#cw seungri

[gdragonsideburns]

Unfortunately I never liked Seungri so I didn’t feel a thing when he left or got in trouble. It just felt like it was bound to happen for him. I always had a gut feeling Seungri would become involved in a serious scandal... and here we are now. I always enjoyed bigbang as a group and I consider myself in the fandom . I just had to always put up with him and I could never fully get myself to like him. He’s always been creepy and shady plus he’s annoying and always talked too much never giving the members time to say anything. I just feel so bad for the other boys and what he dragged them into. It’s not their fault but since he was associated so long as a member it had to effect all of them.

Oh boy. Welcome to my can of worms, have a seat they only wiggle slightly.

Disclaimer !!! These are all MY feelings and I'm not blaming them on Anyone or Anything, just trying to explain them :) . This is long so

See i started liking bigbang and kpop when I was 10ish so like 2010-14 mainly, then I stuck around for made bc I love bigbang but I didn't really care about any other groups (except 2ne1 I will always love them). Like this was before stan twitter existed. So when I was a seungri fan I was a, a tween, and b, an adhd autism child who found his overly loud personality comforting due to my own excitable nature. bigbang were my sole comfort during high school (which was hell) and I felt so very deeply for them. Not to mention all my mental illnesses and the abuse. Bigbang were my safe haven.

Idk the thing is I was a gd fan originally, and a nyongtori shipper (I was 13 don't judge). They were my "otp" (one true pairing ?) which p much boils down to character you identify as/character you're attracted to. Seungri was my id, he made me feel normal (*again I was 13*)

so I had a lot of emotions attached to both of them. Then I stopped listening to kpop, didnt keep up with the news or nothing until start of 2020, so when i came home to the vips there was this big divide and all these things to catch up on and understand.

Like I totally get not liking seungri from the start that's a valid point, especially towards the end when he became mr "business money man look at me im not the maknae I'm a sex machine".

But the reason I get so upset when I see him is because I was gone so long (2015-16ish-2020) amd wasnt there when the news broke and everyone was shocked (Or Not Shocked) and all this shit started. Vips all processed and grieved the loss of a member while it was happening yk?. I just came back and it was done. And it's legit just my own messed up feelings about it. My personap feelings have no bearing on the reality of the situation which is why im ot4.

but then there's all these ot5 people who are, yes entitled to their opinion, but also a little batshit ? I engaged with one once on YouTube (very politely mind you) and then got 16 different accounts trying to fight me, some just telling me they wished my mum was dead, no other comment, nothing, like ???? It's insane. They're cultish.

I just feel so affronted yk? I was one of them, I almost became one when I came back because the divide was so aggressive and I didn't want to believe it. Then they have the fucking cheek to talk like I'm not a real fan like it's so fucking rude and I feel like im denied my grief no matter what yk? I'm not allowed to be sad bc I'm ot4 and the ot5's hate me so in not a real fan and the ot4's are so OVER it and i don't want to be misinterpreted as pitying him or thinking he's a good person and I certainly don't want to be forcing people to think about this shit again when they're done with it yk ??

But im not done, I still have big sad about it sometimes and idk what to do with that. I just wish bigbang would either quit or come back already I can't stand this limbo. I'm gonna support them no matter what they chose because I want them to be happy and do whats best for them. Whether that's new music or retiring or making things separately like whatever. I just wish they'd do it NOW. yk?

I just don't know if this feeling is ever going to go away. How do I reconcile two halves of my heart ?

[mullets]

The only i cant forgive stanning are LITERAL RAPISTS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YALL

brooooo did u see the sudden support for seungri the other day from a bunch of fans 🤢🤢 makes me sick

[anonbunny]

holy FUCK if seungri doesn’t get charged with human or sex trafficking im going to be even MORE livid than i am 

[j-a-nuary]

Date Roulette: Seunghyun

Monday

Intro Week Start Seungri Week Start Daesung Week Start Taeyang Week Start Previous Next

[CW: casual jokes about self-harm]

-----

A soft, but steady, knocking on my door woke me up.

I groaned, rolling over and checking the clock on the nightstand.

3:28am.

“Who is it?” I called out.

“Seunghyun. You decent?”

Technically, I was just as decent as yesterday morning. Still, the vibe was clearly different.

Grumbling, I wrapped my bedsheet around myself and shuffled to the door. I swung it open to find a surprisingly rumpled looking Seunghyun.

“Do you know what time it is?”

“Here,” he held up his phone.

“What?”

I heard the tinny voice of Bobby come from the speaker. Confused, I took the phone and lifted it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Noona? Why is your phone off? Ah fuck man…”

I couldn’t really process much. I could barely make out the voice over what sounded like screaming robots in the background.

“Bobby?”

Seunghyun walked past me and face-planted onto my bed.

“Yeah, okay, so… uh…”

“Give me the phone! Luna?!”

“Soo-ah?” I groaned, getting even more confused.

“Okay everyone is fine, Ttungbo is fine, I’m fine, but your apartment is gone.”

“My…” I struggled, still not nearly awake enough to process all the noise being pumped into my ear, “my apartment?”

Seunghyun’s head turned towards me. It was too dark to see his expression though.

“Yeah, the fire started one floor below…” Soo-ah started explaining.

“Wait…” I was beginning to wake up now, “my apartment is on fire?”

Seunghyun pushed himself up to sit on the edge of my mattress. He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees and looked up at me.

Still, I couldn’t clearly make out his expression. I thought I could see the dip of his brows.

“Yes, I’m so sorry Luna,” I could tell that Soo-ah was crying now, “we were able to get out but… everything inside is destroyed…”

I slowly sat down on the floor. One hundred and twenty two canvases.

“You said Ttungbo is okay,” I was having a problem breathing, “right?”

I was aware that I was panting slightly, trying to remember how breathing was supposed to work.

Seunghyun slid off my bed and knelt in front of me. He put a hand on my shoulder. Finally, my eyes had adjusted enough to note the worry etched across his face.

“Yes, but all your things…”

I had my alien registration card with me but my passport was now ashes.

One hundred and four finished paintings, eighteen unfinished.

I clamped my free hand onto Seunghyun’s bicep, trying to plant some solid sensation for myself.

“Your paintings,” Soo-ah was fully sobbing in my ear, “I’m so sorry Luna. I couldn’t go ba…”

I dropped Seunghyun’s phone.

There had easily been over eighty sketchbooks as well. Now I was left with only one of each.

One canvas. One sketchbook. One ID. One dog.

Seunghyun wrapped one arm around me, holding me against his body in what I only later realized was a comforting gesture. He had picked up his phone and was quietly talking to Soo-ah now.

I couldn't even really cry. I should have been crying, right? I tried to shake my head, but Seunghyun’s grip tightened on me at the first movement.

That brought me back into the moment, at least enough to hear him end the call.

"... andlord in the morning… I'll stay with her… alright. Talk soon."

I heard the dull tone of the call ending. Soon after, his second arm joined the one already around me.

"Are you okay?"

I couldn't speak for a minute. Seunghyun slowly started carding his fingers through my hair.

"It will be okay," he murmured.

"Everything is gone," I finally rasped into his shirt.

"Not everything," he protested.

"Everything that I've created," the tears had finally started, "my paintings, my books, my illustrations…"

"You'll make more," he assured me, "you can make more."

"No! You don't understand!" I started trying to push him away, annoyed by the way he was brushing this off. I managed to stand up, then lost some steam.

"Imagine…" I held back a sob, or maybe a scream, that tightened my chest enough to force me to lose my breath again. I bent over slightly, digging my nails into my own waist as an anchor point.

Seunghyun scrambled up, holding onto my forearms. Vaguely, I realized that he thought I might collapse.

"Imagine all your music was deleted. All of it," I let my forehead rest against his chest, "from the entire world."

"You will make more," he reiterated. He moved his hands up my arms, over my shoulders. Finally, he pulled my face up so he could look at me.

"Even if I have to get you your own studio, you will make more."

"How?"

He ran his thumbs over my cheeks, brushing away the wet streaks there.

"This loss is too big, right?"

I nodded.

"That's how you'll make more. You'll make more because you have too much inside you to not."

I shook my head, wanting to argue the point. As I opened my mouth though, Seunghyun placed two fingers against my lips.

"Stop. Arguing with me won't make any difference."

Maybe it was the way his fingers seemed to naturally find the side of my neck. Or maybe the way his other hand had found itself on my waist.

Maybe I had a few emotional wires crossed.

Maybe I just wanted a distraction.

I reached up, threaded my fingers through his hair, and pulled Seunghyun's lips against my own.

He didn't bother with hesitation.

His hands worked in tandem to deepen the kiss, pulling my body against his own.

After a moment however, he pulled away.

"Not that I don’t want to see where this goes," he brushed some stray hairs back from my face, "but I'm certain that you'd regret it."

"How's that?"

"It would have been okay last night," he closed his eyes, "but you're in pain right now," he reopened his eyes, staring me down, "and I am only a tool to help."

I stepped back, bumping into my wall.

"I'm sorry," I raised a hand to my mouth, "Seunghyun…"

"It's fine," he sighed. He gave me a grim smile, "I set myself up that way, didn’t I?"

“I’m sorry,” I repeated, one hand still over my mouth, “I was being selfish. I didn’t think.”

“It,” he tapped a finger on my forehead, “is”, another tap, “fine.”

I didn’t know what else to say besides apologizing again. Instead, I let my head drop onto his shoulder.

"Yah," he was quiet now, going back to slipping his fingers through my hair, "get dressed."

I felt the entirely foreign sensation of Choi Seunghyun's lips pressing against my hair.

I was still ashamed, and that brief kiss of his did nothing to help. I kept my face securely hidden in his shoulder when I replied.

"Why?"

"I'm going to take you somewhere."

-----

“You’re joking.”

“I just want to surprise you,” he gave me a look that seemed to be pleading.

“You have to realize why this would make me nervous,” I wound the silk strip of cloth between my fingers as I spoke, “right?”

“It’s nothing weird. And you know that I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you,” he started unwinding my hands, “don’t you?”

I let him take the tie back, thinking over the last month that I had known him. As outrageous as he had started, I realized that I did, to some extent, trust him.

“Does it have to start right now?” I tested his stubbornness.

“Yes,” he nodded, “you want a distraction, I want to surprise you,” he held the cloth up between us, “this will do both.”

“How is getting rid of one of my senses going to distract me?” I argued.

“Do you trust me or no?”

“Fine. Just,” I sighed, “don’t make me regret it.”

"I am tired, I just lost almost everything that actually matters to me, and now I’m taking a blind hike,” I complained, “I hope you realize exactly how much trust I'm putting in you."

Seunghyun laughed. I knew it was him. I could feel his arm shake with the ripple of it. It didn’t sound the same as it usually did. Typically his laugh made me feel dumb, or annoyed, a rumbling sheet metal sound that signaled scorn.

This one was clearer though. His mouth had to have been open for it.

"Hold on," I resisted his lead for a moment, pulling him to stop walking.

I patted my hands from his arms to his side, feeling the thick threads of the accent in the weave of his jacket. I slid my hands up his chest, registering an absolute stillness that told me that, at least for a second, he was holding his breath. Finally, my fingers found what they were truly looking for.

I started at the corners of his jaw, tracing forward. My nails caught on the slightest bit of stubble as they moved. Turning my hand over, I ran the backs of my fingers over his cheek.

A hand covered mine.

"What are you doing?"

"Ah, I just wanted to check if it was still you."

"Sorry to disappoint you."

My hand was pushed towards me, but I could still feel his skin.

"Just trust me," a warm breeze hit my ear as Seunghyun spoke, "okay?"

I nodded.

My hand was released, and the sensation of his skin faded. A second later, I felt his arms wrap around my thighs as he lifted me.

