#cuz my sib and i kinda struggle with this

[did-we-imagine]

God bless.

My dad found it funny that I'd still watch cartoons even as a 23-25 yo lmao. I just told him that my doctor friend (MD) who is 2 years older also does lmao. Life be like that. I just own my shit. There are married 25 yos with kids, and then there is me, and that's OK lol.

"oh you think that liking animated kids movies as an adult is cringe? don't you know some people are AUTISTIC" you know you can just like a movie, right? why are u wrangling a completely reasonable defense of your taste into mental health advocacy?? it doesn't fit

[brb-on-a-quest]

20:A song that has many meanings to you

Ohhhhh this one is kinda hard bc it's not that it's all meanings but more like... memories and associations.

I think the song that first broke me (in a good way) after I heard it was this one

IRL Beloved sent it to me while I was living at my aunts for a couple of months and it was the first time I felt listened to by a song in such a long while? Other songs in this category are (Battle born by FFDP, Sorry about your parents by IFH, Guardian by Aetherrealm- actually I should make a playlist for that, see what's on it).

Idk if you meant to get a lore drop but uhhhhh here u go: "I like digging holes and hiding things inside them. When I grow old, I hope I won't forget to find them." -> I journaled all throughout when I was a kid (very inconsistently) because we moved far more than literally most people I know (not as bad as some ppl, but I've lived in over double digit amount of houses In 1.5 decades of my life, in a couple different states. Do I have a lot of these journals? sadly no. I have fragments of them now. Most of them I pray have been lost or destroyed. Some of them I tried writing on google docs and I have a couple of blogging stints I tried (pretumblr on blogger.com- no you can't look for them they're private dontworry). Writing/reading were the part of my life that was really a very consistently enjoyable hobbies and escape and that's why I will keep writing until I die even if I am consistently very bad at posting or actually committing to it.

"I build a home and wait for someone to tear it down.....And a thousand times I've seen this road A thousand times." This is what my childhood was after the first logistical move I remember. Whenever we moved, I knew it was temporary until we found something different. This is not necessarily a woe-is-me thing I swear. I enjoy getting to new places and exploring and the first bit of falling in love with life again and new beginnings. But a lot of times it was hard to enjoy the new beginnings when the wounds of endings are still there (: (Side note I also associate this with Dr. Who and him building a relationship with of his companions before they get ripped away from him also the I DONT WANT TO GO david tenant face I'm sorry).

"I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground" Over the years, I've built my home not in the ground or physical stability but in the loving relationships of the people around me whether that be sibs, friends, internet friends, college peeps, I've learned to associate home with not a place but like a purpose or a vocation or being present to a person in that moment (which is really hard cuz I fail but c'est la vie we try and fight again).

"I like standing still, boy, that's just a wishful plan. Ask me where I come from, I'll say a different land" I got asked this a lot. I'd give a different answer every time. Now for simplicities sake I'll just say the <Redacted> state I'm from to make things simpler to explain, but sometimes I recognize I'm not really from there or where I was born, or different places where I grew up.

I count gates and numbers, then play the guessing game. It's just the place that changes, the rest is still the same" Yeh this was standard on every single move. Still had family at the end of every move. The challenges of making new friends was the same. Was it perfect? nah. We're all idiots who are struggling for improvement at the end of the day and we're trying to make it better sooooooooo. idk. Ohana or something bitch idk.

Also I could go on about how the music in the background is bouncy like moving but its not necessarily a positive or negative connotation its just like... it me. this is my reality. it be like that sometimes.

[spotsupstuff]

rambling bout the mandarin dub of s3 special (part 2)

before i do skedaddle onto more mandarin, i do actually wanna say- grollow has said a few times that they find Porty's sudden appearance very random which i do kinda agree with, but it also makes me think a tad. my three thoughts as to why He poked his head out are so far this: 1. shameless fanservice, as Porty is prolly the most liked Xiaotian clone 2. the crew needed a hype man more than anything to go thru their plan, so Xiaotian summoned Porty cuz das basically all that the clone does, did while he stayed and literally self-destructed the moment danger showed up instead of helpin 3. as per ar-blackshaw's and sketching-shark's theory convo, Porty has been alikened to Six Ear in the theory that Six is a clone of Sun Wukong's. Six is on the team now! Why not bring in the new generation of version of him in as well, yanno! sounds like a fun lore poke for the fandom ✨

