers slide in and out of you.” He pushes another finger into you, beginning to stretch you again at a deliciously slow pace. “You want me this much?”

And all you can do is moan, arch your back in response to the pleasure he brings you, his hand keeping both of yours above your head while he has you at his mercy. 

“So good,” you cry, as you breathe heavily. “So good. It feels-. Fuck.” 

He chuckles cruelly, breaking the kiss between you as he pulls his fingers from you. You whimper in response, impatiently, greedily. The man has you under a sexual spell and you could care less about anything else right now. 

“I already know how you feel about my fingers. Think I should give you my mouth too, hm?” he rasps, his question anything but rhetorical. 

Luca releases your hands that he’s pinned to the mattress, beginning to kiss down your jaw, your neck, your bare torso, pausing to take each of your nipples into his mouth, his tongue flickering across them like it’s a goddamn preview. 

“I need to hear you say it,” he commands, his voice quiet yet dominant. Luca pauses, his journey south, leaving hot, open mouthed kisses across your belly as he looks up at you with piercing blue eyes. 

“D’you want my mouth? Will you let me taste you?” 

“Please,” you’re too quick, too eager to respond when you’re looking down at him, looking down at the sight before you. 

Without hesitation, Luca tears your panties down your legs, impatiently tossing them behind him. He begins kissing the inside of your right thigh, alternating between soft kisses, and gentle love bites that have you squealing in delight. You let out soft moans in anticipation, sure that whatever happens next will bring you to an early grave. 

A hiss in pleasure escapes your lips as you feel the heat of his breath fan over you, but before your brain can even catch up, Luca’s licking a broad stripe up your core, parting you open for him and only him. 

You cry out, your head thrown back as he buries his face between your legs, tracing fierce abstract shapes over your clit. He moans against you, the vibrations too much as you surrender to him. He alternated between sucking and licking, and it’s not till he’s pushing two fingers back into you that your hands are grasping at the sheets, grabbing at the back of his head as your body writhes in pleasure. 

You can feel it, that spark so deep in your belly, the coil that winds itself so tightly that the only thing it can do to relieve any tension is to snap. 

“Luca. I’m gonna cum,” you beg him, a desperate whine in your voice. “Please don’t stop.” 

He doesn’t. It’s as if he couldn’t bear the thought of it – like he could never be cruel enough to deny you what you’re asking for when your voice sounds so sweet, so desperate, so on fire for him.

Using his fingers and his mouth in tandem, he’s relentless in bringing you to your climax, so determined to keep his name on your lips with every gasp, moan, and exhale.

And god, does he love the way it sounds: when you’re moaning it, when you’re begging him not to stop, when you make it sound like a symphony – like he’s just created a goddamn masterpiece. 

He’s left you breathless, and all you can do is breathe, allowing your brain to catch up with the pleasure your body has just experienced. Luca makes his way back up to you before pressing a searing kiss to your lips. You can taste yourself on his lips, and you have no intention of stopping now. 

You can feel the weight of him as he folds his body over yours. Curious hands begin to move as you become more and more interested in exploring Luca’s body. His muscles flex underneath your fingertips as a reminder of the sheer strength of the man above you. Luca groans as you cup him over his pants, before you begin to undo his pants.

“Do you… want to grab a condom?” he asks softly. 

You pause, your hands to meet his gaze with your own. 

“Uh.. yeah,” you reply. You had every intention of returning the favor, but perhaps that’s something you’ll save for tomorrow. “Let me just um….” 

You sit up, and Luca pulls back, kneeling on the bed as he finishes the job, undoing the button on his pants as you open your nightstand to grab a condom. You place the condom down on the bed next to you, before laying down, your legs spread enough so that Luca can settle between them as you watch him slide his pants and briefs down over his erection. 

Holy. Shit. 

The man’s an adonis. 

And…

Well, you know you shouldn’t be surprised. 

He’s 6’ 3” for godssake. 

But as you see his cock standing tall, hard, precum leaking from the tip, you’re glad you’ve had quite the night of foreplay so far, especially since it’s been a while since you’ve taken a lover. Instead of hesitating, you sit up just for a moment so that you can pull him over you, pulling Luca down to you for a kiss. He’s quick to respond, using one tatted hand to cradle the back of your head, deepening the kiss as he lays over you once again. 

Your right hand makes it way between you, beginning to stroke him, earning a hiss of pleasure from Luca as you wrap your hand around his thick length. He bucks into your hand and you stroke up and down his erection a few times before guiding him towards you, allowing him to use your slick as lubricant as the two of you grind against each. 

You know you should do the responsible thing, but you can’t help wondering what it would feel like too. But there’s time for that. Another time for that… 

As if he’s read your mind, Luca grabs the condom next to you, before sitting up. He carefully rips open the foil packet before tossing it somewhere on the floor, giving both hands the freedom to slide the latex over his hard on. And then he’s back on you, folding his body over yours as you make room for him between your legs, pressing the gentlest kiss to your lips. 

“You sure you want to do this?” he asks, and you think you’ll melt with how damn considerate he is. 

“Yes, baby,” you whisper back, it being the first time you’ve called him that. “Yes.” 

With your ‘yes’ Luca reaches down, pressing his thick tip against your opening, then begins to push in. You both gasp at the contact as he holds your gaze, and you feel the slightest pinch as he stretches you open. Luca caresses the side of your face, watching you for any sign, any kind of reaction that you’d want to stop. He keeps his eyes on you, pushing deeper, and then deeper, till he bottoms out.

Leaning his forehead against yours as he pauses, he’s got to focus on not cumming right then and there. 

“Fuck. You feel so fucking good,” he exhales, letting the way you feel take over him. You’re all warm, wet, pulsing heat and it feels too fucking good. 

You give yourself a moment to adjust to his size, before beginning to give him a few experimental movements, grinding your hips where the two of you are connected. Without having to say a word, Luca understands, dragging his hard length out of you at an unbearably slow pace, before pushing back into you, eliciting moans from the both of you this time. 

“Do that again,” you murmur, your eyes fluttering close and you focus on the delicious drag of his cock. 

He does it again, this time thrusting a little bit harder into you, causing you to moan a little louder this time. His mouth is back on yours as he begins to set a rhythm, thrusting in and out of you while you meet his hips with yours, rocking against him at a pace that matches. It’s as if Luca’s begun to map out your body, wanting to memorize every little thing that makes you tick, that makes you scream, causes you to grasp at any grabbable surface – the sheets, his hair, his back. 

His mouth is back on yours, swallowing your moans as he continues to fuck you. You’ve settled into a rhythm that feels just right – something that you can get completely lost in. It could be minutes, hours, days that you’ve been here, chasing mutual pleasure, wrapped up in each other’s arms like you need it to breathe. The way he moves against you is strong, yet gentle as Luca makes love to you, whispering the filthiest things into your mouth, into your ears, the soft canvas of your skin, as if he’s engraving them in stone.

You take me so well. So fucking pretty like this. My beautiful girl. 

“Luca,” you gasp, as he gives you a particularly euphoric thrust. 

“Hm?” he hums in response. 

“Let me ride you,” you request, your eyelids heavy as he stays close to you. 

“Yeah?” he asks you, one expressive eyebrow raising up. 

“Yeah,” you nod. 

Luca kisses you deeply before pausing, pulling out of you and rolling over onto his back. He thinks he’s died and gone to heaven as he watches you climb on top of him, your disheveled sex hair and desire to fuck him seem to awaken something primal in him. As you hover over him, your knees framing his hips, you line yourself up with him before taking him once again. 

Luca groans, letting his hands trace gentle patterns up and down your body – his hands smooth over your ass and caress your breasts, as calloused fingertips drag across your stomach, your shoulders, your ribcage – as if he's writing a love letter against your skin. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he says, his voice low and gravelly. 

He moans, closing his eyes as you begin moving your hips over him, forward and back, beginning to ride him like you’d asked to earlier. Large hands make their way to your hips, as you continue your movements, this time leaning down to kiss him. Luca moans into your mouth as your tongues tangle together, your hips never ceasing their grind against him. 

It feels too good. 

You feel too good.

You break the kiss this time, placing your hands on Luca’s chest for leverage as you begin to speed up your pace, letting out a moan as you fuck yourself on your lover. Back arched, hair messy, and your head thrown back, you’re completely lost in the way that he feels inside of you. 

“Look at you,” Luca marvels, hands everywhere as you bring yourself closer to your second orgasm of the night. “My god, love.” 

And before you know it, Luca’s sitting up, sitting tall, wrapping one of his long arms around your torso while the other braces against the bed behind him. He’s thrusting his hips up into you, his hand moving to the small of your back to keep you in perfect harmony with him. The way he hits the back of you with each thrust, how deep he is, how good it feels has you so, so close for the second time tonight. You cry out in response to a particularly hard thrust as your body slumps, resting your forehead against Luca’s shoulder. 

You are no longer in control. It’s funny really – and sweet – that he let you think even for a second that you could be. But when he’s bouncing you up and down like this over his hard length, thrusts becoming more erratic, more chaotic, sloppier, you have no choice but to surrender to him. You hold onto his back and his shoulders for dear life as he fucks up into you and you can tell he’s close too. 

“God, you’re so good. You’re so fucking good at this,” you whine, all nerves, and explosive pleasure behind your admission. 

“I’m close. Baby, are you-?” Luca struggles to get out, the tension in his brow telling you everything you need to know. 

“Yes. Harder. Fuck. I’m gonna cum,” you sob, sure that your neighbors will send you the dirtiest or looks when you run into them in the hallway tomorrow. 

You cry out as his fingers return to your clit, rubbing hasty circles against you in an effort to take you there with him. All you can do is moan as you busy your mouth with leaving kisses and love bites against his shoulders and chest. 

It’s somehow too much and not enough all at once as your orgasm rips through you, your entire body contracting against his. You bite down on Luca’s shoulder, and you think the pain and pleasure combined is what gets him across the finish line as he fucks you through your climax. Before you can properly come down, it’s one, two, and then a third hard thrust up into you before he lets out a primal grunt, pressing your hips down hard against his. 

Luca stills inside of you, panting as the ripples of pleasure course through his body, his ears ringing from how hard he came. His eyes meet yours, and he chuckles, moving a piece of hair from your face before tucking it behind your ear. 

“Hi,” he smiles, watching you carefully. 

