#cuz i’ve never owned one & i haven’t drawn in months

[groovy-dxior]

class doodles :P haven’t drawn these guys in a while

[chimkin-samich]

Hi!

I have had a block for both writing and drawing for several years. I look at your works with longing in my eyes and think how wonderful it would be to draw regularly again. I was never particularly talented and had many gaps in learning to draw, but I enjoyed it. Now I don't know how to start drawing or writing. My laptop is full of unfinished stories. I have lots of ideas for drawings, but it's hard for me to get down to work.

Therefore, my question is: Do you have any advice for people who haven't drawn/written for several years and would really like to get back to it, but can't motivate themselves, have no ideas, etc.? Or quite the opposite. They have lots of ideas, but for some reason they can't draw anything?

Greetings and have a nice morning/day/evening/night!

Hello! Sorry it took so long to respond, I wanted to make sure I could respond properly to this so I thought it over a lot, I’m going to put it under a read more cuz it’s gonna get long lol

I (sly) am kinda in the same position as you at least when it comes more to art, writing ive kinda cracked the block but still trying to break through the ice, all the art on our blog is Ferals art, I only complete the line work and shading (but not always) I haven’t drawn any of my own stuff in probably a few years but I’m trying to get back into it cuz I miss it as well, I completely get the whole feeling of looking at Feral’s art and wanting to create my own but finding it so difficult to do

For the art aspect my plan is to start at square 1, start how I first starting drawing, which for me was to look up refs, animals and draw them by sight, just to get back into the groove of trying to bring back that muscle memory, maybe you started by tracing images, you could trace only the rough outlines and then shade and detail them, just something simply and easy, you probably won’t be happy with the results (I know I certainly won’t be with my own) but it’s a start

Look up things that you enjoy, draw your squad, incorrect quotes to do with ocs maybe even draw them out, try and keep it simple, you don’t need to create a masterpiece on the first day back, any attempt is a step forward even if you dislike it, try it out at least once a day everyday, a simple doodle just for fun or to exercise your muscle memory again, the first part is gonna be hard and messy, that’s totally ok! All that matters is the attempt!

For the writing aspect try and keep it simple as well, focus on making short one-shots or even just bullet point dialogues, your old unfinished writing isn’t going anywhere, when you feel comfortable enough to attempt to continue it just go for it!

I had a big gap in my writing periods and sometimes I still go a few months with out touching any of my stories, blocks happen and are normal, something that I try to get back into is read other people’s work, both to see the writing style and to get some inspiration to continue my own works

When I actually get down to actually writing my story I just dump down the story as I think it, I just keep writing even if it looks messy and grammatically incorrect to at least get the story moving and progressing. After I have the rough story down, is when I go back to correct spelling mistakes, add more details/dialogues or events in between to create a much better flow for the story

I usually do this multiple times for each fic I create, usually in between pauses (either due to blanking on ideas or just cuz I wasn’t feeling it) so whenever I reopen my doc, I just reread and add on, then I do it again one or two more times once it’s completed

I struggle a lot with perfectionism when it comes to my art and writing, and unfortunately it’s a big killer for my motivation, especially when I see others that make better works than me. I’ve been slowly unlearning that urge to make everything perfect, by just allowing myself to have messy and rough works, it’s not always going to come out how I want it but at least I got it as close as I could in the moment with my current skill level

I like to tell myself, the more I keep doing it, the more I’ll improve, and I’ll always be able to come back with more ideas and skill to remake this better than my first attempts, just because I did it doesn’t mean I can’t try to do it again

Being easier on yourself does wonders (I know easier said than done unfortunately 😭) but your practically having to relearn skills that have gotten rusty, even if you were doing great before, your gonna have to build back up to that point, it’s just like exercising a muscle ✨

I hope this was able to help! I wish you much luck in your journey back into art and writing!

[cbts004]

Anon asked: have u ever gotten burnout or overwhelmed from your commission work or art in general? ur a big inspiration to me not just bc of ur art but well you are at like, doing commissions and doing so many on time, and on top of that you pump out so many drawings every week…do u ever get tired or anything? what is ur secret i must know

I dunno if I have "a secret", I think I'm just straight up addicted to drawing or something if I'm being honest. I have had periods where I do draw less, for months at a time in fact, but that was due to me feeling extremely depressed and very unlike myself. Drawing for me is a way to cope, to self soothe, distract myself from other things. I pretty much go through most days with a sense of overthinking and anxiety, and drawing allows me to escape that whirlpool and just focus on one thing at a time. So for me, if I haven't drawn for a day, it feels WEIRD and uncomfortable, like I've got some sort of nagging itch. I understand that a lot of people absolutely do not have this relationship with art, sometimes for them it can feel like more trouble than it's worth, or a dissatisfaction with how works turn out vs the amount of effort put in can be crushing. I do feel stuff like that, certainly. Though the feeling is never enough to keep me from at least drawing something once a day because for me, it's what keeps me sane.

 I think I have felt a sense of burnout before with art, and that's when I was in situations when I had to rely so much on art to get me things for my livelihood. I understand that for me, a career in art would probably put too much pressure on me to the point where I would just want to avoid doing it. When you have that pressure, you can't enjoy art for what it is, it has this importance placed so heavily onto it I can't even think about drawing clearly. It's that heavy expectation that kills my drive for me. I don't feel that with commissions, because for as professional as I try to be, it's informal. People understand that I may take my time, have things happen, etc. Cuz when you commission someone they know I'm ultimately just one person doing this on my own. https://retrospring.net/@cbts004/a/111134782956863276)

[calpalirwin]

Adventurous Spirit

Summary: Ashton becomes more and more of a (lovestruck) hippie.

Word Count: 1.6k

And away, and away we go!

__

Ashton’s adventurous spirit was what had drawn you to him in the first place. Sometimes you weren’t sure what he loved more: being a drummer or being able to travel the world as a result. All you knew was Ashton seemed most at home when he was on the road, making the most of every moment, and you were an absolute sucker for someone who loved life with that much fierceness.

With tour dates lined up, and studio time charted out, life at home buzzed with the excitement of what was to come. Then, the world shut down.

The first week, you watched anxiously as Ashton paced about the house, phone glued to his ear as plans B through Z were discussed and refined, tension slowly building up in his neck and shoulders. But with an album release so close, the feeling of restlessness didn’t get a chance to settle in, and for that you were grateful.

About a month and a half into lockdown, you found him sitting on the couch, staring blankly into space. “Hey,” you said softly, sitting down next to him, and pulling him out of his trance. “You good?” you asked, your fingers dragging slowly up and down his arm.

“Hmm?” he questioned, giving a small shake of his head. “Oh… Yeah, I’m good, I guess.”

“You guess?”

Ashton shrugged. “It’s hard to put into words. Like, I’m thankful for the time to slow down. Because I know I sometimes worry you with how much I work. And my body could probably use the rest. But not knowing how long this lasts is… It fuckin’ sucks. Because there were a lot of things I always said I’d do if I just had the time. And now I do. But how much time? How long am I stuck here?”

“Well” you started with a slight teasing tone, “I’m pretty sure you have time to make a garden, and get some chickens if you’re really dedicated to that.”

He giggled lightly, then sighed. “I just hate not knowing. I don’t want to lose myself.”

“Oh, I don’t think you need to worry about that. Just take it one day at a time, and go from there.”

“I suppose that’s true. And hey, I got you, right?”

“Of course,” you smiled at him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good. Cuz I need you more than I can put into words.”

“I love you too, Ash.”

~~~

You both stared at the box of Superbloom merch, you in awe, and Ashton somewhat dejectedly. “Oh, c’mon!” you urged, nudging into his shoulder. “You could be a little excited. You worked hard for this.”

“I am…” he defended. “But I want to do more.”

“More with the release? Or more solo stuff?”

“More with the release. I want to celebrate. I want a chance to play it live. I want everything the guys and I wanted with Calm, and this shit,” he thrust an angry finger in the direction of the window, “won’t go away!”

“So let’s celebrate.”

“How?!”

“We get tested, and we get out here for a bit. Camp in the desert under the stars for a few nights. I dunno. We’ll figure it out.”

“That… is not half bad. But that only solves one of my problems. I miss performing, babe.”

“Virtual concerts are a thing, you know.”

His eyes lit up in a way you hadn’t really seen for months, before he was kissing you passionately. “You! You’re a fuckin’ genius!”

You laughed against his mouth. “Thanks, I try.”

His forehead knocked against yours, his eyes holding yours steadily. “You are everything to me.”

~~~

If there was a downside to suggesting a weekend getaway for the Ashton’s album release, it was that it revived his desire to travel, and the desire was now stronger than you ever remembered it being.

“You’re becoming a hippie,” you joked as you guys woke up in the back of a pick up truck in the middle of nowhere.

“Becoming?” he laughed. “Thought I always was.”

“Well, it’s becoming more prominent now,” you laughed with him, running your hands through his hair. “I don’t think you’ve let your hair get this long since 2016.”

“Ah yes, the first hippie Ash stage. I’ve learned a lot since then.”

“So this is Hippie Ash 2.0?”

“The new and improved hippie.”

You both broke out in a fit of giggles, before you sighed in content, curling yourself into his side. “So where to next?”

“Anywhere we fuckin’ want to. Well… within reason. The guys and I are discussing the next album.”

“Shit, already?”

He shrugged. “Might as well. Gotta be prepared for when the world opens up again. Wanna hit the ground running. Make up for lost time.”

“Well, fuck. Let’s go somewhere with the guys then. A working vacation.”

“Working vacations are my favorite types of vacation. But after the holidays. I’m getting used to lazy vacations where it’s just me and you, and I’m not ready to give that up just yet.”

“Oh, some place with snow would be cool. Maybe a cabin so we don’t freeze to death.”

