#cursed coda for kinda

[heycupcake]

and thus Tegan's recurring nightmares started

[futureseaempress]

WIP Weekend Tag Game

I got tagged by @hypnostheory tyty bb

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more). (If you're an artist or other non-fic fandom creator, questions can be found here!)

1. WIP List:

okay bear with me theres a bunch

DAVEKAT -the cowboy one -the waho one and/or the office one -first date/Nastygum -tire trouble part two -the nanny au -the sweet home alabama au -more Silver paint CODA -glory -some princes don’t become kings

FIRST PRINCE -the soulmates au -the omegaverse au -the actor au -the baby one -the hockey one -threes giving - bachelor party -the autism/self expression one

TMA -that last chapter of fanning the flame that was supposed to be about agnes and Jack and I just never fucking wrote anything for it

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest?

here in search of your glory for sure

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest?

so if i ever finish it more silver paint is bound to be the longest

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

oooo i love writing the kid fic echoed through my mind is rlly fun tbh i like the drama and doing something ive never written before is rlly fun

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

ALL OF THEM but defo the sweet home alabama au bc i think about it allll the time

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

-the threesome one bc I have a rlly good idea for it but I’m convinced I’m gonna fall short bc I want it to be kind of long and I struggle with that

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why?

hya usually reads my stuff but uhhh the soulmate au for sure not bc of anything bad but bc it’s almost too quick and I need someone to help me like slow down and set the mood

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block?

ALL OF THEM ACTUALY i kinda just black out and start typing jibberish when i get too stuck and usually it works itself out

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

oh uh none of them. i suppose I’m gonna cheat and say the kid fic bc I’m playing with some characters who exist in name only and like I’ve written Philips kids as getting along with Shaan & Zahra’s and his youngest behave like Henry and Bea and June has a little girl who is just like Alex and Alex is going to have a daughter who is just like June

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

i'm gonna say the actor au but thats just cause i have plans

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

ooo I don’t do a lot of angst but I’m gonna say the threesome bc Alex is a Dingus in that one BUT MAYBE HOCKEY BC ITS SAD FOR OSCAR AND ARTHUR

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)?

ummmmmmmm. I’m gonna say. The omegaverse one actually it blends canon and fantasy rlly well

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)?

glory. the next chapter has like bits from my favorite concert stuff and I love it

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

I wanna say Glory but it could rlly go for any of them I think about them kind of all the time

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why?

the threesome one but that’s bc the idea is rlly good and I want to pull it off college aus are my favorite & should be easy cause I lived in a dorm from age 16-21 but still

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

ummmmm no? mb? I think about them before bed to get to sleep tho

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't?

so I like putting different venues of communication in my fic it’s kind of my favorite thing to add and I like writing emotional break downs where the text changes and the vibe becomes rlly frantic

but complexities is a hard stone to lift maybe the hockey one bc they aren’t together yet? and I mostly write established stuff? or the omegaverse one for the same reason

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour?

probs the threesome but that’s just bc hya and I had fun telling each other about it

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process?

NO LOL— maybe I should write something from Pez or Nora’s perspective for the threesome fic but that’s kind of cheating maybe Liam will get a chapter for funnies

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

My college au has a fight over the custody of Nora’s Keurig.

I’m not going to be tagging anyone bc I’m dreadfully late but if anyone wants to do it bc they saw it here they should!

[puppyboypatrick]

me when im packed and im holding im smiling shes living shes golden she lives for me says she lives for me ovation her own motivation she comes round and she goes down on me and i make her smile like a drug for you do ever what you wanna do coming over you keep on smiling what we go through one stop to the rhythm that divides you and i speak to you like the chorus to the verse chop another line like a coda with a curse come on like a freak show takes the stage we give them the games to play she said i want something else to get me through this semi charmed kinda life baby baby i want something else im not listening when you say goodbye

[elizabeatrice]

Episode 12 - The Little Mermaid

Let’s Talk About JSHK Anime #3

Warning: Manga spoilers for The Little Mermaid arc, The Clock Keeper arc, and chapter 64!!! (just a bit, skip point no. 5, 6, and 10 if you don’t want to get spoiled) Also … this ended up way longer than I intended.

Well that was one heck of a feels trip. It’s probably my new favorite episode, just because everyone is here being wholesome lmao.

This is mostly hananene meta I ain’t even gonna lie.

Before we begin, shout out to Black Canyon, our newest anime cutie pie. Just look at him, folks. Just chilling with his sunflower seed.

He has no idea the kind of life his owner leads.

I said before that the best part of episode 12 is how it made Daydream worse, so now I’m gonna ramble about it.

“Maybe different species can’t understand each other after all.”

“Maybe it would be better if I were an apparition too.”

This is my favorite part of the episode. And no, not in the sense that I want Nene to die just so that she and Hanako can be together. But because of how Lerche actually explored deeper what was said only once in the manga.

Well, both in the manga and anime Nene ended up accepting the mermaid’s blood because of her desire to be popular, but the anime decided to revisit what she said earlier in the episode.

Not only did that make her decision kinda less selfish, it’s also just … sad. Thinking that your friend, someone you really cared about, doesn’t trust you enough to tell you things about themselves, to the point where you’re willing to go to such lengths as turning into an apparition just to understand them.

And if you think about it, isn’t this part of her true wish? To have her feelings be reciprocated? Man I just realized that as I wrote this and I am mindblown.

She thought she finally got her wish with Hanako. I mean, he said it himself in the first ep (”You wanted someone, anyone, to return your feelings, right? And as far as you’re concerned, sharing a bond with someone is the same thing, right?”). So it must’ve hit her really hard when she thought he didn’t trust her. Especially with all the wrong ideas the fishes were feeding her mind.

Then we got this little flashback. At first I was like, “Girl, you really be thinking that he doesn’t care about you while recalling the moment he apologized to you and hugged you? Are you insane?”

But after some thinking of my own, it occurred to me. Maybe she was too used to having her feelings not reciprocated, she couldn’t believe it when someone finally did. Not to mention Hanako did kinda trick her with his fake confession a while back (heh, he’s not the only one with trust issues, eh?). And that just made the entire thing even sadder.

So when Nene said, “But I thought, if I were an apparition like you, I could get closer to you. Then, maybe I’d be able to understand you, Hanako-kun. Although I know I probably don’t mean anything to you.”

That was a harsh wake up call for Hanako.

(Btw even more full circle, Hanako brought up Nene’s wish to become human again in the first episode. Nice.)

So. We got one daikon girl who’s afraid of not having her feelings reciprocated, and one ghost boy who’s afraid that daikon girl wouldn’t be his friend anymore if she knew about his past.

While in actuality, said daikon girl already decided she wanted to and would be his friend no matter what, and ghost boy had grown to care about her more than he thought he would.

He heard what she said to Tsuchigomori. He knew all about regret, too.  I mean, honestly, I think if she had said no, he’d let her walk away right then and there, no questions asked. But she didn’t.

Nene’s wish finally came true here. And the best part? It wasn’t the work of magic or curses. Just Hanako finally shoving his fear aside, offering himself as he was, and letting her decide.

And she still chose to be with him.

Heh. Lemme just. Sob for a bit.

Is my hananene trash brain reading too much into this? Idk. Maybe.

So props to the production team for managing to add even more weight to this arc. Which, they had to, since it’s the season finale and all. But I love what they did!

Onto my commentaries!

1. The KouNene

Good shit. She was worried about him but he didn’t want her to worry so he just smiled it off? These two are precious. Thought they were gonna interact. Sadly not. Buuuut! (see point 12)

2. Hanako’s classroom visit

He. Is. So. Adorable. Someone please take his babey license away he’s too dangerous.

Hanako’s classroom visit is like my absolute favorite clingy Hanako moment, so I’m really happy I get to see it this season. Ugh. My kokoro. Hugging her from behind, that semi confession vibe … Smooth mf.

The Mokke brushing Nene’s hair!!! The radish hairdo tho lmao.

On a sidenote, as a history nerd I appreciate that they’re actually putting lessons in the background. And the teacher talked about Apollo 11 again??? While my boy was in the room? That ish both hurt and pleased me.

3. The Clock Keeper rumor drop

Heeeeeehhhhh? What’s thiiiiiissss?

4. This freaking thing

*flips table* Darn production team been knew I’m hananene trash how dare they do this to me.

And lookie here there’s Kodama chilling.

5. Fishies! (!!!manga spoiler for The Little Mermaid arc!!!)

Pufferfish didn’t die. Well, good for him. Also I can’t believe they just call the other fish ‘yeah yeah’ lmao what the freak. Has it always been like that in the manga?

6. AOI AND AKANE (!!!spoilers for chapter 64!!!)

I swear I did not intend this numbering coincidence.

*claps* Boi. Nene asking Aoi about cutting ties with someone she’s interested in? And then Akane just swooped in and say he’d rather cut his head off than cut ties with Aoi? What about getting impaled, huh, boy? Would that do?

The not-so-subtle call out to these two pairs’ parallel? BOI.

7. Nene and Yako

These two just chilling together having girl talk, and Yako let Nene pet her? That’s some adorable shit right there. Admit it Yako you like her.

Yako also be really hitting home with what she said. It was extra heavy coming from her, considering what happened to her and Misaki. Boiiiiii.

8. Tsuchigomori

Oh my God, his laughter. Just … oh my God.

Tsuchigomori in dad mode is always one of the highlights of the episode/chapter.

By the way, in this scene according to the sub, Nene asked Tsuchigomori who Tsukasa is. But she knew who he is already. Is it possible that the sub misinterpreted it? ‘Cause I think what she actually meant was, “What happened to him and Tsukasa-kun in the past?”

If someone who speaks Japanese could share their wisdom, please do!

9. The 5 pm bell and twilight

Look how pretty they are!!!

Lo and behold, another important hananene interaction while the 5 pm bell plays in the background. Also, twilight? Y’all giving me Kimi no Na wa flashbacks.

“Twilight, when it’s neither day or night. When the world blurs and one might encounter something not human.”

Huh … kinda fits the ‘boundary’ concept but it still hurt.

Anyway they still had Hanako tell her what she already knew. And I did say in my ‘Walking Blind’ post that it’d be redundant. But since the episode kinda emphasized Nene’s desire to understand Hanako, having him actually tell her himself, even though she already knew it, was a big deal. It’s not about what she knows, it’s about him opening up to her. So I’m super cool with it.

10. The Broadcasting Club (!!!spoilers for The Clock Keeper arc!!!)

I love how Natsuhiko and Sakura are actually decent people. When he told Mitsuba that he was free to choose to stay with them or not? That’s solid, man. Though, of course, Tsukasa might not be as kind.

Speaking of, I know it couldn’t be anything else, but I’m still not sure if Tsukasa’s drawing was confirmation for season 2. Don’t wanna get my hopes up. Imma just enjoy what I currently have.

Kinda curious, though. Because Clock Keeper wasn’t Tsukasa’s doing. Maybe he was the one who released Mirai? But tbh I’d prefer if it wasn’t so. Because having more cases of supernaturals going loco without it being one of Tsukasa’s games is interesting, and kinda underlines the need of The Seven Wonders to keep supernaturals in check.

11. Kodama just chilling

12. The Adventures of Minamoto and the Summer Vegetables

You go, Kou! I’m rooting for you oh my God you’re so precious.

