#damn your eyes i kill people in video games all the time

[dollfacefantasy]

Rookiepillz: Here We Go Again

pairing: leon kennedy x fem!reader

summary: almost a year after the rookiepillz incident, you and your now-boyfriend play some video games together. he's got a special strategy to help you win.

cw: nsfw (18+), smut, p in v, brief cockwarming, daddy kink, rookiepillz

word count: 1.8k

a/n: finally. rookiepillz has come back to tumblr. the most anticipated come back of the century in my book. i just needed something silly as a break from school. we'll be back to regularly scheduled programming momentarily. part 1 is here.

“ANOTHER GOJO!” you yell at your tv, flinging your controller to the other side of your couch. You feign a growl and look up at your boyfriend who’s lap you were laid up on. “Another fucking Gojo killed me. Can you believe this? It’s like a curse or something.”

He chuckles right next to your ear and kisses your temple. “You’ll get the win soon. You placed third that time, that’s not bad,” he tells you as you ready up again.

He was one to talk considering he planned and acted out a whole revenge scheme on you when he placed second. But hey, look at the two of you now. Snuggling on the couch, you wearing one of his shirts, playing video games in his lap while he gives you little smooches and whispers sweet nothings to you.

Sure, he used to be your stepdad, but he’s your man now. Sure, he dated your mom just to get back at you for beating him in a Fortnite match, but he also gave you the best dick of your life. And plus, he was pretty sweet when he wasn’t being a total asshole, so who are you to complain?

His arms squeeze around your waist, and he nuzzles the back of your neck, inhaling your scent as you beat on some innocent player in the lobby for having the default skin. He smiled as he watched your eyes light up with glee. He took in every word you said about how dropping at the pool house was the best strategy. He couldn’t get enough of you.

Yeah, he had fucked your mom as part of a long revenge plot over losing a victory royale. Yeah, he did humiliate you by spanking you and then revealing said revenge plot in the middle of fucking. But it’s only cause he knew you’d be his girl in the end. He was just having some fun with his sweetheart, right?

He half-watches you running around the map, giggling when you drive a car off a cliff or start doing the weeknd emote. A smile breaks across his face whenever you kill someone because you lightly tap his forearm and go “Look! Did you see that? I gottem.” And then he’d whisper to you, “mhm, that’s my girl” before planting another kiss on your cheekbone.

But what really got him going wasn’t the precious moments of joy or the sweet expressions of tension when you started losing health. No. What really fired him up was your rage. What could he say? It reminded him of nearly a year ago when he’d pulled you over his knee, the fire that had burned in your eyes. A day he’d never forget. 

All he had to do was be patient for your match to start winding down. Once that notification came up that said there were only 25 people left, that red monster inside you would start rearing its head. The “motherfucker’s” and “god damn it’s” would start flying, and in no time at all, you’d be wearing that adorable pouty expression.

Like right now. He watched your character explode into a pile of loot. You slammed the controller down on your laps and crossed your arms, sinking back into his embrace. “That’s such bullshit. At least it wasn’t Gojo again,” you grumble.

Fuck, it got him hard.

“I think I know your problem, baby,” he says. 

You look at him with a raised eyebrow. The one piece of certain leverage you had over your boyfriend was that you were a better Fortnite player. Whenever he gave you unsolicited advice on your playing, you made sure to bring up the fact that you had beaten him before.

“You’re getting so frustrated, y’know. I think you gotta calm down a bit. Let yourself relax so you can think and focus better. And I think I have a way you can do that,” he says.

“And what would that be?” you ask, tone growing softer as you start to catch on.

“How about you relax on daddy’s cock? I know you can only think straight once you’ve been filled up,” he purrs. His hands smooth up your stomach to your tits, coasting over your nipples that were already starting to harden out of instinct. Because if there was one guaranteed piece of leverage he had on you, it was that special word that you’d seemed so averse to just a few months ago.

“I think that’s a good idea,” you answer. It felt shameful that he could get a rush of arousal from you with just a simple word said in a particular tone.

You stand up, still working the controller as another match starts up. He tugs down your shorts for you, grinning like the madman he was at your lack of panties.

“Look at you all prepared,” he coos and kisses your hip, “You knew you’d be getting a treat from daddy today, hm?”

“Lucky guess,” you respond as he guides you back down. Your knees rest on either side of his thighs. He lines himself with your entrance and pulls you down until he’s bottomed out. You whimper and bite your lip, locking your eyes on the tv to focus.

For the beginning, he really does just let you sit there, nice and full. And maybe he was sort of right. You feel pretty calm so far. Everything is less stressful when, in the back of your mind, you’re noticing the way he twitches within you or the small grunts he lets out when you tighten around him.

You were so warm and tight. Felt just as good as the first time, and fortunately for you, there was no bombshell plot twist waiting around the corner. His fingers rub little circles on the outside of your thigh.

“What do you think? Is it helping, babydoll?” he asks.

“Mhm, thank you, daddy. Fits just right,” you say.

He chuckles at the cute way you say it. You work on sniping some people, he tests out rolling his hips. You sharply inhale but don’t protest. So he does it again. His cock slides through the warm embrace of your walls, kissing your favorite spots deep inside. You still seemed focused enough, so using his hands to hold you in position, he begins thrusting upwards.

Your breaths become longer and shakier, but you will yourself to maintain focus. The number of players was dwindling fast. He was bouncing you on his cock which normally left you empty-headed in seconds. But you needed this victory royale. You really were his girl.

He lets out a groan, leaning back against the couch cushions with his head tilted back. It wasn’t like he needed the win this time. He could let go. And so he did. He pistons his cock up into you faster by the moment.

“Fuck fuck fuck. Daddy there’s only two other people,” you whine in a plea for mercy.

“Almost there, baby,” he grunts. You honestly didn’t know if he was referring to your game or how close he was to cumming.

You don’t have time to think about that though because the circle is closing. You grit your teeth and grip the controller with all the focus you have left.

“Daddy, c’mon, I could win,” you whimper.

“I know, princess. You got this, pretty girl,” he mumbles while his eyes flutter. His abdomen twitches as he feels himself gearing up for release. “Tell you what. If you win this one, daddy’ll make sure you get a special reward later on.”

Now it is absolutely on. You can’t lose this. That’d be even more humiliating than the original rookiepillz incident. You’re dashing around the map as your boyfriend pumps in and out of you. It’s a difficult task, managing to hold off your release and try to win.

But soon enough you spot your targets. At the same time, it seems that Leon is reaching his. “Oh fuck, baby. So fuckin’ good. Daddy’s gonna fill you up just how you like,” he whimpers from behind you.

He bounces you, and you know your own peak is imminent. But you see the other players, and in an absolute miracle, you down one and then the other. The tv flashes gold with your victory as your body seizes with the white hot pleasure of release. Simultaneously, he unloads inside you, firing rope after rope into your tight cunt.

He fucks into you a few more times before actually coming back down to reality. You’re coming down too, melting back against his chest. He’s stroking your face when his eyes catch on the tv.

“Holy shit, you actually won?” he asks. His tone gives away that he’s actually impressed. and that’s your ultimate victory royale.

“Mhm, all for you,” you tease and lazily kiss his cheek.

“God, baby. Making me feel like the luckiest man alive right now,” he replies and reciprocates your small gesture of affection.

The two of you cuddle for a bit longer. You’re finished with the game, having finally gotten the win you wanted. And like always, he was such a sweetheart after, giving you kisses and praise, holding you close, even cleaning you up once he got up. Unfortunately, he had to go into work today, so it wasn’t long until he had to leave. He makes sure you’re content before he says goodbye with a kiss to your forehead.

Later that night though, you were alone at your place just as Leon was at his. You get a text. His contact lights up your lockscreen with the message “Get on Fortnite?”

You smile, hopping on your couch and turning on your console. You text back a “yeah hehe :)” He facetimes you, and you beam when you see his face, something you would have never thought possible when you met him. While you wait for everything to turn on and connect, you ask him about his day and how he’s feeling. He answers softly, heart melting at your interest.

To your surprise, when the game finally loads up, you have a gift. From rookiepillz himself.

“Leon…” you say excitedly.

“What?” he asks, playing dumb at first, “Just open it.”

So you do. You burst into laughter as Gojo appears on your screen next. “You’re so funny. I love you,” you giggle. It slips out so casually, he’s not even sure you registered what you’d let slip. He lets it go for now. He would tease you about it later. Right now, he was just so enamored with you.

As you prattled on about wanting to be the skin with the blindfold on and how he should get one for himself so you could match, he realized something. He’d lose every Fortnite match for the rest of his life if it meant he got you. His own personal victory royale.

[itssliyahhxoxo]

𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡

(𝐁𝐖𝐖𝐖)

(𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐆𝐄 𝐗 𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐑)

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: Paige dose an interview were she gets asked about her celebrity crush’s and your name comes up

You were out with some friends when you got the message from you agent she had sent you the video of Paige. You read the comments and saw all the fans going crazy for no reason at all.

You’ve heard of Paige but never really paid any attention to her. “Yo look at this” you’re friend yelled over the loud music she showed you a picture of you and one of Paige’s pictures together on some fan page “damn they fast” you mumbled.

You looked back to your friend “I’ll deal with it later” you walked away to get another drink.

It was now the next morning you were back stage getting your hair and makeup done before your interview with jimmy Fallon for your new movie that’s coming out next week.

“Soo what going on with you and Paige bueckers” you’re makeup artist smirked looking at you in the mirror “what” you looked up.

“Everyone’s talking about you too like you the next big thing” she giggled “no their not,it just happened yesterday” you shook your head “go on twitter and see for yourself” she told you before she left finished with your makeup.

You paused And thought for a minute before giving up and going on twitter. There were pictures of you and her everywhere you couldn’t help but laugh going through the comments.

User18: they would be so good together

User3649: y’all are crazy they don’t even know each other like that.

|

User65: so you never know 🤭

Show more

You laughed to yourself before getting up and leaving your room to head on stage. You waited to be called out standing to the side as jimmy started talking about you and your appearance tonight.

After his speech you were brought out you waved to the crowd smiling. Before taking your seat you and jimmy hugged and and shook hands.

“So how do you feel about your movie coming out next week” he asked “nervous” you softly laughed “why” he laughed “well it being my first movie I’m kinda shitting my pants” you laughed everyone laughed with you “any spoilers, you can give us” he smirked.

“spoilers” you thought out loud “not really but there is a Sean where things get a little..” “spicy” he finished for you “yeah” you laughed blushing.

“I hate to get off topic buttt,you and Paige bueckers” he dragged out. The whole crowd went crazy making you roll your eyes with a soft smile.

“Anything you have to say about that” “unfortunately no I’ve never really had any conversation with her nor met her in person I would love to one day though” you answered.

The interview went on and on some questions about the movie and your music and some about you and Paige again.

A few weeks went by your movie was off the charts everyone was talking about it, you would have thought the Paige thing would have went down but no it got worse.

You were laying down on your phone when you’re friend cam in “guess whatttt” she sang “what” you looked up.

“I got us tickets to a basketball game” she smirked “cool what team” you got up and walked past her not paying attention “come and find out” she smirked .

You walked into the stadium looking around confused recognizing all the colors, you froze when you heard the crowd screaming the teams name..UConn.

“Why the hell would you bring me here” you softly shouted towards your friend “what don’t you wanna meet you future wife” she smirked pulling you to your seats which were in the front.

You grew nervous as you noticed some people in the crowd noticed you,they started talking pictures and videos you softly smiled and waved at them.

“I’m going to kill you” you mumble as the game started.

It was almost half time when Paige’s eyes caught yours you softly smiled at her,she looked away softly blushing “ouuu” your friend laughed “shut up” you laughed.

The game went on and on it wa the last round UConn winning with 113 points and the other team losing with 87. The ball was in Paige’s hands,with only 10 seconds left she threw the ball making it into the net

You smiled clapping happy they won.your were on your way out when some fans came over stopping you for some pictures,you sighed as they walked away.

“Hey” you turned around only to be met with the bluest eyes you’d ever seen “hi..Paige right” you nervously smiled “y-yeah” she answered “you were great out there” you pointed out “thanks,you to-I mean” she mumbled.

You smiled watching her blush “I’ll see you around bueckers” you slowly walked away as she watched mouth slightly open speechless.

(𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐥🌚)



[jeansllvr]

— Show Me Off

+ streamer!kenma x fem!reader

summary: after keeping your relationship with kenma a secret for over 3 years, you both think it's time to announce the news.

notes: this was longer than I intended to be my bad 💀, I only know a few games MAX so I'm tryna work on that, this was my first time writing/publishing my writing works so please bear with me on that 🙏🏾

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When you first started dating Kenma you had absolutely no idea he was a famous streamer. His first time bringing it up was 7 months into your relationship.

"Kenma what do you want to eat?" You said making your way from the kitchen to the master bedroom, pausing in the door frame. "I was thinking alfredo pasta with baked chicken but I'm done for whatever."

"That sounds fine my love, anything you make is gonna be delicious anyways." He said, looking up from his phone to shoot you a smile.

You smiled and made a 'hum' sound as you walked back out.

After you took out the ingredients you also took out your phone and made your way to youtube.

You had a habit of turning on one of your favorite streamers/artists whenever you needed to get work done because somehow, it always made working much faster.

As you were scrolling through the recommended page, you noticed Kenma in one of the videos thumbnail. Letting curiosity kill the cat, you pressed on the video to see what it was about.

And as much to your surprise, your boyfriend of 7 months, was streaming to over 1 million people. Even if this video was old it still blew your mind how you never noticed your boyfriend was a damn streamer.

Setting your phone down you head back into the master bedroom, to have your boyfriend confess to his sins.

"So... You just weren't gonna tell me about you being a famous influencer?"

