#crystal rapper // crystal boyfriend

[askthefnfcrystalcrew]

Muses | Promo

Crystal Boyfriend

Crystal Girlfriend

Crystal Pico

[fuckyeslilkim]

Rapper Lil' Kim Has Had A Profound Impact On Fashion Over The Years

hen Lil’ Kim made her debut with the 1996 album Hard Core, she utterly and completely changed the rap game. A protege of Notorious B.I.G., and the sole female member of his hip-hop group Junior M.A.F.I.A., Lil’ Kim, aka Kimberly Denise Jones, had a flow that was raw and gritty, with raunchy, sexually liberating lyrics that made critics clutch their pearls. Hard Core went on to become certified double platinum by the RIAA, cementing the then-22-year-old as a bona fide hip-hop god. But it wasn’t just Lil’ Kim’s lyrical prowess that set her apart from her contemporaries that came before her. Her sense of style also made her a trailblazer, solidifying her as a pop culture fashion icon.

While other women rappers like Queen Latifah, Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes, and Da Brat favored more androgynous clothing, like oversize T-shirts and baggy jeans, Lil’ Kim’s outfits were ultra-feminine, bold, risqué, and revealing — as provocative and outrageous as her songs. She wore teeny-tiny bikinis, see-through silhouettes, candy-colored wigs, and equally vibrant fur coats. She also helped popularize ’90s and noughties logomania, a trend in which designer branding is made overtly obvious on one’s clothing and accessories (the antithesis to “quiet luxury”). In Kim’s case, logomania also applied to hairstyles, as she famously wore wigs with Chanel’s double “C” logo and Versace’s Greek key motif. (The move made sense for someone who frequently name-dropped designers in her lyrics). Aside from head-to-toe designer monograms, Kim has worn a sparkly catsuit made with 965,000 crystals, embellished headpieces with matching thongs, and a gray, floor-length chinchilla coat (which she modeled next to mob daughter Victoria Gotti in the video for 2003’s “Came Back for You”). The list goes on.

“She was bringing something new that we hadn’t really seen before,” says Elizabeth Way, fashion historian and associate curator at the Museum at the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT). “For so long, female rappers had been kind of marginalized and really tried to fit in with their male counterparts, especially with their style. Lil’ Kim rejected that and embraced her femininity in both her style and her lyrics.” Marissa Pelly, stylist for the rapper Ice Spice, shares a similar sentiment, pointing out how the industry made female musicians feel like they couldn’t boldly embrace their sexuality while simultaneously being perceived as “chic” or “luxury” — as if the two concepts could not co-exist. “Now when I see female artists owning their sexuality, while also being muses for some of fashion’s most elite houses, I think of — and I thank — Lil’ Kim.”

Behind every celebrity style icon is a brilliant stylist; a wizard behind the velvet curtain, so to speak. For Lil’ Kim, it was Misa Hylton. One cannot discuss Kim’s vestiary tours de force without mentioning the industry legend by her side, who had already been masterminding looks for Mary J. Blige, Faith Evans, Jodeci, and her then-boyfriend Sean “Diddy” Combs. But theirs was a match made in fashion heaven; the two women felt an immediate kinship. “I think that Kim and I were magical together and when you have that type of synergy only greatness can come forth. We were thinking outside of the box and unapologetically taking risks. People gravitate to that type of authentic and creative energy,” Hylton told Dazed in 2018.

The two women set the bar high high from the beginning with a legendary look the promotional poster for Hard Core, Kim’s debut album: a leopard print bikini and a sheer, marabou-trimmed duster. The one-piece was designed by Sex and the City costume designer Patricia Field, who owned a store in New York City from 1996 until 2016. It was known to be a hot shopping spot for fellow performers like Debbie Harry, Lady Gaga, and Kim’s friend and frequent collaborator Missy Elliott. Hylton and Kim frequented Field’s boutique almost daily. In the years — and decades — that followed, both the look, and Kim’s signature squatting pose, would be replicated by the likes of Teyana Taylor, Nicki Minaj, GloRilla, and countless others.

Hylton and Kim also went all out for the “Crush on You” music video, directed by Lance Rivera. Inspired by the The Wiz’s color-changing Emerald City disco dance sequence, the video featured the star in monochromatic technicolor outfits and matching wigs — and instantly catapulted her to mainstream MTV fame. ��When you think of the blueprint for most female musicians’ styles today, you think the designer logos; the iced-out, statement jewelry; and different styles of wigs — that was all her,” explains stylist Estelle Aporongao. “Kim’s DNA runs through the contemporary fashion industry’s veins.”

In 1998, Kim donned a bejeweled caged headpiece and matching arm sleeves to the 1998 Soul Train Lady of Soul Awards, which felt like the ultimate statement. But the rapper topped herself yet again a year later when she attended the MTV Video Music Awards in a purple wig and lilac-colored, sequined jumpsuit, complete with a single purple pasty that garnered an unforgettable reaction from Diana Ross. The moment would become the stuff of award show legend.