And look at that ikemen smile! Him supporting Kou is just top notch sweet y’all I can’t-

Ngl this was the biggest surprise of the episode. Teru finding out that summer vegetables = Nene? Broooooo. Interesting. I don’t think this little addition warrants any changes to their future interaction, so it should be safe. Clever replacement, too, those veggies.

It’s so sweet that Nene delivered those veggies to Kou! Just imagine the Minamoto family having veggies for dinner. Awww.

(Also, Nene wrote her name in hiragana instead of kanji. Is that a reference to how bad Kou is with kanji? Lol, so sweet)

13. The Coda!!!

Look at him. Just look at him. Look how lovesick he is y’all I can’t-

THEY’RE SO ADORABLE.

All in all, I love this episode. Sorry for how long this post is. I’m just dealing with so many feels right now. Gaaahhhhh.

[mittensmorgul]

You don't have to publish this if you don't want, but I'm just still hurting. I've never been so shockingly disappointed by a show's finale before. I'm still in shock by it, and it took some time for it to sink in that that was it. There's no "maybe next week's episode will be better, retcon this, etc." Nope, it's over. It's still too hard to watch old eps and remember how excited/optimistic I was about endgame. This thing that meant so much is now kinda just a footnote in my memory.

I am so, so sorry.

I’m alternately infuriated by the finale, and in complete denial of its existence. There is no other feeling worthy of... whatever the heck that was supposed to be.

I hope you can find some peace, at least enough to engage with the rest of the series and remember what you loved about it, what brought you hope and happiness in the past. 40 minutes of bad everything shouldn’t cancel out 15 years of show that had begun promising free will and vindication for everything TFW had been fighting for since day one.

When the finale effectively demonstrates what the ultimate big bad of the entire series would’ve wanted, I think it’s only fair-- especially after the penultimate episode showed that big bad defeated in every meaningful way-- that we can acknowledge that episode as irrelevant, meaningless, and disposable. The final big bad was lampshaded as The Author directing the entire narrative, and his story should’ve been rendered moot the moment his power was nullified. And yet in our universe there was still one episode of story to deliver. Someone had to articulate the characters’ choices in a world truly liberated from Authorial Intent. What we saw was An Author making choices FOR the characters, not anything that any of the characters would’ve chosen based on *waves hand at the entire previous 15 seasons of character development and growth.* So for me it’s been remarkably easy and liberating to just laugh and completely disregard the finale.

I know it’s not easy for others. I know how much hope we invested into actually SEEING Sam, Dean, Cas, Jack, Eileen... EVERYONE really... actually free enough to make their own life going forward, finally liberated from Chuck’s endless rounds of suffering. Instead they delivered the worst possible outcome in every way, where nobody actually achieved the promise of their stories, or got to truly enjoy the freedom they’d fought their entire lives for. The sheer absurdity of the finale, the fact that it was Just That Awful, in some ways makes it far easier for me to dismiss it as irrelevant to the rest of the series. If it had been even moderately, reasonably acceptable albeit still depressingly sad, I would be having far more difficulty just flat-out rejecting it from canon. But they really worked overtime to make it suck balls, and for that I’m kinda grateful...

I know it might not help in reality, since fic isn’t canon any more than actor statements or meta analysis is canon, but there are a multitude of wonderful alternate ending scenarios already posted here and on AO3. The fact the show chose to show us what would’ve happened had Chuck actually won and got the ending he’d been trying to squeeze out of the Winchesters for years anyway, even after his power was stripped from him, I think that renders the finale just as much a bit of fanfic as anything any of us has produced. And that pleases me.

And while we’re here, a bit of shameless self-promotion (I guess this is the “here’s my soundcloud” equivalent from twitter?): the alternate ending fic I’ve been working on since the finale aired is almost done. Well, technically the “this could actually be canon and completely replace the episode” bit IS finished, but I’m writing an episode coda chapter because I can do what I want. And I’m leaving it as an open-ended ‘verse that I’ll likely write in for years to come, because this is what COULD have happened, if the show hadn’t decided to take the worst possible route. 

We all still have free will here in this universe, and we all have the absolute right to declare garbage garbage. If store-bought sucks, you can make your own. :’D

I hope you’re able to find peace, either by acknowledging that ending was craptacular and rejecting it, or by finding a way around it in canon (and canon has left us innumerable ways to explain the entire episode away from nightmares to djinn poison to witch curses to alternate universes to french mistake style scenarios-- the list goes on and on. I mean, for all we know, Dabb actually got his hands on Human!Chuck’s Supernatural Fanfic and just chose to present it in canon in our universe. The fourth wall break at the end of the episode kinda gives us blatant permission to see it that way. So I blame them, since they chose to both present something so absurd AND to tear down the wall between SPN and our universe in one fell swoop. For me, it took any power from the entire episode, and again, I’m kinda grateful to that shoving the curtain aside.

[zmediaoutlet]

my year of fic (2020)

I had a lapse in doing this, because the end of 2019 was just---a haze---but I thought it might be fun to try again on this, my first day off of 2021. Ignoring for a moment the armed sedition and the pandemic and the general feeling like the world’s about to spin upside down, I think it might be a good day. Let me try to feel some joy in writing, so that I might do some more writing this weekend. There’s a chance!

Per the AO3 stats tracker:

Total words written in 2020: 278,664 (Compared to 2019: 201,375 -- definite improvement!) That brings the overall AO3 published total to: 1,160,723. Jesus. I need another hobby, haha.

I’ll try to collect a year masterlist below, but let’s see what happened with stats first.

fic with most hits, which is not the same thing as best: no disguising truths i’ve sold -- y’all are fiends for the dadsex, just admit it. It always gives me a giggle how many hits these ones have with so few people actually interacting. :)

fic with most kudos, which I guess means people admitted they liked it: there will be better days -- which I guess isn’t a surprise, written when it was, but it’s still super gratifying to see that people enjoyed it. This one takes top spot for most of the other categories, too, so I’m going to go for the 2nd-placers on the next few...

fic with (2nd-)most comment threads, which I guess means people wanted to chat about it: In a Cursed Hour, which is a pleasant surprise! This is the very long gen (with sneaky pining!Dean), the first part of which was technically finished this year. I hope I come back to it at some point, because the story is... great, haha. Just super hard to write. Gratifying that people wanted to talk about it!

fic with (2nd-)most bookmarks, which I guess means people want to read it again: see things so much clearer -- aw, now that’s a nice surprise! This kinda felt like channeling old-school weecest, in some ways, so it’s cool that people seem to have enjoyed it.

fic with (2nd)-most subscriptions, which I guess means people are hoping for more: welcome to capitalism -- another nice surprise! I almost forgot about this one: a little ruthless, a little kind. Logical choices in a world that sucks, kind of my favorite genre, haha.

longest fic: what comes after certainty -- ow, ow. This is a---strange one---started in 2019 before the haze, published finally in a bit of ignominy, still not read by the recipient I’m pretty sure because it’s fucking depressing, haha. But I’m kinda proud of it, or at least proud of myself for finishing it, so I guess it’s good that I spent this many words on it.

least popular fic, if we’re going by kudos: transference -- lol, that makes sense -- Umbrella Academy momcest? That said tho, it’s kinda fun and you should read it. Diego’s just the biggest mommy’s boy. Ahem.

The best thing writing-wise about this year was stretching into stuff I wouldn’t normally write, thanks to the charity drives. Maybe I’ll try to do that again this year; I’m sure something horrific will happen that will need some monetary support.

In the meantime, here are all of the fics I wrote this year, in order that they were written. Probably Sam/Dean unless otherwise specified. Imagine retrospective montage music:

January

none. no surprise here.

February

the hollow summer - E. Boy King Sam, AU.

March

‘he has a kiss stuck in his mouth’ - M. Pining!Dean, Stanford era.

no disguising truths i’ve sold - E. John/Deanna, pre-series.

“I almost died” - T. Jared/Jensen, firefighter!Jared fluff.

‘sam waking dean up with his mouth’ - E, somnophilia, married!sex.

relay - E, D/s play.

April

extreme pollen warning - E, sex pollen, established relationship.

whatever we were before - E, Dragon Age AU, mage!Sam/warrior!Dean.

‘cokehead!Alex’ - T. Alex/JDM; part one.

pragmatics - E. Established wincest, past Dean/others. Prostitution.

May

teamwork (makes the dream work) - Alex/Jared/Jensen. cokehead!verse pt 2.

to dream of the next - E. First time, pining!Sam.

In a Cursed Hour: Protesting Fate Supreme - T. Men of Letters AU, ch.6.

June

FFFB 1 - M. Gabriel/Rowena, meeting through the years.

FFFB 2 - E. A/B/O, first time.

FFFB 3 - E. Jensen/Jeff, voyeur!Jared, Non-AU.

FFFB 4 - M. Cloud/Sephiroth, mindfuck.

FFFB 5 - M. Amos/Alex, pantykink.

FFFB 6 - E. Dubcon shading to noncon, pining!Dean.

FFFB 7 - M. Hannibal/Will, first kiss.

FFFB 8 - E. Post-Michael possession, piercings, body mods.

FFFB 9 - M. Tony Stark/Stephen Strange, AU.

FFFB 10 - M. Dean/Bobby, Stanford era.

FFFB 11 - E. Mommy!kink, bunker era.

FFFB 12 - M. Gen, Sam’s wall, mild self-harm.

FFFB 13 - M. Sam Wilson & Bucky Barnes, racial discussion.

FFFB 14 - M. s2, Sam’s cast.

FFFB 15 - E. Jared/Jensen, established relationship, CBT.

FFFB 16 - E. weecest, first time.

FFFB 17 - M. Sam/Dean/Jack.

FFFB 18 - M. Amnesia.

FFFB 19 - E. BDSM, sub!Dean, dildos.

FFFB 20 - E. A/B/O, demon!Dean, noncon.

FFFB 21 - T. Established relationship, Stanford discussion.

FFFB 22 - E. Dubcon, time travel, soulless!Sam/young!Dean, prostitution.

FFFB 23 - M. Implied Dean/John, jealous!Sam.

FFFB 24 - E. ‘The End’!verse, Lucifer!Sam/Dean, noncon.

FFFB 25 - E. Tentacles, body horror, oviposition.

FFFB 26 - E. Belly bulge!kink.

July

none. apparently I needed a break.

August

have a cigar - E. Sam’s powers, slight D/s.

welcome to capitalism - E. Jared/Jensen, prostitution.

September

the wealth gap - E. ‘capitalism’ pt 2; Jared/Jensen, prostitution.

what comes after certainty - M. Mutual pining, amnesia.

reunion theory - E. Cloud/Sephiroth, Cloud/Hojo. Body horror, torture, mpreg. Fic for fire relief 1.

the honeytrap - E. Jared/Jensen, mob!AU. FFFR 2.

scotch courage - M. Sam/Kevin, hair play. FFFR 3.

he will tear your city down - E. Damen/Laurent, slight D/s. FFFR 4.

cyrano - E. Jensen/Antony Starr, established J2. D/s, consensual infidelity. FFFR 5.

two runners on base - E. Dean/Deacon, established relationship, BDSM, DP. FFFR 6.

what’s to stop me, pretty baby - E. Noncon, MoC!Dean. FFFR 7.

the need to choose - E. A/B/O, pregnant!Dean. FFFR 8.

transference - E. Diego Hargreeves/Grace, mommy kink. FFFR 9.

vertex - E. John/Dean, Stanford era, pining!Dean. FFFR 10.

faith without works is dead - M. Sam’s powers, violence, dubcon. FFFR 11.

be subject to each other - E. Photography, facial. FFFR 12.

