#cuz that made me completely lose all benefit of the doubt I had for her

[robinsversion]

I was rewatching hbomb’s video for the millionth time yesterday and the line “I don’t know why anyone would make video essays like this unless they were strictly in it for the money” stood out to me because if you replace “make video essays” with “write poetry” that perfectly describes my thoughts about Rupi Kaur.

[mikewheeleranti]

damn it now i NEED an enemies to lovers garreth fic 😫

freezing

garreth weasley x reader

sypnosis: when you get partnered with the guy who hates you in astronomy, what do you do when he suddenly softens around you? enemies to lovers, forced proximity, garreth being cute

wc: 1.7k

a/n: anon is too real cuz where are the garreth lovers. this is enemies to lovers for a little bit... then its garreth PINING over reader

when professor shah announced the partners for the latest project, your heart dropped to your stomach. you were really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but only one memory was playing on a loop in your mind.

'sirius can't be that hard to find. isn't it a dog?'

he was also brash and rude, not to mention disrespectful to professors and supplies. still, you pushed the thoughts of his earlier ignorance and convinced yourself he changed for the better. you were wrong. so, very, wrong. as soon as you walked over to what would be your shared working space, you saw him talking to the new fifth year.

"-bit of a prodigy when it comes to potions, if i do say so myself. so, are you willing to help me out?"

"i see that you are ever so humble, weasley." you soon come to find that he was asking the new student to steal something from honeydukes for him, which was not unusual. what was even less unusual was that they kindly declined, not fancying getting in trouble and losing house points.

"y/n, do you have to ruin everything? i was about to convince them!"

"oh i'm sure. i can't believe i'm saying this, but maybe you should spend some more time on your charm, or your exploding potions, or-" he cuts you off by pushing past you to sit at his seat.

"oh shove off."

when you finally got back to your common room, you were cold, irritated, and angry. it was bad enough that you forgot your scarf in the astronomy tower, which is at least 6 shifting staircases from your common room. what was worse is that it started snowing during your walk, which you're sure is melting in your hair now.

once you've showered and changed into warmer, more fitting, clothes for the weather and joined your friends by the fireplace, the cold mood didn't shift. they eventually caught onto your sour mood and asked you what was wrong.

"what's wrong? maybe the fact i got partnered with weasley-" you noticed the sense of pure hatred in your voice and winced a bit before continuing, "for the astronomy project, who is a complete idiot, despises me, and all he does is ask me for potions supplies! i'm just lucky if i never run into him again after this project." you knew you were probably being unreasonable and a bit unfair, but something about him and the way he was with the new fifth year aggravated you to another level.

luckily it didn't snow on your walk to astronomy today, but it was still freezing and your scarf was still gone. you were hoping you could find it somewhere, being colored with your house, but it was nowhere to be found. forgetting about the scarf, you decided to turn your project in to professor shah. finally going over to your table next to garreth, you hear him mutter something under his breath, and you almost miss it.

"proof that even a complete idiot can do a project." how did he find out? before you could think to say anything back, professor shah started her lesson, and you knew better than to talk during one of those.

when class had finished, you looked over to his spot to talk to him, maybe even apologize when you saw him storm out. fine, if he wanted a problem between you two so bad, there could be one, and seats would be changed soon enough anyways.

you still could not find your scarf, but nothing was stopping you from going to hogsmeade today. you needed to get gifts for your family and you made up for the lack of scarf in the best way you could. you were wearing a unreasonably large jacket and rain boots that looked too small for a 1st year. you were absolutely sure you looked ridiculous, but until you found your scarf, and your gloves that you could not find as of today, this was the best option. on the train, you were seated next to anne, who you've been growing extremely close with for the past year.

"what are you wearing? you must be freezing." was what she decided to greet you with when she sat across from you.

"anne, i'm fine. i'm just glad to be out of that castle for once." anne knew about your situation with a certain ginger and felt for you, a little. you were also sure she was keeping some of the thoughts on the situation to herself, which you begged her to tell you months ago.

'anne, please, please tell me!' she laughed and it echoed through the otherwise silent slytherin common room.

'if i know weasley as well as i think i do, you'll find out soon enough, trust me.'

'so you know something? anne, this is killing me!'

'hm.. i have an estimated guess. honestly, y/n, its obvious. it's your fault you're oblivious.' you're sure that in the moment she had more to say, and you quite honestly wish you let her finish before you threw a pillow at her head (or tried).

"well, you can be out and not look like you're begging merlin to freeze you to death."

"oh please, anne, you are so dramatic."

anne was not being dramatic. surely a blizzard was occurring, a scarf couldn't make this much difference. you were trying to find a store to go into, regretfully finding out most of them had already closed for the holidays. you were still blocks away from honeydukes, the only store you were sure was open. and warm. your search was stopped short when you get pulled into a shop that you don't know the name of, but by looking around you can guess it's some kind of pub. before you could scream, you feel a large hand cover your mouth. you know you shouldn't and every self defense advice given goes against this, but the warmth of the hand makes you relax against the back of-

wait, who is holding you?

"have you lost it completely? what is wrong with you?" you hear a soft but firm voice almost whisper in your ear. turning around to see who grabbed then plainly insulted you, the last person you expect to see is garreth weasley. you were already freezing and tired, the last thing you needed was to be dragged into one of his messes. any grateful thought you had for the mystery person pulling you into a warm place quickly fades.

"what's wrong with me? you're the one who grabbed me!" you go to push him away, not with any real force, but he stumbles back slightly before stepping back. you didn't really want to push him away, but at least he knew you were angry now. still, he didn't respond, but his hand found its way back to your face, this time resting against your forehead.

"you're freezing." you hated the way you longed for the warmth of his hand when he moved back. you also hated the way his voice was soft, losing all roughness he usually has with you. it sounded sweet, and you've come to miss both the sound of it and his warm hands. you watch as he unwraps his gryffindor colored scarf from his neck and places it around yours, throwing it over your shoulder. this not being enough for him, seeing how you are still shivering, he takes off his gloves and puts them on you. the moment shouldn't feel so intimate, because it's not, but it does. something about the way his gloves have so much extra space in them and the way he's looking at you. his eyes look soft, and filled with something that isn't familiar to you.

you eventually manage to utter out a "thank you" which breaks the long silence. you hear a loud bell ring, leading you to snap your head towards the door and garreth finally releasing his hold on you. when you see it's just anne searching for you with her brother and ominis, you relax a bit, but still step a good distance away from the weasley next to you, now bare of a scarf and gloves. anne notices his absence and your sudden presence of a red and yellow scarf and laughs loudly before covering her mouth. quickly saying something to her brother, the group walks back out, dragging ominis with them.

"i better get going... thank you, garreth."

"anne, i don't know what happened! it's just like, his whole personality around me shifted. he was actually nice to me, and he gave me his scarf. it was like he actually cared about me."

"and who says he doesn't? care about you, i mean. i don't know, y/n, but look at the big picture. he was only rude to you after you ignored him, maybe this is defensive. i mean please, he looks at you like you hung the moon and stars."

you should've gotten mad at her for defending him over you, started an argument, wonder where her loyalties lie, but you couldn't stop thinking about her last statement. you also knew she was right, your hatred was a bit unreasonable. it just doesn't make sense, you ignored him once and he decides to act normal around everyone but you?

you spent most of the next day in the library studying, knowing midterm exams were approaching quickly. on your way out, you decide to head out the back door, seeing as it was closer to your dorm. you were stopped in your tracks when you heard the door to the restricted section crack open, and you were once again dragged into an unknown place, and once again by garreth weasley. you're confused and tense up when you hear him mutter "petrificus totalus" offhandedly.

"what are you doing?" you were now looking up at him and he swears he could die there from the sight.

"i'm going to do what i meant to the other day, if you'll let me."

now inching towards you just until you feel him breathing on your face. he looks at you expectantly, but your mind blanks with him so close to you. something screams at you to just nod, so you do. you wrap your arms around his neck to come closer to him, finally meeting him in height. feeling his lips just barely graze yours, you're the one who fully closes the distance between you. the kiss is slow and soft, like he was with you the other day. soon enough, you both run out of air and have to pull away from each other.

"i have to say, i didn't expect you to be the shy type, garreth." smiling a bit up at him, he grins like a madman and pulls you back to him.

"can you blame me darling? you're magnificent."

