#daddy sasageyo

[wing-ed-thing]

Stupid, Stupid, Emotionally Unavailable Erwin Smith (Levi x Reader x Erwin)

Synopsis: You knew him through his cadet years and yours. You practically grew up together and your admiration of him led you right into the Scouts. You thought your affections had been a well-kept secret. Levi thinks Erwin has known the whole time.

Word Count: 17.5k

Tags/Warnings: No Reader Pronouns, Robbery, Knife-Violence, Violence Against Children, Alcohol, Slight Timeline Divergence, Reader is Good at Math, Angst, Fluff, Hurt and Comfort

Notes: This was so fun to write I never want to do it again!

The door was still open, and bugs were getting into the shop. 

You could see them from around his shoulder. The lantern at the door illuminated the sign that swung above the sidewalk. The sun had set a bit ago, and now, because of the light, bugs were entering through the open door. The steel of his blade reflected the flickering ember. You didn’t like looking at it. It made you upset, but the moths and other winged things entering the store made your guts squirm. 

The stool you had been sitting on had been knocked to the ground by your ankles. You stood behind the counter. The cash register sat on the small space in front of you with just enough room for it and an area for customers to place merchandise to ring up—a hook with bags dangled on the edge.

“Are you deaf? Open the register,” the man repeated forcefully, glancing over his shoulder toward the open door. His eyes flickered around, and he slammed his fist on the counter when you did not respond. You jumped instinctively, your focus only then breaking from the swarm of nocturnal bugs. “I don’t like roughing up kids, but I won’t hesitate if you don’t do what I tell you!”

Before you could even think, you popped open the register. Your heart fluttered in panic as the man came around the counter, pushing you to the side. You fell to the ground as he ransacked the cash from the trays. He pocketed the wad of bills, not before catching sight of the small safe that sat underneath. The thief eyed it greedily, and you could do nothing as he seized you by the sleeve, dragging you up onto your feet. A hand made its way into your hair, tugging and tangling painfully at your skull as you were shoved face-first into the safe’s lock. 

“What’s in this?” He let go of your hair, having difficulty withdrawing his hand as he ripped out a few strands at the root. You crumpled to the floor. “Open it!”

“I can’t!” You looked up at him with round, pleading eyes. “I don’t have the key—” A cold metal line touched firmly against your neck, causing you to swallow the rest of your sentence. A stream of tears trailed down your cheeks. You could hardly feel their warmth over the chills of fear that vibrated your entire being. 

“Go open it!” As a warning, the thief pressed the blade deeper against your skin before letting you go. 

You curled on the floor, mind racing at the prospect of performing an impossible task. Surely, this would be where you would die. You looked toward the front door, a part of you thinking you heard movement, hoping your parents would finally return as they told you they would after their errand. Tears hit the ground below you, soaking into the floor. And as you curled in on yourself, you hoped you would disappear into the wood, too.

A sudden blur flashed in your damp peripheral. The thief stumbled back, his weapon clattering to the floor and disappearing somewhere under the myriad of shelves. A brown-clad arm wrapped around his throat tightly as if holding on for dear mercy. From behind his shoulder came a striking blue color.

“Run!” you heard, staring into bright blue irises, “Get out of here!” Booted feet kicked from behind the man, the glimpse of a sleeve visible to you in the lantern light. You scrambled back with no strength to do as he said. 

A military cadet!

The large man threw his weight backward, slamming the young cadet into the bookshelves behind him. You heard the cadet groan out in pain as books tumbled off the shelves like a waterfall. His grip on the man’s back ultimately gave out as he fell. The thief shook himself off, and just as he turned to cock his fist against the young, blond cadet, an encyclopedia hit the back of his thigh. 

You stood at the opposite end of the counter, hard-cover novel raised in the air, ready to follow up on your weak throw. The look on your face was frozen in petrification as all you could do was cry. But the moment you distracted him was enough because, in the next moment, the thief was slammed down hard against the wood floor. 

And that was how you met Erwin Smith. 

The papers would laude him as a hero, detailing the story of a young military trainee on a late-night run through town, arriving just in time to save a child from a knife-wielding thief. The story would come and go from the papers, although you wouldn’t learn all that until later.

One of Erwin’s friends, who had also stayed late to get in some extra training, had tipped off the Military Police, who arrived shortly after Erwin managed to singlehandedly take down your attacker. Your parents returned within ten minutes of the incident, confused and panicked, as their shop had turned into a crime scene in their short absence. 

You couldn’t help staring as the blond cadet, Erwin, answered questions by the Military Police. He stood straight and looked serious, more composed than you had been. The MPs had scared you so much you could barely speak, not that your talking capabilities were all that functional before their arrival. They quickly moved on to your parents, and the cadet slowly approached you. 

You didn’t know how to stand. He looked so official in his uniform, cadet or not. He held his hands behind his back with an unreadable look on his face, and when he stood in front of you, he held his hand out. His neat bangs were slicked to the one side of his forehead, untouched. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, the neutral expression switching from stoic to cordial. “I am Cadet Erwin Smith.” You became conscious of your stance. His back was straight, and shoulders squared, but even so, you stood just a bit taller. You shook his hand. His grip was more firm than yours. You offered your name. 

“Thank you,” you said in a small voice, watching as the MPs milled around. You and Erwin stood off to the side, just two kids in the middle of something that felt bigger than truly hit home for you. “I don’t know what I would have done.”

“I’m glad I could help.” He nodded. You leaned against the bookshelf behind you, one of the shelves supporting about an inch of your bottom. Erwin continued to stand straight. He offered you a closed-lip smile and a slight shrug. “You helped me as much as I helped you.” 

The two of you continued to watch over the scene, the two of you having been shoved off to one of the book-lined walls, forgotten. You watched in awe, never having seen military officers in action up close. Erwin, however, watched on with a certain knowledge glinting in his eyes that yours didn’t. You glanced from the MPs to Erwin. 

“Did you want to become an MP?” you asked. Erwin hummed.

“No,” he answered curtly, his eyes glued to the officers.

“Oh.” You reached behind you, tracing the spines of the books on the ledge. You pushed a few back into place, the titles having shifted from when you grabbed and threw one. 

“I want to become a scout.” 

You didn’t know what to say, only humming your previous response as your gaze returned to the door. The MPs kept it open as they came and went, and the bugs came and went with them. 

***

He came by the shop the next day. You caught his uniform jacket and crest as he passed by the window, the sight of him like a dream. Erwin seemed to notice you the same time you did, his thick eyebrows shooting up on his forehead as he excused himself from a group of friends to enter your humble bookstore. 

You sat behind the counter on your stool, appearing taller than you looked the day before. Erwin approached you with a mixture of surprise and relief. 

“I’m surprised to see you back so soon.” He stood in front of the register. “I wanted to see how you were doing but assumed you wouldn’t be in for a few days.” The corner of his lip dipped, unsure how you would react to him casually mentioning the traumatic incident from the day before. 

“My parents still need a cashier,” you muttered with a few bobs of your head. 

Erwin bobbed along with you. He meandered to your left, padding as he scoped out the books on the shelves. The word “NONFICTION” was painted in curly letters on a sign posted near the ceiling. He splayed a hand across a series of encyclopedias, just as you had the night before. They didn’t budge, already neatly pressed against the back wall.

“Your strength is admirable. It must be hard being back so soon.”

“You’re the cadet,” you blurted. “You’re the one with the strength. I’m sure you get into fights like that all the time.” Erwin laughed aloud, something about it still proper— at least it was to you. 

“I can’t say I do.” He shook his head before facing you with a mischievous glint in his eye. “That one was my first.” Erwin puffed up his chest, nose proudly in the air as you caught the twelve-year-old in him for the first time. Even so, he practically looked like an adult to you. “And when I’m in the Scouts, I’ll be sure to fight titans and explore all the land outside Wall Maria.”

“Titans?” you cocked your head to the side, not quite knowing much about the military or caring. You had heard the word in school, but your parents preferred not to discuss things as gory as Scouts fighting titans around school-aged children. There were Scouts— you often forgot they existed— and there were titans, which existed separately in your mind. As for the land outside of Wall Maria, it had never even crossed your thoughts. 

Erwin’s eyebrows furrowed. You smiled at the sight, deciding you thought they looked like two caterpillars. He glanced over the shelves.

“Yeah, you must have a book on them somewhere.” 

Not finding what he was looking for at the front, Erwin headed to the back. He looked over the titles quickly, his boots making a solid sound against the wood floor as he descended the row. You followed him, scrambling from your stool to chase after the double-sword crest on his back. 

Erwin found a book near the back of the store. He plucked it off the shelf with a flick of his index finger. The cover consisted of a crudely drawn giant with sharp, gaping teeth. It looked real enough to you. You glanced around the empty store, nervousness causing you to sweat.

“I dunno if my parents would be okay with this.” You cast your gaze off to the side. 

Erwin maneuvered around you, the open book in his hands as he settled into a nearby loveseat. You glanced around again, but you found no one, only Erwin. He stared at you from his book before waving you to sit beside him. 

You sat, hands nervously on your knees. Erwin sat with the slightest slouch as he placed the back cover over your left thigh. You nearly recoiled, swiveling your head around the store to avoid being caught complicit in obtaining inappropriate knowledge. 

“Titans are man-eating giants that live outside Wall Maria,” Erwin explained, pointing to a page in the book. You pouted. You knew at least that. “Preventing us from exploring things we’ve never seen before. All the things living out there.”

“But there’s nothing out there.” You shifted in your seat, bringing your knee up onto the cushion as you crossed your arms. Erwin took the rejected book in his lap with a slight frown. “We live behind the Walls because the rest of humanity was destroyed.” You recited the sentence just as you did in school, not quite knowing what the words meant. You nodded as if it were obvious, blowing a hair out of your face.

Erwin stood, leaving the book about titans on the cushion as he perused the rest of the non-fiction section. You watched him disappear behind the shelf in front of you. 

“Well, why don’t we have any record of the people who came here when the Walls were first built?” His golden hair popped out from the opposite side, another book in his hands. He glanced down, taking a step toward you before stopping. “My dad has a theory… had a theory. That there was more outside.” You didn’t notice his correction. 

He kneeled in front of you, placing another book in your lap. The two pages joined together to show an entire map of the three Walls. Hardly an inch at the edges was dedicated to the territory outside. You had never really bothered with the books at the back of the store—you preferred the medical texts at the front— but you occasionally reread the short fiction your mom read you when you were smaller. As Erwin knelt in front of you in his uniform, you couldn’t help but be reminded of the princes from those pages.

“This can’t be everything,” he said with certainty, but if you didn’t know any better, you would have thought he was pleading. “And right now, all we know about are titans. And we don’t even know much about them at all.” Erwin scrambled back up next to you, opening the titan book again. “These tall ones could eat you in a single bite.” 

His voice was laced with wonder. He hadn’t intended on scaring you, as most boys his age tended to like to do, but his words made you freeze. You studied the page, thinking back to the thief the night before. He had been a large man. There were monsters bigger than him?

“Are they all that tall?” You remained glued to the pages as Erwin flipped through them. He did so quickly, his ability to read a lot faster than yours. 

Erwin raised the open book to your face, again tapping at more crude illustrations. Kicking legs flailed from the mouth of a giant with sharp teeth. You couldn’t stop the slight quiver of your lip. You put on a brave face in the presence of an older kid. Erwin didn’t seem to notice, more caught up in flipping through the book of gruesome images. 

“Some are only 3 meters, but that’s still tall.”

“I’ll grow that tall one day.”

“That’s impossible.”

“I’m still taller than you.” 

Erwin stayed to look through your myriad of books. He even bought one at the end of the night when you closed. And the next day, he stopped by again, plucking books off the shelves to teach you what his father had taught him before putting most of them back where they belonged. Over time, you suspected that Erwin ended up buying all of the texts he used to guide you. At the very least, he learned how to use the cash register after a few weeks. And after a few years, Erwin had become a regular at your holiday dinners. 

You would see him walking from one side of your display window to the other before he entered, sometimes walking with friends. You met Nile Dok once, but given how he never entered your store again, you didn’t think he liked you very much. You spotted him the most, walking by Erwin’s side. And during times when Erwin quickly stopped to say hello to you, Nile waited on the street. 

The closer graduation came, the less Erwin stayed in your shop, but he always made it a point to greet you with a promise to make up any time missed another time. 

Then, one day, Erwin came to the shop in his Scout uniform. While the ensemble was hardly different from his cadet uniform, you had practically screamed once you saw him. You scrambled out from behind the counter, leaping across the storefront to wrap your arms around his neck. 

“You did it! You did it! You did it! You made the selection!” you cried, feeling the rumbling of Erwin’s chuckle reverberate from his chest into yours. He wrapped his arms around you, embracing you. 

“You stop that! You’re going to mess up his uniform!” your mother scolded behind you. Only then did you let go, beaming from ear to ear as you smoothed out the front of Erwin’s jacket. 

“Oh, it’s going to take a lot more than that,” Erwin laughed, addressing your mother formally from over your shoulder.

He stood a good novel’s width taller than you now. You swore a few months back that you would catch up when you hit your teenage years. Erwin smiled proudly, and you were glad for him. Nile Dok stood, cross-armed on the street, as he usually did. A few other teenagers in Scout, Garrison, and MP uniforms milled about in a group.

“Me and a few buddies were headed out to celebrate, and I wanted to invite you.” 

You blinked in surprise, glancing quickly behind yourself at your mother in an unspoken bid for approval. You rubbed your bicep nervously. To your surprise, she nodded. You suspected it was only because of Erwin. 

“You go ahead, just be home at a decent hour.” 

“I’ll make sure of it.” Erwin nodded and guided you out of the store. 

***

The pub was packed. Erwin’s friends had claimed a cluster of tables in the far corner, stealing chairs from the adjacent area to pull up enough seats for all of them. You stuck by Erwin, him being the only person you knew, as you found yourself utterly lost. The rest of the newly recruited soldiers had just turned the legal drinking age of fifteen; meanwhile, you, at age eleven, sat nursing a sad-looking juice that Erwin had ordered for you. They yammered on about the military, using jargon you couldn’t decipher. Even your waitress, a girl named Marie, seemed to know what you didn’t. 

You sat, trying not to look awkward while Erwin and Nile chatted with her. She laughed a lot, and at one point, she even sat down at the table with you all. Both conversations proceeded to prattle on without you, trapped between military talk and more military talk. Marie seemed more than happy to indulge Erwin and Nile in their niche discussion.

“Up, the both of you, let me see them!”

The two boys rose and, with a cheerful—albeit sheepish— reluctance, gave Marie a slow turn. Only then did you realize that Nile Dok wore the green and silver unicorn of the Military Police. They faced each other, Marie cheerfully between them as the rest of the table whooped and hollered at the modeling of their uniforms. Nile glared at Erwin, who didn’t seem to notice. You looked around at Erwin’s comrades nervously, offering a slight clap of your hands before the two boys finally sat down. 

“I see you brought a friend this time, Erwin.” Your head snapped up, distracted and looking elsewhere when Marie spoke. She offered you a warm smile, her face round and kind. “I’m Marie, it’s good to meet you.” You mirrored her, telling her your name in return. 

