#currently fucking sobbing how are y'all

[lillyorlyracat]

Umbrella Academy enjoyers please interact. Mom and i who have been watching since season 1 just finished the whole show. We are two months late and we are not okay

[moonlight-records]

Rich Boys Don't Have Hearts | LN4 (PT. III)

pairing: Jock!Lando Norris x Nerd!Reader

summary: Formula Ivy Academy, or FIA for short, is the most renowned private in the world who takes such a select few. Usually those from wealth with status and secrets and so much to lose. Yet, you are selected to join the FIA on a full scholarship. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain scares a lot students, especially their star athlete who will do anything to protect those he cares about. Though, he didn't expect you to have as much of a...bite to you for a little nobody.

warning: description of panic attack, partying, alcohol consumption, bestie franco, jack a cutie, y/n feeling themselves, lando is PISSED. jealous!lando if you squint!!

fc: none!

wc: 4.5K

a/n: so would y'all hate me if the next few parts are taken from maxton hall??

part 1 | part 2 | current

You didn’t know a lot about musical theater but in high school you did follow the crowd by finding and listening to the cult classic Heathers and suddenly you felt like you were living ‘Dead Girl Walking’ but only in reverse. Instead of a demon queen deciding to ruin your life socially because you made her look like a fool at a party so you venture out to get fucked by your crush before that happens, instead you get laid by your not crush crush and THEN the demon king decrees what you can assume is your social reputation all because you made a fool of him for trying to bribe you. The only difference between Heathers and you, Heathers is a fictional cult classic where the characters were in a small town while you’re attending the most elite school in the world so one bad word from someone attending and you would actually be done for life. 

God, don’t you just love Fridays?

Your hands start to shake as you look down at your phone. Your stomach twists and your heart is now in your throat. You aren’t sure if you’re going to cry or scream or vomit or all three. You try to take a few deep breaths but you can’t focus on your breathing while your mind runs with so many different scenarios about talking to Lando and none of them end well. Your breathing continues to pick up speed and you feel hot. Your heart is pounding and you think that you’re going down. You gasp for air as you sit up back against your headboard, trying your hardest to calm down but it’s impossible with the impending doom looming in your head. You're shaking violently and you can feel tears rolling down your face as you gasp again for air and a choked sob escapes you so you pull your knees to your chest and hug them tightly, riding out your first panic attack.

After what felt like forever, you finally come down from your panic attack. You take a few deep breaths and now you feel exhausted from the adrenaline drop. Closing your eyes you sniffle before staring at the ceiling and wondering how the hell your life took such a weird turn. Then you remember that you have free will and are not obligated at all to meet with Lando. You silently curse at the ceiling as if Lando could see or hear you before finally making the slow effort to get off the bed. Your legs wobble but you manage to limp your way to the bathroom so you could look decent for Franco’s return. The last thing you need is for Franco to see you like this after the wonderful date you two had. You wash your face before patting your face dry as you look at your face. Your eyes are red and puffy but you could at least pass that off as recovering from the very welcoming overstimulation Franco put you through.

Limping out, you start back to your bed before there’s a knock at your door. You look over your shoulder as fear digs its dagger of ice into your heart and you feel so cold. Your breathing starts to become shorter before you take a deep breath. There is no reason to freak out. There is no reason that Lando should have this effect on you. He was nothing more than the school’s demon king. A demon king that is egotistical, rude, cocky, good for nothing stupid asshole of a player that just needed to leave you alone and let you focus on your studies and– 

“Y/N?”

You feel relief flood through your body when you hear Franco’s voice. Limping over, you crack the door open and smile as you open it enough for Franco to slip in, using the door as a cover, before closing it. “Sorry,” you laugh gently, “kind of hard to walk right now.” You blush when Franco smirks at you. Cheeky bastard, knows exactly what he did. You squeak when Franco swiftly grabs you by your legs and tosses you over his shoulder. “Franco!” You laugh and kick your feet slightly as he carries you back to your bed before carefully putting you down before sitting next to you and grabbing the TV remote, flipping through the apps on your tv to find something to turn on.

“Where’d you go?” You ask as the realization hits you that you never actually knew where he went. “Hm? Oh, I forgot I promised Liam I’d help him with his Spanish homework so I had him meet me in the lobby so we could work on it. He did most of it and honestly doesn’t give himself enough credit so it was pretty short.” Smiling sheepishly at you, “apologies. I thought I told you before I left but it seems you were still a bit dazed. I should’ve stayed to make sure you were much more present.” Your heart melts as Franco talks and you gently nudge his shoulder. “Don’t beat yourself up. You went above and beyond during the aftercare. Truly, I just zoned out and completely missed that bit of information. That was on me.” You smile up at Franco leaning onto his shoulder for a moment before leaning back, “but I’m glad it went well! Did you find anything…interesting while talking to Liam?” You glance at Franco with your eyebrow raised.

Franco glances at you and breaks out into a grin. “Put something on.” Franco passes you the remote and you end up putting Spotify on and letting your playlist be a shield. Shifting, you and Franco face each other as you grab a pillow, pulling your knees up to your chest hugging your pillow with a grin. “So? What did you find out??” You see Franco shifting to get comfortable and how he was taking his sweet time and you groan, “Come on Franco! The suspense is killing me!”

“Sorry! I’m trying to figure out where I want to start,” Franco finally gets comfortable as you lean forward. “Let’s start with the biggest lore I found.” Franco takes a deep breath as he puts his hands together, “I have to take Lewis Hamilton off of my roster.” You gasp loudly and lean back in utter shock at this revelation. “What?! Are you serious???” You watch Franco nod mutely and dramatically pretend to wipe an invisible tear away. “Just yesterday you were so stressed about being near him and now he’s off the roster? What changed? What does Liam know that would take Sir Lewis Hamilton of all people off the roster?” You tilt your head as Franco leans forward and reaches for your hands. “Let me hold your hands while I tell you this.” Gently squeezing your hands, “...Charles has a date with Lewis–”

“CHARLES WHAT?!”

“Y/N!” Franco chides playfully at the sudden raise in volume. You let go of Franco’s hand to cover your mouth, “sorry! Sorry! I’m just–I was just texting Charles! He never fucking told me he got a date with Lewis Hamilton.” You reveal. “Oh? Were you talking about…me?” Franco grins as you blush and huff, laughing while you shake your head and speak, “that’s not important right now! We’re on Lewis having a date with Charles and that in turn having you take Lewis off your roster! Stay focused.” 

Holding his hands up, “right.” Franco says. He sighs softly as his shoulder deflates and leans back against your headboard, “I like Charles. I do, I have so much respect for him as a person and a student and especially as a teammate so it feels…wrong almost to keep Lewis on my roster since Charles seems so happy to have this date. I was already pushing it by keeping Lewis on knowing Charles has the biggest crush on him,” Franco murmurs. Which makes sense. You nod slowly, “so you took Lewis off since you suspect that he’ll be off the market?” Franco nods as he leans forward, “yes. That is exactly why. Also, before you ask, Liam found out because he overheard Charles talking to Carlos about it while they were in English together.” You shake your head and laugh because oh dear Charles. Horrible at keeping his mouth shut. 

“I can’t believe him. Such a chatterbox but I’m proud of him! Can’t believe he didn’t fucking tell me–” you grab your phone and see about 20+ messages from Charles and reading the preview, you put your lips together. “False alarm, he texted me about it I just didn’t answer.” That gets Franco to laugh and you join in the laughter. “Oh Y/N, please never change.” Franco grins at you while you giggle. “Also, do you want to come with me tonight to Beta Kappa Alpine? Liam said they’re throwing a party tonight and it should be fun but not wild since it’s Alpine throwing the party. Most people are going to head to Alpha Delta Red Bull’s party tonight.”

You stare at Franco and blink. A party. A party at Alpine’s frat house. Tonight. While Red Bull is having their own frat party and everybody who was anybody was going to go to Red Bull and party like rockstars or try to anyway. You weren’t really the one to party or go out but tonight would be different.

“Sure!” You smile happily at Franco, “I would love to go to Alpine’s party with you.”

“Wonderful! I can show you what a fun night looks like and you can actually enjoy a night that’s not studying and homework,” Franco grins clapping his hands together, “oh! In honor of it being October, they’re doing themed parties leading up to Halloween. Tonight is sports themed so,” Franco is climbing off the bed and gathering his things as he says, “I can lend you one of my jersey’s for tonight when we pregame?”

“...Pregame?” You question.

Franco looks at you like you’ve grown ten heads. “Y/N. Do you not know what pregaming is?” He laughs out of shock as you shake your head. “Oh my dear sweet Y/N. Don’t worry. I’ll teach you all about pregaming tonight when I come over with my jersey for the party. I’ll be back here around 7. Then we can get ready and pregame and head over to the party, is that okay with you?”

“Perfect.”

“Wonderful, I’ll see you at 7.” Before he leaves, Franco gives you a quick forehead kiss before he’s out the door. 

You let the door shut before falling back into your bed with a sigh. Your first and probably last frat party. At Formula Ivy Academy no less. Picking your phone up, you see that you have about 2 hours to go down a rabbit hole. You think for a moment and decide that you’re going to spend going down the rabbit hole then the second hour calling Charles and demanding answers about his date with Lewis. 

Well, this is certainly one way to go out from a place like this, you guess.

“Oh god, this is horrible.” You cough and gag slightly as the after taste of the cheap vodka Franco bought hits you full force. Putting the glass down, you make a face and gently push it away before turning back to finish your makeup. “Is this the type of alcohol that is going to be at the party tonight?” You look at Franco through your mirror and your face falls into slight horror when he just nods as he fastens his jeans. You look back at your glass and take a deep breath before downing the rest of it and gagging again, “so, is that why you pregame? At least for frat parties? So by the time you arrive you’re already buzzed and won’t have to taste how shitty the alcohol is?” Franco laughs while nodding which is all you need to know that this is exactly the reason why. “Could you pour me another glass? Maybe with a bit more Sprite instead of vodka? I would like to keep my taste buds intact by the end of the night.”

“Oh my dear Y/N, you’ll be lucky to wake up not feeling like death but what’s this?” Franco asks as he comes over and refills your cup. Thankfully, Franco isn’t that much of a psycho and pours more Sprite than vodka into your cup as your request, “asking for seconds. Y/N, could it be that you’re going to get drunk tonight?” He jokes as he gently hooks his chin over your shoulder as you tickle his nose with your brush before returning to your makeup. “What are you doing and what is that stuff?” 

“It's a shimmer I’m putting on my cheeks.” You explain as you continue. “Make me pop under the lights. You want something?” You tap your brush against the lid of the container before making room on your makeup bench as Franco sits and turns to look at you ready to be shimmery. You smile and put some shimmer on Franco’s cheeks before cleaning up your makeup station. “Perfect.” 

You two take another 45 minutes to yap and drink till both of you are feeling a nice buzz. You then double check you have everything. Phone, wallet, keys, and portable charger. Then checking yourself over in the mirror you take a moment to fix your hair before tying Franco’s away jersey, tucking the excess inward. “Are you sure you won’t be upset if this gets makeup on or messy?” You turn to Franco who simply waves you off because ‘it can be washed’. You shrug before grabbing your jacket and putting it on before the two of you head off to Alpine’s frat.

The walk to the frat house was about 15 minutes from your dorm just a bit off of campus which is filled with chatter between you and Franco. Though, the closer you two get to the frat house the louder the music gets. You typically don’t go out so this is all new to you and you keep losing your train of thought but thankfully, Franco is the least judgemental person. When the house comes into view, you blink at the small line that formed to get inside. “There’s a line?” You ask. 

“Oh, yeah. Almost every frat has one. Same with sororities. Some of the houses aren’t cool with each other or like–a sorority girl slept with her sister’s man or ex so now they’re blacklisted. Sometimes people who have been kicked out try to sneak in so they usually have someone stationed at the door to basically play bouncer.” Franco looks over at you and laughs at the expression on your face. “I know. I know. It’s wild.” 

“Damn…so high school really is neverending,” you murmur and shake your head, “do they have a list?” Franco thinks as he peers around, “it seems so. Though again, Alpine isn’t one of the more popular frats so it’s probably just a small list of who’s blacklisted from all the frats on campus along with their own.” He shrugs a shoulder as you two move up, “besides that they’ll let about anybody in. Even the overflow from Red Bull.” “Really?” The chance of running into Lando went from 90/10 to a solid 50/50 and that makes your stomach turn. “Yeah. It’s a Friday night. College kids are looking for parties, especially with fraternities and sororities.” Franco explains, “so whoever Red Bull rejects will end up here or try to sneak in at Red Bull since they always throw ragers.” Glancing at you, he grins, “those most people haven’t been successful in doing that but there are a few cases.”

Raising a brow, “Yeah?” You ask. “Mr. Colapinto, are you admitting to me that you’ve snuck into Red Bulls raging frat parties before?” You tease softly and grin seeing him blush slightly. “You totally have! Franco!” You giggle as Franco laughs and holds his hands up in mock surrender. “You’ve caught me. Though this was prior to me officially joining the lacrosse team and getting the fast pass into their parties. It does pay to know people around campus though.” He admits with a wink as you two step to the front door. “Which was me just offering to go as a plus one to the pretty sororities girls or offer to play wingman for the frat bros.”

“Well?” You tilt your head. “I haven’t gotten a single negative review.” Franco grins as you two step onto the porch and see Jack is at the door. Jack was in your and Franco’s graduating class and even though you and Jack didn’t really talk, you two were familiar and friendly with each other. Jack pulls Franco into a “bro hug” as they greet each other before Jack offers an arm and you happily accept the side hug. “Y/N! Hey!” Jack grins as you pull away. “Hey Jack. How’s manning the door?” 

