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#cut everyone else out for. no reason
faerociousbeast · 1 year
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i will never ever ever fault anyone fictional or not for not returning romantic feelings. i just wish that they still cared as friends...??? like great your childhood neighbour best friend or something has always liked you from the side but you dont like them that way back. thats fair. Okay what why are you suddenly ignoring them for the transfer student or whatever the fuck as soon as you dont have romantic feelings do they just not matter to you anymore???? your friendship means NOTHING?? like THEY kept your friendship so long but you cant hang out with two people??????
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teeth-draws · 1 year
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He’s trying to be cool about it but he shouldn’t have opened that and you should probably get out of there…
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hijinxinprogress · 1 month
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Coffee addict Never sleeps Tim drake ❌ 
Solving cases in his sleep off 87 energy drinks Tim Drake ✅
The coffee addict never sleeps perpetually tired Tim Drake thing is a widely accepted headcanon however that was elementary school tim but after he stayed up for a week straight subsisting entirely on coffee to decipher the bat weekly patrol schedule and how it aligns with rogue attacks/Arkham breakouts, he crashed then when he woke up it was fucking wednesday so he missed his chance to commemorate his discovery with pictures of Robin and he decided that shit would never happen again and made himself an ‘efficient’ sleep schedule so he could run around doing fuck shit, add to his robin shrine, and stay on honor roll bc he was even more pissed to see the gotham gazette had pictures of Robin with an on site interview credited to Vicki Vale (listen bowl cut tim had a one sided beef with vicki vale that included tim judging who gets better pics of the bats but she isn’t even aware that she’s competing with a whole ass child 😭 he’s sitting at the table with a mug of orange juice and looks at the newspaper snorts and goes ‘fucking amateur I could do better’) 
Regularly unsupervised tiny businessman in training Tim ‘Ten hours of uninterrupted sleep?? That’s so inefficient not to mention fucking stupid’ Drake is so pissed he missed getting shots of Robin dropkicking a rogue from 6 six stories up (for absolutely no reason dick just thinks it’s fun) that he just takes at least 3 hour naps every eight hours 😭 he refuses to spend almost half a day sleeping ‘for no reason when he could be doing something productive’ 
And he still does this as a bat but it’s just easier to tell if he didn’t take his nap bc he has less than zero impulse control and he’s just fucking done with everything like the gcpd is terrified bc tim’s saying shit like ‘This guys a fucking moron, I could’ve done this in half the time without killing anyone fucking loser doesn’t he know if you keep them alive you can prolong the torture?’ and ‘you’re like all hysterical and for what 🤨 ‘you blew up 83% of Bristol waah’ stfu and fucking rebuild it?? It’s only rich mfs that live there, it’s just a matter of them opening their fucking wallets’ once a new recruit made the mistake of asking if robin had adult supervision regularly and Tim responded with ‘well if you’re gonna snitch to cps like a little bitch then yeah’ and that cop did snitch so tim fucking doxxed him
Yj has just accepted that sometimes they will find tim in an air vent, on the roof, in one of their closets, or something just fucking knocked out then an alarm will go off and he’ll just get up like nothing happened but for the first couple of months they were probably concerned bc ‘I’ve never seen you sleep?? wtf are you on man’ and Tim’s confused bc ‘I slept next to you this morning wdym??’ and that’s how yj discovers tim sleeps with his eyes open
But one of the worst things about Tim’s ‘time efficient sleep schedule’ nonsense is that it fucking works he’s one of the most well rested and coherent bats even after back to back Arkham breakouts however the absolute worst thing about his sleep schedule is the likelihood of going into the cave and seeing tim staring in a daze but wide eyed yet somehow never blinking at the batcomputer with 57 tabs open on top of being unresponsive and thinking he has a fucking concussion or he’s been replaced but he’s just doing case work while muttering nonsense in his fucking sleep for some reason
