#culprit is the Same Surprise Culprit Every Time lmao

[boxofthings]

Finally finished a prompt and wrote some GhostRoach (kinda) matching gear fluff :) 

I might also go back and do some of the other ideas anon listed

This turned out much longer than expected lmao and isn't as well fleshed out and polished like my two other fics so if there are typos I'm sorry lol (also might be a lil ooc since this was just mindless brainrot writing)

Read on AO3

---

A haphazard smack against his helmet briefly knocks him out of his crouched stance. He grunts softly as he repositions himself near the bushes. Ghost isn't surprised that a task force member got bored and decided to bother him. He's even less surprised when he turns around and comes face to face with Roach, eyes crinkled in a relaxed grin.

"What," he says, unimpressed. They're supposed to be on recon duty, but it's lasted far longer than he thinks is needed, and with the information they've gathered being as dry as it was, Ghost had figured the squad would've started loosening up by now. 

He should've figured Roach would be the first one to get antsy.

"Wanted to check up on you," Roach signs. He lowers himself so that he's at Ghost's level and slings his firearm over his shoulder. "Also, I'm bored." 

Ghost rolls his eyes. "So I see you've made the smart decision and sought me out to help cure your boredom?" He makes a show of raising his brow even though it won't be seen through the mask.

Roach nods, completely unbothered by his lieutenant's snark.

"Of all people..." Ghost mumbles under his breath, but his limbs feel just a little less heavy than they were a minute ago.

He doesn't follow Roach's example and keeps his gun at the ready, barrel pointed straight in front of him. At the same time, the sergeant starts getting himself comfortable (or as comfortable as one can be in a humidly damp forest) with his journal already out and pencil in hand.

Ghost doesn't bother reprimanding him. It'd felt so long ago that he'd nitpick at every minuscule shortcoming displayed by his subordinates. It'd only feel strange if he went back to that now, especially with Roach, who had definitely played a role in the aversion of that overtly rigid demeanour. 

And besides, he knows Roach to be startlingly swift when facing a sudden oncoming threat, and with the added security of Ghost still on alert, their chances of ambush were low.

When had he gotten so soft? 

He turns to the sergeant–the culprit responsible for that development. A rush of fond exasperation churns in his gut, but he doesn't speak, only watches, as he often does with Roach.

He looks down at the open journal page, a current sketch of the foliage around them, some jotted-down thoughts and a drawing of Ghost from earlier in the day.

It doesn't bother him, but he's always surprised to see Roach's sketches of him, even if it'd been established long ago that Roach, much like the captain, tends to draw everyone.

It just means something else when it's Ghost.

Ghost clears his throat, suddenly abashed, "You and MacTavish should have drawing competitions. Bet he'd enjoy that."

The sergeant looks up, then glances down at his page again, pointedly looking at the sketch of the lieutenant.

"We already had one," he responds. "He won." Roach dramatically hangs his head and clutches his heart in a mocking "woe is me" display. Ghost feels the corners of his lips lift.

"Ah," he starts, leaning over to give a quick pat on the shoulder. "Sorry to hear that. S'pose the captain does have a couple of years on ya." 

Roach shrugs lightheartedly, "My creations could definitely use some work." He returns to his previous activity while Ghost turns his gaze back to their targeted area.

He's starting to feel antsy himself, and he's long recognized the source of that familiar precipice. "I like 'em, though," he says, much more hesitant and softer than his tone before, probably hoping the latter won't hear.

Roach's eyes shift upwards and he takes a moment to observe Ghost, crinkled eyes boring deep into his skin, and he feels his body flaring warmer.

He leans forward and gives a quick peck to Ghost's covered cheek, patting the area lightheartedly before returning to his previous ministrations, all too quickly for Ghost to properly process and appreciate what had just happened.

Ghost manages a choked "Mhm" before he's back to steadying his gun in his grasp, albeit a little shakier this time.

They don't say anything else after that–Ghost suddenly hyper-focused on the tree to the left of his barrel, and Roach very obviously content with their current established dynamic.

The silence is, as always, comfortable between them, and it passes for another half an hour before Royce comms in that his area is clear and that there's nothing else to look for.

Ghost stands up, gathering the gear he'd set on the ground, and moves over to offer Roach a hand to hoist him up.

The other closes his journal and brushes off his gear. When he looks up at Ghost, he grins.

"What?" Ghost asks, sensing an aura of inscrutability.

Roach continues to smile as he shakes his head, already turning to trek down the path they came from. Ghost wordlessly follows him.

--

Once they've all settled into their respective rides, Ghost radios in with Soap one last time to confirm extraction before he signals Royce to start driving.

He's just started to relax when he catches a glimpse of his reflection in the side-view mirror. 

There's nothing out of the ordinary. Just his masked face as usual, but when he glances slightly upwards to where his helmet sits, that's where he spots it.

A sticker. It's a flower and a soft baby pink, and Ghost stares at it, slightly incredulous as if it appeared out of thin air.

Except–he has a hunch on where it came from, and the earlier smack to his helmet comes back to rattle his brain in a wave of exasperation.

And, of course, Roach chose to ride with Meat in the other car. He'll deal with it later.

--

Seven hours later and they're finally back on base. Ghost is about ready to pass out in his quarters, but as soon as he steps into the common room, Meat approaches him, no doubt to pester Ghost into joining his evening bender.

Ghost is about to wave him off when Meat pauses and squints at him. "The hell is that?"

For a moment, Ghost doesn't understand what Meat's referring to and, by default, is prepared to say it's his face, but the other's gaze is lifted just a tad higher than where Ghost's ears would be, and he realizes. 

"It's just a sticker," he grumbles. He'd almost forgotten about it, "Don't get your knickers in a twist."

Meat only looks more confused. "Yeah, but-" his attention is ripped away by Roach, who makes his way over to the two. "Wow."

"What?" Roach asks.

The other makes a heatless scowl, "So you'll let Roachie here decorate your helmet but if we even suggest you add some personality and glamour to your gear, you just get all huffy?"

It's Ghost's turn to scowl. "I do not get huffy." And he immediately chides himself for sounding like a petulant child arguing with their sibling over who started what. Over a sticker.

"And the sergeant did it without my knowledge." He tries to add with more professionalism, but it doesn't help that Roach is standing next to him, grinning like an idiot.

The answer obviously doesn't satisfy Meat at all--only really exasperates him more. He shakes his head and gives a brief, knowing glance towards Roach, that Ghost heavily glares at, before he gives the lieutenant a light pat as he leaves. "Whatever. Looks cute, L.T."

Before he can respond, Roach is already pulling him away towards the direction of the mess hall.

Once they've sat down with a tray of food in front of them, Ghost takes the time to unbuckle his helmet, deliberately making eye contact with Roach.

"Well?" he says, side-eyeing his partner.

Roach glances down at the aforementioned sticker, then looks back up at Ghost and shrugs.

"Why not?" he signs. "You could add a little colour to your..." he gestures towards Ghost's person haphazardly.

Ghost sighs, placing down his helmet to the side and settling into his seat.

"You know you can take it off. It's all in good fun."

Ghost gives one last glance at the little sticker before digging into his food.

He'll keep it on for now, only because he'd rather focus his attention on his meal over something so ridiculous.

--

The next time they're off on a mission, it's rather quick. A cut-and-dry track and assimilate.

As Soap handles their acquired asset into the carrier, Ghost takes a quick moment to glance at the pop-up shops around them.

They've been deployed to a small village on the east coast of the U.S., where their target had hunkered up in. During their sweep of the area, he'd observed the various shop stands he'd passed by.

Now, as he studies the goods in front of him, his eye catches on a bright sheet in his peripheral. 

He buys it without a second thought. Keeping it tucked in his vest's breast pocket when he meets back up with the others.

--

It's a slow day. He's reading over mission debriefings in his shared office with the captain. 

He'd chosen to look over them during afternoon drills when he knew he wouldn't be disturbed.

With everyone outside sweating their asses off, he'd be granted a couple hours of free time.

He's fifteen minutes into his file readings when Roach walks straight through the door, shoulders slumped from fatigue and half his gear still strapped to his body.

Ghost immediately sits straighter, forgoing his attention on the papers strewn across his desk and taking in Roach's presence. He's back a day early from his latest deployment. One Ghost, unfortunately, wasn't assigned to join.

"Injuries?"

Roach huffs lightheartedly and shakes his head. "Just a few bruised ribs. All good."

He sits down beside Ghost with a heavy sigh and glances over his papers. "How have you been?"

Ghost relaxes as soon as the other situates the other chair, and his hand involuntarily creeps closer to Roach across the table.

Roach zeroes in on it and grasps it without question. 

Ghost swallows. "I've been fine. Slow day. How was the mission?"

The sergeant shrugs. "Nothing special, just a week of mostly sitting around."

Ghost nods, gripping Roach's hand just a little tighter.

Roach removes his helmet and places it on Ghost's desk, leaning closer towards him so their shoulders are touching.

"Mission debriefings?"

"Mm. Just going over a few before I give 'em to MacTavish."

Roach nods, leaning his head against Ghost's shoulder.

Ghost snorts, already knowing where this will go. "If you're tired, you should've headed to the barracks."

Roach makes no show of moving, only whispering a soft "Wanted to see you" that makes Ghost's chest feel funny.

Ghost decides to return to his papers, one hand still intertwined with his partner's, but refusing to let go.

Roach has already begun dozing off when Ghost brings the nearest paper closer to him.

Ghost only manages to get twenty minutes of productive reading in when his mind becomes preoccupied. He's read the same paragraph five times before he throws the paper down and rubs his eyes.

The warm weight on his side hasn't moved an inch, and Ghost feels a faint smile graze his lips when he glances down at Roach, dead to the world, on Ghost's shoulder.

When he turns back to his desk, something catches his eye from his peripheral. It's the small sheet of stickers he'd bought on that mission weeks ago, haphazardly sticking out from between two folders.

He'd forgotten about it, was already apprehensive about using them as soon as he'd arrived back with them in his pocket.

But when he turns to his left, Roach's helmet sits innocently within his reach, and his eyes dart between that and the stickers on his right.

He sighs, feeling a little like a small child scheming to steal an extra snack or two from the pantry.

He reaches forward, mindful of not jostling Roach too much, as he grabs the plastic sheet and slides it out of its clear sleeve.

Ghost gingerly peels a little blue flower off the sheet and delicately places it on the same area where Roach placed his on Ghost's helmet.

After smoothing it out for a few seconds, he debates placing another. Just because. But as he reaches over to grab at the sheet again, he freezes.

The soft breathing from his left had quieted substantially, and he slowly looks down to his shoulder to make eye contact with Roach's amused gaze.

"How long were you awake," he grumbles.

Roach lifts himself, extricating his hand from Ghost's and stretching. "Long enough to watch you lovingly decorate my helmet."

"I wasn't-It was just one."

He doesn't respond, only reaches out to grab his helmet and turns back to Ghost, expression almost triumphant.

Ghost can only look down at Roach's mouth and subconsciously leans closer.

It is then that the captain walks right through the door, papers in hand, approaching his own desk when he catches Ghost and Roach in the act.

The smile that breaks across Mactavish's face is almost comical. Ghost immediately wishes he'd just done this in his own quarters.

"That's real precious, lads," he snorts.

Ghost grimaces, prepared for the onslaught of teasing from his commanding officer.

Soap notices his discomfort and quickly reassures him. "Ah, don't be embarrassed, mate. Roach here used to decorate my helmet when he first joined the squad."

For a moment, Ghost feels an ugly bout of jealousy spark through his gut, which is ridiculous because they're just stickers.

Roach quickly pats Ghost's hand and waves off the captain.

"It was my first mission with him alone, and we got so bored we just did anything to pass the time." As if he sensed Ghost's envy.

"Yeah yeah," MacTavish responds. "No need to feel jealous, Ghost. You're still the special one."

Roach sits back down, turning his body to Ghost while intently making eye contact with Soap. "He also lost the helmet that very same mission."

Soap sneers with zero heat as he walks toward the exit. "Think of it as an unpredicted blessing. Now you can focus all that attention onto Ghost.

The door closes, and Ghost wordlessly turns to Roach.

The other's grin hasn't diminished a bit, and Ghost feels warm under all his layers.

Roach leans forward and encloses Ghost's face between his hands, calloused but gentle, and brings his lips to Ghost's in a tender kiss.

His mask is still on, but Ghost reciprocates regardless and cherishes the moment all the same. He closes his eyes and leans fully into Roach's body heat as the other moves one hand to the back of Ghost's neck to lock them in place.

When they separate, Roach takes a moment to caress Ghost's face before pulling back and standing up.

Ghost already misses the contact.

Roach is about to walk out of the office before he turns back, glancing at the helmet in his hands and giving Ghost one last survey.

"It does look cute, L.T."

Ghost only huffs.

[dorianpavus]

respectfully, though, that's not really what i'm talking about. i didn't mean people who played origins once and haven't really touched the series since, i meant The Fandom, the people who engage with it somewhat regularly. so i don't really agree!

the worst culprit in my eyes is that the memory of games tends to usurp the reality of them. this is true both for people who played a game once forever ago, and for people who are active in fandom. someone might remember the horror of the deep roads in origins and forget all of the whimsy and silliness that was also in the game — and then are shocked when a 30 second trailer doesn't match the tone of that fragment of their memory. people might engage with all the characters in fandom, but forget the contents of the game itself — fandom becomes its own thing in their mind. they might forget the bigger picture, too caught up in the details; the fact that every game in the series is different and makes mechanical changes from each other, because looking back they remember all the ways the games felt the same.

that disconnect makes people hesitant and distrustful; they worry that the game won't live up to what they want it to be, and influenced by the flood of other people on social media expressing their own fears, they lose faith even faster. negativity begets negativity. ultimately it's very hard for any game to live up to someone's imagination of what the game should be — like their platonic ideal of dragon age, or something, lol. nothing will ever compete with that. add in completely rational fears or dislike over things like layoffs and production turmoil, and it's not surprising that everyone is like "DRAGON AGE IS DEAD" every time lmao.

the fandom when da2 came out: oh my god this is NOTHING like origins, i hate this game

the fandom years later: I LOVE THIS GAME

the fandom when inquisition came out: oh my god this is NOTHING like origins or 2, i hate this game

the fandom years later: I LOVE THIS GAME

the fandom when the trailer for veilguard drops: oh my god this is NOTHING -

me:

[unproduciblesmackdown]

lmao mh has been over for 5 entire years (w/ me watching along for like 4.5 years before that) but again still activating Pettiness watching along w/ the livestreams coz tim’s mentioned multiple times how anytime they released an entry where like, someone didn’t have to run away from a Close Encounter with someone shooting or standing there menacingly at them or there wasn’t some absolute bombshell Lore Revelation / plot twist, people could get mad about it...........like man even back then i was Mad At everyone complaining about this every time like, listen, if every single time there’s some Suspense where Something Might Happen, the big scary thing happens, it’s not so much [what’s gonna happen] tension anymore just as much as [waiting on the Impending Scare] tension, which definitely works, it just isn’t = the former kind of Suspense and it sure would be kind of much if every time someone points a camera down a hallway we see someone ducking around the corner or something. like first of all it’s called pacing, tension stops being tension if it’s absolutely constant, and if comedy Or horror gets predictable and routine then it stops being effective. handshake emoji with getting 9_9 at everyone who was getting 9_9 at “oh boy more Walking Through Woods footage -_-” in s2 lmfao like yes get over it maybe??? do you want 3 murders and 5 T.O. appearances and 19 [what was that] noises in the distance sprinkled evenly throughout every entry. for god’s sake. sorry if some Forestry Clips run a little long but i think we can all get over that. but no, watching along s2 with a pretty small <50 ppl total tumblr fanbase meant getting increasingly exasperated with ppl’s ~critique~ of Great More Woods, i Love filler /s..........like a decade back and i was fucking burdened with my stellar capacity for Media Analysis

anyways yeah it’s funny to hear they’d just ignore when everyone got mad about an entry being too ~uneventful~ cuz ppl would then enjoy the next one. like, yeah. even back then having to wait a while (especially in s3 when shit got like 20 min long and more cinematic than ever as opposed to s2 when it was more weekly / every other week? like damn sorry your viewing experience included a minute of walking) i was waiting right along with everyone else and i enjoyed it just fine when every single entry didn’t unfailing end with an [oops run for my life] Moment. and i still think back on everyone’s shit takes like #god Smh.......... man hang on we were dealing with there being this unstoppable idea that all throughout the series Tta had been one uploader. almost forgot about that. unfiction was basically just the subreddit equivalent, i’d like to reiterate that b/c that place was useless. thanks for crowdsourcing some decoding bullshit, now stop Theorizing what an entry delay is about when everyone keeps saying “it’s because they had to scour ebay for a very specific discontinued american eagle outfitters hoodie, source: facebook posts about it” 

[solarisensun]

Delusional Fool (2)

Yandere! Bokuto Koutarou x Reader 

Read Pt 1 here

- Pt 2 is finally here lmao it took me a whole 4 months to finally finish it :0 So sorry for the delay I just suck at writing in general but this piece is over 6k words long (by far one of my longest fics) so I hope it makes up for my shitty update schedule :’) My size kink also really jumped out lmao (it’s there if you squint hard enuf)

Warnings : ‘NSFW’, dub/non-con, breeding kink, yandere themes. (all characters are 18+)

Fukurodani’s ace has a massive crush on you, its a pity you don’t feel the same way.

Pt 1 | Pt 2  | Navigation

Honestly, you feel numb. Dead even.

Even the littlest and most mundane tasks seemed to drain all of your energy.

After the incident, you had cranked the hottest possible setting, stripped yourself bare, and sat under the shower until minutes blended into hours and you lost count of how long you’d let the water batter your skin. Trying to forget everything, trying to melt every single touch off your dirty skin, trying to scrub away the violations branded on your body with scalding hot water until you were raw.

It didn’t work. It’s as if you could still hear his heavy breathing over you, feel his lips on your own, the harsh bite of tiled floor on your red knees.

“Gosh, how did you get so lucky?” A playful shove connects against the back of your shoulder, effectively snapping you out of your thoughts and the surprise of it causes you to stumble forward, nearly falling face-down on the concrete floor before you catch yourself.

“Oh crap sorry.” A hand shoots out to soften the impact but you brush it off and right yourself. The thought of something, anything touching you made you flinch. It’s only when you see the culprit – your best friend that the thundering of your heart slamming against your ribs calms down from its crescendo.

“What do you mean?” You know exactly what she means. It only makes your heart swell with dread. Your relationship with him was no longer a secret. To even call it a relationship would be a stretch.

Your friend steps into view from the side of your locker, a broad grin etched on her bright face and eyes dancing mischievously as she waggles her eyebrows in a mockingly scandalous motion. Normally, the sight of it would have prompted you into a fit of giggles but you aren’t sure if you can even reply.

“We all saw Bokuto walk you to class this morning! How long have you been hiding this from us?”

“Oh,” you force yourself to smile, it’s like your lips are curling on their own. “It’s nothing.”

You slam your locker shut, jiggling the combination number at random and give her another (hopefully) less forceful smile. A part of you longed to tell her. Wanted to tell her that Bokuto Kotarou forced you to suck him off in the locker room after school yesterday, used you to his liking to get his dick wet.

But how would she look at you if she sees that picture of you on your knees and looking like a back-alley whore? What would everyone in the school think of you? The thought leaves a bitter taste in the back of your throat.

“Don’t bullshit me,” she gives you another shove - lighter this time, tone dropping down to a dramatic whisper but the admiration still shines through her words. “ The Bokuto Kotarou? Ace and future Japan athlete?”

You smile again, more of a show of teeth than a smile, fingernails scratching a bitter path down the cool metal of your locker in an attempt to steel your fraying nerves at each hideous lie pouring out her mouth. If only she—everyone knew.

“Gosh,” a dreamy sigh. “He’s sooo hot, have you seen his performance in the recent match? All those delicious muscles, especially those beefy thighs imagine him in bed”

Her words were making you sick. You can feel it, a churning pit of dread that swirls in your stomach.

“Hey!” Just as you are about to open your mouth to answer, a loud voice cuts through the conversation and it’s him. Bounding over with that same obnoxious grin plastered on his face. The hallway seems to narrow down as he approaches, like his mere presence overshadows everything else in his path, and it does. 

He swallows up everything with glee, basks in it even, the twisting heads and excited whispers that arise at the sight of none other than Bokuto Koutaro, they seem to follow him like  second shadow. It was like watching a painting too vivid to be real. From the feverish glint in his golden orbs when you meet his gaze that cuts through the crowd straight to yours, the broad lines of his shoulder rippling upwards underneath the grey uniform when he gives you an enthusiastic wave.

He's so large. Easily towering and cutting through the sea of students with such ease, it helps that everyone does out of their way to congratulate him, exchanging witty remarks and enthusiastic slaps on his back of his excellent performance the other day when Fukurodani trashed the volleyball team in court.

Your heart sinks when you notice that his silent companion - Akaashi isn’t trailing his heels. That meant he was going to drag you away.

It takes everything in you not to flinch when Bokuto drapes a heavy arm across your shoulder and plants an affectionate kiss on the side of your cheek, instead, you hunch over, shoulders curling inwards uncomfortably to minimize any contact. “I missed you,” Bokuto sighs dreamily as his lips graze down your cheek to nuzzle your neck.

You noticed that he likes fighting for your attention, clasps your hand in his, your waist, running his thumb over your knuckles with that sickeningly adoring gaze, or placing himself on literally any little part that he can get his hands on. Like he was claiming a piece of you for himself each time he touches you, taking and taking until there was nothing of you left to offer and you were all in the palm of his hand.

“You saw me last period.” You give him a light push, praying that he would leave. Doesn’t he see you hanging out with your friend? You had spent the entire morning on the walk to school enduring his endless chatter and wandering hands, then breaktime where he bounded over to join you behind school in a (thankfully) secluded spot to have lunch together. 

He just wouldn’t shut up, forcing you to nod along and listen robotically to him prattle on and on about how he couldn’t quite do a neat spike when he was under pressure, how he was failing his tests, how he was so hopelessly in love with you. 

You thought it’d be enough to satisfy his delusion. Perhaps you could even rush back home before he came searching for you.

It’d been impossible to get a glimpse of his phone, your chances of escape had dwindled down to a big fat zero.

Too late.

Your friend averts her eyes politely at the affectionate display. It makes you want to scream and shake her by the shoulders. The scene must have looked utterly romantic to an outsider, who wouldn’t want Bokuto Kotaro fawning over them like a lovesick puppy? It takes several seconds before Bokuto finally gets the hint and draws himself back to full height. His eyes bore into yours for another few moments too long and you give your friend a weak smile.

He doesn’t leave.

You were definitely going to be sick.

Everyone is staring, some with jealousy, others with admiration and a handful of scattered curiosity. Their stares are drilling mental holes into every inch of your skin and there is a pale flutter of panic that uncurls itself in your chest. Do they know? Why are they staring?

You look up into the sea of gazes, searching for a trace of anything odd. And thank god. There’s no visible sight of disgust.  It calms the swell of panic in you. Momentarily.

Until Bokuto starts to guide you in the opposite direction of your friend.

“I’ll see you later okay?” You murmur, not even sure if your friend has heard your words but you definitely catch the sly wink she sends your way. Bokuto is already dragging you away to a more secluded wing of the school, his large palm latched on your upper arm in a solid grasp and you can feel his warmth leaching through the sleeve of your uniform when your smaller strides stumble to match his significantly broader ones. The squeak of your scuffed sneakers against the floor suddenly sounds so damned loud.

“Wait, wait” Your hand flutters up to tap frantically on his bicep. “Bokuto, please wait.” Something in your voice cracks at the last word and he finally slows to a stop, one hand scratching the side of his neck sheepishly at the sight of your flushed face and soft pants. Like he’d finally realise you were no match for his athlete pace.

“Sorry sorry,” he’s mumbling as he caresses the side of your cheek with a small smile, thumb swiping across your bottom lip as he tilts your head to meet his gaze. “I got too excited to see you, couldn't stop thinking of you at practise earlier.”

“Oh,” You aren’t sure if you can reply in coherent sentences. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Every part of him was overwhelming (not in a good way), the only thing you could think of was his phone, your tear stained face and dishevelled appearance. The picture.

“Did you miss me?” Bokuto asks and you nod stiffly. Once again, his face lights up in a childish glow and he catches your hand in his to lift it to his mouth. A soft kiss on your inner wrist, then you feel the blunt force of his teeth grazing your tender skin, each scrape of his teeth has you hissing in pain but it’s impossible to move with his grip and you are simply too afraid to push him off. But as quick as the sting arrives, you feel his cool tongue soothe over the red mark with a simple glide.

You look down to your wrist, the skin already reddening and soon would blossom purple. A mark. His mark.

Bokuto’s eyes are unnaturally dark, dilated as he guides you against the lockers. Your trapped; back pressed against the cool kiss of metal and between his wandering limbs. Your trembling hand is still clutched in his grip and Bokuto gives you another grin before he guides your hand to press your palm against the manhood between his legs.

He’s hard already. The stiff touch of his pants rubs into your palm when Bokuto rocks his hips forward. You let loose a little whimper from the back of your throat at the intruding touch and press yourself further into the lockers, anything to get away from him, to put any semblance of distance between the two of you.

Bokuto laughs breathlessly in your ear. “I need you so badly.” He smells like expensive cologne, probably the type that you would see on TV commercials, it’s sharp and musky, and you wince at how it surges your nose.

Your head was beginning to hurt, like there was something unreal about this. Like reliving a nightmare over and over again.

If only you could wake up from it.

“Why do you smell so good?” He asks, still smiling as he looks down at you. For a brief moment, you are taken away by how good he looks. Angelic even, the soft gleam of his golden eyes and that pure smile casts him like a divine being.  He’s blushing, the redness colouring his cheeks when he looks at you. But the thought immediately withers rotten when he opens his mouth. Bokuto leans down again, trailing a line of soft kisses down your jawline, under your chin, his silver hair tickling your face makes you squirm. “It’s driving me crazy.”

“Not here,” You avoid the question, free hand coming up to push against his unmoving muscled chest. It’s like trying to fight a brick wall, he’s so big, so strong. The sense of helplessness floods your veins, reducing your movements to lowly protests and weak attempts of trying to push him off “People might see.” Your worried gaze darts across the empty hallway when you speak, a minuscule movement that doesn’t escape Bokuto’s sight.

“Let them see.”

You wince at the words, ducking your head down to avoid his gaze and the male feels his heart melt. Maybe you were right, it would be better to have a little privacy. Anything to make his princess feel more comfortable right?

Bokuto sighs, a soft breeze that fans across your heated cheeks. His arms move to wrap more securely around your waist, pulling you even deeper into his embrace whilst he tugs you sideways, past the endless yawn of metal lockers, past the empty classrooms. A dreadful sense of clarity seems to descend over you when he pushes open the boy’s toilet and there is the soft click of the metal latch sliding shut that echoes much, much louder than the slam of the door.

There’s barely a moment to rest before he crashes his lips against yours in a hurried frenzy, like a rising tide that consumes everything in its unforgiving wave. He kisses you like it’s the last twilight on earth, like he intends to steal your last breath away, the same dizzying kiss that has your fingers clawing against his chest to draw him in? To push him away? You’ve kissed plenty of guys before, but this feeling; the sheer intensity behind his lips has your heart beating so erratically that it feels as if it’s about to burst out your chest.

Bokuto’s voice is gruff when he pants against your parted lips, golden eyes taking in your tousled hair from his fingers, pouty lips glossy and swollen. You look so cute. It’s driving him up the walls, he can’t wait, can’t wait to spread you on his fingers, spread you on his cock. Feel you cum over him, his pretty princess. He’s thought of this moment for so long, it’s like his ultimate fairy-tale come true!

“You got me all worked up from just that kiss.” A roll of his hips has his hardness pressing into your thigh. “I love you so much.” You feel his sneaky fingers tracing a path down the spine of your back before reaching underneath your buttoned uniform.

It’s happening. It’s actually happening.

You take a step back. He takes a step forward. There’s that feral intensity lined across every contour of his face. It’s too familiar, too much, too similar to an earlier incident. Cold fear prickles across your skin when his hand rests on your skin.

If he notices the panic flashing in your eyes, Bokuto takes no heed of it. Instead, a hand finds its way through the band of your skirt and you feel the material slither down your legs to pool at your ankles. The coldness of the air against your bare thighs makes you shudder, a stark contrast to the warmth when his large palm grounds into your clothed pussy, pressing a finger against your slit and something in you snaps at the contact.

The resounding crack that fills the room is utterly ear-splitting. By some miracle, the back of your hand connects against the side of his face so hard that Bokuto’s head snaps to the side from the sheer force.

You yank yourself free from his loosened grip and bolt.

The situation is useless, futile. All the odds are stacked against you in this doomed situation right now. You know it, but there is still that treacherous little spark of fearful hope that lights up when the exit looms closer to your erratic scramble. It’s so close, just another few more steps……. You’ll scream, scream once you get past the door. The room is spinning, dimly, you hear Bokuto’s muffled curse and stumbling over the pounding of your heart as your palms slicked up with cold sweat.

There are the loud stomps of his feet thundering closer and you don’t dare to risk a glimpse behind, sluggish feet nearly skidding across the tiled floors when you stumble.

Please, please, please.

You don’t even make it to the door.

A heavy force tackles you to the ground, effectively knocking the wind out of your lungs with a shocked yelp. The next thing you knew, your cheek was pressed against the floor, both arms pinned behind your back as Bokuto’s heavy breathing tickles the back of your neck. His hulking weight traps your flailing legs securely enough that the only thing you can do is tremble in fear at what’s about to come.

