#cut to me rereading this in 2 years having no idea wtf i was talking about hahah

[ria-the-camel]

I'm usually pretty good at ignoring discourse and reading through the tags without it getting to me, but it's been so bad on All sides this whole week and getting worse after yesterday's episode.

Makes me a little sad to see people who all enjoy the same show getting sososo mad about it and each other.

It's a show, improvised! Oftentimes the actors make mistakes, both in character choices and the way they speak, they have to make it up on the spot and are not all-knowing fucking experts of the human psyche!

They touch sensitive topics and I get that, it feels personal. It's not though.

Remember that, this is not about you, it's about eight people in LA playing DnD as a game and as a story (which sometimes does not align well) and making mistakes. Sometimes being vague and unclear.

And it's a show, people will enjoy it in a different way than you, it makes me sad to see people going into blind rage, futilessly defending a fictional character from others' "wrong" opinions and hurting the real people on the other side instead.

Some enjoying reading into it too much, see pattern that aren't there, and it can lead to disappointment, but its self caused. This is not you, this is not about you and these are not your same problems.

There's many ways to interpret the same thing, wouldn't it be better to discuss it without ripping into each other.

[clownpi]

Fucken wild idea (you can use it if you want, I'll probs never make a fic in my life, I cant write for shit)

Jinx has a mental breakdown while living with Silco at like age 14 (before Vi gets out of prison) and thinks she's going to jinx Silco and getting independence for Zaun and pulls a journey to the west (yes I have been rereading the jttw don't @ me) and goes on a pilgrimage to find enlightenment/ how tf not to be a Jinx to everyone around me, everyone thinks she's fucken dead coz this was entirely impromptu, including Ekko and Zeri (she's there). And Jinx just kinda travels the world meeting new people making enemies and friends along the way including one "special" Demacian *wink* *wink*. She ultimately makes her way to shurima (note Janna has been guiding her journey) and finds like this sunken temple that was dedicated to Janna full of forgotten ancient relics and scripture detailing Zaun and Jannas history. And Jinx is all like tf do I do? And Janna visits her in her dreams and is like, daughter of mine, rewrite our old scripture and traditions into modern zauns language and once you've done become my priestess and bring back our culture to Zaun. And jinx is like seems legit and does that for like 2 and a half years (she's like 18 after this) and makes her way back to Zaun

Meanwhile back at the twin city's, Caitlyn broke Vi out of prison to help with her investigation, Vi finds out from sevika that jinx is probs dead, and Ekko basically confirms it, shit happens Zaun gets it's independence, a year goes by and Jinx 5 years older one pilgrimage and religious awakening later has finally made it back home to Zaun and Silco, Silco of course is ecstatic to have his daughter back and wants to show off to Zaun and Piltover that the princess and heir of Zaun has finally returned, Jinx is like umm dad, Ive had like a religious awakening and such and went on a pilgrimage across the world and I brought back a bunch of scripture of Janna and the church of the storm and I'm basically a priestess now can we umm get Jannas old church back up and running? Silco of course agrees, anything for his little girl. A gala at Piltover rolls around and what's the best way to announce the return of the princess of Zaun then to upstage a piltoven event? So Jinx and slico and the other chembarons go to the gala and guess who's there, Caitlyn, Vi, Ekko and Zeri also Lux and a bunch of Jinx's friends from around the world (jinx has so many political connections it's scary)

You can kinda imagine what happens next, Vi , Ekko and Zeri freak the fuck out, Jinx/powder is alive what? Ekko and Zeri are like do we need to fight she works for Silco, but this is a gala and Jinx is clearly been invited judging by her dress. While Vi is all like at first HOLY SHIT POWDER IS ALIVE, WHAT THE FUCK IS SILCO DOING WITH HER, WHY THE FUCK IS HE WITH HER, GET TF AWAY FROM MY SISTER! Jinx is like Vi wtf ,don't make a scene and drags her off. Caitlyn is all the while awkwardly standing there not really know what to do but be kinda excited to know that vis innocent baby sister is alive, and is like new sister pog as well as the fact she seems to be very close to a Crownguard who has been basically been a bodyguard and shadowed her the entire evening which can only mean good things(Ekko never had the heart to tell Vi jinx worked for Slico, and Vi just talked about her little sis to Cait all the time and Cait has gotten attached to her even tho she's never met her)

Eh can't be bothered to keep going, it's like past 12 am for me and I need to do work tomorrow

Night clown

We Prince of Egypt AU now, love it (I know the movie is based on the bible, but I've never read it so Prince of Egypt AU it is). Jinx having a spiritual journey just like Moses did while wandering through a desert.