“Good! It’s good. I should be done in about ten minutes. It’ll probably get busy in about an hour or two but one of the older brothers will man the door then when all the people who got turned away from Red Bull show up. Most of them will probably be let in but there are a few that might cause issues. They’re more familiar with the history of all the frat drama and stuff than I am, which is fine by me. After the week I had, I would like to drink my week away.” Jack leans in and points. “Drinks and snacks are in the kitchen. Soda’s in the fridge and outside in the cooler along with more drinks. Door to the backyard is in the kitchen. There’s a beer pong table outside as well so head in and have a fun time! I’ll see you soon.”

You nod and smile, thanking Jack before following Franco inside. You watch Franco become a social butterfly by saying hi to everyone (because of course he knew everyone) so you make your way to the kitchen. You make a plate of snacks and a drink for yourself and wow. Maybe you should drop out and become a bartender because you can’t even taste the alcohol in your drink. You enjoy your snacks and drink as the music is playing, glancing up seeing the small DJ station set up on the balcony which surprises you but hey. The music is good, drinks are flowing, and food is great so you have no complaints.

You head outside to play beer pong for the first time when Franco finally makes his way over to you with Jack. The first time you were not the best which resulted in you and Franco losing. Determined to win one game, you played again and again. By the fourth time, you were locked in. Everyone was surprised at how good you were but also cheering you on or teasing their friends about losing to you which had you laughing and joining in with the teasing and very playful trash talking which delightfully surprised everyone.

As the night went on, more people arrived as if on cue. Everyone who didn’t make it into Red Bull was coming to Alpine which meant the party was now in full swing. You always had a drink in your hand while also accepting shots from Franco and/or Jack. You would be pulled back to the beer pong table once in a while when someone needed a last minute partner since word had spread around that you were a killer beer pong player but when you weren’t there, you found yourself on the dance floor not giving a single care in the world. You actually talked to people who you never thought you’d talk to in a million years and for once, it wasn’t awkward. All social standings seemed to have disappeared in Alpine’s frat house. In here, you all were a bunch of young adults partying after a week of classes and stress. 

You don’t remember when you went from buzzed to tipsy but you were thankful for that transition because by 11:30, Alpine was packed. The house became so unbearably hot while everyone was packed together as sardines. It was near fucking impossible to move but by some miracle, you manage to make your way outside. You sip your drink as you enjoy the cool air while glancing. People at the beer pong table, others sitting around and talking at a table. A few walked to the further part of the backyard and you assume it's because they were going to smoke which is confirmed when someone slips past you, saying a soft ‘excuse me’ and you get a whiff of the weed clinging to their clothes. You scrunch your nose as you shift and wow, the world is so dizzy suddenly. You brace yourself on the nearest surface trying to will the world to settle down and it does.

Yet, people come in and out and say hi to you. There’s no weird looks or second glances. Everyone smiles and is friendly to you. Some even stop and chat with you for a few moments. There’s no malice in their words or some malicious intent. For fuck sakes, some of the frat guys actually pass you and smile at you or tell you that you look “really good”. One or two get bold enough to actually flirt with you. All this positive attention is so new to you that it makes your head spin in confusion though you’re still convinced it was mostly the alcohol making the world spin. Still, you soak it all up while standing outside before you finish your drink and deem that you’re done with drinking alcohol for the night. 

Giving yourself a moment, you venture back inside. You try to find Franco, who is currently cozied up with some girl and you squint. It’s hard to make out who exactly he’s with given the dark lighting but when the flashing lights pass over them, you realize it’s the girl he’s been talking nonstop about. When Franco meets your eyes, you give him a bright grin and two thumbs up because yes, you had a small crush on Franco, but he was your best friend first and foremost. Because of that, you wanted nothing but the best for him and if that meant being his cheerleader and keeping yourself entertained while he wooed his crush then so be it. Turning, you make your way into the sea of people to keep yourself entertained when the urge to pee hits. Peeling off into the hallway, you see the line to the bathroom. “Fucking hell.” You murmur.

Glancing back, you think before entering the sea of people to see if you could find Jack and ask if you could use the bathroom upstairs since upstairs was only for the frat members, those sleeping with the frat members, or explicit permission. As you wiggle through the crowd you swear you see Oscar. Looking over, you blink since you don’t see him and think that the alcohol was playing tricks with your head and feeding into your paranoia. Still, your gut twists and you think it’s warning you to leave but you just chalk it up to the alcohol not agreeing with your rising anxiety so you push the thought away. You finally find Jack on the dance floor and make your way over, grabbing his sleeve. “Hey!” You shout over the music to get Jack’s attention. “Can I use the bathroom upstairs? I really gotta pee and I won’t make it on the line!”

“Yeah of course! Do you want me to go with you?”

Your gut says yes Jack should go with you. “No! I’m okay! Just tell me where to go!” You listen to Jack explain when you get upstairs it’s the third door on the left and you thank him before wiggling your way out of the crowd. You stumble slightly when you’re finally free before climbing the stairs slowly but surely. You count the doors before gently knocking and going into the bathroom and see yourself in the mirror and damn. You always thought people were being dramatic when they explain ‘alcohol never hits you till you either stand up or see yourself in the mirror’ but they weren’t kidding. The alcohol really does hit you then as you stare at your reflection and giggle at yourself before turning to the task at hand.

“Someone’s in here!” You shout when there’s a knock on the door as you flush. Washing your hands, you hum gently before turning and trying to find a towel to realize there is no towel. How the hell did the guys survive like this? You shake your hands out slightly into the sink before deciding to grab some toilet paper to dry your hands. Throwing it out, you check yourself over in the mirror once more as the knock on the door sounds like someone pounding. Damn, they must really have to pee. “Okay! Okay!” You say as you fumble to unlock the door before opening it and stopping short when you almost run into the figure. 

The figure is standing there in jeans and a black hoodie with a jacket over it but you can tell by the build that it’s a male for sure. Maybe a frat brother who was coming upstairs to skip the line which was understandable. Your breath catches in your throat when you get a whiff of his cologne and he smells so…sweet. Vanilla, buttercream, and cookies. “Oh I’m so sorry!” You look up at the mysterious figure with a smile. Suddenly you are cold stone sober and your smile falls. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. Red Bull was having a party tonight. Everyone was there partying. All the big frats and sororities, all the sports kids and those who deemed popular on campus. The only people at Alpine’s right now were Williams, Haas, Martin, the other smaller frats and sororities, you and Franco and whoever Red Bull turned away. 

Or, these are the only people that should be here tonight.

Yet, green eyes are looking right at you and you try to leave. Though Lando is faster as he easily cages you against the doorframe. “Well. Well. Well.” Lando murmurs slowly as he tilts his head slightly to study you. He looks you once over and his gaze hardens and his face contorts into disgust when it lands on Franco’s jersey but drops the facial expression when his eyes meet yours again. “There you are. You had me on a little hunt for you when you didn’t show up for our chat. I’ll admit, I was…entertained trying to find you. Luckily for me,” he pauses, “and unluckily for you, I have eyes and ears everywhere on this campus.” Bending down, Lando’s face is so painfully close to yours. You can feel his breath on your lips as he speaks.

“Now. Let’s chat. Okay, bunny?”

tags: @norrisleclercf1, @dripostsstuff, @tinyhrry, @formulaho, @green--beanie, @brekkers-whore,

@taliya8346282844eliviahgdajs, @fat-meh, @landossainz, @jaydensluv, @carpediem241108,

@rayaharper, @bookishnerd1132, @asmoothoperator, @loloekie, @kawaiifurychaos,

@st0rmzi3, @eclipsedcherry, @linnygirl09, @ln4-cl16-world, @poppymelonz,

@katiascraft, @fangirl125reader, @hadesnumber1daughter, @annispamz, @su0aveee,

@strawberryy-kiwii, @landorris, @oikarma, @formula1-motogpfan, @plotpal,

@amalialeclerc, @spikershoyo

[starsinmylatte]

Maybe Silco with a motherly Fem!Reader who adores Jinx? Something with breeding & pregnancy? Domestic bliss please?

Soft

Oooh, I do love some good domestic bliss... and I've always loved the idea of Silco's lover being a motherly figure for Jinx. Tbh, it would've solved so many problems in the show....

Rating: Explicit. 18+ ONLY, minors DNI

Pairing: Silco x Afab!reader.

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: Breeding kink, sliiiiight degradation, Silco fantasizes about pregnant reader, cockwarming, y'all already know what's up

Join my taglist here!

(By clicking read more, you agree that you are 18+. Minors DNI)

You were by far the softest thing in Silco’s life. The Eye of Zaun -the most feared kingpin in all of the Undercity- was not a man who usually enjoyed life's softer, sweeter things, but you were the one exception.  

He could still vividly remember the day you showed up at his door, demanding to see Powder. Silco had wanted nothing more than to laugh. It was ridiculous, the way you showed up alone and completely unarmed to The Last Drop and demanded things from him of all people. Under any normal circumstance, you would’ve never gotten past his bouncers at the door, but he could barely get Jinx to eat or respond to him. Her door was locked, and the lock was reinforced from the inside…. he was worried about his new daughter, and you seemed to know her. So, against his better judgment, Silco took one look at the motherly concern you seemed to show for Jinx and brought you to her door. 

He watched carefully as you knelt in front of the door and took a deep, calming breath. “Darling, I know it’s been so hard, and you’ve been so brave… could you please come out and eat something? For me?” The door flew open in a blinding flash of unkempt, neon blue hair, and Jinx was in your arms. The small girl was sobbing and clutching you so tightly, almost like she was afraid you’d disappear at any second. She was trying to say something, but her sobs distorted her words to the point they were unrecognizable. 

You pressed a gentle kiss to her temple, picking her up as she buried her face into the crook of your neck. Silco watched in shock as you stood and turned to face him calmly. “What are your thoughts on soup?.” 

In the span of five minutes, you had nearly kicked his door in to see Jinx, gotten her to come out of her room for the first time in a few days, and now you were asking him about…. soup??

“Excuse me?” He managed to say, a look of pure bewilderment still plastered on his usually smug face. 

“She likes it, so I’m going to make some. You don’t look like you’ve eaten recently either, so I want to know if I need to make enough for three.” Your tone was soft but completely matter-of-fact as you stroked the young girl’s hair. 

Silco nodded slowly. “Soup would be…. fine.” 

Without another word, you simply turned on your heel and headed for the kitchen, murmuring words of comfort to the child in your arms. 

_______

You were the brutally soft woman who had invaded Silco’s life and turned it upside down in the best way possible…. Which is how the Kingpin found himself in his current position: buried deep inside you, biting your shoulder as the thick, swollen head of his cock kissed your cervix. 

The pain-tinged pleasure was almost blinding, but fuck, it was exactly what you wanted. It was enough to have you desperately moaning his name and your back arching. The Eye of Zaun kissed the column of your neck hungrily, trailing his lips all the way up to your ear. Silco’s warm breath caressed the shell of your ear as he nipped at the delicate skin before murmuring. “You’re sure about this, my lovely?” 

“Silco, please.” You whined, voice barely audible over the sound of him fucking you. “W-we talked about this. I want a baby…. I want you to get me pregnant.” 

Silco growled in response, reaching up to palm the swell of your soft, generously curved breasts. He had you pressed back across the smooth wood of his desk, all of his papers and work carelessly thrown to the side as he took you roughly, with an almost singular purpose. The gold-trimmed bottom hem of the dress you favored had been roughly shoved up around the curves of your hips to allow him more room between your thighs. He leaned over to kiss you hungrily.

“Such a dirty girl,” he purred, sliding one of his fingers into your mouth for you to suck on. Your tongue laved around it, eyelids fluttering shut in bliss as he pressed it in further. 

Silco hissed at the sight, trailing his other hand up to caress the soft skin of your lower abdomen. He pressed down with the flat of his palm, making you cry out at the sudden pressure before following it with another gentle massage. “Wanting me to fuck you raw like this…. Such a pretty thing, and you want to carry my child.” 

The thought of you pregnant was nearly enough to make him cum instantly. Your body would change… swell with the life he put inside you. Everyone would know it… Everyone would see his claim on you. Yes, Jinx would be getting a sibling, and Silco would be glad about that alone, but his true desires were much more selfish.

You whimpered as his clever fingers found their next target: one of your overly-sensitive nipples. Silco bit back a moan of his own, imagining your breasts swollen and heavy with milk. “Let me hear it again, lovely. Say my name.” 

A particularly delicious thrust of his hips punctuated each word, and Silco’s name fell from your kiss-swollen lips. Your orgasm burned through your body as you fell apart beneath him, whimpering and begging him to finish, to give you what you craved most. 

Silco’s beautiful green eye rolled back in bliss as his fingers forcefully dug into your hips, hard enough to leave bruises as he chased his own climax. His hips snapped into yours lewdly, and with one last strangled groan, the Eye of Zaun joined you in pure euphoria. The movement of his hips slowed, and you felt his warm seed fill you completely. 

Your head dropped back against the desk with a soft thunk, your energy completely and utterly spent. Silco caressed your temple, raising one of your hands to his lips to kiss it gently. 

“Beautiful…” he murmured, letting his gaze wash over you unashamedly and making no move to leave your warmth.  You shifted your hips slightly, drawing a short, sharp hiss from your lover as you sighed contentedly, completely relaxed beneath him.  

Silco dipped down to press more reverent kisses against your skin, his smooth, deep voice intensely comforting. “We are going to stay just like this for a few more minutes. It wouldn’t do for any of our hard work to go to waste.”

____________

Tagging some friends: @saradika @thefact0rygirl @babygirl-leon-kennedy @hereforthesunrise @eriseffigy @ashotofspotchka @thebeardedmoon @dont-mess-with-my-fandom @redflamesbaku @My-awakened-ghost @agatemermaid @shadow-pancake9 @zaunsin @warpedbands @kemeso25 @ironandglass @nyx2021 @amyroswell @tinybookworm16 @dendrophileunsated @cassandrablacker @aikoiya @lemmielem

(If you are on my tag list and your name is crossed out, then the info I have for you either needs updating, or Tumblr is being strange)

[awnrys]

15 ʏᴇᴀʀꜱ✧.*

bestfriend!megumi x f!reader

megumi and you have an intense argument that causes you guys to throw out your 15 years of friendship.

