#cuz why are they ugly and confusing at the same time

[time-for-none]

i can’t stop drinking oil. <- guy who’s reread BibliophiLe for the 3rd time

(Ao3 fic by @lizzle-the-edu-gamer / sonomly) (srry if u dont like being tagged)

maybe its because most of the time i dont really pay attention to the descriptions of a character’s clothes but. i swear. ive always thought during my first read of this fic that the sweater kaminari gives monoma was orange and black striped. then i reread it and its actually monochrome??? how did i think it was orange?????

im not super proud of this one (drawing is hard. and trying to make the colors look decent is harder) but i love this fic so much i need to have a copy of it injected to my brain

[demonslayerunhinged]

Unhinged theory

Sanemi and Giyuu are exes (Part 1)

In celebration of the canonization* of my favorite couple, I've decided to try to get out of my writing funk by writing this theory. There's a teeny tiny spoiler included for those of you who haven't read the manga. So bewareeeeee.

Ok so, whenever I think of the actual-current-canon-in-the-anime/manga relationship between these two, something about their animosity just seems off. Even though they don't 'like' each other, and they clash a lot, their interactions give this "We used to be somewhat close" energy. Whether it's ex-friends/boyfriends doesn't matter, the point is that I feel these two have history.

So lemme explain:

Hide yo coins cuz I'm finna reaching with this one 😂

The beginning

I think their relationship started around the time when Sanemi became a Hashira. He was still raw and hurt over the death of Masachika, his new colleagues have a terrible first impression of him, plus he just got the news that Genya has joined the Corps and there's nothing he can do about it. Needless to say, our boy isn't doing so well.

Enter Giyuu, he's new to the Corps too(I figured he joined a bit earlier than Sanemi), Obanai isn't here yet for Sanemi to bond with, and he's an outcast so they would probably gravitate to one another even if they don't realize.

Maybe they went on joint missions and during that time they would have to communicate to one another. Sanemi was probably the one who initiated the conversations and I know this seems unbelievable but don't forget Sanemi has a general openness of 60% while Giyuu has 30% so it's not so far off for Sanemi to try to communicate with him.

Giyuu liked Sanemi, it was probably one of those love-at-first-sight kind of things, but his constant NLOG statements, general aloofness and social ineptitude prevented him from connecting with Sanemi properly. And like I said earlier, Sanemi was still emotionally raw so a lot of Giyuu's actions and mannerisms were probably triggering for him given his background and after many attempts to connect with this guy albeit in his own aggressive way, but he doesn't have the patience to understand Giyuu's words and behavior.

The breakup

Aside from miscommunication, I think the factors that led to their breakup were Giyuu's depression, imposter syndrome and Sanemi's depression and low self-esteem.

Giyuu probably told him one time, "I'm not like you." and refused to elaborate, so Sanemi interpreted that statement as Giyuu looking down on him. He got embarrassed, angry but most of all hurt because of course, he's not dumb he knows how far apart they are when it comes to class. Before becoming a Slayer Giyuu came from a well-to-do family, he's attractive, he's educated, he speaks well and he can write.

So why would someone like Giyuu want to be with an ugly, monstrous, ghetto rat like him? He couldn't tell all this to Giyuu because doing that would require him to be vulnerable and Sanemi would rather die. So he did the thing he always does when he gets hurt, he withdrew. Then proceeded to cover up his pain with anger and his shame with pride.

Giyuu, on the other hand, was oblivious to Sanemi's pain and just assumed that he was just 'hot-tempered'. Around this time, Obanai joined the Hashira and he and Sanemi became fast friends. Finally! Here was someone Sanemi was able to relate to, someone who has the same level of openness, who had similar traumatic experiences, has an equally suicidal desire to kill demons and most importantly someone who doesn't look down on him.

When Obanai encountered Giyuu for the first time probably in his first Hashira meeting, he asked Sanemi about the weird, sad guy who stood way off to the side. Sanemi being comfortable around Obanai tells him about Giyuu, his attitude and their history and Obanai is like 'What an asshole!' and like a true bro starts hating Giyuu in solidarity with Sanemi, much to Giyuu's confusion.

Thus began Sanemi's one-sided antagonistic relationship with Giyuu, but no matter how hard he tried to hate him, deep down Sanemi still cares, and he still wants to connect with Giyuu, but he can't risk being hurt again. Giyuu still views Sanemi as a friend and doesn't realize yet that Sanemi was gone - physically and emotionally.

Then after his first and second encounter with Tanjiro in the first season, I believe that there was a massive but subtle change within him that led him to begin a more active approach in his attempts to connect with Sanemi, and he does so in a really clumsy way that only makes Sanemi even more annoyed.

Giyuu didn't know at the time, but he had an opportunity to get back with Sanemi, and that was when the Master asked the other Hashira to try to make him happy so he would open up.

Shinobu who noticed Giyuu's pining after Sanemi figured that an invitation to eat his favorite food from his favorite person would help Giyuu to open up. Not knowing about Sanemi's beef with Giyuu, she made the request, but that just made him angry as all the emotions he tried to bury came to the surface. Why did he have to reach out? So he can get rejected again? Embarrassed again? Hurt again?

Shinobu being the sneaky manipulator she is used the Master as bait which worked and Sanemi begrudgingly, painfully approached Giyuu and Giyuu in his infinite knowledge replied with a "No" as the start in his response instead of simply telling Sanemi that he was full and that they could go eat later.

Another embarrassing rejection, which made Sanemi snap with an emotion so fierce that he didn't even listen to the rest of the response. All he heard was the cold "No", all he saw was Giyuu's aloof expression, like his Sanemi meant so little to him. Giyuu fucked up, and oblivious as always was left wondering why Sanemi was so angry at him, but his desire to connect with this grumpy man remained unquenched.

So what now?

Well, what follows is a slew of weird interactions between two people who are frustrated with but ultimately drawn to each other.

In the episode where the Hashira were first introduced, Giyuu probably hadn't seen Sanemi in a long time, which was why when he looked when he heard Sanemi's voice.

He also doesn't interfere when Nezuko gets stabbed but when it seems that there might actually be a fight between his love and his son he tries to stop the fight the only way he knows by invoking the Master, which works in distracting Sanemi but not on Tanjiro who is already on a warpath and proceeds to introduce Sanemi to his forehead. Notice that this is the only time aside from his introduction that we see him actually have a visible reaction.

During the indoor meeting, Giyuu sits close to Sanemi like everything is all normal. When Sanemi blames him for the distraction he replies in a friendly tone mocking him like they're friends, because to him Sanemi is just being grumpy. He genuinely doesn't think anything's wrong.

In the next Hashira meeting, he tries the friendly mocking thing again but Sanemi is having none of that. His expression kills me everytime 😂, like mans was ready to scrap.

It reminds me of the 'You have to treat a car like you treat a woman' scene in Ben 10.

Sanemi, the pissed off wife: Go on.

Giyuu, the whipped husband: No, I sense I've made a mistake of some kind.

Obanai being the precious gem that he is, is ready to back his bro up.

Then after Amane left, something changed in Sanemi. In one of my previous posts, I talked about his attempts to reach out to Giyuu by questioning him, but why did he do it? Of all the times, why did he try to confront Giyuu now?

I think it's because of what Amane told them about the Demon slayer marks, about how the mark bearers don't live past 25. Take a look at his expression, he's surprised obviously, but there's something else mixed in.

I figured he knows they're in the endgame now, with the possibility of Muzan coming for Nezuko now that she can conquer the sun. There's no problem this is what he's prepared for, he's always accepted his death as an inevitable outcome but what about Giyuu?

He just realized the unlocking of the marks means that Giyuu would die too. After all this time he still cares and the fact that they could both die without them even trying to mend their relationship scares Sanemi and remember in this post discussing Sanemi's mental health how his impulsive actions are most likely done out of fear, well this is one of them.

Giyuu says the regular NLOG stuff which triggers Sanemi, but instead of running away he confronts him instead. He tries to work past his feelings of inferiority and really listen to Giyuu's words. He tried reaching out in a sort of friendly way with a smile, even if his words came out as aggressive.

Giyuu as usual doesn't elaborate, but Sanemi has had enough, so he literally reaches out for Giyuu, ready to pull his man by the weave if it means that he'll finally get an answer.

Then Gyomei daddy claps, everyone shuts the fuck up, you know the rest. Shoutout to Mitsuri for being the highlight of that scene, she's honestly the best girl 😂.

The first attempt failed, but Sanemi undeterred goes to confront Giyuu again, but this time he tries a different approach. He asks Giyuu to spar with him, maybe he thinks the heightened emotions would cause Giyuu to erupt and reveal his true feelings, maybe he wants to wear Giyuu down so he would be willing to answer Sanemi's question but unfortunately it doesn't work...or so he thinks.

Unknown to Sanemi, this time there was a difference and that was Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤). After the successful Torture the Introvert mission, Giyuu now has a renewed sense of self in a way and he's now willing to make a more active approach towards opening up to people. I already talked about the romantic undertones of his desire to get closer to Sanemi here and here so I wouldn't really get into Giyuu and Tanjiro's conversation after Sanemi left but suffice to say that our Giyuu is a new man. He knows what he wants now and what he wants is Sanemi.

In Conclusion, here's part two.

*Extra stuff

I noticed that even though Giyuu seems emotionless, his hands tell a different story. In Demon slayer, I've noticed that the characters' veins on their faces pop to display strong emotions or reactions. Giyuu doesn't have on his face when they're fighting, unlike Sanemi, but he does have on his hands.

This is the first time (that I know of) that we're seeing this, which tells me that he does feel something. He just doesn't know how to express it.

Also, I'd like to attribute Sanemi's persistence with getting Giyuu to open up to him being the eldest child, we all have the experience of pestering our younger ones until they give in and respond to us. Tanjiro is the same way as well.

Also, Sanemi be treating Tanjiro like an opp when our precious boy is basically his biggest supporter and possibly their future Best Man 😂.

*Disclaimer: I'm not saying it's canon canon, I'm just stating that Ufotable acknowledges this ship, which means that they see something between them too.