You could almost cut everything and just focus on Shurima adventures too, especially if you wanted to have Jinx interaction with the colourful Shurima champs (or actively try to ignore them while doing her translations only to have them constantly bug her). Jinx could still have traveled all over the place, but you could keep it to backstory or references just to keep the story focused, anything you'd want more detail in could just be side stories.

Like Jinx has holed up in an old catacomb or something and just is constantly interrupted. Nasus could stop in to teach her how to read ancient Shuriman (useful, Jinx likes), which then makes Renekton come bursting in to fight (even when Nasus isn't there and after the first couple times of Jinx actually fearing for her life she just kinda gets used to it and tells him Nasus isn't there much to Renekton's disappointment).

Sivir could show up initially thinking it was a new tomb to explore only to find Jinx, somehow they hit it off and Sivir starts bugging her to raid tombs together since Jinx is an explosives expert + her lessons with Nasus means she can read ancient Shuriman and knows a lot about old architecture.

That could then lead Azir (leaning on his interactions with Sivir from LoR) to showing up trying to use Jinx as a means of getting close with Sivir or even just learning what she's doing, because she wants nothing to do with him. He'd just call her Scribe or something like "Scribe, how was my great granddaughters day? Did she....mention me at all?" Have Azir go off on "For your usefulness to me over the years I shall consider you an honorary Shuriman when Shurima finally rises to its true splendor under my rule! Feel pride in earning such a status Scribe! Maybe even Royal Scribe may be in your future should such usefulness continue!" to which Jinx just goes "Yeah sure, cool."

Taliyah could be the one normal friend she actually likes to see because when she see's Jinx is busy she'll just come back another time while leaving a note. They can go sand surfing together and Taliyah would deliver Jinx's mail correspondence with the other people she met on her journey to keep in touch.

Not really sure about the other Shuriman champions. Would be funny if Jinx went "You know, I think you're my favourite of all the Shuriman weirdos I've met, you keep things simple y'know?" towards Rammus who just responds with "OK" While with Amumu it's "Y'know I get you, but I'm still not hugging you. Maintain our agreed upon distance."

The reason so many years pass before Jinx finally leaves is because of the constant interruptions, but through it she ascends (hehe) to a level of patients not previously thought possible. She gets so used to dealing with the constant interruptions from these Gods and other powerful beings she doesn't even blink and just accepts it.

Upon actually returning to Zaun would be kinda funny if people were more weirded out at how incredibly mellow Jinx is than the fact she's actually back.

At that Gala would be where she could interact with the others she met on her journey. Everyone could be weirded out at the Shuriman delegates just approaching Jinx going "Scribe, Emperor Azir wishes to seek your wisdom on a most important topic. He wishes to know if you have any knowledge as to what Lady Sivir's favourite food might be? Emperor Azir wishes to gift her such for his upcoming visit."

Idk, does sound like a fun idea that I might possible look into doing something for (adding it to the pile ;-;) since Shurima is a pretty neat place which also bleeds into my childhood love of Egypt (I wanted to be an Egyptologist as a kid :3).

[allthingsfern]

In order, my responses to comments in Reply of my COVID19 era post that was my answer to my question “My answer to my questions: Has the era of COVID19 changed your photography? How? And perhaps also, why?“ I am so confused now...

adventuresofalgy

Algy thinks you are lucky and - certainly if compared with Europeans - perhaps quite unusual in not having experienced a more profound effect on your creative outlets and expression. Many of Algy's creative friends have experienced wide-ranging and often severe impacts on their creativity and associated motivation - and therefore on their mental health as well.

themazette

As @adventuresofalgy Jenny said.... you are lucky...