“What. Did you think you were doing?” The once adoring lilt in his voice is gone, entirely replaced by a cold steely overtone that made the hot tears you had tried so hard to repress spring up. A hardness presses itself into your back and you sob even further, Bokuto’s grunting cuts through your sobs, the press of his erection digging into your ass, separated only by the flimsy material of your panties each time he ruts his hips forward.

“I was being nice,” He has the audacity to sound wounded, settling into the role of the guiltless victim like second skin. “I give us some privacy and you try to escape? Maybe I should’ve fucked you in the hallways huh? Let everyone see that your mine.” The underlying possessiveness in his words sends chills skittering down your spine.

“I didn’t want to bring this up,” He says in a remorseful voice that sends alarm bells ringing in your head. “Or did you forget about our agreement?”

“Wait,” you trash at the touch, desperation fuels your frenzied movements but he merely presses harder, all hard lines and muscle against your soft curves, imprisoning your body under his, you are no match for him, you never were in the first place. And the realization makes your stomach churn. “Bokuto, please.” Even in your cotton filled ears you sound so pathetic, reduced to nothing a whimpering prey under the predator’s grasp. “I’m sorry, please, please let me go, let me go, let me go.” You can feel the cold touch of your tears against the tiled floor with each convulsing sob that wracks your shuddering body.

You can barely breathe. His immense weight is crushing you to the ground, forcing you to pant painfully for each gasp of precious air through your clamped throat. It hurts, hurts like hell and you can feel yourself going light headed from the lack of oxygen.

“Shh,” you feel the pressure on your head vanish and sweet air rushes back into your lungs when you take greedy gasps but you can’t move, still being pinned down at the wrists as his hand wanders down the hem of your uniform, pushing it up so gently that it only settles in when you feel his calloused fingers stroke across your bare stomach. The hand that you struck him with stings, dimly you are sure that the slap hurt you more than him.

He caresses a long slow line down the side of your body, he’s moving so slowly, so carefully, feeling each little goose bump that arises from his touch. “You feel so good,” Bokuto half whispers, you can hear the marvel in his voice, a little part of you basks in the praise, the way he said it so genuinely, the way a lover would utter those same words.

But he’s not your lover. You don’t love him. You are repulsed.

You can still feel his hardness pressing into the side of your thigh when his middle finger swipes across your clothed slit and you jolt, only to press further into his chest. He’s rubbing you, rubbing your pussy in that stupid methodical way that has your wetness beginning to pool through the material. You can’t seem to stop the little twitch of your hips when Bokuto adds another finger to his touch, its building, the familiar sense of electricity and you let out a broken moan when he pulls your panties to the side and you feel a finger prod gently at your entrance before he slips it in.

“You feel that? Your so wet for me baby.” He coos with a deep, melodical chuckle, pushing his finger further into your wetness. You don’t have to turn around to know that Bokuto has that self-satisfied beam plastered on his face and your face burns, burns with equal parts anger and embarrassment.

Still, you remain silent, refusing to acknowledge the fact that his touches are making you want more, making you arch into his back when he curls his ridiculously long digits against your walls. If only you knew, Bokuto would simply take your silence as a challenge.

This time, the whimper that escapes your mouth is loud when he inserts another finger and it’s uncomfortable – the stretch of his finger feels foreign. Even when more of slickness pours out as he buries them knuckles deep in your gummy walls, the stretch has your fingers scrabbling against the floor at the sensation.

“Bo-Bokuto,” Your keen is loud and shrill, neck straining against his other meaty palm that keeps your head pinned on the floor when he curls his fingers in that spongy spot of you.

The sudden withdrawal of his fingers from your cunt has your head spinning and Bokuto flips you on to your back so you’re facing him. You have to watch him now, watching the way his eyes are gleaming feverishly, watch helplessly when he slides his digits back into your cunt at an excoriatingly slow pace. There is a grim sense of satisfaction when you note the faint red print on the side of his cheek from your slap but otherwise, Bokuto remains totally unaffected by your outburst.

“I’m gonna let you go okay?” He murmurs, “Promise me you won’t run away?” it’s not a question.

You nod.

There is a brief moment of tense silence when he surveys you, running an unreadable gaze over your face and you school yourself into nonchalance (or at least, try to) before the harsh grip on your hands disappears and it takes every nerve in you not to run from him. You nearly cower away when his arm reaches to you again. Every muscle in your body tenses instinctively as you forced yourself to remain still.

Bokuto pulls your panties down your legs, a motion that makes you scrunch your eyes shut in mortification until you feel his finger tap on your chin. “Open up, as much as I love to hear you, can’t have you alerting half the school right?” He chuckles like it’s some kind of funny shared joke and pouts when you don’t as much as crack a smile.

“Come on.” Another round of taps on your clenched jaw. Immediately, you let your mouth fall open at the beginnings of annoyance bleeding into his eyes and your obedient compliance causes the dark look to vanish into his usual shine as quick as it came. It’s scarily unnerving, the way Bokuto seemed to flip his moods so quickly like his emotions are merely a trick of light.

You nearly gag when he shoves your panties in your mouth, you can taste yourself on the cotton material. It makes you want to shrink inwards, how did you get so wet from being tackled to the ground by this monster? Nothing about this was remotely arousing, he’s blackmailing you, forcing you to—

He’s fucking you with his fingers in that pleasurable sensation that was driving you off the edge. With your legs now free, you instinctively close them in a feeble attempt to deter his touches. There is a grunt and a large palm digs into the meat of your legs to pin them to the ground and further apart (he’s a big man after all).

You are helpless, the thought flashes in your mind again. Your kitten like bats against his arm makes Bokuto chuckle affectionately. He would never share the picture to anyone, why should anyone else get the opportunity to see you like this? His little angel, his princess. You probably have no idea how delectable you look right now; so soft….so cute, the crystal tears clinging to your sweeping lashes, the smell of your arousal all over his fingers, you’re so small too, it only ignites a sense of protectiveness rushing in him, he would protect you, keep you away from any harm. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about you ever since yesterday, one taste of the rush was all he needed to continue his obsession. All his thoughts seemed to run a single train track back to you.

His silver head bends down as Bokuto buries his mouth at the side of your neck, fingers still working a mindless pace in the hot walls of your pussy, drawing out more of your soft whimpers and there is a giddy rush when your hips begin to buck into his erection.

“Mm, mmph!” He isn’t sure your muffled squeal is from the sudden thrust of his fingers or the way he bites into the neck of your skin. Either way, it only fuels his actions. He had wanted to make you pay for your little stunt earlier. It hurt his feeling y’know! How could you act so recklessly? But Bokuto has always found it impossible to stay mad at you.

The angle is awkward due to his immense height when Bokuto all but yanks open your flimsy shirt and bra but he doesn’t mind the slight soreness in his neck when he bends down further to ogle shamelessly at your exposed chest. The mere sight of your breasts has his pants tightening even further than he thought was possible. Even your tits are so fucking perfect.

He’s got to keep calm, before he loses control. Your cunt is so tight, will you be able to take his waiting cock with the way you are already a whimpering mess at two of his fingers? Probably not. That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t try.

Your nails dig painfully into his arms when his palm grounds against your clit, lashes fluttering at each little movement but he chooses to let it slide. The hand not playing with your cunt rubs circles over your nipples, making them perk up.

“Feels good doesn’t it?” He smiles at the way your chest heaves when he wraps his mouth around your nipples. “Sensitive aren’t you?” Bokuto murmurs against your skin, teeth latching to brand another imprint on your skin before soothing the mark with his tongue.

Your skin looks better when covered in his hickeys. Plus, everyone would know you were his, no more of your friendly desk mate, no more of the way he’d seen the soccer team leer at your legs when you walk home after studying extra hours in the library. 

He can feel your walls tighten when Bokuto curls his fingers experimentally and he bites back a groan. “Fu-fuck princess, feel so good around my fingers. Can’t wait to bury my cock in this pretty pussy.” It’s the tipping point for him, his pelvis rocks forward, longing – dying for any friction on his painfully hard cock.

Bokuto adds a third finger and the cry you let out is barely muffled by the panties. “Don’t know if you can fit more.” He huffs, watching your little cunt being stretched out on his fingers. The sight of it unlocks something utterly primal in him.

He doesn’t realise he’s humping your thigh like a dog in heat until he feels the cotton material of his trousers go damp when his stiff cock twitches with a throb and soft grunts spills from his throat at his sudden climax.

He just creamed his pants like an overeager teenager.

Even so, the onslaught of his fingers doesn’t stop, curling and pressing them just right against the sensitive spot in your cunt that he had memorised earlier until your writhing and crying in soft uh’s underneath him. You’re probably saying something underneath the makeshift gag but he just can’t focus right now. It’s mesmerizing, watching you come undone and you cum, cum so hard that he realised your squirting. Your slick dripping down his fingers and forearm to mingle with his sweat and it’s so fucking hot, he’d only seen this in porn videos but to see you do it? For him?

It only makes his love for you grow stronger.

There is a wet sound when Bokuto slides his fingers out, watching your hole clench desperately around nothing (what a needy little princess) and because he’d always been one to follow his carnal instinct, he laps a curious tongue over his soaked fingers. The taste – your taste makes his eyes roll back. He could probably live in between your legs for the rest of his life, it’s unfair really, how a simple taste has him keening for more.

He's nearly tempted to bury his fingers in you again, just so he could draw out another intoxicating orgasm from your trembling body. But the ache between his legs couldn’t be held back anymore, especially with how he’d been edging himself for ages with the sweet friction of your soft thighs.

With eager fingers, he slides his pants down and its nearly comical at how large your eyes widen when his cock bounces free. His shaft is coated in his own cum, glistening oddly under the lights and Bokuto slides an experienced hand over his cock to pump it in repeated motions. Your reaction is immediate, the fingers once curled around his biceps are now scrabbling free as your little hands rest against his broad chest and push.

“Hey, hey.” Your actions are no match for his reflexes as he catches your wrists in a single hand, holding them tight enough that your movements still down.

You are staring at him, the unshed tears covering your bright eyes in a sheen of gloss. Gingerly, he wipes away the traces of drool that has soaked out of your panties with a careful hand. The last thing he needed was to spook you any further.

“I’ll go slowly,” he promises and your head whips to the side in a clear indication of ‘No!’

Undeterred, he tightens his grip on your thighs - a warning, and you flinch visibly at the pressure. “Relax,” he coos, lining the tip of his throbbing cock against your entrance. You look so tiny, with his cock resting on your stomach. He’d have to work to fit him in. The mere contact sends a jolt through him and he’s gripping your thighs so hard that there are sure to be ten finger shaped prints seared on your smooth skin in a few hours.

“Ah-fuck, princess.” Bokuto nearly chokes on his saliva when the tip slides in. Even after you’d just cum, it’s a ridiculously tight fit. “Relax.”

Gently, well, as gently as possible as he can when his cock is wrapped by your velvety walls and fighting against the rising tide of pleasure, he slides more of his cock in, noting with satisfaction at the way your hands once again find purchase on his arms and your hips ground upwards to relieve the ache.

As he leans forward his cock pushes slowly into your cunt until he’s fully sheathed. God, Bokuto draws his eyebrows together in a pitiful attempt to focus, it was all he could do to stay still for a few moments, let you adjust to his size. Your hot walls were practically sucking him in despite your stuttering gasps that were a clear indication that you hadn’t been ready for the immense stretch of his cock in your body.

His gaze flickers up to peer at your face, your eyes are screwed shut in ecstasy as more of your slick pools out to stain your thighs and he can’t help the proud grin on his face. As much as you had tried to fight him off earlier, you are clearly enjoying this as much as him.

He was right, you had wanted him all along. Maybe even as much as he wanted you.

It set him off, his hips pulling back (met with even more resistance) so he can finally rock forward in steady movements as the last few inches of his cock enters your pussy. It didn’t take long, Bokuto was never a man of self-control anyway, he’s already thrusting forward, slamming his length into the addicting sensation of your cunt clenching around every ridge of his cock. The walls of your cunt fluttered around him and you ground up toward him, begging silently for more pleasurable stimulation. It reduces him down to his core, strips away all of his humane assets until the only thing he could focus was the rhythmic piston of his cock into your pussy so he could feel your body tremble and the way your cavern feels like wet hot heaven. A sin and a blessing in one.

“Good—good girl,” He lets out a dark laugh, lifting your limp legs over his shoulder with ease so he could get a better angle to jackhammer deeper, faster. By now, the lewd mixture of his precum and your wetness practically coated his cock and your slit, making it all too easy for him to shove into you faster and faster, eliciting more of your sweet muffled moans that would have been drawing a lot of unwanted attention if he hadn’t gagged you with your panties at the start. Noisy little baby.

Much to his delight, your arms reached up willingly to wrap around his neck and he leans down to plant a trail of sloppy kisses up your neck, the brush of your nipples against his chest merely adds to the intense haze of pleasure. You are close, he feels it, can feel your walls clamp down like vice on his cock each time he slides out and he growls, one hand detaching from your hip to rub messy circles on your swollen clit.

“Fuck, gonna cum?” He grunts, snapping his hips forcefully against the plush resistance of your walls and the utterly obscene sound of his balls smacking your ass fills the room. You nod desperately, little strangled mewls from your mouth sending thrills into his veins as your hips grounding down to meet his thrusts and fingernails digging sharp indents into the base of his neck. You look so desperate, every inch of your pretty face lined with lust and longing from the way his cock was splitting you open.

He bet no one had made you feel this way before. Reduced you to a drooling needy slut just from the feeling of their cock in your cunt. He would be your first and last.

“Cum for me, cum on my cock huh? This pussy,” Another forceful roll of his thumb on your puffy clit has you writhing and trembling. “It’s mine you get it? Mine.” He huffs out a laugh when you go limp, body shuddering from your own orgasm and the harsh pressure of his cock knocking into your cervix that melds the pain into pleasure.

He takes it as hint to chase his own climax, hiking your legs back up, pressing onto your chest to get a deeper angle as he feels the familiar coil of pleasure unwinding deep in his stomach. The feeling of your smooth bare skin across his own only sends him further into cloud 9, you are so smooth, the contrast against the hard lines of his muscle accentuates the power he wields and Bokuto loves it. You were shivering as he drove relentlessly into you, every inch of your sweaty skin still hyper sensitive from the post-orgasm afterglow.

“Gonna cum inside you, ruin this pussy, fuck-fuck stop tightening like that.” He snarls, missing the sheer panic that crosses your face when he utters those words, too lost on the way your pussy is drawing him in deeper, as if you were holding his cock in you. He needs to come in you, wants to cum so badly it’s driving him insane.  

“You’d look so good as a mummy” Bokuto is rambling in a delirious frenzy, strong torso working to pump his cum in you as he reaches his euphoric climax.

He’s sure he cums so hard that stars explode across his vision, sweat dripping down his brow when his spasming cock spills his hot seed into your cunt. “Fu-fuck, oh, shit, princess that’s right, take it all, take my cum in your pretty pussy huh?” There are a few more jerky thrusts as he pushes his cum in you (not that you were able to take it all because he could see white dripping from your pussy), relishing the way your overstimulated cunt shuddered around his shaft from the force of his jackhammering.

Finally, he slides his now soft cock out of your pussy, watching the string of white from the head of his cock break off to join the milky mess at your thighs. Sheer joy seemed to flood his veins when he saw his cum in your pussy, he could already envision your swollen belly in his mind, how darned cute would your kids be?

Reaching up, he pries your soaked panties out of your mouth. “You came inside me.” Your voice is quiet yet baleful, slightly shaky from the orgasm.

“I did,” he coos, oblivious to the way your stomach drops with despair as he slides your panties back up your legs to keep anymore of his cum from leaking out despite your weak protests. “Gonna have to fuck you more huh? Make sure you take all my cum in your body.” Still recovering from his own high, his breathing is ragged against your skin.

Strong hands skate up your stomach to worship your breasts with his mouth and you whined softly at the feeling of his tongue tracing wet circles around your nipples, fingers tangling into the tufts of his silver hair, you were simply too tired to fight him anymore. “You’d look even prettier with swollen tits you know?”

Just when you’d thought he was done (you were a fool to assume that this was over), there is a soft rustling that forces your bleary eyes open and you catch him fishing his phone out of the back pocket of his trousers.

“Smile baby!”

Pt 1 | Pt 2 | Navigation

[thunder-at-dawn]

October 5th

word count: 1,801

prompt: cuddles

summary: sapnap can’t find a single blanket or pillow anywhere in the house. when he finds the thief, a small punishment comes to mind.

i became very switch for quackity while writing this LMAO

warning: this is a sfw tickle fic! don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable :]

Sapnap had gone through a very simple day. He mainly stayed at home, and his two fiancés did the same. So if he had barely done anything, then why was he so tired?

He really couldn’t explain it to you if he wanted to. It was as if any energy he had was just… drained from him. So when he went into the shared bedroom, he fell onto the bed like a skydiver, his arms spread out as he fell onto the soft surface of the mattress.

He turned around in the bed, staring at the ceiling. Karl and Quackity were elsewhere in the house, and he was alone. As much as he loved sleeping in bed with them, he needed some alone time. There was only one small problem, and he was too tired to realize it at first.

Where was the blanket?

Laying upon the bed, Sapnap realized there was no blanket on it. He got up and looked around, it hadn’t fallen onto the floor. So next, he checked the closet where all of the blankets were kept. Not a single one was there. And all of the pillows were missing, too!

“…What?” Sapnap mumbled, extremely confused.

He walked around the area, checking every room. Every blanket and pillow in there previously was gone. Where the hell were they? He had not a single clue. It wasn’t until he stepped in the living room where he found the source of where they all were… and who the culprit was.

“Hi, Sapnap!”

“…Hi, Karl.”

Turns out, Karl was a blanket thief. Well, Sapnap already knew that he would sometimes hog the blanket in bed at night, but he had stolen every blanket, every pillow, and a few chairs to make a humongous blanket fort in the middle of the living room.

“Do you like my fort?” Karl asked, beaming with happiness.

“Um… yeah. It’s nice.” Sapnap nodded, letting out a yawn. “I, uh, kinda need a blanket though. I’m about to go to bed.”

“You’re going to bed?” He looked up, stepping out of the fort. “What? No. If you’re going to sleep, you have to do it in the best way possible. And that is inside of a blanket fort!” Karl grabbed Sapnap’s hand, leading him inside. The area was nice and cozy, and Sapnap found himself instantly relaxing, laying down on the floor of blankets.

“How long did it take for you to set this up?” He asked.

“A while.” Karl chuckled. “The blankets kept falling off of the chairs, and I got trapped under them a couple of times.” He watched Sapnap laying down, and how his eyes were struggling to stay open.

“You just came in here, are you really that tired?” He asked. Sapnap nodded, and he smiled softly. If his fiancé was going to fall asleep here, he would make sure it was a good rest that he was about to have. He started moving things around, putting a pillow under his head, and pulling a blanket over the two of them. Sapnap smiled as his lover took care of him, and the two of them smiled as they looked into each other’s eyes.

“C’mere.” Sapnap said lazily, pulling Karl towards him and wrapping his arms around his waist. He held him close, the warmth of their body’s accompanying each other. His steady breathing trailed along the side of Karl’s neck as he adjusted himself. However, he was soon distracted by sudden twitching from Karl.

Karl turned to Sapnap, seeing a mischievous glint in his eye. Both of them knew what his next move was going to be, and Karl started to giggle nervously. “Sahap- noHOho- dohon’t!”

Feeling fingers start to wiggle along his sides, Karl squirmed in Sapnap’s grasp. Even though he was tired, Sapnap still held a firm grip on him, it was quite surprising. His touches were light and soft, and it was driving Karl mad.

“You’re so cute.” Sapnap leaned over, breathing the words of affection into his neck. Karl scrunched his shoulders up, currently in a giggling frenzy.

“Nohoho- wahAhait!” Karl snickered.

“No, you’re not cute? Well, that’s a lie! And it looks like I’ll have to let you know how truthful it is.” Sapnap chuckled, speeding up the movements of his fingers along Karl’s sides. The time traveler squealed, squirming around more, and then calling out two dreaded words.

“QuahaHACKihity! Hehelp!!”

Oh shit.

Aggressive flapping could be heard down the hall, getting louder by the second. To keep him firm, Sapnap hugged his fiancé tighter, wiggling fingers digging into his sides. The other squeaked, kicking his legs as he laughed softly. Suddenly, a third lover entered the fort.

“Karl?! I heard you call, what’s going on?” Quackity asked, looking down.

“Hehe hahas mehe trAHApped!” Karl giggled as the newcomer surveyed the scene.

“Oh, come on. He was being cute.” Sapnap insisted, watching as Quackity’s lips formed into a smirk.

“Aww, Sapnap, how could you? You’re making our beautiful fiancé laugh, and you didn’t invite me?!” He chuckled, noticing Karl’s panicked expression.

“Awww, what’s wrong, mi amor? Are you just a little bit too ticklish, by chance?” The duck hybrid asked, sitting down and lightly scratching at his bare stomach, which was exposed from his hoodie being pushed up in his struggle. Karl squealed, covering his now red face.

“DOHON’T! Dohon’t saHAY thaHAT!” He instructed with a muffled voice.

“Don’t say what? Tickle? Well, I don’t see what’s wrong with it!” Said Quackity, scratching Karl’s stomach ever so lightly. “Tickle, tickle, tickle! Tickle, Tickle, Tickle~!”

“I CAHAhan’t! GuhuHUYS!!”

“Alright, that’s enough.” Sapnap decided, smiling as Karl still giggled from feeling Sapnap’s breath on his neck. As the surprise attack ceased, he let go, and Karl curled up into a ball, still giggling.

“Eres tan adorable, mi amor.” Quackity whispered, slowly running a hand through his hair. Karl soon sat up, smiling at the two of them.

“You really think that?” Karl asked. He and Sapnap had picked up some Spanish from being with Quackity, and he was able to figure out that he just called him “so adorable.”

“Of course!” Quackity lightly caressed his cheek, holding his hand underneath Karl’s chin. Karl leaned forward, smiling softly.

And that’s when round two began.

That’s when Quackity felt Karl’s hands dig into his armpits and start to scribble furiously.

“FuhuHUHUHAHA- SHIHIHIT!” Quackity screamed, his duck wings flapping violently.

“Revenge!” Karl giggled sweetly, taking his eye off momentarily to look at Sapnap. “Come on, help me out!”

After a moment of consideration, Sapnap sat up, moving towards the other two. Quackity shook his head as he noticed him approaching.

“BaHAHACK OHOFF!” He warned, yelping when Sapnap placed his hands on his shoulders.

“Why should I?” He whispered, his breath dancing across Quackity’s neck, just as he had done with Karl earlier. The gambler grabbed his beanie, pulling it down to hide his face. The other two used this to their advantage, Karl pushing Quackity to the cushioned floor. He took his hands out from under his arms, and Quackity was more relaxed.

That is, until he felt hands spreading his wings out.

“W-WAIT! Nononononononoooo…” The avian shook his head back and forth, and his lovers knew that his face was only getting more red from underneath the hoodie.

“Oh, come on. Gotta get that cute laughter out of you somehow.” Sapnap chuckled, firmly pinning Quackity’s arms above his head. Once he was held firm, Karl started to slowwwly scratch at the surface of his wings. Quackity screamed, kicking his legs and wiggling back and forth.

“NAHAHAHAHAAA! WAI- WAHAHIT!” He snickered, squirming as much as he could.

“Aww, there we go.” Sapnap breathed softly on his neck, watching him giggle like a child and scrunch up his shoulders.

“GUHUYS, PLEHEHEAHASE!!” He pleaded, laughing as Karl picked up the pace a little bit. After an extra bit of kicking and screaming, he slowed down, and Sapnap pulled the hat off from his face.

“Awww, your face is red! Look at how cute you are!” Karl beamed, leaning down and planting kisses on Quackity’s neck. Giggles fell out of his lips, and he sat up once Karl finished.

“Ahalright, alright. Your turn, Sapnap!” Quackity grinned, tackling him into a pile of pillows and digging fingers into his ribs. Sapnap had no time to react, and attempted to grab at his hands while chuckling softly.

“Noho- cohome ohon!” He threw his head back, attempting to push him off.

“What?! You’re the only one who hasn’t been tickled out of the three of us!” He giggled, moving his hands up and down. Karl came over as well, lightly tracing fingers along his stomach.

“KaHAHarl!” He squeaked, moving a hand to push at Karl now.

“Hi, Sapnap!” The time traveler giggled, starting to scratch now. His chuckles quickly turned into laughter, he squirmed around, trying to fight them off.

“Yohou’re bohoth ahasshoHOHOHOHAHA- SHIHIT!! KAHARL!!” Sapnap felt a raspberry ripple through his stomach, the fabric of his shirt enhancing the sensation.

“And you always brag about being the least ticklish out of the three of us…” Karl rolled his eyes, planting smaller raspberries and assorted kisses along his stomach.

“YohOHOu’re bohohOTH wohorse!” He insisted, hiccuping through his laughs, and then snorting.

“Did he just snort?!” Quackity grinned in astonishment, looking between the other two fiancés. “I’ve never heard him do that before!”

“Oh yeah, the stomach is a total snort spot!” Karl nodded, watching as Quackity grinned evilly.

“Right here?” He asked, sliding his hand under Sapnap’s shirt and clawing at his tummy.

“DuhuHUDE- DOHON’T!” He snorted again, weakly batting at his hand.

“How come I never knew this before? Were you hiding this spot from me?!” Quackity asked, now clawing with both hands. Sapnap squealed, hugging himself across the chest and accepting his giggly fate. Eventually, the two of them stopped, laying down next to Sapnap on each side.

“You’re so adorable. Both of you.” Karl grinned, adjusting the pillow that he was now resting his head on.

“Even if you’re mischievous as hell.” Sapnap chuckled.

“Me? Mischievous? You’re the one who started this!”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t be so ticklish then!”

“I’m not that baHAD- Hehey! Dohon’t pohoke me!”

“I’m just proving my point heHERE- Quahackity!”

“What? I’m not doing ahANYthihing!”

The banter continued, and the three of them poked at each other, and snuck in a couple more tickly attacks, until the three of them were reduced into a giggly pile of soft laughter. The comfort of the fort brought ease to the three, as well as the warmth of the blankets, and their bodies. The laughter and chatter reduced down slowly, to the point of silence, when all of them had fallen asleep, wrapped up in each other’s arms with smiles on their faces.

[hannie-dul-set]

araw-araw [na jaemin]

(EVERY DAY)

part of “the puhon playlist” collection

SUMMARY | mahiwaga— someone or something that you’ll choose every single day no matter the circmstance. and for you, that was na jaemin. even if time decides to set you apart PAIRING | na jaemin x female! reader GENRE | childhood friends to lovers! au, college! au, romance, slow-ish burn, fluff, humor, tiny angst, biology major jaemin and art major mc HEHE WARNINGS | excessive swearing, insecurities, some sex jokes LMAO, i project a lot in this i’m sorry JSFJG WORD COUNT | 14.5k TAGLIST | @prettyjaems @lcvemark @shra-vasti @danishmiilk @probablygonnahurtsomebody @jccv @rebel-lious-alien @dalkomhanchocolateicecream @kthpurplesyou @fullsuhnshine​ @dejvns @nctzun @sweetjaemss @sehunniepot @wownajaemin @emoshishi @holywaterbetch @ukiyoneo @injunified @huangxx​ @jaehyunnie3​ @nct-writers​ @czennienet​ @neowritingsnet​ @kpopscape​

a/n: HERE IT IS.... MY PRIDE AND JOY JHSFJSD gahh okay i’m gonna keep my rambling to a minimum but this fic is very close and very dear to my heart and if it isn’t obvious that i’m in love with jaemin then this fic will make it obvious LMAO

also do yourself a favor and listen to ben&ben’s araw-araw on loop while reading this!! adds to the ~vibe~ hehe

Five-thirty-seven in the morning, grey clouds stretching throughout the sky as you peeked outside the window, falling right above oceans and buildings and people that you couldn’t even see. You sighed as you sank deeper into your chair, closing your eyes and adjusting your earbuds to clear your thoughts that were brought about by your sudden move.

You felt a nudge from beside you, coming from your mother (your dad was long knocked out since earlier), and so you politely pulled the earbuds away. “Excited to come back to Korea?” she asked. You simply responded with a smile and hum.

It wasn’t like you didn’t like the idea of returning— it was the prospect that it did not even feel like you were returning in the first place. Indifference was what you felt. After moving to Los Angeles when you were twelve because of your father’s job, you had to say goodbye to all your friends living in your hometown, all the traditions and customs that you were used to, and all the memories that you have built up in order to get used to a new environment. Seven years later when you thought you were just about to fit in with the west, your father comes out with the news of going back to Seoul again.

So it was difficult to manage a full smile.

You had a thought as you looked down through the window, recognizing a few of the landmarks that stood out: how strange it was to have somewhere that used to be home feel so foreign.

Just as you were about to put in your earbuds back in, your mother suddenly brightened, looking at you with a large smile on her face, eliciting your curious gaze.

“Oh! Do you still remember your old friend Jaemin?”

A smile tugged at your lips. How could you forget him?

Na Jaemin. Nana. Jaems. Your childhood best friend for six years until you were forcibly shipped all the way to LA. You still remembered how hesitant you were to tell him that you were moving because you didn’t want him to cry— only to have you crying and refusing to let go of him until your parent's pried you off of him at the airport. He assured you while wiping away your tears that you’d still get to see him one day.

Maybe that day would actually be one of these days.

“Yeah,” you mumbled, fiddling with the drawstrings of your jacket. “Why? I haven’t been in contact with him for years now.”

“His mom and I talked the other day and I told her that we’re moving back! And just earlier, she told me that Jaemin volunteered to pick us up from the airport so we won’t have to take a cab. Isn’t that great? You’d get to be reunited with your old friend again.”