“From that bookstore, you like a few blocks away,” Erwin chimed. Marie lit up in recognition. 

“Oh, I love that place. My father always used to take me to pick out books.” She nodded profusely, letting her cheek settle into one of her palms. The other held a round, empty drink tray close to her chest. “I think the amount of times he’s had to read Beauty and the Beast to me has shaved a few years off his life.” She laughed, and the notes she let out were beautiful.

“Really? I might have seen you. I usually run the register,” you said hopefully, without recollection of seeing Marie before. “Small world.” Marie took a sip of ale from Erwin’s cup.

“And you’re so close—” She flinched at the flavor, and Erwin chuckled. —“You should really come by more often. I’ll have a drink waiting for you on the house. Neighbor’s discount.” Erwin cut you off before you could speak.

“Not of age, Marie, don’t do that,” he warned playfully, taking a swig of his drink. You saw Marie’s face contort in confusion. 

“Oh,” she sounded, cocking her head to the side. She studied your face, leaning forward as she squinted at you. “I wouldn’t have known.” Marie cocked her head to the opposite side. “You can’t be too far off.”

“I’m eleven,” you surrendered, feeling small in a group of teenagers, “I’ll be twelve by next season.” You and Erwin only had a three-year age difference, but the gap between his birthday and yours during this season made it appear a year greater. 

“That’ll be just in time for recruitment. Are you planning on joining up with the military, too? If you’re around this one, I can only imagine he’s told you all about it.” She nudged Erwin hard, and he groaned.

“Really, Marie?” 

But, in fact, Erwin hadn’t told you about recruitment. Not that you had been thinking about joining the military in the first place. You remembered he spoke about it more when he was a newly recruited cadet. But as the years passed, you realized you hadn’t noticed his talk about the military— and his father’s theory— had dwindled. 

“I think you know more about it than I do,” you opted, thoughts swimming. You glanced around the table. “Are you also a cadet?” 

“Oh, no, no, no,” she giggled, waving her hands profusely. “Trust me, if you’ve seen me run, you’d know not to put me in any branch!” You were late to the collective laugh that overtook her, Nile, and Erwin. 

“Uh…” You looked down at your sad juice, fingers tracing the rim. “I might apply.” 

Erwin quirked a brow. 

“Really?” he questioned, “I didn’t know you were interested.”

“I was thinking about it.”

And just like that, the conversation became about the military again. A few trainees from your right chimed in about recruitment, mulling over their days as cadets and other pieces of terminology that you still didn’t understand. 

Marie, to her credit, kept attempting to pull you back into the conversation, changing the topic every so often to include you. But just as the chatter had gotten away from you, it got away from her, too. 

She was beautiful and seemed kind, and you understood why Erwin seemed so taken with her.

***

Time passed slowly for you but apparently did not for Erwin. After checking the clock for the umpteenth time, you discretely rose from your chair. You left a coin by your half-empty cup for the pathetic juice. You tried to interject in the discourse for just a moment, but as you expected, you were utterly tuned out. You bid a polite farewell. Erwin didn’t notice. Marie caught your eye as you took two steps away from the table, wordlessly asking if you were alright, and with an equally silent affirmation, she turned back to the group. 

You made it home. You tried to busy yourself with tasks around your room before you found yourself back in the downstairs bookshop. You always thought seeing it locked from the inside was funny, that something about the closed door transformed the space in a way you couldn’t describe. 

The street grew darker on the other side of the glass. The name of your family’s shop displayed itself backward to you, but the letters were correctly cast in the shadow of the setting sun. It would be completely dark by the end of the hour.

You lingered at the back of the store, standing in the second half of the non-fiction section. One by one, you pulled books. Titans. Architectural analysis of the Walls. Cartography. You remembered reading copies of them with Erwin as he explained things to you. 

You sat with them in the dark, pages splayed over open spines as you tried to decipher them. You tore through line by line, flipping as frequently as Erwin had, trying to understand his infatuation with the mysteries between the lines because you were certain that Marie understood in a way you didn’t.

You held the book about titans on your lap, staring into the crudely drawn illustrations as you had with Erwin three years prior. You remembered what Erwin told you. You could probably have recited what he taught word for word, yet you still wouldn’t have understood.

A shadow cast itself across the floor. You recoiled back into the darkness behind the bookshelves. The figure outside pressed itself against the glass, looking in. Despite the elongated form, you recognized a familiar silhouette of hair. 

You peeked out from your hiding place. Erwin was pressed up against the front glass of your shop, hands cupped around his eyes. You retreated, holding your back against the shelf behind you as you pondered your subsequent actions. For once, you weren’t excited to see Erwin Smith at your door. 

He knocked. You waited a few moments, breathing slowly and hoping he would leave. He knocked some more. 

It was only when you heard him sit down on the pavement that you went to collect him. Erwin perked up at the sound of the latch unlocking, quickly scrambling to his feet as you opened the front door of the bookstore. He looked surprised.

“I was worried about you,” he said quickly. “I didn’t know where you went. You didn’t say anything.” Your heart palpitated, seeing him in his new uniform still a dream to you. And better yet, he had remembered you after all and cared enough to come find you. 

You stood in the shop doorway, holding the door against the front of your shoulder. Erwin remained close to you, almost as if waiting to be let in.

“I did,” you assured him. “Marie said goodbye to me on my way out.” Kinda. He glanced between your face and the positioning of the door with a slight frown. “Thank you for inviting me. I’m glad you finally got to join up. Sorry for the misunderstanding. Goodnight.” 

“Wait—” You moved to close the door, but Erwin quickly gripped the width of it. You didn’t fight him for it. He pursed his lip. “I’m sorry.”

Mixed emotions swirled around in your chest. An urge to tear up tugged at your sinuses, and you didn’t know where it came from. 

“Nothing to be sorry about, Erwin.”

It had turned to night. The street where Erwin stood had been overtaken with dim lantern light, and the moon overhead was full. A few clouds passed over his head, floating fast across an otherwise clear sky. 

“We could’ve talked about something else.”

Even in the darkness, his eyes shone with the reflection of the moonlight. The blues of his irises glinted with an acute solemness. They flickered up, and as you followed them, you found a small hoard of winged bugs buzzing around the top of the doorframe. Wiry bodies smacked against the wood and the ceiling, not knowing the difference between outside and indoors. 

“I guess I’ll have to become a cadet.” You met his eye, and he held the same surprised expression from the pub. Surprised and impressed. It was an attention that you liked. “So I can understand what you’re talking about next time.” So that you’ll take me seriously. The corner of his lip twitched.

“That’s a poor reason.” 

“Well—” Your gaze flickered from the Wings of Freedom crest on his left breast pocket. —“What about all the things outside the Walls?” The solemnity in his eye had sparked into a blaze instantly, yet the rest of his features surrendered nothing. “You told me about them a while ago. You think you’re the only one who wants to see them?”

You recited it perfectly. You would have believed you, too.

“You know,” you continued, glancing back toward the back of the shop and the stairwell leading to your upstairs apartment. “They’d be thrilled if you stopped in. If you’re up for it, that is.” 

Erwin didn’t say a word as he pushed the door with a warm smile. You moved to the side to let him in, locking the shop back up behind you.

***

He tried to talk you out of it more than once. 

Erwin liked to ask, “Are you sure?”

And you would always answer, “Never been more sure in my life,” before distracting him with something else to get him to drop the topic. But for all your huffing and puffing, you couldn’t say you disliked the attention. Whenever you brought up your intentions for recruitment, Erwin always fell for your bait. 

You spent three years in the Cadet Corps, just as Erwin had. You donned the same uniform you had grown used to him wearing. The warm smile Erwin had shone when you first showed him had you riding a high for the following two weeks. 

You wrote to him often. Erwin was, after all, a full-time Scout now, and you were busier than ever— training monumentally more taxing than keeping the register at a bookshop, to a lack of your surprise. He offered instructions on how to best perform in ODM gear, how to coil your wires so they don’t tangle, the places to keep stupid clean for inspections… 

You kept them in your gear, papers folded to display certain sections of his notes as you practiced morning to night on your skills. The writing grew worn, and the stationery wrinkled from times that rain fell while you were out and then dried again when you found yourself at a fireplace. 

He told you about expeditions and when he departed. You had a theory that sometimes he forgot he was writing to you at all. You owned pages of Erwin dumping his thoughts onto paper, long ramblings about nothing and everything all at once. You spent your nights trying to understand because there was undoubtedly something more profound than his words. And after a thorough session of overanalysis, you drafted your responses in perfect synchronization with his, line by line. 

His last letter came in before he was sent off on another monthly expedition. Erwin had addressed it, “My Dearest.” You admired how he wrote your name in the following space, observing where the pen lines were thickest and thinnest. 

“By the time you receive this letter, you will have already made your branch selection. Congratulations. I wish I were there to celebrate with you as you did with me…” the letter read. The collection of pen strokes shot through your heart. You let the note drop onto your dorm vanity as you vibrated with glee. You caught sight of your reflection in the mirror and then the Wings of Freedom crest on your breast pocket— just like Erwin’s.

You drew your own stationery, ready to reply to his letter, line by line, as you always had. This time, you intended to give it to him in person. 

***

The gates opened at an odd time in the evening. Which, given the nature of the Scouts, certainly couldn’t have meant anything good. You waited with bated breath at the headquarters in Trost, watching as your fellow Scouts trudged up the hill. You kept out of the way to avoid being put to work by a supervisor who’d perceived you as loitering. After scanning half of the crowd from your upstairs perch at a hallway window, you finally caught sight of a familiar blond. 

You made a break for the stairwell, sliding down the winding railing at the behest of a few passing officers, and dismounted into the courtyard with a start. Meandering horses and soldiers passed you, your singular standing presence parting the group like a lodged stick in river water. 

You instantly spotted him, a wave of relief passing over you that he had returned. The feeling faltered as you saw the gauze wrapped around his forehead and left arm. It didn’t take long for Erwin to spot you in return. His brows raised with joyful surprise before settling into something much more sentimental. You offered him a salute, the first in your new Scout uniform. He saluted you back, the reins of his horse in his hand. 

“You really did it,” he said, riding up before you. He gestured with his head. “Walk with me to the stables. I want to hear all about it.” You obliged.

And so continued a long history of following Erwin Smith. 

***

On the other hand, Levi Ackerman didn’t seem to like you very much. Granted, he didn’t seem to like anyone much outside his two friends. You didn’t blame him, given the way that Erwin had strongarmed the three of them into the military. 

“You’re the one who serves the tea,” Levi said as more of a definite statement than anything else. He stared down at you from a step up, his two friends sitting together in the barracks behind him. The scorn in his voice almost made you take another step down, and his thin brows twitched slightly in confusion. He glanced back at his friends, who both shrugged simultaneously. 

“I’m a team leader under Section Commander Erwin?” you clarified, which made Levi scowl deeper for some odd reason. You repeated your name, but Levi didn’t appear to be paying much attention. A buzzing sounded from the lamp hanging just outside Levi’s door. A long-legged insect fluttered around the light. Levi stepped outside, closing the door behind him. 

“I always see you serving tea.” Your skin burned with embarrassment. You fidgeted, lightly folding the papers in your hands. Did new recruits really think you were just there to serve drinks?

“I wanted to give you these,” you glossed over the implication, offering Levi the stack of small papers in your hands. He looked at them skeptically but ultimately took them from you. Levi flipped through them briskly, bored gaze passing over carefully hand-written notes and detailed diagrams. They looked old. “I had help when I first became a Scout. And training is tomorrow, and I know the three of you were kinda singled out, so…” You didn’t know where you were going with that. 

“Thanks.” Levi continued to stare you down. 

“Well, that’s all. I hope they can help.” You made your way down the steps of the barracks hastily. Levi watched your back as you retreated into the darkness. 

***

“I guess you didn’t need those notes after all.” Given that this wasn’t your squad, Levi was surprised to turn around and see you. You stared past him and up into the trees of the training forest. After your delivery to Section Commanders Hanji and Flagon, they quickly returned to headquarters. 

“Hurry up, Newbie.” Flagon had called to Levi, but you had insisted that he could return with you instead.

“Your matters are urgent, Section Commander. Let me take something off your plate.” And with one last pout, he obliged you.

“They were helpful enough,” Levi said, polishing his gear. If anything good came from his current situation, it came in the form of standard-issue cleaning and maintenance products. “You keep thorough notes for an errand-runner.” You laughed, although Levi couldn’t tell if it was sarcastic.

“Expedition Command is no joke, and besides, it let me catch the tail end of your practice.” You sat down next to him. Before the Scouts claimed this section of the forest for training purposes, someone had placed a picnic table out by the tree line. You sat with Levi on the bench, heaving a deep sigh. “Unless you’re complaining about getting time away from Flagon, which, in that case, I can take you back now.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

You leaned back against the table, enjoying the view over Trost and Wall Rose, glancing at Levi, who was now tending to his grips. The sun had begun to float back down to the horizon, although you still had a few hours before it completely set. Peak heat was starting to dissipate, and the light cast a myriad of pastel colors across the thin mass of swirling clouds overhead. You reached into your boot and, retrieving a folded paper and a pen, turned on the bench to study Levi’s reverse grip. 

He glanced up from his polishing, double-taking your rigorous notes. You had already drawn a diagram of how Levi held his swords. 

“Can I help you?”

You glanced up at him and back down at your notes. A few equations littered the margins. The numbers were small. A few of them were crossed out. Complex diagrams depicting vectors and force lined the bottom. 

“Your reverse grip might be revolutionary. I heard Hanji say so. No one’s ever done it before.” Your face lit up much more subtly than Hanji’s did. Hanji had practically passed out on the spot. “Standard techniques might damage your wrists long-term.” You turned to him with a light smile. “Maybe we can troubleshoot it sometime.”

Levi set his gear down, resting his current fixation on his lap. He observed every inch of your face, suspiciously taking in every fold, pore, and curve. Perhaps Erwin knew of his plan for assassination and sent you to do recon. But something about you gave him the slightest doubt of his suspicion.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked, the scowl on his lips no more severe than usual. You would learn quickly that it happened to be the face Levi always made. You cast your attention back toward your notes, calculations, and diagrams, shrugging.

“When you join the military, a lot of talk can go over your head. Things can be a little cliquey that way, unfortunately.” You held out the page to him. “It’s rough because it’s based on my estimations, but this might help.” Levi’s nose wrinkled, and he made no effort to take the note.

“I don’t want your boot paper.”

“Not a fan of footnotes?” Levi didn’t laugh. You stifled the goofy smile that fought to overtake your lips. Terrible puns aside, Levi had never seen that expression while you were pouring tea. You put the scribbling into your breast pocket. 

“I’m not a fan of gross, sweaty paper from someone’s boot.” 

“Fair enough.” You stood, stretching as you continued to stare out towards Trost. You pivoted to face Levi, who had just finished wrapping up the rest of his gear. “Are you ready to head back?”

You mounted your horses, and Levi had to admit that riding back to headquarters with you likely marked his most pleasant experience since joining up with the Scouts. No supervisors were around to talk down to him. No one was screaming. It was just the two of you traveling through wildflowers and tall grass.

Levi stared at the back of your head as you naturally took the lead. You sure had a lot of faith that he wouldn’t slit your throat and ride off, Levi thought. He rode up next to you, his unfamiliar horse jerking to the side. 