He took the hint, pulling you into him with the blanket. “Sounds perfect.”

~~~

You awoke to an empty bed, sunlight, light laughter, and weed smoke filtering in from the open window.

“Morning, Luke,” you greeted as you found the blonde in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his hands wrapped around a coffee mug.

“Mornin’,” he nodded, side stepping out of the way of the coffee machine. “Still practically a full pot if you want a cup.”

“Nah, I’m good for now. Ash?”

“Outside getting high with Cal.”

“Fuckin’ hippie…” you chuckled, headed for the front door of the cabin, Luke’s own laughter following you out.

Calum had a camera in his hand, pointed at Ashton who sat on a couch in his robe, a random disarray of items scattered nearby on the ledge of a firepit. “Oh, hey, Y/N!” Calum said, noticing you first, as Ashton looked over his shoulder at you.

“Hey guys,” you smiled, taking a seat next to Ashton on the couch and leaning into him. “Starting the morning off on the right foot?” you asked with a pointed glance at the ashtray with the cigarettes and blunts.

“Oh, yeah,” Ashton drawled, shifting to wrap his arm around your shoulders.

“Ever think you lean into the hippie stereotype a lil too much?”

“Nah. Haven’t gone completely off the grid.”

“Yet,” Calum snickered. “There’s still time. Luke kinda did, and I’ve never seen him happier.”

“I dunno. I’m already pretty fuckin’ happy.”

“That’s true,” Calum nodded, then clapped a hand against his leg. “I’mma head back in. Maybe shower. Maybe get another cup. You guys good?”

“Yeah, we’re good, mate.”

“You know,” you spoke up as Calum headed back inside, “when this first started last year, I was really worried about you.”

“Worried about me? Why?”

“You said it yourself back then. You’ve always pushed yourself harder than you probably should. I mean, face it, Ash, you’re restless. I was worried about all the things you were worried about. That you’d get stuck, or lose yourself. But then, I dunno. I guess I stopped because I realized how silly it was to worry about you. I mean, you’re you. You’re always gonna make the most of whatever you’ve got. Even if what you got was a year that wasn’t anything like you originally expected it to be.”

“This year was harder than I anticipated. And I did get stuck, and I did get lost. Like those moments did happen. Because you’re right. I’m restless. I’m at my most relaxed when I’m constantly on the move, either doing something or working towards something. So, yeah. This past year fuckin’ sucked. But it was also everything I needed at the same time.”

“Sometimes you gotta lose yourself to find yourself?”

“Something like that, yeah. So, while this past year has taught me a lot, it’s also solidified a lot of things I already knew to be true. Like how I couldn’t have done any of this without you. More than that, I don’t want to do any of this without you. And I wasted too much time trying to reconcile how both you and the band can be the adventures I want to spend my whole life chasing before realizing that I don’t have to.”

“Ash…” you cut in softly. “I’d never make you choose between me and the band. Or me and anything, for that matter. I’m always going to support whatever makes you happiest.”

“No, I know. That’s what I’m trying to say. My life with you in it is what makes me happiest, because you are what makes me happiest. In a year where I didn’t know which way my life was going from one day to the next, the one thing I knew for certain was that I’d have you. It made the dark moments bearable, and the light moments much brighter. That’s not something I want to give up. You’re what I want, now and always. So,” he got up from the couch, reaching into the pocket of his robe as he sank to his knees in front of you. “Marry me.”

You gasped as he snapped open the little box and cool metal slid across your left ring finger, your mind in a whirlwind of both his sentiment, and the fact that he said “Marry me,” more as a direct statement. “Mrs. Hippie does have a nice ring to it.”

“So, that’s a ‘yes’?”

“It’s a million ‘yes’s, Ash. You’re the love of my life.”

“And you’re mine.”

__

Tag List

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[euphoria-vmin7]

tiger flower 02 | jjk

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre/warnings: angst, hanahaki! au, non-idol! au, heartbreak, unrequited love, swearing, drinking, sad ending, implied/mentions of death

word count: 4,805

summary: the petals were supposed to be your secret.

rating: pg-15 (swearing and drinking)

– a/n: tiger flower was actually just supposed to be one part. i had no plans of writing a part two BUT since quite a few of you asked for it, I got inspired and wrote this. it turned out longer than i expected tbh. there’s a lot of angst and crying in this but honestly, that was expected with this au lol. i hope you guys like this :)

reposting this cuz i had some technical difficulties oops-

read part 1 here

Jungkook felt an odd mixture of confusion and worry. Normally, he’d be used to you acting crazy and all, but this was different. He watched with concern as you took another lazy swig from the bottle of beer in front of you. Though, the fact that you were drinking wasn’t what was concerning him. It was the way you were acting.

Jungkook had known you for years now. He had been with you on the first night the two of you had ever gotten drunk. And to this day you had always been the same while tipsy: loud, energetic, and giggly. There wasn’t a single time he could name where you had been any different. He couldn’t even count on his fingers how many times he’d have to shush you in between giggles as you shouted random words that seemed to make sense in the middle of the bar. Crazy, loud drunk had defined you for as long as he could remember.

And though sometimes it frustrated him to no end, he found it endearing all the same. In fact, tonight he had been counting on it. He had called you to come out for a drink with him in hopes of feeling a bit more cheerful after watching you get drunk. He needed to get cheered up.

Though, instead, tonight you were different.

You were hunched over and quiet and zoning out too easily. The happy, cheerful, boisterous drunk in you had disappeared and instead been replaced by this. Whatever this was.

He briefly worried that his frown lines would permanently etch themselves to his young face.

Jungkook had been having relationship problems. That had been the sole reason why he had invited you out tonight. Though he and Jieun had only been dating for roughly three and half months, they had fought one too many times already. He loved her, he really did. But the two of them were so different in personality, that when they clashed, it didn’t end up pretty.

Another more selfish reason had drawn him to pulling out his phone and dialing your number that night. He hadn’t seen you in weeks. He had been texting you, calling you, and trying to catch up with you around campus, but every time he was brushed off in a hurried manner. He wondered whether he had done something to piss you off. But then he pushed the thought away because no, you always talked out your disagreements.

Maybe something was bothering you that you couldn’t tell him about. What it was made him frustratingly curious, especially considering that most of the times, you could always tell him about it. He’d understand. He knew you better than anyone, after all.

Or maybe it was just exactly as you said: “Sorry Kook, I’ve been trying to study for finals,”

Even though for the last few years you had always studied with him.

Maybe it was Jungkook himself. He knew that getting into a relationship had significantly reduced the time he had for you. Was he himself being distant? Perhaps you had grown so detached because he hadn’t even put in the effort to keep you close to him.

Whatever the reason was, Jungkook wished it was fixed soon. It was bad enough fighting with the girl he was dating. He didn’t want to feel your absence so deeply, either.

He thought that maybe your behavior in the past few weeks was being reflected in your drinking habits, too. Because now as he watched you gloomily take another chug of beer, he felt as though he was drinking with a different person.

He was tipsy himself, but felt as though he was seeing things much more clearly than usual. There were dark circles under your eyes that were not there before and he realized that you hadn’t once smiled fully since you arrived. You were different.

“(Name),” he nudged your shoulder, a bit surprised at how clear his own voice sounded. Your eyes lethargically moved to settle on him and he felt a bit hurt at the way you moved your body away, as though he had tainted you by the one touch.

“Yes Jungkook?” you drawled.

“What’s wrong with you?”

You snorted and chuckled. “What are you talking about?”

“Well for one you’re not standing on the table trying to imitate Jimin hyung’s dancing like usual, so what the fuck is wrong?”

“Maybe I’m just tired, Jungkook. You ever think of that?” you laughed quietly as you tipped your drink past your lips. Once again, he frowned.

“I guess…” he muttered, deciding not to push you too actively. He hoped the drinks he was paying for would help loosen your tongue. Help you spill your worries to him just as he had done to you a million times before.

“So…” you spoke up after another long gulp. “What’s with the sudden call?”

“We haven’t talked in weeks, Peanut,”

He didn’t notice how the nickname made you cringe.

“So I wanted to see you. Check in, you know?” he asked, looking down at his glass and traced the rim, feeling uncharacteristically shy. “If you were…doing okay,”

You smiled at him ruefully. He was so blissfully unaware of how everything he did made your heart swell and break at the same time.

“Kook,” you muttered, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I’m seriously fine. I swear, I really had to study for finals and that’s why I haven’t been hanging with you as much. I’m sorry if I worried you,”

Jungkook released a breath, an unknown weight lifting from his chest. “Ah okay. Gotcha,”

You analyzed him for a solid second before leaning back a bit. “But that’s not the only reason you called me out tonight, is it Kook?”

He winced at your uncanny ability to pick his facade apart. “No…” he responded, a miserable tone overtaking his voice. “I just…Jieun and I have been fighting,”

He missed the way your shoulders sagged with utter disappointment. Though you knew deep down that his worry for you was genuine, the fact that he wanted to meet you for help with her stung in more ways than you cared to admit. You would never say that to him though.

Instead you raise your brows in surprise and show interest. “Oh? About what?”

“I’m…not really sure,” he replies, shrugging in defeat. “We just have petty fights. I don’t know where they come from but…they don’t end well at all,”

You hummed thoughtfully, finishing your drink and motioning to the bartender for another. “Did you two, have a conversation recently that ended…badly?”

Jungkook thought back to the previous week when she had casually brought up marriage and winced to himself. He hadn’t thought about the outcome of the conversation since it had happened, but with the way you were looking at him, worry swirling in your hazy eyes, he had the urge to spill.

“She was talking about the future,” he mumbled. “And I guess I couldn’t handle it,”

Your lips made an ‘O’ shape as you took in this piece of information. “What do you mean by ‘couldn’t handle it’?”

“I…” it seemed that despite you being much more drunk than he was, he was the one who was struggling to form words. “I just…couldn’t listen to it. And when I asked her to drop it…”

You hummed once again. “Well, I guess I understand why. You aren’t ready for that yet. But she’s started thinking about it, right?”

“Yeah exactly,” Jungkook nodded. “And like we’ve only been dating for a few months now. I didn’t even consider marriage when I started dating her,”

A stagnant pause took over the conversation and Jungkook quickly wondered whether he had said something unreasonable.

“Jungkook…” you asked quietly. “Do you…see yourself getting married to her in the future?”

He balked at the question, opening his mouth to respond but finding no answer. He stopped to think about it. Did he see a future with Jieun? Sure, he was crazy about her. Heck, he was pretty sure he was in love with her. But a future?

Could he see himself, years down the line, slipping a wedding ring onto her finger? Could he see himself, years down the line, holding their children by the arms and tossing them up to the sky, tiny giggles echoing in his ears?

He hadn’t even realized that he had shut his eyes, but when he had opened them, he saw you staring at him. God, why did you look so drained?

What happened to you?

Instead of posing these questions, Jungkook tried to give you an answer. “I…don’t know. I want to see a future with her. But right now…”

You nodded. You understood. Jungkook was younger than Jieun was. She had already lived through these few years that Jungkook still hadn’t reached. So perhaps he wanted to, just not yet.

“Tell her that then,” you replied with a soft smile.

“Tell her what?” he asked, confusion lacing his tone as he looked at you. You gave him a knowing look.

“Exactly what you feel. That you want to, but not yet,”

Your voice was tired, but not because of the drinks. Something was horribly wrong and Jungkook hated not knowing what it was. More than tired you sounded…broken.

“I…” he trailed off, looking at you with shiny doe eyes. You chuckled, patting him on the shoulder before placing cash on the table.

“Trust me. You guys will get over this. You need to tell her what you’re feeling though. Don’t just drop the conversation, you know?” you grinned. “Good luck, Kookie. I’m rooting for you two,”

You pulled your jacket off the barstool and slipped your arms through the sleeves. There was a pink flush in your cheeks and Jungkook watched the way your dim eyes sparkled with something new.

It wasn’t something good. It looked painful.

“I’m gonna go,” you sighed, pulling your hair out and over your shoulders. Jungkook was standing in a second, gripping your arm quickly, but gently. The touch made you stiffen.

“By yourself?” he frowned. “You’re drunk as hell, Peanut,”

“If you’re asking if I’m driving myself home, then no,” you snorted. “I’ll call a cab,”

“I’ll drive you,”

“Psh, if you think you’re in a place to drive, Kook, you’ve got another thing coming,” you giggled. “Just take a cab or call someone,”

“At least let me walk you there,” he said hurriedly. He slammed some cash down next to yours that roughly covered his expenses. Something was wrong. It was itching at his gut and bothering him to no end that you weren’t sharing your worries with him. You didn’t even remember that he had promised you he’d pay tonight. You opened your mouth to protest but he gave you a stern glare that had you sighing in defeat. You nodded mutely and turned to shakily walk out of the bar which had suddenly become far too loud for you. Your head was pounding as Jungkook’s heavy footsteps echoed in your ears when he hurried after you. He was at your side by the time you stepped out, taking a mouthful of the cold air to quell the familiar dizziness in your head.

You could faintly make out his sweet voice on the phone, calling you a nearby cab and giving the details of your location. You smiled weakly to yourself.  

You found it harder than you expected to take proper steps and kicked yourself for drinking so much. Jungkook chuckled at you and felt his heart lift when you turned to smack him. He had the conscience to hold his arm out for you and the two of you walked down the street in relative silence. You mentally thanked Jungkook for letting you walk a bit before getting into a car. The nighttime air was doing wonders for your headache.

Jungkook glanced down at you, his teeth worrying his bottom lip as he struggled to find a way to speak. How was he supposed to ask if you were okay yet again and expect a different answer?

“(Name)…” he asked.

“Hm?”

You weren’t looking at him. Lights shone in your eyes and for a second he believed that they were the ones he knew, but the bright buildings around him quickly diminished his hope.

“Are you okay?”

You grinned. “You’ve been asking me that, Jeon. And I keep telling you I’m fine,”

He watched your gaze travel around the city and he was hit with this unfounded feeling of longing.

I missed you.

“But you’re not fine,” he stressed, feeling frustrated in you and himself. “There’s something else bothering you and you’re not telling me,”

Your shoulders sagged and Jungkook mentally celebrated his victory. “I…” you started. “I promise, Kook. I’m really fine. I’ve just been studying so much and sleeping late…”

You sounded genuine. But he wasn’t sure. He used to be able to tell whether you were lying in a second. What happened?

“And…” you trailed off.

“And?” he urged, leaning closer to you.

“I’ve…been getting sick,”

He frowned at that. He never considered that it would be your health that was causing your avoidances.

“Sick?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I guess it has something to do with all the stress I’ve been putting on myself lately. But I’ve gotten sick a lot in the past few months so…”

He bit his bottom lip in concern. “Are you…feeling better now?”

You shut your eyes and took a deep breath in. “Now…I’m okay,”

“But…?” he asked.

“But it might come back. I don’t know, it’s all really random,”

He rubbed your shoulder softly. “I’m sorry Peanut,” he felt guilty. “I haven’t even been checking up on you,”

“No,” you chuckled. “Not your fault, Kook. I’ve been keeping to myself. I didn’t want you to see me like that,”

The words confused him. You both had stumbled into each other’s houses countless number of times, no matter how sick you both were. The other one had always made chicken soup. It was a norm.

He worried.

“(Name)…”

You turned to look at him. He felt so empty when he looked into your dull eyes.

“Please take care of yourself,”

You grinned a bit and nodded. “I will,”

He barely believed that. Something was wrong. There was something else you were hiding.

You staggered a bit and Jungkook’s grip on your arms tightened. He was about to start scolding you for drinking past your limit but stopped himself. You laughed. The real laugh. Your eyes shut, pink flushed cheeks, and windswept hair, and yet, you looked so unreal. How long had he been away from you? Did you really have such a strong hold on him that in just a few weeks of being away from you, he had forgotten the way you laughed? He felt a surge of disappointment in himself.

“You’re crazy,” he said, shaking his head as a chuckle escaped his lips. “So fucking crazy,”

“Yeah yeah,” you brushed off, slurring a bit. “Which makes me much more entertaining than you are,”

He had it in him to chuckle. He saw the cab pull up and held his hand up to catch the driver’s attention.

“The cab’s across the street. Think you can make it without kissing the road?” he teased and you laughed once again. His heart swelled with pride and relief.

“I’ve got it,”

That was a lie. You paused a bit and blinked quickly, as though trying to get your eyes to focus.

Then you stumbled forward and Jungkook scrambled to hold you against him. Though he wasn’t prepared for the harsh cough to tumble past your lips. You wheezed in pain, clutching at your chest and his heart thudded with worry. The worry disappeared completely when he saw the petals. You hacked into your hands, repetitive coughs that sounded so painful, he felt it in his own chest. They continued to fall, bright orange against your skin. Petals turned into whole flowers.

When the coughs ceased, Jungkook was looking to your palms in shock. His heart shattered when his eyes darted to your face. You refused to look at him, instead staring at your shaking hands with one expression.

Caught.

His breath hitched, and then an influx of emotions filled his chest. Shock, then pity, sadness, and finally anger.

“What the fuck, (Name),” he uttered in a low voice. “What the fuck is this?”

He knew what it was. He knew what it meant. And the only thought running through his mind was killing the person who was causing this.

“It’s…” you started and he missed the way your voice shook.

“Is this what you meant by getting sick?”

“Listen-”

“Just how long have you been hiding this from me?!” he couldn’t control the volume of his voice. “Who is it?”

“Jungkook-”

“Who is it?!”

“Fuck,” you swore, shutting your eyes and gripping your hair. “I can’t,”

He was livid. Red hot anger burned in his throat.

“You’re protecting him?! After you’ve been suffering through all of this?! What the hell is wrong with you?!”  

There was no way you actually believed you could keep this from him. You bit your lip to prevent a sob from escaping. You didn’t want it to happen this way.

“Get the surgery,” he ordered lowly and you remained quiet.

“Kook-”

“(NAME)!!” he yelled, holding your shoulders. “GET THE FUCKING SURGERY!!”

“I CAN’T!!” you shouted back, tears falling now. He stepped back a bit, though now he was even angrier.

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU WOULD RATHER DIE FOR THIS BITCH THAN GET THE SURGERY-”

“IT’S YOU JUNGKOOK!!”

It took him a second to process what you said. He was so focused on his anger, on your tears, and on how stupid he had been for not seeing this earlier. When he repeated it once more in his head, fear swallowed him whole. His hands dropped as he looked down at you, lips parted, heart racing.

“What?”

“It’s you,” you sniffled noisily. “I’m in love with you. The petals came because you didn’t feel the same,”

What does one say to that? How does one respond to that?

I’m helpless.

For the first time in his life, Jungkook is speechless. He has no response to your words. No response that seems appropriate enough.

“I’m not getting the surgery for this, Jungkook. Anyone else, maybe. But you,” you cleared your throat and wiped your eyes. The dullness in them suddenly made sense, and Jungkook’s throat tightened. “I would never. Goodnight, Kook,”

You turn to cross the street and Jungkook is desperate to chase after you. But an unknown force keeps him rooted to the spot. His legs are heavier than any weights he has ever lifted before. And the image of your back getting further and further away from him paints itself into his mind. Petals fall from the sky and he cries.

Hundreds of texts and plenty of calls were ignored until he couldn’t take it anymore. He had always respected your privacy. He decided he was past that. His knuckles were stinging and he was sure they’d bruise with the force of his knocks. He knew you were in your apartment. There was no way you had left since the cab had dropped you off, as Jungkook arrived only minutes later.

Jungkook made a promise to wait there until you opened the door. And both of you knew exactly how stubborn he was. He was counting on it tonight.

“Open the door, (Name),” his voice was already shaking and he cursed himself. He wanted to be strong. He wanted to force you to think rationally.

His knocks were desperate. He wished you’d just give up and open the door, but he knew you were just as stubborn as he was. Memories of competitions and play fights flashed behind his eyes and his throat tightened. He swallowed thickly and knocked harder.

“What the fuck, Jungkook-”

He himself was surprised at the way you wrenched the door open but he got over it quickly and pushed his way inside. You were still dressed in the clothes you had worn to the bar, but you looked much more tired. He wondered how many more flowers you had coughed up since you left. The thought made him sick.

“Jungkook, please,” you sighed. “I’m tired I just want to-”

“How long?” he asked quietly and you sighed again.

“Kook-”

“How long?” he repeated. He already knew, but he needed to hear it from you.

“Too long,” you answered and he shut his eyes tightly. “Years, Kook,”

“Fuck,” he cursed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“What good would it have done?” you turned away to walk to your couch. Memories of the two of you curled up on that couch made him wince.

“It…” he started but he had no answer. You smiled knowingly.

“Exactly. You would’ve just felt guilty for years and we probably wouldn’t have such a great friendship,”

