#currently in the bathroom afraid to leave bc i have to turn the light off before opening the door

[bluesey-182]

having a history of hallucinations sucks bc that fear you get after reading/watching a horror book/movie late at night that the Evil from the story is somehow hiding in your dark house has the potential of actually being real in the form of my brain going "hey check this out *casts "hallucination"* haha, you little bitch"

[shoutogepi]

Best Friends

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𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : 𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐢 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐨 �� 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 2.7k

[ ☁︎ ]  angst

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : unrequited feelings :’( really brief mention of sex (not nsfw tho!) & also (underage?????) alcohol consumption! 

𝐛𝐢𝐨 : On your last night in the dorms, Shouto realizes he has feelings for you, his best friend. 

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 : idk honestly i started writing this last night and was gonna abandon it... but then val tagged me in an angst ficrec and i was like ok well! this is a sign to post bc then i will have at least one sho angst on my masterlist lolll oops :o

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   ─── ・°* ﾟ✧:* • ｡ﾟ:*･☽･*: ｡ﾟ•*:✧ ﾟ*°・ ───

🅃onight was the last night in the dorms. Three long years had come and went, and now everyone’s belongings were cleaned out and secured away with cardboard and tape, leaving an empty wing that was currently filled with bodies, neon lights, and red solo cups. Music was pounding through the hallways, reaching every room and allowing no one total escape from the celebration.

You had been occupying the dance floor with Mina and Tsuyu for the last half hour, and now that you had sweat off the latest drink of the night, it was time for you to set off and find your more moderate-tempered companion. The pink-skinned girl wiggled her eyebrows at you when you alerted them of where you were heading off to, Tsuyu planting a love tap on your ass as you made your way from the swarm of people. The frog girl wasn’t usually so loose, but the alcohol that pumped through everyone’s veins had left only a select few unaffected. Tsu, just like you, was one of the ones that was happily allowing the weight of daily student life slip from her shoulders.

There were plenties of warm bodies swaying with the heavy bass rattling the hallways, shadows of couples and interested singles leaning against the walls, whispers and rowdy laughs echoing as the entire graduating class of UA partied the night away. Skimming by the line outside the bathroom, your feet found their way toward the end of the hall easily enough, taking the path you had so many times before.

A creak sounded as you pushed the cracked door open, the sight of the open shoji screen allowing moonlight to stream onto the bamboo mat floor which crunched quietly underneath your tentative steps.

“Shouto?” you whispered his name, eyes taking in the silhouettes of the packed boxes against the walls before you turned and saw a shadow sitting on the mattress beside the door.

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Your voice jolted Shouto from his wandering thoughts, his attention turning to you right away. He seemed surprised to see you standing there, and he peered up at you from his slightly hunched position on the couch. He acknowledged you with your name, his voice low and steady. By the sound of it, you wondered briefly if he had even had a drop to drink tonight.

Blinking at him a few times, you tried to adjust your eyes to the contrast between the bright moonlight and dark shadows. When you could finally see the planes of his handsome, somber face, you spoke, trying your best not to slur. “What are you doing over here all by yourself?”

He paused, lagging for a second before the corners of his mouth curled and his eyes crinkled at the sight of you. “Just thinking,” he answered, examining you in that intrigued way he always did. After a moment he must have reached the conclusion that you were some level of smashed, for he patted the empty space next to him on the bed with a smirk and said, “Come sit with me.”

For a moment you wondered why he was alone, but then your brain caught up with you, and you realized that his other friends were probably busy with their own issues or endeavors. Ever since Midoriya finally grew a pair and asked Uraraka out, the two had been going at it like rabbits every spare second they had. And you could only imagine how busy Iida was as class rep, trying to keep the party at least a little bit under control. Momo was definitely helping him, and you had seen Bakugou begrudgingly holding Kaminari up with Kirishima under his other arm when you’d passed by them in the hall… Leaving only you to come and rouse the half and half hero from his solitude.

“Well that’s not allowed tonight!” You exclaimed, fist slapping against the side of your thigh. You would’ve used both hands for emphasis had the other not been occupied with a half-full plastic cup. Your legs felt like jello as you moved toward him, his cool hand wrapping around your arm to offer his support and steer you into the spot beside him. You almost fell but he held you up with the one arm, chuckling as your butt finally met the safety of the duvet.

“Thinking’s forbidden?” he laughed at your insistence, the sound rich and deep as his hand lingered on your wrist.

“Yes,” you nodded vehemently, pulling your hand away from his to cradle your precious cup and shooting him a playful, sideways glare.  “Brain turned off for the night. It’s in the fine print of the party rules, of course.”

Shouto gave you a funny look, eying you from the side. He repositioned himself, sitting upright and closing his eyes. It was hard for him to remain stoic when the quiet sound of your amused giggles tickled his ears, but he managed a nod before his eyes settled on you again. “Okay, I think it’s off.”

Conversation was always natural between the two of you, he never had to struggle to keep it flowing. And he liked talking with you, being in your presence. Which was the only reason why he was still entertaining this ridiculous charade.

“How do you feel?” you inquired, a goofy grin on your lips.

There was a twinkle in your eyes as you teased him, but Shouto held no qualms with your playfulness. Most people were still afraid to joke with him, believing that he was too obtuse to understand humor. Sure, he had struggled with the transition to school life in the beginning of their first year, but after you had transferred into their class second year, he found himself opening up even more than he already had.

“I feel… the same.” The grin on his lips remained, his eyes settled on your drunken form. His gaze flicked to your smile, shining in the moonlight and making something twinge in his stomach. He cleared his throat, pushing down the feeling that haunted him every time he looked at you too long. “This doesn’t really work, does it?”

You pretended to entertain the thought for a moment, eyes rolling as you considered it animatedly before your lips broke into a beautiful smile again. “No,” you giggled, shoulders shrugging in your cute, drunken fit. “But it’s easier when you’re not sober!”

He turned, faux surprise hung from his brow. “You’re drunk?” Sarcasm dripped from his voice and splashed onto you where his jean-clad thigh brushed against yours.

“Shut up!” You punched at his shoulder and pushed him away from you, shuffling yourself in the process.

Your hair swished with the movement and suddenly the soft, sweet scent of you was crashing over him. He breathed it in shamelessly, allowing himself to indulge in the warm feeling that suddenly emanated through his chest.

“You could try it, if you wanted. It really does help,” you offered your cup to him, shrugging.

Shouto eyed the red plastic cup, hesitant. He really wasn’t one to drink, but then again, neither were you. Tonight was about celebrating your graduation from UA, opening the next chapter of your lives. The thing was, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to move on when it meant leaving all his relationships either behind him or pushed to the side. Okay, maybe he was kidding himself… there was only one person he would miss having in his daily life, and that person was sitting right beside him— the same one who was the source of his conflicted feelings.

“Or not!” your hand retreated and you took a little sip, the sweet jungle juice washing down your throat easily. “No pressure. It’s your choice, Sho.”

He nearly groaned at the nickname, the one he only allowed you to call him. Grabbing the cup from you, his calloused fingers brushed over your soft knuckles. He smirked at the excitement that surfaced in your gaze as he brought the lip of the cup to his mouth, emptying the contents in one long go. The liquid was sickly sweet, masking the bitter poison that entered his body alongside it.

“That was… truly disgusting.”

“Whaaat?” You balked, grabbing for the cup in dismay. He kept it out of reach, even though it was empty, setting it on the far table instead. “It’s good, I dunno what you’re on. It’s really, really good. Heheh, just like me…”

Shouto blushed at the innocent innuendo, looking at you as you closed your eyes and let out a noise between a sigh and a laugh. He gulped, realizing that the alcohol was already taking effect and he was beginning to slip under its influence. Your method of “turning your brain off” was proving to be much more effective with the alcohol’s aid, but that was a whole other issue which he failed to foresee. 

He usually preferred to keep his brain on and fully functioning, especially when he was alone, with you. That way, when you roused the butterflies in his stomach and pulled on his heartstrings, he could tell himself to just ignore it and focus on how important your friendship was to him. But now, his defenses were failing him, and there was nothing he could do to stop his heart from beating faster, palms getting clammier.  

“You’re good?” he reiterated quietly, watching the way your tongue swiped across your lips, enchanted by it.

You chortled, finding the thought entertaining, apparently. “Yes! I feel really good right now.”

“Ah,” he murmured, sitting back and allowing the pillow he had propped up to sink around his form. “I feel... kinda good, too.”

A mix between a laugh and a scoff escaped you at his confession. “You feel something already, Sho? Wow, that’s so efficient.”

Shouto didn’t really know what you meant by that, but he only smiled softly at the happy look on your face. He closed his eyes and listened to the fast rush of blood in his ears, the feeling of warmth prickling at his skin. He wasn’t drunk, per se, but he felt a little lighter than usual.

You had said that drinking would turn his brain off, but it seemed only part of it wasn’t functioning. The other side of his mind was working overtime, much to his chagrin. 

He was suddenly aware that this would be one of his last moments with you before everything would change. You were going to an internship not too far from his, only an hour away by train. But seeing you wouldn’t be nearly as easy as walking down the hallway… and it could only happen if the both of you found a time that worked and had the motivation to travel the distance to meet one another. He wasn’t sure if you wanted to do all that, just to see him.The realization hit him hard. 

No more sneaking to one another’s room and having whispered, midnight conversations. No more studying together and simply being in your presence. No more opportunities to let his gaze linger on you longingly, nor chances for him to grab your hand when your knuckles brushed against his in the middle of your walks. 

He felt sick at the thought of living without you. Maybe… maybe it was time for him to face his feelings head on. He had spent so long denying the recognition of them, the acceptance of them. The loss of you was imminent, unless he could finally force himself to say something, and it had to be soon.

As if you had picked up on his distress, you hummed quietly and shuffled closer to his side. His quirk spiked at the sudden proximity, heat flaring up as your head came to rest on his shoulder.

“I’m a sappy drunk, so I apologize for what I’m about to say,” you mumbled into his t-shirt, his skin prickling as your warm breath wandered through the seams and onto his skin. 

He huffed out a laugh to ease your worries, but he stayed absolutely still, unwilling to move a muscle in case it would somehow scare your body off of his. 

Then you whispered, “M’so lucky to have met you, Sho.”

Shouto choked on thin air, subtly wiping the moisture on his palms across the tops of his denim-covered thighs. Your scent surrounded him, and he couldn’t resist resting his head on top of yours, slowly breathing between your locks. “I… I feel the same, Y/n…”

It was quiet for another moment, his mind playing out a hundred ways to confess, trying to find the right words. Meanwhile, you were simply enjoying his reciprocation and the peacefulness of the quiet away from the party, completely unaware of his inner turmoil.

You sighed and he shivered as your breath scattered across his collarbone again, almost jumping when your fingers landed softly over his. How you remained so soft with their vigorous training, he had no clue. But your fingers felt so warm, so right lacing with his. His throat was thick with apprehension, a lump forming there as the seconds ticked by. It wasn’t often the two of you were sitting so close together, and he wondered if he was a piece of shit for thanking whatever God there was out there for you being kind of inebriated and so touchy right now. 

Slowly, he turned to look at you, eyes wide and conflicted, taking in how truly astonishing your beauty was up close. You lifted your head from your perch on his shoulder, gaze locking with his before your lips curled into a meek smile. Digits tightening around his, you squeezed his hand and rubbed your thumb across his knuckles.

He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, screaming at him to do something— anything— whatever it took for him to just form the words and tell you that he was in love with—

“Thank you for being my best friend.”

—you… He blinked, the words registering. 

You continued. “I know we’re moving away from each other, but I never wanna lose you. I cherish our friendship too much for that to happen, Shouto.”

Your words cut him. 

Friends. Friendship. 

His blood felt like it had frozen in his veins and he had become a statue, stock still as you carried on thoughtlessly, eyes now flickering over to the moon hung low in the indigo night sky. 

“Please promise me that we'll never change. We might grow as people, but… our friendship will stay intact, right? I don’t wanna grow apart.”

It hurt. 

