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rays-of-fire-and-ice · 15 days ago

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Returnal: Summer

Two Weeks of Hitsuhina 2024: Day 5 - Go with the Clouds / Hobbies

Rating: K/General

Setting: between the ten-year time-skip and No Breath from Hell oneshot.

Synopsis: While visiting a town in the World of the Living with Toshiro, Momo begins to have a strange feeling she’s been there before.

AN: this has been a stop-start fic since March of this year. It first came to me when I happened to be listening to World #07 Blues from the DiamondDust Rebellion OST (YT | Spotify) and looked at the clouds towering high in the sky on the horizon (in scientific terms, the formation is referred to as a cumulus congestus cloud… yes I looked it up in case anyone was curious XD). Since then, I was struggling to figure out what this fic was going to be about, because it felt like there was more to it than Momo and Toshiro have a day off int he World of the Living.

It didn’t really crystalise until I was thinking on the theme 'go with the clouds' and I figured out why Momo was feeling the way she was about the town.

A few notes before we begins:

In terms of what they’re wearing in this fic, imagine whatever you want, but I saw Toshiro in the Black Hole Disco attire (not with the headphones and wearing a pair of three quarter pants instead, but yes, he’s wearing the bucket hat), and Momo is in the outfit on the left here and her hair done up in a side ponytail

A shoutengai is a type of shopping district in Japan. It can be considered a market of sorts, where you can buy the usual things you’d find at marketplaces like groceries, meals and snacks, cosmetics, clothes, housewares and more. They vary in size from town to town, but regardless they can also host big social events like festivals. Most of my research for this came talking about them with a friend who’s been to Japan and from quick google searches. If I got anything inaccurate, please let me know so I can fix it.

The rats Hitsugaya mentions are the Ryukyu long-tailed giant rat. It’s a rodent native to Japan, specifically the Ryukyu Islands and it has long hairs that look like spikes.

The cup mentioned in this fic is here.

Momo is acting out of character at certain points, and is harsh at one point, This is deliberate, and I hope it makes sense why this is the case as you read along.

If I had to recommend any music to listen to, anything from the Clannad anime soundtrack will work.

I hope you all enjoy this one!

__________________________________

The sun bears down on the back of Hitsugaya’s neck. He tilts the brim of his hat back to shade it, and despite the heat, he’s not experiencing the usual sluggishness that comes with the summer weather.

Regardless, the action gets Hinamori's attention. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” he assures.

“It’s not far,” she encourages, gesturing to the buildings ahead of them on the horizon. “I wonder why the senkaimon dropped us off here? I thought it would be near one of the shrines.”

He shrugs. “It’s probably an old pathway. There might have been a shrine here once but it’s been lost to time. We’ll have to make a note to Twelfth Division when we get back”

She only nods, then continues towards the town. He doesn’t immediately follow.

The senkaimon had taken them to the outskirts, and he might have complained if not for the view and scenery it offers them. Aside from the sidewalks bordering either ride of the road, the powerlines coming down the hill and going into the town, there’s no other human-made structures out here. They’re on a flat plane in a valley, with flowers and tall grass on either side of the road. Bordering the area in far distance are hills and mountains, and towering high above them are clouds that slowly move across the sky.

Save for the few cars that have passed them, their shoes scraping along the footpath, and the swaying grass, it’s quiet. There’s a peacefulness here that is rare in most places he’s been to in the World of the Living.

He looks back to Hinamori, watching the ends of her skirt flutter in the wind and her cloth bag jostle around her shoulder. Out of everything, however, it the purposefulness in her strides that catches his attention the most.

“Why here?” he’d asked when she’d shown him pictures of the town on her denreishinki.

She’d given a small shrug, but her gaze never left the images. “I just thought it looks like a nice town to visit. I didn’t want to go somewhere too cold or hot, and I didn’t feel like going to a city. It's built up, but it also has a lot of nature. Maybe we could go for a walk there or do some shopping?"

There was something about her in that moment. She wasn’t being dishonest, but she hadn’t told him the whole truth, maybe even didn’t realise there was more to her choice than she knew. As if an unconscious force made her pick this place for their visit.

He brushes the thought aside for now, catching up to her and taking in the serenity around them.

_________________________________

It’s that feeling again. Something clinging to the edge of her heart, and fluttering at the back of her mind, hazy and out of reach.

Hinamori can’t decide if she should be perplexed by it or find it uncomfortable. It had started when she’d been searching for places she and Hitsugaya could visit for their day trip. More specifically, when this town showed up more than once as a recommended day trip destination.

The feeling intensifies now that they walk down the town’s main street. She tries to focus on her surroundings, taking in the architecture of the buildings around her. They’re mostly modern, but occasionally there’s a building that’s out of place, as if transported from another time. They’re well maintained, with obvious repaired having been made to their roofs or walls, but still maintaining their traditional look. They remind her of the buildings in the Junrinan’s business district.

There aren’t a lot of people around to considering it 'bustling', but there's enoguh to make her think the town isn't as small as one might assume based on the maps and pictures she'd seen. There’s a few residents that even have their pets with them, either carrying them or keeping them on leash.

