#cuz my schedule is important and if its changed on the fly I lose like 5 spoons

[lastoneout]

(Sorry to add this to a reblog I just struggle to be brief enough for tumblr's reply system's liking)

Also no worries, I have looked into it tbh and like I've always thought I didn't have autism cuz like, I'm not in to math? Which sounds dumb but like every article is like "do you find complex systems comforting or fascinating and you want to think about them and you understand them super well" and they use math as an example and my dyslexic discalculia riddled ass is like uh no(then again maye there are systems I do like that I just haven't realized are like that so maybe some introspection would help?) Also don't have long term special interests? They tend to fluctuate a lot, tho there are a few I tend to fall back on a lot so???

But I do find eye contact indescribably agonizing, I occasionally have become so stressed out that I've shut down and gone non-verbal, I cannot stand certain textures to the point that just thinking about them is distressing and there are certain clothes I cannot wear at all cuz of how horrid the fabric feels, I have had palilalia since I was a little kid, Ive got absurdly bad misphonia, I stim a lot like I rock back and forth when I'm sitting and I find it comforting and relaxing, and there are frankly a concerning amount of times where I feel like I am just speaking a different language than other people and I do not understand why people are...the way that they are??(Like one time my friend got really, really mad at me and thought I hated her and I ended up crying when she confronted me because I literally could not understand what I had done wrong and tbh I still don't get it? And not even "I don't think what I did was wrong" it's like, we were fine and then we weren't and I don't understand why.)

I just really figured my doctors would think it was just my adhd or my trauma cuz in the past I've had kinda bad experiences with doctors ignoring me or contradicting each other and such so I just assumed it wasn't worth it. Then again I could have both adhd and autism and also I was so good at masking and dealing with my adhd symptoms from going nearly 22 years without help that I very much could have learned to just deal with/mask any autism symptoms I have? I def do think I at least have adhd tho, I've been taking adderall for like 3 years and I think if I didn't have adhd I would have noticed an issue by now lol and I basically check ALL of the boxes on every checklist.

If anyone has an articles or things I could read up on tho I would appreciate it ngl, this has been on my mind like, a lot and I would like to figure it out if possible.

Turns out my palilalia hasn't stopped like I thought it had