↳˳;; ❝ part of my jealous? me? never! fic, masterlist here ᵕ̈೫˚∗

content: readers pronouns are she/her, HEAVY ANGST, smau, friendship ending, i will always love you trope, overthinking, dedication

wc: 1k

an: i can'ttt im trying to get this done as fast as possible for y'all frl so this is NOT proofread😭

﹋﹋

megumi starts walking home from school the next day, wondering how he could manage to get you to actually hear him out and understand what inumaki is trying to do.

he finally reaches his house and unlocks his door, immediately walking inside to slam it shut and lock it. he rapidly runs up the stars to him room, slamming that door shut as well.

he plops down on his bed and unlocks his phone, clicking on messages and tapping your contact, immediately shooting you a text.

﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋

﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋

megumi stared at his phone screen in pure shock, tears rolling down his face like a strong current.

you had just ended things with him. and he knew that you were serious about it. after 15 fucking years, you called his pathetic, controlling, and jealous. you had picked a douche you barely even knew over him! the guy you knew your whole life.

megumi was dumbfounded, knowing after this he could probably never win you back. you had chosen who's side you were on and it was clear as day.

was he really just overreacting and being controlling? was it all in his mind? or had you just believe what you want and not listen to megumi because you want toge.

megumi turned his phone off and shuffled under his covers, quietly sobbing and he drifts off into a deep slumber, honestly praying that when he wakes up, you'll be by his side, telling him you love him and realizing it was all a nasty nightmare.

﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋

megumi wakes up with dried tears on his face. he looks out the window and its dark.

'fuck. it wasn't just a nightmare,' megumi thinks. he wants to sob but is physically too tired to even let out anymore tears.

he still just can't wrap his head around why you would choose inumaki over him. the guy that was with you through thick and thin. had he really been that bad of a friend to you and was just thinking he was the best?

all megumi wanted to do was sleep and bedrot but he knew he couldn't. he didn't know what to do, to be honest. he really wanted to get you back but at this point, he knew you wouldn't hear him out and there was really no way to contact you.

he decided to show up at your house. he knew it was a bit intense but he loves you, and needs you to understand.

he checks the weather and its raining but he doesn't care. he throws on a hoodie and pulls the hood up. he ties up his shoes and grabs his keys, running out of the door and locking it.

megumi runs as fast as he can, sprinting down the open, wet street in order to reach your house. your house was on the other side of town but for you, there was nothing megumi wouldn't do.

he is halfway to your house and he's already soaking wet. he knew this was probably a mistake because there was a really unlikely chance you would even open up the door for him, knowing you don't want to see his face.

he didn't care about that though, he was gonna try his hardest to make you listen to him and believe him. he wanted to keep you safe, even if you didn't love or care about him anymore, he will and would always love you.

he finally reached your house and it feels surreal. being back at this place fills his head up with all the memories of you guys hanging out here. he feels tears pool up but blinks them away.

he steps up onto your porch and quickly rings the doorbell, soaking the nice wood that your porch is built out of.

he hears your moms voice shout,

"coming!!"

he tenses up. he had completely forgotten about the chance that your parents would answer. did they know you guys had a fight? had you told them? or were they clueless? either way he wouldn't let that stop him.

your mom opens up the door and her eyes go wide.

"oh my megumi! your soaking! you must be freezing. quick come inside. i'll get you a towel and some new clothes, hon." she says endearingly.

"thank you, mrs. l/n." megumi responds, stepping inside of the nice warm furnished house.

your mom brings him a towel and new clothes and he changes into the bathroom.

once megumi changes, he goes to sit on the couch next to your parents.

"so, megumi. why did you come all this way? i'm assuming you walked." she questions.

"ah well, i actually wanted to talk with y/n.." megumi speaks out, shyly.

"oh yes.. she had um, told me about the argument you guys had. please work it out. i really think she needs you. i'll go get her for you and leave you guys alone." she whispered, worried.

"thank you, mrs. l/n." megumi says.

your mom jogs upstairs to your room and opens up your door.

"y/n!" she shouts, "you have someone here for you."

you get up excited, expecting toge, you run downstairs.

to the least of your expectations, megumi is there sitting on your, once beloved, couch.

"oh, um" you whisper.

"please, y/n. let me speak." megumi pleads.

"i thought i said i was done with you. why can't you just take no as an answer!" you shout, angrily.

he knew what he had gotten himself by coming here after you clearly told him you wanted nothing to do with him anymore, but he still decided to come.

and he wasn't going to give up this easily.

after about 30 minutes of persuading you, he finally got you to crack.

"fine! but you don't have a lot of time. i'm tired and you know i'm not in the mood for you right now.." you cautioned.

he wasn't going to fumble this opportunity. he had finally gotten you to listen to him and now he will make you finally believe him. maybe he can actually salvage your friendship.

@instabull @1l-ynn @theweirdfloatything @morideadcat

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

hey maggots PLEASE CALM DOWN ONE MOMENT PRESS CONFERENCE.

Okay. Have we stopped screaming? Okay, nice. *taps mic* Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your--I mean, hi, Good Omens fandom and maggots. I was going to make a new intro post eventually, but after you all flattened my notes with eldritch screeching I think a press conference is more fitting. Especially considering the phrasing of these beauties:

Maggots I love you but look me in the eyes and tell me you're not journalists reporting straight to the Times, with full honesty. You cannot. The how do you feel about this is only missing several microphones with news outlet names all in my face and that's wonderful. Entirely valid. Press conference time it is.

First, for those of you who do not need a Q and A, a quick note: Um hello maggots, yes I am still grieving, cheers to the people who queued sad Good Omens posts for the exact time I finished watching. That is dedication, truly, to torturing your mascot. A most sincere fuck you to all of those kind folks.

Next, Neil, thank you for showcasing my madness. I barely remember making that updated post. It was 2 am and I tried to convince myself it was a bad idea. So of course I did it anyway and now I am staring in horror at how unhinged I have revealed myself to be. You picked the most perfectly awful time to delve into the fray. I raise my glass to you.

Alright. For everyone else who is utterly confused and/or has just entered this madness, below is the press conference you have instigated, my loves.

You: ASMI WAKE UP NEIL REBLOGGED YOU. Me: I'M AWAKE I PROMISE THANK YOU ALL THE TWENTY ODD PEOPLE WHO SHOUTED FOR ME TO WAKE UP, YES I WAS NAPPING. BUT I AM AWAKE. IT IS DIFFICULT NOT TO BE. You: HOW DOES IT FEEL BEING LESS THAN A MONTH IN THE FANDOM AND-- Me: I was kidnapped, so with the blindfold and all the ropes, I'll be honest, I lost track of time. It could have been less than a month. *stares into distance* It could have been eighty years since Jan 4th 2024. You: YOU'RE AN ADOPTIVE MAGGOT. Me: Now hang on one second y'all you're stealing my term. I coined maggots to describe all the people, in the Good Omens fandom or otherwise, who kidnapped me or followed me or watched me descend into madness. Why? Because I was made the Mascot of the fandom, and Maggot sounded like Mascot. Kind of. I didn't know at that time that there was a bloody maggot scene in Good Omens. I also didn't know that apparently in the Bible, Bildad the Shuite calls mortals 'maggots'. But either way. I'm the adopted mascot. And the adopted child of divorce. You: If people who follow you or watch your descent are maggots, does that make Neil a maggot? Me: Uh okay I've got this question several times. @neil-gaiman, Neil I'm sorry, I'm going to pass this question to you. You are free to reply or not as you choose. *hands one of the mics over* You: ARE YOU OKAY, ASMI? Me: THANK YOU FOR CHECKING IN. *clutches Crowley even closer* NO I AM BLOODY NOT. I'M ON DAY FOUR OF GRIEVING AFTER THE SECOND SEASON. ANY MENTION OF POTTED PLANTS MAKES ME EMOTIONAL. THE GOOD OMENS BOOK IS ARRIVING TODAY IN THE MAIL, THANKS JEFF BEZOS FOR AMAZON. OH WAIT AMAZON IS THE STREAMER FOR GOOD OMENS. THANKS BEZOS AGAIN. IF I HEAR THE WORDS RITZ, EDINBURGH, PLANT, RED, BLACK, DEMON, HELL, STARS, CONSTELLATIONS, ESPRESSO, I WILL START TO UGLY CRY. *SHOVES MICS ASIDE, RUNS THROUGH THE CROWD TO GO SOB IN A CORNER ABOUT CROWLEY IN EDINBURGH NEXT TO ELSPETH AND WEE MORAG UNTIL THE GOOD OMENS BOOK ARRIVES AND I CRY OVER MY BABY ANTICHRIST AS WELL*

Cheers everyone conference over because your poor Good Omens Mascot is currently incapacitated with grief goodbye I'm sure you understand--

[gods-perfect-idiots]

Y'all have been so kind and welcoming of my half-baked concepts and unpolished doodles - it has been an uphill battle to fight my own self-judgment and just post my stuff! Anyway, here's another one - this time with more ~spicy memories~ (aka trauma).

The premise for this one: I was thinking about how Logan/Worst Wolverine probably hasn't slept next to someone in years, and how that is partially because he is likely prone to nightmares/sleep terrors and probably gets suddenly violent while still half or fully unconscious - maybe reliving past conflicts, maybe lashing out against his demons, maybe just unprocessed grief and rage coursing through his system when he's sober and has his guard down in sleep.

Here, I imagined him not only getting violent, but also screaming and crying while in this somnabulant state, half-waking in a sudden frenzy of fear and anger, and in the process flipping over on top of Wade and rapidly stabbing him multiple times, through the head and the gut.

Regenerative healing and quick reflexes notwithstanding, I think Wade would be taken aback to be awoken to that kind of sudden attack (not least because I think he sleeps better next to Logan - less jumpy and more restful with his big boy next to him y'know?). But his first thought, even with all six of Logan's claws embedded in his flesh, and horny hallucinations galloping through his skewered brain, would be to comfort Logan and try to bring him back to himself, even while his body and mind struggle to catch up to what's happening.

Continued ramblings and details under the cut lol.

I imagine Logan snapping fully awake and being utterly inconsolable, just collapsing and sobbing uncontrollably onto Wade's chest, blubbering nearly incomprehensibly (a lot of hoarse "I'm sorry"s and "Oh God oh fuck"s) while Wade heals and tries to soothe him with one hand combing through his hair and the other gently stroking up and down his back, trying to make jokes that simply don't reach Logan's grief-stricken psyche.

"It's okay, Peanut, no need to apologize, I'm good already see? That healing factor coming in clutch yet again haha. You do owe me a new mattress though, Mr. Scissorhands - you know how head wounds bleed like a fire hydrant, those pesky blood vessels amiright? Though fully half of all of my blood is a bit further south currently ifyouknowwhatimean... did I ever tell you about the weird response when I get Le Brain Stabbed? I didn't mention it in the Odyssey because, well, heat of the moment and all that, didn't want to stop for an expositional lore drop y'know? Anyway, point is, I get like, *diabolically* horny and hallucinate little cartoon characters to boot, it's pretty wacky tee bee aitch but does take the sting out of a surprise lobotomy so that's something... hey, you still with me, beautiful? Shhh sweetheart, it's okay, you're okay, just let it out, everything's hunky dory peachy keen cupcake unicorn rainbow blowjobs as far as the eye can see, darling honey kitty babycakes..."

But no matter what he says, jokes or not, Logan is just completely unreachable for a while; he just keeps crying and crying into his chest, like he's letting out 200 years of grief and confusion and loneliness and fear all in one fell swoop, his tears mixing with Wade's blood until Wade starts to worry he's getting dehydrated (ever since the time ripper Wade has made it his personal mission to Rehydrate That Old Man - the abs were undoubtedly impressive to behold but also a mark of a deeply desaturated body, and Wade keeps energy drinks and water bottles everywhere now, forcing Logan to drink every chance he gets. Sure, Logan's abs are less defined now, but Wade thinks he's practically started glowing - probably from all the nutrients and hydration, and the constant physical affirmations and calm daily routine probably helps too).

The crying isn't even really about Wade - Logan knows Wade is alive and well, but years of being petrified of hurting anyone he loves, and despite that crippling fear haunting him all his life he still failed to save anyone in his universe, and in fact, not only failed to save them but destroyed their memory by turning around and letting his feelings take over and turn him into (to him) an irredeemable monster, slaughtering anyone who crossed his path until he collapsed from exhaustion. And that haunts him even more, the innocent people he massacred in his supposedly righteous fury... he can't think straight amid the turmoil and all he can do is cling to Wade and cry and cry and cry until eventually he passes out again into a deep dreamless sleep.

It's not the last nightmare he has by any means, or the last time he wakes Wade up with his claws in a frenzied state, but Wade makes a mental note to be prepared so he can wake Logan up from his next half-awake nightmare with something pleasurable instead of painful. (Wade - in a rare moment of self-restraint - doesn't dwell on the whole "brain skewering = horny hallucinations" but he is absolutely BRICKED UP about it and the next couple of times he jerks it, all he can think about is fucking that old man silly until he can't even remember his own name much less the centuries of trauma).

(Spoiler: it works, and over time Logan's nightmares become gradually less debilitating and violent as he starts to associate them with - ahem - more positive feelings and maybe - *maybe* - forgive himself and start to imagine a life where he can be redeemed, can be treated like a good person, can be beloved and cherished and maybe even for a moment feel like he deserves it).

.... sorry this turned into a whole thing but here ya go!

[transient-winds]

Holy fuck, what a ride.

Spoilers for Wind Breaker Chapter 156 ahead.

Gosh. Where do I even begin?