“You gunning for some job in the rookie— whatever— school or something?” Levi leaned forward to meet your eye. The question left you puzzled.

“The Cadet Corps? No.” Your mouth puckered in thought. Levi veered ahead, your horses slowing down as you traveled carefully down a decline. He scoffed.

“With your thorough lesson plans. What’s even the point of being here?” he jeered.

“Most of that was actually Erwin’s.” Levi perked up at the mention of his target’s name. “We used to exchange letters when I was a cadet. He helped me get through the academy, so I compiled everything into more organized notes. And, well, I expanded some.” He hummed, saying nothing as you entered Trost. 

A few people waved to you. You waved back with a smile. Levi continued to follow you down the busy streets.

“You keep showing those titans who’s boss, Lieutenant!”

“I certainly will, Mr. Flynn. Say hello to Mary for me!”

The farther Levi rode with you, the clearer it became that you knew just about everyone. Even the stable boys regarded you casually, taking your horse in immediately as you made small talk. Levi had several questions about you, but none of them would distract him from his mission. 

***

That was until the expedition happened. 

Levi made himself scarce during the following days, and with no one close to him, no one sought him out to bother him. 

“Maybe I should stop by.” You stared out the window of Erwin’s office. He hardly looked up from his paperwork, humming to himself as his distracted brain worked to register your comment. 

“Hm? Why’s that?” You stared off in the direction of the barracks. Given your position, pulling Levi's schedule wouldn’t be too difficult. Your eyes focused on your reflection in the glass, and as Erwin sighed and turned to face you, you met his reflection. “Feeling sentimental for my assassin?” You scoffed, turning around. Your knees bent, allowing you to lean on the low windowsill. 

“You’re still here, aren’t you?” 

Erwin swiveled his head with a playful roll of his eyes. His mouth remained in a stoic line. 

“You’re heartless.” 

“You? Calling me heartless? That’s funny when you’re straight merciless. Assassin or not…” With a jump of his brows, Erwin turned back around to his paperwork. —“Oh, and thanks for letting me in on that, by the way.” You glanced back outside the window with a slight pout. “Someone’s ordered a hit out on you, and you don’t even bother to tell me.”

“I’ll be sure to let you know next time.”

“Erwin.”

“Hm?” 

You had lost his attention again, probably for the better, given that Commander Shadis wanted the paperwork under Erwin’s hands on his desk as soon as possible. You meandered across Erwin’s office, plucking open a side cabinet to reveal all the fixings for a cup of tea. He perked up at the very sound. 

Erwin waited for you to start preparing it.

“Would you make me one?” He craned his neck, hoping to catch today’s selection— as if it wasn’t Erwin’s very own tea collection. You didn’t look at him.

“No.” 

Erwin’s face fell with an acute shake at your outright refusal.

“Why not?” 

You turned with reluctance, the tea already in your hands, ready for brewing. A vein twitched in your forehead.

“Because new recruits think my only job is to bring you tea.” You didn’t miss the little smirk that glitched onto Erwin’s lips. Another bob of his eyebrows. His pen flew across the pages. 

“Oh really? And who told you that?” He glanced up at you, another tease at the tip of his tongue. He would only talk this way with you. “Would it be a breach of power if I ordered you to bring me one?” The annoyed tensing of your shoulders filled Erwin with amusement. 

“I’m sure Commander Shadis would love to know that you’re abusing your power over your team leaders.” You walked over to Erwin’s desk, and sure enough, you held a second cup of tea. He graciously took it in his hands with a polite nod.

“This is why you’re in my squad.” You held onto the handle.

“Hopefully, not the only reason.” After a beat, you relinquished the cup to him. Erwin thanked you. You sat on the front of his desk, the both of you taking a sip of your drinks simultaneously. 

“Oh, I’ll be seeing Marie at the month's end.” You nearly choked. That was a name you hadn’t heard in a while. You didn’t think Erwin had seen Marie again since the beginning of his time in the Scouts. If he did, it wasn’t information you wanted to know. “She sent me a letter recently. She says she has big news that she wants to share with me.”

“Will Nile be there?” you asked, trying to make sense of the situation. Erwin shook his head. 

“Not as far as I know.” You hummed into your tea, not wanting to sound too invested.

“You haven’t seen Marie in quite some time. I’m sure seeing her again will be very nice.”

“I think so, too.”

When you finished your drink, Erwin was filling out the last page. He held his teacup in one hand and penned his signature on the last of the paperwork with the other. You gathered it all in one big stack, and with relief, you retreated from Erwin’s office.

***

A pounding came at your door later that evening. Its force made you dart onto your feet, and as it sounded again, you scrambled for a weapon to answer the door with. Opening the door to your unknown visitor turned out to be rather anticlimactic. Levi pushed directly past you, making a beeline for your kitchen. 

“Uh, hello…?” You stood at the door in a set of comfortable civilian clothes and a sizable combat knife in your hand. It was late, after all, to be having unexpected visitors. He only stopped raiding your cabinets for a moment to scold you.

“Shut the door; you’ll let in the bugs.” Not knowing what else to do, you complied with his request. Levi stood in your kitchen, a canister in his palm. He turned back to you with his usual deep frown. “Really?” He held the canister up and shook it before raiding your cabinets some more. “The Scout’s resident tea servant, and you don’t even have anything of quality.”

You gaped at the sight in front of you. Unlike most officers, you didn’t live in standard issue housing within headquarters. Rather, the Scouts owned a few apartments in the surrounding buildings. You happened to get placed in one of those through sheer bureaucratic bullshit, but you certainly weren’t complaining about not having to live in a glorified dorm fifty steps away from where you worked. 

Still, you huffed at Levi’s audacity, storming forward to slam your hand against the counter extended in front of you.

“Didn’t you grow up in the sewer or something?” you shot back, earning another glare from Levi.

“Yeah, so it’s a goddamn testament when I say this shit is shit.” Nonetheless, he continued to brew the tea. If you were honest with yourself, you were a bit sick of tea for the day. Levi crossed his arms, his bangs falling in his face. “Do you still have that page from your shoe?” You stood, blinking for a moment.

“The… footnote…?” you wondered with a genuine seriousness. Levi rolled his eyes as he grumbled to himself. 

“Whatever. Whatever you want to call it. Do you still have it?” He slammed one of your cups in front of you, and by some miracle, the tea didn’t spill over the sides. Levi took a sip from his, physically recoiling as the liquid touched his tongue. He slapped a hand over his mouth. 

“Yeah…?” You still didn’t follow. Levi dumped his drink down your sink. 

“Get it for me.” From seemingly out of nowhere, he tugged out your notes. Levi slammed them down on the counter, letting the pages splay out. “I want to work on that reverse grip.”

***

Sitting with Levi at your kitchen table as he read over your notes, something about it felt familiar. A single light dangled overhead. Your two plates had been pushed off to the side, the pastries from the market being the only thing Levi seemed to approve of in your apartment. Your tea had about an inch left in the cup. Levi had settled on a blend you didn’t know you had, grumbling something about it being shit but less shit than your shitty tea. 

He sat at your kitchen table for hours, following silently along as you walked him through your notes. He wanted to know everything, what every term meant, every figure and diagram. You explained it all as you relived your old notes with older eyes.

In a way, you couldn’t help but be reminded of Erwin and the way he used to teach you. 

“I don’t understand the difference here.” Levi slouched over a comparison of two diagrams. “They look the same to me.” 

“The difference is that instead of your first knuckle bearing all the force, it would be evenly distributed across your finger. You can bend your fingers the way you have been, but you risk breaking them.” You pulled up another page, layering the two so that the pictures lay one on the other. “And this rotating motion will allow the remaining force of your strike to be absorbed throughout your entire arm once you hit something solid instead of breaking your fingers or shoulder.”

Levi nodded silently along, eyes darting elsewhere as he thought to himself. He mirrored the motion in the air.

“Doesn’t that feel more natural?” Levi hummed, and you didn’t think twice about taking hold of him to guide him in the motion he had been using in his swordsmanship. “As opposed to this. You can feel it right here, can’t you?” You patted the underside of his bicep. 

“Yeah, I can.” You stared into his eyes, the sudden realization coming over you.

“Oh, sorry.” You recoiled your hands from him. He returned to studying the papers.

“It’s no problem…” he trailed off. You watched as he pondered to himself, and you subtly checked the clock. The time he had been there wasn’t much of an issue to you; you were just surprised you had talked for so long. No wonder you were all out of ideas for him. You were about to tell Levi just that when he spoke again, “You are wasted in your position.” Your head snapped toward him, wondering if you heard him right.

“What?” 

Levi didn’t hesitate to repeat himself.

“You’re wasted as a glorified errand dog,” he asserted. “I don’t know much about the ranks and shit around here, but I know for damn sure you deserve section commander or higher.” 

You were stunned and silent. Levi sighed, taking it upon himself to start clearing up the dishware from the table. You shook your head.

“I don’t—”

“You know, I don’t really care if you don’t agree.” Levi moved past you, rolling his sleeves to work on the dishes. “And I’m not going to try to convince you either way.” 

Levi’s departure from your apartment was uneventful. After he finished putting away your dishes, you handed him the newly-thickened compilation of notes, and he was out the door. His words about your wasted potential kept you up that night until you overthought yourself to sleep.

***

Once an assassin sent to kill your closest and dearest friend from childhood, you now thought of Levi Ackerman as more similar to a housecat than anything else. He showed up at your doorstep once. You had given him terrible tea and a decent pastry once, and that had turned into a terrible habit of him showing up to your apartment unannounced at least a few times a week. 

“It didn’t feel right,” he muttered the next time he stormed through your door. A few of your notes were fanned out in his hands, wrinkled from how he held them in his punishing grip. He wore his full ODM gear on top of his civilian clothes, with filled sword sheaths and all. You just about screamed when he drew a blade. Levi remained focused on the notes. “You said the new technique was supposed to relieve tension, but I’m still getting aches in my knuckles and my shoulder.” You continued to watch his sword.

“Is my apartment really the best place for your ODM training?” 

“It’s not like I’m tearing up the place; even if I did, the Scouts would pay for the repairs.”

“Out of my paycheck,” you muttered.

“Better yours than mine. Show me the technique again.” Levi sighed, shoulders dropping in annoyance as he finally lowered the page. He gritted his teeth, tilting his head back in exasperation. Yeah, Flagon was right. Levi really did look like a thug. A moment passed until he deflated, blowing out hot air as he fought his signature scowl. In your opinion, he wasn’t doing a very good job. “...please?”

You sighed, setting aside whatever task you were doing.

“Look, I’m not a trainer. It’s just theory and a mishmash of stuff I know, which can only take you so far.” You crossed your arms, gesturing at him with a shrug of your shoulder. Levi blinked at you, unbothered. “Okay, show me what you’ve been doing.”

That extra set of ODM gear sat compiled in the corner of your already small living room, which Levi had brought a few nights back to practice his basic motions with. You didn’t ask where it came from.

(He had even hidden an extra set of clothes at your place, although it was likely that he had told you where he was stashing them, and you weren’t paying attention or forgot. Both were likely.)

You stood again at Erwin’s tea station, holding an unopened container in your palm. Given the times it had been passed over, you safely decided that Erwin didn’t like the blend. You held it up in the air.

“I’m taking this,” you proclaimed.

“Go right ahead.” Erwin shifted in your peripheral. “Late nights?” He took a comb to his hair, squinting at his reflection in the window. You reckoned he looked pretty goofy from outside, given anyone was watching the windows.

“I guess you could say that. I was told that my tea sucks.” Erwin chuckled, smoothing his bangs out over his forehead one last time. 

“Well, I’m honored you’ve decided to raid my stash to turn the tides.” He came around his desk as you closed the cabinets. You pocketed the tea, and Erwin came to stand tall and straight in front of you. He puffed out his chest, his newly laundered dress uniform looking crisply ironed. “How do I look?” 

You adjusted his collar. You never did make good on your proclamation to grow three meters tall, and now Erwin stood in front of you with a decent advantage in height. Not that it mattered now as adults well into their twenties, but it struck you how much time had passed.

“You look as handsome as always. I think Marie’ll just…” You took an inhale, putting on the best smile you could. “Marie will just be so happy to see you.” You picked up the mixed bouquet from his desk and handed it to him. “Good luck. I hope you get home safe.”

“And you—” Erwin glanced back up from the tea stashed in your pocket to your face, a coy look about him. —“I take it you have evening plans as well?” 

“Hardly,” you laughed bitterly, picturing Levi’s frowning face. Erwin leaned back on the front of his desk, carefully holding the bouquet for Marie by the bound stems. And as he sat, simply staring at you, your smile faltered as you dared to think his expression resembled something sentimental.

Erwin had changed; as much as you liked to think he looked the same as he always did growing up. To you, he did look the same. You saw him just about every day for the past ten years, and the small details of his face had escaped you. He used to have full cheeks, you realized. Now, his face looked far more defined. You wondered when he developed such angular cheekbones.

“You like your bad tea.”

“Wait, you think it’s bad too?” 

“I’m just saying to not get too invested in a guy who criticizes your tea, that’s all.” Erwin shifted his shoulders, pulling on the front of his collar before smoothing it out again. You scoffed.

“Believe me, I wouldn’t consider myself ‘invested’ in any sense of the word—” You stopped short. Erwin was staring again, a self-satisfied smirk threatening to give him away.

“So there is a guy.” You protested at the smug waggle of his eyebrows. You searched around your vicinity for something to throw at him. Finding nothing, you reopened the tea cabinet and hurled a teaspoon at Erwin’s head. He ducked out of the way with a light chuckle. “Easy. You know, I really ought to have a word with this tea critic of yours.”

“There’s no guy. And why do you assume it’s a guy anyway?” 

“I know you better than anyone else, for one.” Erwin bobbed his head in thought. “And so, I’d like a word.” The clock chimed, alerting you to the next hour. Erwin stood, and you left his office together. You frowned at him as he locked the door from the hallway, not forgetting the bouquet in his hands for a second.

“What’s it to you anyway? You’re off to see Marie.” 

Erwin pocketed his keys, eyes avoiding yours.

“When you have the same tea for so long, some wiseass shouldn’t be waltzing in talking about things they don’t know about. That’s all.” You took the canister out of your pocket, studying the label with furrowed brows.

“Wow, I didn’t know you were so passionate about tea.” 

Red moved somewhere in front of your face, and as you looked up, the red blur had become a single flower plucked from Marie’s bouquet. Erwin offered it to you.

“I’ll see you tomorrow for expedition prep,” Erwin said, breaking you out of your trance. You took it in your hands.

“See you tomorrow.” With one last faint smile, Erwin disappeared down the stairwell.

***

You didn’t have a vase. You had never been gifted flowers before, so the single flower Erwin gave you sat in the nicest, tallest glass you owned. Due to the wide mouth, the stem flopped to the side, displaying the petals at an angle. 

You sat at your kitchen table, having just had dinner. An empty plate moved off to the side, you rested your head on your crossed arms, lost in the makeshift container. You tried not to think about how Erwin’s night with Marie was going. 