Him Mouth... BUT ALSO he doesn't say "C'MOOOON" in the mandarin one which means he just Makes Noises n those are always fuckin PEAK up in this bitch, shit's fuckin hilarious

someone else pointed this out on twitter before i did a "try to understand now" rewatch actually, but SWK here calls Xiaotian "my little hero" which like fuck my heart, i guess

there's this tiny little quick inhale n exhale from Six Ear here and it fuckin Kills me

still not over Six Ear pullin THAT shit outta him chest n still not over Sun Wukong just BLASTIN that shit outta his hand like that, everytime i hear the fuckin sound effect of him shootin the energy i just go "Jaysus Fuck" like its so strong compared to Six Ear's wimpy ass weak sauce bullshit of a shadow emo energy stream it takes me out without fail, that thing could be aliken to a damb Spaceship Take Off

two things: 1. instead of "monkey" she only calls Xiaotian "little hero", for those wondering 2. her mandarin "no. it's pain/suffering." actually sounds so Tired and Pained- the no especially makes me think that at this point she's as far as struggling to get any words out

THIS MANS SAYS SHIIIIIIFU SO FUCKIN SMUGLY N BITCHY IM GON BITE HIS MINERAL ASS GO OFF KING

so mandarin Six Ear is known especially to me to have a VERY steady voice. he's incredibly calm almost thru fuckin Everything, including this special. his voice never rises up- it's almost as if he was stuck in a suave manipulative threat mode constantly

Except This One Fucking Time.

THIS interaction is what BREAKS his calm demeanor after ALL the seasons- he did NOT go squeaky in his debut episode (not countin the trainin sesh cuz that was more like choked up/running out of breath), he did NOT go squeaky upon recounting the events that build him up into what he is, he did NOT go squeaky over bein abducted by the not-mayor, basically enslaved by the White Bone Spirit and later on INFUSED with the bone demon's powers, no.

what fuckin breaks him is bein compared to the one person he was presumably created from. (very tempted to say sib culture wins here)

i was quite a tad worried at first that the mandarin dub would end up not giving SWK the emotional weak moments because the voice acting when he breaks out of WBS's control n thanks Xiaotian did not have the same shaky hit to it like the og english version had

i was... pleasantly surprised at the same time as distraught over how small and... Weak and lost THE Great Sage sounds when he gives his apology to his kid, though

he is So genuinely sorry. it hurts him that he hurt his little hero

after Xiaotian makes his joke with the noodles, he sounds close to tears. first he panics over being misunderstood, he stumbles thru his words and then he curls up, voice stretched out in a way that makes me think of my own before i cry. and then his words fade out in a raspy sigh

and it is still Weak and Raspy and charmingly Imperfect in the last sentences we hear from Sun Wukong

[craacked-splatters]

OKOKOK I JUST FINISHED DHMIS AND IM GOING INSANE HOLY SHIT

tumblr is the only place where my hyperfixations and ramblings won't make me seem like I've been trapped in a basement never seeing the light of day as I piece together a century long conspiracy. Apologies 4 the person I'm about 2 become . I'm gonna full theorist mode but I only have time to point out the puzzle pieces in d first ep for now cuz I got work in like 6 hrs :(( ill come bak n do rhe rest ltr feel free 2 add if u want

--

Ok so i was rewatching the eps again on my phone & collecting screenshots for my conspiracy board when I found this symbol in the intro 2 d first ep

And I was like wait a min that kinda looks like d ones from the book so i went to see if was true and yep

I don't know if there's anymore symbols scattered around in the other eps or if it was just forshadowing either way its making my brain vibrate. Has anyone else noticed this before? It's so cool

The other things in d intro that seemed a bit weird 2 me was the pics n letters on the fridge, the fact that our 3 guys r coming out of a clock house, and fuking roy looking into d house thru a hole in the wall. The symbolism and metaphors r there guys. I know it but Im putting a pin on unraveling that for ltr cuz I don't have time rn :((

I kept my eyes peeled 4 anything else n then I saw the similarities between the breifcase n his older bro and yellowguy and his imaginary older bro

Both of them were like stuck in the shadow of their younger sibs u know kinda left behind, like the smol suitcase felt inferior n could only watch as his younger was running around being bigger n better, the yellows fake bro was always stuck in the background while yellow took the spotlight,

and they both like lost their shit and injured themselves. The suitcase bro punched a wall n the fake bro literally comitted suicide. Maybe I'm looking to much into this but that kinda intrigued me a bit. Again I'll dissect to that ltr cuz I don't have d time 😔

So the 1st EP was about work & jobs right?

Noticed how like each guy had the same positions in each job?

Duck: (The judge, cryptocurrency, General, astronaut)

At 1st duck's jobs are more centered on power,on bieng a higher authority figure, someone who is respected, admired and successful. He views himself above the rest, he said one needed aggression to get ahead in workplace, (u know w/ the attention freaks part lmao),he narssistic, hes selfish, and is always strivings for better positions, better everything (the vending machine, wanting a better job etc)

He doesn't like this job, he failed at his work tasks, and no one is taking him seriously.