First off, the "Umemiya is a selfish bastard" thing from Endo earlier on is rattling around my brain as even more ridiculous after the intro to this chapter (it was already absurd the first time he said it). Umemiya, for some reason, is taking responsibility...for not winning against Takiishi pre-Bofurin which led to their current situation?? Ume, hun, what. It's literally not your fault Takiishi is obsessed with you ong. He just wanted that soft cottagecore lifestyle for his hometown and love ones! No wonder the weight Umemiya carries on his shoulders gets unbelievable heavier if this is what and how he thinks.

Even after all the destruction and chaos brought to his beloved home and to the people he loves and who love him back, he still wants to get to know Takiishi. Umemiya, your ideologies and beliefs, let me pick your brain king.

The way Umemiya monologues about Takiishi is soft yet firm. Kind of like a scolding? Or a lecture. It's softer than what would be a common reaction to someone who's hurt their people and home. While Takiishi is still a mystery, Ume definitely knows that his fights against Takiishi mean a lot for him and especially this one. A "I'm humoring your wants rn but I'm doing this my way" if you will.

Special shoutout to table-kun who has joined chair-kun at the grounds of Furin! Thank you for your services. 🫡 (Still lowkey wondering how the others are doing and how they're reacting to the small glimpses they see of the fight from below)

These senpai want to be cool and reliable in front of their kohai. UmeHira, my beloveds.

ALSO THE RAIN! I don't know why but I got so excited when it started raining. The chapter title for today is "Overheat", so the rain could be symbolic of the overall fight coming to an end. A sign to cool down if you will. Come to think of it, what time do you think this chapter is currently at right now? Since it just started at midnight (and Takiishi's bday ig). It would be so fucking cool if by the end of this arc, there'll be a page with the first rays of morning light shining across Makochi and onto the rooftop. Oh, it would be so pretty and fitting narratively (& symbolically). Like the light has triumped over the shadows. I ALREADY HAVE AN IMAGE IN MY BRAIN FOR IT SKSK (this is setting me up for failure if there isn't a scene like this in the next chapters).

And I'm sobbing because the acknowledgement? The praise and confidence in Sakura's will? The foretelling? THE NEXT LEADER OF BOFURIN Y'ALL *wails and ugly sobs*

THE FLINCH. THE SHUDDER. TAKIISHI IS FEELING IT RN. I MEAN I WOULD TOO IF THAT GAZE WAS ON ME.

"Hey Takiishi, let's have along talk, yeah?"

Fucking 👏 phenomenal 👏 delivery 👏👏 (and page art, nii-sensei never misses)

I think this is it guys, I think Ume finally won against Takiishi.

–

As always, Nii-sensei did such a wonderful job playing with my emotions this chapter and the lines hit so fucking well thanks to the translations of Jacqueline Fung (praise be to these two and the rest of the staff behind the official English release). Support the official release and all that over on KManga Kodansha (who should open the site up internationally, please). And thank you for reading my yapping 'til the end!

[potol0ver]

*cough* you called for a prompt of erik being whipped for his lover? how about his reaction when he wakes up to find his lover holding him and whispering sweet nothings to his presumably asleep form

This is adorable hell yes- also thank you to everyone sending asks/requests, I am glad to take all of them <3 hopefully, I can get one more done tonight I'm loving these prompts y'all are feeding me-

Tags; Erik x GN reader, buckle up this is wholesome and kind of cheesy, fluffy as fuck, reverse comfort, short and sweet

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Erik have quite different schedules in general, he works afternoons to morning, and you work mornings to night. So naturally, there will be moments one of you is sleeping while the other is awake no matter how much time shifting you both do in your schedules.

Currently, Erik is deep asleep in his bed as you lay side by side next to him, running your fingers through his natural hair and adoring him. How he slept hugging his pillow, to the tiniest snores, and even the rare sight of peace on his face made your heart warm. He was just so cute, you couldn't help but adore him.

“I love you, darling,” you praise as you gently trace over the scarred part of his face. “I don't know how long it'll take for you to realize I adore you but I do,” moving towards him just enough for your body to touch him you rant and spill your love to his sleeping figure. In reality, he was awake the moment you sat down on the bed.

Erik didn't move because he didn't want you to stop giving him affection, but now you're saying such sweet words and caressing his face, he can't keep the charade up anymore. His face twisted as he started to cry and grabbed your hand to kiss it before you could pull away.

“How could you ever say things like that about me.” Erik sobbed holding the back of your hand to his mouth. The sight wrenched your heart out, your other hand came up and cradled his head.

“Oh my sweet Erik, how could I not? Come here,” you say pulling him closer to your chest. He gladly let go of the pillow and replaced it with you, crying into your chest holding you tight like you'd vanish into thin air. “I love you Erik.”

“How? I am hideous, maman couldn't even love me because of it.” sobbing his grip tightened as he buried his face more into your chest.

“And she is blind my dear because what I see is a handsome man who is a musical genius,” gently saying to him as you try and coax him with your hand to look at you. “I see a handsome man that has pure adoration and devotion to his lover, not many people have that my love.”

Finally, you were able to turn his head up at you and look him in his tear-stricken eyes. “And I see a handsome man who has had a too harsh of life, please Erik let me love you like you should've gotten from the beginning.” you plead to him kissing his temple.

His eyes widen as his sobbing gains a second wind, this time he didn't cry because he feared you were lying to him or deceiving him, he cried because he finally had someone who loved him. You and Erik laid together embracing each other tightly, giving each other the occasional flurry of kisses as you both eventually fell asleep.

[starrycassi]

Have an álgebra examen tomorrow and I'm currently trying to manifest Viktor into my room so he can help me with this shit. Realistically this man would just hit me over the head because he would def get stressed out with me not understanding until I would eventually break down crying and he would just stand there waiting for me to get over it but I would cry even more because I want him to comfort me. This would end up in him leaving to avoid the impulse of breaking my head open with his cane.

I think Jayce, on the other hand, would just get down to business immediately and sucker punch me in the face after I ask him for the third time the difference between a conditional and identity linear equation. Either that or he gets so stressed out that he just starts crying too going "how come you are so bad at this?" And he's not even trying to be hurtful he's just genuinely appalled by my stupidity

AND BEFORE ANY OF Y'ALL COME "oh I bet you're actually good-" I got a 20/100 in my third parcial. Math hates me. My ECOMP2 teacher told me that I was born to be a writer. The guy (he's 30 something and reference tt regularly on lectures I'm not calling him sir) that teaches me exppsych102 called me one of the most revolutionary minds in the school (this is only because he's a fellow comrade. Also it because I am batshit insane and always end up handing in one or two extra pages in assignments) and I'm here sobbing over the square roots of 138. Like how is this relevant to my career. I KNOW IT'S GOOD FOR COGNITIVE ABILITIES BUT THERE ARE SOOOO MANY OTHER WAYS FOR ME TO DEVELOP THAT. LET ME THE FUCK OUT OF INTERMEDIATE ALGEBRA

[wishfuldivine]

[Part Two]

He fucked up. He fucked up pretty bad. He never should've let his thoughts get the best of him. Fuck.

He was currently waiting for exfil. His body leaned back against the outside wall of the front porch at the safehouse. A bullet stuck deep in his thigh as a frantic Price attended to his wound, and Ghost kept watch just in the case of anything.

"You alright, mate?" His captain asked. He was too focused on  helping out with his wound, but there was a certain tension surrounding him. As if he was trying his complete best to remain calm.

Ghost was the same but more subtle. He was standing right next to him, eyes roaming the area but would look back at them every once in a while. His jaw was tensed, shoulders upright, and his hands seemed to fight over an urge.

Gaz knew what was going on. Price was keeping himself from scolding him and Ghost  from fussing over him. And it was as if his thoughts summoned just that to happen.

"Yes, sir." The sergeant replied through a small groan. Which was the cause for what happened next.

"Next time, don't be so bloody daft, sergeant." Price's voice sounded very angry. His eyes were practically burning with a deep fire.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Shut it. How can you be so irresponsible over this, Garrick?" Ghost said with equal anger. His hands were clenched at his sides  now.

Gaz closed his eyes to try and take a deep breath before everything went any further.

"I know it was my mistake. Won't happen again, Lieutenant Ghost." He replied while opening his eyes. The sign of a breakdown was slowly creeping in.

"Do this again, and I will have to keep you away from future missions, Kyle." Price said afterward. It was the first time he's ever used his name in this manner or under these circumstances.

That made his heart  break. It hurt even more than he thought. But what Ghost said next is what finally did it.

"I won't work with you either, Garrick."

Gaz had enough. That's when he broke and everything came through like a broken dam.

"Yeah, you wish to be working with Soap, huh? I get it. You know, I often wish it was me who died instead of him because I can easily see how much y'all hate it that he's not here. Perhaps me being gone instead of him would've been better." He said lowly, looking down at his lap in deep hurt as tears began rolling down his cheeks.

Price and Ghost froze once Gaz's words cut through the air. Their eyes were now wide, expression shell shocked as they watched how their sergeant broke down completely in front of them.

The tension grew thicker and thicker by the second. Gaz continued to let everything out and his mind was going blank at this point. He never thought he'd be in a situation where he'll feel unwanted and unappreciated. It hurt. Very much.

"Kyle. That's no-"

"Stop lying to me! I see it every time I'm around! You ignore me. You avoid me. You see me with some kind of hatred for being the only sergeant alive! I just KNOW you wish he was here instead of me. I JUST KNOW!" His voice filled such exasperation as well. The way both of them have been treating him was completely unacceptable.

Price and Ghost didn't know what to do. Gaz was spiraling out of control, and it was very heartbreaking to witness. They felt guilty for ever neglecting their sergeant to a certain extent that led  him to break.

Shame and guilt overcame them in strong waves. They had been blinded by their own grief  to notice. Far too unaware of how they've treated Gaz along the way. How could they treat him like this?

The unstopping sobs escaping the sergeant were absolutely heartwrenching. And to everyone's shock, Ghost was the one who went forward to envelope Gaz in a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." The lieutenant whispered into his ear. His voice broke just the tiniest bit at the end. He felt like complete trash.

Gaz only sobbed harder.

[pascalslvt]

Tangled Alliances

Summary: When faced with sickness in your community in an already post-apocalyptic world, it is up to the strained professional partnership of you and Joel Miller to embark in a perilous and difficult journey in order to retrieve life-saving medicine. With your destinies intertwined, shrouded in tension, you confront the unforgiving challenges of your environment together, gradually forming an unexpected bond. Will that be enough?

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!Reader, f/m

rating: 18+, minors dni

series warnings:, pre!ellie, during outbreak, set in TLOU 2022, age gap (28 & 52), swearing, mentions of violence, also actual violence, mentions of sickness, heavy angst...., fluff, trial & tribulations, severe weather, a lot of fucking animosity and hostility, enemies to lovers ???, infected people, tension...TENSION!!!, bickering, copious amounts of alcohol, inebriation, y'all don't get along...but y'all also have to, smut!!!!...a semi-slow burn, anxiety, exhaustion, NO USE OF Y/N.

chapter warnings: Mentions of backstory (involving the death of readers parents), bickering, bad langauge, tess is mother, mentions of sickness and death, aclohol, sharing a tent (wink wink), cheeky morning wood, just a sprinkle of smut if you squint its not really smutty but not completley clean, bad luck ??, tension. lots of it, intrusive improper thoughts.

word count ≈ 8,3k Estimated reading time: 37 minutes, 4 seconds (225 wpm)

a/n: This is the first part of a series i am writing!! I haven't actually written fanfiction since i was like...15, so be very very kind and gentle and patient with me because i am literally just a girl.....i have dusted off the cobwebs & busted my writing out of its retirement to create a story to quench my current joel miller obession. This storyline is actually inspired by a dream i recently had and i am very excited to reeeeally get into the series as i have a lot of plans that i cannot share with you right now.... also sorry if the tags are wierd i gennuinely have no idea what the fuck to write. Part two will come pretty shortly (don't get used to it) because after i awoke from the dream i literally wrote almost 20k words in one sitting so im splitting it up and giving this one some time to see if people are even interested in reading more...please enjoy!!!!!!

Part One: Hostile Beginnings

You were nearly seven years old when the outbreak started. To you, the world crumbled before your feet in what seemed like an instant - shattering the very ground on which you stood. One day after school, you saw your own mother's jugular be ripped straight out of her neck from the mouth of your neighbor, an old and fragile woman who used to babysit you from time to time. Before running away in fear, you saw your mother bleed out, right there on the lawn you used to play in. You never saw your father that day, and neither did you ever again. You always accepted that your father's fate was that he most likely died in that little cubicle he worked in. Or that he now spends the rest of his life infected. Whichever the case, it doesn’t really matter to you, you don’t think about him anymore. 

You got away with your life by the skin of your teeth that day. That little girl ran until her tiny legs could carry her no more. Your English teacher, Theresa, had found you in a ditch, sobbing. You had been wearing the same outfit you did that day in class, a purple shirt with a flower on it, along with some blue pants. Theresa didn't have the heart to leave the little girl behind, so she took you under her wing.

Throughout the years, Therese - or ‘Tess’ as you liked to call her - taught you how to survive this very unfortunate world disaster. While you were still young, she taught you to crawl into small holes to retrieve food or water, and to hide whenever you felt something was wrong. She taught you to trust your instincts. She taught you to be resilient. Resourceful. In later years, you were taught to use a gun, to mend knifes, to defend yourself - how to navigate this apocalypse safely. 

When you got older, Tess made use of you in her line of work. Smuggling. And you were good  

This is how you got to know the man named Joel Miller. A cynical, gruff man of very few words. But, he always got the job done. You and Joel didn’t interact much. Now that you think about it, you hadn’t met him more than.. what? 5 times before today? even less so had you spoken with him. Tess didn’t want you to work alongside Joel as she believed his methods could sometimes be…taking unnecessary risks. He could sometimes be reckless. And you were not a risk she was willing to take. Not yet.