You had seen her a few months back, accidentally running into her somewhere in the market. She told you that she didn’t see many of the old group around— not that you were a part of it in the first place— but that you should join Nile in visiting her at the pub. She owned it now. You went a few times during your cadet years, a part of you wondering if perhaps the two of you could be friends. It never clicked through no fault of your own or hers, and you stopped as soon as you graduated. 

With a groan, you buried your face in your arms before snapping yourself back up again. You plucked your black, beat-up leather notebook from the adjacent shelf, and with a pen from a nearby jar, you flipped to one of your pages in progress. 

A neat list of Levi’s complaints with the reverse grip sat on the left side of the page, and a jumbled mess of lines interweaved to point toward possible solutions. Some arrows were crossed entirely out, with new lines overlapping them. Unlabeled microcalculations littered the spaces in between, left unfinished when you got to a point where you could do the math in your head. 

You stared at the book for a while, scribbling and jotting things you knew were half-hearted ideas. Your guesswork littered page after page until the ink began to stain your fingers, and just when you were starting to get sick of looking at your writing, a firm knock sounded at the door. 

It thumped three times exactly, and you buried your face in your hands at the prospect of having to keep thinking about this stupid reverse hold technique. But you brought it on yourself. Naively, you wondered if you could convince Levi to do something else. He seemed like he could be easily persuaded to clean your kitchen. Maybe you could read a book or perform some other leisurely activity you haven’t had the time or energy to do.

“I left it open,” you moaned, “Just don’t expect me to feed you—”

You had expected Levi, but when the door opened, Erwin stumbled through. He held the door with a lazy grip, the front of his long jacket completely undone, exposing his white button-down and dark-colored slacks. His face drooped in the way that most people did when they had too much to drink. Erwin hardly drank, let alone overdrank. 

You immediately jumped up, running to the door to support him. Erwin practically collapsed in your arms when you came near, his dead weight almost forcing you to the floor. He wrapped his arms around you tightly, anchoring the both of you firmly to the ground below. Your door didn’t quite close, allowing a sliver of light from the outside lamps to enter your apartment. 

He smelled strongly of whiskey. You tried to pull him away to talk to him directly, but he didn’t budge, head buried deep in the crook of your neck. 

He just held you wordlessly.

“Marie is getting married,” he said, hardly above a whisper. Your cheek moved against the hair just behind his ear as you turned in surprise. You rubbed your hand gently between his shoulder blades, your other tracing the back of his collar. He tightened his grip on you, refusing to move. 

“Oh, Erwin…” You sighed, and you felt him shake once. “I’m sorry.”

After all this time, he was still in love with her.

And you knew it, too. You’ve always known. 

You knew it when you went to his graduation dinner.

You knew it when you found his unfinished love letters to her when he was promoted to Section Commander and got his office. 

You didn’t know what you were apologizing for.

You let him find comfort in you, taking the time he needed in your presence as you stared off at where the wall met the ceiling from over his shoulder. You felt something deteriorating in you like a slow spiral that settled into what you could only describe as heartbreak. A few tears prickled at your eyes, but you refused to shed them. 

After an eternity, Erwin finally rose, the withdrawing of his grasp also withdrawing his warmth. He let out a huff, almost in disbelief of himself. The only evidence of his crying soaked into the shoulder of your shirt. 

“Go sit down. I’ll bring you tea.” With another labored breath, Erwin nodded. He slipped out of his jacket. You took it off his shoulders to hang up by the door. He placed his shoes neatly underneath, slowing impressive dexterity for a man who might not remember the night in the morning. Erwin popped open a few buttons on his shirt as he went to sit. 

You went to the kitchen, preparing your beverages with the same tea you had always used. He took it from you graciously. 

“I only have tea that you don’t like. I thought I’d opt for the familiar one.” 

“I can’t say I have the right to be picky,” he laughed lightly, staring at his rippled reflection in the cup. “Thank you.” 

“It’s not a problem. What else are friends for?” Erwin watched as you set your cup on the coffee table before you.

“Yeah… friends.” 

He glanced around your apartment. He hadn’t been there for quite some time, but even so, little had changed. Your kitchen table sat four, but the one you sat in every time was the only one not neatly pushed in. You have had the same water kettle since you first joined the Scouts. He remembered when you bought it. You were worried that you got ripped off, but more than ten years later, it still did the job. Pages of handwritten notes were designated into piles across every surface, some better hidden than others.

“That’s not your ODM gear,” Erwin pointed out, observing the pile of gear in the corner of the living area. Even if it was yours, keeping swords and sheaths in one’s living area didn’t align with standard policy. 

“Oh, um.” You followed his gaze. “I was doing some experimenting, I guess you could call it.” Erwin took a sip of his tea, beginning to sober up some.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Hanji,” he joked, his smile fading as he played with the cup's handle. “How come you never told me about it?” Erwin leaned forward, taking a paper from a pile on your coffee table, nursing his steaming beverage as he glazed over it. He flipped it over. “You weren’t kidding…”

“That’s not even all of it.” You stood, running to grab your journal and the myriad of pages from the kitchen table. Moving your tea out of the way, you splayed it on the table. Your complex mathematics, crude diagrams, and painstakingly thought-out theories. Erwin poured over it all.

You expected him to say something, but he remained quiet. He flipped the pages over, revealing just as sophisticated backs. 

“These are our current techniques for Titan-Engaged Combat,” he said, almost to himself. He set his empty cup down. “And you calculated the most efficient navigation for the best gas conservation and highest striking power… Where did you get these numbers? Who taught you this?” Thrown off by his questions, you almost smiled.

“Do you remember the closest shelf to the register at the shop? The first half of the non-fiction section?”

He did remember.

And all this time, Erwin had only thought about what he could teach you.

“I never knew you did this.” He flipped through your journal. It dated back years, and judging by the near identical ones that lined your bookshelf, he guessed it wasn’t the only one. “It’s impressive. It could be, well, life-saving.” 

You thanked him awkwardly, not used to sharing your hobby with anyone. Erwin sat back against the cushion of your couch, studying your work. You leaned an elbow back, sitting on your side as you slung your legs over his lap to read with him. And then he laughed, letting his head fall back, and the page drop to your knees. 

“What’s so funny?” you asked. Erwin’s chest rose as he breathed in deeply.

“Just Hanji, huh?” he exhaled, another laugh breaking up the stream as he pinched at the bridge of his nose. Erwin shook his head, his typically neat hair turning just a bit ruffled. “I was worried for nothing.”

“Worried? Why were you—” 

You didn’t know how it happened. 

Erwin’s nose nudged against yours. You felt him lean toward you, and like that, you let him kiss you. 

Your eyes fluttered closed. He was gentle, and his lips were smooth. It was clumsy at first, but you quickly learned to follow his lead, falling into a rhythm as his hand ran up your jaw and as far as it could into your hair. You had waited for this moment for so long, but now that it was finally a reality, you couldn’t stop that nagging, sad, and confused pit in your chest.

“Erwin?” Your eyes remained closed as he kissed the side of your mouth, leading a trail of sloppy kisses down your jaw. You found yourself quickly, taking him by the shoulders and pushing him back, holding him at arm’s length as you stared into his wide, lost blues. You shook your head slowly, repeating his name softly. “Erwin.”

He flinched back from you instantly, hands flying again to his face. Erwin rubbed at the skin around his eyes, brushing aggressively over his cheeks and through his now messy hair. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Erwin drawled in a voice you had never heard before. “I’m sorry.”

You didn’t know what to say. Your knee dipped into the cushion under you as you reached out, trying to place your hands on his. In a stroke of irony, you weren’t allowed to say anything at all. 

“Do you not know how to close a goddamn door? You see all these moths—”

All the three of you could do for a second was look at each other. Erwin sat up straight and alert, ready to stand at any second against your intruder. You had shot yourself to the opposite side of the couch in a moment of instinct, and Levi slowly closed your door, making sure the latch clicked. 

You shot up after the momentary shock wore off, instantly taking Levi by the sleeve.

“Now’s really not a good time.”

“Is it, now?” Levi stopped, not letting himself be tugged along. He made a point to glance at the cups of tea on the coffee table and back at you. He sent a pointed glare towards Erwin. “Having some evening tea, are we, Erwin?” Erwin stood, arms crossed, as he regarded your new guest.

“Levi,” he acknowledged. 

“Levi!” you hissed, tugging him back toward the door. You held it open, practically pleading with him. “Out!”

With a final glare toward Erwin, Levi shrugged your hand off with a jerk of his arm and left. By the time you turned back to Erwin, he was already beginning to collect his things. 

“I should probably be going, too,” he sighed, slipping on his jacket.

“Erwin, wait, I—”

“I’m sorry. What happened tonight was inappropriate and extremely unprofessional, especially for a superior and subordinate officer—”

“Erwin, please, can we talk about this?”

“I will see you in the morning for expedition prep.”

You couldn’t stop him as he left.

***

Erwin arrived at the meeting with Expedition Command just three minutes early with Miche in tow. You had been waiting for him outside, several copies of his requested documents organized neatly in your arms, watching other senior officials enter the meeting room. Ever the one to be at least a half hour early, Erwin arriving to a session on time struck you into a panic. You nearly called someone, convinced there had been an emergency. But with five minutes to spare, you heard him from down the hall. You knew his gait anywhere.

He strode with purpose down the hall, jaw as squared as ever and weight to his step. Your heart jumped, the events from the night before still fresh in your memory. You hoped to talk to him after everything had been squared away from the next expedition.

You had bolted up from the bench you were sitting on and stood at attention with a salute. Erwin regarded you coolly, never dropping an ounce of his collected and upright professionalism. You tried not to let the fact that he treated you differently in private whip your thoughts into a frenzy, but his avoidance of your eye wasn’t something you could ignore. 

“Ah, you brought the copies. Perfect. Miche can take those from you.” Erwin walked past you, the slight breeze of his quick pace flowing through the tips of your hair. You hardly noticed as Miche towered over you, hands ready to receive your papers as instructed. You craned your neck, looking at Erwin’s back as he approached the meeting room doors. “You are dismissed.”

“Section Commander? Am I not also on this meeting, too?” 

“There’s no need for there to be two team leads here, not for meeting this early in advance.”

“But the expedition is less than a week away—”

“Team Leader,” Erwin snapped, turning toward you. His gaze was lidded and cold, and his lips drew into a tight, untelling line. “You are dismissed.”

His words lodged in your chest, swirling around your stomach until you became nauseous. You didn’t remember saluting him or handing Miche your copies. You heard yourself say, “Yes, sir,” but you didn’t remember speaking.

You hurried out of the hall as quickly as possible and then out of Headquarters completely. And with a single stop at your apartment, you rode out of Trost on horseback. 

***

“Graah!! Agrahhh!” You slashed your way through the compilation of dummies stationed on the forest floor, each outfitted with durable, twirling arms made specifically for sword training. The force of your cuts caused them to spin with a force of equal magnitude to your strike. You screamed into the training forest, scaring a few birds overhead who flocked out of the leaves above. 

Hot, concentrated air blew out your nose as you maintained your labored breathing. You swung your swords, burning red-hot as you made your way through the training area, the sound of metal clashing filling your ears with a piercing scratching sound. Your muscles knew where to strike before you could even process the rapid turns in front of your eyes. 

You ducked under a spinning arm, driving your swords up in an arch.

Why were you taken off of the meeting with Expedition Command?

The arm fell to the ground. The force of slicing it off cramped your thumb, giving you another reason to scream and cry out as you slashed at the remaining dummies with reckless abandon. 

Why did Erwin refuse to talk to you? If you let him continue, would he have demoted you like this?

The very thought of demotion made your blood boil, your rage launching you to conclusions and your swords in all directions. You weren’t even thinking about your swings anymore.

All these years following, pouring tea and making copies while Erwin wept over a woman he hardly made an effort to pursue? Turning down Hanji’s offer for a promotion within their ranks for this? For a man who never even saw you in the first place—?

An arm from one of the dummies hit you dead in the face. The velocity at which it spun ensured an instant and solid crack in your nose. You shrieked again as you felt a warm stream of blood pour from your face, your last strike sending the offending arm flying off into the forest. And with a final fit of rage, you sent your swords flying, too.

You dropped to your knees in the middle of the busted-up training circle, frustrated tears falling from your cheeks as you brushed your wild stray hairs from your face. You took a second to feel sorry for yourself and another to pop your nose back into place before you went to retrieve your swords. If you kept bleeding, you would reluctantly ride down to Trost to see a medic.

“You should really watch where you throw those things. You could’ve hurt someone.”

As if your day wasn’t bad enough…

“Leave me alone, Levi.” 

You could have cried seeing him. Hell, you were crying anyway. Had it been anyone else standing at the edge of the training grounds with your swords, you might have snapped and wailed at them, too. Levi held a stoic expression on his face if not his usual frown. Not wanting to engage, you reloaded your grips with new swords from your sheath. 

You turned back toward the training dummies, giving some half-assed swipes to the spinning arms. They didn’t rotate nearly as fast as they just were.

“People are looking for you.”

“Since when did you become an errand dog?” You spat, still refusing to look his way. Tears were still streaming down your face; no matter how you willed them to stop, they just kept coming. You heard Levi shift somewhere behind you.

“I dunno,” he answered, “When did you start sleeping with your boss?”

You whirled around instantly, eyes puffy and teeth clenched as your face contorted in barely restrained rage.

“I don’t! We aren’t—” you barked, the clasp where your swords fit into your grips clattering just slightly from the shake in your hands. You tugged out a portion of your shirt from under the straps on your shoulder to wipe away the wetness from your eyes. “Please, just leave me alone.” 

Your newly attached swords dug into the ground adjacent to your feet, and with new tears came more swipes of your sleeve. With your vision so obscured, you didn’t even notice Levi approach you, the reins of his horse in one hand and yours in the other. The sudden appearance made you jump a bit. Levi had thrown your old swords into the dirt. He offered the reins to you again, holding out his arm. 

“Let’s go.” His voice was low and soft. Your brow furrowed, your brain still in a fog. Levi spoke before you had a chance, almost reading your mind. “We’re not going back to headquarters.” 

You collected yourself with no time to be embarrassed over your display of emotion. You didn’t know why you followed him. Rudderless, you didn’t know what else to do.

***

You tried your horses up between two narrow areas somewhere in Wall Sina. The thin pathway opened up to a broad, square area hidden between the tall buildings. The height of them made the ground below appear dark. Levi led you through the thin maze of alleys until you finally arrived at a slender, rock-faced building with a wooden door. The shudders were open, allowing sunlight to illuminate the wooden floorboards below your feet.

Looking around, you couldn’t tell what the establishment was. There was a bar, but nothing appeared to be behind it. Tables lined the sides of the room, but there weren’t enough to accommodate many customers for dining. A woman sat at one of them, a broom in one hand and a cigarette in the other. She made half-hearted attempts to blow her smoke out the open windows. 

Levi exchanged a brief look with her before marching into a room behind the bar. You stepped into the center of the room, lining your feet up with the orb of light that reflected onto the center. You finally noticed how scuffed up your boots were.

Levi was back instantly, motioning for you to follow him up a set of stairs to the left of the bar. By the time you even reached the doorway, he had already managed to make it up two flights. Random items littered the landings, obscuring your path with folded tables, cases of liquor, and assorted cleaning products. You stared up the winding railings, jogging along quickly to follow. 