"Seunghyun!" I squealed, "careful!"

"Relax," he shushed me, "hand on my shoulders."

I followed his direction, steadying myself.

"Alright, now hold on."

The movement was disorienting, and lasted longer than I would have expected.

"I'm not too heavy?" I asked after a moment.

"No," his voice didn't even sound strained, "we're almost there."

-----

"Okay, steady," Seunghyun placed me on a seat of some sort.

It was narrow, and wooden under my hand. I guessed it was actually a railing.

"Wait," I tightened my grip on Seunghyun's arm, "how high am I?"

"From the ground? You aren't really."

I slid my hands over him again, trying to gauge the difference between our typical heights, and the change caused by my current seat. It felt approximately the same as the kitchen counter.

"Okay," I pushed him back a little bit. Slowly, hands gripping the wood beneath me tightly, I slid down until my feet met the ground.

"Now where have you kidnapped me to?"

"We're a little bit early," Seunghyun complained, "but it's okay. Come here."

He took my shoulders and spun me to face the railing. The chill of the wind fully registered as it blew against my face. I shivered slightly.

"Cold? Here," he stood behind me, pulling the front of his jacket around me. He placed the edges in my hands, and I nestled in just a bit closer.

"Ready?"

I nodded.

The soft cloth over my eyes was lifted away.

The city was spread out in front of me. On the horizon behind it, the slightest streaks of pale blue light were hinting at the coming sunrise.

“Worth it?”

I almost jumped. The view had flooded my brain so full that, for an instant, I had forgotten that he was right behind me.

"It's beautiful."

-----

"You should give a copy of your lease to Daesung," Seunghyun stated over his coffee.

"Why's that?"

It felt surreal, having a normal conversation over a normal breakfast as if having your apartment burn was normal. But life will keep living, so I supposed I might as well join in.

In this particular case, joining in took the form of having our breakfast on the patio outside of the living room.

"He's done some business in real estate," he explained, "he'll know all the technical terms. And if you need a lawyer I'm sure that an-"

"Why would I need a lawyer? It's not like I was the one that burned it down."

“I’m just saying, you, uh,” he hesitated, “you lost a lot.”

“Ah!” I made an annoyed noise, throwing myself backwards, deeper into my chair in frustration. “I have to get a new fucking passport.”

“Language,” Seunghyun scolded.

“Yeah,” I sarcastically agreed, “god forbid I express my annoyance at my apartment burning down.”

He laughed, shaking his head.

“Sorry, I… I don’t know why I said that.”

“Because you think you’re better than me,” I sulked.

“No I don’t,” he protested, “if anything I just think you’re better than that.”

“Oh please,” I grimaced, “you think I’m basically white trash .” I sipped my tea and shrugged, “I mean you’re not exactly wrong.”

“That has to mean something different than it sounds like.”

“ White trash ? It’s like…” I paused, trying to think of how to explain myself. “Like, poor and uh…low class.”

“What does that have to do with being white?”

I leaned forward, resting my chin on my hand and thought about how deep I would have to get into racial biases, stereotypes, and classism in America to properly explain the term to him.

“I don’t know if there’s really a good comparison here. And I’m pretty sure to explain it all the way I would have to give a whole lesson on, like…” I shrugged, “the American civil war and, I don’t know, redlining probably.”

"Is it a bad thing?"

"Well, it's not… good. It's…" I regretted saying anything to start this conversation, "it was an insult, but then some people started taking pride in it. But then taking pride in it got this reputation and…"

I rubbed a hand over my face.

"I can almost guarantee you'll never have to use the phrase, so it doesn't really matter."

Seunghyun seemed to mull this over for a minute. Raising his eyebrows, he shook his head.

"You think that I think you're poor, low class, and trash?"

"I mean," I shrugged, "I definitely get the feeling that you think I am not as good as you."

He hummed, shaking his head again as he lifted his coffee to his lips.

He did not expand on the hum.

He hadn't confirmed my assessment, but he didn't deny it either.

-----

"What are you two doing up so early?" Taeyang shuffled out of the house and started to sit down on one of the enameled wire seats.

"We watched the sunrise from Achasan."

"My apartment burned down."

Taeyang paused, approximately a quarter of the way into his seat. He looked between Seunghyun and I a few times before slowly lowering himself into the seat fully.

"Sorry," he started, "your… you… what?"

"Which part?" Seunghyun asked.

"I mean, I know what a sunrise is," Taeyang turned to face me, "your apartment burned down?"

"Yep," I nodded, "clean gutted, near as I can tell."

“How?”

“With flames,” I frowned.

“Okay, I get that,” Taeyang rolled his eyes, “but it was a modern building. It should be mostly concrete and metal, right?”

I felt my face cycle through frowning and wide eyes a few times. I hadn’t even considered that.

“That’s a really good point.”

“But Soo-ah said that everything was gone,” Seunghyun pointed out. “She said that your apartment basically fell into the one below it, where the fire was.”

“That sounds like the building wasn’t up to code then,” Taeyang shook his head, “you could probably sue the landlord or management company.”

“Told you,” Seunghyun muttered.

“What?” I asked.

“That you’d need a lawyer.”

-----

From: Hugeboy Bobby just told me what happened

From: Hugeboy What the hell

To: Hugeboy I know

To: Hugeboy I’m still processing

From: Hugeboy Do you need anything?

To: Hugeboy No, thanks though

To: Hugeboy Seunghyun is kind of taking care of a lot of it

From: Hugeboy Oh man how is this impacting filming?

To: Hugeboy I don’t think it is

From: Hugeboy What?! They’re not even giving you a break to deal with this?

To: Hugeboy I mean, what good would it do? I can handle all this from here. Seunghyun already called his lawyer about it too.

To: Hugeboy All things considered, I’m kind of lucky it happened now instead of two months ago, you know?

From: Hugeboy His lawyer?

From: Hugeboy Damn

From: Hugeboy Yeah I guess that is lucky

From: Hugeboy Still… if you need anything else, let me know

-----

I sprawled across one of the armchairs while Seunghyun and Daesung perused their phone and laptop, respectively.

Being the only, younger, girl in the group certainly had its benefits. I hadn’t had to do much besides answer some basic questions, email the lease to both of them, and wait.

I had just managed to get myself nearly upside down in the seat when Seunghyun spoke up.

He locked his phone and carefully placed it on the table. Leaning forward, he gave me a serious look.

“Should we get married?”

Daesung slowly lifted his head, obviously just as confused as I was.

“What?” I started un-tumbling myself to be upright, “what are you saying?”

“You lost your passport and everything, right?”

“Yeah,” I momentarily sank elbow deep down the side of the seat cushion, “that’s not… what?”

“If we get married, you could just become a citizen.”

“After two years,” I pointed out, finally sitting like a normal, human, adult.

“True,” Seunghyun nodded slowly, “but since you have to be doing all this paperwork anyway, we should just get the documents together at the same time.”

I squinted at him. This had to be one of his a-little-too-deadpan jokes.

“Dae,” I turned to Daesung, “I can’t tell if he’s being serious or not.”

Daesung was staring at Seunghyun, arms crossed, one hand on his face. He looked, for lack of a better word, amazed.

“Neither can I,” he mumbled through his hand.

“I’m serious,” Seunghyun dryly noted.

I clicked my teeth, still working out what was happening.

“Ah,” I leaned back, “this is payback for the conversation at lunch yesterday.”

“That’s it,” Daesung snapped his fingers and pointed between Seunghyun and I, “the whole trouble-maker thing.”

Seunghyun rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.

“I’m being serious. We should get married,” he leaned back in his seat, spreading his hands, “it would make things a lot easier for you.”

“You’re talking about committing fraud,” I pointed out, “on camera.”

“How is that fraud?” He asked, the faintest of smiles tugging at his face.

“Because we…” I looked at Daesung, wether for help or to beg him for silence, I wasn’t sure. “You and I… we…”

I pressed my tongue through my teeth, into my cheek as I tried to figure out how diplomatic I wanted to be.

“Twenty percent,” one of his eyebrows jerked upwards slightly, “right? Maybe even thirty, but I’m trying to be realistic.”

I leaned against the armrest, temple to finger and buttoned my lips shut tightly.

“The fourth option was to do nothing, right?”

Daesung, looking even more confused, watched the staring contest that Seunghyun and I had entered into.

“What’s twenty percent?”

“The likelihood th-”

“Shut up.”

The smile won its battle on Seunghyun’s face. He shook his head, but didn’t finish his sentence.

“Well this has been fun,” I pushed myself up and out of the chair, “I’m going to go paint.”

-----

I was sketching rough lines on a blank sheet of watercolor paper when a soft knock sounded against my door.

“What do you want?” I called out.

“It’s me,” Daesung’s voice came through the door, “Dae.”

I sighed, scratching at my face before I decided to put down the stick of charcoal. Both hands on my hips, I hung my head, refusing to look towards the door.

“Come in,” I called out.

The door was pushed open quietly. Daesung slipped into my room and quickly shut the door behind him.

I didn’t look up, but I could hear the stillness behind me.

“What?”

“Are you okay?”

I finally turned to face Daesung. He was standing with his hands behind him, leaning against my door. His head was tilted to the side and slightly downwards, watching me through his bangs.

I sighed, brushing both hands over my face.

I wasn’t really sure why I was so annoyed.

“Did you know that in Jewish mysticism, there’s an angel for everything?”

Daesung lifted his head to look at me more squarely. His brows dipped, but he didn’t question my tangent.

“Every gust of wind has an angel telling it to blow, every blade of grass has an angel telling it to grow,” I turned back towards the easel that I had so recently set up, “every cloud, every star, every insect…”

I picked up the soft charcoal again, expanding on the mess of lines in front of me.

“What are we doing here?”

I heard him take a breath, then pause before responding.

“Can I…” he stopped again.

“Permission denied,” I droned.

“It’s not that,” Daesung chuckled, “but good to know.”

I heard him move a little bit, then the slight noise of him sitting down on my bed.

“Actually, I wanted to apologize for yesterday.”

“What for?” I asked, smudging the lines on the paper with my fingers.

“I might have been over the top,” he laughed, but it sounded nervous. “It’s been a while since I’ve… had someone that I was seriously flirting with.”

“To be fair, neither have I. Not before filming anyway.”

“So it’s okay? Or at least, you’re not mad?”

“It’s fine,” I nodded, “but I still don’t want all that right now.”

“I know. But back to your angels.”

I sighed, pushing my hair out of my face.

“I just don’t know what to do with myself.”

“So you wish you had an angel telling you how to grow or move?”

“Why?” I asked, “are you going to pretend? Start telling me what to do?”

“If I can't flirt, neither can you," Daesung joked.

"Fair enough," I turned to face him, "but I wasn't."

"I know," he shrugged, “but back to the point.”

“I don’t know,” I sulked.

“Come on Luna,” Daesung prompted me, “I know you’re smart enough to deal with this.”

“I don’t know!” I insisted, “I don’t! I’m stuck! I…” I took a deep breath, knowing full well that Daesung did not deserve to have me yelling at him right now. I gripped at my hair, using the tension of my scalp to keep me grounded for the moment.

“Thanks to the show, I don’t need to immediately find an apartment.”

“Okay, so then what would be next?”

“My dog. I need to find a place to keep Ttungbo.”

“Isn’t Soo-ah taking care of him?”

“Her apartment doesn’t allow dogs,” I explained, “that’s why she’s been staying at my place with him.”

“Okay,” Daesung pulled out his phone and started dialing.

“Keep going.”

“You were already looking at the lease,” I mumbled, finally dropping my hands from my head.

