#cw talk of past sui attempt

[hyperfixated-on-musicals]

"Learning love is not a crime."

[Inspired by @catboyrichardkarinsky 's Quotev story]

Sexuality scared Marvin. Not in the way that a horror movie would scare a child but in the sense that opening up about it would make him want to cry. School has always been tough for Marvin.

The feeling of sitting alone, letting the rain fall onto him as he held himself where no one could see him hurt but it also felt safe. Across the soaking wet grass, Marvin spotted a boy who looked to be around his age, probably 16 or so surrounded by a group of boys.

Marvin hated confrontation so he sat back and listened.

"Fucking fag!" One of the boys shouted.

"Get the fuck away from me! What the hell did I do to you?!" The boy in the middle shouted.

"Why don't you get your boyfriend to come help you out?" Another boy taunted him.

At this stage, Marvin stood up and walked over to the group of boys, trying to get closer but avoid confrontation at the same time.

The boys kept hurling insults at this one seemingly defenseless kid.

"You know what, Whizzer? We would've almost thought you were normal if you kept the act up."

"If you don't do exactly as we say, we'll out you and your faggot boyfriend to the whole school."

The boy, Whizzer, tried to stand up for himself.

"I don't have a boyfriend. And so fucking what if I did?! It's just a guy I like."

Marvin felt slightly proud of Whizzer as he moved closer.

Crunch.

The leaves cracked under the weight of Marvin's feet, causing the slight moment of silence to be broken and for all of the boys' eyes to be on him. Marvin froze.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt..."

He did mean to.

"Do you have a problem?" One of the boys stepped forward.

Marvin gulped, trying to ignore the anxiety building up in his chest.

"Whizzer, right?"

"Yeah..."

Marvin leaned in closer to Whizzer, his lips close to but not touching Whizzer's ear.

"On three, we run," Marvin whispered.

One.

Steady breathing.

Two.

Don't think of the guys that want you dead.

Three.

Running as fast as they both could, Whizzer and Marvin made it to the safety of the back of the school. It was the only place that Marvin felt comfortable in so it was something big for him to introduce his safe space to a stranger.

"Are you okay?" Marvin asked as soon as he got his breath back.

"They want me dead. I want me dead too."

"Huh?"

"I'm gay... They want to tell the whole school, practically sentencing me to death or at least banishment from this school due to isolation," Whizzer mumbles his explanation. "So, yeah, I'd rather kill myself than have people know what I am. And that isn't some joke. I'm not just saying that to lighten the mood. I... I've... Why am I even telling you this?"

"I'm gay too. I haven't told anyone. Not even my parents know," Marvin confessed.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"You're not like... playing a trick on me and planning to humiliate me, are you?"

Marvin frowned at how cautious Whizzer was being but on the other hand, he couldn't really blame him. Those boys tortured him for being queer.

"It's just... I've tried to kill myself. The bullying became too much to handle. I couldn't take it."

Whizzer started tearing up. His world was falling apart and all Marvin could do to help was pick up the broken pieces. They skipped school that day. Growing old together was all that seemed to matter to both of them.

[goodomensafterdark]

Guild Writer's Guild Presents: Tethered Ch 19

Written by NegotiationReal6508 on our subreddit

Thethered Chapter 19: Je Suis Içi

Based on artwork by everyone's favorite (porno)graphic artist, @gleafer You can (and will!) support her on Patreon and tumblr!

CW: Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Mental Breakdown Mental Institution, Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Implied Character Death, Mild Smut, References to past Child Abuse, Restraints... but not the fun kind, Panic Attacks, Sleep Paralysis, Memory Alteration... Also, a dog has an adorable but painful encounter with a bee.

Summary: Crowley wakes up in a mental hospital with no memory of how he got there. Without his demonic powers, neither the doctors, nor the people who claim to be his family will believe he is who he says he is. With the evidence against him mounting, his only lifeline to the real world is a cryptic note left by an unseen messenger. The longer he stays in this hospital, the harder it becomes to recall for sure, is Crowley really a demon of Hell? Or has his entire existence been nothing more than a delusion conjured by a grieving mind?