[rivetgoth]

I had this friend I met in the Hetalia fandom in like 8th-9th grade who was like, a lot older than me (I was like 12-13 when we met and she was like 17 or so), and we were REALLY close for a really long time, we'd talk and call every day and it got to a point where she was really dependent on me in this awful way where she would like constantly threaten suicide if I didn't answer her texts fast enough and shit like that. She was really rich cuz her dad was a doctor and one time she bought me an entire fucking Xbox One (I did not ask for it like... I'd always been a PlayStation gamer LOL) because she didn't have anyone to play Halo with her. My family still has it and uses it as a DVD player/Netflix machine.

Anyway the really batshit thing about this person (BESIDES the fact that she was like, definitely a pedophile who loved shota and frequently sexted me after she'd turned 18+ and I was like 14 and she also had both a bestiality and incest fetish that she'd talk to me about constantly — I was a kid I had no moral concept of anything and just liked being edgy and feeling mature) was that she was like. A chronic liar who constantly faked identities. And for years after cutting off contact with her I would look back and realize that she had faked even more than I had noticed at the time. The thing is, I knew for sure she wasn't lying about her home life -- Her address, what she looked like, her dad's profession, her age, her house, her pets, etc, were all things I had proof of. But when I knew her she was constantly remaking her Tumblr to escape drama she'd start, and she would constantly make side blogs under pseudonyms and pretend it wasn't her (sometimes it would be random shit like aesthetic blogs under different names or ask blogs for characters or smthn, other times it was like, callout blogs for people she had gotten into drama with where she would pretend to be someone else defending her). I assumed back then that I was always going to be in on it, because she would always tell me whenever she made one of these fake accounts, and sometimes she would encourage me to make a new account too as a sort of roleplay thing where we both pretended to be people we weren't... Until I learned that she wasn't always telling me. Every so often, I would become mutuals with a new account who would start messaging me about my interests and strike a conversation with me. Then something would slip and my "new mutual" would admit that they had actually been my friend all along... Which should have made me immediately cut contact because that's weird as shit, but I was young and she was a close friend, so I would just sorta accept it.

She ended up being like, horrifically transphobic. She got run off her blog twice for being specifically transmisogynistic, first insisting that she was allowed to headcanon canon trans women as feminine men and then on her next blog insisting that lesbians couldn't be attracted to trans women. I was still young and closeted and she was one of my closest friends and was constantly messaging me that the situation was making her suicidal and she was just wording things wrong and totally supported trans people and people just weren’t giving her the benefit of the doubt and she was still learning so I tried to just stay out of it without losing her. Then... I came out as trans lol. She stopped replying to me when I first came out and then made a bunch of vents on her tumblr about how much it upset her and about how “using he/him pronouns for AFAB people is triggering” for whatever fucking reason. She told me her “best IRL friend” who she had introduced me to once on Skype but who never logged in again after and who refused to ever do a group call or anything (definitely another fake account) said that it was irrational for me to expect my friends to respect my pronouns so soon after coming out and that I shouldn’t be upset if I get misgendered. Then she apologized but told me my name and pronouns would never fit me. As you can imagine, as a little baby trans kid who was closeted from my family and terrified of even having come to terms with being trans, I didn’t really have a great defense.

Soon she started being really woke like 2014 style Tumblr SJW to save face, she came out as nonbinary and told me in private it was because she felt bad when people called her cis during discourse (she absolutely wasn't nonbinary) and she coined a "new sexuality" that was "attraction only to people you perceive as feminine, regardless of how they identify" -- what this actually meant was "attraction to cis women and not trans women." She ran an aroace help blog despite not being aroace? And made a bunch of pride flags that I still see around sometimes to this day. She would start fights a lot and try to out-woke people and got into a bunch of drama with other SJW types of the day, got into a bunch of drama with TumblrInAction and Mogai-Watch and shit like that, and she claimed for a short while that she had a headmate (FWIW I totally believe DID is a legitimate thing but like. Trust me on this one.) who was transphobic and that it made her so sad, she told me that it was actually that headmate that had been transphobic before, and every so often her headmate would front out of nowhere and misgender me and use really abusive language like calling me a cunt or a bitch or whatever. She started making these "intersex nonbinary" OCs who she would constantly make porn of under the guise that they were representation for LGBT people who were just like, extremely fetishistic cuntboys and dickgirls (they were “intersex” to explain why they could be “girls with natal penises” or “boys with natal vaginas”).

At that same time, she somehow always managed to have these random, very sporadically active trans women mutuals who were apparently amazing friends of hers, who shared some interests with her but also would defend her when people brought up her past, with these long-winded “Well, I’m a trans woman and I think what she said is perfectly justified and everyone makes mistakes and she’s always been a good ally!!” Then one day some trans woman received an ask from her account where she claimed to be a “black trans woman” (she was, of course, a white cis woman) and she freaked out and claimed she had “been hacked by TiA or 4Chan to make her look bad” — I realize now she had just been sending anon messages pretending to be things she wasn’t and forgot to hit anon LOL. Late in all of this she also got into a bunch of hot water for being really antisemitic and saying she didn’t trust Jewish people because they were just like Christians and like, 5 seconds later she came out as Jewish and wrote this whole long sad vent about how she had had internalized antisemitism and then started going by a random Hebrew name LMAO.

In the end the final breaking point was when I found her secret TERF blog, where she had been making posts for months about how trans men are just insecure women who are trying to escape misogyny by stepping on the backs of “fellow women” and using me as a fucking example, and also saying that me not coming out as a trans man had been “basically rape” since she had been SEXTING me when she was 18+ and I was 13-14+ and that it was traumatic to know someone she had trusted was secretly identifying as a man LMAO. She was also obviously saying all sorts of transmisogynistic things, but also had these really bizarre fetish posts about wanting trans women to fuck her...? I confronted her about it and she literally fucking out of nowhere told me that she was in the emergency room with a mysterious illness that might kill her and she was allowed to have her phone but due to privacy laws couldn’t send a picture as proof. While “in the hospital” she deleted the TERF blog and her personal blog. I had known her for literal YEARS at this point (we had met when I was 12-13 or so and by the time we no longer spoke I was a few months from 17), and I was completely stunned to fucking hear this person trying to pull “I’m in the hospital with a deadly disease” at being confronted for some shit like that LMAO. I made a post about it on my public and another “trans woman friend” of hers logged in to vehemently defend her by saying that there’s nothing wrong with AFAB women being untrusting of trans people because female oppression is uniquely traumatic and that there’s nothing wrong with women expressing their sexuality by sexting minors as long as the minor consents and that I was the real predator for “hiding that I was a man” (remember, I’d been a 13 year old closeted trans boy), before never logging in again... 😭 One of the last times we ever talked was when she demanded I refund her for the fucking Xbox and I refused.

Anyway, the long-term aftermath of that is that a few people online (in some random cringe areas of the internet) who archived some of her antics still think that I also wasn’t a real person, since they caught onto how much she lied about too, so they think I was also a sock puppet and I have no interest in clarifying and making myself known to those people LOL. I have no fucking idea where she is now, she deactivated everything after her being a TERF came out. There’s like, so much more to that I could say because I knew her for YEARS and, like I said, she was one of my “closest friends.” Her parents had wildly expensive pure bred designer dogs that she would make Vines of. She wrote Beatles real person fan fiction. For her birthday one year I made her a shirt on Zazzle with an inside joke about one of her OCs... does she still have that? Either way, she was easily the most batshit person I’ve ever known closely online and I will forever associate the Hetalia fandom with people like that.

[panharmonium]

Hey! Loving the Merlin takes on ur blog, and I wanted to ask—what are your opinions on Morgana? Haven’t seen a lot of talk abt her. I loved her, esp in season 1, which is also my fav season cuz after that I feel like things started to make less and less sense, lmao. I understand her descent into villainy (mostly, but why does she start to hate Gwen so quickly? feel like that could’ve been handled better) but I would’ve loved to see some solidarity between her and merlin!!!!!

hi there! :D

so, i LOVE morgana.  most of what i’ve said about her has been in the tags of gifsets that are now scattered haphazardly around my blog; i don’t think there are larger pieces yet besides my finale round-up (urgh lol), and most of that is just a function of time - i can’t possibly write expansive tracts of meta about every single merlin thing i love, because i love the whole show; i’d never leave my computer again.  i generally sit down to write long essays about whatever grabs my mind at a particular moment, even though there are a bazillion other things out there i love just as much. XD

but with morgana, i also feel like part of the reason i haven’t written much about her is because up until three and a half weeks ago (....oh my god, was it THREE AND A HALF WEEKs???  IT FEELS LIKE A YEAR) i hadn’t even finished the series yet, and the whole time i was watching this show i was sort of...waiting to see whether they would finally tie her arc together.  i didn’t feel like i could say too much about what was happening with her, because my evaluation of her arc was going to depend on where the writers finally chose to take it and whether they brought it to the place i thought it needed to go.

