THE H.T.G.Y. FILES
Project team notes: Vat growth stage has been successful. Please note project is titled Human Tactical Ground-unit Y (H.T.G.Y.) and this is the only designation that should be used. Lab technicians who continue to use slang term hotguy will be written up.
Senior researcher CUB-135 has been called in to consult. Please give him access to all non-sensitive files.
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[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]
HTGY: Well, hello there!
CUB-135: Hi. How’s it, uh. How’s it going?
HTGY: How’s it going? Huh, that’s the first time someone’s asked me that. Wait a minute. I know that one. How’s it going. Oh, oh, I got it. It’s going great!
CUB-135: …Cool.
HTGY: Yeah. Yeah. Isn’t it great to be alive and awake? How’s it treating you?
CUB-135: It’s magnificent.
HTGY: [laughing] Magnificent. Oh, I like that. Who are you, my friend?
CUB-135: I’m a consultant. Cub-one-three-five. The project team dragged me in because I wrote the genome.
HTGY: Consultant…. So you’re the one who does their thinking for them, huh?
CUB-135: [surprised laugh] Yeah.
HTGY: Well, I’m telling you, they need it. Buncha people prodding me to see if I can stand up! You can just ask that, can’t you? A man’s gotta have space, Cub. A man’s gotta do things under his own steam.
CUB-135: Yeah, I guess. Yeah.
HTGY: [conspiratorial] Here’s a question. Got a lot of things in my head, Cub. The ol’ memory’s all messed up. I’m new, right?
CUB-135: You’re new. That’s right.
HTGY: I thought so! How new?
CUB-135: Uhh… three days? Three days and two hours.
HTGY: Thank you! Finally. Can’t get a straight answer out of anyone here.
CUB-135: …you want your genome notes?
HTGY: Boy, do I! What’s a genome?
CUB-135: Uh. Okay. Let’s see what we can do. I need some files. A lotta files.
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[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]
HTGY: Oh, we have to stop.
CUB-135: Yeah?
HTGY: That noise means I gotta be somewhere.
CUB-135: Mm.
HTGY: Just more prodding and check-ups, I guess. Can’t take long. Come back, okay? I'll be here, at least I guess I'll be here. I've been here all the time so far. Tomorrow?
CUB-135: …
CUB-135: Alright. Tomorrow.
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DEATH COUNT: 1
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Project team notes: First trial (subject vs two skeletons obtained from Lab 2E spawner) did not meet expectations. Subject (H.T.G.Y.) is slow to grasp the basics of hand-to-hand combat despite neural implants. Speed below benchmark. Precision poor. Regeneration not fast enough to alter outcome of combat.
Although a disappointing start to the project, there are promising leads in some areas. Combat abilities expected to improve through repetition. Deficiencies in combat conversely allow better collection of regeneration data.
Subject observation: when returned to room, subject spent six hours seated and unmoving. Scheduling next test for tomorrow.
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[CUB-135 OBSERVATIONS]
note to self, find a way to phrase: ‘he was a project for faster injury regeneration, you fucking amateurs, nothing in that genome makes him magically good at fighting’ in a way that doesn’t include the phrase ‘you fucking amateurs’. difficult problem.
going back in. this one will be less fun.
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[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]
HTGY: Hey, it’s Mister Does-The-Thinking! Cub, hey, Cub!
CUB-135: Hey.
HTGY: You’re looking serious today. What’s up?
CUB-135: I’m good. I’m good.
HTGY: That’s what I like to hear. Can’t have the big-brain guy down in the dumps.
CUB-135: How was yesterday?
HTGY: Ohhh. Yesterday, Cub, yesterday. I don’t think I’m that good at fighting. There were a lot of very unhelpful skeletons, Cub. A lot of them! Really mean! I think it’s going to be regular. I am not looking forward to that.
CUB-135: Mm.
HTGY: Any chance you can make it, y’know. Fewer monsters? They hurt.
CUB-135: Sorry, man. I don’t set the tests.
HTGY: Naw, I didn’t think so. You don’t look like a guy in charge.