The stairs led to the roof, where Levi was already sitting at a beat-up table for two. A few clotheslines sat behind him with linens blowing in the wind. A mixture of other assorted items was pushed off to the side. A table missing a leg sat upside down. A few broken lamps lay strewn across the rooftop, among other evidence of broken things abandoned. Levi had already poured wine into two tall-stemmed glasses.

You sat on the chair closest to the door, back tense and your bottom at the edge of the seat. Levi swirled the wine in his glass, an ankle slung across his opposite knee as he looked out across Sina. He didn’t speak, let alone acknowledge you. You took the wine in your hand, giving it a swish as he did before bringing it tentatively to your lips. To your surprise, you enjoyed the flavor. 

“You didn’t think I’d choose a shitty wine, did you?” Levi lounged back on his slotted wooden chair.

“I just didn’t take you for one to drink, I guess.”

“Fair enough. I don’t make a habit of it.” He placed the glass back on the table with slender fingers. You still held yours, not knowing what to do with your hands. You stared down at it, and the various items littered the ground within your field of vision. You ignored your peripherals completely, avoiding having to look at Levi at all costs. 

“You just drink nice wines whenever you please?” you asked absentmindedly, not really looking for an answer. He crossed his arms, adjusting how his shirt sat on his shoulders.

“I guess you could say I have an eye for quality.” You missed his lingering glance, letting the silence between you fester. Levi, all for silence on any given day, was unbothered for the most part. But for once, he wasn’t simply content to let the quiet pass him by. “You and Erwin are close, huh?”

“Please, I really don’t want to talk about this,” you groaned, squinting your eyes closed as you cringed to yourself. 

“I don’t ask for my sake, believe me.” Levi played with the base of his wine glass, tracing the circular shape with the pad of his finger. “Who else are you going to talk to?” 

The simple question struck you. He was right; you didn’t think you even had anyone else you could talk to about Erwin. There was Hanji, but as a fellow section commander, talking to them about personal matters might overstep some professional boundaries— not to mention if they decided to report Erwin’s abuse of power to the commander. Team Leader Miche didn’t seem to be the type to give the sort of advice you were looking for either. 

“We knew each other as kids,” you found yourself blurting after another sip of wine. Levi settled farther into his chair, ready to listen. And he did, patiently drinking his wine as you told him all about how you first met, the holiday dinners, the day Erwin selected his branch, Marie, and the letters. He remained quiet for most of it, only interjecting occasionally to ask questions.

“Do you even want to be in the Scouts? Or is it just because of him?” he asked, somewhere between your recount of the celebration dinner and Erwin’s promotion to section commander. You had never thought of it before. You chose to join to be close to Erwin, and now, having spent almost your whole life in the service, you weren’t sure you could even make a distinction. 

“I think in the beginning, it was because of him. And now that I’m good at what I do, I’m not sure where else I would go,” you sighed. “And if I’m good, then why change now, I guess.” Levi scoffed.

“That’s a poor reason.” His words made you chuckle.

“That’s exactly what Erwin said when I first told him I was going into the Cadet Corps…” you trailed off, the smile on your lips fading slowly. You found it funny: your best friend was giving you the cold shoulder; meanwhile, you were venting your frustrations to the man who was sent just a month ago to assassinate him. You kept talking until there was nothing left to talk about. “I don’t know when I fell for him.”

“Well, you’ve always been in love with him. I’ve barely known you for that long, and even I can tell that much.” You nodded along, trying not to take his words as a blow to your pride. You accidentally met his eye. “And I assure you in no uncertain terms that Erwin has been very aware of that, too.” You cringed again. 

“You think so?” You buried your face in another drink from your glass. 

“Do I think you’ve been breadcrumbed along by an emotionally unavailable jackass so he has an emotional support blankie? Yeah, I do think so.” Every word struck you through the chest. Levi frowned as deeply as ever, a genuine frustration painted on his brow. You wondered if it was your naivety that made him so angry. 

“I wouldn’t say I’m in love with him,” you said, only partially convinced yourself. Levi didn’t even humor you with a response.

“Hm.” He stood, empty glass in his hand, as he stretched out his lower back. “I’m going to give you my unsolicited advice, but I’m only going to say it once.” Levi turned to face you as you still sat. His head blocked the sun perfectly from your eyes, a halo of sunbeams shooting out from his short strains of black hair. “If you’re going to stay, at least stay for a good reason. Not because of some schmuck who can’t make up his mind.” 

He held his hand out to you, not making a show of doing so. You took it.

“Wow, Levi, who knew you could be so soft?”

“Tch, remind me never to try to help you again.” 

***

You thought about what Levi said almost religiously in the days leading up to the next expedition. And as your administrative responsibilities gradually dwindled, you had much more downtime. 

Erwin only spoke to you when necessary, and even then, his words were far more sparing than they needed to be. The passive comments should have hurt more than they did, but your racing thoughts only served as a shield to numb the dull ache in your chest. 

A week until the next expedition turned into days and then a singular day. All the while, Erwin remained your section commander and nothing more. 

The last meeting had adjourned. Commander Shadis had called a gathering of the four section commanders and their team leaders, as was usual before expeditions. Erwin had departed quickly, speaking urgently to various other officers on his way out. He avoided you expertly, ensuring you didn’t have an opportunity to approach him after the discussions. As he made his way briskly down the hall to his office, he heaved a light sigh, he too wrapped up in his thoughts. 

He tugged open the door to his office only to find you already sitting behind his desk. Erwin couldn’t help his pause and the apparent surprise on his face, but he didn’t let the expression linger long. 

“Can I help you, Team Leader?” He regarded you formally and coldly. You frowned, standing to shrug off your jacket. You folded it so the crest didn’t show before tossing it across the width of Erwin’s wooden desk. 

“I’m not coming to you as a team leader, Erwin.” You tried to not let your shaking show, equal parts of you mortified and invigorated by your audacity to gatekeep a section commander’s desk. Judging by the steepening frown on Erwin’s lip, he had little patience for it. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“Things have been busy.”

“None more than usual.” You matched his frown. “You’ve been avoiding me.” 

“I heard you the first time, Team Leader.” 

You didn’t imagine Erwin would openly converse with you so easily, but you also didn’t expect his outright icy refusal. You had never made Erwin angry before; in fact, you didn’t think you could recall a time that you weren’t in his good graces. Now, as you stood in direct defiance of his passive-aggressive avoidance of you, you felt shaken to the core and tried not to let it show.

“You still want to talk about work? Fine.” You sat back down in the chair behind Erwin’s desk, the joints at the base shifting. It felt unnatural here with him across the room where you usually stood. “It’s in poor taste to come onto your subordinates, Section Commander.” 

“And yet, that’s not the part you have an issue with.” 

He studied you for a moment, and with reluctance, he tugged off his own uniform jacket, throwing it on the leather couch to his side. Erwin squared back his shoulders, unconsciously adjusting how his clothes sat under his uniform straps as his arms coiled over his broad chest. Yes, he had grown significantly over the years and had the sculpted muscles to show for his decade of ODM training. 

“It was unprofessional.”

“Cut the crap; you made it clear that isn’t what we’re talking about right now, so stop pulling your punches.” He spoke as levelly as ever, the most calculated bite in his voice so as to not give away his seething frustration. 

“You seemed happy to see Marie again.” Your voice began softly, slowly gaining momentum as you continued. Your voice was starting to shake, forecasting your incoming tears. “Then you had the audacity to drink yourself stupid and crawl to my doorstep, and only when you knew you couldn’t have her did you even look at me.”

Erwin said nothing as he stared forward with a hard, sunken face. He didn’t sit, perhaps in the same way you couldn’t will yourself to stand. 

“Is that it?” he spat disapprovingly, almost bored. Your resolve wavered with just three words, him perceiving you as childish, as he seemed to typically do.

“Is that it?” You repeated, aghast. “Did you just ask me, is that it?”

“You’re impeding me from my work because you’re jealous.”

“Of course I’m jealous!” You jerked forward in the chair, hardly realizing the tending of your legs and the curt gesturing of your hands. “And how dare you try to diminish that. When you’ve known this whole time how I’ve felt about you.” You didn’t even try to hide your open sobbing. “Because you knew, and you never felt the same.”

“Hung up on things that don’t matter.”

Your parted lips revealed clenched teeth as you continued to shamelessly meet his eye. 

“I would have followed you to hell and back, and I have—”

“And so has every other soldier under my command—”

“I’m not just a soldier under your command, Erwin!” A clap of silence overtook his office. Erwin’s back faced towards you as he aggressively rubbed at the back of his neck. You were standing out of your seat now, hands on the surface of his desk. “We’re friends—” You wiped the stream of wetness from your cheeks. 

Erwin heaved a deep, low breath, the sound heavy enough to fill the air. 

“Things are different now.” He was struggling, but he kept it together better than you were.

“You had a place at my dining table for years. You knew how to work the register at the shop.”

“Things are different than back then.”

“Are they?” you asked bitterly. You held your hands together as if in prayer, resting your forehead against them. “When did they change? Because I—”

You were cut off by the exasperated sound of your name. And by the time Erwin turned around, his face was red, frustrated, and puffy. A few strands of golden hair hung over his forehead as he looped a thumb in his belt.

“Things are different in the service. It’s why I couldn’t be with her, and it’s not different with you! We are here to serve and die— there is no other way out— and I need you to understand that!” He was shouting, screaming. Erwin leaned slightly toward you, one leg in front of him. “You don’t understand how instantaneously you could be taken from me! No, you didn’t understand when you joined the Cadet Corps, and you don’t understand now!”

You were both a mess, physically worn, and voices hoarse from yelling. You had drenched Erwin’s desk. You stared down at the puddle of tears, the hem of your jacket in your watery sight. 

“I joined the Survey Corps for you. To be with you.”

Erwin strode to the door with what looked to be a shake of his head. In an instant, you were around his desk, running after him as you usually did, but you weren’t quick enough.

“We all have our own reasons for being here. You’ll find a better one.”

He shut the door in your face.

***

It felt dull for an expedition day. 

Exhaustion tugged on your eyes. Having had poor sleep the night before, you woke up two hours earlier than you needed. The gathering of horses outside the gates, waiting for them to be heaved open, made you antsy. The looming dread felt akin to the moments before an exam when you were back in the Cadet Corps. 

But you didn’t have time to reminisce, as in an instant, you were off through the gates, then across the plains. The pop of smoke guns was the only thing anchoring you to reality, as even the harsh rhythm of your horse couldn’t quite pull you out of your haze. 

The formation held as you crossed the land, making it into the forest and just past the point you had roughly achieved the last expedition. That in itself would garner the expedition as a success. Even despite potential casualties, it would hold weight in justifying further funding. 

But the luck you had in conquering your titan encounters soon ended as the entire formation was flanked, and everything was plunged into chaos. As the formation broke, the field was filled with screams and the whinnying of horses. 

Commander Shadis always kept Erwin close, an in turn, only Erwin’s teams remained close to the center of the unit. No one died in Erwin’s squads. You rode along, torso close to the back of your horse to avoid being hit by flying debris. 

The retreat had begun.

“Team Leader, look out!” 

You didn’t hear it in time. A tremendous hand flew out of nowhere, smacking your horse from under you and crushing your right leg. Your vision became a jumbled mess of earth, animal, and blood as you were sent rolling across the field, jumped over by other retreating soldiers. You shot up immediately but were forced back to the ground before you could even stand. Your leg was bent at an unnatural angle, the worst of it hidden under the cloth of your uniform pants. 

A titan loomed overhead, it’s shadow eclipsing you as you sat helplessly on the ground. You turned in the direction of the retreating soldiers. Time seemed to slow as you met Erwin’s eyes.

He had only turned to look over his shoulder for a moment. You saw as his lips parted in terror. You watched as he began to veer his horse to turn back, the strands of her mane moving with the motion of her pivoting head. She whinnied loudly over the sound of gore and battle as she fought against him to run as fast as she could away from the man-eating titans, with or without her rider aboard. All within a matter of milliseconds.

He could see it all in your wide eyes.

The very last things he said to you swarmed him all at once. 

Then, a spray of blood. A slide to the straps holding your sheaths. 

The hand that reached out to you fell to the ground. The titan fell forward, and before you were crushed, an arm wrapped uncomfortably around your ribs and pulled you to safety. You were dizzy. The rhythmic thumping of another horse continued to rattle your brain as you were splayed uncomfortably across the back just above the front legs. You tried to pull yourself up to look around, but a hand forced your head down. 

“Levi?”

“Shut up and keep your head down.”

Yeah, it was Levi.

***

You were taken to the infirmary as soon as you returned from the expedition. You spent the night there, and when Levi wasn’t out doing his duties as a soldier or getting you food, he was with you. He was sitting next to you reading a book when Commander Shadis knocked on the door to your room. 

You tried to salute him.

“You’re injured, soldier. Don’t strain yourself.” 

He stood in the center of the small room, subtly looking for a place to sit. You made wordless eye contact with Levi, and with a small grunt of effort, he stood and took his leave. Commander Shadis took his seat.

“Am I in trouble, Commander?” you asked nervously, shifting up on your pillows. 

“No, no, nothing of that sort,” he assured you, reaching into his jacket pocket to pull out a few folded pages. You thought you recognized the writing on them. He stopped quirking an eyebrow at you. “Unless there is, of course, trouble that you’ve gotten yourself into that you’d like to report, Team Leader.”

“Not at all.” You let out a breathy laugh. “You just look like you’re here on business. I guess I was just a bit—”

“Nervous?” Shadis interjected, his shoulders bobbing as he chuckled to himself. “My commander just about scared the living crap out of me when I was a soldier. But I’m not here to reminisce.” Shadis unfolded the papers, and as he laid them at the edge of your bed, you realized that the writing was yours. 

“I am here to offer you the position of section commander.” You could only describe the expression he wore as proud. “I’m just sorry the proposal isn’t more formal, but what can you do in this line of work?” You gaped at him, still trying to piece together what he said in your mind and how he obtained your notes. 

“Maybe this is shooting myself in the foot, Commander, but—” You knitted your brow at him. —“I didn’t think my performance has been all that impressive. Team Leader Zacharius—”

“Has already been offered the other position,” Shadis interrupted. The corner of his lip twitched downward in a skeptical pout. You supposed you both felt as if you were missing a piece of information. “Section Commander Smith put in a glowing recommendation for you in addition to these. He and I believe you could live up to your potential best out from under his command.”

“Section Commander Smith wants to get rid of me,” you jested, a convincing smile on your face as you pondered over what was said in Erwin’s meeting with Shadis. 

“On the contrary, I’d say he’s reluctant to see you leave. Or at least that was the impression I received.” Shadis rested an ankle over his knee as he sat back in the flimsy hospital chair. “Section Commander Smith was adamant about your abilities, both on the field and in this secret hobby you’ve been keeping.” He gestured to the pages he brought, taking them in his hands. “If I had to scold you for one thing, it is that you’ve done us all a disservice for not bringing these forward.”

“I sincerely apologize, Commander.” 