and...they didn’t, obviously, which is what i sort of suspected would happen, though i was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt all the way up until the end, because i don’t believe they ever wrote themselves into a corner with her.  there were things they could have handled with more depth, definitely, but i do not believe that they ever dug themselves into a hole they couldn’t climb out of.

i. what happened to you, morgana

essentially my opinion (just mine; nobody else is obligated to share it) of morgana is this: that the series ended before her arc was over.  

to me, season 5 was the nadir in our characters’ journeys.  they had reached their lowest point, their...“darkest hour,” to quote the show itself.  and in many familiar storytelling formats (the ones that have the most in common with bbc merlin, at least), we take our characters to a moment where they hit rock bottom, where everything is going wrong and things seem hopeless, and then we light a spark under their butts that starts the process where they fight their way out of it.  the nadir isn’t the endpoint of the curve; it’s the point where characters start climbing their long, slow way out of the pit.  it’s what they have to overcome in order to earn their eventual triumphant ending.

to me, season 5 was that nadir, for morgana and everyone else.  i never would have imagined season 5 to be the final season of the show, if i hadn’t known it was beforehand. i would have read season 5 as the show’s ‘empire strikes back’ moment.  the episode that ends with our team losing, but with a whole other episode remaining where they can fight to Make It Right.

i view merlin bbc as tantamount to a cancelled tv show, to be honest.  i know that’s not necessarily what happened (though it does feel pretty weird that they officially announced S5 would be the final season only four weeks before the finale was about to air??  very bizarre), but regardless of the actual behind-the-scenes-whatever, the fact of the matter is that for me, the series doesn’t end.  it stops.  and those two things are not the same.

this is particularly relevant to morgana because, as you said, there are aspects of her character arc that weren’t handled as deftly as they could have been, but if the show had brought morgana’s arc to the place where it felt like they were going in 5.09, they could have rescued so much of what came before.

to get into more detail -

i think the biggest issue with morgana’s arc for me isn’t so much what she does, it’s what we’re not shown as she does it.  

i fully believe that morgana would eventually start working to ensure uther’s downfall.  (obviously.  she’s been presented as the voice of moral authority on this show since episode one, and there’s no reason to believe that she wouldn’t ultimately start rebelling against the king’s oppressive policies.)  i believe that she would reject arthur, eventually.  and i believe that she would reject gwen, too.  but i don’t believe the show illustrates enough how painful this would be for her, or how conflicted it would make her feel.  

and again, as i said, there are my own personal opinions, couched in...some personal experience with certain kinds of family conflict - but i do understand where morgana’s bitterness toward arthur and gwen comes from.  arthur, for all that he’s “a better man than [his] father,” never fully breaks with uther the way morgana does.  he has his own little rebellions, yes, but ultimately he always falls in line.  he tolerates his father’s actions even if he doesn’t necessarily agree with them, and he continues to support uther even after uther is revealed to have lied about being morgana’s illegitimate father.  and because of this tacit acceptance of uther’s poor behavior, arthur reaps benefits and privileges galore.  morgana is cast out with nothing, whereas arthur, who didn’t even take a stand for justice, wants for nothing.  arthur is sitting pretty on the throne of camelot because he continued to bestow his honor and respect upon a man who deserved neither of those things, because he chose the villain of the series over his sister, even knowing what uther did to her.  and that’s gutting, for her.  he betrayed her.

(and there are things to be said on arthur’s end of this, too, of course - morgana doesn’t ever confide in him; she doesn’t come to him for help or give him a chance to even be informed about what happened to her before she jumps into invading camelot and dethroning uther - so for arthur, her sudden turnaround comes as a total shock, and HE feels betrayed, like he has no choice but to fight her - i mean, it’s just a big mess.)

but i understand why she hates him.  he continues to stand with a man who did demonstrable evil, despite the harm that was specifically done to morgana herself.  and by shutting up and letting atrocities be committed in front of him, arthur escapes the harm that morgana suffers for speaking up.  i understand why morgana is so bitter about it.

and gwen is a very similar situation - from morgana’s point of view, gwen is playing the arthur to arthur’s uther.  gwen sides with arthur over morgana, despite knowing full well that arthur’s policies harm people with magic.  gwen abandons morgana for her love interest, and for morgana that’s just like - “why would you do that?  i was your friend before he ever cared about you, i loved you before he ever did - don’t you see the evil he’s perpetuating?  don’t you care what he does to people like me?”  

that’s why morgana tells merlin, “don’t think i don’t understand loyalty just because i’ve got no one left to be loyal to.”  she feels like everybody who supposedly cared for her ultimately dumped her because her situation interfered with their comfortable, morally uncomplicated lives.  they weren’t willing to acknowledge what was done to her, and they stuck by the man responsible for it, and it seems incomprehensible to her, that they would make that choice, when his misdeeds are known and out in the open.  i can’t blame her for wanting to raze the city to the ground.

HOWEVER.

while i believe that all these things are completely plausible, i don’t believe that the series shows us appropriately how these things would be tearing morgana apart inside, underneath the rage and the armored front of  ‘you brought this on yourself, so burn in hell, i don’t care.’  

there are moments where the show gets it right.  when morgana wakes up after uther dies and says that she felt his pain - it’s not presented as gloating; she’s - almost confused.  uncertain.  like she doesn’t know what she feels.  when she confronts arthur at the end of season 4 (i thought we were friends/as did i) there’s real pain under the surface there.  when they confront each other at the beginning of season 5, too (what happened to you, morgana/i grew up) - you can feel the undercurrent of something deeper there, too.  and that moment with mordred in 5.09, when he appeals to her humanity (i hope one day you will find the love and compassion which used to fill your heart) - that is an amazing scene.  the show absolutely nails that moment.  morgana hesitates.  you can see the grief and the - the conflict written all over her face.  it’s perfect.  it’s exactly the turn i would have expected morgana’s arc to be taking, at that time in the series.

but then the show just stopped.  and without taking morgana’s arc further - without following it through all the way to its conclusion - there’s never any resolution to all the ways the show dropped the ball earlier.  all the moments where morgana appears to be just...evil-smirking her way through her revenge, the way she suddenly seems to have no feelings for gwen whatsoever, the utterly lost opportunity that was the “enchanted gwen” arc (which could have been such a powerful exploration of their broken relationship) - all those could have eventually made sense and fit into a narrative where morgana’s conflicted feelings finally begin to escape the stranglehold in which she has them choked, where we start to see the pain of these destroyed relationships rising to the surface.  

i can understand how morgana would just - shut off her feelings about these people.  she had to close her heart to them - the alternative would have been too painful.  but underneath - we know it wouldn’t be that easy.  we know it eats at her.  and it’s just - so incredibly frustrating that the series was starting to go there - the moment with mordred in 5.09 feels like the beginning of morgana’s big crisis of faith - and then the show just Stops.

so the thing about morgana for me is that, like you said, the show does drop the ball on illustrating her quick descent into evil-villain territory, and they especially drop the ball on her break with gwen, but all of it could have been salvaged, if they had committed to following her arc all the way through to its conclusion.  instead they chose to kill her (and everybody else, lol) just as her deep-rooted internal conflicts were finally starting to rise to the surface.

ii. we can find another way/there is no other way (aka the merlin problem)

i’ll say right up front that anything i say here is, as always, just my personal interpretation of things.  this is not necessarily the One True Way this show is meant to be understood; it’s just my own preferred read.

i have definitely seen some things in my brief foray into internet fandom that are sort of...piling on merlin for abandoning morgana or “gaslighting” her, most of which seem to be centered around the beginning of episode 2.03, which is weird to me, because the whole point of that episode is that merlin does help morgana, in the end - he’s the one who doesn’t gaslight her.  he defies gaius and takes her to the druids, specifically so they can tell her yes, she does have magic.  he tries to distract the attacking knights in order to enable morgana to escape with the druids permanently, like she wants.  and when the attempt fails, and they’re brought back to camelot, he comes to morgana’s chambers specifically to check on her and to assure her that he won’t reveal her secret to anyone, and she’s grateful for this - she thanks him, she’s appreciative of everything he did for her, she feels comforted to know the truth and to know that someone else knows it, too.  this episode ends with their relationship at a high point - it’s overwhelmingly positive, and it doesn’t take a nosedive until 1.12, when morgana gets in way over her head and merlin thinks she’s trying to murder them all.  (and even in that episode, it’s worth it to note, merlin is still covering for her magic in front of arthur, giving her chances.)