Looking up from his phone, Kenma took a while to really understand what you meant. "What are you- Oh.. Yeah, my bad."

"My bad? You kept this little secret off yours for 7 months and all I get is a 'my bad'". Your voice getting a bit more high-pitched at the end to mock Kenma.

He chuckled a bit before saying, "I honestly forgot to tell you, my love. I didn't really think it mattered that much."

"I mean it doesn't.. but it would have been nice to know."

He got up from his side of the bed, making his way towards you. When he reached you, he snaked his hands around your waist before kissing you.

"Sorry, I'll let you know next time."

Even though your eyes rolled to appear annoyed, the smirk on your face said otherwise. "Yeah, yeah, whatever.

୨⎯ Present Day⎯୧

"I think I'm ready." Was the first thing that was said by you as you were on Kenma's lap.

Pausing the CoryxKenshin video playing on the tv, he looks down at you, "For what exactly?"

"To announce I'm your girlfriend to your followers."

That topic wasn't brought up so often, after you found out about Kenma's career, he made sure that nobody would know of you if that's what made you comfortable.

It wasn't that you were uncomfortable with the attention, it's just that you weren't really used to it and you decided you needed to warm up to it step by step.

Kenma, understanding it all too well, agreed with you that nobody had to know until you were 100% ready.

Guess that today was that day.

"You sure? Like 100% sure? Don't work yourself up if you're not ready, baby."

"Don't worry I'm not! I do think I'm ready and besides, it can't be a secret for long. We're already 3 years into our relationship and nobody but close friends and family know." You said, sitting up so you two could be eye to eye.

"True," He gave you a quick peck on the lips. "Then we'll do it tomorrow, since I was already planning on streaming that new game."

You simply nodded your head, going right back to resting position on his lap, as the video plays once more.

୨⎯ The Next Day⎯୧

"Stay off to the side until I announce you okay my love?"

"A demanding man today I see." Sarcasm lacing your voice, as you started poking him.

Even though he shook his head and rolled his eyes, you could still see the sly smirk spread across his face. "Oh whatever menace."

Your laughing started to cease as you saw he had started the stream, now it was time to get quiet.

It took a few minutes but eventually more and more people started joining the stream. You were still taken aback by just how many people there were watching him, watching you.

To get your mind off of that though, you decided to read the comments off screen.

@gloharchive: heyyy kenma!!

@plazafolres: watching this stream > studying

@kenmasear: HEYYY

@shoyosunshine: WHAT ARE WE PLAYING TODAY KENMA??

You hear light chuckling next to you, turning you see Kenma also reading the comments.

"Hey to you all. Donations already? Thank y'all so much."

You looked down towards his right hand, he must have taken your hand into his while you were lost reading the comments. You gently traced your thumb up and down his pointer finger before looking up again—as he began to talk once more.

"Yeah we're gonna be playing that new Amanda the Adventurer game. Alot of y'all on twitter have been bugging me about it since it came out." He used his left hand to go to the game's home-screen.

@kenmakozime: WE ALL CHEERED!

@cupipetals: y'all think he's gonna be scared shitless??

@ivanghw: @cuoipetals oh most deff

"But before that.. uh I have some news for y'all," He turned towards you, using his eyes to ask one final time 'are you sure?'

You thought about it for an amount before looking back up to face him and with a sharp nod pushing all those worries down to focus on the now, focus on the fact that people will finally know who Kenma Kozume belongs to.

He smiled once more before turning back to the camera, checking one more time before announcing it.

@kenmasoneandonly: announcement??? getting kinda nervous

@miyatwins_lover: TELL US TELL US TELL US TELL US!!!

@kenmaluvrr: are you filming with shoyo or kuroo???

@ivan: STOP READING AND TELL US? HELLO?

"Alright. Alright. I'll tell y'all now, you demons." Pulling your hand into the camera's view, he kisses it while maintaining eye contact.

You break it by going to read the comments again, noticing how fast they're going than before.

@kenmasoneandonly: WTF?? WTF WHO IS THAT???

@meg_megan: DAMN.

@ricooyat: HUH?? KENMA PULLS??

Before you could look at him again, he pulls you onto his lap so the stream can see your face. You weren't expecting it so you flash a quick and awkward smile.

"Hey.. y'all." Stiffly waving towards the camera.

"Go easy on her guys, she's a lil camera shy." Kenma says with a straight teasing tone as he pokes your back.

You manage to hit his shoulder. "Stop your dork, at least lemme introduce myself first." Playfully rolling your eyes, "So inconsiderate."

"Oh my apologies your highness."

"Thank you," Whipping your hair in his face, "Anyways, hello! I'm Y/n, nice to finally meet y'all."

You began to read the comments again.

@SCORPIOGEMS: AHHH OMG SHE'S SO PRETTY??

@kenmaslefttoe: congratulations! (I'm dying right now)

@hshramint: do y'all see the cute banter they do?? I can't.

@meganthestallionshorse: AWHH WHAT

@hannisdrops: stop she's actually so freaking cute I need her socials

@kenmaslove: Y/N I'M ON MY KNEES WAIT.

Kenma let you read as many as you wanted before starting the game, you gave the occasional 'thank you's and flirty replies back. You started to forget the worries you had about coming on stream.

You found the comments amusing and Kenma's reaction to the flirty ones made you bust into a fit of laughter.

After answering some questions about you and your relationship with Kenma, you made sure to give everybody your socials before deciding it was time to leave and let Kenma do his own thing.

"I'll be in the living room if you need me."

"Alright my love, I love you." He reached his hand out to your chin, guiding you to his lips and you shared a tender kiss.

"I love you more."

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[vampirevatican]

so, im gonna start talking about slash fic (the game, on dorian) and every tag will specify dorian/game so as to not interfere with the og yaoi and bl community.

anyway... here's some song recs for the slashers!!

GHOST 🦊

final girl - graveyard guy ft. slayyyter

self explanatory. it's very literally him and you. (if ur fem obvi.)

snakelike (the stars collide) - what's a heart

don't tell me this alt slasher horror fanatic wouldn't love or relate to this song. you know he would. "i reach in your chest and pull your heart out. don't hesitate, just fall into me, my girl"

perverted - elita (NSFW SONG!)

🔪 = 🍆... “i want you. to. stab me with your knife. you watch the light go in my eyes. it feels the same as when you're inside.” very self explanatory.

JAY 🐑

rainbows and stuff - icp

the song is him. such a 💝🌼🎀🦋✨ until 🩸🪓🔥🔪💥. not to mention you getting to say, “thank you, jay! i like you too!!”

will he - joji

listen to me on this. the music video. not to mention he's the biggest protector out of all of them... second to leather but it fits jay a little more than leather "i just wanna make sure you're okay."

burning desire - burnice (zenless zone zero)

pls listen to it and imagine ur burnice, i swear from jay's pov he falls in love. he thinks you're so damn cute having fun while playing with flamethrowers.

LEATHER 🐷

dragula - rob zombie

“dig through the ditches and burn through the witches...” our #1 witch killer would be okay hearing it bc it condones witch killing

straight and narrow - sam barber

if you read the lyrics. if you listen to the lyrics. this is him. this is very literally his struggle with the darkness.

devil's work - freddie dredd

“sold your soul to devil now you asking, 'is it fair?'” as a man taken by darkness and forced into dark deeds by his family out of trying to right a wrong... i feel it suits him. he knows the darkness, what it does to people and my fave line from papa? "You witches play with darkness and then act surprised when it plays back."

MIKE 🐺

stalkers tango - autoheart

i don't need to explain an eldritch evil being possessive.

i can't believe i let you get away - aldn

mainly for the chorus and the vibe of it makes his "Mine." have more meaning. not to mention the many times he could easy just straight up kill you, but doesn't.

in my mouth - black dresses

dating him. loving him. accepting being an eldritch beings plaything? is a form of worship and giving up your soul and being to him... and i think this is the perfect song for that.

[child0feden]

DIRTY NEW YORKER

niko bellic x reader

- general dating headcanons for niko!

started replaying grand theft auto IV a couple days ago and i just love him so much, reader is very slightly referenced to have big boobs but it is not a major thing at all <3

- view my video game masterlist here

reading music recommendations: dirty new yorker by mobb deep - windowlicker by aphex twin

- niko can very often be just kind of cheap when it comes to dates and such!

✩ he does not really mean to be cheap, it is kind of just that he is not a super fancy person at all! he did not grow up with money, he is not very knowledgeable on princess or prince treatment and what not…

- but he really does try his absolute best to treat you as well as he knows how to and as well as he knows you do deserve to be treated

✩ wether it be taking you out to a local bar to grab some drinks together which he pays for, bringing you some supermarket flowers when picking you up in his car

- speaking of which, when you are in his car is when you get ultimate prince or princess treatment, you are his number one passenger prince or princess

✩ you want to play one your CDs or switch the radio station over to one of your usual favourites? go for it, he will not bat an eye, he might even find himself bobbing his head to the music as it plays through the slightly crackling speaker of his car

- you want the windows rolled up so that the rushing wind does not ruin your hair that you brushed back perfectly for your time out together? even on a pretty hot day? okay… it is completely fine by him! have them rolled all the way up if you want to…

✩ niko is already kind of a reckless driver but when you are in the car sometimes he will speed up when approaching sudden speed bumps in the road and slyly side eye you to watch your boobs bounce as he smirks at the sight

- i just think he probably absolutely loves bouncy boobs and there will no further comments from me at this time…

✩ niko likely did not introduce you to roman for quite a while when you guys first started dating!

- he thought you would be extremely overwhelmed by his… very unique personality and want out of the relationship you have with him because of just how different his close family is

✩ when niko eventually told you this, you were obviously so beyond confused because like… you are in a relationship with niko and definitely not roman… why on earth would you care at all about how his cousin acts? why would you leave him because of how his eccentric cousin acts?

- so eventually you do end up meeting roman and of course he is nice enough to you! he makes a point to over enthusiastically tell niko how he “ totally hit the liberty city jackpot ” with you when you are off grabbing a drink for yourself

✩ niko can obviously be pretty damn protective of you!

- with the line of work he is in and the type of people who he knows reside comfortably in liberty city, he just knows he kind of has to look out for you, he wants to look out for you

✩ if you are ever catcalled whilst walking beside him through the grimy streets of liberty city, niko is so quick to cuss the person out in some harsh serbian as you either try to pull him along in fear of him pulling a pistol and just killing the guy or you might sometimes egg him on… depending on what mood you are in that day… because sometimes protective niko is just a sight you love to behold…

- after this happens, he usually fucks you so insanely hard! either in the cramped backseat of his old car or in bed when you get back to your apartment! you are all his and those pieces of filth should know that, really everyone should know that

“ fucking filth… you’re mine aren’t you, Лепа? they could never fuck you like i do… ” ( you cannot even get a word of agreement out with how fast and hard he is pounding you, he is almost downright animalistic as he gives you no room for breathing and ruts his cock into you with harsh force mixed with a strange softness )

✩ he is not insecure, he is just pretty damn protective and very much likes other people to know you are certainly spoken for

- niko is not majorly into pda, he finds it to just be kind of unneeded, but this man will never not be holding your hand tightly in his as you walk down the streets of liberty city!

✩ and you really like holding his hand anyways, his cotton black fingerless gloves keep your own hands toasty warm and if you ever need to be more warmed up he will lend you his cozy bomber jacket whilst huffing and grumbling under his breath about how he told you to take a damn jacket out with you

- when walking the street together, niko is one of those men who walks on the side of the path closest to the road… it is just a major protective instinct for him

✩ i feel like he probably uses way too much cologne and aftershave on himself!

- like sometimes you have to cover your nose when you first approach him because it feels like it is being burned as you inhale the heavily scented air around him

✩ when you tell him to maybe loosen up on the cologne a little, he is so personally offended! what? do you not want him to smell good? he literally only even really puts it on himself for you!

“ what do you mean too much? i smell nice! you… okay, whatever… too much… ” ( this is the most genuinely upset you think you have ever seen him and it is literally all over cologne )

- but after a lengthy explanation to him and defending your case against his heavy usage of cologne, he agrees to go easy on the sprays next time, if it will make you happy…

✩ niko keeps a little risqué picture of you tucked in his leather wallet! but of course roman saw it from afar once and started mocking him for being so corny but also asked to see it up close to which niko simply widened his eyes in his direction and yelled at him with a stern tone in his voice

“ what? no! you can’t, why would i show you that? leave, go away… ” ( he is so mad roman saw it at all, let alone him asking to see it even better )

- when you guys sleep together, it is pretty rare that he ever really cuddles you… he just does not really like body heat! it makes him sweat and he hates being sticky and sweaty under the thick blankets of your bed, so he usually just has an arm thrown over your midriff or your chest and one of his legs tangled with yours under the blankets <3

[insertdisc5]

this is a stupid question and there’s no reason for my sending it besides trying to understand/overcome my own anxiety/insecurity. your post on game dev software was extremely informative and seems like something you’re really passionate about. for some reason i can’t get past the idea that using premade visual novel/rpg/whatever software will be seen by others as, like, “that doesn’t count as making a real game, you just dragged and dropped stuff into a program someone else made, anyone can do that” or something. I’ve never played any visual novels, but i enjoyed rpgmaker games like The Witch’s House and Ib when i was a kid, and undertale is my favorite game of all time, so I know how good games like that can be. I thought I could learn to make video games at some point by studying computer science in college, but by my 3rd semester i couldn’t focus so i changed my major. That was almost ten years ago, and I feel like an idiot seeing so many people younger than me having so much fun doing stuff that i just gave up on after it became “too challenging” even though I’ve been using computers all my life. I guess what I’m asking is, how do you get over the fear of doing something, saying “hey look what i made/accomplished!” and having someone else say “that’s actually easy to do, you shouldn’t be proud, and here is an example why” and then you’re just left standing there like “damn, maybe i need to reflect on how stupid i am” instead of “man, that guy was a jerk.” sorry if that didn’t make sense.

you have to not think of yourself as yourself, but think of yourself as your friend telling you "someone said mean things to me" and of course when a friend says that to you you say "i will kill them for you you are amazing and the apple of my eye and they dont know what theyre talking about and what you made was great and once again: i will kill them for you". also if anyone says to you "you shouldnt be proud of this thing you made" then you are legally allowed to kill them it's in the world constitution

[likablemuffin]

The disaster twins r so #sillay :D

(From: random ROTTMNT oneshots, requested story)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Both Leo and Donnie were just... not feeling great.

