#dad!calum blurbs

[33-81]

missed but never forgotten 💔

[littledrummeraussie]

thursday’s for the boys.

masterlist. | capture the moment collection. | want to be added to my taglist?

warnings: dad!Calum. some naughty comments, but mostly just fluffiest of fluffy fluff.

word count: 1103

author’s note: just a quick dad!Calum blurb because I saw this pictures and I just had to.  ❤️

- - - - -

“I really hate leaving you two like this, but I–”

“But you have a job and you’re needed in the office. Don’t worry, I get it,” Calum smiled at you, fingers lightly running through your hair before cupping your cheek. “You just told me for the tenth time or so.”

“I’m not used to this,” you confessed with a sigh, resting your forehead against his collarbone and Cal wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing the top of your head. “I like pre-planned meetings and appointments so I know how to schedule our time so it doesn’t ruin your plans, and–”

“You’re spiralling,” Calum stated shortly, making you stop your rambling. “Don’t worry about us. I told the guys I’m needed here, and Ashton wanted to come over ASAP.”

“He just wants to steal Kai for himself,” you scoffed, a smile already pulling at your lips.

“He thinks babies are soft and cute.”

“Well, he should try and make his own,” you pursed your lips, making Cal lean down to kiss you shortly.

“Nah, too much responsibility,” he chuckled, both of you having a laugh over your friend.

A delightful babble rang through the air, at which you and Cal turned to look at your son sitting on the floor, tiny hands petting Duke’s head, the dog giving Calum a not-so-happy look and demanding him with a tiny woof sound to please get him out of this situation, preferably right now.

“You’re so dramatic,” Cal chuckled at the dog before bending down to pick the little boy up, holding him in his arms. “Come on, Bubba, Duke’s grumpy. But Dada is here to stay with you today.”

“Momma?” Kai looked between you and Calum, brown eyes big and curious, and more than anything you wanted to stay home and be with them.

“Momma needs to go to work,” you stepped closer to them, softly caressing his chubby cheek. “But I’m coming home as soon as I can, and until then Dada will keep you entertained. And maybe Uncle Ash will stop by too.”

“Be careful what you say,” your boyfriend mumbled with a stifled laugh, adjusting Kai in his arms and leaning close to press his lips against the top of his head. “Say bye to Mommy?”

“Bye,” he waved his hand at you, still a little unsure as he was only just starting to learn the words and their meanings, slowly understanding the actions they paired with.

“Kiss Kai?” you offered your cheek to your son who quickly leaned over and pressed his lips against it, giving you a big wet kiss. “Thank you, baby!”

“Kiss Kai,” he repeated your words, something he recently learned, while sucking on his thumb.

You yourself pressed a kiss on his cheek in return before turning to Calum, lips meeting and sharing a kiss. Cal curled his arm around your waist to pull you close, hand caressing your waist, trying to slip under your shirt.

“Maybe once I’m home…” you softly bit into his bottom lip, giving him a cheeky smile. “Text me how the day’s going?”

“Don’t worry, we’ll be fine,” he promised, bumping his forehead against yours. “Dad mode: activated.”

 .

You’ve tried not to worry, you really did. You’ve also tried to focus on the meeting that was currently taking place, the one why you needed to ask Cal to stay at home with Kai, but everything seemed futile. Truth was that since Kai was born there were only a few days that you spent apart from your little boy, and you might have developed a slight co-dependency when it came to him. Not that anyone would have blamed you, after all, you were his Mom.

Maybe you were just anxious for some reason – you knew Calum is well capable of taking care of your son, he’s been there every step of the way since he found out you were pregnant. Maybe you were just scared you’re missing out on something; Kai was growing up so fast, already learning words and you wanted to hear every new one from him. It was perfectly normal wanting to experience all these new milestones together with Cal – they were far more important than whatever your co-worker was rambling about.

You’ve tried, you really did, but in the end you needed to pick up your phone, and hid it in your lap as you sent a quick message to Calum, wanting to know what they were doing, and if Ashton really did show up to spend some time with his godson.

Y/N: Hey, how’s everything going?

A few minutes passed before your phone buzzed in your hand, a new text message popping up on your screen.

Calum: all good in the Hood 👌

Y/N: CALUM!!!

Calum: sorry I had to

A series of laughing emojis followed, and you needed to roll your eyes at your boyfriend. He was definitely in one of his cheeky moods, it was clear from the morning as well, but that didn’t mean your nerves were soothed. You needed proof that both him and Kai were doing okay without you, even though your conscience told you not to worry about them.

Y/N: But are you sure you’re okay?

Calum: Couldnt be better

A second later a picture appeared on your screen, and it took everything in you not to start tearing up while looking at it. Calum was lying in your shared bed, his phone pointed at the mirror to take a picture of him and Kai. Kai, who was peacefully sleeping, cuddled against his Dad’s back, chubby cheek resting against Calum’s broad shoulder. There was so much love and calmness radiating from the picture that suddenly you felt silly for worrying this much about them.

Calum: Cant move. Might stay here forever

Y/N: He also knows that Daddy is the best kind of pillow ❤️

Calum: we miss Mommy though. Hurry up and come home to us ❤️

Y/N: Gonna cozy up to you soon! Save a spot for me?

Calum: bet your sweet ass I will 😘

You sent him back a kissy face emoji as well, saving the picture of your boys and setting it as your new wallpaper. You also made a promise to yourself to ask Calum to have some more father-son days with Kai – it was definitely the best part of your day when he ended up sending you the cutest pictures of the two of them on their many different adventures.

And if you got to tag along to their Thursdays which soon were reserved for the two of them, well, that was definitely the best kind of bonus.

 - - - - -

taglist.

@mymindwide​ @fuckyeah5sostakemehome​ @suchalonelysunflower​ @talkfastromance4​ @ashtonsunflower​ @in-superbloom​  @wiiildflowerrr​  @lovelywordsblog​ @heyitskelseaj​ @whentherosesbl00m​

[sinning5sos]

can y/n be married to Cal and he has a son from his first marriage, and like something happy happens? idk, the son like asks her to do something big and y/n is so excited

You admired the way that Calum was moving in the front yard, his body gleaming with sweat and his muscles contracted under his shirt. He was arranging a new flower bed, specifically because you had mentioned once that you loved the idea of having one, and building it himself in front of the house the two of you shared. 

You finished washing some dishes from breakfast, when you spotted your step-son running over to Calum. He was a bonus of you marrying Calum, already nine years old and you loved him more than words could express. He had slowly warmed up to you while you had dated Calum, he was only three when the two of you first met.

His mother wasn’t in the picture, and it had left him wanting a relationship with you but he was still scared. Calum encouraged him every step of the way, allowing him to move at his own pace and for him to do what he wanted.

The two of them chatted for a minute, then both turned to look at you in the window and you smiled back at them. Calum handed him a daisy from the garden then nodded, and you watched your step-son run around the house to get in through the side door. He held the daisy out to you, which you gladly accepted and smelled it for a second, then leaned down closer to him.

“Would you want to go bowling with me to the mommy-son bowling?” He asked, rocking back and forth on his feet and you quietly gasped at the question. You immediately smiled as you nodded excitedly, and wrapped him into your arms and squeezed him tightly. 

“Of course I would, oh - I’m so excited now!” You said, pulling away and kissed the tip of his nose and he giggled before running away into the living room. You hummed as you stood up and moved back to the window, and watched Calum carry his tools back into the garage then out into the backyard. You grabbed a glass of water and carried it out to him, and wrapped your arms around his back. 

“Calum, baby guess what.” You said, and he smiled as he let his tools fall to the ground and turned in your arms to face you, but you didn’t even give him a chance to answer, “Oh, he asked me to go with him to the mommy-son thing,”

“I know baby,” He said, and you furrowed your brows but he chuckled, “He asked for permission just now in the yard before he could take you out on a date.”

You fake frowned at how cute that was, and hugged him tightly, despite him being sweaty from working all morning, but you fully embraced him. 

“I’m so happy baby, I can’t even begin to tell you. He loves you so much, when you go home - you’re all he talks about. You’re so much better for him than she could have ever been.” He murmured, and you pulled back and cupped his cheeks as you saw his eyes begin to water, “I have so many words but all I can say is thank you for loving him the way that I do.”

“Always, Cal. He’s a part of your life, and you’re a part of my life, probably the most important part. Thank you for letting me be in his life. I know he had a hard time trusting women after everything she did, but I just love him so much. I’d do anything for him,” You said, and he leaned closer and kissed your forehead, humming gently as he held you. 

“I love you,” You whispered, and he smiled as he tucked his head down and kissed your lips. 

“I love you,” 

[nostalgiabones]

Hi there! Did you possibly once wrote a blurb or know who did about dadsos and the boys taking the kids to a water park or pool and the boys are teasing Calum saying they’re gonna push his little girl in or smth like that because she can’t swim and then she manages to swim in the end? I think? I’ve been searching high and low and I can’t find it 😔😔😔

Hi angel! I don’t think this was me 👀👀 I don’t recognise it but I haven’t read any blurbs for a little while. Tagging @calumrose and @hoodhoran who I feel like have good dad!sos fic knowledge and might recognise it 👀 I’ll reblog and link it here if I do find it! 🫶🏼

[talkfastromance4]

Ugh that was cute but I meant Adah and bby bro:(

OMG you totally did. i’m so sorry i just read it as toddler my mistake i’m so sorry!

but here’s some Cal+Adah+Kai :) and since it’s tour ticket day, here they are with their daddy on tour feat. uncle Ashton

donate to my ko-fi here :) –for a trip to disney world I’m going on in March!

• • • •

Adah’s running around the parking lot with her little blue and pink sparkly soccer ball while Kai is situated on Calum’s hip. At eight months old he’s more alert on things and watches his big sister intently, his nook in his mouth. He’d just woken up from a nap so he was extra snuggly with Calum as he talked with Ashton while they both watched Adah.

You hadn’t been feeling all that well, so you were in the bus getting some sleep and quiet while Calum wrangled with his two munchkins. You always got a little cold the first time you’d visit him on tour, a ritual that began when you first started dating, and you hated that the ritual continued.

“How long are they with us?” Ashton asks rubbing Kai’s back gently who’s resting his head tiredly on Calum’s shoulder. 

“Two weeks, then when we’re in Chicago they’re gonna go up and visit her parents,” Calum says. “Won’t see them until the last two weeks of tour.” He rests his cheek on his son’s head giving him a quick kiss. 

“It’ll go by fast, man. When--”

Adah’s loud cries causes both men and baby to jump and look in her direction. She’s on the pavement on her hands and knees, her small face contorted as she wails.

“Shit,” Calum mutters then hands off Kai before running quickly to his baby girl. She stands up slowly and he can see two scrapes on her tiny knees. Adah reaches for him but he inspects her small hands first to make sure they aren’t cut, only a little dirty. “C’mere wildflower.”

He holds her close, one hand on her lower back and the other bracing her head. He kisses her head shushing her cries but they won’t falter.

“What happened, did you trip on your ball, hm?” he asks then lifts her in his arms. Her tiny arms lock around his neck tightly and she continues to cry ‘dada’ in his shirt as he walks back to Ashton. 

“She okay?” Ashton asks, eyes full of concern for his niece. Kai is watching intently and reaches for his big sister.

“She’ll be okay, just gotta clean up her knees,” Calum nods rubbing Adah’s back some more. “You’re okay wildflower, dada’s got you.”

They all head into the bus, Ashton sets Kai on the big couch with a toy and a blanket and grabs the first aid kit for Calum. He tries to set Adah on the counter but she’s got a vice like grip on him.

“Adah, you need to let go of daddy so I can make your knees better,” he tells her gently and she releases her hold.��

Calum wets a wash cloth while Ashton goes to watch Kai, and as Calum cleans up the small amounts of blood on her knees, Adah is clutching the sleeve of his t-shirt. He places band-aids on both scrapes, kisses each one and then gets a tissue to wipe her tears from her face. She’s still sniffling.

“There, all better,” Calum smiles kissing her forehead.

“Dah! Dah!” Kai babbles from the couch, his arms reaching in Calum and Adah’s direction. 

Calum lifts Adah off the sink and sits on the couch with her in his lap, Kai crawls over on top of him and throws his arm over Adah’s back. He smiles at her behind his nook. 

“Kai wants to make you feel better, baby,” Calum tells Adah.

Adah sniffs and puts her arm over Kai’s back, they’re cuddling on top of Calum and he could just burst from all the love. He kisses both of their heads then grabs the remote to turn on Little Bear, their favorite show.

It isn’t long after until they’re both asleep with Calum admiring his two babies. Little did he know Ashton snapped a quick photo of the moment and sent it to you so you’d wake up with a smile.

• • • •

Taglist: @galcalirwin @cashtonasff5sos @wokeupinjapanisabop @myloverboyash  @rotten-kandy @tea4sykes @jannimoeller3

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

Don’t You Forget About Me

Calum’s been a dad for sixteen years now and it’s gotten easier in some regards. But it’s gotten a lot harder in other regards. When his eldest starts to push away from him, Calum realizes he’s got to make some choices for his family. 

Dad!Cal, Gender-Neutral Reader (Non-binary parent described). Dad!sos (Luke, Michael, and Ashton). 

CW: There’s like one (maybe two if you squint) steamy scene, but it like fades to black. So: Smut adjacent, so 18+ readers please!

Masterlist (on a semi-hiatus)

___________________

Calum gets the last of the bags into the trunk of the car when he feels his phone buzz from his coat pocket. He takes note to check it once he’s inside the car and before he heads home. Closing the trunk and returning the cart, Calum takes a small moment to glance up to the cloudy skies. A few rainy days have been predicted in the forecast and while Calum had planned on taking the family up to the beach house, a weekend at home isn’t a bad alternative. 

His phone buzzes again and Calum digs out the device. I’m making no progress. I don’t know what else to say to them. I can’t lose Ro.

Roslyn, the eldest, was growing distant. Calum hadn’t been there to notice the beginning of it. But he did notice when he came home on a break between legs of the tour that Ro had done a 180. Once a child that couldn’t be pried away from him was now barely speaking to him. They spoke to you, which was a relief. But they still hadn’t opened up about what was bothering them. 

It hurts. Calum’s flight got delayed several times over to the point he missed their opening night in the school’s play. He was there for every other showing and they said they understood, but Calum knew. The delay, no matter who’s fault it was, hurt them. Calum had promised to always be there no matter what. And Ro, who he couldn’t fault, believed them. Having a promise broken was no fun thing. 

And there was you--in the middle trying to help Ro, get them to open up so maybe you could mediate. But Calum had told you time and time again that it was his mess to clean up. And he, again, couldn’t fault you for trying. Twenty years together and sixteen married with kids, there was always going to be a part of you that fought to keep your family and work through whatever issues arose.

I’m on my way home. Let them be. You won’t lose Ro. It’s just going to take some time. Did you sign Yvonne’s permission slip for them to turn in on Monday?

Signed and made double sure she put it in her backpack. INSIDE a folder so she can’t lose it. 

Calum chuckles. Yvonne’s always had a little bit of trouble keeping track of things. Distracted sometimes because a lot is happening in her head, or at least that’s the way she’s described it to them. She’s still a good kid--decent grades though a lot of times they still get notes about Yvonne being chatty in class. A ball of compassion compressed into a ten year old as she’s proudly noted her passion in life is saving animals. The trip to the local animal rescue is right up her alley and it’s imperative to keep that permission safe for her. 

We’ll have to double check Sunday afternoon, just to make sure. And the field trip is scheduled for next Saturday? 

Yes, next Saturday and No doubt we’ll have to do a double check. The house has voted to order Chinese food for dinner. Do you want that or something different?

That’s fine with me. It’s the last text he sends before walking back to the truck and slipping into the driver seat. He reclines his head into the headrest, exhaling hard. Ro’s not six anymore. He can hug them and promise a solo trip to McDonalds for ice cream and the park for them to talk. He can’t snap his fingers to fix their moods anymore. But he wished he hadn’t hurt them--he wished the universe was kinder to him for his kid’s sake. 

A small tear tracks down his cheek and he lets it track down his skin. It reminds him he’s human too, but a human with so much to fight for. 

The house is alive, like usual, as he cracks open the door and pushes into it with a handful of grocery bags. Two sets of paws come clicking down the hallway to greet him and he greets each of the dogs. He’s careful of their wagging tails and bodies as he walks down the foyer into the kitchen, setting the bags down on the floor next to the fridge. 

You stand against the counter, phone to your ear, with the menu in the other hand. “Yes, that’s all.” When you spot Calum, you smile and push up to press a kiss to his cheek. He slides a hand around your waist to still you. He can faintly hear the voice on the other end confirming the price and estimated time it’ll be ready to pick up. You thank them and then stretch up to kiss him properly. 

“I’ll pick it up. I tried to order it before you’d be home. But Yvonne needed help with some math homework.”

Calum nods. “It’s alright. You sure you don’t want me to get it?”

“Hi Dad!” Yvonne exclaims, feet thundering down the stairs. 

Calum turns to the sound, smiling at Yvonne. “Hi, sweetheart. Have a good day at school?”

She nods, reaching out for a hug and Calum happily obliges. He hoists her up, knowing these days won’t last much longer. But he hopes they last longer than he’s anticipating. He needs them to last longer. “I got a B on my Spanish quiz! But I swear the lights were going to drive me insane. There’s one in the classroom that’s been flickering for a few days and I don’t know when they’re going to fix it.”

“I’m sorry about the distraction. ButI’m glad you got a B.” Calum sets her down and Yvonne grabs a water from the fridge before jetting back up the stairs. Calum watches her go, to make sure if she goes to the study room the door stays open. Which it does. “I have a couple more bags to get, and then we can grab the food.”

“We?”

“Yeah, yeah, we. Sue me for wanting to spend time with my spouse.”

You laugh, rubbing at his back. “Alright, fine. We. I’ll let Ro know we’re stepping out to get dinner so they keep an ear out for Yvonne at least.” It’s with nods that you two separate. Though you do grab one of the grocery bags, noting it has the toilet paper and some hygiene products in it. 

The stairs give a small creak as you climb up them. Yvonne sits at the table in the study room, feet dangling slightly as she reads over the papers in front of her. “Are you sure I have to do homework first?” she complains, noticing your shadow pass by the door. 

“Yes! But I can sweeten the deal with a popsicle if you promise not to make a mess,” you return as you backtrack and lean against the door molding. 

“When have I ever not made a mess?”

“Where are you at?”

“Halfway done with this first side of the worksheet for Earth Science.”

“Finish that first side and meet me in the kitchen for a mid-work break.”

“Sweet,” she grins before diving back into the work. 

Ro’s door is shut mostly, but you still knock anyway. “Yeah?” they call out but don’t come to the door. You push it open a bit more to find the navy blue and gray bedspread rumbled at the foot of the bed. But they are sitting at the desk in the corner of their room. They smile a little at you. “Hey.”

“Hey. Dad and I are going to be leaving in twentyish minutes to pick up dinner. Are you okay to keep an eye out on Yvonne til we get back?”

They shrug, the gold chain Calum gave them clicking against the layers of other pieces of jewelry. Even though whatever is happening is going on, they still haven’t taken that off. Which is a good sign. “Yeah, it’s cool.”

You nod, looking down into the bag. And the words catch on your tongue but you remember Calum’s warning. It’s just going to take time. “Thanks, Ro.”

“Of course,” they give a nod and turn back to the computer before facing you again. “Also, can you help me with something?”

You nod, stepping further into the room. Is Ro going to finally tell you what’s going on? You try not to show that question and then watch them unlock their phone. You don’t watch too intently until they’re showing you a text message thread. “It’s from this girl--she just moved into town like a week ago. I-I don’t know how to respond.”

Girl trouble--not what you anticipated. But you understand. “I’m not going to read anything that’s going to scar me, am I?” you tease, gingerly holding onto the phone. 

Ro laughs. “No, god no. You think I’d show my parent that kind of stuff?”

“Hey, I just have to check.”

They give you an explanation that because Ro agreed to work in the guidance office, they give tours of the school to students who transfer in after the orientation. This particular girl complimented Ro’s hair--an undercut they had to win you over on. Calum was more agreeable on it. And part of you was scared that if Ro didn’t like it, they’d be stuck growing that out for months with a very poor attitude about it. And it was less about shaving hair and more making sure Ro knew if they didn’t like it, growing it out would be a tedious process. But thank all the stars that they did like it, especially the star the barber cut into it. 

The girl’s compliment sparked an interest, you gather, listening to Ro’s retelling and reading through the messages--they get a little flirty and it’s clear they both like each other. Though neither one’s admitted just yet. Until you get to the last message from the girl--Claire, you think is her name--asked what Ro was doing this weekend.

“I mean, the most obvious thing to do is respond with the truth. A weekend at home with your lame parents. But awesome sister.”