I am indeed very lucky, or as I think of it, blessed. However, it is no way a US thing, nor even a California thing. I add California, because I know many in the US and around the world think of the Golden State as a haven, a progressive, hippie filled state that is all about peace and love and marijuana. However, that is far from the truth. California is like Germany in the 1920s and 30s. There was Berlin, where there was a wildness in the city that was not shared, and was often looked-down on, by those in the majority of the country, who lived in more conservative areas and who, often, economically could not afford the grand life of partying Berliners. In California it is the same. Except for a few urban areas, the state is full of very conservative folks, and for them, like for those in the cities (and in the rest of the world) this COVID19 era has been devastating. Well, and the fires for Californians have been too.

Even in this cool college town where I live, which is lovely and quiet and inspiring, the painfully empty streets, movie theaters, restaurants, shops (think of all those unemployed people) is (still) staggering. In mid-March last year, right after lockdown, I took several phone videos of the deserted street in our town and the campus, but I could not bring myself to share them, since I knew that so many others here on Tumblr were experiencing the same desolation in many different ways. (I figured: “Why add to the sorrow we are living, almost globally?”) I was overwhelmed by the emptiness of the major (well, major for a small town of around 65,000 people) street where I live and the empty bicycle trails and street on campus. And by empty, I mean that even now, I see maybe 3 cyclists per hour, and very little car traffic. Remember, this is a bicycle town; I do not own a car, doing most all my errands on my bike with its 2 fordable baskets in the rear.

And now, over a year later, that same heavy, oppressive emptiness persists. And no, I am not used to it. And yes, I traveled over the last year, but I found the same suffocating blanket of emptiness in each city I visited, even in Las Vegas. It was unnerving. As a matter of fact, last year when I drove to San Francisco 2 months after lockdown for my birthday, I wound up getting depressed and disoriented, in a city where I lived for almost 7 years. Driving back home across the Golden Gate Bridge with tears of sadness in my eyes on my birthday was not what I expected. However, I did get some solid photos of the malaise that hung thick in the air, a malaise that physically took up the space that once was taken up by crowds of people.

Now, I am also very aware that my situation is unique. (Not a fan of the word exceptional, since it can mean both unique and special, and I do not see my situation as special.) My life situation is very unique in that I have a job I love and I work with a great team of characters. We get work done and we have fun, share about our lives. My job is often, especially since COVID19 first got noticed in early 2020, stressful and demands my colleagues and I learn (and sometimes then teach) lots of new technology and that we adapt to the vagaries of the technology gods, which are sometimes unfriendly and unresponsive. And a big part of my job is trying to figure out how to get the technology gods to like us again and grace us with their gifts. (I never realized, until now, with this discussion, that the troubleshooting that is a big part of my job is creative and probably fuels my photographic creativity. Who knew?) Yet, as a group, my colleagues and I support each other. And I am fortunate to count my closest colleague, Steve, as a friend. We have been a great emotional support to each other over the years and now through this COVID19 era. And I recently was reminded (as if I needed reminding) just how unique my work situation is because I participated in a committee that was going over responses to a UC Davis-wide survey exploring levels of employee satisfaction. My 2 colleagues who were also on that committee and I did not have the complaints that others from other departments shared. We work well together, have supportive management that share what is going on and include us (as mush as possible) in the decision making process. And as a department, we get stuff done.

Possibly the best example of how blessedly unique my situation is is what happened this morning when I was talking (yes, on ZOOM) with my immediate supervisor. We discussed the work related stuff, including how at around 10:30 pm the night before I figured something out about an online tool integration I had never done before that I knew was easy but I did not see as easy until I reread the overly complicated instructions a couple of times and just figured out how and where to cut and paste the lines of code (it was that easy, just fucking cut and paste some lines of JSON code) that got the fucking thing to work. Then we talked about his dealing with his young children returning to school and how “normal” now is not “normal” from before and how disruptive the whole thing has been, yet since we work in a supportive atmosphere (and are both salaried), he was able to deal and keep living.

Then, and you are gonna love this, I shared about my original COVID19 question post and the responses and pretty much said to him what I am sharing here.

We talked for a little over an hour. That kind of rapport is rare, for any job, anywhere.