(and obviously also, of course, the end of that particular situation gets Real Bad Real Fast, which could be a whole post in and of itself, so let’s stay focused on the earlier eps, for now.)

the criticism of merlin in those earlier episodes seems to stem solely from the fact that he doesn’t out himself to morgana, which i can understand - i mean, i like the idea of a ‘merlin+morgana secret magic squad’ AU as much as anyone - but i’ll be honest and say that nowadays, i’m not quite as willing to condemn him for it as i might have been on my first viewing.

i’m not willing to condemn him for it at all, actually.

(and again - as i said, these are my own opinions!  everybody else is welcome to have different opinions!  we all engage with media differently, and there isn’t a right or wrong way to approach this situation, just whichever way feels best to you.)

so, for me, i’m not interested anymore in telling merlin that he should have revealed himself to anyone, at that point in the story.  it would be different if he had been like - continuing to tell morgana ‘oh, no, you don’t have magic, don’t be crazy,’ or if he had been pretending to hate magic like everyone else so he could blend in, but he doesn’t do that, at the end of the episode.  he sends her to the druids.  he chases after her when he realizes she's in danger.  he openly acknowledges her magic, he supports her in having it, he makes sure she knows she has nothing to fear from him.  by the end of 2.03, he’s gone to great lengths to help her; he’s already made certain that she knows he’s on her side and that she can trust him.  she clearly knows that he accepts her and that he supports her - those are his responsibilities to her as a fellow human and as a friend, and those are exactly the responsibilities he makes sure to fulfill.  she knows her secret is safe with him.  

now - whether or not merlin feels safe enough to out himself, after making sure morgana knows he accepts and supports her, is his own business.

i think there are a number of reasons why it wouldn’t be fair for me to criticize merlin for continuing to conceal his secret, the first of which is something i already mentioned in another piece - that a marginalized person’s first responsibility is to their own safety, when forced into hiding under oppressive social conditions.  merlin isn’t obligated to reveal himself for anybody.  he’s not obligated to put himself in danger out of some kind of...responsibility to the community.  (not at this point, anyway.  it gets more complicated later, as merlin becomes more powerful, which i also address in that other piece, but that’s all in the future for him and not relevant at this moment.)

i think it would be easy for me to forget that merlin isn’t safe, in the early seasons.  we’re so used to thinking of merlin as ‘the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the earth,’ because that’s what we keep being told he’s going to become, but again, that’s all so far in the future for him.  merlin in the early seasons can do some things with his abilities, but not consistently, and not to the level where we can reasonably expect him to resist the entirety of camelot’s army, if they were to come for him.  merlin is in real danger, and he’s not evil for being unwilling to share a secret about himself that would ensure his death, if it somehow got back to the wrong people.

second - i don’t think it would be fair for me to discount merlin’s personal history, either.  merlin’s life didn’t start in camelot, and he hasn’t even been in camelot for all that long, comparatively, by the time we get to S2.  season one takes place over a few months, starting in either spring or summer and ending in the fall (after the referenced harvest in 1.10/1.11, but before winter sets in).  the weather is nice by time season 2 starts, so we can probably assume that S2 takes place once winter has passed (although, it’s technically possible that S2 takes place over the same autumn as S1, I guess...but it’s not made clear to us, timeline-wise.)  either way, we just really have to remember that merlin’s stay in camelot by the time we reach 2.03 is still this blip compared to the rest of his life.  

it would be very easy for me to say that merlin should have told morgana, that there’s no way she would ever have given him up - and i probably would have said that very thing, after the first time i watched the show - but like - nowadays, i really think i have to step back from that certainty and be a little more gentle.  we say we “know” that morgana wouldn’t have willingly betrayed merlin’s secret at that point, and sure, i agree, that’s probably true - but does merlin know that?  

of course not!

i think he hopes that.  i think he would dearly like to believe that.  i also think merlin grew up in a situation where he couldn’t fully trust even the people he’d known all his life, with two (vital!!!) exceptions, and he has been in camelot with a bunch of brand-new people for less than a year, and he can’t be certain of them, however much he wants to be.  (and that’s not even considering the possibility of accidental betrayals, or coerced ones - remember, the witchfinder shows up in S2 also, as just one example.)

remember that exchange merlin has with freya, later this season?

“you can’t always trust people.”

“i know.  that’s why i left home.”  

merlin is not used to showing himself to people.  he has been taught all his life to NEVER, EVER show himself to anybody.  everyone in camelot who finds out about his magic finds out either by accident (like gaius or lancelot), or necessity (like freya and gilli - though gilli is interesting, because i think merlin’s decisions there are motivated precisely by the choices he didn’t make with morgana - which i’ll go into more later).  

in twenty-odd years, merlin has only ever told one person about his magic.  and even that generous assumption requires a little bit of inferencing for us to determine, though i think it’s likely enough, if not confirmable.

(i am, in case it’s unclear, referencing 1.10, when merlin is explaining to will why hunith sent him away to camelot: “when she found out you knew - she was so angry.”  that, to me, has always been a signifier that merlin told will about his magic, as opposed to will finding out by coincidence.  i know there are a lot of headcanons floating around out there about various...accidental situations that may have occurred which forced merlin to reveal his magic in front of will, and those are all obviously totally fun to play with, but after hearing this particular line - i never understood that to be the case, to be honest.  we’ve seen hunith enough to have a pretty solid understanding of her character.  she and merlin are always easy and gentle together, she’s so kind and calm and thoughtful - i can’t imagine that she wouldn’t have understood, if there had been some kind of accident that forced merlin’s hand.  she’d be just as afraid for his future safety, of course, and she would have wished he’d told her right away, but she wouldn’t have been “so angry.”  

...she might, however, have been “so angry” if she’d found out that merlin had specifically undermined every sacrifice she’d ever made to keep him safe/ignored every single one of her warnings/rejected every cautious thing she’d been telling him for his entire life and TOLD somebody about his magic when it wasn’t remotely necessary.  that’s the only scenario i can imagine that would prompt merlin to say “she was SO angry” in that half-awed, half-intimidated tone, with that little headshake, like it was such a singular event, like it’s still formidable for him to remember.)

so anyway, that said - it’s too easy for me to say ‘he should have told morgana/gwaine/gwen etc; they would never have turned on him,’ as if it would have been such a simple thing for him to do, as if there were no dangers associated with their knowledge even if they would never have willingly given him up, as if he was refusing to do it because he didn’t want to, or because his fears were overblown, or because he was foolish for thinking they would ever hate him for his gifts.  i think that really minimizes the reality of his struggle, and the danger of his situation.  without the pressure of some crisis to force his hand, merlin has only ever willingly revealed himself to one person.  that person is dead.  that person died specifically ensuring that merlin could stay safe and hidden from the rest of the world, morgana included - merlin’s continued secrecy is a gift that was bought at an impossibly high price, and it’s not simple for him to contemplate squandering it, especially with no guarantee that things will turn out okay.

because there IS no guarantee that things will turn out okay!  a lot of the “merlin should have told morgana” online talk centers around the idea that knowing about merlin’s magic would have kept morgana from feeling alone/betrayed, thus preventing her from turning to the “evil” methods she uses later, but again, i don’t think we actually know that at all.  solidarity between merlin and morgana would have been a nice thing, definitely; i’d like to see that too, but i don’t think the fact that she and merlin are both magic-users would have guaranteed harmony between them.  merlin and gilli are both magic-users, too, and merlin expects this to be enough to convince gilli to “see the light,” but the fact of the matter is that merlin and gilli just have very different ideas about what it means to do the right thing.  merlin thinks it means biding his time and waiting for change to come from the top (because he’s been TOLD by greater powers that this is the right course of action, of course; let’s note again that merlin’s situation is extremely complicated) whereas gilli thinks that doing things merlin’s way makes merlin complicit with an unjust regime.  gilli says ‘i shouldn’t haven’t to wait for someone else to give me my rights.  i’m going to take them myself.’

the fact that merlin and gilli share a bond as magic-users doesn’t protect them from an ideological divide that puts them on different sides of the same struggle.  i’m not sure that merlin and morgana wouldn’t have still ended up in the same situation, eventually, if merlin had chosen to out himself to her - but doing so would certainly have made him a thousand times more vulnerable to attack.