Both didn't get very much sleep the night before, and also, oh wow, depression is still a thing.

Thankfully, just before they both had a literal mental breakdown, Y/n showed up! 

Obviously, with the disaster twins being damn SIMPS, they both wanted a hug from Y/n to feel better. They wouldn't mind giving them both one, and it's from one of their favorite people! Sounds like a great formula for feeling better!

The problem was, however, that the disaster twins, being simps, are both not very good at asking Y/n for a hug. I mean, what are they supposed to say? Just go up and ask for a hug? Okay, that would work, but that's embarrassing! No one just does that...especially with your crush.

So, that is how this absolute chaos started.

Leo and Donnie decided that it would be a great idea to see who could hint at wanting a hug the best until Y/n actually understood what they wanted and gave one to them. 

Add on the fact that they're both literally holding themselves together with zip ties and duck tape so they don't have a mental breakdown before Y/n can even see them, and you get a totally friendly and nice brother competition! Nothing to possibly go wrong!

As of right now, Leo and Donnie are both sitting on opposite sides of Y/n as Y/n plays a video game and Leo and Donnie both just watch.

Donnie is shaking slightly as he tries to contain his anxiousness, and Leo fiddles with his fingers, which is something that he does only when he's trying really hard to hold his "face man" persona.

Leo and Donnie had been subtly hinting at wanting a hug from Y/n, saying things like "Oh man, I feel cold." Or, "Dang! That was awesome! I should hug you or something, ha!" but sadly, Y/n didn't catch on with any of them, much to Leo and Donnie's annoyance.

Eventually, Leo was getting so desperate for a hug (and he felt even WORSE mentally as time went on), so he just straight up went for it. Y/n just beat a really hard mission in the game they were playing, so Leo simply says, "Do you want a hug for that?" 

Y/n looks at him with a strange look, while Donnie looks at him from the other side of Y/n with a look that both looked like, "I'm going to kill you," and like Donnie was even more on the verge of a breakdown because he wanted to be the first one to get a hug from Y/n. "Uhh...Leo, you feeling alright, bud?" Leo starts to sweat nervously, and he can hear his heart pumping in his chest. "Uhh...haha! Gotcha! I...uhh...was just kidding! Mhm! Just a joke!"

Ahhh!! What is he doing??? Both in the fact of why is he just going for it like this, and WHY IS HE GOING BACK ON IT LAST SECOND???

Y/n squints their eyes at Leo, and Leo can tell that they're trying to tell if he's really telling the truth. However, Leo's face thought that that would be the absolute perfect time to betray him, by making tears of both embarrassment and sadness well up slightly in his eyes. Y/n notices it almost immediately.

"Hey! Are you crying? What's wrong??" Leo notices all too late what was happening and wipes his eyes, which honestly just makes the fact that there were tears in his eyes way more obvious. "No, no! I'm fine Y/n! Its just, uhh...really dusty in here! Yeah!" Y/n doesn't believe it for a second, but before Y/n can protest, Donnie scoops them up from behind in an awkward hug. "Ah- Donnie?" Leo's face grows hot at seeing Donnie hug Y/n before him, because Leo was the one about to get a hug! What the heck! "Hey! Donnieeeee! I was about to hug them!" "One, you were just about to tap out, and two, even if you weren't, you were taking WAYYYY too long! I want Y/n hugs too, you know!" 

Y/n laughs from their spot in Donnie's arms, and the noise makes both Donnie's and Leo's hearts skip a beat. "Wait, wait. Both of you slow down. You both want a hug from me??" Donnie and Leo blush as Leo struggles to form a sentence. Donnie just gives up making a sentence right then and there. Nope. He was NOT doing that.

"Uhh...w-well, you see...we...uhh...kinda felt a bit sad today, s-so...uhh...we just wanted to get a hug from you t-to make us feel better??" Y/n laughs again and shimmies out of Donnie's hold. Donnie lets out a distressed chirp at his hold on Y/n being stolen from him. "Alright. Both of you, bring it in." 

Y/n holds their arms out, and Leo and Donnie practically crash into Y/n, partially making Y/n not be able to breathe. "Ow- guys! A bit less tight?? Please????" Leo and Donnie look at each other sheepishly and make their hold on Y/n less tight. Y/n breathes out with the new air they got into their lungs and pulls the boys closer. "Hey! I thought you just told us to not hug you too tight!" "Yeah, but it's alright when I'M the one hugging YOU too tight." 

Leo and Donnie both laugh at that, and suddenly, they feel a lot better than they did before.

They knew that a hug from Y/n would make them feel better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[kanmom51]

Jikook - what we see is what we get

When we get to see it.

Not seeing it doesn't mean it's not there though.

Was sitting today BTS songs just playing in the background while I'm working on my post. All this shit just happening around us, around JK and JM (yes, JM is part of it, he's also affected by it all), and The truth untold comes up.

This version:

One of, if not their best performance imo. The emotion just pouring out of them.

This song. It kills me every single time. Brings me to tears every single time. JM turned away from JK singing "and I still want you" in every performance. Well, other than their last 3 in Seoul, changed by them, performed by them, ending facing each other JM singing "but I still want you". Defiant.

All about the need to wear that mask to hide your true self for fear you might not be loved for who you truly are, that you might be seen as ugly, a monster. And the two of them, changing the staging, turning to each other, looking into each other's eyes, while changing the "and" to "but I still want you"... do people understand this? The enormity of this moment?

And then this song comes up, this performance:

This was on day 2, while on day 3 we had this:

Omg, my YT logarithm is trying to kill me today.

And got me thinking about this moment we got on day 3 as well.

This love, people, this chemistry, us not seeing it as often for the lack of BTS ot7 content doesn't mean is gone. It's very much still there. We just aren't as lucky to be able to see them in that one frame as often or even at all. But when we do, there is no denying it. Even if it's for the shortest of moments.

We saw it in 2020 (have people forgot memories 2020 for god sake?)

We saw it in 2021

So much more, so little image allowance... But you can find it all in my masterlist.

We saw it throughout 2022 in their Seoul and LV PTD concerts.

And in JITB even if briefly,

And in Busan and Run BTS episodes.

And we even got a little touch of it in 2023, when there was no way of keeping them out of the frame, like in Jhope's enlistment BTB, D-Day in Seoul and even when not being in one frame, in those lives we got to enjoy when the one joined the other in their comments and even without the other even making that kind of appearance.

Letter, goddamnit.

Oh and then we had JM literally flying across the world to be with JK for his Solo debut (if only GMA concert wasn't cancelled, damn it), and them dipping off for their 4 day private trip in CT.

It's sad how short people's memories are. Really. I am reading all sorts of fanfictions being put forward as "this is what happened with Jikook over the years", stating facts that are not facts, creating non existent drama, because people love the drama.

This is a loving couple in a long term relationship. You know, that boring kind. The stable, loving, filled with respect and no drama. The one where one supports their partner when they are struggling. One where just being with each other is fulfilling (cough JK coming to JM's room in LA just to be with him in the same room for hours cough).

Funny how people are talking about them breaking up 2020-21 during the pandemic when JK literally had a slip of the tongue spilling the beans they live together, they are one household, in Run BTS episode 142 they were each gifted a knife. JK all proud and piping up "we got 2"...

JM just sitting there all quiet, smirk on his face.

Stories about breakups. Stories about sexually experimenting but no actual emotional commitment. All while ignoring the constants. Those things that are just there, all the time, whenever we do get to see them:

That electrical chemistry between those two.

The way they look at each other constant over the years.

The way they talk to each other constant over the years.

The way they touch each other constant over the years.

The way they talk about each other.

The way their interactions are so different from the others or their own with the others.

The way the others are around them, their reaction to Jikook.

All still there!!!

*PS:

I wrote this post yesterday before JK's Radiohead appearance and his TikTok post-delete.

I guess now would be a good time to repeat what the wise @ourwinterspring (yes, I'm mentioning you again, lol) once said (well a couple of days ago, that is):

Rumors are created by haters

accepted by fools

and spread by idiots

[buckyarchives]

Graceland Too. | Ellie Williams

Pairing: Ellie Williams x fem! Reader.

Summary: Ellie didn’t care much for trusting new people, she needed to keep the ones she had. Until you came around.

Request by anon

W.c: 3.5k

warning; stab wound/ depiction of blood

Author note: hi! I’ve never written for Ellie before nor have I played the video game so spare me if it’s ooc 😅 but the fic is inspired by Graceland too by phoebe Bridgers, especially since it was playing on repeat in the background while I wrote this. Enjoy reading!

Master list | read on AO3

Ellie noticed you quickly. You walked with heavy weights on your shoulder, dragging you down and slowing your steps. With fear-filled irises and dark circles, you jumped at every sharp movement and your appearance was not often. Keeping your head down, picking at your cuticles until the blood trickles to your fingertips. Ellie watched you with curious eyes, noticing every detail she could grasp onto.

She’d never been too interested in people beyond a surface level, too hard to trust, too easy to leave her. She decided it wasn’t worth it. Joel was left and even then, it was hard knowing if he’d end up leaving someday. She needed to grasp onto that and hold it close to her chest and pray he never leaves. 

But there was something about your dark eyes and dragged feet that kept reeling Ellie in. Curiosity had always gotten the best of her in the past, no matter how much she said she’d learn from her mistakes.

“Who’s the girl?” Ellie mentions at the table, eyebrows raised in curiosity towards Tommy Joel was too busy shoveling food in his mouth, manners be damned. Tommy gave a hesitant, almost pitied look towards Maria. 

The three looked over at you, as you picked at a plate of food. Probably the only time you’d leave your room, it might be a few days before Ellie could catch a glimpse of you again.

Tommy gulped, a nervous look in his eyes. Man, did Ellie make him that nervous or was there something else there?“ She came shortly before you guys, with no family or crew. Just showed up, bare-boned and one foot in the grave. Bout around your age.”

Ellie sometimes wonders how his Texan accent has survived all these years in the apocalypse, the thought about it made her giggle. Ellie turned to look at you again, you were leaving. She watched you until you were out of sight, feeling a surge in her to follow. 

It terrified her.

“Thought you didn’t let people in often?” Ellie poked.

Maria sighed, “she was just a kid, looked scared shitless with nothing on her. Barely talks to anyone and stays in her room.” 

Ellie thought about that conversation a lot. She always searched the crowds for you, maybe Joel was catching on. He’d nudge her shoulder when he found you first, turning his head in your direction. You read books sometimes when the weather was nice but not nice enough that large crowds would be out. Over the weeks your cheeks got fuller and your eyes a little lighter, which made Ellie swell with warmth. 

Curiosity kills the cat, right? Ellie had watched you enough to know where you resided, only a little concerned that you hadn’t caught onto her borderline stalking yet. Or you did, just did a real good job at covering it up. Ellie might be a stupid fool for sneaking off one day, finding the door that led to you and taking the leap and twisting your door open. No plan, no real intentions. 

She just wanted to see you, feel the weird pang in her stomach when she caught sight of your soft-looking jaw, and your long eyelashes that always stayed low to the ground. She wondered what you smelled like, probably nice, unlike Joel who smelled like gunpowder and spite. Or Tommy who smelled of whisky and pig shit, god he’s so happy about his hogs.

The room looked empty at first, and for someone who spent most of their time in here - it was bare bones. Like how Maria described you when you first showed up to Jackson But it was warm, a stack of books on the side table, way more than Ellie would choose. A large blue knitted blanket and two large duffel bags. Stuffed to the brim with your things like you were ready to leave any moment, always ready.

Then, there you were. Having come from the bathroom, wide eyes like you were a deer in Ellie’s headlights. You gasped when you noticed her presence, stunning pink lips parted slightly. Ellie caught herself staring at them for a couple seconds too long. She wasn’t sure what to do now, not having thought this far. But then the vibrant red liquid streaming down your arm caught her eye, the way it bled from the poorly placed bandage on your shoulder.

“Holy shit! Dude, are you okay?” She shot up, the words leaving her mouth faster than her brain. Ellie’s feet instinctively came closer to you, grasping at your arm. You tried to flinch away but Ellie reached out to you, you tensed at her touch - despite how gentle and innocent it was. Eyes not leaving her face as she scammed the open wound.

“Who are you?” You studded out finally, paying no mind to the sting in your shoulder as you reopened your stitch for the third time now.

“Doesn’t matter, you're bleeding!” Ellie said, so concerned. Her time inched towards the open wound, wincing as the blood gushed out like it was her own wound. “I don’t know who stitched this, but it’s really bad.”

“I did.” You muttered under your breath, slightly embarrassed by her mocking tone and closeness. Too close, but she didn’t look like moving anytime soon.

“Well, whoever taught you is a grade-A idiot.” Ellie commented, eyes searching the area until she found the open first aid kit on your toilet. Dragging you along with her into the small, cramped space. It took no time for Ellie to begin patching your wound, no other comments or introductions. For all you knew, this random girl with surprisingly warm and gentle hands just showed up to save you from an infected gash. Ellie knew nothing of you outside the small talk with Tommy and her own observations, seeing you up close was new and exciting. It made Ellie's blood pump faster and her brain short-circuit. The weird feeling in her stomach grew as she noticed the smaller details.

