#cue all the loser-lover male leads

[okaerina]

ryu sunjae got a first class phd on downbadism from simp academy for the loser ahh stupid in love k-drama male leads and it's fact checked.

[misrepresentedmorallygrey]

PROPAGANDA

Mahiru Propaganda

"They got unfairly voted guilty in the first round and keeps getting blamed She never meant to hurt anyone and the only reason she did was cause she couldn’t read social ques"

"Mahiru Shiina is the most traditionally feminine character in Milgram, and she’s very in love with the idea of love. That makes her an easy fandom target. In Milgram, we are introduced to ten murderers. It quickly becomes apparent that not all of these murders are conventional. By the time we are introduced to Mahiru, we already know most of these unconventional murderers. Mahiru’s first music video depicts her going on various dates with her boyfriend, even though he is not shown in the frame. At the end of the video, Mahiru wakes up, turns to the camera, and has a horrified expression. Whatever happened, she didn’t want it to happen. And then a lot of the fandom accused her of being a stalker. Was that what got her a 55% guilty/unforgiven vote? I don’t know. I wasn’t there. But she heard what the fandom said. She heard these voices saying she couldn’t be forgiven. Saying that she was a stalker or that she didn’t really love her boyfriend, even though that wasn’t true. She was beaten to near-death by Kotoko, a vigilante who was forgiven by 67%. Fuuta, who also sustained serious injuries from Kotoko, calls out the audience surrogate, saying what we did with our verdicts would have made us the same as him if Mahiru had died. And yet Mahiru doesn’t blame either us or Kotoko. Mahiru’s second music video shows that she was indeed in a proper relationship with her boyfriend. She smothered him with her love. The video slowly revealed the toxicity in their relationship. She asked why she can’t do anything right. The fandom perception was better in that she was safely voted innocent/forgiven. Still, there are issues. Some infantilize her or say that she’s delusional. Yes, she had a sheltered upbringing and has difficulties reading social cues, but that doesn’t take away her agency. On the flip side, some have theorized that she kidnapped her boyfriend and wasn’t in a proper relationship with him. (Not sure what to say about that, but this is a series about sympathetic murderers.)"

Kikyo Propaganda

"Picture this: the love of your life betrays you and causes your death, then you're brought back to life later against your will and your lover is with your reincarnation. Anyone would feel bitter! She tries her best to keep living her half life and helping people. She's hated just because she's not the main character and gets in the way of the show's OTP."

"Kikyo was such an interesting character. She was murdered by the villain, who tricked both her and her love interest into thinking the other had betrayed them, brought back to life against her will only to find that fifty years had passed, the world had moved on without her, her baby sister was now an old woman, and she'd been condemned to an awful half-life in an unfeeling clay body where she was stuck in her worst moments and basically a vengeful spirit, but she eventually managed to move past it, gave up her one chance at getting revenge on her murderer to save the life of a child, and achieved some measure of inner peace before she died for good. But, she also has the misfortune of being the first love of the male lead, so of course the only thing anyone seems to care about is how she supposedly did him dirty and wasn't good enough for him. The whole fandom is chock full of meta posts about how she didn't trust Inuyasha enough and should have known he'd NEVER betray her like that. Meanwhile, Inuyasha fell for it just as easily when the villain framed HER for attacking HIM, but nobody ever tries to claim that HE didn't trust HER enough. (For further context, when she thought he'd betrayed her, she retaliated by pinning him to a tree and putting him in an enchanted sleep. He retaliated by destroying her village.) In at least 90% of the fanfics that she appears in at all, she's either the Bad Girlfriend or the Evil Ex, who either previously or is currently abusing the hero, or cheating on him, or trying to coerce him into turning human, or dating him for years only to break up with him by telling him he disgusts her because of his demon blood (huh???), none of which she did in the actual canon, solely so the preferred love interest can swoop in and kiss it all better. People will claim they're just making valid criticisms of her actions (which, to be fair, aren't always great), or saying she didn't properly earn her redemption (which is actually pretty standard for a shounen series) because she didn't apologize enough, but them multiple male characters who did far worse than she did somehow miraculously managed to escape the constant criticisms that she's subjected to, this despite having a so-called redemption that's literally just "He stopped eating people because he wanted to get into the heroine's pants", and remain very popular characters both in their own right and as alternate ships for the female lead. The double standards are so glaringly obvious, yet people will bend over backwards and jump through mental hoops that would give a gold-medal Olympics gymnast pause to insist that they're being completely objective and fair and that this isn't just about trying to score points in a ship war or holding female characters to completely different standards from male characters."

[tricksters-captain]

Weasley Twins/Cedric Diggory Imagines - Accidental Meeting - Part 9

AN: Thank you for all being patient with me! I hope you all had a Merry Christmas or a Happy Holiday!

Overall Summary: (Y/n), is a young witch who always kept her head down due to her complicated past; one day she bumps quite literally into one of the most popular boys in Hogwarts, Cedric Diggory, and that’s when (Y/n)’s plan of keeping her head down seems to go up into the air. Things only seem to worsen when two redheaded twins start to take notice too...