[99k4manii]

(NOT PROOF READ)

Ony x black!f!reader

Sooo basicallyyyy fem reader who lowkey strong asf get jealous but like she little bitty like literally 5’1 while ony a whopping 6,4 everytime YALL argue you give him some rough bruises then y’all fuck it out

Warnings: nsfw! P in V, jealousy, toxic relationship, idk what else tbh

You and Ony were cuddling on the couch watching “missing” for like the 100th time, he half sleep half woke and his phone started dingin’ at first you didn’t really pay attention. But then it started getting constant so you picked up his phone and put his passcode in to see messages from instagram? but you was pretty sure you told him to delete that shit!

Next thing you know you scrolling through some texts from a bitch named “Ri’hna” it’s like they were texting non-stop yk damn well he aint drop sum off for her ONE time you was finna wake his ass up and slap him in his shit but something told you too see what this bitch look like so you know who you finna beat tf up.

after about like 35-40ish minutes of checking her socials (off of his phone) the bitch texted talkin’ bout’ sum “mmm why you looking at my page sm?? You obsessed aint you 👅👅?” First of all, the bitch was ugly asf and built sloppy second of all, the bitch knew he had a girl! Thats what made you aggressively wake up ony.

“Hmm..? What ma-“ he said sluggishly and he was tired but once a hard ass slap hit him across his face he woke up right away “y/n what the fuck?!” He said like he didnt know what was going on (he didnt) “now who tf is ri’hna?” You said calmly but in a minute you was finna go off “what is you talkin’ bout?!” Ony looked at you with a confused faced then you punch him in his nose, “nigga stop playing dumb with me” you said tryna keep yourself from hitting him again “y/n you ain’t gon keep hitting’ me!” “NIGGA JUST ANSWER MY QUESTION” you said finally gettin loud after that Yall started fighting not just yelling but fist fighting

Ony ended up spendin’ the night at armin and his girls house (your friend) “damnnn she fucked yo shit up!” Armin said feeling bad Ony had a couple bruises over his face nd a somewhat black eye “what did you do fa ha do dat?” F/n had asked with a concerned look, “ion even fuckin know! She just started asking me who Ri’hna is..” “well who is she” f/n had asked “she a regular drop off but she got a crush on Ony” armin and had said “well if yk she gatta crush on you.. why don’t you block ha or sum’ ?” F/n had asked a good question “because she a customer and y/n shouldve look at the messages better I don’ t respond unless she ask for a drop!” Armin and f/n look at each other “welllll—“ armin said “how bout you just go talk to her yk Yall gon end up back togetha’ anyway” he was right no matter how many times y’all “broke up” or fought y’all ended up fuckin’ it out nd being lovey doves again

It was about 2:23 am you heard a knock at yo apartment door you was confused asf because why somebody at your door at 2 somthing in da morning? You looked through da peep hole, suprise suprise it was no other than ony

“Ngh~! Ohh~!” “Fuck-fuck-fuckkkk” here you two are fucking like animals on the living room floor, that’s how terrible it is y’all didn’t even make it to the bedroom! “Mama, you better not beat me up like that again understand?” Ony said somewhat outa Breath while in missionary still pounding tf outa you. “Don’t make me want~to beat you up aga~in” you said with moans interrupting your words. “You didn’t even let me try to explain myse-“ you shut him up with a French kiss “that’s the past this the present forget about that”

After a couple days the same thing happened which ended up in you two fucking YOURE problems out again this relationship was not healthy at all.

Heyyy y’all! so prob tmr ima do the thing cuz gojo won the poll! This is short so hopefully in the future I make longer ones but I ain’t good a typing for a long time.. but anyways yup bye love y’all😘

[khunyuki]

"I've lived my life with blade and you always in my mind"

ꜱɪᴅᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ: 𝚌. 𝚆𝚎 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛, 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚠𝚎?

Synopsis: After their very first mission as Defense Force Officers, Kagami and Soshiro promised to take care of each other when they got injured. That means taking the entire day/week off just to nurse them back to health. A few years have passed since then without any significant injuries, that's why it came as a surprise to Kagami when a certain someone came knocking at the First Division's front doors.

Pairing/s: Hoshina Soshiro x Fiancee!OC

Note/s: I'm posting this first cuz jealousy, jealousy was hard to write hahaha. It might take long but i'll definitely be posting that later tonight. Don't worry cuz reading this first doesn't affect anything hehe. Also, I changed the synopsis so readers won't be confused hehe. Enjoy <3

Genre: Fluff

Masterlist: TOC, Previous, Next

A few years back, when Kagami and Soshiro were still in the same division, they made a promise to each other.

"You were pretty reckless"

Kagami scolded the purple haired guy laying on the hospital bed with a bandages on his legs. Her words, heavily laced with concern.

"I could say the same with you"

Soshiro side eyed the black haired girl who was laying on the hospital bed besides his own. Her injuries were as bad as his, with the bandages on her head instead of her legs.

Kagami just averted his gaze, focusing instead on the fruits basket placed atop the drawer besides them. She picked up an apple, along with a small knife and plate, and started cutting it.

Soshiro could only sigh at his fiancee's evasiveness, though it did bring back the smile on his face. It wasn't unusual for them to be injured during a mission given their line of work. Most of the time, they'll get a few minor scratches here and there but not enough to guarantee a hospital stay. He was glad she only required a few stitches and that there weren't any lasting effects to her head.

"That, I want mine cut into bunnies"

Soshiro noticed that she finished cutting and requested for her to style it into bunnies. Without question, she did just that. He watched as she struggled to peel only the skin and not the flesh, laughing when she failed to do so.

"It's not funny"

Kagami complained with a pout, knowing full well that her struggling gives him joy. She once again heard his chuckle as she successfully massacred another slice. She looked at the mess in front of her and frowned. Cutting things was easy but peeling them was harder, especially if it's as small as this apple.

She can't complain though, this was one of her duties as his future wife. She's been practicing for this her whole life yet continued to fail over and over again. It didn't mean she'll give up as she uses her failure as her drive to do better.

"Want me to do it?"

Soshiro offered his help, still smiling in amusement as she shook her head no. Every little things she does brings a smile on his face, even something as small as failing to peel an apple properly. He'd find her words and actions as funny no matter how she thinks it isn't. Her reactions are so amusing to him, causing him to not stop trying to tease her.

Thank goodness she was skilled enough not to cut her fingers though or else he would've snatched that knife faster than she could react. No way he'd allow her to be hurt on his watch. It was already unfortunate enough for them to be in different squads thus resulting in their current situation, had he known he would've done better.

"I'm done"

Kagami declared and ate the massacred apple slices by herself.

"Wait, wait! I thought that was for me?"

Soshiro tried to stop her from eating it all and not leaving some for him.

"It was... but it's ugly so I can't give it to you"

Kagami was kinda upset she didn't get to make apple bunnies properly so she decided to eat it as to not waste food.

"Feed it to me"

Soshiro, in all seriousness with open eyes, demanded she stop and feed it all to him. No way he's letting all her hard work go to waste. She cut and peeled it for him so he'll eat it no matter what.

"W-what?"

Kagami was surprised at his sudden demand. She couldn't resist him, especially not when he opens his eyes to show her how serious he is.

"I said feed it to me~"

With a mischevious grin, he was back to his foxy attitude. He opened his mouth in an 'ahhh', showcasing his want to be fed.

"Y-you can do it yourself!"

Flustered, Kagami tried to look away. Offering him the entire plate so he could eat by himself.

"But my legs are injured and I can't move"

His eyes were closed but how was it possible to see him making puppy eyes at her? Paired with that pout, a fox like him acted like a sad dog.

"You can move your hands though"

Resist. Resist the temptations Kagami! Do not move your hands! Stop moving your hands!

"Ahhh~"

Opening his mouth, Soshiro was successfully fed by the red faced Kagami. His purple eyes bore holes into Kagami's own as he teasingly licked his own lips as an expression.

"Yum~"

Uzui Kagami.exe has stopped working.

"Excuse me but can you do your flirting elsewhere? The rest of us wants to sleep in peace"

A random officer mustered his courage to speak up. He tried to hide his flustered face by pretending to cough. The rest of the officer were looking away from them, red in the face, yet still nodded in agreement.

Kagami dropped the plate she was holding and teleported inside the blankets of her own bed. The plate of apples was fortunately caught by cackling Soshiro who was well aware of their audience.

Nobody said they were the only ones in the room hehe.

.

"Kagami? Why are you still here?"

Kagami, who was discharged yesterday, came back the next day to take care of her fiance.

"I took a day off"

"Why?"

Surprised by her actions, Soshiro couldn't help by ask why she would specifically ask for a day off when she's never done so before. Also, he was supposed to be discharged later today.

"I want to take care of you... because you're my fiancee"

"Then next time, I'll be the one to take care of you"

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~~•~•~•~

Whenever Soshiro visits the hospital, he thinks of that moment fondly. When they were still rookies, they would sometimes end up getting injured thus resulted in taking care of each other. Now that they were a bit more experienced, they no longer had to take care of each other in the hospital. It was better that way as it signifies that they were healthy and safe.

Still, as he reads the newspaper on his hospital bed, he couldn't help but let his mind wander in his wish to have his fiancee be there to take care of him. It was fine though, cause he didn't know how to break the news of him moving to the Third Division to her just yet. Also, he never really told her he got injured during his visit there.

When Captain Ashiro and Platoon Leader Ebina visited him earlier, he thought it was her. He was a bit disappointed but the offer they brought was enough to lift his spirits. He'd been wanting this for a long time. Someone who recognizes his efforts and need his strength. Somewhere he would be needed and not be treated like a tumor.

Kagami had always been by his side, supporting him, and finally there was someone else who believes in him like her. He wants her to join him there so they could leave the past and look forward.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and a familiar head peek inside. Soshiro saw the face of the person he'd been expecting to see the whole time. His heart fluttered when he saw her after thinking about her like he manifested her visit.

"I'm sorry I'm late. There was a long line at the cafe so it took a bit too long to buy this"

She headed inside and showed him something she was hiding on her back. In her hands was a small box with a dessert inside.

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Yeah. Mont Blanc!"

Kagami mirrored his excitement and confirmed his thoughts. She immediately prepared it for him, getting a plate and taking the dessert out of the box. She carefully placed it so as to not destroy its looks and offered it to him, which he accepted gratefully.

"By the way, I saw Captain Ashiro exiting the hospital earlier. Who do you think she visited here?"

Once she passed him the dessert, she took a seat at the chair beside him. He also took a bite before answering.