“But myself and Section Commander Smith have done a greater disservice by not seeing this brilliance, not fostering it, sooner.” Shadis gathered the pages together and placed them on your bedside table, eyeing the rest of the pages Levi had brought for you to keep busy. He turned back to you, hands clasped between his knees as he leaned forward. “What do you say, Team Leader?”

Your voice stalled in your throat. 

“I don’t even know if any of those will make a difference on the field.”

“Have you not been helping Levi Ackerman on his reverse-hold technique? He took out ten titans alone during this past expedition.”

“I feel that should be attributed to Levi’s— I mean, Ackerman’s— prowess rather than anything I did.” Shadis sat, staring at you as a growing disappointment clouded his face. You averted your eyes. “And Section Commander Smith saw his talent and recruited him in the first place.” Shadis said nothing, only heaving out a steady sigh. You sat in silence for a beat. “I’m sorry if you’ve been deceived into thinking my abilities are greater than they are. I don’t want to deceive you further.” 

Shadis sighed again, standing.

“The only one who’s been deceived is you,” he hummed. “I would very much like the opportunity to invest in your skills, but I am not about to take a chance on someone who doesn’t even believe in themselves, you understand me?” You watched the crest on his back as he approached the door. “I will leave you to think about it.”

***

When you were finally released, Levi helped you to your apartment. He didn’t allow you to do a thing. 

“Hey! What did I say about getting up on your own?” He scolded from the kitchen. Something that smelled good bubbled on the stove behind him, filling the immediate area with steam. You smelled the air, ready to take guesses at what he was cooking. Levi stopped in the middle of chopping something on a cutting board with rigor to shoot you a pointed glare. 

“I have to get used to the crutches eventually. Don’t you think it’s been long enough?” You hobbled out of your bedroom, content just to be out of bed. Levi frowned, eyeing you for any hint of a tumble. A cotton apron hung around his neck, another item he had fished out from the depths of your kitchen cabinets. He put the knife down on the cutting board but remained where he stood. 

“Tch, says you and your shitty perception of time.”

Just as you were about to sit at the dining room table to watch Levi work some more, a knock came at your front door. Something rang out in your chest as soon as you heard it. Evidenced by nothing, you already knew who it was. Levi turned to rinse off his hands in the sink. 

“I got it.”

“No, wait,” you interjected swiftly, and, to your surprise, Levi stopped. He offered you a questioning look, but you were already hobbling forward. You smiled at him reassuringly. “I’ll be alright. Gotta get used to the crutches, remember?” He let you move forward, returning to the kitchen as you shouted to the visitor on your doorstep. 

And as you expected, Erwin Smith stood at your door. You stood in the doorway, leaving the entrance just ajar enough to accommodate your form. 

“Uh, hi,” he said breathlessly, and just like that, you were twelve and working at your family’s bookshop again. You didn’t think you’d ever see a day where Erwin would be nervous to talk to you, yet all you had to do was look at your doormat. 

“Are you done giving me the cold shoulder?” You quirked a brow, and Erwin let out another deep sigh in response. A surrender. 

“I’m sorry. I know I’m the last person you probably want to see.” He glanced over your shoulder, spotting Levi cooking in the background. You couldn’t see the glower that Levi shot Erwin from behind his bangs. Erwin turned his attention back toward you. “And I won’t keep you. I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” 

“I’m alright,” you assured him with a nod. “It wasn’t as bad as they thought it was. I might miss the next scheduled expedition, but Commander Shadis said we could find ways to work around it.” Erwin perked up, his thick eyebrows shooting up on his forehead.

“You already spoke to Commander Shadis?” 

“He offered me the rank of section commander.” Erwin’s eyes lit up with his warm smile as he shifted his weight. 

“Very good, you deserve it. I know you’ll make an excellent section commander. No one deserves it more than you.” You leaned against the doorway, amused at his feigning ignorance. You couldn’t help your smug expression as you gave in to your temptation to burst his bubble.

“He told me you put in a golden recommendation.” 

“He did, did he?” Erwin shook his head, blond lashes fluttering shut as he deflated just slightly. Outmanuvering him wasn’t something that happened often, but it sure as hell was a wonderful feeling. “And so I did.” But even in his defeat, he continued to hold sentiment in his reflective, blue eyes. 

“I’m telling him that I accept tomorrow.”

“Well, in that case, let me be the first to congratulate you, Section Commander.”” Erwin pulled a bouquet of red flowers out from behind his back, holding them up to offer to you. You hadn’t even noticed he was even holding them. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I look forward to working with you as your peer and earning your trust in me.”

You looked to him, then to the bouquet. With a plucking of your fingers, you withdrew a single flower from the middle. You made the motion awkwardly, balancing your second crutch under your elbow as you shifted your weight uncomfortably.

“I look forward to that…” You waggled your eyebrows. “Section Commander.” Erwin’s mouth formed a thin-lipped smile. He gave you a nod.

“Section Commander.”

You shut the door without a single insect entering your apartment. 

Just in time for dinner.

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed, and supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

Writer's Notes: I thought it was fun to write Erwin of all people as that one kid who teaches you things you "shouldn't know" because he's just doing it all by accident.

This fic drew heavy inspiration from "The Imitation Game," in a way. I had always wanted to write a fic that mirrored the scene when Alan wanted to give his love letter to Christopher or something where Erwin was an upperclassman-like figure. It's probably not detectable in the actual fic, but I did go back and watch some of Alan Turing's early life scenes. Weird, considering I only watched the movie once when it first came out.

Please, I encourage you to write complex notes in the replies, reblogs, or inbox. Please. I beg of you.

[yourlocaltrashcan657]

Happy Birthday, Erwin Smith.

I miss you Daddy Sasageyo.

[putosekahel]

my sasageyo daddy 🫶

[littlekittycakes]

Gege Akutami made Hajime Isayama look like an angel

I am going to rant, both as an AOT fan & as a JJK fan, so hear me & you will hear me out.

This is not a hate rant, but just a normal, "Holy crap I realized something" rant.

I said what I said - Gege made Hajime look like a friggin angel.

There were so many moments in AOT (manga & anime) where we ugly cried, to name a few - Gabi killing our potato-loving girl Sasha, Hange being toasted by her cape, Erwin's final SHINJO WO SASAGEYO and the list goes on.

Ugly cried, or that was only me.

But.

Hear me out.

Sure, our Strongest Soldier, the beautiful man Levi Ackerman, lost his ability to walk but the Strongest Sorcerer of his era lost his ability to live because he was - first, mutilated, then Sukuna thought it was best to cut is midriff into two equal parts.

Then we got Eren Jaeger & his goal to kill 80% of the population, however we have Mahito or that lucky pony-tail kid who was bdsm-ed punched by daddy Nanami or else Nobara & the blonde assistant (I forgot her name don't kill me) would probably, not die, but be more wounded as they already were... who were doing it for FUN. We all know Eren wasn't doing it for fun. Then again, Mahito is a curse, so... But that kid was not a curse.

While almost all of the veteran scouts were gone, sure that's super sad because why leave poor baby Levi, it was a given for humanity's friggin sake. But what did we learn from Shibuya? We got Ryomen Sukuna, who was looking for women and children for whatever creepy reason, killing or mutilating whoever he'd bump into along the way.

Kenjaku was evil, making his children fight or I'm not sure where I got this, the idea of making Yuji eat his brothers (euuurgh) but fine that's equally disgusting as Ymir's kids eating her.

Then speaking of brothers, although it was twisted, at least Eren had a decent time with Zeke, but neither Choso nor Yuji can recall their moments together as brothers - well good thing Choso remembered later on, but Yuji???

I'm not done!

Eren, Armin & Mikasa had good childhood memories, only Yuji went through a normal childhood time, but their teenage years were just sad because they should be talking about their crushes or whatever normal stuff teenagers were talking about - I just want to hug Yuji & Megumi & Kugisaki.

Then onto romantic crap.

Miwa & Kokichi Muta deserve so much more. I will say this over & over. Huhu. We got Armin x Annie at the end, but that airplane scene between Mechamaru & Miwa? Miwa didn't even get the chance to see Muta huhu. At least, hoping that we'll get Yuta x Queen Maki because I want to see her cute blushing cheeks & she deserves the world for going through a lot of hardships.

I could go on & on but seriously. Am I the only one who had this realization?

[toadeyes-miqote]

JP cast so far

On one hand seeing the name Daisuke Ono makes it an almost instant switch to Japanese voice cast.

On the other hand I'm not sure if I'm ready for Zoraal Ja to start bartending(Shizuo Heiwajima) or throwing vending nodes around(ok maybe I want this to be a mech?). Or start doing butler stuff (Black Butler)

Sasageyo Sasageyo (Erwin of AoT)

Spoiler if you consider background of early MSQ spoiler

Koana is an elusive Shinseigumi who had been avoiding my summons (Saito Hajime)

Bakool Ja Ja is Chiron sensei FA / FGO.

Wuk Lamat was in Castlevania but I was using EN for that one. She's mostly new to me.

Yes more of the FGO cast are showing up. Minfilia left too early for me to realise she was Mordred(Daddy & Mommy issues)

Anyway sticking to Eng cast to avoid anime brain kicking in. Less me picking on spoken and written being different. Less brain telling me FGO is releasing South America Arc for Eng servers end this year(?) and Tural is not Lostbelt 7 with animal people instead of dinosaur people.... There better be Apocalypse Spider in FFXIV unless that was Omega Eng cast is immersion so far. Pretty much treating this like a vacation and Erenville and Wuk Lamat as tourguides.

The biggest complains I have about this game is that I have limited play time during weekdays and resisting FOMO when people are going about that they cleared MSQ.... I want that mount but yeah

My cats have only cleared two Feats... Hylnyan likes napping in her cabin a lot that I log her out at her cabin.

I haven't done equestrian jumps with Xanthos for a while now. Let me have my horse ride dang it. The scenery is really beautiful that I had to wait for sunup for the sake of the lovely colours.

And some of these quests are reminding me of past quests. Calling it now - Dawntrail is one big Tribal Quest

[mello-jello]

Erwin but with Hot Neighbour Energy

Thank you @fictionjunkies

[emperor-meow]

I wasn’t entirely happy with how my first Erwin turned out, so I did some tweaks. Added more lines/scars/wrinkles and imperfections. He’s a man in his late 30s, living a rough life exposed to both physical and mental stress, and harsh sun. You can also find him on deviantart. 

Thank you for your service, Erwin Smith. You would’ve loved socks and sandals. 

[thot-farm]

Well said 😌

There are four kinds of people:

- Daddy

- Daddier

- Daddiest

- Erwin Smith

[ghuleh-arts]

Hey guys,

Sorry for not posting for a few weeks, I didn't have time to do so...

Anyways! I thought that I could show you a glass painting I did not so long ago!

So yeah, here goes nothing<3

I hope you like it!

Have a nice week!

Greetings,

Kathi <3

|reposts are highly appreciated|

|please do not repost without credits|

[wing-ed-thing]

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better (Erwin x Reader)

Synopsis: You and Erwin just made the title of Section Commander, and you insist on a night out with the troops to celebrate and boost morale. Erwin hates crowded public affairs and making a fool of himself, and yet, you managed to talk him into both.

Word Count: 2.7k

Tags/Warnings: Drinking and Alcohol, Partying, Drinking Encouragement, Reader Does a Handstand, Come for the Fun, Stay for the Feels

Notes: Ah, this has been sitting, aging if you will like a fine wine. Happy birthday, Daddy Sasageyo.

It hadn’t even taken him one full ale before he lost control of the situation. 

“I’m doing a ‘cheers’ after our speech; you’ll want this.”

“After what—?”

“C’mon, Erwin, it’s a celebration!” you bellowed, slamming a pint down in front of him and giving him no time to speak. You held your own in a wobbly grip, grabbing his shoulder for support as you stepped up onto the bench next to him. 

���Scouts, attention!” Your new squads snapped toward you out of habit as the noise in the room simmered. You raised your tankard to catch the warm light from the chandeliers above. “Thank you all for coming out tonight! It’s an honor to serve as the new section commanders for your squads.” 

You nudged Erwin, and he scrambled to stand with the handle of his ale in hand. He opted to stay on the ground.

“Yes, we look forward to working with all of you,” he announced with a curt nod. Erwin squared his shoulders back, just slightly reeling from the impromptu attention.

“You’ll hear enough of our voices during drills, so we won’t talk long. But—” You offered the pub of soldiers a salute. —“Thank you for your service. Let’s kick some titan ass together! Drinks on us!” 

The roar of cheering that filled the hall drowned out Erwin’s “what?” 

His brows rose on his forehead as his eyes widened in shock. He looked up at where you stood on the bench. You took a sip of your ale as the members of your squads celebrated amongst each other. The crowd had erupted in cheers again before Erwin could question you.

“Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!” 

You laughed, turning to catch his eye. Erwin’s shoulders slumped, playfully raising his brow at you as he glanced from you to his full ale. You shrugged, letting out another light laugh as you offered your hand, and Erwin stepped up onto the bench with a sigh and a shake of his head. The room erupted as you both took a swig of your ales.

Just as Erwin was about to take his lips from the rim, he glanced at you, watching as the bottom of your cup gradually rose. He tried his best to keep up with you, but he was soon forced to tap out. The slightest dribble of ale ran down the corner of his lips, and you were already holding up your empty cup in triumph. 

Your new squads, imbibing in their free ale, chanted your name and weren’t ashamed to inform Erwin’s squads whose section commander was best. 

That’s what Erwin believed started the whole thing.

Barely an hour into the night, all the other soldiers had cleared out a circle in the middle of the pub, hollering and cheering while Hanji held Erwin’s legs by the tops of his boots as he wobbled. Erwin disliked large gatherings as much as he disliked making a fool of himself, yet you managed to drag him into both.

“You can do it, Section Commander!” a subordinate from one of Erwin’s squads cried, pushing through the crowd and spilling a bit of ale on the wooden floor below. Erwin’s button-down began to tug out from his waistband, bunching around the two straps just above his hips. The soldier elbowed a member of one of your squads. “I’m willing to put some coin down that Section Commander Smith will win this one!”

“You’re on!” 

You glanced over at Erwin, hairs falling over your face as you remained perfectly still. His palms shifted on the floor as his forearms shook with the slightest tension. 

“Hanji’s going to have to let you go eventually,” you teased. Erwin was too deep in concentration to even look at you. Hanji released his knees tentatively, but it was only a matter of seconds before Erwin began to tilt and clatter to the ground.

A volley of cheers and exclamations of disappointment resounded from the surrounding troops as money was exchanged and drinks continued to pour. You elegantly placed your feet back onto the floor, dismounting from your handstand with far more grace than Erwin had. Although, he hardly performed a one to begin with. 

“Sorry.” Hanji bowed their head sheepishly as Erwin picked himself off the floor, dusting off his pants as he did so. The corners of his lips threatened to tug upwards. 

“I don’t think it was happening, anyway,” he resigned with a shrug. He offered Hanji a curt nod. “Thank you for your assistance.” 

“How do you like that, Smith?” you bellowed, arms raised in the air to garner affirmation from your squads. You polished off your umpteenth ale of the night before you were hoisted onto the shoulders of your subordinates. Erwin tongued the inside of his lower lip, the corners of his mouth pinched in a playfully bitter smirk. “Have you had enough? Because if you have, you can just admit right here that I’m the better section commander.”