third - it’s also important to remember that if we’re going to hold merlin to this rigid ‘he should have told morgana everything/confided in her/trusted her at the expense of possibly his own life despite the fact that she exists at the completely opposite end of a rigid social hierarchy as him and he’s known her for less than a year’ then maybe we ought to raise the bar for morgana, as well.  morgana is very clearly shown to trust and appreciate merlin at the end of 2.03, but by 2.11, when alvarr and mordred show up and convince her to steal the crystal of neahtid, she doesn’t hesitate or come to merlin at all, despite the fact that we never see him do anything to lose her trust between then and now.  she never asks him for help, even when she’s uncertain about alvarr’s methods, and that leaves merlin in the dark, only privy to confusing images of her sneaking around and acting suspicious.  and even with that, merlin doesn’t condemn her for what she does, the same way he doesn’t blame her when she tries to kill uther in 1.12 - he helps arthur retrieve the crystal, but he doesn’t give morgana up.  and he doesn’t hold any kind of grudge, either - in the next episode, merlin doesn’t even suspect her, at first - he thinks it must be her magic protecting her; he doesn’t even consider the idea that she has anything to do with the illness, not until kilgharrah tells him.  

and even after that, he STILL covers for her in front of arthur, and he gives her a chance to come clean to him - but she doesn’t take it.  

i’m not condemning her for that - i get why she would be afraid to admit to such a big mess - she was in way over her head and didn’t know what to do.  but if we’re going to cut morgana this much slack and accept her fears as a valid enough reason to block a potential moment of connection, then we have to accept that merlin’s fears were valid, too - morgana’s descent into “villainy” was not something we can pin solely on merlin’s already overburdened shoulders.  the end of season 2 was not some kind of one-way failure.

in summary: merlin and morgana were trapped in an impossible situation.  they were both victims of the same oppressive regime, and both of them had very real, very dangerous obstacles to letting themselves trust in and reach out to others, and i think pitting them against each other while forgetting who the real villain was is unfair to them both.

also, a brief postscript: circling back to the first section of this piece, where i talked about how season 5 just stopped before anyone’s arc was finished - merlin and morgana could have had so much more, if we’d gotten another season.  their relationship is really in the pits, by season 5, but there is this deleted scene where arthur is reflecting on what happened to morgana and blaming himself, and merlin says arthur shouldn’t take the blame, that “there were others better placed to help morgana” (implicating, of course, himself) and that was SUCH a jumping off point for their story to have continued.  merlin wanted to do better by her.  he blamed himself for what happened to her.  and morgana, for her part, was starting to question herself, as we saw during her confrontation with mordred in 5.09.

there were places for this relationship to go.  it wasn’t a lost cause.  but the writers decided that it made more sense to just...eliminate everybody at the exact moment when things were poised to possibly change.

the story wasn’t over at the end of season 5.  but the show was, and i am always going to regret those many lost opportunities.

[kob131]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZiQAq_nf1s

“Could have expanded on the ideas surrounding the character but you just couldn’t do that, Rooster Teeth?”-

Look man, I get getting angry about a character you like being killed off-

But for fuck’s sake, keep the creators out of your bullshit.

0:24 See the thing is-

If you take a look at numerous things surrounding the show and how the show actually treats them: Expectations are almost completely out of the CRWBY’s hands.

This isn’t like what happened with The Last Jedi were the creators purposefully built up what their predecessor did only to completely dash them-We had people making theories about and treating the shattered moon as this huge plot point when no one makes any mention of it and it’s basically there to look cool. And then when the unimportant background object was given non-earth shattering reveal, people bitched at the CRWBY. So unless you can show beyond a shadow of doubt they did this with Adam (which you’ve failed to do twice before): All I’m going to do is throw you in the same bin as the Yang fans who insist that she has no flaws.

1:13 Wanna note here this spider tank is smaller and weaker looking than the Paladin from Volume 2 (the same one that Team RWBY had troubles with until Yang punched it out full force with her Semblance). Looking being the operative word because assumption is the same thing Eruption here is basing his argument on so if he tries to bring up the Paladin being outclassed later on then the Spider Tank is logically even more outclassed.

Also of note:

The Spider Tank does not have Aura.

Adam absorbs a full three second blast.

And Adam is not shown taking a hit once.

These are all important factors.

1:23 Same expectation for Yang surprisingly, to the point she was considered a Mary Sue pre Volume 2, Episode 10. There we established Yang isn’t as powerful as she seems due to her anger, recklessness and lack of finesse in her fighting style. This shows that weaknesses in these characters can be established after their establishing moments since we had never seen Yang faced with a situation like this before. Again, keep this in mind.

1:53 No actually. Two of three things you stated are not established here. Adam is not established as a leader due to this being a two man operation PRECISELY because it’s a two man operation. Because of this, Adam is not shown leading anyone and in fact is portrayed as Blake’s equal as he almost never gives her orders. Nor is he presented as caring about the WF as he never expressly shows concern or dedication to the cause. He only seems to care about blowing up a train full of humans. 

If anything, he is established a powerful combatant with a bloodlust against humans. That’s all. 

3:02 *holds up a finger*

Unreliable Narrator.

It’s a trope where the person giving the information isn’t exactly reliable and thus the information isn’t that good. Reasons can range from lies to insanity to personal bias. Personal bias, like say an abuse survivor glorifying their abuser because of mental damage. 

In order for me to take Blake’s words as you do at face value, you have to prove this is inconsistent behavior for an abuse survivor. 

Not to mention the fact that you ignore an important bit of context: Adam approved of and helped carry out a plan to destroy not just Beacon but Vale as well. Both of which contain a fair number of Fanaus. He makes no attempt to warn Fanaus ahead of time nor does he seem to care about them.

4:40 yes and I’m sure Adolf wouldn’t want to waste German soldiers on a Jewish cause.

The issue here is that you focus on the word ‘cause’ whereas the narrative could be focused on the word ‘human’. A racist psychopath wouldn’t waste time and resources helping someone who they are racist against.

4:48... And you showcase a clip where Adam clarifies ‘human’, meaning it barely has anything to do with leadership and everything to do with racism. … Why?

5:08 Once again, the same traits can apply to a racist psychopath sending people to die for his own selfish reason rather than some leader. You have not shown anything to disprove the first interpretation (which is the one you arguing against as you think his character was changed.)

5:25 Really? It didn’t become shaky when Blake contradicted the idea of Adam being someone reasonable when she expressed concern and FEAR over the fact that Yang acted slightly like Adam? It didn’t become shaky when you never proved Adam being a leader and only proved him being racist? It didn’t become shaky upon reflecting on all this as the only reason you think Adam is a leader is because of Blake, someone who has reason to be an unreliable narrator especially with her actions in Volume 3?

I think we’ve been riding on a completely different set of trails this whole time.

5:33 >Not romantic >”my mentor” >Same show with Arkos in it

Yeah, either show me proof it's platonic or this was a case of Schrodinger's Relationship where it can be both things at the same time due to a lack of information, only to be defined when given solid proof.

5:45 Once again, I refer to Adolf Hitler who acted like his actions were a revolution himself. And I don't refer to Adolf for no reason, Adam display all the classical examples of a racist sociopath like Hitler did. Hell, he was one Mein Kampf quote away from being a more blatant Nazi Expy than the Daleks.

7:05 Except that Yang’s power level was cemented before this with the destruction of the Paladin, a feat FAR greater than Adams previous feat, only to be defeated by someone who never showed that level of strength (Neo) by acting around her and taking advantage of Yang’s weaknesses. This cements a very simple idea: Power is not everything. Yang was shown to be more powerful than Neo but Neo was far more skilled and was able to work around Yang’s Semblance and anger issues. Not just that, but Adam is once again NEVER shown to take a hit from Blake OR Yang in this whole fight so his DURABILITY is undefined.

So you’re basically applying DBZ logic to something more like JoJo in nature. Not really anyone’s fault here but yours.

8:05 Except not really.

Blake said Adam was misguided. Illa acts misguided.

Blake said Adam fell off the slipperly slope. Illa acts her descent.

Blake said Adam was these things. Illa IS these things.

This like saying Raven’s character was retconned because Taiyang described her differently, never mind how Taiyang has an inherent bias for Raven/would have a reason to lie.

Illa exists because she is what you deluded Adam was. Once again, no one’s fault but your own.

8:10 And you know...Illa doesn’t contradict a single thing stated about her unlike Adam who contradicted EVERYTHING stated about him...by Blake...his abuse victim...

You uh, wanna rethink your arguments now? Cuz you’re sounding less like someone who knows what they’re talking about and more like a RWDE poster.

8:40 You know, aside from the fact that Sienna denied him what he wanted and stood in his way...like Blake...a Fanaus...and former partner/lover.

Wow those arguments just keep getting more and more flimsy. Wonder if we’ll get to the point where I can just quote the show to disprove you.

9:01 Like say, trying to kill the Runaway Blake or the Belladonnas or, I dunno, THE HUNDREDS OF FANAUS THAT LIVED IN VALE/BEACON WHO HELPED TRY TO KILL WITHOUT REMORSE?