When the screen lady starts singing about stress n shit I was like hold up

First we see, him on the beach with a crab offering him pills. Relaxation=drugs?? An escape from reality perhaps 🤨

Then him walking on a tightrope with a bunch of red things under him (portraying his struggles with his inner demons maybe?? Showing that he is or was barely keeping himself from falling to them??)

This whole thing. The line segments with the relaxing never being an easy straight line,(gotta go thru hell 1st b4 ur happy type of thinking??) And also the colors on the diagram. It's our 3 main guys. Red duck and yellow. (I'll dissect this ltr too no time rn😔)

And this. The coins, (cryptocurrency?? financial issues??) The screw(shitty work jobs maybe) the crab(drugs) the red snake(inner demons?) And the green thing...idk what that is it has scissors n looks like its shushing(untold secrets/issues?) Maybe ita part of himself he doesn't like or harms him

Duck is forced to like his job. He tries to go along with this whole bs, but he can't and snaps causing the hand accident. Is that what happened from before he was dead? Did he cause the death of someone? We know they all died at the same time different places.Then we see ltr that his jobs aren't as powerful as before, he is a mailman, hes a struggling artist, those jobs usually arent seen as impressive as say a CEO. Is this lore👀 could it be a bit of backstory for duck👀

Next we have Red: (Doctor, Barber, boss 2 whole company, horseshoe maker) His jobs are more concentrated on responsibility and expectations. A lot of ppl rely on doctors to help them out, a lot of pressure is laid on their shoulders especially with serious situations. With barbers you want them to give you exactly what u asked for, or at least something acceptable if u cant think of anything. Bosses are bosses. They're literally in charge of a shit ton of things. They keep everything running smoothly cuz 1 wrong move and everything starts going haywire. And horses need shoes to walk I guess

Notice how red is kinda... negligent? I wouldn't say lazy hes not. But remember how he would always want to do something else besides what they were doing? Or be anywhere else besides in the now? He didn't want to do anything at all in the 1st ep deciding to just chill. He didn't want to acknowledge yellows sadness in the Death EP, I guess he didn't want to deal with it? He wanted to meet a real fam, saying that the 3 of them weren't it. The whole road trip breakdown and "Im not going back to that house"?? Very interesting 👀

Yellow: (lumberjack, icecream man, fisherman, assembly worker, therapy patient??)

Yellows jobs r more centered on labor. They're average jobs regular ppl like u and me could get whenever. They usually don't ask for degrees or sumthn just experience perhaps. They might be easy, but there is a form of danger to them Lumberjack? You chop up wood dude, you could easily lose a limb or die. Ice cream man? Well you could always run over someone and uh, stranger danger? Fisherman? Fall out and drown or get lost at sea Assembly line worker? You saw what happened the same as the lumberjack (Trust me I work at a GE and ppl r always getting hurt)I got nothing 4 patient 😔

Besides the assembly one(I'm not counting it it was a lesson), the other jobs could be viewed as experiences.

Lumberjack- helping build the shack with his dad (Roy was there)

Icecream man- its icecream. lot of us go after that car. Especially children.

Fisherman- going fishing for fun, could be a bonding experience idk

Therapy patient- c'mon

There's a lot of shit I didn't cover but it's fine. Everything is so cool and fascinating I'm losing sleep to this whole thing. I'll talk more about it later I'm tired n it's 5am I've got 2 hrs to sleep.

Edit: yo I'm literally at work rn but I realized something. Yellows jobs are repetitive too. A cycle of things that are done a sort of loop. Lumber jacks, assembly line workers, etc etc usually focus on doing one task only, over and over whether it's screwing in bolts, chopping wood, serving food doesn't matter. It's repetitive, meaning you don't have to worry about changes bcuz there aren't supposed to be. You become accustomed to it, it's reliable.

This might've been a bit forshadowing about the way our 3 characters have to start the same routine in the same house again and again, a seemingly endless loop.

Did y'all notice how yellow was extremely against the road trip idea? And the death episode? He didn't want the routine to change. he didn't like it was confusing to him. And just when he's getting used to a change it all collapses on him. Man :(( this show is so cool fr I'll continue dissecting ltr gotta go now

[normal-thoughts-official]