Excerpt:

When Crowley made his visits, Aziraphale would sometimes be lucid enough to remember. Not much, but enough to understand that he was not who he thought he was and that Crowley was not what he believed him to be. And they would talk. Civilly, if not amiably. Crowley would grasp onto the hope that Aziraphale was getting better. Or at least not worse.

But then other nights, Aziraphale would become frightened and combative, as if he could remember nothing of his life at all. Crowley would perform his best impression of a calm, soothing and not at all frightened and irrational presence. Only when he was once again whisked away back to the real world would he allow himself the luxury of a complete emotional breakdown.

Aziraphale kept a journal by his bedside. It was filled with notes and drawings about his dreams, his thoughts and feelings, and whatever other sorts of things humans wrote about when they didn't expect anyone to read it. Crowley wrote messages to the angel in this book, believing that it would convince him that Crowley was not imaginary. Regularly he would return to find his pages had been torn out.

Aziraphale’s drawings typically depicted an entity with large black circles where his eyes ought to be, each one a bit more monstrous and grotesque than the one before. It was no mystery to Crowley exactly who the images depicted, and it gutted him.

Continue reading on AO3

Or

Start from chapter 1 - Dies Lunae

Many thanks to my enthusiastic and stalwart beta reader, u/paperclip_ninja! Would that we were all lucky enough to have a proofreader as sweet as you!!! ❤️🧡💛

[cr1ms0n4nd-ac3]

[ Ace's Lamentive Words, where he wishes to be a saviour for THEM ]

Based on Post-Apparition(from my perspective lore) when he managed to collect the remnants for Eden in order to make both Eden and Vessel become stronger,even without him knowing. And before something bad might have happened to Eden, Ace decided to write down his own thoughts, his own true thoughts.. about why he deserved to be a saviour.

TW/CW Warnings:

Themes of Death, Mentions of Verbal and Physical Abuse, Implied themes of a saviour-complex figure, self-hate, character(s) death, mentions of gore and blood, emotionally full of self-hate, swearing, mentioned scopophobia, mentioned hematophobia, future self-sacrifice foreshadowing, future foreshadowing of character death, mentions of sui attempt, childhood trauma, mentions of childhood abuse, mentioned stuff about negative themes of snow, mentioned drowning symbolism, mommy issues(obviously),slight sibling issues, and self-acceptance.

Keep in mind that this will be a Complexive Trilogy for my Sleep Token OC, and for my own lore.

Now let's get started.

"Are we... sure that this is all I can really get?"

"Why, yes. You did collect the past remnants young one. I must say, multi-dimension hop is really an interesting choice of action.

You did well."

Wow, is this really it? Did he finally manage to collect the remnants after going through each dimension from the past? Ace was unsure slightly at first,yet he felt some sense of relief when Eden told him that he had completed its goal. With the past remnants, Eden will have to manifest and then reconcile their powers by mixing them powerfully,and hopefully for Vessel to secretly have them in order to conquer Sleep due to rage and wrath inside of him, but in also which leads to Eden's true last goodbye soon. A troubled soul who represents Vessel's lost and original love.

The green soul turned away as she decided to get back to her own place, her Garden. But for Ace.. he seems wishing to talk to her once again,but since he can't be a bother to anyone, Ace too indeed turns away to return back to his own room too, although..

There was a very sensitive feeling that was so uncanny and familiar, that it made Ace decided to write down his own thoughts instead of sleeping. Well, after all.. it's night. Specifically 9:18 PM. And tomorrow will be the last time that he sees Eden.

11:57 PM

"Through my everlasting best of saving my lost love by borrowing one of my powers, soon he will realize... that I will save him now. And then, I will be gone. Fading before he now yearns to reach out to me one last time, I suppose.. a sacrifice, were so heartbreaking to each one of us, say your right words despite the wrong time."

That is what Eden said to Ace when asking what happens now, he felt absolute shatter inside unfortunately. Such emotionally beautiful that a troubled soul, that appeared to be Vessel's lost love will do anything to save him from Sleep, who's a bastard for tormenting a man who just wanted peace.

And to be honest, Vessel and Ace were somewhat similar when they first met when Sleep introduced the boys to him. Why? Why is not a choice of Ace's words, but he knows this on his own. Vessel was once a man who used to be loved and filled with joy, yet now a tormented, broken man until the deity has come to save him. Not even knowing the challenges of torment it has on him, Ace however.. had it worse, worser than him unfortunately.