"Oh that, Remember how I went to the Third Division for a meeting? This and that happened and Captain Ashiro asked me to join the Third Division"

Soshiro recounted the story of what happened as soon as he got to the Third Division, the sudden appearance of a kaiju and how he helped with it, how he saved that kid and them being saved by Captain Mina, then the lastly, the offer given to him by the captain. Kagami attentively listened to his tales, reacting appropriately during significant parts. Soshiro greatly appreciates her lending an ear.

"Oh really? What was your answer?"

Finally, Kagami asked him what his answer to the offer was. It was something he had to prepare himself first before telling her as it was a big decision.

"I said yes"

Soshiro was filled with certainty at his decision. He didn't know how she'd react but he wanted to ask her to be with him as he moved too.

"Kagami, do you--"

Soshiro was cut off by an excited Kagami.

"Congrats! That's amazing! I knew there would be someone else who will recognize how great you are! I didn't think it would be THE Captain Ashiro Mina herself!"

She was so hyped up, so happy for him that he couldn't help but chuckle fondly. The tension he felt earlier disappeared and was replaced by fondness, feeling incredibly light.

"I'm sad that you'll be leaving but this is your chance to show the people from our division that they never should've underestimated you"

Her smile dropped once she thought that him moving was him leaving her alone. But still, she was smiling.

"Do you want to come with me? Captain Ashiro said her offer extends to you, as well"

Soshiro with greater courage now, seeing her smile drop, wanted to lift her spirits up. If he's moving to a better place, he wanted her to come with him too. At least they'll be together and won't be sad.

"Ehh? Really?? She's offering me to join the Third Division too???"

Surprised, Kagami couldn't believe her ears. Even her eyes as he nodded to affirm her words were true.

"Yeah, so what do you say?"

Soshiro turned back to his Mont Blanc to finally finish it as there only a few bites left. In doing so, he couldn't notice the storm brewing in Kagami's eyes.

"I'm sorry but I will have to decline"

Soshiro almost choked at her flat-out refusal. She offered him water in which he gratefully drank. He didn't think she'd refuse him like this. Sure she'd have doubts but usually she's agree with him.

"Why?"

Kagami took her time to answer and Soshiro found it hard to read her in that moment. Just when he started to think that something might be wrong, she looked him in the eyes with a determined expression.

"I also want to be recognized by my skills and not just because of goodwill. I want to prove myself to her so she'd be the one asking me to join herself"

While he didn't think she'd refuse him earlier, her explanation made a lot of sense. He'd refuse her too if it was him in her position. He only got this far because she and he believed in himself. They've both been doing their best to be the best version of themselves hoping someone will notice their efforts. So he wanted to believe she can do the same too.

"If it's you, I know you can do it"

Filled with the confidence that she shared with him, he ruffled her hair as they shared a hearty laugh.

They spent the entire day with each other. Kagami taking care of him until it was time to leave and Soshiro not wanting her to leave at all cuz he's such a baby when it comes to her. He didn't have to worry though cuz her days off lasted until he got better.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~~•~•~•~

True to her words, Kagami finally got someone else to see just what she is made of. While it may not be the captain of the Third Division that she caught the eye of, it was still a significant someone. That someone being the previous captain of the First Division and now the Director General of the Defense Force, Shinomiya Isao. It took a long time but she was finally there.

It wasn't an exaggeration to say that being in the First Division was hard. With everyone exceeding expectations by being capable of eliminating honjus on their own, the stakes are really high. Especially for a recently promoted Platoon Leader like Kagami, who didn't know just when she'll be kicked out. She wonders why she got promoted at all despite there people being stronger than her in the First Division.

It also wasn't an exaggeration that the kaijus appearing near the Ariake Maritime Base were stronger than most. So when the new recruits in her squad finally had their first mission, she had to be more alert than ever. Cuz new recruits are prone to danger, like the one she just saved from accidentally killing himself. Unfortunately for her, being around danger means she's also prone to getting injured.

"I'm really sorry, Platoon Leader Uzui!"

The new recruit she saved once again bowed down in front of her. He was the reason her left arm is in a cast, letting it heal naturally. It was an accident where a hidden yoju suddenly appeared catching them off guard. Kagami chose to prioritize her subordinate's safety than hers which lead to the current situation.

The application of using the regenerative ability of the kaijus in medical treatments was still being researched and is currently in its experimental stages, thus making it exclusive only to Defense Force higher ups.

Being a Platoon Leader, Kagami was lucky enough to be able to take part in it. Instead of suffering from a mangled arm requiring surgery, the treatment made it possible for her arm to heal quickly by mending her broken bones. In the end, it is still required for her to heal naturally and not move it much.

"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you're safe. I don't want my subordinates to get hurt under my watch"

Kagami reassured the officer in front of her by placing her right hand on his arm. The officer was overwhelmed by the kindness she's showing that caused him to be emotional.

"Platoon Leader..."

"If you're really sorry, make sure you work hard to get stronger from now on"

Knowing what she said wasn't enough to remove his guilt, she encouraged him to be better.

"Yes, ma'am!"

The soldier saluted and finally left her alone. Kagami was about to leave as well when Vice Captain Hasegawa approached her. She greeted him with a salute and he nodded in return.

"You are as kind as ever, Platoon Leader Kagami. I know you want to save as many people as possible but you should not sabotage your health"

He complimented her, referencing about her interaction with an officer. He also scolded her for getting injured badly in concern.

"My apologies, sir. Umm... Is there something wrong? Is Captain Narumi causing trouble again?"

She gave a sheepish smile knowing she'll do it again if it mean saving someone. Though she couldn't help but noticed the troubled expression on his face which only means one thing: Captain Narumi.

"Somewhat. It has something to do with your visitor"

"Eh?"

Captain Narumi was causing trouble because of her visitor? But she wasn't expecting anyone to come visit her? Also, she didn't understand why the Vice Captain himself would tell her the news.

"You'll understand soon enough. Follow me"

Noticing her confusion, Vice Captain Hasegawa led her to where Captain Narumi and her visitor were.

As they got closer to the meeting room, she could hear Captain Narumi's boisterous voice. It was so loud that she didn't have to strain her ears to know that it was him. And there was also a familiar laughter coming inside the room. There's no way...

When Vice Captain Hasegawa opened the door for them to enter, she finally understood why Captain Narumi was reacting that way. Her fiancee, Vice Captain Hoshina Soshiro, was sitting in front of her Captain. His smug smile and foxy expression was clear enough for her to know that he's been teasing the guy the whole time.

"Vice Captain Hoshina?"

"Ahhh, you're here?"

Soshiro averted his gaze at his self-proclaimed rival to look at his fiancee, pointedly staring at her casted arm. His smile, straining a little bit with a frown.

"Today, I am here to request that Platoon Leader Uzui Kagami take a day off from work while she heals"

He finally revealed his intentions after seeing the two sitting down. Captain Narumi and Vice Captain Hasegawa were shocked at his request. They were expecting something else and didn't stop to think of such an absurd reason.

"Haaaa??? Who are you to ask for that with my Platoon Leader, haaa??"

Captain Narumi, having composed himself first grew more irritated. How could his rival talk for his Platoon Leader like that? His friend has a mind of her own and can request to rest by herself. He knew she was injured and wanted her to rest himself but having his rival demand that bring a bad taste to his mouth. It's not like he's forcing him to work, damn it.

"I'll say it in word you can understand. My fiancee is hurt and I demand you let her rest"

Fiancee?? They turned their heads to look at the blushing woman, embarrassed for being the source of this mess and the attention she's getting.

"Don't tell me you specifically came here just to ask that?"

She tried to compose herself by looking his way. Surely that wasn't the sole reason he came here?

"Of course, you wouldn't do so otherwise. Ah don't worry, I got permission to leave from Captain Ashiro so I could take care of you"

That's it. That's the end of her. How could he say such things so calmly in front of her superiors? She's sure as hell this would reach the ears of the whole division and they would not let her live it down. She couldn't even hide her face cause her free hand is too small to cover it.

"I have paperwork"

"That's fine. You can just bring it home and I'll help you"

Kagami can't do this anymore. Her superiors are digging holes into her and her fiancee's finds it too amusing to help her.

"Captain, Vice Captain, can I request for a leave until I heal enough to get back to work?"

Kagami asked for permission herself, trying to save herself despite it being a futile attempt. There's no stopping Soshiro when he's this stubborn.

"I'll grant you paid leave"

Vice Captain Hasegawa felt pity for his subordinate, who clearly want to bury herself in a hole, thus granting her wish.

"Thank you, sir"

Kagami stood up as fast as she could and left to go to her room. She ignore the curious glances thrown her way by confused onlookers, who rarely get to see her running and flustered.

Soshiro who was left inside the room stared at his rival, who was uncharacteristically quiet. He felt pity and at the same time doesn't for he knows what the male in front of him feels for his fiancee.

His phone vibrated indicating that he received a message.

"I'm heading down soon. Meet me at the lobby. Also, please stop torturing my Captain"

"Well then, i guess I'll have to leave now too"

Soshiro stood up and said his goodbyes and thanks as he pocketed his phone. He's looking forward to the spending the rest of the day, and the days after that with his fiancee.

<- Previous Next ->

[a-simply-simping-simp]

Guess who's still crying about Beast? Me! I watched the movie and read the beggining and end of the light novel because I got lazy. Not expecting the end in the movie though. Spoiler drawing ahead and comments btw

Made me so sad. I was going to rant in another post, but I might as well do it here.

So, number one, the sugar cube scene was so adorable I literally cried. I mean it. Like I LITERALLY sobbed.

Number 2, Oda WHYYYYYYYY?! I'M LITERALLY CRYING WHILE TYPING WRITE NOW THINKING ABOUT IT. YOU ARE FRIENDS, YOU ARE, PLEASEEEE. DAZAI'S FACE WHEN HE PULLED THE GUN OUT IN THE BAR AND TOLD HIM NOT TO CALL HIM ODASAKU WAS LIKE A SLAP TO THE FACE.

Number 3, When at the end of the movie, Fyoder was being a little rat and messed everything up, I wanted to vomit out of an array of emotions. I was confused, sad, angry, and just so dang overwhelmed. Like I was ugly crying five seconds ago cuz of Dazai and then this SEWER RAT came and made me confused. I'll get into him in anothe post.