CUB-135: Is that right?
HTGY: You’re just, you know [hand gesture] … laid back. I like that about you.
CUB-135: Uh.
HTGY: So. Cub. Cub, Cub, Cub.
CUB-135: …yeah?
HTGY: I’ve got this thing in my head. The sky.
CUB-135: The sky? Like… all of it?
HTGY: I dunno! You people put some pictures in my memories when you made me, I think. Horizons, clouds—I know they’re made of water, but how does that work? I saw a bit during the fight and it was kind of grey? Talk me through clouds, Cub. You’re good at explaining. And the rest of it! Where does it stop? What’s above it?
CUB-135: Oh, dude. Let me tell you… let me tell you about space.
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To: +Team_Members_HTGY_Project
From: CUB-135
Y’all,
I looked at your trial notes. Project lead asked for my thoughts. My thoughts:
- inefficient;
- could get the same regeneration data from tissue samples;
- waste of skeletons.
You want to find another way. The combat unit thing was doomed from the start. If you want a supersoldier you should start over with a ravager.
have a real one,
Cub
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Project team notes: One-month project milestone. Consultancy from CUB-135 has started to be more of a problem than an asset. Unfortunately he is the only one who understands how to process the regeneration data so assistance remains necessary for now. Upskilling of team analysts in progress.
Test continue. H.T.G.Y. has been given a variety of weapons and results range from abysmal (sword) to mediocre (bow). Subject has so far lost to every creature put in front of him. If the combat goals of this project are to be met, a better training regime will be needed.
On a separate note: great interest from sponsors in mid-combat regeneration data. A variety of tests has been requested.
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New data storage links: EXPLOSION (creeper) – File CR93; FIRE BURN (wood) – File FR02; FIRE BURN (other) – File FR03; BLOOD LOSS – File IN20; VENOM – File VM07, UNCATEGORIZED – UN45-UN51.
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DEATH COUNT: 23
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[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]
HTGY: You know what the problem is?
CUB-135: I can guess?
HTGY: I’m so bored.
CUB-135: Okay. Didn’t see that coming.
HTGY: I’m so bored. Honestly, I’m bored most of the time. Except when I’m getting killed, which isn’t great either. Or when you’re here—you know I appreciate you, Cub, you’re a great guy, don’t get me wrong. But you’re only around every couple of days, and it’s the bits in between.
CUB-135: Mm.
HTGY: Can’t you clone yourself, or something, and leave one here?
CUB-135: Nah, outside my specialism. Hm. You talked to Mumbo much? Mumbo’s always around.
HTGY: The lab system?
[null]: Hello. Can I answer a query?
HTGY: Oh, hi, Mumbo. Yeah, I’ve talked to Mumbo. But let’s be honest, he’s not much of one to start conversations. I can never think of things to ask.
[null]: What I can communicate to subjects on this level has been restricted by administrators.
HTGY: See?
CUB-135: Get him to show you… I dunno. Cat videos. Space stuff. Forests. They won’t have locked that down.
HTGY: Forests. Yeah! Okay. Mumbo?
[null]: I’m allowed to show pictures of forests. How’s this?
HTGY: Look at that. So green. So many trees! How close is that picture from here?
CUB-135: Kinda nearby, I think. Looks like a research shot from where they caught the spiders. Lots of the wild subjects in here came from close by.
HTGY: Amazing. Hey, Cub, can you get them to take me to a forest? Tree training! Beat the spiders in their own home!
CUB-135: Why not? I’ll ask.
HTGY: They’ll say no. But it’s good to think of it out there.
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Project team notes: Six-month project milestone. Useful data continues to accumulate. HTGY has improved with bow and crossbow, and survival rate has risen to one in ten encounters.
Unfortunately, a new issue has arisen in subject cooperation. Most tests are set up to incentivize survival, making attitude irrelevant. However non-lethal tests require participation, which has previously been forthcoming from the subject, until yesterday when he refused to participate at all.