“I’m going to get you back on this next one.” He gestured curtly in the air in front of him before crossing his arms. Erwin cast his gaze toward the ceiling, unable to help the continued feeling of awkwardness that coated his chest. 

He had never been one for parties—quiet social gatherings, yes, or the odd schmoozing of political figures, but this. Time seemed to stop as Erwin took in the laughing, cheering faces of his squad members around him. 

They were laughing at him, getting increasingly more drunk in the presence of their new section commander. And he couldn’t help but wonder why he didn’t consider that fact more outrageous, for certainly nothing in the Survey Corps was a laughing matter.

Erwin felt a nudge to his side. He glanced down toward Hanji, whose eyes followed your celebration with a certain warmness. They didn’t even peak out from behind their bangs as they spoke just loudly enough to be heard over the crowd.

“You’re smiling.” They rocked on their heels. “It’s a good look for you.”

Erwin wavered, blinking to himself as his subtle unconscious smile faltered. Hanji continued to observe the celebration, a soft expression on their face. Erwin’s head bowed, bobbing with a few nods. He chuckled to himself, the light shell of his smile etching dimples into his cheeks. 

***

“Why?” he had asked you when you proposed the very idea of a party. Erwin had stalled, practically sputtering the word as his eyebrows knitted in perplexment. He had looked at you as if you were absolutely daft, even as your shining eyes stared into his with giddiness.

“The squads deserve to be celebrated,” you stated matter-of-factly. Erwin held his stern expression, unconvinced. He frowned, turning his attention back to his task.

“The squads haven’t changed anything but their leadership.” His words caused you to drop your cordial smile. You looped your thumbs on the straps of your uniform as you shifted your weight on your back leg. Your bottom leaned on the armrest of the couch behind you.

“And as new leaders, don’t you think we should, you know, boost morale? Build some interpersonal relationships?” You watched as Erwin rose from where he knelt, leaving a box of books that still needed to be organized on the shelf beside his desk. Various boxes of papers and personal effects littered the wooden surface.

“I don’t know about you, Section Commander, but I’ve already committed the information from my subordinate’s files to memory,” he said, a hand hovering over a cardboard box. “Our new squads will build relationships with us as their leaders.” You sat up with a pout, maneuvering your feet back to the ground, sitting up straight. 

“Memorizing a picture is hardly a morale booster.”

“Perhaps a rousing peroration, then.” 

“Erwin.”

“You’re not a part of the herd anymore,” he stated sternly with a single nod. Erwin rested his palms behind him on the surface of his desk, letting his head tilt to the side with a sigh. You watched as he blinked. Erwin exhaled your name as his bright blue eyes fluttered open again. “Your new squads will trust your leadership, your skill, as well as your word as you lead them outside.”

You let out a slow and steady stream of air as you leaned to the side to lounge on the back cushion of the couch. Your elbow dug into the stiff fabric. Your palm propped up your head. Erwin stretched, something loud cracking from his neck.

“I know the point you’re trying to make, but—” You gazed off toward the bookshelf Erwin had stopped filling. —“I can be the best at anything in a professional sense, but would they be able to trust us on the ground?” You met Erwin’s eye. Your knuckles grazed against your cheek. “You can memorize their files, but can they count on your humanity?”

Erwin puffed to himself. The single word lit up his face in morbid curiosity. He brushed a hand over his chin. His finger jutted out to trace his bottom lip as he thought to himself. One of his pads absentmindedly fixated on a patch he missed while shaving. 

“I think this less had to do with humanity and more to do with you wanting a night out,” he jested, but the ponderance on Erwin’s face remained. You stood.

“Whether you think it belongs in this line of work or not, I don’t think spending some time with them would be such a bad idea.” 

Erwin stared as you stood in front of him. He knew that determined glint in your eye anywhere. You hadn’t lost your glimmer since your cadet years. Erwin heaved himself back into an upright position, not forgetting the unpacking he still had to do.

“I’ll think about it,” he resigned, and you smiled. You knew what that meant because you knew him just as well as he knew you.

***

The back doors burst open, causing a break in the boisterous noise. 

Erwin pulled up two low stools, dragging them to the center of the manmade circle just in time for Miche to arrive with a rolling cart. He rolled it straight to Erwin, who tossed a seat to the other side. Erwin took his place on the white side of the chess board, arms crossed and a smug look about him. 

And the pub absolutely lost it. 

“Oh, fuck, it just got real!” The gathering of soldiers resounded in gasps and astonished cries, jumping up and down amongst each other as Erwin’s squads scrambled to make bets. Miche togged the cart’s breaks down with his boot. The carved and polished stone pieces hardly budged. They looked heavy.

“You’re kidding…” You gawked from the game board to the mischievous glint in Erwin’s eye. He hitched the heel of his boot on the bottom rung of his stool, resting his head on his folded knuckles. You blinked at the sight as he waited patiently for you to join. “Are you serious?” 

“I thought I got to pick the next round,” Erwin said, unable to help the cockiness that laced his words. He shrugged, shifting in his seat with anticipation. “Or are you shy because you know you’ll lose?” 

You only stared a moment more before you downed the rest of the ale in your cup, shoving the empty tankard to one of your new subordinates. You immediately took your place in front of the black pieces, fueled by a fury of determination. 

“Best two out of three?” You took the initiative of making the first move. Erwin’s shoulders bobbed in amusement, not fighting you on the decision as he moved his piece. You didn’t hesitate to respond as the turn bounced back and forth between you.

“I don’t think that’s up to you, considering it’s my challenge.” 

Erwin took your bishop. You were already losing. 

“I thought you’d pick a drinking game or arm wrestling, not sending Miche to get your chess set.” You blinked at the board, shaking your head as you made your next move. Erwin immediately took that piece, replacing it with his knight. “I don’t know how you can even focus.”

“I didn’t realize there were rules,” he snarked, clearing out another volley of your pieces. You were suffering heavy losses, especially compared to the three pieces of Erwin’s that sat on your side of the board. “It doesn’t hurt that I haven’t had as much to drink as you have.” He shrugged, not even hiding the snicker that hissed through his teeth. 

“Playing dirty, huh?” You took one of his pawns. 

“Just playing to my surroundings.”

“Sure.”

Erwin beat you three-for-three, concluding the last of your slew of competitions for the night. It was late when the excitement began to die down. Several members of your squads cleaned up what they could, gathering trash and leftover drinks neatly together for the employees whom you tipped a gracious amount of money. 

A few soldiers from Erwin’s squad offered him a few salutes on their way out. Soldiers from yours gave you some pats on the back, thanking you for a fun night out. Erwin swept the floors until an employee took the broom from him after a few meek attempts. 

“That’s… not necessary,” the poor girl said. You laughed, ushering him out of the pub with one last thanks to the workers. 

You stood out on the street together, almost reeling from what happened. You let out a deep sigh, hands on your hips as you stared at the sky. Erwin had his chess set tucked under his arm, the board itself a thin box containing the neatly organized pieces. His forehead was slick with sweat. The first three buttons of his shirt had become undone somewhere over the course of the night. 

You caught each other in an inadvertent glance. Erwin’s hair was messy.

“I guess you’re the better section commander after all.” You held out your hand, much to Erwin’s surprise. You cocked your head at his moment of hesitancy, a warm smile on your lips. He grasped your hand firmly, his palms clammy. He had a professional shake, even tipsy. You wouldn’t expect any less.

“It was all just fun,” Erwin deflected, diplomatic as usual. The word sounded so foreign coming out of his mouth. 

“You’re just saying that because you won,” you scoffed, stepping out into the street. Erwin followed you down the cobblestone. 

“It was all just fun,” he repeated, taking a few long strides to catch up with you. Erwin stopped you, a ghost of a touch barely grazing your wrist. You stood alone, just the two of you on the silent road. “You made it possible.”

“It took a lot of convincing,” you muttered with a bob of your eyebrows.

“It was smart. You made a strategic call at a time that mattered.” The moon shone high overhead amongst a clear sky, casting beams that lit up Erwin’s eyes and the street below. His nose cast a distinct shadow across his cheek as he stood in front of you, one of few times you had ever witnessed him unkempt. “You’ll make a fine section commander. Your squads are lucky to have you.”

You cast your gaze to the ground.

“Thank you, Erwin.”

Tall shadows morphed over the faces of buildings for the entire stretch you walked across Trost. You made the trek in relative silence until you made it back. Lit lanterns cast a warm glow onto the street in front of the barracks in a complimentary contrast to the silvery shimmer of the night. 

Erwin immediately began to depart, peeling away as he headed toward his quarters. Something inside you sank with disappointment as you watched him leave your peripheral. You turned in the opposite direction.

But you didn’t hesitate to turn as you heard your name. Erwin stood on a set of steps, the top of his head almost disappearing onto the above level. 

“I’ll see you for drills tomorrow,” he called, “But be aware, I am certain my squads will out-perform yours.” You could still see the deep dimples on his cheeks, even from a distance away. You gave an exaggerated roll of your eyes.

“Yeah, right.” You shook your head, pointing in his direction. “You’re on.”

You both departed, retiring to bed to start your first day as commanding officers together.

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed, and supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

[nicolanoodles]

Superb headcannons yet again from the wonderful @heybeybey

‘Daddy Sasageyo’ will live rent free in my mind forever

Did I ask you the peaceful rivetra cabin one honey with a slice of nsfw ?? ( if I did already ignore this 😭)

Not yet! @himebee-5 And I'm glad you requested this! Anyway, you know how long my HC posts are so the actual cabin headcanon comes in halfway through (this is 1,454 words wtf) haha

This is 3 full cups of honey, a dash of dramatic angst in the beginning and two teaspoons of NSFW btw.

Hope you'll enjoy!!

Rivetra Cabin +++ (you’ll understand what the + is later on) Canonverse AU

Petra lived through the 57th failed expedition but both her and Levi were permanently injured. Petra came out with a spinal injury and while the doctors did say that she's going to make a partial recovery, her mobility won't be the same as before. 

Levi, on the other hand, lost his left leg. Both have no choice but to retire from the Survey Corps.

I want to add a dash of drama so in this Canonverse AU, the Military Police are forcing Levi to go back to the Underground. 

His temporary citizenship above ground is revoked since he's not going to be a Scout anymore and he wasn't able to fulfill the required service years needed to become a permanent resident (this is something that I just came up with lol)

Erwin tried to pull some strings but even he can't do much since the Survey Corps' reputation is tarnished at this point (same as what happened in the show). The MP tried multiple times to escort Levi out the Survey Corps HQ but Erwin and Hange always finds an excuse to delay it a bit (ex: wrapping things up regarding his dead squad, recovering for a month or two until he can be escorted back etc.)

Petra, stressed and panicking over the fact that her captain will be dragged back to the Underground, frantically begs Levi to run away with her.

Note that they don't have a relationship (yet) and Levi was surprised at her suggestion since Petra lives a decent life as a citizen born in Wall Rose. 

He refuses and said that he can run away by himself if needed but Petra argues that now that he's disabled, he needs someone who will support him.

Our girl got bolder since she knows that they're not really Captain and Subordinate anymore.

She was persistent and a day before they know the MPs will come knocking again, he gives in and they made a run for it.

Erwin and Hange def. arranged a few things for them and Erwin even expedited their last salary

They jumped from one cheap apartment to another just to escape the MPs and finally found a cabin they can afford on a slightly rundown village somewhere north and towards the edge of Wall Rose

It wasn't the best village to live but definitely still better than the Underground (or in jail, in Petra's case since technically she just helped a criminal escape)

Few years passed (let's say their universe had a happy ending that Isayama won't probably give us 😭) and the MP gave up on Levi's case.

Petra and Levi live a quiet life together :3 Both of them needs some support when walking so they do have a crutch (for Levi) and a wheelchair (sometimes for Petra) on hand.

Levi used his last salary and savings to open a small tea shop in the village while they used Petra's for their monthly expenses during the first year. The tea shop eventually was able to support them once it started picking up.

Levi thought he'd hate not being able to serve in the Scouts but was surprised that he did prefer this domestic bliss instead.

He usually prepares the tea while Petra serves the customers in their tea shop.

They'd support each other in cleaning the cabin til it's spotless.

Petra buys groceries every week while Levi focuses more on cooking and laundry for the both of them.

It wasn't easy living together at first since we all know how Levi is and since they're really equals now, Petra doesn't hesitate in speaking her mind anymore. They'd sometimes clash but Levi is the one who often approaches her to apologize and make up.

They both hear news about what's happening and Erwin and Hange sometimes visit them (I want a happy ending for this so Daddy Sasageyo and Hange are both alive ok)

They didn't immediately jump one another btw. They both know that there are already feelings between them but Levi's too emotionally constipated to explore it, much less make it official.

It happened 2 years into living together. Levi was watching Petra sweep the floor and just abruptly said that they should get married.

Petra dropped the broom in shock and her face was absolutely comical. While she and Levi did have a few romantic moments here and there (small but unofficial dates, cheek and forehead kisses given subconsciously), they never talked about an actual relationship.

Levi said that they're already living together anyway and wasn't her dad upset that she's living with a man but not married to said man?

He also remembers the time when they were still in the Scouts and he and his squad were talking about what it might be like to be married since Eld just announced his engagement (rip ☹️)

His only contribution to that conversation btw is "no" when asked if he wanted to get married lol 

Anyway, he remembered how Petra said that she once dreamed about getting married someday and having a happy family. However, at that time, her dream of dedicating her life to the Scouts was more important than settling down and she doesn't plan to retire for many many years.

They were both silent after that and Levi started feeling embarrassed. He tried to take it back, saying that of course, he understands that she doesn't want to since he is in his mid-30s and she'd probably find a better, able-bodied, younger man in the village instead.

Before he even finishes his apology, Petra said yes :3 (Girl has been fantasizing about this for years, of course she'll say yes haha)

They did a shotgun wedding that same evening and Levi started trying to find ways to romance her. It's all awkward at best and downright embarrassing attempts every single time but Petra wouldn't want it any other way.

Petra, being a romantic at heart, wanted a wedding dance and Levi, being a sap, gave in. They had their own wedding dance of sorts in their cabin the best they could with their conditions.

When they got the cabin, they shared one room but have separate beds. The next day after they got married, Levi found Petra pushing the bed together and she said they're married now and he usually climbs on her bed at the middle of the night whenever he has nightmares anyway.

The first ones to know about their shotgun marriage is Petra's father, Erwin and Hange. Hange dragged Erwin to their cabin the very next day after they received the letter.

Mr. Ral wasn't happy at first that Levi didn't ask for his permission (Petra scolded her father for being too old-fashioned) but he eventually told Levi that he approves as long as he's making Petra happy.

Erwin and Hange brought wedding gifts that can help them with their cabin (new cleaning materials, something for their fireplace and since Hange can be crazy, she also brought baby materials. Most are storybooks and onesies haha)

They weren’t planning on having kids but then Levi started reading the children storybooks that Hange brought and Petra noticed that he’d sometimes get this look in his face

We all know Levi would make a great father!!!!

She asked him to stop using protection one night and after three months of trying, Petra did end up pregnant :3

Now for the spicy HCs 💦

Levi wanted to make sure he does everything the right way for her so yes, they do have a wedding night. It was awkward the first time around but Levi has superb stamina 😏  so they did a few rounds and he got the hang of it the second time around.