“Ah,” you paused for a moment, in thought, just before pressing your lips together into a tight smile. “Yeah, it would be nice to see him again.”

That was what you said, but even until you left the plane, lugging your baggage across the cold floors of the airport with your music at full volume to drown out the noise, you were actually rather conflicted about meeting him again. A lot could happen within seven years, and therefore there was no assurance that things would still be the same. You weren’t sure if he’d still be the same sweet boy that was determined to fight the park swings after you fell and cried, if he’d still be the same kid that stopped talking to you for three days because you tricked him into eating a strawberry flavored lollipop. Maybe he’d still be, maybe he wouldn’t, but it was exactly that uncertainty that made you feel uneasy.

Still, there was still a hint of excitement, a string that tugged your heart away from all the uneasiness, just enough to bring a smile to your face at the thought of seeing him again.

“Y/N, let’s go?”

Your father called out to you and you didn’t even realize that you have actually stopped walking amidst your musings.

“Oh, yeah I—” you stumbled in between the ever moving airport crowd, looking down to see your shoelace had become undone, and so you let go of your suitcase. “You two go ahead, I’ll catch up in a sec!”

You ducked down, right beside the large, grey case to fix it, lips pursed in concentration. People passed by without minding you too much, but at one instance, just as you had finished retying your shoelace, your suitcase moved away from you with a shadow looming from above. Panic struck, and so you jolted up, instincts forcing your hand to move, quickly grabbing the handle. There was another hand resting on it. Your eyes moved up to meet with the culprit's.

Weirdly enough, he was just as shocked as you are.

Even weirder— he looked way, way too attractive to be a thief. Or maybe that was the modus these days? Still, you harshly dragged back the suitcase, ripping it away from his grasp with a glare. “What the fuck—”

At that moment, you recalled your mother’s words. Jaemin volunteered to pick us up from the airport. This guy looked a little too much like your old friend from your old neighborhood.

It felt like you were looking into the exact same large, dark eyes that used to be always accompanied by a pretty smile, now matched by a mouth hanging slightly agape from surprise. He even had the same dark hair that always messily fell over his eyes. There was a moment of pause in between the rush of bodies, the both of you in a frozen trance staring at each other until you had finally realized that motherfucker— this was Na Jaemin.

When did he get so hot?

“I—”

He flashed you a smile. The same damned smile. It brought you to the conclusion that seven years really didn’t do anything except make him far too attractive for his own good. All of a sudden you felt self-conscious about your own appearance as you gawked at him. God really liked to play favorites, huh?

You could see him say something, his lips moving just enough to represent a few words, but it was muffled thanks to the blaring music. Your confusion reflected clearly on your face contorting, and Jaemin only shook his head and laughed before reaching his hands to your face, bringing you to a momentary halt of haywire because what the actual fuck was he doing.

“You shouldn’t listen to music too loudly in public,” he said, pulling your earbuds out of your ears and gingerly placing them into your open palms with a smile. Holy fuck, his voice got so deep. “I’ve been calling out to you since earlier, but you couldn’t hear. Let’s go, your parents are waiting.”

Before you could even try to recollect yourself from the sudden crashing of events, Jaemin took your suitcase in your stead, leading you to his car.

If you still weren’t sure whether or not this was Na Jaemin from your past, you were now because although a bit watered down, he was just as excessively weird and sweet as he was ages ago. You found yourself feeling stupid for even doubting it in the first place. Of course, he was still the same; he even chirps your name in the same way as he always did before.

“There we go,” with a huff, the trunk came to a close. He threw your suitcase in there after seeing your mini struggle episode with far too little effort for your peace of mind. “You should just ask me next time. Okay, Y/N?”

“Thanks,” you gave him a small nod, flustered when he pinched your left cheek while making a questionable noise, and he opened the car door for you to enter.

Maybe it was you that had changed.

You were fairly quiet throughout the car ride while your parents and Jaemin decided to catch up after everything, only listening and giving your reactions whenever needed. You weren’t a morning person and your jetlag wasn’t doing you of any help either.

“You’re in your third year, right Jaemin?” your father asked, sitting at the front seat as your mother and you sat behind.

“Yep, yep,” he happily replied.

“Time really does fly fast, doesn’t it?” your mother joined in. “What uni do you go to, Jaemin?”

“Ah,” he sounded, eyes still directed on the road. “NCT U. It’s the closest at home, and I didn’t really wanna move out.”

“Oh, what a coincidence! Y/N isn’t that where you’re planning on going, too?”

“Really?” you could see Jaemin’s eyes brighten from the mirrors. “Y/N, do you want me to help you with your requirements? Have you enrolled already? I can give you a tour if you want!”

He’s really the same. You thought, smiling. “It’s fine, Jaemin. I already enrolled and took care of everything online.”

“But I should still tour you, though!” he retorted, the pout and whine evident in his voice. “The campus is really big so you might get lost. Ah, but aren’t universities in the States much bigger? I can also introduce you to some of my friends if you like.”

Jaemin went on for a while, telling your parents not to worry and promising that he’d take care of you throughout your college life here in Korea despite your protests that you could very much take care of your own self. Eventually, your mother asked about his major, and his animated expressions dimmed down into a slight bashfulness after answering that he was taking biology. You joined the conversation upon hearing that. “You said back then that you wanted to be a surgeon, right?”

With a shy smile, he nodded, and at that moment you felt a rush of awe for your childhood friend. Your parents seemed to have reacted the same way seeing as he was growing a little more embarrassed. It was amazing how he held on to the same dream he held since he was a kid— the amount of passion and dedication he must have for it. You on the other hand—

“What about you, Y/N?”

You jumped at the sudden subject switch. “Oh, I’m—” a pause in your statement. “I’m… taking an arts course.”

“Wow! As expected, Y/N is as cool as always,” he doted, which caused you to flush.

“It’s— it’s not really that amazing, it’s just the only thing I’m kinda good at so—”

“No, no, no. Y/N, you shouldn’t say that,” he scolded, clicking his tongue while his hands remained on the wheel. Your mother was beside you yet he was the one doing the mom nagging. “Who is that again? Bob Ross? Leonardo DiCaprio? You’re gonna be much much much better than them someday, I just know it! I have something called Nana vision, you know.”

You stifled a quiet laugh, not having the heart to correct him that it was not DiCaprio. “Does your Nana vision also see that we’re already almost at the complex?”

“Oh!”

At your words, Jaemin’s attention was now a hundred percent back on driving, profusely apologizing for getting distracted. You could see his ears slightly reddening from your seat which lasted until the end of the drive. Jaemin helped your family carry everything to your apartment on the eighth floor, even volunteering to help you unpack. Your mother firmly declined, however, insisting him to take a rest after all his help, but she did invite him and his parents over for dinner tomorrow. A little reunion of sorts.

“Six in the evening, right?”

“Yes. You should head back home now, Jaemin. Thank you for everything.”

He shot a bright smile before readying to march outside. “We’ll be here by five!”

She laughed at him, shaking her head, and proceeded to look for you inside the mess of the living room. You were about to disappear inside your room, luggage in hand to unpack, but she quickly dragged you back by the ear. “Go see him out the door!” she whisper-yelled, and so you did. Fortunately, he was stopped by your father before he got to leave, so you took this opportunity to smoothly stride beside him as he slipped past the door when he said goodbye. The door clicked to a close. He raised a brow at you.

“Mother’s orders,” you answered.

“So you wouldn’t have gone out if she didn’t tell you to?” he huffed, pouting. “And I was really happy to see you, too. I think I might have to take that back.”

You rolled your eyes at him, laughing, and eventually you made it to the end of the hallway. “Too late. You can’t take back your happiness. It’s good to see you again, Jaemin.”

The both of you stopped right in front of the elevator, and you waited for him to depart, but he didn’t. He had his arms crossed over his chest, accompanied by an expression on his face that you couldn’t quite tell if it was hurt, disappointment, or offense. Probably all three. Definitely all three.

“What? are you putting up a wall between us? Don’t I mean anything to you anymore?” he groused, nose scrunching. “What happened to Jaems? Nana? Y/N, you’re seriously hurting me over here.”

Laughing at the way he was sticking his frown right into your face to prove his point, you playfully shoved him off, pushing him into the elevator after all of his complaints even though he was the one moving his feet, anyway. You missed him, that much you could conclude, therefore you decided to stop his whining just before the elevator doors came to a close.

“See you tomorrow, Nana.”

You grinned, not missing the way his eyes lit up in between the small gap. You really did miss him, and you were lucky enough to have him as a small memory to remind you that this place was indeed home.

Maybe it wasn’t just Jaemin that you had missed. The entire family was just a smack in the face of early childhood nostalgia that you nearly cried (thank god you didn’t) when Mrs. Na buried you into a bone crushing hug the moment she saw you when you opened the door. You were really happy to be back— even when you weren’t exactly sure before.

“Mom, I think you’re suffocating, Y/N,” Jaemin pointed out as he left his shoes in front of your doorstep, walking inside with his father following behind him.

“Oh my, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I just couldn’t believe that this is you!” she coddled, and somewhere in between Jaemin found himself beside you. “I think I have pictures of you two when you were younger, hold on—”

Mrs. Na was pushed forward by her husband as she dug through her phone for a decade old Facebook posts of you and Jaemin (you hoped she wouldn’t remember you had an entire album). The older man ruffled your hair as he passed by with a fond smile, disappearing into the dining table where your parents were preparing and leaving you and Jaemin behind.

He was looking at you. Questionably so.

“What?”

“It’s not fair,” he whined. “I didn’t get to hug you yesterday.”

Oh my god, you shook your head, grabbing the sleeve of his mint jacket and leading him to where your parents were to help. “You’ll have more opportunities, you loser. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

Jaemin was speechless for a moment as he let you drag him along, but a happy smile broke through and he matched your steps halfway.

“Yeah,” he agreed. You weren’t going anywhere.

Dinner followed the usual sequence of events: reminiscing about the past, asking both parties what they have been up to, and of course talks about the future. During the meal, Jaemin asked when your classes were starting (next week), and he proposed his promised tour to be held this Tuesday— two days from now— because he didn’t have a lot of classes that day. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, neither did your parents, so you ended up agreeing.

Unfortunately for you, your mother pulled out the ancient photo album of the past right after dinner, and the stark contrast between yours and Jaemin’s reactions were also album worthy. By the end of it, you were sure that smoke was emitting from your ears because your good friend had an affinity with screaming over how cute you were, even going as far as stealing one of your baby pictures right before they decided to make their leave.

“Ah, ah,” he pulled the photo away the moment he sensed your attempt of theft. You two were standing right in front of the open door, his parents already having left ahead. “I’m keeping this. You look so cute here.”

“How am I so sure you won’t blackmail me with that!”

An offended gasp. “I would never,” he took out his phone, inserting your picture inside his colored phone case with you watching his every move. “It’s for me to see only, so you don’t need to worry.”

You looked at him. Then to the phone that he was holding up with a confident smile. You let out a sigh.

“Fine,” you begrudgingly relented, and he waddled over to you with a big smile on his face to envelop you into a hug. He smells nice, you thought, reciprocating the embrace. Wait, isn’t this my perfume? That would explain what he was doing inside your room earlier. You could only sigh inwardly let him keep on hugging you. He was whining about it earlier, after all.

It lasted long, maybe a bit too long because his dad came back to fetch him.

“Mhm, you can trust me with anything, Y/N,” Jaemin mumbled before finally pulling away, his hands still resting on your shoulders as he did. “Anyway, before I go— should we exchange phone numbers?”

Tuesday came by, and you were met with two realizations. Both of which made you feel very very small in comparison.

One, NCT U was really freaking big.

Two, Na Jaemin was really freaking popular.

Granted, he had only shown you around the STEM department, but with every turn that you took and every hallway that you passed through, there was least one person that stopped by to say hi to him. Even some of the teachers were close with him. You should have expected it considering he was literally nice, smart, handsome, and everything you could ever ask for, but it still made him feel just a tiny bit out of reach.

“Are you feeling tired?” he asked, breaking away from a conversation with a senior. He put a hand over your shoulder with concern that reflected in his eyes. “We can take a break around the benches if you want.”

“Yeah, sure. After you—”

“I’ll talk to you later, hyung. See you around.”

Jaemin waved off his older friend, Yuta, you had overheard, and proceeded to lead you to the aforementioned area on the ground floor before stopping by a vending machine to get some drinks. You pressed your lips together, feet shuffling as you waited behind him, and then you finally decided to speak. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Do what?” he asked, slotting in a few coins into the machine.

“You— you with your friend,” you fumbled, trying your best to speak your mind, but how were you supposed to say ‘cut your conversation short with your friend because of me’ without seeming like a total headass? You could have waited until they were finished.

With a soft smile, he passed a canned, carbonated drink into your hands— lemon, you read— and took one for himself. He didn’t answer your incomprehensible question and decided to walk across the field leading to a bench area, but you were sure he got what you were trying to say. He simply chose not to answer. Or did he? Hell, you didn’t even know anymore. Annoyed, you decided to gulp down the drink in one go to distract yourself, even when the bubbles stung your throat. Jaemin stared at you in horror.

“Were you that thirsty? You should have told—”

“Na Jaemin!”

In sync, your heads snapped towards the direction of the ear-ripping screech, which was quite coincidentally where you two were headed. There were two boys sitting on a bench, one more on the table with a guitar. You assumed that it was one of them that screamed out your friend’s name— probably the one that was making eye contact with him before dramatically turning away with a butchered sob.

“Na Jaemin! Traitor of the brotherhood! I remember when he would still come running the moment I call his name but now— forgotten for dust! He doesn’t care about us anymore, Renjun. He even has a new—”

“What are you on about this time, Haechan?”

Haechan’s evidently fake sobbing stopped, pushing away the boy that he had just been crying into moments prior. “Oh you’re here,” he deadpanned.

It was almost horrific how three pairs of eyes immediately zeroed in on you as you meekly hid behind Jaemin, causing the hairs at the back of your neck to stand as if you were about to die in a fucking horror movie. You could tell from that alone that despite having many friends, these guys were probably his closest— whether it was better or worse, you had no idea. All of a sudden you were dawned with the intimidating task of trying to get them to like you, which was already way too out of reach because the one with the guitar was practically ripping you to shreds with his eyes alone.

“Please stop trying to scare, Y/N. Jeno, you might actually make her cry, stop that.”

“Whoops,” Jeno stopped his death staring. “Hyuck initiated it.”

“Actually it was Renjun, but whatever,” before Renjun could even bite back after being falsely accused, Haechan had already blocked him off and had directed his attention towards you, legs crossed and a critical gaze. “Fuck formalities. Y/N, right? Who are you and why are you trying to steal—”

“Alright, no more scare tactics. Y/N, there are my friends, Jeno, Haechan— or Donghyuck, whichever you prefer, he doesn’t mind— and Renjun. They’re just trying to mess with you, don’t worry. Friends, this Y/N L/N, my childhood friend for like four, five years before she left Korea and moved to LA.”

The term childhood friend lit a spark within the three boys, but before they could do or say anything dangerous that would jeopardize your relationship, Jaemin the ever popular boy was called out by a group of girls. He excused himself to leave for a moment, but not before apologizing to you a million times over (“If you’re really sorry,” Renjun chided before he ran off. “Treat us and Miss Y/N to Kun’s, yeah?”). He agreed without even hearing him properly, and now you were left with his three friends that felt more like three sharks that circled around you. They were fucking out for blood.

“So,” the moment Jaemin disappeared from the parameter, Haechan pulled you to the bench in between him and Renjun with a devilish grin. “Childhood friend, huh?”

Your eyes snapped over to Renjun who was on your right to ask for a way out of this, but the guy was busy filming the entire thing on his phone. Why did Jaemin leave you behind? You had no chance of escaping. Haechan locked you down by swinging his arm around your neck just as you were about to stand. He signalled at his friend who was sitting on the table. “Jeno, drop the beat.”

There was a moment of miscommunication in between because instead of dropping the beat like Haechan asked, Jeno started strumming a sickeningly sweet tune on his guitar. Or maybe that was what he intended. Either way, Haechan was flexible enough to go along with it.

“You know what they say about childhood friends,” another strum. Haechan sang. Was this a fucking oration? “You either end up forgetting each other, hating each other, or you end up toge—”

“That is not—”

“Hush!” he silenced. Renjun was losing it at the side. So was Jeno, because the guitar tune was long replaced by fits of strangled laughter. “It is, clueless Y/N. It is. How many childhood friends have you met that stayed as childhood friends? None, I assume. I’m never wrong, you see.”

“Weren’t you and Mark childhood friends, too—”

“Shut the fuck up, Huang. This isn’t about me. Y/N, listen.”

Grabbing your shoulders, Haechan pulled you away from Renjun, the sudden movement nearly giving you a whiplash.

“From my expert calculations, you and Jaemin are undeniably going down route three, but the both of you are moving at an agonizingly slow pace, correct?” you stared at him, wide eyed, and he was staring right back. “Correct! Now, in order to speed things up a bit, all you have to do is follow Hyuck’s five step guide on How To Trap Your Childhood Friend Into—”

“Isn’t this the same guide that ruined your—”

“I said shut the fuck up!”

The two ended up quarrelling and you ended up being forgotten. You weren’t sure whether to be thankful or be offended. Jeno shot you a look of remorse on behalf of his friends, bringing you to the conclusion that this must have been a normal occurrence. Your eyes shot towards the sky, clouds covering the sun just enough so you wouldn’t be blinded, ears picking up the argument occuring that went back and forth on both of your sides. They’re a lively bunch, you breathed out, a subtle smile on your face.

Eventually Jaemin showed his face again, jogging over to your group and you greeted him with a beaming grin. “You guys seem to be getting along,” he said the moment he stopped before you.

“Oh, Romeo returns,” Renjun decided to stop picking a fight with Haechan. “Where’d you get dragged off to this time?”

There was silence, all four sets of eyes heavily sparked with curiosity as you waited for Jaemin’s response, but the boy was rather hesitant. “Well—” he fumbled, a faint baby pink blush powdering his cheeks. Sheepish, he continued. “Someone confessed to me.”

The first person that reacted was Jeno, who released a loud snort and scooted a little more forward. “Shouldn’t you be used to it by now?” Jaemin indignantly refuted as he continued to be teased by the other two boys, the remaining uncharacteristically not joining in. At that very moment you could feel Haechan looking at you, a gaze that you couldn’t quite put a finger on but it was enough to shoot him a glare back.

“Who was it? Is she pretty?” you chose to ignore the annoying male beside you and decide to focus all of your interest and attention on Jaemin instead.

“Jiah,” he mindlessly answered, pushing Haechan to the side so he could sit next to you. “From nursing? I think?”

“Dude,” you turned your head to Renjun. “Kang Jiah? Holy shit, that’s crazy.”

Noticing the lost look in your eyes, Renjun proceeded to explain that not only was the alluded Kang Jiah arguably the prettiest in her department, she was at the top of her class too. You didn’t understand which part about that was crazy because for you, that was exactly the kind of person that Jaemin was destined to end up with. You wouldn’t be surprised if they do become a thing— well, there was only one way to find the answer to that.

“Well, what did you say? You said yes right?” you asked him, looking forward to his answer.

“Oh,” he shrugged. “I turned her down.”

What?

“Of course,” Renjun scoffed, shaking head with his arms crossed. “Only you would turn someone like Jiah down. At this rate you’ll end up dying an old hermit.”

“You have a crush on her or something?”

“Pff— no? I just think she’s pretty,”

“You’re not fooling anyone, dumbass. Come over here, I’m gonna squeeze it out of you—”

While the two quarrelled again in the middle of the field with Jeno being the one filming this time, you remained frozen in your seat, somewhat surprised. Huh, you blinked, wanting to ask him why he turned her down but frankly it was none of your business. You turned your head to face him. “Wow, I didn’t expect you to turn into such a heartbreaker, Jaems.”

He clicked his tongue, face scrunched into a bitter look of disapproval as reached out to mess up your hair. “Stop thinking weird thoughts,” he scolded. “Instead, why don’t I finally take you to the art building?”

Your eyes immediately lit up after the mention, and he stifled a laugh at your reaction, patting your head once more before sneaking off without the other three’s knowledge.

Jaemin’s tour of the whole campus actually deemed to be pretty useful because after three whole weeks of going to NCT U, you’d only gotten lost seven times— pretty remarkable if you do say so yourself. Within those three weeks, you had actually expected that your old childhood friend would leave you off on your own once you got used to everything, but no. He tried his best to meet you in between classes even though your buildings were nowhere near each other, and the times when he couldn’t, he’d never failed to call or text you. “I promised your parents!” he reasoned, but you weren’t sure if that promise included asking you if you’ve eaten breakfast every morning.

“Breakfast?”

You repeated into the phone as you and your recently made friend Soorim walked to your Visual Studies class. You’d met her during your first week and the both of you immediately hit off. It was nice to have someone else other than Jaemin and his friends, but of course you appreciated their company, too.

“I, uh, actually haven’t eaten— no wait! Before you nag me, I have a valid excuse, okay!” Soorim gave you a sidelong glance, curious and suspicious over your loud phone call so she tried to lean her ear closer to the device but you quickly evaded without even looking at her. “Listen, I was in a hurry to school! I actually planned on grabbing a bite on the way but I… forgot my wallet because again, I was in a hurry and— no, shut up, you don’t have the right to scold me for this, too! You literally left your report at home yesterday and I had to walk all the way back to save your butt so you’re no better, Mr. Na.”

Without even realizing, you were already in front of the doors to your classroom, and so you hurried a goodbye to Jaemin just before you and Soorim took your seats at the near back.

“Alright, I’m in the classroom now. See you later. Yes, I’ll eat after, yes, I promise to double check my wallet from now on. Bye.”

The moment you settled on your seat, setting your phone and backpack aside, Soorim swiveled her chair to face you, legs crossed, hands resting with poise on her thigh, and she batted her eyelashes expectantly. You ignored her, twisting open your water bottle because it was the only thing you had that could somewhat silence your crying stomach.

“So,” she started anyway. The bottle opening was hovering over your lips. You narrowed your eyes at her. What the fuck was she doing. “When are you introducing me to your boyfriend?”

You choked while drinking.

“Boy— what,” with a grimace, you ripped away the bottle from your face, slamming it down on the table. You looked at your friend in disgust. “If I had one I wouldn’t be hanging out with you.”

Soorim rolled her eyes, sneering at you. She held up her hand to the side of her face, all fingers closed except for her pinky and her thumb, shaking it a little. You sighed.

“He’s a friend.”

“The same friend that kept on calling you during our night out because he was worried?”

“Yes, well,” your sweat dropped. “He’s just like that, you know?”

“Sure,” she scrunched her nose, haphazardly throwing her giant notebook on the table. There was a brief moment of quiet that overtook because Soorim decided to stop egging on you as you waited for your professor, but that quiet only lasted for a while. She nudged you, and you looked up from your desk. “Oh, look who's coming.”

Huang Renjun sauntered in with an expression not fitting for a “good morning” greeting, so you chose to remain silent and simply stare at him in judgment as he settled right before you and Soorim, plastic bag in hand and binder in the other. What shat in his coffee this early in the morning?

“This is all your fault,” with a grunt, he dropped the bag filled with all sorts of food and snacks right in front of you, immediately pulling out a chair and sitting his ass onto it after. “My plans of turning up late are ruined because of you.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, picking out a small container of strawberry milk from the bunch. How was this your fault? Furthermore, what exactly was all of this?

“Ooh, you making moves on Y/N, Huang?” Soorim, on the other hand, was digging into the rest of the goods, stealing a bun filled with red bean paste with a happy smile.

“Ew, as if.”

Renjun fake gagged, earning a look of offense from you which he completely ignored and disregarded. He took a box of pepero from the pile, shooting you a smug look before adding.

“It’s from Nana.”

(“You’re at school already? It’s very early. You’ve eaten breakfast, right?”

At a convenience store nearby the school, Jaemin and Renjun decided to eat their first meal there. Though, it appeared that the latter was the only one doing all the eating because his friend seemed to be far too preoccupied with his conversation on the phone to even notice that he took some of his sushi right in front of his face. Renjun silently chewed as he watched the colors on his friend’s face change at each sentence.

“Aish, it’s the most important meal of the day for a reason. How many times do I have to tell you—”

Another piece of sushi stolen. He wondered how far he could get away with it.

“Y/N, I—”

Jaemin let out a long sigh, causing Renjun to drop the food back onto the plate, retracting his chopsticks back to his own food— a bowl of ramen noodles that he had still yet to finish. He discreetly slurped it down as if he hadn’t been stealing since earlier. He was sure that Jaemin noticed though, but knowing his friend, he probably just let him. Renjun noticed the small pout on Jaemin, eliciting his curiosity.

“Okay,” he’s whining, Renjun concluded. “See you later.”

The moment Jaemin shut off his phone, Renjun expected him to say something, to air out why the fuck he was being all that this early in the morning, maybe even tell him what the call was about like a friend would, but no. Instead, Jaemin promptly stood up from his seat, disappeared into the limited selection of isles in the store, basket in hand, and started throwing a mountain full of food with a scrunched out, concentrated expression. Renjun had his mouth hanging open, brows knitted together, and wondering what in the ever loving fuck was going on with his friend as he stared at him pay for everything at the counter.

He sat back, eyeing Jaemin as he returned in front of him, who placed the full bag on top of the table as he took a seat.

“The hell?” a particular carton caught Renjun’s eye, and he immediately fished for it in primal disbelief. “Strawberry milk? You literally hate strawberries and milk separately yet you’re buying them combined? Are you sick?”

Jaemin did not answer. In fact, he dismissed the question completely with a smile, deciding to ask one of his own.

“It’s almost time for your first class, right? Visual Studies?”

At that point it hit him— the call, the food, the stupid behavior of his friend. It was completely obvious.

“Oh,” Renjun dropped the drink back onto the table. “Oh my god, you’re so fucking whipped.”)

“Shut up.”

After hearing Renjun’s story, you couldn’t look at all the multicolored snacks laid in front of you without heating up a million degrees anymore. It was ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

“You’re just messing with me, shut up.”

Renjun scoffed. “Why would I even make up something so stupid? C’mon, Y/N. You know I’m way better than that.”

You couldn’t argue that this wasn’t something Jaemin would do. No, because this was exactly something sickly sweet Jaemin would do and your sad attempt of denial was simply because your heart might actually run away if you admit it to yourself. And as if to give you more assurance or to fluster you even further, your phone vibrated, causing you to jump in your seat. Before either of the two’s nosiness could take a peek, you quickly snatched your phone, leaning your chair all the way back to read the message.

[<nana3: never skip breakfast okok?!? u don’t have your wallet right? wait for me in front of the bio building later. let’s eat lunch together 🥰💚]

Dear lord Jesus, have mercy on your soul. Renjun took your squeak as a sign of victory.

“Wait a minute,” Soorim looked at you wide in a sudden moment of epiphany. “Nana as in Na Jaemin? The fucking Na Jaemin? Is he the friend you’ve been mentioning? The guy you were calling and bought all this? Holy fuck, Y/N—!”

Your body moved before you could think and you thanked god that your professor wasn’t here yet because you would have caught the entire class’ attention when you leaped forward to slap your hands over Soorim’s mouth.

Renjun’s excessive giggling brought you back to reality, pulling your hands off of her with a gasp and an apology. “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry.”

“What the fuck, why did you do that?”

“I don’t know, it felt like you were about to say something stupid!”

She gave a look, half done and half amazed at your willpower. You’d never been this fired up for anything. “Is it stupid to say that one of the hottest guys on campus is literally—”

“Stupid!” another slap on her mouth. Renjun was about to fall off his chair laughing. “You were going to say something stupid. Please don’t even think about finishing that.”

Lucky for you, your professor had finally come in. Unlucky for you, Soorim shot you the signature dirty stare which meant that you wouldn’t be let off that easily. How fun.

Class went on quiet and boring as usual— you’d never been one for technicalities, preferring heading straight into the creative process with nothing but inspiration coursing through your veins, so your professor’s voice was nothing but white noise running in the background as you busied yourself with your thoughts. Your eyes flickered to the floor, cheek resting on your palm, and you gazed down to the plastic back beside your backpack. Twirling your pencil between your fingers, you pulled out a scrap piece of paper, every move that you made triggered by nothing except the abstract flow of your mind.

There was only one person you were thinking of. The same person living inside your head the moment you stepped foot back into Korea, the same person that made you feel as if you were someone special out of all the eight billion people in the world, the same person that bought you three persons worth of food because he didn’t want you skipping breakfast, the same person that felt more like a dream than anything.

Mindlessly, you started sketching the face of your childhood friend, filling in all the details of his face that you could see whenever you closed your eyes, up until the bell rang that signalled the end of the class.

“Y/N! Your father and I are leaving, now!”

“There’s extra money on top of the fridge if you want to eat out.”

Saturday evening. Your parents decided to go out on a well-deserved date that night, leaving you alone inside your apartment. You saw them out the door, locking it up once they left, and as you pressed your back against the white washed wooden door, your eyes darted over to the clock hanging on your living room wall. Six-twenty-three. There were still a few hours until closing.

An art exhibition was to be held on the same evening, and this was the last day that the actual artist was going to be there. Free and you got to meet world renowned artist Ten Lee? You’d be insane not to go. Though, as you made your way into your room to change out of your raggedy old sweatpants and Jaemin’s (stolen) mint hoodie, you’d come to a realization that maybe the venue was too far for you to just walk. Your parents were using the car and it wasn’t like you could drive anyway. You could commute, but there was a better idea in your system.

Opening your phone, a smile involuntarily tugged at the corners of your mouth as you pressed the contact number that seemed to have never left your recents.

