#curriculum and strategic direction and so on
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whentherewerebicycles · 2 years ago
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ok well i drove 50 min in moderately heavy traffic to get to this place only to discover that they accidentally sent my security credential to the washington dc office instead of the washington state office 🫠 then had to drive 35 min back (less traffic, at least?). kind of an annoying way to waste a morning but whatever i listened to music and thought about my story idea in traffic so at least there’s that. unfortunately this means i will have to go back sometime in the near future once they get it shipped over.
i spent a couple hours this morning prepping for the campus visit but then started overwhelming myself a little bit so i think i’m gonna gently dial that back for today and return to it later. i honestly think i could do most of the visit tomorrow and it would be just fine. the only parts that feel like big question marks are the job talk i have to give to faculty (on a prompt that will not be provided until a week or so beforehand) and an “informal workshop or something like that” i have to lead with students (they haven’t settled the details yet). but like, both of those will be fine! i’m just raring to get started on the prep work yknow and not having clear parameters means i will do the classic jes thing of going deeper and deeper into various rabbitholes until someone stops me lol.
to try to give myself some parameters:
in general, i want to approach the research/prep work less as “i must do this otherwise i won’t be prepared!!! what if someone grills me on the research on this hyper-specific topic!!!!” and more as “would doing this research be interesting to me and useful to my work as a teacher even if i weren’t prepping for an interview? if so, proceed.”
buzzwords and specific citations don’t matter! what matters is my ability to clearly communicate my big picture values as an educator and administrator, the concrete things i’ve done to enact those values in my past work, and the vision i have for building on that work in the future in this specific institutional context. if i start feeling overwhelmed or like i am beginning to flounder, i return to my core values, my concrete actions, and my vision. i trust that in an interview or job talk context i’ll be able to draw on specific examples to illustrate those things or use my deeper knowledge to answer trickier questions if they arise. 
to keep myself focused on the high-level / big-picture philosophy i want to convey, i think it might be useful to actually make a list of core values or guiding beliefs - so that i have a VERY clear sense of what i’m trying to communicate and a very concrete document to refer back to when i’m feeling a little at sea. i think that should probably be the first thing i do and the main focus of this week, before i let myself delve any further into researching random little topics that might come up in some hypothetical interview situation lol.
i want to remember something macky said, which is that most people would prefer to talk and work with someone who’s curious about the world they’re entering rather than hyper-focused on explaining how awesome they are and how much stuff they’ve done in the past. so i don’t want to let my little insecurities about whether i’m Really Qualified For This Job lead me to knowledge-dump or talk endlessly about myself to try to “prove” something. i want to go into this experience with the calm, grounded belief that this is work i am well equipped to do, so that i can keep the campus visit itself focused on engaging with students/faculty, asking lots of thoughtful questions about the school’s work and priorities, and just in general showing that i can be a good colleague/teammate who people would enjoy working with.
#it's funny i think the insecurity i'm feeling is solely because of the job i'm in right now#where i'm treated as such a junior staff person and am not given tasks of any importance and am micromanaged like i can't do anything#but like if i cast my mind back to this time last year#i was directing a program! i was balancing competing priorities and managing a bunch of complex projects at once and making decisions about#curriculum and strategic direction and so on#and people were listening to me as an expert and not questioning my authority or competence at all#it's just interesting to notice that you know#like how being treated a certain way can make you feel a certain way even if you're like#objectively this is an inaccurate assessment of my abilities#i joke with liz that i have two personas now#one is 'jessica' which is what everyone calls me at work because for some reason it's what they put on all my official stuff#who is extremely junior and a little cringing and is micromanaged constantly on exceedingly simple tasks#and one is the real me who is like... a skilled and competent adult professional#so i just gotta exorcise jessica#gotta shake her off yknow#and reconnect with my actual self#this role would be a promotion to a higher level of responsibility! that's true!#but also at my old job i was often itching for more work and more projects and a further reach in terms of what i could do#and our renewal proposal was a massively expanded version of the original grant that i would've been in charge of planning and directing#so i was ready! i AM ready!#i just had to do this other job for a while to fund my move and the exorbitant cost of trying to have a baby as a lesbian lol
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