“You should’ve told me,” he repeated, even though he knew you were right. You just shook your head to yourself as he took a seat next to you carefully, as though you’d break right then and there.

“It was my struggle. I have to deal with it,”

He took a shaky breath in, his hands clammy. “Have you told anyone else yet?”

“My parents know,” you sighed before chuckling at the pamphlets littering your center table. “As you can see they’ve been trying to persuade me to get the surgery-”

“And you should!” he shouted, though you barely flinched.

“Jungkook,” you said sternly, turning to face him. “You know what the side effects are, don’t you?”

He remained quiet, though yes, he did know.

“I’ll lose my memories. Of you. Of us. I can’t do that, Kookie,”

“Why not?” he asked, his eyes glazing over as tears pooled at his waterline. “Why can’t you?”

“Because,” you smiled ruefully. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you. I can’t lose that,”

He put his face in his hands and sniffled shakily. He could barely look at you. He hated that you’d given up.

“B-But I do love you,” he tried. His fingers were grasping thin air, but all they were catching were the petals of the tiger flower.

“No, Kookie,” you shook your head. “You know that’s not enough,”

Strong friendship was not enough. His friendship was not enough. He’d never be enough.

“I fell in love with you but you don’t love me in the same way,” you smiled up at him and he felt his heart break. “It’s okay,”

How could you say that? How could you pretend like everything was okay? Nothing is okay about this. He felt so useless. So upset. So angry. So helpless.

I fell in love with you but you don’t love me in the same way.

“No no,” he was crying. “No I do love you. I do,”

You shook your head sadly and he cursed you for being able to smile at him like that. Light he once knew, light that comforted him any time he needed, had completely disappeared from your eyes.

He’s helpless. He needed to do something. Anything, you persuade you. He had to show you.

I love you, I do. I’m enough, I swear. I love you, that’s enough.

When he kissed you, your heart shattered for the final time. You could taste the salt of tears but you weren’t sure whether they came from him or you. One kiss. One final kiss.

You had spent years of your life waiting for this one moment. But yet when it came, you wished it hadn’t. You wanted nothing more than for this moment to be yet another one of your wishful dreams.

Because you and he both knew that it meant nothing. It meant nothing that could save you. He was trying so hard to pull you back to him. To prove that he was being sincere. But whether he was convincing you or himself was lost in the sound of hearts breaking.

He pulled away, hands still holding your face, knowing that once he let go, he’d lose you forever. Your hair tickled his skin like the whispers of childish secrets once did, and he reveled in the feeling. He was sobbing. You had never seen him sob like this before.

“How could you do this to me?” you shut your eyes to avoid looking at him, his crumbling expression brewing yet more guilt inside of you. “How could you let me do this to you?”

“It wasn’t your fault, Kookie,” you chuckled weakly. “It was mine,”

“Stop it,” tears were dripping down his soft cheeks fast as he pushed his forehead against yours. “You’re hurting so much because of me. Stop it,”

What he was telling you to stop, even he didn’t know. A part of him wanted to shout and scream. To scold you for ever having feelings for an idiot like him. Just stop it. Stop loving me, please.

But even he knew it was easier said than done. It had happened. The damage had already been done.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered through cries. “I’m so sorry,”

“It’s not your fault,” you repeated, smiling. He loved that smile, but in that moment, he hated it more than anything. He prayed to the heavens that you would stop pretending like everything was okay. It was not okay. Nothing would ever be okay again.

“Get the surgery,” he pleaded. “Please (Name), get the surgery. I can’t…”

He choked on a sob but you knew what he wanted to say. I can’t lose you.

“Kook,” you mumbled, putting a hand on his cheek. “I never want to forget us,”

He broke then and there, legs going weak and he sobbed. He fell to his knees and cried into his hands. He knew that you had made up your mind. There was nothing he could do to change your mind.

He hated you. God, he hated you more than anything.

He hated the way you bent down to hug him the same way you had been hugging him for years. He hated the way you were the one comforting him when he should’ve been the one holding you. He hated how you were okay. You weren’t supposed to be okay. You were supposed to scream and cry and curse him for breaking your heart like this. You were supposed to hate him. Hate him so that he could feel the pain he had caused you all these years.

He quietly wished that he was the one coughing up petals instead.

Why were you so understanding?

How could you still love him after he had reduced you to this? How could you even bring yourself to hold him when every touch was killing you on the inside?

That’s when he realized that he would never be as good as you. All the playful competitions over the years that he had taken the prize for paled in comparison to this one moment. You won against him, but you lost everything, and his heart ached for you.

You were going. You were leaving him and there was nothing he could do to keep you with him. All his life, Jungkook had despised feeling helpless. But he had never known that it could feel like this. That helplessness could feel like utter destruction. He cursed fate. He cursed the universe. He cursed everything he knew because why? Why did fate have to do this to him, to you? Why did the universe create such a path for people? Why did the people who suffer meet such heartbreaking ends? Why you? Why did you fall for him? Why wouldn’t you let him go? Why you?

His arms felt like lead when they moved to wrap around you, but he held you tighter than he had ever done before. Your body was warm, and images of play fights, spontaneous knocks, and fortresses made of blankets and pillows filled his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut, tears leaking from them. Childish laughter echoed in his ears, melding with sweet whispers, and heartfelt secrets. Somewhere in the distance, something shattered. He felt soft petals brush against his skin. They tickled his subconscious, and he choked on a sob. He opened his eyes and looked down at his arms, cursing the lies and false hope he had tried to give you earlier. He praised you for being able to see through him, just as you had always been able to. He felt bile rise up in his throat as his glossy eyes danced over his own tattoos.

He hated Tiger Flowers.

.

.

.

a/n: i wanted to leave the ending broad like this so you can imagine what happens afterwards!! though i think the options are pretty limited lol. i hope you enjoyed :)

[franeridart]

Anon said: Opinions on Ochamina?

Cute soft and pink! Would be my main ship for those two if I didn’t ship seromina and ochadeku as hard as I do

Anon said: Hi there i was just wondering if its okay to ask you some questions about your art tools i work on paper a lot but i want to switch to digital art and want to know what to buy to get started you know?? if its not okay to ask thats fine, have a nice day!

I use Easy Pain Tool SAI and a wacom tablet so old I’m pretty sure they don’t even make them anymore haha if you’re just starting then anything is fine, really! The first thing you’ll need to do will be to get used to the feel of it, you won’t need anything fancy for that imho

Anon said: Yet again, I’m sleepy and feeling sappy so I luv youwu~

Awwww thank you so much!!! <3<3

Anon said: well guess who now has A LOT OF FEELINGS about Seromina after your reply? This anon. Holy, now I need like all the content about them. *goes of in search* Thank you for sharing your headcanon because it made me feel a lot of fluffy feelings!! Which yay!! I need more fluffly feelings in my life!! Also love love love your art. All of it original content and everything else (with a very soft sport for kiribaku and the bakusquad)

Ah heck thank you!!! And I’m very very glad to see I could make you see why I like them!!! :D

Anon said: how do you draw hair? i keep trying digitally, but it just seems so difficult! i tend to have so much trouble because i keep comparing myself to artists like you and the way you draw/shade/highlight hair is such a mystery to me!

Hmmmmm this is a hard question because I honestly mostly just go by gut feeling - I try to keep in mind gravity when it’s applicable (aka when it’s not gravity-defying hairstyles like kiri and baku’s)? But that’s the most conscious thought I put in it by this point. This might be an annoying advice to get but as always my only proper one is to look at real life people and study the way hair naturally falls on them, studying from real life is always the fastest way to learn how to draw something as far as my experience goes... and this one is gonna be hard but try not to compare yourself too much to others? Doing things your own way at your own pace will make the learning process a lot more fun!

Anon said: opinon on the lack of kiribaku interactions in the show recently? they have been interacting less and less since the provisional exam arc :( and even lesser in the manga. i miss my bois but bless you for the content omg😭💞

The truth is that they haven’t been the protagonists of an arc at the same time for so long that they’ve had little to no reason to interact with each other, and also that when Hori has characters interacting with them in the background it’s usually to have them reprimend them or tell them to shut up and at first they covered that role for each other but now they’re such good friends that all their interactions end up being them being nice to each other and Horikoshi needs his silly sketches thrown in the background at any possible moment so now Kaminari is the one you’ll see interacting with them the most, because he’s silly and doesn’t mind being a dick to either of them whenever given the chance. Or at least that’s the conclusion I came to after rereading the manga a couple months back. On the bright side they HAVE started interacting more again! We’ve been seeing them often just chilling together in the background, so cute, I love them best friends ;;;

Anon said: User kawaiiastar has reposted some of ur art just wanna let u know :)

Thank you for letting me know, I’ll look into it and see if I can get it removed orz

Anon said: ur drawings are so warm but like?? i just realized how much u talk in the tags and so ive been reading them and they actually add alot to ur art and its entertaining. idk just a little thing :) never stop doing krbk aus if you enjoy them!! would love to see stucky and soul eater if you can !! and i hear u about the reposters. they are all over instagram and its honestly quite upsetting. ive heard of artists that left the fandom because of it which is unfortunate. hope you are having a great day!

Hahaha I’m glad you like my talking too much in the tags since sometimes I just can’t avoid it lmao I have many things to say about my stuff most time than not..... anyway, I hope you’ll have a wonderful day too!

Anon said: i fight instagramers every day for you 💞

Thank you ;;;;;;;;

Anon said:  I love you so please stay safe!!

Thank you!!! I hope you’ll stay safe too, anon!!!

Anon said: During quarantine all I have to look forward to is your posts, it’s always great to check tumblr for the 14th time and see a new post by you.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; heck, I’m so glad I can make this tiring time a little more pleasant to you, anon!! <3

Anon said: I have class (online) at 8am and it’s currently 3:42am yet I couldn’t stop scrolling on your page!!! I’ve been going through the tags for like 30 minutes omg. I came to look at your seromina stuff and now I’m looking at EVERYTHING. I’ve been following you for so long and I love your art so much I’m screaming! I’m literally accidentally unliking then liking everything again cuz I’ve seen it all and keep forgetting I already liked it! Your account is like food for my soul ily!!!!! Thank you sm!!!

Ahhhhh anon thank you so so much!!!! You’re so kind I’m gonna tear up TTATT please do try to sleep next time you have to wake up early!!

Anon said: I read a headcanon saying Bakugo smoked. That would never happen because Kirishima would kill him.

To be fair that would never happen because he straight up said so in the first chapter of the manga lmao but I’m of the opinion that if people want to ignore canon in their headcanons to have fun they have all the power to do so!

Anon said: Idk if you’ve been asked this before, but how do you feel about Momo x Jirou? :D and I love your art!

One of my top Jirou ships! I’ve drawn stuff for them in the past actually, they’re in my momojirou tag!

Anon said: I love you way more than it’s healthy.

Thank you ;;;;;;;;; I love you a whole damn lot too, anon <3<3

[otometearoom]

I Finished Tsumugu Logic!! Overview/Rant

It took me a month, but I finished the last chapter of the game and got the true ending. I will keep playing to get all of the other bad ends, etc. 

I have so so many feels about this game, y’all. I will be highlighting a few chapters in the game, so if you haven’t finished it. Beware of spoilers!!

[MANY SPOILERS/ENDINGS BELOW]

To recount my feelings throughout the game for each character: 

1. Tsumugu is a cutie pie. I actually really related to him, because I’m also at that point in my life where I have to decide what exactly I want to do for the rest of my life. I just finished university, but I’m still unsure about my career ahahah. So, seeing Tsumugu struggle to figure his life out was refreshing. 

2. “Sosei” is so hot. I laid eyes on him and thought, uh-oh, he’s my new addiction ahahah. I would buy his merchandise if there was any. The dude loves sweets (how cute is that) and he has such a good head for mysteries (my dream man). Plus, he’s a tsundere but really cares about Tsumugu, often giving hints and advice to him. He’s a very trustworthy older brother/senpai. I could gush over how much I love Sosei for ages. His drunken habits -> those are to die for. He becomes so lewd and straightforward. I love it. 

“Koyo”, on the other hand, I didn’t like him as much as Sosei. Which is weird, cause I love ikemen. Maybe I’m just drawn more into the withdrawn, mysterious guys?? I do like the concept of twin brothers though. I have a bit of a dirty mind so when the twins said they shared everything, even their gf, I was like ohohoho, 3p? 

I absolutely enjoyed the twins together though. I love seeing them pretend to be the other. I wish they had more of an appearance lol. I could even say that Sosei and Koyo are a scale higher than Tsumugu for me. I wish the twins were the main protagonists ahahah. No offense Tsumugu. 

I’ll just summarize my first impressions for others real quick: 

3. Kotoko - I thought she was cute, but I never really liked her and couldn’t quite pinpoint exactly why. This feeling will come into play later on. So at first, I was like meh, she’s okay, I guess. But, as I learned more about her, I really didn’t like her character that much. I mean, I wouldn’t say I hated her but I didn’t find her as a good fit for Tsumugu. 

- When she told Tsumugu to be a salesman or whatever. I was like, do you even know Tsumugu? Lmao. I didn’t know if it was just me empathizing with Tsumugu cuz I’ve often been told of what I should be, but no one asks what I want to be. 

- When she didn’t want to help Mirei, I thought how odd, for someone who tries to befriend everyone, she’s not doing so well as a heroine. I mean, it was realistic, at least. But, I think the chapter where she admits that she tries really hard to fit in so others will like her was starting to draw some red flags for me. It made me wonder how much of her was ‘real’. Idk if I’m making any sense though.

- When she swung the knife at Tsumugu, I didn’t hate her as much as I did when she swung the knife at Sosei (who protected Tsumugu) and killed him. I was furious then. 

4. Sally - I admit I was really turned off by the girly lolita style. Mainly because I’m more tomboyish irl. But, she had a good sense of justice so I actually liked her. It did come as a shock to me though that she was the “gorilla” girl that was forced to kiss Nozaki. Tbh, I was kinda sad she died at the end. Like, I know she killed Hikone, but I could understand her motive better than I could understand Kotoko’s motive. Maybe cuz I have an older brother and can’t see myself being a brocon? ahahah. 

5. Toma - In terms of hotness, he comes 2nd right after Sosei. He’s a really good friend. And I absolutely adore how he scares ppl with his glare lol. i love yankees ahaha. He’s not afraid to speak his mind. He’s a very solid character.

6. Daimon - My girl crush. High key curious who she’s arranged to marry because her fiance seems boring. Who takes an hour to choose a handkerchief? Anyways, Im sad that Daimon and Sosei never got to meet because I’m low key shipping them. Idk if they’d click well romantically because they’re so similar, but I would’ve loved for some sort of interaction. They’d make for an epic couple, solving mysteries. I really wanna write a fic for them. 

7. Tsukasa Tsukasa - I didn’t like him because of the cheating and blaming on my poor Toma, but after that, he was okay. Plus, he helped write the Tsumugu’s love letter to Kotoko. Which I find is funny, because Kotoko copied Tsukasa’s writing, thinking it was Tsumugu’s. Ahahah. The lesson here, folks, is that don’t use your own handwriting in love letters, you never know if you’re crush will copy said handwriting into your own suicide letter. 

8. Mirei - that girl can sing. I kinda cried after hearing it cuz I was going through something at the time and it really encouraged me. 

9. Landlady & Hikkimori - Both names that I can’t remember off the top of my head. I think both people are fun. The landlady is super supportive. And the hikkimori refusing to talk with Sosei made for a fun dynamic. I genuinely enjoyed seeing Sosei offended. Nice way to see emotions on my fave character. 

10. Other characters (Rindo, Happy, Travel Club Members) - I genuinely did not care enough about ahahah. I think I even enjoyed seeing some of them murdered, tbh. They were really horrible people in different ways. 

The Black club members headed under Fumi. Like what? How do you control victims to be assailants and live with yourself to be a future kindergarten teacher? Like what? I couldn’t live with myself if I was her. Plus, her disproportionately large boobs were really weirding me out. I can’t believe Yu died all because Fumi wanted to f*ck him. It’s like one day you’re living your best life and someone thinks, ah, I wanna ruin this person. 

Don’t even get me started with Nozaki. That dude is a piece of trash. Human garbage. He knows how it feels to be a victim and yet thinks it’s his right to assault women. I wanted to slap that guy so hard. So many times. He was like the boy who cried wolf. He kept pretending to be dead and eventually died in the hands of Kotoko. XD I wonder what his last thoughts were. To have died in the hands of someone he trusted. 

Hikone was another nutcase. From what I understood, he just saw everyone else as characters in his book. Sure, he didn’t physically harm anyone, but doing nothing and observing is just as much of a crime as committing it. 

Shun. I never really like cutesy guys. But when he turned out to be an ex-pimp plus lover of Fumi, he fell off the likeable scale. 

Yoshimoto being an uncontrollable drunk murderer was the only thing needed to complete the psycho Travel Club members. Tbh, I thought he was the one behind the killings at first ahaha. 

Suguha. I thought she was a tough chick. It was cool to know that she had another motive to get closer to Fumi. Because I thought it was weird how she took her cellphone at the BBQ restaurant. It’s nice to know that SEEC still foreshadows like that. 

[miru667]

A few notes on Audrey (and the Once-ler)

I’ve gotten a lot of new followers lately and also a lot of words of support and kindness from so many ppl, so I first wanna say thank you, you know who you are and it all means more than i can say ♥

I’ve been asked to explain more on what I think about Audrey and the Once-ler as a ship, so I’ll use this space to talk.

And I think I’ll first talk about Audrey. When I draw Audrey nowadays I’m really only drawing my own Audrey OC or my friends’ Audrey OCs, and we’ve all made them different ages from the canon Audrey in the 2012 movie. Everyone’s Onceler ocs are different ages, so why not Audrey ocs? I’ve seen Audreys as young as 5 and as old as 60. This isn’t unusual at all for the onceler fandom; it’s this level of imagination and creativity that has kept the fandom going for over 8 years. I haven’t drawn canon Audrey in a rly long time (but maybe I could again someday, who knows).

I headcanoned my own Audrey as 15-16 during the movie, and I made a mainverse askblog for her back in 2012 which took place right after the movie’s plot had finished. In 2018 I then revisited her to rp her in a zombie apocalypse AU, BUT I wanted to start her story with her already being a seasoned zombie slayer, so I pretended some years have passed since her mainverse days and made her 18. That is the only reason I aged her up.

And true to the OG onceler fandom, my friends and I then made more AUs, so I kept my Audrey at 18 or older since I got used to it. She actually should be 24 right now if I used her mainverse askblog as a starting point and let her age in real-time (which is what a lot of onceler fandom mods have done with their characters), but I have a couple college AUs with my friends for example so I kept her younger than 24 for those.

Being passionate about your own versions of the movie’s characters, changing them a little (or a lot), putting them in AUs, letting them grow up, this is all natural onceler fandom-brand progression for any person who invests themselves in a lorax-related oc for longer than a few months.

You are free to agree or disagree with changing a character’s age. Please curate your own fandom experience by ignoring, blacklisting or blocking content you don’t want to see.

As for shipping, if you got to know me at all then you'd know that i actually very rarely ship or think about ships in any fandom, relative to everything else i engage in/share/talk about. I know you guys have seen me talk about 7212 but that was only cuz I was prompted, even tho it’s my fandom otp. Shipping just isn’t a big part of my life at all in the grand scheme. I’ll say like 2 things about a ship i think is neat and then just move on usually.

That said, I DO ship my non-canon Audrey with my friends’ characters for fun once in a blue moon, and a few of those characters ARE Once-lers, also non-canon. But we have always agreed beforehand that they are the same or similar ages, and that they’re both consenting adults. I’ll do my best to mention this detail in the tags or description of any audrey ship art i draw and post, and please let me know in private if I forget to. I’m extremely uncomfortable at the thought of a teen with an adult, and I do not condone it.

Some other odds and ends...I’ve portrayed my Audrey having a celebrity crush on the Once-ler before in mainverse, but it was obviously one-sided and never to be reciprocated. I think that’s pretty normal for a teenage girl. I also have my Audrey’s Ted crushing on her, but that won’t be reciprocated romantically either.

When I have reblogged non-oc audler before, I have always assumed that they were both consenting adults as well. Audler is a crackship, which means it can’t ever exist in canon, which means we are free to imagine space and time shenanigans for Audrey and Onceler to have met while they were similar ages. People age down Norma to ship her with a young Once-ler when they don’t even know either character’s canon ages (like who knows, what if old onceler and grammy norma are actually 10 yrs apart?), but in young normaler art we think of them as similar ages. So the same can be applied to audler art as well. We should just think they’re mostly the same age for our own mental peace.