Ro scoffs. “You and Dad aren’t lame. Older, yeah. But not lame.” You nod, listening as they continue. “Besides, it was supposed to be a family weekend and I-” They go quiet. A sigh leaves their lips and they flop onto their bed, face up and bouncing for a second. 

“Tell Claire--that’s her name, right?”

“Yes.”

“Tell Claire the truth and if something does come up as a result, then something comes up and you, me, and your Dad can talk about it then.”

“Are you sure?”

“Just text the girl back. You’ve left her on read for twenty minutes now. She’s probably having a heart attack.”

Ro takes their phone back with a tiny smile. “You’re sure?”

“I am as sure as I am your cennend.” You softly run a hand over the top of their head. “Your binder shipped, by the way. Should be here by Tuesday.”

Their grin breaks out even wider. “Can I wear it to school?”

“After we make sure it fits properly and that you’re comfortable in it and not definitely not during your P.E. block.” 

Ro nods, eagerly. “I’ll break it in around the house.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Their fingers fly across the screen and you watch for a moment. This is the Ro you’re used to. Happy, laughing about something. 

When you return downstairs, Calum’s put away a fourth of the grocery. You fall in a steady rhythm around him, working together to put up the last of it. Calum takes the dogs out as you grab your shoes. “Ro--we’re headed out now,” you call up the steps. 

They pop their head over the railing giving you a thumbs up. “I will go down with the ship if need be.”

“Hmm, maybe save yourself and your sister. The house ain’t worth it.”

Yvonne pops out. “I didn’t get my popsicle!”

You wave her down, grabbing a grape one from the box and wrap a paper towel around it. “Stay in the kitchen until you’re done. If you make a mess, call for Ro, alright?”

“Who’s that I see with a grape icy pole?” Calum booms, but you can hear the smile in his voice.

“I was told I could have it by a parental unit,” Yvonne laughs, pointing at you.

“I did say she could have it as a mid-work break. But she has to eat it in the kitchen.”

“And I have to call Ro if I make a mess to help me clean it up.” You and Yvonne nod at each, the signature on the dotted line of your verbal agreement. 

Calum grabs the keys and the two of you exit the house. You go take the keys from him, but he holds them out of reach. “What are you trying to do?” Calum almost always drives when it’s the two of you.

 Ro didn’t say that you couldn’t tell Cal and normally you try to always make sure you have consent to pass along information like this. But if they do get asked on a date, you want to give Calum a heads up. Maybe it won’t fix what’s going between them, but you definitely don’t want it to get worse. 

You need to drive because if you sit in the passenger seat, it’s going to eat you alive. Not that it hasn’t already. And you’ll see the weight of the confession on Calum’s face—something you’re doubly not prepared to witness. “Please just let me drive.”

And it’s the way your voice cracks in the plea that Calum nods, handing you the keys without a second that. He walks around to the passenger side door. Did Ro tell you something? And if so, how bad could it be to make you want to drive instead of him?

You readjust the seat a smidge, and when the car finally starts you immediately reach for the radio. “Okay, no, you need to talk to me,” Calum returns, turning the volume down but letting the radio stay on. 

Down the driveway and out onto the street, you exhale. “Ro’s talking to a girl and I’m not sure if a date’s going to happen. But they both really like each other..”

“For this weekend?”

“I don’t know,” you answer honestly, braking at the stop sign at end of the neighborhood. 

“But it’s--” Calum can’t let his own feelings hinder Ro. They’re their own person. But it still stings. That’s his baby and they’ll always be that, even if they hate him. But he doesn’t want Ro to hate him. “And what did you say?”

“I told them that if something happened as a result that the three of us would talk about it.”

It’s a valid response. But it still doesn’t completely take away the sting in Calum’s chest. It’s not that Ro’s growing up. That’s just par for the course as a parent. It’s that part of Calum can’t shake that Ro’s pushing away from him. As worried as you were that you were losing Ro. Calum can’t help but fear the same. And in some twisted way it was his fault, that he had an opportunity to take a behind the scenes approach in the music industry, but he couldn’t take it. And sure it would’ve meant being home more with his family but Calum still ached in some part for the road. Still ached to be on stage. And he hadn’t been able to shake it, not then, not before the damage happened. But maybe now was the last time, maybe now he needed to refocus back onto his family. 

“Okay,” Calum says softly. Because that’s all there is to say. 

“I’m sorry, Cal. I don’t know--I didn’t know what else to say.”

“No, it’s not you. It’s just they’re not young anymore and now it’s like balancing my own feelings against what’s best for them. It’s just hard.”

“I wish I knew what was wrong. I know they’re upset about the missed performance. But there’s something more.”

Calum stares out of the front window, watching other cars turning left, or following alongside you down the street. “We can’t interrogate it out of them,” he states. 

And he’s right. You two can’t good cop bad cop Ro about it. But the wait’s horrible. All either one of you wanted to do was fix it. But until Ro opened up, there’s nothing to be done. Maybe if Ro went on the date, it would help. Maybe. But it still scared Calum that it would get to a point where the divide between them was just too large to overcome. 

In front of the restaurant, you finally turn to Calum. He’s frozen, eyes partially widen and seemingly unfocused on anything in front of him. Gingerly, you take his hands, wrapping your fingers around his and squeezing lightly. “I have to do something,” he mutters. You can’t tell if it’s for you or more to himself, but it’s chant like prayer crossing his lips. 

“We’ll-we’ll figure something out. We always do. They haven’t taken the necklace off. It’s a good sign.” 

It’s a small nod, almost indiscernible, and Calum squeezes your fingers in return as well. “We will.”

You take a minute, waiting for the slightly glazed look to finally pass from Calum’s eyes. He blinks, turning to face you. “I’m okay.”

“Okay--I’ll go get the food. You just chill out here.”

“I’d rather go inside with you.”

“Whatever you’d like,” you return. Calum’s hand is warm as you thread fingers together and walk inside. 

The owner greets the two of you by name, a testament to how often your family orders from here. You and Calum moved into the neighborhood when Ro was five, already planning to expand the family, but still before confirming Yvonne as an addition. Since the move, you made it a tradition to at least order from the place every couple of weeks. Over time, the previous owners would see you and Calum pulling up and as you stepped through the door they’d shout the total at you. Now the children of the previous owners have taken over and know you and Calum just as well. 

“At this point, you two should take over as owners.”

“I highly doubt we could run it as well as you could,” you return, laughing at the tease. It’s only a few more minutes before your food is ready and you pay. Calum takes the bags before you can even put the card back into your wallet. 

“My hands ain’t broke,” you tease, but make sure to hold the door open for him. 

“And neither are mine.”

Inside the car, you turn to the passenger side seat. “What are you thinking?”

Truth be told, he’s not entirely sure what to think. “I’ve gotta try something. But I don’t want it to be materialistic, nor do I want them to feel like I’m only trying to make up to them because they’re angry.”

“Maybe--maybe you just need to tell them that you care. That you know they’re hurt and you’re willing to listen to them whenever they’re ready to talk so you two can actually work on a resolution. It’s how we’ve always done things and I think, given our two kids, we’ve done pretty damn good at actually listening to them and getting their input on how to reach a solution. I don’t know why we’d stop now.”

“Yeah, but how do I do that? They barely talk to me.”

“Maybe you just gotta say your peace and move on. I think Ro’s just working through a lot of difficult emotions right now. And it’s scary and it hurts to see them shut you out. But you can’t kick in that door. And I don’t want to make it worse, but if I gotta play ref for that conversation I’ll do it.”

“Thank you, love,” Calum whispers, leaning into you and kissing you softly. “Thank you for being there.”

“I meant what I said in my vows.”

The return back home is quiet, minus the soft whisper of the radio. Sure, Calum could make a big show, put his foot down. But that’s never worked with Ro before and it most definitely wouldn’t work now either. When they return home, Calum takes the food inside ahead of you. You don’t say anything, having already noticed the resolve that set his face like stone. You shut the door behind you and catch him heading up the stairs. Though you didn’t always rely on your religion all the time, you pray now in a soft whisper for the two of them--for your family. 

The TV downstairs is on, and you spy Yvonne sitting criss crossed with both dogs surrounding her. You slip out of your shoes and walk behind the couch to kiss the top of her head. “Go get cleaned up before dinner please?”

“Can I get to the commercial break before I do that?”

“Yes. Thank you for asking.”

“Of course,” she replies, grinning up at you from below.

Calum pauses outside of Ro’s door. It’s halfway open, most likely opened in case Yvonne needed anything. From his vantage point, he can just make out Ro sitting at their desk, half their screen a video and the other an opened word document. He knocks on the door on his exhaled breath. “Ro?” he calls out softly. 

They spin around in the chair. “Yes?”

No ‘Dad’ not even a full smile--Calum should’ve expected it. But it still swings like a hammer against his chest. He continues on though. “Can I get two minutes of your time? And you don’t have to respond. I just need to tell you something.”

Ro freezes for a moment. It hurts. He was supposed to be there. And they know it’s not his fault the flight got so far delayed. They know that. But that didn’t take away the sting. And Ro didn’t want to take the feelings out on him. They know it’s not right. He tried--he went to every show since the opening. He still cared even when they weren’t the nicest. And sure, it’s easy to say that’s what parents are supposed to do. But Ro’s friends didn’t have parents like theirs, didn’t have parents that wanted to have productive conversations and not some sort of dictatorship. But it fucking sucks because all Ro wants is their Dad. That’s all they’ve ever wanted. And when they were younger it was different. They could go on trips more easily and Ro didn’t feel like they were constantly choosing between friends and family. But now it feels like a fucking a choice and it’s easier to choose friends. It’s easier to keep being angry because it means they don’t have to choose again. 

“Two minutes?” they verify.

Calum nods, stepping into the room. He points over to the beanbag in the corner. “Can I sit?”

“Yeah.” 

Pulling the bean bag closer to them, Calum tries to suppress the grunt that falls from his lips to settle down low. “Jesus,” he huffs but settles down. 

“Don’t hurt yourself now.”

And though the slight jab comes out a little hot, there’s a tiny smile on Ro’s face. And Calum could cry right then and there. Ro’s not gone--the sarcasm they learned from you still poking out from the surface. “I’ll try not to, boss.” A silence settles as Calum tries to gather the right words. And while he’s always had a habit of shutting down and wanting to retreat, you’ve broken part of that habit. And he certainly doesn’t want his kids to get that from him. It’s unproductive. 

“I can’t assume your feelings and take that assumption as fact. But I can tell by some recent behaviors that you’re hurting. I know I apologized. And I know that doesn’t magically fix your feelings. But I can tell you it’s not fun to see you hurting and not knowing how to best go about reaching a resolution. I can tell you that I do want to fix it--whatever’s hurting you and especially if it was my absence on opening night.” Calum sniffles, trying to keep the tears as much as he can at bay. But also knowing that showing emotions isn't bad. He shouldn’t run away from them. Even if he wants to keep strong for his kids, sometimes it’s just hard. “I will listen to you, whenever you’re ready to talk. And I’m sorry, so fucking sorry that my choices and actions hurt you.”

Pinching his nose, Calum notices too, like you said, the necklace of hooking pinkies he gave Ro is still around their neck. With his clean hand, he holds up his pinkie. They did it all the time--promises not to tell you about ice cream before dinner, promises to take over the world, promises to save the world in all the imagined worlds Ro would create as a child, promises to stick it out with each other in blanket forts. And it’s a promise that Calum always meant and to do as much as within his control he’d do to keep them too. 

Ro flicks their gaze up to the ceiling, eyes tearing up too. They believe him and he’s always done his best to listen and keep neutral and it’s not always easy, they’re sure. But he tried. They hook their pinkie around his with a nod. Right now it hurts to talk about. And yeah, it’s not a pleasant feeling to know that he was hurting because of their actions. But like they had always been told each action has a reaction, each choice has a consequence. At least they weren’t getting blamed--just an acknowledgement. Ro needed that kind of acknowledgment that others noticed they were hurting but didn’t want them to hurt in silence. 

Yvonne’s thunderous ascension up the stairs echoes about them. Ro speaks in a whisper. “I believe you, Dad. I’ll talk when I’m ready.”

“That’s all I can ask for, kid. Dinner’s here. And if you feel like you can’t eat with us, I understand.” 

Calum offers because maybe they both have a lot to process and forcing Ro to be at the dinner table could disrupt whatever progress they were making. Calum wants them at the dinner table but he’s not going to force them to be in an uncomfortable position. They have their own boundaries and he wants to respect them. 

It’s with another not fully suppressed grunt and with a bit of dramatics that Calum gets up and Ro snickers a little. “Ay, alright, I get it. Pick on the old guy. You do punk jumps and see how well your knees hold up.”

Ro just shakes their head, biting down on their lip to hide the smile. “Not as bad as Uncle Mike though. So there’s that for you.”

“Damn straight.” Calum takes a couple steps towards the door and pauses. “You know I love you, right?”

“I know, Dad,” Ro answers. 

“Good.” He exits, fully closing the door behind him. The stairs give a creak, undoubtedly as you ascend the stairs as well.

 Yvonne rushes past him and your voice carries down behind her. “Your food’s at the bar countertop on a plate.”

Calum waits for you at the top of the second set of stairs, holding out a hand. You take in the tear tracks on his cheeks and the slightly red eyes. It’s silent as the two of you shuffle into the master bedroom and you shut the door quietly behind you. “They listened,” he starts softly. “But they might eat dinner in their room. I think that’s really all I can do right now.”

“Yeah, we’ll play it by ear. But thank fuck they were willing to listen. Do you want a cold compress? For the puffiness?”

“I got it. Head back to Yvonne. I’ll be down in a minute.”

For a moment you hesitate, hoping that he’s not shutting down. But you have to trust him. Cupping his cheeks, you kiss Calum gently. “Let me know if I can do anything.” 

“I will.”

Calum watches you slip back out of the room. He settles onto the edge of the bed, hands covering his face as he exhales again. Calum underestimated parenthood--and maybe everyone did until they were in it. Maybe no one really understands what it means to be a parent until you’re dealing with your child in waters you thought you’d crossed before, or waters deeper than anyone anticipated. He wouldn’t trade this for anything else. Even though the gray hairs have multiplied faster than he can count them and though the house feels like a circus sometimes, there’s no other place he’d rather be at in his life. A happy spouse who’s just as willing as he is to do the hard work to raise their family and two children who were blooming into their own beings was a miracle to witness. But it was hard work. 

Thunder rumbles overhead. The rain that wasn’t predicted until night time will surely be sweeping in soon. In the stillness of the room, Calum promises to himself to be kinder. Not that he didn’t think he wasn’t kind already, but just in general. He needed just as much grace as his kids did sometimes. 

Someone descends the stairs--he’s not sure who but just as quickly as they head down they’re soon ascending back up. A door closes and Calum knows Ro decided to eat in their room. His chest aches just a little. But grace, but kindness, but allowing himself to feel the emotions and knowing that in the end it’s all going to be okay. It has to all be okay in the end, Calum thinks to himself on every inhaled breath. 

It only feels like a few minutes that he’s been in the room. But when Calum walks down the stairs, he can see Yvonne already curled up on the couch with the dogs. Her dish in the sink and you sitting at the bar counter hardly touching your food. He grabs his food and moves onto the bar stool next to you, tucked at the end, near the wall. “You okay?” he asks. 

You nod, glancing up. “Yeah, just not as hungry as I thought.”

Gently, he runs the back of his head over your forehead. But he doesn’t feel a fever. He doesn’t say anything else, just kisses your temple and turns back to his plate. The house feels eerily silent and you glance up to the stairs, wishing Ro would come down. But Calum gave them the offer not to and at this point, you’re not going to go back on his word. He did it for a reason, to respect boundaries. 

 The thunder gets a bit louder in the soft hum of the TV, with a quick flash brightening the skies. The dogs make a little noise, and soon they’ll need some more attention to keep calm during the storm. “I’ll clean the kitchen,” Calum volunteers after he finishes. “And I’ll put your leftovers in the fridge.”

You smile up at him. “Thanks. Should we make s’mores tomorrow? Let today just be a relaxing day?”

“We could.”

“Did I hear something about s’mores?” Yvonne pipes up. 

“Later--you already got a popsicle before your dinner,” you call out in return.  

“Ah, man, really?”

“Lovebug, later. Tomorrow, for sure”

“Okay,” she huffs, setting back down into the cushions. “I finished my Earth Science and Math homework, by the way.” Her voice carries even from below the top of the sofa. 

You sigh, looking to Calum for refuge, a degree of solace. He snickers just a little as he scrubs at the plate. Her attempt to bribe for the s’mores doesn’t go unnoticed by him either. “Did you need me to repeat what I said?”

“No. You said later on the s’mores. Tomorrow for sure. I just need the record to show that I tried.”

“Record noted,” you chuckle. “Going to get the shirts for the dogs and some flashlights just in case.”

Calum nods at your statement. A few moments go by before a plate clinks against the counter next to his almost gone stack. Ro stays at the edge of the counter, fingers twirling at the jewellry. “I’m not going to blow my top over a dish, you know?” Calum says, plopping it into the sink. 

“It still feels awkward, you know. Like when the stack is so low.”

“Hmm, I getcha.”

“I-I sorta got asked on a date.”

“A date?”

“Yeah. It’s for next weekend.”

The confession surprises Calum. He was sure Ro would ask for something for this weekend based on what you said. And he’s shocked that they’re telling him and not you. He’s not sure if it’s progress or not, but he does his best to keep his chill. “Do I or Cennend know this person?”

“She’s new in town. Her name’s Claire. Is it okay? To go? On the date?”

“Where is the date?”

“The downtown center--to the movies and frozen yogurt. And maybe the bookstore--she’s looking for this third installment in a series. And there’s a bookstore downtown that always has got books when you can’t find them anywhere else. The BlueCrab one, where we went and got those old school detective novels that I was reading over Christmas break?”

“I remember. You got your nose pierced in the tattoo and piercing shop in the same block.”

“How I convinced the two of you to let me get my nose pierced I’ll never know.”

“I didn’t tell you this. But the rebel streak is strong in both your parents. So we get it.”

“I didn’t tell you this,” Ro starts. “But I could tell.”

Calum smiles at the retort. “When is this date?”

“Saturday. The movie starts at 12:25 and is like two hours. But with the frozen yogurt and bookstore, we probably wouldn’t get done until like 5? And I know I don’t have my license yet. So either of you would have to drive me. So I wanted to make sure?”

The drain sucks down the soapy water and Calum wipes his hands clean. “Yvonne has a field trip that same day and I think your Cenn’s going with her. But I’m not entirely certain--”

“Dad, I don’t hate you. Let’s just start with that. I appreciate you giving me my space and letting me know you still care and that you do acknowledge and want to fix what’s happening. It just sucks, okay? It sucks that you have to go. Sometimes it feels like being angry is easier so I don’t have to choose between my family or my friends.” Tears have started and Calum hands them a tissue, but gives them some space to speak. “There’s so many emotions and so little of me, ya know?”

“I understand. Take your time.”

Taking a second to wipe under their nose, Ro continues. “The best way I can describe it is like--I want you here and I want you to be there like the stupidest and smallest fucking things, like going on my first date or like when I ace a really hard test. Or when I, I don’t know, do something stupid like climb a tree and fall out of it, breaking my arm. I want you there for every little thing. But I know it’s your job. So I don’t hate you. It’s just not easy. It’s okay that you drive me next weekend. It’s okay if you still want to call me kid, or whatever. It’s okay that I’m still your child. Because I want to be. I just don’t want you to leave me, okay? Just don’t leave and forget about me.”

Ro ends the speech by colliding into his chest and Calum’s quick to wrap them up tight. “Ro,” he croaks out. “I think about you every second I’m gone. I want to be here for everything too.” He’s not sure if the words can fix the feelings. He’s not sure how hard he hugs them is going to convince them that this family is his entire world. “I love you so fucking much,” he whispers to them. “I could never forget about you.”

______________

The winds no longer whistle outside the house. The storm caused the dogs a little anxiety but thankfully not a lot. And now, under the sheets, things feel relatively normal. Though Calum’s gone again. Something in his mind turning the gears over and over. Laying on your side, you just watch for a moment. You’re not entirely sure what happened, having to go into the garage to gather the flashlights, extra batteries, and a few candles just in case. But when you returned, Ro was crying into Calum’s chest and he was crying even in his best attempts to console them. But whatever happened, it was definitely a good thing. 

“Can I ask what you’re thinking?” you ask softly. 

“Our contract’s up for renewal after this album.” You nod, already aware of this information. “Michael’s been producing for a while and I’ve helped a few times. It’s been a successful endeavour. Maybe it’s time I took a backseat to this whole business. Gave someone else the limelight.”

“Is that what you want to do?”

