#cyborg gore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pls-hold-me-im-justa-weeb · 1 year ago

Note

Zoro x Fem Reader Angst! Zoro is unconscious and S/O protects/drags Zoro while trying to escape the battlefield of marines and explosives. Zoro’s about to lose his life, but S/O sacrifices her arms to save him and his dream and get him to safety. When Zoro wakes up, he’s recovering and he learns what happens. He’s enraged at S/O and practically screams at her, saying unforgivable things to the point where S/O is crying. S/O avoids him until Zoro apologizes. S/O obtains new cybernetic arms.

Goodness gracious this is some angst. I LOVE IT.

Hah I wrote this when I was sad.

I have PTSD from an accident and I thought for a minute I lost my leg. I couldn't see it, and I knew that it takes time to register if you lost your leg. So. Yeah. This is kind of an outlet for that accident. Plus an outlet from my toxic relationships.

This takes place post-timeskip, with Law making an appearance as an ally.

MAJOR WARNING: THIS WILL (probably) TRAUMATIZE YOU. Reader will have PTSD, ANXIETY ATTACKS, AND BE VERBALLY ABUSED. But becomes besties with Franky so ya know... up to you.

TW's: BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUP THIS IS ANGST, angst to eventual comfort, reader pukes from pain, gore, shame, insecurity, fights, verbal abuse (from s/o), punching a wall above reader's head, anxiety attacks, depression

Part 1: The Fights

Your head was spinning. This battle was a hell of a lot more than anyone on the crew thought it would be. Explosions were nearly constant, deafening you until all you could hear was buzzing. Vibrations from the ground and the air shook your body, and you could barely keep up with your enemies. Their surprise attack worked, and it worked damn well.

You finally got in a good blow to the marine, knocking him unconscious with your weapon. It was the last of the marine group that had recently swarmed you. You took a brief moment to take stock of the battlefield. Zoro was fighting a swarm of marines behind you. You knew that wouldn't be an issue, so your gaze continued to roam.

Luffy was on the rooftops fighting the stronger of the marines, getting further and further away from the group. You saw a random patch of thunder clouds in the distance, knowing that's where Nami was. You couldn't see Usopp, Robin, Franky, or Sanji anywhere. Brook and Chopper were still supposed to be watching the ship. A flash of movement caught your eye nearing Zoro. You had no idea what that weapon was exactly, but the marines seemed relieved, and that was a bad sign.

"Zoro!" you cried out desperately. Even your own voice was so muffled that you felt the vibration of your voice more than heard yourself. He couldn't hear you. You started running. Something felt dangerous about that weapon. It was about as big as a bazooka, but the ammo looked strange. All you could tell in the moment was that the marines nearby were carrying it with extra care.

"Zoro!" you called again. Nothing. Your legs burned as you sprinted towards the group of marines he was steadily working his way through. He was almost done. His back was towards you, and if he felt your presence, he probably thought you were running to back him up. The weapon was almost upon the two of you.

Just as you approached him, he finished off the last of the marines, knocking them out cold. He turned an eye towards you, the gleam and thrill of violence evident in gaze. You pointed desperately towards the weapon, knowing your expression held fear. He turned in the direction of it, grinning at the challenge. Something wasn't right about the weapon, but you trusted that he could take care of it.

The marines took aim. You readied yourself to dodge, to feel the heat and shockwave of the explosion. Zoro stood slightly in front of you, ready with all three of his swords, breathing heavily but evenly. He could cut anything. You watched as the marine pulled the trigger. Everything seemed to slow down. Your breaths, heart rate, and the aches and pains of the battle dialed to zero as your focus sharpened. The ammo was almost too bright to look at. Why was it already exploding? He couldn't cut-

Your body moved before your thought was completed. Standing in front of the swordsman, you used your weapon to bat away the explosive, redirecting it to the side. It didn't work. It already exploded. You shot backwards into Zoro as the force and heat from the explosion slammed into your arms and chest. The two of you flew backwards through multiple walls. You only remember feeling the jolt of the crash through Zoro's body more than twice before you blacked out. You think you came to pretty quick, and tried to reach towards him.

White-hot agony seared through your arms, and you couldn't tell if you screamed or not. You couldn't hear, not through the pain or through the ringing in your ears. You felt the ground vibrate as marines marched towards your prone bodies. The weapon. Shit.

The jolt of adrenaline made you stand, swaying as you nearly passed out or threw up from the pain. But you could do that later. Now, you just needed to get away. Your arms were useless. One was burning with pain, and the other was... gone.

You looked in shock at the stump where your arm used to be. It was gone. Your stomach lurched and bile rose in your throat as your gaze rose to see a familiar hand sticking out from under a rock. Blood saturated the ground around it. Burnt meat filled your nostrils. Your other arm hung uselessly by your side, burnt almost to the bone. You felt the vibrations through the ground getting stronger. You would die if you didn't leave, NOW.