A few moles and freckles littered on your skin, the wispy parts of your hair that escaped the way you styled it, the cracked lips, the small scar on your eyebrow. You were so imperfectly perfect, like looking at a beloved painting just to see the cracks and brush strokes. 

“How'd you get this anyways?” Ellie asked, you still seemed tense and off guard. But safety over comfort and the wound was still vibrant red before Ellie could get along to stitching it. You just watched Ellie with wild eyes, examining her – but Ellie didn’t fall insecure of your intense gaze. Ellie could be patient, she had Joel for a partner so patience had to be second nature. Your lips parted slightly to speak, and only a stutter came out before you took a breath. As if it pained you to speak.

“Uh, it's an old wound. From before,” you cough, watching Ellie as she dabbed the alcohol to clean it. You didn't wince or flinch as she had expected, you were tougher than she had expected. “But I keep ripping the stitches, I'm not very good at it.”

Ellie hummed, “I'll get you patched up.” she didn't question why you hadn't told anyone, it actually didn't surprise her much. Just glad you let her fix it, looks like you need teaching too.

That was how it started, the conversations between you two were small, quiet, and quick. Shortly after Ellie stitched you, you thanked her and smiled. Ellie almost fainted, her heart surged out of her chest and that unfamiliar feeling grew and grew until it began to eat her alive. But you weren't ready for that, she could tell, and Ellie was tired of losing people (even if she technically hadn’t had you yet, she hoped too one day) so she took it slow. So not to scare off the skittish, pretty girl with bad stitching abilities. 

So Ellie left, trusting that she'd see you again and be able to touch you softly. You started to search for her gaze in the cafeteria too, Ellie would send a shy three-fingered wave and you'd quirk your lip up slightly. Not enough to call a smile, but she was getting there.  Ellie hoped you wanted to see her as much as she longed to see you, even for a second. She hoped That's the reason you came more was because of her. Maybe it was stuid to thinkt hat, though.

So much so, she racked her memory for a whole day to remember the books on your side table. She only had a quick look but she remembers the work of Frankenstein and Interview With A Vampire. Joel almost choked to death on his soup when Ellie brought the subject up, told her they were old books, gothic literature. Ellie swerved the questions with ease on why she was asking about gothic literature, considering her favorite reads started and ended with knock-knock jokes and puns. 

The next day, Ellie stole great expectations from the library and practically skipped to your place. No other plan besides to see you again and offer the book. 

And by god, it worked better than expected. You practically lit up at the sight, Ellie didn't understand it until you started gushing about wanting said book, running your hands across the pages like they were a treasure. Ellie started to understand then, as you rambled on and her smile perked up after realizing this is the most you've spoken to her, ever. It was heaven.

It was an olive branch of sorts, Ellie didn't like reading but she realized she'd listen to whatever you said. And she did, as you sat next to each other, nudged between the floor and bed. Opposite from each other and shoes touching, oh how Ellie wanted to reach out and sit closer, line your thighs, and just feel you. It consumed her, but she just sat content with a smile as you read to her. Ellie started to make stupid comments, earning a smile from you that reached your eyes and breathy laughs. She would turn into a full-time fucking comedian if she could continue to pull those out of you.

Her visit started off small, maybe once a week, if you'd let her. You were still guarded but Ellie noticed your trust grow, so she shows up twice a week. Steal another book from the library and offer it to you, learning that she might as well put her heart in it too. It was so scary, being so ready to offer that to someone, but nothing in her being could ever stop the surge when she saw you. Every day Ellie would find you scooting closer, last Sunday you sat curled by the window with your shoulder touching. Ellie almost had a heartache when your finger grazed her thigh.

Joel noticed, equally scared and proud of Ellie for letting herself care and enjoy someone like that. He didn't get upset when he eventually noticed Ellie had missed curfew and came sneaking back past midnight. 

That's when it started to change, Ellie had heard you yawn for the fourth time in the past twenty minutes. She knows you would refuse to let go of the book and tear your gaze from the pages, so she took initiative and tore the book from your soft grasp.

“Hey! Merricat was in the middle of fleeing from the bullies, I wanted to see what happened.” you whined, referring to we have always lived in this castle. You really went through books fast. Ellie smiled at your enthusiasm, but hid the book behind her back and raised her chin high, teasing, and shook her head.

“It's dark and you're tired. You should sleep.” Ellie said, eyes glancing at your bed. Your face softened, like being cared for felt wrong. Ellie was determined to make it feel like second nature for you, only if you'd let her. 

“I don't want you to leave.” you breathed out like it wouldn’t fully cause Ellie to be short of breath.

Ellie just smiled, rising to her feet and offering a hand to you, you took it. Your touch burned in hers, she wanted more. “We can get breakfast in the morning and finish the story tomorrow, promise.”

You looked disappointed, and hesitant as your face dropped and your gaze fell to the floor. The sudden change scared Ellie, had she messed it up? But you took one step further, closer to Ellie's space, you looked at her. She felt a pressure on her chest, that weird feeling was back. You tugged at your bottom lip nervously, one finger searching for her hand. Ellie took it and the feeling enveloped her, brushing her thumb over your index and middle. 

“Stay?” you asked, breathless. “Just for a little, stay with me?”

Ellie gulped, yet with no hesitation. She nodded, “okay. I’ll stay.”

“Till I fall asleep?” you pushed and Ellie almost started jumping up and down from excitement.

Ellie kicked off her shoes and jacket, and you follow shortly. Ellie went to turn in your direction, a gasp almost left her lips after she saw you faced in the other direction and pulled your shirt off. She knew she should turn, be polite and let you change into the oversized white shirt in privacy, but pulling her eyes off of you felt criminal. your back muscles flexed and contoured as you threw the fabric over yourself, getting a glimpse of a long scar on your left shoulder. Whatever or wherever it came from, it looks like it hurts. It hurt Ellie thinking about that.

Which still continued to terrify her. 

You took her hand in yours and pulled the covers up, bodies close against each other as you squeezed onto the twin-sized bed. Ellie hoped you didn't notice the pink tint on her nose before you turned off the warm lamp.

It's then with heavy breaths and shaky words, with your head close to Ellie's chest, legs, and arms threatening to tangle themselves. Soft glances and fingers grazed across the safer parts of each other's bodies. It's then when Ellie told you about her bite, the immunity as you traced your finger over it. So gently and soft, you didn't flinch back or hesitate with your touch when she told you. You trusted her, oh my god, you trust Ellie. You trusted Ellie enough to explain your life before, through broken rambles as you struggled to find your thoughts.

“You shouldn’t like me, Ellie.” you whispered, the statement brought panic and despair to her forefront. Furrowed eyebrows as she asked what you meant. So eager. “I did stuff with the people I was with before, bad stuff – things I'm not proud of.”

“I don't care.” Ellie said honestly. “We all did shit, but that's not you.”

“I don't know…” you spoke, unsure of your own humanity and morality. But Ellie had never been so blindly sure of something ever. She huffed and turned to face you, a hitch in your breath as you lay only a few inches away from each other. Noses almost touching, Ellie could feel your breath on her. 

“You're just a kid.'' Ellie breathed, the sorrow and weight that filled your eyes were too much for you to carry, Ellie wanted more than anything to just relieve some of it. “Whatever you did, wasn't your fault. I know that.”

“Ellie…”

“This is a fucked up world, okay?” she stated, you nodded in agreement. “And if you want to talk about it… I'm here.”

Caring. Fuck, it was so foreign to Ellie. But for you it felt so right, everything about you filled the gaps in her chest. She just wanted to take all the pain inside of you and –

“My parents.” you breathed out a shaky breath, avoiding eye contact as you began to pick at your cuticle again. Ellie quickly grabbed your hand in hers, warm, and smooth the skin gently. You shivered under her touch. “They stole from the wrong group trying to survive, they caught them and kept them around for… services. Said it was a way to repay their debt, but then they didn’t come back to camp one time and their debt was put on me…”

“But you- you’re so young.” Ellie's eyebrows furrowed, she knew people were fucked up. Before and after, but this? Disbelief and worry laced her words. Almost a sense of protectiveness swelled in her chest that would make her hands shake if she thought about it too long. 

“They didn't care, I was the new errand girl.” you choked, Ellie looked to see tears threatening to fall. “They made me do horrible shit, every time I close my eyes I just–”

You choked on your words as the tears started to fall, Ellie surged to close to distance. Putting a hand on your head and pulling you close to her chest, the other squeezed your hand. To tell you you were safe, here in her arms, as she now decided she’d let nothing happen to you. No supremacist asshole that took advantage of the vulnerable, especially kids. Young and pretty girls with kindness in their eyes, just waiting to squash it. That was all over for you if Ellie could help it.

Shaking in Ellie's arms, you grasped her and stained her shirt in tears. A muffled and choked stutter came from you, “I'm sorry, el.”

“Hey,” Ellie whispered, bringing your face to her and wiping the tears away with the pad of her thumb. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing.”

You looked her dead in the eye, so much fear in your eyes. But Ellie swears, once your gaze focused, you softened and almost melted into her hands. Her thumb still caressed your cheek still, it warmed you in a way you've been missing for years. For a moment, Ellie let her eyes flicker down to your lips, she could have guessed they were soft – they looked inviting enough. But she knew better than to take a leap like that when you’re hurting, just come from choked tears and –

“Can I kiss you.”

“Yes.” it left her mouth before Ellie could think, like the response was on instinct. Well, it had been on the forefront of her mind for at least a few weeks now. 

Your eyes darted toward her lips for a moment, before leaning closer and finally closing the gap. Lips slanting on lips, it was better than Ellie could have ever imagined in life. You were so soft and gentle against her, like puzzle pieces coming together. Your hand fell to her waist, hesitant, like you were waiting for her to push away. She didn't, she couldn't. Another hand resting on Ellie's jaw, your hands were careful and warm. That weird feeling in Ellie's stomach that lingered when around you suddenly surged and took over the entirety of her body.

It didn't take long at all for Ellie to tug you closer, you got the signal. Not daring to leave your lips, only letting the motion grow sweeter and more passionate. Ellie rolled onto her back, pushing yourself on top of her. Each knee caging her in below you, she took the position with pride as her hands fell from your face down to your waist and back. 

When you finally let go to take a breath, you pressed your forehead to her and Ellie swears she almost passed out right there. You laughed, it sounded so sweet. Like nothing matters in the world besides you and her, right now.

Ellie suddenly understood that note from Bill, you were worth saving and no motherfucker would get in the way of that. Like a train-sized epiphany hitting her in the face.

Things only began to grow at a comfortable and slow pace from them, more and more nights sneaking off to you and eventually you sneaking to Ellie's. You met Joel, got along well and that was the most important. You ate with her in the mornings and watched movies holding hands, Joel would smile proudly seeing Ellie lighten up whenever she noticed you in a room. Life came back to your face and you didn't walk with heavy shoulders anymore.

Your relationship became wordless and tentative, filled with sneaky pecks to the cheek, reading before bed, and laughing over eggs or making fun of Joel together. (“oh god, there's two of them now.” Joel groaned when he caught you two snickering with pointed fingers in his direction after he almost tripped over his own feet.) of late nights and talks of the past, Ellie gave herself over to you, one of the scariest things ever and you only held her close with gentle touches. There were moments like these, you had snuck off to hers and brought snacks, books, and your open heart and attention. Sitting opposite of Ellie, Ellie would nudge your foot – with only a glance as to say “come here.” and you did, resting your head on her shoulder as you finished a sleeve of saltine crackers, handing a few more to Ellie. Letting herself relish in the utter peace you brought her, the moon shined bright onto Jackson and lit your face – man, you were so beautiful in this fucked up world, Ellie would do absolutely anything for you to keep it like this. Anything for you.

-

feedback and notes are highly appreciated!

tag list: @hallows3ve @sophialuvsellie

[jetra4ivor]

I really dislike this YouTube thing where anytime a new update or feature is being added in snapshots, some content creator makes a bunch of videos about how they “fixed” the update in a day!

Like fuck you. The update isn’t even finished or out yet, and you’re already trying to “fix” their “mistakes?” All this does is create an air of superiority to the developers and create this notion that the devs aren’t working hard or are wasting potential.

And 9 times out of 10 these “fixes” are soooo god damn superficial and don’t take into consideration anything else in the game.

Take the Pale Gardens and the Creaking right now. So many people are trying to “fix” the creaking by giving it more damage, or hiding its glowing eyes, or making it more deadly… and it’s like… you guys have MISSED THE POINT!

The creaking is not a dangerous mob on its own. Its mechanic of not moving until you look away adds a fun variable you need to contend with when trying to dispose of the creaking heart that controls it. Like a single zombie or a creeper… not that hard to deal with tbh. And it doesn’t even hit for that much damage either.

But that’s NOT THE POINT. The point is that added variable. Alone it’s not an issue, but imagine for a moment that you’re surrounded by zombies and skeletons. You’re taking fire having to attack and block projectiles in this dark environment where you can’t see much. Then suddenly out of nowhere you’re STILL getting hit! You didn’t see the creaking coming up behind you because you were preoccupied with the mobs in front of you. Now you’ve got to contend with a mob you can’t kill unless you find and destroy its heart while fending off zombies and skeletons and creepers… in the dark.

It’s like accidentally looking at an Ender man, or forgetting to sleep for 3 days and accidentally spawning phantoms that dive bomb you. It’s just an added extra variable of complexity that hits you when you least expect it and could cause you to panic. And when you panic you don’t think right and you make mistakes and an entire day of mining and searching for items could be ruined because you were too cocky and went into that forest at the wrong time unprepared.