For Calum to be honest, he needs to admit that no--it’s not entirely what he wants. However, Calum does want parts of it. He wants more control back of his life. He wants to stay relevant in the music world. The guys have all vaguely wondered if they could negotiate a little bit of time off for their families too, of which there is a sufficient amount. But not what they all really want. And maybe now’s the perfect time. 

Calum lays on his side to face you, arm slinging over your waist. “I’m going to sleep on it. But I think, before it’s too late, I should be home more.”

“I’d like having you home more, for sure,” you tease. 

Calum smiles, a small tuft of laughter escaping him. “Of course you would. Until we wind up with human baby three or somehow acquire fur baby three and then you will shun me.”

“I feel like a third pet could and would absolutely be either one of us just telling ourselves we’ll go down to the shelter just to look and then walking out with another Duke type situation.”

“Okay, yeah I can agree with that. I don’t know. Yvonne’s getting older. And before long Ro might be going off to college. I thought I wasn’t missing a lot. But maybe I am. Ro basically thought I was forgetting about them, that somehow my leaving was going to cause them to just puff--not exist to me anymore. And I-I don’t want them or Yvonne thinking that me leaving is somehow to escape them.”

“If your track record proves anything, Calum, is that you’ll do whatever you think is best. And I will be here by your side. I just don’t want to cut off a piece of yourself. They need their father. But they need him whole. I need my husband whole. No matter what you choose, make sure that it’s not at an alarming detriment to yourself.”

The grip tightens around you and Calum pulls you into his chest. The kiss is slow, but deep as you gently trace your fingertips down his back. You pull away first to kiss the tip of his nose. “I love you,” he whispers. 

“I love you.”

“Tell me one good thing about your day,” he commands softly, noticing the fluttering of your eyelids. 

“One good thing about work is that I was able to pass along a manuscript approval to be adopted into a series. And one good thing here, now, is that my family is still as solid as ever. And that’s all I could ever want.”

“Was it the one you were telling me about? The paranormal detective series with a love story subplot?”

“Hmm, no, that’s still on the table. It was one of Kyle’s picks. Steampunk adventure series.”

“Yours will be next. All the other ones you’d given a yes on have been huge successes.”

“Thank you, love.” 

With two kisses, one to each of your closed eyelids, Calum settles back into the pillows. Though he’s the one with the notorious habit of falling asleep in three seconds flat, he keeps awake long enough to see you settle deeply into your slumber. Thankfully, the steady rise and fall of your chest and ribs under his arm is enough to send him to sleep right behind you as well.

More rain greets you all when you awaken the next morning. Calum’s head is on your chest and you’re not even sure when the two of you managed to get into this position but you let him lay for a moment. And in the silence, running your fingers through the turning gray strands of the curls on his head, you find enough peace to slip back into sleep. It’s not until you feel the bed dipping that you stir awake again. Some sun peeks out through the shades and Calum’s grabbing something from the bathroom before slipping through the door of the bedroom. 

You figure he left to check on the dogs and sigh before turning to your back. “Those gears are still turning in that head of his.”

“I hear you talking about me,” Calum says upon his return. 

“Those gears are smoking in that head of his.” You laugh when he walks to your side of the bed and lightly taps your thigh. 

“You’ll regret that. And I’ll have you know, I went down to check on the dogs and see if Yvonne was awake. I think she stayed up late because she’s still out like a sack of hammers.”

As Calum settles back into bed, shrugging off his robe, you reach out for him. “Good, means you’re mine for now,” you return.

“Correction: I have always been yours.”

You settle onto his chest, enjoying the steady rhythm of his heart in your ears. “Hmm, you’re right. Ro told you about the date, correct?” You got informed later but weren’t sure if they told him or not. 

“They did. I’m dropping them off and picking them up since you’ll be on the trip with Yvonne--right? You’re going on that trip?”

“I volunteered as a chaperone, yes. But Yvonne’s made sure that she is with her friends and not with me. So she’ll be running amuck on that poor farm.”

“We should go back and do the horse riding again.”

“That was fun. Beautiful to see the trees like that. But I really want to take them ATVing.”

“Do you think Yvonne’s old enough?”

“Yeah. C’mon they make some models small enough for six year olds. At nearly 11, she can get on one. If we wait until we go to my parents’ then I know for sure there’s one good enough size for her.”

“We’ll ask them.”

“Remember the first time you met my parents and we went riding and you--”

“Yeah, and I hit the mud spot. Not my most shining moment. But racing to the old general store was pretty fucking awesome.”

“Very illegal, because that was a highway we were on.”

“Not too worried about it, we didn’t get caught.”

“I’m glad. The sheriff at that time wasn’t too fond of my family. So that could’ve been bad for rockstar Calum Hood to wind up with a record over small town politics.”

Calum laughs a little. “Would’ve made me look badass though.”

“I think your management team at the time would’ve kicked my ass for getting you into trouble like that.”

“They could’ve tried.”

You sit up on your elbow. That was still early on in your relationship. Calum had been on tour and in a town not too far from where you grew up. When you told him that you had to go back home due to some emergency health concerns with your grandmother, he asked if he could stop by. Just to say hi and see you and if there was anything he could do to help. The band had a double show in the state and rather than leaving, they were up in a hotel. You and Calum hadn’t even said ‘I love you’ to each other. But something about the relationship felt right. 

So, you drove to him the morning after a show and picked him up from a hotel. You drove the forty-five minutes back to your home town and spent most of the day around in the more vibrant and built up downtown, but by about midafternoon, you asked if he was comfortable meeting your parents since he was already in town. You disguised it as you and some cousins already having prior plans to go riding once everyone was in town to which your parents would be there since it was their ATVs you all would be riding. You got there a day earlier to visit your grandmother--she was holding on okay at that point. But more of your family was coming into town and you knew the more people showed up the more your mother would ask you to help with cooking and hosting. So you needed to seize your window with Calum. 

You hadn’t expected him to be more than happy to meet them. Nor did you expect him to be eager to go riding. You figured he’d cite some excuse, needing to get back for rehearsals or some sort of meeting.  

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Calum asks, sitting up too. 

“When you met my parents for the first time, it was about a week before my grandmother passed. We hadn’t even really put a label on us and you talking like you had planned on marrying me in that second.”

“Oh you’re so wrong. It was even before I left for the tour, like two days before or so. My mum called me, I swear like right, right before we were going to have sex. And I was going to ignore it. But you happened to see the contact name and made me fucking answer it. And you left the room! You went to the front of the old house with Duke and I could’ve sworn you were going to come back and check in a few minutes so I was trying to keep the conversation quick. But I spent forty-five minutes on the phone with my mom and you didn’t interrupt me once. And that’s when I knew.”

“It was your mom, of course you were going to answer it. I did put on the TV and the Food Network was on so I lost track of time if I’m honest.”

Calum giggles. “You did seem invested. And when I came back to the front, we finished an episode before going back to the bedroom. And I was like, if I can have a full on facetime conversation with my mom, watch a cooking show and still want to sleep with them, I’ve found the one. So yeah, even if the sheriff found us that evening and wanted to arrest the lot of us. Management was going to have hell to pay if they were going to try and blame you for it or do anything else to you. Because I was not going to lose you.”

“I did not know that.”

“I knew that us being together was going to change me and I wanted it to change me. I wanted to be different in that moment with you.”

“You sap,” you tease, quickly wiping under your eyes. 

“You can call me whatever,” Calum starts, maneuvering you to settle on his waist. “As long as at the end of it I’m still your husband.”

“They’ll have to bury me before I stop saying that.”

_____________

Calum stands outside the closed bedroom door, keys dangling from his fingers. “Ro--we’re going to be late, if we don’t leave within the next two minutes.”

“I’m coming!” they return. Thankfully, you went through the outfits last night but now it seems Calum was going to get stuck with the need to perfect the hair. Though, they purposefully had the undercut lifted up higher on their last trip to the barber so they could still wear it down to hide it, but if they wore it up, it would be predominant. “Bun okay?”

Ro steps out and the bun’s up high enough to show off the undercut. But just a hair messy. “I think it pairs well with the outfit,” Calum returns. He’s learned not to say something just looks fine. That phrase in particular is bound to cause trouble. 

“Do you have the money for the tickets and frozen yogurt?”

Ro pulls out their wallet from their pocket. “Yes.”

“Phone and keys? The ring with your mace?” They pat pockets and pull out each item to verify that they have them. Calum nods. “Onward, if you’re ready?”

“Ready. I think?”

Calum gently slings his arm around their shoulder. “That’s a sign that you’re ready.”

The drive is mostly silent. Even though Ro and Calum have reached an understanding it’s still a little awkward. Calum’s still unsure if he’s going to move into a behind the scene role or if he’s going to continue with making his own music. But at the very least, while they’re still recording the latest album Calum can make more choices to be home and be there for the small things. Like right now.  

The silence is interrupted by Ro’s voice. “What if I make a fool of myself?”

“You’ve been talking to Claire for weeks now in school. I think you’re going to be okay.”

“Yeah, but that’s school. Not a date.”

“What does she like?”

“Dance, reading. Oh, she likes sea otters and I’m hoping the bookstore has bookmarks and maybe animal themed ones. She’s really into crochet--like she made this little top. It’s so cute it has sunflowers on it.”

“Ro, I don’t think you could make a fool of yourself. You’ve listened well to what she likes and you know what’s happening in her life. So I think if you continue that trend, you’ll be okay.”

They pull into a parking space of the movie theater and Ro turns to face him. “You mean that?”

“I mean it. Now let’s go. You’ve got a hot date to get to.”

“Dad--please do not.”

Calum nods. “Consider that noted.” 

Even on the walk to the ticket booth, Calum spots a girl with her mother. He should’ve kept his glasses on, but he’s still not hugely fond of them unless necessary. They exchange parents’ names, though Ro and Claire have made sure each parent already had the other’s contact information. Calum tries not to smile at the little bit of awkward shuffle and dance Ro and Claire do before taking hands and getting into the line.

 “Don’t you miss that stage?” Vanessa, Claire’ mom, jokes watching them too. 

“As much as I want to say yes, I think I’m pretty glad to be past the awkwardness. I wasn’t always as smooth as I thought I was being. So I’m glad to be past that. But I will say, watching my kid be as awkward as I was is a relief. Means I’ve done something right,” Calum returns. 

“I almost feel like I can’t leave. I’m more nervous than she is,” Vanessa confesses. 

“My secret--there’s a music shop and a crystal shop nearby. I don’t think I’m leaving any time soon.”

“You into crystals?”

“My spouse is and I was given strict instructions on what to pick up. I just follow instructions. The music shop is where I can spend a few hours.”

“I originally had a similar plan. But our youngest is almost done with a field trip and my husband had an emergency at work so he can’t get them.”

“The trip to the local animal rescue?” Calum asks.

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“Ro’s sister and my spouse went on that trip.”

Vanessa laughs just a little, more out of shock than amusement. “Small world. Well, it makes me feel a little bit better that you’ll be hanging around.”

“If anything goes array, I’ll scoop them up and let you know. No worries.”

“Thanks, Calum. Enjoy the music shop.”

“You’re welcome, Vanessa.” 

He lets her head back to the car first and then catches one last look at Ro and Claire at the window, ordering tickets. He won’t leave his car parked in the spot. He’ll at least move it down further into the shopping center to hopefully conceal the fact that he’s been hanging around just in case they needed an emergency exit. 

Just as he gets into the car, his phone rings. “I just dropped Ro off,” he answers, noticing your contact name lighting up his screen. 

“Damn it. I wanted to give them a pep talk. But I got held up with lunch clean up.”

“You probably would’ve been better at the pep talk than me. But it’s kinda cute. Watching them--very much that first date nerves getting the best of both of them.”

“Did you meet Claire’s parents?”

“Her mom was there, Vanessa. Her dad had some sort of emergency at work. But there’s a younger sibling who, like I’m 99% sure, goes to the same school as Yvonne.”

“Huh, small world. We’ve got another hour here before the buses return. I want to be back by the time the movie ends.”

“Did you still want me to go to the crystal shop first then? I still have the list. But I thought it would take longer for the buses.”

“So did I. But if you get to it first, that’s fine. If not, then I can always go another time. Besides, I’m also trying to account for traffic. So I can’t even say for certain I’ll be back in time.” 

“Well, I don’t want you to have to make a trip.”

“But do you think Ro really wants to see the entire family after their first date?”

“It would be the Hood way. But I’ll just go to the shop like we agreed. And if you get back earlier then maybe you, me and Yvonne can grab a couple slices of pizza for dinner. There’s a good pizzeria over here.”

“That means we’d have to eat the leftovers tomorrow if we do that.”

“Aye, aye captain.”

“Love you. See you soon.”

“Love you too.” 

It’s not terribly hard to find everything you’ve requested in the crystal shop. And part of Calum likes being here, even if you’re not here to answer his fifty thousand question. But it does remind him of you--the way you’d burn candles or incense for very specific reasons and tucked little spell jars into the children’s backpacks. They didn’t always appreciate having to explain why they were there, but it was a small gesture that they appreciated. 

Confident that he has everything, Calum checks out and starts towards the music shop a couple stores down. He doesn’t really need anything. He’s mostly here to waste time. The door chimes above head as Calum steps through. The young girl from the register greets him briefly before returning to the customer already preoccupying their attention. Calum knows he doesn’t need a damn thing out of here. And though he likes to tease you about all the things you get suckered into buying, he gets it. Sometimes, things just speak to you. He starts at the front, looking at the various parts--from reeds to picks. He has plenty of picks though. But out of habit, he takes a look. He wonders if he’d have time to go to the vintage store about a block down as well. 

He probably would, but if he goes and Ro finds out, there might be hell to pay as it’s one of their favorite stores. So he’ll save it for later, another time--some other weekend or Calum’s pretty sure as the school year starts to wind down there will be some half days that he can scope both of them up from school to come back out.

Calum follows the side wall down to the back of the store. He passes cymbals and the banjo section of the wall before spotting the acoustic guitars. There are some pretty ones--one a deep blue with dark brown or maybe black accents. One’s a deep red that he nearly asks the associate to get down for him. But he stops, knowing that there’s no way to sneak it into the house. Not that it was physically impossible but more like he’d tell on himself because he’d just have to show you. 

Much like the time he tried to surprise you with a bass. After months of teaching you, you became obsessed with them and wanted at least one that was yours. The obsession isn’t as strong as it once was, but it’s a nice feeling to share the love for the instrument. Calum spent weeks looking to see if he could commission one like the picture you found, a clear body with streaks of gold and other blue and purple jewel tones in it. It wasn’t until he ventured into a vintage shop about four months from your birthday, that he spotted a few guitars on the wall. It didn't necessarily shock him to find them here, but he had combed through so many stores that he was nearing his backup plan. 

But there it was--not quite like the one you wanted. A bass with a beautiful blue burst in the middle with white on the edges. It was a beauty that Calum couldn't leave behind. So he bought it and he had a plan to hide it away but the closer and closer he got back to his house the more he itched to show it. So much so that night, during a FaceTime call, Calum showed you the instrument.

 “But it’s a birthday present that I totally didn’t ruin by showing you now,” he warned. 

And you laughed. Because of course he couldn't help himself. Of course, he was proud--so proud he just had to show it off. “I will pull my best surprised face. I promise.” 

Yeah, Calum could not and would not let himself ask to see any new guitar because there was no way he’d be able to not tell you. 

“Look for anything in particular?”

Calum turns to the voice and smiles.  He hadn’t realized the previous customer had gone already. Maybe he really had been standing there for far too long. “No, just looking. Thank you though.”

“Of course. Let me know if you need any help.”

“Thanks again.” 

Calum does end up buying one thing, extra strings. Not that he absolutely needs them, but he’s in the mindset of having extra or spare around just in case. By the time he does his browsing, it’s just in time for the movie to have been over for at least twenty minutes. So he makes sure not to venture too close to the yogurt shop or the bookstore. Instead he wanders down to the shoe store. 

His phone rings right as he gets to the door, so he stops short and lingers outside as he answers. “Date update?”

“Love,” he laughs, “I haven’t got the slightest clue.”

“You’re still in the shopping center, right?”

“Yes, but I am purposefully avoiding the theater and bookstore. Because if Ro spots me, you’re going to have to ID me at the morgue. Do you want your dear old husband dead? And to have to bail out your eldest on a murder charge?”

“Not ideal.” In the background, Calum catches the distinct high pitch cacophony that must be the bus ride back. “We’re headed back now. I suspect traffic will be the death of me.”

“It won’t be that bad.”

“You’re right, the thing that’s going to kill me is the fact that our kids are growing up. What are we going to do?”

“Cherish what we can,” Calum returns leaning into the brick column, staring down into the direction of the theater. He thinks he sees Ro and Claire exiting the frozen yogurt shop and heading towards the bookstore. But he can’t be certain. One of them is wearing black pants and boots like Ro had on. But he curses his eyesight for going on him slowly. 

“Shit, I should’ve gotten my glasses from the car,” he whispers, ducking his head. Any of his hats would give him away.

“Ro?”

“They’re a ways off, but I can’t see for sure.”

“How did we go from ducking our parents to being the parents to hiding from our own kids?”

“Ain’t life got a sense of humor.” He looks up again and the couple’s gone from his sight. He assumes they’ve gone inside the store. He keeps gaze for a moment or two longer for a moment he can almost imagine you here with him, undoubtedly tucked behind him but still peeking at as well. “How far are you into the drive back?”

“Ten, fifteen minutes. Still got a ways to go.”

“Looks like we can’t play spy together this time. But maybe next time. I rather need your eyes--better than mine.”

“That’s all you need of me? Just my eyes?”

Calum laughs, ducking his head again. “I’m not doing this knowing you’re a bus full of children. I will not be to blame for ruining them. But I will say there’s more that I need of you than just your eyes. A lot more than just your eyes.”

“It’s my personality, isn’t it?”

“I am hanging up now. I told you I wasn’t going to play this game.”

With an indignant huff, you grumble into the receiver. “You were a lot more fun when we were younger.”

“When we were younger, we didn’t have kids, nor were we surrounded by them at every turn. But just because I’m deciding not to play now doesn’t mean I won’t play later.”

“Oh, now that’s what I like to hear,” you laugh. “We’ll probably get back just as you pick up Ro. And please know I am putting heavy air quotes around pick up.”

“I know you are. If you don’t pass out on the couch before dinner, I’ll be sure to have a nice surprise for you in the room.”

“I am old and deserve naps.”

Calum’s laughter erupts from him, head throwing back with the sound just a little. “Have I told you I loved you today?”

“Once or twice.”

“Well, that is severely lacking. I ought to be ashamed of myself.”

“Whatever shall you do?”

“Hey, line.”

“I will back away from the line. I am backing away.” Then there’s silence between for a beat, then two. Just as the sound of the kids starts to carry their conversation, you speak up again. “I missed you today.”

“Who? Me?” Calum takes a step forward to allow a group of people to pass by. “Someone needs to check your temperature.”

“Oh I’m not sick. I just missed you. Ironic I know. I miss you when you’re the closest.”

“I think that’s just a sign of the times--you’ve had to get used to me leaving.”

“And I’m not saying this because I want to sway your decision--not at all. Just meant it more along the lines of, it’s funny how things happen.”

“I think it might be time to retire the horse anyway. I’ve had a good run, but I do miss being home. Miss my family.”

“You don’t have to decide now.”

It’ll be easier. If Calum decides now, it won’t nag him later. It won’t haunt him either. “If I drag my feet too much, I’ll never decide.”

You don’t want to keep asking him if he’s sure. You don’t doubt his decision, don’t doubt the choice he makes. You don’t want him to regret it. “You can still break out the old horse every once and a while.”

“Yeah, everyone once and a while.”

“Hi, Mr. Hood.” 

You laugh just as Calum looks up to the voice. And there’s Ro and Claire arm in arm. “I am totally not here. But hi Claire. Seriously though, I’m actually not here. It’s a mirage. Of me shopping but it’s all an illusion.”

“Someone’s busted,” you sing in his ear. 

“You are not helping,” he directs to you through the receiver. 

“Call me back when you’re out of trouble.” You hang up first. 

Calum takes a second—noticing Ro hasn’t actually given him a glare worthy of death. “Whoa, everything alright?” 

“This guy kept following us in the bookstore,” Ro sighs. “I don’t know—we tried ignoring him but it just felt weird. So we left.”

The truth of the matter—Calums always feared this. He’s always known it could happen to Ro, no matter how the dress and it could happen to Yvonne too. And though he’s put them in self defense classes and done what he can, there’s still nothing quite like it happening. 

“I’m here—alright. I know it’s lame or whatever. But I can play bodyguard,” Calum offers. 

Ro laughs at his puffed out chest. “Sorry Dad but you’re not Kevin. But thanks.”

“Kevin?” Claire questions. 

“One the guys that does security for my dad and his band,” Ro explains. 

“Oh, yeah you did mention that. I forgot. Sorry.” 

Calum watches Ro, gently tug on Claire’s hand. A soft grin lifting their cheeks. “No need to be sorry.” 