Izzy and alec sibs headcanon if you have any and have an amazing day

no anon, YOU have an amazing day! dxuhaisdha

ok idk about headcanons because i think it's more that i appreciate their relationship in canon than that i have headcanons? like i said a few asks ago though there is a lot more id like to see explored in their relationship, particularly them figuring out their miscommunications and acting-in-the-name-of-each-other issues

so yeah i like to think that they eventually have a talk about that? even if it's like a few years later that it finally comes up. because while i think izzy kind of realized how much alec was shielding him from the lightwood's expectations i don't think alec ever figured out that izzy kept trying to rebel so alec could see that he could, too, and how she just wanted him to accept himself, basically

so it would be nice to see this talk happening and these things actually being said and the both of them realizing that if they had just communicated and worked together the whole time instead of assuming what the other needed and trying to take these stereotypical roles for them they would have probably gotten somewhere a lot faster and hurt each other a lot less lol. also like, alec really has to learn how to work with the people he loves instead of in their name, so i think he’d benefit a lot from this talk

other than that uhhh

i think part of the reason izzy misunderstood alec's struggle with coming out so much (i.e. thinking that he was in denial) was because she was projecting, lol. and when like after years and years izzy realized that all her comments about girls and her lowkey over-the-top investment in alec's love life/having alec accept himself were really not as straight as she thought, she is like. ah shit. so I was the one in denial the whole time? and alec just smiles and pats her shoulders like "glad you caught up, iz"

she never hears the end of it. The Revenge Of Alec. literally getting on her ass all damn day throwing in jokes about accepting herself and "being open" and all and she's like "OKAY alec i get it i'm sorry!!"

in all seriousness though, i like to think that they actually talked about all the s1 shit. kinda similar to that other talk about acting in the name of each other (honestly i think it's hard to talk about one without talking about the other) and izzy saying that she thought alec was a denial case and alec saying that he felt like izzy was trying to force him to come out when he COULDN'T and it made him feel kind of terrified. and izzy apologizing for making him feel like that, you know?

alec eventually starts going with her to her narcotics anonymous meetings. not all the time ofc because izzy needs to be able to have her own space where she can talk without the presence of anyone she knows, but sometimes. so alec can get educated and on days when it's particularly hard for her. having the support of her big brother always helps

for so long izzy was the only source of like... actual good touch and warmth and just affection, you know? and i think they are very tactile. we did get to see some of that in the show (name ONE other person alec has hugged. other than magnus who is his literal boyfriend/husband, and even then i think they might have hugged less than alec and izzy did) but i think they are actually even more tactile when there are no eyes on them. izzy comes visit alec in the loft and magnus goes to the living room to find alec and izzy full on spooning, alec carressing izzy's hair like it's the most normal thing in the world

they are used to having to stop when other ppl come, particulalrly family, tho (remember when maryse caught izzy and max playing and acted like it was a crime?) so like they are a little jumpy. but with parents who denied them affection (or had it be conditional to them doing shit they wanted, in alec's case) and sh's gross no-touching culture, they needed each other for that and they always could get comfort in each other

i mentioned max and i just ugh i loved izzy so much in her scenes with him and i think alec would be so proud of what a good big sister she is?? and she's like "i'm just trying to be like you" and he's like "shut up" but pulls her into a hug

not really a headcanon but we overlook the fact that with their height difference alec can rest his chin on the top of her head (if she's in heels LMAOOOO)?????? like dude. dude. D U EDE

part of the reason izzy wears heels all the time is because she just can't stand her and alec's height difference. WHY did he hoard all the tall??? it's humiliating enough when she's in heels but without heels she's like hitting his navel or some shit and she will NOT! PUT UP! WITH THIS! so she wears heels all the time and if she could she would walk around in those giant wooden sticks clowns use sometimes, you know the ones

every once in a while izzy gets back on her Teaching Alec How To Dance project and every time it is a nightmare

the +1 is when alec asks her for help to teach him how to dance for his wedding. please iz for the love of god no crazy stuff we're not gonna salsa just teach me how not to step on his feet all the time

when she stops trying to make the impossible happen she's actually a pretty good teacher

alec has a lot more fun with it than he lets on

alec's never paid a lot of attention to izzy's flings cuz they're, you know... flings for the most part, but when she starts to actually date (polycule? polycule) he becomes insufferably protective. ESPECIALLY when it comes to clary

*sits clary down for a lesson called "how to care about people other than yourself: a simple guide to not being a selfish bitch with my sister". it features a slideshow. with animation*

once izzy officially comes out as bi it's pretty hard and emotional for her and alec hugs her and she's all "i couldn't have done it without you. thank you for being so strong" and aaaaa

they used to wrestle a lot when they were kids and izzy would kick his ass every time

ok i think that's all i've got for now but hhhh there is plenty of other stuff tbh i just no thoughts head empty

[royal-babey]

THINKING ABOUT THAT ONE ME:A OC I WANTED TO MAKE SO HERE’S SOME RANDOM HEADCANONS FOR HIM UNTIL I CAN PLAY THE GAME AGAIN!!!

(Picrew used)

So! This is Samuel Ryder, our dearest pathfinder. 100% enemy of Alec, doesn’t have the biggest relationship with his mom, but he loves S.A.M, his twin, and his son (Also when someone says “Sam!” Both he and the AI bby respond, it can be very confusing).