“How ya doin?” you ask him, teasingly. 

He shakes his head with a laugh before pulling you towards him so that he can kiss you once again. 

“I’m great,” he answers, in between kisses. 

“Me too,” you agree as your lips curl into a smile against his. You press one more kiss to his lips before pulling back. As you climb off of his lap, allowing him to slip out of you, the two of you hit the mattress like you’ve just run a marathon. 

“Come here, love,” he says, encouraging you closer to him. 

More than happy to oblige, you curl up to his side, one of your legs wrapping around his as you lay on your side. You giggle, settling into the softness of moment, pressed up against the guy that just fucked your brains out. 

“What?” he asks, in regards to your laugh. 

“I just-,” you start, before giggling again. “That was really hot.”

Luca gives you a comforting squeeze, hugging you closer to him as you relax even further into his body. 

“Yeah it was,” he agrees, a grin spreading across his lips. 

He looks over at you to see that you’re on your way to being fast asleep. You’ve closed your eyes, so perfectly tucked underneath his arm as you rest against his body. Luca places a gentle kiss on top of your head as he grins to himself again. He’s not sure what to call it – this thing he’s feeling – because it’s too soon to call it anything, but whatever it is, he knows that his friend was right: 

He’s a goner. 

-------------------------------

Luca doesn’t know what he did in a past life to deserve this, but as he watches you take him into your mouth, he knows he must’ve done something right. Your name escapes his lips like a prayer as you spend your morning going down on him, completely incapable of ignoring the hard-on you woke up to minutes ago.

You’d promptly pushed him onto his back before asking if you could. 

And who was he to say no?

“Shit,” he hisses, as your tongue runs over the head of his hard, leaking cock.

“Wait, just-. I don’t want to cum yet. I-,” Luca stammers out, using all of his self control not to cum in your mouth right then and there. “I want to fuck you again.” 

His words shoot straight to your core as you release him, climbing back over his body and letting him roll you onto your back. 

“Do you want me to grab a condom?” he asks you, nipping at your jaw as his fingers discover that you’re already ready for him. 

His words from last night echo in your head: 

And I’m not seeing anyone else. 

“No,” you say, immediately searching his face for some kind of negative reaction. “Is that okay?” 

He nods, one side of his mouth turns up into that crooked smile that makes your heart race. 

“Fuck,” he rasps, his head spinning as he lines himself up with your entrance, beginning to push in. 

“Of course it is, love.”

[zimtlees]

Regarding your last post about the kids' names, it really depends (for Orel's son) on whether or not Orel learned how terrible of a father Arthur was but as you said, he ought to find out sooner or later, and the truest thing to his character is to indeed avoid giving homage to another abuser (even if not towards him) because I like to think he'd try to break the cycle of abuse in every way (he doesn't wear a belt, and indeed not naming his son after an abusive family member despite them not affecting him directly.)

I also really like your suggestion of Holly, it's so cute. 😭😭

Personally I thought his daughter's name could be something related to angels or something angelic like Angelina cause I like to think both Christina and Orel would often refer to their kids w affectionate epithets like little angels or little sweethearts (cheesy af but it's cute) and it'd be a good occasion to give a name related to that. Besides it's also tied to religion, it means "messenger of God", and I think it's really a 50/50 of Orel's side and Christina's; his grandmother's name is Angela and u take the "ina" of Christina and there u go LMAOO

Anyways sorry for the fucking essay and if this ask is super unprompted 😭😭😭 I just love speculating about Orel's future in general cause we have literal crumbs 😭😭

Anyways I was also the anon asking for the Orel and his kids interaction thing so I was very fed, you're doing gods work as always I simply love ur art 🙏🙏

Have a nice day keep on slaying 🙏🙏

You probably don't know how much I loved the idea of the name Angelina...it sounds damn cute.

And of course, you are right, he would never repeat that horrible cycle of abuse, but, as usual, I feel like at some point he couldn't be so understanding with his kids (I mean, no hitting, just scolding, normal stuff, but he feels it's the worst thing in the world) so...uh then he would have a little anxiety attack, maybe he would lock himself in his room to cry or blame himself for everything, he doesn't like his kids to see him like that, he's afraid they'll see him like he saw Clay. (Ohh silly traumatized man)

And oh, thank you so much HAHAGGG, I always try to give my best, I love Orel, I love talking about him, but I also love hearing opinions, and drawing related stuff, you know.

I'm so normal about him, yeah.

Plus anon you can talk whatever you want, I to like read the questions, and answer them :)

[keeksandgigz]

a shot in the darkest dark

steve harrington x commitment issues! fem!reader

i fucking love writing angst and this is also my very first steve work! tiny little blurbie for now cause I've been obsessed w Steve and this song

cw: unrequited love, reader has committment issues, one instance of self deprecating language, no physical description of reader, just lots of rly sad stuff

word count: 1.5K

"Awww, Steve, look! It's such a nice desk" you'd said, pointing at an oakwood desk while absentmindedly looking at furniture at a big Indianapolis mall.

Steve seemed to be in his own world, as he paced around the aisles, looking at tables, chairs, patio decor. He'd taken you out of Hawkins for the day, a little date that didn't involve movies or aimlessly walking around the small downtown area.

You hadn't been dating for too long, and to your wishes, he was taking things slow with you. You'd been so lovely to him, though and him to you.

He'd take you out on dates and pay the bill, drive you around when you needed to clear your head and kiss you goodnight at your doorstep. It was too good to be true.

For the past six months, Steve Harrington had been at your beck and call at every hour of every day, eager to see you, be with you, literally do anything as long as it was with you.

His only flaw was falling in love too fast.

"Oh yeah, it's really nice. I can get it for our first apartment" he dug into your side, smiling. The future was all he worried about, his beautiful picket- fence dream that he'd always wanted.

It made you uncomfortable, how easily he was able to talk about moving in together, starting a family, getting married. Your mind didn't work like that. You took a step away from him, an awkward laugh escaping you.

"I need to get a scarf, it's starting to get cold in Hawkins, come with me?" you'd said, swallowing the guilt that came from dismissing his dreams.

You'd thought you could have made it work. Steve was a lovely guy, so devoted to you he'd damn year kiss and worship the ground you walked on. But everything was too good. It wasn't something you thought you deserved.

You'd paid close attention to him, for any flaw that could have given you an excuse to go, but he was too perfect.

"Yeah, uh- of course, honey. Maybe we should come here during Christmas, I heard they do some really nice markets. I could get you something nice" he'd suggested, putting his arm around you. You breathed through your nose.

"Yeah- yeah that sounds nice." You whispered, as you walked over to Sears.

The day went about the same after that. He'd come across a little baby onesie with stars on them.

"Look honey, isn't it so cute?" he smiled. You had to hold back a grimace at his implication.

He looked at the window of a real estate agency, taking account of what a four bedroom home in Idianapolis would cost. Planning to save his money from his shiny new accounting firm job.

"Ooh" he cooed "that house is real nice, don't you think baby?" he pointed at a white picket- fence light blue home with a big front yard.

"Yeah, it's really nice" you said "Steve, I'm kinda tired. Can we go home?" you'd protested, hoping he'd just drop you at your house and you could cry it out, wondering what was wrong with you for not wanting what many girls your age wanted. Stability. A family.

"For sure, honey. Want to stay over at mine's? We can grab a movie and get some pizza or something" he said, kissing your temple.

The fact that he was okay with you taking your time didn't mean that he took his. He was a speeding train running at full speed ahead, while you felt like you were biking behind him, feeling left out from this feeling of love and devotion that he continuously showed you.

"Uh, no, thank you, Steve. I have work in the morning" you lied. You didn't want to see him. The guilt would have only grown stronger, until you could not have taken it anymore.

The drive home was surprisingly quiet. Steve chalked it up to you being tired. He knew crowded places overwhelmed you.

After an hour and a half of complete silence, he pulled up in the street where you lived.

"Oh look, baby, a dog! I've always wanted one like that, maybe we can get one-"

"Steve just fucking stop it!" you'd interrupted him, banging on the dashboard. He braked hard in the middle of the empty street.

"Jesus, babe, what's wrong?" he said "Sorry for braking this hard" as he parked up the curb.

You breathed "Sorry, Steve. I-I can't do this." you whispered.

You breathed "Sorry, Steve. I can't do this. This is moving so incredibly fast” you exhaled, letting the boulder weighing on your chest slowly crumble, and you with it. 

“I’m sorry, I’m- I’m not sure I understand. Can’t do what?” he said, nearing his head towards yours. Wanting to be close to you, wanting to hear your thoughts. You retracted from him, now heaving.

The air in the car felt so incredibly stuffy as you unfastened your seatbelt and got out, heading towards your front porch. He followed you suit, cursing yourself for wanting to let him go.

You were leading him on with false hopes of a future you didn't want. You needed to free him before it was too late. The crisp November air turned your breaths into vapor, tinging your noses red. He'd forgotten his coat in the car.

"I just- I can't do this. I can't do us. This is... too much. The moving in and the house and the kids and the dog and the family stuff. I can't Steve I don't want this" you rambled. And that's when the waterworks started. Mascara running down your cheeks, loud sobs populating the otherwise quiet cul de sac.

He got closer to you, but you backed away once again. He didn't need to be that close, not when you were trying to let him go.

"Baby... what- I- I had no idea, I just- I" he was helplessly stuttering. Your chest was aching watching his eyes gloss over ever so slightly, you swore you could hear his heart break.

"I'm so sorry, Steve. I tried. I tried so incredibly hard to see what you saw and I fucking hate myself for not being able to. You're so great, you've been such a lovely boyfriend and I need you to know, because I don't wanna lead you on. I care so much about you but-"

"You don't love me" he interrupted you. A whisper. Barely audible, but loud enough that you could hear the hurt in his voice "It's been six months. You don't love me?" he continued. A breath caught in your throat as you tried to answer that you did try, you did care for him.

You just didn't love him how he did. You knew you were doomed since you'd started going out.

The world went quiet, but not in your ears, a loud whistle kept you on alert, wishing you could crawl inside and hide under your bed forever.

Steve's eyes became clouded with tears as the silence between you became the loudest response he could have ever gotten.

He didn't want to let you go, but being led on for six months had hurt more than he'd expected. He wanted you to tell him that this was just a silly joke, to come inside, cuddle and watch a movie.