THAT is what the Creaking is for. It’s not a warden level boss to be defeated. It doesn’t need to be made HARDER to deal with. It just needs to be an added unexpected factor that you’ll forget about until it’s too late.

That doesn’t need to be “fixed.” That’s the whole POINT of the mob! It’s flavor! It’s something unique and new and weird and creepy! Not everything has to be about progressing to kill the Ender dragon! Not everything is about updating your fucking armor! Not everything HAS to be about progression!

The reason Minecraft works so well is because we’re given these tools and features and WE make of it what we want. WE come up with the lore. WE tell stories of getting jumped in the woods. Stop trying to “fix” this stuff and just learn to be a better player!

Content farming trash…

[sudokufag]

Mmm it's something I've always wanted a chance to talk about but have never gotten a real chance to online or in real life but since it's disability pride month and all

I wanna give a huge shoutout to people with phobias. (long post ahead)

I feel like phobias aren't talked about nearly as much as they should be in mental health spaces. We talk a lot about people's triggers related to traumatic events, but we don't really cover what it's like to have a trigger from a phobia.

Phobias can come from trauma, but just as many times that happen for no reason at all. Sometimes a slightly uncomfortable, embarrassing or spooky one time occurance buries itself into your mind for no reason at all and it just stays there because the human mind is funny and often slips up.

There's not really a community for phobias, if you look up your phobia online you will be flooded with really triggering images, you can't search any tags online because those tags exist to censor triggers, not to form a community. (not to say that those tags aren't important ofc they are) The closest I've seen is the tag "actual phobia" in Tumblr but this seems small and drowned out by fandom posts somehow.

Phobias are hard and exhausting. They effect you in ways that people wouldn't expect and you cant really explain. They can be humiliating to have: kids in middle school intentionally would trigger my phobia because they didn't understand the severity until I fainted onto the floor. I'm an adult by my mom has to hold my hand and head at the doctors office so I don't break down like a child, the worst was when I had to get my covid shot and confused children and judgemental elderly people alike stared at me in the midst of my meltdown.

Phobias are very isolating. That new movie everyone raves about has triggering subjects right on the poster and no one really thinks to tag it while it's trending. That video game looks right up my alley, but oh, it triggers my phobia and theres no way to censor it in the settings. You try to tell friends and family about your issues as they halfway pay attention as they file your fears under the same urgency "needs to ask their partner to kill the spider". If you've got an uncommon or silly sounding phobia, you will straight up get laughed at for expressing your fear, even in what should be really progressive and accepting places.

It's hard to really describe a meltdown to someone who's never had them. Phobias often make people cry and scream and kick involuntarily, we can vomit and drop in blood sugar and have migraines and faint. To say that it's the feeling of walls closing in on you is to only put in the slightest terms. When I have a meltdown, I feel like I am dying. It's the most pain and fear you can feel, reverting you back into a confused childlike state, and the only reprieve I can get is knowing that I 15 minutes I will feel better if a little tired and I will get to drink a coke with a silly straw as congratulations for making it through.

Lots of people will give you a flat and unsympathetic "get help." even when they're typically progressive enough to know it's rude to say that to people suffering from things like depression. It applies to us too! It's damn hard to get a therapist already, even harder to feel ready to look a phobia in the eye. Signing up for exposure therapy is a very scary thing to do.

So to anyone reading this with a phobia or phobias:

Weather being the very common ones or ones so rare and niche that you aren't taken seriously, and God help you on avoiding triggers

Being unable to enter doctors offices or grocery stores or the post office without shaking in fear

Those whole also struggle with OCD too and have intrusive thoughts about their phobias, triggering them even when sitting alone in their room

Those who's circle doesn't take their phobia very seriously and feels lost and alone when triggered

For those who have been hospitalized or institutionalized because of their phobia

You're not alone! And all feelings, even the very worst feelings, always will come to pass.

I wish that there was a community around phobias the same way there is for my conditions ADHD and anxiety, so we could learn coping mechanisms and better understand ourselves as people through each other's experiences. I'm not sure how that'd work or what that'd look like, but the best way I can think of to get started is to post things like these!

*feel free to share you experience if you want to in the tags

[shuxiii]

Everyday

Hanni Pham x reader pt1, pt2, pt3, pt4, pt5, pt6, pt7, pt8, pt9, pt10, pt11, pt12, pt13, pt14, pt15, pt16, pt17, pt18

A/n this is based on the novel book "every day" by David Levithan saur credits to him I tots recommend reading the novel itself it's so damn goodies bro like gosh golly lawrd.

synopsis: You, someone who wakes up in a different body every day to live a different life. You spend your days inhabiting a new body and pretending to be the person without changing their personality or life. 

TW: profanities

Day 5994

I wake up.

Immediately I have to figure out who I am. It’s not just

the body—opening my eyes and discovering whether the skin on my arm is light or dark, whether my hair is long or short, whether I’m fat or thin, boy or girl, scarred or smooth. The body is the easiest thing to adjust to if you’re used to waking up in a new one each morning. It’s the life, the context of the body, that can be hard to grasp. Every day I am someone else. I am myself—I know I am myself—but I am also someone else.

It has always been like this. The information is there. I wake up, open my eyes, and understand that it is a new morning, a new place. The biography kicks in, a welcome gift from the not‑me part of the mind. Today I am Kim Minji. Somehow I know this—my name is Minji—and at the same time I know that I’m not really Minji, I’m only borrowing her life for a day. I look around and know that this is her room.

This is her home. The alarm will go off in seven minutes.

I’m never the same person twice, but I’ve certainly been

this type before. Clothes everywhere. Far more video games

than books. Sleeps in her shorts. From the taste of her mouth, a smoker. But not so addicted that she needs one as soon as she wakes up.

“Good morning, Minji,” I say. Checking out her voice. Low. The voice in my head is always different.

Minji doesn’t take care of herself. Her scalp itches. Her eyes don’t want to open. She hasn’t gotten much sleep. Already I know I’m not going to like today. It’s hard being in the body of someone you don’t like, because you still have to respect it. I’ve harmed people’s lives in the past, and I’ve found that every time I slip up, it haunts me.

So I try to be careful. From what I can tell, every person I inhabit is the same age as me. I don’t hop from being nineteen to being ninety. Right now, it’s only nineteen. I don’t know how this works. Or why. I stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago. I’m never going to figure it out, any more than a normal person will figure out his or her own existence. After a while, you have to be at peace with the fact that you simply are. There is no way to know why. You can have theories, but there will never be proof.

I can access facts, not feelings. I know this is Minji’s room, but I have no idea if she likes it or not. Does she want to kill her parents in the next room? Or would she be lost without her mother coming in to make sure she’s awake? It’s impossible to tell. It’s as if that part of me replaces the same part of whatever person I’m in. And while I’m glad to be thinking like myself, a hint every now and then of how the other person thinks would be helpful.

We all contain mysteries, especially when Seen from the inside. The alarm goes off. I reach for a shirt and some jeans, but something lets me see that it’s the same shirt she wore yesterday. I pick a different shirt. I take the clothes with me to the bathroom and dress after showering. Her parents are in the kitchen now. They have no idea that anything is different.

Nineteen years is a lot of time to practice. I don’t usually make mistakes. Not anymore. I read her parents easily: Minji doesn’t talk to them much in the morning, so I don’t have to talk to them. I have grown accustomed to sensing expectations in others, or the lack of them. I shovel down some cereal, leave the bowl in the sink without washing it, grab Minji’s keys, and go.

Yesterday I was a girl in a town I’d guess to be two hours away. The day before, I was a boy in a town three hours farther than that. I am already forgetting their details. I have to, or else I will never remember who I really am.

Minji listens to loud and obnoxious music on a loud and obnoxious station where loud and obnoxious DJs make loud and obnoxious jokes as a way of getting through the morning. This is all I need to know about Minji, really. I access her memory to show me the way to school, which parking space to take, and which locker to go to. The combination. The names of the people she knows in the halls.

Sometimes I can’t go through these motions. I can’t bring myself to go to school and maneuver through the day. I’ll say I’m sick, stay in bed, and read a few books. But even that gets tiresome after a while, and I find myself up for the challenge of a new school, and new friends. For a day.

As I take Minji’s books out of her locker, I can feel someone

hovering on the periphery. I turn, and the girl standing there Is transparent in her emotions—tentative and expectant, nervous and adoring. I don’t have to access Minji to know that this is her girlfriend. No one else would have this reaction to her, so unsteady in her presence. She’s pretty, but she doesn’t see it. She’s hiding behind her hair, happy to see me and unhappy to see me at the same time.

Her name is Hanni. And for a moment—just the slightest beat—I think that, yes, this is the right name for her. I don’t know why. I don’t know her. But it feels right.

This is not Minji’s thought. It’s mine. I try to ignore it. I’m not the person she wants to talk to.

“Hey,” I say, keeping it casual.

“Hey,” she murmurs back.

She’s looking at the floor, at her inked‑in Converse. She’s drawn cities there, skylines around the soles. Something’s happened between her and Minji, and I don’t know what it is. It’s probably not something that Minji even recognized at the time.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

I see the surprise on her face, even as she tries to cover it. This is not something that Minji normally asks. And the strange thing is: I want to know the answer. The fact that she wouldn’t care makes me want it more.

“Sure,” she says, not sounding sure at all.

I find it hard to look at her. I know from experience that beneath every peripheral girl is a central truth. She’s hiding hers away, but at the same time, she wants me to see it. That is, she wants Minji to see it. And it’s there, just out of my reach. A sound waiting to be a word.

She is so lost in her sadness that she has no idea how visible it is. I think I understand her—for a moment, I presume to understand her—but then, from within this sadness, she surprises me with a brief flash of determination. Bravery, even. Shifting her gaze away from the floor, her eyes matching mine,

she asks, “Are you mad at me?”

I can’t think of any reason to be mad at her. If anything, I am mad at Minji, for making her feel so diminished. It’s there in her body language. When she is around her, she makes herself small.

“No,” I say. “I’m not mad at you at all.”

I tell her what she wants to hear, but she doesn’t trust it. I feed her the right words, but she suspects they’re threaded with hooks.

This is not my problem; I know that. I am here for one day. I cannot solve anyone’s girlfriend problems. I should not change anyone’s life.

I turn away from her, get my books out, and close the locker.

She stays in the same spot, anchored by the profound, desperate loneliness of a bad relationship.

“Do you still want to get lunch today?” she asks.

The easy thing would be to say no. I often do this: sense the other person’s life drawing me in and run in the other direction. But there’s something about her—the cities on her shoes, the flash of bravery, the unnecessary sadness—that makes me want to know what the word will be when it stops being a sound.

I have spent years meeting people without ever knowing them, and on this morning, in this place, with this girl, I feel the faintest pull of wanting to know. And in a moment of either weakness or bravery on my own part, I decide to follow it. I decided to find out more.

“Absolutely,” I say. “Lunch would be great.”

Again, I read her: What I’ve said is too enthusiastic. Minji is never enthusiastic.

“No big deal,” I add.

She’s relieved. Or, at least, as relieved as she’ll allow herself to be, which is a very guarded form of relief. By accessing, I know she and Minji have been together for over a year.

That’s as specific as it gets. Minji doesn’t remember the exact date.

She reaches out and takes my hand. I am surprised by how good this feels.

“I’m glad you’re not mad at me,” she says. “I just want everything to be okay.”

I nod. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: We all want everything to be okay. We don’t even wish so much for fantastic or marvelous or outstanding. We will happily settle for okay, because most of the time, okay is enough.

The first bell rings.

“I’ll see you later,” I say. Such a basic promise. But to Hanni, it means the world.

...

At first, it was hard to go through each day without making any lasting connections, leaving any life-​­changing effects. When I was younger, I craved friendship and closeness. I would make bonds without acknowledging how quickly and permanently they would break. I took other people’s lives personally. I felt their friends could be my friends, and their parents could be my parents. But after a while, I had to stop. It was too heartbreaking to live with so many separations.

I am a drifter, and as lonely as that can be, it is also remarkably freeing. I will never define myself in terms of anyone else. I will never feel the pressure of peers or the burden of parental expectations. I can view everyone as pieces of a whole, and focus on the whole, not the pieces. I have learned how to observe, far better than most people observe. I am not blinded by the past or motivated by the future. I focus on the present because that is where I am destined to live.

I learn. Sometimes I am taught something I have already been taught in dozens of other classrooms. Sometimes I am taught something completely new. I have to access the body, access the mind and see what information it’s retained. And when I do, I learn. Knowledge is the only thing I take with me when I go.

I know so many things that Minji doesn’t know, that she will never know. I sit there in her math class, open her notebook, and write down phrases she has never heard. Shakespeare and Kerouac and Dickinson. Tomorrow, or someday after tomorrow, or never, she will see these words in her own handwriting and she won’t have any idea where they came from, or even what they are.

That is as much interference as I allow myself. Everything else must be done cleanly. Hanni stays with me. Her details. Flickers from Minji’s memories. Small things, like the way her hair falls, the way she bites her fingernails, the determination and resignation in her voice. Random things. I see her dancing with Minji’s grandfather, because he’s said he wants a dance with a pretty girl. I see her covering her eyes during a scary movie, peering between her fingers, and enjoying her fright. These are the good memories. I don’t look at any others.

I only see her once in the morning, a brief passing in the halls between first and second period. I find myself smiling when she comes near, and she smiles back. It’s as simple as that. Simple and complicated, as most true things are. I find myself looking for her after second period, and then again after third and fourth. I don’t even feel in control of this. I want to see her. Simple. Complicated.

By the time we get to lunch, I am exhausted. Minji’s body is worn down from too little sleep and I, inside of it, am worn down from restlessness and too much thought.