Time had stopped and his lungs shriveled up, his body aching as if you had just lodged your knee straight into his ribs. His tongue tasted bitter suddenly, and he could almost hear the sound of his heart cracking.

But Shouto was good at hiding his emotions, years of compartmentalizing them giving him an edge that no one else he knew had. He kept his face neutral, even if it felt like he was withering and dying inside.

“I just… don’t ever wanna lose you.”

It was almost impossible to force his lips into a thin, hollow smile. But he managed, even if it felt like prying iron with a crowbar. He looked into your eyes and nodded.

He understood. To some extent, he truly understood. 

“I don’t want to lose you either, Y/n... Don’t worry,” he took a deep breath, forcing the next words out even if he felt like he was about to be sick.

He cherished his bond with you too much to risk chancing it, confessing to you, and throwing it all away after your certain rejection.  He loved you too much to ever hurt you, and he was too selfish to let go of you, too. The only one that would suffer from this was him, and he was alarmingly alright with that.

If it meant that he got to hold onto you, even for just a little bit longer. 

If it meant that you would be happy... Even if he wasn’t.

“We’ll always be friends... I promise.”

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afJSNKJKDKJ WRITING ANGST FOR MY BABY IS SO HARD AHH I LOVE U SHO PLS... reader is so dumb to see u only as a friend i hate that dumb bitch  ughhh (TдT)

➥ masterlist

𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 © 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐩𝐢 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏 . 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝.

[whosjunglejim4322]

SMUT, collegecrush!au, tattooed Johnny agenda, bff Jaehyun! And brief mentions of him being drunk, all the yearning, Johnny is whipped for you but you didn't hear that from me, he's got a big dick, brief dry humping, finger fucking and pussy eating bc....I'm a whore, sensual fucking cause he thinks ur precious teehee ngl I have a crush on this Johnny

A month ago, if someone would have told you that Johnny Seo would be watching The Matrix trilogy with you while sitting on your living room floor under a blanket that he'd brought to the routine occasion - you would have thought them to be crazy. Insane, even.

And not because Johnny is unpleasant to be around, quite the contrary. Despite his popularity he's one of the most levelheaded, endearing frat boys - for lack of better term - you've ever met, and you also happen to think of him as a superhero of sorts, always there the moment you need him.

It had been a party, where the two of you met - sort of. Not shocking, in the least bit, but also not the first place you would have planned to be on a Saturday night. Jaehyun, being the stubborn and puppy dog eyed best friend that he is, insisted that you come along with him - that he'd keep you glued to his side all night long.

Of course, in proper Jaehyun fashion, three tequila shots in and a game of beer pong had him barely cognitive and passed out on some ones bathroom floor within two hours. The house was big, but filled with people and between trying to lift him up while he giggled about your hair smelling so good and sweet - you also feared anyone seeing him like this. Even if it weren't the first time.

His presence spooked you, at first, a light tap on your shoulder from somewhere behind you just as you attempted to lift your aforementioned best friend for what felt like the hundredth time that night. You nearly dropped him back on his head, if it weren't for quick hands and a sturdy grip on the drunk boys slumped shoulders.

He looked like sunshine, honey skin and dyed blonde hair with the dark roots growing out - a soft, comforting smile across the smooth planes of his face. Dark ink peaked out from where the collar of his shirt had drooped, appearing to be spilling from his shoulder. Your arms felt weaker than before, and embarrassment regarding the situation began to make your skin hot.

"I got him, don't worry," he'd assured with a gentle grin, lifting your bestfriend with an ease you almost wanted to scowl at. His height had been startling too, and not just because you were sitting on someone's bathroom floor. "did you guys drive here?"

You shook your head, a sigh of frustration leaving your lips and slumping your posture as you remembered that you both had walked here. Johnny slung Jaehyuns arm over his broad pair of shoulders, and jerked his chin towards the door, which you opened warily.

"I'll drive you home, it's no problem," his voice was soft, reassuring and you were taken aback. He obviously knew Jaehyun, and you'd never met any of his friends that were so...pleasant. "let's get him to my car first."

It wasn't nearly as painful and humiliating to push past crowds of intoxicated people with Johnny leading the way, as it would have been if it were just you. No one even batted an eye at the way he was dragging Jaehyun like a ragdoll, while the boy grumbled under his breath like a child.

People looked at him, of course. Oh, they looked at him. But not because of his human luggage, and it felt odd to see so many eyes on one person, to realize that his presence has the same effect on everyone else as it did you.

He kept looking back, making sure you were still close behind him, and it wasn't until you were outside in the open that you realized he'd been clinging on to the fabric of your jacket, making sure you didn't stray. Your heart felt like it was bursting open. Focus. You'd thought to yourself.

"That's my car over there, can you open the door for me?"

You jogged towards the sleek, onyx colored SUV that looked like a shadow against the dark bushes, and in just a split second Johnny was behind you, maneuvering Jaehyun into the backseat.

"Mmm...leather." Your best friend's giggle made you all the more grateful for the fact that you hadn't had to do this alone, his cheeks bright red and eyes crescent moons from the way he gleefully grinned. Still, you love him nonetheless.

You pulled your jacket off and prepared to drape it over his body before Johnny stopped you with a gentle hand, shaking his head. "I've got two on, let me."

His jacket probably sufficed more anyways, a heavy denim that would actually cover most of Jaehyuns body. You thanked him with a shy smile while he closed the door, and headed towards the passengers seat.

This experience had been the beginning, the car ride home that night being one full of conversations - genuine conversations, and he didn't leave once you both arrived at your apartments. Jaehyun snored in the background while the two of you talked, laughed. It was hard to look him in the eyes, to not make it so obvious - it's hard now, too.

Neo and Trinity kiss on the screen in front of you, and you wonder how Johnny sees you. Sure, he's flirty, overtly sometimes, but there's never been a definitive line to mark where the both of you really are on the friendship spectrum. If you even want to call it that.

Every time he touches your cheek or catches you staring, even when you're walking to your classes and his hand graces the small of your waist just before he waves you goodbye - you have to assume that he knows what he's doing - that the tension hasn't ever just been one sided.

His hair is a light chestnut brown now, longer than usual and flopping into his eyes from the sides. It's unfair, how he doesn't even have to try. The sharp slope of his nose, the bow of his lips, even the elegance of his neck and jaw. That awe from when you first saw him, has never left.

Not to mention that you often times forget he has so many tattoos whenever he decides to wear short sleeves, the art inky and stark against his olive skin - riveting down from his biceps like silk, cascading over his thick forearms and ending at his knuckles.

You turn your attention back to the laptop upon realizing that you've gotten caught up, heart still rattling underneath your ribcage. It makes it worse, the fact that the heat of his body is so close, that you can smell the scent of dryer sheets clinging onto the fabric of his shirt along with the natural allure of his skin.

"Why were you staring at me?" His breath is warm against the shell of your ear and you shudder, surprised by his sudden closeness and the timbre of his voice. You turn to face him with an incredulous expression, feigning innocence - but he makes it damn near impossible with the way he's looking at you - a dark eyebrow raised and a sly smile playing on his heart shaped lips.

"I was looking at your tattoos, cause - uhm, I forget they're underneath your clothes sometimes." You confess, and his knee knocks against yours underneath the blanket.

"Mmhm, so you think about what's under my clothes?" He teases, and takes pride in the way your eyes glower at him, a scoff leaving your mouth. It's hard to be annoyed when he's so vibrant, right here in front of you.

"Just the art, this one's my favorite." Eager to not have the pressure on you anymore, you reach out to grasp his wrist - not realizing how deeply of a need you've had all this time to do so, until you're tracing the flower that's decorating the top of his hand.

In hindsight, it's a bold move - but you can't go back now, not when he's staring down at you so fondly, scooting closer and placing his hand in your lap while you admire his body art.

"Yeah? Why's it your favorite?" He asks, genuinely curious. He nudges your shoulder with his when he sees the shy smile spreading across your lips, your skin hot to the touch. His comfort level has you less nervous than you were before, and the whole thing feels oddly natural, being so close together.

"I don't know, it just suits you. Your hands are so big, and the little vines looping around your knuckles really makes them look...delicate."

You don't dare look up, not when you realize his chest is rising and falling faster than it was before, just like yours is as you spread his fingers out and play with the digits, his face just inches above yours, voice warm in your ear.

"Second favorite." It's not a demand but it's not exactly a request either, and there's a safety in the energy pulsating around you both - mutual, rippling like a current through your bones.

Your eyes deliberately trail up the length of his long arm, scanning, and your fingertips press against the belly of the dragon that wraps around his bicep, sinewy tail tapering off just below his elbow. You've secretly admired this one for a long time, sneaking glances whenever you can. He turns more towards you just the slightest bit, and the closeness begins to make you feel dizzy.

"Your hands are soft."

This time, you can't not look at him, belly filled with a need to see his face, to save the memory of his features so up close in the back of your mind. However, once you do, look up at him - you almost wonder how you'll be able to handle it at all, his amber eyes boring into you as if he's trying to read your thoughts.

"So is your skin." Is what you manage to reply, willing yourself not to look at his soft, inviting mouth - afraid you'll give yourself away. You feel something stroke the side of your cheek and it takes you a second before realizing he's touching you, apparently giving yourself away isn't an issue. You feel like you're being set ablaze.

"Is it really just the tattoos, you think of?" You're not imagining things, he's definitely moving closer - you can smell the starbursts that he ate earlier still sweet on his breath, the wrappers crumpled on the coffee table next to the laptop.

It's all settling in, the realization that this hasn't been just you, fantasizing and daydreaming about someone who hasn't even realized how his natural charm has made you feel.

You're afraid to speak, so you shake your head as a response to his question, the atmosphere thickening impossibly now that he's cupping your chin between his fingers, the tips of your noses almost touching. You've placed your palm against his knee without even realizing it, steadying yourself.

"I've wanted to kiss you since the day we met," he confesses, dark eyebrows furrowed as if he's restraining himself, waiting. "is this...is this okay?" Your lower belly flutters, and you're almost afraid to move, to change anything about this moment and the way it is right now.

"Me too. I've wanted to kiss you, I mean." You breathe out, and now your lips are ghosting against each other, a moment of hesitation that feels both infinitesimal and fleeting. "It's more than okay." A heartbeat passes and he presses his mouth against yours, so pillowy soft that you gasp, surprised.

It's just a second, that he pulls away to look down at you, and your expression is so heavenly - so hazy and delicate. He kisses you again and this time your lips begin to overlap, from top to bottom, suckling and getting used to the feel of each other. He's still holding your face, but with both hands now, thumbs on your cheeks and fingers wrapping around to the nape of your neck.

You cling onto him like you've no other choice, desperate to have him underneath your fingertips, reminding you that this is really happening and that your mind isn't just creating very vivid daydreams. He pulls you closer and you grip onto his broad shoulders.

"Mm, you're so sweet," he lilts between his kisses, tone somewhere between bliss and desire. You're not expecting to be so worked up already. "even better than I imagined." His tongue slips past yours, wet and warm and it's like your body is being put on vibrate.

He senses this too, with the way you're almost in his lap, breath unsteady. His arms are around your waist before you can move any further, pulling you on top of him and locking you to his torso.

"Johnny." You strain, as the feeling within you becomes overwhelming, craving his touch, his mouth. It doesn't help that he's being so vocal, as well - the sounds sweeter, and more desperate than you'd expect from him. It has something feral igniting within you.

What shocks you the most is that he's already hard underneath you, and the thought alone is enough to have you keening further against his chest, tightening your thighs' grip around his trim waist- not to mention you can feel him snug against your ass, material of your shorts so thin it's palpable when he twitches.

So, naturally, your whine is petulant when his mouth departs from yours, his plush lips a deep blush, matching his cheeks in their hue. He's just as worked up as you if his erratic breathing and the way that he grasps onto your sides is anything to go by, and you shouldn't be as surprised as you are about it.

"You...have no idea," he pants, smoothing his thumb over your bottom lip. "how badly I've wanted you. In so many ways."