See how each of Adam’s actions makes him look more and more self centered, almost as though he’s breaking down and losing the mask he’s portrayed himself as?

9:45 Wrong.

Here’s where we get to the fundamental misunderstanding you have about Adam.

Why does he want to hurt humans? Because they hurt him.

Why does he want to hurt Blake? Because she hurt him.

Why does Adam work for the WF? Because it benefits him.

Why does Adam believe in Fanaus Supremacy? Because it benefits him.

Adam’s character never changed. It never made this dramatic shift you keep hinting at. He was always this way. All his actions have the common thread of benefitting himself whereas the character you think he is would have some kind of self sacrifice for his people.

But that’s only half the story. I’ll get to the other half when you do.

10:17 *raises eyebrow*

… Do I even need to bring up things like the KKK and the Nazis, who were both groups of people in VASTLY greater numbers that were manipulated and used by manipulative people without any real rational reason because people are not rational? Hell, want a better example? BLM is an organization of people who do terrible things because they feel oppressed, nevermind how that doesn’t excuse their actions nor that their leaders care more about their own selfish desires than anything meaningful.

Your argument doesn’t work, history disagrees with you.

10:26 So are all known dictators and tyrants: That doesn’t mean Adam was a misguided revolutionary.

10:43 No it just didn’t exist. He was never the character you made him out to be, your disappointment is the result of nothing more than buying into an illusion. And I can’t blame anyone for that but the person who willingly did that. I don’t care how sad you are: You fail because of your own flaws.

10:56 No, nobody but Adam stans felt that way. No one said that but people who refused to accept the idea that Adam wasn’t what they thought he was. It's the same damn bullshit in regards to Raven: It’s not the writers fault you hyped yourself for something they contradicted. If you want an example of hyping up a character aspect then abandoning it: Look at how cinder was portrayed in Volume 4 and how the sympathetic angle was abandoned in Volume 5 onward. THAT is the fault of the writers. Not this.

11:31 Except-

A. Adam was never in it for anyone but himself as his previous actions with Vale/Beacon can attest.

And B. Blake directly says that the change was only temporary and we can see that such extremity only leads to creating the opposite. Adam was created as the result of Jacques’ opportunistic and psychopathic actions, making Adam opportunistic and psychopathic. And we can see this in our world: white supremacy as a whole was on it’s last legs a few years ago and it was on the verge of becoming as arachic and out dated as monarchies and slavery. But when extremists yelling about how awful white people are as a whole and being violent extremists rose up, white supremacy resurged. Why? Because those hurt by the first group became extremist themselves due to how people gravitate between extremes. And the first group only existed because of the older form of the second group being douchebags in the past. 

Adam works not as a revolutionary but as a cautionary tale of how self sustaining this cycle of hate is. Eventually, Adam would have caused Fanaus racism to spike right back up and give those racists a strawman to point to, just like what happened at our doorstep.

12:57 No, Sienna is portrayed as opportunistic and power hungry and Adam is giving a sadistic smile at the praise. There is no ambiguity here: Ghira is and was portrayed as in the right and Adam/Sienna were portrayed as and are in the wrong. You’re ignoring context. AGAIN.

13:47 Says the guy whose trying to discredit everything Adam related post Volume 2 and would have every reason to willfully misrepsent the scene to support his argument, nevermind how he hasn’t proven a damn thing.

14:29 And just because you say it doesn’t make it so, especially considering a loot of people found Adam interesting again after this short AND this finale.

15:00 No, he’s always been 100% for himself. It’s just that Blake is an easier and more recent target than humans.

15:53 And yet he overcomes her, like the Fall Of Beacon. Forgot that part eh?

16:04 Nope.

The development with Yang was never her strength but rather her tactics. Thing is, we never see Adam use tactics in a fight. We never see him think or strategize in fights. And his style reflects someone who fights with power alone. Meanwhile, Yang has developed from Volume 3 with her training because Taiyang taught her that she can’t just power through everything in sight and has to THINK her way around thing. This being demonstrated by tripping up Taiyang, prioritizing the long ranged bandits in her Volumee 5 fight, letting go of her arm in the Haven fight and here by not feeding Adam’s Semblance and instead waiting for an opening to strike him down and disarm him (you know, like Neo did in Volume 2.)

The show directly said this, you have no excuse Eruption Fang.

16:30 No you just overhyped the boss and made it look tougher than they are. you basically hyped the Minotaur from SMT4 as Matador from SMT3, despite the latter being tougher than the former.

17:01 ADAM. IS NOT. THE FANAUS.

BLAKE is the representative of the Fanaus.

Just as Jacques isn’t the representative of the humans, WEISS is.

Stop trying to make Adam look like the only Fanaus involved in the conflict.

And even THEN: Adam IS Morally grey. Just not the ‘misguided revolutionary’ you made him out to be.

Remember when I said that Adam is selfish being only half the story? Well, Adam is selfish BECAUSE of his brand. Why? Because that action symbolizes how he lost his agency and his innocence a long time ago, now seeking control over other people through either tricking people into following him or abusing them until they listen, because he lost the control he once had. Because the branding scarred him so deeply it changed him as a person. But because of his obsession with control over others, he’s stuck in a mentally immature state. He’s just a scared child trying to get back at the people who hurt him and get back SOME semblance of control that he lost, nevermind how he hurts others because a child never thinks about such things.

He isn’t a misguided revolutionary, he’s a victim of abuse and racism that defined him before he had a choice, so he now tries to rob others of choice to feel better.

It’s the same thing Nazi Germany went through in regards to WWI’s aftermath, where their economy tanked and they became hungry and cold so they sought out anything to make themselves feel better, even if the option was a manchild of a dictator.

And that’s why this is no one’s fault but your own, Collen. You were given a morally grey character as you say you were promised: You just threw a fit because it wasn’t 100% what you wanted.

18:07 And just because someone is evil doesn’t mean they cannot be pitied or understood. You are denying complex writing for your headcanon.

19:10 No you’re just salty and denying it.

19:41 and yet you ignore the bad decisions Adam makes on his path through life, deciding to be violently, giving in to his abusive urges, deciding to be selfish and deciding to hurt other people for his own benefit:  basically preaching what the show said except worse in every regard.

20:08 You say as every ‘inconsistency’ you try to list is more evident of you ignoring facts right in front of you just to make yourself feel better than an actual inconsistency. I would have given this to you except by going through all this bullshit and spewing all of this, I’ve come to learn that Adam was never inconsistent and that the only fault was not portraying Blake’s symptoms of abuse more clearly.

20:12 And this si where we’re stopping because I swear, this one line makes me wanna smack you upside the head.

Adam didn’t ‘die’ in Volume 3. Your Adam NEVER EXISTED. He was never real, he was just an illusion built on misinformation and denial of reality. And yet instead of reflecting and thinking about Adam’s actions and trying to see if there’s a connecting thread, you decide to stomp your feet, flail your arms and insult everyone else, even the creators, just because you didn’t get what you wanted.

Either accept it or let go.

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

[alex-guerin]

I’ve tried putting up something about this on facebook, but the comments and messages I got from “well meaning friends” were...well...distressing to say the least. Especially considering they only know small bits about what’s going on, the bits that I’ve told them. So, I need to drop some facts about some shit that’s been happening the last two weeks. 

Two weeks ago, exactly, I had to work a Saturday shift at work. All three shifts did. There was no escaping it. Second shift loud mouth stayed to try and help us and at 4:30 when Jason came in, she split, went and cornered him about me, and when I left that morning Jason gave me his phone number and told me if I wanted to give him a call sometime...

I was ecstatic! We spent pretty much all day Saturday and Sunday texting each other and getting to know each other. We talked Monday at work, texted Monday after he got off work. This became the norm very quickly. We literally have become incapable of going a day without texting or talking to each other. Towards the end of last week he drop the other shoe I’d been waiting to hear fall, and that was a text that said “Truthfully, I’m single cause I choose to be, I’m not ready for a relationship yet. I’m just trying to take care of myself and be the best dad I can be.” I kinda saw it coming, but it still hurt, but at the same time, in the same text he told me I didn’t have to back off (my flirting) and he really didn’t know what I could screw up (I’d sleep deprived texted him telling him how terrified I was of screwing things up with him, that’s what prompted his confession of being single cuz he chose to be). Still, even with that, things haven’t changed. We see each other at work, we smile at each other, we talk, we joke, we spend time with each other at work if we can, and after work I usually lose at least an hour’s worth of sleep cuz I’m staying up so he and I can text each other. For the most part, we tell each other “sweet dreams” when one of us is heading to bed (aka, when I’m heading to bed), and always tell each other “See ya in the morning!” We’ve talked each other down from quitting. He gave me permission to hug, which I’ve tried very hard not to abuse, and permission to steal his hat and glasses if I find them lying around while he’s in the freezer working. He lets me borrow his freezer gloves if I have to do any amount of work in the freezer for longer than just a couple seconds, and if he doesn’t need them, and he’ll play around with me when he’s in the cooler and we’ll pick on each other and crack each other up and it’s fantastic. 