I wait for her at Minji’s locker. The first bell rings. The second bell rings. No Hanni. Maybe I was supposed to meet her somewhere else. Maybe Minji’s forgotten where they always meet.

If that’s the case, she’s used to Minji forgetting. She finds me right when I’m about to give up. The halls are nearly empty, the cattle call has passed. She comes closer than she did before.

“Hey,” I say.

“Hey,” she says.

She is looking to me. Minji is the one who makes the first move. Minji is the one who figures things out. Minji is the one who says what they’re going to do.

It depresses me. I have seen this too many times before. The unwarranted devotion. Putting up with the fear of being with the wrong person because you can’t deal with the fear of being alone. The hope tinged with doubt, and the doubt tinged with hope. Every time I see these feelings in someone else’s face, it weighs me down. And there’s something in Hanni’s face that’s more than just the disappointments. There is a gentleness there. A gentleness that Minji will never, ever appreciate. I see it right away, but nobody else does.

I take all my books and put them in the locker. I walk over to her and put my hand lightly on her arm. I have no idea what I’m doing. I only know that I’m doing it.

“Let’s go somewhere,” I say. “Where do you want to go?” I am close enough now to see that her eyes are brown. I am close enough now to see that nobody ever gets close enough to see how brown her eyes are.

“I don’t know,” she replies.

I take her hand.

“Come on,” I tell her.

This is no longer restlessness—it’s recklessness. At first, we’re walking hand in hand. Then we’re running hand in hand. That giddy rush of keeping up with one another, of zooming through the school, reducing everything that’s not us into an inconsequential blur. We are laughing, we are playful.

We leave her books in her locker and move out of the building, into the air, the real air, the sunshine and the trees and the less burdensome world. I am breaking the rules as I leave the school. I am breaking the rules as we get into Minji’s car. I am breaking the rules as I turn the key in the ignition.

“Where do you want to go?” I ask again. “Tell me, truly, where you’d love to go.”

I don’t initially realize how much hinges on her answer. If she says, Let’s go to the mall, I will disconnect. If she says, Take me back to your house, I will disconnect. If she says, Actually, I don’t want to miss sixth period, I will disconnect. And I should disconnect. I should not be doing this.

But she says, “I want to go to the ocean. I want you to take me to the ocean.”

And I feel myself connecting.

It takes us an hour to get there. It’s late September in Maryland. The leaves haven’t begun to change, but you can tell they’re starting to think about it. The greens are muted, and faded. Color is right around the corner.

I give Hanni control of the radio. She’s surprised by this, but I don’t care. I’ve had enough of the loud and the obnoxious, and I sense that she’s had enough of it, too. She brings melody to the car. A song comes on that I know, and I sing along.

And if I only could, I’d make a deal with God...Now Hanni goes from surprised to suspicious. Minji never sings along.

“What’s gotten into you?” she asks.

“Music,” I tell her.

“Ha.”

“No, really.”

She looks at me for a long time. Then smiles.

“In that case,” she says, flipping the dial to find the next song.

Soon we are singing at the top of our lungs. A pop song that’s as substantial as a balloon, but lifts us in the same way when we sing it.

It’s as if time itself relaxes around us. She stops thinking about how unusual it is. She lets herself be a part of it.

I want to give her a good day. Just one good day. I have wandered for so long without any sense of purpose, and now this ephemeral purpose has been given to me—it feels like it has been given to me. I only have a day to give—so why can’t it be a good one? Why can’t it be a shared one? Why can’t I take the music of the moment and see how long it can last?

The rules are erasable. I can take this. I can give this.

When the song is over, she rolls down her window and trails her hand in the air, introducing a new music into the car.

I roll down all the other windows and drive faster, so the wind takes over, blows our hair all around, and makes it seem like the car has disappeared and we are the velocity, we are the speed.

Then another good song comes on and I enclose us again, this time taking her hand. I drive like that for miles, and ask her questions. Like how her parents are doing. What it’s like now that her sister’s off at college. If she thinks school is different at all this year.

It’s hard for her. Every single answer starts with the phrase I don’t know. But most of the time she does know, if I give her the time and the space in which to answer. Her mother means well; her father less so. Her sister isn’t calling home, but Hanni can understand that. School is school—she wants it to be over, but she’s afraid of it being over, because then she’ll have to figure out what comes next.

She asks me what I think, and I tell her, “Honestly, I’m just trying to live day to day.”

It isn’t enough, but it’s something. We watch the trees, the sky, the signs, the road. We sense each other. The world, right now, is only us. We continue to sing along. And we sing with the same abandon, not worrying too much if our voices hit the right notes or the right words. We look at each other while we’re singing; these aren’t two solos, this is a duet that isn’t taking itself at all seriously.

It is its own form of conversation—you can learn a lot about people from the stories they tell, but you can also know them from the way they sing along, whether they like the windows up or down, if they live by the map or by the world, if they feel the pull of the ocean.

She tells me where to drive. Off the highway. The empty back roads. This isn’t summer; this isn’t a weekend. It’s the middle of a Monday, and nobody but us is going to the beach.

“I should be in English class,” Hanni says.

“I should be in bio,” I say, accessing Minji’s schedule.

We keep going. When I first saw her, she seemed to be balancing on edges and points. Now the ground is more even, welcoming.

I know this is dangerous. Minji is not good to her. I recognize that. If I access the bad memories, I see tears, fights, and remnants of passable togetherness. She is always there for her, and she must like that. Her friends like her, and she must like that, too.

But that’s not the same as love. She has been hanging on to the hope of her for so long that she doesn’t realize there isn’t anything left to hope for. They don’t have silence together; they have noise.

Mostly her. If I tried, I could go deep into their arguments. I could track down whatever shards she’s collected from all the times she’s destroyed her. If I were really Minji, I would find something wrong with her. Right now. Tell her. Yell. Bring her down. Put her in her place. But I can’t. I’m not Minji. Even if she doesn’t know it.

“Let’s just enjoy ourselves,” I say.

“Okay,” she replies. “I like that. I spend so much time thinking about running away—it’s nice to actually do it. For a day. It’s good to be on the other side of the window. I don’t do this enough.”

There are so many things inside of her that I want to know. And at the same time, with every word we speak, I feel there may be something inside of her that I already know. When I get there, we will recognize each other. We will have that.

I park the car and we head to the ocean. We take off our shoes and leave them under our seats. When we get to the sand, I lean over to roll up my jeans. While I do, Hanni runs ahead. When I look back up, she is spinning around the beach, kicking up sand, calling my name. Everything, at that moment, is lightness. She is so joyful, I can’t help but stop for a second and watch. Witness. Tell myself to remember.

“C’mon!” she cries. “Get over here!”

I’m not who you think I am, I want to tell her. But there’s no way. Of course, there’s no way.

We have the beach to ourselves, the ocean to ourselves. I have her to myself. She has me to herself.

There is a part of childhood that is childish, and a part that is sacred. Suddenly we are touching the sacred part—running to the shoreline, feeling the first cold burst of water on our ankles, reaching into the tide to catch at shells before they ebb away from our fingers.

We have returned to a world that is capable of glistening, and we are wading deeper within it. We stretch our arms wide as if we are embracing the wind. She splashes me mischievously and I mount a counterattack. Our pants, our shirts get wet, but we don’t care.

She asks me to help her build a sand castle, and as I do, she tells me about how she and her sister would never work on sand castles together—it was always a competition, with her sister going for the highest possible mountains while Hanni paid attention to detail, wanting each castle to be the dollhouse she was never allowed to have. I see echoes of this detail now as she makes turrets bloom from her cupped hands.

I myself have no memories of sand castles, but there must be some sense memory attached, because I feel I know how to do this, how to shape this.

When we are done, we walk back down to the water to wash off our hands. I look back and see the way our footsteps intermingle to form a single path.

“What is it?” she asks, seeing me glance backward, seeing something in my expression.

How can I explain this? The only way I know is to say

“Thank you.”

She looks at me as if she’s never heard the phrase before.

“For what?” she asks.

“For this,” I say. “For all of it.”

This escape. The water. The waves. Her. It feels like we’ve stepped outside of time. Even though there is no such place.

There’s still a part of her that’s waiting for the twist, the moment when all of this pleasure will jackknife into pain.

“It’s okay,” I tell her. “It’s okay to be happy.”

The tears come to her eyes. I take her in my arms. It’s the wrong thing to do. But it’s the right thing to do. I have to listen to my own words. Happiness is so rarely a part of my vocabulary, because for me it’s so fleeting.

“I’m happy,” she says. “Really, I am.”

Minji would be laughing at her. Minji would be pushing her down into the sand, to do whatever she wanted to do. Minji would never have come here.

I am tired of not feeling. I am tired of not connecting. I want to be here with her. I want to be the one who lives up to her hopes, if only for the time I’m given.

The ocean makes its music; the wind does its dance. We hold on. At first we hold on to one another, but then it starts to feel like we are holding on to something even bigger than that. Greater.

“What’s happening?” Hanni asks.

“Shhh,” I say. “Don’t question it.”

She kisses me. I have not kissed anyone in years. I have not allowed myself to kiss anyone for years. Her lips are soft as flower petals, but with an intensity behind them. I take it slow, let each moment pour into the next. Feel her skin, her breath.

Taste the condensation of our contact, linger in the heat of it.

Her eyes are closed and mine are open. I want to remember this as more than a single sensation. I want to remember this whole.

We do nothing more than kiss. We do nothing less than kiss. At times, she moves to take it further, but I don’t need that. I trace her shoulders as she traces my back. I kiss her neck. She kisses beneath my ear. The times we stop, we smile at each other. Giddy disbelief, giddy belief. She should be in English class. I should be in bio. We weren’t supposed to come anywhere near the ocean today. We have defied the day as it was set out for us.

We walk hand in hand down the beach as the sun dips in the sky. I am not thinking about the past. I am not thinking about the future. I am full of such gratitude for the sun, the water, the way my feet sink into the sand, the way my hand feels holding hers.

“We should do this every Monday,” she says. “And Tuesday. And Wednesday. And Thursday. And Friday.”

“We’d only get tired of it,” I tell her. “It’s best to have it just once.”

“Never again?” She doesn’t like the sound of that.

“Well, never say never.”

“I’d never say never,” she tells me.

There are a few more people on the beach now, mostly older men and women taking an afternoon walk. They nod to us as we pass, and sometimes they say hello. We nod back, return their hellos. Nobody questions why we’re here. Nobody questions anything. We’re just a part of the moment, like everything else.

The sun falls farther. The temperature drops alongside it.

Hanni shivers, so I stop holding her hand and put my arm around her. She suggests we go back to the car and get the “make-​­out blanket” from the trunk. We find it there, buried under empty beer bottles, twisted jumper cables, and other crap. I wonder how often Hanni and Minji have used the make-​­out blanket for that purpose, but I don’t try to access the memories.

Instead, I bring the blanket back out onto the beach and put it down for both of us. I lie down and face the sky, and Hanni lies down next to me and does the same.

We stare at the clouds, breathing distance from one another, taking it all in.

“This has to be one of the best days ever,” Hanni says. Without turning my head, I find her hand with my hand.

“Tell me about some of the other days like this,” I ask.

“I don’t know...”

“Just one. The first one that comes to mind.”

Hanni thinks about it for a second. Then she shakes her head. “It’s stupid.”

“Tell me.”

She turns to me and moves her hand to my chest. Makes lazy circles there. “For some reason, the first thing that comes to mind is this mother-​­daughter fashion show. Do you promise you won’t laugh?”

I promise.

She studies me. Makes sure I’m sincere. Continues.

“It was in fourth grade or something. Eric’s was doing a fundraiser for hurricane victims, and they asked for volunteers from our class. I didn’t ask my mother or anything—I just signed up. And when I brought the information home—well, you know how my mom is. She was terrified. It’s hard enough to get her out to the supermarket. But a fashion show? In front of strangers? I might as well have asked her to pose for Playboy. God, now there’s a scary thought.”

Her hand is now resting on my chest. She’s looking off to the sky.

“But here’s the thing: she didn’t say no. I guess it’s only now that I realize what I put her through. She didn’t make me go to the teacher and take it back. No, when the day came, we drove over to Eric’s and went where they told us to go. I had thought they would put us in matching outfits, but it wasn’t like that. Instead, they basically told us we could wear whatever we wanted from the store. So there we were, trying all these things on. I went for the gowns, of course—I was so much more of a girl then. I ended up with this light blue dress with ruffles all over the place. I thought it was so sophisticated.”

“I’m sure it was classy,” I say.

She hits me. “Shut up. Let me tell my story.”

I hold her hand on my chest. Lean over and kiss her quickly.

“Go ahead,” I say. I am loving this. I never have people tell me their stories. I usually have to figure them out myself.

Because I know that if people tell me stories, they will expect them to be remembered. And I cannot guarantee that. There is no way to know if the stories stay after I’m gone. And how

devastating would it be to confide in someone and have the confidence disappear? I don’t want to be responsible for that.

But with Hanni I can’t resist.

She continues. “So I had my wanna-be prom dress. And then it was Mom’s turn. She surprised me, because she went for the dresses, too. I’d never really seen her all dressed up before. And I think that was the most amazing thing to me: It wasn’t me who was Cinderella. It was her. “After we picked out our clothes, they put makeup on us and everything. I thought Mom was going to flip, but she was actually enjoying it. They didn’t really do much with her—just a little more color. And that was all it took. She was pretty. I know it’s hard to believe, knowing her now. But that day, she was like a movie star. All the other moms were complimenting her. And when it was time for the actual show, we paraded out there and people applauded. Mom and I were both smiling, and it was real, you know?