[you: nana! are you free rn? there’s an art exhibition out of town! i need a ride :p and you need some time off your studies too bcs i noticed youve been more tired than usual so good idea i think yes hehe]

As usual, he took no more than a minute to reply. But after lighting up when you saw his name flash on your screen, you bit down your bottom lip to prevent a frown from forming.

[<nana3: TT i’m attending a seminar for an org rn y/nie huhu i don’t know what time it’s ending so i’m not sure if i can make it 😫😭]

[you: it’s okay!! jhfdj sorry for disturbing u!! please listen well to the speaker hehe and tell me how it went]

[<nana3: i’m so sorry]

It was difficult to pinpoint how you exactly felt.

You chewed the inside of your mouth, staring at the phone screen. He shouldn’t be apologizing.

After shutting your closet door down to a close, you fell face down onto your bed, your phone thrown over to the side. Yes, you were disappointed, but it wasn’t what weighed you down; the actual reason feeling like a disgusting, throbbing feeling writhing underneath your skin after being suppressed for awhile now. It never left your system the moment you'd arrived, the moment he showed you what his life was like, making you realize the stark difference between you and him.

You couldn’t care less about the exhibition now. In fact, fuck that entire plan entirely. As you were loitering, fooling around, planning on going to pointless events that wouldn’t be of benefit to your future, Jaemin was there, making connections and decisions and taking a step further into life.

It made you wonder what exactly had you been doing these past seven years— what haven’t you been doing, what you should be doing. You were ashamed to admit it, but it plagued the back of your mind since you got here.

Jaemin was far too out of reach.

It made the wrench in your gut worse whenever he made an effort to not make you feel that way. He’d always include you whenever he’d be with his other friends, always made sure that you didn’t feel left out since you came here, whether it be by his little cute texts even though you were in the same room just to make you smile, or by giving you all of his attention despite the many people vying for his. God, you didn’t deserve him. You didn’t deserve to like him.

What did you deserve?

Just then, there was a knock on your front door, followed by a buzz from your phone.

[<nana3: open the door!]

And you did, scrambling out of your bed and nearly tripping over your feet as you ran just to swing it open. Jaemin stood before you with his hair tousled by the wind, a purple and orange varsity jacket covering his frame. He greeted you with brightened eyes.

“I thought you had—”

“I left early,” he smiled at you, walking inside. “Why aren’t you dressed yet? Hurry, I’ll wait here.”

You blinked at him as he passed you by to sit on your couch, unable to understand what led him to such a decision, staring as he stretched his arms over his head with a yaw. He shouldn’t have come here. “Jaemin, it’s just an exhibition, it’s not as important as your seminar.”

He raised a brow at you, stealing a pillow into his lap. “But you want to go, right?”

“Well…” you did want to go, even after your small episode earlier. “Yeah, but—”

“Then it’s more important.”

He smiled at you. You cursed at yourself for letting your heart dither.

“Besides, you actually think I’d let you go out alone this late at night?” Jaemin stood up from the sofa, resting his hand on top of your head with an affectionate gaze. “You should go change. Or maybe not. You look good in my clothes, anyway.”

It was cold outside, so Jaemin made sure that you were wearing enough layers so that you won’t get sick, forcing you back inside when he deemed that you weren’t covered enough.

“Jaem, I’m fucking sweating.”

You huffed as you lugged yourself to the front seat, but your padded winter coat was preventing you from making a smooth landing inside.

“Sweating is a good sign! That means you’re healthy,” noticing your struggle, Jaemin relented to leaving the coat at the back of the car, but keeping it there just in case. He got in after you, starting the car and turning on the radio for some background noise. “Reconnaissance Gallery Right? What’s the name of the show?”

“Mono,” you replied. “It’s by Ten Lee.”

“Oh! I remember you talking about him once,” he exclaimed. “We should hurry then.”

It was a generally quiet car ride, but the silence was welcomed. After asking where you wanted to eat dinner once you were done with the exhibit, Jaemin didn’t talk anymore. Your eyes followed the moving lights that were lit up all around the night scene, and from time to time they flickered over to admire the boy beside you who seemed to be far too engrossed with his driving. An unconscious smile grew, warmth fluttering inside. You were lucky enough to meet him again in this lifetime, even after being set apart for so long.

“Something wrong?”

He asked without looking. He must have noticed you staring.

“No,” you replied with a soft voice. “Just remembered how baby-faced you were back then.”

With a laugh, he shook his head, one hand stretched out to the steering wheel. “You’re one to talk. Alright, I think we’re here.”

You felt a rush the moment you went past the glass doors, met by a relatively large interior with walls painted either black or white and lined with numerous paintings that contrasted the wall they were hung on. With a large grin, you quickly tugged Jaemin’s arm deeper into the venue, your footsteps making hollow echoes inside the place. He was taken aback by your sudden action, heart racing when he felt your grip on him, never slowing down even when you stopped in front of one of the larger works in the exhibit. “Oh my gosh, I love this painting— wait let me take a picture.”

As you fumbled with your phone, Jaemin couldn’t help but stare at you as if you were a part of the exhibit itself. There were more people inside, yet he didn’t even notice them; paintings as pretty as the night sky, yet it was you that he couldn’t take his eyes off of. Your phone camera captured it with an audible click, and he took it as a signal to scramble and take his out too.

Click!

“The painting’s really pretty, right?”

He nodded at you. “Yeah,” it wasn’t the painting that he wanted to capture. He dug his phone back into his pocket after sneaking a brief glance at your excited grin behind the screen. It wasn’t every day that you smiled like this since you were usually reserved. He didn’t want to miss saving a memory. “You wanna walk around more?”

At his suggestion, you and Jaemin decided to move deeper into the exhibit. You knew he wasn’t that knowledgeable about art, but he still listened intently whenever you told him something about the strokes and composition of some of the works displayed. You hadn’t run into Ten Lee yet even after an hour of walking around and taking pictures, but you didn’t mind at all. Jaemin froze in front of a certain painting— the visage of what seemed to be a face formed together by different objects, drawn in a style similar to the rest with the black and white motif, graffiti-esque structure, and the overall whimsical and abstract feel to it. There was a smile on his face, you wondered what he was thinking about.

“One day, it’s gonna be your paintings that will be displayed here. You promise you won’t forget about me when that happens, okay?" he started, turning his attention to you. “You should also paint a portrait dedicated to me," he joked, nudging you a little.

You smiled at him. Jaemin noticed that this wasn’t your usual smile, but he chose to not say anything. “Okay,” you breathed out before looking down seconds before he could see your expression melt away. How was he thinking so highly of you when it was him who was too far to reach?

He was about to ask— he didn’t know what to ask— but he would say whatever just to erase whatever was bothering your peace of mind. But he wasn’t able to. In fact, just as he lifted a hand to rest over your shoulder as an act of comfort, your head shot up, turning to face the sudden eruption of a commotion that Jaemin had failed to notice in his worry for you.

“Holy crap,” you gasped. “Is that—”

Ten Lee, just a few feet away from you with cameras and crowd surrounding him. You wasted no time to run to him, grabbing Jaemin’s hand in a flash to drag him behind. His eyes softened upon seeing the excited bounce of your hair as you ran. At least your spirits were brought back up again.

Jaemin watched as you nervously fiddled with the hem of your jacket as you waited for an opening to talk to the famous artist, how you would stand on your toes to peek above the small crowd and stand back down again after feeling too shy. Eventually the crowd dissipated to only around four or five people. This was your chance. You looked at him Jaemin. He nudged you with his shoulder. ‘Go,’ he mouthed. You pressed your lips together before finally deciding to march up to the artist. He didn’t realize you have been holding his hands until you let go.

“A-ah, hi!”

He followed after you in case you were feeling too nervous, but he was relieved to see that Ten Lee was pretty down to earth and easy going for someone famous. He stayed a few steps behind you as he listened to the ongoing conversation.

“I can’t tell you enough how much I adore your works. Especially, Monarch! I took a picture of it earlier and it’s so much more captivating in person,” you said, watching as Ten signed your phone case. “Actually, I—I look up to you a lot as an artist. A few of my paintings were actually inspired by your style, but of course it— it would be an insult to compare.”

“You shouldn’t compare,” he scolded, adding in a little sermon about your art is yours and that it should stand alone as your own. He handed your phone back, a smile on his face. “Can I see?”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. In a flustered rush, you quickly scrolled through your gallery folders to find the specific paintings you were referring to, and Jaemin, out of curiosity, hovered over your shoulders to see as well. As you passed through your works with your friend’s mouth hanging open in awe (he wanted to gush about them, but figured this wasn’t formally appropriate), his eyes caught a glimpse of an image that you quickly swiped past— far too glaring too miss because he was sure that it looked something like his face. It was a different kind of pride that he felt when he saw that.

Ten’s eyes flickered as he saw through your paintings, something formulating within even after you hid your phone. He looked at you, grabbing your hands without any warning which caused you to squeak. “Y/N, right?” you nodded, wide eyed. “You know, I’m hosting an online gallery within the upcoming weeks. It’s for young, aspiring artists like you to be recognized at a larger scale.”

Hold on, you tried to catch on to what he was saying. Was he—

“Are you interested?”

—serious? Was he actually serious? It looked like he was because when he let go of you, a business card suddenly materialized in your hands. Holy shit.

“Think about it, okay? Just email me your portfolio and everything. Who knows, what if you get recognized and scouted after this?”

He winked at you, shooting you a thumbs up. This had to be a dream. You were still trying to process the piece of fucking paper that you were holding and now all of a sudden Ten came in between you and Jaemin, swinging his arms around your neck and giving you a pat on the back

“Anyhow, thanks to the both of you for coming to my show. And Y/N—” he looked at you with a grin. “Looking forward to your more of your works.”

Ten disappeared off with two other people, their footsteps clacking against the cold, tiled floor. You stared at the card in your hands for a few moments— Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul, it wrote— before snapping your eyes back to Jaemin who was wearing a far too large smile. “Oh my god.”

Jaemin wasted no time in drowning you into a hug, knocking the air out of your lungs when he nearly toppled you onto the ground.

“Y/N,” his voice was soft in comparison to the roughness of his actions, sweetly fluttering into your ears as he rocked you left and right with his squeezing embrace. “I’m so proud of you.”

His words nearly broke you down to tears.

“This calls for a celebration, right?” he pulled away, hand automatically falling to hold onto yours as he led you to the gallery’s exit. “My treat! I know a place nearby, we should eat an entire feast!”

“Nana, you already treated me to lunch last time, I can’t just—”

“No, no no! I’m treating you, okay? This is your achievement so I should congratulate properly.”

There was no point arguing with him when he already had his mind set, but even during your drive to a nearby barbecue place, even when you were already halfway with the meal, you kept on insisting that you’d pay him back for all of this someday. He’d only laugh it off, telling you that he doesn’t mind as long as you’re enjoying yourself. You downed a shot of soju after hearing that, hoping that it would make you forget momentarily about how fast your heart was beating.

Somehow the clock eventually struck nine, and rather than going home, the both of you took an impulsive detour to a nearby public beach. The sounds of waves crashing against the solemn quiet of the night was heard as you neared the area, bringing you to a moment of peace.

Instead of going to the sandy shore, you two decided to take a spot on the beach cliff right above the rolling water. “Be careful,” Jaemin whispered from behind as he guided you along the rocky surface, heating up from the way he was so, so close with his hands steady on your back. You two sat side by side on the cliff, underneath the veil of stars, with the ocean right in front of you.

“Are your parents okay with you staying out this late?” he cocked his head to face you in a manner that was far too cute for you to suppress a giggle.

“Jaems, they’d probably allow me to disappear off to Italy as long as you’re with me.”

The both of you broke into laughter, but it was eventually replaced by the noises of the ocean. You breathed in the salty scent of the sea, folding your knees to your chest with your arms hugging them together. For a moment your eyes flickered over to Jaemin, and a chord was strung, tugging your heart towards him, but it was impossible for it to leap out of your chest so it only rattled against your ribcage desperately just like the waves. You stared at the way his dark hair melted into the night sky, the wind brushing it away, the way he had his legs stretched out freely over the rocks while you squeezed yourself as small as you could get, and lastly, the way he flashed over to look at the exact moment that you wanted him to.

If there was such a thing as a perfect instance where the stars of the night sky aligned, it would be this.

“You know,” you started, letting your arms fall to your sides as you looked over to the distance. “I envy you sometimes.”

Jaemin was taken aback by your confession.

“I also admire you,” you pressed your lips together tightly, forming it into a smile. “A lot. I admire you a lot. To the point that it made me feel like you’re living in a completely different world from me and that I wasn’t deserving of you.”

You’d finally mustered up the courage to tell him everything you’d pent up during your first month back here— it was better than just letting it fester into something worse, even if there was a risk of completely ruining your friendship. It was better than playing pretend.

“We’re both only a year apart but it seems like you have your life all tied together while I’m still barely able to walk on my own two feet. I wouldn’t even have been able to go to the exhibit if it weren’t for you,” you crossed your legs, a mirthless laugh slipping past your lips as the wind brushed against your cheeks .“I don’t… want to seem ungrateful for everything you’ve done or make you feel bad or anything, because Jaemin—”

You turned around, looking at him.

“If I had the choice to stay back then, I would have gladly chosen to spend those seven years together with you.”

Jaemin stared at you, speechless, unblinking. He had a gut feeling that there was something bothering you all this time, but he never had thought that it would be this.

“But the feeling of seeing you again after all this time is a feeling that I wouldn’t trade for the world either,” you hummed, looking down as you traced the creases of the rocky ground with your fingers, a shaky breath slipping past you. “If only… I wasn’t just so insecure then maybe everything would be perfect.”

For a moment there was nothing— only the lulling sounds of the sea that became quieter after you laid your heart out to the ground. The next moment, Jaemin spoke up.

“I got into an accident four years ago.”

You shot up in a single instant.

Jaemin laughed a little, bringing his hand to the crown of your head in assurance. “I had a herniated disc which got worse during a dance camp. It was definitely scary, how it seemed like I was in a standstill for two years while everyone else carried on with their lives,” he continued, letting his hand drop once more right beside yours. “It’s hard to get out of that hopeless mentality. It takes small steps, but once you do, things will eventually start looking up.”

He shot you a smile, eyes twinkling under the light of the moon. You couldn’t help but put your head down after hearing everything.

“I understand how and why you’re feeling that way, don’t worry I’m not upset. You don’t think I am, right?” he caught you sniffling, leaning forward to take a look at your face but you kept on turning away. “Y/N— Y/N, look at me, okay? I’ll be your personal cheerleader from now on, yeah? Up until you realize that you’re actually greater than you think you are.”

He was too good to you.

“I’m— I’m sorry I couldn’t be there when you were having a tough time.”

You silently muttered, meekly sneaking a glance at him to see that he was actually smiling at you this entire time. He’d always been like this.

“It’s alright, you didn’t have a choice, right?” he assured. “And I’m all better now, as you can see. I can even jump off the cliff into the ocean without having a single scratch!”

Right, you managed a laugh from his silly proclamation. He lit up upon hearing you. Maybe you can try to be like that too.

“What’s important is that from now on.”

There had been a gap between the two of you that entire time, but Jaemin bridged it the moment his hand brushed against your skin, his pinky interlocking with yours against the coarse ground. You met his eyes. He shot you a smile. That same smile that you could never get enough of.

“You’ll be with me.”

“Jaemin, please put your shirt back on.”

When you walked back into the living room, easel and canvas in your arms, you did not expect to be met with your childhood friend-slash-boyfriend mid-strip. In fact you were far too in shock that you dropped everything to the floor at that exact moment, only managing to utter those previous words once you were busy picking them all back up and not looking at him. He quickly ran to help you.

“Oh, I thought this was—” he passed you a paintbrush, helping you stand back up once you’ve gotten everything. “Aren’t the models for your classes usually, like, naked?”

“You think I was gonna paint you nude?!”

“Well,” he mused, holding his shirt to his bare chest. “If you want— okay, sorry! Shirt on! Shirt on!”

You settled down the easel that you just threatened to launch at him near the window where the afternoon sunlight was leaking through. A few days prior, you had contacted Ten Lee regarding the online exhibit, asking when the deadline was because you wanted to include one more piece in your portfolio.

“Nana, can you sit over here?”

There was a stool situated a few feet in front of the easel and right beside the window. He did as you said, now fully dressed and sitting properly and well behaved. You marched up to him, moving around his limbs into a specific pose. Jaemin wore a subtle smile as you grabbed his arms to a certain position, his shoulders into a certain angle, and when your fingers landed on his jaw to adjust his head, he just couldn’t help but throw all your work out the window by pulling you towards him by the waist.

“What are you—” a kiss fell on your nose. Jaemin shot you a cheeky smile.

“Sorry,” he said. “I couldn’t help it.”

You weren’t inclined to do anything else but forgive him, even if it meant refixing him into position, but somehow you managed. Running back behind the easel, you wore a satisfied smile upon seeing the composition, flicking your wrist to start the initial sketch. There was music running in the background. Jaemin sat still for thirty whole minutes.

“Can I move for a sec?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you answered. “I got the basic shapes down anyway.”

He let out an amazed gasp, lips forming into an ‘o’ shape. “So cool,” he said, and you let out a little laugh.

You were trying to focus, but in between a few strokes of your pencil, he wiggled his eyebrows when you looked at him again. You threw your head down to suppress a barrage of giggles. “Okay, this is— this is going nowhere. Can I just take a picture of you?”

Even taking a shot of him was difficult because he just wouldn’t sit still. He’d always do something to make you laugh or smile just when you were about to take a picture. You scolded him, telling him that all you needed was a few takes then the both of you can make a run for some popsicles at the nearby store. He straightened upon hearing, and you finally got to do the job.

“Do you have a title in mind for the piece?” he asked, just as you finished taking the last photo of his face up close.

You did have one. In fact, you’ve had it in mind for a while now.

“Yeah,” you answered, smiling. “Mahiwaga.”

Haechan, for whatever suspicious reason, volunteered to treat you out to lunch today at a family restaurant near the uni. You did not know why, and he would not tell you why, but you could not pass up free food. You texted Soorim to follow just in case you needed mental support because as you sat across him, looking up from your phone while munching your fries to catch the terrifying stare he was giving you, you could tell that you needed at least one other person around.

[you: dude, i think hes actually planning on killing me please hurry up]

[soorim: omw babe]

[soorim: but ur paying for me right]

You sighed, telling her yes you already ordered her food, and she replied with an annoying heart that you refused to mark read. Just as you were about to shut off your phone, ready to hear whatever Haechan was brewing, another message was sent your way.

[<nana3: baby, i saw the exhibition!! 🤩 you know, you’re so amazing, you know?!?! nana is super super proud of you 🥺💚 and i’m sure your parents are, too!! i sent the link to all of my friends yesterday hehe. also i’ll call you immediately after my class, ok?? don’t forget to drink lots of water today 😚 byebye! 💚]

“Are you two fucking yet?”

Haechan’s question caused you to choke on your fries, dropping your phone to the table so you can reach for the glass of Sprite. You looked at him, appalled. “I’m sorry?”

“What are we talking about?”

Soorim had belatedly joined in the party, pushing you farther into the seat to make room for herself. Her eyes zeroed in on the table, choosing the giant burger to attack first. You scrunched your nose as you looked at her.

“We—”

“Whether Y/N and Jaemin have done the dirty yet,” Haechan interrupted. You looked at him in offense and horror. He reciprocated with a deadpan stare. “You have, haven’t you? I went to Jaemin’s house at four in the morning yesterday and—”

“Why were you at his house at four?!”

“Doesn’t matter.”

You looked at him in disbelief, scoffing, and you looked over to Soorim with the words ‘can you believe this guy?’ ready to fire from your tongue. You could not say it. Not when Soorim looked absolutely compelled by Haechan’s bullshit allegations. She even stopped scarfing down her food. You made a mistake in calling her up here.

“What matters is that he looked absolutely fucked out absolutely naked, but not only that!” a scrunchie. He pulled out a scrunchie from his backpack. That was yours. Even had your hair on it. “This is yours isn’t it? I’ve caught you red handed, Y/N, now answer me—”

Haechan’s eyes were out to kill.

“You wrapped it, right? I’m too young to be called Uncle Hyuck so please tell me you did.”

“We are not—”

“That explains why you were walking all weird yesterday!” Soorim exclaimed. “Y/N, you know you could tell me these things, right? There is no—”

“We are not fucking!”

This wasn’t the best conversation to have at a family restaurant.

A waiter stopped serving the table next to you, it’s occupants (that included three kids and their parents) froze and looked at you in horror. An innocent passerby spilled his drink on his tray. You sharply inhaled, bowing your head apologetically. Thank god there weren’t any managers here— the three of you might have actually gotten kicked out.

With a cough, you collected yourself, giving both of your companions the stink eye for putting you in such a compromising position. “Can I not sleep at my boyfriend’s place without— without doing anything of that sort?” you huffed, ignoring the red hot heat creeping up your neck. “And as a matter of fact, I was walking weird because I fell down the while lugging plywood up the stairs, so shut the fuck up.”

The two of them let out a shriek at the same time.

“Boyfriend?! And what— you fell off the fucking stairs?!”

“Did you do as I told you?! Did you follow Hyuck’s five step guide on How To Trap Your—”

“Quiet!”

You shushed the both of them before the three of you actually got kicked out.

“Yes, boyfriend. Yes, I fell off the stairs. No, I did not follow Hyuck’s guide to whatever,” you spitefully took a sip from your drink. “You never even told me what the hell that was.”

As Haechan started to further explain his guide with Soorim enthusiastically taking everything in, you were caught by the buzzing of your phone. The screen lit up. Someone sent you an e-mail— the sender you did not recognize at all. You wiped your fingers with some tissues on the table before taking the device, clicking on the notification immediately after.

“Right. After you tell him that you’re— hey! Y/N, are you even listening?”

You shot up. Haechan noticed the distraught look in your eyes. His brows furrowed together.

“What’s wrong?”

The following weekend, you went out and treated Jaemin to dinner at a fancy Chinese restaurant despite his many complaints. He was about to pay for everything again, but this time you were faster in stealing the check. Afterward, you stopped by a nearby hardware store to buy another two pieces of plywood. You’ve been painting a lot more frequently lately, and you’ve been experimenting more on larger scale works. It was fortunate that Jaemin was there to help you bring the large sheets of wood this time.

“There we go.”

Jaemin settled the wood resting upright against your living room wall, right beside a few stained cans of paint underneath layers of newspaper. You thanked him, smiling, and he ruffled the hair on your head.

“You should ask me whenever you need to do some heavy work alright? We don’t want a rerun of last time,” you cringed upon recalling. That wasn’t a pretty fall. “How are your legs? Have the bruises healed?”

“Almost. You don’t have to worry,” you assured him. He sighed in relief.

Dinner and a shopping trip weren’t the only reasons you called him out tonight. You had actually been meaning to tell him something within the past three days. Your parents knew, Haechan and Soorim found out during lunch last time, Renjun and Jeno might have already found out thanks to their loudmouthed friend. All that’s left was Jaemin. It was his reaction that would help you make the decision.

But why was it so difficult to start talking?

“I’m gonna head out now,” he hummed, pulling you into his chest. You bit down your lip, contemplating, and maybe he noticed your unease and hesitation, as if he could hear your unsaid thoughts, because he lightly pulled away to look at your face and spoke. “What is it? Do you wanna tell me something?”

Of course, you thought to yourself. He’d probably know you’re hungry before your stomach could even rumble.

You gently pried away his hands from your arms, a hollow smile directed to him. Concern flashed through his eyes, but he held back his tongue, waiting for you to say your mind instead.

“Yeah…” you started. “I— I do have something to tell you.”

That was what you said, but as the clock ticked a couple dozen times in the background, you still had yet to tell him. It wasn’t easy to tell him. Because you were afraid that the moment you opened your mouth to squeeze out a single word, you might not make it to finish the entire sentence. If it were him, this might have been easy. But you were not, so it took a little more effort on your part to let the words go.

Maybe you shouldn’t have looked him in the eye, because the moment you did, your eyes stung from the threat of tears and so you jerked your head to the side.

But you weren’t able to evade, because Jaemin decided to follow you. You turned away again, looking towards the unplugged television, but it was once again replaced by Jaemin’s dark brown eyes. Your eyes stung, your lips pressed together, and at that moment you couldn’t help but laugh at his ridiculous actions throwing your head down in the midst of it, but your laughter got choked up by the sudden streaming of tears that you had come unprompted.

Jaemin panicked.

“Hey, hey, baby, what’s wrong? What is it?” he ducked down to reach your face, cupping your cheeks with his large hands as you wiped away your tears. “It’s okay, you can tell me, baby. I’ll listen to everything, okay?”

It took you a while to regain your voice, but Jaemin patiently waited with words of consolation. You couldn’t understand how one person could have this much goodwill and kindness in them.

Eventually your sniffling died down, and so you finally willed yourself to speak. “I— I joined Ten’s exhibition, right? And— and there was a possibility that other artists or institutions might be interested in the participants, right?”

“Mhm,” he replied, stroking the back of your head as you tightly gripped the front of his shirt. “Go on.”

“I— I got scouted? You know PIOA? In Paris? They— they offered me a full scholarship if I…” you paused for a moment, biting the inside of your mouth. “If I transfer there for the remaining months until my last year.”

Jaemin took a while to absorb it, silence flooding along with your occasional sniffles.

“Isn’t that a good thing? Ah, ah, baby look at me, look at me,” he grabbed your shoulders, frowning when he made contact with your red stained eyes. He brushed your cheek with his thumb, heart heavy from seeing you like this. It pained him to see you this way. “Why are you crying? Don’t you want to go?”

A beat of silence. You swallowed, speaking in a small, shaky voice.

“Do you want me to go?”

Another beat of silence.

“Of course! Can you imagine that out of all the people that joined that exhibit, they chose you! Your talent and hard work shouldn’t go to waste,” Jaemin inhaled sharply in between his speech, managing a smile for you to see. “I’m really proud of you, Y/N. An opportunity like this doesn’t come that easily.”

“Jaemin.”

You softly sounded, letting your head fall into his chest. He held you close, as if you were leaving at that instant.

“You know I was so happy when we got in touch again, when I came back to Korea. I know I don’t have a lot going on for me, but I could easily forget all of that because I’m with you,” once more, you felt the tears start to rise up again, but you tried your hardest to swallow them down. “It hasn’t even been that long since we got reunited and now you’re… you’re just telling me to leave you again miles, miles away as if it’s nothing.”

“It’s not like that, Y/N. It’s hard for me too, you know,” he muttered into your hair with a slight whine, his chin resting over your head. “But it’s not like we’re never going to see each other again, right? We managed for seven years, what’s two or three more?”

When he heard you stifle a laugh, laughing despite your sniveling, he couldn’t help but laugh along too. Once more and perhaps the last that night, he pulled away so he could look at the smile on your face, eyes still red and watery, and he pressed a warm kiss on your forehead.

“You have nothing to worry about, baby. We can visit each other during breaks and—” he breathed out, lips curling into a smile. “I’ll call you every day.”

Right, you wiped away your remaining tears, huffing out a brief, airy chuckle.

You looked at him, hopeful, earnest.

“Every day?”

You asked.

“Every day.”

He answered.

You were never going to get used to airports. They always carried a bitter, cold air that signified a goodbye that you were far too familiar with. Today was no different.

“Don’t forget to drink your vitamins alright? It’s a new environment so you might need some time to get used to it. Oh! And—”

“Dude, you’re worse than her actual mom.”

Jaemin shot a smile to your mother at the mention, who was waiting for your group to finish from a distance with your father. Your mother was to stay with you in Paris for a week until you got everything settled down while the four boys, Soorim, and your father decided to send you off today. Though, unlike your usual experiences with leaving and returning, today was much louder, more rowdy. It was a nice change— you only wished that it would last longer.

“It’s okay, I appreciate the concern,” you laughed. “Do I have to report back to you everything before I go to bed?”

“Well, if you can,” Jaemin mused, locking his pinky finger with yours and swinging your hand into the air from side to side. “Kidding, kidding. I trust you’ll take care of yourself there.”

A chorus of gagging noises broke out when you pulled his shirt, burying your face into his chest, prompting him to smile and wrap his arms around you. You drowned them out, though, only focusing on how warm he was despite the cold brushing of the wind, how he held you with so much gentleness that one would think he was afraid that he might break you.

It was funny how free you felt when you were trapped inside his embrace.

“How many times do I have to say goodbye to you at the fucking airport?” you grumbled, tears welling up again and so you wiped them away with your sweater sleeve. “Wait, why aren’t you crying. Aren’t you even at the very least sad that I’m gonna leave?”

Jaemin chuckled, replacing your hand with his to brush away the stray tears.

“If I cry in front of you then you probably won’t even board the plane.”

You hated that he was right.

“I’ll do it after you leave,” he let out a laugh, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. At that moment, the pre-boarding announcement rang throughout the area's speakers, signalling that it was time for you and your mother to go. Grabbing your suitcase, you sent a grateful look to each one of them— your father, Jeno, Renjun, Donghyuck, Soorim, and—

Jaemin suddenly grabbed your suitcase handle before you could go, his hand right beside yours. You locked eyes with him, wide and surprised.

He landed a kiss right on your lips.

“Call me when you arrive, okay?”

You mindlessly nodded, still in the midst of recovering from shock. Your mother called out to you to start moving.

As you walked away, head still locked behind, you watched as the four screamed, cheered, and teased your boyfriend as they shook and pushed him around like a ragdoll, while he just kept on looking at you with a smile.

“Don’t worry, Y/N! I’ll record his crying face!”

Haechan screamed despite being several feet away already, and you stifled out a laugh.

You might have to say goodbye today, but time will come when you would meet again.