Steve waited. He waited for a negation, for an I love you, Steve. An affirmation that never came as you looked at him. You felt embarrassed and he felt like you'd stabbed him.

He was the first to break the silence.

"So I guess it's over then" he croaked out, a burning ball lodged in his throat that didn't allow him to speak. Or breathe for that matter.

"I'm so sorry, Steve. I just- I didn't want to lie to you any longer. Even if I loved you, I'm not good for you. All I'm gonna do is pull you back from this great dream you have. You can't have a picket fence with me, I'll only tear it down. And you can't just put it back up, Steve" you said, taking as many steps back to get away from him. From the guilt of losing him.

"I'll put up as many picket fences as you need. I just want you" he pleaded, one last prayer. Don't go.

"I'm sorry, Steve. Please go home. You're gonna get sick" your voice a thin iron string settled in between your throat. You loved him, but didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve him.

And so Steve turned around, grabbing his broken heart off the floor. You watched him from your driveway, quiet, with his head hung low. A love like his should not have gone wasted on someone like you.

Steve reached his car door, looking at you for one last time, eyes watery and dark. Hoping, praying for your thin voice to speak up, to tell him to come back to your driveway. Tell him to stay.

Don't go.

[blacklegsanjiii]

Your thoughts about Marco x Sora are so good omgggg (<- the anon who asked you about them)

I can't stop thinking about Sora being a pirate after some time, because she's already living on the Moby Dick and married with the First Commander, so why not? (Marco loves loves loves see her fight, actually)

And if the acesan happens would be very funny, and the StrawHats reaction about this?!

Welcome back and I'm glad you like it, truly i am obsessed with Sanji having good parental figures and Sora getting the love she properly deserves. Sora became a pirate in NBL so I don't see why she wouldn't here. Even if she played a more behind the scenes roll there.

Also we didn't really set a time frame for them? So like Sanji could be eight when they join the Shirohige. Sora and Sanji both freaked out by Marco flying them in his talons but they need to make a quick escape from the Navy and animal brain went 'mine' when he saw them. Marco's only explanation is to quite literally look at White Beard and go 'my bird brain went "oo shiny" so i had to bring them' which makes the man laugh so hard the Earth shakes. Vista starts calling him a crow and Marco sets him on fire with a singular look. Marco is so thankful Sanji and Sora are in the infirmary so they didn't see that.

Marco explaining his fruit to them and his place and job in the Shirohige fleet. How his fruit helps because it allows him to treat more than one person at a time or give enough time for back up to come. It doesn't always work. Marco uses it on Sora a lot first mostly because the poison is still affecting her and it's like a god send almost because his fire over time basically cures her. They also use the time to get to know each other and start "dating" because it's really hard to date as a pirate, or a doctor, or a fleet commander. All of which Marco is. They tell Sanji first and he approves of Marco and Sora and Sanji have already joined the crew so ya know, they just gotta tell the crew. The party is extravagant.

Sora makes a comment that she wants to be able to help defend the fleet and the family and Marco agrees and says they'll talk to Jozu and some others about training for her. Sanji is probably already training his kicks and everything because Thatch insists on protecting the kids hands and Jozu has been doing well with him. So them taking on Sora to train is nothing and Vista finds she does very well with a sword and his eyes light up as he looks at Marco and damns him for getting to her first. Marco says he better watch it and they scuffle.

Sanji has to set himself on fire at like thirteen. Marco is watching him and Sora train with Jozu and Vista only to then see his kid set his legs on fire and be thrown into the ocean. He flies out to collect his son and then laughs his ass off at Sora wailing on Vista and Jozu screaming about the dangers of throwing a child off a ship. Marco says she has that covered and checks Sanji over and yep, that's his over abundant(sensitive) haki. Marco says Sanji might be a good candidate for learning to sky walk which is like flying but not really. Sanji is fucking excited. Marco is also so thankful all the god damn time that he and Sora have their own room and they sound proofed it because Marco fully believes Sora hung the moon and the stars and pulls the sun up each morning. Sora has it just as bad back and thinks Marco makes the waves and sea foam. THEY ARE SO GROSS I LOVE THEM OMG

Also could you imagine Ace rocking up to kill the old man and is then held hostage and thinks that blondie around his age is super cute? Too bad he's in the shirohige and Ace fully plans to demolish the fleet until he's forcefully adopted with love and care. Like Ace has no clue what's going on at first because he looks at Marco and then the woman he knows is the guy's wife and just how draped over her he is, like they have to make everyone sick all the fucking time. They have some the highest bounties in the New World. Ace starts flirting with Sanji without a clue to who his parents are and Sanji just gives him that "oh darling" small smile while he leans on the railing and smokes.

During one of these flirting sessions Marco strolls up and is like 'Hey, Thatch said you're in charge of shopping this time, you can head to the island if you want' and Sanji nods and sky walks to the land mass. Marco laughs at that and takes Sanji's spot and gives Ace a smile. When he asks Ace what his intentions are with his son Ace goes pale and sinks to the deck as Marco fucking loses it. Marco pats his shoulder and says he takes after his mom just like Sanji takes after Sora and they approve of the relationship.

Sanji ends up joining the Straw Hat crew on the hunt for Teach and absolutely flirts with Ace in Alabasta who flirts back way harder. Like they are the remix of Sora and Marco and clingy flirting and draping okay? Marco said that's a Roger thing and White Beard 100% agreed with that assessment and said Marco is a bird that mated for life and Marco couldn't argue because his fruit some times overwrites his human nature.

Back on track: Ace and Sanji flirt so fucking hard no one on the ship can believe it. Despite the fact they've been dating for a while, Sanji probably never mentioned he had a boyfriend(or parents) to the crew and just went along with whatever they thought. When they meet Rayleigh he and Shakky look Sanji over with a very high interest because he looks like that one brat's wife. Sanji is like 'yeah, Marco took me and mom to the fleet and we joined and they're married and he's the man I consider my father' which makes Rayleigh blink because why the fuck is he in the Straw Hat crew? He's a White Beard brat? Sanji just shrugs and is like 'idk seemed fun, bonding with my bf's little bro' which makes the Strawhats fucking lose it. They are sent to another plain of existence except Luffy who is like 'cool, we're brothers'.

Then like Marineford happens and Luffy is there, Sanji isn't, Ace is about to be fucking merced and then Sora and Marco are there like 'can't kill the son in law fuckers' and like yeah, White Beard dies but Ace doesn't. That wound is a mortal wound and so is Luffy's but Marco is a bird brained doctor and he has absolutely 'oo shiny''d his son's bf so like he's in the family in the family, ya know? It's fine if not and we can go deeper in that later need be.

Also could you imagine Marco coming up as an Emperor in this? Like the battle against Black Beard is more a draw than anything else so they are both brought to the status of Emperor and damn those bounties are fucking HIGH. Of course parental sin bullshit means Sanji and Ace's bounties also fucking go astronomical, more so than before. Like holy shit the straw hat crew is looking at Ace and Sanji post ts and how fucking gross they are but they are still two of the most wanted men in the new generation and should be feared.

Would you guys believe I got a normal amount of sleep?

[washa]

I listened to The Summit audio and here’s my favourite personal comments/thoughts! (IM STILL IN SHOCK WHAT TEH FUCK)

HELP OF COURSE ASHER LOST A FUCKING SHOE 

David’s gonna whip your ass Ash 

WHY ARE WE ROASTING ASHER SO BAD

Milo being a fashionista cannon

“Good thing belts don't correlate to height.” DAVID

Ash, Baabe, get a fucking room 

Sweetheart i’m crying please give a man some dress socks

---------------------

Vincent sounds so anxious

AWH NO WILL COME ON MAN NOT THE ASSISTANT 

Vincent baby… 😕

“I can't control how people are acting but I can control how I react.” PREACHHH VINCENT 

Mhm run past me. OOH MUSIC FUCK YES, THE DRACULA MUSIC I LOVE IT 🙏

Surprise??? He’s spoiling Lovely so bad

I'M SCARED IS IT GONNA JUMP AT ME LIKE THOSE PLASTIC SPIDERS

A CROWN?? NO NO NO THAT’S SO FUCKING SWEET 

THE SAME CRAFTSMAN AND EVERYTHING I CANNOT DO THIS😭

Wait, does Sam have a crown too?? Like being a duke

HE CALLED US BABY I CANNOT 

-----------------------

Shit these sound effects are FIRE

Yo Sam wassup my guy.

Oh Porter. Hi dear ☹️

Sam is literally the opposite of me I love small talk and big events lmfao 

“Good people” He’s so salty lmfao

There’s no way Darlin’ isn’t smoking hot rn

AY ICE CREAM TUBS, Mint chocolate chip for the win 🙌

I imagine them going hand in hand, like elbows connected.

--------------------------

Porter being a smooth bitch. (as usual)

Vincent is surprisingly kind abt this, well as nice as he can

IS TREASURE NOT HERE?? DID PORTER GASLIGHT ALL OF US.. 😰

That went well. Lovely calm your boyfriend before he pulls out his hair

Nah let like Sam punch him it’s funnier.

Are these other vamps that bad oh my god 

Ooh business deals?? Yes make that moolah.

Eccentric?? Tf you mean eccentric. I don’t think David can handle more eccentric people in his life.

HELP NOT ASH PICKING UP ON VINCENT (unrelated but can we just acknowledge how emotionally mature and smart Asher is?)

WHAT DID ASH DO?? TEAR DOWN A WALL???

Oh god Bennetts?? They sound pleasant.

Wait wait, House of Baz were allies, and but every word out of Deon's mouth was to diss William??? WHAT TYPE OF SHITTY ALLIES

I want those two to die, for all of their house to run into the sun. 

-----------------------

ALEXIS HOLY SHIT AH

Latest conquest?? Come here let me rip you up 

JESUS WHAT THE FUCK ALEXIS?? SORRY I'M NOT IMMORTAL GOD DAMN.

I don’t wanna fight you lex. YOU GROW UP?? PETTINESS IS CHILDISH.

You selfish little bitch. I’M GONNA BITE HER URGHSHSHGY

Porter thank FUCK YOU'RE HERE

YES YES YES PORTER OH MY GOD GO PORTER, Thank you Porter 😭

Alexis can suck my dick. 