“We didn’t get to keep the dresses or anything. But I remember on the ride home, Mom kept saying how great I was. When we got back to our house, Dad looked at us like we were aliens, but the cool thing is, he decided to play along. Instead of getting all weird, he kept calling us his supermodels, and asked us to do the show for him in our living room, which we did. We were laughing so much. And that was it. The day ended. I’m not sure Mom’s worn makeup since. And it’s not like I turned out to be a supermodel. But that day reminds me of this one. Because it was a break from everything, wasn’t it?”

“It sounds like it,” I tell her.

“I can’t believe I just told you that.”

“Why?”

“Because. I don’t know. It just sounds so silly.”

“No, it sounds like a good day.

“How about you?” she asks.

“I was never in a mother-​­daughter fashion show,” I joke.

Even though, as a matter of fact, I’ve been in a few.

She hits me lightly on the shoulder. “No. Tell me about another day like this one.”

I access Hanni and find out she moved to town when he was twelve. So anything before that is fair game, because Hanni won’t have been there. I could try to find one of Minji’s memories to share, but I don’t want to do that. I want to give Hanni something of my own.

“There was this one day when I was eleven.” I try to remember the name of the boy whose body I was in, but it’s lost to me. “I was playing hide-​­and-​­seek with my friends. I mean, the brutal, tackle kind of hide-​­and-​­seek. We were in the woods, and for some reason I decided that what I had to do was climb a tree. I don’t think I’d ever climbed a tree before. But I found one with some low branches and just started moving. Up and up. It was as natural as walking. In my memory, that tree was hundreds of feet tall. Thousands. At some point, I crossed the tree line. I was still climbing, but there weren’t any other trees around. I was all by myself, clinging to the trunk of this tree, a long way from the ground.”

I can see shimmers of it now. The height. The town below me.

“It was magical,” I say. “There’s no other word to describe it. I could hear my friends yelling as they were caught, as the game played out. But I was in a completely different place.

I was seeing the world from above, which is an extraordinary thing when it happens for the first time. I’d never flown in a plane. I’m not even sure I’d been in a tall building. So there I was, hovering above everything I knew. I had made it somewhere special, and I’d gotten there all on my own. Nobody had given it to me. Nobody had told me to do it. I’d climbed and climbed and climbed, and this was my reward. To watch over the world, and to be alone with myself. That, I found, was what I needed.”

Hanni leans into me. “That’s amazing,” she whispers.

“Yeah, it was.”

“And it was in Minnesota?”

In truth, it was in North Carolina. But I access Minji and find that, yes, for her it would’ve been Minnesota. So I nod.

“You want to know another day like this one?” Hanni asks, curling closer. I adjust my arm, making us both comfortable. “Sure.”

“Our second date.”

But this is only our first, I think. Ridiculously.

“Really?” I ask.

“Remember?”

I check to see if Minji remembers their second date. She doesn’t.

“Dack’s party?” she prompts.

Still nothing.

“Yeah...,” I hedge.

“I don’t know—maybe it doesn’t count as a date. But it was the second time we hooked up. And, I don’t know, you were just so . . . sweet about it. Don’t get mad, alright?”

I wonder where this is going.

“I promise, nothing could make me mad right now,” I tell her. I even cross my heart to prove it.

She smiles. “Okay. Well, lately—it’s like you’re always in a rush. Like, we have make-outs but we’re not really...intimate. And I don’t mind. I mean, it’s fun. But every now and then, it’s good to have it be like this. And at Dack’s party—it was like this. Like you had all the time in the world, and you wanted us to have it together. I loved that. It was back when you were really looking at me. It was like—well, it was like you’d climbed up that tree and found me there at the top. And we had that together. Even though we were in someone’s backyard. At one point—do you remember?—you made me move over a little so I’d be in the moonlight. ‘It makes your skin glow,’ you said. And I felt like that. Glowing. Because you were watching me, along with the moon.”

Does she realize that right now she’s lit by the warm orange spreading from the horizon, as not-​­quite-​­day becomes not-​­quite-​­night? I lean over and become that shadow. I kiss her once, then we drift into each other, close our eyes, drift into sleep. And as we drift into sleep, I feel something I’ve never felt before. A closeness that isn’t merely physical. A connection that defies the fact that we’ve only just met. A sensation that can only come from the most euphoric of feelings: belonging.

What is it about the moment you fall in love? How can such a small measure of time contain such enormity? I suddenly realize why people believe in déjà vu, why people believe they’ve lived past lives, because there is no way the years I’ve spent

on this earth could possibly encapsulate what I’m feeling. The moment you fall in love feels like it has centuries behind it, generations—all of them rearranging themselves so that this precise, remarkable intersection could happen. In your heart, in your bones, no matter how silly you know it is, you feel that everything has been leading to this, all the secret arrows were pointing here, the universe and time itself crafted this long ago, and you are just now realizing it, you are just now arriving at the place you were always meant to be.

We woke an hour later to the sound of her phone. I keep my eyes closed. Hear her groan. Hear her tell her mother she’ll be home soon.

The water has gone deep black and the sky has gone ink blue. The chill in the air presses harder against us as we pick up the blanket, providing a new set of footprints. She navigates, I drive. She talks, I listen. We sing some more. Then she leans into my shoulder and I let her stay there and sleep for a little longer, dream for a little longer.

I am trying not to think of what will happen next.

I am trying not to think of endings.

I never get to see people while they’re asleep. Not like this.

She is the opposite of when I first met her. Her vulnerability is open, but she’s safe within it. I watch the rise and fall of her, the stir and rest of her. I only wake her when I need her to tell me where to go.

The last ten minutes, she talks about what we’re going to do tomorrow. I find it hard to respond.

“Even if we can’t do this, I’ll see you at lunch?” she asks.

I nod.

“And maybe we can do something after school?”

“I think so. I mean, I’m not sure what else is going on. My mind isn’t really there right now.”

This makes sense to her. “Fair enough. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Let’s end today on a nice note.”

Once we get to town, I can access the directions to her house without having to ask her. But I want to get lost anyway.

To prolong this. To escape this.

“Here we are,” Hanni says as we approach her driveway. I pull the car to a stop. I unlock the doors. She leans over and kisses me. My senses are alive with the taste of her, the smell of her, the feel of her, the sound of her breathing, and the sight of her as she pulls her body away from mine.

“That’s the nice note,” she says. And before I can say anything else, she’s out the door and gone.

I don’t get a chance to say goodbye.

I guess, correctly, that Hanni’s parents are used to her being out of touch and missing dinner. They try to yell at her, but you can tell that everyone’s going through the motions, and when Minji storms off to her room, it’s just the latest rerun of an old show.

I should be doing Minji’s homework—I’m always pretty conscientious about that kind of thing, if I’m able to do it—but my mind keeps drifting to Hanni. Imagining her at home. Imagining her floating from the grace of the day. Imagining her believing that things are different, that Minji has somehow changed.

I shouldn’t have done it. I know I shouldn’t have done it. Even if it felt like the universe was telling me to do it. I agonize over it for hours. I can’t take it back. I can’t make it go away.

I fell in love once, or at least until today, I thought I had. Her name was Danielle, and it felt so real, even if it was mostly words. Intense, heartfelt words. I stupidly let myself think of a possible future with her. But there was no future. I tried to navigate it, but I couldn’t.

That was easy compared to this. It’s one thing to fall in love. It’s another to feel someone else falling in love with you, and to feel a responsibility toward that love.

There is no way for me to stay in this body. If I don’t go to sleep, the shift will happen anyway. I used to think that if I stayed up all night, I’d get to remain where I was. But instead, I was ripped from the body I was in. And the ripping felt exactly like what you would imagine being ripped from a body would feel like, with every single nerve experiencing the pain of the break, and then the pain of being fused into someone new.

From then on, I went to sleep every night. There was no use fighting it. I realize I have to call her. Her number’s right there in her phone. I can’t let her think tomorrow is going to be like today.

“Hey!” she answers.

“Hey,” I say.

“Thank you again for today.”

“Yeah.”

I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to ruin it. But I have to, don’t I?

I continue, “But about today?”

“Are you going to tell me that we can’t cut class every day? That’s not like you.”

Not like me.

“Yeah,” I say, “but, you know, I don’t want you to think every day is going to be like today. Because they’re not going to be, alright? They can’t be.”

There’s a silence. She knows something’s wrong.

“I know that,” she says carefully. “But maybe things can still be better. I know they can be.”

“I don’t know,” I tell her. “That’s all I wanted to say. I don’t know. Today was something, but it’s not, like, everything.”

“I know that.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

I sigh. There’s always a chance that, in some way, I will have brushed off on Minji. There’s always a chance that her life will in fact change—that she will change. But I have no way of knowing. It’s rare that I get to see a body after I’ve left it. And even then, it’s usually months or years later. If I recognize it at all. I want Minji to be better to her. But I can’t have her expecting it.

“That’s all,” I tell her. It feels like a Minji thing to say

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, you will.”

“Thanks again for today. No matter what trouble we get into tomorrow for it, it was worth it.”

“Yeah.”

“I love you,” she says.

And I want to say it. I want to say I love you, too. Right now, right at this moment, every part of me would mean it. But that will only last for a couple more hours.

“Sleep well,” I tell her. Then I hang up.

There’s a notebook on her desk.

Remember that you love Hanni, I write in her handwriting. I doubt she’ll remember writing it. I go onto her computer. I open up my own email account, then type out her name, her phone number, her email address, as well as Mniji’s email and password. I write about the day. And I send it to myself.

As soon as I’m through, I clear Minji’s history. This is hard for me. I have gotten so used to what I am, and how my life works. I never want to stay. I’m always ready to leave.

But not tonight. Tonight I’m haunted by the fact that tomorrow she’ll be here and I won’t be. I want to stay. I pray to stay. I close my eyes and wish to stay.

[crushedsweets]

Do you have and hcs of how Toby and Ben would act together? - Hoodie

YES SORT OF . u know the drill this is my au and bens story is one that i changed a lot so here we go :9

ok toby younger brother family trauma issues lonely grew up isolated etc. ben only child got killed by neighbor for absurd vr theory now inhabits a virus-ghost-form that he partially shares with several other dead kids.

toby and ben wouldnt have gotten along before ben died. only because ben was just. a 13 yr old boy addicted to video games ... those kids r mean, and toby was heavily bullied in his childhood. the ONLY reason bens not a huge dick anymore is bc his 'form' itself is fucked up (he glitches, he has an electronic vocal fry and occasional stutter from glitches, he has a weird glow to him, sickly drowned boy skin, veins look like those green code lines, red/black eyes, HE'S LITERALLY DRESSED LIKE LINK). bens not exactly insecure about any of this, but he knows damn well he cannot make fun of a tic without toby shooting back 10x harder.

which ok yeah kinda sad that ben has to look weird for him to not be mean but .. . like . . yeah. it is what it is.

they met mmm... maybe when toby was around 21? jeff would be 16, and ben wouldve been 14. SOOO toby doesnt really TRY to befriend ben. he's too old for him and has no interest in being besties w some kid. but he has a job to stop ben from tormenting people online and drawing attention to weird ghost sites and whatnot, so he started talking to all sorts of ai- cleverbot being the main, of course.

of all the proxies, tobys the only one ben likes. tobys a dick, but he has his moments where he's funny and gets distracted during a mission, so he's sat and rambled and bickered with the ai on slow nights. ben immediately knew everything about toby, because he has access to every single file on tobys computer, phone, etc.

ben SCARED THE SHIT out of toby upon their first meeting. he crawled out of tobys janky ass computer one day and toby nearly threw up from being so freaked out. yeah, he's killed people and whatever, BUT GHOSTS R FUCKING SCARY (and he has .trauma with ghosts and hallucinations of them (lyra)). ben already knew exactly who toby worked for, what toby was doing, and thought it was beyond funny. ben was the first being who already knew all the slenderman lore because he spends literally. every. second. on the internet. he is basically the internet. and he watches them, listens through their phones, watches, etc. he doesnt know the details perfectly tho cuz technology gets weird around slednerman/the operator. so toby thought that was helpful, in a sense.

so pretty quickly ben was fond of toby. thought he was like, that cool older brother of your friend. the main issue was the proxies at this time were trying to find and kill jeff because he was infected by the operator and slenderman deemed him 'too far gone.'

ben was actually the one who proposed the whole 'okay. so you want me to stop terrorizing kids online. fair. now ive noticed you keep trying to kill my friend(jeff). stop that and we can be cool :3'.

eventually they all came to some weird agreement where. ben will stop haunting people, the proxies will stop trying to kill jeff, jeff has to stop doing his 'full course' murders, and eventually, ben just likes them enough to start helping them with cctv, police files, etc. it was a complicated agreement that eventually ended in friendship, sort of?

they play video games together. eventually toby does see him as a little brother. it's kinda unsettling because the proxies realize just how much power ben has when it comes to just...... leaking everything. toby thinks that 'ok well, if ben leaks stuff about us, we leak stuff about jeff, and now he has no friends and is lonely, so he can't.' but tim and brian are legitimately freaked out at the thought of their lives being ruined anymore than they already are, so theyre pretty courteous to ben

ben will really just hang around. toby can just be eating breakfast and ben will pop up and ask whats up. he's annoying and clingy, and he can tell toby is biting his tongue half the time. . but toby is grateful sometimes. bens laid back and funny, and toby could use some laughs, so its a decent time for them both

again, overall, toby is just kinda too old for ben(although ben wouldve been a year older than toby if he was alive), but ben is really funny, he's nice to toby, he plays video games with him, he comes and checks in on him randomly. so toby appreciates having a freaky ghost little brother thing hanging around. bens one of his fave people (which is only saying so much when the other people he talks to are like . . jeff)

[babablacksherp]

Shared Amongst Turtles

Part one

Yandere Tmnt x y/n

Mikey- baby Yandere

Ralph- mild Yandere

Leo- spicy Yandere

Donnie- dangerous Yandere

Summary: Mikey and y/n start dating a sort of sweet relationship until Ralph starts noticing.