Across the cobblestone tiled sidewalk, people were walking about, the streets were filled with tourists and natives, the mid noon sun was just in reach. Summers had always been crowded in the city, and you were swimming in the middle of the crowd in a far too inappropriate attire, sweating as you spoke into the phone.

“Oh, yeah. I’m on my way to the gallery now— I had to stop by at a cafe first, though.”

“You seem busy.”

Jaemin’s voice echoed from your phone’s speakers. The streetlight turned red. You followed the crowd as you crossed the street.

“Yeah… It’s a lot of back and forth work, even on the last day of the show, but it’s all worth it,”you replied. “Did you know that people kept on asking me who my muse was for Mahiwaga? Ever the popular boy, even when you’re not here.”

It has been a year and a half since you first got to France. Things have been going well on your part with your budding art career— and so far you’ve guested in three exhibitions, but you have yet to have one solo. Even though you and Jaemin promised to see each other during breaks, it was practically impossible to align your time. He was busy with internships and his organizations this year and so were you. But one thing the both of you have faithfully maintained throughout the course of your time away was calling each other every day, even if it was just for a few minutes.

A cyclist sped past you. Jaemin’s voice was heard again. He laughed at your last remark, saying that he wasn’t that popular, but all of a sudden his voice turned into a more serious tone.

“Since you have a lot of work these days…”

Your brows furrowed, squinting as the light shone into your eyes. You clutched your sling bag, heels clattering as you passed by the cream, brown, and grey buildings.

“Should we call less often?”

You stopped in your tracks.

What?

“No— no, Jaems, what are you saying? Are you sick? Are you not feeling well?” you were almost late for the opening, but you couldn’t care less at the moment. What was he on about? Call less? Never had that crossed your mind even once. “I don’t even get to see you anymore, so if anything… we should call as often as we can.”

A few people passed from behind. His end of the line was silent. Your lips scrunched into a frown, confused.

“Jaemin?”

“That’s a relief.”

Before you could even ask him anything, the call ended.

“What the hell?” you huffed, staring at your phone screen in perplexity before you returned it to your pocket. Maybe he was feeling a lot more lonely than usual— that was unavoidable, but the both of you made it work. You should ask him what that was all about later. Now, you really needed to head to the gallery. With a sigh, you marched forward, stopping at an intersection where the large, eggshell white walls of the gallery stood across.

You stopped before the crosswalk, the lights green, and a few vehicles passed by, and your thoughts were once again clouded by Na Jaemin and why did he suddenly propose that. Was he getting sick of you? Was this his way of hinting a breakup? Your face contorted into a look of horror. No, you shook your head at the notion. He literally sent you a picture of a weird keychain last night  saying it reminded him of you. Another sigh. The light went red. You crossed the street.

Maybe it was because you were thinking too much of him, maybe you were missing him too much, but the moment you reached the middle of the crosswalk, your heart suddenly stopped, legs froze, eyes stuck to the sight right in front of you.

There he stood, right before the front stairs of the gallery with dozens of people disappearing and passing by. He spotted you, eyes lighting up, the corners of lips automatically quirking upwards. He sent you a small wave.

You ran.

“Hi— woah!”

Maybe you were causing a scene, but you didn’t care. You couldn’t find it in you to care when Na Jaemin was right fucking here. He chuckled when you suddenly ran into him, wrapping you in a tight hug that matched your own. “You know, I was afraid that you’d actually agree to limiting our calls,” he started, and you looked up, the light shining into your eyes. Jaemin’s smile was as bright as the sun. “I thought I would have to deport myself back to Korea.”

Your lips quivered, unable to hold it back. Yeah, you shook your head, a shaky laugh leaving your lips. It’s always been like this.

“Is this where you’re holding the exhibit? Wow, it’s a lot bigger than in pictures.”

There are points in your life where you’re met with a choice— to stay or leave, to smile or cry. Always him between something else. Twice. You’ve said goodbye to him twice choosing to leave. For a moment, it might seem that you’ve chosen the other. But that was never the case, because at the end of each day it was him you were thinking of, it was him that your lines end, it would always be—

“Y/N? Y/N? Are you crying?” he exclaimed, frowning as he wiped away your tears. “Ah, it’s such a happy day today, you shouldn’t be crying.”

“I missed you, you dummy.”

—Him. You’d always choose him. Na Jaemin. Jaems. Nana. Your childhood best friend. Your boyfriend—

He smiled at you, eyes shining, pressing a kiss on your forehead before taking you into his arms once more with a shaky breath. “I missed you too.”

—Your mahiwaga.

hannie-dul-set, 2020.

[volexis]

⤷ december 12 ▸ i have fillings for you ft. sugawara

summary: in hindsight, staying up till 2 am might’ve not been one of your best ideas. that is, until you get a call from your very frantic boyfriend asking for your help in baking cookies. what could go wrong?

warnings: there’s like one quasi-suggestive sentence but other than that pure fluff (i hope)

wc: 1.5k

a/n: lowkey ngl i don’t really like how this turned out but she’s here! i was in a suga mood a couple of weeks ago and i wrote this and somehow it turned into me creating this event lmao

note: find the rest of the advent calendar here!

You all but sunk into the mattress as you let out a deep sigh. After an exhausting day, all you wanted was to let sleep overtake you as you bundled yourself in a slew of snug, cozy blankets. Your room was peaceful. The dark emptiness of the night filled you with balmy, heady delight as you shut your burning eyes for the first time in what seemed like days.

A dull buzz rang through the room, sharp enough to pull you out of your half-asleep state. You groaned and rolled over, praying whatever noise dared interrupt you would stop soon. It did, and you smiled in relief, snuggling back into your bed. The noise returned not a second later, this time, accompanied with a bright, blinding light. You reached over to your bedside table, staring at the culprit, your phone, through bleary eyes.

Twenty-four new messages alongside seven missed calls, all from the same person: your dear, loving boyfriend. You clenched your jaw after a glance at the clock, irritation clouding your mind. You answered the incoming call with a growl. “Suga, you better have a good reason for even thinking of calling me at—”

“(Y/N) thank goodness you’ve answered, I need your help!”

Any other day you would’ve hung up on him after thoroughly berating him for calling you at such an ungodly hour, but his words were saturated with desperation and something you hadn’t heard from him in a while: unmitigated panic. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

You could practically feel the warmth from his relieved smile through the phone, and you couldn’t help but glower. “Tell me what happened.”

“So, you remember I have a holiday party at work tomorrow, right?”

You confirmed, and he continued, practically tripping over his words as they sped to leave his mouth all at once. “Ikindasortaforgotthatineededtobakecookiesforthekidsand—”

“I’m stopping you right there. I did not understand a single thing you just said. It’s too early for this,” You felt bad, but you couldn’t help but laugh at your panic-stricken boyfriend. He resembled one of his students before giving a class presentation. “Please, can you slow down and repeat that?”

He took a shaky breath. His next words were slower, sounding them out in a bashful, apologetic tone. “I kind of, sort of, maybe, forgot that I promised the kids I’d bake cookies for their winter party... now all the stores closed and won’t open until after school starts…”

He tapered off as his voice softened into silence, words practically drenched in nervous anticipation. Your irritation bled into a temperate ire as you processed his words. “Let’s see if I understand this. What you called me for, at two in the morning, was to help you bake?”

His silence was answer enough. Your anger faded as his words sunk in, in its place a resigned smile. “You’re lucky you’re so cute. Anyways how’re we even going to get this done? Where are we even going to mee—”

“I’m already outside.” You swore you’d murder him one day.

You swung the door open unceremoniously, not at all surprised to see him towing bags of supplies with what could’ve passed as a sheepish smile if you didn’t know him well enough to see the gentle yet smug grin lying beneath it.

You followed him as he strode through your apartment, wincing as he upended the contents of his bags on your counter with a resounding crash. He dusted his hands and turned to you. “Let’s get started, shall we?”

You smiled, and he mirrored it with one of his own, quickly settling into a practiced rhythm beside you. He was in charge of shaping the cookies and monitoring the oven while you mixed the ingredients. The silence that soon enveloped your kitchen was nothing if not comfortable, a perfect backdrop to the soft clatter of your latest midnight endeavor.

“Babe, I’m almost out; can you pass me that flour over there?” Nothing.

“Babe? Suga? Kou?” You turned to face him and almost dropped your bowl. His hands were still; fingers wrapped tight around the scoop, dough dribbling off its edge while his eyes glued to your figure. He sported a smile sweet as sunshine, brimming with tender adoration.

“Kou?” Your breath caught in your throat, voice barely above a gentle whisper. It was enough to snap him out of whatever reverie absorbed him.

As if embarrassed to have been caught staring so unabashedly, he turned away quickly to face the bowl in front of him, pointedly avoiding your inquisitive glances. You wouldn’t have guessed Suga was feeling so flustered if it hadn’t been for the warm tint spreading over his cheeks and up to kiss the tips of his ears.

“What was that all about?” your tone dripped with the same teasing lilt he’d use to croon sweet nothings in your ear in your most intimate moments. It never failed to send electricity singing through your every nerve, and you hoped it would affect him the same way.

“Can’t I look at my beautiful partner?” His words were more brazen than you expected, having recovered from the ruffled state he was in just seconds before. You swiveled to gawk at him, scowling as he snickered at the mild disbelief in your eyes.

“I wouldn’t exactly call this,” you motioned to your attire: rumpled pajamas far too large for your frame paired with mismatched socks, and, to top it all off, a starchy lime green apron. “The epitome of beauty.”

Suga's smile melted into something tender and compassionate as he let go of his utensils; his lithe fingers reached to cup your cheeks and tilt your head to meet his gaze. You held your breath, incapable of tearing your eyes from his.

“I don’t care what you’re wearing, you could be wearing nothing at all, and it wouldn’t change the fact that you’re absolutely radiant.”

He firmly pressed his lips against yours, chuckling softly at your jolt of surprise. The two of you part, and he leans back to look at you, hands drifting to hold your waist and draw you closer. He kisses you again, and again, and again; fervently as your mind spins into delicious emptiness.

You’re both brought back to reality as a timer beeps obnoxiously loud beside you. Suga laughs against your skin and reaches over to check his phone, eyes widening in horror as realization crashes over him. He peels away from you and rushes to the oven, fretting over the condition of his treats.

You smile from your place on the counter, lowering yourself onto one of the nearby chairs to watch your boyfriend dart around the kitchen. You check your phone, and it dawns on you that you’ve been baking for the past four hours. Exhaustion envelops your every sense, and you yawn widely. Suga notices and looks down, smiling sheepishly.

“I’m sorry, love. We’re almost done, though. I think this is the last batch. After that, we can go to bed.”

You nod numbly and rest your chin on your palm, eyes slipping shut as you gently succumb to your long-awaited slumber.

You’re woken by soft, dim sunlight streaming through the cracks in your curtains. Almost out of habit, you reach over and search for your phone to turn off any alarms. Instead, you find a plate of cookies, delicately frosted. A small card rested by their side, the ink partially smeared in Suga’s hurry. You laughed quietly. He must’ve woken up late.

Dearest (Y/N),

You don’t know how much I appreciate your help last night. It was extremely unfair of me to call you so late, but you responded regardless. You turned what could have been an evening of inevitable disaster into a memory I’ll treasure forever. You fell asleep after we put the last batch in so don’t worry, I cleaned everything before heading out! Thank you again, really. I can’t wait to see you when I come home; love.

Yours always,

Kou

A fond smile makes its way across your lips as you scan his neat yet rushed handwriting. You dropped the card on the table with a sigh, almost missing a small post-it note attached to the back. Eyebrows furrowing, you flip the paper over to read the words, gentle and deliberate in its delicate script.

P.S. Ironically, I wrote this before I wrote what’s on the card, which makes this more of a pre-script rather than a postscript? Anyways, I’m rambling, on to the actual message.

I got to thinking after you fell asleep last night. Your words stuck to me. I never once stopped to consider you might not believe me when I remind you of how gorgeous you are. You’re my everything; my heart is full of you, so full my words fail me even now as I write this.

I said it once, and I’ll say it eternally. You are beautiful. Though you may not see it, I’ll make sure to repeat it every day until you learn how beautiful you are.

taglist: @tsumuseum @amoroushero​ @mrslordexplosionmurder​ @ssat0ris​ @osamusriceballs​ @seraphgabrielle​ @1642lux

additional note: event taglist is open! Send an ask if you’d like to be added <3

[code-otome-game]

Completed otome games, my thoughts, along with my fav characters (last updated: August 22nd 2021)

1. Code Realize - August 2021

Saint-Germain instantly caught my eye, along with Lupin ofc. I was curious about Impey but my friend who lent me her collection of otome games said he was shit. Code Realize was my reintroduction to otome games, and plummeted me into otome hell once more. As soon as I saw Herlock Sholmes, I wanted him as a route, and loved his Future Blessings route.

Saint Germain was my absolute favourite, and his route hurt me in all the right ways. His VA was amazing at conveying the emotion behind certain scenes.

2. Café Enchanté - August 2021

After completing Code Realize, I felt a little lost and didn't know what game to play next. I figured after the pain of some of the stuff in Code Realize, I'd go for something I thought would be a little more fun and a little lighter. Cafe Enchante was next on my list. I was instantly drawn to Misyr and Il, with Il being my first route. I absolutely loved Il, and was traumatized from having my fav boy be the one who was hurt the most again. Although, Misyr is definitely a top contender for most hurt fav as well...

3. Piofiore - August 2021

I continued on with Piofiore right after Cafe Enchante, and instantly knew I was interested in Dante and Yang. I went with Dante first, and was absolutely enamored by him. I was absolutely heartbroken to find out that I didn't get his best ending at first, and contemplated not playing the game for a while. But I decided against it and carried on, using a guide this time. I didn't think anyone else would surpass him in my mind, but boy was I wrong. I quickly fell in love with Yang once I started his route, and his route was the first to make me feel butterflies again in years since I played my last otome game.

However, after playing through all the routes and getting to the finale, I absolutely fell in love with Henri, and I'm honestly shocked that Nicola has left such an impression on me considering I didn't think much of him right after his route. Now it's hard *not* to think about him. But overall, I love all the men pretty equally. I'm super excited for 1926.

4. Collar x Malice - August 2021

I was definitely curious about this one and was tempted to start it multiple times when choosing which game to play next, however I put it off because I didn't like the protagonist being a cop.

The characters are honestly all super loveable, and I think I love them all a bit more equally then I do the Piofiore guys. I was surprised Saeki wasn't a route, until while I was playing Kei or Shiraishi's route when my friend spoiled he was Adonis' leader.

I fell in love with all the characters quite gradually through their stories, with the exception of Shiraishi. I knew he'd be the one I was the most curious and interested in. I was so excited when I finally unlocked his route, and I absolutely loved every single bit of the early half of it. His comments and interactions were hilarious, he was adorable *and* hot.... and he loves cats. What the hell more could I want from a guy? He makes me want to introduce him to my own cats and also makes me want to do mundane and sweet things with him just because he's so sweet and I love him.

I was absolutely heartbroken at his "best" ending, and thinking about his tragic ending hurts my heart. I legitimately only want the best for this man- I only want him to be happy and healthy and not confined to some stupid prison or Adonis...

It also feels strange, but I think I love him best *before* he got a little soft with the protagonist? His quick retorts and harsh comments were hilarious and I loved that so much about him, so I was a bit sad when he grew a bit soft later on.

At the time of writing these past 4 entries, CxM is the latest game I've played, so Shiraishi's story is still super fresh in my mind. I was as obsessed with most of the other men mentioned above as I am with him right now. I'm sure the following entries will contain more love-ramblings like this as I complete more games and add them to the list.

5. Amnesia: Memories - August/September 2021

Toma! Toma! Toma!!!

My first experience with ✨ the cage ✨. I went with Ikki at first, got his normal ending (thaT SHIT WAS SO SAD WTF ;-;) and then went back with a walkthrough for his good ending. But... his route was kinda underwhelming tbh. I liked it as I played it, but looking back now... it really was quite underwhelming. So was Shin's route, who I played after Toma. I was interested in who the culprit was, and was shocked with the reveal tbh. Buuut after playing Toma's route... it was understandable. Although I really wish that Shin's route had more affection in it... it felt more like a mystery with a little bit of romance rather then an otome game.

I played Toma's route after Ikki's, and omfg... Toma was truly an unexpected fav. Hated his good ending tho, idfk why you would be ok with just returning to normal after all of that... but whatever. I would willingly go in that cage I s2g. I LOVED his eyes too! When he gets dark and super possessive, those eyes are just... UGH. Yes please. ❤

I skipped the entirety of Kent's route because I really just don't give a fuck about him. Hes absolutely not my type. I felt bad skipping it, but... in the end I don't really care.

Ukyo was also an unexpected fav- I wad super curious about his route and suspected that all of the "interesting" and bad stuff that I had heard about would happen during his route buuuut... nope. Nothing of the sort. He was so damn sweet, but I will say that uh... insane side of him is kinda hot too. 👀 but omg, the fact that he's a photographer AND so damn dedicated to you and sweet is just... ugh. My heart. Ukyo and Toma definitely became my favs for this game, and I think this is the first time where my first route didn't end up being one of my favourites.

I love how sharp Toma is as well! That he knows so much about you and can easily find out things and such... but also- I really like how dedicated and caring Ukyo is. He's so protective and adorable! I really did feel bad for him during his route. I haven't gotten his normal ending yet, but the title of it is so fucking sad and I don't know if I even wanna go for it.

"Do you know Ukyo?"

6. Bustafellows - September 2021

Honestly, when I started playing Bustafellows I didnt expect to like many characters, if any at all. None of them were particularly appealing to me, at least visually... however, as I played the game, I was drawn to Shu and Mozu, as I found Shu to be the most attractive one of the bunch, and Mozu was interesting to me as a coroner. However, the first character I ended up with was... Crow. I was honestly a little surprised, but didn't care too much. I didn't know who I wanted to go with first, and honestly, as the common route progressed... I found myself liking Crow more.

Crow was the one I liked the least out of everyone, at least visually at first. I really didn't like his hair lmao. But as I read the common route, he really grew on me, and I couldn't help but be sweet to him, so ofc I ended up with his route first... and god, I really love him. He's so stupid and adorable. Like seriously.

I went with whoever the game would give me after Crow, and it gave me Helvetica. With Crow, I really loved his character, but didn't care much for his story. It was the opposite for Helvetica. I enjoyed his story a ton, but not his character. I then carried on with Shu, who I loved entirely. Both his character and story was really really good, and his bad ending... phew. Damn dude.

Mozu came after, and I honestly have mixed feelings about his route. I feel like there really needed to be more romance between him and the MC, but the end of his route where he finds his sister is.... oof. I literally went "thats rough buddy" in my head lmao. I felt so bad for him.

I liked Limbo a lot more then I thought I would as well! He was super adorable and sweet, and the story was pretty good too, so I really enjoyed his route. But overall, I believe Shu and Crow are my favs this time around. I can't believe I didn't like Mozu as much as I thought I would! But I feel like I would have liked him a shitton more if there was more to his route then there was.... smh.

Nightshade - September 2021

I almost immediately jumped right into Nightshade, although with doubts of enjoying it in my mind, as I wasnt in the mood for a historical japan setting. However! I loved the characters, and the story! By the end of it, I was thoroughly angry with the antagonists for hurting my BOYS like that...

The first one I went for was Kuroyuki, who I LOVED. I felt a little bit confused throughout his route, but I still quite enjoyed it. A sweet yandere. Babey boy. I love him.

Next was Chojiro, and oooohhhhh boy.... yeah. That was a little rough. BUT I feel like the story was very well suited for him!!! After that I went with Goemon, who was SO SWEET. For a moment, the "plot twist" had me, but then I realized there was no way he was wasn't trying to trick his old clan/the council.

Hanzo was second last, and definitely an unexpected fav! I didnt find him very attractive at first, but seeing him more and more throughout the routes had him growing on me. And I LOVED him! But... I don't like Ieyasu's treatment towards the end of the route; ordering Hanzo to kill the MC after making us thoroughly believe he was a kind man in every other route.... sigh. But I'm happy that he was able to take just the MC's sash instead of her head. I do like that he also told Hanzo to "go get a wife and come back" hehe.

GOD that scene in the cave with Hanzo where youre both naked... YES. And his hair when its wet!!! Hes so adorable AND hot at the same time???? I love Hanzo. Tbh, I love all of them.

Gekka was the last one I did, but I wish I reversed Hanzo/Gekka's positions. Cause I really, *really* didnt like ending on such a sad ending.... dear god. I really thought I got the bad end or something for a hot minute there. Then Gekka comes in! Ahhhh, honestly I didn't like him much at all at first which is why I saved him for last, but his route.... FUCK man. His route was heart wrenching. And he's so damn sweet. I still don't understand how/why he doesn't try to kill the MC in the other routes after the "protection" "curse" is lifted but whatever. Still, the ending... dear god. And all of their graves being dug up... the box of everyone's hair... jesus christ that was morbid. Even that made me mad. I didnt care much for the blonde haired kid who died first, but everyone else after that had such a good part to the story...but I wonder why Kuroyuki lived in every route?

Either way, Nightshade was a lot better then I thought it would be! I loved it!!! I honestly might go back soon and replay Kuroyuki's route now that I know whats going on and I know the characters.... also wanna replay Hanzo's route! Babey ❤

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Higurashi Gou Ep15

*bonk*

Actual thoughts under the cut, lol [Plus Umineko spoilers]

lmao where do I even begin with this episode.

In a lot of ways this is really reminding me of why Gou seems to be so polarizing with people, especially with old fans. Even after this episode I’m still on the side of really liking it.

On the one hand I think it’s been a good thing that Gou has had less focus on gore and violence compared to the original anime [and the VN to a lesser extent], but on the other hand I think this episode actually worked really well, specifically because of how relatively devoid of on-screen gore the first three arcs were. It makes this episode stand out way more when it’s such a step in intensity above everything that came before it.

But other than the sheer violence and horror of it all, and how off-putting that is to a lot of people, I think part of why it’s so polarizing is that this episode also has a dark comedy vibe to it, where the show is totally aware of how over the top it all is. I can see why this sort of tone might not work at all for a lot of people, and might seem outright disrespectful towards Rika as a character and the Vn in general, but I enjoyed it, since I like this sort of humour.

I also don’t think it’s that weird at all for Ryukishi to embrace the potential for dark comedy through violence. There’s already some elements of that in Umineko.

It’s also pretty obvious that the entire point of these loops was to show how Rika is getting killed almost immediately, before she has any real time to think or strategize or investigate. So I think it was necessary for us to go through it so fast in order to properly put us in Rika’s shoes as she goes through this almost rapid-fire series of comically abrupt and tragic deaths. I don’t really think that dragging this part out over more episodes would have worked as well because of that.

I do have some issues with how we’ve seen so little to do with Rika actually trying to investigate stuff, but I still like how this episode was handled.

Anyway, this does give us more clues about what’s going on with the overall mystery, both in terms of what was shown, and what wasn’t shown across these loops.

The only info we really get in each of these loops is that some seemingly random person goes fully L5 and kills Rika [and usually lots of other people as well], and that it’s happening at a way faster pace than it ever happened before. But on the other hand, there’s still no real references made to the GHD [aside from Kimiyoshi talking about the swamp gas, which isn’t quite the same thing], and Takano and Tomitake weren’t mentioned or shown at all. Same with Irie, I guess. The way that people seem to keep going L5 extremely quickly, along with the references to parasites and whatnot, feels like it’s a result of Takano injecting people with the syringe she used on Tomitake originally, and/or giving people her notes about the virus like she did with Rena in Tsumihoroboshi. But the weird thing about that is that Takano hasn’t killed Tomitake with that syringe yet in Gou, and the way these loops play out just doesn’t really feel like it matches her whole MO.

If we go with the idea that everything with her is exactly the same as it is in the vN, then the Kimiyoshi loop in particular is weird, because having Rika get dumped in the swamp would make it very hard for Takano to execute the GHD. Maybe she just didn’t plan for it to play out that way, but that’d be a kinda lame answer. This also reminds me of Rika getting dumped in the septic tank in Watadamashi, which was another murder method that seemed like it’d risk having her body only be found more than two days after she died.

There’s also the fact that in the other loops, Rika’s death isn’t set up in a way to make it look like it’s some sort of ritualistic part of the curse. This is probably less important, but Takano did apparently always set Rika’s body up at the shrine in the arcs where she kills her, because part of her whole plan was to have Rika’s death play into the curse narrative. But in basically every loop in Gou thus far, Rika’s just died in random ways, and usually there’s been obvious human culprits who killed her. So it just doesn’t really feel like Takano’s work, even though she seems like the obvious person to be setting up all these random killers.

She also only ever used that syringe on Tomitake to kill him at the festival. I don’t think she ever used it on someone with the intent of using them to kill Rika, so that’s another way in which the whole method of the ‘mastermind’ feels different to Takano. If anything it seems kinda overly complicated for Takano to do it this way, and to do it with different people each time, instead of just killing Rika herself like she does in the VN. Her whole character is defined by her unwavering will, and her desire to achieve her own dreams for herself, so having Rika get killed ‘indirectly’ in an almost randomized way seems very weird if we assume she’s still behind it. If anything, it reminds me a lot more of how the ‘roulette’ works in Umineko, lol.

In general this episode really hammered in the fact that whoever’s behind all this seems to be going out of their way to screw with Rika, and that they’re maybe acting on the fly in response to Rika’s actions, and choosing what options they think will mess with her the most in each arc. I might be wrong about that, but considering how much they seem to be leaning into this being a Bern origin story, and Featherine literally showing up in the OP, I can totally imagine that the motive of the mastermind this time is pretty much just pure sadism.

Even though Featherine is probably the one who made this new gameboard to begin with, I wouldn’t be surprised if this ends up being more like a game between Bern and Lambda, where Lambda is just toying with Bern by sticking her in this seemingly hopeless loop that’s designed to drive her to despair.

Gou still runs the risk of going off the deep end in a bad way if it leans that hard into the Umineko connections, but this whole turn of events is REALLY making this feel like a Bern origin story. And tbh I still think that any Umineko connections will end up being explained well enough within the context of Gou on it’s own that you won’t have to read all of Umineko to understand it. It’s entirely possible that they could touch upon the meta stuff in a way that’s framed more around Higurashi’s whole aesthetic, and never mention concepts like witches and gameboards. They could just frame it all in terms of gods, demons, loopers, fragments, etc. Which would help make it more digestible for people who haven’t read Umineko.

Anyway, now that we’re down to just one more loop before Rika decides to end it all, my guess is that the last two episodes of this arc will cover her ‘final loop’, but then one way or another we’ll get one more loop covering one big final arc. I’m not sure exactly how it’ll play out, but I think that either something will happen in the next loop to give her new hope to keep going, or she’ll end up being unable to actually go through with killing herself. Like, maybe she’ll use the sword fragment on herself and it won’t actually succeed in killing her permanently, or maybe at the start of the loop after the next one she’ll go to the shrine to retrieve the sword fragment only to find that it’s not even there in that loop. And since we already technically had Rika gaining a new burst of hope to keep going earlier in this arc, I’m leaning more towards the option of her trying to kill herself and being unable to. But we’ll see.

With how these last loops went, it really makes me wonder how Rika would even be able to figure anything out about the mystery with just one more loop. The mastermind seems determined to kill her as quickly as possible now, and it feels like she’s already become resigned to her fate. Especially with what happened with Akasaka, I don’t think she’s going to bother putting any real effort into reaching out to anyone in the next loop.

If the next arc is just one big answer arc to tie everything together, I assume that by the end of this arc we’ll know who the mastermind is. Which at this point probably has something to do with Satoko, one way or another.

This is also making me more convinced that Gou will just be 24 episodes and not have a second season or anything. After the whole ‘five more loops’ thing I thought maybe we’d get a second season, but now that they just straight up speed ran through four of them, that seems way less likely, lol. It’s possible that things will take a total left turn after this, and we’ll still get a second season with it’s own set of arcs, but it seems less likely now.

But on the other hand I still wonder how the next arc would be able to answer everything, especially from the perspective of new fans. There’s still stuff like Rena and Shion’s backstories that haven’t really been touched upon at all yet, and we still need to get answers about what went down in the first three arcs. I guess they might not each get their own full answer arcs, but there’s still only so much time left.

I guess it’s entirely possible that they just won’t bother explaining everything, especially in terms of backstory stuff, but that’s feel kinda disappointing. So I’d want a second season if only just to give them more time to go over the answers.

The fact that they’re still not doing much of anything with Takano and Tomitake also still makes me wonder even more if they’re going to bother getting into their whole deal in Gou, and all the exposition that would require. If we don’t get a second season then it really doesn’t feel like there’d be enough time for all that, on top of everything else that needs to be explained.

But I still think that Takano’s role in this is fundamentally different to the VN, so I think they’ll just side-step that whole issue entirely. I dunno if she’ll be completely irrelevant, but her role might require a lot less time spent on her backstory and development than what happened in the VN.

Though really at this point it seems pretty obvious that the whole climax and end goal of Gou is gonna be totally different to the VN, so I doubt they’re just gonna speedrun the events of Matsuribayashi in the last arc or something. If anything, the Akasaka loop kinda felt like an intentional hint toward the idea that he’s not going to be Rika’s savior again like in the VN, so the whole final arc will probably be different.

I don’t think anyone can say for sure how this will all end, but if this really is some kind of Bern origin story, then I think it’ll end with Rika giving into despair. Or maybe if I’m right about the meta framing of Gou as a whole, Rika will figure out that this is all just fiction, and she’ll just return to the ‘real world’ like when you realize that you’re dreaming and it makes you wake up. Which might be a kinda unsatisfying way to end this, but I’d be very surprised if we get a genuinely happy ending out of this.