God, he could just melt at the sight—overjoyed at Ro’s tenderness. The moment lingers just a beat before Calum speaks up, “Well, I can’t promise to be as intimidating as Kevin. But I can do whatever you two need me to do so you both feel safe.” 

The two glance at each other and then notice it’s a shoe store that they’re standing in front of. Not exactly what they planned. “Just a browse?” Ro suggests. 

“You already call my shoes grandma shoes, so I don’t want to hear anything,” Claire retorts. 

Calum opens the door for them, but grins at the way they playfully bicker with each other. Ro mentions something about at least trying on a pair of boots like theirs. And Claire agrees, but the rest of it is lost as they venture deeper into the store. Calum’s browsing doesn’t even last all that long. He looks in passing but eventually on a bench near the store’s front window. He can see Ro and Claire in the back from this vantage point, but is far enough away to not be hovering. 

Vanessa returns not too long after his text to her about the unfortunate run in and it’s not an easy goodbye for Ro or Claire. Though Calum suspects in no time flat, they’ll be texting each other again. “I’m a goner,” Ro admits quietly. They tuck themselves into Calum’s chest and he drapes an arm around their shoulder. 

“Uncle Mike is holding a pool party in a couple weeks. You should invite Claire,” Calum suggests. He usually does it before school lets out as they all make plans to travel during the summer if they can to visit family.

“You sure it’s okay?”

“If you’re as much of a goner as I can see you are, Michael can fight me on it.”

“But two weeks is so long,” Ro complains. “I want to see her again.”

“School’s on Monday.”

“Ew to the school and learning part, but point taken about seeing Claire. We only share the same English class though and lunch period.”

“There will be plenty of opportunities, sweetheart. Plenty of them.”

“Thanks--for being there about that creep. I didn’t want to get into anything unless necessary and Claire’s not big on confrontation.”

“What else are Dads for?”

“Buying pizza slices?”

“Cennend’s gonna be pissed about the leftovers.”

“Did they get back with Yvonne yet?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Well what they don’t know won’t kill them, yeah?”

Calum laughs, letting Ro pull him through the door. “Yeah, but it might kill me.”

When Ro and Calum return home, there’s no sign of you or Yvonne. Though just as they get through the door, Calum hears the crunch of tires on the driveway. He turns to spot Yvonne passed out in the back seat. He walks back down and waits for you to park and unlock the doors before opening the back passenger side door. 

“She partied hard with the animals,” you joke. 

“I can see.” Calum’s quick to unbuckle her and the action only rouses her just a smidge, enough so that she wraps herself around Calum. “Date was a success minus a creep.”

“What happened?” you ask, grabbing your backpack and Yvonne’s bag too. 

“They were in the bookstore and some guy followed them. They basically just decided to leave and that’s when they busted me in front of the shoe store.”

“Are they okay?”

“A little annoyed, but not terribly distressed,” Calum relays, stepping into the house as you keep the front door open. 

“That blows still.”

Calum’s hum is a sound of agreement as he starts to ascend the stairs, Yvonne still clinging to him. You rest the bags next to the stairs, only for a temporary reprieve. You spot Ro stretched out across the couch and walk over to them after closing the door and locking it. With a gentle tap to the bottom of their foot, you grin. “So are you in love?”

“Please stop, Cennend,” they groan but you can see the smile growing. 

You place the back of your hand on your forehand with a dramatic sigh. “Cenn, Claire’s favorite flower is a sunflower. Do you know any crystals that look like those? Cenn, should I get into crochet? Maybe knitting? Cenn, Claire’s allergic to seafood. So we can literally never eat it ever again.”

“I do not sound like that.”

“You’re right. You don’t sound exactly like that. But you did almost throw out your own crab legs. Which you wantedm a week ago because you found out Claire’s allergic.”

“Food allergies can be deadly.”

“Love, I adore you. But she wasn’t at the house.”

Ro groans, throwing an arm over their face. “I know! Okay. I know. I told Dad I was a goner. And he said I should invite her over to Uncle Mike’s pool party.”

“You should. If you want. But that’s the lot of your whole family here at least she has to meet.”

“You think Uncle Mike, Luke, and Ashton will scare her off?”

“I don’t think they will as much as the sheer number of cousins that will be over.” Michael and Luke only had three and two kids respectively. Ashton on the other hand had big plans holding the current lead for children at 5. One round of twins who were two years younger than Ro, two kids at 10 and 8, and another one at 6. It was sure to be a riot with all of them there. “And we’ll have to make sure Michael knows about her food allergies sooner rather than later so he doesn’t cook any that day.”

“I really like her, Cennend,” Ro confesses, sitting up and folding their legs beneath them. 

You plop onto the couch in front of them. They fall forward, forehead resting on your thigh. “I see you do. And I’m very happy for you.”

“I’ll ask her if she wants to come over. But can you tell Uncle Mike now about her allergy.”

“You have my word.” You shake their shoulder gently to get them to sit up and hook their pinkie around yours. 

“Thanks.”

“Of course.”

“Also Claire says hi. And that she’s sorry she missed meeting you today.”

“Tell her we’ll make up for lost time if she attends the pool party.”

Ro stretches up after you as you push up from the couch to head upstairs. You smell like a farm and would rather not sit in the stench any longer than you already have to. “No baby photos.”

“Okay,” you return. “No baby photos.”

“I don’t like how you said that. What are you planning?”

“Nothing--you said no baby photos. I simply agreed.”

Ro sighs as you ascend. You remember it all, or at least for the most part. You remember all the embarrassing things. There’s no need for the no pictures rule because you can still tell the stories. Their phone buzzes--a message from Claire and the frown that was pulling down their cheeks turns into a smile. 

My parents said yes I can join the pool party!

In the master bedroom, you sigh, a relief to be back in your own home, when you hear the bedroom door creak open behind you. But you don’t really turn to the sound as you head towards the attached bathroom. The water cascades down to the tile floors, the temperature starting to hit the sweet spot when you feel a presence behind you. “Is this later?” you ask, finally turning to face Calum. 

His fingers settle around your waist, pulling you in for a kiss so soft you’re not sure it’s even a kiss. That is until he presses another one to your lips firmer this time. “Yes, it’s later,” he whispers against your lips. 

In return you slip a hand under the t-shirt and trace your nails across his sides. “Good.” The two of you share another kiss, fingers gently tracing skin and muscle. His shirt goes first, and yours follows soon after. Chest to chest, you let yourself be consumed by the warmth of him. How he ran so warm you’ll never understand. But you revel in it at this moment as you share languid kisses with a bit of tongue. 

Bottoms and under garments go next and without hardly a break in the kiss, Calum guides you towards the shower. “Don’t break a hip,” he teases.

“Don’t shatter a knee,” you return, but tug him inside as the steam billows out from the glass doors. Up against the tiles, with some of the water spraying the both of you, you take in the sight of his tattoos. “Do you know how much of a heartbreaker you are?” 

His lips seal around your neck for a moment, but he finally breaks away long enough to answer. “Oh, love, is there something you want to tell me?”

“Not an actual one. Just your looks. Still give me damn butterflies. Like I’m fucking teenager.”

His chuckle is breathy and tickles your neck. He straightens up, cupping your cheeks. “You should see what you do to a room. I pale in comparison.”

You grip lightly at the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging him closer. And you swear that the salt and pepper will be the absolute death of you. “I’m a very lucky person to have you.”

“Then makes me the luckiest for you to choose me.”

“Just to lucky motherfuckers I guess.” 

Calum laughs as he leans in to kiss you again. “Hell yeah we are.”

__________________

The sun’s not too high in the sky, but just overhead enough to make the concrete around Michael’s pool warm to the bottom of your feet. Water drops from the glasses in your hands, landing on your toes and you appreciate the feeling knowing in another half an hour or so the sun will be reaching its peak. You’re thankful for the shade brought on in part by the awning and umbrella you set up because you know you and sun usually get along but only in small doses. Calum smiles as you approach, taking one of the glasses from your hand and then pats the spot in front of him in the lounge chair. 

You settle between his legs and recline into his chest, setting your drink on the side table. It settles with a soft clink. Most of the kids are in the pool. Ashton keeps close to his six year old and the older kids are playing in the middle with pool noodles. The eldest of the kids are sitting on the edge or floating on various animals. Ro opted for a bat and Claire stays close by them in her donut. 

Michael’s been manning the music for now. Soon he and Calum will take over grilling duties as you man the DJ station for lunch. Luke’s happy to tend to the bar--an assortment of alcohol and juices. With a pile of water sitting on ice too--every household brought a package of the bottle water because they know it’s an all day affair. 

“Look at the love birds,” Luke’s wife teases as she settles into the lounge chair next to you too. 

It’s no secret you and Calum are the most physically affectionate in the group in private. Though you two have a line you don’t cross in public. But it’s not an uncommon sight for you to be drifting in circles close to each other, if not standing exactly next to each other. You just like to be close, knowing that both your social batteries can be short and it’s easier just to stick together. Others have described it like between the opposite ends of a magnet. No matter how far apart, they’ll always be drawn to each other. 

“Tweet, tweet,” Calum jokes. 

“I meant Ro and Claire, but yes, you two too, I guess.”

You laugh, a small snort escaping you. Though you don’t fault Calum. “We’re just setting an example.”

“I will never understand the way you two can be so calm about this. Luke almost had a heart attack when Bryce talked about a girl he liked. Just talked. Never mentioned a date or anything.”

“Oh I almost shit my pants,” Calum returns. “But it’s Ro’s life. They gotta live it for them. On their first date, I didn’t leave the shopping center. It was what--movies and frozen yogurt?” he addresses you.

“And the bookstore,” you add on. 

“Yeah--I mean, Ro’s done something like that a thousand times with their friends. But I just--I had to be around at the very least.”

“So it’s a facade?” she laughs around a sip of her water. 

“Partially, if I’m going to be honest.”

A moment’s silence falls around the three of you before she speaks back up, “When did they grow up? I swear it was just yesterday we were chasing them around in their little floaties.”

You hum at the notion. In some ways, it’s good that it’s happening faster than you can keep up with. That you had to take moments like this to step back and watch just how far you’ve come. Being in the thick of it, in the trenches, was always a hard time. But having a moment to think that you wanted more time meant that some of the good days had come into your life. That you managed to have more good days than bad ones. That was something you could be proud of. Something you could pat yourself on the back about. 

“You can’t catch me!” You look to the left to see Ashton chasing after his littlest one, Cymelle. And it’s not quite a real chase, but she speeds past the three of you with all her might, wrapped in her towel and goggles pushed up on her head. 

“A real cheetah on land,” Ashton laughs. 

“Unlike her pops,” you chime in. 

“You talking a lot sh-crap there,” he calls in return. “But I see you haven’t added any new babies into the Hood household.”

“Two’s enough.”

“Daddy, can I get juice?”

Ashton looks up to see Cymelle in Luke’s arm. “Water, sweetheart. You can get juice with lunch, okay?”

She pouts for a second but then Luke drops a tiny umbrella into the cup for her and she smiles. “I’m fancy!” she cheers, carefully taking the cup in both hands. 

“The sight of Luke with a baby is almost enough for me to reconsider my position on no more kids,” his wife says. It’s to no one in particular. Just a thought said out loud. “But there’s no space. Between the studio, the office, and the playroom--I’m not looking to revamp any of those into another room for a child.”

“Did you finish those kitchen renovations yet?” Calum asks. 

She shakes her head. “No, the new fridge that we ordered was backordered. And we knew that going in, which is why we did the counters, light fixtures, and backsplash first since it was going to take us longer to do that and then we could add the new appliances. But I didn’t anticipate the fridge taking this long. It does give us some space to clean out a corner in the garage for the old fridge. I don’t think we’re going to get rid of it.”

“Not until it croaks,” you laugh. 

“Luke wants to toss it, but I keep telling him we can put it in the garage and when the kids are in the backyard. Rather than tracking all the way from the backdoor into the kitchen, they can just use that side door and get water or whatever from that second fridge.”

Ashton chuckles. “Such riveting conversation--man, getting old ain’t for the weak that’s for sure.”

“Not quite our old smoke sessions in my background,” Calum chimes in. “But I think we did alright, yeah?”

Ashton casts Calum a small smile. “Yeah we did alright for a couple guys unsure of everything in life, besides life was what we were living.”

They share a long glance and Ashton speaks up first. “I could use some help on a side project.”

“Mate, I am not helping you with your deck again. I refuse,” Calum laughs. That was hell. The first cut Ashton made in the planks was only measured once and way too short. The saw then died soon after and getting a new one took going to three different hardware stores. The second Ashton talks about doing any sort of home project Calum hides. 

“No, no, I don’t mean a house project. I mean after this album--I got something else I want to work on. Need a producer I trust.”

Calum freezes underneath you and you turn to look up at him from the gap in your sunglasses and your face. The shock is clear as his mouth hangs open just slightly and his own brows raise above his sunnies as well. “Yeah, I mean-- of course, man.”

Ashton looks back out to the pool for a second. The kids have floated more towards the middle. Their laughter cuts above the fade out of one track into the other. He turns back to Calum. “I think, too, the road’s getting real rough to be on. So dabbling on the side would be nice.”

Calum didn’t think he was the only one getting tired of the road but still loving it. But he didn’t think others were thinking more seriously about settling down. The conversations always felt like they occurred in the future tense, in a “we’ll settle down for real eventually” sort of way.  “We-we should talk to Luke and Michael though.”

“Of course, yeah. It’s just--it’s strange. I want to be home more, ya know. Want to tuck my kids in at night. And not that I didn’t want it before. But I want it more now than ever.”

Calum looks at Ro. They get tipped over with a shriek but pop back up to the surface in hardly a blink. “Jeremy--you’re dead,” they point out to one of Ashton’s twins. “And don’t think for a second I won’t murder you either Bryce.”

What happens if Ro needs Calum and he’s doing another late night in the studio with a project? What if he misses their graduation? He finds Yvonne sitting on the edge of the pool laughing with Anderson, Luke’s second, and with Shelby, Jasmine, and Kaden, Michael’s trio. What if he missed Yvonne’s first crush? Or something important to her? What would it all mean if Calum missed the important things for his family? 

“No, I get you, Ashton,” he replies eventually. “I totally get you.”

“Maybe you’ll write that book of poetry too,” Ashton tacks on. “Shit, we could do a lot more with our time.”

Calum wasn’t ever really serious about the poetry, but it always intrigued him. So he kept it on the back burner, far enough out of reach that he didn’t feel committed to it, but close enough that if he wanted to do something about it he could. “Yeah, maybe.”

But more importantly, Calum would always be home for dinner. For a cuddle with the dogs and movie nights. He’d be there for prom’s and all sorts of school dances. He’d be there for more dates between Ro and Claire. And he’d be there to hover on Yvonne’s first date and he’d be there. As simple and un-eloquent as the thought really is--Calum could be here with his family.  

The thought fills his chest with warmth and he squeezes at your waist. “Can that really be my life?” he whispers into your ear. “Could I really just be Dad to my kids?”

“You already are. But whatever you want, it can be real.”

“I want to be home. I want to watch them grow up while I still can.”

You attempt a shrug, but it’s hard with the tightening hold. “Then it’s yours. Watch them grow up.”

Michael steps through the backdoors, hollering as he does, “Who wants hot dogs?”

A cheer erupts from the kids and even Luke joins in, still holding Cymelle. Calum kisses your shoulder and the both of you stand from the lounge chair. You grab your lemonade ready to take over as DJ and Calum grabs his glass, water for now, to help Michael. 

You stop him before Calum can get too far. He smiles as he looks at you. “Yes?”

“You’ve always been a good dad. Always. And you’ll always be a good one too to the kids. I know your job’s not easy because you have to be away and I know we’ve all had to adjust with this last tour. But I want you to hear it--you’re a good dad. They’ve never cared that you’re in a band. They’ve never cared about how many people fawned over you. Because to them you are only just Dad. So don’t beat yourself up for what you had to do to provide for us, and to make yourself happy. This is just a new chapter--not you making up for something.”

“Have I told you I loved you today yet?”

“Once or twice.”

Stepping into you, Calum cups your cheek with his free hand. “I’ll do my best not to think I’m making up for something. But I also think of this choice as doing what I can to do right by my children. I don’t want Yvonne to ever question me like Ro did. And I know Ro didn’t mean it maliciously. But I’m not going to make that same mistake twice. I want to be home. I want to be just Dad. For me. For them. For you.”

“I can get behind just Dad.”

With a chaste kiss, Calum slides his arm around your shoulders to bring you into a hug. “I love you,” he whispers into your hair. 

“I love you,” you return in a whisper. It’s slightly muffled by his chest. Sliding your arm around your waist, the two of you cross the backyard towards your respective spots. Claire waves as you pass from the pool and you wiggle a few fingers at her in return in order to not drop the glass. 

“Alright kids, I’m taking requests until however long the food takes,” you shout, turning the volume down just a hair so they can hear. They cheer and start shouting at you songs--some you know some you don’t. You open the notes app on the second laptop to keep track of them all. 

“Can I help?” Claire asks. Ro walks on past the DJ set up and keeps going towards Calum and the grill

You nod at Claire’s quesiton. “Mind getting all their requests down? If Michael has it, I’ll shuffle them in.”

She nods, stepping to your right. “I can do that.”

“Thanks.” There’s a slight pause as Claire gets situated to take down names of songs and artists. “You enjoying yourself so far?” you ask. 

“Yeah. Everyone’s really nice. Except Jeremy for tipping Ro.”

“Jeremy can be a hell raiser.”

“So like are these actually their cousins?”

You laugh, scratching lightly at the turntable as you transition into the first requested song. “No, Luke, Ashton, and Michael,” you point them each out as you name them, “are Calum’s bandmates and best friends. They’ve been through thick and thin and are like brothers. So all our kids call each other cousins and the other bandmates uncle. Calum’s family is overseas. Sister’s in Londonl. His parents are in Australia. My family’s here in the states, but not in California.”

“Oh, that makes a lot more sense! So the band’s been around for a long time, huh?”

“Yeah, a long time. The album to check out of there is Youngblood. But I didn’t tell you that. Was not me.”

Claire laughs. “Got it.”

“Doing any new crochet projects?”

“Okay,” Claire starts excitedly, facing you fully. “You cannot tell Ro. But I’m working on a little bat for them. It’ll be stuffed. And like I know it’s totally cliche. But I wasn’t sure what other animal to make.”

You smile. “I won’t say a word.”

“A bat is too cliche, right?”

“Oh, Claire, they’ll love it no matter what. Don’t worry.” You’re working to find the right point to transition to the next song, bobbing along to the beat. 

“How-how do you do all of this?” she asks, waving over Michael’s set up.

You lower the volume on one song, slowly turning up the second one until it’s at the beat drop, letting the two meet seamlessly until the second song takes over fully. You then take the headphones off and hold them out to her. “Michael taught me many moons ago. And I think it’s fitting to pass along the tradition.”

“He won’t be mad?”

“Who? Michael?” She nods. “No, not in the slightest.” She finally takes the headphones, keeping one ear off, so she can hear your instructions at which knobs do what. 

On the opposite side, Ro stands next to the grill, reaching for the beer in Calum’s hand.  He gives it easily but warns, “A sip and this one is bitter.” 

Ro takes a bigger sip, not quite believing the warning. “Oh, you were right,” they laugh, face scrunched up as they hand the bottle back to Calum. “How do you drink that?”

As his sip goes down, Calum makes a dramatic show of smacking his lips lightly. “Years of training,” he teases. 

“I think you should’ve done the kebabs first. The marinade probably would’ve tasted good against the burgers too.”

“Kebabs smoke a lot. You want a little bit of chare, not a five course meal of it,” Calum returns. 

“Okay, that’s fair,” Ro laughs, grabbing a pair of tongs and saving one hot dog from rolling too far away from the heat. 

“You’re going to put me out of job,” Michael teases before asking to slip behind Ro. “Not that I’ll complain too much.”

Ro steps out of the way before speaking, “If you want, I’d definitely take over grilling duties.”

“I can help inside then. I think some sides need to be warmed up. If you’re chill with it? If not, I have no problem.”

Ro grins. “I’ll help on the grill.”

“Alright. Just let me know when you need anything.” Michael slips back out from behind them and jogs into the house. Calum hands over the second Kiss the Cook apron and Ro doesn't hesitate to put it on. 

Calum studies the smoke for a moment. “Can I run something by you?”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t--I can’t break contract right now. But we will be re-negotiating soon. And what would you say if after this album, I didn’t renegotiate, like not under my own music, but producing for some other artists.”

Ro presses their pair of tongs together--the metal making a pointed clapping sound. “What do you mean? Like that’s your last album?”

Calum nods. “Yeah. It’s an idea that’s been floating around for a while and I think we’re all getting to a point where it might be a good time to take a break--a real one.”