Zoro was knocked out cold, a nasty gash on his temple. His chest was still rising and falling, luckily. With no other choice, you knelt to the ground, and gripped his coat with your teeth. You scooted back, hauling his weight. Your jaw and teeth ached with the effort, but you thanked whatever diety was out that that the burnt flesh of your arm was falling numb. Your reprieve was short lived. Agony flashed through the stump of your now-missing arm, causing you to scream. You tasted blood as your vocal chords ripped slightly with the sound.

But you continued moving, hauling his weight backwards with your teeth as marines rounded the corner. They were walking almost casually, evil grins on their faces at the horror they caused. fuck. They saw you immediately. The young marines blanched and vomited at your state, seeing you conscious with one burnt arm barely hanging onto your frame and the stump of the other bleeding profusely down your side, soaking your body in a brown-red. Honestly, the question as to how you were even still conscious hadn't crossed your mind. Until now. You staggered onto your knees, breathing heavily as you crouched in front of Zoro. You could get by without arms. Your dream could be accomplished without them. His couldn't. He needed to live, and he needed his body.

With the thought, you staggered to your feet, swaying dangerously.

"Oi Oi, that bitch is fucking rabid!" one marine called out. Your hearing must be coming back if you could hear the muffled comments of the men in front of you. The comment made you grin, and the men flinched. You knew you couldn't hold on much longer, so you did the only thing you could think of.

"LUUUFYYYY!!!! NAAAAMIIII!!! SANNNJIIIII!!!! USOOOP!!! ROBINNNN!!!! FRAAANNKYYYY!!!!" you screamed your crewmates names desperately. The effort of it sent you tumbling onto your knees. Darkness ringed your vision. You blinked, trying to focus your eyes. You thought you heard your name, but suddenly saw marines flying left and right. You knew somebody came to save you. You fell into blissful unconsciousness as you hit the ground.

~~~~~~~~

"...sure?....pain....medicine....arms....injuries..." voices faded in and out as you slowly came to. You were so hungry. Or were you nauseous? Oh fuck. Yeah you were nauseous.

"gonna puke" you mutter. Hands helped you sit up and you immediately puked your guts up with the new position. Luckily there was a bucket held under you already. More hands held your hair back. You spat out the final wave and went to wipe a hand over your clammy forehead. Nothing happened. A straw prodded your lips slightly.

"Here. Rinse your mouth out."

You recognized Chopper's voice and did as you were told. Your eyes cracked open slightly and you winced at the light. If you hadn't just puked, you would've just then.

"brigh'" you slurred. The lights dimmed almost immediately. Someone eased you back down on the bed, and you moaned with the wave of dizziness that accompanied it.

"Zoro?"

"He's fine. He's healing and resting now, thanks to you" Chopper spoke quietly. Your throat burned, and you swallowed.

"Go back to sleep. You need the rest"

~~~~~~

The second time you woke up, you managed not to puke. You were definitely drugged, and you panicked for a second before your eyes landed on Chopper. He glanced around at the sound of your shifting and did a double take when he saw your open eyes. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"You're awake finally" he said. You grunted, unable to coherently form a sentence in your state. Memories flickered into your mind, and you went to sit up, but blinding white hot agony forced you back on the bed with a strangled scream.

"Hey don't move!" Chopper chided. He still kept his voice low. Tears flowed down the sides of your face towards your ears.

"Chopper" you whispered hoarsely. You started sobbing uncontrollably. It hurt so much. You lost your arms. You lost both your arms. I don't have arms anymore.

He came forward, shushing you and smoothing a hoof over your forehead.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. You're going to be okay."

"Zoro? Is he okay?"

"He's fine. He's already training"

You sniffled. You wanted to wipe away your tears, and the thought that you couldn't sent you into panicked sobs.