“Look at that dog, Shiro-chan!” Hinamori quietly gushes when she spots a small, white Japanese Spitz with it’s owner across the street. “It’s so fluffy!”

Hitsugaya only snorts and watches the dog trot down the footpath.

“…You know, it kind of looks liked you.”

He lets out a strangled sound which briefly catches the attention of a few around them. “How?!”

“Well, it’s fur looks like your hair, it’s got a very determined stride, and…” She raises a hand to her lips, stifling a giggle and covering the teasing smile curling her lips.

He glares at her, even as blush faintly colors his cheeks. “We didn’t come here for you to compare me to a dog.”

“No, I suppose we didn’t.” She fishes out her denreishinki from her pocket, bringing up the map of the main and connecting streets. “Come on, lets go find the shoutengai.”

There are a few in this town, but the one that’d been recommend on a several Human websites she’d browsed through was the biggest of them all. It’s home to the usual types of shops, like clothing and homeware stores, but also obscure places like a tiny café that has hedgehog-themed food and beverages, a bookstore selling rare novels and collectables, and a confectionery shop with candies in all sorts of shapes and sizes and flavors.

It's several minutes later when they come across it. It’s hard to miss with the crowd gathered within and the different colored lanterns swaying beneath the shoutengai sign.

Hinamori stops before they cross the street to it’s entrance. “You sure about this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I know you’re not a fan crowds, so…”

He shrugs. “It's not like we're staying here the whole time."

She smiles in gratitude. “Okay.” Even so, she can’t help but offer, “After this, we can go wherever you want.”

“There's that walking trail you mentioned before, I guess.” Before she can agree to it, he walks past her. “Come on.”

Crossing the street, they manoeuvre their way through the crowds in front until they’re inside. When they enter, Hinamori has to stop to take it all in.

Above them is a semi-circular glass roof, and hanging from it and the beams dotted every several meters are lanterns. Beneath them are smaller signs for all the store and stall within the alleyway. Despite the crowds packing the district, there’s an airy feel to the place. Something lively and cheerful. She grins, finally knowing she made the right decision to come here.

She grabs Hitsugaya’s wrist, and while he lets out a surprised grunt, she points to the nearby candy store, “I saw that one in the blogs! Let’s go check it out.”

They didn’t stay in the store long, with Hinamori buying several bags of sweets for Women’s Association members – Nanao had been keen for everyone to get ideas for their next event, maybe making and selling sweets might inspire them, Hinamori reasoned to herself – and for her captain – he likely misses treats from the World of the Living, she further reasoned.

Hitsugaya stays close as they wonder from store to store. A part of her wishes he’d peel off and go look at something himself, but he’s never been much of a shopper.

From there, she peruses all the store fronts, ducking in when something catches her eye. When she comes upon the hedgehog-themed café, it takes everything in her – and Hitsugaya's small lecture about saving funds – to not buy several of the hedgehog-shaped foods or pay to pet one of the hedgehogs there.

“I’m surprised,” he mutters when they leave.

She lets out a nervous laugh. “At least I only got one thing.” Said thing is packet of two cookies, stowed away with the other candies.

“Not that.” He shakes his head. “Since when have you liked those sorts of creatures? You used to run from the spiny rats in the Junrinan.”

“That was different! Besides…I was younger then, I didn’t know they were harmless.” She turns back to the front windows of the café, watching the Humans hold and pet the tiny creatures. “Besides, those little guys wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

“They literally have spikes!”

“Sounds like you are the one scared of them, Shiro-chan.”

“I am not!”

She laughs at his outrage. “You know, I think they remind me of you too.”

With a loud grumble, he stalks ahead of her. “I’m going to the bookstore.”

"You mean the one we were in before?"

"No, the other one."

That makes her stop. “There was a bookstore?”

He spins on his heel, and when he notices her surprise, his embarrassment turns to teasing. “How did you miss it?”

“You should’ve pointed it out to me!”

He shrugs. “Well, I’m going there. You’ll have to find it yourself.”

She blinks at his audacity, then scrambles to catch up to him. “Hey, wait up!”

She avoids bumping into Humans while trying not to lose sight of him. When a couple comes in front, she has to skid to a stop.

“Ah, sorry!” she quickly apologises, before going around them. Hitsugaya is gone. She sighs wearily. Well, at least he decided to go somewhere on his own.

Deciding to join him later, Hinamori wonders from shop to shop. She comes to another homemade housewares store a few minutes later, browsing the shelves at the front packed with cutlery and ceramics, varying in shapes and designs. She thought to buy a new cup for herself, something different from what she typically found in the Soul Society. When her eyes fall on a black and blue cup, another idea comes to mind.

It’s not his birthday yet, she thinks, and I don’t really have an occasion to give this to him anytime soon. Still…

She picks the cup up, turning it around in her hands. It’s mostly black, but there’s a shiny sliver of the brown clay at the base and blue colors the inside and covers the rim, as if water were spilling out over the lip. It’s the perfect size for tea and light in weight despite the sturdy construction.

The price tag makes her purse her lips, but after a beat, she walks into the store and straight to the cashier before she changes her mind.