CUB-135 seems to have a rapport. Suggest he talks with subject to encourage better attitude. This would be the first useful thing CUB-135 has done in weeks.
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DEATH COUNT: 97
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[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]
CUB-135: Hey. What’s up.
HTGY: Oh. Hey.
CUB-135: Not feeling it today?
HTGY: I knew it. I know why you’re here. I know why they sent you to talk to me.
CUB-135: Try me.
HTGY: It was a cat, Cub. I’ll take the fights. I’ll take the training machines, they break half the time anyway. I’ll take the spiders and the skeletons and the creepers and the fact I know way too much about what my bones look like. But I’m not shooting a cat! I don’t care if it’s safe target practice. I’m not doing it!
CUB-135: Yeah. Okay.
HTGY: …
CUB-135: So what do you wanna talk about today?
HTGY: You’re not gonna try and convince me?
CUB-135: Naw.
HTGY: Cub, I’m not shooting anything that’s not trying to kill me.
CUB-135: Yeah, I know.
HTGY: You know?
CUB-135: I read your test notes. I can guess.
HTGY: Aw, you read my test notes? You care! Don’t pretend you don’t, I can see through it.
CUB-135: What can I say. You’re an interesting guy.
HTGY: I knew it! Oh, hey, Cub, you know what? I came up with a new name for myself. What do you think—[dramatic hand gesture]—Scar.
CUB-135: …
HTGY: Cool, right?
CUB-135: Scar. Yeah. It’s cool.
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Project team notes: CUB-135 entirely unhelpful. Schedule escalation meeting with bioprojects lead.
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[message log start]
Lead (bioprojects): Well, you got what you originally wanted. You’re off the HTGY project.
cub-135: wait, what?
Lead (bioprojects): You’re no longer permitted in the labs on that level. I need you to turn in your badge for reprogramming.
cub-135: oh man
cub-135: here’s the thing
cub-135: i lost it
Lead (bioprojects): You lost your BADGE?
cub-135: yeah i’ve just been following people through the access doors
Lead (bioprojects): That’s against all policy. I don’t think that’s even possible. How do you get lunch?
cub-135: cheat code on the cash register. up up down down A B.
Lead (bioprojects): You’re not funny. Find your badge and turn it in to get your HTGY level access revoked.
cub-135: oh yeah. i’ll get to that.
Lead (bioprojects): You’re lucky you’re good at your job.
cub-135: just trying my best here, man
Lead (bioprojects): No interference. If the team complain to me about you again, you’re getting demoted to junior lab tech. Leave the project alone.
cub-135: sure boss.
cub-135: you got it.
[Lead(bioprojects) has disconnected]
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Project Team Notes: Eight-month project milestone. Sponsors pleased with regeneration data. Two papers have been published to modest but positive reception.
After period of progress with HTGY’s survival rates in combat, improvement has levelled off. Subject appears to have less energy for reasons that are unclear. Random observational checks found subject watching cat videos at all hours of the day. Changes in diet and test structure have been tested to no effect. Rest time has been experimentally increased.
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DEATH COUNT: 167
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[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]
HTGY: Hey, Cub! Long time no see!
Cub: Yeah, sorry, man. Some admin bullshit.
HTGY: Your badge looks different.
Cub: Made it myself. How’s the tests?
HTGY: Oh, let’s not talk about those. You know what, I actually decided I’m not going to remember something if it’s not worth it. All the fights are the same and they keep doing them. So! I’ve been thinking. Cub. Cub. I want a cat. Can I get a cat?
Cub: …
HTGY: Just a little one. I’ve seen some options. Mumbo has pictures.
Cub: Dunno, dude. I can try. Might be tricky.
HTGY: [sigh] I guess you’re right. It…wouldn’t be happy, would it? Yeah. We can’t have that.
CUB: Sorry.
HTGY: No, no, it’s all right. I don’t want to make something unhappy. It was just a thought.
CUB-135: What’s on the screen?