Ever since finding that shattered little girl all those years ago, Tess always felt an unwavering, deep sense of responsibility to keep you safe. She owed it to you, and she owed it to your parents. You were now a full-grown woman, 28 years old - and Tess knew you had a strong head on her shoulders. With the years, the fierce overprotective nature gradually softened. She gradually unfolded her wings of trust, and sent you out on more and more jobs. But, it wasn’t until recently that she felt comfortable enough to let you work with Joel. Nothing big, none spanning more than a day or three. To her dismay (but yet also relief), the two of you ended up ultimately proving to be an incredibly efficient team. However, the two of you could not get along even if your very life depended on it. 

It was a silent alliance. It had to be. Otherwise, you’d end up getting on each other's nerves and damn near kill one another. Joel always made it incredibly clear that you weren’t friends - he wasn’t there for pleasantries, he was there to finish a job. Not that you objected. The less condescending shit you had to hear him say, the better. You didn’t care much, either way. You were a professional - after all, you had done this since you were a child. This was your reality. You never had much choice.

Lately, a lot of people in your community have fallen very, very sick. It is some sort of pulmonary bacterial infection that starts off with a fever, and will leave you coughing up blood a couple of months later. A slow killer, but a killer nonetheless. Some of the older folk have already started dying.

“No, absolutely not, Valerie” you heard Tess’s voice come from downstairs. You just happened to walk past to hear it. “It’s way too risky”. These words piqued your interest. “She is our best option, and you damn well know that” Valerie, a woman you live and work with says, a stern undertone in her voice. You slowly walks towards them, walking down the stairs without making a creak, eavesdropping.

“This would take months to complete..” Tess sighs, adding in, “We don’t even know if we have that kind of time, folk’ are already dyin’. We don't even have no idea how heavily surveilled it is”

“Do we have a choice? We’ll run out of our own supply within a month if we’re lucky. They will all die” 

Tess is quiet, you could almost hear her thinking if you listened hard enough. You enter the room, “What’s going on?” you ask 

Tess stands still and shares a look with Valerie before looking at you, sighing and crossing her arms. “We have received intel that there is a massive supply of vital medical equipment as well as medication, medication that we need. It’s In a settlement controlled by some sort of… faction. They call themselves the ‘reclaimers’. Nasty bunch. We need the medication, and well.. If our sources are correct, which they haven't failed us before, it’d be enough to not only cure the folk round here; but we could also sell for an enormous profit. We could make a lot of money. Maybe buy a new truck. Supplies. Guns….”

“I’m in.” you say, without hesitation, cutting her off. Tess shakes her head, she opens her mouth to speak, but you interrupt her before she can “I can manage myself, you made sure of that.”

Valerie looks at Tess with a ‘I told you so’ look. “You’d have to walk for, probably, months on end just to get there and back. They’re west, somewhere in Montana, located deep into the forest. You have never been on a mission that lengthy, and it's fucking cold as shit - and it's only going to get worse” 

“What’s our other option here? Let people die?” you ask, and pause. They stay silent. “I wouldn’t accept if I didn’t know I was capable of handling something like this, Tess….”

You look at each other for a long time. She knits her eyebrows together, somberly, and shakes her head. She doesn't know if she can let you do anything like this. Not because she doubts your ability - rather, she cannot get herself to put you in that type of danger.

“You heard the woman…” Valerie says smugly. 

“Fine”. Tess says, slightly annoyed and probably feeling very protective. “I need to stay here and take care of some things, keep track of the radio and such.. Valerie needs to tend to the people here. It…It would be you and Joel.” 

This takes you slightly aback. On one hand, even though Tess might think his methods are unconventional - she trusts him, and you trust her. Besides, you have worked professionally very well before and always get the job done. But on the other hand…it’s Joel fucking Miller. 

“Months on a job with Joel Miller? Fuck me…” You scoff. Tess’s lips curl into a slight smile evidently trying to hold back her laughter. She knows the kind of disdain you feel for him. 

“There’s no one else I’d trust to send you away with on a mission like this. Except for me, of course” Tess says, leaning against a wall. “Are you still in, even if it’s him?” “Well.. i don’t really have a choice now, do i?” you say, and they chuckle. “When would we leave?”

Tess pauses. “You’d have to leave tomorrow” she studies your demeanor, waiting for you to opt out. Hoping in a sick, twisted way that you would - since that would mean that you’d be safe. You don’t hesitate. “He doesn’t know…yet. But, I know him. He would not turn this job down. Besides, he owes us too much, he can’t” 

You nod. “Well…he’ll probably be as pleased with working with me as I am with him” you say, rolling your eyes. 

“It’s about time the two of you get over that little feud of yours” Valerie interjects, you send her a warning look 

“Ain’t my fault he’s fucking unbearable” You point at her, gesticulating your annoyance already brewing by the mere thought of him. She shrugs. 

“I’ll call him on the radio - let him know.” Tess says. 

--

“With her?!” You hear Joel’s voice boom down from the hallway, annoyance evident on his voice. ‘yup. i was right’ You think to yourself, chuckling as you’re eavesdropping from the other room. They start start walking towards the kitchen, where you are stood. When he sees you, he nearly rolls his eyes, stopping in his tracks. “Well. Looks like we’ll be partners.”

You smile tight-lipped, nodding and holding back an eye roll of your own - trying your best to be civil. “Seems that way”

“We leave at 8. ‘Expect you to be ready by 7 forty-five” He commands. You nod at his instructions. ‘One minute of a partnership, and he has already taken the leading role. Fucking jackass.’ you think to yourself. “Better get some rest”

“Yeah, no kidding…” You mumble to yourself, sneering. He gives you a warning look. One that says ‘don’t start’.

Knowing there’s no point in furthering this conversation as tensions are already high, and you have months to argue with him, you turn to walk “I’ll go pack then” You announce, turning around.

“And try not to piss me off” Joel says loudly as you walk away. You just hold up your middle finger and leave the room. “Real mature!” He scoffs as he looks at Tess with a look that says ‘can you believe her?’, she just shrugs. 

That night you packed all that you would need - supplies, food, weapons, a tent…the everyday outing must haves in the midst of an active apocalypse, also…for the cold. Of course, you are not a total stranger to it, living here in Boston, but you also know that the cold here won't compare to the temperatures you are about to face - as you know walking through the north of the US in late autumn, early winter will not be an easy feat - and in a little tent, at that. It was estimated you would be gone for about a couple of months, at least - which is by far the longest job you’d ever been on. But, it was essential. 

That morning you wake up particularly early, to make it a point not to be late. Wouldn’t want to give Joel the satisfaction of berating you. You can already feel yourself wanting to spite him. Tess helped you carry your things down, not that you needed help, rather she felt bad for sending you to do something like this. Capable or not, she had a …. Somewhat motherly instinct for you. She also gave you the map with the places you’re headed, where you’re meeting the informants, where the safehouses are located and so on - and gave you the same rundown as she did for Joel, keeping the both of you informed. You are now stood in the kitchen, with your things in your arms. She paused and looked at you, having trouble finding the words, feeling herself getting choked up by the reality of the situation. Before you can diffuse the fears you see swirling in her head, she holds you tight. “You be real careful of yourself, got it?” 

“Yes m’am.” You say, voice slightly strained by the suffocating tight hold she has around you. She lets go of you, and cups one side of your face with her hand, and smiles with glassy eyes. She shakes her head as she takes a step back, as if to snap out of the sentimentality. 

“Now go and get that medicine.” she nods, trying to sound emotionless and strong. You nod and turn to walk out the building. “Oh, and… give him a tough time. Joel, I mean” She laughs

“You know I will” You wink, as you finally leave the house. Tess stands there with an awful feeling inside the deepest parts of her. She was meant to be the one to protect you, and here she is; sending you off to a mission where she doesn’t even know the magnitude of the threat it poses to your life. But, it’s too late now. Way too many people are depending on you. 

You continue walking out, as you lean against the truck parked outside. You’re not going to drive far with it, only 10-12 hours or so. They wanted to transport it somewhere else to sell (since the ongoing surge of illness has eaten away at your community fund), and since it was on the way Tess figured it would not hurt to cut down the length of the trip just a little bit. You stand there for a while, until you check your clock: ‘7:46am’. You snigger by yourself. Without noticing, Joel was walking towards you, gear in hand

“Right in time, for once” He mumbles. 

“You’re the one who is late, Joel” You correctly point out. 

“It’s one minute, stop yappin’” He says, walking over to the truck, throwing his stuff into it and getting into the driver's seat, slamming the door. What a cheerful man. 

You throw your bag into the car “I don’t understand why you’re the one driving” you mutter, getting into the passenger seat

���You know exactly why. Now shut it before I rip off ‘ya jaw and shove it up ‘ya ass.” He says, matter-of-factly, putting the keys in the ignition, turning it and starting the engine, looking forward. 

“Ooh, very kinky, Joel” You say sarcastically, taunting him.

He puts his foot on the clutch, as he shifts the gear. “Keep talkin', and I'll leave ya here.” he says and starts driving. 

“If only I’d be so lucky…” You mutter silently, watching out of the window as he pulls out on the narrow road through the tall buildings, keeping away from the major roads as they are heavily used by FEDRA.

“I heard that” He said, pointing at his ear, eyes on the road. 

“I’m glad your hearing is working, old man. Gives us a bigger chance of survival” you chuckle

“Old man?” He asks, insulted by what you said. “I'll show ya old man if you don't shut the hell up.” 

You roll your eyes, and decide to sit this one out. You know it’s not worth bickering, as you have a long, long road ahead of the two of you. “That’s better” He said after a little while of silence. You roll your eyes once again, deciding with all your will and might not to respond with a snippy comment, as you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of giving him the reaction he so obviously is searching for.

You two drive for hours and hours without saying a word, sitting in the thick tension that is between the two of you. It wasn’t necessarily a comfortable silence, rather a silence that comfortably didn’t mean you had to talk to him. After 7 hours, you can start seeing the shift in the sky, the colors indicating the impending sunset that's occurring. 

“Maybe we should find somewhere to find shelter? Suns going down. “ You point out.

“I could work that out myself, thanks” He mutters. “We've still got a few hours left of daylight. Push on.”

“So I’m guessing your plan is that we sleep in the car?” You question, looking at him. He doesn’t leave his eyes from the road. 

“Yup.” he says. Well, you couldn’t think of any better plan, to be fair. A truck is not a bad place to sleep given the alternative. 

After about an hour or so, the car starts suddenly sputtering. “What the fuck?” Joel mumbles, as he quickly checks around the dashboard to see if there’s any indication as to what’s going on. You look over at him, quizzically. “Fuck!!” He shouts, hitting the steering wheel so hard that it honks, as the car comes to a halt. “That’s just…that’s just fucking great” He says, trying to restart the engine - to no avail. 

“So much for your plan on ‘pushing on’” you said, looking out at the quickly darkening sky, mocking him. He looks annoyed at you, as he gets out of the car, to check the hood. When he does, a light amount of smoke seeps out. 

Well, that sucks. But, you try to remind yourself that this truck was always going to be a temporary luxury, and you got 8 hours into the 12-hour trip. Oh well, more time with… Joel.. Sigh..

“Engines out” He grumbles, waving the smoke away from his face as he closes the hood again, standing and watching hopelessly at the car with one hand on his hip. “We’re not too far from the trucks drop off spot, guess we’ll have to walk the rest of the way.”

“So we just leave it here?” You ask

“Got a better idea? We’re in the middle of nowhere, nobody gonna steal it.” He answers. 

“It’s your head, miller…” You mutter. He chooses not to answer to your snark.   

“I say we still sleep in the car. It’s better than a tent.” 

You nod in agreement “In the middle of the road?” You ask, looking at an already annoyed Joel. He grimaces, whilst he mocks what you just said

“No, you idiot, we’ll have to push it” he stated, looking around the road to see a good spot, and ended up pointing at a spot by some trees a couple meters from the road. “And it ain't an easy feat. Let’s see if you got the strength to push a two tonne vehicle, little miss” 

You shrug. How bad can it be? Joel gets in the car and makes sure its gear is in neutral, as the both of you stand at the back of the car, starting to push. It takes some time, and Joel was right that it was, indeed, not an easy task. By the time you got the car by the trees you’re both catching your breath, Joel sweating profusely

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” You say between breaths, holding your hands on your hips. He’s bent over in exhaustion. 

“Oh bite me” He hisses. You try not to laugh. “We’ll have to leave it here, try to radio Tess somewhere along the way, so they can pick it up - at least before someone steals it” 

You nod. It’s gotten dark, it’s time to sleep. So, you climb into the truck and start leaning back your seat to get as comfortable as you can. Joel does the same.

“So…” You say, breaking out the map. “We’ll have to recalibrate… it’ll be…what I'm guessing… 2 to 3 weeks to walk to our first meetup spot with the informants.” I sigh, already tired. 

Joel nods. “I'll carry ya if ya get tired” He teases, looking over at you as he lays back in his seat.

“Right back at you princess” You answer without a beat, changing the pins in the map, folding it back and lying on your side, away from Joel. He smirks at your answer. 

“Y’sure got a mouth on you” He says.

You roll your eyes as you close your eyes “night”, you mumble, ready to sleep. 

“G'night” he lies back on the seat and put his hat over his face before falling asleep.

--

The morning after, you wake up in a stir. The car was very cold, and the sun was just rising. You look around, and find that Joel is not in the car. You blink the sleep out of your eyes, and realize he’s popped the hood to check if there's any way to salvage this car. He sees you move around your head and peaks on the side of the hood

“g’morning, darlin’” he smirks. Is he more annoying than usual or is it because you just woke up? You can't decide. You furrow your eyebrows. He chuckles to himself at how displeased you seem to be awake. You were, after all, never a morning person. “We gotta get movin’”

“Yeah, yeah..” You mumble, getting out of the car to stretch and go to the backseat to collect all your things. Sleep still in your system, the two of you start walking along the road. After a while, you opt to walking through some hills, as Joel got more and more paranoid of meeting someone on the road. You walked for what must have been…14 hours, only taking a small break to eat something small that Tess had packed, sitting on two different places and not exchanging any words. The sun started setting, the sky turning an orange tinge.