Maybe I can wait until his birthday? she wonders after coming out of the store, bag now a bit heavier with the boxed up purchase. It’s only five months away, it’s not too long of a wait, right? It’ll save me having too…

A painting displayed on an easel catches her eye. It makes her come to a complete stop in the middle of the arcade, with Humans wondering around her none the wiser to the shock that thrums through her. She can’t understand this reaction, and that feeling that’d been lingering rushes forward like a tidal wave crashing up against the walls of her mind.

With slow steps, she treads to the painting. She barely registers that it’s a part of a small stall belonging to an artist, with several other paintings on display. She only sees the landscape rendered in muted acrylic paints. There’s a forest, with trees to thin but so tall they obscure the clouded sky. At the base of the trunks is a rocky bank, with stones colored brown and grey, and a small ring of dirt separated it from the green grass and flora of flowers and shrubs. The lake lapping at the bank is a pale blue-grey.

However, she’s seen that lake with her own eyes so many times, knows that it's actually a brighter, more vibrant blue. But how can she?

_________________________________

Hitsugaya walks out of the bookstore, a parcel in one hand and with his brow furrowed deeply. He’d expected Hinamori to follow him; she never misses the chance to visit a bookstore whenever they go out. Then again, she rarely gets to visit the World of the Living and she always gets caught up in the sights and sounds she’s never experienced before.

Hitsugaya will never admit he likes seeing her like this. This peace the Seireitei has been experiencing for the past eleven years allows her to be happy again without worry or restraint. Yes there had been the few strange moments before and during this trip, but seeing her in the stores gleefully browsing and picking up things to decide if she should buy them or not, even watching her debate whether or not she wanted to pet a hedgehog, it’s a balm for the part of him still unable to let go of what happened over ten years ago.

He scans the district, first to the left towards the exit, then to the right. He puts his hat back on and begins walking the way he’d come before leaving her. Worst case scenario, he can call her denreishinki and meet up at the strange café again. Proving to himself that she can be happy, that he can be happy, as times goes on.

He glances down at the parcel. It has string wrapped around it and tied off in a bow with a tag dangling from one of the ends.

She’s going to want to know about it. It’s rare for him to buy anything on any shopping venture he goes on. I could give it to her now and make the apology. He glances at the Humans around him. No, not here. When we go on the walk.

Through the crowds, Hinamori's profile into view. He makes his way to her, but the closer he approaches, the clearer her expression becomes and the quicker his steps get. She clutches the straps of her bag tightly, and her widened eyes stare at a painting. The furrow in her brow, something caught between distress and confusion, makes him surge forward, bumping into Humans without care.

Someone approaches her, however, knocking her out of this state. He forces himself to a stop, well within her view. Still, she focuses on the stranger as she raises her hand in reassurance and offers a wobbly smile. The Human – the artist of the painting, Hitsugaya assumes – bows her head, and again, Hinamori waves her hand and says something. They speak for a moment, and at one point Hinamori points a trembling hand at the painting.

He finally catches her eyes when he takes slower steps towards her. Hinamori visibly relaxes when their gazes meet.

“Ah, here’s my friend now. I better get going!” She bows to the artist. “Sorry again, I didn’t mean to cause a scene.”

“Oh, no, you didn’t! I was worried my painting had affected you somehow.”

“No, really, it was fine. Thank you for telling me about it.” Then, a bit too quickly, she leaves.

“What was that all –?” She walks past without so much as glancing at him. It only alarms him more. He catches up to her in a few steps and grabs her wrist, forcing her to stop. “Hinamori?”

She doesn’t look at him, staring ahead at the exit. After a shaky breath, she lowers her head, her bangs falling over her temples. “Can we leave? I need to get some air.”

He loosens his grip. “Yeah, sure.”

They make their way out, ending up on a quieter street. He lets her lead the way, taking a short walk through a park. He thinks to speak, to ask about what happened back there, but he waits, knowing she’ll bring up in her own time.

By the time they get to the other side of the park, where a road curves down a hill lined with building on their side and giving them a view of a forest sprawled out below. She opens her mouth, but closes it and presses her lips into a thin line.

“Looked like you were affected by that painting,” he offers.

Again she hesitates, but after a shake of her head, she says, “Yeah. It sounds crazy, but I’ve made a drawing of the place in that painting.”

His brow furrows. “Huh?"

“The thing is…I don’t know where that place is.”

“What?”

They’d been walking down the incline, and she brings them to a stop. “Remember when we were in the Junrinan I started drawing pictures of my past?”

He nods.

“I'm certain one of those drawings was of that place. By the time I was drawing it, I’d started to forget where it was and why I remembered it.”

“You're saying the place in that painting is from when you were a Human?"

"I think so..." She lets out a soft, choked sound. "But it might not be. Maybe it looks a lot like one of the places I drew, but it's not it."

Does this explain her strange behavior at certain points? Did something about this town resonate with long forgotten memories for her? Could this town even be...?

He’s out of his depth with this one. What can he say or do to make this better? “It’s not unheard of for a Shinigami to remember places from their past.”

Hinamori blinks. “Huh?”