I have tagged a few posts/reblogs with #audler even if it looked like they were just friends in the picture - this is to keep people who have blacklisted audler as safe as possible while still getting to make my blog my own personal organized space. I reblog art mostly because I like the execution/style; the content is actually of lower importance to me. If you read the tags I write in my non-onceler-fandom reblog blog, you can see i am 90% of the time gushing about how beautiful the lighting is etc and only 10% of the time saying i love the character or ship. or at least that’s how it feels like in my head. im here to look at art, not ships.

I understand if there are still people who are uncomfortable with all this and you’re of course allowed to not interact with any of it. I am not interested in engaging in drama or discourse but I think a lot of new people in the fandom must not be familiar with how the fandom has been working since the beginning and the things we had collectively agreed upon in the fandom since the beginning, so I hope this post helps clear up some confusions.

Thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far and thank you to all my followers for supporting me and sticking with me and being interested in my stuff, it really means the world to me. Please stay safe and let’s hope the new year is better.

[its-nyakemi-nya]

Twisted Wonderland One Shot Raffle # 2: Jade Leech x Gender Neutral!Reader

asmahsan: Would it be okay if the MC whose gender doesn't really matter wanted to know more about the world around them instead of staying inside school grounds they went ahead and teleported themselves to a mountainside where the loving mountain club was having an activity of sorts and Jade approached MC and they talked for a bit? MC would ask Jade if they could tag along and he agreed so while they're probably collecting mushrooms and stuff Jade maybe asked MC about their world and how they're gonna get back *birb crowley is very suspicious* and he would also say that he preferred if they stay in the TW world rather than going back to their own world cuz REASONS SHDBSB I GUESS THIS IS A JADE X READER ONE SHOT SBBSB But you can always alter the story if u want!! And sorry if its not clear enough or anything :{

This is our second one shot raffle nya! Won and requested by @asmahsan​ nya!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twisted Wonderland nya. I only own the plot of this one shot nya.

P.S. I would like to apologise for Jade being OOC and my grammatical mistakes nya. Also the reader’s age here is 16 nya! Enjoy nya!

“Please, Dire Crowley? I’ve been here for a couple of months now but I haven’t explored that much around!” You begged the headmaster, kneeling on your knees.

It has been a couple of months since you’ve been here in Twisted Wonderland yet you have never gone beyond the vicinity of Night Raven College...well except when you went to the museum when you’ve made a contract to Azul to free the students from being controlled by him. Nevertheless, you knew nothing about Twisted Wonderland. You only knew about the two top schools and the museum.

Dire Crowley sighed, “Alright, alright. You may explore beyond the school for I am kind.”

“Yes!” You pumped your fist high in the air out of joy.

“However, you’re going to need to tag along with at least one student or so,” Crowley said while thinking when suddenly, as if a light bulb had lit up, an idea came into his mind, “Lucky for you, the Loving Mountain club has an activity at the mountains for the upcoming weekend. You can tag along with them. I’ll inform the president of the club that you’ll be helping them out with the activity.”

________________________________

“Oh my. This is a surprise to see you two here, [First Name], Grim,” Jade said looking at the both of you.

“[First Name] here wanted to explore around and literally begged the headmaster to-mmphh!” 

“Don’t say it in front of him!” You blushed out of embarrassment as you covered Grim’s mouth with your hand, “But long story short, I’ve always wanted to explore Twisted Wonderland. I’ve never been beyond the school...well...except that time...when...you know.”

“Mmph! Mmmmph!”

“Sorry, Grim,” You removed your hand on Grim’s mouth. He simply glared at you.

“I’ll give you more canned tuna after we return from our expedition,” You said.

“Alright! Let’s get going already!”

________________________________

Your mouth dropped in awe. The mountains here are amazing.

“If you keep that up, insects might enter your mouth,” Jade chuckled, making you blush once more.

“Thanks,” You said as you immediately closed your mouth, “Sorry about that. The view is just breathtaking. Going out of the school grounds is nice. I’ve never have the chance to do this. Man, I wish I could go out quite often.”

“You may join in my club to do so. It will be fun if you’re around there,” Jade smiled. Your blushed lightly.

After the club leader gave all of you instructions, everyone started to talk to each other and partnered up. Only knowing Jade amongst the club members, you approached him, “Do you mind if I tag along with you?”

Jade smiled at you and said, “Of course not, [First Name]. Though I hope you don’t mind what I have planned to do for this activity.”

“Of course not. What are you going to do?”

________________________________

“I didn’t know you love mushrooms, Jade-senpai!” You said as you continued pick up the mushrooms he instructed you to picked.

“This is quite boring,” Grim groaned as he continued to pick some mushrooms.

“I’m glad that you’re enjoying yourself, [First Name],” Jade said.

“I mean why wouldn’t I? I don’t go outside the school grounds. Even if I was in my old world, you can’t enjoy the fresh air that nature brings,” You said with a smile.

“So, [First Name], I’m quite curious about your world and your life there. Will you share it with me?” Jade asked.

I mean why wouldn’t he. First, you’re an oddity. You don’t belong here in Twisted Wonderland. Secondly, he’s quite intrigued about it and you as well. You never talk much about your world and your life there.

“Sure. I don’t mind telling you about my world,” You said, “Though are you sure you want to know how my life was back then? It’s not as interesting as your lives here. It’s quite boring too.”

Jade smiled, “Of course, I’m sure. You’re quite...intriguing to me.”

Jade had been completely drawn to you during and after the anemones incident. He was quite interested how you’ve handled the situation and how you’ve outsmarted them. In addition to that, under your guidance, you were able to defeat at least five overblot incidents now. He was drawn by your strength and charisma as a leader and as a person. You’re quite ordinary yet you’ve done something so extraordinary that no one has able to do before. In fact, he admires you for it.

“Am I?” You started to twiddle your fingers.

“Of course. Your stories never bore me. It’s quite enjoyable to listen to you,” Jade said.

“i-Is that so?” You stuttered, blushing lightly as you tell him about your world.

________________________________

“I see. There really is no magic there? How do you humans cope up with it?”

.

.

.

“The education system of your world differs from each country. I see.”

.

.

.

“So Magift is similar to your sport in your world called American football. Tell me more.”

.

.

.

“Hahaha! That’s quite amusing. You’re different when you’re here and back to your world.”

.

.

.

Eventually, you guys took a break as the two of you sat under a tree. Grim on the other hand fell asleep by your side. You continued to talk about your world and life there.

Every information, every detail you shared...it sounds like you have a normal life there. It maybe average but it was your life. While Jade listened, he detected a hint of sadness from you. But that may be because you’re homesick.

“I had a fun life there but not as fun as being here,” You said as you giggled a bit.

“Don’t you miss your world?”

“Of course I do. I unintentionally left my family and friends there. I still haven’t found out why I’m here,” You sighed.

“Isn’t the headmaster working on it?” Jade asked.

You laughed awkwardly, “At this point, I’m not sure. Whenever Grim and I asked about it, he makes excuses after excuses after excuses.”

“If the headmaster has found a way for you to return your world, will you go back?”

“Of course, I will,” You answered without hesitation, “I have my family and friends waiting for me. They might be worried about me. I don’t know how time works here and there but I’m pretty sure that I’ve been gone for a long time in my world.”

“I see,” Jade sighed.

“Though I have to admit that I will have a hard time letting everything go,” You said sadly, “If I return back, the first thing I might do is cry. But I really must let go everything here and go back to where I belong.”

“I see,” Jade said, “Too bad. I will be having a hard time to let you go.”

“Eh?” You just blinked out of shock and confusion, “Why is that?”

Jade took a deep breathe as he holds both of your hands in his, “[First Name][Last Name]...”

You blushed at his actions, “Y-Yes?”

“I really like you. I really admire everything about you. You’ve overcome any adversities that you’ve faced. You may think you’re just an ordinary person but you’e not. You’re so much more than that. I find you very endearing,” Jade confessed.

“Jade-senpai...,” You just stared at his beautiful eyes as he continued to speak.

“You’re important to me. That’s why I don’t want to let you go. Not now, not ever,” Jade said.

The two of you started to lean in closer.

.

.

.

Closer

.

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.

Both of your lips almost touched

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.

Suddenly a growl was heard which made you two back off.

“I’m hungry! What’s for lunch?” 

It was Grim’s stomach who ruined the perfect moment for you two.

“Grim...,” You said in a threatening voice while glaring at him which made Grim scared and confused.

“O-oi! What did I do?”

BONUS SCENE:

The trip made your bond with Jade stronger now. However, darn that you didn’t get your kiss.

You sighed as you tried to reach a book from a bookshelf in the library. You were on your tip toes.

Suddenly someone grabbed the book before you can.

You turned around to see Jade as he trapped you by putting his arms on either side of your head with the book on hand. You blushed as your heart pounds in your chest.

“Now, where were we?”

....And scene nya! Hope you enjoyed this nya! Hope this was to your liking, @asmahsan nya! That’s all, Nyakemi out nya!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #410

“oh baby, baby, does she take a piece of lime for the drink that i’ma buy her, do you know just what she likes?

Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree? Ye. Have you ever written/drawn/painted random stuff on your bedroom wall? No. What do you currently hear? A slowed w/ reverb version of "If U Seek Amy" by Britney Spears. Yes, I have a serious thing for these edits of childhood songs, ha ha. Actually, no shame, I still love Britney lmao. What's your favorite flavor of Doritos? Cool Ranch. Do you like bagels? Yep. Do you ever worry about what the world will be like when you have kids? I ain't having any of those, so I don't have to worry about that. Have you ever seen a hippo in person? At a zoo, yes. Are you any good at HTML? Noooo. When was the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Recently, because I'm awful about downloading things illegally. What was the last thing you downloaded on your computer? A picture. Do you ever cry just to get your way? Hi, I'm 25. I at least have SOME adult traits. Have you ever been to any professional sports games? Yes. What's the most boring sport to watch? The only sport I enjoy watching is dance, so. I think golf has to take the cake for the absolute worst, though. Do you like lip rings on the opposite sex? UGH I just love lip rings on anybody. Do you have good or bad vision? Literally awful. Have you ever parked in a handicapped spot when you weren't supposed to? Hell no. That is so fucking inconsiderate and lazy. Have you ever been to a different country? No. When was the last time you finger-painted? Nooo idea. Probably not since I was a little kid. Do you say car-mel or car-A-mel? "Care-uh-mel." When you get out of the shower, do you use one or two towels? One. Are you uncomfortable with changing clothes in front of others? Absolutely yes. Hell, I don't think I ever really changed in front of Jason back in the day, so that says something about how self-conscious I was with a FIT body. Never mind this catastrophe I own now. Which is worse: Runny nose or stuffy nose? Both suck, but stuffy drives me absolutely INSANE. Who's been the most influential person in your life? My mom. Do you have any tan lines? Ha, yeah, no. How many different schools have you gone to? Six. Do you know how to slow dance? I mean, yes? It's not complicated. Have you ever taken The Impossible Quiz? (If not, you should Google it. :D) No, and I'll never waste my time doing that shit. I've watched people play and beat it, but it seems like such frustrating, pointless madness with zero rhyme or reason behind it. Has someone that you liked told you that you are a waste of their time? No. Who is the last person you were in a car with? Mom. In the next 6 months, what are you looking forward to most? Ummmm Christmas, maybe? That's always exciting. Is there anyone who hates you? Probably. Who were you with the last time you went out for food? Mom. If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care? Eh... I guess if it was for medicinal purposes, I would be okay with it. I'm not keen on dating a smoker of anything. Do you want to start over with anyone? Just Jason, at least sometimes. It'd be really, really nice if we could be friends again and just forget about who we were all those years ago, but I genuinely doubt my ability to be "just friends" with him. Even though I haven't spoken to this dude in over FOUR YEARS, and I'm sure he's changed a lot, just like I have. We might not even be compatible anymore. As much as I may want it, I think it's probably for the better we remain unassociated. Do you eat the crust of your sandwiches? It's what I eat first. Are you completely over your last relationship? Not "completely," no. I still love her, but I'm in a headspace of accepting that now is not the right time with unfit conditions. What hoodie did you wear last? My Pikachu one, which is the one I pretty much always wear. Do you listen to Incubus? Probably surprisingly, no. I don't know if I've even heard a song. Do you wear flip-flops during the winter? More like always. Do you like the smell of Axe? If you don't use an obnoxious amount, yeah. What do you think of feminists? Absolutely necessary as pilots for change. HOWEVER, I do believe some can take the concept waaaay too far. Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? Dad, probably. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Oh my god, GUYS. It was my niece's birthday last month, and she did the CUTEST shit. She used to be very, very opposed to getting even slightly dirty (I mean like a speck of dirt on her would make her cry), and this kid decided to just C H O M P into her cupcake and get the frosting ALL over her face. She had two and got so messy, and that angel was just laughing hysterically about it. That girl is such a damn gift. Safe to say she was bouncing off the walls that night. Did you hug one of your parents today? No. Do you tan in the nude? I don't tan, period. Have you ever put a lot of thought and effort into a gift for somebody, only for them to act like it didn’t really matter to them? Oh god, no. That would really, really hurt, because I genuinely do try to be very thoughtful with my gifts. Do you follow the ‘five second rule’ when you drop food on the ground? NOOOOOOO. It's just a bullshit myth. I am NOT eating food that's been on the floor for a millisecond. If you had to describe yourself using a colour, which colour would you be? Maybe like... navy blue? Kinda dark and somber, but also has a calmness to it. Have you ever had to use another person’s toothbrush before? What were the circumstances? I WOULD FUCKING NEVER. Omg that is so gross. Have you ever crashed a car? No. Do you have a garden? Does it have flowers, vegetables, or both? No. Where do you want to raise your kids? I don't want kids, but if I did, absolutely surrounded by nature and animals. Have you ever been to Cracker Barrel? Yeah, I love it there. Damn, now I want some, lol. Have you ever seen a ghost? I sure as fuck saw something. As soon as you find out you are pregnant, who will you first tell? Who says I'm ever going to BE pregnant? 'Cuz it sure isn't in my plans. But hypothetically, the dad. Have you ever won a game of Minesweeper? Like ever? I've never played it. Who is your best guy friend(s)? Girt. I really should chat with him soon, it's been too long. If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? I'd keep it. Make me look more badass. ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ What is your hair naturally like? Brown and kinda-sorta wavy. Have you ever stared at a stranger and they said something to you about it? No; I don't stare at people. Is your father very protective of you? I wouldn't say "very protective," no. What would you do if your hero died? ffffffUCK THIS QUESTION HOW ABOUT NO HE'S NOT ALLOWED THAT'S VERY ILLEGAL Where was your first date at with your current lover? I don't have one currently. Are you friendly in the morning, or are you barely awake? Depends on how much sleep I got, but I'm generally in my best mood in the morning. Did your parents force you to go to church? Mom did. What made you pick up the last book you started reading? It was the next book in the series I'm reading, Wings of Fire. When was the last time you went somewhere for the first time? Hm. I dunno. Hypothetically and generally speaking, how would you go about breaking up with someone? Is there anything you would make sure to say, or perhaps not say? I mean it would really depend on WHY I was breaking up with them, but I guess in most situations I'd try to meet them face-to-face and explain why I wanted to cut things off. I think it'd be important for them to hear my tone of voice, and I think physically meeting somewhere would show that I care enough for them to cut time out of my day to see them and try to hurt them as least as possible, given the situation. What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? DO NOT in even a minor way ridicule mental illness or belittle victims as "weak" or pull the "it's just in their head" bullshit. The misuse of the term "retard(ed)" also genuinely offends me. I wouldn't say I'm easy to offend, either. What was the last chore you completed? Changing my cat's litter. When was the last time someone saw you naked? It's been a loooong time, and it would've only been my mom when I was like, going into a shower or something. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? Probably Steve Irwin. I'd go on and on about how his family has carried his legacy so brilliantly, and show him aaaaaall the public pictures of Bindi and Grace, especially. God, that man would be so proud of them all. What is the greatest lost you’ve endured? My first "real" boyfriend. How would you describe your current mood? A mix of tired and anxious. I don't feel like going to bed yet, and the storm we've got passing through has me nervous about tornadoes 'n shit. Do you ever drink or get high alone? I've had some light drinks alone. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? I've never done any illicit drugs, and I don't want to. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? Probably that I've had a pilonidal cyst. It's awkward to explain, but I'll share it anyway if there's a good reason to/I'm asked or something. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? Her just being the most toxic, drama-filled person with the biggest victim complex of any human I've ever met. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? Mom, and my voice was raised. Where do you like to be kissed? This depends on how serious we are. Can go from just the cheek to a lot of places. Which season is your least favorite and why? Summer, because it's too goddamn hot and humid. Who, if anyone, do you compare yourself to most? Probably my little sister. She's on such a successful path, and then there's like... me lmao. Do you have a night-light in your bedroom? If so, what does it look like? No. What is your favorite breakfast food? How often do you get to eat it? Cinnamon rollssssss. I have 'em very rarely, though. I'll eat too many of them, which I definitely don't need. What is your favorite thing about autumn? What about your least favorite thing? AHHHHHH EVERYTHING. I love Halloween and the decorations that come with it, the changing leaves, the crisp air... just all of it. :') Who was the last person you asked for help? Mom, I'm sure.

[okaybutlikeimagine]

could you write something like this? max realizes that billy is gay and has a crush on steve,( the fight at byers happened few weeks ago.) so she drops hints that she supports him like drawing rainbows, wearing love wins/rainbow t-shirts or smth like this (its still80s) one day max finds billy crying in his room, she knows its not neil cuz hes not even home so she walks to him. he admits to her that he likes steve and max says finally he realized that an hugs him

Ohmydear yes okay i love Max and Billy bein cute, irritated, but supportive little siblings and will always write anything w/ them. So it sounds like we’re just goin’ w/ canon from Season 2 here, yeah??

So Max loves Billy a lot and i’ve talked about this before a couple times, but Max was w/ Billy through a LOT and saw Billy go through a lot and i just think that they’d be very connected. In their own way, of course. They’re not as giggly and smiley as Billy and El would be but they’re definitely close. He does her hair and cooks her dinner and taught her how to skateboard. They love each other and no one is ever ever gonna tell me otherwise. Those two kids have been through hell together, tell me they haven’t. They’ve dealt w/ so much and Billy himself talks about how they’re family and they just love each other. They’re siblings and they only want the best for each other, seriously. They’re both firecrackers sure, they bicker a LOT, but they’re siblings and Max has seen so much of Billy’s pain.

And after the fight and everything that happened at the Byers, Billy retreats into himself. He’s in his room whenever he’s home. He doesn’t even come outside to watch TV or lift weights. He sits in his room and he doesn’t play his music too loud and he barely looks at Max when they pass each other in the hall. He doesn’t talk to her on the way to school or even do so much as look at her.

And when they park once they get there, Billy stays. He sits in the car and he doesn’t make a move to leave. He turns the music off, turns the car off, and stays still.

The first time he does it, Max sits still with him. She waits for him to say something, looks at him with growing confusion on her face, until he turns to her with a glare and a “What’re you looking at? Go to school.” 

She scrunches her nose up and leaves the car.

It’s then that she notices Steve just about to get out of his car. She waves to him. He waves back.

Billy does this for a whole week before she realizes, really realizes, what Billy’s doing. Because he sits there and he huffs a bit and he looks in his rearview mirrors. Sometimes he shifts around, as if he’s keeping his eyes on something. And one day she’s sitting there, finishing up homework bc she knows Billy isn’t going to kick her out of the car, when Billy freezes. His whole body is tight with anticipation and Max looks over to wonder what’s wrong when Steve walks past the window. Billy tracks him all the way. HIs leg is bouncing and he’s trying to fist one of his pant legs but they’re too tight to do so.