Also, if this is setting up for some kind of Umineko anime remake, then it might make a lot more sense for this to have an abrupt and ‘inconclusive’ ending. Which would definitely piss a lot of people off, but since I really want an Umineko anime remake I’d be happy about it, lol.

Anyway, another thing I wanna mention is that this episode is really highlighting how we just haven’t really gotten definitive proof yet about if Rika actually knows about Takano and the GHD and whatnot. The whole concept of this seemingly unwinnable loop feels kinda strange when we haven’t even seen her do anything about Takano. And the idea that she’s just been doing that off-screen is feeling more and more unsatisfying as time goes on. But either way, if she knows that Takano’s behind everything, then surely that should give her a concrete goal to try and overcome. And it’s not like the events of each loop thus far necessarily contradict the idea of Takano being behind it all again [even though I think she isn’t], since Rika should know about Takano’s ability to artificially push people to go L5. She should also know that Takano’s the one who pushes the whole parasite idea onto people, like Rena in Tsumihoroboshi.

This still might just be iffy writing caused by Gou trying to have it’s cake and eat it too by getting into Rika’s POV without spoiling that whole plot point for new fans, but that’d just kinda suck at this point. I much prefer the idea that this version of Rika doesn’t actually know what’s going on with Takano, since it’d explain her apparent passivity towards her, and why she seems to be at a complete loss for what to do in these loops.

Also, on the whole note of the potential Umineko connections, this whole episode really reminded me of ep5 of Umineko, where Lambda sets up a ‘game without love’ where she violates the heart of the story while still having everyone do things that they’re technically capable of doing. It kinda feels like the mastermind is really just treating this like a game where their goal is to mentally break down Rika, and they’re messing around with exploiting as many different pieces as possible to see what they can do. It also reminds me of Bern saying at the end of Matsuribayashi that she wanted to go find a fragment where Akasaka went evil, lol. In general it just has a very ‘witch-y’ sort of vibe to it, in terms of the apparent sadism and random cruelty.

Bern also spent all of Umineko ep7 going out of her way to tear out the guts of the story for the sake of cruelty, so it’s pretty fitting that this sort of thing is happening to Rika here, lol.

Anyway, I really don’t know what to expect from the rest of this arc, let alone the next one, but I’m still enjoying this a whole lot.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

I finished Curious Village again the other day, so here are some random thoughts. This is my first time replaying the main series since my... mid-to-late teen years? (though I guess it was later than I thought, if AL didn’t come out till 2014... I’m 25 now) so my memory of the fine details of them is a little hazy.

Flora really is wasted in the next two games, isn’t she... She’s introduced as part of the crew by the end of the game, especially with the additional epilogue cutscene in the hd version, but she literally gets the Kairi treatment, being left behind or used as a damsel for no discernable reason, when she could easily be just as capable as Luke... I mean she’s older than him, there’s no reason she couldn’t handle herself on their adventures if he can. -___- And like Kairi, I want to be more invested in her, but she barely has any focus and development, and it’s just ugh. I kind of like that it makes sense why Hershel would be so distant with her/not know how to parent properly, but I wish that was actually explored, and it’s not, so everyone ignoring her is just annoying and unnecessary-feeling instead. Tbh I’d rather her have just stayed behind altogether in the next two games instead of showing up just to be kidnapped or impersonated, if she wasn’t going to be made a main party member permanently.

People have said this before, but the main trilogy is honestly made so much better with knowledge of the prequels, in both emotional and absolutely buckwild ways, and it’s the funniest with CV - going from Azran Legacy straight into the mundane Curious Village is absolutely fucking HILARIOUS, as completely unintentional as it was by Level-5 lmaoooo

Hershel, after the shitshow that was Azran Legacy: “oh thank god, just an inheritance dispute.” Luke, who is easily impressed and apparently gets selective amnesia after every game: “THIS IS THE BIGGEST MYSTERY WE’LL EVER SOLVE-” Hershel, this close to murdering Luke a second time:

Can we make some connection between Bruno’s robot-making abilities and the Azran technology. And does the whole robot thing seriously trigger the boys as soon as it’s revealed because DEAR GOD NO NOT THIS AGAIN-

And related to that, I’m sure that was why Hershel could easily guess the robot thing early on; like seriously, nothing should faze this man anymore after what he’s been through (and yet, hilariously, the most ridiculous has yet to come, depending on how you look at it)

But he doesn’t have the faintest idea why Don Paolo would want revenge on him, which, like, even if he can’t think of anything specific... my dude, your family history is fucked up a;lsdlf;fd, there’s PLENTY OF OPTIONS (even if the actual reason is much less severe lol)

I’m sure we also all headcanon Descole to be slinking around in the background of the three main games somehow just because it’s more fun that way, so now that he’s no longer the rival, he’s the rival-turned-secret helper who makes sure everything goes right for Hershel (but he doesn’t do everything obviously cause he knows he can handle things himself), and probably bitchfights with Don Paolo some because that mental image is hilarious to me lmao

Post-UF scenario where Desmond helps Bruno with the robots with his technical prowess

and while we’re on that idea, Uncle Randall nerds out over everything robot in St. Mystere because let’s be real he would (Azran 2.0: Electric Boogaloo, But Without The Danger Or Trauma)

That scene when the tower is collapsing and Flora almost falls and Hershel catches her. Level-5 how could you completely accidentally and unintentionally create something so utterly painful out of such a small moment; I lie awake at night thinking about this!! :)))

Also Hershel yelling to Luke in that scene “I HAVE AN IDEYAHHH!” with his accent going off the rails on “idea” is an underrated iconic moment

Am I the only one who got the quiz question about Chelmey’s favorite food wrong because the answer was cakes something, and whatever the newspaper said it was was definitely not what I’d consider a cake

I love the implication that Pavel(?) is the only person in St Mystere besides Hershel, Luke, Don Paolo, Flora and Bruno who’s not a robot, and he just somehow ended up there by unknown means while trying to get to America??? and then somehow ends up on a high floor of the LOCKED tower, and still has no idea where tf he is. what a madlad

I never liked Luke’s squeaky UK voice, but I’m realizing his US one isn’t much better... and Flora’s voice in the new epilogue cutscene with the same voice actress years later is oof. why do the PL games just. reuse the same vas constantly for different characters. It’s obviously a thing in anime and games, but it’s especially noticeable in this series imo

fuck those puzzles with troll-y answers. also fuck that one with the chocolate bar and the coded letters with the bite marks

Matthew is probably one of my favorite npcs now; he’s just adorable <333 his little arms waggin’

Gordon needs to get a life

Pauly why are you the way that you are

“I’m not a detective”, Hershel continually says, as he unveils ridiculous plots that no one could have thought up in their wildest dreams, while gathering everyone together and pointing out the culprits dramatically, Agatha Christie style

I was tapping around for the exact pixel on painting Flora’s neck because it was ridiculously precise on the mobile version, and I never knew that if you tap her chest area, Hershel scolds Luke for not being a gentleman I-

Luke’s chubby head in the anime cutscenes sure is something... so glad it didn’t last. along with the front-facing Hershel sprite.

The ferris wheel attack is so great, I never really appreciated it before. The music, and the rain at the end with the rainbow 👌

We needed more of Hershel constructing things from random objects he finds lying around; iirc the only other time he does it is in Eternal Diva, though I guess the slot machine gun in UF counts too

I solved every slider puzzle in this game without a walkthrough, even the bonus ones. I do not expect this to last in the next games.

Overall I like Curious Village, though it remains one of my least favorites; there’s nothing wrong with it, and it was the very first so I’m not surprised it’s not very complex, with the mechanics and style still not fleshed out yet, but it doesn’t really hit me with The Feels™ as the best ones do, so it’s just okay. it started this wild ride of complete emotional devastation off, so I can appreciate it for that at least.

[kinetic-elaboration]

August 17: Orphan Black 1x10

Sleepy! Can’t believe I’ve finished the first season of Orphan Black. I feel like it went by really fast.

This ep had so much going on it that I actually feel like it’s all a wash.

It’s hilarious how fast Paul was just shunted to the side lol. Like they didn’t really have anything for him to do so they just abruptly had him return to Neolution and then had Sarah just as abruptly drop him. All those soft little moments didn’t mean much I guess! And good riddance. Teeing up S2 for Cal.

If only we could do the same with Delphine. Again, I feel like just as suddenly as Paul ceased to be useful and was moved to the edge of the narrative, she was forgiven and brought back into the fold specifically because she was useful: a science nerd for Cosima to talk to. She never really proved she was trustworthy or earned Cosima’s forgiveness in any way. Coming in with the breaking newsflash that Leekie isn’t trustworthy? And we’re all just supposed to forget that she was (IS???) his girlfriend? (Except Cosima, who never knew that?) Idk, I wish she’d stayed a villain. This poor little “woe is me, I’m the worst fake-lesbian plant in the world, I never meant to be mean, I am naive and know nothing!” routine is just really fake and also, you know what, annoying.

I totally forgot all of the stuff with Helena and Amelia... I don’t even know what to say about that. Funny how this ep is the origin of “sestra” and “meathead.” Forgot about that. Also forgot that Sarah appears to kill Helena. In one way, I could see her being a one-season adversary, but not the way they developed her in the last eps of the season--there was clearly more story there. So it’s not surprising she survived.

I’ve been waiting for this Aynsley scene all season lol. My mom forgot about it entirely! Whereas I think about it every time I see the switch to my own garbage disposal. Tbh even though it’s such an over the top event/scene, and arguably pushes the suburban satire thing too far, into unbelievable territory, I still couldn’t help thinking “Iconic. Classic Alison” the whole time. Also I mean did Aynsley not deserve it a little? For trying to dispose of Alison’s yarn angel and then calling her barren? Was not the real culprit the designer of the house who put the disposal switch so far away from the actual disposal? Alison did nothing wrong here.

All the twists and turns with Donnie!

I love Leekie as a villain because he absolutely is villainous, but he has a certain charisma, and he is so good at finding out just what buttons to push on which people, including all the clones. I think he was the most charismatic of the various villains, and way more entertaining than, say, Rachel, who is already set to outpace him.

I remember being supremely disappointed by the “big reveal” of the patent in the genetic code, and the importance placed on the contracts and on Alison signing hers. Maybe it’s because I was in law school when I first saw this but like... first off those contracts are unenforceable and second, those patents are even MORE unenforceable. The at-the-time open question of whether genetic material can be patented at all would need to be litigated--which Neolution would never do because then they’d have to reveal their project. And if they did decide to bring it to court anyway, they would certainly lose because literally NO judge is ever going to look at fully formed adult humans and say “you’re property.” Also, patents are not eternal. They expire. The clones are nearly 30. Those patents, even if somehow considered legitimate (they are not), would have expired ages early. ANDDDDDD, finally, you can’t just secretly patent things. This isn’t copyright, which exists in any work at the moment it’s created. Patents have to be applied for. You can’t just write down “I have a patent” on a piece of paper and put it in a cupboard and you have a patent lmao.

I was a little more forgiving of the patent and contract(s) this time because I think another fair reading is to treat them as narrative symbols or, within the universe itself, as indicators of intent. The clones were on the verge of trusting Leekie, and Cosima’s discovery shows that nothing he says is trustworthy because HE VIEWS THEM as property, even if he could never enforce that belief. The patent is a harbinger of Leekie and Neolution’s future moves. They can’t be trusted to abide by the promises in the contracts because they don’t think they’re talking to equals; they think they’re humoring their own playthings. In that sense, it’s an important revelation. And similarly, the contracts, and especially Alison signing hers, are symbols of the clones’ relationship(s) with Leekie. He offers each of them a deal, and one of the (many) questions of the finale is, will they take it or not? Alison signing the contract is just a shorthand way of saying she did.

Also, I can understand how hearing that someone TRIED to patent them would be upsetting, even if it’s not actually possible.

But to the extent that the episode tries to paint these developments and discoveries as like objectively important or scandalous, I think the finale is a bit of a let down. I mean overall, there are 1000 things happening and it’s an impressive juggling act to get everything in there at once, but as the BIG reveal, the BIG game changer, it... leaves something to be desired.

[atopearth]

Collar X Malice Part 4 - Shiraishi Kageyuki Route

Lmao that the way to get on Shiraishi's route is to be honest and call him strange hahah. Honestly, Shiraishi isn't my type, but I'm interested in him because he doesn't appear much in the other routes so he's pretty mysterious. I can see why Shiraishi is interested in Ichika though, especially considering he's involved in criminal profiling, it's like Ichika is such a normal girl, why exactly would Adonis be specifically interested in her? I liked how Shiraishi made it plain to Ichika that they needed to co-operate because she definitely wouldn't be able to find anything about a mole in the police force by herself, with no connections etc when others much more capable than her haven't been able to lol. It's actually cute how much Shiraishi seems to like cats, I agree that naming them as numbers is much easier to remember, but at the same time, to recognise 37 different cats? That's pretty amazing in itself lol. Honestly though, when he talked about it was nice to be a cat, getting to be lazy and free, but at the same time living with uncertainty and not knowing when you could die as a "price" of that freedom, it felt pretty sad... Is living freely better or living securely?🤔

Takeuchi (the teacher who taught the guys who died in the September and October cases) is so pretty! Anyway, I actually really like how much Shiraishi and Ichika bump heads with each other, especially considering how different they are, yet how "honest" they both are in the sense that Ichika doesn't hide her dislike towards him, and Shiraishi doesn't hide how much he's "interested" in people like her that he can't understand because they can empathise with others I guess. Personally, in terms of questioning Takeuchi, I would say that I have to agree with Shiraishi's methods, mainly because, I'm sure Takeuchi has been questioned many times, and there would have been many different officers, but probably not one as interested as Shiraishi and Ichika since they actually believe there's more to Hachisuka (the guy that was killed in the September case) than the "perfect" student. But I do think that if they want more information, then Shiraishi's methods would only let you know that there's something more to it, whereas Ichika's methods might get to her better? Anyway, what I really enjoy about their relationship right now is how upfront Ichika is about her feelings and thoughts towards him. I especially liked when she told him that he should remember her name because she felt that it was important for him to remember that so they could trust and respect each other. 

Lmao when Ichika thought she was joining some top secret coalition with Mukai but it was really just a complaining about Shiraishi group that comprised of Sakuragawa🤣 HAHAHA, I was wondering why would Sakuragawa hate Shiraishi but OMG it's super justified. He purposely bothered to have a chef make a "hamburger patty" out of natto just to see her reaction since she absolutely hates it lollll. I would hate him too. Honestly, I love Mukai, and how she handles Shiraishi because he totally deserves it lol. I find it funny how she can be so blunt with him, and lmao that she actually tried to kick him before but missed🤣 Shiraishi spending time every now and then to go and hear Mukai and them complain about him is so sadistically funny lol. Awww Ichika sleeping on his lap is super cuteeee. I wonder what Mukai and Sakuragawa are going to say since Shiraishi implied that they're in that sort of relationship and that's why they left the passed out Ichika (from accidentally chugging Shiraishi's drink) to him, I feel like they'd tell her to reconsider🤣 I wonder if no one ever thanks Shiraishi and that's why he was so surprised when Ichika thanked him for hiding the collar from Sakuragawa and Mukai for her lol. To be fair, considering his personality, I can't imagine anyone thanking him for anything he does lol. Lmao when Mukai and Sakuragawa interrogated Ichika about Shiraishi and her relationship loll, and now they want her to be a spy lmao. I don't know why so many guys like to think it's their responsibility to "teach" the heroine that it's either dangerous to let guys into their homes or to go to the guy's house alone, like seriously!! It's not that we don't think it's dangerous or anything, we just trust you! Like geez. Anyway, Shiraishi definitely went overboard pinning Ichika to the wall, regardless of his intentions, that's scary and unwarranted. Otherwise, I'm impressed Ichika wants to understand Shiraishi better after that. Anyway, I do feel like Shiraishi acted the way he did because he didn't know how to act towards Ichika. Usually he's met with people who either dislike him, don't care or outwardly dislike him, so I feel like Ichika being so nice to cook for him made him feel awkward and not know what to do and act since he's always so sadistic and cynical. I could be wrong though haha.

I forgot to mention it but it's interesting how it was Shiraishi's profiling that ended up catching the culprit 2 years ago when the attempted assassination on the Prime Minister was, since that was the case that changed Okazaki. I really liked how Ichika and Shiraishi finally communicated properly in the sense that they just bothered to talk to each other and try to understand each other. I guess considering his personality, most people would give up on him, so it must be surprising that Ichika is so persistent. I liked how he finally called her by her name haha. Awww, I love how they exchanged the cat straps they got from the gachapon machine. Imagining Shiraishi fiddling with one of those machines, never having played with one is pretty cute haha. Pretty hilarious when Shiraishi got flustered over Ichika saying she preferred him this way (not so weird lol) and he accidentally dropped a stack of papers🤣 I also found it pretty funny when she told him to be careful and he said he didn't need to, and Ichika was like you should practice what you preach since not taking your own advice is dumb😂😂 She totally got him hahahah. Aww Shiraishi thanking Ichika for trusting him was so cuteee. It was really sweet how Shiraishi acknowledged Ichika's efforts in the SCRPO, she really does try her best to listen to the people calling the police to complain and she really takes it all to heart, so it's nice to see how much he recognises her efforts. I wonder if Shiraishi's flashback means that he got experimented on as a child🤔 Anyway, I think I'm really warming up to their relationship. I think it's really cute how "normal" Shiraishi actually is lol. Him getting mad that Ichika was telling Sakuragawa and Mukai that she didn't feel anything for him, and then her running after him just to explain that she doesn't hate him, and then him getting happy and saying it back to her was just so adorable hahaha.

I feel so terrible for the counsellor lady (Uno) who got driven to suicide because of Hachisuka. Like, it was obvious Hachisuka wasn't as "clean" as his records said, but to think that he had so much power over the school because of his mother's "donations" and then couldn't hack that Uno rejected him (since you know she has a husband and kids, like c'mon dude) and then started threatening her + other mental torment from his groupies. It's just crazy to think that she ended up so ballistic (killed her husband and tried to kill her kids but failed and then ended up committing suicide) just because she refused a teenager's "love". That's just so sad.. It's nice to see more of Saeki this time around, it was so funny when he told Shiraishi to take care of Ichika because he believed in the rumours that they were dating. To be fair, he's eating dinner with her at work late at night sharing a lunchbox etc so it's hard to not think that even if they say they aren't lol. I guess those murderous twins are Uno's children? Anyway, I like how even though Shiraishi said a lot of mean stuff and crap to Ichika about everything being a lie, but Ichika decided to believe in the him she spent time with, and that if it was a lie, then he should show her his real self then. Ichika is pretty strong haha. Personally, I'm not a fan of the voice acting for Shiraishi, or maybe it's just Shiraishi himself lolll but I think I do like the progress with their relationship because of how blunt they are with each other. I think her honesty really works well with how sneaky and evasive Shiraishi usually is, since it's difficult for him to handle someone so genuinely kind and appreciative of him as a person haha. Well, Takeuchi's thoughts etc were pretty much expected, but very understandable, I don't think I could ever move on if I felt like I betrayed my friend and left her all alone just to protect myself. And her guilt would make her want to protect Uno's children now.. I'm not sure about Takeuchi's decision to tell Uno's children what really happened with their parents at the young age of 18 but I guess I can understand her thoughts of not wanting them to hate their mother. I guess she regrets it a lot now but yeah...that's sad..

Seeing the story of the Uno siblings was pretty terrible. Such a normal happy family getting crushed was terrible. I think the worst was definitely when their mother murdered their father right in front of them. Anyway, considering Shiraishi's analysis and everything, there's really no new information about their "story" so it's really just watching them struggle between their desires to live but also to die. I'm just glad the siblings had Takeuchi in their lives tbh, otherwise it would have been worse. When Shiraishi said that the feeling of someone needing you makes you think that it's all right to exist, I couldn't help but agree with that. I used to be obstinate with the idea that a person should create their own "value" and I guess their desire to live because in the end, you can't rely on others for your own life, and I guess I still think like that. But at the same time, I feel like there will always be times when another person can be your drive to live, and to make you think that you want to live because of them. Sure, it's not always the healthiest mindset, but at the same time, when you have nothing else to live for, at least having them makes you think that this life is still worth living to an extent even if other things suck. I'm glad that Takeuchi, Shion and Suzune got to properly talk it out and communicate their feelings, but I still find their reason for killing those three people to kinda like "free" Takeuchi rather...silly? Like I guess I can understand their perspective in the sense that they wanted to end things for Takeuchi, but even though they ended that part, they started another part where Takeuchi would feel guilty that her actions led to those decisions that they made. Anyway, I guess the main thing we can be happy about is that they understood well enough that killing themselves would torment Takeuchi much more, but it's still kinda funny that they can understand that but not understand enough to not commit murder. I guess their hatred and emotions needed some sort of outlet, and just because you understand doesn’t mean you won’t do it.

It's understandable for Shiraishi to love cats for their freedom, and I think that's what I love about cats too, well I guess more specifically stray cats or outdoor cats. They don't live according to anyone's schedule, they go out and do what they want, come home when they feel like it and are cute lol. Their lives are much more vibrant than mine and I think that's so interesting. I loved their cat observing date, it was so cute how serious Ichika was about trying to remember each individual cat and writing notes down just because she knew Shiraishi likes them so she wanted to be more engaged in it too. Them holding hands to the supermarket was adorableeee~ Lmao, I love how Ichika lured Kazuki to the office with Yanagi and them by stealing his guitar, I mean of course with how disobedient he is, he'll never go just because she told him so. I guess it's good that Shiraishi helped to make Kazuki more understanding of the seriousness of the situation. 

Hmmm interesting, when Adonis executives were leaked, I'm pretty sure it was Shiraishi, but killing Mikuni (prime minister's son in Adonis) in broad daylight? I'm pretty sure the "voice" Shiraishi talked to throughout the story was Mikuni and he seemed to have some kind of relationship with him that was relatively positive, so hmmm.. Did Zero do something to frame or manipulate Shiraishi? I see, Shiraishi's been brainwashed to practically follow Zero and Adonis... I really liked how there were flashbacks with Ichika and Shiraishi to kinda remind us of everything they've gone through, because even though Shiraishi isn't really a favourite of mine, I did enjoy Ichika and Shiraishi's relationship build up and I can understand why she would believe in the him that he showed to her rather than the him that Zero tells her he is. Hmmm I guess that "good ending" was interesting. I'm kinda disappointed with how things were revealed and how they ended though, like... I'm honestly rather mixed about the whole thing because I feel like Shiraishi's story could have been dealt with much better alongside his feelings, because I found his reasoning to kill Mikuni to gain the trust of Zero just to get Ichika's collar off I don't know...weird? There could have been better ways? But I guess this is how Shiraishi is in his own twisted and brainwashed way so it was understandable that he did it this way? But at the same time, I agree with Ichika about if he really loved her that much, why couldn't he find a method where they could live on together instead of this. Anyway, I wanted to call Shiraishi selfish for keeping Ichika with him when she was in a coma when she could have gone to a hospital etc, but knowing Ichika, I'm sure she would have wanted to spend as much time as she could with Shiraishi before he atoned for his crimes. And, he did seem to be in regular communication with Yanagi and them, so I'm glad Kazuki didn't have to think she died and stuff, but I’m still iffy because considering Kazuki and stuff, I wouldn’t trust this random with my sister lol. Anyway, it's a bittersweet ending, but I did enjoy how everything ended with the Christmas party they promised to celebrate together. That tragic love ending CG was really beautiful though! And I'm glad to finally see an ending where Ichika gets practically brainwashed and joins Adonis after failing to save Shiraishi, and inversely Shiraishi failing to protect her and her heart. Although I kinda still find it unlikely that she would be able to kill Yanagi and them but who knows, doesn't really matter I guess.

Overall, I have mixed feelings about Shiraishi. He's definitely not my type but I did enjoy how Ichika and Shiraishi kinda bounced off each other with their differences and personal values. They were always upfront with what they thought and honest about what they liked, what they didn't like and I think their relationship was done really nicely. They had a lot of cute moments such as visiting the stray cats and holding hands etc and I honestly feel like I should have liked Shiraishi, but I actually don't lol. Like, I guess I liked their relationship, but his story and everything didn't resonate with me. Personally, I feel like the greatest setback for this route was actually that it focused too much on building the romance and neglected Shiraishi's background with Adonis, his feelings and thoughts, and his relationship with Mikuni that ended up hurting him because he basically killed him to help Ichika. I feel like everything about Shiraishi and Adonis at the end was like an information dump about how Adonis takes care of orphans to raise as their officers or whatever, which imo felt kinda weird because supposedly so many of them exist but they’re never a part of the story in any way, and why do they bother trying to find people like Ichika to become executors other than to use them as scapegoats or something, but the core of the X-Day plans basically has nothing to do with these officers? Anyway, I just found the whole thing with Shiraishi and Adonis to be handled poorly and I think it could have made a bigger impact on me if they bothered to focus a bit more on it throughout the route instead of just at the end where it honestly didn't make me feel anything for him or the whole thing. I sound so slack lolll, but the biggest indication that I really didn't enjoy it that much was when I straight away went into Yanagi's story afterwards loll. I usually need time to digest when I finish a route, but yeah I think I was pretty disappointed with Shiraishi and his route. But I do like how it was different to the others since it's not really a "happy ending" considering he's a criminal etc, so that was interesting, but I feel sorry for the people that would have wanted something happier. Anyhow, really liked the romance development and their relationship but not so much the Adonis stuff surrounding Shiraishi, however the Uno siblings were nice “villains” for this route.

[knybits]

Kimetsu Academy!

Kimetsu Academy!Au: A Murder of One

Tanjirou x Akiko (and theyre actually happy lmao)

“Oh! Akiko! Hi honey, how’ve you been?” Kie greets the teenager with a warm smile as they open up the bakery for the day. 

Akiko walks into the store, inhaling the red bean and flour scent as well as blueberries and chocolate chips. The atmosphere envelops Akiko and she feels right at home. 

“I’ve been well,”Akiko smiles before looking up at the doorway leading to a set of stairs behind the store. 

“Are Nezuko and Tanjirou awake?” She questions, and Kie smiles hopelessly. 

“Well, you know Nezuko… Tanjirou should be getting her ready. Go on up and here, take a melon pan with you.”

The bun is stuffed into Akiko’s hand and she bids Tanjirou’s mother a thank you before rushing up the stairs. 

Akiko isn’t even half way up until her boyfriend’s voice calls out, “We’re in the bathroom! Can you come do Nezuko’s hair?” 

She smiles gleefully before taking two rights into the bathroom, watching Tanjirou brush his teeth as Nezuko nods off on his shoulders. 

“Mornfging,”Tanjirou smiles and Akiko chuckles lightly before cayrying Nezuko down to the floor, making sure she doesn’t fall. 

“Hey,” she pecks his cheek. “Another early morning?” Akiko can see his eye bags despite the small amount of makeup he wears to hide them. He blushes lightly, knowing he’s been caught, but nods his head nonetheless. 

Akiko finished the rest of her bread to scold him, hands weaving through long locks and twisting strands of hair, but Tanjirou continues to brush his teeth as he listens to his girlfriend’s voice, a pleasant smile on his face. 

The two are able to make it to the train in time, and everyone allows for Nezuko to have a seat on the train. Akiko and Tanjirou stand nearby, Akiko pressed back on the doors as Tanjirou covers her, making sure there are no perverts on the train. 

Akiko finds one anyway, poking Tanjirou’s cheek to nab his attention before pointing out Enmu, the local pervert, trying to creep on a girl. 

Tanjirou lets out a tired sigh at his usual behavior before cutting through bodies, and Akiko smiles proudly as he grabs Enmu and hands him off to the officer at the next station. 

Luckily, it’s their stop, and Tanjirou grabs Nezuko before the three are off to school. Akiko holds all three of their bags as Tanjirou carries his sister, the two talking about what they did yesterday as if they didn’t talk over the phone at night. 

“By the way, what’s our first period?” Akiko asks as they approach the gates. 

“I’m pretty sure it’s music with Miyuki-sensei?” Tanjirou looks over at Akiko to see her face, nearly jumping at the one she’s making. 

“Music…” 

“It’s ok! I’m sure you’ll be fine!”

“Tanjirou… We both can’t say that…” 

Thankfully, Miyuki-sensei is nice enough to ace Akiko on tests and quizzes, so Akiko has a passing grade in the class. She can remember facts about music, but she always dreads the extra free time left at the end of class because kids usually try to play instruments. 

“Okay, Akiko, let’s try the piano today,” Miyuki catches Akiko attention and the blood drains from Akiko’s face. She sees Zenitsu cover his ears in the corner but she doesn’t blame him.

“I don’t know, Himi-sensei…” Akiko tries to save the rest of the class, but Tanjirou walks over to place a hand on her shoulder, giving her a bright smile. 

“I believe in you Akiko! You know Himi-sensei is a great teacher, so give it a try!” 

Akiko blushes, turning to him as she sees others looking at them. Hoping to keep the eyes off the both of them, she sighs in defeat before smiling back up at him and agreeing. 

Akiko is glad she’s dating her best friend. 

Her fingers dance across the keys, but they have two left feet and she can’t even plunk out the notes for twinkle twinkle little star. Tanjirou sits by patiently, cheering Akiko on whenever she fumbles. 

Finally, her finger presses the last key and the tune to twinkle twinkle little star is complete. Akiko looks up from the piano, wide eyed and in awe of herself before she beams at Miyuki. 

“I knew you could do it!” Tanjirou cheers before giving her a quick peck on the cheek. Akiko blushes furiously before taking his hand into her own when the bell rings. 

“We- We’re gonna be late so let’s go!” She insists as Tanjirou laughs. 

Miyuki congratulates Akiko before offering to walk them over to Shinazugawa’s math class, and the two shiver in fear. 