And then there is another way my situation is unique. In some ways, previous “bad things” were actually a preparation for this era of physical distance and uncertainty. In mid-2019, from July to August, first because of my work related bowling concussion and then an antibiotic resistant infection, I was bedridden for about 5 weeks and then had several absences because of concussion issues, like sudden and extreme anger flare ups, nausea, headaches. But however bad I thought that concussion and infection were, the concussion induced forgetfulness and my desire to sharpen my mind and nurture and nourish it have lead me to become, in my old age, organized. I now often take notes of important stuff, add work and personal dates and notes to my Outlook calendar, and even know what day it is, which bugs my colleagues who often find they have no idea what day and/or date it is. Yep, unique, but the bad concussion shit got me to be organized in ways that I was never able to be before, no matter what I tried. This time, I just fucking get organized, without thinking about it too much. And if I fuck up with my being organized, like I did the other day for work, I admit it, fix it, and move on.

Preparation for isolation (and unexpected natural threats) came by way of the 2018 Northern California (the region where I live) fires that year, which caused the campus to shut down for about a week. (As my friend Steve called it, the smoking break.) And for work, my colleagues and I faced a couple of long term, emergency technical outages that impacted all of the UC Davis faculty, one of them for over a month. Pretty much on a professional and personal level, I was, if not ready, at least getting used to the WTF of whatever life decides to surprise me with. (And lets not forget the really bad fire last September, seen in this video I posted of ash “snow” falling. We did not have to shut down the campus because there was no one there anyway.)

Another aspect of this last year, and one that has been present in my life for a few years now, is the BLM movement and the brutal police violence against Black people in this country. As someone who was a teaching assistant and taught in African American Studies and worked closely with students of color on campus in a student run organization, I was and am still devastated, in part because I know, from hearing so many personal accounts, the pain many of my friends, former colleagues, and former students, are still facing and how overwhelmed they felt and still feel. I understand, if as an outsider, their emotional exhaustion. This has been going on for a while, plus add the years of anti-immigrant hate against the Latinx in the US and the rising tide of violent hate against Asians, and yes, it has been sorrowful. Heartbreaking. And I have, in several ways, including my photography, tried to capture the sorrow and resilience of US people of color. It hurts, almost physically, that many people of color are just tired of talking and dealing with the hate.

So, yes, my situation is unique, but with its own emotionally draining weight. And yes, I am extremely grateful. This leads to the other 2 comments in Reply:

kkomppa

Thank you for sharing, Fern. Very interesting. Like you, I would say my output hasn’t changed much. However, I have sought locations deeper in the wilderness. This has been fulfilling.

schwarzkaeppchen

Really interesting thoughts. We live in strange times, but creativity and motivation comes and goes for so many different reasons. My photography has changed a lot. I used to work as a photographer at events and took portraits for fun... Now I'm officially a portrait photographer.

Both of these comments point to another unique aspect of my life situation: For some of us, our photography and how we do it, has not changed much, and if it has, that has been a part of our overall experience with this art form we love so much.

For me, because of my depressive tendencies, the Zen of photography, at least the way I do it, is therapeutic. And I do not use the  term “Zen” lightly here, because my spiritual life has helped me come to terms with the WTF surprises that are pretty much life, if at times the WTF of it is more impactful, as it is during this COVID19 era. And that is part of what I was trying to share with my original post: Before this period of isolation and disorientation, I was already coming to grips with the gospel truth that “creativity and motivation comes and goes for so many different reasons.” as @schwarzkaeppchen​ said. In no way do I diminish the anguish flared up by these bleak times that impact so many around the world. And really, when you think about it, bleak times have been a norm, at least here in the US, since late 2016, though, of course, lockdowns and physical distance make it all worse. But, at least for me, I try to learn from the bleak times, even if I abhor going through them. And when dealing with the highs and lows of creative energy, at least for me, I have a calm certainty that photography is part of my life and I do not have to worry, since I only love it more each day. And the other side to my certainty is that if someday my love of photography fades, some other treasure of creativity will replace it.

Let’s be real, because of photography. I think about stuff like this and get to have discussions with so many great Tumblr original photographers.

And I am grateful for it, and no, this is not unique to my life situation. I know many of us love being here and sharing the good, the bad, the confounding.

Please think about joining @tvoom and me for InConverversation this month. It has been a long time since we talked, and this COVID19 era will be our topic.

I am grateful for all y’all.

