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mxliv-oftheendless · 1 year

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No Peace for Us, Only Misery: Chapter 1 (Chirisu)

CW: vomiting, blood, Hanahaki disease

So since Ao3 is down for the foreseeable future, I’m gonna start posting my Alice in Borderland fics on here! This is a Chirisu Hanahaki fic that I posted on Ao3 in May, and I will begin to post the current fic I’m working on when I get home from work. But for now, enjoy chapter one!

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“Come ooon, spill! Everyone has to say their favorite flower!”

Usagi laughed at Kuina. “Why? Is it that important to know?”

Arisu leaned over to her and whispered loudly, “It’s so she can send us bouquets of our favorite flowers.”

“Ah!” Kuina lunged forward to swipe at his head, but Arisu just dodged it with a laugh. “Shut up! I just wanna know!” She huffed and took a gulp of her drink. “I can go first if you like, cowards. I like gladiolus flowers.”

“What do those look like?” Arisu asked interestedly. Kuina pulled out her phone and pulled up an image of them to show him. “Wow, they’re pretty.”

“I know, right?”

Usagi leaned in and read the text below the image of the flowers. “Says here they symbolize integrity and strength.” She grinned at Kuina. “Like you!”

Kuina smirked smugly. “Damn straight. Alright, I went. One of you has to go now.”

“I’ll go,” Usagi said with a shrug. “I guess I’ve always liked lotuses. I think it’s interesting how they can bloom in dirty water where other flowers can’t. It’s kind of beautiful, really.”

Kuina nodded. “That’s a good one.”

She turned to give Arisu a fierce look, making him laugh and hold up his hands in surrender. “I’ll say it, I’ll say it, just don’t hurt me!”

“I won’t if you tell me,” Kuina said with a wide grin.

“Okay, okay. I always thought…” Arisu flushed and scratched the back of his neck. “Um…”

“Tell us or I’ll whoop your ass,” Kuina demanded.

“Okay!” Arisu laughed, keeping his hands raised. “Jeez. I always liked daffodils, I guess.”

“Any reason why?”

“Not really. I just always thought they looked nice.” Arisu grinned at her. “Can I put my hands down now?”

Kuina laughed and lightly hit his shoulder. “You can put them down, you dork.” Then she turned to Chishiya, who had up to now been sitting and watching quietly. “Alright, Chishiya, you’re next. Tell us your favorite flower.”

Chishiya gave her a bemused look. “You’re very obsessed with flowers today, aren’t you?” He looked at Arisu and Usagi. “I bet this is just a roundabout way to get inspiration for flowers to give to Ann.”

“Awww!” Usagi cooed, while Arisu slapped a hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter. “That’s adorable!”

“I—shut the fuck up, it is not!” Kuina pointed at Chishiya with her beer can. “Answer the damn question, coward!”

“Fine. I don’t have a favorite flower. I don’t like flowers.”

“Buuuuuullshit. Everyone likes flowers.”

“Not me.” Seeing the pictures in his medical textbooks of what Hanahaki disease did to the internal organs tended to turn one off of flowers.

“You’re not getting out of this, man.” Kuina shook her beer can at him with emphasis. “Gun to your head, name your favorite flower or you die. What do you say?”

Chishiya smirked bemusedly. “In what scenario would it be so vital for my would-be killer to know my favorite flower?”

“ANSWER THE QUESTION, SHUNTARO!”

“Kuina,” Arisu said through his laughter as he reached out to grab her arm. “He’s just messing around. Don’t hit him.”

Kuina scoffed. “I’m not gonna, you sweet angel. I’m too drunk for that.”

Arisu laughed and shook his head, then turned to Chishiya. “What is your favorite flower, Chishiya? I’m curious now.”

“Me too!” Usagi agreed.

Chishiya sighed. “I don’t know… I suppose if I absolutely had to name one, I would say roses.”

“Roses?” Kuina scoffed from where she was now slumped against Arisu’s shoulder. “That’s such a basic fucking bitch answer.”

Chishiya squinted at her. “There is a certain gesture I’d like to give you, but I won’t lower myself to that level.”

“Any type of roses in particular?” Usagi asked. “Like yellow, or pink, or…?”

“I guess white roses. I like the color white, after all.” He gave Kuina a snarky look. “Is that still a, quote, ‘basic fucking bitch answer’?”

“Nah,” Kuina said as she pushed herself up off Arisu’s shoulder. “At least you didn’t say red roses. That would’ve really pissed me off.”

“Ah. I’d like to change my answer then—”

“You better fucking not, you frosty son of a bitch!”

Chishiya dodged her arm as it swung out to hit him. In the process, the force behind the dodge sent him slipping off the couch to the floor. Arisu and Usagi just laughed loudly at him, making him raise his head to give them a stink eye. “You’re laughing. I have been embarrassed by gravity and you’re laughing.”

“Cheers to gravity!” Kuina raised her beer can. “You always know how to humble people when they need it!”

Chishiya turned his stink eye to her. “You live for my humiliation.”

Kuina just grinned at him around her beer can. “You love me.”

“Doubtful.”

“He says unconvincingly.”

“Awww, you love us, Chishiya!” Arisu teased. “Don’t deny it!”

Chishiya looked over at him, and he couldn’t for the life of him help the way he softened at the grin on the other boy’s face. “I will neither confirm nor deny.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was getting worse.

Chishiya stared, almost dazedly, down at what he’d just heaved into the sink. Blood smeared the white porcelain around the clumps of flower petals. He’d coughed up more blood this time, the coldly medical part of him noted. He’d be vomiting soon.

