#damn this is messy as hell but wutevs

[itadooori]

how do you write a eulogy for someone who isn't dead yet?

(text is from a journal entry from TLOU pt 2)

[jonatla-blog]

Boyfs BEIN Gay

Michael hadn't meant for it to happen this way. Sure, it had been literal years since he has realized his feelings for his (maybe straight) best friend Jeremy, but he hadn't had any plans to act on those feelings. No, no. Michael was just fine hiding in the closet, pining after someone he felt he had no chance with. But of course, things didn't work out that way. The easy way. They were high. That's where most of Michael’s mistakes seemed to start, but at least he had an excuse to fall back on when Jeremy inevitably tried to talk to him about the ‘incident’. And knowing Jeremy, he would definitely need that excuse. They were smoking a joint between the two of them, and Michael, being the borderline creep with a crush on a kid he'd been friends with for years, went into one of his favorite pastimes, which was watching Jeremy breathe while smoking. They were passing a joint between the two of them, And it was Jeremy's turn. Michael watched Jeremy blow the smoke slowly out of his mouth, his eyes closed, head tilted back, slim, pale neck exposed to Michael. And fuck, Michael was screwed, totally screwed if he had to watch Jeremy move his head like that one more damn time. If Michael forced himself to watch Jeremy’s Adam's apple bob again, he would lose it completely. “What are you staring at?” Jeremy moved his eyes to Michael, half-lidded and red from the weed, a stupid smile stretched across his face. He shifted on the beanbag, slightly closer to Michael. Shit, shit. That smile was killing Michael, and so was his fluffy, slightly messy hair, and his wet, tired eyes. Michael shook his head in response, not trusting his voice. Jeremy's stupid grin grew. Michael just wanted to kiss him. That smile made him look so perfect, so stupid and so cute and maybe a little sexy? Michael didn't even know anymore, he was only processing one thing. I want to kiss Jeremy Heere right FUCKING now. And before he could debate with himself, ask himself if this was the best idea, he was surging forward awkwardly on the beanbag, putting one hand on the back of Jeremy's neck and sloppily kissing him. Maybe it was the weed, or the fact that it was already happening, that Michael was already kissing him, but Jeremy put his hands on the beanbag to balance his weight, and moved towards Michael, joining in the impromptu kiss that he had initiated. And Michael was officially fucked, because if he liked Jeremy before he got to kiss him, he was head over heels now, now that he knew how soft Jeremy's lips were, and how it felt to run his hands through that soft hair. And he knew that he didn't want this to end. Ever. But it did, and Michael was alone, sitting in the same damned beanbag chair where an hour ago he was kissing his best friend, wondering how the hell he screwed this up so badly. He closed his eyes, settling into the chair and exhaling slowly. He was still a little stoned, and honestly just wished he could sleep off all of his problems, but the memories of it just kept running in circles in his head. His phone buzzed. Michael felt like he already knew who it was, but he lifted it to his face, cracking an eye open to see the text. Jeremy: we should talk. My house in 20?? -- So, there it is. My first contribution to the BMC fandom is pining Michael :,) im Sure This has been done like 2000 times but wutevs. Part 2??? Maybe :/ Thanks for reading!!