Your heart feels like it's attempting to burst through your chest in an effort to be closer to him, his sharp eyes lowly lidded but fierce in their honesty. You take this brief moment to touch his face, his soft cheeks and the smooth, taut ridge of his jaw. It all feels too real to be a dream. This must be reality.

"I'm only stopping because, well I like you," it's hard to pinpoint if the trembling of his hands is fueled from his desire or his nerves, but either way he's got your rapt attention. You doubt anyone could look away from those eyes.

"I like you a lot and...fuck, I don't want to do anything you aren't comfortable with or...sure about. Because I'm sure about you." He finishes, sincere and stoic while holding you against him. You feel like you're floating.

"I have a really big crush on you, Johnny," you kiss his mouth and he smiles against it, humming in contentment. Suddenly, your nerves are replaced by pure adrenaline. "and I like you a lot, too." When you pull back from his lips with a soft smack, his expression causes your skin to burn hot.

"So it'd be okay if I did..." he tilts your head to the side, and a flurry of goosebumps descend across your skin, his breath warm against your throat. "this?" A kiss, soft but purposeful, is placed there, and you shudder.

All you can do is nod in affirmation, heartbeat in your ears among other places. Your fingers run through the hair at the nape of his neck while his mouth begins placing warm, wet pecks against yours, and his body lurches when your thighs tighten around his torso.

It only manages to work you up further, of course, brain already high off of the fact that Johnny likes you back...in fact...he truly is as good as you've always thought, sweet and kind and nasty, groaning when you rut your hips against him.

"Baby, you're shaking." He mouths against your jaw, wondrously and laced with an undertone of hunger. His strong arms hold you tight, eyes softening when he looks down at you and realizes just how worked up you really are.

"I just want you really bad, Johnny." Your body emphasizes your point, chest pressed against the firmness of his, nipples hard behind your shirt. He can practically feel you throbbing.

It's a little fucked up, honestly.

No ones ever had him this head over heels, he feels himself melting against you, your voice sweet and syrupy, dripping with this ache just for him and he's losing it.

"Yeah?" He muses, the wide palm of his hands sliding down the curve of your back, and over the swell of your ass where it's planted so firmly atop of him - massaging you there. "Where do you want me, honey?"

The pet names have you too worked up, you really could get off of anything right now and he's tracing the back of your thighs now, swirling his soft fingertips around, leaving a wake of searing heat in their path.

"Want you everywhere, just - mmph." This kiss interrupts you, bruising in it's intensity and he cups your face softly as a silent apology despite the fact that you're letting out small coos of satisfaction, tugging at the ends of his messy hair.

For a second you feel like you're being lifted, not realizing he's just moved you both to the couch until your head is resting against the cushions, inky arms caging your body against the length of his. He groans when you palm at his stomach, touching and rubbing his sides and then the broad of his back.

All the while his free hand, the one that's not attached to the arm holding himself up, does some exploring of its own, palming your breasts through your shirt and squeezing with just enough pressure to have you arching into his touch.

Automatically, your legs wrap around his middle and your heels dig into the dimples of his back, and his hips pivot downwards to nestle right in between yours. You're both instantaneously struck by the sensation of your centers meeting, his length jerking inside of his pants, your clit throbbing in yours.

"Gonna touch you..." nimble fingertips dance over the skin of your inner thighs. "...here, is that okay?" The warmth of his hand cups your sex and now you're positive that wetness has begun to soak through your underwear, senses gone haywire from the way he's rubbing you, up and down.

"Mhm that's - yes, that's okay." You pant, desperate to feel him as well and reaching in between your bodies in an attempt to grasp at him - his height doesn't make this as easy as you thought and your pliant hands meet just his navel, the faintest of happy trails soft against the skin here.

He switches to his thumb now, instead of the heel of his palm to rub you through your shorts. He searches, for a short moment, finding what he's looking for and pressing the pad of his finger against your bud.

He kisses your whimper, shifting his hips and shuffling upwards just a smidge so that your hands can reach his hard cock. You have to maneuver your arm underneath his but it's working out fine so far, your eyes widening once you feel the twitch of his length.

"Oh." You gasp, expecting to have felt it all while you were on his lap, but missing by a longshot. He's big, bigger than anticipated and you're a bit too flustered as you follow it's bulge through his sweats. He groans your name, and you might be short circuiting.

"You're so hard...and b-big, Johnny you're really big." The incredulity of your voice only has his hunger growing, threatening to swallow him whole. In one breath your hands are pulled from him, pinned above your head with his gentle fingers barring your wrists.

"You're so fuckin' cute," he professes with an awed lilt, moving his hips in circles between yours - his shaft, heavy and thick, nudged against your lips. "wanna make you feel good...mm, wanna make you cum."

Butterflies threaten to flutter into your throat and suffocate you, his breath warm and sweet against your cheek before he's nipping at your earlobe. You feel like you're high, spinning yet completely grounded by his weight above you, against you.

"I want you Johnny, want you to fuck me." You try to turn your head, bashful of the way you're being so shameless but he's not having it, keeping his gaze on your every expression, trying not to lose his sanity when you grind yourself against him. Your voice, petulant and needy, is enough to have him at his wits end alone.

"I will baby, I will," he promises sweetly, accentuating his point by letting go of your wrists, and using one of his hands to pry your thighs open. He rolls his agile hips against you and the friction has you reaching out to grasp at his waist - trim and firm underneath your fingertips. "just gotta get you ready first."

He sits back on his haunches and you pout about the lack of content, his pleased grin a beacon as he hooks his fingers into your waistband, pulling your shorts off your hips and past your thighs - till they're at your ankles, and it feels surreal when he throws them somewhere behind the couch, too eager for his own good.

You're brought back to current reality when his big hands caress the tops of your thighs, before creeping down into the soft crease where they're shut closed in embarrassment, and pulling them apart.

He outwardly marvels and you wonder if he can see you clench, the moment overwhelmingly intimate with the way he's staring directly at the wet spot that’s soaked through the crotch of your panties. He takes only a moment to reach out and press his thumb against the dampness, balls tightening with the need to release each time you whimper or gasp.

With his cock leaking in his pants, he wastes no time, taking the flimsy piece of fabric off so fast you don't even have time to by shy about him seeing you naked and glistening in front of him. Furthermore, you don't think anyone could feel even the least but bad about themselves if he looked at them like this - slack jawed, and starved.

"Fuck...you're so beautiful," two long, inky fingers formed into the shape of a V, spread your lips open and then he's moving further away - no, scooting down onto his stomach, and suddenly his breath is a warm puff against your most sensitive parts. "so wet for me, hmm?"

You're not sure you can look away, too enraptured by the visual stimuli that's correlating with the circling of your swollen clit. You want to cry, a little bit. Scream, maybe. He's so beautiful you can't help but to reach out, running your fingers through the front of his chestnut hair and then his eyes are piercing through you like the shock of ice water.

Your body seems to register the feeling before you can process the sight by itself, back bowing off the couch, hips bucking. His hot, wet tongue licks at the hood of your clit, starting slow and picking up pace when you start to squirm. The blossoms painted across his skin decorate the arms that hold you down while his pillowy lips envelop the bud, suckling lewdly.

"O-oh, oh fu-mmm." You're already blubbering, lost and falling into the sensation of everything all at once. You've no doubt that he's had years of experience but this, you're not sure you've felt pleasure like this before.

"Feels good?" He mumbles between the flick of his tongue, hands traveling up the length of your body to grip your waist, kneading your skin. You almost laugh at the question, assuming your trembling body and the way you're involuntarily bucking against his mouth would suffice as an answer. Still, you humour him.

"Mmhm, feels- ohh, mhm feels good." Your voice is barely there, strained and whiny but he feeds off of your every utterance as if it's something he so desperately needs. The smacking between your legs becomes louder and like a magnet, you're drawn to the sight again, coil in your belly tightening impossibly.

He's a muss of hair, the dark strands tickling your thighs when his head moves from side to side. Your thighs attempt to clamp shut but then he's looking up at you again - purposeful in the way he maintains eye contact while he dives down and licks a stripe over your entrance.

You're not going to last long, and he knows this, from every twitch and squirm and whimper - he's preparing for your demise, humming in contentment while the lewd sounds of slickness continue.

He slips a finger inside of you, and then another once he realizes how soaked you are, and this proves to be the beginning of the end. You grip onto his forearms, needing to be grounded to something while he buries the digits inside of you, curling in a come hither motion.

It's all beyond what you thought pleasure could be, it's violet and red and all things euphoric behind your eyelids and the sound of his pleased groans are what finally have you giving out, melting against the couch cushions.

You're not sure if you're making any sound at all, honestly. It comes so quick, violent in it's force and you're hazy headed - tears welling in your eyes from the way he's still massaging you, licking you while your walls squeeze and contract around his fingers.

"That's it baby, mmm, let go."

The velvet voice is warm against your sensitive sex and you're still twitching as you peel your eyes open to peer down between your legs and see him there, staring up at you like you're the sun, slowing his movements while the aftershock of your orgasm seeps through you.

His knuckles are buried to the hilt inside of you and he pulls them out slowly, petal pink lips kissing your clit gently, adoringly. With your brain still foggy and embarrassment no longer present, you grab his wrist, bringing his slick soaked fingers to your mouth and wrapping your lips around them.

He moans an expletive and then he's hovering over you again, watching with a soaring heart as you suckle your juices clean from his digits, lashes fluttering when you open your eyes.

For once in his life, he's speechless. You have to pull him down to kiss you in order to breaks him from his reverie and it's now that he's realizing how excruciatingly hard he is. He doesn't remember the last time he's ever been this worked up without his dick even being touched for more than five minutes.

It's safe to say he's taken by surprise when your hand slips into his bottoms and briefs to palm him this time, and his body lurches against you while a desperate sound bellows in his throat.

"Baby." he coos, relishing in the softness of your palm, the difference in size of his own. He wants to protest when the intense bliss of it is gone, momentarily, only to feel your fingers attempting to pull his sweats down.

You're still buzzing from your orgasm but you've never been more positive about something; about someone. Your whole body feels as though it can't be satiated, not until you have all of him after having such a sweet taste.

"Please, now, want you now." You nibble on his bottom lip and he has to pull himself away or else he'll get too caught up in your mouth by itself, but he's on a mission - searching for his wallet and scrambling for it when he sees the leather square sitting on the floor.

The tips of your fingers and toes tingle with a mixture of unbearable anticipation, and nerves for what's about to come when he pulls the condom from his wallet and tears the corner of the foil.

It's just a second but it's enough to admire him silently, the twitch of his mouth, the elegance of his fingers even when they're eager and uncoordinated. A part of you feels overcome by the need to be encapsulated by his presence, for his skin to be a permanent silkiness against your lips.

He catches you in the midst of staring and it's like he's glowing from the inside out, pulling his pants down his thick thighs along with his black briefs, kicking them to the floor.

Without thinking your arms are reaching forward, gripping the small of his waist as if to still him, and he pauses at your will. He's cupping your chin with one hand while your fingertips explore underneath the hem of his shirt, and you're grateful that he's allowing you to soak this in, that he's not rushing despite the fact that both of you are like exposed lit wires.

"Here, let me take it off." His arms are reaching behind him before you can blink, biceps curling as he pulls his shirt off of his broad shoulders before discarding it with the rest of his clothing.

Your breath is audible, pupils blown wide while you examine the length of his torso and the permanent shapes that are marked there. Only patches of his honey skin peek through the array of tattoos he's got climbing his sides, over his chest, and you swear you've never seen someone so beautiful.

"Take mine off too." You barely manage to get out, and he's kissing your lips again with a soft sort of fondness, while his knuckles graze your skin and your shirt is being stripped from your body. He's back to kissing you and your naked chests meet for the first time, a fierceness gripping you by the throat when when when the shaft of his cock nudges your clit.

"You're sure about this?" He asks, gentle in the way he strokes your cheek with the back of his hand, pecking your mouth between glances at your nipples where they rub against him. His touch travels to your jaw and down your neck, before he's tweaking the buds between his fingers, and your legs wrap around his middle in an effort to solidify your answer.

"Yes, I'm sure," you run your fingers through his hair. "very sure."