This Chapter: (Y/n) spends time with Cedric just before the Christmas break before getting a Christmas surprise...

(MASTERLIST HERE)

Pairing(s): Cedric Diggory x Reader, (Eventual) George Weasley x Reader, (Platonic) Fred Weasley x Reader, (Platonic) Oliver Wood x Reader

Word Count: 4,134

Warnings: None, lots of fluff

“Slow down, Lauren!” A couple of first years shouting at each other ran threw you and Oliver as you walked down the corridor. 

“Got to love the Christmas excitement.” Oliver chuckled at their behaviour and you just rolled your eyes. 

The whole castle seemed to be filled with excitement. Christmas was right around the corner and so was the upcoming Quidditch match between Ravenclaw vs Gryffindor. 

“Meanwhile I can’t wait for this castle to empty out.” You admitted as you shifted your scarf tighter around your neck. 

“You know, when everyone leaves for the holidays so does lover boy.” Oliver smirked, referencing to Cedric. 

“I really hope Ravenclaw wins tomorrow.” You changed the subject to purposefully annoy the boy. 

“That’s slander, you know. You could be kicked out of the house just for thinking that.” Oliver retorted. 

“Oh calm down, Wood.” You linked arms with the boy to draw some of his warmth. “The game may be cancelled due to the heavy snowfall anyway.”  

“That would be even worse.” Oliver frowned, turning his head to look past you at the falling snow. 

You spotted Cedric up ahead and he smiled brightly at you to which you returned. 

You were meeting up this evening to spend some time together before the Christmas break, not that Oliver knew that.  

“Remind me to hide the mistletoe.” Oliver teased you as he caught the direction of your smile. 

“You are worse than Fred and George and that’s saying something.” You pulled your arm away from the boy and he quickly relinked your arms laughing at your irritation. 

“They’re still not over your last snow fight, you know?” Oliver reminded you of the snow fight at Hogsmeade and you couldn’t help but smile. 

“Sore losers.” You chuckled, shaking your head at the memory of them drenched in snow.

Then just on cue, the twins came up behind you both.

“You excited for Christmas, (Y/n)?” Fred asked as he joined you and Oliver. 

“I can’t wait. I won’t have to see your ugly faces.” You retorted to the twins with a wink. 

“You’ll miss us.” George shook his head at you. 

“Yeah! Just wait and see how boring it is around here without us.” Fred added. 

“Did you mean how peaceful it’s going to be?” You teased the boys as you came to the Gryffindor common room entrance. 

Inside the common room was crowded. 

The snow and cold weather had driven everyone inside and with the holidays right round the corner, all the students were eager to spend time with each other before they have to leave for a couple of weeks. 

“Where you off to, (y/n)?” George asked as you went for the girls dorm stairs.

“You really don’t want to spend the last few days of term with your favourite people?” Fred took hold of your arm to stop you.

“Haven’t you guys got practise for the quidditch match tomorrow?” You cocked your eyebrows at the boys. 

“Can’t practise until the snow slows.” Oliver grumbled. 

“It’s heaving out here.” You gestured around to the surrounding students.

“You’re not scared of a little social interaction, are ya, Seyler?”  Fred teased you, pulling you towards some free chairs in the corner of the common room. 

“(Y/n), not Seyler.” George nudged his brother, correcting him since you were in a large group of people.

“Thank you, George.” You pulled your arm away from Fred and linked arms with George instead. 

“So, has your uncle sent your presents over yet?” Oliver changed the subject as you all sat. 

“He sent a couple of owls over the past couple days with parcels. I’ve tucked them under my bed for now.” You explained. 

“Wood won’t tell us what he’s got you.” Fred whined as he looked in between you and Oliver. 

“Thinks we’ll tell you.” George laughed. 

“You probably would.” You defended Oliver as you looked up at the red headed twin, his brown eyes staring straight back down at you. 

George rolled his eyes and looked up over at his twin who wore a similar expression. 

“Look, guys, it’s so loud in here. I want to get changed before supper too.” You rose from your chair and peered over at the stairs.

“Got a date or something that you’re not telling us about?” Fred wiggled his eyebrows and you shoved his shoulder lightly with your elbow. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” You then excused yourself to go get changed.

You spent longer than you would have liked trying to pick something to wear. You ended up going to supper with Oliver and the twins as per usual and you walked back to the common room with them as you and Cedric weren’t due to meet until 8pm. 

“Where are you running off to?” Oliver asked as you packed up your parchment and books. You had been studying with him in the common room as you waited for the time to pass. 

“The library.” You lied quickly before you rushed to dump your stuff and leave. 

You checked your hair one last time in the mirror before escaping the dorms and the common room. 

“Hi.” Cedric smiled widely as the door closed behind you. 

“Hi.” You smiled back. 

“Come on... I have a surprise.” Cedric offered his hand and you took it, furrowing your eyebrows at him with curiosity. 

“Where are you taking me, Mr Diggory?” You laughed quietly as he lead you forward down the stairs. 

You felt yourself drop Cedric’s hand when you spotted a couple of young Gryffindor students coming up the stairs. 