"I lost them Chopper. Please. I can't. I can't do it. It hurts so much. I'll only- Luffy will kick me off. I can't. I don't have anywhere to go" you rambled in your panic. Chopper looked at you with growing concern as you spoke, breaths heaving faster and faster. He suddenly fiddled with your IV, and he looked at you apologetically as you drifted into unconsciousness.

~~~~~~~~

You awoke the third time for good. Sunlight streamed into the infirmary through the small window, and you could hear muffled sounds of the group eating in the dining area. You groaned. Your whole chest, shoulders, and arms hurt. Down to your fingers. You tried to wiggle them, but nothing happened. You looked down at your arms. You were tucked into blankets on a cot that was angled so you weren't completely flat. You could see the outline of your shoulder, but halfway down your bicep, the blanket fell flat. Memories slammed into you. Your gaze whipped to the other arm. Only about an inch of your arm was left if you measured from your armpit.

You let your head fall back, tears tracking heated trails down your face. You tried to breathe, but everything hurt. At least Zoro is okay you thought. His dream could still happen, and he was alive. That's all you could ask for. The door to the infirmary creaked open, and you let your gaze fall to it. Sanji. He immediately backed out and called to the doctor.

"Oi Chopper! She's awake!"

Loud clamoring from trying to wrangle the suddenly very excited Luffy made a bolt of sharp pain stab through your head. You flinched, leading to more pain echoing down your chest and shoulders, and your phantom arms.

Chopper came in. Zoro followed, and you sighed a breath of relief at the sight of your healthy lover. A third, large frame squeezed into the infirmary. Franky. You were surprised to see him, but happy too. Looking at him, you suddenly remembered he basically rebuilt himself. He's been where you are now. A silent bond formed when he grinned at you, tears brimming his eyes. You smiled back slightly. You let your gaze fall back onto Zoro, taking in his form as Chopper checked you over. It distracted you.

By doing this, however, you didn't miss his dark expression as the reindeer peeled back your blankets down to your waist to check your vitals.

"Zoro..." you started. Your voice sounded hoarse. Zoro didn't move. He stared at your injuries, fury taking over his features. Franky moved forward, retrieving a nearby cup with a straw for you to sip some water. He held it up to your lips and you sipped gratefully. His frame blocked you from Zoro. Franky moved back, and all you heard was a door slam shut. Zoro was gone.

You blinked in confusion. Did he...? Why? Shock must've been written on your face, because Chopper spoke up.

"He's just... struggling to comprehend you got so badly injured while protecting him."

Franky nodded.

"It can hurt a man's pride, but it would've hurt his pride worse if he couldn't continue his dream. You saved his life, and his dream. Just let him be."

You sighed, nodding. You really wanted affection during this hard time. You just wanted him to say that he still loved you and that everything was going to be okay. But he couldn't. Was that selfish of you to want that?

"So. How bad is it?" you ask quietly. Franky sat on the bed by your ankles, putting one heavy hand on it.

"Before you know the details... You should know that you're not alone in this. I've been where you are... well... kinda. But once you're ready mentally and physically, I can build you new arms. We can work together on what you want, and even add some fun things to them. But you're not alone. Luffy would never kick you off his crew, especially when you sacrificed so much for another one of us. The only reason we held him back from coming in here is because he'd probably be too rough hugging you. And Zoro... he won't admit it but he's traumatized. He woke up while we were carrying the two of you back to the ship and thought you were dead. He saw your arm in the rubble. He threw up and wouldn't let anyone else carry you back to the ship."

You let the words wash over you. Your mind was lagging from the drugs but you understood the message. You finally nodded once your understanding clicked into place. You turned to Chopper, suddenly grateful for Franky's solid presence.

"So? How bad is it?"

Chopper roughly brushed away his tears before he clinically gave you the news.

"The bomb was a prototype, something that the Navy hopes to build on a large scale. It was designed to explode right before impact to stop pirates from knocking away the ammunition. It was the angle of your arm as you went to hit the ammo that protected the rest of your body from significant harm. The arm that was burnt off took most of the impact. You lost the other from shrapnel as you were thrown through walls. You have a cracked sternum and some broken ribs from the shockwave, and you had a slight concussion. Your vocal chords were damaged slightly as well, but those should heal soon."

You took the news numbly. It was like it was a horrific list of injuries that happened to someone else.

"I'm afraid I have to ask now though... do you remember it?"

You nodded silently.

"All of it?"

"Every second I was conscious. I know I blacked out when we were thrown through a wall, so I didn't feel my arms until I woke up after that. Saw my arm under a rock, soaking the ground with my blood. I wanted to throw up but I didn't have the time. I smelled my arm burning, then I felt it. The marines were coming. So I tried to drag Zoro with my teeth to get away, but I was too slow. My burnt arm was going numb but my missing one suddenly... I felt it. I stood up, and I remember thinking that I can get by without arms. He can't reach his dream without his, and I protected his body. I remember a marine saying that I was a rabid bitch, so I smiled at them, then called your names before I passed out from blood loss."

Bile rose in your throat as you recalled the memories. You gagged, and you felt your shoulder move as you instinctively went to slap a hand over your mouth. Chopper shoved a bedpan under your mouth and you threw up the water you just drank. Franky held back your hair and shushed you.

"Hey hey, don't push it. You're safe now. You're on board the Sunny, in Chopper's infirmary. Our captain is Monkey D. Luffy, and he's going to be the pirate king. Our cook is Sanji, Usopp is our sniper, Robin is an archeologist, and Nami is our navigator. Luffy likes meat, Sanji loves cooking, Usopp likes playing pranks on people, Robin likes coffee, and Nami likes tangerines. You with me? Breathe for me. In- one, two, three, four. Hold- one, two three, four. Out- one, two three, four.... you with me?"

Your shuddering breaths eased with Franky's help. You looked at him with teary eyes.

"Why do I still feel them? Why do my arms still hurt but they're not there?"

Chopper piped up quietly.

"The nerves are still getting used to what's left of your arms. Your brain has to rewire itself to accommodate this change, and it takes time. But Franky and I will both work to get you some new arms, as soon as you're ready, okay?"

Franky nodded. "It's called phantom limb pain commonly. I had it while I was healing after getting destroyed by the sea train, but it was easy to adapt when I rebuilt myself. It... it's terrible. It's going to mess with your head and bring up memories of the incident. It's going to ache and hurt like a bitch some days. I found for me, distracting myself helps."

You were quiet, staring at the blankets. You felt exhausted. It was too much to take in at once.

"Okay" you muttered. You yawned, and Franky stood. Chopper soothed some stray hair back from your forehead.

"Get some rest. You need to heal" he said. You nodded.

"Can... Can someone stay? I don't wanna be alone" you mumbled. Franky smiled at you before turning his gaze to the reindeer, jerking his head towards the door.

"Go finish eating. I'm full. Everyone will want an update too, and you can answer their questions better."

Chopper hesitated, but left once you nodded once at him.

"I'll be back soon"

You faded off to sleep before the door even opened.