“Like a proper family” That's an interesting view on what your idea of a loving family is Porter.

Sammy BOY??? HELP IM CACKLING

Surprisingly Porter is in the right here. 

WOAH SHOWDOWN SHOWDOWN WOO 

WAS PORTER JUST LEFT THERE

-----------------------

Oh god what fucking now, i cannot DEAL with anymore self centred fuckers.

Is he warning us? What’s happening.

OH MY GOD ADAM I FORGOT ABT HIM. 

Ykw he’s got a point here, a REALLY good point. CONSIDERING THE HOUSE OF BAZ THING.

ALEXIS SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE IN YOUR WRINKLED SQUEZZED GRAPE ASS LIFE

Sam :((( yes Sam you deserve that.

-----------------------

Asher and Milo bring up the mood woop woop 

HOLY SHIT JUMPSCARE

Good lord Porter has a bad rep already w them

Investor gadget woop woop, investor gadget bam bam bam bam go gadget go bup bam bam bam badum badump.

?? CLOSEKNIT?? GOD DAMMIT FUCK CAN WE GO ONE VIDEO WITHOUT REFERENCING THEM

Milo clamp your jaw for a sec

OH MY GOD THE BENNETTS SUPPLIED CLOSEKNIT??

PORTER YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD THANK YOOU FOR THE LORE DROP. 

Wait wait we’re doing it now? OH GOD WE’RE GONNA INVESTIGATE NOW AT THE SUMMIT.

Sam said a lot of things..

WAIT NO ONE ELSE BUT DAVID KNOWS WHAT MILO DID?? Even after 2 years??

No Sweetheart think abt this please what if ya get caught.

GO BETA GO BETA FUCK IT UP WOOAHH (i’m sorry i'm so stressed.)

-----------------------

You should’ve punched her Sam, you should’ve.

Sam and Darlin’ needed better taste in vamps ffs 

Sam therapy time 😇🥳 (as required in every Sam video)

YES SAM STAND UP FOR YOURSELF 

God Sam and Darlin’ are so fucking sweet URGDHAKDA

-----------------------

Is Angel stuck talking there or??

Imagine talking to someone for like 15 minutes and come back to find your friends stalking a head of the house. David needs a panadol for the headache coming up.

-----------------------

OOH ARE WE EAVESDROPPING.

Well nobody wants to join a cult tbh, like that’s so suspicious.

This is a surprisingly civil argument, i was expecting someone getting thrown through a wall

UH OH WE ALMOST GOT CAUGHT??

-----------------------

WHY ARE THEY FIGHTING WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

What’s up w the king

HUH HE’S DEAD????? WHEN I SAID I WANTED HIM DEAD I DIDN'T MEAN ACTUALLY DEAD.

TAH’S IT TAHT ITS WAHTD THE FUCK? DID SWEETHEART KILL HIM? DID CHRIS DO IT HOW DID ALEXIS KNOW, IS THAT WHY PORTER PICKED A FIGHT??? TO CREATE A DISTRACTION?? 

So no ice cream?? 💔

[system-of-a-feather]

God my family generally becoming so much healthier and so much more relaxed, understanding, and just supportive and normal about things is SUCH a wild thing after growing up how I did and being told they're all hostile and all that shit

Like my dad that used to be "ugh gross men are becoming so effeminate" and literally startle response to seeing men touching eachother

And today, in the chat with my middle sister who I have since tag teamed with to push the GAY agenda onto our family w/ my mom who is now a SUPER fan of being a SUPER ally drops this:

And I'm just really fucking pleasantly surprised. Yes there are things that if we posted it to tumblr dot com people would be offended or what not, but like I honest to god literally something I never thought hed get anything past "confused and a little uncomfortable personally but don't care otherwise" because 1) old 2) asian 3) very soft vaguely catholic 4) struggles with empathy and communication due to being autistic and 5) literally has glass in his brain and missed out on a lot of science education

And dude over here is now just going

"Yeah I think they're gay and TBH husbands are better partners than wives ngl"

Like god damn what the hell Imma kill my oldest sister for trying to get me into the negative isolated hell hole life she lives in cause holy shit I never thought or could even FATHOM my family being a quarter as positive of an aspect in my life as it is now and I absolutely would have never been able to if I hadn't REALLY just chopped that parasite off and challenged basically everything I was spoon fed like holy shit

I'm proud of my family cause like DAMN did that toxic hellhole do SUCH a collective 180

(this is btw very light hearted play conversation with my mom and dad, i can tell but XD)

[gryficowa]

What pisses me off is the Zionists' narrative to antagonize Muslims and Poles that "They didn't save enough Jews", it's sick on many levels!

Poles were also victims of the Third Reich, so they lived in fear and danger at every turn, and rescuing people from concentration camps meant that the Nazis could murder the entire family when they discovered that you were hiding a Jew!

This is so damn disgusting that I don't believe in you, rescuing people from concentration camps was risky, and the Nazis had no qualms about shooting the child of a family that hid a Jew!

This is literally blaming the victim for not doing something in a situation where she and her family could have been murdered!

And the worst thing is that Americans and people from other countries believe Zionists about this when it is a disgusting method of blaming the victim!

The Nazis murdered Poles, so when I read disgusting propaganda that Poles collaborated with the Nazis, it makes me want to puke

Especially since it comes from Zionists who have a history of cooperation with the Nazis, they are fucking hypocrites using propaganda to distort the truth about the Holocaust!

Why do many people believe Zionist propaganda on this subject? Why do people ignore historical facts? Why do they buy their propaganda about Palestinians? Why the fuck do people still believe Zionist propaganda?

The Zionists lied and continue to lie, they hate Holocaust survivors because they say something that is inconsistent with their propaganda, and these Holocaust survivors live in poverty and poor conditions!

I hate that people from the US say Israel is lying but believe everything the Zionists said about the Holocaust, it's sick!

If the price of killing you and your family isn't too great for you, then you're a fucking sadist pretending to care about people

The price was too great here, and pretending it wasn't there and saying that "Not many Jews were saved" is disgusting

People have put their lives and the lives of their loved ones at risk and now you have the nerve to say it's not enough? Can you fucking hear yourself?

There's something wrong with your head if you say so!

I'm pissed off how Zionists lied about the greatest tragedy in human history and blamed the victims for complicity in the Holocaust because "They didn't save enough people!" Seriously, all I want to do is beat the crap out of you for this way of thinking because you're a piece of shit

Poles were victims, and Jews were not the only ones murdered by the Nazis! Finally understand it!

If you believe that the Holocaust was only Jewish, then you are queerphobic, xenophobic, ableist and racist because you erase LGBT+ people, Roma, people with disabilities and Poles who were murdered in cold blood!

It's disgusting that you do this to other victims who were murdered by the Nazis! Zionists erase other victims for profit and it's sick!

They also erase those who saved them to justify the genocide of the Palestinians! Why do you Americans still believe Zionists? They don't care about Jews and historical facts, but about manipulation for their own benefit! They don't believe in other Holocaust victims, but you don't care! As people who talk about other holoacust victims, you should be concerned about this!

"Po ataku Niemiec na Polskę oddziały niemieckiego SS, policji i armii rozstrzelały tysiące polskich cywili, w tym wielu przedstawicieli polskiej arystokracji, kleru i inteligencji. Wiosną 1940 r. niemieckie władze okupacyjne rozpoczęły Akcję AB zaplanowaną jako systematyczną eliminację Polaków uważanych za członków „klasy przywódczej”. Celem akcji było usunięcie tych Polaków, których uznano za najbardziej prawdopodobnych przywódców ewentualnego oporu wobec niemieckiej władzy, oraz zmuszenie polskiej ludności do uległości poprzez zastraszenie. Niemcy dokonali masowych rozstrzelań tysięcy nauczycieli, księży i innych intelektualistów. Kolejne tysiące ludzi wysłali do Auschwitz, Stutthof i innych obozów koncentracyjnych w Niemczech, gdzie do marca 1942 r. Polacy (nie-Żydzi) stanowili większość więźniów. "

"After Germany attacked Poland, German SS, police and army units shot thousands of Polish civilians, including many representatives of the Polish aristocracy, clergy and intelligentsia. In the spring of 1940, the German occupation authorities began Operation AB, planned as the systematic elimination of Poles considered to be members of the "leading class". The aim of the action was to remove those Poles who were considered the most likely leaders of possible resistance to German power, and to force the Polish population into submission through intimidation. The Germans carried out mass shootings of thousands of teachers, priests and other intellectuals. They sent thousands more people to Auschwitz, Stutthof and other concentration camps in Germany, where until March 1942, Poles (non-Jews) constituted the majority of prisoners."

"Hitler miał zamiar „zgermanizować” Polskę zastępując polską ludność niemieckimi osadnikami. W kraju miano zatrzymać tylko tylu Polaków, ilu było potrzebnych przy pracy fizycznej, reszta miała zostać wypędzona albo zabita. Jako pierwszy krok nazistowscy namiestnicy zaanektowanych terytoriów (np. Arthur Greiser w Kraju Warty i Albert Forster w Gdańsku-Prusach Zachodnich) deportowali setki tysięcy Polaków do Generalnej Guberni, następnie przesiedlając na te tereny ponad 500,000 etnicznych Niemców. W latach 1942-43 SS i policja przeprowadziły akcje germanizacyjne w okolicach Zamościa w Generalnej Guberni, usuwając stamtąd siłą około 100,000 polskich cywili, w tym 30,000 dzieci. Rozdzielano rodziny: wiele ofiar wysłano do obozów koncentracyjnych albo na roboty przymusowe, a ponad 4,000 dzieci trafiło do Rzeszy, jako nadające się do germanizacji. Ogółem co najmniej 20,000 polskich dzieci odebrano rodzinom, przeniesiono do Rzeszy i poddano procesowi germanizacji.

Jednak dopóki trwała wojna, Niemcy potrzebowały polskiej siły roboczej. Nazistowscy urzędnicy narzucili obowiązek pracy wszystkim zdolnym do niej Polakom – z czasem zaczęło to oznaczać nawet 12-letnie dzieci. Niemieckie władze decydowały o zatrudnieniu Polaków i mogły zaciągać ich do pracy w Rzeszy. Żeby zaspokoić wymogi pracy przymusowej, policja organizowała łapanki na ulicach i w pociągach, na targach i w kościołach, a także podczas ataków na wsie i dzielnice miast. Niemieccy urzędnicy wysyłali do obozów koncentracyjnych Polaków próbujących uniknąć robót i wymierzali kary ich rodzinom. W latach 1939-1945 deportowano na roboty przymusowe na terenach niemieckich co najmniej 1,5 miliona polskich obywateli. Setki tysięcy uwięziono też w nazistowskich obozach koncentracyjnych."