October

you know i’m gonna be like him - M. Past Dean/John, child abuse. FFFR 13.

unbalance - E. A/B/O, Jared/Jensen, prostitute!Jared. FFFR 14.

buccaneer - E. Crowley/Deanna, demon!Dean, always-a-girl!Dean. FFFR 15.

make much of time - E. Sam/Dean/Jack, virginity kink. FFFR 16.

see things so much clearer - E. Pre-series, first time, diaries. FFFR 17.

won’t let you let me down so easily - E. Sam/Brady, Sam/others, Stanford era, mind control, gangbang, noncon. FFFR 18.

the beams of our house are cedar - E. Bunker era, panties, feminization. FFFR 19.

November

negotiation tactics - E. Homelander/Soldier Boy, D/s, superpower sex.

finale coda - M. Heaven.

15.19 coda - T. Jack as god.

there will be better days - E. Heaven, first time.

December

a leaden anchor - E. Post-Playthings.

That’s it. I haven’t had a single writing thought in my head since that last one. Here’s hoping it comes back in 2021!

[fireblight]

headcanon 008. Karin’s memory is exceptional, long-spanning and highly-detailed, borderline eidetic, though her recollecting proficiency is less an innate oddity of her mind and more-so a practised ability. She was always a very visual and analytical thinker, a quick learner and deeply logical despite her powerful emotions, but her memory didn’t become meticulous and near-perfect until Otogakure. In the Hidden Sound, memory was the line between madness and sanity, an underappreciated weapon. Muddled as her identity was, made obscure by repeated traumas and the resulting complexes that developed from them untreated ( if not totally, if unknowingly, encouraged ), she was keenly aware of the events that led her to her circumstances within the village, though her recollection of those memories are processed and remembered differently than how she then trains herself to remember things. 

Memories of childhood, of significant emotional events, are recalled more physically, emotionally, having a sort of gauzy haze around them. Language is distorted, details of the face are lost, flecks of important detail withering with age like old paintings, pieces of ancient history. But the emotions are recalled with utmost clarityー vivid as the day she experienced them. Due to the fact her personal coda demands that she does not forget the inception of her life path’s diversion into the dark and nebulous underworld, as well as the root motivation for her survivalist philosophy, she cannot allow herself to forget these memories, blindingly painful as most of them are. To her warped perspective, she can’t even allow herself to move on from that trauma until much later in her life, instead electing to consciously repress them until eventually it erupts into a dramatic, all-consuming return to the past, usually attached to a severe depressive or impulsive episode that is accompanied by isolating tactics, ghosting, binge drinking, irresponsible activities, substance abuse, you name itー it’s a deeply traumatic experience that takes a long time for her to work on healing.

On the flipside, the rest of her mind is exceedingly objective. The rest of her memories, developed in Otogakure and onwards ( aside from the most jarringly emotional events among them ), can be best compared to a meticulous filing system. It’s an automatic processing of the world around her, and you can assume that even in the most mundane of circumstances or simple of conversations, there is a background observation of tiny details, slips of information, of anything that is deemed useful or interesting enough to become relevant again in the future. Even if the stimulus appears to be utterly devoid of purpose, she tucks it away in the shadows of her psyche regardless, consistently accumulating a hoard of information that can be used to manipulate future situations for good or ill ( but always in her own, or her own people’s, interests ). 

It’s admittedly an incredibly manipulative tactic, though the environs of Otogakure made it a necessaryーlife-saving, evenーskill to have. As her sensory capabilities were honed, becoming familiar with the subtle shifts that signified the minute differences in chakra signatures, so too were her more cerebral processes: facial recognition, then the associations of names and a visual stimuli attached to the name and face to better connect the two with any following knowledge, such as abilities, curse seal status, triggers, strengths, weaknesses, important connections... Essentially, Karin understood that though her sensing gave her an upper hand, it’s a fool’s errand to become completely dependent on an ability that she may be unable to use at any given point ( such as when she needs to suppress her chakra for whatever reason ), and in order to not only survive but manage the hoards of Orochimaru’s experiments and the shadowy labyrinth of Otogakure, she had to achieve the closest thing to omniscience as possible.

Her youth as a warden is marked by an obsessive, encyclopaedic collection of folders involving information about her fellow subordinates, her superiors, allies, and inmates. As she strengthened her memory, as well as developing her ability to notice such crucial details in the first place, she added to her notes, more-so out of boredom than anything else. Said notes were clinical, though occasionally descriptive, varying from information gathered from experiments to overheard conversations to, even, hypotheses derived from the fluctuations in a person’s chakra when reacting to visual or verbal stimuli. That being said, she always marks when something is proven, when there is ambiguity ( needing further testing ), or when it’s purely something she is theorizing. 

She’s sort of a hoarder by nature, though in odd, particular ways. Romantically, she’ll hoard or steal small belongings of the person she’s enamoured with, for example, and personally she is very indulgent on accumulating a vast array of beauty products and perfumes, though she has lesser collections as well. This hoarding tendency reaches to how she retains information about her friends, loved ones, acquaintances later onー while she no longer has physical files ( the temptation is there, particularly as she has her semi-private hideout ), she has mental files whose detail honestly borders on kinda creepy. It can give her an almost oracular nature, as she easily retains details referenced abstractly in conversations that are easily forgotten by the other due to its insignificance in the grander scheme of their relationship, thus somehow appearing to know things she shouldn’t.

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Remote Control

J2 x Reader

Word Count: 1895

Warnings: Smut! Long-distance threesome smut featuring a nifty gadget and Jensen’s phenomenally filthy mouth, with a sprinkling of sweet fluff on top. 

A/N: For the “toys” prompt in my 2K(inky) Challenge. The first of a few codas I have planned to Everything, but I don’t think you need to read that to enjoy this. 

The gizmo involved is called the “We-Vibe Sync.” We live in the future. 

You got it all set up yet? Someone’s impatient. 

Yeah, hang on. 

I slipped the vibrator in and adjusted it until it fit snugly, pressing against both my clit and my g-spot, and then I grabbed my laptop and settled back against my pillows, feeling a nervous thrill in the base of my stomach as I clicked the Skype call icon. 

Jensen picked up right away, and I couldn’t help the stupid, happy grin that stretched across my face when the little image of them popped up on the screen. They were lying on their sides, spooning, facing the laptop, Jensen behind Jared with his chin tucked over Jared’s shoulder. I could see enough bare chest to assume they were naked, and my stomach flipped. I set my laptop down on a pillow next to me and turned on my side, mirroring them, so it was almost like we were face to face.

“Hey, you,” Jared said, with a big dimpled grin. Jensen was just looking at me, eyes soft, and I beamed helplessly for a moment. 

I’d wrapped for the season and gone home, but they still had a week of shooting left, and I missed them so much it felt like I had a hole in my fucking chest.

“You like your present?” Jensen asked. 

I nodded, and angled the screen so that they could see the rest of my naked body, all the way down to where the purple silicone of the toy showed, nestled between my legs. 

“Shit,” Jared half-laughed, and when I turned the camera back up to my face, Jensen gave me a sly smile. 

Jared reached out and grabbed a phone from somewhere out of view, and they focused on it for a moment, Jensen whispering something in Jared’s ear that made them both smirk. 

“This is some space age shit,” Jared commented. His fingers moved over the screen, and then they both looked at me expectantly. A moment later I felt a low vibration. 

“Whoa,” I breathed. It was more from surprise, than anything; the vibration was barely a tickle, but it was still kind of amazing that they were controlling it from another fucking country. 

“Give her a little more,” Jensen said quietly. I watched Jared’s long fingers moving and then felt the answering hum between my legs. It wouldn’t be enough to make me come, but I could feel tendrils of heat starting to prickle in my guts. 

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” said Jared, low and fervent, and I flushed. 

“You are,” I said softly. “Miss your fuckin’ face.” 

“God, you guys are gross for each other,” Jensen grumbled, but then he bit his lip, dropping the facade, and confessed, “Guess we’re both kinda crazy about you. Not the same here without our girl.” 

I got a little choked up at that. It had been hard, leaving them; I still felt like the outsider in the relationship most of the time, and I couldn’t help but wonder if they missed me in the same achy all-consuming way I’d been missing them. But I could see it plain as day, written all over their faces. Jensen was kissing the curve of Jared’s neck, absent-mindedly mouthing there even as his hand fidgeted with something out of the frame, but their attention was fully focused on me; they were watching me with soft, open expressions, totally unguarded, eyes locked on the screen. 

Except then Jensen was reaching down, out of sight, and Jared’s eyes rolled back in his head. Jensen was still watching me, staring straight at me as if to gauge my reaction as he did something that made Jared’s mouth drop open. Arousal pooled low in my belly, making my cunt flutter and clench around the barely-there vibration. 

Jensen grinned and drawled, “We talk about you all the time, y’know. You should hear some of the filthy things he wants to do to you, when we get home.”

“Yeah?” I asked breathlessly. 

Jared’s eyes fluttered open again. “Miss touching you,” he said, almost shyly. He circled his fingers over the phone screen and answering vibrations hit my g-spot. I squirmed, pressing my thighs together tightly. 

“I miss watching him touch you,” Jensen said. I saw the muscles of his shoulder roll and Jared sighed, chest heaving. “The way you try to fuck yourself on his fingers when you’re close. The way you taste on his fingers.” 

I shivered, transfixed by the wicked curve of Jensen’s smile as he spoke. 

“God, you don’t even know,” Jared sighed. He rocked back against Jensen’s hand and I bit back a whimper. Part of me wanted to see more, but… his face. 

“Tell her,” Jensen whispered, right up against his ear, and the muscles in his arm were flexing in time with Jared’s quick, sharp breaths. 

“Want to eat you out until you’re dripping all over my face,” Jared said hoarsely, and his eyes were smoldering as he watched me. “Want to just… fuck, wanna just lick you slow, fuck you with my tongue until you’re shaking and begging and just - Jesus, fucking fuck, wish you were here, I -”

He groaned, twisting back against Jensen, and then fiddled with his phone for a second with what looked like intense concentration. 

I whined as the vibrations started to pulse, more intense now, a rhythmic buzz that I could feel sizzling under my skin. I reached down instinctively to touch myself, to push the vibrator down harder, something, anything, but Jensen shook his head. 

“Don’t,” he warned. “Greedy girl. We’re in charge tonight. Understand?” 

“Sorry,” I whispered. I grabbed the pillow instead, holding on tight. 

“You miss having our hands all over you?” he said, raspy and heated. “You like how it feels when I’m holding you down for him? When I remind you who you belong to?” 

I whimpered, squeezing around the vibrator. “Yeah.” 