Number 4, In the movie, when Dazai stabbed his leg to show Chuuya his commitment and how much he deserves his trust didn't make sense when I saw it, however, after I recently read the book and watched the play Julius Ceaser, I was like OOOOOOOOH. Dazai immitating Portia and Chuuya Brutus made me just sooo....wow.

Number 5, When it turned out that MORI was the new director I just- absolutley NOT. Do NOT put a pedophile in his perfect Utopia, Dazai WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! Also, I thought he killed him the whole time. Just think about it. A pedophile in an orphanage. You know how if you're being sexually assulted or something, you're supposed to tell a trusted adult like a parentor a teacher? THESE KIDS HAVE NO PARENTS.

Number 6, Chuuya being locked up in that poor governemnt facility broke my heart. Just think about how many people are going to die? Like there is no way Chuuya Nakahara is going to succumb to a bunch of itsy bitsy chains. He' breaking out and killing everyone in there and then the agency. Convince me otherwise.

Number 7, I can't. I'll make an entirely seperate post for Chuuya too, but can we just talk for a second? He went crazy because Dazai committed suicide. He went on a whole rampage and it took 3 special ability resistance units to take him down. This is what happens when there is no Dazai when he uses corruption. But the REASON he went into corruption was just...wow. I always knew they had a complicated relationship but at the same time it was just so simple. Like, they hate eachother, but they also don't. They don't like eachother, but it's not like they don't either. It's not like they complete one another, but it's like one soul in two bodies. They're so simply complicated that if you asked me what their relation was, I'd just say, they're complications. Because in reality, their relationship is just so unexplainable. You need to see it to understand it. There are lovers, enemys, frenemies, friends, siblings, etc, but they fit into literally no category but they aren't strangers either. This is getting too long, so I'll make a different post about that.

Number 8, Chuuya pleaseeee don'ttttt. There is no need to attack the agency, my guy. He wants to avenge Dazai's death, but what is there to avenge? Dazai did suicide. He wasn't killed. Chuuya was so upset that he wanted to kill all the agency. I just....can't. It's kind of sad. This is also going to be really long if I go on, so I'll make another post about this topic.

Number 9, the way Chuuya just really couldn't understand made me wanna bang my head on the wall in tears. He truly couldn't think of why Dazai did it. He was kind of alright one second and then dead the next. The entire time, you can tell how little Chuuya was incorporated into the script he wrote. The ending for each one was different as the movie had him go insane and be put under governemnt care, while the light novel just left him to do his own thing. However, in both you can see that neither of them ever knew what was going on. Dazai never gave him a reason to why he killed himself. Everyone else seems to be going on like nothing happened or at least as if they know what happened and came to terms with it, but then he knows nothing. He was his bodyguard and right hand man and yet NOTHING. I'll get back to this in another post lol. TvT

So yeah. I cried a lot.

[mineyneedsmoney]

Mini fic cuz why not

_____________________________________________

Eddie Diaz punched the heavy bag in the corner of the gym, each blow sending a ripple through his muscles and a thud echoing in the empty space. Sweat dripped from his brow, his shirt soaked through, but he didn't care. The physical exertion was the only thing that dulled the frustration gnawing at him from the inside out.

His life felt like it was spiraling out of control. Christopher, his son, had left to live with his grandparents, leaving the house eerily silent. The emptiness gnawed at him, making him feel more alone than he had in years. At work, he was saddled with a new captain, Gerard, whose racist remarks Eddie had learned to endure for the sake of his job. But when Gerard's homophobia targeted Buck, Eddie's best friend, something snapped inside him. The overwhelming protectiveness he felt for Buck was like breathing—automatic, essential.

Buck was easy to protect, easy to love, easy to want. But also, heartbreakingly, easy to hurt.

Eddie's fists flew faster, the image of Gerard's sneering face driving him harder. He could almost hear the ugly words Gerard had spat about Buck, and it made his blood boil. Eddie's protectiveness over Buck was fierce, almost primal, and it confused him. Why did it matter so much? Why did Buck's happiness seem so crucial to his own?

And then there was Buck's new relationship with Tommy. Eddie should be happy for Buck, he knew that. Buck deserved all the happiness in the world. Tommy was a friend to both of them, and logically, Eddie should be supportive. But he couldn't help the way his stomach twisted every time he saw them together. It didn't make sense. It drove him crazy and made him feel like a terrible friend.

Eddie remembered the countless times Buck had left Tommy to be with him. Whether it was an emergency or just because Eddie needed someone, Buck was always there. So why did he feel so jealous? Why did it bother him so much when Tommy didn't make the same efforts for Buck that he did? Tommy flew Eddie in his helicopter, watched games with him, played Mortal Kombat and basketball, but Buck got none of that.

The bag swayed dangerously under Eddie's relentless assault. His breath came in ragged gasps, his body screaming for him to stop, but his mind was a whirlpool of anger and confusion. Buck deserved better than Tommy. That thought kept looping in his mind, driving him mad. But deep down, Eddie knew it wasn't about Tommy at all.

It was about him.

Eddie's punches slowed, the realization hitting him harder than any physical blow. He wasn't just frustrated with Tommy or Gerard or even his empty house. He was frustrated with himself. He hated the jealousy, the anger, the longing that twisted inside him whenever he saw Buck with Tommy. He hated the way he compared himself to Tommy, always feeling like he came up short.

Why couldn't he just be happy for Buck? Why did it hurt so much?

Eddie stopped, his fists resting against the now-still bag. His chest heaved, and he wiped the sweat from his eyes. He couldn't deny the truth any longer. He wanted Buck and Tommy to break up because he wanted Buck for himself. Buck always came first for him, and he wanted to be the one who came first for Buck.

Eddie sank to the floor, his back against the bag. The gym was silent, save for his heavy breathing. The truth was out there now, no longer buried under layers of frustration and denial. It was terrifying, but also, in a strange way, liberating.

Buck was easy to love. And Eddie realized he had been doing it for a long time. The only question now was what to do about it.

[otakween]

Digital Monster X-evolution

If those janky Digimon World cutscenes were a whole movie, it'd be this. To be fair, I think outdated CGI has a lot more charm than a lot of the higher quality but soulless stuff they put out nowadays. Plot-wise it was nothing special, we've seen this plot a zillion times by now. They just injected it with some new gimmicks. I did find the main character charming enough. I honestly wouldn't mind seeing another attempt at an all-CGI movie as long as that didn't become the new default (slippery slope lol).

Notes:

Although the plot of this film was really simple they managed to add some convoluted lore anyways...because Digimon. Just when I was thinking "that was confusing" I saw that this wiki has a 900 page long (not really lol) explanation/play-by-play. Maybe I'll read it when it's not my bed time: https://wikimon.net/Digital_Monster_X-evolution

Of course they had to open the movie with Leomon dying (really?) Why is that a thing? I've never felt emotional seeing any Leomon die tbh lol

I think Dorumon and his digivolutions have really strong designs. His rookie form kinda looks like a furry version of Monodramon. I've been playing Digimon RPG (the MMO) and just by chance ended up with him as my partner (I actually thought I was getting Impmon lol). Fate!

Not a lot of levity here, the script took itself very seriously and the characters spent most of the film just being existential and talking about the meaning of life. Kinda heavy for a silly little monster battle film.

Legit got a little emotional when Dorumon was being bullied, but it's really easy to feel sad for a furry little creature

The CGI actually held up better than I thought it would for the most part, the mecha digimon especially looked awesome. The only "AH! KILL IT WITH FIRE!" moment was Andromon -shudder-

(Of course, Andromon is ugly in any form, but this is definitely his worst).

Weird seeing Omegamon vs. WarGreymon. I was also surprised to see Magnamon in the Royal Knights. He just seems more beast-like to me than the other knights.

Tokomon was one of those "is it cute or is it annoying?" baby characters. I'm leaning more towards cute, but there were moments where I was like "alright, that's enough of him" loi

Dorugamon kinda reminded me of Toothless. I wanna pet his big nose :3c

They just couldn't resist, they had to call something in this franchise "Yggradsil" didn't they

(They also used other Norse names, the same ones used in Ah! My Goddess).

The funky X-forms of digimon were fun, very angular. It reminds me of the newer Pokemon games how they keep adding new gimmicky forms. I'm sure we'll be seeing more of these. I guess in a way, this is a more realistic "evolution" since it has to do with the digimon reacting to their environment by developing antibodies.

I saw people complaining that Frontier only had two Royal Knights, well I guess they made up for it a bit here. Are they always gonna be working for the villain side? I wanna see a series where they're the heroes!

It was neat seeing Silphymon again. I get excited when 02 characters show up cuz it's kind of the underdog season in my mind.

The villain digimon (aside from the royal knights) weren't very well explained they just kinda showed up, caused havoc, then went away. The only reason why I have a name for any of them is cuz I read the wiki. I guess it would be hard to naturally fit in all the names...

The name "Alphamon" was kind of an eyeroll. They're running out of epic names lol. (Also, it just makes me think of alpha bros nowadays). The design is nice tho, it's got the black w/ gold highlights thing that I liked in Frontier.

Lots of badass cape shots in this (see my final screenshot above)

At the end of the movie the digital world was destroyed and then restored (Frontier much?) It wasn't really clear what that meant for the digimon. Did they all just resurrect via digiegg? Were they recreated exactly as they were before the world's destruction? -shrug-

Pretty sad that this movie never got any love in the states. I wonder if there's a fandub out there somewhere.

Apparently Digimon World 4 is related to this movie so I'll be playing that next!

[berrypass-de-murdler]

53. A Walk in the Mysterious Woods

I dunno if people knows this cuz no one's tried BUT

You can ask the cartoonverse murdlers questions and they'll respond with doodles to accompany! :3 would appreciate it if you were willing ^w^

Here's Navy finally - Fletch doesn't like him very much and says he looks too much like Signor Emerald?? He's a walrus/orca, but that's kind of obvious... He is always very depressed.

DON'T READ THE EPISODES UNTIL YOU'VE FINISHED THE FIRST BOOK!!

Logico runs away from the institute with a pain in his heart. He staggers into the woods and sees a body of a woman with a cult robe lost within a cave, with a sword sticking straight through her chest…

LOGICO: The fuck is a cult robe… Irratino would know…

THE SUSPECTS are Cloud the Affair Boy, Maroon, Pine, and someone else too.