Lips press against your cheek and then you're presented with the sight of him again, bare in front of you, just a few inches away. It's now that you really find the courage to look at him, not expecting to be out of breath and shock stricken once you lay your eyes upon his dick.

It's pretty, as pretty as you knew it had to be; curved just slightly, the tip swollen with arousal and a shade deeper than that of his lips that you've come to have photographically memorized.

You watch with probably more fascination than most while his slim fingers roll the condom onto his length, down the shaft that protrudes with a small vein right in the middle, until it's snug and securing the fact that you and Johnny Seo are about to have sex.

As always, here there right when you need him most, aiding you in forgetting about anything that isn't crucial to right now. His arms are wrapping around your thighs and pulling you closer - your small gasp doesn't go unnoticed.

And then, there's also the way he's looking at you, again. It's like he's compacted every emotion you could feel in a moment like this, and somehow managed to reflect it's opacity back at you through the glimmer of his irises.

You jerk your hips against him and he grins at your urgency, diverting his attention to the space between your legs and holding you steady by the hips with one hand while the other goes to grip his cock.

He levels his pelvis with yours and brings the pink head down to your entrance where it leaks for him, gathering the slickness and smearing it through your folds, around your clit.

His fingers search for yours and suddenly he's interlocking them while you feel the initial stretch of his dick finally entering you, a soft expletive leaving his mouth while he pushes himself into you halfway, peering down with half lidded eyes as a silent affirmation.

Your expression must be as expressive as the soft mewls that involuntarily fall from your lips, and he bottoms out while leaning down to kiss you as he's come to realize that this action is single handedly way more addictive than it should be.

You feel so full it's impossible not whine, and within seconds he's pulling himself out of you nearly all the way - mouth hovering over yours so he can watch your features contort when he sheathes himself back in with a snap of his hips.

With the need to hold on to something becoming incessant, he allows you to throw your arms around his neck while your thighs tremble around him, his hips creating a slow but steady pace that draws lewd sounds from between your bodies with every slow drag of his thick cock.

It's strange, how you provoke such tenderness within him when you shudder and pant beneath him despite the fact that he's barely done anything yet- a juxtaposition to the feral, nagging type of ache that brews in the center of his belly to have you even more a mess.

It's not that he's fairing any better, though. Even you can see that, feel it in the way he keeps his lips on your skin, trying and failing miserably to hold back his groans while your nails create crescent moons on the broad of his back.

"You - f-fuck you feel s-so good." He stutters, and if you could find your words maybe you'd even have the confidence to tease him, but right now all you can comprehend is the feeling in which he's providing, the nudge of his tip so deep inside of you.

"Faster, can you - oh yes, yes." It's like he knows what you want before you get it out all the way, and his tongue is warm against your throat while he obliges your request, furthering your haziness.

You're quick to realize that Johnny is a generous lover. Despite the fact that he's holding himself together on the edge of his coherency, he's already atuned to each tense of your muscles, the strain of sweet sounds you coo in his ear. He uses this as a guide, working his hips skillfully, circling when he pushes himself back in.

The fact that you're sopping wet helps as well, audibly soaked and your walls are taking him in so generously he doesn't know what to do with himself. Your hands are in his hair and tug at the dark strands without thinking, drawing a sweet, serene moan from the back of his throat.

"Mm, feels good?" He asks despite knowing the answer, your countenance painted with the colors of bliss. He peers down in between your bodies and almost regrets it due to the pulse it sends through his groin - threatening to send him over the edge too soon.

But it's a sight too mesmerizing, his entire length disappearing inside of you with an easy glide, his hips colliding with the back of your thighs and your clit waiting to be played with. You're just as taken by the sight, surrounded by only him, inside of you and around you like a life force. Your hands travel over anywhere and everywhere, down to his belly where the muscles flex underneath the painted skin with every thrust.

"So good, you feel s-so good Johnny." You're becoming even more petulant but he doesn't mind, not when you're clinging onto his biceps and mewling his name. He slips his tongue into your mouth while his hands cup the back of your knees, hiking your thighs up higher around his middle.

Your skin burns where he touches, his pace increasing and now you wouldn't be surprised if the neighbors knew exactly what it is that the two of you are doing, skin against skin and coos of pleasure echoing through your small apartment. You have a hard time forming thoughts that make sense.

"M' all the way up there baby," his voice is deceivingly sweet, hips dangerous and borderline ruthless now that you two are drenched in the essence of lust and desire, driven by your need to come undone. "such a sweet pussy."

He means it, too. Maybe that's what makes this all so much more enthralling. From the clench of his taut jaw, to the way his dark eyebrows are furrowed, even the crimson of his lips from the way he's been biting down on them - Johnny is nothing but honest. It's somehow stripped you of the shyness you'd normally be harboring, compelling your mouth to speak without a filter.

"It's all yours, I'm yours."

This seems to spur him on, more than you thought because now he's all but cradling you in his arms, mouthing his words against your lips, not allowing even a centimeter of space to reside between the two of your bodies. It feels whole, complete.

"Mm, yeah sweetheart? Mine. Fuck, you're all mine."

It's a growled statement and you quiver against his solid form, warmed from the inside out like a furnace and set ablaze. You're still sensitive from his mouth but that doesn't change the orb of pressure within your belly, or the waves of pleasure that spread through your thighs and up your spine from the way your clit is rubbing against his pelvis while his cock reaches new depths.

You should've known his mouth would be filthy, and it's really ticking every box you've literally ever needed to be ticked and you're sort of embarrassed by how far gone you are already, properly mewling with your fingers gripping onto his bulged biceps where he uses them to hold himself up.

His face is a sight to behold in itself, as well - plush lips parted, cheeks hot and a shade of deep, ravishing plum. If he weren't steadily hitting that sweet spot inside of you maybe you'd actually be able to keep your eyes open long enough to admire it more - but it's obvious it won't be long until you're unraveling.

He's thankful, in a way. Because you're sighing out sweet words that profess how good he's doing, and he swears that he's never felt anything as good as this. Through and through. You're made for him, wrapped around his being, tight like cellophane and it's silly but this is all he's dreamed of for months.

"Open your eyes sweetheart," his hips stutter at the same time you involuntarily squeeze around the tip of his cock as he goes to seep back into you and you're drawn to the plead of his voice. "let me - fuck, let me be yours, please?"

His voice is honey, coating you in it's sweetness and you're teetering on the edge of your release. It beckons you soothingly, like a siren in the wake of a wave and it doesn't calm when you pull him down to your mouth by the nape of his neck, your shared groans being swallowed by the other. Your thighs are a vice around his waist, keeping him locked against you as he grinds his cock into you.

"You're mine, J-John- oh, oh please." His fingers have reached down in the limited space between your shared skin to rub your clit in circles and you know this is it - mind and body completely encircled by everything he's made of, the scent of his skin and the heat of his body and even the way he says your name.

"Want you to cum for me, please, please cum for me baby." His breath is warm against your ear, a vibration that wracks through all of your senses and your body knows it's coming before you do - instantly under the influence of his begs and pleas.

You're descending, voice nothing but a gasp and an echo of an expletive when the dam inside of you finally bursts - leaving you to tremble like a leaf beneath him while the feeling threatens to consume you inch by inch, nerve by nerve. 

You've all but gone limp, bright dots of light flitting through your vision and you feel his mouth everywhere, like a soft, warm reassurance that he's not going anywhere while you spasm around him.

"Just like that, oh fuck, yeah just like that."

In this place of completeness, you bask in the rise in octave of his usually low timbred voice, in the way he's holding you so firmly in his arms, as if scared to let go and put even an inch of separation between the two of you.

You're still twitching when you feel him throb inside of you, your name a warm whisper against the side of your neck while he pumps himself into you with no real rhythm; filling the condom with spurts of his cum while your fingers gently scratch the back of his scalp, through his hair.

Your breaths are ragged and have only that in common, his weight comforting despite the fact that both of you are in such a fragile state. It all feels surreal, like maybe you’ll wake up soon even with his cock still buried inside of you, half hard. More than anything, it feels right. Apprehension nor guilt nor worry brews underneath your skin, instead overshadowed by pure elation.

Wet pecks travel across your throat like marks of gratitude and your smile is automatic, involuntary.

"I meant it, you know," he's out of breath but concise, palm cupping the side of your face as he makes his way to your mouth and kisses you there, afraid to look you in the eyes. "about...about what I want. About wanting you."

You actually do laugh this time, suddenly outrageously giddy at the words leaving his pretty mouth, mildly entertained by the fact that someone could be almost as oblivious as you are. Almost.

He looks worried for only a split second until you're kissing his face, over his nose and fuchsia cheeks, a feather against the soft autumn ground.

"I meant it too," your voice is light, airy and he swears he'd believe anything you told him, even if it weren't as absolutely resolute as it is right now; your smile against his lips like a seal of promise. He meets your gaze, and everything within him calms, settles.

"I'm yours. And you're mine."

This, he thinks to himself, is all he's wanted to hear since the day you looked up at him with all the stars in your eyes.

Completely worth Jaehyun stealing his Armani denim jacket, honestly.

[kirishwima]

Not sure if you've done this before but the RFA comforting their S/O after they had a nightmare?

awe i love this! honestly having someone there for you when you wake up from a bad dream is....the most comforting thing everi only have my cat currently tho orz

ill also add Saeran bc he deserves some love too :3

YOOSUNG:

* He’s awaken by the sound of a gasp, the shuffling of the bedsheets beside him as MC sits upright, their eyes wide, breaths fast and shallow

* His arms wrap around them instinctively, holding them close to him as he asks what’s wrong, worry gnawing on his brow

* When MC reassures him it was just a bad dream, he’ll try and pry, aks what it’s about-talking about his own nightmares always helps him feel better, so he hopes MC will feel the same too

* If they don’t want to talk about it, then he’ll suggest they watch some silly youtube video together to relax and go back to bed, opting to find something he knows that MC will like, like a silly movie parody or kitten videos

* He’ll stay up until he makes sure MC is asleep, worried that they’ll stay up all night if he falls asleep first-despite firs appearances, Yoosung is really caring, and he genially wants MC to be comfortable and have a good night’s rest

* In the morning he’ll try and bring up the nightmare again, but only if MC’s comfortable with discussing it-if not he’ll drop it and carry on as normal, being a little more mindful of MC’s sleep and making sure to cuddle them extra tight at nights where they toss and turn in their sleep

ZEN:

* He’s quite a heavy sleeper, so he doesn’t immediatly realise MC woke up after a bad nightmare, how they shuffled out of his embrace to go splash their face with some water

* He only realises when he feels the sudden emptiness and a cold shiver at the spot MC was moments ago, rubbing his eyes as he tries to take in his surroundings

* He figures MC just went to the toilet and doesn’t think much of it, not until he hears a soft sob from the half-open bedroom door

* Instantly he’s up and dashing to the door, finding MC standing in front of the bathroom sink, tears mixed with water dripping down their face, the towel long forgotten in their hands

* “Awe baby, no, what happened?” Zen asks as he comes to a stand beside MC, tugging them close to his chest as he rubs soothing circles on their back.

* When MC says they had a nightmare, he’ll ask if they want to talk about it-if not then he’ll drop it instantly, taking a hold of MC’s hand and guiding them back to bed

* He’ll cuddle them close and tuck their head under his chin, gently singing a lullaby that MC can feel on their cheek as they rest their head on Zen’s chest, the fremitus soothing them back to sleep

* Zen will keep humming until he’s certain MC’s back asleep, and he’ll hold them to his chest all night, guarding his beloved from any bad dreams that’d want to invade their sleep still

* In the morning he won’t ask about the nightmare again, he’ll only give MC a soft kiss on the forehead and promise them no bad dream will ever find them again so long as he’s here.