[jujyfru1t]

hello my name is *yells about Furuba*

I dunno what I’m doing but I have Feelings so let me rant about them, by me.

Some of y'all may not know that Fruits Basket is my favorite series on the planet– well you do now. That comes with a caveat of favorite manga, not favorite anime (that honor goes to either Noragami or Chihayafuru, with Madoka Magica as an honorable mention). I do also love the anime dearly! But comparing them is like apples and oranges, horses of different colors, etc etc, not least because the anime was made before the manga was barely halfway through. futile hope springs eternal for a full remake. So most of my feels rant will be manga-centric although the general feels apply to the anime, and uh there may be spoilers idk it’s been out for a long time???

The first volume came out in the US five days after my *deep breath* 15th birthday. I got it for the next year’s bday present from my big sis, aaaand that was when the gates of otaku/manga hell swallowed me up (I was somehow unaware that Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh were also Japanese pop culture, go figure.) I have no memory of how I found the anime– my anime-bittorrent-whateverthefuck knowledge was nonexistent but I don’t think it was airing live. I got the box set for some Christmas but that would’ve been after I was a massive fan so *shrug*

Anyway I watched the dub first and holy hell if I wasn’t planning to marry Yuki Sohma before then I definitely was after that, thanks Eric Vale. (I still have huge love for the dub cast fight me). Yun-chan was my first 2D crush and tbqh I’m still in love with him. Also I stg he’s the whole reason why pretty boys are a Big Thing of mine. And wait omg Shigure’s first appearance?! Like, that’s probably why dudes with glasses are also My Thing wow I just blew my own mind but moving on

Fun fact I couldn’t choose between Kyoru or Yukiru bc they were both cute (present me@young me: u will realize eventually grasshopper) but I was 100% cool with Kyoru happening because of course then I could be with Yuki. Cue me dabbling in a few paragraphs of self-insert fic.

uh lemme cut this it’s becoming a novel

Random things (this whole thing is random wtf):

I was blessed enough to get my hands on the entire Tokyopop run, plus the fanbooks!!! before they shut down. I’ve been warring with myself for ages over whether to start collecting the Yen Press specials but. my resolve is weakening. I also have all of Takaya-sensei’s other stuff yeet (Phantom Dreams, Those with Wings, Songs to Make You Smile) except for Twinkle Stars which I’m def gonna get and OBVIOUSLY THE INSTANT FURUBA ANOTHER COMES OUT IM GRAB meanwhile if I remember to check out the scans

been a while since I reread it(it’ll be my third one~) but off the top of my head some favorite arcs etc are: obviously the major one at the end of vol 6. The Red Cap. Hatori and Kana (RIP ME) The Summerhouse (Jason the bear jfc). Akito’s reveal. Kyoko and Katsuya’s entire thing obviously (EXTRA RIP ME I’m crying just thinking about it). “The plum on your back” scenes. Kyo and Kyoko. THAT FIRST NEW YEAR’S WHEN YUKI AND KYO RACE BACK TO THE MAIN HOUSE BECAUSEtheir girlfriend MY DAUGHTER IS SAD AND LONELY AND THEY MAKE WISHES ON THE ROOF heck me upppp– also literally all roof scenes (karate kid Tohrutm) BUT THAT ONE HHGBNCCSV!!! Also my fav episode along with the AU-ish final 2.

Furuba fandom is my biggest fleet of ships by far which is hilarious bc I have a lot of fandoms and a lot of ships and you can see them bc i’m a derp but since nobody looks at that and nobody will read this (?) I’ma talk about them here. I DO WANT I WANT YO

but seriously I support

literally all the canon ships except HanaxShishou, pardon me Takaya-sensei but why. Wtaf.

a metric fuckton of non-canon ships bc of COURSE I DO

my low-key ships include

MomijixKagura. pairing the spares if you will XD

KaguraxTohru

RinxTohru. yes I have bi Tohru headcanons mmkay

Future!Kisa/Tohru (blame this fic)

KyoxUo.

