#cumber-bitches

[ladycatashtrophe]

In case anybody was wondering how tumblr is doing right now...

I've just had to explicitly tell this hellsite not to share my content with AI companies.

This is the same hellsite that primarily profits from unique skill and talent, usually manifested in fanart, fanfic, fandom inspired original creations, and whack job nuttery like the vanilla extract cake or Bendy Dick Cumber Bitch.

Only Real Human People make things like that. Or at least make them halfway decently, anyway. A lot of those Human People are queer, disabled, POC, or otherwise disadvantaged in some way.

So, go to your account settings, select "visibility", and make sure the prevent third-party sharing toggle is ON. It should be blue and/or to the right, depending on your system/app appearance settings.

Godspeed o7

[luigismansionartonlydarkmoon]

hey cq farter you stupid bitch. this is my cq cumber i love him so genuinely and lovingly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you cq cumber. slis name is chae! did u know that? chae quincu cumber. thats what i came up with a while back, anywys.

[soarthesea]

Agent 8- Ryla

C.Q. Cumber feels sorry for all the bombs, but was forced to

They’re now besties/emotional support galaxy blob

Bomb=bitch be stupid again

C.Q. Supports Ryla being a simp over Zeva being a nerd

Ryla has all the Rizz and has Zero(0) idea

[afterxxdark]

S. L. U. T - afsdlg whichever ships you are in the mood for this one or hell, give Broly. No i did not look at the letters' meanings, I die like a man

Bakura shoved Trunks out of the way for this because he is speed and he is horny and we don’t need another 4+ hours taken to answer something.

S ─ Spanking. Is this one of their kinks ?  If yes, who’s the spanker and who’s the spankee ?  Any favourite positions ?  Do they use just the hand or any other spanking implements  ( like the paddle, belt, whip, hairbrush, etc… ) ?

It’s not a full-fledged kink for him, but he does enjoy being spanked (in contrary to him bitching about both Broly’s slapping his ass). He has to be in the right mood for any tool, though he’s not interested in being whipped.

L ─ Lingerie. Do they enjoy wearing it and/or seeing their partner in lingerie ?  What kind of lingerie do they find the sexiest ? Any other clothing they love seeing their partner in  ( like grey sweater pants, wearing nothing but an apron, really short shorts, etc… ) ?  Do they often wear what the other likes, just to please them ?

He loves wearing it, particularly anything of black lace and open. He doesn’t mind his partner wearing it too, but doesn’t have a favorite in that regard. For all ship partners in mind, he loves seeing them shirtless or in revealing tops, and any low-waisted pants—he loves seeing hips and a little bit of happy trail. He will wear just about anything his partner wants him to—this includes Broly, as far as I’m concerned.

U ─ Unusual. What’s the most unusual place they’ve had sex at/in ?  Was it a good experience ?  Would they repeat it ?  Is there an unusual place they’d like to try ?

In consideration with Cumber, his cave is probably the oddest place yet. The cave is cold, dirty, and hard surfaced. Would not recommend, but will do it anyways. He will not elaborate further, but “shibari” and “web” comes to mind with the cave.

T ─ Turn ons & offs. What do they do to turn each other on ?  Is there something the other does that turns them off ?  Have they told them about it ?

Currently unsure how to answer this because I’m drawing a blank, but I’ll edit this or refer back to this when I can.

[nothighfunctioningsociopath]

Happy birthday BENEFIT CUCUMBER MATCH

I mean Benedict

I mean cucumber batch

I mean cumber, Cumberbatch or bitch. Whatever, happy birthdayyy🎉💙🥳

Bro this gif is really hotest🔥

[soft-hardboy]

You cannOT tell me this was a waste of my time, because it 100% WAS NOt

Based on the ever popular

[saturnsfather]

okay sorry met gala posting over

i dont generally care about celebrities but i do enjoy getting salty over thingns that dont matter like Boring Rich People Not Following The Theme

[mxpiccolo]

Wife material

[diamndwitch]

[itscomplicatedx]

The Dumbass most common reactions to Hash Bingo

(which I am too lazy to put in an actual Bingo Meme)

-If you claim to be a Tom fan and you’re saying any of this stuff, you especially should be ashamed of yourself.

Update: Now with a board by @in-defense-of-loki !

1). “She’s showing off her pregnancy!”

Yeah, they get kind of hard to hide when you’re a few months in. Of course she was going address it in the interview- she showed up with a baby bump. What was she supposed to say when they asked- “No, please ignore the fact that I’m so obviously pregnant?”

2). “She got pregnant to trap Tom!”