UMBER: MY NAME IS SOCIOLOGIST UMBA. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW YOUR NAME TOO?

Logico is in full grieving mode, and keeps seeing his baby everywhere. He sees a tree, GNARLED like Irratino’s stupid logic. A BEAUTIFUL hill, the perfect spot for a picnic date. An axe… if only it could cut out BAD MEMORIES. But overwhelmed by these thoughts, he still must continue. He examines one of the suspects.

UMBER: DO YOU LIKE MY SWEATA? LOGICO: Metal. UMBER: WEALLY? TELL ME MORE~

There’s some more fun chatter.

PINE: I’ve NEVER been on a picnic! They’re too nice for someone like me!

Logico brings out a fond memory - Irra’s marot deck. He brings out cards at complete random and imagines Maroon, big, ugly Maroon, having a picnic on that tiny hill. The fool would have to watch out for bears. What does that have to do with anything? I dunno. Maybe he didn’t do it.

The culprit is surprising…

UMBER: THE PEOPLE THAT I WAS WITH, SAID THAT A CULT WAS A BAD THING, AND THE WOMAN WAS IN A CULT, SO I HAD TO GET RID OF HER. THE PEOPLE SAID THAT THE WOMAN WAS A REACTIONARY, FIGHTING FOR STATUS QUO. ...DID I ACCIDENTALLY DO A BAD? LOGICO: [hurdled sigh] No… I understand. It’s easy to want to overturn the world. There are things that are good, and there are things that are true, and we all wish they were the same. But they often aren’t.

Everyone stares in sad confusion as they think about Logico’s words.

CLOUD: I… was gonna chop down this beloved tree to get revenge on Irratino for dying, and now… I realize that I shouldn’t do that. PINE: I wanted to go steal some books. That’s probably bad.

They mourn silently.

LOGICO: What do you know about the ancient ruins? UMBER: THEY ARE ROCKS AND THEY ARE STANDING AND PEOPLE SAY A LOT OF MANY THINGS ABOUT THE ROCKS.

Logico sighs and leaves… There’s no point…

The end!

Poor baby umber <3 why is she SO far from canon

Not that there's much about canon Umber

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See you next time murdlers!

[yanderenightmare]

Reaaaally feeling the bully!Bakugou being sweet and redeeming himself to victim!darling!!! But could you make one where darling doesn’t accept him after all 😈 😈 😈 and he’s suddenly not so inclined to be sweet anymore???

Changed it up a bit from the last one cuz i didn’t wanna write the same-ish thing, but anyway check that one out too here

BNHA ! FIC

Bakugou Katsuki x darling

TW: yandere, NSFW, noncon, mentions of minors/teens having sex (but no actual depictions of it), toxic relationship, possessiveness, angst WC: 3.5k

No One Else

She’s not sure why she'd ever let it drag out for so long. 

In the beginning, it could be blamed on things outside their control. Where, between the tension that had always simmered within their strained dynamic as pretty girl and vile boy -plus the oncoming of puberty and its whirl of hormones- they were both left in a turmoil of strange pheromones making them panicked, embarrassed, confused, and most of all in dire need of an outlet for it all.

One of which they surprisingly found in each other.

They’d been but foolish teenagers at a silly house party at the time, their first-ever shots of alcohol buzzing through their system as they shared a kiss like none other. 

They’d stumbled up the stairs and gotten frisky in the bedroom while family pictures of their shared friend and his family witnessed them tearing at each other until the skin of childhood had shed and left them both as grown-ups. 

Waking up with a new special understanding of themselves and each other, one with a strange respect and newfound curiosity for the other’s body.

But why he hadn't grown bored of it since and why she'd never put her foot down and ended things was beyond her.

Katsuki had explained it once, one of those times he'd come stumbling into her apartment, drunk and in the midst of buckling up his pants while pawing at her. Kissing her sloppy, he’d mumbled out something along the lines of how no one else knows him like she does. 

And she supposed that had mainly been the reason; that they just knew each other too well and had known each other too long, to which point everyone else just seemed alien; that there was a sort of comfort -if one could call it that- in the familiarity of each other that just couldn't be replicated or replaced by anyone else. 

She’d been raised and groomed to sustain Katsuki and all his ugly tempers all her life. And -blinded by a sense of distorted credit she used to don herself- she couldn't quite imagine anyone being able to handle him but her. And -though she still can’t really put her finger on why- the thought had used to make her proud.

It had made her feel somewhat special...

And needed.

She thought it would go on forever then…

Not that she’d ever bothered to give it much thought. 

That is… until she had that very flirty encounter at the café where she worked. Where, in between being sweet-talked into a stuttering blushed mess and being asked out for coffee someplace where she wouldn't have to serve it herself, she’d come to question her current relationship and started doubting her true obligations toward Katsuki as a partner.

They didn’t go on dates. They didn’t live together. They didn’t text or call one another. They didn’t eat dinner or plan things or visit each other’s parents. 

She didn’t have anything in his apartment, nor him in hers. She’d never washed any of his clothes. She’d never��worn any of his clothes. She’d never even driven his car. 

They’d never given each other presents. They didn’t tell people about their relationship. They didn’t talk about work, their day, or their feelings. Actually -having given it a long thought- they didn’t really talk at all. 

In fact, when it came down to it, the only thing she'd been able to think of that they'd ever done together… was sex.

Sex and nothing more…

She doesn’t know if things would have ever changed if he hadn’t asked her what the number scrawled in blue pen on her arm was...

But nevertheless, that’s when Katsuki started acting strange.

She'd never expected he’d get so upset by it, but she ended up apologizing that night while promising him that next time she wouldn’t be so silly, that next time she’d make it clear she already had a boyfriend.

She remembers thinking how the way he fucked her that night had been nothing short of desperate. Having given her nearly no room to breathe with how tightly he’d held her, his face nuzzling into her neck with lovebites, thrusting into her in such a way he was barely even pulling out, pounding her cervix more than her cunt to the point she’d feared it bruised, having had to pat his shoulder to tell him to calm down. 

He’d held her face then, and she’d realized that they hadn’t really had too much eye contact before. She remembers that even then, she couldn’t really decide if she liked it or not. Or rather... she’s sure she’d found it unpleasant, though just hadn’t had the guts to give the feeling any influence. 

She regrets it now that it’s too late. Maybe if she’d done or said something back then, she wouldn’t be in the situation she was trapped in now.

For lack of a better -more suitable- word, she’d have to say he’d become clingy if only it didn’t sound too sweet and childish for someone so much larger than her. But maybe she’d just feared calling it what it had been.

And what it had really been…

Was threatening.

Overbearing and possessive, and needlessly protective. He’d quickly become paranoid with jealousy. Portraying strange obsessive emotions she hadn't known he harbored for her at all until then.

She hadn’t really been able to put her finger on it at the time.

It started out small. Or, small in comparison to now. Small pleasantries he’d never bothered with before. Small niceties she’d never imagined the two of them would do together. 

Thinking back, the first deviation -aside from the triggering night he’d initially seen the phone number and felt the threat of her slipping from his grasp- was the time he’d come and visited her at work when out on patrol. And though he hadn’t really asked, she’d come to realize -rather hesitantly- that he’d come there to eat lunch together with her.

Maybe she’d been too swept up in the embarrassing buzz to notice, caught in the paparazzi of hushed whispers and judgy stares -all of them asking whom the Plain Jane thought she was, eating lunch with the up-and-coming pro-hero Dynamight- she hadn’t really the time nor mind to pay attention to him and all his newly awoken instincts regarding her.

It seemed fucking silly now… How she’d foolishly thought the bizarre lunch was an isolated incident of which wouldn’t ever happen again, only to find herself quickly schooled the next day and the day after that, coming to understand she was to expect it as a regular thing. And soon, it wasn’t even the strangest thing anymore.

Soon he was driving her home every day, coming inside, eating dinner, watching the news until late, and staying the night. Soon she found herself waking up in his apartment alone, coming downstairs to find he’d made her breakfast before leaving, combined with a little note telling her when he’d be back. Soon she wasn’t spending a single week or weekend without him. Soon she couldn’t find anything to wear that didn’t either remind her of him or smell like him or that downright didn’t belong to him completely.

And he’d started taking her places too -on dates- broadcasting their relationship to anyone with a cameraphone who could snap a picture and send it to every gossip magazine in Japan. He’d introduced her to his colleagues -whom she knew to be “friends” from some rather upsetting stories he’d told her when he was in a less and less rare mood for talking- and they’d seemed to know whom she was just as intimately, giving her the sneaking suspicion that Katsuki’d been running his mouth and saying private things he ought not to.

But that had all been child’s play.

It got out of control when he’d ordered a delivery truck to pack down all her things and move them all to his apartment before she got home from work. Sure, he’d introduced the idea of living together in passing, but she couldn’t remember ever committing to it or being at all close to an understanding of where and when.

Thinking about it now, that was probably her last chance of escaping before things got ugly.

But then, it was already too late. She was living with him suddenly. Sharing all his space while unable to shake that awfully crippling feeling of just being another medal or trophy up on the mantle. Just a decorative doll he’d locked behind glass.

She’d felt as though her head was in a cloud. And not in a nice way, but in the utmost hollow way. As though she’d put herself on auto-pilot and just gone with the stream like jellyfish.

And now…

Now he was down on one knee.

Asking -no demanding- that she give him everything. 

For life until due death.

Just the two of them. 

Together.

Forever.

She swallowed thickly, feeling her head prickle as though it had fallen asleep without taking her with it. 

Her lips dry, her eyes dry, feeling more sober than ever.

She took a breath and, on the next exhale, spoke.

“No.”

They both just stared at each other for a while as though neither could decide who was more shell-shocked and had the right reserved to remain still the longest. She left -deciding it was the person on the floor with the expensive ring weighing down his hand- and walked towards the mudroom.

“What are you doing?” He asked then, hesitantly at first. Shaken from his spot, he’d resumed his full height again, loudly stomping across the floor to reach her.

“I’m sorry- I- I can’t stay here- I need to go.” She rushed, head spinning, only able to understand how she wanted to put shoes on and leave. Maybe get a drink at a bar by herself and figure her shit out without being suffocated by him.

“Don’t do this.” He said then, sounding desperate and somewhat feeble if it weren’t for how he had her pushed against the wall in the same second.