A man whose suffered from a dysfunctional household to childhood, abused and were beaten by a mother he once loved, a child with a fragile heart are now filled with scars, bruises, and constant sheer of begging to be loved and hurt at the same time. A child who can feel a cryptic stare of eyes which triggers his fear, somehow it angers him terribly. A boy who attempts to leave the world behind, yet cannot.

A man with loving siblings whose one sometimes bickers, but despite everything.. they still love him so, they are the only ones who can save him.. But Ace cannot save himself. Whose hurt and suffered terribly that he wishes that someone would rather kill him, gouge his eyes, tear out his body and then leave it to rot. God, all this self-hate and saddening delusions.. he can always cry out to sleep without them even knowing. Right, he can't even forget about the Marionette, it's an entity who is also like Sleep but even worse. The Marionette is like a ringmaster, in a devil of disguise.

He can remember his screams of fear and disdain let out when blood spreads around a scarred body, he remembered weeping and crying when forced to sleep in a pile of small spikes, he even remembered that it tried to gouge out Ace's right eye, yet somehow.. it gave him a miracle of having his first and ever powers!

"RAHHHHH!!!"

Ace shook his own head on bed, almost got rolled down off his bed, luckily he didn't get his head hit. Right, he was supposed to grab a journal to write down what he thinks. His journal is so important to write everything that happened, but to Ace? Today is different. He is so glad that he finally found his journal when instantly going to his old apartment.

He then got out and went to his drawer, suddenly pulling out his journal and then a pen before he returned to sit down on his bed. The boy hoped that he could probably hide his journal somewhere after Rehearsal tomorrow, both Espera II and IV, felt such slights of concern and worry when noticing that Ace recently had "stressed out nightmares".

That was a lie actually, he was extremely unsure to tell the others of what he just saw and what he had done. But he can't, he felt like a bother at this point. Ace decided to "show" anyone to make them "think" he had "stressed out nightmares". Hence to make sure that no suspicion is shown.

Regardless, the boy looked down to the blank journal page, and officially started the page.

— —

Day #333

Hello Friend Journal, it's been so long now huh? I'm very sorry for not checking up on you as I used to promise to, and if you are wondering if I am okay.. no, no I am not. I'm now no longer a happy-go-lucky "journalist" boy as I used to be, I'd changed.

It's such a long story but I'll keep it quick.

I am such a fuck up.

Seriously Friend Journal, I became a terrible mess through all this many years, I lost my dad, I lost my ex-girlfriend, I lost my aunt, and now I lost my sister. All I have now is my brother and old sis. More importantly, I almost lost myself when The Marionette abducted me. And look at me now!! I almost got puppetified, immediately losing my sense of humanity, abused, hurt, beaten, stabbed, stitched, scarred, and then.. gone.

I'm not happy anymore.

At least....to when Sleep saved me.

The boy is now starting to sob quietly, he did indeed become a mess. A mess of such terrible suffering.

He returned to writing again regardless his shaky mess.

I was now...saved, saved to a deity that I may have heard one of the rumors before. They say it's either a good or bad ancient deity, but I don't know to what its expressions mean. But at least it saved me, it's like I thought I'll be forever frozen in this forsaken, dark and lonely hell of a snowstorm at some lonely mountain,right before a light came to save my troubles away. If it weren't for Sleep, I would've died and go puppetified.

Now... I won't be done by my fears of seeing my own blood, being forced by eyes whose stare at me,expecting me to get my own body gouged by tearing me out. But honestly, I should've died. I should've died early instead. I would've done a suicide attempt if it weren't for the Marionette to abduct me, I would rather let someone push me down the river til I'll sink down deep into the void. With no one saving me..

I could've— accepted– my fate— [scribble scribble scribble——]

The writing pace from the boy now started to have a bit of a slight ink coming out from the pen, but it didn't matter tho for him.

Ace is planning to hide his journal anyway just in case, his two only options were either to bury it or burn it. Anyways, he sighed quietly while rubbing his own tired eyes.

He will finish this, one last time. And soon, he will save Eden and Vessel from the terrible things they've gone through.