————————————————————

Y/n point of view-

“Thanks for walking me home.” You say holding his hand outside your apartment door. You give him a sweet forehead kiss before rummaging for your keys.

“No problem the purple dragons have been persistent lately and I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if something were to happen.” He fiddles with his hands obviously missing the feeling of holding yours.

“You worry too much, yes found them!, anyway I love the extra time I get to spend with you anyways” you give him a genuine kiss this time holding his face towards yours, before turning away and going to open your door.

If only Mikey weren’t so caught up in your date would he realize he was fallowed..

Ralph pov-

Mikey had been sneaking out of the layer almost every other night Leo told me to drop it that it was probably nothing, and Donnie being his hood little lap dog agreed. I can’t get over this feeling that he’s not up to anything good.

So one night I follow him opting out of scouting. Leo looked at me like I was crazy, to be fair, I never back down from a good fight.

I followed him to a park, waiting for about an hour, he just sat at a swing on his T-phone, I was about to leave until I saw this girl with h/c (hair/color) walk up behind him trying to spook him, and Mikey played along.

I followed them the rest of the night till she finally went home, and I waited until Mikey tuned a corner, before giving him a piece of my mind.

Landing in front of him he gasped in shock, “what are you doing here” he looked worried.

“I should be asking you that dateing a human?, Mikey what are you thinking?”

Mikey seemed to get upset, “non of your god damn business.”

Shocked by his word choice I can physically feel my teeth grinding against one another. “You stop seeing her or I tell the team.”

Mikey pauses seemingly scared, until he finds his balls, “you tell the team about y/n then I tell them about the old man you killed”

Now I am shook, how did he know about Vic? I give him a shove hard enough he lands on his ass, before walking away without another word to him.

*time skip*

I start to watch her she has a simple schedule, go to work, go to 24/7 for dinner probably how she met Mikey, before going back home for the night and Mikey on cue shows up swinging into her apartment via her window.

I come up with a plan for tomorrow

*time skip*

On the next night I wait for her at 24/7, I wait in the back as to not scare her off, and I hear the door bell ring I peek my head out to see her she’s chatting to Murakami about his special today, before her e/c (eye/color) eyes glass over to me, I step out of the kitchen, and Murakami greats me asking if I know y/n, I replied that I don’t and I pull out a seat to sit next to her, I start rapid fire asking questions about her and before we know it we collectively gone through half a dozen servings of noodles and dumplings, in a few hours, laughing and talking about all sort of things video games, my brother, different foods we do and don’t like, turns out she’s a bit of a picky eater, I wondered if this is how Mikey came to like her so much..

*Time skip* (like a week)

Donnie’s pov-

“Mikey, Ralph, Leo, can we have a quick conversation about our T-phone usage?” People come out Mikey and Ralph looking like they arnt sleeping well and Leo who looks pissed.

“Sit, this isn’t going to be a fun conversation, and I-“

Leo cuts him off “so who’s the girl?, the girl you two are so determined to see every night that you are willing to break house rules, rules we agreed on.” He’s pissed “what’s her name?”

“Y/n” I answered “and you stole my show, I had there conversations with her pulled up on the tv and everything” Donnie wines.

*time skip*

Leo’s pov-

We agreed we would invite her to the lair before deciding if we needed to ‘scrap’ her this was my compromise to Ralph and Mikey, tension is rising as everyone feels betrayed by each other right now.

We here soft footsteps followed by Donnie’s footsteps, he seems to be the only one of us I can trust to keep his head clear.

She looks worried like she’s in trouble, “is everything alright? Donnie told me you weren’t supposed to see me?”

Ralph and Mikey look down at the ground ashamed at being found out.

“Listen what If I stayed down here? Until you all found me trust worthy enough” her eyes trikes to me almost begging to be kissed right there, I coughed trying to keep my emotions at bay. “I mean it’s worth a shot right? After Aprils, and Casey’s passing it might be nice to have another human around. Donnie ruffles her hair playfully.

God are we all falling for her?



[lifesteal-headcanons]

I'm gonna put the glitch in glitch duo right now and rant about them and how their glitches work because I am so normal about them (lie)

Okay, so I barely got into Lifesteal like. Late last year because of Squiddo joining and I lowkey got really hyped for it and seeing Ash and Squiddo together I was like.. Woah.. New fav duo alert.. And then found that there was no fancontent and had to make it myself so.

Anywho! Ashswag, as we already know, has that lil.. Thing over his left eye (?) That a lot of us (me) has interpreted as like. Glitching. So to start us off, I believe that glitching can stem from messing with your own player code/others player code/server codes/using mods with like. Virus' or something idk im not that smart. And from the Ashswag videos I've watched we can kind of tell where Ash fits in there by like. Fucking with how servers work and therefore fucking up his own code.

Squiddo's code is glitched because.. Have you watched Squiddo's videos? Naw but fr, she's constantly putting the most cancer inducing mods on her game, playing mods that can definitely fry their pc, playing minecraft on a USB DRIVE?? Which would DELETE chunks to MAKE MORE OF ITSELF so like. You can see where I'm going with this. So obviously, their code gets fucked up and the more they do these mods and plug ins and - whatever the hell, the more their code because intangible and unable to be fixed.

So, with that, I'm gonna go ahead and explain how I think their glitching works and how it affects their body/like.. Everything else.

Ashswag's glitches, as we can see, are more visible to the eye. Literally over his damn eye. I'm gonna go ahead and assume that gives him some partial blindness in his left eye. Also, from some fics that ive read ive seen people give him like, back problems and chronic pain that he probably had before but the glitches DEFINITELY don't help at all and instead make the pain way worse than it already is so. Yay!

While Ash's are more physical, I feel like Squiddo's are more like. Mental? If you catch my drift? While Ash is stumbling down into a heap of pain on the floor because his back is killing him, Squiddo is standing in the hallway staring at him wondering why the guy from the one house smp is crumbling on the floor in front of them on a server they swore they were not on a few weeks ago.

So yeah. Memory loss Squiddo. Also inspired from a fic that I do know! I'll link the fics I got inspired from at the end because they are genuinely such good reads and great ideas.

But I decided that memory loss best fit Squiddo, because tbh they are pretty forgetful. And I take their goofy hijinks and shenanigans as just. Squiddo having to recollection of anything and just trying to do something (which she's probably done before) to job their memory but oh well. I feel as if the memory loss is more of a living in the farlands thing rather than glitched out fucked-up code inducing thing, but whatever. The only time we see glitched out Squiddo is on thumbnails! So I feel like whenever Squiddo joins a server or world that's previously glitched or like. They're already pretty glitched, it really takes its toll and fucks up the whole thing and makes it a memory loss disaster for Squiddo.

And because of Squiddo's horrible memory, they can never recollect and find out what the hell happened to the world to make it this glitched out when in reality she's the reason the world is so glitched.

Except when joining servers! Surprisingly, they don't experience those things when joining servers while when joining worlds the world would become discombobulated and delete itself just after a few hours. Funsies! Which they realize when they join the one house smp just to explore it and then they find ASHSWAG!! And then realizes that HE'S GLITCHED TOO!! YAYY!!! And then they absolutely BOMBARDDDD him with questioned like "why do my worlds always delete themselves?", "what causes someone to have a glitched code?" And "how are servers able to not glitch out?" Etc etc which Ashswag answers and then BOOM! FRIENDSHIP!!!

Basically the only reason servers are able to work for them is because theres like.. This other thing cody whatever that prevents it to idk im not smart. This is not compliant with my past fics written about this stuff but oh wellsies.

Another thing I have made up is 'glitch fever' where basically they just get sick because of their fucked up code and glitches. Yeah. Also based off a fic I read where being around Ashswag too much can make you sick and stuff. I feel like their are certain people who are immune to it like Reddoons (purely because of Swagdoons and nothing else) and Squiddo (because they also glitch tf out and Swagsquid/silly).

Another thing I've like. Headcanoned (because this is all just me reading too much into things and making too many headcanons about) is that their glitches also like.. Made their body tempature irregular. This is so random but it was just something I thought of and then I wrote a fic about it. Like, Ash is constantly fucking cold and on a hot ass texas summer day he'll feel a little warm. Same for Squiddo just vice versa. I love them. The sillies. I want to put them in a terrarium and study them.

That's.. All I have I'm pretty sure. Hello I am Swagsquid the #1 Glitch Duo Writer/Enthusiast and the #1 Swagsquid Shipper (the ONLY Swagsquid shipper..) and thank you for listening to my ted talk.

Fics I took inspiration from:

"Dear Diary: Today, I killed someone" by Fey_wilde on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/52170592)

"I Feel Too Weak to Stand" by Eternal_Era on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/48067240)

"fault lines" by garlic_sauc3 on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/41924196)

Fics I've written based on this idea:

"Glitch fever" by (ME!!) Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/53400835)

"The warmth of another's embrace" by Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/53449573/chapters/135284551)

"Forgotten hot chocolate" by Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/54350146)

(Please read the tags and ratings before reading some of the fics!)

.

[fembot-y2k]

WOAGH I got tagged by @elliegoose to do a thingy!

now the tag game was to introduce yourself with:

one tv show

one movie

one album

one video game

I, however, liked that they did two and I am ALSO cute and get to do whatever I want so im gonna do two, too.

TV shows: The Venture Bros. and Hilda

talk about opposite ends of the spectrum, eh? Now Venture Bros. will always come with an asterisk, that being that it's an Adult Swim show that was created in the early 2000s by two white guys. Its comedy, especially in earlier seasons, can be unsavory. I'm a big believer in things being imperfect though. Not every show can live up to every standard, and sometimes you just need to roll your eyes at jokes that were made 10-20 years ago. If you can get past that what you get is an excellent and genuinely fun world full of Spyfi and Superhero parodies with a good story to boot.

Hilda, on the other hand, is a show for younger audiences based on a kids book series that largely has to do with various pieces of Scandinavian folklore. I've watched Hilda all the way through twice, once on my own as it was coming out and then once with my wife, and its just so so so lovely. The colour tones of red blue yellow and white, the delightful music, the adorable cast of characters and creatures, its such a good time. One of the best cozy up and just vibe it out shows imo. In my top 5 for sure.

Movies: Everything, Everywhere, All at once and Wolf Children.

What hasn't been said about EEAAO? It won awards that it damn well deserved, its got a perfect cast, it makes me cry every time I watch it. A compelling story about family and change, and the monumental difficulties that can come with them, as well as how different people survive hardships in their life, all wrapped up in the most batshit thing you've ever seen. Clair De Lune, THE SONG I GOT MY NAME FROM, is the main theme and it makes me tear up every time. In every universe, I would love to do laundry and taxes with you, and watch this movie.

Wolf Children isn't far off from that vein. I consider it to be Studio Chizu's magnum opus and I don't say that lightly. From the presentation and voice cast to the music and gorgeous art used in the movie, not even to MENTION how good the story about family, change, growing up, and letting go is, if you don't cry in the first 30 mins you should evaluate your emotional status. This movie means so much to me, its such a gorgeous story, and more people should know about it. Studio Chizu doesn't have a single miss in my opinion, just lesser and greater movies. Wolf Children is hands down the greatest.

Albums: Get Lonely by The Mountain Goats and No Dogs Allowed by Sidney Gish

What??? Clair's top two isn't DnB or something techno related???? Nah dog, I get sad a lot and have a thing for poetry. Get lonely was an album I listened to in some of the worst years of my adult life. I was 20 living with my family who made me miserable in a state that was (and still is) trying to get rid of people like me, and I had very little things that were mine. Walking around downtown Bartow, Florida, in the two weeks of winter that hell state gets while listening to John Darniel sing about soft agonies while watching my breath dissipate into the air? That was mine, and it always will be. TMG in general is I think my favourite band. The poetry on display in every one of their songs is just, too beautiful for my dumb ass to put in any meaningful way.

No Dogs Allowed was an album I listened to while working a midnight shift job I hated while also living with my family. Its an upbeat, quirky, kind of melancholy romp with songs that bring me back to driving from Bartow to Lakeland hoping I could stop myself from either killing myself or fucking up my friendships, whichever came first. Spoiler alert, I'm still alive. It also reminds me of the last big thing I ever did with my sibling before I left Florida for good, which was go to the Tampa Bay Aquarium with them. Several songs from the album were on the playlist I made for us, and hearing them always makes me want to shoot them a message to see if they're doing okay.

Video Games: Night in the woods and Final Fantasy XIV Online

Night in the woods is very, very near and dear to my heart. I honestly don't know what to say. If you've played it you know how good it is. How well written the story of Mae and her mental health crisis is. How it goes over things like poverty and trying to get by/make a better life. Family struggles that they don't talk to you about, small hometown decay that seeps into your every memory until the place you grew up in looks like a collection of distorted rotting shapes. I play it once a year in the fall, and each time I do its like seeing an old friend again. At the end of everything, hold onto everything.

Final Fantasy XIV Online is a game you can play with your friends. I could go on and on and on about how I have 1300 hours in this game and how I met some good friends on it, and how important it is to me as a piece of writing and a community and an experience. But we'd be here all day. FFXIV was there for me in some very tough times. I met new people, I grew distant from others, I have regrets and joys that I still carry with me. If you can get into it with the right people, the game really is something special. Its something to be shared, its a bustling community with all the edges that come with that, its a world where you can be a 7ft. tall elf with green eyes and white hair, and its a part of me.

As for who I wanna tag: @problematicmilf , @ninefoldrin , @baphomets-hairy-bonkhonagahoogs , @mobileleprechaun , and anyone who sees this and wants to do it too. This was fun! Hope I don't seem too lame lol.