“I fucking love it,” he growled. “Love spreading you open, teasing you until you can barely stand it, getting you ready for him. The face you make when he starts fucking you open… you have no idea. You make such a fucking mess, dripping all over yourself, and you’re still so fucking tight you’re losing it by the time he’s got that big thick cock stuffed in your perfect little pussy. The way you let him pound into you until you’re screaming and sore and out of your head and you’ll still beg for more…” 

“Shit,” I gasped. I was so fucking wet, just from clenching around the vibrations and listening to his fucking voice, but it wasn’t enough to push me over the edge. 

“He wants me to fuck him while he’s inside you,” Jensen said. Jared made a low, anguished sound, grinding back against him. 

“Yeah,” I breathed. “Fuck, yeah, I wanna feel that.” 

“All of us spooned together, just like this,” Jensen said, with a grin, and then on the last word I could see him shift and press forward, holding Jared in place with an arm across his chest. Jared let out this gorgeous, gravelly moan, arching back. 

“Holy shit,” I choked out. “Need more, c’mon, please, I -”

“You want to feel that?” Jensen said, and his voice was strained now, his breathing harsh as he rocked forward. “Feel him moving, knowing it’s me pushing him deeper into you?” 

“Please,” I groaned again, and Jared was gasping like he was drowning, but he fumbled with the phone. The vibration intensified, suddenly, and bright heat cramped in my core, making me cry out and twist forward. 

“Fuck, love watching you,” Jared said breathlessly, watching me with a dazed, wondering expression. “Just like this, watching your face, so fucking perfect, I just - miss you, god, I miss you so much.” 

He let the phone drop, bracing himself with a hand on the mattress to push back against Jensen’s thrusts, and Jensen’s mouth dropped open in a gorgeous red O. 

I bit my lip, whining with every exhale, feeling pressure simmering low and inevitable in my belly. It was maddening not being in control; I wanted to touch, to turn up the speed of the quick even pulses, to grind the heel of my hand down against the vibrator and buck my hips up until I was coming so hard I couldn’t see straight. Instead I just clutched the pillow, my thighs shaking, as I watched the two of them: sweat shining on flushed cheeks, Jared’s chest heaving, Jensen’s arm flexing. 

“Can you imagine how good that’s gonna feel?” Jensen sighed against Jared’s ear. “Being wrapped around her like this, feeling her hot, soaking wet cunt squeezing your cock every time I shove into you… you could grab her hair, use it to pull her back against you harder…” 

I whimpered as a wave of arousal hit me with the force of a fucking freight train. I could feel the tension gathering under my skin, twisting up my insides, tugging at my spine. 

“Look at her,” Jensen whispered, and his eyes held mine steadily as he fucked Jared harder. “She’s imagining your cock splitting her open right now, she’s about to come for us, ‘bout to fucking lose it thinking about the way you feel inside her... Aren’t you, princess?” 

“Yeah,” I gritted out. “Yeah, fuck, so close, just need -”

Jared cursed and swiped at the phone screen again. The vibrations throbbed against my clit and fizzed deep inside me, and it felt like my orgasm was thudding through my entire body like a heartbeat, pulsing down to my toes, thumping out from my core, thrumming through my skull in wave after blinding wave of white-hot electricity. 

It didn’t stop. The vibrator kept buzzing, drawing it out, making me shudder as it splintered through me. It felt like my muscles were spasming, my limbs wracked with little seizures, and I bit down on the pillow to try to stifle the wild sobs that were catching deep in my chest. 

“Fuck, okay, enough,” I stuttered. 

I managed to wrench my eyes open, and the sight of them made me gasp and shiver all over again. Jared was shaking, his head thrown back and his mouth open in a choked, wordless cry, and as I watched, Jensen gasped and buried his face in the curve of Jared’s neck, curling into him and holding him close as he came. 

I let out a broken, high-pitched whine as one last shock of pleasure lanced through me, paralyzing me for a moment, and then I couldn’t take it any more. I pulled the toy out with a slick obscene sound and jabbed at the buttons until it stopped. 

I settled back down, rubbing my cheek into the pillow, boneless and content. On the screen, Jared was reaching up and back, his hand cupping the back of Jensen’s head, his face tilted up as Jensen leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth. I still felt like I was intruding, sometimes, when I saw them like this, tangled together so sweetly with those soft intimate smiles. 

They both turned those soft smiles on me, then, and I felt like I was melting. 

“How’d I get so fucking lucky?” I asked, around the thick lump in my throat, and Jared laughed while Jensen rolled his eyes. 

“We’re the lucky ones,” Jared said firmly, and I could tell that, somehow, he really believed it.

.

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More in this world HERE. 

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If you enjoyed this, please reblog, leave a message here, or buy me a coffee over here! 

[animeandfilmotaku]

What about a curse (Kinda Howl’s Moving Castle Meta and analysis)

There seems to be a big confusion on that plot point (While perfect in other ways visually and sound wise) which my friend on the context of Sophie’s curse as we rewatch the film for a 5th or 6th time, I mean it is a good film so I am going to try to explain it based on my rambling with her which is wild

We started with a Greek myth of creation which showcase that notion of persons searching for that other as people used to be hybrids as waxed poetically by Plato

“…humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”-Plato

So it brings that notion that soulmates are longing for that other half cut off, it could be a physical sense like a companion or perhaps the self and seeking fulfilment.

In Howl’s Moving Castle it could be played differently as the search of that self and how one must improves.

In one case is the perception of self, and one must grow within it. It is not mentioned loudly in the films, but the books by Diane Wynne Jones (That which  I am not particularly keen on the books while fun, mostly on Howl, which I will express much later). Sophie’s curse is explained obviously that she has a power of words to make or break it. That power which made the broom move or continuing her aged self. (Book fans help me in that area).

About Miyazaki’s film-Sophie seen herself lowly unlike her beautiful sister Lettie (The Book has 4 sisters perhaps Miyazaki cut it down for pacing reasons) and seen working behind the scenes, almost blending to the crowd. She is even catcalled as a “mouse” which is associated with timidity and inferiority, hiding herself in the rooms, while her other colleagues gossip over trivial matters. It is plain and simple-she inherits her father’s hat shop and that is all.

But no, she seems to be transcended by a beautiful stranger, Howl which he spoke the smoothest line in the universe, which holds a much heavier brevity in the coda. So she seems entranced by him (No surprise I would be too hahah) which leads to a conversation of her sister which Howl is rumoured to eat the heart out of young impressionable girls. Which we have this conclusion of Howl- He is a womaniser and all around douche bag (Well that sounds like Gaston from Disney’s Beauty and The beast). And she  wondered if she would get that feeling of validation from him.

Perhaps it is just a figment of imagination.

As usual, she came to normal life, which she came across to The Witch of the Waste, which unfortunately carried that toxic self. Of course things did not go well and boom she is an old woman.

Yes she has the physicality of an old lady with aching bones, nasally voice and all. That is the exterior self that she seen herself lowly- fearful of the unknown and herself. Hell she even screamed to Howl in his extreme meltdown on his external appearance (Which is the funniest shit), that she is never validate for physical beauty and heck she even doubt herself for the lovely gift of the garden given by Howl.

Her goal is simple- to get the Witch of the Waste to break the spell which we found much later that she cannot do it as she made curses.

However the curse lessened when she takes action, revealing her younger self. Whenever it is the focus on the present moments, like appreciating the river or her love confession to Madame Sullivan, that she seen the good in Howl as an intelligent and compassionate person hiding beneath the mask of arrogance, or perhaps showing compassion to the now harmless Witch of the Waste and even more courageously staying resilient when Howl goes for a bloody war.

The old Sophie will cower in fear, staying behind the scenes in her father’s shop. However no, she made brave choices for her newfound family- whenever it was to provide Markl a safe space or giving a pep talk to the otherwise stubborn Calcifer. For some reason, she reminded me of the women in wartimes how they have to stay mentally strong despite grievances, of fathers, brothers, sons and even nephews by holding themselves to resourcefulness. I do not know if it is Miyazaki saw the strength in mums and aunts on it. I actually admired it, as my mum simply summarised that notion in a text when I am down “Even Sophie who thinks she’s ugly when she’s not and she let go”.

It is that power of a mindset which we need to change internally and that is a beautiful notion. That you can build resilience and strength with your found family and of course yourself.

Howl, too have that journey of himself but much different from Sophie.  Ok about the books, the reasoning I dislike the books that Howl’s full on douche mood and to the point of unlikeable.  He is just childish and whiny, and feels like a f**kboi

What Miyazaki did is a stroke of genius to make him more likeable, yes he has his childish moments. However he learnt to grow up to be a compassionate man

That notion of Howl’s childishness needs to be stripped away which is his ego and reliance on himself. Yes he fears his teacher Madame Sullivan like a monster under his bed and yes he fears for being vulnerable that it would cause much pain. Hence the small stone is actually Howl’s heart which leads him to detachment of the world, similar to Olgried Von Everenc’s immorality in exchange of his detachment to his wife Iris in the Witcher games.

He could do what he pleases, but at a price. And that price is that he become inhuman.

And it is that push from Sophie (Of course in clever disguise as a king) that we seen a growth in Howl that he no longer fearful, stirred by Sophie’s resilience. Heck the most romantic line in the film aside “I have been looking for you is this” is that “I am no longer running away because of you. “ when she plead to flee from the horrors of war

Gone the days which he hid himself in his room full of talismans and spells, and reply on impersonating different personas to hide his true self. And that true self is that he is an intelligent wizard filled with compassion and bravery as much as Sophie.

There is this bible passage that summarise Howl’s journey so beautifully

“but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. *11*When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. *12*For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”- 1 Cor 13:11-13 (NIV)

And that last act of kindness is to validate Sophie, not as a cleaning lady but a brave woman who faced all odds, in order to save him.

And I think it is a beautiful story that we must look ourselves with dignity and strength, not physical appearances. And of course we must have an agency to change oneself in order to benefit the community.

[drsilverfish]

15x03 Coda - Castiel in the Desert

Cas drives through the night and into the pale morning.

He has the things Sam thrust into his hands; fake IDs, credit cards, a change of clothes, a bag of weapons.

His own few possessions, the things from his life in Lebanon, Kansas, that he’d treasured: a “Welcome Home” card with a bee on it from Claire Novak, sent after he got resurrected from the Empty; the music tape Dean made him; a polaroid of Jack, leaning on the bonnet of the Impala, smiling; the T-shirt Sam printed for him which read (in Enochian) “It’s funnier in Enochian” - these, he’d left behind, a small pile on the bed in the room that had, sometimes, been his.

Sedona, Arizona, a place of red rocks and juniper trees. He doesn’t want to think too hard about why he picked this town. But, he can’t lie to himself. Some of the Westerns he watched with Dean, back when Dean seemed eager to be in his company, were filmed around Sedona. Angel and the Badman, starring John Wayne, he remembers particularly, because Dean had looked at him before they pressed “play” and said “That’s kinda you and me, huh?”.

He figures a semi ex-angel who still has some healing powers can get lost here, amongst the spiritual seekers and ley-line tourists.

It’s fall, and the yellow-greens of the oaks, the reds of the maples, against a blue sky heading into noon, are almost psychedelic in their bright potency, as he drives along the road into Oak Creek Canyon.  

Being “Steve” back in Rexburg, Idaho, after the great angel-fall, had given Cas some life-skills outside of hunting. He plans to head to the library in Oak Creek Village to create a resume. There are coffee houses, and artists’ galleries and crystal shops in this part of the world. He’s pretty sure he can find work.