She nearly decided against herself when seeing the look on his face. Warped into something truly fragile. Plead had his brows pinched together while his sharp red eyes -now doe-like- had glossed over and looked nothing short of hopeless and scared.

She’d be lying if she said it didn’t make her heart twist and ache and feel a little guilty.

But nevertheless.

“I can’t marry you, Katsuki….”

She couldn’t keep doing this.

“I’m sorry- I don’t love-” 

She didn’t get to finish. The word taken, stifled, strangled in a fist closing around her throat.

“You do love me.” He refuted quickly, as though terrified to have let her finish. “You’ve always loved me.” Trembling while he said it, as though trying to force himself into believing it too. 

Shaking her collar in unstable hands. Bearing down on her until she couldn’t be pushed flatter against the stone behind her, until his forehead rested against the wall and his lips brushed the shell of her ear in hot, heavy strained breaths. 

“You’re just confused.” He rasped, voice light and breathy and nearly amounting to a giggle -or a sob- she wasn’t sure which.

But she couldn’t care much when she couldn’t breathe. Head burning into a numb wet cotton that was no longer able to tell her to push him off and instead let her hands go limp against his chest, knees going weak beneath her. 

“Katsuki… Kat… su-”

She was convinced he’d kill her before the tiniest slither of air was allowed back in through her windpipe, gasping for it like a glutton until coughing it all up again when choking on her own desperate gulps. 

Her hands held her throat in an act of soothing it from the forming bruises and shielding it from further attack. But Katsuki was ahead of her and had his sights on attacking something else.

He took her by the hair and started pulling, dragging her from the door and further into the apartment.

“Stop- stop it- Katsuki-” She begged between hiccups and coughs, her hands clawing at his in an effort to free his grasp from her scalp. Her shins dragged to burns against the cold marble as her legs kicked in the struggle, hitting the floor in a series of sporadic thuds until he stopped. “Katsuki-”

He’d crossed the threshold of their bedroom and was now throwing her down on the mattress, pinning her in the same second with a hand gripping her jaw and eyes a searing cold that seemed to lash out at her like unstable fire, glaring at her with a look so blank and empty she felt it like the chill of death creep throughout her bones.

“If you want me to be nice, you should shut up.”

She knew she ought to listen, but still, one last prayer slipped off her tongue against her better judgment before she could think twice about it. “Katsuki, please don’t do this-”

“Don’t do what!?” He barked -spit flying and teeth bared just like a rabid rottweiler- louder than she’d ever witnessed, loud enough to make her wince. “Break your heart!?” His voice cracked on the cry, and he paused, giving another gruesome and gut-wrenching chuckle. Head ducking between her breasts with spikey hair nipping at her throat like a million needles. 

His hand tightened even more, clawing into her cheeks.

“I’m just making things even.”

She’d never realized just how hopeless she was if she’d ever needed to fend him off. But she’d never needed to before, never wanted to until now.

Now that he had her so helplessly beneath him, where the reality was slowly dawning on her and making her ever more hysteric, slowly settling upon her like dust after an explosion. The ensuing violation and her utter defeat in fighting it, her failure in doing much more than make it worse, where every time she landed anything that weakly resembled a slap or kick, he retaliated tenfold by crushing her in his strength.

Spreading her legs by positioning himself between them, he cared little for all her bleating where the former fight she’d tried to make match his diminished into desperate attempts to protect herself instead. She was sobbing now, gasping for breath with her chest rising and falling on beat with the deafening drums of her racing heart.

He tugged his tie loose and threw it off his head, wrapping her wrists in the loop and tightening it into restraints. Only now noticing just how brittle she was. So much smaller than him. So much so, he nearly abandoned his task of tying her hands to the bedpost in all. But -finding he might lose his cool and break her arm if she dared continue shoving at him- he pulled them over her head and fastened them anyway, if not for his than for her sake to avoid it.

And then she really was less than nothing beneath him. Just a defenseless pile of warm plush flesh soft against him and all his scarred muscles and callouses and years upon years of dedicated training.

She’d pulled her thighs shut, but it hardly mattered. His hands -buried in the fine plume of her cakey fat- had them both spread again with nearly no strength put into it at all. 

It was all right there -taken with no effort- only a cute pink cotton panty stopping him. 

His heart clenched at that, flickered and tugged with misery at the look of her crying into her own arm, trying to comfort herself while her chest heaved, already tired of screaming and bawling. Having resorted to soft sniffles and weak snivels while tiny quakes shook through her still, goosebumps adorning all her exposed flesh, which was every part of her sept for what her pretty silk dress kept hidden.

She was so beautiful…

Adorable. 

Precious and just…

Too good.

He knew that. He knew that she was too good for him and had always been too good for him -part of the reason why he used to act as though he hated her- when, in reality… he actually…

“I love you.” He cried. “I’ve always loved you….”

Hot tears splashed in big droplets, staining the silk with splotches that seeped into large flecks on her stomach. 

“I can’t live without you-” He continued, his hands shaking where he held her apart while his body sagged forward, bowing down, donning soft kisses to her neck and jaw, upon the tears staining her cheeks with streaks, whispering in a voice close to breaking. “I can’t- I won’t-” Choked and pitiful, raw from shouting only a moment earlier.

One of his hands detached from its bruising grip, whilst the other loosened and slid higher -pulling her dress up on its way- and started rubbing loving circles into her midriff. She heard his buckle go undone a second later and offered another whimpering sob, her own hands jostling in their bonds on beat with her shaky breaths while trying to angle her face further away with the aim of avoiding the attack of his wet teary kisses.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, but I can’t… I can’t let you go.”

She felt him press against her clothed cunt with the weight of his swollen thickness and let out another whimper. Nose stuffed full with the smell of his breath and the scent of his sweet nitro-like sweat and eyes full of unyielding tears. 

His hand reached for her panty, hooking the trail and pulling it to the side, making her sink her teeth into the plump of her lip to suppress yet another whimper while she cringed with uncomfort and the unanswered wishes for him to stop as he nibbled on the corner of her mouth with more teary proposals.

His fingers soon prodded her slit like they’d done nearly every day for years since they were but teens. Touching her with a perfected skill he’d learned would have her shiver with arousal. 

She yielded quickly, her sex turning puffy and wet sooner than she had the time to be embarrassed about it.

“No one knows you as well as I do. No one loves you as much as I do.” He chanted against her skin, entering her with both his longest digits, pumping them deep and scraping them in a cruel curl into that spot he knew had her toes doing the same. Smiling, once her hips made an involuntary jolt in response. “No one else but me.” 

He pulled his hands to himself once she’d left three of his digits warm and soaking with slick, lathering his own arousal with it before nudging his cockhead against her opening in a sticky kiss and breaching it.

She stiffened, and he groaned into her neck at the feel of her clamping down even tighter as he bottomed out into her already taunt choke.

“No one else would know how to love you.” He hissed, setting a sweet tempo, lips still close, grazing on the peachfuzz of her cheek, ghosting her skin with hot breaths and even hotter words.  “No one else would know the first thing to do with you once they had you.”

She shook her head, more so in askance of space than anything else. Needing air free of him. Needing to clear her head off the building warmth she felt spread from her core. Needing to shake the coil loose before it could knot itself further. But it seemed the more she tried fending it off, the faster it neared its end, like a spark aided by the wind in chasing the tail of a wic until exploding what dynamite found at its end.

She always shook so prettily when cumming -so preciously- when spilling over and moaning all flushed and cute for him with her hips riding it out against his until it left her panting, blushed, and adorned with a shiny sheen of dew, making her look golden in the glory of the after high.

He used to regard it as something sweet she’d give him, like a reward or devotion. 

Only now did he realize how utterly at his mercy she was -unable to keep even this from him- just completely laid bare to accept what he gave and give what he decided to take.

She was his, and not even she herself could deny it. 

She belonged to him.

She belonged to him. 

She belonged to him. 

“No one else.”

tip-jar: Kofi

[whyse7vn]

IS JIN BALD? -

[ ot7 x reader ]

ARMY FR 🧑‍🦲🇰🇷

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

jungkook: fuck a grammy fr lol

y/n: that shit was how long ago?

yoongi: we are in 2023.

jin: get over it pussy

tae: smooth like butter bro

namjoon: ??

jimin: hobi fell it was funny

hobi: DONT BRING MY TRUMA UP SOMEONE TELL HIM!!!

jk: i am over it

jin: clearly not

namjoon: move forward and focus on work

y/n: he basically said get over it you bitch

jk: i am over it

jin: sure

yoongi: was kinda disappointing tho

y/n: omg yoongi 🥺

here for you bae

tae: can you be there for me pls

y/n: i’m hungry

tae: eat me!!

jk: what

jin: SAME

sorry caps

same.

the hungry part not the eat me part

jimin left the gc

y/n: omg ???

jin: it was about time so sorry was SICK of him

namjoon added jimin to the gc !

jin: jimin my bff hey !!!

jimin: fuck you

jin: remember when namjoon fell down those stairs that one time

y/n: YES LMWSOSODODOFOCOZOOXOX

jimin: OMG YEAH

yoongi: yeah lol

hobi: LMAO

namjoon: 😐

jin: sorry was just thinking about it

namjoon: it was so embarrassing

hobi: at least it was only us that saw it!

jk: it’s okay one time i cried during sex can’t get any more embarrassing than that!!

yoongi: what

jimin: why would u admit to-

y/n: LAMOOO now THAT was fr funny snot coming out his nose and everything

yoongi: double what

tae: wait

hobi: 🤨

y/n: nvm i lied what.

jimin: thought it would be yoongi first ngl

namjoon: moving on

yoongi: 🫣

y/n: and was

jk: HUH ?

y/n: surprise

jin: omg

yoongi: lol

namjoon: MOVING ON

jimin: 👺 👺👺👺👺👺👺👺

what an ugly fucking emoji

who though it would be a good idea what is it’s purpose

tae: looks like you

jin: truth

jimin: fuck you

tae: 👺

hobi: i kinda like it

👺👺👺👺👺👺👺

funky

y/n: hate it

jimin: see the whore gets it!

yoongi: jimin

jimin: ooo scary

namjoon: …

jimin: /j lolz

you guys are NO fun i mean it

tae: cry my a river

hobi: i want you to cry

jin: guys

y/n: cry for me

namjoon: yeah

yoongi: the answer is no to what ever ur about to say

jin: omg?! what a party pooper

jk: party

hobi: pop

*pooper

pop pop pop

jin: anyways

do you think i look good bald 🥺?

yoongi: …

y/n: what

hobi: sure

namjoon: yeah

jimin: ig?

jk: ur bald???????

jin: u guys are so fucking fake it’s unreal

jimin: 🙏🏻

jk: ur bald fr?!

y/n: do you think wonho wants me

cuz i want him

jimin: NO LMAO

yoongi: i don’t see why not

y/n: omg yoongi my number 1 supporter love u down fr 🙏🏽🥺

jk: i’m confused is jin fr bald?

namjoon: tae is that you playing the trumpet rn?

tae: yeah sound ok?

namjoon: no

pls stop

tae: 😟

jimin: give up i say

hobi: sick and tried

y/n: BUT I DONT WANNA MESS UP CUZ LIFE GOES ONNNNN

ate that

hobi: 110%

jimin: flopped

jk: IS HE BALD??????

y/n: i used to be a certified lover boy..

jimin: but-

yoongi: nvm

jin: don’t you fucking dare

hobi:

…

i have to admit this one makes me giggle a lil but also i fr did write this one after the grammys happened then i forgot about it so i had to change a bunch of shit still love it tho

[buck-obsessed]

Eddie starts yelling at Buck about how he needs to go to therapy because he died and doesn't recognize Buck sometimes because he won't let Eddie in.