Tanjirou isn’t on good terms with Sanemi, but he’s friends with his younger brother, Genya. Akiko is rather fond of Genya too, since he taught her how to make different types of bento boxes so that she could make Tanjirou lunches every so often.  

When Akiko sees Miyuki talking lovingly to Sanemi, she smiles fondly. It’s the same look Miyuki’s mother would give her husband when he came to visit her with flowers in hard at Ray’s hospital. Just by looking, Akiko can tell that they’re absolutely in love with each other. 

She glances over at Tanjirou, who is talking to Genya at the moment, before wondering if the two of them will love each other like Miyuki and Sanemi. 

“Hey you three,” Himi-sensei’s voice catches their attention, “Save Friday night for me. My mother is inviting your family for dinner.”

Akiko looks over at her math teacher and Sanemi looks away under her piercing gaze. Akiko smiles, turning to look back at Miyuki before nodding her head and promising to ask her parents. 

Periods pass by, Tanjirou enjoying Rengoku-sensei’s class the most as always as she has to reign in her boyfriend from fighting the other students with yard sticks. Sure, some of the other fighters in the cavalry battle make fun of him, but Tanjirou makes a sad face at them before looking over at Akiko. 

“But guys... I pinkie promised her…”

They all agree that Tanjirou has a legal excuse to not participate in the cavalry battle and potentially get hurt. 

When the school bell rings for lunch, Zenitsu bolts down the hallway in search of Nezuko and Inosuke stomps to the cafeteria. Tanjirou pushes his desk over to Akiko’s as she brings out two bento boxes, an excited smile on her face. 

“You already know, but Genya came over yesterday to help me make today’s lunch. Also, it’s unreal how good he is at cooking. I wish he would share some of his skills… He doesn’t need all that talent, y’know?” Akiko goes off, untying the green and black checker patterned cloth with a huff before opening the boxes to present Tanjirou with today’s lunch. 

His eyes shine at the display, his favorite rice balls with a pickled plum in the middle making its appearance as always. There’s a rolled omelet and some edamame beans on the side, and Akiko pulls out a small container of miso soup for the two of them to share. 

He’s about to start eating, thanking Akiko for the meal, but she stops him as she pulls out her phone. 

“Oh yeah, today’s picture, right?” He poses, smiling into the camera as Akiko snaps a picture of him with the food she’s made for the day. She turns her phone off the minute she uploads the photo, knowing that her phone is already blowing up. 

Despite being linked at the hip for their whole lives, and even more so now that they’re dating, the two still find things to talk about. It’s odd, but they find random things to discuss. 

“Are you working at the hospital today?” Tanjirou asks as she chews her omelet, and she pauses to think before nodding her head. 

“Dad doesn’t need me till later though. If you’re not helping your parents today, wanna go to that new tapioca shop near the station? It’s been a while since we spent time together after school.” Akiko juts her lower lip out, batting her eyelashes at Tanjirou, who gives in easily. 

She cheers, hands thrown up into the air before Tanjirou stuffs another omelet into her mouth, and Akiko shuts up in embarrassment. 

“AKIKO!!” The door to the classroom slams open and Akiko nearly chokes on a rice ball. Tanjirou offers her his water, eyes soft with concern before looking over to the culprit. 

“Zenitsu, you almost killed her!” He says with exasperation, but Zenitsu is already tugging Akiko out of the room. 

“Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease you gotta help me find Nezuko!” Zenitsu cries, grasping at the hem of her skirt as Tanjirou tries to bat him away. 

Akiko deadpans. 

“Can I have one peaceful lunch with my boyfriend?” 

“AT LEAST YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!” 

“Now that you say that I think Yahaba from class 2-B has a thing for you.” 

“R-REALLY?!” Zenitsu lets go, stumbling out of the classroom with a smile on his face. 

Akiko mentally prays for Yahaba, apologizing under her breath for sending a disaster bi after him. 

Finally, the final bell rings and school is out. Akiko and Tanjirou look over at each other before smiling, packing up their supplies before walking out of class together. 

His hand easily finds its way through her’s, and when Akiko asks him if Nezuko will be okay getting home on her own, he says that Kanao will take her since they’re both in the soccer club together. 

This puts Akiko at ease and they pass by Sanemi and Miyuki leaving for the day, the two piling into the car with some school supplies. Both couples wave each other goodbye (though Sanemi looks forced, and Miyuki begins to bicker with him).

The minute their car door closes, Akiko looks over at Tanjirou before saying, “Sanemi is going to propose this Friday.” 

He blinks in surprise before looking down at her, “Really? How do you know?” 

Akiko smiles teasingly before giving him a quick peck on the lips, tugging the two of them along to the station, “I just know!” 

 ---

“Hey, love? File this away for me? I have to go to the OR, but you can observe when you’re done,” Ray says, handing his daughter a manila folder. 

She nods her head, taking the folder before walking into the archives room and stashing it under “na”.  She’s about to walk out when her pager blips, and she looks at it in confusion, wondering why she’s been called up to the front lobby. 

A sudden thought hits her and she blushes lightly, biting her lip as she tries to calm her beating heart. Akiko doesn’t want to be wrong. 

“Tamura-san! Your grandmother is here to see you!” A nurse says, and Akiko’s heart drops. She braves a smile anyway, nodding her head despite the want to run away. 

But her eyes catch a familiar lock of hair, and she raises a questioning eyebrow at the nurse. 

“Tanjirou? You can come out.” 

Said person rises from the counter, laughing weakly, “You caught me…” 

“You can’t get past these eyes, love,” she smiles at him, glad that he decided to visit her at the hospital. 

Tanjirou does this often, and Akiko has no idea why she’s still so surprised when he shows up. Whenever he visits, it’s usually because he’s off work and wants to see her for just a moment before going off to his other job. 

He likes to say that she’s his recharging station, as embarrassing as it sounds. He asks for a smile, receives one, and immediately be ready for his next job. Akiko worries for him all the same. 

Tanjirou works at a flower shop with Miyuki and a cafe during the weekends and helps out at his family’s bakery throughout the weekdays. On top of that, he’s a student, and Akiko doesn’t know how he’s able to juggle all of this as well as a relationship. 

“Did you miss me already?” Akiko laughs, taking Tanjirou over to a secluded corner so that they can talk. 

“Well, yeah, I always miss you,” he says, and Akiko is thrown off, blinking twice before looking away. 

“But also because it’s already nine and you haven’t replied to my calls. You should be off by now, right?” 

When Akiko checks her phone she sees the two phone calls she’s missed, apologizing to him before confirming that it really is late at night. Her dad usually lets her off at eight, but today’s been a busy day. 

So Akiko tells the nurse to leave a note for her dad before she grabs her things from the lounge, walking out of the hospital, hand in hand with Tanjirou. 

The last remaining cherry blossoms flutter down, staining the streets as Akiko’s amber eyes reflect the street lights. Tanjirou allows Akiko to lead since she’s good at seeing in the dim lighting, but the two already have their way home memorized. 

“You can’t sleep over tonight, can you?” Akiko suddenly asks and Tanjirou startles, eyes wide at her request. 

“W-Well we have school tomorrow…” He looks away, timidly looking at the floor. Akiko smiles nonetheless before nodding her head. 

Tanjirou can smell the sadness seep from Akiko despite her happy appearance, and his tongue feels like lead. Akiko looks over at him when his hold on her hand tightens, and he beams brightly at her. 

“I can sleep over after the dinner party on Friday though!” 

He can smell her happiness again and she smiles back, jumping into his arms to bury her face into his chest, nodding enthusiastically. 

Tanjirou pats her head, laughing, before smiling fondly at his girlfriend. 

They both know that they’re lucky to have each other. 

im not trying to troll yalls asses by not giving you guys ch 7 but also i am :,,) but yalls also get to see happy tanjirou and akiko so who rly is losing here,,,

this is a collab thing i did with @giyuwu-writings!! we’re rly excited to post this content for you guys, so stay excited for the wholesome and fluffy chapters of this au!! 

also our tag for this collab is giyuwubits and its cute plz validate us LMAO ;-; 

[youare-mysonshine]

they say that love is forever || sweet pea

So, it has been quite a while since I’ve written anything, and even then I’ve never written for shows before. I used to only write for WWE (strictly smut cause I’m a horny bitch lmao). So, I wanted to give this a shot. I’m not saying I’m gonna become a full time imagine writer again because if I’m being honest, I’m lazy and this took me forever lmao. There may be mistakes, the layout on desktop might look gross because I did this on mobile. But, I hope that you guys enjoy it. It’s a song fic, inspired by If I’m James Dean, You’re Audrey Hepburn by Sleeping With Sirens. I heard it and it just screamed Sweet Pea. So, enjoy! Oh and gif is not mine!

Pairing: Sweet Pea x Reader

Warnings: None (I think)

Word count: 4k.

Stay for tonight if you want to

I can show you what my dreams are made of

As I'm dreaming of your face.

I've been away for a long time, such a long time

And I miss you there

I can't imagine being anywhere else

I can't imagine being anywhere else but here

It was the late hours into the night when Sweet Pea finally got home from taking care of Serpent business. He was tired, absolutely exhausted. He’d been helping FP with delivering drugs for Penny Peabody and although he’d never say if out loud, the task was definitely taking it’s toll on him. But, he’d never let the Serpent King hang dry. He’d do whatever he could to help. Walking into the darkened and quiet trailer, the tall serpent tried not to make so much noise as to not awaken the person sleeping soundly on his bed. He shed off his jacket, placing it on the coat rack by the door, his black boots followed suit. The tired ebony haired teen walked over to the door separating him from his bedroom and he carefully opened it. It creaked ever so slightly, the hinges a bit rusty. There she was. She wore one of his t-shirts to bed, the same one she wore every night because she said it was her favorite. Her y/h/c hair splayed out all over the pillow, her lips parted ever so slightly. A small smile tugged at his lips that usually fashioned a scowl or a smirk. Her eyes fluttered as if she were dreaming.

  Sweets removed the flannel he wore, alone with the shirt underneath, leaving him shirtless. He then removed his black jeans. Just as he did, a soft and tired sounding voice filled the otherwise quiet room. “Sweet Pea?” He looked over to the culprit and saw his girlfriend sleepily rubbing at her eyes, sitting up. “It’s late. Did you just get back? I was waiting for you but I..” She yawned, her small hand over her mouth. “I fell asleep.” Once the tall teen had gotten his jeans off, he set them off to the side and walked over to his side of the bed. “Yeah, I just got back. It was a long night. I should’ve called you, I’m sorry babe. I was just busy.” He crawled into bed with his girlfriend, pulling the covers over himself. His arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her close to his bare chest. The sleepy female cuddled close to him, sighing on content and relishing in the warmth he provided. “S’okay,” she mumbled sleepily. “I missed you.” She murmured, eyes closing as she descended into slumber once again. His dark eyes took in her features, a deep, sleepy chuckle rumbling in his chest. “I missed you too, princess.” Pressing one kiss to her head, Sweet Pea fell into a deep slumber as well where his dreams were very much full of the beauty sleeping beside him. Despite the long nights spent running drugs for Penny, the comfort he had was knowing he’d get to come home to Y/N.

How the hell did you ever pick me?

Honestly, I could sing you a song

But I don't think words can express your beauty

It's singing to me

How the hell did we end up like this?

You bring out the beast in me

I fell in love from the moment we kissed

Since then we've been history

Many, including Sweet Pea himself, had wondered how someone like Y/N could ever choose someone like him. He was someone who usually used violence as an answer for most situations. He was a hot head who flew off the handle if anybody disrespected him or his family/loved ones. He wasn’t exactly what you considered boyfriend material. He usually only hooked up with girls, never dated. It wasn’t so much as if he was scared to date, but more so apprehensive about opening up to someone. But then she came along. He had been at the Wyrm playing pool with some of the other Serpents when she sauntered in with Toni, a radiant smile on her lips. Right from the get go she had captured his attention. Hell, he spent the rest of the evening trying to impress her with his pool skills, he spent the rest of the evening sitting beside her at the bar, chatting her up, shamelessly flirting with her.  

“It’s a shame we haven’t met before, though I’m not surprised Toni was keeping a pretty girl like you all to herself.”

But y/n was different. She wasn’t just some girl he wanted to spend one hot night with, someone he’d fuck and then likely never talk to again. No. Dare he say it, he wanted to get to know. And get to know her he did. Sweet Pea learned more about her with each day they spent together, and it only served to remind him that she could most certainly do better than him. At least that’s what he thought. One evening he had taken her out for a ride on his motorcycle. It was one of his favorite things to do, something that cleared his head. But with the beautiful female with him, her slender arms wrapped around his midsection, the way her laugh echoed in his ears as the trees and scenery zoomed by them, it certainly beat playing pool at the Wyrm.

Their first kiss happened that night - he had dropped her off at her home and it seemed neither one of them had wanted to leave each other because once he’d turned the motorcycle off, they both got off and just stood there, looking at each other. “This was the most fun I’ve had in a while. I didn’t know riding bitch could be so fun.” She wise cracked. The dark eyed serpent chuckled, leaning against the black machinery. “Yeah well, I guess I had fun too.” Y/N scoffed, a little smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. “You guess? Oh please, Sweets - you had fun. You can’t fool me. I’m amazing company.” The smirk she wore turned into a grin that proved to be so infectious Sweet Pea cracked a smile of his own. “Alright, I did have fun.” And then quiet overcame them both. They stood there, staring at each other, the sound of crickets and glass breaking in the distance echoing around them. “We should.. do this again.. sometime..” The y/e/c eyed female murmured, not breaking eye contact. Neither did Sweet Pea. In fact, he pushed himself off of his motorcycle and took one big step to where she stood, practically towering over her. His index finger hooked into the belt loops of the shorts that she wore and he tugged her body close to his. Her scent invaded his nose - it was intoxicating. “Yeah, we should.” He murmured huskily, voice deep. They stared at each other for a few more seconds before they began leaning in. One hand slithered up to the back of her neck, bringing her face closer to his own. Their lips were practically touching when he stopped.

“Tell me if you want me to stop and I will.” Of course, he’d never do anything to make Y/N uncomfortable, and as badly as he wanted to kiss her, he wouldn’t force her. But instead, her eyes fluttered up, her lips lightly parted. Her chest rose and fell quickly. “Kiss me.” And that was all that he needed to hear. Sweet Pea smashed his lips against hers, her pink and plump lips moving in sync with his. It was everything and nothing he expected. Her arms snaked around his neck, pulling him closer. The hand that rested on her hip slithered under her shirt and his tattooed thumb gently stroked the soft skin. The hand that was resting on the back of her neck served to pull her face close to his, deepening the kiss. The kiss was slow, passionate, totally unlike what he was used too. At the end of the night he usually ended up clashing teeth and biting lips with some girl he took home.

But he knew.

He always knew that y/n was different. Her lips and her kisses were enough to have him wanting more. Enough to have him falling in love with her.

They say that love is forever

Your forever is all that I need

Please stay as long as you need

Can't promise that things won't be broken

But I swear that I will never leave

Please stay forever with me

“Hey Toni.” Y/N walked over to the pink haired beauty who worked behind the bar, a weak smile on her face. Toni looked over at the source of the voice, smiling in return. “Hey y/n. What’s up?” Oh, how to answer that question. The y/h/c haired teen sighed, running her fingers through her hair as she figured out how to formulate the words she was trying to get out. “Have you.. Is.. Have you noticed something off about Sweet Pea?” Toni lifted a brow, looking at her friend for further elaboration. “I mean, has he been acting weird with you? I just.. I don’t know. It’s like every time that I try talking to him, he shuts me out. Every time I wanna make plans to do something with him, he’s busy or he’s tired. The first few times I didn’t mind but this has been going on for a few weeks and I’m just.. I’m worried that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore.” That was a horrible thought for y/n to have on her head but with the way that things had been going in her relationship, was it so out of the ordinary? She and Sweet Pea had been dating for a few months and she wasn’t a Serpent. She was terrified that he had decided he wanted someone who understood him better, someone who he had some more stuff in common with.

Toni frowned at her friend’s words, setting down the rag she had been using to clean the bar. “Y/n, you know that Sweets likes you a lot. He’s probably just got stuff on his mind. Talk to him, try to talk to him one more time before you jump to all these conclusions, okay?” The pink haired female gave her friend a comforting smile, to which y/n returned a small smile of her own. She stood up off of the bar stool she had sat upon. “Thanks, T. Wish me luck and hope that my relationship isn’t over.” With a weak chuckle, she walked out of the bar and headed the short distance to Sunnyside Trailer park. She walked on the dirt, a million thoughts going through her mind about how it would turn out. The y/h/c haired female finally reached the familiar trailer and she could see the lights from the tv through the window. She walked up the steps and knocked on the door. She could hear the sound of footsteps coming to the door and a few seconds later, it opened and her tall boyfriend stood in front of her, staring at her in slight surprise.

“Y/n, what are you doing here?” Sweet Pea asked, leaning against the door frame, arms crossed across his chest. “I came to see you.. Well, that’s partially true, I care to talk to you. Can I come in? Please?” The ebony haired male gave a nod before moving to the side and allowing her to step into the small trailer. She walked over to the couch and sat down, Sweets sitting a few inches away from her. He turned the tv off and silence filled the room, neither one of them saying anything. She fiddled with her thumbs, he sat there staring at the wall across from them. Finally, the silence had been too much to bear and she broke it first. “What’s up with you?”

“What do you mean?” He asked, finally looking over at his girlfriend. Y/n sighed. “I mean, what’s up with you? You’ve been spacing me out for the past couple of weeks and I have no idea what I did. Every time I try to make plans with you, you’re tired or you don’t have time. Is this what you do when you tell me that you can’t hang out? Sit here and watch lame tv shows?” Her words came out harsher than she intended but she was hurt, and she just wanted the truth. Her boyfriend sighed, running his long fingers through his black haired. “Y/n, I can’t talk about this right now-“ She cut him out, scoffing. “And when I want to talk to you, you shut me out. Seriously, Pea. Did I do something? Because if I did, tell me and I’ll try to fix it! Don’t just shut me out. Did you..” she paused, not wanting to say the words. But she did anyway. “Did you meet somebody else?”

His eyes shot to her and he stared at her incredulously. “No! No, what the fuck, y/n? I didn’t meet anybody else. I’m not seeing anybody else but you. You really think that I’d cheat on you?” She rubbed her hands over her face before looking over at him. “Can you blame me for thinking that? You’ve been treating me like I’m not even your girlfriend for the past few days! You either want to be with me or you don’t, Sweet Pea. It’s that simple. Just be honest with me. From the moment we started dating, all I’ve asked for is honesty. That’s it. Talk to me, Pea. Please.” It was eating away at her, not knowing why her boyfriend had been so distant with her, if she had done something wrong, if she was at fault. She wanted so badly to make it work but if he didn’t open up to her and tell her the reason, she wasn’t so sure she had anything to work with.

“It’s not the simple. You wouldn’t understand.” He stated, eyes once again staring at the wall in front of them. She let out a frustrated sigh, fingers running though her hair. “Really? That’s the fucking problem, Sweet Pea. You’re not giving me anything to try and understand. It’s like you don’t trust me and that fucking sucks-“ She had been cut off by her ebony haired boyfriend shooting up from his seat and slamming a hand against the wall, a frustrated ‘fuck’ escaping his lips. Startled by the sudden movements, she jumped slightly, eyes wide and staring at the pacing form of Sweet Pea. “I’m not good at this shit, okay? I’m not good at expressing my feelings. I’m not good at telling people how I feel. I’m not good at this relationship thing. I..” He stopped pacing and turned around to face y/n, except his eyes never quite met hers. “I love you. And I’m scared that I’m gonna fuck it up and you’re gonna realize you can do so much better than me. But it seems like I already did a pretty good job of that.” The world around her seemed completely frozen. The one thing that she has zeroed in on were those three little words she had longed to hear.

I love you.

Part of her had expected that she’d be the one to say it first because she knew that Sweets wasn’t so open with his feelings. But she had never expected that to be the reason why he’d been shutting her out. She was stunned silent, eyes wide and mouth parted. He stared at her, bottom lip worried between his teeth, as he waited for her to say something, anything. But instead of saying something when she finally snapped out of her shocked stupor, she sprang off the couch and raced towards him. She grasped his face between her small hands and brought him down into a searing kiss that showed him one of the reasons why he’d fallen in love with her in the first place. Their lips molded perfectly together, both of them holding tightly onto each other. His hands glided down her waist to her backside where he squeezed before hoisting her up, her legs wrapping around his waist, her arms going around his neck. She pulled away and she said that words he had been waiting for.

“I love you, you dumbass. So fucking much.”

It goes to show, I hope that you know that you are

What my dreams are made of

Can't fall asleep, can't fall asleep

I lie in my bed awake, in my bed awake at night as I dream of you

I'll fall in love, you'll fall in love

It could mean everything, everything to me

I can't imagine being anywhere else

They say that love is forever

Your forever is all that I need

Please stay as long as you need

Can't promise that things won't be broken

But I swear that I will never leave

Please stay forever with me

With a dejected sigh, Sweet Pea rolled over, picked his phone up off of the bedside table and checked the time. The light momentarily hurt his eyes, but once he had adjusted, he saw that it was a little past 2 in the morning. He had been tossing and turning for a while now. Trying to sleep but getting nowhere. Looking to the spot beside him, it was empty, cold. He knew why he couldn’t sleep. He never could sleep when she wasn’t there with him. It was weird, it didn’t feel right. The trailer felt so lonely and empty without y/n. As annoying as it seemed, he was used to her ending up sleeping on top of him at some point of the night.

He was used to her hogging the blanket because she was cold. He was used to her stealing his shirts because she loved wearing them to bed. Unfortunately, he parents had found out she had been sneaking out of her room to go to his place and they had kept a close watch on her since, and that meant she couldn’t stay at his place for a while. It sucked to say the least. Knowing he wasn’t gonna get any sleep anytime soon, the ebony haired teen unlocked his phone and went to his messages, texting the person that was on his mind. 

SP: you awake?

Not even a few seconds later, his phone began vibrating and y/n’s smiling face appeared on his screen. He slid his thumb over the green button and answered, bringing the phone up to his ear. “Hey baby. Can’t sleep either?” He asked, voice husky and low from not having talked for a while. “Nope. I’m so used to sleeping with you in the trailer. My room just feels lonely. I miss you.” Maybe it wasn’t so healthy to be as attached as they were, but Sweet Pea gave not a single fuck. “I miss you too. I’d say to forget your folks’ rules and just come over but I don’t wanna get you into trouble.” He chuckled.

“We’ll see each other in a few hours. Stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep?” She asked, voice soft and melodic. “Yeah, I’m here.” 

And so they had remained talked for about another hour until y/n had fallen asleep, Sweet Pea falling asleep shortly after. Even in the morning, the call was still going. 

The way that we are

Is the reason I stay

As long as you're here with me

I know we'll be OK

The way that we are

Is the reason I stay

As long as you're here with me

I know I'll be OK

It had happened quicker than he could process. One moment he, Jughead, Toni and FP were ushering Fangs from the police department through crowds of angry people, and the next he was pressing his hands to the gunshot wound in his best friends abdomen. Blood stained his hands, colored his skin red and for once, he was actually completely terrified. Utterly terrified that his best friend was gonna die. Y/n had rushed to the hospital where she met up with Sweet Pea who was still covered in his best friends blood, pacing back and forth in the busy lobby. As soon as she was in sight, his arms were around her, holding her close. The tears he'd been trying to hold in had finally escaped, though nobody else saw because his face had been buried in her neck. "What happened, Sweets?" She asked a bit breathlessly, no doubt from rushing to get to the hospital as quickly as she could. He didn't answer for a few seconds, regaining his composure. "Mantle shot Fangs." He murmured, but it was still loud enough for her to hear him.

"What? Is he okay? What happened? Oh my god, Sweets. Are you okay?" She hadn't meant to throw all those questions at him but one of her friends had been shot, her boyfriends best friend had been shot, she just couldn't believe it. "They don't.. They don't know if he's gonna make it." Sweet Pea's voice cracked, and he finally pulled away to look at her, eyes a little glossy. She reached up and wiped at his eyes. "He's gonna be fine. He's gonna make it." She said with such conviction. Even if she didn't believe it, she had to give him some kind of hope. "Look.. Mantle hurt one of us, he didn't just hurt Fangs, he might've killed him. This.. This isn't something we're gonna let slide. I'm telling you because.. I promised you honesty." Y/N didn't like it. In fact, she hated it. The last thing she wanted was for him to get hurt. But she understood. The Serpents were a family, and one of their family members was intentionally hurt. Hell, if somebody ever hurt Sweet Pea, she'd be out for blood.

"Be careful. Come back to me, Sweet Pea. I love you."

To everyone's relief, Fangs had survived the gunshot. He had made it and Y/N couldn't be any happier. Although, the Southside had been at it's worse, what with the brawl between the Ghoulies and the Serpents, a brawl that had ultimately been lost by the Serpents, they were all together, united and stronger than ever. That included Y/N and Sweet Pea. They stood together, his arms wrapped her, her back and head resting against his chest. Everyone was conversing, drinking, smiling and laughing. Most of them had lost their homes when Sunnyside trailer had been burned down, including Sweet Pea, but they had each other. A black leather jacket was resting comfortably on y/n shoulders, and it didn't belong to Sweet Pea. She and Cheryl had been new additions to the Southside Serpents. It was something that had only served to bring her and Sweet Pea closer together.

Pretty soon everyone had gone off to do their own thing, leaving Sweet Pea and Y/N alone. She had spun around in his arms, her own wrapping around his middle while his traveled down to her jeans where he stuck his hands into her back pockets, playfully squeezing her ass. "Look at you, my serpent queen.." He said, a playful smile on his lips. "I'm being honest, I never wanted you to join the Serpents only because I didn't want you getting sucked into all this.. shit. Look at what happened with the Ghoulies.. But, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of us. You've shown me, and the rest of the Serpents loyalty, love and respect. You've proved your place." The words brought tears to y/n's eyes. Yeah, she saw a side of Sweet Pea that not everybody else saw but he had never been so raw, so honest. One hand cupped his cheek, the pad of her thumb smoothing over his bottom lip.

"We're in this together. Forever, you and me. I love you, Sweet Pea."

"I love you too, princess."

[pop-punklouis]

hey hope!! i’ve completely run out of things to watch recently and was wonderinf if you had any recs of movies and tv shows??

HI! 

It’s your lucky day because I have found myself in a hole of watching many new things lately that I’ve more or less found enjoyable so hopefully you will too? lol

1. Russian Doll:  Nadia, a young woman who is on a journey to be the guest of honor at a party in New York City. But she gets caught in a mysterious loop as she repeatedly attends the same event and dies at the end of the night each time – only to awaken the next day unharmed as if nothing had happened.

(I know I’m late to the party with that one, but it is quite literally one of the best comedy-dramas I’ve seen in a long while, not to mention Natasha Lyonne, the ultimate babe, stars in it. It is, blatantly, obvious that the script was written by women (thank god) and it has a cool, mind-trip twist at the end that’ll have you guessing what actually was happening the entire time. Super easy to binge!! 10/10)

2. Perfume:  When a woman is found murdered with scent glands excised from her body, a detective probes a group of friends who attended boarding school with her.

(A German mystery-crime-thriller that is way too convoluted and intertwined to know the real culprit of the grisly yet complex murders until the few minutes of the last episode. It has an incredibly intriguing script with intricate details and dialogue. Pleasantly surprised by how solid the entire storyline and characters were. TW though!! There are scenes of obscene sex, implied rape, domestic abuse, and sexual assault. So be careful if those things trigger you. Watching it in German with English subtitles is the way to go, though. Trust me.)

3. Handsome Devil:  Two opposites, a loner and the top athlete become friends at a rugby-obsessed boarding school, and the authorities test their friendship.

(An irish coming-of-age LGBT film that, again, pleasantly surprised me with how well it was executed underneath the guise of an overly cliche storyline. It’s winning, compelling, and quite moving with how it tackles individuality in teens. It’s just a great film that takes tropes and turns them on their head by transforming the characters in their own way. Not to give too much away but the talk one of the boys have with the English professor on the rugby field at night is so, so important as an open dialogue.) 

4. Dumplin’:  The plus-size, teenage daughter of a former beauty queen signs up for her mum’s pageant as a protest that escalates when other contestants follow in her footsteps, revolutionising the pageant and their small Texas town.

(As you can probably guess this film is an emotionally-impactful conversation about self-acceptance that rides on the back of societal expectations of young women all tied together in a very heart-warming coming-of-age drama. Also there’s loads of Dolly Parton music. What else is there to say)

5. The Lobster:  In a dystopian society, single people must find a mate within 45 days or be transformed into an animal of their choice.

(Isn’t a new watch, but I was reminded of it recently. Just an extended Black Mirror episode, pretty much. It’s odd. It’s bizarre. It’s engaging. It’s a lot of things, and they are great.)

6. Shirkers:  In 1992 teenager Sandi Tan shoots Singapore’s first road movie with her enigmatic American mentor, Georges, who then absconded with all of the footage. The 16 mm film is recovered 20 years later, sending Tan, who is now a novelist living in Los Angeles, on a personal odyssey in search of Georges’ footprints.

(One of my favorite documentaries I’ve seen in a while, mainly because it doesn’t exactly feel like a documentary. It feels like you’re privvy to the incredibly frustrating, disheartening, and determined story of friendship, women-bound creativity, youth, and dishonesty when it comes to the mystery of where and why Georges disappeared. It’s also empowering in a way to see the transition of these young women reclaiming their lives after such betrayal.)