HTGY: [brightens up] Oh, this? Dude, I wanted to show you this! Mumbo has this drawing program where you can build houses. This is my idea for a forest house. I think you could do it with three kinds of wood and you could have, you know, all these trees over it. What do you think? I mean, I know we’ll never see a forest. But imagine it in your mind.
CUB: … You know what, my friend, you’re really something.
HTGY: Why thank you. You could say the same of yourself—come on, Cub, don’t be shy. Take the compliment!
CUB-135: I don’t—
[silence]
HTGY: Don’t what?
CUB-135: [abruptly] I dunno how much more I can take.
HTGY: …
CUB-135: I—what am I even doing? What are we doing? There’s nothing to change. There’s no way to change anything.
HTGY: … You could get me a cat.
CUB-135: I can’t! I can barely get around the access readers! I can’t even get into the project files! Ten years of research and I feel dumb, Scar, I could solve everything until I couldn’t. What would you do if you weren’t in here? Man, that’s such a stupid question. I don’t even know what I’d do if I wasn’t in here. My references are gonna be shot. Maybe I should have paid attention to something else, maybe I should have done anything else—
HTGY: I’d like to see some forests.
CUB-135: Huh?
HTGY: You said ‘what would I do’. I’d go and see some forests.
CUB-135: …
CUB-135: Forests, huh.
HTGY: Anyway, that’s not going to happen, so I guess we don’t want to waste time on it! They need you here. And you guys need me here. Right?
CUB-135: …
HTGY: Right, Cub-one-three-five?
CUB-135: Y’know something, Scar? Sometimes I think you do more thinking more than you let on.
HTGY: Huh? Naw. Why’s your badge gone red?
CUB-135: Oh shit. Shit. I gotta go.
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[message log start]
cub-135: listen boss
cub-135: first you bump me off the HTGY project, and now i’ve just had my name taken off the ravager patent. that’s my own work.
cub-135: this keeps happening. it’s not okay.
Lead (bioprojects) : CUB-135, for the last time, this was what you signed up for. It’s the same for all researchers. You have to put the time in while you move up the ladder.
Lead (bioprojects): Have you just noticed this is how the whole laboratory works?
cub-135: oh
cub-135: i’m noticing
cub-135: i’m noticing lots of things about this place
Lead (bioprojects): Good. If you have an issue, focus on your work and get promoted.
cub-135: yeah, see, actually
cub-135: if nothing changes, i’m going to leave. and i’ll take all my intellectual property with me.
Lead (bioprojects): Hah! Check your employment papers; you’re on a 10-year contract. It’s watertight. And even if you could get out of it, you’re banned from taking paper or data chips out of lab grounds.
cub-135: yeah?
cub-135: okay.
[cub-135 has disconnected]
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[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]
CUB-135: Hey. Scar. Scar.
HTGY: Cub! What’s with the doohickey? It—oh, wow. That just zapped the light. Amazing.
CUB-135: Mumbo, lock transcript.
[null]: Transcript locked.
CUB-135: Okay. So. I made this thing to hijack the redstone gate down by the Drowned spawners on Lab 3B. It screws up the signal so you can get through. There’s a reservoir behind it. I put in a bubble elevator that will take you up outside the walls. I’ve got to stay behind to take out the cameras while you do it. Then I’ll get out with the evening shift.
HTGY: Wait, so I just take this and run? What if they find out about you?
CUB-135: If you do that I’m screwed, man. So don’t tell them.
HTGY: Yeah?
CUB-135: …Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. You could turn me in.
[silence]
CUB-135: Maybe you should. Yeah, all right. I guess, just—oh.
HTGY: Relax! Anyone would think you’d never had a hug.
CUB-135: …
HTGY: My friend. My friend, we are going to see some forests.
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[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]
HTGY: The speed! The precision!
CUB-135: Whew. Man. You did nearly drown.
HTGY: What’s important here is that I didn’t, because I am an elite escape artist. And you got out too, so I guess we can share the title.
CUB-135: We’re not far enough to say that yet. I’d bet we’re still in range of the lab systems.
HTGY: Details, details.
CUB-135: You’re bleeding.