“Oh, yeah, we’ll talk about that in a minute… ah,” his attention turned to the call he was making. “Noona? Yes… I’m good… I just have a question… yes… where’s that kennel where you put your dogs when you go abroad?... no… My friend needs a place for her dog… I see… perfect, thanks… okay… yes, talk later.”

He ended the call and stood up.

“That was Bom. She’s sending me the information. Next is the lease, right?”

“I guess,” I shrugged.

“Well,” he walked towards the door, pausing to wave for me to follow him, “come on.”

-----

He continued talking as we walked back towards the living room.

“We’ll need to wait until the fire department does a full inspection. But from what I can tell so far, the management company is going to have to pay for everything.”

“How do you figure?”

“There’s no way that a fire should have been able to break out like that,” Daesung took a detour into the kitchen.

“What fire?” Jiyong looked up from his phone.

“My apartment,” I slumped over the breakfast bar.

“Your apartment had a fire?” Jiyong’s eyebrows were two perfect, shocked, arches.

“My apartment is gone, actually,” I groaned.

“Wait, you lived at that place that collapsed last night?”

"Well, I know that my apartment fell. So," I pushed myself back to standing, "yeah, I imagine the ones above probably had issues too."

"This one?"

Jiyong held out his phone.

The screen showed a news site. The picture was from high up, a mess of gray and brown concrete with charred marks running up and down like tiger stripes.

"Oh my god," I took his phone, scrolling through the article. "Oh my god!"

"Let me see," Daesung took the phone from me.

I was done with standing. I sat down on the kitchen floor.

"Woah," Daesung squatted next to me, "you okay?"

"That building is a shell," I murmured, "it's a fucking miracle that anyone got out."

"Yeah, Soo-ah is really lucky," Daesung agreed.

"No, well yeah," I shook my head, "I am being so fucking selfish."

"Actually," Jiyong interrupted my self loathing. He dropped to sit next to me, opposite Daesung.

"The article said that most people got out fine. It started slowly, so the alarms got people out before it got really bad."

“But…”

“But nothing,” he cut me off again. “You’re dealing with your shit. You’re allowed to be upset.”

-----

I was curled up, sandwiched between Ttungbo and Soo-ah on the ratty sofa in the art shop.

Seunghyun was perched on a stool behind the counter. He was scrolling through his phone, trying to make himself into part of the background.

“... thought it was a false alarm,” she explained, “but you never know so I just went outside anyway.”

“I don’t know what I would do if anything had happened to either one of you,” my voice sounded hollow, even to myself.

“I’d probably just kill myself,” I half-joked.

“Stop it,” Soo-ah slapped the back of my head, “you would not. If I die, you have to take over the store.”

“Isn’t this technically your parents’ store?” I asked.

“Yes, and if I died at your house, it would be your responsibility to make sure the store stayed open for them.”

“I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want me around if that happened,” I pointed out.

“Shut up,” she gave me a lighter hit this time, “my parents love you.”

“Alright, fine,” I grumbled, “but if Ttungbo died I definitely would kill myself.”

“Stop it,” she reiterated, more seriously this time, “don’t joke about that.”

“Sorry,” I ruffled my hand through my hair, “I know. I’m just having a weird day.”

“You and me both.”

-----

“It was already paid,” the clerk smiled at me, “when the reservation was made.”

“Oh,” I paused, “right. Thank you.”

I exited the kennel and headed towards Seunghyun’s car.

He wasn’t in it.

I raised a hand to keep the sun out of my eyes as I slowly spun on the sidewalk, trying to see where he might have gone.

No sign of him. I leaned against the hood of the car and pulled out my phone.

To: Seunghyun Where’d you go?

I stretched my head back, closing my eyes. I took a deep breath, appreciating the choices made by whoever was in charge of the landscaping on this street. Lilacs were a good choice.

“Here,” Seunghyun’s voice pulled me back to reality a moment later.

I lowered my head and opened my eyes. He was holding a takeaway cup towards me.

“Cheers,” I took the cup.

“I figured you might need some caffeine. Though I was hoping to be back before you were done.”

I sipped the drink rather than reply. He was not wrong.

The tea was good. Better than I had expected.

“Who did you have to ask for what to order? Jiyong?”

“No one,” Seunghyun shook his head, “this was the closest to your instagram posts.”

“When did you check that?” I asked.

He just shrugged and beeped his car open.

-----

“Come on,” Seunghyun looped my arm over his shoulder and looped his arms under my legs and around my back. “We’re home.”

“I can walk,” I mumbled, groggily pushing him.

I didn’t try that hard.

He laughed and lifted me anyway.

I let my eyes close again.

I fought my way to consciousness with the assistance of some voices.

“... a group lawsuit,” Daesung finished his sentence.

I could feel fingers on my shoulder. I was pretty sure my head was on someone’s lap.

“That makes sense. But I still think I’ll arrange a meeting with my lawyer,” Seunghyun replied.

It was Seunghyun’s lap. I could feel the slight movement of his words.

“Could try mediating,” I muttered.

“Ah, you’re awake?” Seunghyun’s voice softened a bit.

“Yeah,” I pushed myself to sitting, “where are my glasses?”

“Here,” Seunghyun leaned forward and retrieved them from the coffee table.

“Thanks,” I put them on, blinking sleep out of my eyes. “Now why is it all lawsuits?”

Seunghyun and Daesung gave each other a meaningful look.

“What?”

“Your lease is bullshit,” Daesung grimaced. “Next time you go sign one, I’m coming with you.”

I nodded slowly, then groaned.

“I really don’t want to deal with all this,” I complained, dropping my head into my hands.

I felt Seunghyun rub my back lightly.

“That’s what the lawyer is for,” Daesung pointed out.

“Are you hungry?” Seunghyun asked.

“Yes,” I effectively was answering them both, but I knew which line of conversation interested me more.

“But I don’t want to go out.”

“Okay,” Seunghyun pulled his phone from his pocket, “we’ll order. Do you have a preference? Or do you want me to decide?”

“I’ll leave you two to it,” Daesung excused himself.

“You don’t have to leave,” I protested.

“See you later,” Seunghyun raised a hand in a half wave goodbye.

Daesung chuckled, tilting his head at me before heading down the hall.

“What do you want to eat?”

I thought about it for a second.

“This isn’t really a dinner thing,” I started, “but I really want some kind of…” I couldn’t think of how to verbalize my craving, “like a lemon… cream… thing.”

“So you want dessert?” Seunghyun asked.

“Yes.”

“Without dinner?”

“Yes.”

“That’s not good for you,” his voice was vaguely condescending, but not in his typical manner. Condescending, sure, but also somehow friendly.

“My apartment burned down today,” I whined, “I think I can do it this once.”

“That’s true,” he handed me his phone, “order whatever you want.”

“What do you want?” I asked him, tapping through my options.

“I’ll eat whatever you order me.”

“I don’t know what you like,” I objected.

“Sure you do,” I felt him ruffle my hair a bit. He stood up before speaking again, “if I have a drink, will you drink with me?”

“The only things I know you like are cigarettes and wine,” I complained. I paused for a second, considering size options before answering his question.

“Yeah, I could drink.”

-----

“Let’s go eat on the deck,” I was already heading towards the sliding glass doors, bag of delivered food in hand.

“Okay,” Seunghyun agreed easily enough.

I set the food on the wire and glass table, and drew a chair up for myself. Seunghyun followed soon after; bottle, opener, and two glasses in hand.

I looked up at the sky, watching orangey stripes of clouds slide overhead.

“You know, back home, the sun wouldn’t be setting for at least another hour.”

“Really?” Seunghyun busied himself opening the bottle of wine.

“Yeah,” I shrugged, then shivered, “maybe that’s why I feel cold more often here.”

Seunghyun placed a glass in front of me. I nodded my thanks and took a sip.

“Is that a gewürztraminer?” I asked.

“I didn’t see any chardonnay,” he shrugged.

I nodded, watching him take a seat.

It was a fair enough pairing. The spicy German flavor was good, just unexpected.

“I’ve actually been waiting for a reason to try this one,” Seunghyun explained.

“I wouldn’t take you for a white wine type.”

“What type would you take me for then?”

I took a second, digging through all the bits and pieces of wine knowledge I had on hand, trying to come up with something that made sense.

“I think of you as more of a Spanish red type,” I tilted my head back and forth, “like a Tempranillo.”

“Do you assign wines to everyone?” Seunghyun asked.

I took another sip before answering.

“No,” I shook my head, “but you’re a wine guy, so, you know,” I shrugged, “it makes sense.”

“What about Jiyong?”

“Ji? Hmm,” I thought it over while letting some of the lemon meringue melt in my mouth.

“Sweet, red, probably Italian…” I tried to dig up a variety, “ah, what’s it called? A brach… brech…”

“Brachetto?” Seunghyun offered.

“Yes! Brachetto D’acqui! But also,” I reconsidered, “not that? A blackberry wine would suit him too.”

“Interesting,” Seunghyun leaned back in his seat, giving me an intense look.

“What?”

He gave a downturned smile and shook his head.

We fell into silence, companionable enough. After a little while, I finally decided to broach the subject that had been nagging at me since about noon.

“That thing you said,” I started, “earlier.”

“I’ve said a lot of things before now.”

I clenched my jaw and rolled my eyes.

“When you said we should get married,” I clarified.

“Yes,” he nodded, “I could have the documents here by 10pm.”

“Okay, first of all,” I closed my eyes, resting my forehead against two fingers, “I’m not staying up that late. I’m exhausted.”

“Tomorrow morning then.”

I opened my eyes to glare at Seunghyun. He smiled at me over his glass.

I interlaced my fingers, resting my chin on them.

“What is the point of this joke?”

“Well,” he carefully placed his glass down and leaned forward slightly, “it’s fun.”

Fun for whom?

“Okay...” I started hesitantly. “But you do that thing where you’re serious, but joking," I pointed a finger, moving it back and forth, "but secretly still serious. So what’s the secret seriousness?”

“There are a few things,” he started, resting his own chin on one palm, “first is that I think you and I would actually make a good couple.”

He paused, clearly waiting for a response.

Please hold all questions until the end of the presentation.

“And the second thing?” I prompted.

“The rest all ties into that first one. But,” he stretched back into his seat, “I’m just trying to be realistic. I’m getting too old to not be married. We may not get along all the time, but I think we understand each other well enough to make it work.”

I squinted at him. He appeared to be done.

“We don’t even know each other,” I shook my head and corrected myself, “or, we’ve only known each other for a month.”

“True, and in that month we’ve developed a pretty good way of communicating.”

I was going to get wrinkles from how hard and how often I squinted at this man.

“Have we really, though?”

“Look at it this way, a month ago you and I could barely speak to each other. Now,” he waved a hand, seemingly signalling the passage of time, “you take the lead on things when you need to, but also give me the time to explain things. Like right now.”

I shook my head again, trying to work out what the fuck was going on.

“I hate how much that makes sense.”

“You said that we were both stubborn,” Seunghyun leaned forward, staring at me intently, “right?”

“Yes,” I remembered that conversation well enough, “you’re bossy, and I hate being bossed around.”

“See, that’s where you were wrong though. I am particular,” he pressed his fingertips to his own chest, “I do like things a certain way, but I am capable of compromise. In fact," he shrugged, "I enjoy not having to make every decision on my own.”

“Okay, you could get that from a roommate as well as a wife.”

“Yes, but just imagine the scandal that would cause.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard in…” I thought back, then laughed, “actually probably just since yesterday if I’m honest.”

“What happened yesterday?”

I stood up and started packing away the now empty dishes.

“We did talk to each other yesterday, right?”

Seunghyun gave me a flat look. I shrugged, giving him my best ‘am I wrong?’ expression.

After a moment his face relaxed.

“That kind of proves my point.”

“How?”