He promised Sam he’d keep his phone, but its silence feels like a lead weight in his pocket. He stops the car by the creek, watching a cascade of leaves fall onto the hood, and takes off the trench coat and tie, bundling them into the back seat.

“And what visage are you in now, huh? Holy tax accountant?” he hears Dean’s voice, from long ago.

I don’t know what I am, he thinks, but not this anymore, not Heaven’s soldier and not the Winchesters’ angel - just... Cas, whoever that may be.

...........

A week later, Cas has settled on Flagstaff, thirty miles north of Sedona. His shifts at Coffee and Bagels on the NAU Flagstaff Mountain Campus don’t make rent, but he has begun to establish a lucrative side-line in tarot card readings. Although his powers crap out at odd moments, he finds he can still look into a person’s soul. He remembers his lesson, from the brothel that night before he and Dean trapped Raphael in a ring of holy oil; no sudden mentions of absent fathers. Dean’s laugh from ten years ago echoes in his memory, as if a moth has become trapped in his chest.

He still doesn’t need much sleep, so Cas’ solace becomes night-hiking in the surrounding Coconino forest and the San Francisco peaks.

The first time he decides to walk through the night, he heads for the highest point on the mountains, Humphrey’s Peak. Beneath his feet are dark roots. The pines and aspens shiver in the night air. Cas can taste the copper of the fallen leaves, hear the worms blind and joyous in the mulch underfoot, brush the sleep of Calliope hummingbirds, resting under cover of darkness on their winter migration south to Mexico.

As he reaches the treeline, there is snow and basalt underfoot, and finally, the gasp of stars he is searching for. The Milky Way, that glittering stairway to Heaven, casting her fishing net across the shoals of light in the pitch sky.

There, as the canopy of the world arches over his head he finds, heretic that he is, a voice for prayer.

He prays to his dead son, once so golden and eager in Kelly Kline’s womb.

“I’m sorry, for all the things in this world I never got to show you; roses of Jericho like desert sculptures in Judea; dancing revellers in red pvc at Battle Hymn in New York, golden monkeys with blue faces in the forests of southwestern China.”

Cas prays, not to Chuck, whom indeed he has cursed bitterly, over and over. But, as if otherwise they will shake him apart, rather, he hurls his prayers into the black holes of God’s expanding universe.

“If it is blasphemy, to have gravitated to the particular calluses of one pair of human hands; if it is blasphemy, to have carved my name onto bright bone, remade in Hell; if it is blasphemy, that no thousand-year command of garrisons in Heaven could ever compete with a single year’s savage nights in Purgatory; if it is blasphemy, I have been no more, and no less, a blasphemer.”

“And yet,” he whispers, into the cold solitude of the mountain, “if many waters cannot quench it, and neither can the floods drown it, is it not, also, holy?”

Cas stays there with his question, like some modern Prometheus, a piece of quantum infinity on the edge of finite time, until the rocks bleed out in the dawn.     

[bestillmyslashyheart]

4x09 Coda #2

Deran slowed his steps as he approached the door. He peered around the doorway cautiously, afraid of causing too much noise in case the form on the bed was sound asleep.

He needn’t have worried though. Tired eyes met his and the lips below curved upwards in a small smile.

“Hey,” Deran greeted softly.

“Hey,” came the equally soft reply.

“How are you feeling?”

A snort. “Tired. Sore. Cranky. Take your pick.”

“Happy?” Deran asked with a smile.

The smile he got back was blinding. “Yeah. That too.”

Deran hesitated in the doorway, his feet scuffing the floor as he dithered.

A sigh. “Come here and say hello.”

Deran ducked his head but entered the room fully and made his way over to the bed.

There was a chair next to the bed and he sank into it. There was shifting on the bed and then suddenly Deran had his arms full.

“Shit,” he whispered as he stared down at the bundle.

“Yeah,” came the breathy reply.

He looked up. “You’re sure?”

Renn leveled him with a glare. “I wasn’t before he was born but not many guys would put an eleven pound baby in me.”

Deran grimaced but Renn just laughed tiredly. She reached out and grabbed the baby’s hand and waved it in the air slowly. “Say hi Uncle Deran.”

Deran snorted. “Hey squirt,” he replied gamely. He looked up at Renn. “Figure out a name yet?”

She shook her head. “I had a bunch of ideas but I haven’t settled on anything yet. I read somewhere that sometimes when the baby’s born you just know and I was hoping that would happen but it turns out that was just a crock of shit.”

“Where’s Craig?” Deran had gotten a text from him an hour earlier but there was no sign of him here.

“I sent him out for supplies.”

“Supplies?”

“Chocolate. And coffee. Do you know how long it’s been since i had coffee?”

Deran glanced at the dark sky out her window. “You know what time it is?”

“Time for Momma to get her java,” Renn replied. “I’m so exhausted it won’t even matter, honestly. I just miss it.”

“Hey!” Deran turned at the sound of Craig’s voice. Renn sat up slightly and made grabby motions until Craig handed her the cup of coffee clutched in his hand. He dropped a plastic bag of candy on the table next to her and crouched down next to Deran, his hand already reaching for the kid. Deran tried to pass him off but Craig just ran a finger down his cheek and stood back up.

A moment later, a nurse appeared to take the baby. Deran passed him back to Renn and stepped outside to give them some space.

“Hey, man.” Craig’s voice was soft.

Deran turned and wrapped his brother in a hug. “Congratulations, man. Kid looks just like Renn.”

Craig snorted. “Thank god,” he agreed.

Deran thumbed over his shoulder. “I should let you guys rest or bond or whatever.”

Craig stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “I kinda lost it earlier and I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s going on and I wish you’d trust me but I understand if you got your own shit going.”

Deran swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat and nodded.

“Is everything okay?” Craig asked.

Deran started to nod but halfway through started shaking his head. “I can’t- I’m not going to bring this on you too, Craig. You’ve got a kid now, man.”

“This morning I didn’t have a kid. Why not tell me then?”

Deran looked away. “Adrian’s in some deep shit,” he confessed quietly. “I’m trying to get him out of it but it’s starting to look like I can’t.”

“Shit, Deran,” Craig cursed under his breath. “If you need help...”

Deran shook his head. “No. Thank you, but no. And please don’t ask anymore questions, okay? Just- just forget about it.”

Craig looked like he wanted to say something but instead he just nodded. “Okay.”

Deran nodded. “I should get home. Congrats again, man.”

[orionsangel86]

I have never know the "separated when most happy" trope to not be linked to romance so I'm stoked for this season. Dreading the angst that will come with it but excited for the end result

I actually tried to find anything on TV Tropes which alluded to this but literally it all links back the Star Crossed Lovers trope so yeah I’d say its pretty much always linked to romantic love. 

Just like a mixtape

Even if it wasn’t a blatant rip off of Angel’s curse in BTVS it would still be so obviously romantic because Cas was shown in the episode as being HAPPY at the end?

Like? He has his family right there with him. Does the Empty take him then? Nope. So what exactly would it take for Cas to “allow himself true happiness”?

Urgh it is so freaking obvious IMO to ANYONE who has actually paid attention to Cas’s character arc over the past 10 years. Even the anti’s over on Twitter are in meltdown because it’s just as obvious to them. Seriously. This episode has not only restored my faith in a canon Destiel endgame but completely restored my faith in the show as a whole - and I was really wavering. I cried for over half an hour after watching that scene because I couldn’t BELIEVE they have inflicted Cas with this HORRIBLE curse that basically guarantees Destiel in the worst way possible. This is more angsty than even the angstiest of fanfiction and the very thought of that actual moment KILLS ME even now, over a day later - it makes my heart hurt just picturing Dean’s face fall from delighted, kinda shy, and extremely happy to absolute horror as Cas is dragged away from him back to a cold and empty death.

Like... this has caused MASSIVE changes in any canon based content we create now. No more fluffy destiel christmas coda’s where they hook up and its all unicorns and rainbows and super happy. No more mistletoe kisses for Cas, or opening cute presents under the bunker christmas tree. No more sexy smutty fics because if poor Cas has an orgasm now he’s basically as good as dead. 

Those writers are THE WORST and I HATE THEM.

But of course I am just as stoked as you. Because clearly we are all masochists in this fandom and enjoy the pain inflicted on us by the writers.

Anyway I made the below because I feel like in some alternate universe everyone just pressed the button and this is what we are stuck with now:

I suppose the theory being, no one ever perma-dies on SPN and Castiel especially is a Winchester and will most definitely come back - because when this eventually does happen, Dean will force his way into the Empty to bring Cas back himself. 

Until that day happens, I’ll be over here with my bottle just sobbing for my poor beautiful angel:

[osakaso5]

The Observant Celestial Pilgrim - Throne Of The Stellar

Chapter 26 - The Promised Place

Chapter Index

~Several Years Later~

Hope: It's been a while, Leader! How have your travels been?

Coda' Voice: Quit calling me "Leader". It's embarrassing, y'know?

Hope: But you're Burst Roar's new leader, aren't you? That's amazing!

Coda's Voice: I was surprised to get nominated out of nowhere,  but I guess I'm getting used to it.

Coda's Voice: Lately, Fang's had his hands full just being the king.

Hope: I bet he still rides the ship all the time.

Coda's Voice: Good guess! It kinda defeats the point of even choosing a new leader!

Hope: Ahaha!

Coda's Voice: Anyway, how are things on your end, King of Eterno!?

Coda's Voice: Have you gotten used to living in a palace?

Hope: ...I'm still not used to hearing you call me that.

Coda's Voice: Ahaha! Shouldn't you just lean into it by now?

Hope: I'm still learning! There's a ton of stuff I don't know yet.

Hope: All the old servants have been returning to the castle bit by  bit, and we're trying our best together.

Coda's Voice: Really? It seems like Eterno's markets have become livelier, too.

Coda's Voice: And the public order's been restored, too. This old man I was trading with looked so happy when he told me that it was thanks to their new king.

Coda's Voice: It even made me feel proud!

Hope: It's because everyone's helping me! Fang and King Orion contact me often.

Hope: King Sardinia and Shinkai even came to Eterno!

Hope: They told me to come do some sightseeing in Sirena.

Coda's Voice: Huh. Even Sirena's become more welcoming.

Hope: The people of this city really liked Shinkai's flute playing, too!

Coda's Voice: I see! Seems like things are going well for you.

Hope: Yeah...

Hope: Is King Carnelian doing okay?

Coda's Voice: Well, after all that happened... He stepped down from the throne, and lives a quiet life with Lazu in the countryside. 

Coda's Voice: I paid them a visit the other day. They were having fun playing chess. The pieces were these cute crystal rabbits!

Hope: I see!

Coda's Voice: Oh yeah, and Erin happened to be there, too. He messed with their chess game, and Lazu got angry at him.

Hope: Ahaha! I can imagine!

Coda's Voice: Apparently there's a festival coming up in Alba, and they invited me there. I believe... they were going to make lanterns.

Hope: Wow! Lanterns! That sounds fun!

Coda's Voice: Right?

Hope: I'm starting to miss them, too.

Coda's Voice: In that case, you better arrange for a visit quickly.