Cedric looked down at where he had lost your hand but didn’t say anything. 

You walked slower behind Cedric as you carefully watched the students disappear. 

“Shit.” You cursed as the stairs below your feet started to grind to move. 

“Jump!” Cedric was already on the other set of stairs. 

“What?” You scoffed in disbelief at the boy. 

“Come on!” He encouraged you as the stairs started to move. 

You were already in the air before you realised what you were doing.

Cedric’s hands caught your forearms as you felt yourself collide with the boy. 

“I can’t believe you actually jumped.” Cedric chuckled in amusement as he held you against him to keep you sturdy.

“I trust you too much.” You groaned as you pulled away from him, your cheeks burning from the previous closeness. 

“Good. Because I’m gonna need you to trust me tonight.” Cedric took your hand and lead you away before you could argue. 

Cedric lead you outside the castle to which you were very confused by this time as it was dark and you knew you would both be in trouble if caught, prefect or not. 

“I need you to drink this.” Cedric pulled out a small bottle from his pocket. 

“Cedric, the last person I know who drank an unknown substance by the male species ended up blacking out and not remembering what happened.” You stared at him flatly. 

“You said you trust me?” He rose his eyebrows at you before taking a swig himself then handing it over. 

“What is it?” You asked, raising it to your lips slowly. 

“It’ll let you see in the dark.” Cedric told you. 

“Why do I need to see in the dark?” You asked. 

“Why do you ask so many questions?” Cedric responded as he took the empty bottle away from you. 

It felt weird as your eyes started to adjust and the night suddenly became much lighter. 

That’s when you spotted the ice skates. 

“You’re kidding right?” You looked at the frozen lake and then up at Cedric.

“Trust me.” He put on his own skates then watched as you slowly laced up your own with a worried expression glued to your features. 

Cedric stepped onto the ice and started to glide with ease but you fell over the moment you stepped on. 

“Steady there.” Cedric skated over and helped you up. 

You were wobbly for the first few minutes but Cedric’s grip on you soon eased up and you could skate beside him without slipping. 

“Are you warm enough?” Cedric asked as he watched your breath from your lips. 

“I’m just lucky I decided to bring outdoor stuff with me.” You smiled through the night as you wiggled your gloved fingers at him. 

“It’ll be strange. Not seeing you for a few weeks.” Cedric admitted as he picked up his pace. 

“I bet you won’t even think of (Y/n) Seyler the moment you walk into your house.” You rolled your eyes but Cedric’s smile dropped. 

“I was going to write you.” Cedric confessed as he came to a stop. 

“It’s only a few weeks, Cedric.” You started. “You don’t need to write me. Just. enjoy the time with your family–––”

You shifted your weight wrong and your skate slipped under you, sending you crashing into Cedric’s arms. Again. 

“Sorry!” You squealed as you gripped tight onto his coat. 

You both stayed there, your hot breath tickling his cheeks and his yours. 

You looked at his eyes. They were so bright in the moonlight. 

That’s when Cedric started to lean towards you. 

You pulled away immediately and skated to the side of the lake, trudging through the snow in your skates. 

“Hey! (Y/n)! Wait!” Cedric raced after you as you fled. 

You sat down on a nearby log and immediately went to put your boots back on.

“(Y/n), I’m sorry.” Cedric caught up with you and tried to apologise. 

“I’ve never done this before.” You cut him off with your response. 

“What?” Cedric was confused to what you were talking about.  

“This!” You gestured between the two of you. “I’ve never done the boyfriend thing, I’ve never done this with someone, spend all this time together.... Except Oli, of course, but that’s different. I don't know what we are doing, Cedric but I don’t know how to do it!” 

“Woah... Hey, hey, hey!” Cedric sat down beside you and searched your face as the words spilled out. 

“I still don’t truly understand what this is. What’s going on - I - I...” 

Cedric’s lips met yours to stop the word vomit. 

All the anxiety and nervosa suddenly left your body as you tasted the mint from Cedric’s kiss. 

His lips were soft, warm and it felt... right. 

Suddenly, you heard someone clear their throat. 

“Lumos.” It wasn’t hard to guess which professor had interrupted your first kiss as soon as they spoke. 

You pulled away from Cedric and looked down in embarrassment.

“Miss Seyler. Mr Diggory.” Snape’s stare bored down at you both. 

“Professor, it’s my fault.” Cedric stood as he started but Snape rose his hand to silence him. 

“If it wasn’t so close to the Christmas holidays both of you would be in detention for all the rules you’ve broken this evening but instead 20 points will be taken from both Gryffindor house and Hufflepuff.” Snape explained as he looked between you both. “Now back to your common rooms. Now.” 

You didn’t tell anybody about what had happened when you returned to the common room. 

You laid awake longer than usual thinking about the kiss. 

Your first kiss. 

You shook your head and tried to stop smiling as you covered your eyes with your hands. 

What just happened?

The next day the snow had stopped falling and the quidditch match was allowed to go ahead. 

You wrapped up warm and followed the rest of your house to the stands to support the team. 

George and Fred flew over to you on their brooms as the teams awaited the match’s start. 