“So you’d be home more?”

“I’d be back to huff and puff about you being up late and for movie nights.”

“I’d-I’d say that you should do what’s best. But I’d really like to have you home more for sure. But could you just tell your label, you’re done?”

“We’ve been working on this for a long time now. Two years at least. It’s been looming and I wanted to see how you feel. We might not technically get done until you almost graduate high school. But even still--I’d be home. Just like we’re making any other album. I’m on my way back to the house by 6 and I call if I’m going to be late. But then if you do go to college, I could help you move in. There might be a few months while I’m away, but then I’d be back for good and we could take road trips on your school breaks.”

It’s not the immediate sort of solution that Ro would’ve wanted. But they look back to the pool and see Yvonne sitting under the shade. And it would mean that for her, she’d get more time with their dad. And Ro and Calum could do the drive down the coast like they talked about when they get their license. And in some regards, Ro could see that he was listening. He was doing what he could to be home more. 

“That’d be cool.”

Calum finishes turning off his section of hotdogs and looks up to see a smile on their face. “You mean that?”

“Yeah, like, I understand you can just say you're done right now and walk away. There’s still obligations you have. But to know soon you’d be home and be staying home a lot more, that’s a comforting thought.”

I’m sorry it’s not more immediate--really I am. But I will do what I can to make sure I am home more.”

“I can see it, Dad. Thanks--for listening.”

“Of course. Now don’t forget your flip. Charred, not burnt.”

“Right, right, right.” Ro snaps the tongs a few times to punctuate the sentence. “Now it’s my turn to listen.”

[calpops]

seven days | c.h.

Your baby is born two months early. You and Calum face the complications and uncertainties with each other and the help of family.

10k words

dates with cal masterlist

Copyright © 2020 calpops. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format (translations included).

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Calum’s world spins in slow motion. He sees you but you’re out of focus, his vision is hazy past tears. He’s numb but somehow he can still make out that your hand is in his, your grip is like iron, the hold you have on each other is unbreakable. He can hear static, white noise tumbles through his senses raised into a panic induced overdrive. He loses you and finds your baby and wonders why there’s no crying. The doctor has her in her arms and she’s saying something, Calum can see that her lips are moving but his mind can’t keep up, her voice is lost to him. Neither of you were prepared for this, the classes and books neglected to ready you for only seven months of pregnancy, ten minutes of labor and the doctor rushing your daughter out of the room. He looks back at you and sees your once outstretched arm fall, your lip quiver, eyes go wild through your weary and worried exhaustion. Your voice finally breaks him.

“Follow them,” you plead and though Calum wants to stay with you there’s someone else in the world who needs him too. Someone else he wants to be with just as much as you.

With every footstep down the sterile hallway he wishes your hand could still be in his. He’s stopped short, a nurse he barely recognizes from his disconnect while at your side stands in front of him.

“They’re bringing her to the NICU,” the nurse says and though her voice and eyes are kind Calum feels fear and frustration rising inside of him, boiling and breaking him as she stands in his way. “You can’t go in yet.”

“What—I’m—she’s my daughter,” he stumbles out, throat on fire and eyes burning just the same.

“They’re getting her in an incubator. She needs oxygen and vital care,” she says and goes on to explain it will take a bit of time. “When she’s ready you’ll be able to go in. You’ll need to scrub up and wash your hands first.”

Calum shakes his head, not quite able to process all of this information on the spot. He lets out a shaky breath, curls his fingers into his palms, feels the coolness of his wedding ring on his skin and it reminds him of you; he lets the thought of you attempt to calm him. His head shake turns to a nod though he’s still not sure he can completely comprehend all that is happening.

“When can I see her?” he finally manages to get out though it’s not without a fight or a broken syllable.

“Follow me,” the nurse offers and without thinking Calum is walking down the hallway again, trailing the nurse to a break in the white wall where a window rests. “You can watch from here.”

The view is startling. Machines and equipment line the NICU, doctors and nurses pass in and out and create fears with every step they take. It takes a moment to find the team that delivered your baby, joined by a few new nurses and another doctor. Just past the crowd he can see the incubator and your daughter being settled within, tubes for oxygen and the like disguising her small face. Her eyes are closed and though she looks peaceful the striking contrast of your sleeping daughter and the dire circumstances are enough to choke Calum. He can’t watch the rest, his eyes skirt to the floor but he stays put. He’s not leaving her, his resolve is shaken but stays intact. He wants you with him, he wants her to be on the other side of the glass, in his arms, welcomed to a world without complications.

Time passes in a blur, his eyes fixed on his shoes and the tile floor below. He’s vaguely aware of other people in the hallway. Doctors, parents, nurses and patients all pass him by without a word. The kind nurse is long gone and Calum finds himself wishing he had asked more questions. The silence is deafening. He wants to have your whispered words of reassurance in his ear. He wants the repeated mantra of “it’s gonna be okay” to be believable. His phone buzzes but he doesn’t reach for it. He knows he should make calls. Tell his parents, inform the guys he left with a million questions and concerns in their minds. He doesn’t have the energy or the will to do so.

His shoulders slump but he straightens himself when a doctor approaches.

“Mr. Hood?” he asks, clipboard in hand and cool eyes sweeping him up and down. Calum nods. “You can go in now. Follow me. We have to get you ready.”

Calum’s heart lurches with the first step he takes to follow the doctor, to be with his daughter. He thinks of you, doesn’t want to imagine the panic and pain that being alone is causing you. He reminds himself Mali is with you, that you told him to follow. He’s led to a solid door and ushered through. There’s a room connected to the NICU; cabinets with scrubs and gloves and sanitizer and a medical sink claim the small space. He realizes all parents must enter through here before getting to their babies. In a blink he’s wearing a gown, and his hands are thoroughly washed. He takes just one second to take a breath, to gather courage, keep you in his thoughts and ready his heart for his daughter.

“We usually encourage skin to skin contact to bond with babies while they’re being treated. You can hold her hand, talk to her, she’ll know your voice,” the doctor explains while they approach the incubator.

There’s a thousand questions swirling through Calum’s mind that he wants to ask the doctor beside him. But his breath catches in his throat at the sight of your daughter. Her eyes are still closed from when he first caught a glimpse of her through the window. The incubator is closed, she’s surrounded by the help she needs but holes provide a place for Calum’s hand to find her. The doctor talks to him, Calum knows he should be listening but the whir of the machinery and the thumping of his pulse inside his ears drown out the words. He keeps his gaze on her, swallows back a sob and feels the ache in his heart grow as he realizes you’re alone in the room down the hall, that she’s right in front of him but they’re separated by plastic and plexiglass.

He wants to say something to her, he can’t find words, more than anything he wants to hold her. He can’t. He sinks down to level with her and slowly reaches through to lightly hold her hand that’s so small it brings tears to his eyes. She doesn’t respond but he feels better having even the smallest form of connection to her. He doesn’t even know when he realized that he was right; your baby is the most beautiful little girl he’s ever seen. Your bet is meaningless, winning and names are lost in the plight of life. The doctor leaves eventually but hospital staff still surrounds the NICU, nurses and doctors ready at a moment’s notice. It’s silent save for the hum of the machines. Only a few other babies are being treated, spaced out to afford families privacy. He doesn’t know how long he stays bent over with his hand lightly on hers before he finally finds words.

“We love you,” he tells her, knowing if you were with them you’d say it too.

It might have been minutes but is more likely hours by the time a nurse pulls Calum from her side. The mention of you finally rousing him from his state. He doesn’t want to leave but he wants you. He wars over it for a moment but nods, gives her hand another touch, tells her that you both love her and finds himself wandering the hallway back to you. You’re stricken when he enters the room. Mali is trying to be a calming presence, to keep you in bed, but it seems a losing fight.

“How is she?” you ask, breathless, hopeless and forlorn.

Calum swallows down a lump in his throat, bites back tears and tries to stay strong for you and for her. A rush of the doctor’s words come back to him. What scattered remnants of pieces he barely heard charge through.

“She’s beautiful,” Calum says first, sits down in the chair at your side and takes your hand as softly as he had taken hers. “The doctor said the first twenty four hours are the most vital. They’ll know more at forty eight and even more at seventy two.”

“I want to see her,” you say and Calum hears the edge of hysteria in your tone.

“You need to rest,” Mali tries but falls short when you and Calum both shake your heads.

“I didn’t even get to hold her,” you cry and it’s enough to bring Calum to you, his arms gently around your shoulders. You can’t hold her, he can’t hold her, but you can hold each other and hope. “I want to see her,” you repeat and the words hit Calum’s skin and wrench his heart.

“We’ll ask the doctor if you can,” he promises, not knowing how physically affected you are from labor, not knowing if getting up and going would be okay or not.

“I’ll go get her,” Mali says and excuses herself from the room to track down the doctor and to give you two a private moment.

You’re both quiet for a few seconds, content to hold each other together in the silence. Calum feels your grip on him tighten as you shift in the hospital bed and eventually pull away so he can see your face. He runs his thumbs over your cheeks to wipe away your tears.

“Are you okay?” you ask him, eyes wide and concerned. “I wish I could’ve been there with you. I don’t know how hard that must have been.”

Calum shakes his head as if he’s trying to shake away your worries. You feeling guilty for not being there with and for him was the same war he had about leaving you behind.

“‘I’m”—he says and sucks in a deep breath—“I’m okay. I’ll be okay. She’s gonna be okay,” he finishes and finds a new mantra though it’s hard to believe and each sentence sounds more like a question than the last.

You nod, a small shudder shaking your shoulders and racking your body. Calum reaches for you again, let’s his hands settle on your shoulders to give you strength and comfort.

“I know she will. She’ll be okay, she has to be, she’s half you and you’re the strongest person I know,” you rationalize, eyes lost to the wall in front of you. You look back at Calum and he sees the stony wall you’ve put up start to crack as you gaze at him. “But it’s okay to break sometimes,” you finish and Calum knows you’re saying it to him, reminding him that he can break into your arms and have you there to help him put back the pieces.

For the first time since your daughter was born Calum allows himself to crumble. The tears he’d been fighting back slide down his cheeks and his shoulders slump with the weight of the world. He’s brought back to you by your gentle pull and finds reassurance in the love you show him. Mali comes back in with the doctor and Calum tries to collect himself, wipes tears from his face and clears his throat.

“I hear you’re asking about your daughter,” the doctor says as she steps into the room and takes a sweeping glance at you, Calum and Mali. “Parents are allowed in at all times. Visiting hours for others are seven in the morning to seven at night. Only two at a time.”

“Can I go see her?” you ask, a fragment of hope clinging to your words and getting lost in your eyes at the mention of parents being allowed in whenever.

“In the morning,” the doctor replies and Calum swallows down a lump in his throat, knowing that’s not the answer you wanted. “Your labor was quick but very intense. Your body needs to rest, the drugs need to wear off, you wouldn’t make it down the hallway in your condition.”

Calum sees the refusal cross your face, the staunch disbelief that you can’t see your daughter almost enough to crack anyone’s resolve. The doctor keeps explaining to you but it falls on deaf ears and interjections. You ask if this way would be possible, if that way would, but nothing seems to be possible to the doctor who means to keep you in bed until morning.

“What if she doesn’t have a morning?” you finally ask and suck in a breath as if the words themselves strike physical pain through you. Calum’s nearly certain they did, just the thought is enough to make his chest feel like it’s caving in.

“She’s stable and comfortable. If anything was to happen we would get you in there. For now, please try to get some rest.”

The doctor gets paged and makes her escape. Calum clutches you, holds you and makes whispered promises he’s not sure can be kept.

“I don’t want her alone,” you whimper and Calum follows your gaze out the door.

“I’ll go—do you want me to stay with you? Where do you want me?” he asks, stumbling over his words, unsure where to go or what to do.

You nod. “Go be with her. Please. Make sure she’s okay,” you instruct and Calum can hear how much it pains you to let him go to her without you. He holds your hand, kisses your forehead.

“I’ll come back to check on you in a while,” he promises. “And I’ll take so many pictures of her. Sweetheart, she’s beautiful,” he adds, realizing his first time in the NICU was so filled with shock that not one photo was taken and the only time you’ve seen her was when she was being taken away.

“Thank you,” you whisper, eyes glossy. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he answers without hesitation but takes an extra second to gaze at you before heading out the door.

He’s back with your daughter before he even realizes it. Her small hand is warm inside the incubator, her eyes are still shut and past the tubes that breathe life into her she almost looks peaceful. He takes as many photos as he can without disturbing her. He settles into the hard plastic chair beside her and tilts his head back until it gently thumps against the wall. His hands find his face and rub at his jaw. He hadn’t realized before but it’s been clenched and holding tension for hours. Time passes as he sits at her side, talks to her, sings and hums when she so much as stirs slightly. He’s able to lull her and he takes those moments as victory and ones to keep with him forever. Once more he wishes you were with them, knowing you would be able to do the same for her with the sound of your voice, the gentle touch of your hand. When it nears midnight and she hasn’t stirred in a while and a nurse has come in to check on her, Calum convinces himself it’s time to go check on you.

He knows he could call or text but he misses you. He’s faced with a conundrum as he gets one foot out the door of the NICU. Now he misses her. But he doesn’t have time to do much of either as the kind nurse he recognizes from earlier stops him once more. This time she has a clipboard with papers and pen in her hand.

“Forms for her birth certificate,” she informs.

Calum gapes at the papers. Even the easiest of questions and information seems impossible. You both still don’t even know her name yet.

“You can take your time on them. I’ll be around to help if you have questions,” the nurse says before excusing herself to rush off to help another patient.

Calum’s left with the clipboard in hand, aches in his heart and questions in his mind. He heads back for your room to find you awake and Mali gone. You smile to greet him but Calum can see how flat the gesture is and he can’t blame you.

“Where’s Mali?”

“Getting a coffee. I can’t sleep and she wanted to stay up with me,” you explain and Calum settles himself on the edge of your bed. He takes your hand and places the clipboard on his lap. “What’s that?”

“Forms for her birth certificate,” he says and sighs. “I can’t even fill in her name.”

You squeeze his hand in understanding. “Do what you can,” you reply and inch closer to take a peek at the papers. There’s a moment of silence between the two of you as you each get lost in your own thoughts. “I know you get to name her…”

Calum shakes his head. All bets off. “We’ll decide on something together. I love all the ones on your list,” he tells you and finally gets a genuine smile from you, eyes alight and all.

“I want to see her before we choose, I feel like I don’t even know her.”

Calum trembles at your words and the honesty in them. You carried her for seven months and had about seven seconds to see her before she was carried off. He leans closer to you, gives you many small kisses from your cheek to forehead as worries and fears tumble inside him, each one coming to life and bringing life to others. He drowns them out, for you and for her. He’s already crumbled once. He wants to be resilient. Mali comes back with coffee in hand and tired eyes but such a sheer will to stay Calum can’t even work up the nerve to even suggest she go home and get some sleep. And in all honesty he’s glad she’s here and can be there with you when he can’t.

“I called mum and dad, I hope you don’t mind,” Mali says when she takes a seat on the opposite side of you, sliding into the chair in a tired yet graceful way.

Calum shakes his head. He doesn’t mind at all. He wanted to do it but didn’t have the heart or the words or the right mind to even dial the phone.

“They’re flying out as soon as they can,” Mali further informs, then sips at her coffee. “We’re all gonna be here for you. Both of you. All of you.”

“Thank you,” Calum gets out past a choked up throat and stands to stride to his sister and give her a long overdue hug. She affords him comfort and when she realizes how tired his eyes are she gives him her coffee and says she’ll get another.

Mali leaves again and Calum spends the next few minutes drinking in the caffeine and soaking up some time with you. He wants to get back to your daughter but the war of you being completely alone confronts him once more. He decides to wait until Mali gets back to head back to the NICU. When she does stride back through the door he gives you a kiss, tells you he loves you and makes a promise to stay with her until morning; until you can be with her too.

He spends the night in the uncomfortable hospital chair, hand inside the incubator, finger lightly stroking her tiny hand in soothing rhythms. He talks to her when the moon is out, he shows her pictures of you and doesn’t let it bother him when her eyes don’t stay open for long. He comes to terms with the fact that she’s resting and when she’s resting she’s getting stronger each and every second. Through the night he shifts in the chair but never leaves it. There’s a kink in his neck and his muscles ache by the time morning comes but those pains are minimal in comparison. He rubs at his tired eyes after waking from a miraculous little doze. He straightens and finds her immediately.

“Good morning,” he sings quietly as he gets level with her. Her eyes are barely open. “You get to see your mommy today.”

He knows it’s not likely, probably impossible, but he swears she smiles when he tells her that. His phone buzzes in his pocket. He has no intention of answering it—he’s surprised it still has enough charge to buzz—but he checks who’s calling. Ashton lights up the screen. Calum sends him to voicemail and jumps when motion in his peripheral startles him. Ashton is standing outside the NICU window, looking in at Calum with his phone pressed to his ear. He frowns when he hears the voicemail greeting. Calum gathers up the courage to leave his daughter. He gives her a small goodbye squeeze on her hand, tells her he loves her and exits the NICU, the routine of leaving the used gown behind already set in stone.

“How is she?” Ashton asks, giving no time or thought to explaining how he knew where to go or why he holds a duffel bag in his grip.

Calum wracks his brain, trying to find the last update from a nurse or doctor but comes up short after his long night. He sighs and his shoulders slump.

“She made it through the night,” he says and hears the desperate intone of needing hope in his voice. “What are you doing here? How’d you know?”

“Mali texted, Luke has Duke,” Ashton explained and lifted a worry from Calum. He’d nearly forgotten Duke in the fray of it all. Ashton hoisted the duffel bag up. “I brought you both clothes, phone chargers, and I even have a present for her,” he continues and rummages around in a small gift bag until he pulls out a plush koala bear.

“She’s in a closed incubator,” Calum says though he knows he should be saying thank you instead. He can’t stop the words once they start. “She can’t have anything in there.”

Ashton nods, knowing the slight bite in Calum’s tone is not frustration at the gesture, just the circumstances. “It can go in her nursery.”

“We don’t even have it set up yet.”

Calum knows he’s starting to crack again but he doesn’t know how to stop himself. If it were anyone else he might have had a fighting chance of keeping himself together but Ashton’s been there for unspeakable highs and lows. He can’t fight himself into submission. He can’t keep himself together without a little help from his best friend. That’s exactly what he gets, a comforting hand on his back as the bags hit the floor and a hug to remind him that it’s not just you and him against the world. It takes a few minutes for Calum to pull himself together, to offer an apology for his tone that Ashton shrugs off in understanding and head for your room, the sudden remembrance that you get to finally see your daughter carrying his steps.

He finds you and Mali in the same spots as last night. He can tell you didn’t sleep. Your eyes are bloodshot and heavy but the smallest of smiles captures your lips when you see him.

“You ready?” Calums asks and you nod, needing no other prompting to understand. “Let’s get you dressed then we can go,” he adds on and searches through the duffel bag for some clothes as Ashton and Mali head to the hallway.

“How was last night?” you ask him as you pull a hoodie on.

“Long,” Calum answers and takes a breath. “But she made it through with no problems. I talked about you, showed her pictures, I think she’s excited.”

You laugh at Calum’s recount of the night and his projection of her possible excitement. It’s the first time he’s heard you laugh in nearly twenty four hours. It’s not as hearty and joyous as usual but it’s a start to feeling normal. You both hold onto that feeling as you exit the room and head to get ready for the NICU.

Calum doesn’t know what to expect when you enter and see her for the first time since she was taken away. He figures you might tear up, that you might clutch him or go straight for her. He doesn’t expect you to freeze in your tracks halfway to where she sleeps. He doesn’t know what to do when you wrap your arms around yourself and tremble where you stand.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, come on,” he tries with a soothing voice. He’s a step ahead of you and you continue to stand still. He backtracks to you, puts a reassuring hand on your back. “What’s going on?”

He focuses on the subtleties of your face and is drawn to your eyes. He sees the way they shine and knows that you’ll soon be biting your lip and scrunching your nose as you do your best to hold back your emotions.

“All these machines…” you trail off with eyes roaming the NICU and the sight of dozens of incubators and the like. Calum knows how overwhelming it is but he’s had time to adjust and get used to the hum and flow of the world your daughter lives in.

“They keep the babies safe and comfortable,” he says, knowing that’s what will get through to you. “I’ll show you, she’s nice and cozy, getting stronger every second.”

You nod and take very small steps with Calum at your side. He doesn’t rush you or push you along. He goes at your pace, his eyes skirting from you to your daughter. He knows you can see her from your vantage point. Her eyes are closed as sleep claims her once more. Calum is used to the tubes that give her oxygen and help sustain her life. It startles you when you first approach and Calum witnesses the tears that finally slide down your cheeks. You’re timid at the edge of the incubator, hands curled into fists and steadfast at your sides. He hears your breath shaking and reaches for your hand.