Coda's Voice: Lately, a lot of people have been begging for King Carnelian's return. I'm sure he'll be busy soon.

Hope: He was a great king, after all. ...I need to follow his example!

Coda's Voice: I just hope he doesn't overwork himself again.

Hope: ...Listen, Coda.

Coda's Voice: Hm?

Hope: I'm sorry that I couldn't come travel with you, like I promised.

Coda's Voice: Ahaha! You're still worried about that? It was ages ago!

Hope: But, I promised...

Coda's Voice: If I took Eterno's King for a ride, I'd be banned from the planet altogether! It's an important place of business for me.

Coda's Voice: ...Besides, if I ever feel like seeing you, I can just fly there!

Hope: ...Thank you, Coda!

Coda's Voice: ...Sorry. My crew's calling!  

Coda's Voice: I'll call you again later!

Hope: Yeah! 

Bzzt

Hope: Hehe. I'm glad everyone's doing okay!

Hope: .......

Hope: ...Everyone, huh.

Hope's Servant: Your Highness, is something the matter?

Hope: No. ...I'm going outside for a bit!

Hope's Servant: Wait, please! Have someone accompany you!

Hope: I'll be fine! I won't be gone for long!

Hope's Servant: Your Highness! 

- - - -

Hope: Coming to this house really does calm me down.

Hope: It's run down, but I lived here ever since I was a child.

Hope: ........ 

Creak...

Hope: ...Curse, where are you right now?

Hope: I always keep the necklace on me, like you said.

Hope: Even despite everyone at the palace telling me I should put it in the Star Sphere room.

Hope: I can't calm down without this fragment. It's something you protected. 

Hope: I can even talk to it like this!

Hope: .......

Hope: ...But, how long am I gonna have to talk to a fragment?

Hope: I want you to hear me... 

Knock knock

Hope: .......!

Curse: You left the door open.

Curse: Becoming the king of Eterno has changed you quite a bit, but I see you're still careless as ever.

Hope: ...Curse..? Is... is it really you?

Hope: Am I dreaming..?

Curse: Dreaming?

Hope: ...No, I don't care if this is a dream! Because you're here...

Curse: Hope. This isn't a dream.

Curse: ...I can't have this be a dream. Not after I finally fulfilled my promise to you.

Hope: ........!

Hope: Curse..!

Curse: It's all thanks to you, Hope. I was able to come back because you fulfilled your duty as king.

Hope: ...Thanks to me... What do you mean..?

Curse: When I broke the Star Sphere into pieces, I wished for you to be a king of hope.

Curse: And you wished for us to always be together.

Curse: For that moment, the Star Sphere was whole, was it not? I may not be the Protector, who can offer it wishes, but I was created from his powers.

Curse: When you granted my wish, your wish for us to be together also came true.

Curse: As miraculous as it is...

Hope: The Star Sphere... Granted our wishes...

Curse: It would seem Vega and Capella helped, as well.

Hope: ......! So, you're back to the way you were..!

Curse: No. Not to the way I was.

Hope: ......!

Curse: Though Vega did lend me a hand, he couldn't restore my old form.

Hope: ...Curse, does that mean...

Curse: I've lost the immortality I once had.

Hope: ......!

Hope: No..! Not after you've already lived for 1000 years..!

Curse: Hope. Why are you upset?

Curse: This is a joyous occasion.

Curse: Now, I can live for as long as you do, and grow old by your side.

Hope: By... My side...

Hope: Curse... Really? Are you really okay with that..?

Hope: We can live together again, like we used to..? Growing old together..?

Curse: Yes.

Hope: ......! Curse..!!!

Curse: ...Oh. Haha. You're always so quick to leap into my arms.

Hope: Curse..! Curse!!!

Curse: ...You've grown stronger. I've made you wait for so long.

Curse: I'm home, Hope.

Hope: ...Welcome back, Curse! 

The End.

Translator’s notes..? 

aaaaaand it’s finally done! now that that’s over, i think i’ll just stick to regular card translations for a while, though i might have a go at this year’s end of year story and some scans later on

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x13 “Lebanon” (300th episode)

in which i compare this episode to pumpkin soup, because I’m craving more Cas

03:30pm

all righty, thing is still downloading, and there’s a 720p version queued up so that’ll be downloaded by the time i’ve watched half. i have snacks, i’m gonna half close my blinds so i can see, but I DON’T HAVE HEADPHONES AGAIN which is the worst. why do headphones break so easily, that’s what i want to know. (just gotta pray there’s a good sound quality i guess. my laptop speakers suck)

...2 minutes left on the download c’moooooon

-

03:35

OKAY DONE!!!!

-

03:36

“dad’s on a hunting trip and he hasn’t been home in a few days”

i don’t know if it’s dean’s little baby voice (HE’S MY AGE CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? I CAN’T) or the laptop speakers or the video sound quality, but dean sounds like a kid in a 1980s disney cartoon, with that vintage prickle in my ears and i love it

-

03:38

okay look it’s super hot 'cause it’s summer, and my fan is on, and there’s cicadas... i think i gotta shut the window and turn the fan off aND SLOWLY ROAST IN HERE BECAUSE I CAN’T HEAR THIS PROPERLY

i’m 9 seconds into the recap u_u

it’s gonna be one of those days i guess

-

03:41

is that the monkey again?

yeah it’s the monkey again

-

03:45

dead black guy already????????????????????

really?????

-

03:46

are those kids meant to look like the kids from stranger things? because they kind of do. and the movie theatre as well

-

03:47

cas is in this episode, right??

if he isn’t i’m gonna scream

misha had a tv guide cover so maybe

-

03:39

every single one of these kids is cute and i’m offended

“weird sidekick with the trenchcoat” i am further offended, but also smiling

-

03:50

SHE GAY

SHE VERY GAY

-

the plaid though. she’s a dean mirror 100%

edit: i did doubt this for a second but nope, i was completely right

i mean, she drives the car as well

-

03:52

tHE IMPALA JUST SCOOTED OFF THE SCREEN AND I ALMOST CHOKED OH MY GOD that was hilarious

-

03:54

dean doing the puppy eyes is 

a) cute

b) FUCKING TERRIFYING BECAUSE THIS POOR WOMAN’S TRYING TO PROTECT AN UNDERAGE GIRL AND IT SHOULD NOT BE THAT EASY

-

03:57

the hand that popped out of the smoky cigar box

SUPER COOL AND SUPER CREEPY EW

-

03:59

dean: “this is like the best/worst thing that’s ever happened to you. ‘cause you love serial killers but you hate clowns”

ahahhahaha

-

04:02

sam: “are you sure you don’t wanna call mom, or wait for cas”

YES PLEASE DO BOTH OF THOSE THINGS ;A;

-

“michael out of my head”

HAVE YOU NEVER PAID ATTENTION TO ALL THE WISHES THAT GO WRONG??? YOU GOTTA BE MORE SPECIFIC DUDE. TAKING MICHAEL OUT YOUR HEAD JUST TAKES HIM OUT, YOU GOTTA KILL HIM TOO DAMMIT

-

04:05

john: “now you live in a secret bunker with an angel and lucifer’s kid”

he took that surprisingly well

 a little too well

probably part of dean’s wish that he takes it well

-

04:08

OH BOY

the face he made when he saw mary sdjgfd

-

04:09

ahahah dean and sam awkwardly leaving while their parents make out

dean kinda looked like he was gonna stay, lil bean

-

04:11

the fact dean was so adamant that he said he wanted michael out of his head, but then is now defending the fact he wished for his dad back instead

says a lot about what dean says he wants =/= what dean actually wants

-

04:13

john is much sweeter and more understanding than anyone remembers him (at least than i remember him, or could infer from all the stories about him)

i really do think dean brought him back nicer

-

04:15

i love seeing sam have emotions, it’s so refreshing

-

sam kinda looked like he panicked when john touched him aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

-

04:17

there’s a sign for “castle storage” in the background and i think about that sometimes. hill of a forty dogs or something??? i forget, it was so long ago

-

ALSO WHERE’S CAS

also switching to 720p now

never mind switching back, the sound was better on the lower quality video u_u

-

04:22

oh no, nobody knows them

IS CAS NOT GONNA KNOW THEM

OH NO

-

04:23

this universe-sam: *kinda smug* “god bless kale, am i right?”

I CRINGED SO HARD

-

04:25

OH BOY IT’S HAPPENING

(well SOMETHING IS HAPPENING)

-

04:26

zachariah: “c’mon, constantine”

cas: “i don’t understand that reference”

zach: “you wouldn’t”

i kinda missed this cas though. like. i’m not even mad

ONE PROBLEM: HE’S PROBABLY NOT HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH DEAN

-

04:28

life goal of mine: have a sign like that in my house as decor

-

04:29

THE BACKWARDS TIE

-

04:35

okay first off i got so involved watching cas beat dean up (again) and dean being unable to stop him (D: D: D:) (kind of expected dean to croak “i love you” but um no....... that didn’t happen)

and then mary’s egg timer went off 

and it reminded me i’m hungry again so brb

well actually i’m not hungry..... but my body is shutting down because i need fat and magnesium to function which means i need to eat or else i can’t see, but same difference

-

04:43pm

okay i’m back

-

04:45

DEAN FINALLY HEARING HIS DADDY SAY HE’S PROUD OF HIM

-

04:46

john: “i thought you’d get yourself a normal life, a peaceful life, a family”

dean: “i have a family”

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

]]]]]] I REALLY FUCKING WANT JOHN TO MEET CAS [[[[[[[

-

04:48

THERE’S SALAD ON THE PLATES HALLELUJAH

-

04:49

sam: “did you see them, at dinner, the way they looked at each other, they seemed happy”

and then there’s the way max looked at the girl she was crushing on

AND THEN THERE’S THE WAY DEAN LOOKS AT CAS LET’S GET SOME OF THAT IN HERE PLEEEEEASE

-

04:51

it stresses me out when people wash dishes but only rinse using the dirty water not fresh tap water

-

04:53

they’re about to send john back, he’s holding mary’s hand

all the rainbows behind dean’s head

betcha he’s thinkin about cas

-

04:56

john: “i love you both, so much”

dean...................

-

“i love you too”

OH MY HEART

he says it ......he never used to say it to anyone

-

04:59

YEEEEE

BUT ALSO THIS ONLY LASTED 0.5 SECONDS WHY

but also???????

TALL GUY = SAM

PLAID GIRL = DEAN

COAT GIRL = CAS

IS ANYONE ELSE GETTING THIS

WHY DIDN’T THIS SHOT LAST LONGER SO PEOPLE WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE WITHOUT PAUSING

CURSE YOU EDITORS

-

05:02

so....... that end scene where john’s like “i’m on my way back, i’ll see you soon”

was that meant to be in the past, 2003 era? the flip phone would say so, but his visible age kind of confuses matters

i mean i get that it’s hard to make someone look 16 years younger

but still

unsure about that

-

05:04

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm it’s over

i dunno

that was definitely a special and important episode, and i appreciated seeing this side of john, this is gonna make it way easier to write fanfic of him without the story ending up as a trauma survival fic

but

i was kind of underwhelmed

things i rEALLY REALLY WANTED that didn’t happen:

john actually reacting to dean saying they made friends with an angel (and a werewolf, a vampire, demons, etc etc)

john meeting cas

cas being part of that family meal (i get that the point was he was 2003!cas and not there, but still)

jack being in this even a little bit??

and as the story went on and reached the end, what it really lacked, for me, was a comparison where we can then see how john/mary & max/her crush = dean/cas...........and that just didn’t happen

i think it just ended too soon, really

and there was a lot more they could’ve done with the altered timeline, could’ve brought a whooooooooole lot back from past seasons and just made it a smorgasbord of nostalgia

i get that it was focused solely on john, which gave it an emotional core, so there’s not actually a problem there, i loved that

but it felt kind of dull and slow and....... soupy..........?