“When I was a seated officer,” Hitsugaya continues. “I remember rumours among the officers too, about Shinigami acting strange when they were assigned to certain places, and as a result they needed to be transferred. I never paid it much mind, until one of my subordinates came back from a posting requesting to be transferred. He recognised certain buildings in a city he thought he’d never been too. He couldn’t understand it, and tried so hard to explain it to Matsumoto and I when he returned.” He tries to make his shrug casual, but it's too stiff. "That might be happening to you now."

“I guess. It was considered strange I remembered my past life for as long as you did when I arrived the Soul Society.” She sighs. “Sorry, our trip wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“It’s fine, you couldn’t have known.” He steps closer to her. “Do you want to head back to the Soul Society?”

He expects her to either nod or say something to the effect of, ‘Not yet. I still need to make this a trip worth going on.’ He doesn’t expect the pursing of her lips or the balling of her hand into a tight fist around the straps of her bag.

“The thing is,” she says, “I asked that artist where that place was, and she said it’s here.”

The air around them changes, becoming thicker. It's all the confirmation he needs.

When a car rushes past, it jolts him to speak. “And you want to go looking for this place?”

She becomes rueful. “Yeah, I do.”

His eyes narrow slightly. “Are you sure that’s wise? Considering how you reacted before, it might not be a good idea.”

She vehemently shakes her head. “I need to find it! I don’t know how I know it, but if I go there, I’m certain I’ll understand.”

“But it’s from before your life in the Soul Society. What do you hope to gain from it?”

There’s a flicker in her gaze. “I don’t expect you to understand, and if you want to head back to the Seireitei, you can.” She turns and begins walking away. “She told me where I can find it, and I’m going there.”

He’s certain she meant no ill intention or malice behind her words, but he can’t help the pang that runs through his chest. He’s left speechless while watching her go. What’s gotten into her?

“As if I’m leaving,” he grumbles, rushing after her.

She doesn’t look back at him, her gaze searching for something around the town. They walk in tense silence until Hinamori points out a street sign for a shrine that's on the right. "She said to go left of this sign into the forest."

He doesn't like the grim determination in her eyes as they cross the road and walk between the tall trees. There's a dirt path winding around, leading from the flat they stand on down a gentle incline. "Then what?" he asks.

"Follow the path. At some point there's an old broken statue with white and purple flowers at the base."

She presses on, those purposeful strides back again. His hand balls into a fist at his side. "Oi."

She stops but only half turns back to him.

He sighs and folds his arms. "If we don't find anything in twenty minutes, I'm strongly advising we turn back."

She narrows her gaze at the ground.

"Hinamori."

She gives a curt nod. "Fine."

They continue on, walking in silence once more. He doesn't like this, and yet, he can see something softening in her. Is doubt creeping in? He finds he likes that even less.

But what would she want to get out of returning to something she can't remember? That causes her to act like this? He can't think of a similar experience, and even if he could, it's likely he still couldn't fully relate to what she's thinking and feeling right now.

He's certain they're comign up to the twenty minute mark. He pauses on the path to check his denreishinki, but something bothers him in his periphery. To his right, in the far distance, past the tree and shrubbery, there's something grey.

“Hey,” he says, tapping her shoulder, then pointing it out.

When they get closer, Hitsugaya still can’t make out what it is. It’s what was described to Hinamori, but it could be the base of a lantern or a statue, maybe even the broken remains of a pillar. Nothing in the area gives him any clues. As the painter had said, however, at it's base are white and purple flowers either swaying or trying to cling and snake their way by the stone surface.

He’s about to speak, but stops at Hinamori’s intense gaze. It’s like the one had with the painting, as if she were caught somewhere else.

“Hinamori?” When she doesn’t respond, he touches her shoulder. “Oi, you’re spacing out again.”

She jolts with a hitch of breath. “I…” Her head tilts up. “Do you hear that?”

Now that she mentioned it, there’s a sound, one that isn’t like the birds chirping or the rustling of leaves. “Sounds like water.” Lapping water, to be exact. “We must be getting close.”

She nods, but stops. She looks down, finds something, and her gaze scans further down the hill. He frowns, trying to see what she does. It’s several heartbeats later when he notices the path hidden amongst the grass and foliage. It hadn’t been trodden on in quite some time, maybe even decades.

He startles when she sudden runs away, sandaled feet scrapping on the path. He nearly drops his parcel when leaps into action and sprints after her.

_________________________________

She’s gone into a state between shock and something heartfelt. She can feel tears burning in the corners of her eyes, but she can’t understand why. Shrubs and grass scratch at her legs and skirt, but none of it stops her. She’s utterly compelled to keep running, following something she doesn’t understand. The feeling from before has gotten worse, clawing at her heart.

The sound of water, the stone ruin they’d come upon, it fired something old within her, like a muscle memory she hadn't used in a long time.

Through the trees, a lake glitters ahead, and it only makes her run faster. She hears Toshiro call out behind her, sounding alarmed and confused.

The trees and foliage thin out the closer she gets, until all she can see and hear is the waves lapping on the shore. The stony bank rushes up to greet her, and she comes a skidding, abrupt stop before she falls into the water.

“What’s gotten into you?!” Hitsugaya exclaims from behind her. “You can’t just run off like that!”