After the third round, Petra was begging him if they can go to sleep instead. Levi teased her since she accidentally revealed that she's been fantasizing about fucking her captain for years. Now she's giving up?

Okay, that challenged her and they did one last round lol

Turns out Levi being a clean freak doesn't end with brooms, rags and mops! He's also great with aftercare. 

Since Petra didn't have the energy to shower any longer (also taking into consideration her spine's condition), Levi cleaned her afterwards while she just lay there smiling stupidly in contentment.

Sometimes, aftercare ends in more sex though since Levi can't help himself and he starts teasing her again.

...Petra got dicked down on every furniture in their cabin btw. Their favorite is the wooden living room table because it’s in front of the fireplace. 

[mello-jello]

According to Yams, poor Erwin was nicknamed "Eyebrows" in school. That on top of being a massive nerd probably got him shoved into a locker on a daily basis

I bet Erwin was that scrawny kid until the last summer before high school when puberty blessed him with nearly 2 more feet of height and a low larynx and he comes back all ✨️Daddy Sasageyo✨️ on their asses 😌👌

[emperor-meow]

Thank you for your service, Erwin Smith. You would've loved mowing the lawn in cargo shorts on the weekends. 

[koulakoukoula2003]

Dudee Casablanca is already heartbreaking enough on its own but now? When I watch it or like listen to As Time Goes By? I cannot help but associate Rick, Ilsa and Victor's love triangle to Zeke, Nat and Erwin's and it MAKES THE PAIN 10X MORE PAINFUL KKSKSKSKKSKSKS

I just read the new chapter and though I've been cured by the zekeydickiosis epidemia (shinzou sasageyo to OG DADDY 🧎‍♀️) NGL this new chapter makes me support Zeke more with Nat. Nat's toxic, and as you said she brings out the worst in people. But the dynamic of her and Zeke's relationship is much better I guess, because at least with Zeke both of them can be honest enough to tell each other how they feel. I mean Zeke's toxic too and hiding a lot of things from her but at least despite him knowing he may die soon, he's brave enough to tell Nat how he feels and what Nat wants to hear. Nsjqkskwosodk idk dude youre messing with my brain HAHAHAHAH how is Erwin and Nat supposed to mend their relationship now? 😂💀😂 Like im so curious how you're gonna do that, its what i look forward to 😌

BROO I LITERALLY wrote a scene where Zeke's waiting at the train station and the train's about to go and Nat isn't there and he's watching the train leave and he's like damn I was such a fool to think I could get my happiness so easily but then he realises, Nat would never abandon him (he trusts her THAT much) and he's like sth happened to her, they did something to her <- which is true, so he starts running and 😭😭😭😭😭😭

LMFAOOOO ZEKEYDICKIOSIS AHAHAHAHAHA I don't think imma ever be cured of that 😩😩😩

Yeah Zeke is everything Nat needs rn I mean, he's giving her everything she had tried so hard to get from Erwin. And here, she doesn't even have to try, Zeke loves her for who she is and she loves him for that. Ooofffff it's complicated, Erwin was a very difficult man and she was only used to dealing with a difficult man, but then you got Zeke and he's so affectionate she's like ?????? HOW ???????

LMAOOO well when nat and Erwin get reunited they're gonna be uwu at first (ofc nat's not gonna tell him she replaced him with Zeke lmfao) BUT THEN there's Eddie who's always like PAPA ZEKE WAS SO COOL sooooo it doesn't take long for Erwin to realise what happened

Especially after they catch Zeke and bring him in the dungeons of the survey corps hq uhh

welllllll

Eddie prefers Zeke as a dad

Nat seems to take food and water to Zeke and spend time with him more than she's supposed to WHILE ERWIN IS WORKING LIKE A DOG the poor man is leading an entire race

And ofc Erwin snaps

I won't tell you what happens after that eheheehehehehehe

But yeah the fight he's gonna have with nat will be MASSIVE

Somehow they fix their relationship after this. If you wanna find out HOW go watch "indecent proposal"

I love this movie sm uwu 🥺

AND OMG TYSM FOR READING MY FIC AND EVEN READING THE COMMENTS OMG ILYSM UWU THOSE AWESOME COMMENTS/ASKS OF YOURS are what I look forward to uwu 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[nicolanoodles]

In the immortal words of Adele “go eeeeeeeaaaaassssyyy on me baby”

I felt so guilty putting out requests for fics/headcannons/rivetra content and never really making any of my own that I had a little stab at writing something.

This is it. This is the Thing.

Thank you so much to @sleeperswakewriting for reading it through for me and giving me the confidence boost I needed to post this here. Daddy Sasageyo salutes you.

Roomba for one more?

Modern au 2100 words

Petra gets stood up at a bar and Levi comes to the rescue. Shit’s about to get awkward.

The smooth background music droned as Levi surveyed the choice of restaurant they had agreed to convene at - more upscale than the usual monthly meets seeing as it was Nanaba’s birthday. The soft lighting leant a calming atmosphere as people sat chatting at tables and the light clinking of glasses could be heard as the bartender prepared drinks across the room.

Pretty swanky.

He turned his attention back to the table where Hange was gesticulating wildly whilst recounting an incident at work.

‘“ -and then it turned around and just straight up bit her!”

Erwin chuckled, “I’m sure Ilse will be nothing but professional when writing up the notes for her journal”

Miche and Nanaba smiled and shared a knowing look.

Before the eccentric researcher could continue, Farlan returned to the table with the next round of drinks, “Oh God, why do I get the feeling I dodged an anecdotal bullet?”. He passed over the drinks, some light beers and an excessively fruity cocktail for Hange, and they raised a toast to the birthday girl.

“Cheers!”

“Here’s to the big three-oh Nana!”

As the table descended once again into conversation, Levi turned his head to the door as a large group came in and waited to be seated. A young woman made her way in behind them and squeezed her way through, making a beeline for the bar. Pretty, in a simple, fitted skirt and polo neck, she shrugged off her coat as she hopped up onto the bar stool and waited for the barman. Her short, red hair contrasted against her fair features and highlighted the slight blush of her cheeks from the cold outside.

Cute.

Levi moved his attention back to the table.

_____________________

Half an hour later and the glasses were considerably emptier. Levi once again looked up towards the bar and frowned upon seeing the red head from earlier still sitting there alone. Her boot tapped the stool’s leg as she bit her lip and looked at her phone.

He was broken out of his thoughts as Farlan nudged his arm, smirking, “Something catch your eye grumps?”

Levi frowned.

Farlan continued, “She’s been sat there a while - you think she’s been stood up?”

Levi looked once again at the woman, now idly stirring her drink with a straw as her amber eyes looked hopefully towards the door, “Who’d stand up someone as cute as her?”

Farlan’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, “Oh so she’s cute now is she?”

Shit.

“Tch, calm down shithead, It was just an observation”

“Hey just saying, don’t think I’ve ever heard you comment on a woman right off the bat like that, now here you are sneaking glances at one and trying to hide it - it’s the red hair isn’t it?” Farlan leaned in, characteristic grin plastered firmly on his face.

Levi rolled his eyes and knocked back the last of his beer, “Shuttup…for the last time, I don’t have a thing for redheads”

Farlan continued to smirk, “If you say so” he swirled the dregs of his beer, “Hey who’s up next for a bar run?”

Hange piped up, “Your round Levi!”

“Tch, like you need more shitty cocktails four eyes”

Hange pouted and threw a cocktail umbrella in his direction as Levi took in the group’s requests. He walked over to the busy bar and sat waiting to be served.

He looked across the bar.

He saw her looking down into her glass.

He looked back up at the menu.

He gave the bartender the lengthy order and paid for the round.

Back to her. She was now resting her chin on one hand absently stirring the ice in her glass as she stared at the fish tank on the wall.

….

…..Fuck it.

Levi stood up and walked to the end of the bar, taking the stool next to her.

She looked up, wide amber eyes blinking at him in surprise. For the first time that evening, Levi was able to really take in the woman’s appearance. Her petite frame was accentuated by the form fitting outfit, her delicate hands continuing to hold the long since empty glass. Silver earrings reflected the soft lights as she tucked a strand of hair behind one ear. Dark lipstick stained her lips as her mouth opened slightly. Levi realised he was staring.

He blurted out, “Shit. Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare. I…um”

He was pretty sure he looked like a constipated duck.

Her wary gaze faltered as he stumbled over his words. When she spoke, her voice was light.

“No no, it’s fine honest”

They both stared awkwardly at the fish tank opposite the bar. An Angelfish floated gracefully across the front as another fish clumsily bumped up against the fake wooden treasure chest.

Levi cleared his throat, “soo, friend of yours running late?”

Wow he was bad at this.

Petra smiled sadly, looking down and picking at the edge of a coaster, “you don’t have to pity me, I’m sure the whole restaurant’s figured out why I’m sat up here alone”

Levi looked her up and down once more. The subtle but carefully applied make up. The simple yet flattering outfit. The way her nose wrinkled as she frowned slightly into her glass. He nudged her stool with his foot, “Hey, his loss”.

Petra gave a half smile up at him and her eyes seemed to light up the tiniest bit, “Thanks”

Levi held his hand out, “I’m Levi by the way”

“Petra”, she said, giving him a small handshake. Her hand was as soft as he thought it was.

Why was his brain like this.

The barman deposited a tray of drinks in front of Levi then set about making Hange’s overly complex cocktail.

Petra eyed the tray with another one of her half smiles.

“They’re not all for me”, Levi stated dumbly, “I’m here for my friend’s birthday” he gestured over to the table he had vacated with the group immersed in conversation.

Petra let out an airy chuckle, “I guessed”

Levi picked up his own drink and tried not to think how her laugh made his heart flutter a little. He glanced at her once again, then down to the empty glass in her hands.

“Hey, wanna refill?”

Petra looked down at her empty glass quickly as if snapped back into the room, “Oh no thanks, I was actually thinking of leaving soon” Levi’s heart sank a little. “I’m pretty sure my cat won’t mind if I’m home early”

“Oh you have a cat?”

Petra turned her phone screen to Levi where the background showed a rather grumpy looking black cat with a green bow tie. The slanted yellow eyes offered an expression that could be described as - well, pissed off if Levi was honest.

“Meet Nigel, my grumpy little guy”. She smiled at the picture affectionately.

The corner of Levi’s lip turned up, “Maybe he thinks green just isn’t his colour”

Petra put her hand over her chest feigning outrage, “Well I think he looks absolutely dashing”

Levi put his hand up in mock surrender, “Just saying, never met a cat who actually liked being dressed up”.

A challenging smirk appeared on her face, nose wrinkling adorably again, “I’m not dressing him up, it’s a collar accessory” she gave him a sideways glance as she crushed an ice cube with her straw, “I take it you’re not a cat person?”

Levi swirled his beer, “It’s not that, my apartment just doesn’t allow pets”. He took a quick swig before adding, “Does a Roomba count?”

His head snapped up at Petra’s sudden snort of laughter. She covered her mouth in an attempt to contain her amusement, “That depends, have you stuck on googly eyes and named it?”.

Levi answered, “I would never be so childish as to glue googly eyes to Spencer Bartholomew Sweepton, First of his name, buster of dust and defender of the realm of clean floors”. Levi realised what he’d just said. Shit. Where did that come from? He hadn’t had a lot of experience with flirting but even he knew how stupid that sounded. He looked nervously back at Petra who was now in a small fit of giggles. Her eyes scrunched up and auburn hair fell into her face. The smile on her lips transcended onto his own and he decided he didn’t mind. Anything to keep that radiant smile on her.

Petra leant a cheeky smile, “I suppose it’s not that different from owning a cat, we both have to empty their trays at the end of the day”

“Yeah, but mine has less shit in it”

That laughter again.

With the initial awkwardness fading quickly, the pair slipped into comfortable conversation. He learnt she was an educational psychologist in the city, loved baking and of course, was given more details on the obviously doted on Nigel, interjected by the occasional cat pic.

The room melted into the background, replaced easily with their own bubble. He must be tipsy, Levi couldn’t remember feeling this at ease with what was essentially a complete stranger. Warmth oozed from her honey gaze as she chatted lightly, her feet swinging beneath her on the tall bar stool. Deep plum manicure making small circles delicately on the bar, her other hand resting on her cheek as she smiled and spoke. He felt like she could read a phone book and he not get tired of listening to her bright voice.

It was like watching a sunset come to life.

Since when did he get so Goddamn poetic?

She was a stark contrast to his…well, him in general.

Watching her animated face as they continued chatting, Levi came to the conclusion that he didn’t mind all that much.

After a while Petra looked pointedly to the tray of drinks next to Levi. Hange’s concoction had appeared at some point, the paper straw drooping as it slowly disintegrated amongst the sugary liquid.

“Don’t your friends want their drinks?”

Levi looked over to the table where Hange and Farlan appeared to be competing to see who could balance more spoons on their face.

“Nah, they can wait”

Petra giggled, “They do seem like they’re having fun”

“Buncha weirdos”

The seconds ticked by, the soft glow of the fish tank illuminating them both as the moment stretched out. Her pinky finger ghosted the side of his as she pushed her glass away. They stared down at their hands barely touching before looking up, amber eyes meeting steely grey. He was suddenly aware of his heartbeat, the air feeling like it needed to be filled with something bigger than he could give. Levi opened his mouth to speak before a loud buzz interrupted the moment.

“Oh, my taxi’s here”, the light from the phone much more harsh than the ambient lighting of the restaurant. She looked up apologetically, “Guess it’s time to go defend my status of crazy cat lady”.

Levi let go of his breath, “Wouldn’t want to keep Nigel waiting”

Petra gave a playful hit to his arm, “At least my pet greets me when I get in”

“Oh yeah, does he push a mop round while you’re out too?”

Petra bit her lip, trying and failing to hold back a smile, “I’ll see you around Levi”. She hopped down off the bar stool and turned to leave then stopped. Spinning back round, she scooped Levi into a one armed hug, her perfume enveloping him. “Thanks by the way”, she whispered. Levi squeezed her back. Then she was out the door and gone.

______________________

Levi watched the door close behind her and scooped up the tray with a sigh. Upon finally returning to the table with everyone’s drinks, Hange looked up, “Hey shorty, too ya long enough!”

Erwin glanced at his friend, a sly smile appearing, “Looked like you were enjoying some pleasant company Levi - a nice exchange was had I hope?”

Levi sat down with a scowl, “Shuttup and drink your beer eyebrows”

He internally facepalmed. Of course he hadn’t got her number.

As the table once again descended into chatter, Levi reached into his pocket for his phone. His hand closed around the device, but felt another object. He pulled it out to discover a small scrap of paper.

Levi took the carefully folded note and opened it. On it, eleven digits greeted him, along with a quickly scribbled cat doodle ‘call me if you want to talk about more than just my pussy ;)’ **

Levi blushed furiously.

When did she? He shook his head and stuffed the note back into his pocket

Farlan leaned in with a smug grin, “Thought you weren’t into redheads”.

END

A/N

**Petra No. PETRA YES.

Nigel is not based off my own cat AT ALL 👀

[xurniaa]

Daddy Sasageyo