~~~~~~~~

(TW- OOC Zoro verbally abusing reader, slight ooc Luffy and Sanji)

"oi."

The voice wriggled its way into your dreamless sleep, drawing your attention but not quite waking you up.

"Oi"

The voice was louder. Familiar. Something shook your leg slightly, and you sighed as you rose from your slumber, blinking open your eyes with a hum. Your gaze landed on green hair and a muscled frame.

"Zoro?" you asked, voice slurred with sleep. Pain shot down your torso as you tried to rub your eyes, and the full force of the memory of the trauma resurfaced like a knife to the gut.

You didn't have arms.

You whined, but were too exhausted to cry or panic again.

"Why did you do it?" His voice was harsh, spitting the words like they were venom.

"huh?"

"Why. Did. You. Do. It." The grip on your knee tightened slightly with each word until it was sure to leave marks. Your heart sank in fright and confusion.

"Zoro... your han-"

"Answer me!" His grip thrashed your leg around, jostling you on the bed. You cried out in pain.

"W-why did I d-do what Zoro?!" you asked, stuttering from fear and pain.

"You lost your arms to save me. Why?!"

"That-that's not really what happened. One got caught in the explosion and the other got cut off when I was thrown through a wall. I swear-"

"Don't play dumb with me, bitch. I don't need saving." His grip turned lethal on your knee, and it felt like he was considering crushing the bone. You hissed and whined in pain. This had to be a nightmare- your Zoro wouldn't act like this. Right?

"Your little act of heroism is keeping me awake. I can't sleep until I know why. So TELL ME!" he yelled the last words, his sharp tone echoing dully off the wooden walls.

Your heart shattered. He was... blaming you? Because he couldn't sleep? While you had saved his life and had lost your arms?

"I-I... Zoro I don't know what you want me to say. Losing my arms was an accident, and you were knocked unconscious so stood in front of your body. I wasn't really thinking I gue-"

'YOU WEREN'T THINKING?! WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? YOU THINK I'M TOO FUCKING WEAK TO DEFEND MYSELF HUH?" He shoved off his seat, jostling your body a final time.

He drove a fist through the wall over your head, and you screamed.

The door to the infirmary slammed open, revealing Luffy and Sanji. Zoro didn't even look. He leaned over you, pinning you with his gaze.

"You weak, pathetic piece of shit! I never should've dated you. I never would've if I knew you would turn out like this! Losing your arms to a wall? I would've rather the bomb hit me and died than ever see a sight as ugly and pitiful as you are now! You stupid-"

"ZORO!"

Luffy finally found his voice through the shock of his first mate verbally abusing you like this. Anger rolled off his body in waves, and Sanji was still rooted with angry shock.

Luffy grabbed Zoro by the back of his head with his stretchy hand and hauled him out of the room. You were shaking, shocked and hurt by the words that just flew from the lips of the man you love. Chopper suddenly trotted up to your bedside, looking incredibly worried.

"Hey it's okay. You're okay. You're not weak or pathetic at all. You're severely injured but you're alive, okay? That makes you so, so strong. I promise"

You hardly heard Chopper's attempt at soothing you, staring at the doorway Luffy had dragged your boyfriend through. You turned your head to look at the hole in the wood above your head. Drops of blood dripped down the wall slowly.