"Hitler intended to "Germanize" Poland by replacing the Polish population with German settlers. Only as many Poles were to be kept in the country as were needed for physical work, the rest were to be expelled or killed. As a first step, Nazi governors of the annexed territories (e.g. Arthur Greiser in the Wartheland and Albert Forster in Danzig-West Prussia) deported hundreds of thousands of Poles to the General Government, then resettled over 500,000 ethnic Germans there. In 1942-43, the SS and the police carried out Germanization operations near Zamość in the General Government, forcibly removing about 100 000 Polish civilians, including 30,000 children. Families were separated: many victims were sent to concentration camps or forced labor, and over 4,000 children were sent to the Reich as candidates for Germanization. In total, at least 20,000 Polish children were taken from their families, transferred to the Reich and subjected to the Germanization process. However, as long as the war lasted, Germany needed Polish labor. Nazi officials imposed compulsory work on all Poles who were able to work - over time, this included even 12-year-old children. The German authorities decided on the employment of Poles and could recruit them to work in the Reich. To meet forced labor requirements, the police organized roundups in the streets and on trains, at markets and churches, as well as during attacks on villages and city districts. German officials sent Poles trying to avoid labor to concentration camps and punished their families. In the years 1939-1945, at least 1 were deported to forced labor in German territories, 5 million Polish citizens. Hundreds of thousands were also imprisoned in Nazi concentration camps."

Zionists are disgusting and lie even about it

"szacowanie liczby osób zabitych wskutek nazistowskiej polityki jest trudnym zadaniem. Ocenia się, że w czasie II wojny światowej Niemcy zabili pomiędzy 1,8 a 1,9 miliona polskich cywilów nie będących Żydami. Ponadto Niemcy zamordowali co najmniej 3 miliony żydowskich obywateli Polski."

"estimating the number of people killed as a result of Nazi policies is a difficult task. It is estimated that during World War II the Germans killed between 1.8 and 1.9 million non-Jewish Polish civilians. In addition, the Germans murdered at least 3 million Jewish citizens of Poland."

Do you see how many fucking victims there are? And they are evil and collaborated with the Nazis? Can you guys fucking stop lying?

There were millions of non-Jewish victims!

Poland was a victim of colonization (like Palestine today), the Third Reich wanted to erase our national identity and culture, but no, we cooperated in the holocaust, because the Zionists there said, it is so disgusting and on many levels

Forgetting that Poles were victims of the Nazis is distorting history to your advantage

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

wild blue yonder

the tardis can regenerate itself...... !!! I mean, wait we knew that already kjhkjh but I just connected the dots now that... that means The Time Lords mined and mauled the child just to make their cars better, as well. Damn...

in classic who u used to have to use ur imagination to pretend everything wasn’t a wobbly set... now u have to use ur imagination to pretend everything isn’t a greenscreen :/

"is that who i am now?" the shocking thing isn’t that he is gay (that’s what donna interprets) the shock to himself is voicing how horny he is lol

Someone is gonna say gravity and that's gonna be fucking weird

"it would take trillion years to get that far” chills!

"no one is ever been this far. till us. and this ship" colonialism fiction dna shining thru

“you little streak” <3

"she'll move on" "not shaun, he'll go to that alleyway every year..." \ten at the alleyway to see rose parallel....

Ghost aroma!!!

blue and orange motif....…………… 13 aesthetic moments.... [13 and Swarm coded? / aka entropy/life coded?/donna and the doc...]

“maybe there's a tribe and they worship it… (…) time passes and the city falls... and there's the tardis" beautiful!! I'm could do somth w/ re: w/ the doctor and their companions. (eyes emoji)

"it got complicated" UNDERSTATEMENT OF A CENTURY #2

"The notion of shape is strange." "it limits" literally current architecture theory

This is so nofna solar system-core

love a classic “anti matter hates matter” story

[the no-bodies…?....cousins to the the could have been king ... with his army of never wheres…?]

This feels very [doctor trying to figure out their body in each regeneration] [intentionally?] this is so end of evangelion poster-core

"it’s strange enough my face coming back, but not this big" / [metaphor for reboots?]

This episode is like the clamoring for us to get a castrovalva 2 escher-like world again next season

"that's not gonna work either" i love these idiots

"why does it have to be one last trip?" rtd ringing moffat / gatiss / gardner / etc and being like like -

ok but follow this reasoning: if the doctor is the same person bc they keep their memories (as the show makes a point of.... constantly) ... and if the memories make the person ... then indeed an entity that copies the memories is the same person, is it not? Where do we draw the line between who’s “real” and who isn’t, in this scenario?

A CREATION I DEVASTATED / literally watched WoM two seconds before this w/ ten all "everything i do just makes it happen" sdjsdkf this is what i mean when i say the doctor has never Processed anythingggg since that Bottom Pit moment

"it wasn't your fault" "i know! (but it stil sucks!!!)" me at therapy like

"WHY DOES HE NEED YOU?" me, Pavlovian tone: because he is lonely...

“when something is gone, it keeps existing” → highlight this!!!! this is gonna be the new thesis statement about Grief!!! this is gonna be The Point for the next 4 years lol

It's very fun to watch this after marath6ning all of ten's era bc it's like... that boy never processed any of that shit. did 11 process shit? did 12? 12 maybe a little but really i think they just got even more trauma (bill ): ) dkdksks and don't get me started on 13. basically what im saying is the doctor Never did get a break on between waters of mars up until now... [and i guess to go further never did get a break after since like....... freaking ghost light skskskskkjkj seven is still There. we don't think about that enough.]

Donna being a clone fucker is not a headcanon ever thought i had but im glad its been confirmed now "donma doesn't think she"s stupid" im sure rtd has launched this exact same rant on so some unwilling family members while browsing ao3 "stop copying and make up your own minds" social commentary / commentary on reboots again / core "individualism > society" dr. who 101 messaging

The not things are kinda.... cute? skdksk if they weren't murderous they look like ppl to hang out w/ and play videogames......

"what do you want?" "you tell us" fundamental doctor-companion dialogue....

"love letters don't travel very far" put a pin on that...

ok.... ARGHGHGHH LET ME THINK THINK THINK skskks me failing at CBT be like

What if the doctor is from our universe. what then the doctor being like we have to mill ourselves immediately feels very 13

this is like "what if turn left and midnight but they go through it together this time <3" fic "where the walls are thin and anything is possible" eyes emoji

"that copy was 99% donna" so maybe re:earlier... what the show is saying between copy vs real is that it's all about the x factor, the 1%....

CONCLUSIONS! lived up to the hype! i think it's a bit 13-era vibe in that it's clearly influenced by all the prestige space-base-isolation scifi we see in the ~cinema now every year. the aesthetic is hitting that vibe (and going to the root, there's also a very clear Alien influence). kinda wish we had more one offs just like this one :( bc i feel the other 2 specials have too much Work to do, so there's not enough time to do.Fun like lore and character stuff. Execution wise is very successful. the switcheroos work. the callbacks work. there's a lot of character stuff happening ("I just realized I'm still working through that!") but it doesn't interfere w/ the adventure itself. My one grip is there's a couple shots that do feel too green-screen-y, but overall the ep is visually amazing. def only a story you could do now. also I love that the NMDs were like "rtd is gonna retcon the timeless child!!! everyone hated it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and he was like "cool. now watch this" lollll king moments. rare moments where it feels like we live in the best timeline.

[lucabyte]

HOWDY! *slams pile of papers on the desk* i have Inquiries. OKAY SO-

1.) i know the bridge between infurno and purrgatorio is Ali realizing they cant leave, so like, whats pawradisio???

2.) wtf happens ta Ali durin the 'age ???' section of their design timeline. what type cult stuff do they get involved w and how. its haunting me i needa know

3.) whats with the 3 year memory erasing thing in that one ali purrgatorio relationship chart. Really funny chart ive shared it w a few friends but also im staring intently at it like Huh What O_O

4.) what is mymk's final form? is it gonna be written, a comic, etc?

5.) got any music you associate w any mymk characters/ali? besides like, in canon reasons like Chrome more like any songs/artists/lyrics that remind u of anya em :0??

anyway yeah huge fan! also hope ur vacation's fun!

Hehe hi :)

1. We shall get there when we get there <3 my lips are sealed. Though I will say, there are further books by Dante one can animal-pun the titles of... Though they aren't part of the divine comedy..... (Alludes vaguely to plans that will inevitably take me years)

2. Okay so spoilers for Creature Feature, Ali's home setting (and @samhainian's thing) (because this is all a bit of an open secret) but Ali is, as I've alluded to previously, an Antagonist.

Creature Feature is a real world adjacent setting, set in our modern day, only with all manner of monsters and cryptids living secretly alongside humans. Ali lives in Wraithbrook, a hidden town populated primarily by monsters (albeit, most everyone still upholds a disguise, just in case). Being a (very) small town with an effectively captive population.... The post-high-school ennui tends to set in bad for people. Hope you enjoy the family businesses, kids.

So... This leaves the listless vulnerable. And boy is Ali a bit malleable. A trusted figure in their life takes advantage of this, part of an accellerationist group looking to break these confines, having singled them out as candidate for their most recent attempt to mold a magic user into a weapon to shatter the veil. And, well, if you've got a self-hating isolated guy who is predisposed to a bit of Catholicism already... Why not utilise the concept of the antichrist? They will be bringing a world together, in a way... And when you've been around as long as some immortal librarians have, doing a little bit of time dilation in the later stages of indoctrination isn't thaaaaat hard... Sooooo....

(But don't worry. They get better. Eventually. At least they look it. Everything is A-OK!!!)

(as for if purrgatorio is canon to this timeline....? Yes! But in a fucked up way! Can't make it too easy for the little guy....)

3. Okay so I was coy literally a sentence ago but yeah purrgatorio is set dead on like.. at the exact same time MYMK proper *should* start. Thus, it cannot exist at the same time as the main story... Ali's narrative powers keep them from being subsumed by the universe and just becoming a funny animal themselves.