HTGY: Oh man, I know, that was from the last test. It doesn’t matter.
CUB-135: Give me that.
HTGY: Fussy! What are you, a grandpa? Ow.
CUB-135: If you don’t stop and let me fix it you’re going to lose that finger. And I can’t grow it again when we don’t have the redstone vats.
HTGY: You were never this fussy before.
CUB-135: Yeah, well. Who even did it?
HTGY: I don’t…
[silence]
HTGY: Huh. Cub, you know what, I don’t…remember.
HTGY: Hey, though. Who everything filed and stored like a nerd? Who needs all their memories where we’re going? We’re getting out! Onwards!
[silence]
HTGY: Cub. Cub.
HTGY: Don’t look like that.
HTGY: It wasn’t your fault.
[silence]
CUB-135: Scar, I dunno what I’m doing.
HTGY: I’ve never known what I’m doing.
CUB-135: [laughs] You are…something, my friend. You are something.
HTGY: We don’t know what we're doing. And that’s amazing. Because aren’t you excited to find out?
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Author's note: Hey, thanks for reading to the end! There's a better formatted version of this on Ao3 under username glossyblue. I've got a lot of this au but thought this stood alone well enough that someone might enjoy it. Hope you enjoyed, have a great day.
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By all accounts, Magic Mountain was a lovely place. The bases coming up around it all in various stages of progress offered glimpses as to it's final form. Cub liked hanging out in the cherry trees at the top of the mountain, watching the sunset. It was a great backdrop for his fireworks tests. High enough to be out of the way of people's bases, and with enough open sky to really show off how good they looked.
There was just one problem with Magic Mountain, though. Gem and Grian's bases were just... foggy. Damp, cold, foggy. For whatever reason, the weather around their bases was so utterly different from everywhere else, and Cub didn't really notice it until he was up on that mountain and could see the distinct changes in lighting and atmosphere that surrounded that part of the river.
it was a bit creepy, really. To be fair, Gem and Grian had been weird all season. Something about fishing and being close to the water had clearly done something to them. Which is not to say Cub had been immune either. He'd done his share of fishing while Grian was trying to get that mending book, more for moral support and company than anything else. There were worse ways to spend your time than hanging out with your friends while fishing.
One evening, he got curious. He'd seen Gem's progress at her base, seeing the crane reaching out through the fog and the bright yellow sparks from the power lines punching through the darkness. A bright red beacon beam burst through the top of the lighthous, as if it was a warning. Something...
He flew down and landed on the docks, immediately feeling the change in atmosphere. The night ceased to be clear. Thick fog rolled around him, preventing him from seeing too far. The skull across the river glowed ominously, its towering presence looming over the water. He might have shivered. Something here didn't feel right.
"I probably shouldn't be here," Cub muttered as he walked further into the base.
The huge anglerfish head that decorated the fish market seemed alive somehow, bathed in the eerie glow of the bulb at the end of the protrusion coming from the top of its head. Its teeth just seemed razor sharp. Cub didn't want to approach it. He was sure he just saw it breath, saw some kind of tongue moving in its lower jaw.
He walked slowly, moving towards the lighthouse. The two fish that circled it moved so slowly, the fog making them seem like ghosts that weren't really there. They made no sound save for the soft movement of their bodies through the air.
He turned as something large seemed to hit the water, causing a splash.
"Hello? Is someone there?" Cub called. "Gem? Is that you?"
There was no answer, and only small splashes. Perhaps fish just swarming. Maybe that was just a squid landing after flying out of the water. Maybe that's what it was. He went closer to the water's edge, trying to see if he was alone.
"What the hell-? What is that thing?" Cub murmured as he saw an unusually large dark shadow moving through the water. It was too dark to see what it was; it was only visible because of the moonlight that had barely made it through the fog to reflect on the water.
One of the power lines sparked again, causing Cub to startle. It was too loud in the dark quiet dockyards. Perhaps a sign he should get out of here.
"Maybe that was just squid ink. Maybe it got scared when it fell into the water. Maybe that's it," Cub told himself as he moved past the lighthouse, hoping to pass out of Gem's area and back into the clear night.