“We better find shelter..come on” He said, looking around and seemingly found a spot not too far away - yet secluded enough to sleep for tonight. He increased his walking pace in a determined manner. You follow along not too far behind. Suddenly he stops dead in his steps. 

“Jesus fucking Christ” He whispered to himself, anger and frustration very, very evident in his voice

“What?” You ask, eyeing him a bit worried about his reaction.

“God fucking damn it” He whispers to himself “Dammit - I forgot my tent. We'll have ta sleep in the open. Hope you ain't afraid of the dark…” 

“Speak for yourself. I brought mine. I ain’t sharing.” You say, resuming your steps. 

“You're a real treat to travel with you know that.” He says, looking at you stood still, frozen by his own frustration as he is kicking himself for forgetting that damn bag.  

“I bet I am!” you yell, as you have managed to walk a bit further along than he has. He sulks as he continues walking. 

You both decide on a safe spot to make a shelter. Joel and you start instinctively preparing to make a fire and collecting anything that will burn. To his dismay, a light downpour of snowflakes suddenly fall from the sky. You look up and laugh at the sheer irony of the situation, the frustration of the day just piling onto Joel. And it’s only the first day at that. “Ain’t that a bitch, huh, Miller?” 

“Gotta be fucking kidding me” He groans. “That’s just great” 

The two of you start a fire, and put two cans of soup on it for dinner. He is sitting against a rock, drinking whiskey, looking as happy as you could in his situation (spoiler alert, he is sulking). You are putting up your tent, which you dutifully brought (unlike Joel) and you pause as you catch a glimpse of the sad man who seems to be very stressed with the current predicament he has found himself in. He is visibly freezing his ass off. You feel strangely bad. He can't sleep in this cold…

“Look, miller” you pause, he looks at you. “You’re going to die in this cold. Let’s just share tents. Ain’t nun weird.”

He scoffs, and looks back at the fire, taking a sip of the whiskey “I'm good”  

You sigh. “Stop being such a fucking Stoic and get over yourself. If you share your whiskey, I’ll share my tent” you say. Maybe by making a deal out of it, it’ll be easier for him to accept your help, you thought. 

He thinks for a while. He weighs out his options, as if there is not only one he can realistically go with - which is to accept your help. “Fine. Half-and-half?”

You nod, somewhat happy that he accepted, yet less happy of the reality - which was that you have to share a tent tonight. “Half and half” You repeat, nodding. You walk towards him and sit next to him. 

He gets another cup from his bag and fills it with his cheap, illegally brewed scotch, and passes it to you. “That’ll warm us up nicely” He said. It tastes like piss and firewood.

“Aye” You say. “How did you manage to remember bringing your whiskey, and not your tent?” You ask, with a slight hint of laughter to your voice. 

He huffed. “Priorities” He smirked, turning to you. 

“Well. I hope you have brought enough to maintain your end of the deal” you say, taking a sip. He silently lifts his bag, emitting a number of clinking noises, entailing he has probably got enough to last him weeks. Maybe a week now that you are involved. 

“Seems like an unnecessarily heavy weight to carry” you remark, taking a sip of the strong liquid. 

He stays silent for a while. “You’ll understand it soon enough” is all he says. Not knowing what he meant, neither caring all too much, you shrug and kept drinking aside each other in the dark silence. You eat the soup when it’s done, too. You pulled your legs to your chest to maintain more warmth, as it feels as though its getting colder by the minute, a few stray snowflakes falling onto the ground and quickly melting away. 

“Didn’t think you were so damn sensitive to the cold” he suddenly said.

“M’not, it’s fucking freezing” you say, breathing out. 

“Don't think I don’t see you shivering, princess” he says, with a sly smirk on his mouth

“Right back at you, princess” You say, mocking the way he said it to you. “Don’t fucking call me that ever fucking again, by the way”

“Someone’s a tad touchy, ain’t they?” He laughs, taking a swig from his whiskey

“Shut up, Miller” 

“Why? M’igetting on your nerves?” he asks, sarcasm swelling in his voice.

“Always have been” You quickly retort. 

“I’d say it’s mutual” 

You nod, as you kept drinking. The whiskey has become a lubrication for the regular anguish you’ve felt in the presence of Joel. Now you felt no more than subtly irritated. The drunker you got, the happier you were of the deal you did with him. You kept drinking in silence, until you’ve drained about a quarter of the bottle - which might seem like a little, unless you calculate the amount of food you’ve ingested compared to the whiskey you’ve drank. Your cup is, once again, empty - and you guide the cup towards Joel, who dutifully fills it with more. 

“Here ya go, princess” he says sheepishly, and you turn to give him a warning look

“I’m serious Joel, I’ll knock the teeth right out of your mouth if you keep calling me that.” You say, rather aggressively. 

“I’d like to see you try” He snorts out. 

You decide not to answer, as he is clearly getting a rise out of antagonizing you. You roll your eyes and chug the rest of your cup. So did, Joel.

He, again, filled your cup. “You seem happy I brought the whiskey. Like you could use some of it” He comments

“No shit. I’ve got two to three months on a mission with you. And it’s only the second night” you  shrug. “Not to mention that we have to share tents…”

“I ain't that bad” He chuckles. 

“You’re drunk” you add. 

“So are you” he quickly responds.

You nod, and sit in silence for a while - both, quite drunk. “I’m fucking tired. You tired?” 

You feel a bit loopy from all the alcohol, but stand up and agree, walking over to your tent. The closer you get to the tent, the more you realize just how small it really is. I mean, it’s small for just one person, imagine how cramped it is for two? Surely, the both of you cannot fit in there - what the hell have you gotten yourself into? You think to yourself. 

Joel walks slowly towards the tent as he watches you look into the tent, worriedly. He looks himself, and the same thought passing your mind right now has suddenly dawned upon his, “Oh, boy….” he mumbled

“Yeah, I know.”. You are both stood there, looking, for a while - until you initiate and climb into the tent, and lie down on the right side - making as much space for Joel’s body as you can. 

“This ain't gonna be comfortable, not one bit...” he says, as he lies down next to you in the tent, in a clumsy and stale motion. 

Your bodies are uncomfortably pressing together, without there being enough room to move away, nor was there to shuffle to a more spacious yet also non compromising position. You tried lying back to back, as it seemed the natural and least intimate way to lie next to one another, thus facing away from one another. Still then, there wasn’t enough space to spare personal space - not in this tent. 

“God this sucks.” you mutter from one side. 

“You got that right.” He answers from the other. 

You groan, as you try to get comfortable, nudging your elbow into his back in the process. He huffs out of pain. “You're making it worse.”

“Shut up. I’m just trying to get comfortable” You say, feeling an unrest in your body - one that the whiskey was not strong enough to numb. 

“So am I” He gets more irritated as you keep nudging into him. 

Finally, you settled to lie on your side, facing away from Joel. He takes the newly found empty space and lies with his arms against your back. You groan. “Your arms are hurting my back”  he does not seem to care, and stays silent. You finally give into defeat, as the mixture of the sleepiness and alcohol slowly seems to overtake your body and you both fall asleep.

Somewhere at night, you had rolled over. Joel was very warm, so naturally, subconsciously, you drifted closer to the source. With your face against his chest, he was softly awoken by the warm breaths coming out of your mouth, in small snores. He looked down, and saw you sleeping peacefully, right against him. He lied completely still, not sure if he should wake you up. The snores were not loud enough to keep him up, so he presumed that is the price he’ll have to pay to sleep somewhere warm tonight, so he tried closing his eyes and fall back asleep, repeating in his head not to look anymore at you - and just go to sleep. 

Suddenly you wake up, the morning after, head plastered against Joel’s chest, with his arm slung around your body, and your arm slung over his shoulder. It felt comfortable and warm….strangely.. Good lying like that, but you didn’t know how to react. It was utterly intimate and had crossed the border to cuddling very long ago.  And oh god…is that your saliva on his shirt? Did you drool on his chest?! You were so close to him that you could smell the stench of whiskey on his breath, no less your own bouncing from his chest and back to your nostrils. You were basically on second base with the man, without ever remembering if you fell asleep that way or if you had done it in your sleep. I mean hell, you barely remember getting into the damned tent…’we must’ve gotten very drunk’ you thought to yourself. You must’ve rolled over and not thought about it.

You lie frozen, unsure what to do in this situation. If you jerk too much, you’ll wake him - but if you don’t move… he’ll see what you are seeing as of right now - which is you two in an extremely compromising situation. Maybe you could turn around? But then it would border spooning…curse this god-damn tent! 

As if awoken by your thoughts, Joel’s body moves as if he’s waking up - and in a hasty and rushed move, he jerks his arm away from you - as if he just went through the same train of thoughts you did when you woke up. “What the fuck” He groaned, looking at you in an.. Almost disturbed manner. 

“Fuck.. Uh, mornin’..” You peep out, embarrassed. Kicking yourself for not acting faster before he woke.

“Morning” he says in a rushed voice as he looks around, slightly panicked. None of you know what to say, an awkward silence hanging over you. He is quick to peel away from you to climb out of the tent. “We gotta get going” he announced.

“Y-yeah” You say, sitting still in the tent, processing the situation. When you have mustered enough strength, you crawl out of the tent too - stretching as you stand up. You pack up and walk alongside each other in silence, might as well have been miles apart. The weight of your unspoken closeness from the previous night's ‘cuddling’ lingers in the air, you were both a bit thrown off, sharing the occasional glances at each other, unsure of how to address what had happened, or whether it was better left unspoken. There wasn’t much to say, to be honest. I mean, what was there to say? 

You got quite accustomed to the silence, to hearing nothing but the sound of your footsteps, wet against the humid grass. You’d think that walking for hours on end without the distraction of conversation would be something that would bother you, it proved to do the opposite. Without it, It was as if the world around you had muted its colors and sounds, leaving only the barest minimum of sensory input - which made time somewhat fly by. The aching in your feet and legs slipped to the back of your mind. You wondered if Joel was quiet because he was doing the same. 

You also wondered what his thoughts were regarding this morning, and how you woke up. You didn’t talk about it, that’s obvious enough…but, what was he thinking about? Maybe he didn’t think about it at all - it was, after all, innocent, you rationalized. Was he also trying to decipher the mixed emotions you were feeling without giving them too much weight - since that might make them real, after all? You can’t deny just how safe and comfortable you felt, regardless of who it was. 

Joel spotted you glancing at him here and there, he was equally aware of the tension. He, too, couldn't shake off the memory; He couldn’t help but to replay the events of last night in his mind, wondering if it was merely a product of shared body heat or something deeper. I mean, he could have just pushed you away…yet the unexpected warmth of your body against his, the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest as you slept, your breath hot against his chest.. It had been an intimate moment, and he couldn’t help but…enjoy it. However, he was as stubborn as ever, unwilling to broach the topic nor delve into the act itself. Instead, he focused on the mission at hand, pushing the awkwardness aside, shaking his head, not wanting to think too much of it either.  

As you continued on the journey, the trees began to thin out, and you found yourself standing at the edge of a clearing, the sun going down behind a mountain up ahead. You looked at Joel, who seemingly had the same thought you did - it was time to find shelter. He took the map out of his bag and looked around. “We aren’t too far away from a safe house” he grumbled.

You nodded, taking out a map of your own, trying to help him in the search of said safe house. As you slowly approach the road leading to the building the weather began to change. Dark clouds gather in the sky, and the first few raindrops fall, pelting against your clothes. The urgency of getting under a roof became more apparent, so you quickened your pace. 

Your breaths are visible in the cold, damp air, and the water has seemingly seeped into your clothes - leaving you feel colder and heavier. The cold made your thoughts kept circling back to the tent. The unexpected warmth of Joel's body against yours.. ‘God damn it. Get a grip. it's not even day four, and you're losing your mind.’ You thought to yourself. 

Finally, you reached the safe house, which wasn’t what either of you had hoped for. It was an abandoned decrepit building, a relic of the world before the outbreak, with a roof that had seen better days. It was a stone building, partially hidden away by the tall unkept grass surrounding it, as well as tall trees huddling around it, vines growing on the walls. It was probably old 20 years ago, let alone now… The building was leaking from the roof and had gaping holes in the walls - making the shelter far from ideal. It offered some protection from the rain, but not much else. It was, however, better than getting drenched in the pouring rain and being exposed to the elements. You closed the door behind you and took a moment to catch your breath, looking around. 

“Well.. This is the best we've got for now” He finally muttered as the wind howled through the gaping holes in the walls. 

You look around and find it was pretty empty. There wasn’t any furniture, just a chair. Floor filled with scattered garbage and miscellaneous, dusty items from people who have been here before. The water is dripping from your clothes onto the stone floor beneath you, creating a puddle. "We need to get out of these wet clothes," he finally stated, his voice practical and no-nonsense. 

You knew he was right, but the timing of it made it slightly uncomfortable. He knew he was straining on the already strange atmosphere that has been looming over the two of you since you found each other in the brace of one other. However, you also knew the reality of the situation. Your pride was warring with the necessity of the situation. The chill in the air and the knowledge of the dangers of hypothermia prevailed, and rational thought found its way back to you. You have months left to travel with Joel - and undressing in front of him to ward off sickness should not be an embarrassing thing, it ensures your survival and should be nothing more - is nothing more.

He could see the hesitation in your eyes, as you shivered, teeth chattering. He looked around for any dry fabric he could find within the safehouse—tattered old blankets and worn-out jackets. It wasn't the most comfortable solution, but it would have to do for now. He picked up a jacket. “Here.” 