Max realizes suddenly. She’s watched for the past few weeks, and even some time before that, where Billy gives Steve a hard time. Brushes up against him on their way out of school. Smiles widely at him during lunch. Waggles his tongue almost every time he sees him.

And now he’s so much more reserved. He still messes with Steve after school and during lunch, but never in the morning. He’s quiet and watchful and… upset in the morning.

But she doesn’t know what to do. She’s always suspected that Billy’s gay. He would smile a lot at boys on the Boardwalk back in San Diego. He’d laugh with them and give them soft touches on the shoulder and arm. As he got older they’d disappear for hours at a time and leave her to build sandcastles by herself on the beach.

But California was a different place. Southern California was all sun and warmth and softness. Lots and lots of people, too many to know everyone, too many to worry about anyone other than yourself and your friends. Sometimes Max misses it, but she knows it breaks Billy when he thinks about it. He gets real pissed when she talks about her new friends so she doesn’t anymore. She sees the way his eyes dim at the mention of her liking this place.

Being friendly with boys isn’t the same here as it was in San Diego. Max knows it. She hears the things they call Will just for being a little quieter than others. He doesn’t even give them any reason to call him that, they just yell it like they’re throwing rocks.

So Max wants to help Billy. She wants to give him support in whatever way she can but the thing is, he’s so closed off and distant and irritated and high strung and mad and she doesn’t really blame him.

So she does what she can. She asks her mom if she can buy shirts with more colors in them. Rainbow sleeves and stripes. A few rainbow hairpins. Her mom is ecstatic about it.

“Oh, these are going to look so pretty on you when you pin your hair back! Everyone can see that lovely face!”

Max scrunches her nose and sticks her tongue in her cheek.

But she starts wearing her new rainbow shirts. Her new hairpin. She smiles at him a bit more.

“That’s a lot of color for you.”

Max is kind of nervous about it, but she gives Billy a kind smile anyway.

“Yeah, just… trying something new. Rainbows are cool.”

He raises an eyebrow as he starts his car and begins to drive.

She makes a point to listen to different music. Elton John, Queen, Prince… She feels like she’s kind of on the nose but she just… she’s trying. Billy still ignores her and avoids her. Doesn’t talk to her more than he needs to and she worries about it.

Billy seems to notice after a while. He flicks the rainbow clip in her hair and pulls at her sleeve and blasts Queen on their drive to school while sneering at Max and asking if she has a crush on Freddie Mercury. As if he doesn’t tap his finger along to every song and as if he doesn’t eye the magazine covers that sport Freddie in the grocery store with very clear attraction. Overall, he’s a pest but he still doesn’t say much to her. But he does starts to smile a little when she smiles at him.

Except… one day when she skates home from the arcade, things change. Only Billy’s Camaro is in the driveway.

Max’s heart calms a bit. Billy’s nicer when they’re home alone. He flicks her ear and pulls her hair sometimes but he leaves her alone. Or he’ll play music for them to listen to. He always makes her dinner and sometimes he lets her help and it’s nice. She always looks forward to being home alone, so they can be friendly without the pretense of resentment.

“I’m home!” Max calls, closing the door behind her. Billy doesn’t call back, but he hasn’t in the last few weeks so she doesn’t really mind it.

On her way to her room she looks inside Billy’s room briefly to see…

“Billy?”

He’s sitting on his bed, knees drawn in, head in his hands, shaking slightly, hair ragged.

She walks in timidly, worried more than anything because as calm as Billy is when they’re home alone, he’s been so on edge recently. And he’s an emotional time bomb when he’s this upset. When he cries he screams and punches walls and kicks couches and slams doors. He’s shoved her on multiple occasions while he was crying and she tried to sneak into his room to help, so she just doesn’t anymore.

But… but he’s shaking and she’s been trying so hard and she can’t let this go. So she sits on his bed, scoots a little closer to him when he doesn’t throw a fit, and pulls her knees up to her chest too. They’ve both got their backs against the headboard, knees pulled up, feet together in front of them.

“Billy?” She tries again. He sniffles, pulling his head out of his hands and rubbing at his nose while he turns his face away. “Are you-?”

“I hate it here.”

Max’s heart falls. His voice is so broken.

“I hate it. Fuck this town.”

Max just sits there, staring at her socked feet, wriggling her toes out of nervousness.

“You’re so fucking lucky.”

Max looks up at him, but he’s still looking away.

“How?” She asks dumbly. His chuckles are sour.

“In every damn way. You get everything.”

She doesn’t know what to do. She decides sitting there and letting him talk might be the best idea. So he talks.

“You don’t have to fucking worry about all of this or… or freak out about Neil or Susan finding out who-what you are and you don’t have to fucking… you don’t have to deal with this bullshit. Fuck this.”

Her heart is beating bc this feels so personal. Like he’s finally about to admit it. Like he’s about to let Max in.

He’s sniffling, rubbing at his nose. It’s kinda gross but Max is gross when she cries too so she tries not to think about it too much.

“What’s wrong, Billy?”

Billy sighs out hard, thumping his head back against the headboard.

“Steve.”

Max’s heart is in her throat.

“What about Steve?”

Billy knocks his head back again.

“He’s… stupid. I hate him.”

Max huffs out a laugh and Billy knocks his shoulder into her.

“Seriously?” She asks.

“Yeah. He’s stupid and I hate his face because it’s so fucking pretty. It’s not fucking fair. It shouldn’t be legal.”

Max’s heart is speeding away from her. It always does this when Billy opens up to her.

“So you…? Hate Steve?”

Billy nods. “More than anything.”

“Because he’s pretty.”

“Yup.”

Max clears her throat.

“That kinda sounds like the opposite of hate.”

Billy sighs out again. “Fine. Fucking fine, smartass. I… I like him. He’s pretty and it makes me sick.”

Max feels red color her face because she’s so fucking happy to hear those words come out of his mouth.

“I think I am sick.” Billy mutters, but Max reaches out and hugs him. It’s the first hug she’s given him in months but she can’t help it. Her heart is beating wildly bc she feels so close to him and she’s so proud of him and she wants to help and-

“Took you long enough, you moron.”

Billy smacks the side of her head lightly but she just holds on tighter.

“Is this why you started dressing like the Gay Fairy threw up on you?”

“Shut up, I was trying to be supportive!”

[kaimactrash]

https://www.deviantart.com/asterianmonarch/art/2020-Summary-of-Art-Template-Blank-860019847

Welp, it's been another year, 12 month, 52 weeks, like 360 something days, certainly happened... Even if I wish it hadn't in the way it had.... Oh well.

Arts about the only consistiantly positive elements in my life and I'd say I've made soem progress, tho not as much as I'd like.

So let's go month by month!

January features one of my neopets oc, Streeps, a wizard ixi! I loved, and still love, how this piece came together, the pose is fun, the background is atmospheric, and the colours are niceee, it's fun to play with simplistic background while I learn them!

Febuary we have my awful, terrible, conniving, bratty twins, Siann and Safaia. I love them so much, they're meant to be pretty low level villains in intelegence and physical strength, but both are very crafty and seem to be able to fumble their way to success now and then! This was both of them being redesigned and I'm so happy with it, feel like they look way more related now!

March brought my farewell project to su, one of the few fandoms I've made a bunch of fan art for, and that I've followed since the pilot dropped, I love and miss that show to this day, flaws and all, can't love paswg and say SU had too many problems. 😅😂

Speaking of problems, Rose...oooh boiiii is there some big issues with her actions and behaviours at times but... Damn is that one hell of a design, I mean both designs tbh, Dylan wouldn't have her ominous eye shadows in December's pic if Rose had never existed. 😂

Anyway I picked this one of my whole series bc I think it look nicest of the set, but I do still adore my Garnet pic that started the month, so honorable mention to that!

April brought the 6 fanart challege, bc 2020 is year of the challenge I guess 😂

Peach is such a comfort character, when ever I see her I just want a long hug, some how I don't think I've drawn her before seriously, so it was really nice to make some art of her, pretty sure this was the only one in the challenge with that level of shading. 😂 I need to draw peach again, feel free to suggest outfits of versions of her!

May has my redesign of shihosu, tbh I think that may be my favourite image of the whole year, I'm so proud of my development of her species and her individually and I love love love her, sadly I know I gotta simplify her a bit for ease while making the comic cuz she's important to the plot. But mmmm I am in love with her new design so bad.

June was a commission piece featuring a goregous monster design, find out more here https://www.deviantart.com/kaimactrash/art/Drawolfie-Trade-3-844906161 .

I love how it came out, I drew one sketch and the person asked me to change the pose and it was 100% the right descion, I love how the final piece came out ❤️❤️❤️

July is the introduction of two characters who I love very much and will be the main drive of the first arc in the frenrar comic! They're very personal and precious to me, and I hope I can do them justice in my writing and art!

August is a close contender of my fave of the year, but since it was a dtiys ill hold shihosu at 1st place. 😝

I had sooooooo much fun with that one, the colours the lighting, the pose, I'm just real happy with how it looks.

September I remeber being a month i was damn near unable to focus for more than a few hours, so kept making art I didn't love, but I quite like how the checkers piece with my oc Griep Tavros came out. I have a real soft spot for her and I'm really happy with her design.

October brought the OC-tober challenge, and so 31 days of art, still, the top spot was not as close as I'd expect, then again... I'm probably very bias to shihosu, I adore her.

November I simped for the milf witch Eda! I'd only watched a few episodes then, but now I've seen all of season 1 and I would die for eda, luz, and actually like 2/3rds of the cast tbh. 😂 I'd 100% checking out the owl house if you haven't yet!

And now, we find our selves in December.

I think this was the toughest month to pic as while I loooooove the Dylan pic, I do also love this pic of my new neosona, but Dylan won out, she's very good at getting her own way. 😂

[shijiujun]

hello im new to writing fics. i was wondering how your cope when you write something that flops? like has that ever happened to you?

Heya!!! Oooh okay that’s a loaded question but it’s an important one and while I don’t have much advice to give, let’s do this:

*If you want more advice I suggest following the account AO3 Comment of the Day! They’ve got some cool asks that are answered really well about writing and etc.

1. Firstly, yay that you’re writing fics!! Regardless of whether you think your stuff is good or not, kudos to you for wanting to write and contribute to your fandom! You’ll get even better with time and the more fics you write, so welcome to the world of fic writing! 

2. “Something that flops”: The argument is that you should not find value of your fic in the number of kudos or comments (or the lack of it) it gets, and of course it isn’t! But it still sucks when you see little or no engagement on your fic, but also I guess there are a few factors to why a fic isn’t getting as many kudos or likes, e.g. it’s a niche topic you’re writing about, maybe the fandom has been a little dead for a while etc., but once again it’s still healthy to not tag the value of your writing to the kudos/comments, maybe people are still new to the fandom and haven’t gotten into the fandom on AO3 yet (this one is about timing) etc. you get, really, it’s tough to do and it might be unfair but in the long run I do believe that fic writers first and foremost write for themselves. And somewhere somehow people will be interested.

3. Not every single fic you write, you write at your 100% - Don’t be too hard on yourself! You provided your efforts for free, and sometimes you write something nonsensical, or can’t be bothered to check every line to make sure you didn’t write uranus as ur anus but you know! Definitely some fics will do better than some others, that’s for sure.

As for how I cope:

Honestly I’ve been quite lucky? I write for two small fandoms, so firstly you have to adjust your expectations and set thresholds for like the number of kudos/comments etc. you are expecting to get - For me as long as I hit like a minimum number of 100 hits I’m good my expectations are pretty low because I tend to obsess over why people aren’t reading a particular fic for example etc. out of IDK a terrible, misplaced sense of narcissism but I AM GETTING OVER IT! 

Another thing is I don’t think of myself as a good writer so - If you hit, leave kudos and oof the best, leave a nice comment on my fics, you have my eternal love. When I upload something I erm... don’t usually go back to read it because I get embarrassed, but it makes a world of a difference if your mindset is - I’m new at this, I still got so much to improve on, people who support me even if it’s one of you THANK U and people over time will be drawn to your writing cuz it’s good

If you define ‘flop’ by the point above, then yeah I’ve had one that flopped before but I honestly didn’t think of it as flopping XD It was just 1. A niche pairing 2. The fandom is kinda half dead 3. Honestly was a work that was slightly below average - But I put it up anyway because I wanted to get it out of the way and honestly I don’t really think much about it (so yes, one way to cope is like: oh that flopped? cool let’s never talk about it or look at it again, thanks MOVING ON)

I also cross post on Tumblr (for certain fandoms and shorter fic lengths) and I am also fond of self-reblogging, but there’s nothing to be ashamed about that to be honest!

If no one champions your work and you can’t expect them to, then you’ll have to champion it yourself because you’re you own biggest supporter. It’s pretty cathartic actually, I recommend self-reblogging your own work so more people see it!

Also if you think about it, attention is double-edged sword - Lesser attention means emotionally you don’t feel like you’re obligated to put up certain fics or topics, or ensure they’re at a certain quality and honestly you really can write anything you want. More attention will of course on one hand motivate and fuel you to write even more (and I do think readers should at least drop a kudo or a short comment if they really like the fic) but sometimes it might hinder your writing process a bit.

Do what makes you happy! If writing fics and it ‘flopping’ gets to you after you tried the first one, take a step back, take a break, and then try again. Fic writing is fun like that. If a halfway through your draft you feel like throwing the whole thing away? Just slot it in an Archives folder on your laptop and think of something new or rewrite it.

I’m really not a good person to ask XD but I’ve been quite happy these past few months so!! <3 In fact, my issue is not really if a fic flops or not but IF SOMEONE STEALS MY SHIT!!! I don’t dare to check because if I don’t check and don’t see it I don’t have to fight but I got a feeling it’ll come sooner or later.

[softforcal]

Bro Code : Prince!Cal

Summary: When Prince Ashton’s younger sister comes back to the kingdom for the summer after being at uni for years, Calum realizes maybe the ‘bro code’ isn’t so great after all 

Warnings: lil smut

Prince Cal Moodboard

OC Moodboard

Word Count: 11k

------------------

     Calum had known that Ostara would be coming back to the kingdom for the whole summer, and he’d thought he’d be prepared to see her. He’d never not been prepared before, but, when his eyes landed on the blonde standing in the kitchen, he realized he had not been ready for the sight in front of him.

     They hadn’t seen each other in years. She’d gone off to boarding school and straight to university after. Calum had always figured that she’d stayed away on purpose, after all, the younger Irwin had never been a fan of being a Princess.

     When Ashton had told his friends that she’d be coming home for the kingdoms centennial celebration, the boys had been surprised. However, when Ashton mentioned that, in part, it was due to his parents deciding it was finally time for Ostara to begin courting all the princes who would be in the city for the celebration, it made a bit more sense.

     Calum had scrolled through her insta and had been shocked to see how much she’d grown, how much she’d changed. He’d had to admit to himself that she got hot. Long blonde hair, pretty green eyes, honey coloured skin and an adorable splatter of freckles across her little, upturned nose, she was still the girl he’d grown up with, but she’d glowed up in a big way.

     Seeing her in person was entirely different.

     Somehow, she was even prettier when not contained by the four sided walls of an instagram post. Which didn’t quite make sense to the young prince. But as his eyes scanned up her body, taking in the cute floral yellow skirt and the little white crop top, he couldn’t breathe.

     She turned and seemed to notice him for the first time, an easy, dimpled smile appearing on her face, “Calum!” she exclaimed, setting down the bag of chips she’d managed to steal from the palace pantry. She moved around the island table quickly, throwing her arms around the tall prince who immediately embraced her, breathing in the scent that he’d all but forgotten, and not realized how much he’d missed.

     As he set her down, he opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by a loud “there she is!” as his friends walked into the kitchen behind him.

     “Leave it to Cal to find the only girl in the house.” Michael teased, pulling Ostara into a hug and away from Calum, whose body mourned her of its own accord.

     “How’ve you been?” Luke asked, getting his turn next.

     “Busy.” Ostara answered, which was so classic that it made Calum smile.

     “Busy bee.” Ashton said, finally getting a turn to hug his little sister.

     She grinned against his shoulder and the other princes in the room watched the happy reunion, “when did you get in?” Ashton asked when he set Ostara down.

     “A little while ago, I would have messaged but… well, thought you’d enjoy the surprise.” she shrugged, hands settling on her hips to look at everyone, “shit, you guys got tall.”

     “It wouldn’t be such a shock if you actually came home for Christmas.” Ashton said, jabbing at her ribcage as Ostara swatted his hand away.

     “You know why I haven't.” Ostara tutted, “besides, I face time you like every day.”

     Ashton opened his mouth to say something when a servant entered the kitchen, “Princess Ostara you’re needed in your parents office.”

     Ostara groaned and Ashton chuckled, “good luck.”

     She brushed past him and grabbed her bag of chips, glaring at her brother, “ha ha.”

     They watched her leave, Calum’s gaze drawn down, and once she was gone everyone turned to look at Ashton who held up his hands, pointing at the hot blooded males around him, “if any of you say it-”

     “Your sister got hot.” Luke stated.

     Ashton shoved at Luke who chuckled and moved away.

     “What’s the deal with Ostara and your parents anyways?” Michael asked, opening the fridge to grab a beer.

     “They have this whole thing about her finding a suitor, it’s very old fairy tale of them if you ask me.” Ashton said, pushing past Michael to find something to eat. He settled on an apple, taking a bite.

     “Shit, I heard about that.” Luke said, “my mom mentioned it to me a few days ago.”

     “How did that come up?” Calum laughed.

     “I think they’re hoping if they force us to date she’ll calm me down or something.” Luke said. Calum could feel his blood go cold.

     Ashton froze, turning to look at his friend, “force you to date? What the fuck are you talking about?”

     “I thought I mentioned that.” Luke shrugged, “doesn’t mean much to me. She’s your little sister man, I’m not that much of a dick.”

-----

     “Aren’t you supposed to be on a date with Luke?” Calum asked as soon as the blonde entered the kitchen.

     Ostara rolled her eyes, walking past Calum who was all but guarding the fridge, a beer in his hand, “can you even really call it a date? It’s a parentaly forced hang out.”

     “Did they teach you words like ‘parentaly’ at your fancy university?” Calum grinned.

     “Yes.” Ostara snapped but she was grinning, “what are you drinking?”

     Before Calum could answer, she grabbed the bottle from his hand, taking a swig and making Calum chuckle, “and now you drink too?” he mused.

     “A lot has changed.” Ostara pointed out, looking at the beer, “this is good.”

     “Yeah, which is why it’s mine.” Calum said, trying to grab the bottle back but the smaller girl danced away.

     “Pretty sure this is my palace Hood, which makes this my beer.” she took another drink, “when did this place become such a frat house?”

     “Ash invited us for the summer, besides, you have the whole extra palace anyways.” Calum pointed out.

     “Yeah, my extra palace.” Ostara pointed out, “which I usually get all to myself and Ashton, except now it’s run rampant princes.”

     “You say that like its a bad thing.” Calum smirked, going to the fridge again to find another beer to replace the one Ostara had taken.

     “It is when princes are the thing I’ve been avoiding for years.” Ostara said, leaning against the kitchen counter.

     “Why is that?” Calum asked, crossing his arms over his broad chest as he studied the younger Irwin.

     “It just feels weird, the expectation, and all you princes are the same-”

     “Ouch.” Calum laughed, “I assume you mean like Luke.”

     “Well he has been the one in the tabloids recently.” Ostara pointed out.

     “We’re not all like him, you know that.” Calum said, “was the date that bad?”

     “Don’t call it a date, and yes.” Ostara said, lifting herself up to sit on the kitchen counter, she kicked her legs absentmindedly, “did you know that he has this compulsion to check out every ass that walks past him?”

     “Yeah he does that.” Calum chuckled.

     “And you don’t?”

     He grinned, “no.”

     “So you weren’t checking out my ass when I left the kitchen yesterday?”

     Calum’s heart thumped, had she caught him?

     “I’m kidding.” Ostara laughed, “god, lighten up, I’m still me Cal.”

     He took a deep breath, studying the little mischievous glint in her green eyes that had been there since they were kids, “sure you are.”

-----

     “Two days in a row, starting to think you’re stalking me Hood.” Ostara said when the prince entered the kitchen.

     “We both just like the kitchen, that’s not a crime.” Calum shrugged, “you’re dressed up.”

     “Had another ‘date’.” Ostara said, grabbing ice cream from the fridge. She sat up on the kitchen counter, the place that Calum was already viewing as her spot.

     “Was it as bad as Luke’s?” Calum snuck a glance at her from over his shoulder as he reached into the fridge.

     “Hmm, comparable.” Ostara said, sticking a spoon into the frozen dessert which she proceeded to lick clean.

     “What was wrong with this guy?”

     “Prince Shawn is nice-”

     “He’s a softie.” Calum rolled his eyes, “definitely not your type.”

     Ostara scoffed, “oh yeah? And what’s my type Hood? If you’re such an expert.”

     He shrugged, “just… not prince Shawn.”

------

     “So this is what? Five days in a row of dates?” Calum chuckled when Ostara entered the kitchen, setting her purse on the counter before finding a banana to eat as she lifted herself onto the table.