“There’s no way you would have made that joke a month ago.”

“That just means I’m not scared of you anymore.”

With that, I took the containers inside. I knew I didn’t really need to wash them, but I placed them next to the sink anyway.

“Just a heads up.”

I jumped.

“Sorry,” Seunghyun laughed.

“You need to be louder,” I complained.

“I’m sorry,” he shook his head, “seriously.”

“It’s fine, what was the heads up?”

“Right,” he reached past me to place the wine glasses into the sink, “I’m going to keep suggesting it.”

“What? Like you’re trying to…” I stumbled over my words, not knowing how to say what I wanted.

Seunghyun looked at me, expectantly.

“Like… is there a word for this? Manifesting? Like saying something to make it come true?”

"Something like that."

He did not answer my vocabulary question.

-----

To: Hugeboy Are you available?

From: Hugeboy I can be, what’s up?

To: Hugeboy Can I call you?

Almost immediately, my phone started ringing.

“It’s like you were waiting,” I answered the call.

“No,” Mino protested, “but I know you’ve had a crazy day so I… just a minute hyung… you know, prioritized.”

“Are you with people?” I frowned, “I don’t really need anything. It’s not important.”

I heard the sound of a sliding door opening and closing in the background. There was the slight sound of traffic, but far off.

“It’s important if I say it is.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Nothing, I just…" I sat up, looking at how obviously tired I looked in the mirror, "I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep.”

“You must have had a crazy day," he commiserated with me.

“Oh my god," I flopped back onto the mattress, "you have no idea. Seunghyun asked me to marry him.”

“What?!”

“It was a joke," I quickly backtracked, "obviously, but still.”

“Why would he joke like that?”

“I don’t know, he said that it would make getting citizenship easier," I huffed, trying to blow my bangs out of my face, "and that he’s too old to be single.”

“Hmm… are you going to do it?”

“Be serious," I groaned.

“I’m just saying," Mino teased, "he’s rich.”

“Like I give a shit.”

“You could marry him, get citizenship, and then take half his money in the divorce.”

It wasn't the worst idea. Except that it obviously was out of the question.

“Like he’d be stupid enough to not have me sign a pre-nup.”

“I guess that depends on whether he actually likes you or not,” he yielded.

“That’s the other reason not to do it. If I were to get married, I’d want to at least like the person.”

“Ah, you should marry me then.”

I couldn’t help but to tease him a little.

“I don’t know… how rich are you?”

“Yah~" he whined, "that doesn’t matter when you’re in love.”

“In love?" I choked on air, "who said we’re in love?”

“Maybe not yet, but I bet we could get there.”

“Oh, suddenly I’m tired enough to sleep," I half joked, "oh gosh, I can barely keep my eyes open.”

"Ah, wait," Mino protested, "while I've got you…"

I heard the sound of the sliding door again, and the faint traffic noise completely disappeared.

"Hyung? Here, it's Luna."

"Hello?" Zico’s voice came through the phone.

"Hey, what's up?" I was unsure why I had been handed over.

"Did you think about the job at all?"

"I thought you rescinded the offer," I sarcastically dodged the question.

"Don't be stupid," Zico sounded impatient, "just think it over. Circus, tumbling, music video. Just think about it, okay?"

"I'll consider it."

"Good."

There was a scratchy kind of shuffling sound, then Mino’s voice again.

"Are you still there?"

"You know," I put on a falsely whining voice, "I don't know if things between us would really work."

"Ay," he sounded genuinely hurt, "don't say that."

"Ah, no," I immediately broke, "I was just going to make a joke about how you're always with Zico."

"I'm just filling my time. I can get there in half an hour," he offered, "all you have to do is ask~"

"We're not done here!" I heard a yell in the background, "hang up the phone! I have to kick your ass on Mario Kart!"

I burst into giggles at the commotion.

"Hyung," Mino complained, "just five minutes. We'll play soon."

“I hope you two never date!” Thankfully, even I could tell that Kyung was joking. “Can’t even hang out for five minutes without you texting, or calling, or talking about her.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve been here for two hours!”

“Yah, Mino,” I tried to interject as well as I could through the phone.

“Yes?”

I could still hear Kyung, now joined by Zico, making fun of him in the background, but ignored them.

“I’ll let you go.”

“No, that’s n-” he started protesting.

“Hyung, did you know that Luna can…” I could hear Zico mocking him in the background.

“At the dance recording she…” Kyung mimicked.

“Shut up you guys,” Mino whined.

“We get it man, you’re in love. Stop rubbing it in.”

“Tell your boyfriends that I apologize for taking so much of your time,” I teased him, “but I really should try to sleep a bit.”

“Alright, alright,” Mino agreed, “seriously though, call me if you need me.”

“Fine, now go.”

From: Hugeboy Kyung is just being selfish because he’s only home for a little while.

From: Hugeboy And once he and Zico get going together (；￣Д￣)

To: Hugeboy I don’t mind

To: Hugeboy I like making fun of my friends too

[dilfhakyeon-moved]

Seungri didn't leave because of HSH like I'm pretty sure HSH wasn't even involved in this and yet this bitch is trying to make it into defending Seungri

Stop using the current situation in kpop to fucking try and make seungri seem like a victim. Fuck you.

[ssamja-trash]

cw: seungri

it’s come to a point where my heart rate increases and i get close to an anxiety attack every time seungri’s case is even mentioned. and it sucks because i actually want to be on top of things and know what’s going on. i’m not even reading twitter and very rarely read tumblr so it’s not even the aggressive stuff that gets to me. i’m getting my information from an actual lawyer and from an objective point of view but as someone who has anxiety it’s fucking hard to listen to and i hate it.

[kpoptimeout]

[UPDATED] BIG BANG’s Seungri Retires & Leaves YG + Police Confirmed Evidence of His Crimes

Breaking news for all K-Pop fans.

Seungri, the maknae of legendary K-Pop group BIG BANG, has announced his retirement from the entertainment industry. His announcement comes in the midst of the controversy surrounding his night club “BURNING SUN.”

For more details, see below + newest updates. (CW: Assault, Drugs, Sexual Harassment)

BIG BANG’s Seungri has been involved in many businesses outside of music, including the night club called “BURNING SUN.” The club was recently alleged to having staff that assaulted club-goers physically and sexually club, provided drugs and prostitutes too. As of March 10th, Seungri was booked for acting as an agent for prostitution and the police had marked him as a suspect.

Seungri’s involvement in this scandal has been responded with massive media scrutiny and public outrage. On March 11th, Seungri was further alleged to have shared hidden camera footage of female guests at his club to other male celebrities in a group chat.

Following these mounting allegations, Seungri took to Instagram to make the following statement on March 11th:

This is Seungri. 

At this point, I think it would be for the best if I retire from the entertainment industry. I decided on retiring from the entertainment industry due to the issues that I caused. The disturbance and issues in society are too big. Regarding the issues that are being investigated, I will accept all investigations and reveal all the suspicions. 

While getting criticism and hate from the public for the past month and a half, and with all the agencies in the country currently investigating me, I am even being considered a traitor of Korea. Personally, I can’t tolerate harming everyone around me to save myself. 

I would like to sincerely thank all the fans in Korea and around the world who have given me lots of love for the past 10 years. I think this is where my end [as a celebrity] will be, even if it’s [to protect] the honour of YG Entertainment and BIGBANG. Again, I am sorry and would like to apologise once again. I am so thankful to everyone up until now.

According to the Military Manpower Administration, Seungri’s enlistment would not be delayed because of the scandals.

UPDATES:

March 11th: The Seoul Metropolitan Police Agency banned Seungri from leaving the country after booking him, meaning that his status was changed from that of a target of investigation (the stage before someone becomes a suspect in Korean criminal law) to that of a suspect.

Source: HuffingtonPost Korea

March 12th: The whistleblower of the case is a phone repairman, who came across these messages when one of the members of the KakaoTalk chat room got his phone repaired.

Source: YTN News (English Translation through Soompi)

March 12th: South Korean police have confirmed that after investigation the KakaoTalk chats were not fake or fabricated. The police official said, “Following analysis of the Kakao Talk conversations, it was confirmed that chat room actually existed and the conversation were not fabricated or manipulated.”

Source: The Hankyoreh (A Korean Daily Newspaper)

March 13th: YG Entertainment has terminated their exclusive contract with Seungri. YG has also promised to massively revise their company’s internal company constitution to prevent such horrible crimes from going unnoticed in the future.

Source: Naver Entertainment News

March 13th: Jung Joon Young has admitted to being an active member of Seungri’s Kakao Talk group chat which shared illegally filmed sex tapes of their sexual relations with women. He has also announced his leave from the industry.

Source: BBC News

March 14th: Around US Entertainment has confirmed that Yong Junhyung had indeed received illegally filmed sex tapes from Jung Joon Young through a 1 on 1 chat, watched them and also made lewd comments of the videos. He will also be leaving HIGHLIGHT. Additional information provided in the article here.

Source: AllKpop

March 14th: FNC Entertainment has confirmed that Choi Jong Hoon would be leaving F.T. ISLAND and FNC following confirmed evidence of his involvement in the illegal sex tape sharing group chat. He has also been confirmed to have bribed the police to cover up his drunk driving incident. His role as Seungri’s business partner is also being investigated. Member Hongki has also spoken up about this situation. Additional information provided in the article here. 

Source: Naver Entertainment News

March 14th: SBS’ 8 O’CLOCK News revealed that CN BLUE’s Lee Jonghyun was involved in the illegal sex tape group chat. The conversations released could be found here.

Source: Naver Entertainment News

April 4th: Roy Kims is now a suspect of the police in the case and it appears he may have been disowned by his family. Read more about this here.

Source: Koreaboo

We will make note of future updates on this case.

[xiuhoelovesjohnnysbanana]

These people who are acting like what happened with Seungri and the other celebrities is something that "they didn't expect in K-pop" or saying ridiculous things like "I liked K-pop better before" or acting like this only happens in Korea, what are you talking about? Were you not there for the entire #me too movement all over the world?

And even in Korea, before Shinee Jonghyun committing suicide there was Kim Ji Hoo, Ahn Jae Hwan, and Jang Chae Won.

Before Burning Sun there was Jang Ja-yeon ( Boys Over Flowers), who committed suicide at 29. Jang suffered clinical depression due to the sexual and physical abuse that she had received during her career. She was forced by her agent to have sex with a string of VIPs, including directors, media executives and CEOs and was beaten when she didn’t carry out the orders properly. Her agent Kim Sung-hoon, however, declined this accusation and he was never charged against.

Also the idea that it only happens in Korea is BLATANTLY RACIST.

Because again were you not there for all the school shootings and me too scandals? CRIME happens EVERYWHERE.

Les Moonves the chairman of the board, president and CEO of CBS was accused by multiple women of sexual harassment and misconduct in a Ronan Farrow investigation for the New Yorker. More women have come forward in the wake of the scandal. Moonves stepped down; however, his $120 million severance payout is in jeopardy after he purportedly destroyed evidence and misled investigators looking into the allegations.

Along with R Kelly and Bill Cosby there was Allison Mack former CW darling was arrested and charged with sex trafficking, sex trafficking conspiracy, conspiracy to commit forced labor, and racketeering conspiracy charges. Mack is accused of being a slave master in a women-branding secret sorority within the self-help group Nxivm. She pleaded not guilty to all charges and is out on bail awaiting trial.

I could go on for hundred more pages and the list of just the people who are involved only THIS YEAR will not end!

So please think before you speak people. Do your research. What happened is awful but let's not lose perspective.