Ace then proceeds to write on the next blank page, for one last time.

You know what? It doesn't matter. I had something to confess anyway. I'm afraid that this is the last time we have talked enough Friend Journal, I know that I first have you from my birthday.. been so lucky enough to have me write down what I am doing and what I've been through.

Although sometimes I know that objects aren't magical, nor a talking object. It's okay Friend Journal, it's not your fault. I have new loved ones now.

New loved ones, were from a metal band that I'd joined. They were always so kind to me, and also.. I will save someone who went something similiar to me.

That's right, i'm talking about the Singer.

I won't tell you who it was, but he was very nice, quiet but very nice. Yet I found out that he and I are similar.. Two fragile men were suffering from the one who hurt them too much. That's why...I want to save him. And her too.

That will be all...

Of course he wants to save Eden, even when being told to stay out of here, he can't just watch her fading alone despite being Vessel's old love! Ace thought that the two didn't deserve this, he genuinely cannot forgive Sleep for all the mess they have done.

And now, he finally signs once again.

Goodbye, Friend Journal.

Rest in Peace.

- Signed, Ace ♠️

12/24/23

"I'm bloody done now, about damn time."

Ace got up, placing the pen back to the drawer before turning away to start changing his pajamas to his jacket. That didn't take long tho until he put the PJs in the clothing bin by simply throwing them. Now, he is ready. He knew that tomorrow will be the day that Eden will be gone. Because of something that she mentioned about her final form. Right.

He had no time to waste!

He got his metal bat, grabbed his journal, tied his shoes and is really now ready to go find Eden! She should be in her old garden, that's where she guards. But... Ace knew that if he goes away without the others knowing, of course they'll be worried.

One note wouldn't hurt for them.. right?

3:00 AM, 12/5/24

The Eden Garden, he is now here. That didn't take him too long to use his portal teleportation just to multi-dimension cross here. Ace stepped out while the portal closed.

"Eden? Eden??"

Ace shout out, as he walks alone in the Garden in with a soothing yet peaceful vibe. Right, he heard about this place before because of Vessel's past tales, he used to visit here when his old love guards here all alone. Then a tragedy happened, which he cannot mention. Wow, the Garden was so beautiful here. There were butterflies, fireflies, flowers, beautiful waterfalls and lots to mention. Until he saw a green glow coming from the distance, but more importantly, there were floating bits which seems to be one of Eden's remains. Fortunately, Ace is already shocked.

"Oh...oh no."

The boy ran as soon as he can, he can't let this happen, even despite knowing that Eden will be gone forever because of the final form she mentioned. His breaths of franticness and worry can be heard while running. And soon as he thinks he didn't make it on time..

He did.

He saw half of Eden's body, yet she didn't have an interest in turning around. Oh, she was picking up a Dandelion flower,even despite half of her is slowly fading.

And to Ace's awareness while recovering, Eden must have known that he wanted to save her,knowing that he can't at the same time.

That's okay, she can't really blame him. Eden then has a turn to speak, her voice a same peaceful tone.

"...You're already not too late, young one.

I assume you wanted to see me again before.. I'll be gone."

"I...I knew that I couldn't save you already for this, but I just can't stand you to die alone." Ace said in subtle disdain while his self-acceptance is showing. He knew he'll be forced to accept this, yet can't.

"I empathy you, young one. You knew that there is nothing you can do, to save me. When I couldn't save my lost love from the deity I despise so much."

Eden couldn't save Vessel from Sleep itself, she knew that he was manipulated at the very time. But the last time she saw him, it went nothing obviously. Because she was shot.

But he loved her as much as she loved him too, if only she can have the time to revert time to save what she had lost.

"But do not worry, you still have time to save what's lost. I can see it in you."

"I already lost everything in my past history, but.. why tell me this?" Ace is having a teary urge, about to cry from Eden's self-demise. His own fists gripped by himself while shaking subtly in guilt and shame. Why? Why did SHE have to accept this? He can feel little tears from himself.

Eden then turned to look at him for one last time, half of her own face is gone from the fading, her own eyes are now blank white instead of light green, thus she was smiling peacefully,like she is really accepting her fate. She hates seeing the boy cry, as she felt bad.