JAEHEE:

* She’s a very, very light sleeper, so she’ll wake at the slightest of sounds

* When she awakes to MC tossing and turning, she doesn’t think much of it-some nights MC sleeps more restless than others, so she tries to go back to bed, until she hears MC’s sleepy mumbles of ‘no, don’t’, along with a broken off sob before they jolt upright, panting as they cluch at their chest

* Jaehee is instantly sitting up beside them, rubbing soothing circles on their back as they guide them to breathe slow and deep, waiting until they calm down. She doesn’t ask why they woke up, clearly knowing that it was a bad dream, and she won’t ask about any details either.

* Instead she smiles at MC when they calm down, asking them if they’d like to talk about something else instead to forget about their bad dream, or if they want a cup of tea to help ease their nerves.

* She’ll lay back down with MC in her arms, running her hands through their hair as they rest their head on her chest, even humming a tune from one of her favorite musicals until she feels MC’s breath even out

* She stays awake for a long time afterwards, just watching MC sleep, guarding them almost-she’d never admit it to their face, but seeing their scared expression terrified her, feeling helpless as she sat there watching her beloved cry. 

* From then on she doesn’t let MC have any coffee before bed, nor watch anything even remotely scary or capable of making them have a restless night’s sleep-she’ll hold them clos each and every night, and if she feels them toss and turn at night she’ll grab a hold of their hand, interlacing their fingers together and snuggling close until MC calms down

* She hacked the nightmare code and she’s dang proud of it, good job Baehee

JUMIN:

* He’s also a very very light sleeper, and the slightest movement can wake him up

* When he feels MC bolt upright in bed, he’s awake in an instant, his eyes wide as he scans them up and down for any visible injuries or threats.

* He waits until they calm down, running his hand up and down their back until they explain that it was just a nightmare, insisting he can go back to bed

* Well, Jumin wouldn’t have that. Instead he holds MC close, asking them what could help them relax again. He’ll suggest making them a warm tea or reading them a book, anything that could help them relax again

* In the end, they both settle for holding each other close, MC wrapped tight in Jumin’s arms as he talks about anything and everything, his voice soothing MC as their eyes flutter shut again. 

* Even Elizabeth seems concerned as she peeks her head into the bedroom, jumping up on the bed and coming to curl up and sleep on the slope of MC’s waist, purring as she does.

* The combination of Jumin’s warm embrace and Elizabeth’s gentle purring brings MC to the world of slumber that much faster, allowing them a restful remaining night.

* When they wake up, Jumin’s there to greet them with a smile and a kiss, promising that no more bad dreams will ever find them

* He does insist that MC tell him what their nightmare was about, since he wants ro read up on what it could mean on his dream dictionary-sure he’s not a superstitious man, but it never hurts to make sure, right??

SEVEN:

* This boy is so used to bad dreams, waking up countless nights alone and scared, and he also has a shitty sleep scedhule, so it’s more than likely he wasn’t even in the room when MC woke up from their nightmare

* He did however see them leave the room shaken up, dashing to the bathroom and splashing cold water on their face without even closing the door behind them

* Seven instantly knows something’s up, and goes to MC to ask what’s wrong-he notices the way they shake their head, insisting it’s nothing and he frowns, pushing back just as much until MC admits they had a nightmare

* Seven nods slowly, and with a determined huff he grabs a hold of MC’s hand, guiding them back to the bedroom. His work can wait a few hours whilst he tucks MC back into bed, plopping down beside them with a content sigh.

* He turns to face them, wrapping a hand around their waist as he knocks his forehead with theirs.

* “Saeran and I always used to jump into each other’s bed after one of us had a bad dream. We’d huddle close just like this, and we’d say a prayer to bid the bad dream away. But, hmm...what about I cast a magic spell on you instead, one that’ll banish bad dreams forever?” he asks with a playful smile, a tint of nostalgia in his eye.

* With a dramatic flourish, he leans close to MC, kissing every inch of their forehead, chanting a silly poem in arabic as he bids the nightmares away, threatening the gods of dreams with violence and computer hackings if they dare disturb MC again.

* He ends his little spell with a kiss on MC’s lips, an over-dramatic ‘MWAH’ as he leans back, satisfied with the giggle MC lets out.

* “There! Now you have my eternal protection, and no bad dream can ever touch you ever again! All you have to do to activate it is go back to sleep, and your charming knight will be right here to slay any more nightmares that dare attack you!”

* True to his word, Seven didn’t move an inch until MC was sound asleep, his thumb pressing into their hipbone, holding them tight as if afraid the god of slumber will take them from him.

* He remembers what waking up alone after a nightmare is like. He’s just glad he never has to face one alone again.

V/JIHYUN:

* He’s also one quite used to nightmares, especially after the whole fiasco with Rika-oftentimes flashbacks will seep into his sleep, making his nightmares even more grotesque and realistic.

* Yet nowdays, MC would always be there when he woke up after a nightmare, ready to soothe him back to sleep.

* Well, tonight it was the other way around.

* He’s quite a light sleeper, so when MC woke up gasping for air, he was up in a heartbeat, rubbing their back as he grounded them back to the present, practicing breathing techniques with them he learnt whilst combatting panick attacks.

* When MC calmed down, he suggested they sit up for a moment, come to the balcony to get some fresh air and look up at the bright starry sky to let their mind drift away from the horrible nightmare.

* They leaned on the balcony railings, V holding them tight beside him, talking about anything and everything until they felt the contents of their nightmare slipping away from their mind.

* When MC was ready to go back to bed, he held them tight to his chest, reciting one of his favorite poems to them as they drifted off to sleep, the fullness of his voice resonating in his chest and filling MC’s mind with nothing but pleasant thoughts, leading them to a restful sleep.

* Jihyun stayed awake a while longer, watching MC sleep, happy that he could be the one to help them in their time of need.

* In the morning he’s sweeter than ever, bringing them a cup of coffee in bed as he sits beside them and asks them how they slept.

* If they want to talk about their nightmare, he’s all ears, ready to discuss it and ponder what could’ve caused it. If they’d rather just forget it, then he won’t mention it again, he’ll simply make sure they avoid any possibly triggering content before bed so they can have a good night’s sleep.

* He just wants his beloved to rest easy, and he’ll do what he can to help them do so.

-send me a mystic messenger scenario/prompt for character reactions!-

[nephilimsarchive]

If only you knew | Arthur Fleck x reader smut | NSFW

Summary: A little hole in the wall leads to Arthur seeing you in the privacy of your bathroom, mindlessly taking a shower. Who knew that the brittleness of Gothams flats could also have advantages?

Note: I have no idea how this idea popped into my nasty head, but I had to write it down. My first time writing anything smutty, might suck

had to repost my fics bc my old acc got flagged, sorry! Part 2 coming soon! x 

Warnings: nsfw content ahead, don’t read if you’re under 18, masturbation, voyeurism, some cursing, unspecified age gap

Word count: 1,870-ish

He had seen you around before. In the hallways, sometimes the city streets. You were new in town, and god only knows what made you move to Gotham out of all places. You were young, naturally pretty and way too optimistic for this terrible city. He had been wanting to talk to you. You seemed kind, but terribly busy, always unpacking boxes or going somewhere. He heard that you were actually studying at Gothams university, but he didn’t know. You had never talked before, and yet there was something the two of you really needed to discuss.

He noticed it even before you moved in, it probably happened a long time ago, but the previous tennant just happened to have something hanging over it. That tiny little hole in the wall that separated your bathroom from his bedroom. It was just big enough to be able to look through it, no wonder you didn’t notice it yet. He however, could make out what he presumed was most of your tiny bathroom. A part of your sink on the left, a box for laundry on the right and in the center; your shower, shielded by a flimsy white curtain. Now, it’s not like he saw anything he wasn’t supposed to see. It just changed the noise level, he always knew when you were in there, shuffling through boxes, putting up furniture or having the water running. And precisely that knowledge is why he wanted to tell you as soon as he could. There were enough people that disliked him in this town, he didn’t want to mess it up with you as well.

That is why, when he saw you coming back from jogging, he exited his flat, waiting for you to come up the stairs. You made your way up the stairs. Your eyes moved to meet his and your face lit up. “Oh hello! I’m terribly sorry I haven’t introduced myself yet, I’m Y/N.” You approached him, still catching your breath from the recent activity. „I meant to come over before, I really did. But moving is just..“, you trailed off, shaking your head. One of the corners of his mouth lifted up as you shook hands. He noticed how warm your hand felt. “It’s alright. Moving surely is exhausting. I’m Arthur.”, his eyes scanned your form. You really were gorgeous, intimidatingly so. He wondered how he could bring out any words in front of you at all. And he wanted to tell you about the …thing, he really did, but where do you start with something like this? 

“Uh, do you maybe want to go …get some coffee somewhen? Or just come over to my place? Like, my flat. Just to get to know each other a little.“ You took in his appearance then. He was quite thin, had beautiful green eyes that were averted from you as he ran a hand through his dark locks. He seemed terribly nervous, and you didn’t know why. Truth be told, you found something about him rather attractive. It seemed like there was so much more to him than he let on. „Uh, I mean.. just because we’re living right next to each other anyway.”, He added. You giggled at his rambling, having long considered his proposal, “I’d love to get coffee sometime.“, you stated, looking right into his eyes, „But right now, I’m afraid that what I definitely need is a shower. How does later today sound? At 5 maybe?”, you asked shyly. His eyes widened at you wanting to get to know him, and even sounding hopeful at that, as if you were scared he’d decline. A breathless “Oh.” left him, the surprise evident in his voice, which you found quite adorable. “Okay, I’ll.. I’lll pick you up then.”, he said, nodding more to himself than you. “Sure,” you had replied, turning the keys to open your door, “But don’t get lost on the way.”. You winked, laughing at your horrible joke. So did he then, and my, his laughter was infectious. A wide smile split your faces as you said your goodbyes.

Arthur stepped back into his flat, his back pressed against the door. He couldn’t believe how someone as charismatic as you was going to go out for coffee with him. Well, technically you two weren’t going to go out in that kind of sense, but still. You were funny, kind and so very pretty. He really wanted to try to make a good impression.

As you entered the bathroom, you locked your door and took off your sweatshirt, followed by your other clothes. The encounter you just had popped into your mind. It was weird, Arthur was totally different from what you expected. You had seen him a few times before, but he always seemed to be mentally elsewhere. Most people in this house avoided him, one woman even told you to stay away from him, that he‘s insane and scary. To you, he just seemed lonely. Sure, he was a little awkward and shy, but you quite liked that actually. To you, that made him interesting and different from most other people. He was quite mysterious, really. But you were willing to unravel him. You stepped into your shower, adjusting the temperature after you turned on the water.

Arthur was pulled out of his thoughts, back still pressed against the door, as he heard that familiar sound. That’s when your words really sunk in. A shower. You said you needed a shower. His feet moved on their own as he made his way from the living room to his bedroom, closer to the sound. He stopped himself, still being opposite the wall that separates your flats. He always tried to do the right thing, after all. But even with that intention, things don’t usually go his way. As he stood there contemplating, he was fighting a losing battle against his undisclosed desires. He could just hang a picture over the hole, he told himself. And that‘s when he locked the door and stepped closer.

And my god, if he wasn’t drawn to you before he surely was now. Through the shower curtain he could make out the shadow of your figure, leaving little to imagination. You were breathtaking, having curves in all the right places. Arthur mentally cursed to himself, his eyes glued to the view before him. His pants suddenly felt tighter than they had before. He could make out the way your hands wandered over your body. You had started running your hands over your slender arms, over your perky breasts, then your flat stomach. You had no idea what your movements did to him.