We know so much about each other now, even after just two weeks of talking/texting. I know that he’s 37, born and raised in San Antonio, TX, spent a lot of time in Alabama with his grandpa though. His mom was a single parent and his dad wasn’t in the picture a lot, but still did what he could to support Jason and his brother. His brother is 2 years younger than him, and they’re close af. He also has a half brother who is 12 years younger than him who he’s never actually spoken to. I know that he moved to Illinois in 2007, and I’m assuming it wasn’t long after he moved here that he met and married the woman who is now his ex-wife. I know he has two kids, a daughter who is 8 and his son is 7, and he gets them every other weekend, and that he thinks the world of them (enough so that just today he and his daughter went out shopping while her brother was at a sleepover birthday party, and Jason dropped $300 on clothes for her. No, he really doesn’t have that kind of money, but he did it anyway). I know that he’s been so close to quitting at work that he stormed out one day and management stood at the door just to make sure he’d come back. He’s got such a damned sense of responsibility at work, that he’s been there a year and two months now, and has NEVER missed a day of work. He’s never called in sick, or taken a vacation day, nothing. He has his kids until Monday this week, and he still texted me saying he might not be into work on Monday, “unless [he] can find a babysitter”. That’s how strong a sense of responsibility he has. I know he played baseball in college, though he never finished college, and that he can see far away without his glasses on but not up close. I know that he got his license suspended two years ago for DUIs he’d had when he was younger and didn’t do anything about, and he’ll get his license back in a year. He plays video games when he gets the chance, which given how crazy work has been for him lately, isn’t very often anymore. 

We don’t see each other outside of work. Not for lack of trying on my part, he’s usually just got something going on already, or he’s got his kids. Last weekend he did finally invite me over at like 8:30pm, but like a dumbass, he went inside and left his phone in the garage, so never saw me say it’d probably be 9:30 before I got there, depending where in Aurora he lived. So, no, I don’t even know where he lives or anything. We literally just text each other. The most physical contact we have is when I hug him at work either when I’m heading out for the night/day, or when I’m about to lose my mind and need that little bit of grounding to keep me sane; or when he comes in for labels and playfully bumps his shoulder into mine or something. That’s it. That’s the extent of our physical contact. This is important to remember. Keep this in mind. 

Last night he and I were texting and we spent a good long while making each other laugh with ridiculously empty threats about what would happen to him if he came into work Monday morning instead of calling off so he can spend more time with his kids. The talk turned a little real and then all of the sudden I’m flying sky high and utterly speechless and ready to burst into tears when he sends me a text saying, “Sometimes I fly by you in the lift and I just give you a look and you smile and it makes me feel better.” I sat there staring at my phone, on the verge of tears, unsure of how to answer for the longest time. During that time, he sends me another text that had me crashing back down to reality, “I don’t want to upset you, but you know I’m not looking to date right now”. It hurts being reminded that he’s not looking for a relationship right now, or to date right now. He’s told me a couple of times he’s just not ready to yet. He wants to focus on himself and taking care of his kids, and I get that. It still hurts a bit, but I get that. 

I posted on Facebook last night after this happened, asking if I was just setting myself up for heartbreak by holding out a small bit of hope on that “right now” changing, was I completely hopeless? We’re friends, there’s absolutely no doubt about that now, we’re very much friends, and I’ve told him I’d rather have his friendship than nothing at all. I’m kind of a little attached to him. We at least know pretty much where we stand with each other. After I posted my question and concern on Facebook, suddenly I’m getting all kinds of “well meaning friends” commenting and messaging me telling me yes, you’re being a fool. Guys who play the “not ready for a relationship card” are always only using it so they can have all the benefits of being a boyfriend, without being tied down to you. They use that card basically so they can have sex without being committed to you. Move on. Ignore him. Cut him out of your life right now. Don’t get your hopes up cuz you’re only gonna get hurt by him. But...like...what if he’s NOT using that line as an excuse? He and I aren’t sleeping together (even though one of my co-workers is convinced we are). I’ve already explained our extent of physicality with each other. What if he really means it, that he’s not ready for anything because his marriage ended rather recently. Which, I’m pretty sure it did. Am I still a fool for holding out hope? Knowing what I do about him and given we’ve only hugged maybe three or four times -- all times initiated by myself?

I don’t know. I told myself today I wasn’t going to text him, just to test the fact that we can’t make it a day without texting. A little after 2pm I got a text from him asking how my day was going. This doesn’t really sound like a guy who is just interested in sex, even if he did send me a text yesterday afternoon that was sent out of his own sleep deprived insanity as part of a joke we’d been teasing about most of the day (”I do dangle though lmao” ...yeah, he made a dick joke. What guy doesn’t?).  I dunno. I just...I wanna hold out that hope, cuz I really like him, and the more I learn about him, the harder I fall. 

I just dunno....

[uncloseted]

1. I don't have a degree in psychology, but I have written a 4000 word essay about sociopathy a while back in high school (for the IB), and I used legitimate studies as much as possible from NCBI. And I know that making assumptions about someone's mental health is wrong, but I did once meet one who does meet the symptoms quiet closely. With that being said, "let's just jump into it!"