#Tim drake being unhinged even in his sleep and taking sleepwalking to the next level by doing reports/solving cases in his sleep#A bat hearing incoherent mumbling but no one’s nearby: 😐 he’s in the walls 😨 he’s in the goddamn walls#No one knows how or why he’s in that particular spot in the wall bc there’s isn’t a secret entrance/crawl space there#Tim also has a wall of energy drinks Bruce regularly tries to lecture him aboot#And Tim’s like ‘your eldest son has snorted sugar MULTIPLE times’#then he gestures at Jason ‘and that one looks like if he didn’t have drug related childhood trauma he’d try to snort protein powder’#bruce: tim we have to talk about your behavior#Tim: like three of your kids have basked in the blood of their enemies 🤨 I am NOT your biggest issue rn#Dick Grayson being the main reason there’s an ‘acceptable levels of force’ slide with 600+ slides & most are examples of what not to do#Stephanie 🤝🏾 Damian: being reason Bruce is adding more slides to a PowerPoint from 2 decades ago#Tim drakes idea of straight forward is how everyone else imagines jumping through hoops and fucking struggling to avoid pissing off the fae#Like wdym simple?? This plan has 97 parts and he’s like no that’s just the first page of plan 1 if it’s sunny#Rogues: I can’t catch him off guard wtf do none of these mfs sleep??#Tim ‘never let em know your next move’ Drake who’s been sleep for the past 45 minutes: 🔵➖🔵#Yj has cuddle piles in the air vents#Everyone with enhanced senses is losing bc ‘there are children in the walls’#Coffee addict babs calls tim weak when he tells her he cut coffee bc it was fucking with him before continuing to chug hot coffee#Oracle: this is the worst Tuesday ever 😔 I need more coffee before I deal with an Arkham breakout#Nightwing: but it’s sunday??#Spoiler: Maybe it’s time we switch to decaf love also just out of curiosity when was the last time you slept??#Oracle: you want the fucking location or not?#Dick: I take it back mb#Spoiler: a thousand apologies to our gracious overlord#Oracle: that’s what I thought#Bruce: you���re benched oracle#Oracle: take that bench and shove it up your ass batman#Steph 100% calls everyone mushy pet names and has since Bruce lectured her about professionalism when she was dating tim#Imagine getting your ass kicked by a sleepingwalking middle schooler#Or worse: imagine having to explain to your insurance company that a sleepwalking child blew up your home#tim drake is a menace
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azure-clockwork · 1 month
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How Does it Feel to Read Classic Sci-Fi?
Orson Scott Card: Two of the most interesting books you’ll ever read if you’re willing to look past a handful of things. And then you find the planet of Chinese people who worship having debilitating OCD. And the Mormonism. And the fact that the author is wildly homophobic and ought to read his own books.
Robert Heinlein (or at least the Wikipedia Summaries): I guess that’s a neat concept—oh, it’s a sex thing. Um. Gotcha.
Ray Bradbury: Man, I gotta read this thing for class huh. Well here’s hoping it’s good! *three hours later* oh. that’s why he’s famous. this will stick with me forever and I will never look at the phrase ‘soft rain’ the same again. christ. And then repeat 3x.
Isaac Asimov: Wow, this is such an interesting concept! I wonder how the exploration of it will influence the plot! Wait, hey, are you going to add any characters? Any of em? No like, with character traits other than ‘robot psychologist’ and ‘autistic’ and ‘woman’? None of em? No, ‘detective’ isn’t a character trait. Those are all just facts. Aaaand now I’m bored.
Ursula K. Le Guin: Hah, get a load of this guy! He’s never heard of nonbinary people before. Lol, what a riot; how dumb do you have to be to comprehend that these people aren’t men *or* women actually? Oh, wait, what’s happening. Oh shit, it was about society and love and learning to understand each other? And now I’m crying? And perhaps a better human being for it??
Andy Weir: Alright, this guy’s a really good writer. Funny, creative, knows so much engineering stuff…ooh, a new book! …I guess he can’t write women. Well, he wouldn’t be the first sci-fi writer…ooh another new book! And it’s more engineering problem solving and—wow. It’s not just women he can’t write. Please stop letting your characters talk to each other.
Lois Lowry: Oh, I remember this being fun when I was a kid! Wouldn’t it be fucked up to not see color? …upon reread, it would be fucked up to have your humanity stripped away, replaced with a tepid, beige ‘happiness’ for all time. Yeah.
Tamsyn Muir (let me have this ok): Haha, “lesbian necromancers in space” sounds fun. Lemme read this. Oh wow, yeah, this is right up my alley. OH GOD WHAT. NO. FUCK. OH SHIT WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING AND WHY IS IT REFERENCING THE BOOK OF RUTH AND HOMESTUCK BACK TO BACK!!! AHHHHHHHHH!! Now give me more please.