That same year, Kim covered Interview magazine’s November issue wearing only a Louis Vuitton headgear and LV logos painted all over her body, a moment described as a “cultural reset” by celebrity stylist Audrey Brianne, who works with Chris Tucker and Tyler Posey. “At the time, it was a fresh idea no other star had rocked quite so boldly. If people weren’t already paying attention to Lil’ Kim by then, they were now,” she says.

To be clear, Lil’ Kim was interested in fashion long before she dressed in colorful furs. “Her high school friends recounted how she would spend her allowance on clothes and had Gucci before they even knew what it was,” explains Nygel Simons, a stylist and archivist, noting that the artist also worked at Bloomingdale’s prior to rapping full time. “It really shines through when an artist genuinely loves fashion.” Nowadays, it’s not out of the ordinary for a designer to dress hip-hop artists for red carpets or sit them front row at Fashion Week, but in the 1990s, that relationship didn’t really exist. Lil’ Kim had a je ne sais quoi that both attracted and inspired designers like Karl Lagerfeld, Giorgio Armani, Betsey Johnson, John Galliano, and Donatella Versace, who would dress her for her 1999 Met Gala debut.

Way long before Barbiecore would become a part of the cultural zeitgeist, Lil’ Kim sported a pink, full-length mink coat with a studded pink bra, matching hot pants, and pink snakeskin boots for the “Rock Style”-themed Met Gala. “Donatella is my girl. We’ve loved each other from the moment we first saw each other,” Kim told Vogue in 2020. “At the Met, you’re a designer’s muse, [and] she loved the fact that I have fun in her clothes.”

Lil’ Kim has also walked the runway for designers including Baby Phat, The Blonds, and VFiles. But her closest friendship is with fashion designer Marc Jacobs, whom she calls her “bestie” and who has played a significant role in her life and career. Jacobs dressed Kim for her court appearances and subsequently became her prison pen pal when she served a one-year sentence for lying to protect friends involved in a 2001 shootout. Kim sent Jacobs the Bratz doll coloring pages she painted, which he then had framed and hung in his house. Jacobs is also writing the foreword for her forthcoming memoir, The Queen Bee.

“These were interesting and important alliances for her during the early 2000s because it further legitimized the message to her fans and the public that her empire and reach extended well beyond music,” says stylist Alison Brooks, who works with television personality and hairstylist Jonathan Van Ness. “I believe it was a turning point, not so subtly signaling to other artists to bling themselves out in designer looks with confidence and embrace their curves with body positivity before body positivity became a thing.”

When it comes to her own work, Pelly says she’s strongly influenced by Lil’ Kim. “I love how effortlessly she would combine her own fun custom pieces with luxury ones, while also demonstrating a great deal of high-end fashion knowledge.” Pelly says she had this approach in mind while styling Ice Spice for the “Barbie World” music video, pairing a custom Chanel-inspired, Christian Cowan tweed set with a Barbiecore bra by Laser Kitten, custom Emilio Pucci, and pieces from the Gaultier archives. “It’s that duality that’s so inspiring to me and creates the most interesting, well-rounded looks every time.” She also drew ideas from Kim’s 2003 “Summer Jam” performance, in which she wears SS03 Jean Paul Gaultier script belts around her waist and chest. “I love when artists love the same brands I do... I tracked down the same belts for Ice’s Paper Magazine cover back in April as a nod to the OG style icon.”

It’s difficult to imagine what would have happened if Lil’ Kim hadn’t paved the way for women in hip-hop to take fashion risks. Cardi B might not have worn archival Mugler to the 2019 Grammy Awards, and who knows if Megan Thee Stallion would have modeled for Calvin Klein. Then there’s the countless Kim homages artists have paid over the years: Beyoncé replicated several of Kim’s famous looks for Halloween 2017; Rihanna has cited the rapper’s penchant for experimenting with different looks as a major influence on her own fashion sense; and Miley Cyrus dressed in Kim’s MTV VMAs look for Halloween back in 2013, purple pasty and all. It’s for reasons like these that stylists like Simons believe Lil’ Kim deserves official acknowledgement for her legacy, particularly from the Council of Fashion Designers of America. (For years, fans have been calling on the CFDA to honor Kim with its annual Fashion Icon award.)

One thing’s for sure: You’d be hard-pressed to find another hip-hop fashion icon with the same enduring legacy. “Lil’ Kim is the blueprint,” says Simons. “Whenever you think you’re being presented with something new, if you search hard enough, you’ll find that Kim has already done it at some point.”

[lillyorlyracat]

THE F/O LIST!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay babies! This is it! This is the f/o list!

This will include almost EVERY SINGLE ONE of my fictional others! This is linked on my pinned post, which is likely where you're coming from. I'll update this from time to time with new skrunklies when they come up and

As for boundaries, I don't have many! If you happen to share an f/o with me, that's really cool, I'm not uncomfortable with that, they love you. If you need to block me because you are uncomfortable with f/o sharing, that's cool too! I totally understand.