He’s a bit of a grumpy butt, very tired, but he means well!!! Kinda blunt and serious a lot but he has a soft side and whoever gets to see that yet I have not decided! Jaal probably ngl, love that purple kitty alien!!! Or Gil cuz you can have a kid with him...Decisions decisions!!!

Samuel is reckless, tends to run headfirst into danger, and it is n o t good. He eventually gets it through his thick stubborn head though that he needs to stay alive because he has a child that needs him and so he cuts back on trying to be canon fodder and starts staying at the back lines, using his biotics. An ability which he, his twin and his son all have!!! Sam used to hate being biotic but he’s chill with it now, neutral. It can still get annoying and overwhelming and his biotics are so dang strong he gets horrible migraines but yeah he’s managing!

He also struggles with severe anxiety, chronic depression, PTSD and chronic pain, but honestly that’s to be expected at this point........ :>

AND! He did have a lovely partner, but they died about a year before the andromeda initiative which is what largely drove Samuel to it despite familial relations. Just desperate for a new start. Trying to outrun pain and the past isn’t always good ofc, but yknow...

This is his sibling! I do not have a name for them yet, kinda wanna go with Samantha Ryder tbh just to frustrate the whole team fjsgfbebf three Sams! What could go wrong!!!

But yeah this is Samuels sib, they’re very laid back and chill, very passionate, dye their hair crazy colours all the time, surprisingly not as crazy as their little brother in combat, and they adore their little nephew!!! I think they might romance Suvi or Vetra...

They were close with their mom, not so much their dad. They also grew up a lot faster than their brother, trying to bear the expectations Alec had for the twins to give Samuel (Or “Sammy” to them) a break. Since Samuel tended to suffer a lot with the pressure because of how strong his biotics are. Samantha (we’re going with it I have decided) is also a very strong biotics user, but not as strong as their bro. Still, a force to be reckoned with!!! Especially when they and Samuel work together

They’re kinda the person that dragged Samuel back, introducing the idea of the initiative to him. They honestly hadn’t expected him to agree to come to Andromeda, but were really delighted when he did. They also feel sort of guilty, because now their brother is feeling more pressure than ever, but it’s not their fault.

Samuel, Samantha and SAM also get up to sibling shenanigans like arguing or playing pranks and sometimes the three of them, plus kiddo plus LI’s, have movie nights! Ofc they also have movie nights where the whole crew is invited, but sometimes you just need some immediate family time yknow?

(Picrew used!!!)

And last but not least; this is said beloved kiddo!!! I haven’t got a name for him yet, but he looks v much like his father, gives no shits about gender roles (something he largely learned from Samantha tho his dad is chill too).

He’s a giant ball of sunshine and “reads” kids picture books to SAM, everyone on board absolutely adores him, he only met his grandpa and grandma once and he was terrified of Alec, and he misses his other parent but wears their favourite pearl necklace all the time so that helps!!!

When his papa isn’t on the ship he gets babysat by Gil OR by Tann on the Nexus because Tann surprisingly loves the little human and is very sweet to him and is willing to do this one (1) thing for Samuel. Other than that it’s argue town for the two stubborn dudes!

And in that pic he looks maybe like 9-10 but I think during the game he’s actually closer to 4. And you might be wondering two things; A) Samuels age and B) why was kiddo woke up when it was supposed to just be essential workers, and I have answers!

A) Samuel and Samantha are older than your normal baby Ryder, I’d say 22 is actually when Samuel met his partner, they have kiddo when they’re 24, and then partner dies at 27 thanks to an illness (yay fear of illnesses thanks to trauma for Sammy!), and the Sam Fam are 28 when the initiative happens (making them both a lil older than some of the crew I imagine, like Liam perhaps, but not by a lot since it’s usually clear that normal canon Ryder is pretty much one of the youngest on the crew).

And B) Technically Son Boi shouldn’t be awake, but Samuel started freaking out so badly about this fact after being woken up that he refused to go on the initial first mission, and well Alec did need him (even begrudgingly), so he put in the order for “the kid” to be revived, and he’s awake by the time Samuel gets back from Habitat 7 and is revived in SAM Node (So many teary hugs from both!!!).

-

And that’s all I got! Thank u for listening to my TED Talk uwu (And feel free to reblog 👀 or send asks or DMs or whatever!!! Pls I crave ME:A interaction)

[binnieheart]

ayyy I was also tagged by Jordab for 8 questions like wow I’m tumblr famous already what is this

@jakganim I love you so much okkkie you are the absolute best and I hope tomorrow a giant wad of cash falls from the sky and gives you a concussion LOL

also I already know imma have to put this under a cut too

1. Can you tell me about someone you’re grateful for?

tbh my older sister is the person i’m most grateful for right now. She just moved out and she’s already face-timed me over twenty times n she’s only been gone for a week smh.