“You look happy.” George commented on your smile.

“That makes a change.” Fred teased you and you just stuck your middle finger up at the boy. 

“Cheer us on, (Y/n).” George told you. 

“If we’re lucky we may get a winning kiss, Georgie.” Fred smirked.

You felt the colour drain from your face. 

They knew. 

You suddenly realised they knew about the kiss. 

Snape had caught you and Cedric, of course people knew...

How many more people knew that you and Cedric Diggory had been caught by the lake...at night...

You felt your happiness slowly fade as you tried not to look around you to avoid meeting anyone’s eyes.

The match went by agonisingly slow but Gryffindor fortunately won. 

You immediately rushed back to the common room before the twins or Oliver could catch up with you. 

“Hey (Y/n)!” Cedric caught you just before. 

“Cedric, I kinda have to go.” You tried to leave but he caught your hand. 

“I just wanted to apologise for last night.” Cedric told you. “Not for.. You know but for getting caught.” 

“It’s okay, Ced but I really have to go.” You looked past him to see the teams colours through the crowd which meant they were close.

Cedric nodded and started to walk away. 

You internally groaned at his sad face and tugged on his coat to pull him back round to you. 

“I’ll see you later.” You kissed him very briefly before continuing your way to the common room. Hiding in your dorm. 

“Fred sent me to tell you that you can’t hide forever as you need to say goodbye to them and explain how you lost the house 20 points last night.” Angelina entered your room with a smirk on her face. 

“I’m sure everyone already knows, Ang.” You cringed at the thought of everyone talking about it. 

“All I’ve heard is that Cedric Diggory also lost 20 points last night.” She replied  with a wink. 

“Sure.” You scoffed, folding your book over and sitting up on your bed.

You watched her gather her chest and a small bag from her bed. 

“All I’m gonna say is you’re lucky this happened just before we broke up for Christmas. Hopefully this news won’t still be making the rounds when we come back in January.” Angelina tried to make you feel better but it didn’t work. 

“Have a good break, Angelina. Merry Christmas.” You wished her farewell and she wished you a Merry Christmas back. 

You finally gathered the courage to slip your shoes on and descend the stairs. 

“Finally.” Both Fred and George said in unison. 

“You’re lucky I even came down at all.” You told the two as you approached them. 

“Then you wouldn’t have gotten this.” Fred pulled out a small brown paper package from behind his back. 

“What’s this?” You looked between the two boys. 

“Just something small.” Fred admitted. 

“Ginny writes home to Mum and well, she’s mentioned you once or twice.” George started to explain as he took the package and handed it to you. 

“He means he asked mum to make you one––” Fred was cut off by a punch to the side by George.

“She then wrote to us and asked if you wanted to stay for Christmas to which we knew you’d be here with Wood.” George cleared his throat, his face bright red as he spoke. 

“That’s very kind but completely unnecessary. Tell her I thank her anyway.” You pressed a smile onto your face as you thought about the red headed older woman who could’ve raised these two. 

Then again, you looked around the common room at Ron and Ginny saying goodbye to their friends. And even Percy... 

You started to open the present to see it was a knitted sweater. You opened the jumper up to see your first initial knitted onto the sweater just like the sweaters you’ve seen the boys occasionally wear. 

“You don’t have to wear it.” George laughed as he watched you study it. 

“But if you ever meet our mother you do. Scary that woman is.” Fred laughed along side his twin and you just smiled. 

“I love it. Thank you.” You embraced the boys and they hugged you back.

“No sarcastic comment?” George looked confused. “Are you feeling okay, (Y/n)?” 

“It’s the honeymoon feelings. Got her all giddy after locking lips with pretty boy Diggory.” Fred immediately moved back as you went to swat him for his comment. 

“Merry Christmas, (Y/n)!” The twins fled before you could throw any books at them for their teasing behaviour. 

“You’ll be glad to get rid of them.” Oliver came up beside you as he watched the whole Weasley family leave and slung his arm over your shoulder. 

“I have a terrible feeling I’m now stuck with them for the rest of my time in this Godforsaken school.” You leant your head on his shoulder and folded over your arms with a sigh. 

“Let’s see if you can survive that long without cracking their skulls together.” Oliver smirked and you groaned playfully.

“Merlin help me now.” You looked up at the ceiling which only made Oliver laugh once again. 

“Speaking of goodbyes though... Isn’t there someone you should be seeing before they leave?” Oliver asked. 

You had almost forgot. 

You excused yourself and rushed to the basement near the Hufflepuff entrance. 

“I thought you’d show up eventually.” Cedric was leaning against his trunk when you showed up. 

“I was seeing the twins off. I’m sorry.” You confessed. 

Cedric said it was alright before pulling you into a hug. 

The soft blue wool of his sweater was soaked in his scent and you breathed it in sweetly. 

“Have a good Christmas, Ced.” You whispered as you held onto him. 

“I’ll write you.” Cedric told you. “Even if you don’t write back.” 

You pulled away from the boy a little so you could look up at his face. 

“Guess we’ll see.” You shrugged, knowing full well that you were definitely going to write back. 