“You can touch her. Hold her hand. She likes that,” Calum informs, knowing his touch and voice had soothed her through the night whenever she stirred. “Like this,” he says and reaches his free hand toward her, lightly stroking the soft skin on the back of her hand. Her eyes open but she stays calm and content.

You go slowly, as if afraid to startle her or scare yourself. Calum retracts his hand from her but keeps his other in yours for support and comfort. It takes one touch for your fears and stone wall to come crumbling down. Your eyes soften as more tears make stride and a sob wracks your body.

“Hi, sweetheart,” you manage to get out through a cracked voice and Calum smiles at the choice of term of endearment. You’ve always been his sweetheart, now you have one of your own. You look up at your husband and Calum meets your eyes. “She looks just like you.”

Calum shakes his head. “She’s you too, look,” Calum says.

You giggle through another cry but Calum knows the tears and sobs are all born of something good. “She’s got your eyes and purses her lips just like you.”

Calum smiles at that. “But that nose and those cheeks are all you.”

“You think so?” you ask, turning away from her to look at Calum with hope in your eyes. He nods. You turn back to look at her and keep up the small rhythm you have of stroking her hand. “Yeah,” you agree upon further inspection with such adoration in your tone it makes Calum laugh.

For as hesitant as you were to enter the NICU it quickly becomes apparent that nothing in the world will tear you from her side. You take up residence in the chair Calum spent the night in, never once letting your hand leave her, keep your voice soothing as you talk to her. Calum finds his way to the other side, content to hold her other hand and listen to the sweet words you whisper to her.

“I love you so much,” you repeat, having found a new mantra. “I can’t wait to bring you home. You’ll get to meet your auntie Mali, grandma and grandpa, all your uncles. Your doggie, Duke. We’re all waiting for you, whenever you’re ready.”

“Some are less patient than others,” Calum says around a laugh as he spies two people on the other side of the window. You make a confused noise until Calum motions over to the window and you both take in the sight of Ashton and Mali waving behind the glass with glossy eyes and smiles to accompany them.

“They’re really special, huh?” you ask and smile, appreciative for all of the effort they’ve put in. You both know you wouldn’t be able to get through this without family by your side.

“The best,” Calum agrees with fond eyes.

You fall into silence, content to stay by her side and do nothing but gaze at her and each other adoringly. Calum doesn’t expect to look up and find you in tears again but he does and it nearly rips his breath away before he detects that though you’re crying it’s a good kind of cry this time.

“What’s going on, sweetheart?” he asks.

“This is just—it’s all I’ve wanted,” you manage to get out with your gaze roaming from her to Calum and then to Ashton and Mali still watching from the window. “It’s our family.”

Calum smiles at the sentiment and the honesty in your voice and knows the gesture reaches his eyes and hopes you can feel it in your heart the way he does. He knows your rocky relationship with your parents and that you haven’t felt like family in a long time. They have still yet to meet Calum after bailing on a dinner and the wedding. He’s not sure if you’ve called them about the birth or if they even bothered to answer but he’s happy to see you content with the family that chose you.

You sniffle and meet eyes with Calum. “I have an idea for her name,” you announce and Calum’s heart skips a beat. He’s ready to start calling her by her name, to fill out the forms in his hoodie pocket, but then he laughs as he realizes he might more often than not call her a term of endearment, just like he does with you.

“Anything you want,” Calum promises, knowing that it will be perfect because it came from you and your heart.

***

Another day slips by and Calum finds himself alone with your daughter once more. You’ve been brought back to your hospital room to talk with your doctor and see where you’re at and when you’ll be ready to be discharged. Calum asks you to get some rest while you’re in there. You make no promises but heed his words. You both have thoughts of her name in your heads, still undecided, wanting more time with her to be absolutely sure but feeling that it could be right. Calum’s hanging on by a thin and tattered thread. He’s exhausted and nodding off in the chair when Ashton rouses him with a phone call and coaxes him out into the hall, but not before he spends the time to tell her that he loves her. He meets his best friend in the hall, a yawn falling from him, arms wide as they stretch out the aches and tightness from his prolonged position.

Calum rubs at his eyes. “Why’d you drag me out here?”

“I think you should go home for a while,” Ashton says, getting straight to the point. When Calum immediately refuses with a shake of his head Ashton sighs and continues, “just a little while. You’re running on empty.”

“No. No, I don’t want to leave her. I can’t leave them,” Calum refuses, head still shaking and eyes darting to the window.

“Go home. Take a shower. Eat something. Take half an hour to sleep. They need you to be rested,” Ashton says and Calum can almost hear the words he didn’t say. They need you to be strong.

It’s the implication and words unsaid that even marginally make Calum consider the proposition. He runs a hand through his hair as tangles of thoughts snarl through his mind. He lets out an accidentally long held breath and turns the shake of his head into a nod as his shoulders relax. He decides he will, but only after he’s sure you’re okay and can be in with her. He tells Ashton as much.

“Good, I’m on shift right now so I can be in there with them when you’re gone if you guys want,” Ashton informs. Mali had finally gone home to get some rest for herself and Ashton slid seamlessly into her role at your sides to fill in the gaps when you have to be separated.

“I’m sure we’d all love that,” Calum assures, utterly grateful for his family’s presence.

Ashton does as promised. Calum watches as the two of you enter the NICU, sticks by the window until he sees Ashton take her hand for the first time and glow with such love and adoration it makes Calum certain she’s okay in his hands. And yours, though he’s never had a doubt about that. He heads home after waving and blowing a kiss—and laughing when Ashton pretends to snag it from you and keep it for himself. He calls for a car, knowing he’s well past exhausted and being behind the wheel would be dangerous. The car stops at the curb of your home and Calum stops short when he steps out. Two cars sit in the driveway where your cars are usually parked.

He enters the house and is met with disgruntled noises coming from down the hall. He makes way to the back room and finds Luke and Michael in a mess of boxes and half put together nursery furniture. He laughs as he stands in the doorway and it catches his friends attention, they look up at him, wide eyed and startled.

Michael is the first to stand as he abandons a screwdriver on the floor among the mess of cardboard, bubble wrap, and probably unread instructions. “How is she? How are you? What are you doing here?”

“She’s getting better everyday,” Calum answers and doesn’t even question the knowledge they have of her and the troubles she’s been facing. He knows Ashton must have filled them in. “Ashton forced me home to get some rest. But the better question is what are you two doing here?”

Luke blows out an irritated breath. “Trying to build her nursery. We figured Mali and Ash wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon so we might as well be helpful in the meantime.”

“Do they know when she can come home?” Michael asks and tucks his hands in his pockets, eyes sweeping the mess of a nursery. He clears his throat.

“Not yet. Hopefully soon,” Calum answers with an arched eyebrow, also taking in the room.

Luke stands. “Don’t worry. We set up a bassinet by your bed. We read it’s good for newborns to sleep near their parents. Just in case,” Luke informs. “She’ll have somewhere to come home to and rest. Now it’s your turn,” he finishes and waves a hand as if to dismiss Calum from their presence.

“Alright, I’ll take the hint. Just… try not to break anything,” Calum says and excuses himself to head across the hall to his own room. He spots the bassinet immediately and gravitates towards it without thinking. He has the stuffed koala Ashton got for her in his hoodie pocket. He pulls it out and places it inside, optimistic that she’ll be able to come home to it soon.

Calum doesn’t linger at home too long. He showers, eats and struggles to sleep for a while. Luke and Michael make minimal progress in their efforts to put together the nursery. Before heading out again Calum stops by to thank them.

“We couldn’t do this without you guys,” Calum expresses his thanks and means every word of it.

“That’s what we’re here for. It’s what families do,” Luke reassures.

“You can thank us by showing us some pictures of her,” Michael states and tilts his head. “The only ones we’ve gotten are blurry and through a window from Ash and Mali.”

Calum is more than happy to comply, he’s taken dozens, likely hundreds, since the first one he snapped for you. With two of his best friends by his side he swipes through endless photos. Most of just her, nearly identical, some with you and her, some of him and her and a few taken by a nice nurse of the two of you with her. He’s not looking at Luke and Michael—much too busy staring at the screen, wanting to be back with her and you to look at them—but he can feel the smiles in their voices.

“She’s the prettiest little thing I’ve ever seen,” Luke coos.

Michael makes a comment that she’s lucky she favors you over Calum and all three laugh. It’s one of few genuine laughs Calum has had over the past few days and even though it’s at his own expense he doesn’t mind. It feels normal. Michael and Luke aren’t treating him like glass and he feels less likely to shatter because of it.

“I gotta get back to her,” Calum concludes and locks his phone after the last photo is shown.

“Send us new photos when you get there,” Luke insists and lets Calum part with them after a hug for each.

Calum leaves the half finished nursery and hears his friends go back to squabbling.

“Where the hell did the crib go?” Michael’s voice asks as Calum heads for the door.

“I think it’s under the rocker,” Luke says. “Which is under that styrofoam.”

Calum leaves with a grin and gets back to you and her as soon as he can. He has to switch places with Ashton to get back into the NICU. He immediately greets you and her and though he’s sure at this point you both know he tells you he loves you.

“Will you sleep tonight?” Calum asks, knowing it will likely be your last night in the hospital, your visit from the doctor informing you that you could be discharged in the morning.

“No,” you respond.

“Will you at least try?” he questions with pleading eyes. He doesn’t want you to spend a night in a chair after all your body has been through though he knows you will without question. “You need rest,” he reminds. “I did. Now it’s your turn.”

You sigh and Calum can hear how tired you are just from that. You mull it over for a minute and finally nod. “I’ll try. Stay with her?”

“Always,” Calum promises and meets you around the incubator to give you a hug before separating for the night.

It’s another long and restless night for Calum but he finds small joys where he can. He’s happy to see her content and resting easily. He revels in holding her hand and talking to her. The doctor said she would know his voice and as time passes he starts to believe it. He can’t help but think back on all the times had talked to her before he was born. He found comfort in holding your bump and telling you both about his day or humming and singing familiar and beloved tunes. Those days aren’t so far gone and Calum feels a tug in his chest as he realizes how quickly they left. Seven months was too short. But as he gazes down at her he can’t help but be happy to have met her early. He laughs when the thought of her just wanting to meet you as soon as possible enters his mind and knows he’ll have to tell you that, knows it will make you smile. The night goes by without incident and it instills more and more hope into Calum’s heart that she could be going home any day now. He gets a text from you early in the morning when the sun is still making it’s ascent into the sky. 

He finds himself in your hospital room with a view of pink clouds on the horizon and the golden sun greeting you as the doctor says you’re okay enough to be discharged. You both listen to the instructions and advice the doctor gives you and Calum can see the relief and happiness on your face as you settle into the realization that you can be at your daughters side at any and all times. The doctor tells you to rest and take it easy but Calum knows nothing will be restful or easy until she’s home and you both know she’s okay. Your minds and hearts won’t have peace until she can rest in your arms. Calum helps you get ready to leave your own hospital room and head back to the NICU. Over the next couple of days you and Calum find an exhausting rhythm of being at her side. It takes a lot of convincing from Ashton and Mali to let them be there for her while you take just a small amount of time for yourselves. Though it’s hard and goes against all of your instincts to be there with her at every single minute you relent after nearly thirty six hours without real sleep.

The first time you and Calum leave and Ashton and Mali go in together you linger by the window and watch as they take up positions by her sides. Calum feels warm and okay as he watches, he even manages a smile when Ashton and Mali light up when they hold her hands. The first time eases the transition to being able to take small moments away, long enough to eat and stretch your legs. But you never stay away for too long and even when they’re in with her you always find your way to passing the window and checking in on her and them. Nights are a different story. There is nothing that will make either of you leave her side. Days go on with uncertainty and worries but having Ashton and Mali around helps take some of the pressures and anxieties off of your shoulders.

Night settles upon you both with weary exhaustion clinging to your minds, bodies and hearts. Your daughter has been doing well but there’s still no word of when she can go home. It leaves you reaching for fragmented pieces of hope. Curling your fingers around broken shards of optimism and the fabric of each other’s shirts, holding onto all that is dear. Calum tries convincing you to go home for a night but you staunchly refuse, you tell him that you’re okay though your eyes betray how tired and broken you really are. He doesn’t push the matter, just holds you close in the uncomfortable hospital chair and keeps his hand on hers and yours and whispers reassurances all three of you need.

“I don’t even care if we go home soon or not. I just want to hold her,” you whisper and cut through Calum’s attempts at soothing you. “It’s been what? Four days? Five?” you ask and furrow your brows, the concept of time completely lost.

“Six,” Calum answers and is only aware of it from the watch on his wrist. It feels like a lifetime and he realizes that for her it is. He nearly gets choked up but clears his throat and blinks his eyes rapidly trying to keep himself together. He feels you shake your head against his chest as if you can’t believe it.

“She’s so tiny she could probably fit in one hand,” you say and let out a forlorn sigh. “I don’t know if we have clothes small enough for her.”

“We can send Mali out for that, I’m sure she’ll have a field day. We might have to build another closet for her,” Calum says and a small laugh follows, you giggle slightly and it’s more than Calum has let himself expect in a long while.

You lapse into silence, too tired to keep talking but too aware and afraid to fall asleep just yet. Calum’s learned to blur out the noise of the machines and just focus on your steady breathing. It comforts him. Just as he knows the beat of his heart is comforting you with your head pressed to his chest. His lap is numb but he wants you as close as possible.

“Have you thought more about her name?”

“I like what you mentioned,” Calum answers, a tilt of a smile forming for you and the thought of her possible name on his face. “Let’s sleep on it one more night,” he says and hopes that you actually will be able to sleep.

He finds himself nodding off, neck crooked and head falling against the wall behind him. But slumber is quickly taken from him when he feels himself being shaken and hears your breathy whisper.

“Something’s wrong,” you say and he immediately perks up, heart lurching and breath catching at the two words. “Look.”

You point out the window of the NICU where a group of doctors have convened with sullen looks on their faces. There’s a moment where everything is palpable and tense. Calum’s throat tightens and his heart rate spikes with anxiety. He can hear machines beeping but it’s not uncommon. The doctors break their group and start to move.

“Please don’t come in here,” he hears you say but he’s too fixed on watching the doctors disappear from the window and waiting for the door to burst open. Waiting for a doctor to take his daughter away again. “No, no, no.”

Calum’s hand finds hers and it feels just the same as always, warm and soft and perfect. His heart drops. Nothing happens, the door doesn’t open and the beeping stops. He gives it another moment and clutches at his chest with his free hand. He lets out a breath that’s nearly painful. He doesn’t even notice that in the heat of the moment you left him and stood, but now he refocuses, where once there was white edging into his vision as panic picked up he blinks it away and notices your hands are shaking. When you turn back to look at him he sees tears in your eyes.

“It’s okay,” he says and reaches a hand out to bring you back to him. “It’s okay. She’s okay.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper and settle back against him, and he can feel the tears on your face as you find a home against the crook of his neck. “I was scared.”

“I know, it’s okay.”

“I shouldn’t have woken you. I shouldn’t have”—you begin but Calum strokes your hair and stops the words from coming out.

“That’s what I’m here for. I would’ve done the same,” he promises and assures. “She’s okay, we’re okay,” he continues when your small sobs and shakes don’t stop. He knows that you’re panic stricken and need to let the fear out. He holds you while you do, keeps his gaze flickering from you to her and lets the hum of the machines settle back in. He runs his hand up and down your back and hopes the rhythmic motion will help to calm you. He’s nearly certain sleep won’t be had any more for the night, he’s been running on coffee, anxiety, naps and adrenaline for days now. Once you’re calmed, or at least calmer, you pull away from Calum and he watches as you move back to her, settle so you can hold her hand and whisper to her. Her eyes are open and she’s calm. Calum notes and realizes how quiet she is, has been since she was first born. Even her cries are small and timid. He listens to you tell her that you both love her, that you can’t wait to bring her home and promise to always be there for her. Once the panic flees you both settle back in for the night but stay awake with closed eyes and hands on hers.

Morning comes in a slow creeping way. Doctors and nurses enter the NICU, you both watch silently as they make sure your daughter is doing well. It’s a silent and solemn affair to watch someone else be able to hold your baby—even if it’s just for a routine check in to make sure she’s making the progress she needs. Calum sees your arms flinching, watches as they calm when she’s back in the incubator and quiet. He knows it’s killing you to not hold her, cradle her in your arms and keep her safe from the world. It’s killing him too. Though you’re both somber and exhausted from the previous night, Calum finds that the morning is easier, he’s a little more light and certain. He won’t call it a good feeling as he doesn’t want to jinx it, but as he stares down at her and her eyes flutter open to meet his gaze he feels more calm and collected than he has in a week. His phone buzzes and though he doesn’t want to peel his gaze away from her he looks down and finds a message from Ashton.

“Ash says we should go get breakfast, he and Mali will come in for her,” Calum informs you and for the first time you don’t argue in favor of staying. Last night was too much, twenty minutes to recollect yourselves sounds good, and you’ve both come to trust Ashton and Mali to be alone with her.

“Alright, just get something quick from the cafeteria,” you agree and give your daughter one last touch and affirmation of love. You’ve both made it a habit to have your parting words to her be “I love you”.

Breakfast passes in a blur, remnants of blueberry muffins get swept into the trash and soon enough you’re both on your way back up to her. You’re stopped short in the hallway, a doctor calling out to you.

“Hoods?”

You both turn and a nervous feeling flutters through Calum’s chest. He holds his breath for a moment as he takes in the sight of the doctor. He exhales when the doctor seems in no rush and holds no note of concern. Calum supposes it’s a routine check in to tell about her progress and what the next steps are. Calum’s about ready to ask if you might be able to hold her soon, knowing how far she’s come and how much better she’s doing but the words get trapped as the doctor starts talking.

“She’s put on some weight. Her vitals are good. We’ll be transferring her to an open incubator for the day and if all goes well she should be able to go home by tonight or tomorrow morning.”

“What?” you ask, voice small in Calum’s ears, tinny and distant as you both process the news.

The doctor runs through it again, tells you slowly and answers questions that pop up during the explanation. Once it all makes sense, once it sinks in and the reality that her and home is coming sooner than either of you could have hoped for you’re both struck with a whirlwind of emotions. You freeze and for the second time the life of your daughter brings Calum to his knees. He doesn’t realize that he’s sobbing until you find him on the floor and your gentle hands and voice start to soothe him. Your fingers run through his hair and you repeat a new mantra that’s carved in stone and faith.

“She’s okay. We can go home.”

Your voice is a whisper and the NICU door opening and closing and footsteps all scream around you both. Calum clutches you and tries to catch his breath.

“What’s going on? What happened?” Ashton’s voice cuts through and brings you both to your feet. Calum doesn’t let go of you, face buried against your shoulder, but he finds some breath and wrestles with words and comes up empty.

“We get to take her home,” you explain and Calum suddenly hears Mali too, excited gasps and squeals sounding all around. Calum doesn’t let go of you but he feels his sister and best friend join the hug and appreciates their presence more than any choked up words could explain.

“Right now? I’ll go get the car,” Ashton asks and is reeling and ready to go but is stopped short.

“Tonight or in the morning,” you explain and Calum is grateful you’re strong enough to find words when he can’t. He continues holding you when Mali and Ashton break away, spilling their excitement out in bursts followed by tears.

He feels your hands in his hair again and the gentle sway of your body rocking him as he tries to ground himself into the reality that she really is okay. That nights filled with worries and days packed with exhaustion and waiting and waiting and waiting are going to be over. He breathes a little easier and finally detaches himself from you. You wipe his tears and he wipes yours and small laughs formed from disbelief and exhaustion spill past your lips.

“We have to finish her forms,” you remind and Calum doesn’t hesitate to dig into his jacket pocket where the papers for her birth certificate have been on standby. All that’s left to fill in is her name. “Should we go with…?” you ask and trail off as you peek at Mali and Ashton who are waiting with great suspense. Calum nods.

You fumble with the paper and pen and write her name out against the wall. You stay silent as you turn back to the group. You can sense Mali and Ashton are trying to be patient but the anticipation grows and keeps them on edge. All you do is silently hand them the paper so they can read for themselves.

“Mila Ashe Hood,” Mali reads in a breathy whisper coated with surprise. “She’s named after us?”

“After her godparents,” Calum says, finally finding some words but getting the wind knocked out of him once more as another group hug ensues. “Thank you guys, for everything, we couldn’t have made it without you.”

“That’s what family is for,” Ashton says without hesitation. “Now get in there and celebrate with her.”

***

“Do you want to hold her first?” you ask and look up at Calum with wide eyes. He meets your gaze, remembers your outstretched arm falling as they took her away, your pained and whispered words of just wanting to hold her, the way you flinched with fear at the sight of doctors outside the window. He wants to hold her but he wants you to have the moment you’ve been missing for seven days.