But really idk where i’d be without her because she understands me in a way that no one else really does and she’s one of my best friends and even though we treat each other like trash she is my wisdom guru and she always calls me out when I do dumb things and she has an amazing perception of life and she always gives me so much hope for the future and I always feel so much better when I talk to her cuz she actually listens to me and respects my opinions even tho we differ on a lot of things,,, she’s willing to take a moment to step into my shoes and try to understand my way of thinking before she gives me any advice. Also, she sends me a heck ton of dank memes and I love her for it and wow I LOVE HER SO MUCH i can’t even express it all i’m struggling but she’s amazing

2. What’s the most prominent color in your wardrobe?

like the brightest one or the one I have the most of?

the brightest color is coral pink and then the one I have the most of is blue/black.

3. What’s your go-to drink order when you visit a restaurant/bar?

Water. KK but listen the seven eleven employees all know me by name cuz i’m in love with slurpees and i’m in there all the time,, if Slurpees were a person i’d marry them

4. Do you want to have kids in the future? if so what would you name them?

sometimes i want to have kids,,, it goes on and off cuz you know ill just be holding some other chicks baby and I’m like I WANT ONE but then i have to go home and deal with my sibs and i wanna die even tho i love all of them (it takes an hour to put three of them in bed -_-)

um but the names i like are: Damien, Jolie, Minty, Jacob, Sage, Ducky, Elliott, and Peach.

5. what’s your favorite physical feature of your bias?

Moonbin has vvvvv nice eyes like i just really like his eyes holy fork they’re so sparkly and nice

6. what are 5 songs that ALWAYS GET YOU PUMPED like u boutta tear up the dance floor kinda pumped?

plz keep in mind that I’m a theatre/dance hoe thanks 

1- Collect Yourself, The Strike

2- My Strongest Suit, Aida

3- Very Nice, Seventeen

4- Boombayah, Blackpink

5- No More Heartaches, Bankroft

7. short hair or long hair?

both, unless you’re asking what i have on me in which case it’s long

8. what’s one thing you want to achieve by this time next year? or just by next year in general, maybe by the end of next year?

kkk so in the past five years or so i’ve had a lot of the people i love die/kill themselves nd I never really got to tell them all how much i loved them so I decided that I want to let everyone know how much i love them and that I will literally drop everything i’m doing to go help them and so I hope by the end of next year everyone will feel loved by me,,, does that make sense idk i just wanna love people

~the end~

[normal-thoughts-official]

If it’s alright that I spin off a little on your last ask, regarding that we know touch isn’t a big thing in shadowhunter culture. That just... kinda kills me a little bit? Because in the show Alec is so tactile?? Even with himself in always wringing his hands together (big mood tbh) and with Izzy and the fact that he always carefully touches Magnus’ shoulder whenever he wants to comfort him?? Like he’s so willing to be close and hug people to show appreciation and we KNOW they’re both so touch starved and they’ve both had to hold themselves back for different yet palpable reasons and like,,, UGH, then healing from the abuse together but without it being unhealthy codependency or necessarily trauma bonding but rather, they work out what it is they each need to heal from and they support each other through it and in that support they find so much comfort from just touching. Which leads me to your theory about how much intimacy there must be in hand holding for Magnus since that’s where he expresses his magic? And I feel like, maybe sometimes it’s almost a little too much and Alec notices because of course he does, so he just gives a little affirming squeeze before letting go and Magnus being kind of stunned cuz like?? Wow he noticed that I can’t handle this intimacy right now and that’s okay apparently?? Wow imagine that. Like I just andhnsg I love their love and understanding of each other and I love that Alec doesn’t even seem to care that he initiates everything because he gets it!!! He knows Magnus might be ready one day but until then he’ll take the reigns and Magnus feels so safe in knowing he doesn’t HAVE to do anything!! Because he’s enough regardless!! Wow I’m a puddle

yes!! yes!!!! you absolutely get it!!!!!!! honestly alec and magnus have struggled with very similar things, and even have some similar tropes in how that affected their psyche (like they both obviously feel like they have to be useful and put themselves in a position where they have to solve other people's problems and be their caretakers in a way), i think the main difference between them is that magnus internalized it while alec not so much internalized it as understood that that's the safest way he would get to live. like of course there is stuff alec internalized but... with stuff like touch, we see how tactile he is, like u said. he is always touching magnus! grabbing his hand, his shoulder, going for kisses, getting into his personal space, chest poke, etc etc etc.