You nodded in agreement and began peeling off your drenched attire. Joel did the same, his back turned to maintain some semblance of privacy. Finally free from the soaked garments, you are quick to put on the jacket, zipping it, covering your body enough to feel more comfortable. You start wringing out the excess water from the clothes you wore, leaving a puddle of water there. You avoided even looking in the direction of Joel, who you know is (most likely) currently butt naked. Instead, you find a moth-eaten blanket in a corner of the room that the rain hadn’t reached. Shivering uncontrollably, you wrap it around your waist, covering your exposed legs. You could see a not so naked Joel who had found some pieces of clothing to cover himself, thankfully. He was now hanging his wet clothes against the singular chair that he moved to one of the few dry spots in the house, so you opt to do the same. The room was still far from warm, and the leaky roof didn't help matters, but, at least you were in dry clothes, if you can call them that.

You spot the ever so tiny wood burning stove in the corner of an empty adjoining room. You check if there’s any wood in there, and to your surprise there is - however, not much of it. Enough for tonight, and that’s all that mattered. You started a small fire and quickly huddled up against it for warmth. Joel walked into the room, as he’d seen the light from the fire from the corner of his eye. He nodded in approval as he silently walked towards you, sitting down next to you to also keep warm. You both sit there in silence, waiting for the clothes to dry. 

Joel broke the silence, his voice softer this time "We'll have to wait out the storm here, and then we can continue our journey." You nod, agreeing.

As the night wore on, the humidity in the room strangled the feeble fire you had managed to kindle earlier, ultimately snuffing it out. The temperature inside the safehouse plummeted, and it became apparent that you couldn't rely on the fire for warmth any longer “Damn it” You mutter, shivering once again, trying to revive the fire - to no avail. 

What was also apparent was that the two of you were so obviously treading around the one thing you knew would help warm you up, very much proven by last night. Unsure, feeling awkward, you didn’t know if you should bring it up. Proudly, you both sat there in silence. The memory of the previous night and the warmth that entailed lingered in the back of both of your minds. It had been an unspoken but undeniable source of comfort in the midst of the harsh world you inhabited, and now, with the cold seeping into your bones, and the urgency to get warm overtaking the awkward tension looming over you, the thought of that shared warmth became impossible to ignore.

Without saying a word, you shifted closer to Joel, seeking his body heat. Joel, initially surprised, looking over at you, understood the unspoken request and shifted to accommodate you. It was an unspoken agreement, a silent acknowledgment that you needed each other's warmth to survive the harsh, cold night. 

With a shared understanding of practicality and mutual vulnerability, you created a makeshift sleeping area consisting of zipped up sleeping bags, dry blankets and whatever else fabric you could spare that would dampen the solidity of the cold, damp floor. This was where you settled as you finally lay side by side. You tried to find a comfortable position, mirroring the way you had slept in the tent the night before, with him against your back. Your bodies pressed together, and your breaths synchronized in the cold darkness, neither of you speaking about it, rather you let your bodies instinctively gravitate closer, seeking the heat that the other provided. 

In the quiet of the night, as you shared body heat to stave off the biting cold, the tension that had lingered between the two of you began to seemingly fade. Despite the uncomfortable surroundings and your strained relationship, you both found a strange comfort in your shared warmth and the familiarity of each other's presence. There was no need for snark, nor sly remarks; pissing each other off. Neither did you have to discuss the somewhat uncomfortable, albeit innocent yet necessary, situation you’ve found yourself in. The cold was unforgiving, and your priority was to avoid hypothermia. You were, after all, nothing but two survivors making the best of the harsh and unforgiving circumstances given to you, finding solace and comfort in each other's company, even if it was unconventional.

He hesitantly kept his arms to his side. Joel broke the silence, clearing his throat, his voice barely a whisper, "I never thought I'd miss that damn tent." trying to diffuse more of the tension. 

You slightly laugh, feeling a slight cramp in your body from the duress of the situation. The laugh eased up some internal tension you didn’t even know you were holding onto. “It was for sure warmer than this” You chuckle. 

He smiled. And that was that. You were both admittedly exhausted, and drifted off into a very well-earned sleep, lulled by the heat radiating between the two of you. Secretly, you couldn’t help but to wish for the extra warmth that came from his arms around you, as it did yesterday, holding you impossibly close, keeping you safe in his big strong arms. Little did you know that he was thinking the same, but it was simply a line that Joel couldn't bring himself to cross. You had already navigated enough awkwardness and unspoken emotions that night. That didn’t stop him, however, from subconsciously doing so in his sleep - just as he did the night before. 

Morning came, and you were awakened by the sun shining through the window, and onto your face. To your surprise, you felt your body be wrapped in the warmth of Joel's embrace. He must have instinctively put his arm around you whilst he slept. At first, you felt a sense of contentment. It was strange, but also undeniable. It was a reassuring feeling, knowing that he was there, holding you tightly - just as you had secretly hoped. But, as your senses fully woke up, you became acutely aware of something else - a firm pressure against your back that couldn't be ignored. You froze, your eyes widening in shock, and your heart raced as you registered the presence of Joel's erection pressed against your back. Joel was still asleep, as far as you were concerned. His breath heavy and warm on your shoulder, light snores leaving his mouth. Your mind raced as you tried to process the situation. You two had already crossed so many boundaries during the night to stay warm, but this felt like an entirely different kind of boundary altogether. Was this intentional? Or just a physiological response to their proximity? 

Was there a sick, twisted part of you that engulfed your mind with fantasies of alleviating the pressure burning in the pit of your stomach with the (from what your back could feel was a very appropriately sized) dick prodding at your back? Yes. You were only human, after all. Were you going to do anything about it? No. You knew this was not intentional, not realistically. You’re a grown woman and know that he couldn’t control it just as much as you couldn’t control your deep guttural reaction to such an… event.

You debated over your next moves, unsure of how to navigate this uncharted territory. If you move away, he will wake up, realize he has a boner and think it scared you off. But if you lie there, hoping it goes away, and he wakes up with a raging boner still in full swing rubbing against you - he’d be mortified. Him, being a proud man would never live that down, and would probably not talk to you again, or at least not know what to say, in the midst of his own embarrassment. After yesterday, and the progress you made in your ‘partnership’, you couldn’t help but to dread the deafening silence that came with the impending awkwardness. You’ve been through so much already, and have yet to even get close to finishing this mission. So much left yet to go through. You have crossed so many bridges, this is just one of them. This was just a fleeting moment and not as significant as it might feel in the heat of the moment. It’s not a big deal, not really, just bodies doing body stuff. Or at least that is what you are telling yourself.

Carefully, you adjusted your position ever so slightly, shifting your body away from his rock solid member to relieve the pressure between your bodies, all the while ensuring that you didn't wake him from his peaceful slumber. It was a delicate maneuver to maintain the pretense of sleep, but you hoped it would be enough for you to potentially feign ignorance, just in case he was awake. You, flustered by the situation and the thoughts lingering in your (albeit perverse) mind, could not fall back asleep. Rather, you lied there letting your thoughts run wild. Couldn't hurt to indulge into harmless fantasy?

A couple of moments later, you could feel shifting next to you. Joel slowly woke up, feeling the oh so familiar throbbing that welcomes him in the mornings from time to time. Joel comes to his senses as he gently wakes up, quickly remembering the way he fell asleep against you and how much of a compromising position that would be for him right now. He quickly snapped his eyes open to see, to his relief, that you had moved away in your sleep, or at least so he thought. ‘Phew’ he thought to himself. He quickly sprung to his feet, leaving the room - hoping it goes away before you wake. He was not entertaining the idea of taking care of it, it could be too risky. 

Him waking up reminded you of his existence, which filled your lust driven mind with an enormous guilt and shame regarding your thoughts. He didn’t have control over that, and your insatiable mind went and ran with it. You quickly shook the thoughts off and tried to think of something else as you laid there, unsure how to proceed.. 

You laid still until you heard Joel packing his bag. You took it as an indication that you were out of the woods, and had dodged a bullet - even though the both of you are flustered by it, without the knowing that the other one knew. You get up, and start folding the cloth and blankets that made up your ‘bed’, and walked out to the room with the bags and packed. Joel didn’t say anything. 

“G’mornin’” You announce your presence. He, already hyper aware of it, hums as a response. You don't look much into it, relieved he isn’t treating you differently considering last night's sleeping arrangements. When you packed up, you put your backpack around your shoulders, your rifle around your neck and the rest of your gear clinging to the bag. You look at Joel, who is watching you as you pull the straps of the bag. You look up and nod. “Let’s go?” 

He nods. You’re off.

[therulerofallpotatos]

Fic Tag Game

Tagged by: @wincestation, @realisticintentions, @realmermaid333, @cosmic-lullaby, @suchaladyy, @beri-allen

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

149

2. What's your Ao3 word count?

361,707 words.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Wednesday currently. Teen Wolf for six years. Harry Potter, Hannibal, Thorki, Starker, Twilight (Bella/Carlisle and Bella/Aro), The Umbrella Academy (not that i got very far before getting obsessed with wyler), and Madrigalcest (Primarily Brumira)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Overall?

Fuck It (Steter, Teen Wolf, 3,396)

When it Needs Fixing (Steter, Teen Wolf, 3,339)

Hostile Takeover (Steter, Teen Wolf, 2,781)

Absolution (Steter, Teen Wolf, 2,691)

Wandering in the Dark (Steter, Teen Wolf, 2,250)

In Wednesday?

Her Monster (Wyler, 708)

Hold Me Close (Wyler, 593)

Revelations (Wyler, 499)

Warning, She Bites (Wyler, 464)

Impressing Wednesday Addams (Wyler, 387)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Sometimes. I reply when I have something meaningful to add. Otherwise it'd get very repetitive and generic and that kind of soulless connection isn't really the point of this kind of thing. I adore my comments nonetheless and I read them a lot.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hold on. I gotta skim my list.

update: i do not remember some of these fics or what happened in them

Maybe Modi the Brave (MCU, Thorki). This was an angsty fanfic of a fanfic. There was a happy ending in the original fic, The Rescue by madwriter223

I'm not counting Absolution because it was immediately followed by a sequel. But technically, it did get me the most angry sobbing comments which i treasure to this day.

The Final Straw was angsty but it was also dumb and half-cocked and the closest thing to an embarrassment on this account. It was literally just a half-thought half-scene of my 18yo self's emotional state in 2018 that is very evident that I wrote this angrily in study hall. I wrote a lot of fic in that high school during classes. Like a lot. It was my school computer. I got plenty of use out of it. There was no structure or coherent plot. I didn't even hint at anything deeper to be explored in your own minds. I didn't want to look at it long enough or think about it long enough. I just wanted it out of my head. If I didn't have a strict no deleting my works policy, or hiding from my past art policy, I would probably have deleted it within the week of posting. I do not understand how it has the kudos, subscriptions, and bookmarks that it has. I guess it resonated. Good for y'all. I mean it.

Literally just the entirety of Tyler's Bad Year is meant to be about a very traumatic time in a young man's life and him surviving it. I'm not going to go through them and try to pick out "the worst" one. That's not really the point and it'd be largely subjective.

I'll Eat You Raw has an angsty ending but angstiest? I'm not sure.

I don't write a lot of bad endings. Open endings? sure. Complicated endings? Absolutely. But unhappy endings? No. I don't often have the desire.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Jesus fuck we want to be here all day? Ok lemme look through shit again.

Wandering in the Dark has a whole story behind it. There was actually two versions. Only one was posted to ao3 and is the "canon" version. I wrote this fic for a high school assignment my senior year. We were assigned to pick a chronic disease out of a literal hat, then write a story around it. We had complete creative control so I took that chance to write teen wolf steter fanfic in class and actually have it be on task for once (I got an A in that class btw). The reason my teacher got a dark ending version is because by the time he got back to me on the maximum word count, I'd already finished the canon version and it was way too long. I couldn't trim the fat, so I wrote a different ending to shorten the story. That version is one of the angstier stories I've written. The one posted and linked above, is the very happy by comparison. This fic is also designed to be read by someone who doesn't know shit about teen wolf.

Through Thick and Thin was also extremely happy. As is Her Monster. Benevolent Gods was meant to be very hopeful. The Hale Pack (Undying) was the end to a series that was my baby for a long time . Like long enough you can see my writing evolve as you go. Part one was one of the first things i ever wrote. Like ever. The last part was years later. Jasper was meant to be a very light-hearted, happy story as well. It's extremely sweet and fluffy. You was also very happy and the epilogue cemented that happiness. Warning: She Bites literally had a happy end that unknowingly prevented a main character committing suicide in the near future. Saving lives by being horny. Wednesday Evening, and every installment in that series, is excessively happy as well.

Alright I ran through my list of fics. These were the ones that stood out. There's too many to really commit to one answer tbh. Especially because the way they're happy varies.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. Or. Well. I'm sure I do. I block antis on sight and I wholly reject purity culture, and I haven't really been the target of a major attack or anything. I don't get as many hateful comments as one might think, and I don't entertain the ones I do get. I've been accused of vile shit of course because of a fic I wrote. I don't remember what fic or even what ship it was for because I don't dwell on them really at all. Aside from that, I get more entitled but probably ignorant to how they come off as entitled comments that aren't really that big a deal. Just a bit of a peeve sometimes. I honestly think the majority of them truly believe it's a kind gesture when they say it.

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

Yeah. You could say that.

What kind? In a word? Intense. I could make a joke or a long elaboration on my niche in hyde sex and whatnot, but at the end of the day, intense. Even my most laid back, domestic, slice of life fics have a sense of intensity to them because otherwise I get bored and it feels soulless and it's just not my writing style.

10. Do you write cross-overs?

When I feel like it. When I have an idea.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I have a steter fic on a russian fic website that was translated years ago. I have no idea which it was or if it's still there. Wait! I might remember. Yeah no. I don't remember. It wasn't the one I thought of.

12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No. I've started to outline one before but it went nowhere and we both forgot about it.

13. What WIP you would like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Harry Potter and the Night that Changed Everything.