(i just mean. the emotional feeling in my brain as i think about it. feels like soup. specifically pumpkin soup. warm and spicy and goopy and nutritious but ultimately not very filling)

then again, if the pacing had been sped up, i would’ve complained it was too rushed. so there’s no winning, it was probably fine ?

i think my favourite part was the kids. i loved the kids. i love the lil gay romance going there. i loved the fact it was a destiel/team free will parallel (even if that part of it was OVER SO DAMN QUICKLY MOST PEOPLE MISSED IT). i loved the kid in the hat, he reminded me a lot of the actor thomas brodie-sangster, and also johnathan byers from “stranger things”

also enjoyed sam vs. the serial killer clown, and that whole aspect of hunting that we haven’t seen in a while, felt very nostalgic

also enjoyed 2003!cas, but was both distressed and frustrated by him fighting dean and then NOT GETTING ANY CLOSURE ON THAT WHATSOEVER. the point was to make dean and sam realise they really needed to send john back, so essentially, in some respect, they did choose cas being their friend over john being around, but that part of the overall problem was never mentioned at all, cas wasn’t mentioned at all after the fight

i’m just looking forward to coda fics that start where this episode leaves off, and dean talks to cas, because i am craving that SO FUCKING BADLY i can’t even express. like. it’s becoming maddening. i just. want. them. to have. a conversation

and the black guy dying at the start?? and the other black kid running away from the ghost and never being seen again? and besides the unnamed diner guy offering info on skip day, being the ONLY PEOPLE OF COLOUR IN THE ENTIRE STORY??? NOT COOL, not a fan >:{ (still better than it used to be, but soooooooooo many white people. so many. so. many)

anyway. um

so that wasn’t my favourite episode, but not because it was bad, but because it didn’t live up to expectations. i tried not to have any expectations (i really tried) but there were just... basic things this episode needed that i felt it was lacking (*cough* cas *cough*), and i can’t really shake that feeling

HOWEVER, having seen 2003!cas be the thoughtless drone that he was, i can appreciate just HOW MUCH character development has happened while he’s been around, which.... i suppose, is a sort of nod to his entire existence ???

anyway, 9/10, and a big ol shrug

but yeah. seeing john be kind and understanding was amazing (and completely changes how i’m gonna write him in my fics in the future, since he’s probably gonna be in the fic instead of just mentioned) and having him say he’s proud of dean and he loves him was just a super nice treat c:

sam being emotional is the best, too. sam confronting his feelings 10/10

i just. i want aaaaaall of this. but with cas. i really want that. so goddamn much. ;~;

[curewhimsy]

So I updated my summary of my Whimsica series Foibles.

It’s  still very messy and incomplete, but that will change with time as I get more ideas.

Sumi’s situation is inspired by Daughter of White, yes. Also yes, it kinda did become a fantasy version of A Dreamer’s Journey.

———

The Forest of Resonance is a tropical rainforest in the magical land of Whimsica where it is perpetually summer. The forest is inhabited by elven people, or elves. It never is cold in the forest, nor does it ever snow. Nobody who inhabits the Forest of Resonance is able leave it, or else they will begin to die slowly as long as they are outside of the boundaries. Everyone in the forest has hair/eyes that are blue, green, or somewhere in between. Even when they age, the hair never turns white. But Sumi Shizumi, an albino, was born with white hair, and is ostracized because of it. Sumi Shizumi was born on an unusually cold day for the forest. She was born with white hair and purple eyes, and everyone began to treat Sumi as a mistake and a cursed child because of it. Sumi’s single mother who was a pianist, Setsuko, passed away shortly after birthing her, leaving Sumi an orphan. Sumi’s mother cared deeply about her child. Her final wish was for Sumi to live on and have a happy life, despite her looking different. However, others would soon mistreat Sumi. Sumi had been living with an adoptive mother since then, who frequently treated Sumi as inferior. Sumi’s adoptive mother then died when Sumi was 17, leaving her to live on her own. Sumi grows up as a very lonely and apologetic person, despite having an incredibly gentle and benevolent nature. Sumi also has an adventurous spirit. She is a writer, she loves books, and had always heard stories and legends of life outside the forest. She has always longed to see all the amazing sights from beyond the boundaries. Sumi is not only ostracized for her white hair, but also her strange powers. Everyone else’s powers are related to plants and summer elements. Sumi’s powers are related to ice and are rather wintry. They are also very hard to control, and more like a curse. Before Sumi’s discovered her powers, nobody had ever heard of snow. When they first saw the snow that happened because of Sumi, they panicked. They thought that Sumi had done something bad to the usual rain. The key to Sumi controlling her powers is confidence. But since Sumi has been mistreated her whole life, finding confidence ends up being an immensely difficult quest for her. Ever since she was little, Sumi also wanted to be a singer (like her upperclassman Liu) but she’s never had the courage, not even to join the sing-along program at school. She avoided singing with the other kids in music class out of fear of being criticized, and sat alone in the corner. Sumi wanted to play the piano the way her mother did. She took a lesson at age 12, but she was clumsy at it. The pianist in her village was very harsh, also mistreated Sumi, and refused to teach Sumi any further due to being a “nuisance”. This damages Sumi’s self-esteem further. Kiri is a girl who secretly always wanted to be comfort Sumi and be her friend, except she felt like a powerless bystander. Kiri did comfort Sumi in secret by giving her uplifting notes in her locker and mailbox when nobody was around, essentially becoming Sumi’s secret friend. However, Kiri felt like she could not reveal herself, because then she’d be mistreated too. One day when she is 22, Sumi is having a particularly horrible day. That night when she sees a shooting star from her treehouse, she wishes for someone, anyone, to be her friend. Sumi’s emotional feelings that night were so strong, it caused a blizzard to plummet the forest. The crops begin to die and everyone chases Sumi out because of what she did. The elder of the forest says that Sumi won’t die when she’s away from the forest, because the forest was never where she belonged in the first place. This hurts Sumi deeply, hearing she never belonged. What hurts even more is that Sumi doesn’t seem to feel weaker once she’s away from the forest, meaning the elder was right. Sumi takes this opportunity to run away, to somewhere outside the boundaries where she’d be happier. However, word gets out, and Kiri is worried. She follows Sumi in secret, even risking her own death. Meanwhile on Earth, we have Reina Coda. Reina is a girl who finds her life boring and disappointing. She is a singer and pianist, but recently she lost her passion and reason. Reina became a nihilist who believes her life is meaningless. She desires and longs for a reason to keep living. One night, Reina goes to sleep after a long day... and mysteriously wakes up in another world. In fact, this is Whimsica. Reina wakes up in an unknown place, wanders for a while, and finds Sumi, who is running away. They have a conversation. Reina’s hair is black, which Sumi comments on. All throughout her life, she had only seen people with blue or green hair, and never a different color, such as black as the night. Sumi asks where Reina is from. Reina mentions she’s from far away, and that she’s lost. Reina is initially aloof and a bit standoffish. She isn’t good at consoling Sumi, who is so diffident. But she comments that Sumi’s hair is beautiful. This changes Sumi’s life. She had never thought of herself as anything more than worthless and ugly, and it was all because of her hair. Having it being called beautiful changes Sumi’s world. They go on a journey together. All sorts of adventures. Sumi’s journey is to find acceptance. Reina’s journey is to find a way back home. Throughout the story, many things happen. They even both gain powers to transform into magical girls and fight monsters through fulfillment (mentioned later). Sumi ends up making her previously uncontrollable ice powers useful. They become friends, though it takes them a while to get close. Sumi ends up trusting Reina, and tells her secrets and dreams. Sumi wants to be a singer and pianist. Reina, who is experienced in both, offers to teach Sumi. Eventually they discover an old house. They decide to make it their home. Coincidentally and much to their delight, the house mysteriously has a piano in it. Reina uses this to start Sumi’s piano and voice lessons. Sumi is clumsy at both at first. This discourages her immensely. Eventually, Reina unintentionally hurts Sumi’s feelings by telling her that she lacks confidence. Reina claims That Sumi won’t be making it far as a singer without such a crucial characteristic. Sumi breaks down into tears and has an emotional outburst. She runs away and hides. Reina apologizes, but Sumi still feels hurt. This stems from Sumi’s low self-esteem and past rejection. Reina eventually gets to understand Sumi’s feelings better, and realizes how her words were hurtful to Sumi. Reina finds Sumi. She then tells Sumi she understands her better and apologizes again. She tells Sumi that everyone has things they need to learn, and that it doesn’t make Sumi awful or hopeless. Sumi and Reina have a poignant moment that brings them closer together. Reina confesses to Sumi that she once was shy as well. Reina gradually opens up more throughout the story. We end up finding out why she is a nihilist and is so standoffish. Reina’s parents died, and her step-parents are always arguing and eventually divorced, leading Reina into thinking life is meaningless. Eventually during their journey, Sumi and Reina stumble upon a colorful Land of Misfits. Legend has it, to reach this land, you have to be someone running away due to being mistreated for being different. Then, if you are lucky, you will come across the Land of Misfits. A long time ago, all the people and creatures who ran away had found each other and built a safe haven where everyone is accepted. However, villains from the evil planet Monochrome want to destroy the Land of Misfits, because they don’t think that the Misfits deserve to be happy. Monochrome doesn’t believe in happiness. They also want to corrupt Whimsica to make the entire universe boring and hopeless to their liking. Monochrome villains spread despair, and have the power to harness negative feelings and turn them into monsters. These monsters hurt people physically and emotionally, and spread negative energy. Reina, along with the people in the Land of Misfits, tell Sumi that she doesn’t have to be sorry for being different. They tell her that it’s not her fault. Once Sumi hears that it isn’t her fault, and finds out there are Misfits with stories like hers, her entire world changes. For the first time, she doesn’t feel alone. Eventually, Sumi even finds out about hair dye, but she declines the opportunity to dye her white hair that she’s been ostracized for her whole life. She is pressured into doing so by the person selling it, but Sumi stands up for herself and claims there’s nothing wrong with being different in the first place. This is part of her character development. Sumi now realizes all the unfair treatment she’s been through. She wants to stand up for all misfits. Out of spite, she refuses to change. It’s a little thing, but it shows how much Sumi’s confidence had developed. When Sumi finds out about Monochrome, she is shocked and appalled that they want to destroy a land filled with all the people that are different. Though Sumi is timid, she wants to make a difference. She slowly builds her self-worth and confidence, and her magic gets stronger and more controllable as a result. Sumi and Reina also find they can cast magic with music. Sumi and Reina also end up, along with some Misfits, joining an exploration team, in order to explore Whimsica, combat Monochrome’s negativity monsters, and look for a way for Reina to return home. It gets to the Sumi eventually fulfills herself. In Whimsica, magical transformations, complete with an outfit and a special weapon, are unlocked when the user “fulfills” themself. This can be through overcoming an obstacle, or having a substantial moment of bravery. In Sumi’s home forest, fulfillment was said to only happen to the “truly worthy”. Very few people in the forest had been able to. Reina eventually fulfills herself when she gets over her feelings that life is meaningless. Being with Sumi teachers Reina that life is precious. And that’s all I have for now I guess. But they do save the Land of Misfits after an epic journey. Without Sumi’s courage and kindness, the Land of Misfits would have never been saved. Sumi goes from bein At the end of the story, Reina says something corny like “Maybe the real journey is deep inside of us all.” But it shows how much her view on life changes. Though eventually there is a sad ending where Reina has to go back to Earth and say goodbye to Sumi forever, but she’ll never forget her. But Reina is the person who changed Sumi’s life and gave her strength. Perhaps Sumi needs to find the strength to go on without Reina, yet treasure her memories. It is thought that Reina can never return to Whimsica. During the time Reina is gone home, Sumi becomes an accomplished magical girl. She also becomes a vocal coach, because she wants to help people reach their dreams the way Reina had helped her. One of her students is very shy just like her, so Sumi tells them the story of her and Reina, and how she was shy and hopeless once. Meanwhile, Reina is extremely depressed at home and wishes she could at least visit Sumi once again, who had given her life meaning. However, she is grateful. Reina will never forget how she felt when she was with Sumi. Eventually, four months later, Reina gains the ability to go back to Whimsica. She finds Sumi again, and eventually they get married.