[berrymeter]

Seungri has ruined the word victory for me 😑

literally like i saw that word and was like um...??? and then i remembered it was a word before that bastard existed 😶 that's rlly insane tho as a concept like imagine rain fucks up bad and we all start looking at ppl weird when they talk about the rain

[j-a-nuary]

Date Roulette: Taeyang

Friday

Intro Week Start Seungri Week Start Daesung Week Start Previous Next

-----

CW: not overtly explicit smut, but it's there.

-----

Luckily, it didn’t take much to convince Chul that I absolutely did not want his behind the scenes information. Just the fact that the information existed in the first place was already more than I wanted to deal with.

I had heard my phone go off a few times as I tried to sleep, but I had made the conscious decision to ignore it at the time.

But here, in the car, stuck in morning traffic, I had nothing better to do.

From: Zico I think this is what the kids call "later"

From: Zico Okay maybe you're asleep but I'm still going to expect an explanation tomorrow.

I rolled my eyes and decided to come back to that later.

From: Hugeboy Why did Zico just text me "your crush is weird, just find a normal girl"?

From: Hugeboy Oh. He's drunk.

From: Hugeboy Good morning! Good luck with filming today!

Time to return to the other chat, it seemed.

To: Zico Yesterday, I was annoyed with you (a little bit) because of the whole dancers talk to dancers thing

To: Zico You seemed to be crossing some kind of boundary, but I let it go because you appeared to have some sort of good intention

To: Zico This morning however…

To: Zico I'm just plain annoyed with you because you're impatient and immature.

An alert popped up on my screen. I tapped it open.

From: Hugeboy If you're trying to yell at Zico, he's still asleep.

To: Hugeboy I assume he went to yours after drinking?

To: Hugeboy Also, good morning.

From: Hugeboy Yes. He's going to be out for a while.

From: Hugeboy What were you texting him?

To: Hugeboy I just don't like what he texted you that.

To: Hugeboy I'm not weird.

To: Hugeboy I just forgot to text him back

To: Hugeboy He's weird for getting so upset about it

From: Hugeboy Ah, that makes me happy

To: Hugeboy Why ?

From: Hugeboy Because… it's like…

From: Hugeboy You want me to keep liking you

I stared at the message as the car continued its slow trundle through the city. I felt like I should say something, but what?

To: Hugeboy I just don’t like that Zico feels like I owe him something.

From: Hugeboy (¬‿¬ ) whatever you say

I clicked my screen off and crossed my arms, staring out at the slightly gray morning.

“What was all that?”

I glanced at Taeyang, but after catching the little red light of a camera strapped onto the dashboard I just shook my head.

Taeyang gave a snort of a laugh, shaking his head in turn.

-----

“Okay. Just remember that if you’re going to be talking about anything relevant, you need to come over here so we can catch it,” Chul reminded me.

“I know, I know,” I re-tucked my shirt into the billowy pants that wardrobe had given me. “So diligent.”

“I just want to be sure that you know that we will not be able to hear you unless you come over here,” he was nodding a little too much, and his eyes were exaggeratedly wide.

“I am aware, Chul,” I smiled, “thank you for looking out after me.”

He gave me a small smile and nodded.

-----

“My first time being basically off mic and I have nothing to talk about to take advantage of it,” I stretched next to Taeyang.

“Yeah, it’s kind of wasted on me, huh?”

“Basically,” I nodded towards the small group of assorted staff that he had told me contained his girlfriend, “which one is her?”

“Blue headband.”

“Ah,” I watched her for a moment before continuing, “if you think it would help, you can tell her that she’s more my type than you are.”

“What?” Taeyang looked shocked.

“What?” I shrugged, “she’s way better looking than you.”

“Are you…” he looked uncomfortable, “interested in women?”

“Isn’t everyone?”

I wished I hadn’t said anything. The vibes were off. The amount of reshooting we had to do was completely out of hand.

Or maybe all shoots were like this? It seemed excessive to me though.

-----

When we broke for a late breakfast, Taeyang quickly disappeared. I noticed that Ms. Blue Headband also was nowhere to be seen.

I made my way to a nearby cafe on my own. I was still mic-free, a fact that I hadn’t really thought about until a body hit the chair across from me.

I had pulled a hoodie over the costume when I left. The hood itself was oversized, which I was grateful for as I had been able to pull it up and slightly over my face.

Did I care who it was? I mulled over the question for a moment, still staring directly into my slightly chipped mug of tea.

“Ah, excuse me?” a familiar voice flagged down a waiter, “can I get an americano?”

I looked up from my admittedly extremely slouched position to meet Mino’s gaze.

What a pleasant surprise.

“What are you doing here?”

“What are you talking about?” he shrugged, “I come here all the time.”

He crossed his arms and looked around the restaurant casually before shooting me a sly smile.

“Stalker.”

“What?” I sat up straighter, “how am I a stalker? I just came here because it had the highest ratings on naver.”

Mino leaned forward, still smiling.

“You don’t remember, do you?”

“Remember what?”

“Ah, really?” He leaned back, gripping the edge of the seat to counterbalance himself.

“What?” I pressed him.

“We first met here,” he nodded towards a booth, “over there.”

I looked around, taking in the restaurant fully for the first time since I had arrived.

“That’s right,” I muttered, “how did I not know that?”

“You’ve met a lot of people - thank you,” he interrupted himself as the waiter returned with his coffee, “and you’ve been to a lot of places recently.”

He paused to sip the drink before finishing, “I’ll try not to take it too personally.”

I just nodded and leaned back in my own chair.

We sat in silence for a while. Mino had a small laptop with him, which he had set up and was tapping at as he sipped at his cup. His knee bounced underneath the table, slightly shaking his entire body with the movement.

For my part, I simply scrolled on my phone. I was on my old twitter account. It was the one I used primarily to keep in contact with my English speaking friends, with a slight sprinkle of Spanish every now and again.

Art post. Fan post. Video games. Video games. Video games. Photo of luggage being packed, captioned “countdown initiated”. Art post. Video games.

For a few minutes I was completely able to forget about the show, the boys, the house, and somehow even the slight problem that was the man sitting across from me. And just how angry Jiyong would get if he knew that this was happening.

“I like this.”

I looked up at Mino. He had his chin on one hand, intently focused on the screen in front of him. At some point he had put on some glasses, but I hadn’t noticed.

“Huh?”

He glanced at me, and smiled.

“I like this,” he turned his eyes back to the screen, “sitting with you here.”

I blinked at him a few times, before turning my own attention back to my phone.

“Me too.”

We returned to our silent parallel existence until an alarm went off on my phone.

“Break’s over,” I sighed standing up. I started rifling through my bag, looking for my card to go pay at the counter.

“Just go,” Mino waved me off, “I’ll pay.”

“Are you sure?” I lifted my hand, card now between my fingers, “I’ve got it right here.”

“Go,” Mino nodded.

I must have been wearing one of my doubtful looks, because he repeated himself emphatically as my phone started ringing.

“Go,” he insisted, “let me take care of it.”

“Okay,” I sighed, hefting my bag over my shoulder, “I’ll pay you back next time,” I was now headed towards the door, raising the now answered phone as I left, "I promise."

"Where are you? We need to work," an annoyed Taeyang complained through the phone as Mino laughed and waved me off.

"I'm like two minutes away, the cafe on the corner."

"Alright, well, hurry up."

-----

"Ayyyyyy, the star is here!"

For once, Bobby wasn't immediately on my nerves.

Though that may have had something to do with the woman standing next to him.

Soo-ah excitedly waved as I pulled off the hoodie and let the makeup artist touch me up.

I waved as much as I could without making things harder for the woman dabbing a sponge over my cheeks. Once I was finally given the go-ahead, I practically ran over to her.

"What are you doing here?"

"I told Jiwon-ah that I'm a big fan of the new female dancer at YG and he brought me to watch," Soo-ah broke into laughter at her own joke, giddily grasping my hands in hers.

I shot Bobby a thumbs up, applauding his move. He blushed slightly, but didn't say anything.

"But look at you! This is amazing," she still held my hands as she looked around.

There was a shout for Taeyang and I to get back on the set.

"I have to go, are you staying?"

"Yes," she nodded emphatically, "as long as I'm allowed."

I gave her a quick pat on her head. It was a habit that had started as a joke when she joined my Kung Fu class, but was not just a natural thing at times.

"Good, I'll be back."

-----

“No good!” called the camera operator/director, “Luna?”

“Sorry, sorry,” I called back.

“You’ve got to hit the mark,” was the only response to my placation. “Back in starting positions.”

For what felt like the hundredth time, Taeyang and I returned to our spots while the crew reset the scenery.

“No good!"

“I am going to kill myself if I don’t get this right,” I groaned at Taeyang.

"What is going on you guys?" The director walked onto the set and approached us both, "Luna, what's with the hesitation?"

"Sorry," I shook my head, "I just have to focus."

"Yeah, also…," he turned towards Taeyang  now, "go talk to wardrobe, your shirt got ripped somehow."

"What?" he pulled the hem of his shirt out slightly to take a look.

"On the back, here," the director indicated to his left side.

-----

While waiting for Taeyang to get his shirt stitched, I was dallying in one of the darker corners of the studio space with Soo-ah.

“I think it looked fine. I don’t know why they kept stopping it,” she observed.

“He’s not getting low enough,” I explained, “if he stays that high up, I can’t use his body to roll.”

“Can’t you just flip?” She pointed out.

“What? Front flip? He would be in the way,” I shook my head, “we’d both just end up getting hurt.”

“No,” she protested, “that backwards one that you spent ages trying to teach to Woohyung.”

I stared at her. How had I not considered that?

“The springy one?” I flipped my wrist slightly, mimicking the motion.

“Yeah! Since you burst upwards at the start, he doesn’t have to go as low.”

I approached Taeyang. He raised a hand and shook his head.

“I know,” he started with a sigh, “I ju-”

“I don’t care,” I waved his words away, “you don’t have to change anything. Soo-ah came up with a way to fix it.”

“What?”

“Just keep doing what you’re doing. And keep going, even if they call for us to stop, okay?” I waited for him to nod, “I just want to get one full go-through before we decide if we want to keep it or not.”

-----

The jump went well. It took two additional shots to get something I thought was good enough, since the crew hadn’t been expecting it, but Taeyang was skeptical. In my opinion, it was much better than the original choreography. Plus it eliminated the need for Taeyang and I to get body-to-body with each other, which I suspected that his girlfriend also appreciated.

The director was delighted with what he called the “new highlight”, but explained that I had just guaranteed that we would need to stay and film either until very late tonight, or come back tomorrow.

“I thought we were filming tomorrow again anyway?” 

“Well, we booked the space just in case,” Taeyang explained, “but it wasn’t exactly necessary.”

“That’s right, but if we make changes like this,” the director shrugged, “it naturally takes longer.”

“Right,” I nodded, “that makes sense. I think I’d prefer to split it, if that’s not a problem.”

“No problem, let’s work until…” Taeyang trailed off, looking at the director for input.

“Ah, it’s,” the director checked his watch, “okay it’s 3pm now…” he tilted his head. I could almost see the mental calculations going on in his head.

“Let’s go until 6pm? Then I can get today’s footage to the editing team, and they’ll tell us what we need for tomorrow.”

“Okay, uh, just give me one second.”

I jogged over to where Bobby and Soo-ah were sitting and talking.

“Hey, we’re going for another three hours. You don’t have to hang around this whole time if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t mind,” Bobby shrugged, “but I am hearing some very concerning stuff from Soo-ah.”

I blinked, fast and repeatedly. I couldn’t really think of what Soo-ah may have been telling him.

“Don’t make it sound like that,” Soo-ah pouted, “I was just talking about you and Minjung’s festival demonstrations.”

“Oh! Um,” I shrugged, “yeah. That’s fine. But listen, I gotta go back. If you guys leave just text me, okay?”