     “Like I said, you’re a stalker.” Ostara groaned, kicking off her high heels which Calum dodged, grabbing a beer that he passed to her.

     “I’m starting to think you’re just picky.”

     “And what about it?” Ostara shrugged, “so what if a girl’s got taste?”

     Calum smirked, “nothing wrong with that.”

     “Hey aren’t you getting pimped out too?” Ostara asked, biting into her banana, “when are you ever going to tell me about your shitty dates?”

     “I don’t have shitty dates.”

     “Yeah, cuz I never see you going on any.” Ostara teased.

     “I’m just… I don’t know,” Calum sighed, “not a fan of the whole PR dating thing.”

     “Right, and I am?” Ostara rolled her eyes.

     They both knew why Calum could get away with no pr relationships, the same way Ashton could. They were the eldest sons. The only reason Luke got wrangled into it was because he was the third child, just as Ostara was the second. They would never have a crown, unless they married into it, and they were good candidates for royal courtship. Royals married royals. That was known.

     “Do you really want to hear about my bad dates?” Calum asked, running a hand through his hair.

     “Yes!” Ostara exclaimed.

     “I have one later tonight-”

     “You have to tell me all about it when you get back.” Ostara stated.

     “Hmm, not sure when it will be over-”

     “Then give me your number, text me.” Ostara suggested, pulling out her phone.

     Calum shrugged, taking her phone and punching in his contact info, “there.” he said, handing back her phone. He watched as she corrected his name from ‘Cal’ to ‘his highness’ and he couldn't help but smile.

     Ostara put her phone away, “I can’t be the only one with a shit love life around here.”

     Calum chuckled, “at least you’re not Luke.”

     “Yeah, you’re right, that would be worse.”

---------

     Calum’s knee bobbed up and down, his eyes fixed on the brunette who was going on about all the parties she’d been to in the past month. Gnawing at his lip, Calum tried to remain focused, but for some reason, his eyes kept straying away from the puffed up lips, protruding fillers and bodacious bust that every princess seemed to have. He wondered if they all went to the same surgeon.

     The small buzz of his phone captured Calum’s attention and the girl followed his eyes, sighing, “do you need to look at that?” she asked.

     “Uh, yeah, one sec.” Calum mumbled, picking up his phone to scan the screen. It was his friend group chat, the one with Luke, Ash and Michael.

     Someone had sent a picture of Prince Liam and it looked like the other boys were tearing the guy to shreds. Calum quickly tried to get caught up in the convo, realizing that Ashton had originally sent the picture with the caption ‘future brother in law? I think the FUCK not.’

     As if he hadn’t already been distracted by Ostara this entire date and now his friends were discussing her possible suitors? And Liam was not the kind of guy Calum wanted Ostara to be going out with. Sure, out of his gang of friends, Liam was… suitable, definitely better than others, but it just didn’t sit right with Calum.

     “Is something wrong?” the brunette asked.

     “What?” Calum looked up.

     “You’re frowning.”

     “Am I?”

     “Yeah.”

     Calum took one last look at the phone, eyes scanning a text from Michael that read ‘fuck that guy’ and then Calum turned off his phone, “sorry.”

     “You seem distracted.” the brunette mused.

     Calum sighed, “yeah, sorry-”

     “I’ll get the cheque.”

     Calum opened his mouth to argue but then stopped. It was true. It he didn’t want to be at that table with that princess. He wanted to be back at the palace, preferably in the kitchen, preferably with a blonde, preferably last named Irwin, preferably female-

     His thoughts were cut off by the waiter who had returned with the bill, Calum pulled out his wallet, throwing some bills on the table. He stood up, mumbling a quick ‘sorry’ before he all but ran from the restaurant.

     Calum made it back to the palace in record time, going to the kitchen immediately.

     It was empty. Calum’s heart sank in his chest.

     He pulled out his phone, looking at Ostara’s contact for a few moments before he began to type: ‘Back from my date.’

     The little messaging bubble popped up almost immediately and Calum’s heart lurched in his chest while he waited.

     ‘We’re at the firepit, come join.’

     Calum sighed. He’d been hoping to catch her alone. It was almost a ritual by now, one on one talks in the kitchen about bad dates. He didn’t really feel like disclosing the information about the bad dates with the guys. He didn’t want to have to share his attention. To hide the fact that his eyes would want to be on Ostara and no one else. It was something he’d already began to notice, the way he felt he had to act differently, to control himself, whenever Ostara and the boys were in the same place.

     He couldn’t be open about how much he enjoyed the younger Irwin.

     He knew Ashton would not be happy about it.

     Hell, if Luke thought dating Ostara would be a shitty bro move, that meant something.

     Calum sighed, grabbing two beers from the fridge absentmindedly, then he walked outside towards the firepit.

     The sound of voices greeted him as he came around the corner, eyes landing on the group of people all lounging in lawn chairs around the firepit. Ashton noticed him first “where’s your date?” he called with a grin.

     Calum rolled his eyes, going to sit by Luke who had pulled up a chair for him. “This for me?” Luke asked, taking the second beer from Calum before he could respond. The beer had been for Ostara Calum realized, but he wasn’t about to fight it, especially not in front of Ashton.

     “So spill.” Ostara said, making Calum’s attention flicker to her for the first time. He’d been avoiding looking at her, but he figured he was allowed to address her after she’d asked him a direct question.

     But now he had to figure out how to explain why the brunette had not been a good date. He had to come up with a reason that wasn't the truth: that she wasn’t Ostara.

     “Uh, she was just really-” he thought about it, was trash talking another princess in front of Ostara a good idea? “We just didn’t vibe.”

     “Isn’t this the girl who gave you a handy at the last banquet?” Michael asked, popping some chips into his mouth.

     “That chick!” Luke said, snapping his fingers, “she’s a fox.”

     Calum could feel his skin heating up, hot against the cool night air, and not because of the close proximity of the fire. “Yeah, that’s her.” he admitted, throat feeling thick as he swallowed and avoided looking at Ostara. He’d only half forgotten about that, he’d been very high.

    “You guys vibed okay that night.” Ashton pointed out.

     “Did her technique get worse?” Michael asked in confusion.

     “She didn’t- we were in a restaurant.” Calum stated, taking a deep breath.

     “So?” Luke grinned.

     “Yeah, wouldn’t be the craziest place you’ve ever-” Michael began and Calum groaned loudly.

     “Shut up Michael.” Calum commanded.

     “You guys are so mean to him.” Ostara tutted and Calum offered her a half smile. She could feel how uncomfortable he was and Ostara had been raised to navigate awkwardness like a professional, so she easily changed the topic and Calum thanked god for her, “what are you guys wearing to the ball on Friday?”

     “Velvet.” Luke answered immediately.

     “Oooh!” Ostara leaned in, “what colour?”

  ��  “Red.”

     “Wow, you really like to stand out don’t you?” Ostara teased.

     “He’s six foot four, he always stands out.” Michael stated.

     “I’m six’ two at best.” Luke insisted.

     “Liar.” Ashton laughed.

     “What are you wearing?” Calum asked before he could help himself, curiosity getting the better of him.

     Ostara’s green eyes met his, “a lady never tells.”

     “Fucking tease.” Luke muttered, earning a shove from Ashton.

     Calum tried not to look at Ostara but she looked so cute, bundled up in an oversized red flannel. She looked so relaxed, so comfortable, so happy. He realized he had been staring a moment too long and tore his eyes away, looking instead at Ashton who was chatting with Michael about whether or not Michael would ditch the ball all together.

     Calum’s heart was thumping in his chest and although he appeared to be listening in on the conversation, his brain was occupied with other thoughts.

     He’d told Ostara that not all princes were like Luke, and yet it had just been made painfully clear that in some ways, they were. He regretted letting the brunette princess give him a handy under the table at that banquet. But, as much as he hated to think it, above all, he regretted the fact that it hadn’t been Ostara who had been the one to do it.

------

     The days leading up to the ball were tense for Calum. He’d pretty much accepted the fact that he was a terrible friend and a terrible person.

     He’d accepted the fact that he was lusting after his best friends sister.

     He’d tried to avoid her at first but that had proved to be impossible, they both just loved the kitchen too much.

     And then there was the fact that all any of them wanted to do was lounge by the pool. Calum couldn’t just stay in his room all day, that would have been boring and suspicious. So he found himself sitting in the shade with Michael, trying not to look at Ostara as she did her morning laps or tanned on a floaty.

     It was very uncomfortable for him, fighting the ever incessant urge to sneak a peak even though he knew what negative effects it would have on him, in certain places in particular.

     It didn’t help that Ostara was a happy, chatty girl who was always ready to ask him how his day was going any time they bumped into each other somewhere on the grounds. Calum didn’t want to be cold, but he didn’t want to be too warm either.

     So he’d made an impulsive decision. Something that would keep him out of the palace for a while. He’d decided to go dye his hair.

     It had seemed like a good idea at the time, and it was a good reason to avoid Ostara after. When she’d caught wind of what he was doing she’d messaged him ‘send me pics!’ and he’d replied with ‘hair reveal at the ball’ a text that he had stared at and hated himself for hours afterwards. But, he had justified not seeing her for three days and of course Ostara had respected his want to ‘drop a big reveal’ and had purposefully been avoiding him to not ruin the surprise. Which only seemed to make him adore her even more.

     Getting ready for the ball was a chore. The four princes all had custom suits and they dicked around, drank, and chatted while getting ready in Ashton’s room. Try as he might to get involved in the conversation, all Calum could think about was what Ostara would be wearing.

     Calum downed a shot, feeling the pleasant buzz wash over him. He was not about to go to a ball sober and he knew he was playing with fire. He knew that with lowered inhibitions, he could end up in high water fast, but he just couldn’t find it within himself to go to the event without being at least slightly tipsy.

     He’d been mentally preparing to see Ostara dance with other princes.

     He hoped that this time, he’d be ready for the view.

----

     Again, Calum was wrong. Seeing Ostara jump from prince to prince hurt his soul. Watching hands that were not his caress her waist, covered in a soft looking, baby pastel yellow silk dress, made Calum’s fists clench at his sides. The way she smiled, looking so graceful and so princess-like… it was making Calum’s head spin, or perhaps that was the glass of whiskey in his hand?

     Calum noticed prince Liam noticing Ostara and somehow his blood got even hotter. Especially as Liam began walking over when the song ended. Liam was upon Ostara within moments and although Liam may have missed the small micro expression that crossed her face as she turned to look at him, Calum didn’t.

     He drank the rest of his drink, clenching his jaw as he set down the glass. By the time he looked up again, a new song had started and Liam had Ostara pressed to his chest.

     “Look at that douchebag.” Michael stated from next to him.

     Calum said nothing.

     “One of us should go save her.” Michael continued, “Ashton looks pissed.”

     Calum looked over at Ashton who was busy dancing, but his eyes were on his sister and Liam. “i’ll do it.” Calum stated, moving forward immediately.

     He maneuvered through the crowd, eyes on his prize. His tattooed hand reached out on it’s own accord, tapping the prince on the shoulder, “wait your turn mate.” Liam said.

     “Nah.” Calum responded, “think I’ll cut in now.”

     Ostara’s hands were already moving from Liam to Calum’s broad shoulders and Liam didn’t try to fight it, sighing loudly before removing himself completely. Calum watched him leave and then turned to finally meet Ostara’s gaze.

     “Your hair looks amazing.” she stated, “and thanks for saving me.”

     “Was wondering if you were gonna come and say hi earlier.” Calum admitted.

     “I wanted to! But my parents said I had to dance the first six dances for appearances or something.” Ostara frowned.

     “So this is your last dance then you’re done.”

     “Have you been stalking me again Hood?” Ostara laughed.

     Shit. He had to stop just saying what was on his mind.

     “Your dress is nice.” he said, changing the topic. It was just as silky under his touch as he’d imagined it would be. Ostara’s hand gave his a little squeeze, her fingers dancing over his shoulder and sending electricity running through his body.

     “Thanks. You don’t look so bad yourself.”

     She could feel his breath against her face and with their chests all but pressed together, she could also just imagine that his heart was racing as fast as hers was. His eyes were a deep, beautiful brown and she was finding herself lost in them.

     And the hair? Yeah, she was feeling it.

     They both just looked at each other for a few moments in silence, Calum’s gaze flickered down and Ostara’s heart lurched in her chest. They were so close, it would be so easy to-

     The song ended and Ostara caught movement of her brother walking over from behind Calum, so she pulled herself away, feeling her skin flush as she looked down.

     “That Liam guy is a fuck.” Ashton stated, “thanks for stepping in Cal.” Ashton said, patting his friend on the back.

     “Don’t mention it.” Calum said stiffly.

     “Gotta talk to my sister about her choice in men, give us a sec.” Ashton said.

     Calum didn’t question it, turning and leaving without so much as another word. He made his way to the bar where Michael caught up to him, “what the fuck was that?”

     “Vodka.” Calum said to the bartender, leaning against the table top instead of looking at his friend, “what was what?”

     “You and Ostara were dancing pretty fucking close don’t you think?”

     “Lower your voice.” Calum hissed.

     “I fucking knew it!” Michael said, voice low but still full of the arrogant ‘i told you so’ tone.

     “Knew what?” Calum continued to play dumb, handing a bill to the bartender in return for his quick drink.

     “You’ve been weird since Ostara showed up.” Michael said, “I thought maybe it was just because there’s a girl or whatever, but it’s because you like her, isn’t it?”

     “Yes Michael. I have a big, fat crush on Ash’s little sister.” Calum said sarcastically, shooting his drink.

     Michael laughed, “fuck man, you’re in so deep.”

     He was. Calum knew it. And if Michael noticed, then it was only a matter of time until Luke or Ashton noticed, and the former had a big mouth so as soon as the cat was out of the bag with one, it would be game over with the other.

     Calum turned around, leaning his back against the bar. His eyes searched before his brain registered what he was doing, finding the gorgeous blonde just as she slipped from the ballroom.

     “Don’t even think about-” Michael began but once again, Calum was already moving, chasing after the Princess like a lost puppy.

     His pace quickened, eager to catch the girl before she disappeared into one of the many rooms in the palace, never to be found again. Calum remembered playing hide and seek as children, Ostara had always managed to disappear, not that the boys had ever actually looked. Hide and seek had been more of an excuse to get her to piss off at the time, but not anymore.

     He heard her heels clicking against the marble floor and followed the sound, turning a corner just as she slipped from view. Calum groaned, running down the hallway to follow, “Ostara!”

     She turned and looked at him, “Calum?”

    He caught up to her finally, not sure what to even say. All he knew was that his heart was racing, from the running or the booze or maybe the beautiful girl standing in front of him giving him her full attention.

     Calum realized in that moment that his fears of losing inhibitions while tipsy were well merited. His hands reached out and cupped Ostara’s face, eyes searching hers momentarily for a reaction in case he was going bat shit crazy and she didn’t want him to kiss her.

     But when her eyes went to his lips, he knew that he had the green light.

     He moved forward, pressing his lips against hers. Ostara’s hands found his chest as she moved closer, kissing back immediately. Calum’s tongue swiped across her bottom lip and Ostara’s mouth opened eagerly, tasting the liquor on his tongue. His teeth teased her, nipping into the lipstick stained kiss.

     Ostara’s hand moved from his chest to his shoulders and then to his neck, locking him close to her as if she never wanted to let go. One of Calum’s hands left her face, going down to the small of her back, teasing just above the cute bum he wanted to grab so badly.

     His grip tightened and Ostara smiled against his lips, happiness contagious as Calum laughed slightly, eyes opening to look at the beautiful girl in his arms. Her fingers played with his hair, tugging slightly as he brought his lips down on hers again.

     His hand slipped lower, finally grabbing her ass as she moaned into his mouth. The noise made Calum groan too as he felt his pants getting tighter, the front of their bodies rubbing against each other in an effort to do the impossible and get somehow even closer.

     “Ostara!” Ashton’s voice rang out in the hall and the couple jumped away from each other. Ostara’s eyes widened as she looked at Calum immediately wiping at his mouth to get rid of the lipstick covering his face. Likewise, Calum brushed at her mouth which was also smudged with red.

     “Shit.” Calum muttered as the sound of footsteps got louder.

     “You need to go.” Ostara whispered.

     “What?”

     Ostara’s small hands grabbed at the front of Calum’s suit, dragging him to a door to a side room, she shoved him inside before he could argue.

     Calum stared at the closed door, heart racing in his chest.

     “There you are!” he heard Ashton’s voice, “what the fuck happened to your mouth?”

     “I wiped my lipstick by accident cuz I’m dumb.” came a quick and easy answer.

     No argument from Ashton on that subject.

     “What’s up? Im going to go fix this-” Ostara continued.

     “Mom and dad said if you want to leave you have to say goodnight to a few people first.”

     “They said six dances and I’m done-”

     “Yeah but they still want you to say bye.”

     “Okay, I’ll be right there, just gotta head to my room first-”

     “I’ll come with, need to talk to you about that Liam guy.” Ashton stated.

     Calum’s heart sunk as he heard retreating footsteps. He was so screwed.

----

     He’d gone back to his room immediately after to take a cold shower.

     He’d paced, eyes flickering to his phone obsessively, waiting for a text that never came.

      He’d considered going to her room, sneaking out in the dead of night to go profess his adoration like some prince from the fairy tales, the type of guy she deserved.

    Sleep had been difficult to come by, and every time he closed his eyes, images of her danced across his vision like a bewitching goddess demanding his devotion.

     At six AM Calum rolled out of bed, pulling on sweats and a plain white t shirt. He set off to the kitchen, hoping for some coffee to get his day started.

     Calum was rubbing at his eyes when he entered the room, groaning then removing his hands, he stopped in his tracks. Of course Ostara was in the kitchen.

     Standing over a pan with an egg in it, dressed in the tiniest little matching white and yellow starred sleeping shorts and crop top Calum had ever seen, her blonde hair pulled into a messy bun, she took his breath away.

     Her green eyes moved up to meet his and her skin immediately flushed all pretty and pink.

     “Hey.” Calum croaked, voice low and sleepy.

     “Hey.” she retorted. Silence settled over the kitchen and then: “coffee?” she pushed forward a french press that was half full.

     “Yeah.” Calum shuffled forward, grabbing a mug then pouring himself the drink. Ostara tried not to watch the beautiful way his tattooed hand wrapped around the white ceramic, all large and perfect-

     “How did you sleep?” he asked.

     “Uh…” Ostara laughed, blush returning, “not great, you?”

     “Not great.” Calum smiled, leaning against the counter next to her while she cooked, “cute outfit.”

     He was enjoying making her blush.

     “Oh my god.” Ostara groaned, setting down the spatula she had in her hand so she could cover her face.

     Calum smirked, “what?”

     “Stop that.”

     “Stop what?”

     She peaked at him through her fingers, “that! Being cute.”

     “If you don’t want to see me looking like this, maybe you should close your eyes.” Calum suggested.

     “What?”

     “Don’t you trust me?”

     “No.” Ostara laughed.

     “Your loss.” Calum shrugged, sipping at his coffee.

     Ostara groaned in exasperation, turning the stove off before she looked at Calum one last time, closing her eyes. Calum set down his coffee and Ostara said “now what?”

     “God, be patient.” Calum tutted, squaring his shoulders as he turned to her fully.

     He studied her for a moment. Taking in her pretty pink lips, the dimples already showing as she smiled with excitement, her long lashes, the way strands of blonde hair had escaped her bun to frame her face.

     His hand came up to brush one of the strands behind her ear and Ostara flinched slightly, one eye peeking open at him, Calum laughed, “eyes closed.” he whispered, caressing her cheekbone with his thumb as his hand came to cup her face.

     Ostara let out a shaky breath, following his command. Once Calum was sure her eyes were closed, his thumb that had been on her cheekbone moved down to her lips, brushing the bottom one, pulling it down slightly, “so pretty.” he whispered.

     Ostara’s heart was racing in her chest, body anticipating the warmth that Calum’s mouth would bring, the electricity that she knew would erupt over her skin like wildfire.

     Being completely at his mercy was torturous, her hands fidgeted at her sides, not knowing what to do with themselves while she waited.

     The first kiss was soft, a mere brushing, a tease. Ostara moved in for more immediately and Calum pulled away, she could hear his smile, “eyes closed.” he reminded her as if he could read her mind, knowing that she was dying to look at him.

     His thumb stroked her cheek as he kissed her again, lips moulding against hers as he finally allowed her to melt into the kiss, her fingers going down to the waistband of his grey sweats to pull him closer.

     He enjoyed cupping her face. It felt right. It felt intimate. It showed everything he was feeling but unable to verbalize. It proved how much she meant to him. How much he cared. His need for her to feel safe and protected-

     Music flooded through the kitchen and for the second time in a day the pair pulled away. Luke always walked around blaring music from his phone like an obnoxious prick, and he entered the kitchen moments later, stopping to look at Calum and Ostara who acted innocent, standing a few feet away from each other, Calum sipping on his coffee while Ostara grabbed a plate to put her egg on.