YukixHana. all symmetrical-like (but wow i forgot i highkey shipped it for a while until…)

GurexAaya. like, come on. Also poly Mabudachi Trio

MomijixTohru. they’re super hecking cute ok, edging into high-key

my high-key ships include

HanaxUo. ok this??? is a big OTP, and 99% why I’m hella salty over HanaxShishou (at least KurenoxUo had an actual subplot!!). They are Tohru’s adoptive moms and I will forever protec (and yet. HanaxTohru and girls OT3 are also Good Ships but tbh super low-key) also I MADE SOMEONE SHIP IT

YukixTohru. see the start of this post way up there somewhere

KyoxYuki. my first rivalshiptm

HaruxYuki. “He was my first love” one cannot simply– have a character say this and not expect fans to ship. Also bi Haru is canon. lotta bi folks up in here imo

KakeruxYuki. CUTE GODDAMN DORKS WOW

But my flagship, my OTP to end all OTPs and my polyship to end all polyships in any fandom is the SS Yukyoru. KyoxTohruxYuki.

I’ve had polyship predilections for 6-7 years now, though it’s more recent I’ve started polyshipping every love triangle i encounter bc I‘m so done with them… there wasn’t really any lightning-bolt moment when I realized I shipped them much more together rather than apart. but like, I ship all three permutations so at some point my brain went HERE’S AN IDEA which tbh is how a lot of my polyships happen, i mainly have OT3s (if I ship 2 outta 3 there’s a good chance ima poly it)

but anyway! there’s absolutely no way to convey how much I adore this ship and IT’S A HUGE EMPTY YACHT I NEED CREW MEMBERS PLZ

I am building it up one fic at a time and if you’ve made it this far and have any interest at all plz read my shit and general Furuba screaming is appreciated as well of course!!! (also look at the most beautiful piece of fanart ever)

More fic! have my mixed bag of bookmarks (Sure For The Axis is my absolute fav, 2nd is Little Prayer) u can also find my Yukyoru stuff on AO3 ehehe~ and oh look HanaxUo!

and holy whoa i’m done. TLDR FURUBA IS THE BEST MANGA EVER AND YUKYORU IS THE PUREST RARESHIP EVER

THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT

[herotheshiro]

so in abt 2017-18, i came across this manga called sneaky red by thanat. most of the 1st volume, translated, got posted online but i knew there was a continuation. while i don’t remember too much specifics abt my reaction to it then, i distinctly remember being affected by it and by that i mean ... liking it. i remember that i had the feeling of wanting to read the 2nd volume and even a year ago (almost the date!) on this very blog i noted that i “wanna read all of [their] works so bad” and at this point i had only ever read sneaky red so going off of that, i liked it apparently.

fast forward 2-3 years to tonight, where i finally forced myself to finish reading the series since the free month-long futekiya trial is ending soon. and well ... i thought i would be satisfied afterwards since i’ve wanted to finish reading this series for literal years but all i felt was ... disappointment. i’ve had the futekiya subscription for abt 1/2 a month already but i’ve been putting off reading sneaky red bc i mean i’ve read the 1st volume, i knew it was abt abuse pretty much and i wasn’t really into reading something so depressing (i had to reread the 1st volume in this read bc i legit have not touched the manga since whenever i read it last). and ... yeah it is a downer to read with little positive payoff. [putting under cut bc WOW this got long]

let’s get this straight, my perception of what this author is trying to do is this: two guys meet, one of them (A) has anger/emotion management issues and is quick to react with his fists and the other one (B) just so happens to get off at pain (...no further comment at this) ... which is coincidentally a “nice” set-up but A wants to turn over a new leaf bc eventually he feels bad whaling on B all the time ... except suddenly turning over a new leaf when you’ve been living and thinking a certain way for almost two entire decades is not that easy. which alright tl;dr, an abuser/someone quick to physical violence trying to reform. a rather heavy topic to tackle for your debut work ... and unfortunately i don’t think this author really succeeds in doing so. 1st volume was written in 2013 and is their debut work and it definitely feels like a new author work ... the story developments are kind of unclear at times and misaki (i think that was his name?) just accepting getting beaten up by a rando is just so incredibly sad to read bc like ... wtf? i cannot figure out how they came to love each other. i mean haru i can kind of see bc they kind of implied that misaki was one of the 1st ppl to have hope in him even though he himself felt like he was a lost cause, but misaki i just have no fucking idea what happened there. like lust turning into love? idk man falling in love from physical abuse frankly makes no fucking sense esp since it’s not even implied that misaki has low self-esteem or something that would make him accept this treatment. i legitimately would like to go back in time to meet me from 2-3 years and ask them what the fucking hell made me like this manga bc it’s messed up and the topics aren’t even handled that well! this is truly a manga that somehow depicts abuse as being shitty but also romanticizes it somehow?? even though i legit just read it a few hours ago i’m starting to mix up what happened in vol 1 and 2 so let’s just move on to vol 2 now.