-----

“What do you want to do for dinner?” Taeyang asked from the other side of the wardrobe area.

Several racks of clothes, and about three portable canvas “walls” separated us. However, I thought I could tell that he wasn’t really interested.

“I’m actually getting dinner with Soo-ah,” I called back across the room, “you can come if you want.”

“Ah, I’ll just go ahead. Have fun.”

I heard a door open and close. I suspected that I was now alone in the room.

Half-dressed, I sat down and pulled out my phone.

From: Sooooo-AH! We’re heading out to dinner. You’re as amazing as always!

I smiled at the message. How I had ever been lucky enough to become friends with Soo-ah, I didn’t know.

To: Sooooo-AH! Have fun! I was so happy you came today!

I switched to another waiting message.

From: Zico Okay so I understand I need to apologize

From: Zico I was in a mood last night

From: Zico and I took it out on you

From: Zico which was not fair

From: Zico I’m sorry

I didn’t know what to say to that. I started typing, but decided the energy wasn’t worth it right now. While I was tapping the backspace, another message alert popped up.

From: Hugeboy Are you done? I just saw Taeyang leave.

To: Hugeboy Are you stalking me?

From: Hugeboy I was dropping off something for Seunghoon. I just passed Taeyang in the hallway.

To: Hugeboy Suspicious

To: Hugeboy Yeah, we’re done.

From: Hugeboy Hmm… this doesn’t help my case, but where are you? Did you leave already?

I considered the message. Would it be too much to meet him here? On the other hand, wouldn’t it just be a coincidence?

To: Hugeboy To be honest, I’m being lazy in wardrobe 4

To: Hugeboy I sat down and now I don’t want to get up again

From: Hugeboy Number 4?? I’m not too far from there |ω･)ﾉ

To: Hugeboy Ah, I guess I have an excuse to just sit for a little while longer then.

He didn’t text back. I supposed he had other things to focus on at the moment.

I stretched backwards, cracking my back against the chair before hauling myself upwards, back to where my remaining normal clothes were sitting on a shelf.

As I picked up my shirt, a business card fluttered onto the floor. I bent to pick it up, curious as to who it could be from.

“Hello?” Mino’s voice echoed through the room.

Spurred into action by no longer being alone, I shoved the card into my pocket and started tugging my shirt on.

“Over here,” I called out.

Mino rounded the corner of the green canvas divider as I was tugging my shirt down over my stomach. His eyes dropped to my waist, then flew upwards as he turned slightly away from me.

“You really were being lazy,” he mumbled.

“You can’t be embarrassed by some stomach skin,” I laughed, “I’ve seen your backup dancers’ outfits.”

“That’s different,” he glanced at me, confirming that I was decent before he turned to face me again.

“Ah, can I say this?” he mumbled in a tone that seemed to be flirtatious.

“Say what?”

“Maybe I should have been faster,” he smiled, eyes flitting briefly down my body before refocusing on my face.

“Yah, be careful,” I scolded him slightly.

“Right, right,” he nodded, then jerked his head towards the exit, “should we go?”

“Sure thing,” I swung my bag over my shoulder, “where to?”

-----

“I know I’ve asked this about six times in the last ten minutes but…” I trailed off.

“And I’ll say the same thing,” Mino patted my leg before returning his hand to the shifter of his car, “it’s fine.”

We stopped at a red light, I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt closer around my face.

Mino’s hand rested on my knee again, this time squeezing reassuringly.

“If you don’t want to come to my house, we can go someplace else.”

“No, it’s fine,” I sighed, “I just… you know I can probably beat you in a fight, right?”

“I have no intention of testing that,” Mino said, once again returning his hand to the shifter as the light turned green.

“Not even for self-preservation,” he craned his neck to check all angles before pulling across three lanes of traffic in a left turn, “I’m not that type.”

I wasn’t sure exactly how to respond to that, so I lifted my phone to distract me. A new message was waiting for me.

From: Llyong Boho Let’s get dinner.

I squinted at the message. I was once again going to have to lie.

I considered asking Bobby and Soo-ah to cover for me, but that felt like it could fall apart pretty easily.

To: Llyong Boho I actually decided to get dinner on my own.

To: Llyong Boho Just taking a minute to myself, you know?

I stared at the screen for a few minutes. I had long ago turned my read receipts off, so I was completely in the dark about what was happening unless the bubbles popped up.

They did not.

I tucked my phone away.

“You okay?” Mino asked.

“Yeah, just,” I sighed, “Jiyong.”

-----

“You seem calmer than usual,” I was sitting in Mino’s kitchen, a wonderfully friendly cat curled up in my lap. Mino was sitting across from me, now empty take-away dishes between us on the table.

“Do I? Maybe it’s just because it’s my house,” Mino shrugged.

“I don’t mean that. I mean…” I took a second to work out what I was trying to say, “like you’re not worried? You’re usually kind of anxious when I see you.”

“Ah,” Mino leaned forward, resting his head on his hand, “I decided to not worry about the show, or Jiyong, or anything like that.”

“Really? It’s that simple?”

Mino nodded, “I figure that as long as you and I are still talking, texting, whatever…” he leaned back again, “that should be enough, right?”

He really did seem relaxed. However, his nerves were betrayed by the way he was staring into space and idly spinning a ring on one of his fingers.

I couldn’t help it.

“Ah, I suppose that’s the first step,” I stood up, much to Jhonny’s annoyance, and started cleaning up the containers on the table, “right?”

Mino looked up at me, cocking his head. The ring stopped.

“First step for what?”

“For you to move on,” I teased him.

“Yah,” he stood up and took the containers out of my hands, dropping them on the counter before turning back to me. He gave me a serious look as he took my hand and pulled me towards him.

“I just don’t want to be another source of stress.”

“I was teasing you,” I explained.

“I know,” he had leaned against the counter, pulling me to lean against his body, “but I know you make jokes as a way to say serious things.”

“How do you know that?” I asked him.

“I pay attention is all. So,” Mino swayed his arms slightly, gently wiggling me back and forth, “are you worried that I’ll stop liking you?”

“Not really.”

His eyebrows dipped slightly.

“Really?”

I lifted my heels slightly, reaching up to quickly kiss his cheek.

“Yah,” he was beginning to blush as I pulled back, “you’re going to make me nervous again.”

I grinned, then leaned up again. This time I pressed my lips to his.

Mino hummed, squeezing me against him a little tighter.

I let myself enjoy it for a moment before pulling back.

“I should head back soon,” I dropped my head onto his chest, “I feel like a child out after curfew.”

“I’ll drop you off,” Mino offered.

“No,” I groaned, trying to take a step back, “I should take the train. I said that I was on my own.”

“At least let me get you a taxi,” Mino held fast around my waist, leaning forward and kissing my forehead. “You know you can’t really take public transport anymore, right?”

“Ah, right, I’m famous by association. But that’s okay, I can pay for it. Besides, you covered my coffee this morning.”

“Just let me get it,” he pressed, “I like doing things for you.”

-----

“I’m home,” I called out as I kicked off my shoes in the entryway.

A flat “good to see you,” echoed from somewhere inside the house. I couldn’t quite tell who had said it, but it felt nice to hear all the same.

I turned into the living room to see Daesung watching some drama. He glanced up as I entered.

“How was your solo dinner?”

“Good,” I fell onto the sofa next to him, letting my legs hang over the side, “what are you watching?”

He clicked a button on the remote to display the show information and read aloud the name of some program that I wasn’t familiar with.

“Any good?”

“Eh,” he shrugged, “how was filming?”

“Busy but also, not? Is that how it usually is?”

“It’s usually even worse,” he explained, “but we’re used to it.”

“Fair…” I stared at the television, not really absorbing anything happening on the screen. After a moment, I realized something.

“Where are the others?”

“I think Jiyong is sulking, Taeyang isn’t back yet, and I don’t know about the other two.”

I sighed, letting my head drop against Daesung’s shoulder.

“Should I go see him?”

Daesung stretched his arm out and readjusted in his seat. I let my head slide down to rest on his leg.

“It’s not your responsibility,” he almost hummed the words as he started running his fingers through my hair, “he’s not a child.”

I nodded, letting my eyes close.

“I feel responsible though.”

“Stop. You needed time to yourself, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

I groaned as his fingernails skimmed my scalp.

“You’re going to put me to sleep,” I whined.

“You deserve to rest.”

-----

“Come on,” it was definitely one of the guys talking, though they were speaking so softly, and I was so tired, that I couldn’t quite place who it was.

I grumbled as I felt arms slide under my shoulders and knees.

“But I’m sleeping.”

I felt like my eyes were stuck together. Or maybe I just didn’t want to open them anyway.

“Just come this way a little bit.”

I leaned towards the voice.

“Good girl, ready now?”

I nodded. Beginning to recognize the whisper, I wound one of my hands into his shirt for more security.

My body lifted slowly. I groaned again, involuntarily, annoyed by the cooler air hitting the freshly exposed bits of my arms and legs.

The chest bounced with a laugh.

I was still a little disoriented, not quite able to mentally follow the path that I was being carried along.

“Ah, can you open her door?”

“Sure,” that one was definitely Taeyang.

My body turned, I imagined to get through the doorway without bumping my head on the door frame.

“Okay,” I felt a knee under me as he knelt on my mattress to get me situated, “here you are.”

I groaned and refused to loosen my fingers from the shirt that my face was resting on.

There was a silent laugh. I only knew about it from the tell-tale jump on the chest.

“You have to let go,” it wasn’t a demand or admonishment.

I groaned more adamantly, gripping the cloth even tighter.

A heavy sigh, followed by “ah, fine.”

I loosened my grip slightly, allowing him to adjust his position enough that I was left with my head resting against his chest.

I wound my legs between his, noticing that they were thinner than I had expected.

“Are you always this affectionate when you’re tired?”

I shrugged.

“You weren’t like this at all during my week.’

“I had some fresh, uh…” I thought back to the Weekly Idol interview trying to remember the word I had learned, “trauma?”

“That’s true,” his fingers were back in my hair.

We lay there in a drowsy silence for a while before I spoke up again.

“Dae?”

“Ah, you’re still awake? I was just thinking it might be safe for me to leave.”

I tightened my legs around one of his. His chest bounced again with a quiet laugh.

“What’s up?”

“Would you say yes if I chose you?”

My ear vibrated slightly as he hummed before answering.

“What do you think?”

“I can’t tell. You treat me well, but I think you probably treat everyone well.”

“Mm-hmm,” he hummed in agreement.

I loosened myself up from his body a little bit so that I could lean on my elbow to look at him.

“I think you flirt with me, but again…”

I paused. He had lifted a hand to brush my hair out of my face, intently watching me as I spoke. Seeing him pay such close attention, it made my heart ache somehow.

“But…?” He prompted me to continue.

“It seems like just part of your personality.”

“Even when I’m out of character?”

I groaned, letting my head fall back onto his chest.

“Can’t you just tell me yes or no?”

“I could, but I don’t want to influence you.”

“I’m asking though,” I wriggled my legs in annoyance, “I want to know.”

Was that true though? If I wanted to know, I now realized that I could probably just ask Chul. It would doubtless be the easier way to find things out. So why was I bothering with this back and forth?

Besides the fact that it was a little fun, that is.

“Come here,” Daesung moved under me. I sat up, only to have him put a hand on my arm. He slid back, sitting at an angle against the headboard and pillows, and gestured for me to come towards him again.

I tilted my head. Did I want to choose Daesung? This entire time I had been thinking of him as potentially a good hook-up, but nothing more intimate than that.

Which, maybe, was exactly what I needed. Something to flush my system of all my built up hormones and mixed feelings.

“Dae,” I shuffled to kneel next to him.

“Yes?”

“Forget the show choice for a second.”