     “You two look suspicious.” Luke stated.

     “Says you, why are you even awake, its early.” Calum fired back.

     “Touche.” Luke sighed, “have another PR date thing.”

     “You mean you’re cheating on me?” Ostara said in mock shock.

     “No baby, I would never.” Luke stated, sounding offended.

     Calum’s jaw clenched at the pet name.

     “I’m going back to my room.” Ostara announced, “you two have fun.”

     Calum tried not to look at her bum as she left the room but it was so cute and perfect in her little star shorts, besides, Luke was looking too which pissed him off… but, Calum knew he wouldn’t get caught.

     Luke turned back to look at Calum, “at this point Ashton should be thanking god that I’m a good friend, because she’s cute as fuck.”

-----

     The noon sun was hot and piercing, the royals only leaving the air conditioned comfort of the palace to hang by the pool. Luke was still not back from whatever errand his family had sent him on, which left Calum, Michael, Ashton and Ostara to their own devices.

     Laying in the sun, Ostara was reading, while the other three tossed a ball around in the pool.

     “So bored.” Michael groaned.

     “This used to be so much fun when we were kids, what changed?” Ashton agreed.

     “When we were kids we’d play chicken which I fucking bet you is still fun.” Michael pointed out, “fucking wish Luke was here.”

     Ashton’s gaze shifted to his sister, “Ostara get in the water.”

     “Hmm?” she asked, having not been paying attention.

     “We’re playing chicken, come get on my shoulders.” Ashton commanded.

     Michael and Calum looked between the siblings, “I’m not going to shove your sister-” Michael began.

     “It will be fine.” Ashton assured him, waving his hand, “Ostara get in here or I will drag you in.”

     Ostara sighed, closing her book, she knew Ashton would follow through with the threat.

     When she stood up, Calum got the nicest view of her cute little pineapple print bikini. The girl had a thing for prints, but she always made it work, and Calum’s heart was soft as fuck.

     She waded into the pool and Ashton approached, bending down so his sister could get onto his shoulders, “I hate you.” she stated.

     “You better fucking win or I’m disowning you.” he warned her.

     Meanwhile, Michael had gotten on Calum’s shoulders and everyone had gone to the deep end of the pool to make it easier.

     “Michael-” Ashton began.

     “If I touch her chest I’m dead, I know.” Michael said, “it’s not fair.”

     “What’s not fair is the fact that you have like forty pounds on her.” Ashton pointed out, “okay, three, two, one.”

     The chicken fight started and everyone began to laugh as Michael and Ostara hesitantly pushed at each other. It was obvious that the two most dominant, competitive guys where Calum and Ashton, both of whom egged on their partners to “fucking push him already!”

     Calum felt kind of bad, just kind of, when Michael managed to shove Ostara into the water. She came up sputtering, slicking her hair back as beads of water rolled off her glistening, sun kissed skin, a massive smile on her face as she laughed.

     In that moment Calum knew he had to calm the fuck down, or he wouldn’t be able to get out of the pool. Calum’s heart was racing and Ostara stated “again!”

     Before Calum could object, she was scrambling onto her brothers shoulders to fight Michael once more.

     Calum tried not to look at her, tried not to notice the glistening water droplets adorning her body like jewels, jewels that he would buy her, jewels he would bathe her in if it meant he could even so much as hold her hand.

     Calum let Ostara push Michael into the water and when Michael surfaced a flurry of curses left his mouth as he shoved at Calum, “fuck off! You let her win you asshole!”

    They gave up after that, Ostara once more leaving the pool to continue tanning. Once Calum knew he had calmed down enough, he joined her, laying next to her on the large beach towel. He didn’t say anything, staring up at the cloudless sky, just enjoying the feeling of being close to her.

     A few minutes later Ashton sat between them and guilt panged through Calum’s chest.

     “Don’t you have another date soon?” Ashton asked.

     “Fuck what time is it?” Ostara shut her book quickly.

     “Two thirty.”

     “Fuck.” Ostara jumped up quickly and ran to the house, Calum frowned.

----

     Calum paced outside the restaurant.

     He’d taken one look at the outfit Ostara was wearing as she ran from the palace and he’d been blinded. The short, red silk dress had practically knocked him off of his feet, and he’d be damned if he let her slip through his fingers to whoever she had a date with that day.

     Calum knew he was about to be the biggest dick in the entire universe.

     He knew he was overstepping… probably.

     But as seemed to always be the case with Ostara, he couldn’t fucking help himself.

     Calum took a deep breath and entered the restaurant, stopping as the hostess immediately looked at him in shock, “I’m here to meet people, Ostara Irwin?”

     The girl nodded, “follow me.”

     The restaurant was high class and the hostess led Calum to a booth in the back where Ostara was sitting with a Prince that Calum recognized immediately.

    “Calum!” Harry grinned as Ostara said “Calum?!” in shock.

     Harry even stood up to give the younger prince a hug, “been a while mate, how’ve you been?”

     “Good.” Calum said, “You?”

     “Been great.” Harry smirked, sitting down, “you joining us?”

     “I’m sure he’s not-” Ostara began but Calum had already sat into the booth next to her.

     “Suppose you’re here to chaperone for Ashton? Knew that guy didn’t like me.” Harry chuckled.

     “He’s got high standards for his sister.” Calum stated.

     “I get that.” Harry nodded, “what’s your poison mate?”

     A waiter was waved over and Calum and Harry both ordered shots to lighten the mood, even though Calum knew that not even the light of god himself would persuade Calum to be even remotely inviting.

     After about ten minutes of Calum being cold, Ostara stated “Harry, I’m just going to talk to Calum for a second, need to call my brother and tell him not to be such an ass.”

     “Take your time pet, I don’t mind.” Harry said warmly, confidence oozing off of him.

     Ostara turned to look at Calum who stood up and let her lead him to the hall that led to the private bathrooms. “Okay, listen here-” Ostara began but Calum grabbed her hand and pulled her into one of the private bathrooms, not wanting anyone to witness the altercation.

     He locked the door behind them and finally turned to the fuming blonde, “you can’t just crash my dates! You are not my big brother and you’re sure as fuck not my boyfriend either.”

     “Let’s change that.” Calum stated.

     “What?!” she looked taken aback for a moment.

     “I said,” he grabbed her face, looking into her eyes, “let’s change that.”

     She wanted to be angry. She did. But damn it if she didn’t understand where he was coming from.

     Her heart was racing as he looked into her eyes, waiting for a reaction, waiting for acceptance or rejection.

     Ostara’s fingers tangled in his dyed blonde hair, dragging his mouth down on hers.

     Their teeth clashed but neither cared, too enraptured in the intense passion that had surrounded their hearts, burning hot through their veins as they grabbed at each other, desperate for contact. Calum pivoted, shoving Ostara against the door as his hands pushed up at the red silk dress, fingers dancing over every new milimeter of exposed skin.

     His thigh pressed up between her legs and Ostara moaned into his mouth, setting Calum’s heart racing impossibly faster.

     His digits made contact with something lacey and he groaned into her mouth, beginning to drag down the flimsy material of her thong but Ostara grabbed at his wrist, tearing it away as she pushed at his chest.

     Calum removed himself, breathing heavily as he looked at her, taking in the red smeared lipstick that covered the area surrounding her mouth yet again.

     She was flushed, back pressed against the door, eyes slightly hooded as she stared at him, chest heaving, dress still shoved up to her waist. Calum snuck a glance down, satisfied that the lacy thong was black, but it just made him want to grab her again. She pulled down her dress, tearing her eyes from him as she looked at herself in the mirror. “Fuck.” she cussed, wiping furiously at her face.

     “Here, let me-” Calum stepped forward.

     “I’m on a date Calum.” Ostara stated, shoulders falling in defeat, “and you’re my brothers best friend-”

     Calum stopped moving, looking at Ostara.

     He watched her remove all the lipstick from her face, not saying another word as she left, shutting the bathroom door behind her to leave Calum to his thoughts.

     It was obvious to Harry as soon as Ostara returned that something had happened, after all, a girl doesn’t just spontaneously remove her pretty red lipstick that matched her dress perfectly.

     “So you and Cal huh?” Harry grinned.

     “Fuck I’m so sorry-”

     “No, it’s fine love, don’t worry about me, but I am a little surprised that you’re going on dates when you two are obviously-”

     “We’re not together.” Ostara stated.

     “Hmm.” Harry looked her over, “could have fooled me pet.”

     “He’s my brothers best friend-”

     “So he should be well suited, doubt your brothers gonna be mates with assholes.” Harry mused, leaning back in his seat as he studied the obviously conflicted girl in front of him, “and if he doesn’t like it then fuck him.”

     “It doesn’t work that way-”

     “You’re a princess, he’s a prince, this is the only way this sort of thing works love and we both know it.”

----

     “Okay, so do you live in this kitchen or what?!” Ostara practically screamed as her eyes landed on the familiar strong shoulders hunched over while Calum grabbed a beer from the fridge.

     “I was here first this time.” Calum stated, still looking in the fridge, “how was the rest of your date?”

     “I-” Ostara began but stopped when Ashton and Luke entered the room, “okay there are so many fucking rooms in this palace, why is everyone always in the goddamned kitchen?!”

     “What’s got your panties in a knot?” Luke said, moving away from Ashton who tried to shove him.

     Calum’s heart clenched and Ostara laughed at the irony that was lost on everyone but her and Calum. He had her panties in a knot. Or at least he had the hour before. “You know what, I’m going to bed. Goodnight.”

     “Its like five.” Ashton stated.

     Ostara left the room, “I don’t care!”

----

     Before Ostara even opened her door she knew who it would be. She’d been expecting Calum to turn up, they obviously had unfinished business and Calum had been on edge all day.

     As the large door swung open to reveal Ostara standing there in a black, long sleeved, sleeping button up with with cartoon pumpkins on it, Calum hated himself for still thinking she was the prettiest girl in the entire world. It brushed her mid thigh and Calum couldn’t tell if she was wearing shorts underneath, his hands twitching as they itched to reach out and discover the answer.

     Ostara didn’t say anything, simply moved to the side to let him in and close the door.

     “We need to talk about Ashton.” Calum stated.

     “Do we though?” Ostara groaned.

     Calum looked her up and down, “you don’t want to talk about this?”

     “Close your eyes.”

     “Are you serious.”

     “Don’t you trust me?”

     Calum sighed, hearing his own words back at him, he realized how suave he had been that morning. Crossing his arms over his chest, Calum made a big show of closing his eyes.

     “I still think we should talk about this.” Calum said.

     He waited for an answer that never came.

     Instead, Ostara grabbed his hands, pulling slightly to make Cal give in and uncross the arms that had been protecting him from what was to come.

     Holding his hands at his sides delicately, Ostara swung them a little, looking up at the beautiful Prince whose eyes were still closed. He looked composed, the only thing betraying his inner anxieties was the rapid beat of his heart, the artery in his neck fluttering as he breathed in and out.

    Ostara studied his pretty throat for a moment, stepping closer to allow his smokey smell to wash over her. She was a lot shorter than him, and she could just reach his neck with her lips, so that’s what she did.

     She pressed a kiss to the skin just above his racing artery and Calum sucked in a breath, hands tensing in hers.

     “Eyes closed.” she breathed against his neck, causing a shiver to run through his body. He swallowed thickly, adam’s apple bobbing in the most endearing way. Ostara kissed his throat again, parting her lips to allow her tongue to taste his skin, again, his heart beat faster.

     Her teeth grazed the artery and Calum’s body jolted, hands tearing from Ostara’s so they could land on her ass, lifting her up before she could so much as scream in surprise. Her legs wrapped around Calum’s waist as she clung to his shoulders, about to object when his lips met hers and every word in her brain disappeared.

     His kisses were hungry and desperate, tongue immediately sliding over her bottom lip before his teeth came down to gnaw at it teasingly. Suddenly she was falling, landing on the plush fur duvet that covered her king sized bed. Calum was on top of her, grinding down against her panty covered core as one hand slipped up her thigh, once more greated with lacy material.

     He groaned into her mouth, excited to discover that she had, in fact, not been wearing shorts. For a brief moment he wondered if she’d planned this whole thing but he didn't dwell too long on the idea, too enraptured by the princess writhing underneath him.

     His hips rocked, creating friction and pressure that made them both moaning messes in each others hands. Calum’s lips moved to Ostara’s neck and her fingers tangled in his hair, urging him on as he found the spot that made her toes curl, legs wrapping tighter around his waist.

     Pushing himself up with one hand he looked at her shirt, admiring the fact that she was wearing a Halloween themed sleeping shirt in the summer. His fingers were almost shaking as he popped open the first button, then the second, then the third. With each newly exposed piece of skin it became more and more evident that she was first, not wearing a bra, and second, totally prepared for this. She was in control. This had been planned. Calum had fallen into her trap. And he didn’t mind one bit.

     Once every button was undone, he teased the stripe of bare skin with a finger, paying extra attention to the area between her breasts as she watched, heart thundering with patient anticipation.

     “Take this off for me princess.” he said, voice soft.

     Pushing herself up slightly, Ostara wasted no time wiggling from the shirt. She already had goosebumps from his touch and she shivered as the fabric fell from her shoulders, exposing her to him for the first time as she lay back down.

     One finger traced up from her belly button to her left breast, circling closer and closer until he brushed his knuckles over her nupple, “so pretty.” he mused as she pushed up towards his hand, eager for more.

     “Please Cal.” she begged, the neediness in her voice was the sexiest thing Calum had ever heard in his entire life.

     He kissed her mouth, then began his venture downwards, pressing soft kisses on her neck, then her collar bones. When his lips wrapped around her nipple, teeth teasing, his right hand fully massaged her other breast. Her fingers tangled in his hair as breathy moans rang through the room, Ostara’s back arching slightly in an effort to get him to do something, anything, more.

     Calum’s lips continued downwards as he slipped from the bed, getting onto his knees as he pulled her to the edge, fingers hooking in the panties that he gingerly slid down her legs. Once they were discarded on the floor, Calum placed Ostara’s thighs on his shoulders, hands going to her hips to hold her down as he briefly enjoyed the view.

     “Close your eyes.” he stated, “want you to feel all of this.”

     Ostara’s breathing was ragged as Calum took a teasing lick, her right leg jerking slightly on his shoulder which made Calum smirk, fully putting his mouth onto her. His tongue flicked at her clit before sucking gently, earning breathy moans that egged him to go harder.

     Her nails scratched against Calum’s scalp and he enjoyed the sensation, groaning a little, the vibrations made Ostara jolt again, her grip tightening in her hair. “Calum!” she whined loudly. As a reward for how pretty she sounded, Calum brought up a finger, sliding it inside of her easily and curling.

     Her body reacted immediately and Calum knew from her whimpers, and the small tremors with each harsh suck, that she was close. He chased her high, having always felt entitled to a woman's orgasm. He knew he was good with his mouth and Calum refused to feel bad about that.

     Adding another finger, he began to thrust his digits in and out even faster, curling each time to hit the spot that had Ostara’s back arching, hands pulling at Calum’s hair as the orgasm rippled through her body, lasting longer due to Calum’s continued motions as she whined and moaned, putty in his hands.

     When her back touched against the mattress again to signify the complete end of her high, Calum pulled away, sucking his fingers into his mouth as he stood and pulled off his shirt.

     Eyes closed, chest heaving, Ostara made Calum dizzy.

     Calum was about to reach for a condom when four small words were spoken that nearly shattered Calum’s very existence: “I’m on the pill.”

     ‘I’m going to marry this girl.’

     Calum pushed the thought away, kicking off his pants and boxers. Ostara’s legs opened for him, inviting the prince to get back on top of her as he pressed a kiss to her lips, “you alright?” he asked, her fingers immediately finding their place in his platinum hair again.

     “Uh huh.” she breathed, one hand snaking between the two of them to grab the base of his cock, lining it up with her, all that was left to be done was for Calum to close the distance.

     As he entered her they both moaned, lips attacking again with the same passion that always seemed to be present when they kissed.

     The muscles in Calum’s shoulders tensed as he remained still for a moment to be sure she was ready for him to move, Ostara’s fingers dancing along the broad expanse of skin.

     Her legs tightening around his waist was Calum’s cue to move as he pulled almost all the way out before snapping his hips forward again, entering fully. Her warmth cocooned him and he let out a throaty groan, “you’re so fucking tight.”

     “You’re just big.” Ostara breathed against his lips, eager for more kisses as the prince began a quick pace.

     Her nails dug into his scalp and shoulder, a reminder, on top of the sinful sounds leaving her lips, that he was making her feel good.

     That’s when Calum remembered that, like most Princesses, Ostara had been forced into rhythmic gymnastics at a young age. He grabbed onto her thigh, moving it up slowly in case she had lost some flexibility. He was delighted when her leg went all the way up and over his shoulder, allowing him a new angle that had him going impossibly deep. They moaned louder and Calum moved back a little, lips mourning her loss but eyes adoring the new view.

     His hand moved up on its own accord, sliding across her collarbones and up to her awaiting neck that she craned for him, welcoming him, giving him access.

     The ring clad fingers of his left hand wrapped around her throat, giving a testing squeeze that only further excited them both, Ostara letting out the most sinful, whiney noise yet.

     Calum’s stomach lurched and he knew that if she kept it up with those sounds, he would be cumming fast.

     In an effort to slow the process, Calum began to remove his grip but suddenly Ostara was grabbing his forearm with both hands, forcing Calum’s chokehold to remain on her throat as her eyes opened, staring at him, more moans left her lips and Calum could feel her fluttering around him.

     She was just as close as he was and it was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen.

     All he could do was stare at the beautiful girl as his thrusts quickened and his grip tightened, chasing both of their highs with the determination of a king.

     Cold rings bit into Ostara’s flesh and after a particularly deep thrust, another orgasm washed over her, taking Calum with it as they both moaned loudly, bodies awash with euphoria.

     After the last aftershocks, Calum removed his hand from her throat and took her leg from his shoulder, letting it fall onto the bed as he pulled out of her and rolled onto his back next to her. Ostara immediately snuggled into his side, hand over his beating heart.

     They stayed that way for a while, trying to catch their breaths.

     Calum finally sighed, “do you want me to go?”

     “You’re silly.” Ostara stated, voice breathy and happy. Her finger traced circles on Calum’s chest, “stay the night.”

-------

     She was warm. Skin soft and beautiful under his delicate touch as Calum explored the curve of her shoulder and arm, bring goosebumps to her skin from the contact and the soft caress of his breath on her bare back.

     There was a soft sigh of content and Calum smiled, “did I wake you?” he asked.

     “Yeah, but it’s okay.” came a delicate response as Ostara snuggled back against Calum.

     “Will you go to the ball with me next week?”

     “Of course.” he could practically hear her sleepy smile.

     “And I want to take you on a real date.” Calum stated.

     “Hmm?”

     “I want to do this right.”

     Another happy sigh, “okay.”

-----

     As soon as the limo door closed Calum looked at Ostara with wide eyes. They’d been papped leaving the restaurant and they both knew that this could be bad. Neither knew how Ashton would react when the pictures dropped, which they both knew they would.

     Calum’s hand went to Ostara’s thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze, “if he gets mad-”

     “We can pretend we’re just friends-” Ostara began.

     They both stopped.

     They both knew that neither were good enough actors to get around this.

     They’d known each other their whole lives.

     They’d been flirting a few weeks.

     They’d fucked and gone on an honest to god date.

     Hell, Calum had pretty much asked Ostara to be his girlfriend in a fit of jealousy. They both knew they were in deep, and because of this, neither of them were particularly scared of Ashton anymore which was odd.

     Ostara laced her fingers with Calum’s, “it’s going to be okay.”

     Calum felt it too. Somehow, they knew they could make it work.

     They both felt naive and stupid. They both knew they were being very narrow minded, but there was just something about the way that they fit that told them they belonged together.

     They’d arrived at the palace when their phones began dinging, signalling the likelihood that the pictures were somehow already posted.

     With a deep breath and a reassuring glance, the young couple entered the palace where they were almost immediately sabotaged by Ostara’s giggling older brother, “guys have you seen twitter?” he asked, “apparently people think you two are dating.”

     His gaze lifted from his phone and that’s when he noticed how close the two were standing. The smile left his face, “is… is there a PR contract you two haven’t told me about-”

     “Would it be that bad if we are dating?” Ostara asked.

     Ashton’s gaze hardened, turning to his friend, “you have got to be fucking kidding me-”

     “Ashton-” Ostara began, moving in front of her older brother who had taken a step towards them.

     But Calum spoke, “didn’t mean for it to happen-”

     “She’s my fucking sister!” Ashton bellowed, finally exploding.

     “And he’s your best friend!” Ostara screamed, matching her older brothers temper, “so you know he’ll treat me right!”