But should a time come where Ali is *gone*, and the world is similar enough to the moments before they arrived? Well, the narrative can just pretend the time hasn't passed! Just, don't think too hard about your count of how many Halloweens and Christmasses you've had doesn't really line up....

(A normal person would simply name Purrgatorio noncanon, but hey, if Ali's whole thing is that they manipulate reality like a Narrative... Well. May as well use it! So once canon is over for both parties, things can start creeping back in. It's needlessly overcomplicated but I'm having fun)

4. Written with illustrations! An Online picture book, I suppose. I was initially damning myself to a comic, but after playing in the space with Purrgatorio, I realised I prefer prose. I'll probably write the thing in whole and then release it bit by bit as I work on the illustrations? I have a working outline as of right now and it's not a super long story lol. But its likely going to come after some practice with smaller projects like my reworking of Hazeclan and maybe Damonquest (name pending) (the latter featuring a cut main character of mymk lol)

So! ETA: a while. But we stay silly

5. OKAY.... so I can't link character playlists sadly since they don't exist (..... Yet.) and I'll stick primarily to our at present Purrgatorio cast.

I am like. Famously bad with identifying songs (<- usb stick full of songs on shuffle in the car as a kid) but I have been trying to put thought into this recently (my gold standard for this being my friend @teddymedley who's so good with character songs I did ask him for some vibe checks for this even)

So these are messy and some are like, inherited from earlier drafts of the characters so can be a bit off but I'll give a handful and their reasonings. (No links or embeds though I'm on mobile and Tumblr might eat my visibility if I do. I'll reply with some though)

[Ali Alighieri]

1. "Here comes the flood" by the Divine Comedy (self explanatory really, that animatic will exist someday I promise. This is THE big one to me, but @samhainian may have a different top spot opinion lol) Bonus: it has a demo version that also fucks supremely

2. "All the angels (demo)" by MCR. (Ali is not the MCR sibling, they're the P!ATD sibling. But I don't listen to panic lol)

3. "If you could save yourself you'd save us all" by Ween (peak "sorry what was that line just there?" song)

4. "In the meantime" by Spacehog (I like Spacehog. Everyone gets a spacehog song yaaay)

5. "Here comes the sun" cover by Ghost (not their style of music at ALL and you KNOW they're contrarian about the Beatles, but grim irony is such a vibe here)

[Chromium Mono]

1. "Manicure" by Lady Gaga (this is such a flippant "because I said so" choice lol)

2. "Let it grow" by Renaissance (this is such a nice cheesy song. I like to think of this as speaking to the actual nice loving guy chrome can be when he's not being a prickly bitch)

3. Kissing Ancaps by Patricia Taxxon (... GOD this song is way too cool or smart for chrome lol. It's a chrometab song to me because of the big words and cynicism. It's too modern and online for them but I'm attached to it... Also it contains a sample from let it grow)

4. "Run away with me" by Carly Rae Jepsen (more vibes based! Love some ms jepsen. But at least has a coherent theme wrt to eloping lol)

Bonus: oh god I really have to finish the voiceclaim video I was making. Premiere kept melting on me but I should probably let the world know chrome sounds like Donald Glover huh. The marshall lee to live action Simba pipeline.....

Bonus 2: @teddymedley suggested "Ratchet" by Bloc Party, with the phrasing "subject matter younger chrome sound older chrome" which I like!

[Tabitha Boss]

1. "Cable Rat King" by Gem Milsom (this one genuinely feels like a solid choice to me. It's polite and tentative and about depressive spirals, and is from the same album as the Number One Main Labyrinthine song, Pipes. That animatic will exist someday too I promise)

2. "This too shall pass" by OK GO (Preferably the brass band version. I think Tabitha would adore their videos, he'd be delighted by the moving parts and generally light tone. Also, Labyrinthine has a different "this too shall pass", being by Danny Schmidt)

3. "When will you die?" By TMBG (goofy song. But you get it.)

4. "Zeroes" by Spacehog (Spacehog again 👍)

Bonus: Jimmy buffet discography. He is living on island time baby

Bonus 2: @teddymedley assigned "Happy Hour" by Eels and I think the strange upbeat lethargic energy fits

[Lavender Wafeu]

Lavender is really funny because I honest to god don't think she listens to much music. This means I barely associate music with her apparently.

However @teddymedley did suggest "Black Rainbows" from Hawaii: Part 2, and I think that's better than any of my previous notes. Those previous notes being entirely the words "Little shop of horrors". She, Knives and Mafioso do also share an association with "Panda Hero" by Hachi but that's more visual to me?

I have however begun associating some Zelda OST tracks with her though... Hmmm....!

[Markus Felidae]

This poor bastard has shed and gained characterisation recently enough to have shook the MCR out of their system.... I don't have all that much for them.

Now. Hm. I think I'd have to go with some very on the nose musical tracks? My mind immediately goes to the opening track to Disney's Notre Dame, and maybe like, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer from Cats? These are such dreadful picks lol. Sorry buddy, characterisation overhaul syndrome. They probably also would listen to P!ATD same as Ali though so do with that what you will.

Bonus: in Markus' earliest iteration over 10 years ago..hrm. long story short, 121 guns is so fucking unfitting but it's lodged there forever lol

[Lupus Felidae]

Lupus is associated in my head with the kind of dub anime opening best codified by 4kids era Pokémon. Like the ideal song here is that one from Yugioh. "No matter what"? That kind of cheese and boyish power of friendship. "OK!!" From the JP endings of anipoke goes here too it's cute to me.

"I can go the distance" from Disney's Hercules is also up there for the same vibes. She's just silly and having fun!

Bonus: "Don't let's start" by TMBG is a Miao song to me, but in relation to her family. So it's also Lupus and Markus' by association.

[Ess Somil]

The idea of an ess playlist is hysterical to me. I feel like it's a Mother 3 battle theme in that man's head all the time. What's your time signature boy.

Anyway, "Numbers" by Neil Cicierega. Since it is overwhelming enough of a soundscape. Or just "Doctor Worm" by TMBG. For that they live in the soil.

.... And that's probably enough!!! This ask is very long now! Sorry it took a while to answer lmaooo. I've been very busy but it's been nice to chip away at during my downtime! Thank you so much for the questions :)

[johnslittlespoon]

I love your bucky is dog fic so much!!! I reread it all the time it's so heart-warming and funny and just ahhh so good!! refreshing ao3 patiently and excitingly waiting for more<33

(a BIG mix of non–brainrot asks so i don't spam the timeline <33 some of these are from so long ago i'm so sorry. also lil disclaimer at the end about some specific asks i've been getting recently and why i won't be answering them! x)

1) !!?? you REREAD IT?? my heart wtf that's so sweet??? 😭💗 THANK U SM i will do my best to not let u down with future chapters even if shit gets a little bit angstier SDJKG <33

2) LMAO backseat gala–ing from the comfort of a couch 😭 judging the outfits as if they don't show up in plain tuxes half the time <3

3) <3333 thank u omg sjgkdk i'm so happy if my lack of stfu ability brings any bit of joy to anyone LOL

4) ILY THX LEGEND @air-exec u enable me too much <33

5) ALWAYS HAPPY TO INDULGE!! thank u for indulging my constantly rotting brain ur so kind 😭 <333

6) yaurrr i think it's just bc i do Not enjoy being around children LMAO i can't ever get into pregnancy/family dynamic type fics in general, i wish i could tho bc they're so wholesome :') but YEAH exactly ugh. it's like. the action of talking about it, especially when it's unattainable, is so intimate bc it's like an "i love you this much" thing. but it's also so hot bc the possession of it (and possible feminization depending on the pairing) sighhh

also i feel that sooo hard, sometimes you just gotta go where ur writing heart takes u yk? it's hard to write something if ur not fully invested :') and omg stop i WILL cry. 😭💗 wtf. thank YOU!! ofc i would read!! some ideas just /hit/ and urs is one of them <33 but also yes omg it's UP there (if not at the top) on my list of pwps i wanna write once i finish yad(iym) <33 thank you for sharing urs too and sending u good writing vibes regardless of what u write!!

7) GAHH this ones been on my ao3 read later since u sent this ask in!!! i literally have started a doc with links to moots fics i need to read/general fics i've stumbled across that look good and this one is for sure going in it. i do love reading sooo much, i just have the hell combo of adhd and dyslexia but i did start concerta a couple weeks ago which has def made it a bit easier to read lmfao thank fuck.

i think i just get in this headspace where i'm either a reader or a writer when i'm working on smth, idk if anyone else does this? i have a hard time slipping btwn both mindsets, i'm usually locked in on one at a time LOL but i need to get my shit together bc fuck everyone in this fandom writes so damn good and i want to leave long essays on all the fics and hype people up <33 i think once i finish the dog fic i'll take a few days to just consume my reading list to celebrate SJDGK

also omg i can't believe this ask is from before i even posted it that's crazyyy MY BAD. thank u and also that made me giggle JSKDG if that's my legacy in this fandom i'm honestly so happy ab that okay dog coded bucky is everything to me and i will do whatever i can to do him justice <333 and thank u again for the rec!