“Okay,” he nodded slowly, eyes narrowing slightly.

“What about just right now?”

“What about it?”

“If I asked you to sleep here tonight, would you say yes?”

Daesung blinked a few times.

I waited, kneeling on my hands to stop myself from fidgeting.

Finally, Daesung tilted his head and chuckled again.

“Are you asking me to?”

I shrugged, “just answer the question.”

He paused again, this time washing his eyes over me. I realized that he was trying to figure out how serious I was.

You and me both, my dude.

“Come here,” he said softly.

I leaned forward slightly.

“No,” he shook his head, then patted a hand against his thigh, “come here.”

I freed my hands from under my knees, supporting myself as I leaned over him.

“Sit down,” another pat on his thigh.

Well, if he insisted.

I straddled his lap and sat up straight. I kept my eyes on him. The corner of his lip slid up slightly.

“So, if I asked you to stay here tonight…?” I left the sentence unfinished.

“I’ll stay as long as you'd like me to, pet.”

-----

My phone chimed.

Daesung grabbed my wrist when I reached for it, pulling my hand to press against his chest.

“It can wait,” he groaned.

“If it’s Jiyong, his next step is knocking on my door,” I explained, “and while we may be able to keep quiet, there are levels to that sort of thing.”

“Ugh, fine,” he let go of my wrist, instead grabbing my thighs to keep me from getting off of him.

From: Llyong Boho Are you back yet?

I sighed.

“What does he want?” Daesung asked.

“Probably this,” I snorted, glancing down to where Daesung was firmly inside me.

Daesung laughed, “you’re not wrong.”

To: Llyong Boho Yes. I’m hanging out with Daesung.

To: Llyong Boho Whatever it is, can it wait until tomorrow?

I leaned over and placed my phone back onto my bedside table.

“All good?”

“I think so,” I leaned down, quickly pressing my lips against his.

“Fuck,” he groaned at the motion, “this is not how I saw my night ending.”

“Me neither,” I sat back up and rocked against him slightly.

Daesung laughed again, then pressed his head back into the pillow with a sigh.

“Okay, okay okay… okay…”

“Okay?” I teased him.

“I have to… come here pet,” he grabbed both of my wrists, pulling me back down against his chest.

“I can’t take this much more,” his hands found my hair and he pulled me against his lips again.

“My turn,” he looked directly into my eyes, “okay?”

“Yes.”

He wrapped an arm around my waist. Lifting and rolling, he pulled me into position on the bed and quickly situated himself as well.

“Wait,” he grabbed one of the pillows and lightly tapped my thigh, “lift up for me pet.”

I lifted my hips and he put the pillow under them.

Just a few seconds later, he was leaning down and just barely tracing his teeth against the skin of my breast.

“God damn it, this is going to be embarrassing.”

“Hmm?” I gripped his hair, pulling him up my body so that I could taste his neck.

“I am not going to last much longer,” he groaned, “you feel so good on me pet.”

“That’s fine,” I reassured him, “we’re kind of already pushing our luck on privacy here.”

“True.”

-----

Daesung looked like he was about to melt into my mattress.

“Okay, so I know what I said,” I rolled onto my side to look at him, “but I don’t think you should actually sleep here.”

I started tracing invisible lines along his chest.

“Of course,” he nodded, “just let me,” he waved a hand, “you know.”

“You should at least get dressed,” I prodded him, “just in case.”

“I’ll get dressed when you do.”

“Fine then,” I stood up and almost immediately my knees buckled.

As if he had precognition, Daesung somehow was already sitting up to grab me and redirect my fall onto the bed.

“How did yo-”

“That usually happens,” he seemed a little embarrassed to say it.

“You slut,” I laughed.

“Excuse me?” Daesung feigned offense, “coming from you.”

I shrugged, then flopped down on the mattress.

“Dae-oppaa~” I whined.

“Yes, my pet?”

“Can you get my shorts for me?”

“Of course.”

-----

We were both fully clothed, and just hanging out showing each other things we were finding on our phones when Jiyong texted me again.

From: Llyong Boho Does it have to wait?

I leaned over and showed the message to Daesung.

“Ah,” he sighed, “I suppose he wants his turn.”

“Gross.”

“I didn’t mean like that,” he nudged me with his shoulder, “but he, you know, he likes you. He wants to spend time with you.”

I rolled onto my back and wriggled my way so that I was looking up into Daesung’s face.

“Do you not like me?”

“How can you even ask me that?” He leaned down and kissed me before continuing, “I’m just not possessive.”

“So nothing changes?”

“Not yet,” he smiled down at me, “not until you tell me that something has changed.”

“So you don’t get jealous?”

“I get insanely jealous," he traced a line under my chin with one finger as he spoke, "when it is appropriate to do so.”

“But…?” I urged him to continue.

“I know that we’re not dating. We haven’t made any promises to each other or anything like that. So,” he kissed me again, “there is nothing for me to be jealous about. Text Jiyong.”

I sat up and typed out a not exactly untruthful message.

To: Llyong Boho Yes. We're still hanging out.

I flashed the message to Daesung, who nodded, before I hit send.

“And you’re not going to say anything?”

“What would be the point of me saying something? Just to make people feel bad?”

“You can say Jiyong,” I teased.

Daesung rolled onto his side to fix me with an intense look.

“People,” he said again, emphasizing the plurality. “The only thing that I think will change is that now when I see you I’ll know all the hidden things you’ve done to your body.”

“Yah,” I warned him.

“I might flirt a little bit more,” he pushed himself to sit up, mirroring me, “now that I’m about… let’s say seventy percent sure that you like me a little bit.”

“Seventy? Isn’t that a little high?”

An expression that had just recently been shown to me for the first time flashed across his face.

“Kiss me, pet.”

I leaned forward and easily obliged.

“Again.”

I laughed, this time kissing his cheek.

My phone chimed.

“No no no no no,” he shook his head, “kiss me properly pet.”

I reached up with one hand and combed my fingers into his hair before kissing him again. When I pulled back, I tugged at his lip with my teeth.

“Eighty percent sure.”

“Anyway,” I rolled, both eyes and body, so that I could pick up the phone.

From: Llyong Boho I want to see you, if I can.

“I think he wants me to kick you out.”

“Fair enough,” Daesung hauled himself up from the bed, “it is a bit late for me to be in your room. Who knows what could happen.”

I tried to suppress a laugh.

“By the way,” he paused before opening the door, “yes.”

"Huh?"

"I would say yes."

-----

To: Llyong Boho Meet under the deck?

From: Llyong Boho Sure.

I slipped out of the sliding door. Relief washed over me to see that Jiyong was not already there.

I heard the soft whooshing creak of the door opening overhead, followed by slightly stilted footsteps crossing the deck and coming down the stairs.

"Jagiya?"

"Hmm?"

I could smell him as he approached. The waft of the cigarette in his hand, mixed with cologne and alcohol.

His steps were steady though, so maybe I was wrong.

I thought back to the last time we had been down here. How I had kissed him and left.

I suddenly found the smell of alcohol appealing, in a “ just one shot to steel my nerves” sort of way.

Jiyong leaned against one of the posts, just watching me as he took a drag on his cigarette.

Fine then.

“What’s up?”

He sighed, a long cloud issuing from his lips.

“It’s stupid,” he shook his head, “I’m jealous.”

“What is it this time?” I settled back against the glass that led into my room.

“If you’re tired and need someone to lean on,” he stared at the ground, “I want you to lean on me. That’s what I said, right?”

He laughed, shaking his head again.

“Stupid, like I said,” he finally looked up and met my eye again, “come upstairs with me.”

My eyes narrowed, causing Jiyong to give that self-deprecating laugh again.

“Sorry, I’ve been thinking too much.”

“What about?”

He looked down again. I could see his Adam's apple bob in his throat before he looked back up at me.

“Do you have any feelings left for me?”

As intensely as he had been avoiding eye contact before, he was staring at me now.

I thought of the last month. The grocery shopping, cooking together, spending nights just enjoying having a body next to me in bed, secret kisses, arguments, clothing, warnings…

“I don’t know if I really did to begin with,” I admitted.

Jiyong’s eyes flicked between mine. His eyebrows dipped, and a wry smile tugged at his lips.

“Wh… sorry, what?”

“No, Ji…” I immediately regretted the words. Pushing off the glass, I stepped towards him.

“I don’t mean…” I sighed.

“Then what do you mean?” His voice was sharp, slightly higher than usual. He also stood upright from where he had been leaning.

“Because it sounds to me,” he stepped forward, invading my space enough to make me step back and bump against the glass again, “like what you mean is that I’m the only one who felt anything.”

“Jiyah… I’m,” I shook my head, “I’m not saying that. I just mean that we haven’t really had time to know each other.”

“Time to…?” He hung his head forward as he said it, then shook it again. Rising his eyes to meet mine again, he continued, “I have made time. I even…” he stopped himself. Running his hands through his hair a few times, he gathered himself.

“Jiyo-”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does,” I insisted.

“No,” that laugh again, “it doesn’t. If you never had any feelings for me, none of this matters.”

“Jiyong,” I took his hand in mine, “listen to me.”

“What? What could you possi-”

I leaned forward and placed my lips on his. He pulled away almost immediately, but at least he was quiet now.

“I said to begin with.”

Jiyong breathed deeply a few times before saying anything else. I knew he would feel compelled to fill the silence, and I was glad to let him do it now that I had pointed out the distinction.

“And now?”

“Now?” I tilted my head, thinking of how to phrase how I felt, “there’s potential.”

“Potential?” He said it like he couldn’t believe I had the audacity.

“What the fuck do you want from me Jiyong? We barely know each other.”

“I don’t want anything from you,” he turned and leaned back against the glass next to me, “I just want you.”

“That’s everything, Ji.”

“Fine, then I want everything.”

We fell into silence, just standing side by side, feeling awful. I was tempted to ask him for a cigarette.

“Why do we keep having this conversation?” is what I asked instead.

“Because you are on my mind all the time,” Jiyong answered, “and I don’t know if I ever even cross yours.”

“Hmm,” I nodded, “you know, and man this is going to sound manipulative…”

Jiyong laughed, a real one this time.

“This whole jealous all the time thing is a pretty big red flag.”

“You’ve mentioned that. Actually,” Jiyong turned to look at my side profile, “you’re not the first woman to tell me that.”

“I need to sleep,” I sighed, “I have more dance filming tomorrow.”

“Come sleep with me.”

I turned my head to look at Jiyong. His eyes were trailing down my body, but lifted to meet mine. “Ji…”

“It was worth a try,” he shrugged.

Standing up straight, he stretched his arms and cracked his neck.

“Well, unless you have any other, um, interruptions to offer me, I guess I’ll head up.”

“Goodnight Jiyong.”

“Alright, alright,” he started towards the stairs, “at least I have potential, right?”

“Goodnight,” I carefully articulated the word.

Jiyong nodded one more time and climbed up the steps.

-----

I checked my phone when I got back into my room.

From: D-Lite I heard some raised tones, are you okay? From: D-Lite He didn’t… figure it out, right? To: D-Lite It’s fine. He just wants everything

I laid on my bed. I could smell Daesung’s cologne on my sheets.

From: D-Lite He gets like that when he likes someone From: D-Lite But you’re okay? To: D-Lite Yes To: D-Lite I am more than okay, actually

I took a picture of my rumpled sheets and sent it to him.

To: D-Lite [image] From: D-Lite If you start flirting with me right now I will come back down there. From: D-Lite And I will make sure that you can not keep quiet this time.

My cheeks immediately heated to approximately the same temperature as the surface of the sun.

To: D-Lite Noted. I will not flirt with you. To: D-Lite Right now.

I quickly set my phone to airplane mode and set it on its charger. Better not to push my luck.