"Even when already losing what's lost in the past, you can always have a choice to avenge for them. Avenge is the only choice to overcome the shame and remorse inside of you, and then.. once it is done. You knew that there will be a cost, but all is worth."

Eden's half body is starting to become gone, the boy is forced to witness all this. Yet he shouted out in worry, a need to tell her something of what he really found out.

"E-Eden! But you're fading, who's gonna keep guarding your Garden now?!"

"My Garden will always be forever innocent and forever in good hands, but a visit won't hurt."

He must say it now, yet cannot because of unsurity from Eden's reaction, but he must reach out before it's too late.

"V-Vessel...He— ...he misses you too you know! He t-told me!"

The fading soul was...shocked? He can't tell of her expression. But there seems to be a sign of relief, that's good.

"..M-my....what a surprise."

Ace can see Eden's last teary smile now. She was so...happy to hear that her lost love does miss her too. A sign of relief and happiness.

"Then...young one, I need you to promise this."

The boy listened.

"Promise me, that if he finds out that I'd give anything to make him stronger, tell him... that I did it as a loving saviour."

Ace...nodded in full of sad determination, he will remember this for sure.

Oh, and he is already sobbing according to his expression.

"Goodbye, young one. I don't know if there is a second chance somewhere,but I hope this day.. will not all be the last."

And so...Eden is now gone, yet a drop of a Dandelion is dropped on the grass. The boy...stood here at first, didn't know what to do until he slowly walked to where Eden's little half remains are. All he can now see to his own gaze,

was a Dandelion that she picked.

Ace dropped himself to the ground, now beginning to cry in such remorse. He knew he couldn't save the troubled soul, but still wishes if there's a way.

My god... The Dandelion is peacefully safe, so pure to touch. She didn't deserve to be gone at all, and so...

Ace let out a saddening roaring cry, cried out to the Garden while he was now alone. Eden is gone, Eden's purity soul is now gone, and all for her went nothing.

"Why! Why of all this!!? I should've sacrificed myself instead! I SHOULD'VE NOW BE GONE FOR ALL OF THIS!!!"

"...Come Back Eden, please..."

Then he remembered Eden's last words before her descending fate, despite that you had already and now lost everything you loved... avenge them. It is the only way to bring justice,even if it has a cost. Consequences can be disgustingly painful.

But now, Ace then had a sudden realization.. something that he thinks that he will finally be free.

"....I can finally defeat them,for one last time."

He still has time, he already defeated the Marionette 3 times now,and it's starting to make them weak as time goes by. And once it is over, he will now be free, and so is his close friend Vessel. And for now..

He must avenge his deceased younger sister and dad.

He must avenge Eden.

And he'd give anything to protect everyone he had loved.

The boy stood up but he had to gently hold the Dandelion, he could feel the color of neon green and white light because of the entire Garden. It must have known that he wants to become a saviour, a saviour to save them.

And there is only one thing to do,before finding the Marionette again.

2 hours later, 3:19 AM

Seems that the boy finally managed to find a spot of where to hide/bury his journal, just in case if either each of the others are going to find it. This spot that he found was the Flower Garden,but since Ace didn't want to cause a scandal on Eden's garden.. he decided to bury it next to it instead. Good thing that Ace summoned a mini shovel as it took like... 2 minutes,not that long. He pulled out his journal,he stared at it one more time.. until he dropped it,to finally finish the process.

...Now, with Eden gone and the Journal being buried somewhere, Ace is officially going to find the Marionette once more. But for, the last time. The Marionette was slowly weakened as each fights went by, to his notice.

And with the last fight, now he will be free. Officially free from this nightmare, freedom and glory will be their new path to a new life.

He'll never forget this.

To every path he went, every way he chose, this made him

become the new him.

Ace turned around as he walked away from where the journal was buried, while summoning the portal to hop into where the Marionette lived. He recently sensed its call, and he knew that this will be the last time that the Marionette is stronger.

And even tho he knew that he was about to make himself a saviour-complex figure, his own thought shows:

"I'm sorry Vessel, I'm sorry Azul, i'm sorry Firey, and to everyone.

I had to do it, I must do anything to save anyone from Sleep and the Mariomette. Even tho I couldn't save myself sometimes.

I'll save them now."

- PORTAL CLOSE -

End.