Cedric peered up and down the corridor before planting a soft kiss on your forehead. 

“You’re the best thing that’s happened to me this year.” Cedric admitted. 

“What? Above becoming Quidditch captain and a prefect?” You rose your eyebrows at him with a smirk. 

“Yes.” Cedric chuckled with a little shake of his head. 

You reached up behind the boys neck with your hand and brought his lips to yours. Kissing him softly. 

“Merry Christmas, Cedric.” You flicked your wand behind your back and a vine of mistletoe grew above you both. 

Cedric kissed you once more before you pulled away and left. A warm glow on your cheeks. 

A few more days went passed and the quiet bliss of the castle kept you in a calming spirit. 

You and Oliver spent most of your time playing wizard chess or reading in the common room or even out on the quidditch pitch. 

You didn't fly much but you helped Oliver with his batting skills. 

On Christmas Eve, you both sat in front of the fire with hot chocolates and a mince pie each. 

“I can’t believe this is my last Christmas at Hogwarts with you.” You sighed quietly as you nuzzled into Olivers side. 

“You know I don’t die after I leave Hogwarts.” Oliver said as he took a bite of his pie. 

“I know that but you’ll be working. You’ll be busy. You won’t have time for some school girl whenever she has an issue she can’t solve herself.” You pouted. 

“(Y/n).” Oliver adjusted to look you in the eye. “You are one of the strongest and bravest people I know. I will always be here for you when you need me but I know you will survive here without me and you will finish Hogwarts just like me and you will enjoy it.” 

“Oli...”

“I’m not disappearing of the side of the earth. I will still be here, I just won’t be here.” Oliver assured you as he gestured around the common room.

You just pulled him in for a hug. 

“I know. It just scares me.” You confessed against his shoulder. 

“I know.” Oliver stroked your hair before pulling away to drink his hot chocolate. 

The night went by quickly and soon you were tiptoeing up the dormitory stairs in your fluffy socks to get some sleep before Christmas morning. 

You had already placed all your presents underneath the tree the common room  in a bag with your name on and you had put Oliver’s there too. 

Your dorm was empty which meant you didn’t have to worry about anyone one else as you tucked into your bed and turned out the lights. 

Even through the dark you could see the snowfall outside the window. The moon reflecting on the tiny snowflakes. 

You don’t know when you fell asleep but you did know you wished you hadn’t. 

Images flashed through your head of Christmas years ago. The alarms. The snow. You being dragged through a dark alley by your parents. Your cloak dragging behind you. You tripping. A slap. Screams. An inn. Blood. Darkness.

You woke up panting and soaked in sweat. 

You didn’t know how you remembered these memories. 

You were only 4/5 when it happened. 

It was when your parents had escaped the ministry during a hearing about their crimes as Death Eaters a couple years after the Dark Lord had fallen. 

They had broken into your uncles house and stolen you in the night. They didn’t bother with your uncle that night because they were without their wands but they managed to snatch you quite easily despite Demetrius’ efforts to keep you hidden. 

You touched your cheek as if you had felt the slap all over again. 

Outside the birds were chirping happily and a plump robin sat on the window sill without a care in the world. 

You slipped out of bed and managed to squeeze in a shower before Oliver woke up. 

“Merry Christmas, (Y/n).” Oliver wore his pyjamas and dressing gown as he engulfed you in a tight hug. 

“Merry Christmas, Oli.” You returned the hug before lurching towards Oliver’s gift and thrusting it in his hand.

“I hope you like it.” You smiled as you fiddled with your hands nervously. 

Oliver handed you your own present and then sat down to open his small gift. 

You watched him open it carefully and this his eyes grow wide in surprise. 

It was Oliver’s favourite Quidditch players autograph on a quaffle.

“How did you get this?!” Oliver asked as he jumped up to hug you. 

“Demetrius has his ways.” You laughed as you winced from how tight his hug was. 

“Open yours now.” Oliver sat back down, the quaffle sturdy on his lap with his hand on it. 

You teared the wrapping paper back to reveal a small photo frame with an old moving photo inside of it. 

“Oliver Wood!” You gushed as you realised it was a photo of you and Oli during your first year. 

“Me Mam found it tucked away on an old photo album during the summer. I remember she took it during the Christmas holidays when you first ever visited mine.” Oliver explained as you watched the awkward yet undeniably cute photo move.

“Thank you, Oli. I love it.” You hugged him once more before turning to open the presents from your uncle. 

There was only four small separately wrapped presents but you were extremely curious to find out what he sent you. 

The first present was a photo album. 

The second was some new socks which you and Oliver laughed at since it was so typical of your uncle. 

The third was a dream catcher. He always seemed to know. 

The final gift you unwrapped was a enchanted camera for moving photographs. 

“Oli! Look! We can take a new one!” You felt your chest warm as you realised just how thoughtful a present this was from Demetrius. 

You made a mental note to write a letter as soon as possible. 

Oliver moved beside you and wrapped his arm over your shoulders. 

He smiled widely as the photo was taken and ruffled your hair just as the flash went. 

“Hey!” You squealed as you moved away. 