[kpoptimeout]

[OP-ED] Spring Cleaning: Coming to Terms with the Immorality of Our Idols

CW: Assault of Minors, Sexism, Sexual Assault, Sexual Exploitation, Rape

When BIG BANG’s Seungri announced his retirement on March 12th 2019, casual K-Pop fans reacted with shock and disbelief. For more dedicated fans, this was a slow-burning discomfort that has continued to grow in the past few years. 

With a history of scandals involving one-night stands and disrespectful behaviour towards female juniors in the industry, there has always been a hint of something more sinister behind the maknae of the boy band dubbed the Kings of K-Pop. Nobody simply expected it to be the tip of the iceberg involving the management of night clubs that encourage date rape and prostitution as well as a group chat of wealthy and power Korean men sharing illegally filmed clips of their sexual exploits without their partners’ consent. Following the reveal of Seungri’s crimes, many other big-named idols in the industry like Jung Joon Young, F.T. ISLAND’s Choi Jong Hoon, HIGHLIGHT’s Yong Jun Hyung and CN BLUE’s Lee Jong Hyun have also been exposed for having participated or assisted such criminal behaviour. 

The reaction to this massive K-Pop controversy appears to mirror the fallout following the release of the documentaries “Surviving R.Kelly” and “Leaving Neverland”, which reveal the heinous sex crimes done to minors by superstars R.Kelly and Michael Jackson respectively. While some fans are denying the accusations outright, others realise the gravity of the issue but are uncertain as to how they should navigate the revelation that their idols. Whether it is R.Kelly, Michael Jackson, or Seungri, fans cannot believe that these people who have brought them so much joy through their craft, could be monsters. 

Given BIG BANG’s “Haru Haru” was the first song that pulled me into a 10+ year romance with K-Pop, I definitely was one such fan who had trouble dealing with the news. What makes the coming to terms process perhaps even harder for K-Pop fans, compared to those of the two American stars in question, is the access K-Pop fans feel to their idols. 

We enjoy an industry where we are fed endless content. American stars drop a music video and the promote their songs on some talk shows or comedy shows, and that’s all the visual exposure we would get unless we also get tickets to their shows or they are invited to an awards ceremony. The K-Pop industry, on the other hand, provides us with music videos, 6 weekly music programs, variety shows where idols are staple guests, and vlog content tailor-made for each group. The focus of the day to day activities of K-Pop stars within the vicinity of Seoul for most of the year also means we get endless fan taken photographs and videos of these celebrities going about their schedules and lives. We end up feeling that these stars are like our next-door neighbours who we grew up with. We like them because they are talented and make good music. We like them because of their seemingly harmless flaws and relatability. We like them because we know them. 

The higher the expectations of familiarity, the harder the fall would be when we realise we do not actually know them. Jung Joon Young is not just a free-spirit. He is a man who simply does not care about the consequences of his own mistakes and crimes. Choi Jong Hoon is not just a guy who just likes to drink. He is a reckless drunk driver who would pay his way out of problems and still joke about it with his bros. Yong Jun Hyung is not just someone who gives off the “cold and distant artist” vibes. He is a man who genuinely does not care about his friends’ sexual exploitation of women. Lee Jong Hyun is not just some singer who happens to hang out a lot with his fellow male celebrities on his days off. He is a man who uses his network of powerful male friends to secure girls he can “play” with. Seungri is not just some trouble-making boy. He is a man who would rather stay with problematic friends that reaffirm each other’s behaviours and egos instead of working to improve himself and his circles. 

There had always been signs of something more but because of their power and fame; people choose to ignore it. Just like the many comedy shows that made jokes about R.Kelly’s “preference” for younger girls, Seungri’s behaviour towards women was just the butt of the joke in the Netflix sitcom “YG Future Strategy Office.” We do not know them because they are supported by an industry that wants to prevent us from knowing them. They are supported by an industry that would rather turn their turn these issues into entertainment to further profit from us. 

Even after coming to grasp with the façade created by the entertainment industry, many people would still get defensive when asked about their stance. “What about the art?”, many people asked, given the music they grew up listening to has been created by such abusers. 

However, just because the fall is hard, just because we felt lied to, does not mean we should avoid facing the truth. The choice between supporting victims of abuse and abusers should always be a simple one. There is nothing mutually exclusive in accepting the truth in your own experiences with the artist as well as those of the victims. The feelings I felt listening to “Haru Haru”, the feelings I felt singing along to BIG BANG music videos, the feelings I felt when I first saw them in a concert are all real – just because Seungri is now revealed to be a despicable human being does not mean we turn back time and somehow nullify all the joy and inspiration derived from these experiences. It happened already. BIG BANG’s music made me happier growing up. From now on, though, I will not be supporting any material Seungri generates (if he ever decides to sneak back into the limelight), and will, instead, support the many people he has hurt. There is no finite amount of art. There will always be more good music and movies created in this world even if such abusers stop making them. It is our job to ensure that there is no incentive to let them continue to profit in the wake of these scandals. 

Everyone heals in a different way. 

For me, it’s through cleaning up. 

This spring, I will be cleaning up my wardrobe and shelves. My BIG BANG albums will sit on my shelves along with other albums I grew up listening to. But they will be pushed to the second row, as I clear out space in front to house the works of future artists to come.

[kpoptimeout]

[BREAKING + CONFIRMED] FTISLAND’s Choi Jong Hoon Leaves Group + Retires - Hongki Speaks Up

(CW: Sexual assault, sexual exploitation, invasion of privacy, corruption)

More updates on the continuing “Burning Sun Scandal.”

Following confirmation of F.T. ISLAND’s leader Choi Jong Hoon’s involvement as a business partner in Seungri’s many controversial ventures, his participation in the illegal sex tape sharing group chat, and his bribery of the police to cover up his drunk driving, FNC Entertainment has announced that Jong Hoon will be leaving F.T. ISLAND and retiring from the entertainment industry.

This official release comes hours after F.T. ISLAND’s main vocalist Lee Hongki responded to a fan comment asking him to support Jong Hoon.

To read FNC’s statement and Hongki’s thoughts on the scandal, see below.

FNC Entertainment:

It was decided today that Choi Jong Hoon, who has evoked criticism with involvement in a recent series of incidents, will be leaving FTISLAND.

Our agency would like to make it clear that there was no intention to hide or cover up the truth regarding these matters. Previously, based on our relationship of mutual trust, we checked with him on what he remembers regarding the past incidents before releasing statements. We express deep apologies for causing confusion by releasing inaccurate statements through this process.

There are additional suspicions regarding illegal acts although he says he does not remember them, so he will diligently receive a police investigation sometime this week. Choi Jong Hoon has decided to leave the team forever and will retire from the entertainment industry

The agency realizes the severity and feels responsible for these matters, and we will fully cooperate with the police investigation process so that the truth can be clearly identified.

Choi Jong Hoon expresses his apologies to those who received harm due to his inappropriate and embarrassing words and actions in the past. He is also deeply reflecting on the disappointment he has given to many fans and the members of his team. The agency expresses our deep apologies for being inattentive in managing and teaching proper character to our artists and for causing trouble to many people due to an unfortunate matter.

Choi Jong Hoon will now halt celebrity life and live while reflecting on himself. The agency also cannot avoid responsibility regarding Choi Jong Hoon’s words and actions that cannot be forgiven by society so we will guide him until the end towards living as a member of society with an upright perception.

[The agency] once again promises to be more thorough and strict in our management and education of all artists. We apologize.

Hours before the statement was made, a Japanese Primadonna (F.T. ISLAND fan) commented on one of Hongki’s Instagram posts, asking him to support Jong Hoon through this tough time - “It is not time to give up on Jong Hoon.” In response, Hongki replied curtly with “I’m giving up.”

Hongki’s tone suggested that this is not the first time the group had to put up with Jong Hoon’s behaviour. Because of Jong Hoon’s scandal, Hongki himself also became a rumoured suspect in the case. However, the journalist who broke the scandal, Kang Kyeong Yoon, has confirmed that Hongki has no involvement to the “Burning Sun Scandal” at all.

K-Pop Timeout will continue to update on this controversy.

[kpoptimeout]

[BREAKING + CONFIRMED] HIGHLIGHT’s Yong Junhyung also involved in Group Chat Scandal + Leaving HIGHLIGHT

CW: Sexual assault, sexual exploitation, sexism, invasion of privacy

More news on the Hidden Camera Group Chat scandal related to the “Burning Sun” case.

Following his initial denial of involvement in BIG BANG’s Seungri, Jung Joon Young, and FT ISLAND’s Choi Jung Hoon’s group chat which shared secretly filmed sex tapes, Yong Junhyung has admitted that he had watched those videos through a 1 on 1 chat with Jung Joon Young during his questioning by the police. He has also admitted to making inappropriate comments about the videos in the chat. His label has now announced his departure from HIGHLIGHT.

You can read the official statement below by Around US Entertainment as well as Junhyung’s Instragram post:

Around US Entertainment:

"We learned of the facts stated (above) through Yong Junhyung's witness questioning. After realising the severity of this situation, Junhyung took part in his questioning diligently, and he is now in a deep state of reflection for his past inappropriate actions, as well as for the disappointment that he undoubtedly caused many due to his immoral actions.

He is also aware that this incident is not one that can be forgiven, and he feels greatly apologetic toward fans of HIGHLIGHT for breaking their trust and repaying their love with disappointment. In order to take responsibility for his actions and prevent further damage to the group's image, Junhyung will leave HIGHLIGHT as of March 14, 2019.

Even when Junhyung became involved in an unfavourable scandal, we were unable to obtain the clear facts right away and released a hasty statement, causing confusion; for this, we apologise. We will take caution so that such incidents do not occur again. We apologize one more time to fans who cherish HIGHLIGHT.”

Junhyung’s Instagram Post:

Hello, this is Yong Junhyung. 

First of all, I sincerely apologize to my members and all the fans who have had a hard time with me these last few days. When I received a phone call to confirm the authenticity immediately after the reports of SBS 8'OClock News last March 11th, I didn't really understand the point at first and only conveyed that I wasn't in the chat room. My company took my side and said, "The press was not right and they misinterpreted it.”

When I was talking to my company to make an official position, I told them that it was 2016 because I didn't have any conversations with Mr. Jung on KakaoTalk, so I couldn't confirm the date properly. I also apologize for adding to the confusion of many. 

At the end of 2015, the conversation between me and Jung Joon Young, who had been reported on the news about the KKT scandal, was that we had a drink and went home together. The next day I asked him how he was, and he said, "I've got a video [sex tape] that I've been sending to someone else" And I said, "You got caught by that girl?" I didn't receive the video at that time, but I eventually did. We also had inappropriate conversations about it. All these acts were so immoral, and I was stupid. 

It's my fault that I didn't think it was a crime, and I just thought about it as a complacent and that I didn't resolutely restrain it. 

I talked freely about everything I know and cooperated with the investigation. When I was questioned by the official, I saw exactly what I had talked about in the past, and I am very ashamed. 

I have never done anything illegal, such as taking pictures or spreading them. In addition, since the end of 2016, I have maintained a relationship with Jung Joon Young in such a way that we often ask each other's regards. 

I have been aware of these, but I thought that it was too easy and I was acquiescent about this serious problem that my actions could cause many other victims.  

I'm sorry that I failed to repay you for the love you gave me, and I lost the trust of my members and fans who believed in me. 

Realizing the seriousness of this issue, I don't want to hurt more fans and my members who may have been disappointed by me, so I'll leave the group HIGHLIGHT on March 14, 2019. I will live by reflectingont this. Once again, I sincerely apologize.

Junhyung will also be enlisting in the military in April.

K-Pop Timeout would continue to update you all on this controversy.