vol 2 was definitely more put together in terms of story progression than vol 1 (i mean, being done 3 yrs later i would hope so). i did like it a bit more than vol 1 and there were some cute scenes bw misaki and haru but ... the scenes where misaki still went to see haru even after some seriously messed up scenes being like ‘i still love you’ ... really rubbed me the wrong way bc it kind of felt like a ‘you can heal abusive behavior through love’. i mean yes haru acknowledged his behavior and treatment of misaki was absolute shit and that he’d try to change, but also that ch where they kind of just substituted bdsm as a more socially acceptable way for haru to hit/hurt misaki during sex? BRO THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS !! i mean there were some scenes that felt realistic (misaki instinctively defending himself when haru raised his hand) but at the same time it also felt like the author didn’t really know what they were doing. like i get it, haru is supposed to be a nice person who just so happens to react badly to things but ... these kinds of things you kind of legit need professional help for. simply learning to depend more on friends/SOs, completely cutting out your toxic fam from your life... that kind of stuff is not really enough to help you heal. i mean this is a japanese manga, and ik east asian culture has ... thoughts on mental health care but the way the story was presented just didn’t feel realistic at all. yes they did show haru struggling to hold his emotions in check, i did like the scenes where haru was in his own head and saw his brother berating him for his behavior, and i do appreciate they didn’t merely just 180 change his personality and pretend it was easy to change for the better but ... idk. i just simply did not enjoy reading this story and about this relationship, i felt like their issues never really got resolved or are moving in a more constructive direction. i mean i guess this happens irl (bc ppl do stay in abusive relationships despite how bad it gets) but like i just had no fucking idea what misaki even saw in haru in the first place which sounds mean to haru but it’s true ?? like you gotta be attracted to SOMETHING first right, is it just bc he’s nice sometimes (this is worrying bc i’m someone who is weak to ppl simply being nice to me but also bruh if someone is beating my ass idk if i can be attracted to that) ?? it legit at times reminded me of bj alex which is an extremely unfortunate comparison in my book and you know what i just remembered that misaki was attracted to haru partly bc of his looks so uh yeah the comparison holds up.

i don’t even know if i can say i’m glad i read through these 2 volumes of sneaky red. apparently a 3rd volume is getting published next month and i’m like WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT ?? i saw a graphic of the side pairing (story covered in motion emotion) on the back cover which i got a lil excited abt bc i am intrigued by that pairing but like ... what else is there to talk abt re: sneaky red’s pairing. they’ve gotten together, they’re growing up and dealing with adult worries (jobs), and they’re moving in a more “positive” direction with their relationship (i.e., haru is opening up more to misaki) while attempting to hurdle the lingering issue of haru’s abuse -- what else is there to cover ... i think this artist really likes this couple which like makes sense for them since they’re their first published OCs but it’s prob just gonna be more senseless writing. the translated caption was like ‘the sequel of the famous debut work is here!’ and i’m like sneaky red is popular? this very unclearly written thing? but then again ppl liked k!lling st@alking and some of harada’s works that are OUT THERE are popular so i guess the fetish for abuse/hurt is strong ...

i didn’t really say anything coherent in this post bc deadass i don’t even remember what the fuck i read even though i read this manga like mere hrs ago which goes to show how much of an impact the story had on me (hint none). abuser stories are usually pretty hit or miss stories i feel, although tbh i don’t think i’ve ever read a hit story because the abuse is usually romanticized or somehow resolved without any issue which is frankly unrealistic and kind of dangerous to be telling people. i admit i don’t have personal experience with abuse (thankfully) so i guess i can’t really say stuff abt how realistic it is or not but ... just very disappointed with the story. i am still struggling to figure out what i liked abt this manga so much back then. i do like the art style a lot bc it’s unique compared to what you see in other BLs but the author’s writing is just very unclear sometimes ... it’s definitely improved since 2013 but ... hah. it was not really an enjoyable read. i legit wanted to stop reading at times but i’ve wanted to finish it for so long so i pushed on ... maybe i should reread so i can more definitively say what exactly i disliked but i don’t wanna read this again.