And Arthur felt guilty, but at the same time so very good. Letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, he palmed himself over his pants. He couldn’t have stopped himself if he tried. He had to imagine how it would feel to be there with you, how it would be if it were his hands that were currently traveling dangerously low down your body. Just the thought left him shuddering, unzipping his pants and freeing his member. He ran his fingers down his shaft, imagining you in front of him. You‘d look like the perfect mixture of innocence and sin, looking up at him with big e/c eyes as you touched him there. You‘d be so gentle, teasing him until he could barely take it anymore. He was stroking himself fully now, feeling like he was almost able to see the single water droplets running down your body. He let out a shuddering breath, panting as he envisioned kissing you deeply, exploring your mouth with his tongue. He’d try so hard to please you, running his hands over your breasts, pinching as you’d gasp. He‘d trail kisses down your neck and move down your body, your curves glistening from the water, goosebumps rising on your skin. He could almost hear you moan his name as he‘d reach your core, hiking your leg over his shoulder. Pumping his hard cock faster, Arthut leaned his arm against the wall for support. A light sheen of sweat had built on his forehead. Stifling his own moans grew more and more difficult as he’d imagine your shivering form pressed against the bathroom tiles. He’d give experimental licks up and down your slit. And you‘d beg, he knows you’d beg for him as he‘d insert his fingers, spreading you as he pleases. Oh, what he’d give to finger you mercilessly. The thought of rendering you into a moaning writhing mess was getting too much for him. Nothing had ever turned him on as much before, little moans escaping him every now and then. There was something horribly erotic about the way the shower curtain clung to your skin sometimes, and how very enticing it was that you had no idea that what you were doing was visibly to his eyes only. He closed his eyes, licking his lips instinctively, feeling a warm sensation spread through him. He couldn’t help but wonder what would be if you knew. Would you like being watched by him? Would you want him to do all the things he so desperately wanted to do to you right now? A louder moan escaped him, followed by him clasping his hand over his mouth.

Suddenly the water turned off, his eyes were wide in shock as his gaze turned towards you. Neither of you moved in that moment, both rooms being eerily quiet for a few seconds. Did you know? It can’t be, he told himself. He knew he should’ve used that chance to go away, not taking risks. But before he knew it your delicate hand grasped the fabric of the shower curtain, pulling it aside. His jaw dropped. You were the most beautiful, and damn sexy thing he had ever laid his eyes on. Your nipples were hard as the cold of your room hit your burning hot skin. Your fingers moved to your hair, grabbing it and trying to get as much water out as you could. His fingers moved to his painfully hard member again, the tip leaking with precum. He watched your every move as you held your towel, stroking it all over your skin. You squeezed your breasts with the towel and dried them, making Arthurs eyes roll back. You stepped out of the shower then, turning around and wiping the droplets of your long legs, letting his eyes roam over your round ass. He was so very close to his release he could almost taste it, but just then you threw your towel aside and swiftly got into your bathrobe, leaving the room in a matter of seconds. He was completely dumbfounded, you just left. So very quickly. He stepped away from the wall, letting himself fall onto the bed as to finish what he started. His head fell back, but a loud knock on the door of his flat interrupted him. He cursed under his breath, tucked himself into his pants and stumbled towards it. He let a hand run through his hair, wiping the sweat off his forehead as he opened the door. And there you were. Fuck.

—

Read the second part here.

[newyorkcittysworld]

Part 2 of uhh I'm gunna call it: Sugarbaby!peter (bc I'm basic)

Peter ran into his dorm room,threw all his belongings on his bed and swiveled in his chair to his laptop. He opened it and began transferring all the notes he took. After a while of doing work and analyzing tony's, he couldn't help but notice the folded up piece of paper with tonys number on it he kept trying to distract himself, tony did say not too blow up his phone he decided he at least needed a reason to text him. Peter was looking back at tonys work when his phone caught him off guard. His heart was beating as he prayed it was tony but sadly no,

*new message from aunt may: hey petey pie! Please take the chicken out the freezer. How'd the stark interview go today*

He unlocked his phone and replied  *no problem, it went great! So dreamy up close*

His aunt knew about his bisexuality and encouraged it so this lighthearted joking was not only normal but expected. May was young and progressive and didn't mind at all. *haha I better not catch you in his suit pete!* peter sent back hurts and got back too tony's work, he can't lie it would be pretty cool to ride in tony's car, wearing high end clothes and tony having peter living the lavish lifestyle, completely opposite from his own. He didn't care for material things but like any normal person he dreamed of doing it big. Hours passed as peter looked at tony’s work . ugh it was flawless no questions needed. He considered playing dumb but he didn't want the possibility of tony mocking him. He figured he could try to add comments or upgrades and could ask for tonys help on that, he smiled and started getting too work when a facetime ring interrupted his train of thought. Eh it's probably ned he said picking up without looking.his face went red when he saw tony on his screen looking back at him from a bad angle. (well let's be honest there i no bad angle but imagine looking down at your phone and facetiming someone). “H-hello Mr.Stark!! Wh- what's going on” peter choked out in a squeaky voice. He tried to sound as chill as possible. “Hey kid i need you for something but i can't tell you what, you'd say no, you down?” peters swore he was gonna pass out but held it together “where are we going is i-” he was cut off by tony “ ahh no questions im afraid it would give hints just let me know can you meet me on 45th and lex? In about an hour?” tony smirked, he saw how red the kids face was and he knows damn well that twink doesnt do exercise. Peter hesitated for a moment but figured even if tony straight up killed him, he'd say thank you in the afterlife “sure thing, do i need to change?” he panned the camera down at what he was wearing being very stealthy about moving around his crotch area which would give away his current state.”there goes the questions again but i'll see you there kid” the phone hung up before he could even ask his question again. Oh well as far as he knows he gets too see stark again and that's the only thing he's focused on

Peter arrived slightly early at the exact location tony told him too in order to insure the older man wouldn't leave him there. He was standing there in the nicest clothes he had (to be fair it was from old navy it looked pretty clean) he heard a car blasting ac/dc through his ear buds but thought nothing of it ‘just regular nyc’ he thought to himself. That was until the bright yellow car pulled up next to him honking, it was tony in a nice lo rider. Peter nearly nutted on the spot. Tony looked amazing, his hair was slicked back clean, his expensive color tinted glasses matching with his three piece suit that was probably worth more than his apartment, his legs froze as he waved nervously, tony lowered the music to talk too him. “Hey!! Hop in i got a suit for you in the back” peter could feel himself swooning so he quickly walked too the car and reached for the handle to open it. Tony shot out of the car and ran around the other side and opened the door for him. Peter wasn't quite sure how much of this he could take. He sat down on the expensive leather and saw a long black coat bag and stood as still as possible as tony closed the door for him, anxiety making it difficult to be comfortable. “Am i allowed to ask where we are going Mr.Stark?” peter said trying to take his eyes off of the other man and just trying to sneak quick looks.his heart was beating he really didn't know what to expect “Fine fine turns out i need a date too this really boring and expensive event” the older man leaned back in his chair taking long looks at peter at stop lights. “And you chose me because???”  peter said generally shocked and lowkey fiddling with all the expensive material, everything just felt lavish. “Well you like boring stuff and your cute,and you where fresh in my memory your smart.i need someone like that next to me so i look good” tony smirked knowing damn well peter is melting right now. “Sooo im your arm candy?” he choked out smiling widely not even trying to hide it “essentially, that's why i brought the suit. No offense that uhh no brand cardigan is,nice but unfortunately it's not in the dress code” peter was so over the moon , he drew his attention too the coat bag with a big tom ford logo on it. Peter was living out his teenage fantasy, the only difference was he wasn't wrapped around tony's arm holding one hand that slumped over him while the other drove.

He quickly snapped his head up when the car stopped moving after a while. “Ok we're here you can change before we go into the main hall there's a bathroom right on your left” peter nodded and got out of the car walking next to his date trying his best to contain his excitement and not geek out in front of stark, pete did as the man said and changed into a nice burgundy suit, the material was orgasmic and he had too admit he looked sharp, and tony thought so too, he was smiling watching the (somehow)smaller man come out holding his arm out, peter walked up to him handing his clothes too another one (of what seemed like endless) assistants. “Ok so here's the catch” tony whispered faking smiles and waves too look natural as he spoke.”your gonna actually pretend to be my boyfriend and i'll give you $7,000 for compensation” he gave peter a smile as he turned around to greet some mit students. Tonys words had peter nearly spinning, "relax i'm not gonna make you sleep with me” tony whispered seeing how red peter was, his heart was racing so fast he couldn't bring himself to say any words but tried to signal tony he was completely okay with this idea and has been fantasizing about it for what seemed decades, he stood next to tony while he spoke giving off small waves at the people staring at him. He wrapped his arm around stark and stood up tall.

The kids dispersed which left the two of them walking around in silence.”bold of you to assume i don't WANT to sleep with you” the doe eyed boy whispered under his breath with a smirk.stark looked at him with a puzzled look on his face “what kid?” he said acting clueless knowing damn well what he said (which is all the proof he needed to know peter was into him as if it wasn't obvious enough) the ‘kid’ (who is 23) shot up as his cheeks went red “n nothing Mr.Stark!! J-just a uh self reminder” *wow peter really good excuse* he thought to himself smiling nervously. Tony smiled and pulled peter in for a half hug as he saw a photographer approaching. “the talking of boring science*ahem* future technology should start soon,you need anything kid?” he looked down at the man on his arm “n-not to take advantage, but you think we could grab like fries? Maybe just a quick burger” he looked up at stark with puppy eyes. Tony scoffed sarcastically  “i won't let you spoil your stomach with that garbage “ and in the snap of his fingers three different waiters with trays approached him. “Go ahead kid don't be shy” peter was most definitely shy but starks words encouraged him,this was very different for parker, usually he's the one giving out the fancy trays but now he's on the flip side. He plucked out some fancy meats moaning at the flavor..this was all very new for him but he'd be lying if he said he couldn't get used too this./ the meeting began and the two took their seats peter being daring and resting his head on tonys shoulder, the lecture was actually pretty interesting he found himself taking notes on his phone and sneaking in pictures of him laying against tony, which was easy since tony knocked out after the first ten minutes.

After what seemed like years,Tony startled awake eyes opening wide only too see that they were still at the conference he let out a groan as he saw peter standing above him.”hey uh mr stark, everyone's leaving im sorry! Should i carry you out or” he was so cute when he gets all pent up like this “you couldn't lift me if you tried but come on let's get out of here” tony chuckled. Standing up and exiting with peter “Mr.Stark i saw some ladys taking pictures so i put your glasses on, ya know so you don't look bad?” tony touched his face and realized there was indeed glasses on his face”huh that would explain why everything is a light brown color, thought i was just hungover” peter giggled at the taller man's response. They walked to the car arm in arm as reporters were standing around his car.”no time for questions i'm tired” tony said, once again opening the door for peter who couldn't help but nervously laugh through the second hand anxiety. They drove off it was getting kind of late,

            But peter didn't want this too end.

[littledonkeyburrito]

Got my hopes up that the school might actually be on fire

1. Are you going anywhere for this summer? I’ll be going back to Australia in the middle of their summer. That counts, right?

2. Do you put ketchup on top of your French fries or on the side? Neither. Not a huge fan of tomato sauce. I think chips taste just fine on their own

3. Last time you smoked weed? I think it was July. It was my last attempt to see if I could actually enjoy it. I didn’t.

4. What are you currently hearing right now? Tengo un Amor - Genitallica

5. Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed? The bathroom door in my apartment doesn’t actually close properly but I still close it as far as it will go even though I live alone.

6. Have you ever kissed someone that was high? Yes

7. What are you looking forward to? Having a salary again. Also seeing my friends for the first time in a year. But I am not looking forward to the price of alcohol in Australia

8. If you were kicked out of your current residence, whom would you call? A hostel.

9. Are there framed pictures from your parents wedding in your house? There are not even framed pictures of my parents’ wedding in their own houses, since they split up 17 years ago

10. Do you ever hang out with someone of the opposite sex? Their sex is irrelevant. I don’t hang out with anyone because I don’t have any friends in this country.

11. Who was the last person you cried in front of? A cinema full of people who were probably also crying

12. Would you rather live in New York City or Washington DC? New York is further from the annoying orange but tbh I’d rather not live anywhere in that country.

13. Have you ever slept on the floor with the person you like? Who is this person I like? Can you introduce me? 14. Last non-alcoholic beverage consumed? Orange juice. I haven’t drunk any alcohol since I accidentally got trashed home alone last week haha 15. What are you wearing? stripey long sleeve shirt, grey hoodie, jeans, socks 16. Is it okay to kiss people when you’re single? Are you implying that some people think it’s only okay to kiss others when you’re not single? I don’t understand.