"Uh-uhm. He-he's hur-hurt. You'd be-better go check o-on him" you breathed shakily.

"He'll be fine" a smooth voice answered. A handkerchief wiped your cheeks of tears you didn't even know you'd shed. Sanji smoothed hair back from your face gently.

"You sacrificed so much for this crew, you will never be weak. Don't let that fucking idiot take that away from you." A finger tilted your chin up slightly, but you turned your head, slipping from his grip.

"Look at me, darling."

You shook your head slightly. Sanji sighed, and tried again. You could feel Chopper checking your wounds to see if any had opened with the rough treatment from earlier.

"Please. Look at me" he begged, sounding close to tears. You finally looked up, meeting his gaze. A small smile quirked up the ends of his lips.

"There she is. You're so strong, beautiful, and kind. You are in no way pathetic or weak for what was done to you. Okay?"

Tears pooled in your eyes, pain from your broken heart and your injuries constricting your chest.

"Are you in pain?" Chopper asked. You nodded.

"I love him, but I think he just broke me a little."

Chopper glanced at Sanji, who was obviously trying to tamp down his rage at the swordsman. He held out a shaking hand, giving the handkerchief to Chopper now that he was done checking your injuries. The doctor accepted, giving Sanji a nod.

"I'll stay with her. Go."

"I owe you one" Sanji replied before walking out the door. As the door opened, you heard yelling and a clashing of metal, but it was closed quickly and gently.

"Your wound's didn't open again but it was close. It must've hurt." Chopper said gently. He wiped the handkerchief gently over your cheeks and under your nose.

"Do you want more pain medicine? You'll go right back to sleep. You can rest now that Luffy and Sanji are... taking care of Zoro."

You hesitated. There was one person that had been so calming during this whole incident.

"Can... can Franky sleep here too? I'd feel better if he'd be here when I woke up"

"Of course. Let me go get him really quick!" Chopper trotted out the door, allowing the sounds of more shouting to reach your ears. The door opened hardly a minute later, Franky's large frame entering the room.

"Yeow! You called?" he said, cheerful as ever. It brought a small smile to your face.

"I just wanted to be near you. You... get it" you said simply. Franky nodded, plopping his ass right in front of the door.

"Nobody is getting past me unless you're okay with it. Got it? Now sleep. You need it." He said gently. Chopper moved to your IV, and with a nod from you, raised the dosage slightly. Sleep took you quickly.

~~~~~~~~

You roused with a bright light shining on your face, and you groaned lightly, turning your face away. A tired sigh passed through your nostrils. You heard loud snores nearby, and your brow furrowed lightly in confusion before recognizing them as Franky's. The mattress dipped slightly and you heard Chopper's small grunt of effort hauling himself up on the bed. Pain stabbed through your chest and shoulders, but it was manageable for now.

"are you awake?" he whispered. You hummed.

"Too bright." you murmured. His weight disappeared from the bed and the sound of a curtain drawing made your ears perk up. Your eyes blinked open tiredly, focusing on the ceiling.

"How are you feeling?"

"Mmm... Okay I guess."

"How's the pain level?"

"Less than yesterday."

"Good. You're healing fairly quick."

You let out a non-committal grunt at Chopper's optimistic observation. You just felt... Numb? Cold? Disheartened? Trying to name the emotions brought back the memory of Zoro's words last night.

Pathetic.

Ugly.

He'd rather die than date me like this.

Stupid.

You turned your head slightly away from Chopper, letting him examine you. Franky's snores had stopped sometime during your brief exchange with the doctor, and you heard a loud yawn as he woke.

"How ya doin kiddo?"

You simply hummed, letting Chopper answer for you.

"Her wounds are healing rather quick. I think the cybernetic arms can be attached soon, if the two of you figure out the design."

Your heart sped up at the thought of more pain and surgery, breaths quickening. Franky seemed to immediately catch on.

"There's a way to do it when it's fully healed too, so don't worry too much about the time. We'll do them whenever she- you're- ready." He directed his last sentence towards you, letting you in on the conversation. You didn't react.

"Can I have some water?" your voice was still raspy from waking up. Franky brought a straw up to your lips and you sipped some stale water.

"Are you hungry?" Chopper asked. You shook your head slightly. You just wanted to sleep, to escape this reality. The reality where you lost. Lost your arms. Lost the man you love.

"I know you may not be up for much at all, but almost everyone is going to take turns keeping you company, got it? We're here for ya." Franky gently smoothed a stray lock of hair from your face. You heard the message between the lines: "we'll keep you safe from Zoro". You blinked listlessly, wishing your body would let you go back to sleep.

"What happened to him?" you asked quietly. The energy in the room became charged, and you could tell both Franky and Chopper were hesitant to speak about Zoro's outburst with you.

"He fought Luffy and Sanji, and even tried to fight Nami and Robin but Robin pinned him down. Luffy got through to him... eventually"

"but it's still my fault" The whisper left your lips mindlessly. Franky knelt next to the bed, making sure his face was in your line of sight.

"Nothing like this is ever your fault. You love someone enough to unthinkingly put yourself in a situation where your body is destroyed, and yet you lived. You're alive. You're part of our crew, no matter what. You're our family, and this family is our home."

Tears burned your throat and budded in your eyes.

"Franky... I'm so lost."

"I know, kiddo. But I promise, we'll help you find your way again. You're safe with us, and loved by all of us."

"Not Zoro though."

"... I can't tell you if he loves you in the same way, but he will protect you because you're our family, okay?"

You blinked, letting the tears track wet trails down your face.

"Can you talk to me about your ideas for my arms?"

A broad smile split his face, and he pulled up a stool to regale you with his ideas.