“Anyway, Wood, what’d your mother get you?” You flattened your hair back to its original state as you nodded your chin towards the tree. 

“Let’s find out.” Oliver knelt by the tree and pulled out his gifts. 

You watched him unwrap his presents before you both decided to change and head to the great hall for a Christmas lunch. 

You came down in the sweater the twins had given you and Oliver’s draw dropped. 

“Are you really going to wear that?” He asked, his disgust shining through his accent. 

“Bugger off, Wood. I think it suits me.” You shrugged, “It was a Christmas gift after all.” 

“Next you’ll be moving into their home.” Oliver teased you about looking like a Weasley but you chose to ignore him. 

The rest of your Christmas just seemed to fly by...

(NEXT PART SOON)

TAG LIST

@viirgobbyy @itsfangirlmendes @obsessedunicorn24 @rye-li @thealienplace @ziggyspurplehaze @cookiecakeslive @joellemoriarty @cherryflavouredlipbalm @big-galaxy-chaos​ @whotfisdani @spn-marvel-nerd @fleurtykes @smiitym @futureofanthropology @twigleektribute23 @moatsnow @queenl04 @annasdani @the-celestial-kitsune @basement-tv  @kenisneckdeep

[kbaldwin0609]

‘The Bachelorette’ Week 2 Recap: In the Dog House

Warning: This recap of The Bachelorette contains spoilers. 

Happy Memorial Day, rose lovers! I trust you had a relaxing long weekend and that you’re ready to dive headfirst into week two of Rachel’s “journey.” (Am I mixing metaphors? Sorry, still suffering from a BBQ hangover.)

Our Bachelorette is “still riding the high” from night one, and she’s ready to find “love.” The guys, who all seem to shop at the same Fitted T-Shirt Emporium, are giddy too. “She smells so good!” raves DeMario, after Harrison summons them all to the living room. The host drops off the date card, and Lee grabs it — but honestly, I was too distracted by his weird quilted sweater-coat to hear anything he read aloud.

I guess Dean, Jack, Jonathan, Blake, Iggy, Kenny, Fred, and Lucas were picked for the first group date, because soon they’re arriving at a backyard barbecue, where Rachel is pretending to grill.

The guys scarf down some burgers, play a little touch football, and talk crap about Lucas behind his back. “Lucas is garbage,” sneers Blake. “Lucas is here to be on television.” Well, duh. But before Blake can expose Lucas for the fraud he is, Rachel has some “friends” she wants them to meet.

Yes, Kelso and Jackie are longtime fans of the show — or, at least, they’ve been watching it since 2015, when Jared (aka “the guy who kind of looks like me,” says Ashton), arrived on the scene. Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis LOVE Rachel, and they want her to find a grown-ass man who is worthy of her love. “Who here has health insurance?” demands Mila. Let the record show, neither Dean nor Jack raise their hands… until they realize it makes them look like losers.

The famous people are also very happy to hear that everyone in the group has a job. Although…

“You’re setting the bar really low,” notes Iggy, to which Mila shoots back, “Do you watch The Bachelor?” I think I speak for everyone in Bachelor Nation when I say…

Anyhow, in order to prove that they’re “husband material,” the guys are going to have to compete in obstacle course consisting entirely of domestic chores — including diaper changing, vacuuming, cleaning hair out of a sink drain… in other words, marriage. Honestly, though, I’d much rather spend the next 10 minutes watching Mila and Ashton — clearly giddy to be out on a “Saturday afternoon date” without the kids — vamp for the cameras. When Ashton predicts that “Rachel’s guy is not in this group,” Mila chides him for “rushing things” since the show has only been shooting for two days. He fixes her with a smoldering gaze recycled from his male modeling days and purrs, “I knew on day one.” And she LOVES it.

“Someone’s definitely getting laid tonight,” Mila informs us. “At least a blow job.”

Alas, we do have to watch the guys compete. Though Kenny the single dad has a “7th degree black belt in changing diapers,” Lucas takes an early lead. Iggy gets eliminated at the Baby Bjorn station, while the vacuum station proves to be Blake’s downfall. By the time we get to the table-setting challenge, it’s a dead heat between Kenny and Lucas — and things get downright physical.

To everyone’s chagrin, Lucas takes the W. “I’m still not really convinced that you want Lucas to be your baby’s father,” notes Jack. And to be honest, Rachel doesn’t look that thrilled either, especially after Lucas busts out his signature catchphrase.

Lucas’ victory sticks in Blake’s craw, so much so that he drops his plastic baby on the ground and declares dramatically, “This s*** with Lucas ends tonight. Whaboom.” And as soon as Rachel pulls Lucas away for the first one-on-one chat at the post-date cocktail party, Blake attempts to recruit allies into his battle against the Whaboom.

“I know Lucas from previous encounters,” Blake announces. “He’s been doing the ‘Whaboom’ BS for the past three years.” The other guys are like, Yeah, and? They remind Blake that Rachel is smart enough to separate the men from the boobs.