     Ashton stopped moving forward, considering for a moment what had just been said, “there’s a code.” he spat.

     “I never agreed to a code!” Ostara insisted.

     “It’s a bro code, you don’t need to agree-”

     “Well when it affects me, I most definitely should get a say you sexist-” Ostara began to fume.

     “What is going on?” came a new voice as Michael and Luke showed up, both looking worried as the Irwin’s squared off against each other.

     “Calum and I are going to the ball next week together, because we’re dating, and you’re going to accept it!” Ostara told Ashton.

     “I will not!” Ashton glared.

     Ostara let out a loud groan of exasperation, grabbing Calum’s hand, she turned and dragged the platinum prince out of the room.

     “Can’t believe Cal backstabbed you like that.” Luke breathed.

     “Hey, it’s not that bad-” Michael began.

     “That’s my fucking sister!” Ashton screamed.

     Michael sighed, “okay, it is a little bit bad.”

-----

     Calum and Ostara spent almost the entire week outside of the palace out on cute dates that were incessantly papped. Ashton tried to avoid the pictures at first but he felt himself getting softer as each day passed and new shots of his sister laughing and looking genuinely alight with happiness were uploaded.

     And fuck it, Calum looked happy too.

     Michael pointed out on day four that Calum and Ostara seemed to really like each other, and Ashton couldn’t argue with it, which annoyed him terribly.

     Michael and Luke were trying to support Ashton in his endeavour to remain upset, but it was obvious that everyone else supported the new, happy couple. Especially Ashton’s parents who had known Calum his whole life and were more than thrilled that he had began to date their daughter.

     Ashton knew that Michael was still hanging out with Cal, and the two drank beer by the pool late at night when they thought Ashton wouldn’t notice. He couldn’t find it in his heart to be mad about it, especially when he’d almost stumbled across them and heard Calum saying “she’s really special man, I can’t explain it.”

     Plus, Ashton preferred having Calum where he could see him as opposed to in Ostara’s room, which is where Calum was practically living since Ashton had made a fuss about kicking him out of one of the guest rooms the day he’d found out they were dating.

     He was getting used to the idea.

     He missed his best friend. 

     He missed his sister.

     The night of the ball arrived and Ashton was at the bar with Michael and Luke when the happy couple arrived. Entering the ballroom, the two walked hand in hand, looking at each other and giggling as if nothing else mattered in the whole world.

     Ashton was surprised when prince Harry approached the two of them, from what he could see it looked like he was congratulating them? Ashton had a weird hate on for Liam and that included his friends, Harry being one of them, so seeing the fact that Harry seemed to be excited and supportive made Ashton’s blood boil.

     Had he really stooped lower than the notorious British playboy?

     Ashton groaned. He was making the whole thing about him. He knew he was being selfish and he couldn’t shake the fact that Calum had broken the bro code, but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t toyed the idea of chasing after Calum’s sister at one point in time…

     Ashton sighed. He was definitely in the wrong.

     He spent a solid half an hour watching his sister and her new boyfriend.

     The soft touches, the lingering stares, the never ending smiles and giggles… it was sickeningly sweet. Ashton loved it. He hated that he loved it.

     His sister did deserve to be happy and Ashton knew that. He just wished it was with someone else.

     Ashton looked for a good moment to approach but never found one. The ball ended and Calum and Ostara disappeared. Ashton knew he should wait until morning to find them, but the guilt was already eating at him, and soon he found himself outside of his sisters room.

     He knocked and waited.

     A minute later the door opened to reveal his sister in sweats and a hoodie that looked somewhat haphazard and Ashton couldn't help the fire that burned through him momentarily, eyes shifting past her to Calum who was pulling on a shirt.

     “I came to apologize, but I don’t know if I can do that anymore.” Ashton stated.

     “Calum go to the bathroom.” Ostara said.

     “What?”

     “You’re bruising my brothers ego, go away real quick.” Ostara explained.

     Calum sighed and trudged to the bathroom, out of sight. It helped a little, Ashton had to admit.

     “You know, maybe I shouldn’t give you my blessing.” Ashton stated.

     “No take backs.” Ostara insisted.

     Ashton sighed, “but why Calum?”

     “Why is he your best friend?” his sister countered, crossing her arms over her chest.

     “Hate it when you’re logical.” Ashton groaned, “fuck, fine, you two look good together. I should go talk to Cal-”

     “Talk to him in the morning.” Ostara said, stepping in front of her brother to block his way.

     Ashton narrowed his eyes at his sister, “you two disgust me.”

     “You’re the one who showed up here at like midnight-”

     “You’re the one who chose to date my best friend-”

     “Well you’re the one who made the stupid bro code-”

     “I didn’t ‘make the bro code’ you silly, and besides, you’re the one who made Cal break the bro code-”

     “Oh I ‘made’ him break it?” Ostara scoffed.

     Calum listened to the siblings bicker, smiling to himself as he waited for the sound of Ostara’s bedroom door to close. When it did, he peeked his head out of the bathroom to make sure Ashton was gone.

     “Thought he’d never leave.” Calum mused.

     “Are you questioning my ability to fight my brother?” Ostara asked, opening her arms for Calum whose hands settled on her waist.

     “I think I used to.” Calum admitted, “but not anymore.”

     Ostara grinned, “so I’ve proven myself?”

     “Uh huh.” Calum chuckled.

     “Good, because if I was a wimp we’d still be in big trouble.” Ostara pointed out.

     God, he adored her.

     Part of him always had, and he knew that now.

     He was exactly where he was supposed to be, and for the first time, Calum was prepared for whatever the future with Ostara might bring.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Three Hundred Twenty: A Castle ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina, vulgarity ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

“So I have something I want to try to build.”

Attention almost entirely focused on a group of mobs he’s found himself surrounded by, Sasuke offers, “Uh...hold that thought...trying not to die.”

“Oh no! You okay?”

“Yeah, just…” Sasuke physically recoils as a creeper goes off. “Went looking for cows, it got dark, and now I’m fleeing for my life across a plain full of monsters.”

Hinata gives a small gasp through her mic. “Um...do you need home cords?”

“Yes, please.”

“Well, I’m at...570, negative 859. I’m...pretty close to my house?”

“That’ll work.”

There’s a solid two minutes of tense silence over Discord as Sasuke works his way back, glancing to his own coordinates every so often. Only once he’s safe at his treehouse does he lean back in his computer chair with a sigh, face in his hands. “...don’t ever let me do that again.”

Hinata laughs softly through her mic. “You all right?”

“Yeah...wore out my iron sword. My armor is…” He checks his inventory. “...not great. Ugh, I’m gonna have to go mining again…”

“I have spare iron, i-if you want it.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I need more resources all around, so…” He busies himself sorting his small pile of spoils into his chests. “So, what were you saying?”

“...oh! I had an idea for what I want my actual base to be.”

“Oh yeah? Tired of your little hut?”

She makes a small sound of disapproval. “It’s a little...crowded.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed. So, what’s the plan?”

“I want to make a castle.”

“Whoa, fancy. And kinda cliche, isn’t it?”

“Shush. I’ve never tried to build one before, so...I thought it might be cool.”

“Gonna be kinda hard to build in the jungle, right?”

“Yeah...I think I’ll move to the plain biome just south of you instead. Cuz yeah, um...otherwise I’ll have a lot of t-tree clearing to do.”

“Gonna take your pandas with you?”

“Of course! I can’t just leave them!”

Sasuke grins. “Just kidding. You got enough stone for this?”

“I’ve been strip mining a lot, yeah...and turning it all back into smooth stone.”

“Oh, wow.”

“It’s been a process,” she admits with a laugh.

“You need any help?”

“I d-definitely wouldn’t say no.”

“Well, I’ll do my strip mining, and whatever stone I get, it’s yours.”

“Thanks!”

“I’d offer to help build but honestly I’m garbage at it. My treehouse looks like a six year old built it.”

“It does not!”

“Uh...yeah, it does.”

“Well...you could look up tutorials online. There’s lots on Youtube!”

“Not sure my pride could stand for that.”

“Oh, boo. Tutorials are fun! And you can always make changes so it’s not an e-exact copy. I watched a few castle ones to get ideas for mine.”

“Well that’s different. A castle’s a lot more complicated than a tree house.”

“Well...I can help you, if you want.”

“You sure?”

“If you’re gonna help me with mine, it’s only fair! Right?”

“...I guess so. Anyway, I’m going mining. Lemme know if anything happens topside.”

She gives a short snort. “Okay. I’m gonna work on the outline.”

“Have fun.”

The pair slip into a companionable silence that stretches nearly half an hour. Sasuke blinks owlishly at his screen as he makes yet another strip mine beneath his base. Once he’s got a solid array of resources (even some diamonds), he rubs at his eyes and asks, “You done up there yet?”

“Almost! Find what you were looking for?”

“And then some. Heading back up now. I’ll have to come check out what you’ve got done.”

“It’s mostly just the outline...and it’s not anything r-real big. I mean, this is survival, not creative…”

“I’m sure it’ll be great. Gimme a minute to get stuff smelting and I’ll head over. Oh, and I’ll bring all the cobblestone I ended up with.” Back up the stairs he goes, throwing ores into furnaces and other valuables into a chest. Once his inventory’s clean save for the stone, he follows Hinata’s directions to what will soon be her new abode.

She’s bustling around, placing her first layer of blocks and...wow. Even just the guide to where she’ll be starting looks impressive. He can already see how the rooms are laid out, the entire shape dynamic and interesting.

He’d probably just make it a box…

“Oh! Hey - what do you think?”

“I think it looks awesome! Oh, and here’s the cobble…” Opening up his inventory, Sasuke dumps out several stacks of the stuff. “You got enough coal?”

“Mhm. Thanks!”

“Sure. So...wanna give me a tour?”

“Well, it...it’s not really tourable right now,” she replies, tone a bit awkward.

“Dunno what room will be what, yet?”

“Well...sort of. But there’s gonna be three stories, and -”

“Holy shit, really?”

“Y-yeah! Well...not the whole thing, but the tallest parts will! So...I’ll give you a tour when I can actually, um...show you all of it…”

“Sounds fair. So you need anything else besides stone?”

“Um...well, I’m still working on sand for the glass...but most of it’s just going to be stone. Oh! I do need some carpet.”

“...carpet?”

“Mhm. You, um...you make it from wool! But I haven’t found any sheep to shear yet.”

“I can do that. Maybe I’ll have more luck with them than the cows.”

That earns a snort. “Yeah, don’t...don’t do that again.”

“...should we make a farm?”

“W...we…?”

“I mean the only animals we have are the pandas, and cute as they are...they don’t do much, right?”

“Yeah, true...um…” There’s a pause. “...I guess so?”

“Okay. I’ll see if I can lure some unsuspecting farm animals back here.”

“Just be sure you do it before it gets too late. No more mob chases, please.”

“Nahhh, I’ll be fine.”

He heads back to his base, crafting new gear with his new stacks of iron. Last thing he needs is to be swordless and have his armor break on him. One handful of wheat later, Sasuke starts scouring the plains for the mobs in question. “How many sheep do you need?”

“Well...I guess we can start with two…? And just breed them up from there. But the more you find, the better! Then I can just use some dye to get the color I want.”

“...okay.” A minute passes in silence, and then, “Heyyy, there we go. Come on, guys...you’re coming with me.”

The pixelated sheep are drawn to the wheat like flies to honey, and Sasuke starts slowly making his way back home. “Why are they so slow?”

“They just...are?”

“Ugh, and why do they get distracted so easily...guys! Over here!”

“You have to stay close!”

“I know, but -”

BOOM!

“...Sasuke?!”

No reply.

Blinking at her own computer screen, Hinata freezes. “...uh -?”

“The creeper...got...the sheep.”

“...oh no…”

“...good news is, I have three pieces of wool for you now.”

In spite of herself, Hinata starts giggling...and then full-on laughing.

“What?”

“I-I’m sorry, I just…!” More laughter. “I...w-was not expecting that...and…”

“Yeah, yeah, ha ha, Sasuke’s always getting his ass kicked by monsters...very funny.”

“Nooo, that’s not what I -!”

“I’ll go find some more stupid sheep.”

“M-maybe you should...wait? It’s about to get dark?”

A long pause blooms. “...I hate this stupid game.”

“No you don’t.”

“Okay...I hate creepers.”

“Everyone hates creepers,” she replies, giving another giggle. “Come on - you can help me p-place more stone in the meantime, okay? Or...we could work on your treehouse if you want.”

Sighing, Sasuke glances to his computer’s clock. “...I should probably work on my pre-calc…”

“Ooh...that sounds rough.”

“It’s not too bad. But I think I need a break after the sheep slaughter…”

Hinata breaks out into more laughter. “I’m sorry…”

“Not your fault.”

“Those p-poor, innocent sheep…”

In spite of himself, Sasuke snickers. “Well...guess we’ll try it again tomorrow.”

“Yeah. I’ll go with you. You herd the sheep, and I-I’ll take care of the creepers.”

“Sounds good. Maybe in a month we’ll get your castle finished.”

“Oh, it won’t take that long.”

“With me helping? It will.”

She laughs. “...goodnight, Sasuke.”

“Night.”

                                                         .oOo.

     (This is a sequel to days 253 and 283!)       More of the very random...Minecraft verse? xD I don't know why this of all things is turning into a series, but...I guess it is.      Anyway, I'm TRYING to catch up a bit, hence doing this in the middle of the day compared to my usual late-night writing. Sorry for falling yet another day behind - my typical writing time was interrupted by a major headache and a joint acting up, so I gave in and slept a little early. I try not to whine in the ANs too much, but truth be told most of the time I fall behind is due to pain-related stuff and just conking out for bed early, whoops ^^; But I'm HOPING I'll be able to fully catch up by the end of the year. It just...depends. And if it goes over into January, well...that's just how it is. I'll finish one way or another, it just might take me more than 365 days xD      BUT, back on topic, poor Sasuke...he's just not very good at the whole 'avoid the badguys' part of this game, haha! Hinata might come to regret asking him for help...      Anywho, I've got some other stuff to tend to, but hopefully I'll get at least one more entry done today, we'll see how things go! Thanks, as always, for reading~

[doubledeaky]

See What a Fool I’ve Been - Part Three

Brian May x Female!Reader

Part One | Part Two

A/N: Hey, everyone! I’m sorry for my inconsistent updates of this fic, I’ve been having trouble writing this particular fic but I’m getting there! The next part will be the final part, so please stay tuned! Thank you all so much for the love and support on my last two posts, you guys rock! As always, feedback is very much appreciated! Much love! -m:)

Summary: Being friends with John Deacon meant being friends with his band mates. This blossoming group of best buds seems logical until Brian realizes he may like you more than a friend. Unfortunately, your oblivious nature and Roger’s constant cock-blocking spells trouble for Brian and the romantic feelings he harbors for you. Young love isn’t always as fun as the movies make it seem.

Word Count: 1,327 words (sorry it’s so short!)

Warnings: cursing 

Brian audibly groaned as the white streaks of sunlight pouring through his curtains temporarily blinded his tired eyes. He pressed on both eyes with the pads of his thumb and pointer finger, attempting to rub the sleep from them. His feet felt cold, looking down he noticed they were hanging off of the bed uncovered, typical. He threw the duvet from his body and onto the floor which was littered with dirty clothes and books, very out of character for neat freak, Brian May. His long legs felt heavy as he attempted to swing them over the side of his mattress and when he managed to do so, a dull ache reverberated throughout his muscles. He grimaced, sitting up with the assistance of his also very sore arms. Taking a quick glance of the condition of his room, he sighed and buried his face in his hands. The past few weeks had been tough, and Brian’s room was suffering as a result. He hadn’t really tidied since he met you a little over a month ago and the idea of what could be living among the mess caused a shiver to climb Brian’s spine. Nevertheless, he pushed himself from the bed; his legs still screaming in pain. The band had had a gig the night before and while the aches the day after hurt, having to watch Roger continue to butter you up after every gig hurt even more. You’d been to a total of four gigs now, the flames of jealousy in Brian’s chest only growing after each. Roger was determined, and Brian envied his persistence, especially since you’d seemingly shot him down every time he’d hinted to the idea of something more. Whether you were truly rejecting him or obliviously playing along, thinking Roger’s sly remarks were merely compliments, Brian didn’t know. What he did know was that he didn’t like it, at all. He felt a welcome sense of relief wash over him when he remembered there was no gig and he’d be able to exist in peace without the constant reminder that you weren’t his, you’d never be his, and that you would inevitably end up shagging Roger. He opened the door to his room and furrowed his brow when he wasn’t bombarded by the screams and vivacious laughs of his roommates. Instead, they were all sat at various points in the room either eating, reading, or both. Brian gave the three a friendly wave as he wordlessly poured himself a cup of coffee.

“Morning, Bri.” Freddie said behind his newspaper, yawning obnoxiously right after. Brian hummed in acknowledgement, taking a sip of his coffee and appreciating the warmth it brought to his cold limbs. The unfamiliar, but welcome, quiet was interrupted by Roger who saw it appropriate to begin stirring the pot.

“It’s a shame we don’t have a gig this weekend. Was so looking forward to seeing Y/N.” He said, smirking as he doodled with a blue pen onto the back of a napkin. Brian inhaled deeply and rolled his eyes, annoyed Roger found it necessary to get everyone riled up this early in the morning. John peered at Roger from behind a magazine, sneering at him.

“Rog, can you please keep it in your pants? She’s my friend, and I’d appreciate it if you’d stop dropping us hints about how much you’d like to get in her pants.” John said, rolling his own grey eyes and focusing back on that month’s issue of Rolling Stone. Roger laughed but didn’t look up, extremely focused on his drawing of what Brian assumed, from his view, was a dog.

“C’mon, Deaks! I get that she’s your friend and all, but you can’t deny she’s fit.” Roger said smugly, grinning from ear to ear with a cockiness that made Brian nauseous.

“Yeah, Rog. I can see that, I have eyes, but all I’m asking is that you not discuss your sexual fantasies involving her with the lot of us.” John said, huffing out an exasperated breath. Roger sat back, disgustingly smug. He shrugged and crossed one leg over the other.

“Can’t help it. I mean, she’s a total babe. Nice tits, and not to mention her bum. I’ll tell ya, I’d like to- “

“Stop talking about her like that.” Brian hissed from the other side of the room, absolutely seething. Roger turned to him, still smug, and gave him a challenging glare.

“What’s your problem, Bri? Are you mad you haven’t got the gall to try and get into her knickers?” He said, smirking as he tapped his fingers on the arm of the couch. Freddie’s eyes widened, and John was still shocked Brian was brave enough to even attempt to call out Roger. Brian set down his cup of coffee and crossed his arms over his chest, his full weight shifting onto his left leg. He huffed, growing angry and feeling slightly flustered. Roger tilted his head with both eyebrows raised, awaiting his reply.

“No, Rog, it’s not that. Just think you should have some respect. You’re being a proper dick right now.” Brian said simply, furrowing his brows Roger’s way. Roger’s face and chest grew red, his reputation of flying off the handle on the brink of being on full display. He scoffed, shaking his head.

“No, Bri. I just think you’re just chapped because I’m not afraid to go after what I want. You envy me.” Roger spit, shifting in his seat to face Brian. Freddie and John were stunned. Arguments among them were always lighthearted, this seemed malicious. Brian laughed in disbelief, shaking his head, curls bouncing softly.

“Envy you? Sure, Rog, if that helps you sleep at night.” Brian said, dismissively waving a hand as he turned to pour himself more coffee, already wanting this conversation to end. Roger was angry now; he didn't like being shamed, especially from the likes of Brian. 

“What the fuck is your problem, May? So, what if I want to shag her? What does it matter to you?”

“Cuz’ I fancy her, alright!” Brian shouted, breathing shaky and fists clenched. The room fell silent and Brian witnessed a rare emotion for Roger cross his face, regret. Only for a moment though, as Roger’s trademark smirk soon returned to its usual position in mere seconds. He leant back on the couch and reached for a cigarette on the stool beside him.

“Well, you’re shit at showing it.” Roger mumbled, lighting the cigarette hung loosely between his lips. Brian’s shoulders relaxed but he grew confused.

“What?” Brian asked, his eyebrows still drawn together. Roger huffed and sat up.

“Brian, you may be an astrophysicist, but you truly are daft. If you would have made an effort to show me you fancied her, I would have backed off. I’m not a complete asshole.” Roger said, puffing on his cigarette.

“News to me.” Freddie mumbled, and John laughed into his hand. Roger promptly flicked him off and all attention was back to Brian, who was still a bit shocked to say the least. Roger sighed frustrated, already reaching for a second cigarette.

“Brian, just grow a pair and go get her. Nothing’s stopping you now.” He said, returning his concentration back to drawing. Brian felt relief flood his chest and a breathy laugh escaped him. He ran to the coat rack, fishing for his jacket and pulling it over his lithe frame. Brian turned to the three men, giving Roger a nod which he returned with a playful eye roll and smile. Brian got to work on the lock of the door, flinging it open. John sat up in his chair, his arms supporting his weight.

“You break her heart and your ass is mine, May!” John called as Brian stumbled out of the door, giving John a thumbs up through the opening before it shut. The remaining three all relaxed in their seats, the previous tension in the room now dissipating.

“This is definitely not how I imagined my morning going.” Freddie stated from his seat and John nodded in solemn agreement, burying his face in a pillow beside him.

tag list: @ourfracturedomens @ladylannisterxo @arrowswithwifi @discoball-deaky @everybodyplaythegame @rogerlad @queenbbarnes @mackers125 @alexfayer @borhapqueen92 @thesecondlastjedi @dashlilymark @joe-mozzarello @goodoldfashionedlovergal @readinghorn @disn3yfreak (this is the official tag list for the fic; if you'd like to be added, please let me know!)