~~~~~~~~

A week passed. A humiliating, helpless week of staying in bed and asking for things. You didn't see Zoro, nor did you ask to see him. You asked if he was alright, but that was it. The crew spent hours with you at a time. Nami chatted about gossip and fashion magazines, Robin read books aloud to you in her soothing voice, Sanji talked to you about interesting cooking techniques as he fed you every meal, Usopp told tall tales, Brook played soft music and told you of adventures with his old crew, and Luffy talked about beetles and animals he or napped with you. Chopper was in and out of the room through the day, checking on you while he kept you company.

You were numb and listless for days, until a stupid story from Usopp made your lips twitch into a smile. He milked the joke and story until you were giggling softly, and some stress seemed to lift from the crew's shoulders later in the day. Franky kept bringing you ideas and fabricated bits of that would become your cybernetic arms, easing you into the idea of them. The first few times he brought them in, you'd panicked, only able to feel the pain and the burn of losing them. He walked you through breathing and grounding yourself, his voice calm and soft.

You stopped asking about Zoro after the first week. He obviously only saw you as pathetic, ugly, and stupid, so why bother burdening him with your concern? It was Robin who brought him up again, having noticed your lack of curiosity.

"Zoro's been training all day, every day for over a week now. He'll only eat meals so he doesn't have to deal with Sanji's nagging and only sleeps when he's not on night watch. I'm almost concerned for him" she said casually. You hummed in response, looking away from her as you kept your expression neutral.

"Not much anyone can do about that" you replied. She dropped the subject.

Another week passed with you falling into bouts of depression and hopelessness between distractions that captured your attention completely. Your pain had fallen to a level of an aching that seeped deep into your soul to the point where you couldn't tell where your physical pain and your depression divided. Franky and Chopper were your saving grace, with Sanji offering heartfelt messages of support. One afternoon, Chopper and Franky finally approached you, cautiously excited. You blinked at their odd behavior.

"What is it?" you asked tiredly. The duo traded glances before Franky spoke.

"Remember how we're allied with the Heart Pirates?" he began. You nodded slowly, your body still protesting from the movement.

"Do you remember their captain?"

"Yeah? Trafalgar Law- the Surgeon of Death... where are you going with this?"

Chopper piped up.

"I told him about your case. He told me that due to his ability, the surgery for your arms could potentially be exponentially less painful than doing it the way Franky and I would." he said, a little sheepish that he had told another doctor about you.

You furrowed your brow. You didn't like the word "potentially".

"Potentially?" you echoed. Chopper nodded.

"Nothing in medicine is exactly a given or a 100% chance. But he said it's likely to be much less painful if he were to use his ability to do the surgery."

You sighed, overwhelmed with the news. You felt exhausted already.

"When is he coming?" you asked. Franky answered your question.

"His sub'll be here tomorrow. The surgery itself won't happen tomorrow, because he needs time to familiarize himself with your injuries and the arms I made, but he'll talk to you about doing it. If you don't want it to happen that way, you don't really need to, but it'll be a lot better for everyone if you do, including yourself."

You viciously pushed away the thought that everyone seemed to know better than you now that you'd gone and done something stupid. You knew what they said made sense, and honestly you just wanted the arms attached finally. You puffed out a sigh, sitting up and wiggling your hips to ease the numbness in your legs.

"I'll talk to him about it" you finally replied. Chopper smiled widely with a giggle and Franky shouted his iconic "SUUUPERRRRRR" as he clashed his arms together in his dumb pose. It made you smile a bit. There was a quiet knock on the door that lead to the deck, distracting you from the pair's antics.