Speaking of which, Lucas is now reading our Bachelorette a poem, one in which he rhymes the real word “smile” with the made-up word “entile.” Though she plays along with this whole “giving him a chance” act (“he continues to surprise me”), I think this really says it all:

And by “it all,” I mean, “I kept this asshat because you guys asked me to, but how long do I have to suffer this fool? Is one episode enough?” At least, I hope that’s what she’s thinking.

As the night progresses, the guys all make their sales pitches. Fred tells our Bachelorette that he’s “not the same kid” he used to be, but she’s still not convinced. “You were bad!” she reminds Fred yet again. (I really wish she’d offer some specifics. Did he saran wrap her toilet? Short sheet her bunk? Set fire to the dining hall? Details, please!)

All Rachel wants is for one of the guys to “make the first move.” For a second it looks like Jack’s going to step up…

….but he doesn’t. Guy after guy lets Rachel down, with “mundane” conversations and lack of move-making.

“I’m not getting the romantic aspect that I need and that I want,” sighs our Bachelorette. This unfortunate trend continues with Blake, who uses his alone time with Rachel to (you guessed it) complain about Lucas. “He’s just not here for the right reasons,” Blake tells her. “I live with his ex-girlfriend, she’s my roommate. He’s a f***ing clown for TV exposure… Just check out the makeup that he’s got on, that he brought himself.” By the time Blake announces that he’s done talking about his rival (“I want to make our alone time about us,” he insists), Rachel has had enough.

Blake can’t wait to get back to the bachelor holding pen to alert Lucas and the rest of the guys that he just told Rachel the obvious fact that Whaboom is a moron. Lucas is understandably irked — “Why are you attacking me? What have I done to you?” — but ultimately he drunkenly shrugs it off.

The night finally begins to turn around for Ms. Lindsay when she sits down with Dean. “Dean is making me laugh, the conversation is so easy,” reports Rachel. “And it does not hurt that he is so handsome.” She ribs him a little bit about his “I’m ready to go black” pickup line, telling that she wanted to make that joke first. “When I got off the stage, I was like, ‘Oh my God, he stole my line!’” The only thing that that kept Dean’s time with Rachel from being a complete success was his failure to go in for a kiss. But given the other clowns she has to choose from on this date..

…Dean is looking like George freaking Clooney. Kenny, who truly deserves better than to be stuck on a date with these bozos, remains unfazed as Lucas and Blake continue to bicker. “I’m a professional wrestler — I know all about white dudes acting crazy,” he explains. “You’re not going to distract me from the reason why I’m here.”

That’s right, people. Kenny is a grown-ass, 35-year-old man with a daughter and he is here to settle down — and that’s exactly what he tells Rachel. “I ain’t got no time to waste,” he says honestly. “I’m just looking for real.”

So who will get the date rose — the cute goof who gives Rachel butterflies, or the mature suitor who’s ready to get married? Survey says…

What a comeback story — from a cringe-worthy After the Final Rose introduction to first date rose of the season. Sorry, Kenny — but mama wants herself some fresh meat. Hey look — Dean finally worked up the nerve to kiss her!

I mean, Rachel basically had to initiate that kiss herself, but we’ll let him have this one.

Peter scores the one-on-one date, and the next day he and Rachel head to a small airport where a private plane awaits to take them to Palm Springs. All three of them, that is.

Hi Copper! I wish Rachel wasn’t so secretive about how you broke your little leg (“we can talk about it inside,” she tells Peter, when he asks what happened), but you sure do look cute in your cast.

The first part of the date is, in fact, all about Copper. Rachel brings her two boys to Barkfest, a pooch-themed party thrown by some online dog toy company. As Copper lounges in the puppy pool, Peter and Rachel recline in a ball pit (just go with it), and talk about their relationship readiness. The Bachelorette says she’s open to relocating for love, while Peter says he actually wants to move away from Madison, Wisconsin… so why not Dallas?

That night, under Copper’s watchful eye, Peter and Rachel continue their get-to-know-you banter, including a playful discussion about why they each chose to stay gap-toothed rather than going the corrective orthodontics route. (Peter says his dad’s side of the family all have gap teeth, and it never even occurred to him to get his fixed. As for Rachel, her dentist told her the gap “adds character,” and she was good with that.) And Rachel is extremely happy to discover that both she and Peter once sought therapy to deal with relationship issues. Go on, give ‘im dat rose!

“I am such a smitten kitten over Peter,” gushes Rachel. “My gut did not fail me.” Cue the fireworks!

On to the second group date, starring Will, Jamey, Diggy, Alex, Adam, Lee, Matt, Eric, Josiah, and DeMario. Rachel meets them at a school gymnasium, where they’re all going to play basketball — with a little help from Roger Murdoch, the airline pilot.

The guys are beyond excited to meet NBA legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, even when he tells them that today’s exercise won’t just be about hoops — it’ll be about character. “Character is actually more important,” notes Kareem. “When you see people playing basketball, you get an idea of how they can work with others.”

Spoiler alert, this white man can’t jump… or dribble, for that matter.