They got engaged in September. And yes, men who feel trapped constantly light up with goofy smiles when their fiancé is around, and go around talking about how “very happy” they are when congratulated/s. 🙄

3). “It’s a publicity stunt, just like Benedict and Sophie!”

Oh goody, the insane tinfoil Cumber bitches who are obsessed with Benedict and Sophie conspiracy theories are now going to move on to Tom and Zawe. 🤦🏻‍♀️

4). “She’s punching up/is a social-climber” (some sick fuck actually tried to put this on her Wikipedia page! 😡)

He’s not going to date you sweetheart. He doesn’t even know you exist. Get over it.

“Social Climber?” What century are you living in??

5). Unhinged “heartbroken” rant about how he’s no longer single.

See # 4. And please get therapy.

6). “Zawe looks like an ape, man, etc.”

Ah yes, racist dog whistles. You’re racist scum. That’s pretty much all that needs to be said about this one.

7.) “She’s just using him to further her career and get into Marvel.”

Update: Zawe talks about how she got the role here

My original answer: Because her career totally wasn’t rising on its own before they got together/s-she got picked to star in Broadway after all. She got the Marvel role before they went public. It’s possible Tom put in a good word for her-that’s how the industry often works. In case you forgot, when Tom was being considered for the Loki role Kenneth Branagh put in a good word for him. He probably would’ve done that even if they were just friends. But if either Tom or Zawe had truly sucked, no good word would’ve gotten them the roles.

8). “I miss him with Taylor!” ::proceeds to spam Zawe tags with Hiddleswift::

It was for 3 months-6 years ago. They both moved on-you need to as well. And don’t spam tags!

9). “Taylor ruined him for decent women and he’s scraping the bottom of the barrel.”

This one seems like a combination of 4, 6, & 8. As well as how ridiculous it is that you somehow think that every woman should be measured by your particular idol, who is not the model of perfection you seem to think she is.

10). “They’re both gay and using each other as a beard.”

While I’m all for more out Queer people in the industry, there are actual straight people there. Everyone is not gay and hiding it. How about concentrating on supporting Queer rights within the Entertainment industry, instead of wasting your time publicly speculating about stuff like this?

11). This one has been aimed at me personally-“You only like Zawe because she’s with Tom!”

No, actually I took an interest in her since I first saw her in Betrayal. This furthered when I had a pleasant personal interaction with her-when I was at stage door I was coughing and sneezing a lot, and she got me some tissues and asked me if I was okay. I then started researching other stuff she’s been in. I know for a fact I’m not the only one. Them getting together was icing on the cake.

Besides, if she came to peoples’ attention because they saw her with Tom and started to like her, what’s wrong with that? I, along with many others, first found out about Tom when we went to see the first Thor movie; and I was originally there to see Chris Hemsworth.

12). “Her grandfather/family was bad, blah blah.”

I tend to take these things with a grain of salt, but let’s say for the sake of argument that it’s true. So what? Are we holding people responsible for what their ancestors did now? In that case, we’re all in trouble, because I guarantee you every body has got at least one asshole ancestor-probably multiple ones.

That’s all I got for now.



[consult-sherlockholmes]

Are you a cumberbitch?

What the hell does that mean? What is it with that word everywhere? Cumberbatch here, cumberbatch there. Stop making words up. And I hope this 'bitch' at the end is a typo. I am no bitch of any kind, neither the cumber one. Whatever that means.

[alleanafire]

Logan Howlett

Imagine Being With Logan @imamotherfuckingstar-lord

I Thought Canadians Were Nice @chubbyreaderchan

Stranded @spotofimagines

Fuck You Logan, Fuck You (18+) @theamazingworldoffandomfics

Beard Burn (18+) @pyrobane-fandom-space

^ Summary: You've been keeping a secret from your teammates, but a couple of physical cues might just give you away.

He's Hot & Nice & My Son Set Us Up @77marvelimagines

Teachers @darling-i-read-it

^ Summary: Logan and reader don't get along at first, but then they become lovers.

Talk To Me @spilledkauffie

You're Safe @randomfandomimagine

I'm Right Here @sincerly-kate

Sharing Is Caring (18+) @holylulusworld

^ Summary: Logan is grumpy and you believe he doesn't like you, but he can't stop himself from sniffing at your neck.