“It’s all you, sweetheart, you can go first,” he says and is content to watch with adoration and love as you reach into the open incubator she will be leaving for good momentarily to take her into your arms for the first time.

“Hi love bug,” you whisper as she settles in your hold; eyes open, quiet and content. “She’s so tiny and beautiful and perfect,” you say and softly rub her back. Calum sees tears in your eyes and for one of the first times in a week he knows they’re made of happiness. “Are you ready to go home?”

Mila doesn’t so much as squirm and you both take her contentment as a resounding yes. Calum lets you hold her for a few minutes more, takes several photos to capture the moment forever, knowing neither of you will ever want to forget. Mila’s eyes find Calum and his heart flutters.

“That’s daddy,” you tell her in a coo. “Do you want to go see daddy?”

The slow motion of Calum’s world stops as his entire universe ends up cradled in his arms. Mila weighs barely five pounds and Calum surmises your guess of her fitting in one hand would be right. But he holds her with all of the soft strength and love he has and wonders if he’ll ever be ready to let go.

“Ashton’s bringing the car around,” you inform. “Her car seat…”

“Luke dropped by and installed it,” Calum responds and laughs when you give him an uncertain look. “I’ll make sure it’s secure.” He would never let anything bad happen to his baby girl.

The transition from the hospital to the car goes fast in comparison to the agonizing wait of seven days. You both sit in the back with her, holding her hands, talking to her and enjoying the feeling of freedom from the incubator and anxiety. Mila is back in your arms and seeing her home for the first time in what seems like no time at all. The car ride flew by. Calum heads down the hall and takes a peek at the nursery.

“Sweetheart, come look,” he calls down the hall and pushes the door fully open when you and Mila reach him.

The sight of the finished nursery is breathtaking. You and Calum show Mila around her room; from the white crib and the pictures of woodland creatures above, to the rocker in the corner and the endless clothes that line her drawers.

“This is your room,” you coo, and shift your weight from one foot to the other, already noting that she likes a small rhythm when she’s held. “You’ll sleep right here when you’re bigger. For now you sleep right by mommy and daddy.”

You go across the hall to your room where her bassinet is set up and timidly ask Calum if it can switch sides of the bed so she can be near you. You explain it’s so you can feed her easier in the night but Calum doesn’t need an explanation, he’d do anything for you and her. He makes the switch and you gently lay her inside, kiss her forehead and clutch Calum as he stands by your side.

“I want to have more kids, I want her to have a sibling like you and Mali but I can’t go through that again,” you whisper and Calum can hear the heartache in your tone.

He pulls you close. “She will. We wanted to adopt, remember?”

You light up at that and smile with such sincerity it takes the ache right from your hearts. “Yeah. We’ll adopt,” you say and snuggle against Calum’s chest as a smirk grows on your face. “So, do you want to start that process tomorrow or?”

Calum bellows out a laugh and runs his fingers through your hair.

“Let’s take a breather, yeah? Enjoy being home with her for just a bit.”

“Okay,” you concede and Calum lets you drag him to bed where you can both rest. With his arms around you and your eyes on Mila who has fallen fast asleep you let out a content sigh and Calum smiles.

“I love you,” Calum says once and then again, one for you and one for Mila and you repeat the same back to them.

“I’m so happy to be home with my family,” you say around a sigh.

Seven months of pregnancy and seven days in the hospital have worn you both thin but in that moment there’s no other place you’d rather be. Beside your baby and in each other’s arms. The wait and anxiety are worth it once you find that all you have now is happiness and love. Calum and Mila.

<< >>

I can’t believe we’ve finally made it to this point in the dates with cal universe. I’m so appreciative of the support whether you’ve been around since the very first blurb, joined somewhere in the middle or are just finding this world. Thank you all so much. There is much to come, I hope you stick around for the journey.

Premature birth can come with many complications. What was depicted in this fic is one scenario of struggles parents and preemies can face. If you feel so inclined there are amazing charities to check out to help support families and babies in their time of need. Overall, stay kind and spread love and support.

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[calpalirwin]

Let Sleeping Boys Lie

Summary: Baby Hood gets sick.

A/N: Told ya I was gonna write it.

Word Count: ~500

And away, and away we go!

__

“Still not feeling good?” Calum asked, eyebrows pulled together in worry as he came downstairs to find you pacing the living room floor with the baby in your arms.

“Fuckin’ miserable,” you chuckled wearily. You weren’t sure who was more miserable- Noah experiencing his first cold, or you knowing you couldn’t do anything beyond letting the cold run its course.

“How long have you guys been up?”

“No idea.” Time became irrelevant when soothing an inconsolable infant. 5 minutes felt like 5 hours.

“Able to put Noah down at all?”

“No. Holding him is the only way he seems somewhat content.”

“Here,” Calum said, holding out his arms.

“Don’t you have to meet the guys at the studio?”

“Not for a while,” he answered, taking the fussy boy from you.

You shook out your arms, wincing as you did so. “Thanks,” you yawned. “Shit… I’m exhausted.”

Calum ducked slightly to kiss your forehead. “Go get some rest, love. I got this.”

“You sure?”

“Promise.”

“Okay… just come get me before you have to head out, and I’ll take Noah.”

“Nah, I said I got it.”

“Cal… you guys have been trying to get studio time all year. The guys need you.”

“My son needs me. Look, there’s always gonna be studio time. But how many days am I gonna get to do this?”

“Probably not enough,” you admitted with a deep sigh. “Alright. Just, give the guys a decent heads up.”

“Course. Now go to bed before I carry you there myself.”

You cocked an eyebrow. “You really think you can carry me and Noah at the same time?”

“Don’t test me, woman. You know I’ll do it.”

“Alright, alright,” you giggled, pressing a swift kiss to Calum’s cheek and the back of Noah’s head. “I’m going.”

As you disappeared upstairs, Calum took up residency on the couch. He tilted his head to check if Noah was asleep before carefully pulling his phone free from his sweatpants pocket. “Hey guys,” he whispered immediately once all the calls connected.

“Why are we whispering?” Michael asked.

“Noah’s asleep,” Calum explained.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. And I’m kinda stuck. So I’m not coming in.”

“What?!” was the outraged whisper. “Cal! Do you know how hard it was to book this session?”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m fuckin’ aware. But my son is sick. And the only way he’s sleeping right now is if he’s being held. So I’m stuck. Sorry. Actually... I’m not sorry.”

“Shit… well fuckin’ lead with Noah being sick next time! He alright? Anything we can do to help?”

“He’s alright for now. Finally asleep after I have no idea how long. Told Y/N to go to bed because she was up with him all night probably.”

“Shit, alright. Gimme like an hour. I’m gonna make some calls. See if I can reschedule the studio session. Then we’ll be over,” Ashton offered. “Right, guys?”

While Luke and Michael murmured in agreement, Calum shook his head. “Thanks, but you don’t have to do that. I mean, if you guys still want to head to the studio, that’s cool.”

“Nah,” Luke said with a shake of his head. “We’ll come over. Help with Noah.”

“It’s a done deal, Cal. Honestly, what did you think was gonna happen?” Michael asked.

“I don’t know? I thought I was gonna spend the day holding my son. Didn’t really give two fucks what you lot decided to do.”

“Well, we’re deciding to come help take care of our nephew. So deal with it.”

__

Tag List

@aquarius-hood1996​ @creator-appreciator​ @philthepegacorn​ @myfavfanficsever​ @cxddlyash​ @youngblood199456​ @stormrider505​ @tarltongrl96​ @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof​ @hoodhoran​

[calumance]

can u write a blurb where mama is breast feeding baby aiden and calum gets really flustered and he’s just looking at her like omg,,, THATS my wife’s boob!! omg!!

Calum’s cheeks would turn all red and he’d be all cute embarrassed. OHMYGOD. 😭😭😭😭😭

           It had only been a few hours since Aiden made his way into the world. Calum hadn’t slept a wink, having enough coffee to keep an elephant awake for ten years coursing through his veins. Visitors came and went the entire day, Calum catered to being a gracious host, even though this was a hospital and he didn’t have to be a host. This was his new family, and his new baby, it was engrained in him that he had to be a host.

           Once the daylight turned dark, visiting hours ended and both he and the woman who filled his heart with butterflies every time he looked at her, were exhausted. Calum sat in the chair next to her hospital bed. The nurse took Aiden away so they could get a decent night of rest. Something that his wife had objected to for a minute, but the look in Calum’s eyes convinced her that it was the right thing to do. The hospital fell quiet around one in the morning. Calum knew it was one in the morning because he had been staring at the clock for that past hour. With a sigh, he adjusted his position in the chair and gazed over at the woman sleeping soundly in her hospital bed. Seeing her so relaxed made him relax and eventually giving in to the lull of sleep.

           Calum was jolted awake at the sound of a slight murmur from a baby. He took a deep breath and tried to gather his surroundings. “Baby, I told you to be quiet to not wake daddy.” The soft voice coming from his wife caused him to blink and focus his attention on her. She was holding the little bundle who was barely twelve hours old. He was cooing happily, and she was smiling down at him. Calum pushed himself out of the chair and made his way over to his wife. Even though Calum was still half asleep, instincts took over and he ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead. “How long did you sleep?” She asked, causing the fog of sleep to burn off slightly.

           Calum squinted and looked at the clock. It was five in the morning, “Four hours.” Calum said while blinking again, fighting off the rest of the fog that clouded his mind.

           “Better than no hours, right?” She said to him, and he nodded, pressing his lips to her forehead one more time. She leaned into his touch before the both looked down at the new addition. “The nurse brought him to me about an hour ago, I tried to tell him to be quiet as to not wake you, but he’s just as stubborn as his dad.” She smiled as she looked up at Calum.

           Calum laughed and ran his fingers over his eyes, finally defeating the haze of sleep. “It’s alright, he can be as loud as he wants. I’m going to go grab a cup of coffee from the cafeteria, want me to get you anything?”

           She leaned her head back against the pillow and looked up at Calum, humming in thought. “You know what sounds real good? Those little ice cream cups they gave me last night with my dinner. And a cup of coffee.”

           “Ice cream and coffee? Baby, you sure you’re not still pregnant?” Calum laughed, and looked down at his son, gently caressing the top of his head. She laughed and confirmed that she was sure she wasn’t still pregnant. Calum smiled at her sweetly and kissed her nose, “I’ll be back in a little bit.”

           The hallways were busy considering how early in the morning it was. Calum tried to stay out of the way of all the doctors, but the more he tried, the more in the way he was. He let out a breath of relief when he finally reached the elevator. The cafeteria staff was a little annoyed when they had to dig through the freezer for the ice cream, but Calum didn’t care. He would dig through the freezer himself if it meant she got the ice cream she wanted. He prepared her coffee the way she likes it, then slid both his cup and her cup into one of those paper cup holders. After paying for the drinks, he quickly made his way back up to the maternity level, then down the busy hallways to the room.

           When he opened the door, her hospital gown was unbuttoned, and Aiden was gently suckling on her breast. Calum suddenly felt flustered and turned around to shut the door so no one would see her, “I didn’t mean to barge in.” Calum said still facing the door, his cheeks flushing a bright red.

           “It’s alright, were you able to get the ice cream?” She asked with pure excitement.

           Calum’s cheeks felt hot and he looked at the ice cream cup in his hands, “Yeah, I have it right here.” Quickly, he moved towards her hospital bed and handed her the ice cream, making sure to quickly turn away from her and set her coffee on the table hovering over her bed.

           Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Aiden’s lips pursed around her breast and his mouth suckling every few seconds. Calum cleared his throat unsure why he was completely flustered by the sight of his wife’s breast in their baby’s mouth. “Is everything alright?” She asked him, probably noticing how red his cheeks were. Calum nodded and turned to the window and took a drink of his coffee. She laughed and he instinctually turned towards her. “Why are you so embarrassed? This is literally nothing you haven’t seen or done yourself.” She vaguely circled her breast and smirked, then she looked down and shrugged, “Actually pretty sure you doing that is how we ended up with him.”

           Calum couldn’t help but laugh, mostly because she wasn’t wrong. “I just hadn’t ever seen you breastfeed, even though I know you’ve done it multiple times since he was born. I’ve been busy.” Calum moved closer to her, eventually connecting his lips to hers. He pulled his lips off hers, keeping them only centimeters away, “I don’t care what you say, I’ll still be doing that until we’re eighty years old.” She giggled at him before pressing her lips back to his.

************

Tag list: @mantlereid @notinthesameguey @viiirg0 @wheniminouterspace @thinkofmehlgh @another-lonely-heart @limer-encia @itsmytimetoodream @babyoria @treatallwithkindness @karajaynetoday @talkfastromance4

**If your URL has a strike through it’s because it won't let me tag you ☹️

Ko-fi

[33-81]

The danger gets me high, and I can't help myself

[littledrummeraussie]

Dad!SOS poly Cashton??? I’m in a baby mood. Making the baby, being pregnant, having a tiny infant, I’m not picky! Any of it!

This little blurb takes place in the All The Things We Dream About universe, somewhere in the future.

masterlist. | want to be added to my taglist? | Christmas Blurb Fest 2022 / I want a blurb too!

heart to heart. [poly!Cashton discussing becoming parents]

warnings: poly!relationship. discussion of having kids. a slightest bit of angst of not getting accepted being in this relationship.

word count: 1098

----------

“Hey, Cal… are you still up?”

You felt Ashton move next to you where you were cuddled into his side, trying not to jolt you awake as he faced your other boyfriend (husband, you reminded yourself – they were both your husbands now, even if legally it was not something you were able to do). Calum hummed behind your back, sitting on the edge of the mattress as he tossed his shirt into the hamper, pulling his legs up to slip under the covers. He settled against your back, arm curling around your waist to be close as well, head fitting above yours and resting on his pillow.

You let out a soft sound at finally being held by both of them, letting your body adjust to theirs on both sides of you, and was ready to fall back to sleep when Ashton spoke again.

“Everything’s okay?”

“Yeah, just… long conversation with my Mom,” Calum rubbed his eyes before looking back at Ashton. “Just the usual.”

“She’s still not letting go of the whole thing, eh?” Ash pushed himself up on his elbow, searching Calum’s features in the semi-darkness of the room.

“No, it’s… it’s not Y/N. Well, not entirely. It’s complicated.”

“Try me, I’m good at complicated things,” Ashton replied, motioning towards you and Calum then at himself, indicating the three-way relationship you were in for years now.

“She asked me about kids,” Cal finally answered, and you could feel both of their arms tightening around you for a second.

“What about kids?” Ashton asked again, his voice curious and maybe a bit unsure.

This was a topic that you did not touch on yet. Sure, you knew that along the way it would come up and you will need to discuss the fine details on how you want to approach the whole parenting thing, if you wanted kids at all, but all of you were still basking in the second honeymoon stage that came right after your so-called wedding at which all three of you promised forever to each other, even though for the outside world you were still considered as three people being in a consensual relationship with each other, nothing more. But kids – that would change a lot of things for sure.

“She asked me if we would ever consider becoming parents, and how we think it would work out. Wouldn’t it damage the kids for life, having two dads? Would they know who’s their dad? Who’s the impostor? What would happen if Y/N got pregnant by only one of us? How would the other feel? Or how would we know who’s the dad?”

“Would it really matter?”

Ashton’s voice was soft and that made Calum stop in his ramble. You could imagine him blinking rapidly as his best-friend-turned-lover-turned-husband, and you heard him let out a breath he was holding in, slumping back against the pillow again.

“Dunno. What do you think?” his fingers tangled with Ashton’s over your waist, squeezing each other’s hand.

“Do you want to have kids?” Ashton asked instead, his thumb caressing Calum’s hand.

“Eventually… but not right fucking now,” he sighed, some of his words getting muffled against the sheets. “I don’t feel ready. I’m still too young.”

“And how would it make you feel if I wanted to try for a baby with Y/N?”

You tried to stay as quiet and motionless as possible, waiting for Calum and Ashton to continue their discussion. Ashton’s words were playing over and over in your mind, and you were not alone with your fixation on what he’d said.

“I’ve thought you didn’t want kids, at all,” Calum questioned him, eyebrow probably cocked at the other man and it was Ashton’s turn to sigh, but it wasn’t his usual frustrated huff of breath, but more like a soft exhale that paired with love and affection as he continued to speak.

“It’s different with her. Different with you. I love you both and I feel secure in this relationship. I know we could provide all the love and attention and care a child would need. I want to have a family with the two of you, whenever and however it happens,” he added before moving closer to Calum, maneuvering around your sleeping form until he could press his lips against his forehead. “We’re not in a rush. If it needs to happen, it will happen. We don’t even know how Y/N feels about the whole thing.”

“She would be a great mom. And you would be a great dad, Ash. I would love that for you, more than anything,” Calum’s whispers were tickling your ear, their hands still squeezing each other.

“So you–”

“I wouldn’t mind you and Y/N trying for a baby if that’s what she wants too. I’m fine with wearing a condom and all, just to be sure. And who knows, maybe being Papa to a little one would make me want to have my own kid too,” Cal finally settled down again, his body slowly losing the tension it was holding.

“That means I would be Daddy?” Ashton snickered, and you could imagine Calum rolling his eyes at him, his little huffing laugh giving him away.

“You are already Daddy, you know that.”

They exchanged a few more words and a sweet little goodnight, both of them finding their own place next to you as they cuddled close. Calum’s light snores soon let you know that he fell asleep, but as you tried to follow his lead you felt Ashton pressing a kiss on your forehead, humming lightly as he traced the tip of his nose against yours.

“I know you’re not sleeping, Y/N,” he mumbled against your cheek, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth as you blinked up at him, looking a little guilty. “Were you eavesdropping?”

“You weren’t quite subtle and quiet,” you squeezed your arm around his waist, pushing your face against the soft skin of his neck, inhaling his scent. “But I liked listening to you, I’m not gonna lie. I love how you love Calum and how you talked him through all of this.”

“And how do you feel about it all?” his fingers dived into your hair, playing with the strands, his voice once again turning soft and maybe a bit self-conscious. “About the whole kids thing?”

“That it’s definitely a discussion for when we’re all awake, officially,” you pressed your lips against the underside of his jaw, a smile in your voice. “But I do agree. You would be a great Daddy, and Calum would be the best Papa.”

----------

@mymindwide @fuckyeah5sostakemehome @suchalonelysunflower @talkfastromance4 @ashtonsunflower @in-superbloom @wiiildflowerrr @lovelywordsblog @heyitskelseaj

[ukulelecal]

Happy Checks (Dad!Ashton)

In which Kennedy has a happy check with Ashton.

warnings: kenny being a sad bub 

A/N: is this me projecting what i wish i had as a kid? yeah :) anyway. i probably got this idea from tiktok i doubt i actually came up with it lmao. but hey i haven’t written (wrote?? idk) in a hot minute so go me :))))

word count: 1.9k

dad!sos universe

Something that was extremely important to you and Ashton when you had children was that they trusted you. You wanted to create an environment for them that was safe, healthy, and open. You wanted your kids to be able to be honest with you and not be afraid to share their feelings with you.

Once your little Kennedy came along and her second birthday passed, Ashton came up with an idea. He called it “happy checks.” Once or twice a week, you or him would take Kenny into your bedroom and sit on the bed. That was a safe space for her to tell you or talk about anything she wanted; you couldn’t get angry and Kenny wouldn’t get in trouble. You would ask how she was feeling and if there was anything she wanted to talk about. She didn’t really get it at first, but as time went on, she started to grasp the concept.

It was working well; she was getting very good with being able to talk about her feelings and work through them, whether they were good or bad feelings. She was a very emotional toddler, and happy checks were really good for her. Sometimes it would be small things, like a movie she watched made her feel sad or seeing Duke at Uncle Calum’s house made her happy. Sometimes she would ask questions or not say much at all. No matter what it was, she could talk about it, and you or Ashton would be there to listen.

Not long after Kennedy turned two, the twins, Finley and Alex, came along. She was ecstatic. The thought of being a big sister was very exciting to her, and when they were finally born, she loved to hold them and tell them stories she made up. She always shared her toys with them, even when they didn’t know what to do with them, and always wanted them to watch her favorite movies with her.

Now, Kennedy’s third birthday and the twins’ first weren’t too far off. Another baby had been on yours and Ashton’s minds, but you wanted to wait until the twins were a little older like you did with Kenny so they could understand better.

One afternoon had you on nap duty with the twins, which tended to take a while. Kenny was with Ashton in his music room, quietly playing with her stuffed animals while Ashton strummed his guitar softly. Kenny loved being in there with him. She wasn’t always allowed to, since Ashton actually had to get work done sometimes, but when she was, it was almost therapeutic for her. Sometimes they would each do their own thing quietly while he simply kept an eye on her, other times Ashton would show her his instruments or play for her.