She ignores him, is too caught up in the sights and smells. The tree line, the rocky bank, and beyond them are the valley’s mountains. The lake is shaped like a tear drop, wide up one end and narrow down the other, likely leading to a river or some larger body of water. There’s a small pier on the wider end, and judging from the bleached patches of wood, it hasn’t been maintained. She looks beyond it, tracing along the tree line. There are pockets where there’s no flora, as if something had once been there but has since crumbled away, left to age and vanish with time.

Something had been there, something she knew.

She lets out shuddering breaths, inhaling in the fresh, floral air. The smell of several flowers, some dangling from the trees, others from the shrubs that are dotted within the forest. It’s the smell of a distant time.

“I know this place,” she says, breathless. “I’ve been…” She shakes her head, dislodging a tear from the corner of her eye. “But that’s impossible. I-I’ve never been here.”

Hitsugaya’s shoes crunch in the pebbled bank as he comes to her side. He watches her for a moment longer, a deep furrow in his brow, then looks around the area. “What makes you so sure?”

“I-I’ve never heard this town,” she insists. “I’ve never even had to come to this part of the World of the Living for missions! Yet, I know it. I drew it! I…” She sobs without tears. “I’m so confused.”

She’d hoped coming here would explain why she felt these strange emotions, why she had drawn a picture of this lake and forest. She doesn’t understand the ache in her heart or the threat of tears. Her head is light, bordering on spinning.

The gentle but firm grip around her forearm bring her back to her sense. She meets her friend’s concerned gaze. She’s mostly found him to be a calming presence, and looking his eyes and focusing on her breath, it’s no different now. "Shiro-chan..."

He doesn't react to nickname. She might've laughed if not for the situation.

She thinks back on what he’d said before about subordinate who also experienced the same emotions as her. It occurs to her again that Hitsugaya can’t fully understand what’s happening to her. His life has always been in the Soul Society. He had no Human life to forget.

Yet here he is, trying to understand, and how had she reacted? She bows her head and rests a hand on top of his. “I’m sorry. I said some harsh words to you before.”

“Forget about it.”

“No, it wasn’t right. I don’t know what possessed me to come here. I don’t know why I thought I’d know what this place is if I came here. If anything, it’s just made me more confused.” She shakes her head. “I took out my frustration on you, I shouldn’t have. And I shouldn’t have come here, either. I really am sorry."

Hitsugaya breaks his gaze away, staring off to the side. For a time, there’s just the lapping of water, the distant calls and chirping of birds, and a gentle breeze that sways the branches of the trees and flora.

“You filled our sketchbook with so many drawings of places and people I didn’t know.” The furrow in his brow deepens. "I felt...I wish I could..." he clenches his jaw, clearly frustrated he can't bring himself to fully express how he felt about it. Still, the fact he's trying warms her heart.

“I wouldn’t know anything from those drawings anymore.” She shakes her head. “I wish I knew more. I wish I knew why know this place. I don’t know what to do, Hitsugaya-kun.”

“Are you certain about that?”

Is she? On one hand, coming here had only left her with more questions and confusing emotions. On the other, it doesn’t feel right to leave yet, as if something keeps her tethered here.

“What would you do?” As soon as she asks the question, she wants to take it back. He isn’t like most Souls. He has no earthly connection of any kind; no ancestors or memories to forget from another world. For him, there is the older woman he calls ‘Baa-chan’. She has no bloodties to him, but she is family to him nevertheless.

She can tell he's weighing whether they should leave or stay. She lifts her hands off his and slips out of his grip. “Let’s just head back.”

He sighs. “It’s not what you want though, is it?”

She presses her lips together. “What good will staying here do?”

“You tell me.”

She can’t help but chuckle, and the small twitch in the corner of his lip only makes her smile involuntarily. “You’re not being fair right now.”

“I think I’m being very fair. This is your decision, Hinamori. You’ve clearly been to this place before in your past and returning to it is making you existential. What say do I have in that?”

"But you do! I feel like I'm dragging you into this."

"I'm not a child anymore, I chose to come here."

He’s right really, but she still expected him to try and convince her to leave. He can worry too much, after all. But then again, the eleven yearlong peace has also mellowed him out a little. What moves her more is that he’s willing to stay and see whichever choice she makes through to the end. He’s always been like that, but it never ceases to amaze her how kind and loyal he can be.

She looks to the pier. “Maybe we could walk over there? I don’t really know why, but…”

“All right.”

Before she sets for the pier, she gestures to the parcel he holds. “Do you want to put that in my bag? You shouldn’t have to carry that the whole time.”

She nearly frowns at his hesitation. Before she can ask, he leans towards her bag. “Sure.”

She opens it for him and he drops the parcel in. “I’ll give it back to you when we get return to the town.” It’s only then it occurs to her he’d actually bought something. She grins as she starts up the bank and he follows. “What is it, by the way?”

“A book.”

“Oh? Are you getting back into reading?”

“Something like that.”

She pouts at his vagueness. “Aw, come on, you can tell me.”

“I will later. In the meantime, lets get to the pier.”