Imagine @imaginemarveluniverse

Wolverine x Reader Masterpost @totallysharkycomplete

In Love W/ The Wolverine @ellana-ravenwood

Stress Relief (18+) @ellana-ravenwood

Imagine Flirting W/ Logan Over Breakfast @imamotherfuckingstar-lord

Turned For The Best Reason @saltiestdemonloves

Not You (18+) @geeks-universe

Baby Logan @ellana-ravenwood

^ Summary: You have to tell Logan you're pregnant, and that of course, it's his. You're terrified he won't take it well...

Laura Saw You Two Making-Out @ellana-ravenwood

Heated Claim (18+) @holylulusworld

^ Summary: You are going into heat and Logan can't fight his instinct. When the Wolverine takes over and claims you, will Logan regret is?

It's Like Two Magnets Pt 1 @captainsherlockwinchester110283

It's Like Two MagnetsPt 2 @captainsherlockwinchester110283

Pure Alpha @holylulusworld

^ Summary: Can collaboration between the Avengers and the X-Men work? Especially when Logan is one of the representatives along with his chosen omega.

X vs A (18+) @holylulusworld

^ You're part of the Avengers and you have to work with the X-Men. Logan catches you attention and you catch his. You both flirt and it's sort of a love-hate thing.

Breed (18+) @holylulusworld

^ Summary: Logan and you get kidnapped as someone wants him to breed you. The problem is the Wolverine doesn't like you.

Joining Forces @brrahbrrahcharacterimagines

^ Summary: You are in the Avengers and the X-Men join forces but Logan starts to get feels and flirts with you a lot. Everyone can see that you like each other.

The Fuck Are You Wearing? @ellana-ravenwood

Imagine Asking Logan For A Ride To The Bookstore @birdgirlwrites

Imagine Stealing Logan's Motorbike To Get His Attention @archieimagines

Imagine Logan Not Sharing His Ice Cream W/ You @sassy-imagines

Not My Daughter You Bitch! (Dad!Deadpool) @ellana-ravenwood

Imagine Getting Logan To Pose For You @imamotherfuckingstar-lord

Lingerie (18+) @authordoewhite

Sirens @leah-halliwell92

A Little Push Pt 2 @amazingfantasticmarvelous

^ Summary: Y/n meets the X-Men, who bring her back to the mansion, where she meets Logan.

I Don't Mind @siren-and-faies-writing

^ Summary: Imagine Logan being a regular at the bar you work for.

Road Trip (18+) @brrahbrrahcharacterimagines

Consequences (18+) @holylulusworld

Tickling @brrahbrrahcharacterimagines

Cute-Cumber @brrahbrrahcharacterimagines

Alone Time (18+) @white-truck-writings

^ Summary: After months on the run, you and Logan finally get some much needed alone time.

Scars & Kisses @ellana-ravenwood

^ Summary: The reader kisses every scar that Logan has.

Hello Time Bomb (18+) @random-imagines-blog

^ Summary: After a long time of liking Logan and getting nothing in return, you decide that you're ready to move on. However, doing so makes him very jealous, and he acts upon those feelings.

Sexting (18+) @wolfdeamonghoul

Car Ride (18+) @creedslove

^ Summary: You have to take a car ride with some X-Men, but you get there and all the seats are taken, so you have to sit on someone's lap. The obvious choice is Logan, and given your rather tight clothing, the ride is quite interesting.

Is That A Costume? (18+) @holylulusworld

^ Summary: You meet a hot guy in a bar. Not knowing he's a wild wolf ready to devour you.

Demons @queenxxxsupreme

^ Summary: Logan's past comes back to visit him.

Wake Up Tickles @t-wordiiish

^ Summary: You (the reader) is suppose to be up and in the training room by 7:00 am. Logan is your teacher. But you overslept, so Logan goes searching for you, eventually finding you sprawled out on your bed, asleep. So he tries to wake you up, but realized the only way to get you out of that god damn bed, is to release your age old enemy (and friend) - the tickle monster!!!

Mine (Alpha Logan) Archive Of Our Own

Daddy Knows Best (18+)(Alpha!Logan) @holylulusworld

Right Here

Personal Lighter

Halloween Drabbles Day 12 @darling-i-read-it

Moving Day @brrahbrrahcharacterimagines

Wham Bam @kittenwritesstuff

Imagine Logan Telling You He Likes You In His Own Special Way @sassy-imagines

Heels @chubbyreaderchan

[year2000electronics]

*ahem*

Opinions on cq cumber?.. Also I love Ms. Koyaki 😳👉👈

i think i love cq but like, not for the reasons a lot of other people like him? a lot of cq truthers are like ‘HES JUST DOING HIS JOB UGH... HES NOT A MONSTER’ meanwhile i think cq is a little bitch and i love him so much. i just know hes the only guy here whos THAT specific about failing tests. like i think tartar probably gets on his neck about ‘THE TEST SUBJECTS MUST BE PERFECT’ but i think cq is just like. annoyingly meticulous for fun. just bc hes deadpan and has been doing this for a while. 