i think a part of that is thanks to izzy? like again mandatory disclaimer that i know izzy did a lot of shit and was extremely unhelpful to alec, but the fact is that izzy is very tactile and way less into obeying everything about shadowhunter culture. like we saw the way she was playing with max, then immediately stopped when she saw her mom, she knows she's not supposed to, but instead of alec who tries to play by the rules, she allows herself to rebel and do what she wants. partially, of course, because alec is already taking the role of the obedient child, and we know that he took most of the pressure from the lightwoods unto his own back so he could protect his younger siblings from it. so partially izzy "gets" to rebel (altho of course she faces a lot of abuse for it) because alec doesn't. but i also think that, beyond the eldest sibling syndrome, alec just... is very practical in that sense and if he's learnt that that is the way he should act, he's gonna follow it. the fact that izzy is very tactile and questioned all that stuff helped alec not internalize it as much by a lot, imo. also, like, he got to at least have one (1) person he could be tactile with, because we know that the lightwood sibs are all over each other (good for them!)

and i totally get what you mean about their relationship and the healing! it's one of the things i find very interesting about their relationship, because while they have SO much in common, including the abuse and suicidal ideation history, and have managed to help each other through the worst of it plenty of times... that wasn't really a big thing in how they bonded and built their relationship? which is SO great, because that balance isn't easy to pull off. like the main reason they are together is because they are FRIENDS and they have fun together and they are supportive and they are compatible, it's not built on their trauma at ALL, but it also doesn't ignore it. like they managed to make that something they can relate to the other without making it a pillar of their relationship, which almost inevitably leads to codependency or toxicity. and i just fucking love that for them

and again they are not really trying to fix each other (their talk about suicide and all was SO great, like... magnus didn't ask alec to live for him, or to stop hurting himself, or any other thing that would most definitely not work and just lead to alec hiding from him, he just made sure to open that channel of communication and ask alec to be open to him about it, ya know? and the same when magnus told alec about his past, alec didn't try to fix it or make magnus forget it or anything of the sort, he just made sure that channel was open and that magnus knew he would always support him and be on his side and wouldn't judge him for his past and aaa) but they actually have a dynamic that does them good? particularly i think exactly that i was talking about, with magnus being always scared of making the first move and thinking he's too much, and alec genuinely just wanting to shout from the rooftops and do everything he had been denying himself so far. like again i want to see magnus grow confident enough to love unapologetically and make the first move, but the fact that alec is so confident and open about what he feels does magnus so much good. and it's not something alec is trying to do - which is good, because that's not his job - it's just something that really works between them because it's how alec genuinely wants to be. you know what i mean??

or the way alec is always willing to have difficult conversations and is always so honest about how he feels and does not play any kind of games... like magnus is so used to navigating conversations and relationships like it's chess, because he needs to be careful to protect himself, but alec is just... not interested in being anything other than himself. and again he's not trying to do something that makes magnus feel more at ease and second-guess himself less, it just happens to be how he is and it happens to be really good for magnus

or the way neither of them expect the other to fix their problems is good because they both think they have to fix everyone's problems, preferably on their own, which is not good for them OR their relationships. and i could go on forever tbh. my point is: they do each other good, not because they are constantly trying to help each other, but because their dynamic is good and they are compatible in that way

and god yeah that thing you said about intimacy like!!! i think most of the time magnus needs and craves intimacy and just doesn't know how to ask for it, but they are also just so respectful of boundaries and pay so much attention to each other in that sense, you know? and yeah alec realizing that magnus might feel too vulnerable and letting go while also reassuring him that it's ok and he's not angry or disappointed is just... good shit. and like not to project but magnus being genuinely so shocked that alec even realized that something was too hard for him without him having to even say it? fucking imagine that. it lowkey blows his mind

but also all the vulnerability and implicit trust of handholding when hands mean so much for warlock culture and the fact that to him it's both an act of sharing and of trusting, because like - canonically, if you hold a warlock's hands down, they can't use their magic. so it's such a vulnerable act, both due to that and the fact that he is literally giving alec access to his own strength and magic source, and alec is doing the same too! just aaaaaa it means so much and i KNOW i've talked about this already but i lose my mind!!!

also alec being so fucking happy whenever magnus initiates those touches?? especially handholding? knowing how much that means for magnus and also just because he loves it and we know that? like again i can't get over the way he just grabbed magnus' hand and started towing him along to that locker thing (LET'S GO MAGNISS). or the way he smiled up at magnus when they held hands during lorenzo's party? chef's kiss. 10/10

so like him being genuinely happy both for himself because he gets to hold a man's hand (magnus' hand!!) to his heart's content and for magnus because he knows how much that means for him. honestly i think at the beginning alec didn't even realize he was always the one initiating stuff because he was just so drunk on getting to do everything he wanted and he was just like Must Hold Magnus' Hand all the goddamn time but of course eventually he's gonna notice, especially as he gets to realize the extent of magnus' insecurities, which i think he lowkey doesn't because the idea that magnus doesn't know how he feels about him just sounds RIDICULOUS when it's like, overwhelming to him sometimes, and not something he ever second guessed. but anyway, once he does realize he just... gets it and is mostly sad for magnus but he doesn't mind initiating it most of the time, on the contrary, he loves getting to do it after so long of holding himself back. but he's also happy for magnus' every step you know

also eventually magnus is gonna reach the point where he is just drunk on the fact that he GETS to express how he feels without fear and he is kind of all over alec the way alec is all over him and i bet alec loves it doahdsah he's just smiling or even laughing all the time when magnus touches him and they are both just so happy to have each other and aaa im dying