"Come in!" you called. You fully expected it to be Usopp or Robin, as Nami had kept you company this morning. Sanji would've knocked from the kitchen and the others simply didn't care about knocking. The door didn't open right away, and Chopper made his way over to open it. When you saw who was on the other side, your breath was punched out of your lungs, and you stared with eyes widened in shock.

"Zoro!" Chopper called happily before he seemed to remember what had happened. The swordsman's gaze met yours, and he immediately looked away. His previous words pierced your heart again.

Pathetic. Ugly. Weak. He'd rather die than date someone who's like this.

Franky jumped into action, standing in front of you protectively and blocking your view of Zoro.

"What are you doing here?" He asked evenly. You heard feet shuffle and his scabbards clank together as your new visitor shifted uncomfortably.

"I wanna talk to her" Zoro replied in a gruff voice. Franky looked back and down at you. His hulking figure felt protective, like an older brother. You thought for a second. You were tired, but knew if you didn't hear what he had to say, you wouldn't be able to sleep.

"Let him in. But stay right outside, and leave the door cracked open" you ordered. You knew your lack of trust in him would hurt Zoro, but you didn't want to take any chances. Not again.

Franky traded places with the swordsman, and you heard the door's latch tap the frame before you settled yourself to look at your new visitor.

"What do you need?" you asked flatly.

He stood there, fiddling with his sword handles as he looked down at the floor.

"I... wanted to... apologize." He finally spat out. One hand was gripping his white sword handle.

"You wanted to?" you echoed, somewhat surprised. His jaw tightened, tanned skin rippling lightly by his temple.

"I... Luffy said I needed to"

Disappointment and sadness pierced your gut like a spear of ice.

"Oh. Thanks I guess." you said. You couldn't hide the harsh bitterness in your voice, making your words sound sarcastic and angry. Zoro's expression darkened in anger.

"I'm trying to apologize! Isn't that enough?!"

White hot fury ripped through you, burning your filter to ashes. The pain caused by his words, his attitude, for scaring you by punching the wall over your head, for yelling at you, and for his lack of affection and love during the scariest time in your life so far reared its head.

"I WANT YOU TO APOLOGIZE WHEN YOU MEAN IT, ZORO! NOT BECAUSE YOU WERE ORDERED TO!"

The door slammed open, and Franky entered, dragging the writhing swordsman out of the room as he yelled to be let go. The door shut quickly behind them, Chopper quickly bounding to your bedside as you sat there, shaking.

"Breathe for me, okay? I'm right here. You're safe." Chopper's voice brought a sense of calm familiarity to your spinning mind, slowing it slightly. You wanted to reach out to him, to pet his fur or feel the hardness of his cloven hooves. But your couldn't. Tears from panic blurred your vision, knowing you'd never be able to feel things the same way again. The warmth of his skin, the touch of his callouses between your fingers or tracing patterns on your arms, or the softness of his hair.

"I can't touch you" is what tumbled out of your mouth. Chopper moved forward, nuzzling your cheek with his own, wiping away the tears with his fur. He hugged your neck gently, breathing deeply so you could follow his example. You let him ease you into a better state of mind, smelling his fur and feeling how soft it was on your cheeks and neck.

You heard angry yelling outside, but you were so tired of the emotion that it just washed over you as you calmed yourself with Chopper's help. Eventually your rage faded into numbness, and you laid back on the bed with Chopper cuddling your side.

"Hey... when do you think I can walk again?" you murmured into the quiet of the room. Chopper shifted, looking up at you as he hummed.

"Whenever you feel ready. It will likely hurt because you'll want to move your arms for balance, but maybe we can put a chair outside the door so you can get some sun and fresh air?"

It was your turn to hum in thought.

"I like that idea, but I'm not ready to see Zoro again."

You flinched as a crash shook the entire ship, and more yelling accompanied the commotion. Chopper looked worriedly towards the door.

"Maybe tomorrow then?"

Tears welled in your eyes suddenly, and you felt stupid for crying. The adrenaline from the anger had dissipated by this point, and you could only feel hurt at what Zoro had said. You couldn't believe that the man you at one point fell in love with had said those things. That he was only apologizing because Luffy said he needed to.

I really am pathetic.

You sniffed, alerting the fluffy doctor to your tears. He quickly hopped off the bed and returned with a few tissues. You tried to send him a weak smile, but failed as your jaw clenched with raw emotion. You cried for about a half hour, tears falling continually as you swallowed sobs. You looked listlessly at the ceiling, recalling all the good times you had with him. The laughs, watching each other's backs in fights, the peaceful times stargazing with him, even when he made love to you. He was so kind and soft towards you, treating you like you were precious. Were you worthless now that you had lost your arms?

Your tears finally stopped, and you heard a light knock on the door leading to the kitchen. Sanji. Chopper called for him to come in. You couldn't bring yourself to even move, let alone speak.