Anonymous said to effys-closet: 2. First of all, I did feel like Kati's handling of sociopathy was unprofessional. And more so her response to the backlash. She has had credentials, maybe she did cover ASPD briefly but she wasn't qualified in Abnormal Psychology to comment on it. I mean, neither am I, but let's move on. I know that sociopathy isn't a term used for diagnosis, people are diagnosed with ASPD, but I have seen a thing called Hare's Psychopathy Checklist, which does determine whether someone is a psychopath or not. Anonymous said to effys-closet: 3. Most people use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably. Others however think that there is a difference, psychopaths are the ones who are cooler, calmer and more meticulous in their planning, whereas sociopaths can get angry easily and act more impulsively. There is also a thing going around that psychopaths are "born" whereas sociopaths are "made". My essay was based around how much of it is genetic and environmental, and like most things in psychology, it is both. Anonymous said to effys-closet: 4. That being said, it is absolutely possible for cases to be more genetic based or more environmental based, and that is what people would like to differentiate between psychopath and sociopath. Psychopathy and sociopathy fall under the umbrella of ASPD, and until now I used to feel like they were virtually the same thing, but there are people saying that it is still possible for ASPD people to have emotions and empathy and can be cured, idk about that, I personally doubt the cure claim. Anonymous said to effys-closet: 5. The reason being, that people with ASPD have huge underdevelopments in their brains, caused genetically and/or cuz of shitty childhood, and that leaves them with huge deficits in grey matter. I think at reaching adulthood these gaps can't be regrown or filled, cuz there are certain brain developments that only happen in childhood. Compare it with the effects of depression where that does affect the brain but once you're cured of depression you can still reverse those effects. Anonymous said to effys-closet: 6. I think in the case of the Paul brothers, the main person is Greg Paul. You didn't watch the rest of the series, but basically at one point Shane drops the sociopath label and works with Jake to talk about his problems, meaning the thing with Alissa, the Martinez Twins, and all of the complaints people have had against him. He also talks to the people that have beef with him. In the end it's concluded by most people watching that he isn't a sociopath, but more emotionally stunted, cuz of Greg Anonymous said to effys-closet: 7. Jake and Logan's parents were divorced early on, and they had to live with their mom and dad interchangeably from time to time. Their dad had them play football, turn tires and basically attempt to make them "tough" men. From the very beginning they were taught that you shouldn't show your emotions cuz that makes you weak. Even today Greg is pretty controlling of Jake's whole team 10 thing. Jake hasn't been taught how to deal with emotions from the very beginning. He has never known what is Anonymous said to effys-closet: 8. right and wrong, he has always made offensive jokes around his friends and has never known the line. This is why the Martinez Twins felt bullied while he didn't even realise it. His relationship with Erika is currently nice, she seems to be a stabilising force in his life, and is a good influence for him. With her he can be vulnerable, and he trusts her. The reason why it was so hard for him is cuz his trust has been broken time and time again. In Shane's series it seems he wants to change. Anonymous said to effys-closet: 9. I recommend you finish the series cuz it gets better from the one episode with Kati. Now, in the case with Logan, it seems different. I read a book called Confessions of a Sociopath, written by an actual sociopath using a pseudonym. She has several siblings, one of who was a "weak" brother according to her. She had abusive parents, and he was emotionally scarred by it whereas she was indifferent, she never cried during her lashes, occasionally her and her siblings beat the weak brother. Anonymous said to effys-closet: 10. My point is that it is possible for people to have the same parenting (or lack there of) and turn out completely different. One ends up a sociopath the other doesn't. This is probably where the genetics thing comes to play, cuz one sibling has more of a tendency to become a sociopath than the other genetically. When Alissa talked to Shane about how she once slept with Logan, she recalls how he was completely indifferent to betraying his brother, in fact he was proud of it, saying... Anonymous said to effys-closet: 11. "I'm a maverick, I'm savage". He didn't give a damn about breaking his brother's trust. When Alissa came on a song with him and said she didn't want it to be uploaded later, he said that she signed the contract so she can't get out of it, and he will upload it anyway. The suicide forest video, the way he treated the tasered rat and took a fish out of water to give CPR, he threw a prank on his fans of him being shot in his house, with fake blood and everything. Ik we're not supposed to assume Anonymous said to effys-closet: 12. but my brain can't help but reach to the conclusion that Logan is the sociopath, or has ASPD. There's also a thing called conduct disorder, which applies to kids and teens, basically the symptoms include manipulative behaviour, rage, impulsiveness, similar to sociopathy, but not necessarily. Kids with conduct disorder can have other disorders when they grow up, they don't have to have a lack of empathy, they can have ADHD. But diagnostically, in the US, you can only be diagnosed with ASPD if Anonymous said to effys-closet: 13. they have a diagnosis of conduct disorder in childhood. That's not necessary in Europe. So, a sociopath could not be diagnosed with ASPD in Europe, move to America and not be diagnosed with ASPD in adulthood, cuz they don't have a conduct disorder diagnosis. Now, about the whole controversy of kati vilifying sociopathy, I kinda disagree with most people. I do think that the whole idea of sociopaths being all serial killers needs to be debunked, most sociopaths actually function in society. Anonymous said to effys-closet: 14. Psychopaths even do well in business and politics cuz they have the manipulation skills, and the willingness to exploit. I myself have had issues with mental health, I hate the stigma, but to say that "not all sociopaths and ASPD people are bad" kind of goes against the definition. I have even seen someone say that some sociopaths they've met want to cure themselves and one had even succeeded. Well, again I doubt the cure claim cuz it's a significant amount of brain damage to be reversed... Anonymous said to effys-closet: 15. And also, why would you want to get cured if you're a sociopath? They tend to see emotions and empathy as a weakness, and they get the most ahead with their manipulation in life, they have fun in exploiting people. Why would they wanna cure themselves? Now, I do feel some empathy for sociopaths cuz it's not their fault they are the way they are, but still, they are bad people, why would we wanna be around them and have things to lose? Again, I do still feel Kati's approach was unprofessional Anonymous said to effys-closet: 16. But I'm just not on board with the whole mental health stigma thing being applied to sociopaths. I don't want there to be a stigma that all sociopaths are criminals or serial killers, but if the key of sociopathy is to lack empathy, and if you do have empathy then you're not a sociopath. That being said, I'm in no way an expert, I took psych in high school, and am in my 2nd gap year with no direction in life. I wrote an essay and that's where my credentials end. That's it from me. Bye!

Okay so this is maybe the longest ask I’ve ever gotten which is super exciting for me.  But also bear with me if my answer is a bit disjointed to try and respond to it all. 

Before I get into the meat of my answer, I think I should say two things.  First, I really don’t care all that much about this series or about Jake Paul.  I’m happy to answer questions about it but I think the entire thing boils down to nonsense and we shouldn’t be giving Jake Paul our attention.

I also think this entire conversation is the blind leading the blind.  You with your 4000 word essay one time in high school, me with my master’s degree, Kati Morton with her MFT degree… none of us are really qualified to talk about this since we don’t work in the field of ASPD research, diagnosis, or treatment. So I don’t know how productive this conversation can really be.  Like much of medicine and especially psychiatry, the research moves so quickly that what we thought was true two months ago may not be true now, and so it becomes a lot of “well in my understanding…” and “when I researched this once…” instead of people who can really make definitive statements about this topic.  A lot of the conversation around this has been based on pop-psychology, and I think that benefits no one.  I’ve been doing my best to correct those pop-psychology misconceptions about ASPD on here, but my knowledge is really limited in this area.

Like I said in my response when we talked about this before, sociopathy and psychopathy are not diagnosable conditions and so using them as terms is functionally useless because there’s no agreed-upon criteria for what those words actually mean. ASPD is a clinically separate diagnosis and takes a more nuanced approach to the types of behaviors that one sees in so-called psychopaths and sociopaths.  The Hare’s checklist exists, and that’s about all you can say for it.  There’s a lot of criticism around its usage and again, it’s been rejected by the psychiatric community as a whole and isn’t really used clinically, so it can’t be considered a consensus for how we define “psychopathy”.  The checklist sometimes used in prisons in the US to try and assess how likely it is for a felon to reoffend, but if you know anything about the US prison system, you’ll know it’s not really up to date with the latest and greatest in medical science.  And even within the prison community, it’s efficacy is being questioned.

There are distinctions that people have made between “psychopaths” and “sociopaths”, but again, those words don’t really mean anything from a clinical standpoint and so any distinctions or definitions people assign to them are useless from a practical standpoint because there’s no agreed upon definition for those words.  There isn’t really research focused on those terms and so to draw distinctions like “one is born and the other is made” is, in my opinion, silly.  There is ASPD and the research behind it, and as we learn more about ASPD we learn about the genetic basis for it and how environment impacts peoples’ likelihood of developing it. 

As with many things, ASPD is a spectrum.  It has come out through the research that some people with ASPD do indeed have empathy and emotions, others respond to treatment, and others don’t seem to exhibit empathy, emotions, or respond to intervention.  Many neurological, biological, and psychiatric conditions are like that, so I’m not surprised that it’s like that in this case as well.  Depending on the severity of the case, people with ASPD may not have the ability to recover.  Depression is similar; in mild to moderate depression, you can sometimes see reversal of neurological changes, but in severe depression, those neurological changes are permanent to the brain structure.

It is not true that a diagnosis of ASPD requires a diagnosis of conduct disorder in childhood.  It requires that the individual have exhibited conduct problems by the age of 15, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that all individuals with ASPD were diagnosed with Conduct Disorder or vice versa.  Conduct Disorder is a diagnosable condition with its own set of criteria; “conduct problems” is a generalized symptom.  Statistics are hard to come by, but it seems that only 25-40% of children with conduct disorder are later diagnosed with ASPD.The idea that “psychopaths do well in business” is pop psychology more than anything else, but I think it’s correct that not all people with ASPD are bad.  They’re people who were predisposed to an illness who had the bad luck of being put in an environment that brought it out in them.  I think there’s a limit to how culpable they are, and I think that some people with ASPD do realize that there’s something wrong and seek treatment.  The idea that “some sociopaths want to cure themselves and one even succeeded!” is again pop psychology and taking a very un-nuanced approach to the disorder.  ASPD is a spectrum.  It’s not as cut and dry as “no emotions/empathy” or “emotions!”, and that’s not part of the clinical criteria for having ASPD. In fact, criteria that included remorse, guilt, or empathy have been removed from the DSM in the fifth edition because it was felt that that criteria was too subjective; now it focuses primarily on observable behaviors.  Some patients do find ways to lessen the severity of their symptoms.  Because it’s a small population to begin with and many of the population who are studied are in prison, it’s hard to make generalizations about what percentage of the population with ASPD that might be, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. 

As far as the Jake Paul series goes, I didn’t watch the rest of the series and I don’t plan to.  As I said before, I’m uninterested in the Paul brothers and don’t think they deserve my time or attention.  I think it does sound likely that Jake’s upbringing and environment contributed to making him who he is today.  But that is true for everyone, and true for people who grew up in much worse situations than he did.  The divorce of parents and being forced to play football and encouraged to be “more of a man” is not exactly trauma inducing for the average person.  It seems that there are genetic factors involved in ASPD and other psychiatric diagnoses, so it makes sense that some people in a particular environment develop psychiatric conditions and others do not. But that ultimately doesn’t excuse his behavior nor does it make him a particularly sympathetic character in my eyes.  There is always an opportunity for people to seek help and better themselves, and he seems profoundly uninterested in doing either.

TL;DR: The terms “psychopath” and “sociopath” are functionally useless and we should stop using them, and everyone who doesn’t know what they’re talking about (myself included) should stop feeding this discussion.