Ashton noticed Kennedy wasn’t herself that day. She had a slight pout on her lips, and her movements with her toys weren’t as energetic as they normally were. He didn’t say anything at first, wondering if she would come to him, but soon enough the look of sadness on her face was too much for him to bear.

“Kenny, sweetheart?” He asked softly as he set his guitar on it’s stand.

She looked up from her stuffed animals and Ashton crouched in front of her on the floor. He was good at appearing non threatening and caring, and he could tell Kenny could see that in him.

“You want to have a happy check?” He asked, making sure to keep his voice even and soothing. She nodded and reached her little arms out to be picked up.

Ashton lifted the girl into his arms, a hand rubbing over her back as he carried her upstairs to the bedroom. You caught a glimpse of them walking by the twins’ room as you worked on getting them changed and heard the bedroom door shut; you knew it was time for a happy check.

Ashton propped himself up against the headboard of the bed and let Kenny settle in his lap before he spoke up.

“How are you feeling right now, Kenny?” He asked gently, his hand never ceasing to rub her back, comforting her. He waited patiently for her answer as she thought about her words.

“I feel sad,” she finally mumbled. She fiddled with the ruffles on her skirt to distract herself, and he took it as a sign that this was something more than a sad scene in a Disney movie that upset her.

“It’s okay to feel sad, sweetheart,” he affirmed. Validating her feelings was something you and Ashton always made sure to do during happy checks. You didn’t want her to feel embarrassed about what she was feeling, or feel like she couldn’t express it. “Do you want to tell me why you feel sad?”

She took a minute to think about her words again, still twisting her skirt in her hands and not looking up at Ashton.

“Finny and Alex.”

Ashton’s eyebrows furrowed for a moment at her response, but he quickly neutralized his expression. He couldn’t imagine what Finley and Alex, her baby twin siblings less than a year old, had done to upset her, but this was a safe space. She was allowed to talk about whatever she wanted, and everything she was feeling was valid.

“Finley and Alex are making you feel sad?” She nodded. “Why is that?”

“I…” she trailed off and buried her head into Ashton’s chest with a whimper. He wasn’t sure if that was frustration about being unsure of how to put her feelings into words or being embarrassed to say it at all. Ashton dipped his head down to press a comforting kiss to her curls.

“It’s alright, sweetheart, take your time. Remember, this is your safe space. You can tell me anything you want.”

She went quiet again, taking her time to feel through her emotions and think about them, and Ashton gave her the grace to do so.

“I miss being with you and Mommy,” she explained, voice strained. She glanced up at Ashton, and his heart broke at her glassy eyes.

“What do you mean, sweetheart?” He coaxed gently, trying to piece together what she was saying. He wiped away the single tear that slipped down her cheek and planted another kiss on her head.

“I like it when Finny and Alex are with us,” she began, interrupted by a sniffle. “But sometimes I want it to be just me, you and Mommy.”

Ashton finally understood. As much as she loved the twins, she wanted some alone time with her parents like before they were born, and that was completely understandable. Keeping track of three kids was hard enough, but two of them being babies was even more difficult. Sometimes Finley and Alex needed more of yours and Ashton’s attention, and Kenny was clearly feeling a bit left out.

“I understand, sweetheart. You miss spending time with just me and Mommy, yeah?” He confirmed, earning a small nod in response as she leaned her head against his chest again. “That’s perfectly okay, Kenny. I know it was a big change when Finley and Alex arrived, and you do such a good job being a big sister. Since they’re so little, they need some extra help with things that you don’t need as much help with, right? That’s why sometimes they need a little more of Mommy and I’s attention. Do you understand that, Kenny?”

She nodded again, still sniffling a bit. Before Ashton could continue, the bedroom door cracked open, and you peaked your head in. You finally got both the twins to sleep, and you needed to pass through the bedroom.

“Am I interrupting?” You whispered, knowing they were talking.

“Would you like Mommy to come sit with us?” Ashton offered, and you heard a soft “yeah” from Kenny. You gently shut the door behind you and made your way to join your husband and daughter on the bed. Kenny reached her arms out to you as you sat down, and you gently lifted her from Ashton’s lap into yours.

“We’re having a happy check,” Ashton explained, wrapping one arm around your shoulders and reaching the other across to hold Kenny’s little hand. “Do you want to tell Mommy what you told me, sweetheart?”

Kenny repeated what she told Ashton, you taking over rubbing her back to comfort her. You couldn’t help but feel bad; she had been lonely and you didn’t notice.

“Oh, baby, Daddy and I never meant to make you feel sad,” you began, stealing what Ashton was about to explain before you came in. “Daddy and I love you just as much as we love your brother and sister. It’s okay to miss being alone with us, even though I know you love your siblings.”

“Mhm,” Kenny hummed. She took in your words and was starting to understand, and most importantly, she wasn’t ashamed of her feelings. Even if she didn’t quite understand now, you hoped that when she got older she would realize how beneficial being able to share her feelings is, and always feel she could trust her parents to talk about them.

“This weekend, how about we take Finley and Alex to one of your uncles’ house and the three of us can spend some time together? How does that sound, sweetheart?” Ashton suggested, offering a solution to her sadness. Her face lit up at the suggestion, nodding her head quickly.

“We get fries?” She asked, and you and Ashton chuckled. She was obsessed with French fries, and there was a specific diner that had her favorite ones.

“We can get fries, baby. We can do anything you want.”

She giggled in satisfaction. Ashton rubbed his thumb over the top of her hand and sent her a loving smile.

“Is there anything else you want to talk about?” He asked. She shook her head. “Alright. How are you feeling now?” At the end of every happy check, you always asked how she was feeling again so she could compare how she felt before and after.

“Happy,” she mumbled, curling further into your chest. “And sleepy.”

“I think it’s nap time for you, then, sweet girl,” you responded, starting to stand up from the bed. “Do you want to give Daddy a kiss before you go night night?”

Ashton lifted her into his arms and pressed multiple kisses to her cheeks. She laughed sleepily, giving a wet kiss to his cheek once he finished.

“I love you so much, sweetheart,” he mumbled. “Sweet dreams.”

“Love you, Daddy,” she yawned as Ashton passed her back to you.

You put her down for her nap before joining Ashton back in the bedroom. He had laid back down on the bed, clearly waiting for you.

“You think she’s okay?” You asked him as you rested your head on his chest. He nodded as he pulled you closer.

“I think so. These happy checks are really good for her, I think,” he mumbled. He glanced down at you with a tender smile. “You can come to me for happy checks too, you know.”

You chuckled and kissed the bottom of his jaw.

“I know. And you can have them with me, too.”

“I know.”

You fell into a comforting silence, both of you simply reflecting. You knew you were giving your children a happy household, and that was something you both took a lot of pride in.

[nostalgiabones]

This is Home // C.H

Here is a blurb I started just after Calum did the live stream above, that I never got around to finishing until now! Calum introducing Mara on a live stream for the first time. Feedback is always appreciated, so please let me know what you think here!

“Hello hello.”

Calum tightened his grip on the bundle in his his left arm and grabbed his phone with the right; greeting the growing viewer count as he started his live stream. The sun was shining through the kitchen windows, making his lack of sleep a little more bearable, as much as his eyes were burning with the tiredness. The sweet baby cuddled in his arms helped make it feel less terrible, too.

“How is everyone doing? We’ll wait for a few more people to join.” He stepped outside and headed to the plush garden furniture at the other side of the pool. The sun felt wonderful on his skin. He chuckled as the tiny baby in his arms squinted at the sun, wriggling in his grasp to adjust to the light. She curls her face against his t-shirt, trying to hide from the light. “Sorry, sweetheart. We’ll sit in the shade so you can open your eyes.”

“I just wanted to come on here to chat for a while, and I wanted to introduce you to someone.” Calum told the audience through his phone, getting settled on the sofa and propping his phone up against a coffee cup. He lifts Mara up so she’s tucked in the cradle of his arms, one hand supporting her back, her legs tucked up beneath her. His other hand cups her cheek, blocking her face from the brightness of the sun, so she can open her eyes to look up at him. “There you are, baby. Is that better? Can you see me now?”

The comments became impossible to read at the speed that people were sending them; all more than excited to meet the baby curled up in his arms. It was the first time Calum had showed your daughter to the world properly, which the fans were understandably excited about. Duke wasn’t far behind; he jumped up to sit next to the two of them, sniffing around the blanket as he was still trying to adjust to the new member of the family.

“This is Mara,” He started, lifting her up against his chest and supporting her head so she was shielded from the sun. She was barely the size of half of his chest, her soft dark hair resting just below Calum’s shoulder as he held her. “She’s nearly a week old now. Spends most of her time sleeping on me like this, or eating. That’s about all she does so far.” 

She cuddles against him, content to be held in anyway as he talks, keeping one hand smoothing circles over her back. “Guys, if you could just comment one by one, that would make things much easier. Maybe work out some kind of system between yourselves,” 

He laughs at his own comment, followed by shaking his head at how sleep deprived he is — his own eyes struggling to adapt to the sun after spending more time awake during the night than the day for the past week. “Alright guys… I’ll take a few more questions, and then I’ll have to go.”

Mara wriggles against his shoulder, trying to get comfortable as Calum repositions her. He moves her from his chest into the cradle of his arms, ensuring her head is supported in the crook of his elbow as he rocks her. She yawns, stretching her small body before relaxing once more, nuzzling her face into the soft material of his t—shirt.

“That was a big yawn! Are you sleepy again, sweetheart? I know you haven’t quite got a hang of this whole sleeping thing yet,” He murmurs to her, his thumb brushing over the apple of her cheek, her leaning to his soft touch, even in her sleep. “She’s lazier than Duke, guys. I think she sees him napping all the time and thinks ‘yeah, I should take a nap too.’” 

After absentmindedly chatting to his audience, it’s not long before he spots you in the door leading to the garden, shaking a bottle of milk in your hand as if to look where he is with Mara. 

“You’re gonna have to wake up, honey, it’s dinner time before you go back to sleep,” He tells her, not realising the time and that she was due to be fed. “Well, guys, I’m gonna head off. Thanks for joining me, hopefully I’ll be back on here again soon.” 

He ends the live, standing up with Mara in his arms, making sure he’s got her blanket before he’s heading to where you are. He bounces her as he walks, talking to her quietly. “Come on, baby, you have to wake up.” 

“I knew she’d fall asleep on you again,” You tell him, wrapping your arms around his waist, able to look at Mara in the process. You smooth your thumb over her forehead, brushing the dark tufts of hair away from her as she relaxes into your touch. He moves the blanket, kissing her forehead before letting you take her into your own hold, so you can feed her. “Daddy’s cuddles are just too nice, huh? I know how you feel, bubs.” 

Calum’s smile doesn’t falter as he watches you with her — the way you cradle her against your chest, speaking ever so softly to her about him — it makes his heart melt. When you ask him softly “are you joining us?” he can’t imagine saying no, wanting nothing more to be with the two of you, soaking in the early days of Mara’s life. 

“Of course,” He replies, sitting down next to you on the sofa, an arm around your shoulder as a reminder of his presence, along with wanting to be physically close in any way he can. As he watches Mara slowly fall asleep as she eats, looking as content as ever in the cradle of your arms, he can’t help but ask “I think we’re doing okay, don’t you?” 

When he’s met with a nod, it tells him everything he needs to know. Brushing his lips over your temple, he can’t remember a time where he’s felt more comfortable, more complete in his whole life. He knows this is it — this is home.

***

Masterlist

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[i8jisoo]

5sos does like behind the scenes of like tour and concerts , but like imagine we see babygirl hood coming on tour and we see her from a squeaky newborn to a babbbling bub

𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐔𝐌 𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐃 ⇉ tour & baby 

warnings ➢ breastfeeding ig??  

so basically everybody would be in awe of how perfect your brand new little family would be, it would definitely trend and you and cal would be so grateful for all of the support you two garnered. but since they were on tour, you already were there for the first month, pregnant but cal insisted you needed to come. one of the few scenes was just calum laying with you, arms over your hips and him cuddling into your back. the labor wasn’t filmed, but andy had taken photos of it which were posted on your accounts. it was pretty quickly after that you and calum had appeared with your little girl in your arms, seeing calum bounce her around in his arms and play with little toys on the couch or at the venue.

all of the boys had some sort of interaction with her in the video diaries, luke letting her sit in his lap while she squirmed around, which made fans go crazy because who wouldn’t want to see luke with a baby? but they celebrated every single new week, every little new mark of her life which made for content. like when she started interacting with music, or smiles and giggles, they documented everything. this tour diary was slowly becoming calum’s daughters video diary.

there was one moment where ashton was bouncing, giving her big kisses to her chubby little cheeks, calum warming up on the bass and luke in the background singing. you were sitting nearby calum, “cal, you guys your daughter is smiling right now!” which made you two drop the practice, as did everyone else and they were now focused on the baby rather than preparing for the performance that they were putting on in five minutes. she was smiling brightly, calum grabbing her from ashton and bounced her in his arms. “that’s my little girl huh? you like smiling, you happy my lil’ bub?” which literally made you and quite frankly everyone else in the room melt.

there would be some bits of backlash for andy capturing you breastfeeding and it being included in the video, andy explaining that we should all appreciate women and show how natural it is to breastfeed. calum also had a moment where his daughter tried latching to his own, pulling her away quickly and seeing michael snort at the scene. “hey, i mean at least she knows what she wants.” calum laughing in response, “my little bub, gotta wait for your mommy to get back soon.”

but when she started crawling it was over for them, she would constantly be going everywhere during performances when you were backstage and it’d be the funniest. you two would be in the dressing room and all of a sudden would hear coos from outside of the room, your daughter in sound-techs arms while she giggled and held onto them. she would end up in the weirdest places, crawling over to ashton and interrupting his ice-baths which he would not be upset over.

but your daughter had captured the internets heart and nobody was upset about it, excited to experience parenthood with many people helping you out and supporting you both in this wild journey.

[mulletcal]

okay but the first time you meet duke, you’re nervous because he said duke’s wary of new people. you ask if you should bring over a treat or a new toy to help ease the process and calum tells you “well, he loves blankets”. maybe you have a blanket around your house that you made when you were trying to learn how to knit; it’s full of dropped stitches and it’s wonky, but you made it and also you never use it.

so the day comes when calum invites you over for a pool day, figuring duke can adjust to you being there if he has the option to go back inside to his (literal) safety blanket. but to calum’s major surprise, duke sniffs you and immediately begins to wag his tail, much in the same way he had when he first met calum. when you show duke the blanket, he sniffs it curiously- already aware it has your scent on it. you try not to act disappointed that he doesn’t seem interested right away, since that was your peace offering, so you set it aside.

a few days later, you need to be out of town for a work trip, and calum misses you like crazy and he’s a little bummed about it. he’s used to being the one that leaves, not the one who has to say goodbye. duke, realizing his dad is sad as they’re sitting on the couch, nudges the blanket towards him. calum, thinking duke wants to cuddle with the blanket, wraps them up in it. then he realizes it still smells like you, and his heart hurts but at least he can have some piece of you until you get back in a couple days.

[wastelandcth]

the hood family expands

summary: the story(ies) of how dovey and calum became parents and their life turned into lovely chaos. inspired by all the conversations my anon and i have on the daily about baby hood who now has a name! this is part one which goes into charlie’s story! i’m currently working on part two which is for his sister!

author’s notes: hello! this is a long time in the making. thank you so much for all your patience with everything being put on hold due to my life being chaotic. i appreciate all the nice words you’ve all sent me in the past couple weeks. i love you all!

warnings: pregnancy is scary to me. calum hood loves being a dad and will not hesitate to cry. 

masterlist || next part 

Charlie Theo Hood

When Calum held his son for the first time, he felt like everything in his life suddenly made sense. He felt like every bad day he'd ever had and every struggle he ever dealt with was worth something. As he looked into his newborn son's eyes, he felt like nothing else mattered, that his little family was worth everything he'd been through. He'd watched his wife grow their child for nine months, dealing with the hormones and crazy food cravings because she was growing his kid inside of her. She was experiencing changes that Calum could never even comprehend and the least Calum could do was buy her some bread and cheese at three in the morning. 

When she'd told Calum she was pregnant, all Calum could do was cry and hold her close. He'd never expected to be a father but the second he was on the way to being one, he couldn't wait for the nine months to be over. He spent the next eight months making sure he read up on everything he could about childbirth in order to be prepared for when his wife went into labor. He'd wake up whenever you had random cravings and drive to the nearest 24-hour store which he's sure the cashier knew his name by how many times he'd show up to buy bread, cheese, even ice cream and donuts at one point. 

She’d been pranking him the past week, telling him that she thought her contractions had started and even going a far as dropping a cup of water on the floor to get a reaction out of Calum. They’d both laughed it off and she’d simply ruffle his hair when Calum pouted and told her that it wasn’t good for his blood pressure to prank him like this. He'd been in a meeting the day that she had gone into labor, thinking he still had a few weeks left before he'd begin to panic about labor, she’d texted him that her water had broken and she was pretty sure baby Hood was on their way into the world. Before Calum could even think of a straight answer, he was up and racing out of the meeting room, Ashton right behind him as he apologized to their label executives. Calum's hand kept running through his hair as he looked out the window of his passenger seat, Ashton had taken the keys from him and they were speeding down the highway to make it back home. 

After what seemed like a whirlwind of panic and Calum trying his best not to panic over the fact that he was going to become a father in the next couple hours. All he remembered was getting out of the car while Ashton called the other guys who'd stayed behind to finish the meeting and updating them with whatever Calum had told him before he had rushed inside of his house to find his wife. 

Before Calum knew it, he was in the backseat of his car with his wife next to him trying to breathe through her contractions, and in the blink of his eyes, they were checked into the hospital. The constant heartbeat ringing out through the hospital room reminded Calum that his firstborn would be in his arms in a matter of hours, he'd been sorting through the hospital bag that his wife had somehow managed to pack in the midst of her water breaking induced panic. He wasn't sure why she had decided to pack three different Youngblood CD's but he wasn't going to question her while her body literally prepared itself to push a whole human being out of her body. 

Labor and delivery was something Calum found both extremely graphic and extremely out of this world. He held his wife's hand the entire time, never complaining when she squeezed his hand so tight that he thought he might lose it. After three and a half hours of intense contractions and his hand almost being ripped out of his body, Calum heard the cries of his newborn son entering the world. He stood shocked as he watched the doctor's and nurses rush around the room and taking vitals, it felt like his life was on pause as he laid his eyes on his son. 

Charlie Theo Hood was perfect, he was warm and cuddly and the first time Calum held him he was obsessed. Watching Dovey hold their son and whisper quietly as the tiny human he'd created drifted off to sleep made Calum feel complete, made him feel like he had finally found his place in life. As he held them both close on that uncomfortable hospital bed, Calum knew that he was going to do anything he could to make his son's life amazing. 

The first week at home with Charlie was filled with tears from both Calum and Charlie, a lot of lullaby singing, and of course, no sleeping. But before Calum knew it, his little boy was crawling after Duke and babbling on about his day. He loved being a father, he loved holding Charlie close while he worked on music, love telling his little boy all about his days whenever he was away. But when Charlie said his first word, Calum felt the air rush out of him as he held the sleepy toddler, the small toddler muttering over and over as he pointed to Duke. 

If there was one thing Charlie loved more than his parents who seemed to always be recording him and the weird shenanigans they all got up to, it was turtles. Dovey and Calum had no real idea how his obsession of turtles came to be but the small collection of turtle toys and turtle themed clothes that had gathered in his room was something to marvel at. Calum had been more than happy to supply his kid’s addiction and would often come back home with small turtles that reminded him of his baby boy. Whenever Calum was away on tour, he’d search out any turtles that he could find and slip them into his suitcase, something that Charlie loved about his dad coming home and showering him with stuffed turtles. 

Calum loved watching Charlie and Dovey together. Whenever his wife and his child were both lying on the couch together, singing along to whatever video that Charlie had insisted on watching. Even when they went out for lunch and Charlie wanted nothing more than to sit on Dovey’s lap, trying to read the menu with her and help her pick out what sounded like the yummiest dish there. Everyday, Calum was amazed by how great of a mother Dovey was, she always seemed to know exactly what Charlie needed and when he needed it. She could tell when it was his naptime or when his whines meant he just wanted to be held a little tighter. Calum was in awe of her and the way that she loved their son.

It wasn’t until Charlie was three and Calum had left for his first tour that was longer than a month that Charlie’s attachment to Calum grew tighter. He’d spend all day watching old videos of when Calum and Dovey travelled the world together or watching videos of Calum playing on stage with his band that Charlie seemed to love so much. Calum knew that touring this time around would be hard, knew that leaving his little family for three months would mean he’d miss out on many first with Charlie, but it was worth it in order to provide him with the best life possible. But three months was too long and when Calum had called Dovey late one night with information on the next show and the promise that her and their son would be there to dance the night away, he finally slept with the warmth in his heart that hadn’t been there in weeks.