#Late night book reviews with Bluejay#Not really#and it’s 1pm#If you’re curious which books#or just wanna read another essay:#Card: Ender’s Game and Speaker for the Dead are good* and the rest is Fucking Bonkers. Xenocide is the one called out specifically#Heinlein: Stranger in a Strange Land’s Wikipedia page but my understanding is it’s not the only book Like That#Bradbury: short story “There Will Come Soft Rains” will fuck your up; double if you check out the comic. See also “All Summer…” and °F 451#Asimov: I; Robot is the specific ref but also its sequel novels where you’d more expect real characters and not just fact lists also#Le Guin: Left Hand of Darkness specifically but also I just love her lmao#Weir: The Martian then Artemis then Project Hail Mary#Lowry: the only stuff of her’s I’ve read is The Giver Quartet but I was shocked how good it was upon revisiting. Damn. That’s pointed.#Muir: Gideon the Ninth and its sequels. They’re so good. Read them. You will be confused by book two. That’s on purpose. They’re so good.#Yes don’t come at me for my tag formatting; 140 chars isn’t a lot. You try getting all three Bradbury titles in there#Also the lack of commas is an issue#Anyways I would rec basically all of these if you like sci-fi save for SiaSL (haven’t read it) and all of the Ender’s Game/SftD spinoffs#Also if you do wanna read Card’s work pls get the books 2nd hand or from a library. Or via the 7 seas. His money goes to homophobia :(#But most of em are good and all of em are classics for a reason (save for Muir who really should be lmao)#Also also don’t come at me for including Weir; he’s one of the most popular sci-fi authors AND came up in the discussion that prompted this#As did everyone else except Muir because that one is actually just self indulgent.#I worked so hard to tag the first few things such that it would be clear there was an essay beneath the tag cut#Anyways tags for like actual categorization n such:#orson scott card#robert heinlein#ray bradbury#isaac asimov#ursula k. le guin#andy weir#lois lowry#tamsyn muir
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bestworstcase · 3 months
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What was that one post you made about how V4 and V5 didn't have enough side characters?
here. the general point being that interesting bit and side characters who feel like they have their own lives beyond the story are what makes a fictional world feel alive, and if you don’t have that it will often feel like nothing is happening and the narrative is just spinning wheels even when it isn’t, because it lacks verisimilitude.
if you took half the v5 scenes that take place in the house and moved them into a public location with 1-2 memorable bit characters per scene (think like, the blacksmith in 4.1 or the proprietor of the gas station yang stops at in v5), and then connected the interaction between the main cast and those bit characters to the narrative stakes (these are the people team rwby must protect, and these are people who can’t be allowed to overhear what’s going on), even if nothing else changed, i think you’d see a dramatic decline in the sentiment that the volume is slow paced. likewise v4, if the RNJR narrative hopped from town to town instead of dwelling on the journey through the wilderness.
it does come down largely to an issue of budget though, because obv increasing the complexity of a scene like that unfortunately gets very pricy in an animated story 😔
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feline-evil · 7 months
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Dethvanity is really funny to me conceptually as an episode because you can see how little they had to make the characters insecure about for the bit. They swing for obvious lowblow choices with Pickle' baldness and Nathan's weight and even those require some suspension of disbelief because ok. Sure. Nathan '(said extremely proudly) never skipped a meal in my life!' Explosion is insecure about being a big man now. Nathan *guy who everyone thinks is smoking hot 99% of the time* Explosion is a tiny bit larger than usual and is insecure about it now. Lol. Lmao even.
But anyway then we hit Skwisgaar and Toki and there's like NOTHING to swing for, you can see them going uhhh ok Skwis doesn't sleep he probably drinks a lot of coffee, and Toki? Shit, what does Toki have to be insecure about with his looks. He's perfect, he's adorable, he's ripped. Um. FUCK IT, HE'S DOING NOTHING BUT EATING LEMONS. WE GOT NOTHING, WE GOT NOTHING, JUST GIVE THE BOY CITRUS FRUITS.