[shorttfuse]

The OA Soulmate au

so i know no one asked or will care about this but i’m writing this (sort of) buck x french soulmate au for the oa and i just gotta talk it out for myself

some ranting (so much ranting. all the ranting. why do i never shut up) under the cut as i think

i didn’t reread anything after i typed it so i hope this makes sense lmao

-i want to keep kind of the basic plot of the oa without like, the kidnapping or the supernatural/sci fi shit (except for soulmates i guess) which is hard

-so i want to make this a primarily buck x french story, where you recognize your soulmate when you lock eyes for the first time (or at least that’s how it goes for most people, see below)

-this happens for buck/french at that banquet scholarship dinner thing. while buck is singing. oa never flips her shit over wifi so they never see each other at the drug house

-french lowkey freaks out bc:    1. french is a senior. buck is a freshman. a 3-4 year age difference doesn’t matter when ur older but in high school? thats a big difference. how the fuck is he supposed to gracefully handle that    2. i was thinking about how french would feel about the idea of soulmates, and i think i decided that he would like them in a nebulous “in the future” kind of way, but wouldn’t be excited about it either. “i do everything by myself” etc, i imagine he thinks of it as just another responsibility on his plate and another person depending on him and he doesn’t like. have the time right now tbh.    3. he is finally getting out of here!! he worked so hard!! and is almost free!!! or like. he’s never gonna be totally free and i don’t think he really wants to, this boy loves and cares so deeply. but he was gonna get to go to college, and visit on weekends, and. don’t tell me french was not a little excited to have only half his life revolve around taking care of his entire family instead of 100%. this is not a good time for this!!!!

-anyways french freaks out. buck tries to talk to him after the banquet but he’s tryin to deal with his drunk mom, finds out buck rode his bike to the thing and *has* to offer him a ride home, wtf, it’s after dark. (french’s very selective bleeding heart i love him)

-they kind of talk after they drop of french’s mom. french is like “you’re young!!! im leaving!!! i don’t really know what to do!!!” and buck is like “uh chill? im 14 im not asking u to marry me or anything. we can like. be friends??? u wanna get ice cream some time”

-french agrees but then kind of. never texts buck bc he still doesn’t really know what to do and he’s kind of a a coward when it comes to this.

-idk if there’s a canon to what happened to french’s dad but in this i feel like his mom and dad are soulmates and his dad left them and both french and his mom have some Issues about that still

- anyways!!! the other people!!! how do i bring them together including bba without oa’s story

-so i’m thinkin everyone gets to be the same age they are in canon except oa and homer, who i’m gonna age down to hs seniors.

-they’re soulmates obvs (homer the football star and oa the kind of odd blind artsy girl who have known each other for years i love it)

-im thinkin breakfast club esque thing, they all end up in detention with bba as the instructor, bba doesn’t rly care if they talk so long as there are no phones

-oa starts tellin a story or like. maybe one of them (im thinkin jesse) asks about how her and homer met and how they know they’re soulmates if they can never, you know, lock eyes

-oa is rly poetic about it and some1 asks if she writes or anything

-oa admits she wanted to start a creative writing club but you have to have a teacher sponser and at least 5 members

-ta da all of them end up in the same club, tuesdays after school, ostensibly to be creative but mostly oa tells stories while buck draws things inspired by them and french does his homework etc and its fun

-most importantly the detention forces french to interact with buck again, they finally get that ice cream and start talkin over things and being friends and bein cute and probably at least once buck kisses french on the cheek and i die

-french starts to realize that like. you can let people help etc (not just buck but the others as well) and a soulmate doesn’t mean another burden on french’s shoulders but is each others burdens shared over a larger surface area and its great and french looks at buck with miles of affection forever, amen

-i have side ideas re: everyone else’s soulmates (or lack thereof)  too but this is already super fuckin long and i think i have a general idea of how i want this story to go now, thanks tumblr.