"Well you moved on after you got shot, why can't I move on just the same?! You just don't see me!" Buck shot back. Angry tears are falling down both of their faces and talking through gritted teeth.

Eddie tells Buck with pain dripping from his voice that "I see you, I've always seen you, but now I don't think I know you anymore. You won't let me know you anymore." Buck didn't know what to say to that.

Eddie left Buck's loft but right before he says "You can still see Christopher but we should just be coworkers for now I need some time.." Eddie needs time and space before he can be Buck's best friend again because he isn't sure he knows him anymore.

Eddie then walked to his truck starting to cry to himself as he had basically lost his best friend. Someone he always went to, someone he knew he could rely on. Buck on his couch sobbing as he never thought the words 'I need some time..' would come out of Eddie's mouth towards Buck.

Eddie slammed his hand onto the wheel, the car not making a sound as it's still off. Buck crying on his very uncomfortable couch.

~ ~

They go into work and they don't glance at each other much. During lunch time Buck swapped placed with Hen as to not sit next to Eddie. Chimney, Hen and Bobby all exchanged confused expressions when Buck & Eddie weren't talking and seemed uncomfortable.

Hen pulls Buck to the side and starts asking him questions. "What's up with you today? You don't seem yourself?" Buck looked at her and shrugged. "I'm not sure what you mean, I'm totally fine." Buck replied as he folded his clothes shoving them into his locker and slamming it closed.

Hen looked at him then the locker. "What did that locker do to you?" Hen crossed her arms. "Nothing.." Buck muttered. "Anyway stop acting up." She said walking away. Chimney talked to Eddie but he didn't really talk much, more worked out. (Punching the punching bag)

~ ~ ~

Later on after shift. Eddie’s pacing around his house torn between grabbing the key to bucks house or just staying in. After a good few minutes Eddie grabs the key and opens the front door. His eyes widen in shock.

Buck’s standing there. They look at each other with anger, love & lust before Eddie grabs Buck’s face like it’s something so fucking special. Buck does the same before they kiss and Buck pushes Eddie back as he closes the door behind them. They are full on making out at this point.

—

(E’s/E) next to the word - Eddie’s / Eddie

(B’s/B) next to the word - Buck’s / Buck

—

Buck pushes Eddie onto the kitchen counter and starts unzipping their pants and taking them off. As well as both of their shirts.

(They are in just boxers atp)

Buck then carries Eddie to his bedroom then setting Eddie down as he(E) gains dominance. Eddie then pushes Buck onto the bed and gets on top of him. Words wouldn’t describe how badly they both wanted each other at this moment.

~ ~ ~

Their both laying in the bed underneath the messy sheets of Eddie’s bed panting. “You’ve always seen me Eds, even the ugly bits that I don’t want people to see. That’s why I’m so scared. “ Buck says breaking the silence.

Eddie looks at him and gives him a soft kiss. “Buck there’s nothing that’s ugly about you.” He replies as he starts to cuddle Buck. “How many rounds can you go Eds?” Buck says looking at Eddie. “How many do you think?” He chuckles before getting on top of Buck and flipping them so Buck is dominating this time. “Let’s see how well you can top me.” He smirks. It ends there.

(The actual smut stuff will be on wattpad later on. Probs a week cuz school but yh)

Credits: @exhuastedpigeon

Ty for the idea, I loved making this and I hope you liked it!! <33

[hana-the-ghostieee]

alright alright alright iiiiiii had An Idea that i might want to share with the world it just came to me a week ago and took it's sweet time running around my head but i don't want to just dump this all on the one poor friend i have that has to know everything about me sooooooooooo. here. featuring a very silly rui & tsukasa cuz i enjoy their dynamic (whether it be platonic or romantic :P they're silly little guys and i like em for it)

okay. so you know the song Che- Che- Check, 1! 2! by WADATAKEAKI or KurageP, right? the same dude that made Chururira Chururira Daddadda! if you were wondering. (all of you wxs fans probably know where i'm going with this.)

i kind of want to hear a Rui and Tsukasa cover, kind of like the Self-cover that takeaki himself did. i know the song is about being a student that's just falling really hard for your teacher but i want to hear them do it *only* and i mean *ONLY* for the whole 1, 2 joke (cuz YEAH that's what i'm here for that's the only reason i made this post)

from the cut things are ruikasa (romantically, not platonically) so if you aren't into that. sorry you got my point you may leave now.

edit: i originally did this on computer but posted it on mobile and ??? it deleted my changes (you know. content descriptions and tags and such) so uhm mhm.

(alright now that they're gone, you guys are my favorites. hi fellow ruikasaer here is where things get ~ juicy ~)

ooh ooh but. if there's a 2dmv. the part where the lyrics go "That's why I'll go do something bad/I'll sneak into the broadcast room in lunch break and play it" is yet another prank, where our weirdo wombo combo sneak into the broadcast room and just play. not sure. silly random noises i guess. idk but instead of going to plan. muehehe. sorry for the evil laugh uhm.

(or maybe they walked around school just recording people say happy birthday or something to nene because well let's have them do something nice for once instead of blasting confetti-filled cannons left, right and center)

whoever's plugging the audio in for the *whole* school to hear. instead of playing said silly random noises. manages to instead. play a recording of his confessions of love to his partner in crime. and you can tell he had background assistance cuz in the back emu and nene are going "wooaaahhhhh☆!!! he's gonna love this!!! it's really mooshy-wooshy and warm!!!" and "...yeah, i guess saying he's the star that lights up the dark void that once was your universe would work. good luck."

ooh or they get caught but one of them forgets their phone and then. after the silly random noises end. the whole school hears the most sappy, sickening confession ever. and rui's just sitting in the back, realizing he forgot his phone in the broadcast room, knowing he left it on autoplay, and he can't do anything but sit in this pool of dread and regret

anyways yeah uhmm that's all i have nothing left to share :P

and then of course the whole school teases them into next year. including the teachers. apparently being boyfriends come with a consequence. nene magically disappears for the next week or two and every time emu comes over during lunch break she gets really confused why everyone's just acting weird? where's nene-chan? what's going on between rui-kun and tsukasa-kun? did they fight again? no wait, i don't think you hold hands and call each other ruru and kasa after you fight... huhh??? whuhh??? bwuhh??? did they - *ugly breath in* OH MY GOD DID THEY CONFESS WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! [she managed to give heart attacks to half the student body and staff with that one scream. i wrote this i would know. and if you want to manifest it into sound assume it sounds like that one KYAAAAA!!! she did from Positive☆Dance Time. im sorry]

[d4ldolly]

mys (massive yap session)

blehh does anyone feel rlly confused ab if anyone actually cares ab you?? like I just wanna die but not in a suicidal way. like I just wanna see how people would react.

pros-

if they do miss me I'd be flattered

I wouldn't feel bad about myself anymore bc someone actually cared

n if they did miss me id be happy cuz id know i left a mark on this earth even if only a short while

cons-

well I die

what if they don't miss me

there's sm beautiful and cool things on earth is it rlly worth throwing it all away and starting over just for the small comfort of knowing someone will remember me

i wish there was some way to know. like a lie detector in my brain or something. yk how you sometimes have a very best friend, the kind of people you would die for and tell legit everything to? i wanna know if they feel the same way for me.

I've been in lots of situations where someone I've known 4 short time suddenly becomes attached 2 me, but like I don't want them that way. its endearing 2 know that they do in fact enjoy my presence and choose me over a large group of other people but I feel bad not reciprocating it. im gonna sound so cringy and pickme type like this but wtv. I like a very certain type of person. (not romantically in this situation)

i wouldn't say I've had the... average mind? since 11 I started starving n cutting n getting addicted to gore. I think 12 was when it really hit, I'd be so addicted to the feeling of physical pain seeing the scratches brought me elation. it wasn't even bc I was depressed or anything it was just so fun. i think red and bruises look nice on me. I didn't tell a single soul about this but i implied it n made jokes of it for the slight chance someone would pick up the undertones n maybe try to help me. I think it's embarrassing to have this addiction. why am I like this? why couldn't I just be normal. maybe everybody around me does this too but I'm just and overreacter n their all in a joke I'll never understand.

n as a kid + preteen I was fugly bro. like I still am but damn!!!!! I guess it's sorta ok bc I was like 7 but man. being asian in the us was not a great experience. it wasn't so bad it constantly interfered with my life to the point of breaking me but it did piss me off alot. all i wanted to be was skinny and white girl pretty. (I DO NOT MEAN THIS OR ANYTHING I SAY IN A RACIST WAY AT ALL!!!!!!)