[spotsupstuff]

mmm if youre doing others' au characters, one of the iri au vessels of your pick? if not feel free to ignore this muah

-breaks fingies- gon go with shine cuz i feel like i know them best outta everyone of yo kids

Why I like them:

when i say ive laid awake in my bed just thinkin bout their design i mean it. i fuckin LOVE their design so much. theres just so much good about it and they are always a joy to draw. the horn design is super unique and ill be honest, it surprised me plenty when i saw it for the first time. i was skeptical about it for more than one reason but after first attempt at drawin them i fell in love. the cloak is incredibly aesthetically pleasing, design of the legs and tail is a joy to behold, the color palette is Absolutely Great because it just screams “this is ave!! aves design!!! theirs!!!!! its them!!!!!!” because them sunset colors are just your trademark. i am Very impressed with the choice to make the masks yellow tinted, like,,,, id be afraid to go that way if only because of the possible connections to radiance. i also ADORE their personality, they just carry this 17 year old awkward kid who also would tots rock somebody outta the dimension with fashion choices or just One Singular Look cuz the Bitch Just Exists Like That

Why I don’t:

their personality kinda hits close to home at times which makes me go -surprised pikachu face- and, even tho i really do understand, i wish theyd confront some things more head on

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

one of the asks you answered; the one with them n whisper sparring sometimes pops into my head to live rent free for like few hours. i love the picture you did, i love that they are Like That, i adore their fighting style and how fuckin dumb they can be about it sometimes

Favorite season/movie:

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck how do i answer this... i GUESS that brokenverse could count as a season or a movie. so far? ive enjoyed their presence in bverse a lot. from start to this day, they were incredibly interesting to see reacting to things around them. the way they popped into the world was Very pleasing and i am glad that i was there to witness both as a viewer and through broken. i am very fascinated with the relationships that form between them n the other bvs and cant wait what will happen with them and what u r plannin for them in the rps if u r!!

Favorite line:

"I didn't know blankets and pillows had such structural integrity." is a really fuckin good one

"Do you want me to tear my wings?? I've never been in a place like this! I don't know how to move around it!” it was interesting to see them blow up and break, it gave a lot of perspective on their character to me and make them feel... like more? it just unlocked more of perspective about them to me. made me think and consider.

Favorite outfit:

that fuckin... croptop hoodie... i know its not an entire outfit but i have Cried over it i just fucking adore it so much. show that nice belly to the world, dont be ashamed of your scars honey, you are doing SO WELL and u fuckin rock it

OTP:

nobody 😔 im p sure that they dont have romance on mind too much if not at all

Brotp:

i like what ive seen of them n whisper so far a lot 👀 but out of actual sib relationships, i kinda like them n lost interacting together? i know that theres a tension between them right now and theres a lot of reasons that they wont like each other, most likely, in the near future, but there was just... something about the whole scene after shine brought them back to the house. and that they didnt leave when lost reached out. they held them and for some reason that was really comforting to read. i believe that if the two will ever want to get over their problems with each other once, there could be something really beautiful and cozy between them

Head Canon:

i got Two:

1. the crystal protects them from bad dreams, if those are still a thing in your au. i think you already sorta established that it has to do somethin with the grimm troupe and i believe that the troupe is something of a repellent of dreams

2. when they lost their lowest pair of wings, it hindered their flight capabilities a lot. theyve struggled for a While, but figured out how to fly with just four. even after all the troubles, they are an amazing flyer, maybe as close as dragonflies are. they are fast, but need to work on steadiness during it. they know their limits and probably enjoy the rush of wind around them (i may be completely wrong with these tho)

Unpopular opinion:

i aint got one chief, i am of the sorry

A wish:

i want to know more about them, about their opinions on the world. about the crystal they wear, about the actions they think would be right. i want to know their weaknesses and faults, their strengths and successes. shine is incredibly interesting already and i cant wait to know more

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen:

i dont want them to ever die by someones hand. i want them to be as safe as possible. i dont want them to lose the innocence of being a living being without a death count

5 words to best describe them:

popular, special, careful, fancy,,,, afraid (to a degree)

My nickname for them:

štístko (little luck)