She decides to let it go. It had been a small diversion from the tumult of emotions going through her. She finds, however, walking along the bank with only their food steps and the sounds of nature is somewhat calming. If it weren’t for how she is feelings, she could take in just how beautiful the area is. She had tried to draw it from memory, but if only she could sketch it now.

Does she want a memento of this place? That begs the question: what happens when she leaves? Will she long for this place for the rest of her days? The thought of that makes her clutch a hand to her chest. She’s dealt with far worse, but knowing this place could haunt her for decades to comes fill her with a dreadful anxiety.

“Hinamori?”

She shakes her head. “No, I’m fine.”

She senses he wants to ask more, but he says nothing. Again, she’s reminded of his kindness. She presses her lips together hard to ignore the burn of tears tingling at the backs of her eyes. She’ll have to make it up to him somehow. None of this was right, not when today was about having fun and relaxing together.

As they near the pier, her heart flutters anew. “Do you think it’s safe to walk on?”

“Only one way to find out.”

She raises a brow at him.

Hitsugaya shrugs. “It doesn’t look that old. Besides, the lake seems shallow, you'll barely get wet.”

Is he trying to lift her spirits again? It doesn’t quite work this time, but she still indulges him with a small smile.

They comes to a stop where the ground transaction between dirt and wooden planks. Hinamori twists slowly in all directions. Behind them is one of the patches without trees. To the untrained eye, there’s nothing to see here, but she notices the strange bumps in the dirt and the odd what a hedge is shaped. Moss and a shrub have completely overtaken a featureless stone sculptures – not unlike the one that saw before – and there’s raised lines running through the dirt and grass. The shrubbery had completely grown over something round and wooden propped against a tree; she can’t make out what it is.

“I don’t think anyone has been here for a long time,” she says.

“Given there’s no official path to here, yes,” Hitsugaya replies.

“I wonder why?”

He walks over to the strange shrub. “Some things are just left to be forgotten. The World of Living is not like ours. The Humans move on quicker.”

The flicker of sympathy in her chest almost makes her forget about why she’d come over here. Still, she offers, “But we do move on, for better or worse or without even realising.”

He looks over his shoulder at her. His expression unreadable, but his usual frown has softened away.

Swallowing against the growing tightness in her throat, she returns her attention to the pier. She places a careful step on to the wooden planks. At the next, there’s a groan. Still, it feels stable.

She treads the rest of the way slowly, coming to a stop near the end. The view is even more beautiful from here, giving her a vista that’s only the lake below, the trees in the middle, and the sky. The clouds have gotten taller since they first arrived.

Her heart seizes and the air is squeezed out of her lungs. A spark. No, a flash, like the afterimage of a lantern after she blinks – the form is there for a second, but quickly dissolves into something shapeless, and then into only colors that fade into nothing. Two hands, one smaller than the other – she’s certain hers is the bigger one – and the lake in the lower half, the line of trees and bank in the middle, and high above is the sky. The hands reach – no, one points – to the clouds towering over the forest and reflecting in the water. The arms are clad is yukata sleeves, here’s in white with Sakura blossoms, the other in yellow and white flowers. Is there a boat on the waters too? With a fishing net cast out on one side? There’s laughter, childish and high-pitched.

She’s held by the memory, unable to breathe for a second that seems to stretch on forever. There’s clouds, but they’re not from the memory. She’s back in the present, Hitsugaya standing at her side. She gasps, trying to catch her breath and hunches over.

“Hey!” He shifts to stand in front of her and holds her shoulders. “What’s going on?”

She wets her lips before she looks to him. “I think…I think I remembered something," she struggles to get out. “I think it’s of me and…a sister?”

She can’t explain how she knows the other hand belongs to a sibling, but saying it aloud makes tears suddenly form again. “I had a sister.”

Hitsugaya only nods, prompting her to keep going.

“I had a sister, and now…she’s gone. I had…parents too.” It’s so obvious, and yet it’s as if it’s only occurring to her now. She’s never had to think about since losing her memories. Her heart hammers against her chest and she’s struggling to regain her breath. “I died before them. I have no idea what happened to them. I could have seen or met them in the Soul Society and never even known it.” A more horrifying thought takes hold. “They might even be Shinigami right now and I’d never know it.”

“Hinamori.” Hitsugaya says her name more pressingly. “Slow down. Breathe.”

“I can’t I –" Tears blur in the corners of her eyes. "What can I do? They’re gone. What am I supposed to do?”

She grunts at the sudden cold pressed near the nape of her neck. Hitsugaya’s hands had left her shoulders and now hold the underside of her jaw. Her tears stop, her mouth agape, but her breath returns.

Seeing her calm down, Hitsugaya’s gaze turns apologetic and he sips his hands away. “You decide, and tell me what I can do."

She’s going in circles. How can she come to terms with all of this? The wind picks up, throwing her ponytail off her shoulder and billowing her skirt. Leaves and petals scatter in the air, some falling on the lake and others amongst the grass.

She takes one of his hands and squeezes it. “Thank you, Shiro-chan.”