I had a whole novel basically planned for it. Writing Bellatrix and a Harry who was raised by Bellatrix took a lot out of me emotionally, and I lost steam.

Also, a Bella Swan/Marcus Vulturi fic that i also had a novel length plot planned out, wrote three chapters for, and then lost steam when I left the fandom due to getting the life sucked out of me by a bunch of toxic people in the fandom killing my joy. Those chapters are just collecting dust in my files right now. I'd like to go back to it one day and finish it in some form or another. Maybe it's original enough I could actually just write an original novel out of the scraps I already have. Actually, to be honest, it is probably original enough that I could write it as an original story. There is not a lot of Twilight there that is necessary to the story and can easily be written out. Something to think about maybe. Ironically not the first prompt I thought up initially for Twilight that I then realized nothing about Twilight was necessary for the idea I had, and I just wrote it without Bella entirely. This is how my original zombie novel started and then immediately evolved into an entirely different thing that has nothing to do w Twilight. Like literally nothing. I had to work to put the Twilight into that one. Not the other way around.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

wyler (steter and tomarry honorary).

15. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and characterization

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

pacing. movement heavy scenes. Longer projects if only because I have less practice at them.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Yeah. If it fits, I'll write it. I won't pretend to be fluent, but I'll do my best. Probably won't do anything too complicated for the sake of realism of my abilities. Especially if it's not Spanish which I at least have spent time trying to learn.

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Teen Wolf

19. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Listen...

We've established how well I am at picking one end all number one.

Fuck ok. back to the list.

Water of the Womb was one I was planning to write for almost a year and it turned out pretty good I think. Actually no.

No. It's not a fic that's been posted yet.

I think the favorite fic I've ever written is I Bit Him So He's Mine. it's my "Wednesday is a Hyde season one rewrite au". It's my first novel that is more than just a future novel. It's hit 40k and I have to start Act 2 still. It's my first proper murder mystery where the mystery is the primary plot equal to the romance. I've had a lot of fun with it, I've put my heart and soul into it, and I really look forward to calling it ready to post. Once it's done, you guys are getting regular updates for a long time.

20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day?

Out of the Fire haunts me. It was a lesson to learn. I had the desire to write a steter/hannigram crossover and zero plan of any kind outside that. It crashed and burned because I only had a first chapter in me. I recently met a local and successful author who recognized my ao3 username because of this fic and remembered me years later enough to compliment my writing (I cannot express how much that meant to me). Wait no that might have been Mark of an Angel which also haunts me, but I didn't have zero plan. I had almost no plan, and lost steam when I hit a creative block at a bad time. Normally, I'd have just sat down and workshopped a starter outline and wrote myself out of that block, but I lost steam so I never did. Different deal. Not as impactful in my creative journey. Out of the Fire, however, was very important to me because of why it failed, and remains very influential with every new project I start. Actually rewriting/finishing that project would be a defining moment for me as a writer, I think. At least to me personally.

Tagging: @duplicitywrites, @dispatchvampire, @dark-visitors, @fiktorsempra, @graciebirdie, @gardenoblues, @grim-reaper-barbie13, @gabelish, @killingdoll, @lavender-lotion, @lovepoison9, @wednesdayandherhyde, @udunie, @itshype, @insomniac1994, @onlyangelxo, @obsidianpen, @ourdramaqueen, @persephoneed, @pororoh, @badmoodbatflowers, @brascu

[neuroticbookworm]

I'm a tad late to the Absolute Zero party, but before I start screaming about how good episode 1 was, a little background:

I've not watched a single show directed by New Siwaj. I've watched one (1) show written by him -- Double Savage, and if I never think about that show ever again, it will still be too soon. I have zero minimal New Siwaj baggage and will therefore be the control subject of the Absolute Zero watch experience.

Now that that's out of the way, Y'ALL. THIS EPISODE. WAS SO GOOD. I LOVE sad stories that make me feel like my heart is being punched out of my chest, and this show is already so goddamn sad. Suansoon's parents have been dead for SIX years, and he's lonely and grieving and depressed, and @twig-tea made the incredible observation that he also seems stuck in time, unable to move on from his loss. He meets Ongsa in an adorable movie theatre meet-cute that spoke so deeply to my sucker-for-classic-romance-tropes heart.

And it seems like Ongsa might already be aware of the time loop shenanigans, from him pursuing Suansoon so quickly -- "I wished Suansoon to be my boyfriend", to the unexplained tears he shed after watching Suansoon just smile and enjoy his company (and an icecream, yum!). Which adds to the intrigue, and to the overall melancholia of the show -- Ongsa wanting a relationship with Suansoon, just being present in Soon's life and making memories, even though he (potentially) knows in advance that it's gonna end in tragedy is some Arrival levels of sadness I was not expecting.

And most importantly, it's not all grey and gloom. The overall tone of the episode was definitely melancholic, yet the lighter moments of laughter, domesticity (cc @troubled-mind), and just.. contentment that Soon experiences in Ongsa's presence did not feel out of place. It was seamless and flowed well with the undercurrent of sorrow. And when I shared this with @bengiyo, he said, and I quote "Exactly, that's why I knew (the show) was gonna fuck us up". And he is absolutely correct. And I cannot wait to go fetal on the floor and just sob over these characters when the show finally decides to ruin us.

P.S: There are two sad gay shows currently on air (I Feel You Linger In The Air, my beloved) involving 1. time shenanigans and 2. smoking hot men that @lurkingshan, @waitmyturtles and I can't stop ogling (though @waitmyturtles is currently alone in the "simping for Pastry Nat" camp) which is all a long-winded way of saying that we're having the time of our goddamn lives!

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

update on the good omens grieving process

Hello hi yes maggots your mascot sacrificial goat here, none of your ominous bloody warnings prepared me for this. On the advice of one of you I took a break from tumblr today so I thought ah, yes, I shall not think about Good Omens during this time. Hahahaha bet. This is a long post, about a series of disturbing good omens moments that haunted me anyway. Proceed with caution.

It was nine hours away, out of which I slept through four.

During the first nap, it became clear how tumblr brainwashed me. You'll never guess what I dreamed of. If you said Good Omens the answer is no.

I dreamed that someone on the television was reading out an audiobook of a nature arts and crafts book I had as a kid. And there were six pages dedicated to praising Neil Gaiman.

So then in the dream I wrote a tumblr post about it saying, "I thought y'all were kidding about the whole Neil being in our falafel thing but goddamn he really is everywhere".

Then, still in the dream, I remembered I wasn't supposed to be on tumblr, so I tried to delete the Neil Gaiman falafel post. Instead tumblr fucking glitched and set the post to 'lo-fi mode'. I kept trying to delete it.

At this point my screen was covered with pop-ups of tumblr yelling at me and a goddamn timer counting down from 41,000 minutes. Tumblr informed me that their 'delete post' function is actually run by BitCoin.

Currently due to their skeleton staff and the fact that this hellsite is held together with washi-tape and queer trauma, they were having negotiations with BitCoin and so I could not delete my post. I tried again anyway and the entire site hung. Then I woke up. This is some @one-time-i-dreamt shit.

The only social interactions I had were with the two irl good omens fans I know, whom I informed that I had finished Good Omens.

One of them sent me an audio clip of him screeching about trauma and six months and children of divorce at the top of his voice.

The other one texted ASMIIII YOU'RE A CHILD OF DIVORCE HOW ARE YOU COPING WITH THE PAIN. Two hours into my tumblr break I was already facing withdrawal and I wanted to sob that's what the maggots call me but that would have led to them saying BECAUSE THAT'S YOUR FUCKING NAME and I didn't wanna descend there yet.

I then went on Amazon and tracked my good omens book package like a creep. I then went on the US Amazon to cry over all the Good Omens merch that I cannot buy and isn't available here.

I then went on Pinterest to look at Good Omens tumblr screenshots. It was all going well until I found a stupid fucking post that said the duration of the song playing in the Bentley during the final fifteen and the duration of the kiss are the same. So he was replaying the kiss in his head before stopping the music.

Naturally, this then made me cry over Crowley. Painfully.

I looked up Good Omens ambiences on Youtube and cleaned a whole half of my desk while an Aziraphale's bookshop ambience played with rain and shit and when the lockdown audio came I smiled again.

And now here I am. Back. In pain.

[hoshinierabareshimono]

𝗣𝗘𝗢𝗣𝗟𝗘 𝗜'𝗗 𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘 𝗧𝗢 𝗚𝗘𝗧 𝗧𝗢 𝗞𝗡𝗢𝗪 𝗕𝗘𝗧𝗧𝗘𝗥!

last song: One Winged Angel (yaaay, we twin on that one. It's not my alarm, but I was vibing to it as I was cooking our Christmas dinner earlier~~)

fav color: Heh, how could I pick a single one? There are so many gorgeous colors in this world, so all I can say is that I especially like pastel pink, carmine red, lavender, dark forest greens, silver, and black.

last book: 2024 hasn't been much of a reading year for me (and it's almost over too lol), so... ooof. Which one was it again? The Betrayals by Bridget Collins if I'm not mistaken. It was an entertaining read, tho I didn't enjoy the plot twist about one of the MCs.

last movie: The Talented Mr. Ripley (tho I had to consult my viewing history to be able to answer that one)

sweet/spicy/savory: savory for main dishes, but I do love sweets as well (also waffles, pancakes - the German interpretation, not the American, but vegan, pls and thank you - semolina pudding). Still, if I were to have sweet dishes for lunch or dinner too often, I'd grow sick of them.... Spicy food... rn, my stomach isn't the biggest fan of that, but would looove to eat some delicious Thai curry again as soon as I can 'get away with it' again :D

relationship status: Single.

last thing i googled: thailändisch - Thai (as in: did I get that adjective right? Gotta consult an English-German dictionary, just in case lol)

Now, if we're talking about regular google searches (as opposed to ESL-specific vocab queries), I was looking up things about apple cider for an IC post I'm working on, and as I know very little about alcoholic beverages....

current obsession: FFVII - especially SephGenSeph as well as Sephiroth, Genesis as individuals and to be fair, while i had my doubts I'd become Obsessed TM again when Remake was just released, I pretty much knew it was inevitable the day I saw that SephGenSeph-flavored cutscene when they started promoting EC *ugly sobbing*

looking forward to: hmmmm... dunno? In vengeful survival mode these days, so I basically just want the issues keeping me there to be settled and then take a deeeeeep fucking breath X_X. On a smaller scale? Gorging myself on more holiday food. Those joyous moments I can actually write with y'all... always something to look forward to <3

Tagged by: @geraniumplant (thank youuu <3) Tagging: @umbral-stigmata-unbound, @poeticphoenix, @hiislegacy, @phantasiiae

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Archive 01 - limbo

i found an old piece i wrote when skz-replay came out

LMH x gn!reader angst with a little bit of fluff at the end (mb guys i wrote this with 'limbo' in mind haha) Warning(s): profanity y'all know i dont proofread

You were going abroad. Leaving for school, making you leave behind your current life. Making you leave behind Minho. You were already having a hard time taking in the fact that you were leaving for 5 years to a foreign place with no one you knew.

Minho knew how much you wanted to learn the arts, encouraging you to leave, saying, “5 years isn't too long. It's okay. I'll be here.“ Already ticked off, you retaliated, screaming that he only wanted you gone and that he won't be waiting when you come back.

“Fuck this, I'm going. I might not even come back. Maybe I'll find someone that wants me to stay.” With the slam of a door, you quickly scrambled to finish packing.

“I- fuck. fine.“ Heavy footsteps tread away from the door. Packed, you set out the house key and all the pictures of Minho. Tears threatened to fall but you pushed through and left. It was an hour to the aiport. All throughout the ride, you were quietly sobbing, making the driver uncomfortable.

Minho sat with his head buried in his hands at his desk, a few tears falling. He was so confused. “I only encouraged you to chase your dream, as you did to me…so why, why is it like this?“ He stopped, looking towards the office door, hearing the front door slam. Shit. He jumped up, grabbing his coat and keys.

Approaching the front door, he saw the pictures and keys, scattered all over the floor. He picked one up. It was a picture of you and him, after his first concert. Minho's heart clenched as he left to chase his lover, his best friend, his motivator.

It took an hour and a half to the airport. You dabbed at your puffy red eyes, pulling your hat down even lower. You sat, waiting in the terminal. 1 hour til I can forget and start anew. Looking around, you saw families, couples, students leaving and coming back. I am so sorry. What if he's not actually going to wait? Are we already done? God, I'm so stupid.

Remembering that you bought the tickets on a shared account, Minho found the terminal for the flight as he raced through the airport. 30 minutes. Don't leave me just yet love.

With 15 minutes left before boarding, he made it to the terminal. Staring blankly, you broke your concentration to look at the guy who ran to the chairs, looking around for something or someone. He was covered up, wearing a certain dark navy jacket. The one you gifted him for his birthday.

He's here? Eyes wide, you ran up and hugged him tightly from behind. You sniffled, “Looking for someone?“

“Yeah, you,” a soft chuckle rippled through his body. Minho turned around and picked you up. “I…I didn't mean that I wanted you to go. It's just- when I wanted to give up training, you encouraged me. You pushed me. That's why I fell in love with you. I just want you to chase your dream now,” his voice cracked at the last part.

“Min, I'm so sorry for yelling. I was just stressed- and scared. But that is no excuse for what I said. I am so so sorry.“ You buried your face into his warm chest. Gentle hands traced patterns and softly pat your back, a quiet comforting motion.

“Last call for boarding!“

“Are you going?“ Minho asked, breaking the embrace. “Will you be here when I come back?“

“Of course, love” with a kiss, you left.

A/N: as i said before, i found this when i was organizing my files, decided to put this out there since i haven't posted in a while, i am beginning to progress a bit on Love w/ felix but anyways feel free to reblog w/ or w/out feedback/comments (this is a sub-blog so i can't return comments ㅠㅠ) have a great day and stay tuned ^^