17. Have you ever met someone who is amazing? No, all my friends are shit. Of course I have met amazing people. 18. Does someone love you? I like to think my mum does 19. Do you want any tattoos? I used to but now I don’t care so much 20. Do you have anything in your pockets right now? Phone.  21. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? Muji, in Japan 22. When are you going to dye your hair next? Not for a long time. I’m pretty happy with my natural hair colour these days.

23. Are you listening to music right now? Yes, currently playing is Fake My Own Death - Sum 41

24. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? A few times, but not in the last couple of years

25. Something’s wrong: FIRST guy you turn to? Depends what is wrong but probably my dad

26. What kind of booze did you last take shots of? I think it was either white rum or tequila

27. Do you wear sweaters in the Winter or hoodies, more often? Depends on where I’m going. Lately I like my stripey sweater if I’m going out and wear my hoodie at home

28. Has your school ever had a lockdown? If so, for what reason exactly? Okay so when I was in highschool I was in music class in a classroom attached to the gym which is slightly separated from the rest of the school. We were watching lord of the rings bc we were learning about film soundtracks. One girl had gone outside, walked all the way around to the bathrooms at the back of the gym and come back. It was just after she got back that one of the groundskeepers came into our class and was like “what the hell are you guys doing?? You know the whole school is on lockdown, right? Didn’t you hear the alarms? Get under your desks!”  So we were all like “um wtf??” and got under our desks and turned the movie off. We peered out the windows across to the carpark and there was a bunch of cop cars with their lights on. Turns out there was an intruder in the school with a knife and the lockdown alarms had been going off but there was no alarm attached to the gym so we didn’t hear it, especially not over lord of the rings. They installed an alarm there that same week. 

29. Do you enjoy it when your school has drills? No, it was always so boring and got my hopes up that the school might actually be on fire this time.

30. What color were the last pair of headphones/earphones you bought? I have a growing collection of white earphones but I didn’t buy any of them. I keep getting given them on planes and nightbuses.

31. Are you a confident person, or do you keep to yourself usually? These are not mutually exclusive

32. Where was the last place you vacationed to? Did you enjoy this time? I went to Paris a couple of weeks ago. It was okay but would have been better if I had people to hang out with. I’m pretty bad at travelling solo and I struggle to meet people in hostels.

33. Do you like Mexican food? What’s your favorite meal under that genre of food? Genre? lmao

34. Are you afraid of thunderstorms? I love storms and that is one thing I miss from living in the tropics/sub-tropics

35. What is keeping you warm right now? WELL IT SURE AS HELL ISN’T MY PIECE OF SHIT HEATER

36. Would you ever donate blood? If they’d let me, but the countries I’ve lived in lately don’t want it because they think I have mad cow disease.

37. Would you go 2 days without eating for $200? For only $200? Hell no. Add another zero and I might consider it.

38. What are you currently listening to? This question comes up so often but fortunately it’s always a different answer. Now playing is La Mordidita - Ricky Martin

39. When’s the last time someone made you feel like you mattered? I was talking to a friend about when I’ll be back in Aus and he asked for plenty of notice on what date it would be so he could take a couple days off work because he was really excited to see me again. That was a nice thing to hear and I’m pretty sure we’re going to get fucking smashed when we see each other again because we are each other’s party friend. My liver dreads this date but the rest of me is excited to see him again.

40. Would you say your life is on the right track right now? It’s off-roading

41. Do/Did you skip class? On days I had drum lessons I would usually skip an extra half an hour or so. One of the drum teachers I had did not give a flying fuck that I was skipping class and he would actually kinda help me with it. My lesson was supposed to be 30 minutes every week. But I would rock up toward the end of the second break and stay until home bell rang almost 2 hours later. We would just jam or sometimes I’d show up and he’d literally leave to go get lunch while I sat there playing drums instead of going to maths.

42. Do you have long eyelashes? Yes. My lower eyelashes are so long that if I were to wear mascara it would smudge onto my skin when I blink. I learned this when my mum put makeup on me as a trial run before my highschool formal.

43. Does your family make you feel supported? Yes, I have a pretty great family

44. What is the highest outdoor temperature you’ve ever had to endure?  Outdoors? It was 45 Celsius in Varanasi, India AND I was sick at that point which made it even worse. I only went out at dawn and dusk for those couple of days. But I’ve been in slightly higher temperatures in vehicles in India. On one bus my phone was in my bag and it turned itself off because it was too hot.

45. And the lowest?  When I went up the swiss alps as a kid. It was summer but up at the peak my dad says it was negative 20. Tbh that’s probably an exaggeration but it was still pretty damn cold.

46. Can you usually tell when someone has feelings for you?  Oh my god no. I am so oblivious to this. Like that time a guy was hitting on me in a restaurant in central america and it took me more than an hour to realise. People say latino guys are more direct but I still didn’t fucking notice

47. How often do you straighten your hair? I don’t think I ever have

48. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? I had sips of beer and wine growing up but my first ever full alcohol beverage was a can of pre-mixed JD&coke. Or was it jim beam and coke? Idk. One of them.

49. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep? I have sleeping pills and I used to take them sometimes when I did shift work but they ended up making me just as drowsy the next day as if I hadn’t slept so they aren’t really worth it unless I desperately need sleep and only have a certain amount of time before I have to go somewhere.

50. Do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse? Female. For invasive procedures and also a woman is more likely to actually listen if I’m telling them something is wrong.

51. What was the last thing you bought? Groceries 52. What is something you do every summer? Sweat, rack up a decent electricity bill from blasting my AC, sweat some more as soon as I go outside 53. Do you have a job? I’ll be working again in February. And then I’ll be my older brother’s boss. 54. When was the last time you ate pizza? No idea. A long time ago.

55. Do you live near a beach or amusement park? Beach is about 10-15 minutes walk. But I’ve never swam there 56. Have you ever failed a final exam? Yep. I did not enjoy or do well at uni. 57. Who would you be shocked to see call you? A dead person. 58. Do you hate it when people smoke around you? I’d rather they didn’t but I don’t care that much. 59. How old is the computer you’re on? Less than 2 years but it is structurally falling apart. I have to be careful how I pick it up or adjust the screen angle because I could literally just break the whole thing apart. I just need it to last a few more months until I can afford a better one. 60. What is your blood-type? O+ the same as my mum 61. Are you donating your organs? Not currently. I’d prefer to wait until I’m not using them 62. What is one show that is canceled that you wish was still on? The Bitch in Apartment 23

63. Have you made any life altering decisions lately? To go back to Australia, I guess. But it’s more of a necessity than a choice.

64. What is the closest store to you? The cornerstore is next door to my building on the right and a bar is on the left. 65. Do you have any songs currently stuck in your head? Yofo - Molotov 66. Where is the last place you applied for a job?  No idea. I applied to a lot. 67. Which continent would you most like to travel to and why? Aside from going back to Australia, the next place I go will probably be somewhere in Latin America again. There’s so much more to see there. 68. Are there a lot of tourists where you live? So goddamn many. It’s not so bad now that it’s winter but the summer was so hectic.

69. Do you have to use public transport often? Whenever I go somewhere that’s not walking distance. The metro system is really good here. 70. Does your house have an alarm? Why, you gonna try to break in? I’ll save you the effort, I have nothing of value aside from the $30USD on my shelf 71. Have you ever asked someone out on a date? Y'know I actually don’t think I have 72. Whose grave did you last visit? Oscar Wilde’s

73. How far out of your age bracket would you date? Ideally within about 5 years of me but I figure anything less than my parents’ age gap is passable (15 years)

74. Could you go a day without talking to the last person you kissed? I have gone many days without talking to him.

75. Do you like mac n cheese? It’s mediocre.

76. Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? I woke up at midday but then went back to sleep for another 2 hours.

77. Are you usually wide awake when you wake up? God no. 

78. How long have you known your first phone contact? Since May

79. Which would you rather play: guitar or drums? I can play both but I prefer drums

80. You can never drink tea again or soda. Which do you give up? I don’t drink tea anyway so that’s a pretty easy choice. Besides, I wouldn’t mix rum with tea.

81. Do you live in the past? What time travelling secret do you have that I don’t know about?

82. Do you think that black cats actually bring bad luck? the fact that I’d have just seen a cat would already be the result of good luck.

83. When’s the last time you went to a party? Absolutely no idea. A long time ago

84. Do you like Chinese food over pizza? Very much so.

85. If you got married to the last person you kissed would you be happy? Married is a bit much

86. Can you go a month without swearing? I really couldn’t. Swearing is an ingrained part of my vocabulary, thanks to working in the security industry for 3 years.

87. If you had a chance to make $200, only, by stripping for truckers on a corner, would you? Why do you all think $200 is a lot of money?

88. Would you run down the street naked if it meant earning $15,000? That’s more like it. Yes I would certainly consider it at least

89. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? A couple of pairs. Currently wearing one of them

90. Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up? Yep

91. How many pairs of Converse do you own? Three but one of them are pretty destroyed and should go in the bin.

[moniqueensevilla-blog]

greetings from my siesta! Today marks my third day in Spain and consequently my first day with enough time to write something! Sunday/Monday/Tuesday ended up being some of the busiest, most nerve-wracking, exhausting days of my life as my parents and I fLew out of Boston at 5:30pm and landed in Spain at 6:00 am... We then took a two and a half hour train from Madrid to my current home in Sevilla. After dripping off my parents belongings at their hotel for the night, I used Google maps to navigate through the labyrinth of streets that is Sevilla . I awkwardly buzzed the door to my Señora's apartment and walked up their windy, long staircase and was welcomed by my mom here, Rocío. She showed me around the house and everything and was introduced to my fabulous American roommate , Madison. I was immediately surprised by the Andalucian accent that I was warned about. Much different than that of Costa Rica that I grew used to, but I was thrilled to have a 75% understanding despite my confusion. Rocio walked us to our school and gave us a brief overview of Sevilla.. at one point she referred to it as a "labarinto" or labyrinth and I don't think there's a better way to describe Sevilla than just that. Apparently , she needed to go to the bank as we approached the bank door and she said "quieren pasear un poco y reunir a casa?" So basically there Madison and I were in the Middle of this foreign city and forced to fend for ourselves and learn where we were in the city. A great learning experience to say the least. As it turns out, we live in Barrio Santa Cruz in El Centro histórico of Sevilla... A very nice neighborhood!! We each have our own room , there are three bathrooms in our house, and there are four rooms in addition to the dining room , kitchen and living room. We are just out of the tourist traps of El Centro which is nice for it is more locals yet we are next to La catedral de La Giralda which is actually the largest religious building in the world and the third tallest. I remember walking up it in high school on our school trip and it gives you an incredible view of the city, maybe some day we will do that! The downside is the fact that the bells chime every half hour even through the night , which reminds me a bit of Assumption... After our orientation, Madison and I wandered about through the city and I noticed that we were right by my parents hotel. Naturally, I texted my parents and we met for Sangria and tapas where I said my final goodbye to them which marks the longest time I'll go without seeing my family, or really anyone I know in my life... yikes! At that point I had not slept in 30 hours as our plane was a red eye and I couldn't fall asleep so it was time for bed finally! Tuesday we woke up and went to orientation and after having sardines (yuck) for lunch with our family Madison and I walked to La Plaza de España which is the most breathtaking landmark I've ever seen. We then went for some coffee and churros con chocolate, naturally before we returned to school and met our speaking partners. My speaking partner is a native to Sevilla named David and his job is to help me learn the language​and the culture of the area. I will be helping him learn English and in Spanish we call this an "intercambio" so basically an exchange program where we teach each other. David is helpful and not afraid to correct me, especially when we message on WhatsApp which apparently is the preferred mode of communication here. After this, we returned home to find that the lights wouldn't work and her two children were not home! We WhatsApped our Señora ANd she came home from her job as a real estate agent to help us. As it turns out, her kids live with the dad (actually next store) some nights and the lights were just burnt out and one just wouldn't work (still don't know how she got it to work). She showed us how to make an oven pizza and went to work and finally another day came to an end. Of course, we didn't eat until 1030 which is average for Spaniards and I'm beginning to understand why. The sun doesn't set until 930pm and it's light as day out until that time. Yesterday Madison and I actually got some sun and fresh strawberry mojitos by the guadlaivjir river at 8:00pm and it felt like it was 12:40pm... Crazy; no wonder they stay out so late at night! We returned home to no one there at 930pm which is typical of Spain and especially of Sevilla because as they say "life in Sevilla is lived in the streets" at all hours, everyone is out and about with their friends or family getting coffee or drinks or tapas. No one sits around in their house except for the siesta which is awesome and keeps us super active! At about 10pm Rocío returned and made us Ramen noodles for dinner. Interestingly enough they felt more natural than those that are packaged in the United States but still it was strange to think that's a meal that would be served here. The jet lag still has me messed up, and because of this I only got 6 hours of sleep last night before school this morning. Yesterday was the first day of classes where me and three other girls are in an advanced Spanish class with an excellent teacher who we call Sara. She is young and beautiful and the most helpful teacher I could ask for. She insists on us correctly pronouncing things and sits at a desk right next to us to teach.... Everything is a review for me but it's so nice to have it as I haven't learned any Spanish in years! The past two days Madison and I have left for class at 8:45, stopped at BuenaAbuela for café which is only €1.5 and then walked to school and gotten there before 9. Our classes are 9 to 1 which a half hour "pausa" at 11-1130 where we get coffee of course. Today we had class til 11 and then went to Italica: the Roman ruins in Spain. It was so cool to be there again and see how well preserved such an ancient city is. Inside their "mini colloseum" some children had plastic swords and their teachers were dressed in ancient Roman garb to teach them about gladiator fights. They fought various rounds with these fake swords and it was hysterical to watch this all inside a building build in 100-300 BC and have children of today reannacting the events of thousands of years ago. .. life is funny! Though we are all English speakers in the program of 20 or so of us, we signed an agreement that forbids us from speaking English when we are out as a group or at the school... This is exhausting and strange as we jump back into English after conversations in Spanish. All the while, it's beneficial as we are learning so much everyday and by the minute my skills improve..... I couldn't ask for anything more! We just got back from Italica and Rocío just informed Madison and I that she is going to be back soon with food for lunch and the kids will be back soon from school. Afterwards I plan to take a well-deserved siesta and our next plan, besides homework of course, isn't until 730 tonight when we will meet Madison's intercambio to hang out in the city with! Another funny Spanish thing, they refer to "la tarde" or the afternoon as anything until the sun sets....la noche or the night isn't until much later like 9:30 and it's totally common to leave the house, like Rocío did last night, at midnight to go out for drinks on a work night. What a life this is!! Thanks for those of you who have wished me the best of luck and made sure I arrived safely! I couldn't ask for anything more in life and I've never felt so incredibly happy!! Adiós! -Mo