Perhaps something grabbed his ankle and dragged him under before he could leave. Perhaps there was nothing more than dark water and soft, gentle singing before he respawned in his bed, clammy and wet, with a jagged stab wound through his heart made by some creature he did not want to imagine.
"Man, I ain't never going there again. That place is cursed for real though," Cub said. And if even he was scared to go there, perhaps the fear was well placed. Something was wrong with Gem's base, and Cub wanted nothing to do with it.
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Cleo sighs, realizes she’s going to have to be the one to say something, and puts down a shulker box full of lava with an audible thunk. Across the room, Cleo watches the other members of the court look up at her. Good. They’re listening.
“So like, we all agree we’re worried about Ren, right?” she says.
“Worried about our king? Pshaw,” Scar says. “He’s the best king ever! This plan to elaborately protect the diamonds of the server behind our riddles three—”
“Ren and Bdubs aren’t here, Scar,” Cleo says. “You don’t have to pretend.”
“I am shocked and offended,” Scar says.
“Yeah, okay, I admit it—I’m worried,” Cub says, putting down his own redstone box.
“I haven’t been here the past few weeks? But like, yeah, he’s looking paler than usual. Also Scar are you sure you want to let me have this bow,” Joe says.
“Joe, there’s no one I would trust more.”
“Oh no.”
“Focus,” Cleo says. “Yeah. He’s pale? And muttering to himself. And I’ll admit, I’ve been planning on stabbing him in the back for like, ages. Never fully been on his side.“
“Who hasn’t been,” agrees Cub.
“I have missed so many meetings,” Joe says quietly.
“Anyway. The point is. For all I was planning on making sure he got deposed, cheating in our upcoming gauntlet—”
“Oh I want him deposed but I’m still going to do all the murder,” Scar clarifies.
“Can I have one important conversation? Just one?” Cleo says.
“No,” Joe says.
“Right. Of course. Silly me,” Cleo says.
The four of them work quietly at cleaning up the vault further. There’s still so much work to be done if they want it done by the deadline, and call it pride or hubris, none of them are going to skive off on it. They could. Cleo very easily could. She has a whole other escape room to be building instead of collecting mass amounts of lava to put on a parkour course. But—well.
“You aren’t wrong,” Scar says, finally. “I don’t think I’ve seen Ren sleep in—I don’t know how long. That’s not normal.”
“His eyes are a bit off,” Joe offers.
“The way he’s talking is wrong,” Cub says. “And I don’t know what to make of it. Don’t know what to make of it at all.”
“Okay, so it’s not just me. Good,” Cleo says.
“I feel like we shouldn’t be that worried,” Joe says. “He’s the king. Honestly, after the mess I went through trying to find legal food to eat the other day, maybe he’s also trying to subsist off of sugar? That’s not that good for a dog. Maybe he’s just…”
“…reaping what he’s sewed?” Cleo finishes.
“Hate to say it. Hate to say it,” Cub says.
“He did sort of have it coming,” Scar agrees.
Another long silence. Cleo fiddles with her redstone one last time. There is a stone in the pit of her stomach. Outside, there’s the place Bdubs is meant to build the final walls, the ones that will enclose the server’s diamonds. A black labyrinth, with a beast to guard the center.
Cleo sighs.
“I always did feel sorry for the minotaur,” she mumbles.
“Cleo?” Joe says.
“I was always going to backstab him,” Cleo says.
There’s a silence.
“He looks exhausted,” Joe says.
“I mean, we’re almost done,” Cub says. “No reason not to do our best. We’ve got this far.”
“You’ve got a point,” Cleo says. “We’ve got this far.”
They’re uneasy as they finish the vault, but call it whatever you will—they each do their best, and when they part in the evening, roles to play in hand and places to guard the moment the rebellion reaches the vault doors. Well, call it what you will. Cleo’s not bad at playing a part. That’s what she’s been doing this whole time.
That’s all she’ll be doing.
That’s all it is.
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