anyways i thought to myself every single day that everything was pretty. most people (around 14 out of 15) never seemed to understand what I meant by that and god was i confused. what do you mean that the yellow-green grass on the lawn with specks of miniscule dots made up of white and blue flowers wasnt pretty? that the details on a single tree in the big big forest weren't worth your attention? the lines and details of a rock, formed by years of going through nature. the way the light ripples and reflects into clear water, always making new colors you'll only see once, and disappearing in a moment as it trickles away down the stream. little moments like those were all I cared for. the thing I spent the most of my time on? people. I love everybody. I love every single part and cell and strand of hair and scar, skin, nail, the little freckles, dots, moles, bones, veins, flesh, imperfections, perfections, god. I could spend eternity and forever just staring. I don't know why I do this, but I never want to stop. people are so interesting. it's funny how we're all different.

sometimes I just laugh. laugh because I live and get to see and feel and smell and taste and hear and love. I think I like being a human. maybe being a dog or royalty would be easier, but I wouldn't trade my current life for anything in the universe.

reflecting on myself is something I do unconsciously, every single moment I get to myself. most of those moments are just embarrassment because I think I'm ugly. do you think insects believe they're ugly? i would spend minutes, days, months, and decades just trying to convince a beetle that he's beautiful. maybe I'm beautiful? I wouldn't know. how would anyone know if I don't know myself?

i think that's my biggest fear. genuinely, factually coming to a conclusion that nobody will ever want me, whether it's because my physical firm or mental ways of just being me. I'd be so sad if i love literally everybody, unconditionally and never bending to a single whim, just to be put to the side without a second thought. hopefully they put me on a little shelf in their mind, so atleast they'll remember me somehow. they better do it gently too, i might break if they don't care for me.

i hope someday, probably long after I'm gone, everybody will find peace. don't know what kind of peace, but just something or somewhere they can rest for a moment. I hope the bees have a safe hibernation. the bears are warm in their cave. the plants are eager to grow after being dormant. that the dung beetle gets a rest and finally achieves rolling it to the top of the hill. that the little brown-white mushrooms growing after a long rain in the forest thrive. that the deer graze happily in a meadow. n most importantly, I hope whoever or whatever read this is happy. your life could be miserable. lets enjoy what have, or what we'll never have while we can. we'll never be here forever, but you can damn as well make it worthwhile.

yolo,

-d4l_

[ruminate88]

I will NOT contact you cuz I don’t trust you 🥺❤️‍🩹 Sooo I’ll write to you here:

Andrew,

I know you can’t change the past and so I’m not writing to make you feel bad about your mistakes or to beg for an apology. Maybe you think you did nothing wrong… I feel you used me and deceived me. I feel you lied about your attentions and used manipulation tactics on me to abuse me. Not sure if you realized what you were doing or if you think what you did is what every body does? I’m not trying to be your judge but the ways you went no contact for days at a time then suddenly would come back to me as if everything was normal, was the same as intermittent reinforcement. I feel you love bombed me in that January when we were talking. The way you made me feel so amazing about myself and about you but then you changed seemingly over night and it felt distant and cold the rest of the time we talked. I need you to know I was ghosted prior to you and I did tell you that but not sure if you truly understood what I went through or you didn’t care. Being ghosted, left me anxious and that’s why I freaked every time you took hours to respond to me. Also it was hard to trust you fully because of being ghosted but you did raise some red flags for me. It was confusing to me the whole relationship how you said things I wanted to hear, including “I love you” but you always seemed so distant and too busy for me. You always acted as if you hate my guts 😓❤️‍🩹 Your words never matched your actions and there was always a fog between us. I tried to make sense of it all the whole time we talked but you never would just talk to me. You only spent time with me when it was sexual or when you seemed bored but you refused to truly open up and let me into your world. I have questions for you:

1, were you refusing to open up to me and let me in because you find it hard to with women OR was it because you knew the whole time you didn’t love me but was still wanting to get my nudes?

2, did you refuse to break up with me because you wasn’t sure how to or you just wanted me to do it so you didn’t look bad?

3, Was anything you ever said to me true about yourself, about your feelings towards me or did you lie about everything from day 1?

4, when you called me to hear my voice but tried to play it off as if I was the one who called you at work, were you just trying to mess with me as a joke to you or did you just wanna hear my voice? Why would you wanna hear my voice if you don’t care about me?

sorry for so many questions but they always linger in my head and heart. I’ve always wondered these things for a long time. I’m trying to work through all these issues and feelings I have. I need you to know I don’t hate you OR judge you but I don’t trust you anymore. I’m sad you lied to me and broke my trust. I truly genuinely loved you and maybe you thought I was stupid or easy but I really wanted to be good to you. No one is perfect and I don’t think I’m better than you. I only broke up with you because I felt it’s what you wanted. You made me feel you hate me and think I’m so stupid and ugly. You hurt me so deep even if you don’t believe it or think you did. But I’m trying to heal everyday and I do forgive you. I feel that you didn’t truly make sense to me and give me clear answers. You kept changing your responses to me. First you said you pretended all your feelings, then you said you loved me but fell out of love and didn’t know how to tell me. Then lastly you said your feelings were real the whole time 😳😝 but yet you had a new gf already!!! None of it made sense and I didn’t know what to believe out of you!

I know this letter is not going directly to you so you can’t answer my questions but I’m trying to create my own goodbye to you and get my own answers to be ok with the past and finally get over you. Just know I was real and cared about you. I STILL care about you and hope everything has worked out for you. I just want so bad to resolve my feelings for you and make sense. I don’t want anything from you. Just because I felt you hurt me deep, I would NEVER do you that way and don’t want to get back at you. I just want peace over you and not to be so haunted by you. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I don’t know the real you and it’s made it hard for me to know what to believe about you. You said everything I wanted to hear but your actions showed me differently. I was so confused by you!

I don’t know how to end this letter… it never feels over with you 🥺❤️‍🩹

[stunie]

HI ZEVIE!! i absolutely love the match ups uve been doing so i hope im not too late on this :D

its actually my birthday tdy so im really excited to spend time with my friends n family ^^

something rly fun thats happened recently is that i started uni and met a bunch of new friends!! ive been stuck at home awhile waiting for enrollment so i was rly thrilled to meet n talk to new people agn

i really like blue lock, windbreaker n kaiju n8! idm being paired up with someone from any one of these!! whatever u see fit :D i really like to draw, curate pinterest boards, go to cute cafes w my friends, i sew stuffed animals for fun and i strongly believe call>text

my fav artists are laufey, lisa ono n faye webster,alot of bossa nova tunes, uhh i think im quite extroverted n loud but recently someone told me im reserved n observant??? which im really confused by, but tbh i tend to act differently with most people i meet so..

most of the time girls love me but men hate me because i tend to not beat around the bush when i talk to them, im straightforward n function on spite most of the time which is why i dont really play video games cuz i can get really competitive :P alot of ppl say i look kinda ditzy n dumb upon first impression but im actually really hardworking BECAUSE i run on spite.. generally my love languages are mostly quality time n acts of service, but i think im also very words of affirmations when it comes to people close to me (im always number 1 hype man!) i also like trying to bite people (IN AN AFFECTIONATE WAY) n meowing out of nowhere um i dont even know why..i adore ugly cute things esp plushies n animals :D

if u answer this tysm for taking the time to read everything!! i feel like i rambled alot + i hope ure having a nice day!! ^^

EH? BDAY? HAPPY BIRTHDAY NONNIE !!! 🎂 here’s some cake 💐 here’s some flowers !!! i hope you have a wonderful day aaaa i hope im not too late !! > < ALSO YOU SOUND SO CUTE I LOVE. i’m thinking …. of a character who shows up in the wb manga so lemme know if ur an anime only!

the straightforward part has me running to endo ! i think he would enjoy being around you so much omg (bottom right for reference). SO CUTE. have you seen the scenes of him talking about takiishi all excited ? that’s how he is. give him any words of affirmation and it’ll have him all -> :O with the blush … omg. the bite ?!, it has him laughing but he’s happy (: you may have accidentally taught him that biting is a form of affection.. so let’s see how that goes. THE UGLY CUTE ANIMALS. he understands. he thinks the same. even if you act a little differently depending on the person, i think endo would understand you !! he loves you so much that it’s only natural he’s understand you. he could send me a paragraph right now about you > < and he’d be happy writing it!! love that. also. please call him. OMG. he’d be so happily chatting all day long 😭 so cute

[nerdylilpeebee]

Was just neck-deep in discourse but my brain goes really fast between 2 things sometimes, so little rant about something personal now that I need to get off my chest. Feel free to ignore this if you want:

I am a lonely person. That is obvious. XD if you've followed me for a while you've likely seen my posts about this very subject several times. XD

But my brain is mean and likes to keep bringing it up, so here we go.

I want a relationship. A romantic one. But I have no confidence in that department at all (and this isn't helped by the fact that I'm ugly). Especially in person. I'm on a dating app, but no one ever responds to me and the only people who "swipe right" so to speak are either bots or people with OnlyFans, so it's pretty clear I'm not gonna have any luck on those.

Everyone I meet irl who I find appealing in that regards is already in a relationship. The friends I make who I get close to and form an intimate bond with either are not compatible with me sexuality-wise or already have a partner. XD Yep, that is my luck.

And tbh, it all just feels hopeless. I want one and every time I work up the courage to put myself out there, no one is interested or someone is but only cuz they want another onlyfans customer. It's been over 15 years since I last had a proper relationship.

I've never kissed anyone, and hell, I've only held someone's hand ONCE and that's cuz a drunk friend saw us together and forced us to hold hands. XD I'm 26 now and while I know I still have plenty of time, I just can't picture anyone wanting me that way. And every time I think "well, maybe, it's not like I'm the ugliest person in the world and I know based on my friends that my personality isn't garbage" it gets shot down by the fact that I just can't muster the courage to do anything IRL and online no one is interested when they can see my face, which in turn makes irl even harder.

In the end, I know what I am. An ugly pre-transition trans woman. If I wore make-up and dresses I'd be a walking stereotype, minus the fact that I'm young still. To most of the world I'm not even a woman. To any potential romantic partners, I'm almost certainly not a woman. XD there's no amount of dysphoria that would get me to try to present myself to one as such. I don't look like one. I don't sound like one. It'd just cause unnecessary confusion and awkwardness if I tried (not that I'll hide that I'm trans, I just won't really have any will to insist on them treating or viewing me as, well, me. To them I won't be Nora, especially in person).

I'm... Not even sure why I'm posting this rant. What is anyone supposed to say to this? Nothing new. The same empty-feeling platitudes everyone always says. And it's stupid and unfair to be upset anyone for that. XD there's literally nothing else to do.