WOE 🍋 BE UPON YE
I'm sure i could make some smarter points about the attempts at applying vanity in this ep and how outside of this and a few other moments i do actually like that the show rarely takes pot shots at things like Nathan's weight, but you see Nathan has shirtless scenes in this one and so my intelligence is impeded when all the blood rushes out of my head and into my-
#metalocalypse#jay talkin#I LOVE TOKI'S LEMON EATING CHALLENGE HES ON IN THIS EP. BABY YR STRANGE AND PECULIAR#pickles being insecure abt balding is funny too. my man has chosen a hairstyle that is actively making that worse for himself#buddy if u didnt have whiteguy dreads impromise yr hair wld be healthier. but we love u for yr octopus swag anyway <3#also hi nathan dont listen to the tv listen to me you look great. hi hello. im unsheathing my sword to cut down anyone who makes u feel bad#EVERYBODY IN UNIVERSE IS A COWARD. ITS BIG BOY SEASON. COME GET U ONE#dethvanity isnt in my list of favs i think most its humour is rlly easy lowballs but i find it funny for reasons outside of that#which is namely the show trying to make charavters insecure abt things when they absolutely are not any other time lmao#trying to find things to make skwis and toki insecure abt but theres NOTHING. ITS RLLY FUNNY#listen. putting my hand on everyones shoulder. lets not ignore the elephant in the room this show is uh#OFTEN VERY FATPHOBIC. so its no bastion of rep just cuz it doesnt take all the pot shots it cld at nathans body#it still does take some and theres plently of fatphobia outside of nathans character#but i do like that nathan is a bigger guy and outside of a few eps thats just treated as smth fine! its not remarked on outside of those!#and i think his body is drawn really well and i like that hes permitted to be sexy and to be like. seen with his body out just as much#as like anyone else in the band. like yeah duh nathan explosion is sexy in universe ppl are rocking with this. AS THEY SHOULD BE#idk like i say. not denying the show its fatphobia just saying i like how nathan is treated and portrayed a lot of the time :]
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reiashiftsrealities · 3 months
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i watched I Saw The TV Glow and now i’m debating my gender very terribly hard rn
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abrahamvanhelsings · 1 month
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"goodsir is neoliberalism bc he tried to kill those guys blah blah blah" they kidnapped him and then they made him cut up men to be consumed as an act of control and pure humiliation by threatening to kill probably the last man he still liked in that party, forcing him to be complicit in an act he is viciously against, and to be complicit in the survival of the very men who betrayed the whole expedition and who are using him like a tool. and then the guy he's trying to protect comes up to him to sob and monologue at him about cannibalism and religion and acts of survival and belief as some kind of justification for the fact that he's an absolute pussy ass bitch who'd rather lie down and take it than stand up in the face of acts and circumstances he finds abhorrent. and goodsir was supposed to not be a cunt abt that? lol
#it's so important that in ep 1 we see him trying to argue with stanley bc he doesn't want to cut into young bc he asked him not to#and stanely is like. cut into him you loser. and like he does it but he really doesn't like it bc young specifically asked for the opposite#it's desecration of his last wishes#and then in the mutineers camp he is forced to cut into someone again when he absolutely does not want to#he doesn't want to be complicit in the cannibalism and he doesn't want to help the mutineers#which hickey knows. so he uses the act of cutting up the bodies as an act of humiliation#just as stanley standing there like a hardass doing fuck all except be an ass only you know. worse.#so often when goodsir tries to do what he thinks is right someone with more power tries or does prevent him to do so#and the comparison to stanley burning everyone as a mercy kill doesn't hold up for me bc at that point so much just has not happened yet#completely different situations. at carnivale stanley has lost hope where everyone else still has at least some of it#at mutiny camp there's a couple men who betrayed everyone else out of arrogance and selfishness#and hickey gets off on humiliating those who he thinks think are better than him. hodge for his previous position. goodsir for his morality#like goodsir was not needed to cut into those bodies. and he knows he isn't he deadass says that.#the only reason hickey makes him do it is bc he needs to humiliate him.#brother id be so fucking mad id start killing everyone too#the terror#harry goodsir#it's like listen i get where the argument is coming from. but also i think this is a very understandable thing to do from his perspective
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talkorsomething · 3 months
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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adxmanial · 1 month
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#having a time again#I fucking hate rsd#I hate just feeling the overwhelming urge to go scorched earth and abandon everyone and everything I’ve ever known#I thought I had it under control and it got triggered again recently#and it leaves me fucking exhausted and regretting all my life decisions in the end#hate fucking relapsing#hate being unable to read people’s minds#being built fucking Wrong#and having people hate me for reasons I’m not even Aware of because I can’t pick up on it and no one just fucking Talks#no one just Says when they’re bothered they let it fester and then it’s My fault#I didn’t Completely burn this bridge yet but god I am staring at it with a lighter and gasoline in hand#all that’s stopping me is that what I’m about to burn meant and still does mean a lot to me but#I can’t keep fucking doing this#it always ends like this#it never fucking changes and I don’t know why I bother I should stay in my little hole Alone where no one can hurt me#and I can’t accidentally hurt anyone else#idk man#having a fucking time#and maybe I shouldn’t even be Talking about it here#becuase who cares it’s social media#but if I don’t spill my guts Somewhere then I’ll fucking explode and cut ties with Everyone in my life at a trigger’s notice#and I need to pour this out somewhere Else#so I Don’t do something I know is Bad#in a moment of fucking rsd anxiety panic attack#lays down under my rock and dies#becomes a mushroom#if I’m a mushroom I’ll have no more problems#the mushroom hive mind will understand me and I will understand the mushroom hive mind
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opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months
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...
