#ctommy ur my ctommy saayyy iit to meeeeee

[bugflies00]

ok its time for my. traditional post-stream moment (well. post-vod considering the circumstances) where i try to condense all my thoughts into a singular post especially rn since i didn’t liveblog so people not watching don’t have to see it

dsmp spoilers obviously 

um. okay uh well first off im still crying, that should give you…? an idea of the effect this stream had on me…?

im still holding onto hope for this story to be about healing but if it ends grim and the only hope is ‘oooh volume II blank slate woo’ i don’t know what i’ll do with myself LOL (despair). but i’d like to think if wilbur didn’t kill off his character. i’d like to think tommy wouldn’t either. but like always in extremely tense dangerous points in the story before i’ve never believed they would die like i never thought cwilbur would die yknow. but i think. well this is the most scared ive been for lore since um well ever actually i think

first off. gonna try to avoid talking about dream as much as possible even his character.  just hope people aren’t gonna take the justifications he and cpunz give for the . Horribly Fucked Up shit theyre doing as valid and start running with ‘oooh cdream was in the right and the victim all along!!’ but who am i kidding they probably have already. ill admit i didn’t see the hydra-type plan coming, with one not being killable if the other’s alive so that was a twist

UMM lord that whole lava room scene was . indescribable levels of fucked up and dont get me started on how cdream managed to convince ctommy that all the shit and abuse he’s suffered (even up to doomsday) was HIS FAULT and we see that resurface not even an hour later when ctommy tells ctubbo every bad situation theyve had since the start of the server has been his fault. don’t get me started

when they broke character because tommy couldnt do the stunt of aiming the throw of the discs JDJZDJJDSJ appreciated the break of the tension it made everything worse after in comparison. even tommy said he was on the ‘verge of tears irl before that’

and then the nuke. we got SO SO CLOSE to an acknowledgment of the nuke plan. of c!rocketduo’s plan to kill ctommy. but honestly while we didn’t get it outwardly i’ll take ctommy hesitance and like. pause after ctubbo said cjack helped him & ctommy brought up the explosion near him as him putting together the pieces. ill pretend just for my own sake. SPEAKING OF ctommy now knows cranboo was the one who set up the explosions (under mind control obviously) that stuck him in the prison with cdream and got him killed!!! can this boy catch a break. well he’s dying tomorrow so i guess he’s getting a very long break (<- just cried for an hour at that prospect)

and then. ctommy setting up the plan to trade his life for everyone else’s.

okay so like we all saw it coming but Ummmmmmmm well still a punch to the gut. Ummmmmmm. Ummmmm dealing well with this info. also ctommy screaming at ctubbo to ‘stop being optimistic’ and ‘its over, theyve lost’ and how he needs to just do this and die and its the end. Hahahahhahaha disc war finale roles flipped amirite. now ctubbos desperately clinging onto an alternate solution and ctommys the one who’s so jaded, so desperate that he’s convinced he needs to die (and that he deserves to. let’s be real ctommy thinks he deserves to die because he believes he’s at fault for the shit he and the others have been through. and if he dies without anyone having fucking proved him wrong. well.)

and like in my mind this story has always been about healing, like i said. and i’d genuinely be surprised if tommy chose an absolutely grim ending for his character (dying for everyone, sure a hero’s death, but dying still thinking he’s at fault for it all. that’s not just tragic that’s unnecessary.) but yknow at this point

the part that got me the worst was the whole bit after they started walking away from the nuke site. like they started walking towards and on the prime path and talking about how it was the last time and Uhm wellllllllll yes so maybe i cried fuck off . like the LAST TIME do you realise this???? LAST TIME c!clingyduo walked the prime path. and when ctommy started talking about lmanberg. looking at the flag. ASKING CTUBBO THAT, AFTER HIS DEATH, THE FLAG BE PUT UP THERE TO FLY IN THE WIND. ASKING CTUBBO TO TELL EVERYONE, INCLUDING HIS SON AND HIS SON’S CHILDREN, THE STORIES OF THEM AND THE OTHERS AND LMANBERG. looking at the lmanberg pictures. sitting on the bench together but there’s no music anymore because the discs are gone but that’s alright, it’s so pretty, look at the sunset tommy isn’t it so pretty? yeah it is. i’m gonna die tomorrow tubbo

like its all always been about lmanberg because it was about them. and i know people are gonna run with cpunz’s ‘nations exclude those not part of it’ argument, but lmanberg was about the community. like ill never say this enough lmanberg was literally family like that’s what they were all fighting for or clinging onto or running away from . and it was their project and to cwilbur it was ctommy and they were all important but ctommy was the heart of it all. he gave everything for it, for them really. over and over and now he wants ctubbo to tell those stories after he’s gone because he plans to walk in tomorrow at eighteen years old in a place where he’s only known trauma and death, walk in there and lure his abuser and his partner and then take a nuke for everyone. youngest one on that server. and yeah they’re not kids anymore (according to them) but they are they’re fucking kids ctommy is so tragic i feel fucking ill

and now its past midnight meaning Today is. final ctommy stream ever. Um well it has not sinked in yet. two years and probably my favourite character of all time ending Today and most likely dying. brother i don’t know what i’ll do with myself if he dies im genuinely so embarrassingly attached to this character and the others and this story. and so much of it feels so hollow when they walk around the server and there’s no one. idk whatever happens tomorrow i’ll still be so fucking glad for this story no matter how fucked up some things have been recently and no matter how much wasted potential there was. this is disgustingly sappy but tbh you clicked ‘read more’ on this post like u signed up for this. anyway ctommy my shining star whatever happens tomorrow youve been the best ever🌟🌟🌟 my favourite little guy in the whole wide world literally a star