Letting go, she walks off the pier and he follows. She goes to the ruins, coming to a stop in the middle of the raised lines. It feels right to stand here, she can’t explain it. “I think there used to be some kind of boat shed here. I’m guessing my… family would come here to fish.” She shrugs weakly. “I don’t know for sure, I’m only guessing.”

She looks to the strange shrub. When approaching it, she can’t explain the uncertainty that it evokes within her. There’s nothing threatening about it, but there’s nothing familiar or knowing about it either.

The shrubbery is more like vines, with branches winding around the tree trunk, and it’s leaves shiny and big. She pulls at a clump, breaking it apart with ease. She takes a few more handfuls while Hitsugaya comes to stand behind her. Again she expects him to voice his concern, but he remains silent.

When she brushes several branches aside, she can make out what’s beneath. The wheel of a cart. It’s so aged she’s certain even applying the tiniest bit of pressure to any part of it would reduce it to splinters beneath her fingertips. Yet it still had its shape.

She thinks about her sketchbooks, stored in the back of her closet and collecting dust. She hasn’t looked at her first ones in years, and she didn’t have any reason not to. But maybe, she was scared to look and remember a time when she had memories of another time. It shouldn’t matter to her, that life ended, had been gone for close to a century.

She wonders if she was blessed or cursed with remembering her old life when she came to the Soul Society. The desperation she’d had the time when trying to draw everything from that life tells it’s the latter, yet she can’t discount the former either. To know one has lived a life before this, no matter how short, to have experienced things – good and bad and somewhere in between – that they may be experienced only once or for the first time again.

She looks back to Hitsugaya then. She’d experienced a lot with him, he makes up a lot of her childhood memories. In the first years of knowing him, the special and novelty of discovering a new world captivated her, but as both wore off, it made a part of her long for the place in her memories. She’d wanted to go back, until the memories went and she didn’t know what she could miss from her life as a Human.

Perhaps this is what all these emotions are, returning to her after all this time. The grief of a girl who wanted to go back, now has to find it’s all gone and the shame having forgotten about it.

It couldn’t be helped, was inevitable for every Soul. Hers. Her Human family too. The Soul Society is so vast that it’s incredibly rare for one to find their family from when they were a Human. She recalls rumors in the beginning of lieutenancy that Ikkaku had a younger sister he’d reunited after she became a Shinigami – despite how dismissive many were at the time, it turned out to be true.

However, in the event it old families found each other, it’s not always for the best. She’d heard whispers in her Academy days of Shinigami born in two very different districts, and finding each other again, only to resent each other for being born in a district higher or lower than each other. She even heard a story where an officer found their brother, only for them to die by his hands because he resented him for ‘leaving their family behind’. The validity of such stories is always contested, so rare is it for Shinigami to find old family members.

If she did meet her sister or parents again, she can’t say for certain how she will react. Would the memories of her previous life come flooding back to her? Would she simply just know it’s them but not remember a thing? Would they know who she is?

She stands, not breaking her gaze from Hitsugaya. She has this life to live, to be with him and everyone else. New family and friends to make and be with, and perhaps, one day even, someone to spend the rest of her life with until she’s reincarnated back to the World of the Living and starts that new life.

Hitsugaya opens his mouth, about to speak, but she stops him when she strides forward and pulls him into a hug. “I’m okay now,” she reassures. “I think I’ve figured it out.”

Hitsugaya is too stunned by her actions to speak at first. Eventually, he relaxes but doesn’t hug her back. “You have?”

She nods. “Thank you for coming here with me. I couldn’t have done this without you, really.”

Several heartbeats pass his arm come loosely around her shoulders and torso. She can sense his confusion, and why wouldn’t he be? It’s like the subordinate he mentioned: how can she express this experience in words? Could she even draw it?

She pulls back just far enough to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry again that I derailed our day.” She offers a rueful smile. “It’s hard to explain. I may never be able to –”

“It can’t be helped.” His words would sound cold if not for how soft his tone was. “So long as you’re all right, then it’s only for you to know.”

She blinks, stunned at first, then her smile widens into a grin. “Thank you.”

But it's not as simple as that. Not yet. Time would help it to make it that way. No, right now, it's too much. Her grin wavers, and that grief, that overwhelming shame, crashes over her like a wave. She bows her head, and the tears fall. "I'm..."

Hitsugaya isn't alarmed, doesn't even utter a word. He tugs on her arms, signalling her to return to the hug, and she does, sobbing into his shoulder.

If only he could've met her old family. If only her two lives could exist at once. If only she didn't know such feelings as these. It's life. It's hurt and relief. It's knowing he's here, has always been, even at her worst moments.

She stands with him for several minutes, coming up when she's certain there' s no tears left to shed. She wipes her face with the back of her arm and quietly apologies for wetting his shirt's shoulder. He says nothing, only raising a hand to catch the few stray tears clinging to the edge of her jaw.

After a beat, they watch the waves of the lake, the swaying of the flora and trees, and the slow migration of the clouds across the sky. Perhaps she should find a way to say goodbye to this place, to this old life. She can’t think of a way, and perhaps leaving with someone from her new life is fitting.

It feels like the right time to leave, but they remain for quite some time, even ending up sitting on the bank in companionable silence. In a moment of boldness, she rests her head on his shoulder, exhaustion slowly seeping into her. He doesn’t go rigid like she half expects.