[ragingtony]

Wow it has been a MINUTE but hi I needed a place to express my emotions and feel like they were being shared, but sadly most of my friends aren’t capable of emotionally supporting me right now and I blame them and I also don’t because the pain I’ve felt these past few months have required a typhoon of attention and care that I thought they would be able to give me, but sadly haven’t. Leaving me to feel vacant inside and like I have infected wounds left to fester which is!!! Dramatic but honestly true?? I have a lot of physical pain in my body and I’ve been having LITERAL heart palpitations this week and it’s a chronic experience that I thought would have improved by now, you know? I thought I’d still be sad but I’d have some hope, but mmmm no I’m a black hole of a mess. All the love in my life seems to have teeth. None of it is giving me back what I need, and it isn’t their fault really. I haven’t been around, they haven’t been around. But something seems less helpful and cathartic about your friends helping and listening to you only AFTER you told them to. That doesn’t feel like real loving friendship at all!

And I love them? Right? But the last thing I want to do is watch my two friends, who are dating, be in love and gross in front of me, in my house while I literally feel abandon by everyone including them. Plus I don’t wanna be a bummer for them, but I feel like I’m a place holder for my one friend. Just to be there to make it more fun for her, so she can see me while she also has her boyfriend and I, again, am left to my own festering mind.

I’ve lost so much this year and today I lost two more friends and god, it just hurts. I’ve never been so sensitive in my life, I feel like drying concrete people keep painting in. My two friends said something nice about me the other day and I didn’t realize until then how low and awful I felt about myself. I forgot I was anything at all, and again going back to before, I’m so desperate for attention. A hand, a friend, a place. But I’m a consistent basis while I’m healing. And everyone is too busy and too distracted and I see their selfishness and am only reminded of my own in the first place. I haven’t had the chance to talk to anybody about how I’m feeling, and I’ve told lots of my friends directly I needed someone right now and they’ve consistently faded in and out. And I guess empathy and compassion are more complex and difficult than you’d think. It seems an obvious and easy emotion to tap into when you’re exposed, but when life is going well for you nothing is more contenting then turning away I feel.

And I’ve been criticized by my friends lately when I asked them for compassion that I don’t show my pain enough so they don’t think I need checking in on? And I get that, but they’re aware I’m in pain? And one was in my immediate space for a month and never asked me how I was or if I needed to talk. I’m again, unsure if she’s selfish or if I’m asking too much of her. And it’s probably both. But I can’t stand not being communicated with, especially now when I have so much I want to say and share all the time but no one wants to hear and receive it. I’m not sure what to do when I see her next, today she hit me deep again and made me want to scream all over again. She reminds me of a man, the way she gives so little of her emotions. How little she thinks of how her actions will affect others. She reminds me of me hoenstly and it’s probably why it’s so sickening.

And I feel like I just keep getting met with unkindness in my most tender moments and i become an ugly mess to the world and then people think I’m nothing when really I just need a fricken hug and a pep talk, but like twice a day

My two closest friends are in relationships that hurt me to see and I hate being that friend. But I don’t really believe in either of their relationships and especially think one of them is wasting her time with a guy she doesn’t make sense with. And she’s said out loud she knows it doesn’t make sense, but like me, she’sld rather stay in a relationship that satisfies the senses rather than go through pain of letting go and finding a better one. But god she hurt me in choosing him all the time and not even wondering how I might feel. We’re new friends as well, but I’m aware of her, is it wrong to expect her to be as aware of me? When living in the same house?

Like I’m not talking about just crying and feeling bad. I mean I’ve dropped to the ground sobbing on a public bathroom floor holding my chest so tightly because I felt so much. I’ve sobbed on trains and sidewalks and parks. Homeless people have come up to me and asked what’s wrong, my parents are like afraid of me because they think I’m a depression volcano. I write and think and write and think and it’s not helping. It’s an exhaustion I can’t sleep off, I can’t run from it, it’s like a fucking phantom. And the lonliness feels like a shadow that creeps up behind me and taps me on the shoulder when I walk home from the movies alone and go back to an empty apartment, or when I have food left on my plate and no one to share it with or when i want a second opinion or a new idea and WOW I get why people are driven to hurting themselves. The pain is so deep and so chronic and no one am reach you and no one tries and they mistake you’re sadness as being tired and it’s just a well of cold nothing forever and ever.

I think my last love ruined my life, in its current state anyways. The sadness I feel has infected every part of my life and made me someone no one wants to be around, because again, I’m dying for attention. I’m even writing thsi for attention! This is literally last resort material guys, tumblr. Like is it 2013? Come on. But I’m 100% in love with last boi, and he hasn’t spoken to me in months. I reached out to him last with a really vulnerable letter and he never responded. And he’s not a garbage boi ok, he’s wonderful and gentle and kind and forgiving and so fucking smart and a wonderful feminist and was so loving and um! I literally have never met anyone worth so much. Yesterday at Christmas my uncles who met him asked where he was and then said how impressed they were with him and I was like ! I know! He put the fucking sun in the sky! And he literally just called me one day and was like hey I don’t wanna days anymore bye. And I don’t think he was sad at all, not like I was. I take everyone in my life so SERIOUSLY like I’m so fucking intense all the time and it’s killing me now. Like he probably cried once and then went and played guitar and never thought of me again except to be like “lol hope she’s good tho”

And I know you’re thinking “um he doesn’t sound like he put the sun in the sky” but no no, he did. His only fault is that he doesn’t know how to communicate.

It’s crazy how you’re subconscious knows a relationship is failing before you know. I used to cry all the time and feel so lonely because I know he didn’t love me as much anymore. I felt him pull away and get bored of me and I got bored of me too and I got so stuck. I get it, I try to make one person my whole world and happiness and that’s toxic and I gotta work on that. I knowwww what went wrong and Part of me has days where i wannnnt him to be happy but! He LITERALLY hasn’t responded to me? After a whole year of being in love? And it wasn’t like oh we dated cool, nono, we were each other’s everything. Like we couldn’t get enough and he was the absolute best boyfriend ever and did everything he could for me and we were best friends and had so much fun. And we TRIED to be friends after this but I felt like he had no idea how much this destroyed me? So I tried to tell him and he said nothing. What do I do with that? He was the essence of light and life and now all I have is people around me who can’t be bothered.

When people go through a huge break up they deserve to lay on their friends bed and tell them about it and cry and feel comforted. And have their friends just be there, but! I feel like I’ve spent two months in a freezer.

I also lost my best friend of 4 year this year, and my boyfriend abandoned me like a week after and I’ve lost my two most intimate relationships at once and thought I had good friends to back me up?? So I’ve literally spoke to no one the amount I’ve needed and had them give me perspective and love and so YEAH I feel 1000 abandon and YES if you were WONDERING I already had abandonment issues form my parents so this is a cute common familiar thing that I feel like will take 16 years of therapy to get out of but it’s fine bc I’ll never find love like I had before again ok so I guess 2017 was the Golden year I have to go die now

Also astrology ruined my life? I think confirmation bias is so real and I looked for all the flaws in people and had them validated instead of seeing them as whole people and i made them people they weren’t. I also boxed myself in and limited my own abilities to forgive and grown bc the FUCKING INTERNET SAID Taurus’s weren’t like that, and honestly in the two weeks I’ve tried to break that mentality and have told myself I CAN be energetic and forgiving in my own way has made me feel 1000 times better because before I just accepted that it wasn’t possible. And I made my last love believe we couldn’t be compatible and I just kept everything about astrology in the back of my head and let it be true instead of actually LISTENING to people, like??? I met ppl while traveling and got anxious bc I was like omg what if they’re a sag and then I’m like, I’m enjoying them right now why does it matter? It’s ruinnnned me.

Anyways everything just keep going wrong. Don’t even get me started on my job situation, I haven’t even thought about it. I have no idea what to do. I don’t want to do anything. I’m cold and hate winter and darkness and god my roommate can be so abrasive and cold and it makes it all feel lonely and impossible. I haven’t believed a good thing about myself in so long I feel like the ugliest person literally ever? And I TELL my friends I’m sad and they don’t even acknowledge my words? And obviously they don’t see the gravity bc they aren’t with me but AH I NEED ATTENTION TO FEEL VALIDATED right now, like people deserve those things right? And YES I do have a therepist if you’re wondering but she got married and the thanksgiving and then I traveled Europe forever and now it’s Christmas and ????

Im also sitting in an airport writing all this and I sobbed in the bathroom for a hot sec and my brother made fun of me and I’ve put a lot of energy into my friends ok? I got one a REALLY nice Christmas gift and i took another one to Iceland and I don’t hold those against them they don’t owe me in that sense. But I thought of them so much and all I want is for them to be aware of me and help me ???? Like idk, FRIENDS DO. And

Don’t think I can just get new friends. Like no way. Impossible. Adults can’t just MAKE FRIENDS

I also don’t wanna get married and have kids I think and idk if I mean that but wow I just want to sit down with my last love and scream cry until we feel better aka until he loves me again. Like I loooovvvvvve him, I’d never loved anyone I dated before. I was so proud of him and adored him and loved how he treated everyone he met and how interesting he is and how we could discuss anything and say anything and !!!!! I learned so much from him and uh hi I wasn’t DONE so if anyone knows him let him know I’m dying kk

Thanks 4 coming to my podcast!