[mafia-nct]

A Couple of Badass (Jaehyun Mafia AU) (Drabble Challenge)

#29 (How is my wife more badass than me?), #54 (They’re not your kids, back the fuck off!) with Jaehyun

Genre: mafia au!, angst, fluff

Warning: swearing, violence.

---

It was a peaceful Saturday morning, the grocery store was pretty empty. Meaning you could take your sweet time and not be rushed by anyone.

“Baby, can we buy mangoes?” Asked your husband holding four mangoes in his arms.

You couldn’t help but smile at the scene. Your husband supervised brothels, dealt drugs, knew how to kill a man with his bare hands and had a gun on him at all times but he still asked if you could buy every item he presented you.

“Yes Jaehyun we can!”

His smile grew showing off his dimples. “Yes!”

You shook your head and took your phone out to look at your grocery list.

“Hey, honey!” You heard Jaehyun called again.

You lifted your head and saw him holding a cucumber. He pointed at the vegetable in his hand. “You’re a cute-cumber!”

You couldn’t help but laugh at loud. “Jaehyun that is the worst pun you’ve ever made!”

“I know, but it made you laugh it was worth it!”

“Yeah whatever, put your cucumber down, we are done with this section.”

“Yes ma’am!”

The both of you were making your way around the store when you heard two kids screaming. You figured the kids were just having a meltdown but something told you they weren’t, so you decided to go check it out.

You were happy you did, because when you arrived at the end of the row, where the noise came from, you saw two kids of your primary school class being dragged away by a man. You knew every parent of your students and this man was definitely not their father.

“Let me go!” Cried the little boy

“Stop” screamed the girl

You had to stop this. “Kaiden, Leah what are you doing here?”

The twins turned to you. Your intervention startled the man just enough for the twins to wiggle out of his grip and run to you. You crouched down and caught them in your arms.

“Ms. Y/N” cried Kaiden in your neck

“The man took us from mom.” Added Leah

“It’s fine,” you whispered “I got you now.”

The man walked towards you, clearly embarrassed. You got up and realized Jaehyun was beside you. You placed the twins behind you, protecting them from the man and Jaehyun got closer to hide them even more.

“Sorry about that,” started the man, “they don’t want to co-operate today. Don’t worry, they’re just having a meltdown. I’m their dad.”

You couldn’t believe the audacity of that man.

“You are not their dad. They’re not your kids, so back the fuck off!” you barked at him.

The man’s face dropped, he’d been caught. He backed up slowly before he started to run.

You looked at Jaehyun and he understood immediately. You stayed with the twins and Jaehyun ran after the man. He caught up to him in a matter of seconds and jumped on his back knocking a display of canned soup down.

“Get off of me you asshole!” Screamed the man.

Jaehyun turned him around. “You’re the asshole!” And he punched him, breaking his nose.

You left with the kids not wanting to traumatize them more.

The police came not longer after that. They took statements and left with the man in handcuffs. The twins’ mom cried the entire time and kept her children as close as possible. When the police left, she came to you and Jaehyun.

“Thank you so much, I don’t know what happened. One second they were standing beside me and the next they weren’t there anymore. What can I do to repay you? I’d never live with myself if something happened to them!”

“It’s fine, don’t worry. I’m just glad we were at the right place at the right time.” you said

The mom took your hand in hers. “Thank you so much, seriously.”

“Ms Y/N is the best!” Exclaimed Leah

You laughed and gave the twins one last hug before they left with their mom.

You took a deep breath.

Jaehyun hugged you from behind. “How is my wife more badass than me?”

You turned around and wrapped your arms around his neck as his rested on your hips. “I’m not that much of a badass. You ran after the guy, jumped on his back and fought him without getting a scratch!”

“Baby, you stood up to a man twice your size and I’m pretty sure that if he didn’t run away like a little bitch you would’ve fought him. So yeah, you’re a badass. My badass wife.”

You kissed him. “And you’re my badass husband.”

It was Jaehyun’s turn to kiss you. “We’re a couple of badass.”

“Yeah, a couple of badass” you smiled

[teamhappyme]

GUYS BAHAHAH IM CACKLING SO LOUD RN I JUST SAID BENEDICT CUMBERBITCH INSTEAD OF CUMBERBATCH THAT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY

[annamartinez98]

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