#cue shitty listicle post on shitty slug garbage culture website:
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tom,
why must you talk about all of the relateable life experiences that i have
why
youre the only one who really understands me, tom
and for that i thank you
*waggles slug off of foot*
What are your icks? 🐌
#tom will no longer date this slug#if we really must insist on having to learn stupid annoying new internet words#never read the comments#i refuse to be obligated to learn and know idiotic new concepts invented by people trying to make extra work for me and for tom#its so much better having tom talk about slugs#look what we almost could have lost#well but on the other hand#now im imagining tom sitting across from prettily-dressed little slug in a cafe#gently and caringly telling it#i'm awfully sorry but i just dont see this going any further#its not you its me#dear slug we all must accept sooner or later that we cannot have tom#his lovely interviews and work are nevertheless still there and you will be all right dearest slug#hot cocoa will help too and before long little sluggy#the sun will shine on you again#cue shitty listicle post on shitty slug garbage culture website:#Heads Up Slugs: Dating Someone Solid & Dry? These 8 Common Mistakes Could Be A Huge Ick#3: Don't Get Underfoot#“I dated an amazing guy named Tom for two months and we were having a great time” recalls Sonya.#“But after stepping on me barefoot on a cold dark night he just seemed... distant after that.”
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