7. Grace & Frankie:  For as long as they can recall, Grace and Frankie have been rivals. Their one-upmanship comes crashing to a halt, however, when they learn that their husbands have fallen in love with each other and want to get married. As everything around the ladies is coming apart, the only thing they can really rely on is each other.

(I’ve been living under a rock, sue me. This show is fanfuckingtastic. Just watch it. Just binge it. Just do it.)

8. Voyeur:  Gay Talese investigates Gerald Foos, a Colorado motel owner who spies on his guests. Using a carefully constructed platform in the motel’s attic, Foos documents his guests most private moments, from the mundane to the shocking.

(Just a frustratingly and horrifyingly sad and strange recollection of two men who act as an incredibly interesting character study if nothing else. Recommend)

9. Some Freaks:  A charming romance develops between a boy with one eye and an overweight girl, though when she loses her weight after going to college, their relationship is tested in devastating ways they never dreamed would happen.

(….. I still don’t know how I feel about this movie. I’ve watched it twice, once alone and once with a friend, and I’m still conflicted on my lasting thoughts about the film and its message. It’s definitely something I suggest watching, at least, to come to your own conclusions about how it made you feel. It’s just. uncomfortable in the strangest of ways, and I just need more people to converse about it with lmao)

10. The Kindergarten Teacher:  A teacher sees such great promise in her 5-year-old student that she goes to unreasonable lengths to protect his talent.

(I watched this film on a whim one day while off from work, and I was pleasantly surprised by its depth and heartbreaking tendencies. This film does not evoke anything but unsettled feelings and yearning for both the young boy and the teacher. Many people tend to gloss over the fact that this film does so much more than its superficial narrative. it opens such a bigger conversation into what absence and neglect of personal creativity and art through someone’s marriage and family can cause them to in-turn have an unhealthy obsession with wanting to keep a child’s love/talent for art alive. Haunting but great film.)

11. Mr. Roosevelt:  A struggling LA-based comedian goes home to Austin, Texas, when a family member becomes ill and finds herself in the awkward position of staying with her ex and his amazing new girlfriend.

(Friend found this hidden-gem on Netflix, and it’s such a quirky, comforting, easy-watch that I miss a lot in indie films. It’s progressive and weird in all the right ways, and it leaves you with a cozy feeling inside once the film reaches its end.)

12. Queer Eye Season 3

(You know the drill just more feel-good reality-television makeover that makes all of us a little bit happier about humanity’s ability to be kind)

13. Happy Anniversary:  On their three-year anniversary, Molly and Sam are at a crossroads and need to decide whether to move forward or call it quits.

(Another hidden gem found on Netflix that I ended up thoroughly enjoying. It comes across as a real, genuine, non-exaggerated look at the inside of a couple’s relationship. It’s candid, fun, witty in dialogue, and heartwarming towards the end. I’ll admit I got a bit misty eyed at 1 AM lol also the dude who plays jean-ralphio is one of the mains so c’mon.)

14. Class Rank:  When her class rank threatens her college plans, an ambitious teen convinces a nerdy peer to run for the school board to abolish the ranking system.

(Listen up, I watched this film because I was under the impression that it was going to be a b-rated teen film I could be amused by, but it ended up being a sorta cute story that I enjoyed a lot more than I probably should’ve RIP. Give it a shot).

15. Cam:  A camgirl has her principles, until a mysterious woman who looks just like her takes over her channel.

(Don’t take the general critic review to heart and watch the film, yourself. It’s. a ride. It definitely gave me chills as much as it made me uncomfortable. A thriller with twists and uneasiness at every corner. Just a real creepy look into AI, especially in industries like the camgirl industry. I do want the girl’s play dungeon tho rip)

[make-it-mavis]

Darling, Without You

Summary -- Mavis and Felix have both lost someone they loved, and their grief brings them together for a night. 5682 words, angst, rated E for everyone lmao

Combined AUs -- Where Mavis is ‘reformed’ post-first-movie, and where Hero’s Duty is unplugged (inspired by convos in the discord server that I mod with allthefixins)

You can read it in google docs here if you prefer!

Hero’s Duty was unplugged.

That was the long and short of it. That was all anyone really needed to know. Its great, golden prongs backed out of Game Central Station without much warning at all, and left a hollow, cold tunnel that didn’t even catch the light that poured in from the arcade doors. Many were calling it a tragedy. Others, mostly the more seasoned sprites among them, showed a passing sympathy, but couldn’t be bothered for much more than that. In the thirty-four years that the arcade had been open, too many games had come and gone to bother being heartbroken over every loss. Such things happened. It was that way since the beginning, and would be that way until the arcade was no more. That was life.

That was the long and short.

Rather, that was what could have been the long and short, if not for one particularly beloved hero that faded away into the dark.

She was a difficult woman, to say the least -- intimidating, intense, tough as nails, not exactly friendly, but all the same, she was loved. Being one of the four sprites who achieved real hero status in the Sugar Rush invasion of 2012, she was admired. Idolized. An inspiration.

Sergeant Calhoun.

Tamora Calhoun.

Tammy.

Hard-ass.

Captain Buzzkill.

Cousin-in-law.

Cousin-in-law. Cousin-in-law. The phrase nagged at Mavis’ head like tiny birds pecking away. Once Calhoun married Felix, she became her cousin-in-law, a title that Mavis turned up her nose at. She never wanted Calhoun to be her anything. She would have been perfectly happy never seeing her again after the first day she laid eyes on her. Sure, the Sugar Rush infestation wasn’t technically her fault. But if Hero’s Duty never existed, then, chances were, Make-it Mavis would still be Pyrite. She would still have a circus full of performers and animals and firecrackers. She would still have an audience full of her favorite kids, smiling and laughing and cheering her name. She would still have the life she fought so hard to have. She would still live in the one place she ever truly considered home. And she would still have a best friend.

She would still have the one sprite she ever really loved.

Just one look at Calhoun, and Mavis would remember all-too-clearly the day that her life fell into the grinding jaws of a thousand metal monsters. But...

Cousin-in-law.

Technically, and legally… family.

Mavis would not have it. It took her long enough to even want her actual cousin to be her family. She could admit to herself that Calhoun’s absence was impossible to ignore. She wished that she were still around, if only so that everyone could stop being miserable and blubbery. But the idea that she should have felt sad, legitimately sad for losing her? She wasn’t about to go crying over some dead broad she never liked in the first place, just because of some stupid wedding.

All the room for grief in her heart was permanently occupied.

Said heart thudded heavily and bluntly in her chest as she sat atop Niceland, dangling her feet over the edge, her arms draped over her guitar, like every night. She gazed longingly through Fix-it Felix Jr.’s screen, across the arcade, at the pink, flashing, glittery eyesore over by the Whack-a-Mole. Sugar Rush. Home-sweet-home. There was a perfect view of it from the top of Niceland, which was both a blessing and a curse. It was unlikely that she would ever be allowed to set foot in her home again, and seeing it so close was just a visual reminder. But at least she could see it at all. Every night, during her designated, agreed-upon alone time, she could sit on the roof and try to soak up rays of its lights, or hear notes of its theme music. The good memories could come flooding back, and she could get by on that age-old coping strategy of hers:

Pretending.

At the very least, she could pretend he was with her again.

Once the rest of the game had long since gone to bed, she could ease herself into the feeling that she and her partner of thirty years finally had a moment alone. Downtime. Some peace and quiet, something she never truly learned the value of until she had to keep up appearances and pretend not to be as close to “the king” as she was. But away from prying eyes and big ears, behind closed doors, they could just… be themselves. Together. They could just talk.

Unfortunately, he stopped being talkative once he died.

She was never dumb enough to try believing he could reply. But maybe, just maybe, he could hear her anyways.

So, like every night, she began plucking a gentle melody on her guitar, and offered up a soft serenade to the stars.

“I’m trying to hold my breath

Let it stay this way

Can’t let this moment end…”

She closed her eyes in defiance of the utterly wrong world around her. Sugar Rush was so rarely dark, but maybe if she concentrated just right, she could believe the faint light coming from the arcade and glowing through her eyelids was just an elusive sunset, the sort that painted the horizon into an orange creamsicle.

Yes, she thought, as she felt her heart pick up. The sun would set soon, and Sugar Rush would fall into nighttime, a strange phenomena that came entirely too infrequently. Whether it was a glitch, or even an Easter Egg, she did not care to ask. All that mattered was that those nights were special.

“You set off a dream in me

Getting louder, now

Can you hear it echoing?”

The ledge she sat on was no longer the roof of Niceland. She was at the candy castle, perched on the balcony outside the royal chambers. Behind her, the ornate, windowed doors were cracked open just a bit.

“Take my hand

Will you share this with me?”

He was inside. He was listening.

“‘Cause darling, without you…”

Creak.

The sound grabbed Mavis by the heart and slammed her right back into the frigid ice water that was reality. Barely containing a furious scream, she whipped her head around at the culprit.

It was Felix.

Of course it was.

Or, rather, the weird, off-kilter husk shaped like him that had been shambling around the arcade. He looked, acted, and felt like a lethal chunk of his code had been sucked right out of his body ever since Hero’s Duty went down the tubes.

Since he lost his wife, anyway.

Mavis could not blame him for being… strange. Not at all. Even she could not be so bitter. But she hoped so sincerely that he would be strange somewhere far away from her. She wanted no part of his mourning process. She had enough mourning to do on her own, mourning for a sprite she loved for nearly thirty years, not four, and whose death was not an act of Litwak, but indirectly caused by said wife’s game. Mavis believed she could only be so sympathetic. There was only so much support she could offer him, and it was not nearly enough.

She was useless to help, and she knew it. It would have been easier for the both of them if they just kept their distance from each other for a while.

Yet, here he was. Intruding on her alone time.

He looked even less like himself than he already had in the past few weeks -- no hat, no uniform, no hammer. Just unkempt, unwashed hair, a wrinkled white undershirt, pajama bottoms, and dirty socks. An absolute mess. For him, anyway.

He looked at her, not even trying to smile. He said quietly, his voice ragged, “Mavy. Hi.”

Mavis felt her face heat up. She had no idea what to do or say, and she hated that. Looking away from him to study her guitar strings, she said coldly, “Do you know what ‘alone time’ means?”

“I do,” he said. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t sleep.”

She plucked a single note, and said a bit more gently, “Well… I’m not surprised. But why come up here?”

His voice came a bit closer. “I was thinkin’ about you.”

Her heart stuttered.

“...Why?”

“Because--” his voice cracked a bit, and he took some steadying breaths. “Because I need to ask you something.”

Mavis braced herself for the nasty feeling of having no answer, but otherwise, said nothing. After a long, uncomfortable pause, Felix went ahead and blurted it out, a little bit louder than she was expecting.

“Why haven’t you been here for me?”

Every muscle in her body tensed. It took all of her willpower not to just fly away and ditch the emotionally draining conversation before it could start. She hesitated, waiting and hoping for some suitable answer to just float into her head, one that would dissipate the situation.

Nothing came to her.

He continued, not a trace of anger in his voice, but heaps of pain, “I need you. I need my family. You know that. And I know-- I know you know what this feels like. Knowing that, how can you just leave me alone with this?”

“You’re not alone,” she interjected lowly. “The whole arcade is here for you.”

“But I want you,” he insisted. “I want my cousin. But you act like you don’t-- like you don’t even care.”

Her shoulders fell heavy. “You know that’s not true.”

“Do I, Mavis? Do I, really? What have you done to show me that? Why don’t I matter enough for you to actually try to show me you care? Do I matter to you at all?”

It was so unlike him to be so riled up, so accusatory. But Mavis knew all too well how grief could turn one into a different sprite.

She scanned the ground far beneath her feet for anything to busy her eyes with. “Sure. But it’s the things I don’t do.”

His voice hardened, crackling with upset. “Really. You know what you’re not doing? You’re not even looking at me. You haven’t been talking to me. You’ve barely been in the same room as me for over a week! How is that showing me you care? I mean, c’mon,” a humorless, pleading laugh jumped in his throat, “you’d rather sit on a roof alone than be there for your family!? Why!?”

Her defense mechanism snapped to attention, and she shot a razor-sharp glare at him.

“I don’t know! Maybe I’ve been some kind of quote unquote ‘villain’ for fifteen years and now I’m some cold, unfeeling monster,” she lied. “Maybe I have my own crap to deal with! Gimme a break, huh?!”

           She instantly regretted looking at him. There had been so much pain in his eyes lately, too much for her to stand looking at, and she had just added a grand old slap in the face to it. His exceptionally blue eyes were all pink and red-rimmed, but clearly bone dry. He really had been up all night, and he had probably been crying for most of it.

Perhaps the worst of all was what Mavis’ finally saw dangling from his neck on a chain that was way too long for him.

Dog tags. Her dog tags.

The sight struck a deep, painful chord in her. It seemed barely different from what she herself had done the first time the sprite she loved had been torn from her life, all those years ago. She had found the last bit of his world left to hold in her hands, and kept it with her, so that maybe she could carry even a near meaningless fraction of him with her wherever she went. A part of her always felt a bit stupid for it, but she just couldn’t let it go. Even the thought of it brought a lonely chill to her heart.

It had been nearly thirty years since they came into her possession, and even still, they hung around her neck as she sat on that rooftop. That tattered, distressed scrap of a red scarf, and those permanently smudged racing goggles, the leather cracked and blistered. They were probably garbage, but it hardly mattered. They belonged to him, once upon a time. So a part of him still belonged to her.

She knew too well the sort of pain that would lead a sprite to keep something like that. Seeing those dog tags around Felix’s neck, there was a pang of guilt deep in her stomach. Sure, he had loved Calhoun for four years, and not thirty. But Mavis had only known the sprite she loved for four years when she lost him for the first time, and that pain nearly destroyed her.

And through all that, who had been there for her, even when no sane sprite would have been?

Felix.

Of course, Felix.

Before she thought to speak, his eyes fell, and she could practically hear his heart crumpling. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, turning away to trudge back to the door. “I’ll stop bothering you.”

“Wait,” she called back. The door did not creak.

Clenching her jaw, squeezing the neck of her guitar, staring into the forest stretching into darkness below, she sighed. “It’s okay. Come sit.”

A hesitant moment passed, but out of the corner of her eye, she soon saw her cousin’s shape sit a safe distance from her, the same as any reasonable sprite would. It was only fair that they be cautious -- she had an impressive record of morally condemnable acts, even some that put blood on her hands. For all her jokes and threats, Mavis had no intention of causing real harm again without suitable cause in her eyes. She never really did kill without necessity. But to the more fearful sprites among the arcade, she was just a hair away from snapping necks left and right. An understandable assumption, she thought.

But that was not why Felix kept his distance, and she knew that. He was just respecting her space, something he was particularly unskilled at back in the 80’s. At that, she felt a twinge of appreciation. He really had grown up since she had been gone.

The two sat in silence for a little while, Mavis idly tuning her guitar that was already in tune. After some deliberation, confusion, and frustration, she spoke up.

“So… what are you looking to get out of me right now? Do you want comfort or do you want advice? Because, honestly, I’m hardly qualified to give either. You know I’m not great with feelings and all that mess, and if you’ll think back to ‘87, you might remember I’m not an expert at what anyone would call ‘healthy coping.’”

Felix did not answer. Mavis got the impression that he actually did not know what he wanted.

“I mean…” she shrugged. “I guess you could just… vent. You know, just... talk to me.”

He was silent for some time again, but he eventually took up the offer. In a voice so small, cracked, and fragile that it seemed it might fall apart, he began to speak.

“I feel like… I’m losing my mind. I can’t do anything. I can’t do anything, because all I can do is think about her. She’s… everywhere I look. Everything reminds me of her. I can’t even sleep in our bed anymore. Without her, it’s just so… I just wake up again and again, expecting her to be there when I roll over, but she’s… not. Honestly, no matter what I try, I can’t sleep at all. I just lie there thinking about her. And then, even when I do fall asleep, I just dream about her, and… and when I wake up and remember that she’s gone, I just…”

His voice began to quake, but, somehow, he was not crying. Part of Mavis wondered if he had used up all his tears for the night already. She glanced at him, and found him hugging his arms close and rocking the tiniest bit, eyes looking somewhere far away.

“I’m just… hit with the fact that… she’s gone. I’ll never wake up next to her again. I’ll never hold her hand again. I’ll never see her smile, I’ll never-- never hear her voice, or make her laugh, or-- or kiss her-- I’ll never kiss her again, oh-- oh Devs…”

He was quiet for a while, with his face buried in his palm. Mavis had no response. She was lost on what to say, if anything at all. Truth be told, his words were hitting far too close to home, and part of her was regretting asking him to speak. It all just felt like dustings of salt in wounds that never healed. All the same, she took her pain in silence and listened.

“How…” he continued, slow and uncertain, “how do I carry on like this? How can I ever move on without her, after knowing how beautiful my life was with her? How can I just… let things go back to the way they used to be, and… be okay? I feel like… I love my game, I love my friends, I know I do, but I… I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… it’s not enough. It’s not. I go through my whole day, and when it’s over, I just think… How was this ever good enough for me before? Can you believe that? Isn’t that… isn’t that awful of me?”

Finally, Mavis felt she had something to say. After a few moments’ thought, she replied in a soft, awkward, but sincere melancholy.

“Well…” she muttered, “Yeah. It is. But all this… this was never gonna make you feel anything good. You’re gonna think, feel, and probably do stuff you would never do otherwise. But that’s the way it goes. You gotta just deal with that and… let yourself be awful, a bit. ‘Cause it’s gonna happen, no matter what you do. That’s just part of hurting.”

“I don’t…” he shook his head a bit out of the corner of her eye. “I don’t want to be like this.”

“Hmm,” she hummed in short, begrudging agreement. “Yeah. I didn’t want to be either.”

Mavis waited, giving him a chance to elaborate. When he remained silent, she continued carefully, “And… look. You probably don’t want to hear this, but… things will never be the same again. Not really. You can’t just shake something like this. It’s been--” she swallowed, plucking a single string in quiet anxiety, “...it’s been four years… since I lost him for good. And I… I still see him everywhere. He still keeps me awake at night. Even when I’m not thinking about him, I’m… still, somehow, thinking about him. Like I expect to just run into him while I’m out and about. The stupidest part of my heart says, ‘Hey, he came back once before, so who’s to say he won’t now?’ But I know he won’t. I saw what happened to him. And the life I had before that… it’s gone. It’s gone for good.”

After a pause, she heard Felix breathe weakly, “Mavy…”

“But,” she interrupted, hauling herself back on track. “Y’know… things change. Your life won’t be what it was before, but what’s normal will change. Eventually, you learn to live with it, in whatever way you can. The pain never really does go away. It never will. But it changes too. So… it’s fresh now. For you. But it won’t always be this hard. Not in the same way. I think. I don’t know. I’m still… figuring all this out.”

Another silence fell, the air thick with heavy thoughts. Mavis was not sure how much of her words she fully believed. The grief still hurt almost too much to bear, but when she thought back to the time that it was fresh, open and weeping, the difference was clear. The healing process was slow, far too slow, and she was not sure where she would end up another four years later. She was not sure where she even hoped to end up. There was no future that she could sincerely long for without him in it. Maybe it would have been enough to just feel okay again.

She just could not imagine ever getting to a point where she would feel any less homesick.

Felix spoke again, quiet and pleading. “But… what do I do now, Mavy?”

She shifted uncomfortably. “...I don’t know. I don’t think I’m someone you’d wanna be asking that sort of thing. I mean… back when I was in your shoes, you sure had a lot of advice to give. Let others help you. Don’t try to take it on alone. All that stuff. Just take your own advice, I guess. It’s probably a lot better than mine.”

“Mavy…” he said a bit more insistently, “my own advice isn’t helping. That’s why I’m asking you.”

“You don’t wanna ask me for advice.”

“Yes,” he said firmly. “I do. I want to know… What helps you?”

She scoffed.

He read it clearly, and added, “What actually helps you. I don’t mean all the self-destructive behaviors. None of that ever really helped you. Mavy, how… How do you really get by?”

Mavis dug as deep as she could, scrounging for anything to tell him. Her mind traveled back in time, back to one of the lowest points of her life. 1987. The Roadblasters incident. She just barely made it out of that alive, but when all was said and done, and she really had to be there for herself…

“I bet there’s so much you wish you could tell her. Things you wish you’d said.”

Felix paused, but agreed quietly. “Yes.”

“Even though,” she gave a single chuckle through her nose, “even though you told her you loved her every five minutes.”

“Yes,” he said sadly. “But I just couldn’t say it enough. I’d say it every minute if she were here now. I’d say so many things.”

“Well…” Mavis took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Then say them.”

“...What?”

“Talk to her. She won’t talk back, but talk anyway. Get it out. Everything. Even if it doesn’t matter, like, if it’s just about what you did that day. Even if it’s ugly stuff. Just find a way to say it. That helped me.”

She saw him leaning her way just a bit. “It… did?”

She closed her eyes, preparing to open up what she otherwise would have kept under lock and key. There seemed little point in keeping it a secret from him anymore.

Her voice fell. “Back in ‘87… when I lost him for the first time, I… wrote to him. I wrote him letters. Every day, if I could stand to. Sometimes, it hurt too much. But, weirdly enough, it… just helped. I can’t say why, but it did.”

“...Wow…” Felix breathed. “That’s… so… so healthy. Mavy, I’m proud of you.”

Mavis frowned. “Don’t make it weird.”

“Sorry,” he muttered, and after pausing briefly he said, “so… it helped you back then, you said. What about now?”

“Hm?”

“Have you… been writing to him, still? Or… or talking?”

Mavis’ bones suddenly felt too heavy for her body. She traced her fingers over the designs scratched across the surface of her guitar and gazed out at Sugar Rush again, unable to bear just how much she missed him in that moment.

She answered softly, unable to keep the pain from her voice, “Who do you think I sing to every night?”

There was a distinct feeling of clarity that she could feel emanating from her cousin, a strange sort of heartbroken awe. “I…” he breathed, seemingly at a loss, before clearing his throat. “Mavy, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. I never would have interrupted you if I’d known how important this was to you.”

She shrugged. “It’s fine.”

“No, I…” he stood, and she looked over to see his eyes downcast and regretful. “I’ll leave you to it. Thank you for talking with me, Mavy. I think I’ll try again to get some sleep.”

He began to walk away, but before she even realized she had spoken, Mavis called to him sharply.

“Wait. Don’t go.”

Felix looked back at her, eyes full of questioning disbelief. Mavis felt her face redden as she stepped into strange territory for her.

“Stay. It’s fine. Come sit down,” she gestured to a spot on the ledge, a fair bit closer than he had been sitting before. “I’ve… got some stuff I need to say.”

Hesitantly, as if he might have frightened her off if he moved too quickly, Felix approached again and sat, watching her, clearly concerned. She supposed that he was never really sure what she was going to say, especially… in moments where it seemed like she was going to say something nice. She could hardly blame him for that. But this time, she was going to try.

“Felix…” she sighed.

“...Mavy?”

“You were there for me in ‘87. Through everything. I… should’ve been here for you now.”

“Oh,” he squirmed slightly. “It’s… okay.”

“No,” she insisted. “It’s not. I do know what you’re going through. I know how much it hurts. And I know… how badly you need help. I’m not… exactly sweet or kind or nurturing. But we’re thirty-four in gamer years, now, not five. I learned a lot about myself in Sugar Rush. I learned how to… have a family. A found family. With him, and with all those kids. That’s… that’s all gone away now, and… I guess it’s hard to want a family that isn’t that. If that makes sense.”

He frowned and looked at the world below. “...It does.”

“But the thing is, well…” her mind drifted far back to the time of the Roadblasters incident, to something Felix said when he thought she was asleep. A sentiment she had always shared.

“I don’t know how to be the family you need.”

His eyes snapped back to her, a look in his eye like he knew he had heard that before, but could not quite recall.

She continued, trying her best not to look away or give up, “I never have. But… my whole world is gone. You’re… the only family I have left now. I want to try to do this right, or at least do it better. It’s hard, it’s really hard, but I’m... still learning.”

Felix’s eyes filled with too much sincerity for her to handle. Her gaze dropped to those dog tags again, the light of the arcade casting shiny outlines over the grooves that read ‘Sgt. Tamora Calhoun.’ Mavis lifted her hand to her neck, worrying her partner’s scarf between her fingers, as she so often did.

“I should have been there for you,” she confessed. “I’m sorry.”

For some time, they were both silent, merely listening to the distant themes and jingles playing from the other arcade cabinets. Mavis felt far too exposed, and the silence was only making it worse. Even so, she sort of dreaded what he might say, and was not too eager to look at his face again.

She did anyways.

He was just staring, mouth agape, looking like he could cry. In a different way than he already looked the whole time, anyway. Mavis felt herself shrink. Her insides told her that she had said her piece, and that she was valid to clear out of there already. But she still had to finish her song, after all.

“M-Mavy, that…” Felix whispered, shaking his head slightly. “That… was the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. I mean… ever.”

Her face grew way too hot, and she scoffed as she turned her eyes back to Sugar Rush. “Yeah, well. Lookin’ out for a bunch of kids for fifteen years can turn you soft.”

A short, incredulous, adoring chuckle drifted from Felix. “Wow. Thirty-four years and you still surprise me.”

There was a brief, pregnant pause, and Mavis could hear her heart thumping in her ears. She knew it was coming. Sure enough, she saw him scoot the tiniest bit closer, and he said it softly.

“I love you, Mavy.”

Her grip on her guitar tightened. Saying it back would have been the right thing to do. The family thing to do. But that deep-seeded, lifelong fear that had so devastatingly come true four years prior closed up her throat. She did not have the best track record for loving things and not losing them. And she could not bear to lose the last sprite in the world that she gave a single crit about.

So, rather than giving a real answer, she ran her nails slowly down her guitar strings, and breathed, “Yeah.”

Felix gave a single sad, but affectionate chuckle. “Not there yet, huh? That’s okay. You don’t need to say it.”

“...Thanks.”

A silence settled between them for some time, and Mavis could not decide if it was awkward or not. She could feel Felix thinking, could sense a question nagging at him, maybe one he could not decide if he should ask. It got on her nerves pretty quick.

“Out with it,” she prompted him.

He jumped a bit. “Oh,” he looked at his hands, “Well… I mean… If you don’t mind me asking, did he… I mean, did he ever tell you that he… I mean he did, didn’t he? Did he… say it?”

Mavis was certain she knew what he meant, but clarified anyway. “...That he loved me?”

Felix swallowed. “Yeah.”

Her heart squirmed and twisted as she watched the lights of Sugar Rush flash and dazzle. Memories resurfaced. Good ones. The best ones. And they hurt in the most precious, beautiful, agonizing way. Still, a smile crept carefully onto her lips, and she gave a sigh through her nose that could have passed for a laugh.

“He did,” she told him. “A lot, actually.”

“Huh. Wow.” Felix muttered, “Surprising guy.”

Mavis glanced over, easily reading her cousin’s mind. “You’re wondering if I ever said it back.”

He looked really quite embarrassed, but nodded. “Did you?”

“Of course.”

“Golly…”

“Yeah,” she sighed, feeling that pain digging deeper and deeper. She looked up to the stars, the ones she was so captivated by in her early years. “...But it took us so long. We… we loved each other for so long before we actually started saying so. If I could go back and do it again…” her chest tightened, “...I’d have said it so much sooner. I look back and I just see so many days we wasted pretending it wasn’t there. So many days that I should have told him. Honestly… every day. Every damn day.”

“Mavy…” Felix whispered, “I’m sorry. I understand.”

She hummed begrudgingly. “No. You were smart. You told her all the time.”

“I just…” he stuttered, “I just… wish I’d done it more, too.”

Mavis could have let her bitterness take the wheel and argue, but she stamped it down. There was no room for it in her heavy heart. It was time to finish her song. She had left him waiting long enough.

“It’s okay, though. I can make up for it with this,” she said, patting her guitar before positioning her fingers over the strings. “I can keep a stupid promise I made… and I can make up for all the times I didn’t tell him. All the chances to say it that... I didn’t take. And for--”

Her words stopped dead. It was too much. Her throat seized up, her body quivered, and her eyes stung. Felix did not ask if she was alright, but she could feel him looking. She heard him begin to sniff. Finally, Mavis’ lungs pulled in a sharp breath of their own accord, and she broke into tears. The pain burst out and spilled over like lava.

Voice quaking, she finished her thought. “And I-- I can make up for all the chances I’ll-- I’ll never get again.”

At that, Felix crumbled into whimpering sobs next to her. There seemed very little she could do for him, but she could not keep her song inside any longer. Mustering up all the composure she could, she played herself back into where she left off, and sang in a voice cracked and broken with grief.

“‘Cause darling, without you…”

Felix sucked his teeth hard. “Ngh-- oh--” he coughed, shaking his head. “Mavy--”

Somewhere deep inside, she found another ounce of strength to push into her voice.

“All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the night sky

Will never be enough

Never be enough,”

Every note seemed to carve deeper into her poor cousin, but he listened all the same, his face pushed into his palm, his back slouching dangerously over the edge. He must have found plenty more tears to cry in the time that he had been up there. It may have been breaking his heart, but Mavis fully believed that if he knew the words, he would have been singing along with her, singing to his wife.

Mavis, despite her better efforts, would not have blamed him for it.

“Towers of gold are still too little

These hands could hold the world, but it’ll

Never be enough…”

Tears streamed down Mavis’ face as she sang with what little might she could muster. This was supposed to be her designated, agreed-upon time to mourn, and that was something she chose to do alone. Having Felix there was not something she would be keen to repeat, but for one night, it was okay. They may not have been mourning the same sprite, but they could still mourn together. Just for one night.

Their circumstances may have been different, but once their walls really began to break down, it seemed as if their pain bled together into one color. Grief was grief. Mavis lost the love of her life, and so did Felix.

That was the long and short of it.

“Never be enough for me…”