The rest of the guys seem fairly capable, with DeMario and Eric probably displaying the most skillz. Rachel says she’s got her eye on DeMario, because “we have some chemistry” — though she is not pleased when he dunks the ball in her face. He probably should have saved that move for the real game, in front of the “packed house” of basketball fans/tourists who wanted some air conditioning.

At first, the game — if you want to call it that — is little more than a series of airballs, missed three-pointers, and the occasional tackle. (Wrong sport, guys!) Eventually the gameplay works its way up to junior varsity level. DeMario even gets a dunk in, much to Rachel’s delight. But that delight is short-lived.

The Bachelorette has been happily greeting fans, so she doesn’t seem surprised when a young woman named Lexi walks up an introduces herself. But Lexi doesn’t want a selfie with Rachel — she wants to drop a bombshell: Up until “hours” before DeMario pulled out the plane tickets and engagement ring on After the Final Rose, he and Lexi had been dating for seven months. “He literally still has the keys to my apartment,” Lexi continues, adding that rather than breaking up with her to go on The Bachelorette, DeMario simply “stopped responding” to her texts.

Aw hell no. Rachel summons DeMario from the locker room, and naturally he thinks he’s getting the date rose — so it truly is a delight to watch his pathetic attempt to play innocent when he realizes what’s actually happening.

Yep, that’s DeMario’s story and he’s sticking to it. “This chick is psycho,” he whispers to Rachel, as Lexi continues to chew him out for his philandering ways. DeMario claims he and Lexi only went out “a few times” and that he ultimately broke it off like a gentleman — something Lexi swears “on my father’s grave” never happened. “Last time he was in my house, he was f***ing me!”

Who’s telling the truth? Rachel knows it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that DeMario is either the type of guy who attracts/engages with stage-5 clingers, or he’s the type of guy who treats women like crap. Either way, it’s not good. “I want you to understand that you don’t make sense,” a very annoyed Rachel tells him. “I don’t know her, but to be honest, I don’t know you right now either.”

Though she really needs to send DeMario packing right this instant, instead she indulges Lexi (and producers) by looking at texts on Lexi’s phone corroborating that corroborate her story. And only then does Rachel kick DeMario to the curb.

Though the camera crew is following her and Harrison is lurking nearby, waiting to be pressed into duty, Rachel has no interest in recording a confessional about what just went down at that very moment. “I don’t want to talk about it!” she snaps. But she does want to let the guys know that DeMario’s lying butt is now sitting in the Reject SUV. “I don’t want to be played,” says Rachel, choking back tears. “I don’t want to be made a fool of… So if anybody else has a girlfriend, please just, like, tell me now.”

Aw, honey. Men are rats. They’re fleas on rats! They’re amoebas on fleas on rats, etc. So brush this one off and go clean up for the afterparty, okay?

That night, the guys are in full HOW DARE HE mode. Josiah assures Rachel that he’s “protective” of the people he cares about, and she LOVES it.

Will reads her a nice motto about the true meaning of success (“to know even one life have breathed easier because you have lived,” etc.), while Alex busts out an old Russian folk song about “dark eyes.” He’s not a great singer, but at least he’s not as cringe-worthy as Eric, who purrs, “My love language is quality time and acts of service. What’s your love language?” Blech, where’s the puking emoji when you need one? Anyhow, Rachel informs Eric that her “love language” is “quality time and physical touch” — in other words, What’s a girl gotta do to get a kiss around here?

Even so, the date rose goes to Josiah, who joins Peter and Dean in the Circle of Safety.

Rose ceremony night arrives, and Bryan — who didn’t get a date this week — is the first one to pull Rachel. It’s time for our Bachelorette to cash in her gift certificate for one free “adjustment,” or whatever.

And just when you thought Bryan asking Rachel to crawl up on a massage table in that dress would be the most scandalous thing you’d see all night, DeMario shows up, asking for a second chance. Paulie the Security Guard assesses the situation and informs DeMario that he can’t come onto the property unless Mr. Harrison grants him permission.

The host arrives and listens patiently to the spurned suitor’s pitch. “I need to be able to speak to her,” pleads DeMario. “I need to be able to communicate to her and let her know that I did f*** up.”

Oh man, we’re not getting a rose ceremony tonight, are we? With just about 13 minutes left in the broadcast, Harrison heads into the mansion to find Rachel and inform her of the situation brewing at the front gate. Citing “curiosity,” Rachel decides to go meet with DeMario to find out what possible explanation he might have for the high school BS that went down in the high school gym.

When the guys catch wind of what’s going on, it’s their turn to be indignant.

Hold that thought, pal, because Team Bachelorette has other ideas.

So that’s how it’s going to be this season, huh? While we wait for the conclusion of DeMario’s inevitable downfall, I want to hear your thoughts about this week, rose lovers. Are you surprised Mr. “I’m Ready to Go Black” got a rose? What do you think happened to Copper’s leg? And should we lobby ABC to have Mila and Ashton co-host After Paradise with Chris Harrison? Post your thoughts now! And be sure to check out Chris Harrison’s exclusive behind-the-scenes blog here.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch Airplane! for the 37th time.

The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.

Read more from Yahoo TV: Chris Harrison Blogs ‘The Bachelorette’ Week 2