#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper#thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times#like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she#was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled#a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where#you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what#then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have#and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my#leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but#i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying#my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound#by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting#better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that#and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do#what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated
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cosmicrhetoric · 7 months
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it's so crazy that they included a scene where vivi sees the pre timeskip newspaper article and even if she doesn't have a crumb of context on account of not being on sabaody she still immediately recognizes that luffy is leaving the crew a message and then she sequesters herself and tries to decode it anyway 😂 can we get her ass back on the ship . Please
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i love the voice acting for both hunter and willow in the willow park depression arc. she’s having a panic attack and hunter delivers his lines like “i feel the exact way, but i know what youre saying about yourself isn’t true, and im only now realizing how this kind of thinking hurts.” nice to see how hunter is getting more used to showing his emotions and crying after spending time in the human realm. and its nice to show him passing that to willow.
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funkle420 · 7 days
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i really wish I'd gone to an actual art school instead of transferring all over the place and switching majors and shit. i get pangs of jealousy seeing ppl post their art school assignments, they look fun and interesting and like a good way to learn!
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dimiclaudeblaigan · 11 months
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"i know we shouldn't be killing rhea and i personally am against it and my gut tells me this is wrong but i'll do it anyway because nobody else uses logic on this route anyway!"
#DCB Three Hopes Run#this is no thoughts head empty route so she's just going to blindly trust claude who has faced plenty of pushback#for his decisions and go ahead with helping him and the others kill rhea for reasons they have zero and sometimes negative evidence of#like rly why wouldn't she just be like hmm I don't agree with this can I sit this one out. nope she's gonna get involved anyway#it would've been more interesting if marianne disagreed and grew backbone and sided with the church instead#they try to write the routes as like... everyone is happy with their leader (unless you're dimitri#bc then felix gets to talk shit for half the game in houses and ppl ate it up like pie)#and they don't ask questions. when they do ask questions it's a brief answer that just shoots it down#even lorenz in gw saying they should just leave edelgard for dead was ignored#for all the proper reasoning he gave everyone else just went lol you're like (edelgard or claude depending on your choice)!!!#and then went on about the uwu classmate thing (even tho they didn't rly even know each other at all in this game as classmates#and by the timeline edelgard left the monastery before even the lions so she was around them the least amount of time)#like... actual reasoning in this game gets shot down so fast so it's no wonder marianne didn't actually DO anything#and didn't stick by her actual feelings/beliefs but it's still annoying that she didn't#maybe it would've made claude and friends think twice abt the whole thing if they had to cut marianne down too#for refusing to go along with it bc she she didn't believe it was the right thing to do
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mellotronmkll · 3 months
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Sorry talking about alcohol abuse in this post but I know im far from the first person to experience this but it sucks how all the periods of my life when im doing the best socially are when my drinking is completely out of control and then when I do stop drinking my social life falters because I completely rely on alcohol to socialize and I'm comically completely inept at it when I'm sober and it seems like it shouldn't be that big of a deal but it is. Like it feels like my options are just say fuck it and let myself be dependent on alcohol and have friends or not be an alcoholic and have no friends and be scared of leaving my house. Whatever lol
#I had a breakdown at 3 am last night and decided I need to quit again and then someone I want to be closer friends with invited me#To an event 100% centered around drinking where the expectation is that everyone brings a bottle#And like I need/want to say yes because I want to spend time with him and his friends but I'm like. Fuckkkkkking hell#And then I hVe a friends bday party where I really want to make a good impression and be sociable because there will be people there#Who I really want to befriend but there's no way I'll be able to do that if I'm staying sober so I'm just like#It's just so frustrating like and if I had better self control#It would be fine because I would only drink at things like this but I do not have that self control once I do that I just start drinking#Every single night for weeks LOL and I've tried to keep it reasonable or just cut down so many times#Like I think stopping is the only option but. How am I even supposed to do that while at the same time#Being at a point in my life where I'm trying REALLY hard to push myself out of my comfort zone#Like I'm just supposed to do that with sparkling water in my hand. Okay#And oh yeah I can't replace it with weed because weed has the opposite effect on me where if I smoke with anyone I'm not Extremely#Extremely comfortable around I go completely silent because I get so anxious it makes all my social difficulties 10x worse#Like I have tried to just have a thc seltzer at the bar when everyone else is drinking vodka sodas and it does Not work for me I start pani#Even when I smoke with people I am comfortable with I panic lately#SO I DONT KNOW!
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