8) [ X ] UGHHH stop mammal RUINED me. he's soososoo pretty i want to die i think about that barry era as curt in the motaverse so often it makes me sick. i love pretty twinks!! xx (i have a whole motaverse au curtbucky where curt looks like 2012–ish barry and he's ken's age and they're cute lil mechanics together and it's so stupidly elaborate and niche and maybe i'll do smth w it one day who knows)

9) this is very sweet and i do appreciate you respecting my boundaries! thank you <3 i think a lot of people get annoyed at adults asking minors not to interact with nsfw posts on here bc the argument is always "they're gonna look even if you ask them not to" which, yeah, true! i was a teenager growing up online, i sure as hell did not let 18+ warnings stop me ever lmfaoo. i'm not telling minors to stay off my account because ik if people wanna find specific content, they're gonna find it. if teens are learning ab gay sex thru my blog, then at least they're learning ab it from a gay man who tries to keep things realistic in fic and who isn't a creep LOL.

that being said, i more so bar off minors interacting with my nsfw posts/writing bc i personally just feel uncomfortable discussing stuff like that with anyone who isn't an adult, and sometimes i don't have the time to check bios for ages (or sometimes bios don't have ages) before i reply to comments or whatever, so it's just easier to ask that y'all stick to the sfw so i don't accidentally brainrot some cooked shit with a child JSDJKG bc i would feel icky. i hope you understand <3

10) IT MAKES ME SICKKK. not only that, but when i was rewatching it with my irl last week, i realized that in e5 when bucky's smoking in the plane after gale goes down, he's sitting in the right (gale's) seat, which i'm pretty sure he doesn't do at any other time :((( like he was trying to be close to him in anyway he could </3

11) omg i've been meaning to watch that just to get a better inside look at stuff for world building purposes lmaooo but that sounds so wholesome :( i read that a lot of the guys would get real sad/touchy around holidays (obviously), so i could see a oneshot where one of them takes it upon themselves to try and cheer everyone up the best they can under their circumstances. a little found family holiday </33

12) thank u for the rec!! i'm suuuch a slow reader, i'm still working my way thru the actual mota book LOL but i've added this to my reading list <3 i think i might've actually read a couple excerpts from that one in doing research for my fic and it looks really interesting (and heartbreaking) so i'm sure i'll pick up a copy eventually :^)

13) oh 100% agree!! as someone who already isn't super interested in fashion/pop–culture, i find it very hard to look at the men's outfits and be blown away by any of them LOL but the women?? insane. was losing it over lana and zendaya's fits tonight ngl. hunter had me in a chokehold with last year's <3 tangent alright i always say this to my friends but i'm just jealous in general that women have so many more options in terms of clothes like.

okay listen i know i can leave my house in a skirt or crop top or whatever and a lot more guys are def starting to feel comfortable doing so. but i also enjoy not worrying about getting jumped or looked at funny! it's a lot safer than it used to be to do so, even in my small ass conservative town i'll sometimes put on some dangly earrings or a bit of rodrick–liner SJKDG but that doesn't mean it's normalized yet or whatever. point being that i wish it was because men's outfits would be sm more exciting at these fashion events if they had a wider range of options too!

but that aside, absolutely. until that changes, really it's not that hard for the men who are going with women (who don't want to go crazy with their outfits/who are more lowkey like you said) to just. wear something nice and on theme that compliments their partner's outfit and they'll be FINE. anything is better than something boring with no effort; effort doesn't have to equal crazy and fancy and elaborate. like austin's 2022 look has always been a standout to me because it was still a really nice look (even if it was simple) and it also worked so well because of who he had at his side. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but i also literally don't know shit ab fashion so i rly shouldn't be speaking on it LOL. i just know some things make me go oh no and some make me go YUM

and that's probs the last i'll post about the met bc i rly don't care thaaaat much, i was just happy to see barry since he wasn't at the panel this weekend <3

OKAY THAT WAS SO MUCH I'M SORRY. i just felt really bad bc some of those have been sitting in my inbox for months bc i was waiting to compile them all into a post like this :-) but also one last thing, idk if it's bc of me stepping out of mota to talk ab the emmy stuff/the met this week, but i've had a couple gossip/drama(?) asks and i just wanna say rn that i won't be posting stuff like that, even though they've been worded kindly! one, because i rly only post about fic/brainrot/mota–fandom related stuff here (aside from rare exceptions like today lol). and two, because as much as i adore our boys and try to keep up with the things they're up to, i personally don't vibe with speculating about them (esp if it's in a way that kinda. forgets they are grown men who probably don't think twice ab some of the stuff that people think they do lolol). i have no issue with people who do like to talk ab that stuff, i follow update blogs and think it's totally fine as long as it's done respectfully! i just don't feel like talking about gossip fits the vibe here and frankly i don't care enough about what goes on behind the scenes half the time; i'm just here to create and support and be insane. <33 that's all, just wanted to say that so ppl aren't waiting to have those asks answered/aren't sending more in! x

[thegeminisage]

STAR TREK UPDATE TIME, lest i get behind again. friday we watched voy's "dark frontier" and last night we watched voy's "the disease" and ds9's "inter arna enim silent leges." what a mouthful, and sadly not even the fun sexy kind

dark frontier:

SEVEN OF NINE MY BELOVEDDDDDD

ok, let's get it out of the way: conceptually, the borg queen doesn't make any sense. the borgs aren't individuals. that is half the point of them. (the other half of the point is brainwashed cyborgs. don't worry about it.) if the queen has goals, even something so base as "assimilate everything," that negates the point. if she plays mind games and flirts with seven of nine that is not the action of a collective but of One Borg. however, i am willing to forget about it because, and this is crucial, borg queen hot. mind games and flirting with seven hot. using janeway's words hot. 10/10

also 10/10: how freaked out seven is listening to all these people get assimilated. NEVER FORGET SHE IS FULL OF GHOSTS

not 10/10: flashing in this ep. there was so much flashing i ran out of room to write the flashing lights timestamps on my fucking gum wrapper. good lord

also, i feel like seven's parents were bad parents? they followed the borg cube's slipstream KNOWING there was little to no chance they'd ever make their way back to earth, and they were doing something totally unheard of and dangerous, and yet...they took their child with them? could they not have left her with a relative or something?? this seems like negligent parenting

also, i note that whenever little annika is like scared or having trouble sleeping her dad will only stop and comfort her if he notices it/if it interferes with his work. like, we know what his first priority is and it's not his kid. her mom was a LITTLE better, but she still was out here doing this with a baby on board

like, as adults, mom and dad can consent to being in that dangerous situation in the pursuit of science if they really believe it's worth risking their lives for. no matter if we think it's a dumb idea or a brave idea, it's their right. she didn't have a choice at all, and then the borg took even more choices from her

hence i believe her dad did kind of deserve to stay assimilated forever. on the fence about her mom. but it's fucked up that they couldn't save him - that they didn't even have time for seven to consider saying "wait take dad too" or "where's mom" or anything - and then also that she's just not gonna mention to anyone ever that she knows her parents are consigned to a near-eternity as borg (who do not die as easily as people do).

also, kind of a bad look for janeway to be like...damn who knew going through all your parents things would retraumatize you? that said, i DID like the moment where neelix gently expressed his envy over how much seven had left of her parents, because quite literally all he has left is one image of one family member. i don't think either of them are wrong for the way they feel, especially considering seven's parents let her get assimilated/failed to protect her, and the episode didn't try to push us to think one of them was.

finally, let's not forget chakotay pointing out one of janeway's tells (fiddling with her combade). she literally has two love interests.

overall, fantastic fucking time. i LOVE seven of nine

the disease (voy):

god this one sucked so bad

why are harry kim's episodes always something to do with a girl? i feel like the time travel episode is the only one who skipped this convention, and even then, they still gave a random girl to chakotay, so you have to wonder if she was originally harry's gf instead

anyway, they totally made up this "don't fuck the aliens" rule for this episode, right? riker fucks aliens all the time. you COULD say known aliens like in the alpha quadrant might have more lax rules and it's just for a first contact sitch, but...riker has fucked an alien on first contact too (albeit in a situation that was highly dubiously consensual), and of course was out here doing that right and left, though that could be excused as tos weirdness.

like you have to ask your captain AND your doctor before you fuck?? what??? what if it's just like second base???

anyway it made janeway look like a huge asshole. again.

and sorry, if the point of this episode was "love can be like a disease and people stay in relationships for bad reasons" why did seven come in in the end like "love is good thank you for showing em the truth harry kim" like what the fuck was that?

i think the point of this episode should have been "harry kim has grown up and gets to have depth now" except no he hasn't and no he doesn't and so that conversation was just a little afterthought because they'd had that exact conversation as an afterthought in harry kim episodes before. sigh.

inter arna enim silent leges (ds9):

i kinda liked the first section 31 episode, so idk why i hated this one so much

like i was all damn what are people complaining about yes this goes againstt he spirit of tos but it's good tv

maybe the difference is this wasn't good tv. it feels like a worse and more boring version of in the pale moonlight - romulans, secret dealings, assassination plots. this one just has less garak, less sisko, and more sloan

something about sloan REALLY annoys me. he's very unlikable. in the first episode this was fine because he was the bad guy but in this episode when we're kind of working with him, even if he's still the bad guy, he's on our team, and that's too much sloan. small doses, please

the twist also felt very dumb. like, they got him with a transporter before the phaser could kill him? i saw right through that one even while it was happening. the only real surprise was that that romulan was working for starfleet

it also sucks that the second most interesting character, the romulan senator or whoever, didn't have more to say or do and basically only existed to prove how shady sloan is

i liked julian yelling at him, alexander siddig CAN act, but that was one of the only interest parts of the episode. that and like the genetically enhanced mentions. the rest was saaaaur boring

TONIGHT: voy's "course: oblivion" and "the fight."

[theodoraflowerday]

young royals s3e5 episode reaction:

well I really hope the cliffhanger isn't horrifying bc this week is gonna be really fucking long

let's fuckin do this

"tired" and it's just him contending w the fact that erik might have been violently homophobic

i can excuse [rolls down a 6ft long papyrus] but I draw the line at being racist - august, probably

"family" LMFAO sure dumbass

seriously those girls are acting like sara and felice broke up (and I get it, friendship breakups are horrifying but damn)

"are you on something?" MY LITERAL FIRST QUESTION SKFISJFKSJFKDJF

I feel like micke is gonna die. idk.

his own letter? why?

oh. hello ludwig. i forgot what your voice sounded like.

"it's hard for her to show weakness" yeah well so it is for all of us. be a mother. show up for your son.

naaaaaaaaaaa volvete serio ludwig

wdym he was perfect. are you serious. do no adults in this show have the slightest bit of common sense?? you're talking to erik's spare my man. erik's little brother who now has to take on everything erik had to do. be the most fuckin for real rn

of fucking COURSE

"it'll be nice to celebrate you. and to meet simon too" ok that was sweet.

yeah wille being in the choir was starting to feel too weird skfjdkfjd

okay? calm your tits my man? simon hasn't said anything?

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON????? HE'S LITERALLY DEFENDING ERIK?????????

oooooookay kristina jr.

ohhhh it was sara's locker. ok.

oh micke is dead isn't he

FELICE DOING WILLE'S NAILS AAAAAA

HE'S PAINTING THEM PURPLE SOULMATISM

also is this the writers acknowledging the nonbinary wille headcanons bc.......