“Will you come back?”

She glances at Hitsugaya, but he continues to stare out at the lake. He’s always had a striking appearance, but it’s in moment like these she questions if her feelings of friendship are something more.

“No,” she eventually answers. “I won’t.”

When she leaves, will the memories that led her to this place disappear again? Will she recall this day with fondness or melancholy? She doesn’t know, only time will tell.

An hour later, when they make their way back to the hidden path, she only looks back to the pier once. The feeling of rather than the visual of the memory burns in the back of her mind. It might be the last time she remembers it. It could be gone forever, buried like the wheel beneath the vines and flora. There will be no traces of it left in this world or in the Soul Society. She had already forgotten it once, and she will again.

It didn’t mean it didn’t happen or never mattered. So many things are forgotten, big and small, and yet, they live on in some way, consciously or not. She carries the memory and her old life in every step she takes into her new one without knowing. Every experience, remembered or not, has made her who she is.

________________________

Later, after coming through the senkaimon, giving her gigai back, and then parting ways with Hitsugaya, she returns to her room. Exhausted, she considers not joining everyone in the mess hall for dinner, but she’s hungry and it might concern them she isn’t there.

The clothes and bag she’d worn are her own, bought while on a mission in the World of Living just over a decade ago. She changes back into her uniform, ready to go down to the mess hall until she remembers her bag. She lifts it from her bed and takes out the boxed-up mug. She'd strongly considered giving it to him once they returned, another apology for how today turned out.

She makes a mental note get wrapping paper tomorrow in her break before putting it in her closet. It’ll be there for a while, but at least she doesn’t have to worry about getting him a birthday present for this year.

She goes to take out the bags of candy and the hedge-hog shaped cookie, but halts at the parcel. I forgot to give it back to him! Taking it out, she drops her bag and makes for the door, intending to sprint to Tenth Division before going to dinner.

The tag on the parcel flips over, and the characters written on the back make her pause. It’s her name, and beneath it ‘Sorry it’s late’. She frowns. This is meant for me?

Thinking back to before they parted, Hitsugaya had stared at her bag for longer than she expected. She wouldn’t have needed to remind him of parcel, he knew it was still in there.

She walks backwards until the backs of her knees hit her bed and she sits down. What had he meant by ‘Sorry it’s late’? White day had been and gone, there wasn’t any special event where she was expecting anything from him. If only he were here so could ask. Shell have to ask him when he sees her next.

She pulls on the string bow, then tears away the brown paper. A book. One she’s never heard of before. The cover shows a green valley and sky sparsely clouded. A woman stands in the foreground, back facing the reader, her head tilted upwards. The title, Gone with the Clouds, and the author’s name are high above the woman, making appear she’s looking at them.

She raises her head to the bookcase against her wall. There’s two rows of books, with a third starting to be occupied by the last three novels she’d gotten – one she bought earlier in the year, the other two collections of haiku poems from Izuru for her birthday. It contends with a purple vase that needs flowers in it and the gift from Hitsugaya and Rangiku for one of her birthdays of tiny figurines of a boy, short-haired and in a blue kimono, and a girl, pig-tailed and in a floral white and red kimono.

On other shelves are old copies of the Seireitei Communication that feature articles or creative contributions from her friends, a tea set she’d bought but has yet to use, the wooden box of color pencils given to her by Shinji last year for her birthday, the box of her colored and black charols, a stack of unused sketchbooks, a baking recipe book, a clay Chappy made by Ichika, a star plushies given by Kazui, a framed photo of her and then Women’s Association at their festival stall, the chest with her old hair accessories – her hair cloth, ribbon, clip, and a bandana given to her by Renji – and an lavender scented candle she’d last lit a few years ago.

She rises from her bed and goes over to slide the book in next to haiku collections.

A birthday gift. It’s a birthday gift.

She lets out a chuckle at the realisation. Honestly, he couldn’t have written it on the tag? This years had been like one of the few others where she didn’t get a gift from him, until today almost three weeks later. Maybe he’d intended to give it to her himself, but then her search for the past diverted things. In the end, she got a memento for this day, and there’d be no way to detach it from it. Not that she’d want to, because for better or worse, today happened.

She slides the book on to the shelf, becoming a part of everything she’d either brought herself or received from someone else. All from her life here.

#hitsuhina #hitsuhina week 2024 #toshiro hitsugaya #momo hinamori #fanfiction #bleach #I had a few ideas for why Momo felt she knew the town before #like it was somewhere she had been on a mission but it went badly and she wanted to forget what happened #she realises one of her subordinates is from the town and feels conflicted about whether or not to tell them she's been #she could sense a malicious Hollows lurking beneath it and her and Toshiro would have to fight it #but none of these ideas fit #and yes for keen-eyed readers Ikkaku's younger sister is Shino #I don't believe it's been stated if they died and came to the Soul Society together or if were born there #my headcanon is that Ikkaku died first then Shino did a few decades later after Ikkaku became a Shinigami #they found each other after Shino became joined the Thirteenth Division and they recongised each other right away

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