He’d read his medical textbooks, and seen glimpses of patients in the hospital; he knew the symptoms of Hanahaki disease. It began with a simple itching in the throat, as the flowers began to grow in the lungs. Then just dry coughs, as the lungs began to try rejecting what shouldn’t be growing there. Then coughing up a petal or two, then more. Then eventually, the petals began to be stained with blood. Then the victim began vomiting up blood and flower petals, their body growing weaker against the invasive plants overtaking the lungs and heart. And it would get worse and worse, until finally…

Chishiya’s stomach rolled and he felt like vomiting, though thankfully it was just normal, everyday vomit. But the Hanahaki-related vomiting would start soon, he knew that.

He didn’t mean for this to happen. Of all the people to get Hanahaki disease, he never thought he’d ever be one of them. He didn't mean to. He didn’t mean to fall in love with—

A knock at the bathroom door. “Chishiya? Are you okay in there?”

Chishiya hurriedly turned on the faucet and drank some of the water to clear his throat. “Y-Yes,” he called, hoping his voice didn’t sound rough from all the coughing. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You’ve been in there for a long time.”

Chishiya had to close his eyes tight when the sweetly concerned voice made him feel like coughing again. “I’m fine, Arisu. Just give me a minute.”

There was a pause, then Arisu said, “Okay. We paused the movie so you won’t miss anything.”

He waited for the footsteps to fade away, then ran to grab a fistful of toilet paper and pressed it to his mouth. Thankfully, this round of coughing wasn’t as bad as the first, probably because he’d coughed up all the petals for now. But the feeling like his chest was being internally torn to shreds still remained.

He eyed the inside of the sink, watching as the cheerful yellow daffodil petals disappeared down the drain. He never meant for this to happen—really, he didn’t. He usually had more self-control than this.

But he just couldn’t help it. How could he not have fallen for Arisu? How could he look at Arisu, endearingly awkward, with his mop of hair that fell over his big expressive eyes, his bright smile, and his heart that cared so much—how could he be around all of that and not fall in love?

When Chishiya was sure the coughing had stopped, he threw the bloodied toilet paper in the trash and grabbed a few tissues to wipe his mouth. With any luck, people (Arisu, in particular) would just think he had a bad nosebleed. He tried not to look at the daffodil petals as he forced them to slide down the drain out of sight.

There had been the briefest moment just now, where he considered telling him. He always considered it, just momentarily, whenever he was coughing up the blood and flower petals. It was considered, for just a moment, to ask Arisu to come into the bathroom or text him or call him and tell him he was in love. Then maybe he’d be cured, and never cough up another daffodil petal again.

But no, he knew he wouldn’t be cured—because of course, these things were rarely so simple. The disease was cured by the confession only if the object of the victim’s unrequited love returned their feelings. And he knew that wouldn’t happen. This wasn’t some fantastic romance like the stories Kuina loved so much—this was real life. There was no mutual pining, no mutual unrequited feelings. Arisu wouldn’t return his feelings; Chishiya knew he wouldn’t. He already didn’t understand how Arisu could consider him a friend, when Chishiya was so coldly logical and apathetic and heartless, the very opposite of his kind soul.

Chishiya took another drink of the water, swishing it around in his mouth and spitting it out to get rid of the taste of blood still there. Then he placed his hands on the sink and gripped it tightly, closing his eyes to try and fight back the emotion coursing through him. He sucked in a deep breath, blew it out, then repeated, until everything inside him finally settled down. He opened his eyes and looked at himself in the mirror. He wouldn’t say a word.

When Chishiya rejoined the others in the living room, he immediately went to sit down on the couch next to Usagi. Arisu and Kuina were lying on the floor, chattering about some anime he didn’t catch the name of. “There you are!” Usagi said with a smile. “We were wondering about you. You didn’t fall in, did you?”

Chishiya cracked a tiny smile at her teasing voice, trying to ignore how Arisu laughed at her question. “I did, actually,” he said sarcastically, trying to sound like he hadn’t just coughed up daffodil petals into the sink. “It led to a strange, Wonderland sort of world.”

Kuina scoffed and kicked him with her foot. “Don’t be snarky, ‘Shiya. Can we restart the movie now?”

“If you like. I don’t see why you paused it in the first place.”

“Thank Arisu. He insisted.”

Fuck. Of course he did.

“I didn’t want him to miss anything!” Arisu defended himself. “It’s a good movie!”

Kuina scoffed again, this time with a smile, and ruffled his hair despite the boy’s protests. “You and your sweet heart. Now unpause it already.”

As Arisu did as asked and the movie resumed, Chishiya realized his throat still hurt from all the coughing. He nudged Usagi. “You brought water, right?” he asked quietly. He vaguely remembered Usagi entering Kuina’s apartment with a bag full of what she said were water bottles, ever prepared.

“Hm? Yeah, I did. Do you want one?”

“If you don’t mind,”

“Of course not. I brought them for all of us.” She leaned down and fished one out of the bag to hand it to him. “Here.”

Chishiya muttered a thanks before uncapping the bottle and downing half of it. Usagi watched him with mild curiosity. “You were in there for a while,” she said quietly, so she didn’t talk over the movie. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

For a moment, Chishiya wanted to say no, no he was not okay—he was vomiting up daffodil petals, yes, the flower Arisu said was his favorite, because he’d fallen for Arisu and having to bear it all and pretend it wasn’t happening was probably the worst torture he’d ever experienced, despite his honed skill at pretending he didn’t care about anything. Usagi would listen, he knew; Usagi wouldn’t interrupt, wouldn’t judge, would probably even offer advice.

“Yes, I’m sure. Really.”

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