[mattzerella-sticks]

Semblance (a Dean/Cas 14x03 “The Scar” Coda) (ao3)

After the events of 14x03, Dean returns to the Bunker emotionally charged up and surrounded on all sides by a bunch of people he doesn't really know. Is there anything or anyone like how he remembers before Michael wore him like a cheap suit? Or is there no normal he can return to?

          Dean knew he’d been gone for a long time – doesn’t mean he wanted reminders. Like Sam’s beard, all the changes within the Bunker made it obvious he was falling behind even before he realized there was a race. Every confused blink when someone called Sam ‘chief’ or accidental bump after rounding a corner without looking made him even more aware how different things have become.

           How different his home is.

           Even now, sitting in his room, he tries to ignore the fact he now has neighbors. “Where was I gonna put them, Dean?” Sam said, after they had watched a guy in a towel pass them by to open the door left of Dean’s room, “The Bunker is more storage space than living quarters. You can’t have your own hallway.”

           ‘I damn well should get my own hallway,’ Dean thinks, glaring at his wall, ‘Seniority or… whatever.’ He sighs, letting the tension sag out of his shoulders, and drags a tired hand down his face. His mind steamed on ahead, even after promising Sam he’d try to slow down. Except without any thread to latch onto about Michael, or how to stop Michael, or even how to find Michael… he flails in the ether of the unknown.

           Almost like he’s… he’s drowning –

           “Yeah,” he murmurs, shooting up, “Not going down that rabbit hole.” Instead of locking himself away, he decides stretching his legs might clear his head.

           Or give him something else to think about.

           Although that seems to be easier said than done. He’d been stewing in his room longer than he intended, still awake in the twilight hours. Barely anyone was around – and while walking the halls was much easier, it didn’t help his nerves. His bad thoughts seemed to echo in the empty space, haunting him with every step.

           Thankfully, a familiar whir from nearby cut across his inner turmoil. Dean picks up his pace, somewhat sprinting into the kitchen. He leans against the doorjamb, huffing under his breath, trying to look at ease. Cas isn’t easily fooled.

           The angel takes a sip from his now-filled mug before approaching Dean. “So,” he starts, “Should I even pretend I didn’t see that or do you want to skip the lie and just tell me what’s on your mind?”

           Dean sags. “Wanted to talk, s’all,” he mumbles out, trying and failing to meet Cas’s gaze.

           “You’re lucky it was me who you found, then,” Cas says, smiling, “Anyone else wouldn’t let your little… half-jog go so easily.”

           “Yeah,” Dean sighs, offering a somewhat smaller grin, “Used to be I had a fifty-fifty chance of guessing who was in the other room… but now…” His thoughts circle back on themselves now, pressing on his mind. “How do you do it?”

           “Do what?”

           “That,” he gestures to the mug. “Make yourself coffee… talk – talk like there aren’t forty other strangers who can walk in on you at any moment.”

           “Because they aren’t strangers to me,” Castiel tells him, “These other hunters… they’re my friends. We’ve fought together, broke bread… I’m sure in time you’ll feel the same –“

           “Time,” Dean chuckles, his features darkening, “Seems like that’s one of the things I don’t have a grasp on, right now.” He turns from his friend, rubbing at the scar Michael left behind. Even under the thick flannel, he can feel where the flesh has raised and puckered. It must have hurt Michael fiercely when Kaia stabbed him – although with his powers, the wound barely lasted five minutes. Or maybe it did, and healed normally like any wound (‘That would have irked him.’) Who knows how long Michael let him bleed. Not him.

           Cas lays a hand on his other shoulder. “Hey, why don’t we have a seat?”

           “I don’t think five feet is gonna make a difference, Cas.”

           “No… I was thinking somewhere else.”

           Dean steps past Cas, moving further into the room. He eyes it adoringly, taking in the glory of his Dean Cave. He trails a finger along a nearby table, softening at the dust coating it. “I’m surprised no one’s touched it,” he says, “Figured Sam would make this into a rec room seeing as the Bunker’s now a community center.”

           “We had an agreement,” Cas says, shutting the door behind them, “Your room and this… it wouldn’t feel right while you were – you were away. We made sure to keep others from using it without your permission.”

           “Thanks,” Dean tells him, “You didn’t – I mean, not like I’m going to stop everyone from coming in here –“

           “Dean, it’s okay,” Cas soothes. “It’s understandable you want space. Need to be surrounded by something that… that’s familiar. We’re not asking you to adapt like…” he snaps his fingers, “like that.”

           He huffs, walking over towards the chairs and slumping into one. “It’s that obvious, huh?”

           “I’m not sure what you mean?”

           “Yes you do,” Dean calls him out, “Don’t pretend like you don’t it’s… it’s insulting. You ‘n’ Sammy… hell, even that other Kaia could tell and I barely said more than five words to her.” He hears Cas glide over, watching over his shoulder, waiting to see if he’s needed. “I’m struggling,” he whispers, “Everywhere I go I… it’s like I don’t know anything. And everything that I did know is – is gone. Changed. I woke up from a coma and my world’s moved on without me. Even Sammy has his little support system to fall back on… I’m not needed.”

           He slips back into silence, hunched over and counting each breath that hisses out his nose. Cas says nothing as well, preferring to slowly slink past him and into the next chair.

           “You know,” Cas starts, “Jack saved that girl who was brought here.”

           “What?”

           “You remember, the one with the witch’s curse on her?” he gestures to an invisible necklace, “Withering away? We exhausted every option but Jack didn’t give up. He still believed she could be saved, even when it looked like there was no life left in her. Now she’s probably back at home with her mother, thankful she can see the sun rise another day…”

           “That’s… that’s great,” Dean says, frowning, “And Jack did that without…” he wiggles his fingers, “without his mojo?”

           “Yes,” he laughs, smiling at the memory, “He was so proud of himself and… and so was I. Jack never gave up, and proved that he could still make a difference even without his powers.”

           “Yeah,” Dean sighs, “I’m – I’m sorry about what I said, earlier. I didn’t mean – I wasn’t thinking…”

           “You weren’t,” Cas agrees, “Nor were you aware of his feelings about his new status. But now you know.”

           “Boy do I,” Dean says, “Sam ripped me a new one after that – next time I see the kid I’m gonna share a beer with him, make up and all that.”

           “That’d make him happy.”

           “So…” Dean continues, “not that it’s weird talking about Jack’s accomplishments but… I feel like you had some sort of ulterior motive about it.”

           “Well I figured you should know seeing as you’re one-third of Jack’s dads,” Cas says, hiding a smirk at the way Dean’s eyes widen at that. “However… you’re right, I did have a hidden intention. Dean… Jack losing his grace unbalanced him. He felt like he couldn’t provide in the same way that he did, that he wasn’t needed. But his actions prove otherwise. He’s learning, just like we all are. Like you are. It might take awhile but you’ll get to the point where you can be comfortable in your skin again.”

           Dean swallows around the lump in his throat. “Thanks Cas,” he ekes out, “…thanks.” He waits a beat. “It might take awhile. I don’t know –“

           “It doesn’t matter,” Cas stops him with a hand over his. “We’ll walk alongside you for however long you need us.”

           He’s not crying. He wishes he could cry, but his eyes remain dry. All the water stays in his chest, and he coughs, trying to undam the reservoir there. Cas moves to help him, but Dean squeezes his hand, stalling the movement.

           “I just wanna return to normal,” Dean confesses, “it’s all gotten so… so big.”

           “We can’t go back,” Cas tells him, “We can only move forward. Try and find a-a new normal. Or at least… a semblance of it.”

           “Not just this fight,” Dean continues, turning away from Cas, hands still clasped together. “The bunker… sharing a kitchen, a bathroom, a-a hallway with all these people. I’ve never been a… joiner.” He offers a wry smirk. “Maybe my new normal’ll be a farm somewhere. Forty is eighty in hunter years… don’t know how Ma or Bobby do it…”

           “A farm seems like a nice idea,” Cas nods, “Open fields, dirt roads… only seeing people when you want to see them.”

           “We.”

           “Hmm?”

           “We, stupid,” Dean laughs, “A farm’s a big responsibility. Needs more than one person to run it. Sam’s too busy chief-ing things here and…”

           “And?”

           “I’d miss you too much.”

           Dean warms at the sight of Cas’s smile. “I’d miss you, too.” Cas sighs. “I… have another confession to make.” Dean raises a brow at him, waiting. “Earlier, when I said we made sure no one used your rooms. Well… that was a falsity.”

           “That so?”

           “Yes, I –“ Cas stutters, blushing, “I may have… on some occasions… sat in your room.”

           Dean snorts. “I kinda figured.”

           “You did?”

           “Everything looked too orderly,” Dean says, “Not dusty like in here. That someone was taking care of it, keeping it clean.” He looks at the angel from the corner of his eye. “Thanks.”

           They lapse back into silence, Dean stroking a thumb across Cas’s hand tenderly. He lets time pass without protest, preferring its journey with company. Dean uses the quiet to picture years down the road. Waking up beside Cas at the crow of the rooster, trying to weasel in a few extra minutes of sleep knowing the angel wouldn’t let him. Cooking breakfast from the eggs he picked yesterday from their coop. Watching Cas tend to a garden from a nearby porch swing, coffee in hand, the ceramic clinking gently against a simple, silver band.

           “Hey Cas?”

           “Yes Dean.”

           “Thanks for not changing too much,” Dean smiles, “For being my eye in the storm.”

           “You don’t have to thank me for that Dean,” Cas says, “I’m glad to be your normal.”

           Dean squeezes Cas’s hand even tighter, returning the sentiment. When he succumbs to the night, Dean’s last sight is Cas’s face.

           He hopes it’s the first thing he sees when he wakes up.