I can't believe wille likes doing his nails. that's so fuckin nonbinary of him.

god I wish micke had been dead. that is SO much worse.

pls don't get into a car crash sara

linda honey no. it doesn't fit him perfectly it's goddamn huge on him.

love shouldn't be this hard I agree linda

oh fuck me

oh her little face sara no

oh sara is breaking my goddamn heart

WILLE'S PURPLE NAILS

wilhelm, why do you have nail polish remover in your room

MI WILLE I'M GONNA FUCKING BLOW MY BRAINS OUT

omg malin was willing to be bribed. back to fanon malin we go (after the shit show that was season 2)

WHY IS HE WEARING THE PYJAMA PANTS AGAIN SIMON

okay this is killing me inside. this is too much.

BECAUSE THERE'S A RISK OF POISONING SJFKDJFKJFDKFJDKFKFKFKDLRK

simon's FACE im

SHE CURTSIED @ SIMON

I know he must have felt disgusting sjfkdjfk

after pretty much 3 years of a polar opposite fanon interpretation I cannot *believe* I'm witnessing kristina and ludwig being genuinely happy about meeting simon. this is so insane

august are you staring at sara's boobs

oh a rolex

OH IS IT BECAUSE OF ERIK

IT IS BECAUSE OF ERIK OG FUCKKKKK

I missed sara and felice I'm ngl. I love my tiny baby girls

oh kristina is about to throw up isn't she lmfao

ludwig is being weirdly nice. this is so strange.

ludwig and simon chatting away while kristina is about to choke and die

hold on. IS kristina gonna die?

even during wille's birthday they can't stop yapping about erik. my god do royals genuinely only care about their firstborn? god

NOT DILF HUNTER SJROSUFOSIDOD

class bad boy slfjdlgj I think they had to have done that on purpose. I mean vincent didn't wanna give him the satisfaction of giving him another award. I can assure you.

august is such a *sad* character oh my god

I WISH I HAD DONE THINGS DIFFERENTLY WITH YOU NAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW

oh of course she kissed him.

WHAT A SNITCH WTF

im

"please don't leave me alone with your parents like that again" honestly wille they could've eaten him alive

my god wilhelm you're being SO NASTY

OH HE'S GOING OFFF

oh ldkgldjgldjfldjffl

I can ASSURE YOU during my s2 liveblogging at one point I basically wrote "[points at ludwig] AND YOU" bc i was so fucking done with his bullshit skrjdlrkdlrkld

to hear wille going AND *YOU* is fucking sending me help

IT ISN'T EASY TO BE BOTH YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR BOSS OH FUCK OFF KRISTINA

I NOTICED BECAUSE YOU'RE SO USELESS AT BOTH HOLY FUCKING SWEET JESUS CHRIST

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD

me rn:

my god this is the most cathartic shit I've seen in my life

OH AND SIMON IS WATCHING THE WHOLE THING

god

I knew the cliffhanger was gonna be that

but I didn't expect them to cry like that nor did I expect ME to cry like that

bro I'm sobbing I can't wait another week

[angelicalbones]

Complaining about my ex

I don't know why a post of someone being hugged tight sent me into a tailspin but it just reminded me of the last time I had dropped my ex off at the airport. I got him completely organized and ready to go, took him alls far as I could and even tho we were separated at this point I gave him a tight hug and a kiss bc he gets extremely anxious traveling alone. And I didn't mind I did it completely willingly I even offered bc I could tell he wanted to ask for it.

And then I remembered how I drove myself to the airport every time. I had to deal w the stress and anxiety all alone. Organize expensive Ubers or pay over $100 in parking. He never once offered to take me.

The one and only time I remember asking him outright if he could take me bc we were literally 5 minutes from the airport I got punished for waking him up. I was relying on him to wake up on time to drive the 5 god damn minutes to the airport so I could go spend the holidays alone w my family bc he never fucking visited my family with me and he yelled at me. He stayed up insanely fucking late the night before and told me to leave him the fuck alone so he could sleep.

Even his shit head of a father(we were living w his dad at the time) was shocked and confused that he wasn't driving me. I told him my ex just wasn't feeling well so I was gonna take an Uber no big deal.

And then his dad was the one who fucking picked me up when I got back.

I bent over backwards to always be there for my ex even in extremely simple ways like driving and picking up from the airport bc that's just what you do for a friend or partner if ur able to! That's just how I feel and operate.

And yet I never

Ever

Got that energy back

I don't know how much I have to chalk up to well two different people have two different sets of standard operations and how much I can be like wow I feel consistently fucking neglected bc I never get half the fucking energy I put into this relationship back.

I couldn't even get him to run errands for me. I had to do them all. And usually I had to do them completely alone. And God forbid I forget something bc I have fucking swiss cheese brain thanks to physical and mental illnesses. I got in trouble for that shit too and would have to immediately turn around and retrieve whatever it is I forgot.

I convinced myself we had an equal partnership for years and we didn't. Sure he paid one month of rent, two utility bills, and moving costs. I feel ashamed I ever EVER had to rely on him financially and fucked up so bad I cost him so much.

He barely ever kept the house clean on a day to day basis. Never ran errands. Never did anything by himself so if he wanted to do something I was the chauffer. Never managed travel for cons that was all me. Never coordinated groups bc again that was all me. Never set up a single bill. I'm the one who got us into nearly every place we lived until florida. Even then the only place he "handled" was the last house and I'm still the one who set up the lease, the utilities, and everything else.

He just bought me trinkets and talked about all the cool things he wanted to do but couldn't bc I was financially draining him.

My life was falling apart bc of him. Of course I was making my own decisions and own fuck ups but he set the stage I proceeding to fall off of.

What is it like to be actually loved and supported. Is that even real? Am I even worthy / capable of it?

Fucking Christ this was such a spiral I wasn't expecting I'm exhausted.

I just can't handle thinking the past 8 years of my life were a fucking lie. But it's starting to feel like it was.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Untitled

This has been a strange week, A. I mean you know I have to talk to you today on my break at work (taking at least 2 today because it's sloooooow).

The Boy wrote his English 101 Dual Credit essay about you this week. He warned me.

"Mom, I have to write about 'an experience that made me appreciate life.' I'm gonna write about A dying. I really can't think of writing about anything else that won't come out sounding like bullshit. I still need you to look at it before I turn it in, because you're a writer and it makes me feel better when you say it's not shit, even though it comes with the Mom Discount. But I know it might like...upset you."

Of course I told him to write about you. I told him I wanted to read it (truth). I told him to actually print out a copy because I don't want it lost to the ethereal, nebulous world of online-only assignments; it's something my son made to honor my best friend. I want to save it forever. I want it immortalized (also truth). But it was fucking hard to read it. He took it hard when you died, and I knew he did before reading his school work (obviously), but Christ, how connected the two of you are. The locket J got me connects everyone in the center but you and the Boy are connected on a hinge side, and that locket pops open on that hinge at work all the time. So I'll look down and have to close it back up, and every time it's you and my son looking back at me. It's never you and my grandparents or J and my son, or J and my grandparents. It's always you and the Boy. You helped him so much. I want you to know that. He turned it in yesterday after titling it. 'Loss and Acceptance.' It's hard to title things. Especially when you write something important to you; something difficult to say; something attached to a lot of complex feelings. That's why my essay is untitled.

Then last night I sat on the couch with J and he cried watching a YouTube video of a BBC news capture of Jon Bon Jovi (right?) LITERALLY talking someone off a ledge in Nashville, Tennessee where he was shooting a music video. J cried. He leaves for his bike trip with W and the boys tomorrow morning. So this conversation happened:

Me: You ok? 🥺

J: 🥺😥 (hands over his phone with the video restarted; it was moving, but it didn't make ME cry)

Me: I'm lost. 🫤 I don't know what's getting to you this much. Text me? (J and I often text each other when our bodies are literally touching. Sometimes it's easier to not say it out loud).

J: (both of us are texting now) I dunno, peaches.

Me: Do you feel like...that? (that = suicidal) 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

J: No. Just got to me how many people walked on by.

Me: He didnt. ❤️🥹

J: Yeah. ❤️

Me: Is the stuff with your dad getting to you more than you're telling me? I don't want you to go off Saturday morning feeling so down. ❤️

J: I feel guilty about going. 🫤

Me: Why? Won't lie. I don't like it when you're away, but I want you to go see your friends. W. Fuck, I'd give everything I have except you and the Boy for a week with A right now.

J: That's kind of why. If I don't go, what if something happens to W before I get another chance to see him? Or me even? I'd feel like shit. So I have to go. But I'm leaving you and the Boy. And fucking G. That damn dog. Because what if something happens to one of us while I'm away? I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Me: We're fine. I promise. We just like having you around. Go be with W because...damn I really would give anything to be with A. For even an HOUR.

J hugged me until we all left the living room for bed. We made love last night before we went to sleep. And I dreamed all night about you. That you weren't really dead (again). Everywhere I went, when J was away on this trip, you were with me. 'I can't believe we're at a sushi place right now,' you'd say. 'What the fuck am I supposed to eat here?! Boy used to be on my side. What happened to pizza, man? Your mother finally infected you with her adventurous eating...' I'd look around at family dinner at my parents' house without J and you'd be there. Literally saying, 'I'm still here.'

I fucking miss you so bad. J has never gone away without you being there to text me off my metaphorical ledges and now you're not. Now I'm left with a bunch of people who will just pass me by. I'm so fucking ragingly envious of J that he gets a week with his best friend while I'm so desperately missing mine. I know the dream is supposed to be that I DO get a week with my best friend. That it's somehow 'better' in a way because you'll be right next to me, even in places you'd never ever go with me alive, but I still don't want you to be dead. I'd trade this intangible constancy even at the sushi joint for sporadic texts and bad Pearl Jam jokes in a heartbeat. I'd trade no sushi ever for pizza once a year with you. I'd certainly trade a visit to the fucking cemetery every few weeks to seeing you in person one more time, period. I'd still rather all of this be fake and you're not really even dead, just orchestrating a supremely elaborate scheme to avoid me.

There's every supposed stage of grief in one essay. Except of course for acceptance. That's why I had the Boy print his out for me. I'll keep rereading it until it takes. That still might be never. 💔😭

Anyway, love you, you fucker. I'll see you Monday at your place. ❤️