#cuz it was too painful and made me feel embarrassed or inadequate or shameful or even crazy
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Im going through an intense period of self discovery right now and it’s really hard because my first response to what I find is often fear and shame
#self discovery isn’t really accurate it’s more integration of shit I’ve been cut off from for a long time#but for most of it like there was a reason I cut it off and ignored it instead of dealing with it#cuz it was too painful and made me feel embarrassed or inadequate or shameful or even crazy#but now I’ve reached a point in my mindfulness practice where it’s getting harder not to notice when something isn’t integrated#and it’s really overwhelming rn cuz there’s still so much……… but now I notice it way more…….. but my attitude toward it still defaults to#an immature one where I panic and mistrust myself#ahhh#I even feel kind of embarrassed sharing this on my main blog .. cuz idk how it seems when I talk about mindfulness stuff and I feel like its#easily misconstrued#but fuck it we ball#p
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