"I brought some chocolate covered fruits for the lady" he said gently. You swallowed back a fresh wave of tears. Why do I deserve to be treated so kind? Zoro's made it plenty clear that I shouldn't be.

"Thanks Sanji!" Chopper chirped, eyeing the food. The cook smiled, pulling out another plate behind his back for the doctor. Chopper's victorious and excited laugh made your lips twitch upwards and Sanji grinned in delight at the little reindeer. You heard him munching on his snack while humming at the delicious taste. Sanji approached you, sitting on the chair that had be almost constantly occupied by your various crewmates through the week- all except one.

You turned your gaze away from the chef, studying the now very familiar swirls of the wood on the ceiling above you.

"Hungry?" he asked. You could see him holding up a piece of chocolate covered fruit out of the corner of your eye, and you sighed.

"You can feed it to Luffy" you said quietly. You could tell Sanji's smile dimmed significantly at your answer, but he tried again.

"Luffy has his own. You need to keep your strength up."

"I'm not hungry"

He put the plate on the nearby table and leaned his elbows on his knees, holding his chin in one hand and let the other relax onto the bed. You wished you could hold it. Just to feel something. You looked the opposite way from him until he was completely out of your perhephial.

"Are you really not hungry or do you believe you're not worthy of such food other than the bare minimum to keep you alive?" he questioned. You could feel Chopper staring at you, waiting for your answer. You shut your eyes. Sanji sighed.

"Chopper, do you mind letting her and I talk alone?" he asked quietly. The doctor must have nodded, because you heard his hooves on the wood before he opened and closed the door.

"We're alone. Do you want to answer now?" he asked gently. You opened your eyes.

"No. I don't want to answer" you tried. Sanji hummed under his breath.

"Look at me, at least" he commanded gently. You prepared yourself, sighing as you let your head flop over so you could look at his face.

"There you are" he smiled. You furrowed your brows in a sad frown, fighting back tears.

"Why is he acting like... this?" you asked quietly. Sanji tried to anger at the mention of the swordsman, but failed to keep the glint out of his eye.

"Men are... complicated. They're often not in touch with their emotions like yours truly, so they can't put a name to what they're feeling. Fear and terror are supposed to be expressed as anger, loyalty means to fight for someone instead of to be by their side through thick and thin, and anger itself is supposed to be expressed through violence. That's how men are supposed to be. That's how Zoro is. He's got the emotional intelligence of a rock. He was terrified of losing you, and ashamed he got knocked out because he didn't listen to your advice to run, which resulted in you losing your arms while you protected him. He feels guilty, terrified, and helpless whenever he sees you, but the only way he can express that is anger directed at you" he explained. You looked at him in wonder. All through this you hadn't wondered how Zoro might feel, but rather wondered why he was acting out at you.

Tears welled up yet again. Sanji looked at you in fearful concern.

"Hey hey, shhhhh you did nothing wrong. He should've told you, but he hasn't even been able to identify the emotions. He needs to find out for himself, or it won't be genuine when he does apologize to you."

You sniffed, stuttering out words around your sobs.

"B-but I-I should-d-d've known-n-n. I sh-should've thought! He's right! I-I'm path-thetic an-and ugly an-nd weak! How c-could he l-love s-s-some-one like me?"

Sanji soothed hair back from your face, tracing the curve of your eyebrow soothingly.

"Ah my dear. You are none of those things. How could you be? You are the exact opposite of pathetic and weak if you are on this crew, and you are beautiful enough to catch the eye of the stoic swordsman, as idiotic as he is. You protected someone you love, and yes, you lost part of you because of that, but you gained so much more. Our respect and love for you as our precious crewmate has only multiplied. We were brought face to face with what life without you would be like, and it only brought us sorrow. Please, my dear. You are incredible. Stunning. Strong. Trust me when I say he thinks the same."

You looked at him, lips parted with shock from his words.

"You promise?"

"I promise you that if he doesn't think that, then I will never cook for him again" he said, smiling gently. You sniffed.

"I... I don't know if I can... well..." you mumbled. Sanji caught onto what you were trying to say.

"Nobody is asking you or expecting you to forgive him for the things he said. Nobody is even asking you to love him the same way again, just to accept him as your fellow crewmate and friend. In fact, I think what he said was completely unforgivable with you in any state, let alone going through a time when you needed his affection." Anger colored his voice in the last sentence, but you knew he was right. It was unforgivable to you, at the very least right now. You sighed. All these emotions were making you crave something sweet.

As if he could read your mind, Sanji reached over to the plate he brought in earlier, and held up a piece of fruit to your lips with a smile. You took it, knowing that eventually, somehow and at some time, you would be okay.

448 notes · View notes