Additionally, I am a minor, so a couple of my romantic f/o's are also minors (around my age). They're growing up with me, by the time I'm an adult they will also be adults,,, anwudggx I'm not weird ;w;

One more thing! I have a boyfriend irl who also selfships! It shares a good ton of f/o's with me, so I'll mark the ones we're both dating with a star (☆)

Okay. NOW I can list the characters...

Romantic f/o's

Tribore Menendez (Final Space)

Randall Boggs (Monsters Inc/University)☆

Marvin the Martian (all Looney Tunes media)☆

Roger Smith (American Dad)

Loki (Marvel)☆

Blitzø (Helluva Boss)☆

Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel)

Filburt Shellbach (Rocko's Modern Life)

Hawkodile (Unikitty!)

Lord Garmadon (LEGO Ninjago, but specifically the movie. I haven't seen the show)

Jenny Wakeman (My Life as a Teenage Robot)☆

Makoto Kino/Sailor Jupiter (Sailor Moon.. but the og not Crystal.. I don't plan on seeing Crystal)☆

Judy Hopps (Zootopia)☆

Pleakley (Lilo & Stitch)☆

MoominMamma (all Moomins media, but mostly the 90s series bc i'm the most familiar with that one)

Donatello (TMNT 2012)☆

Minion (Megamind)

Mr. Piranha (The Bad Guys)☆

Rapunzel (Tangled)☆

Triffany Lottablog (Bugsnax)

Crane (Kung Fu Panda)

Bandit Heeler (Bluey!)☆

Chilli Heeler (Bluey!)☆

Invader Skoodge (Invader Zim)

Lard Nar (Invader Zim)

Audrey II (Little Shop of Horrors)☆

Commander Peepers (Wander Over Yonder)☆

Flo (Splatoon 2)

Donnie and Raph (ROTTMNT)☆

Aristotle (Billie Bust Up!) ☆

Rusty Rose (Sonic Prime)

Shawn (Sunny Day Jack)

Thorax (MLP:FiM)

King Trollex (Trolls franchise)

Meta Knight (Kirby)☆

Miscellaneous f/o's that I'm not sure if they're romantic or queerplatonic or what but I still love them

Jevil (Deltarune)

Spamton (Deltarune)

Stripe Heeler (Bluey!)

Escargoon (Kirby)

Spinel (Steven Universe)

Queen (Deltarune)

Rouxls Kaard (Deltarune)

Colin the computer (Don't Hug Me I'm Scared)

Starlo (Undertale Yellow)

Mr Ping (Kung Fu Panda)

Tulio Triviño (31 Minutos)

Caine (The Amazing Digital Circus)

Cooper (Trolls)

Synth (Trolls Trollstopia)

There's a lot of deltarune characters in there.. Anyway,

Queerplatonic f/o's

Skelita Calaveras (Monster High)

Hairdresser Octopus/Takoyama (Parappa The Rapper)

Durpleton (Centaurworld)

Bloberta Puppington (Moral Orel)

Familial f/o's

Quatronosto Menendez (Final Space)

Trequeño Menendez (Final Space OC)

Ickis (AAAHH!!! Real Monsters)

Devil Cookie (Cookie Run)

Megamind (Megamind...)

Bluey Heeler (Bluey!)

Bingo Heeler (Bluey!)

Muffin Heeler (Bluey!)

Socks Heeler (Bluey!)

Ghoulia Yelps (G1 Monster High ONLY)

Beezle (Unico)

Vannelope Von Schweetz (Wreck-It Ralph)

Usagi Tsukino/Sailor Moon (Sailor Moon)

Gilbert, Shellbert, Norbert, and Missy Hutchison (Rocko’s Modern Life)

Orel Puppington (Moral Orel)

Ms. Tarantula (The Bad Guys)

Mr. Shark (The Bad Guys)

Ninni (all Moomins media but mostly the 90s series)

Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup (Powerpuff Girls)

Leo and Mikey (ROTTMNT)

S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. (ROTTMNT)

Bugs Bunny (all Looney Tunes media)

Lock, Shock, and Barrel (Nightmare Before Christmas)

Moomin/Moomintroll (Moomins media, mostly 90s)

Little My (Moomins media, mostly 90s)

Loona (Helluva Boss)

Ma, Pa, and Junior Gorg (Fraggle Rock)

Oh (Home 2015)

All the other turtles (TMNT 2012)

Platonic f/o's

Every other Bugsnax character

Mike Wazowski (Monsters Inc/University/At Work)

Roxanne Richie (Megamind)

Casey Jones (TMNT 2012)

Callie (Splatoon)

Marie (Splatoon)

Rocko (Rocko's Modern Life)

Mr Hemulen (all moomins media,, specifically 90s,, you get it by now)

Marinette Dupain-Cheng (Miraculous Ladybug & Chat Noir)

Adrien Agreste (Miraculous Ladybug & Chat Noir)

All the other Centaurworld characters ever

All the Muppets ever. Every single one of them

Cotterpin Doozer (Fraggle Rock)

Every resident of Radiator Springs (Cars franchise)

Francine Smith (American Dad)

Legoshi (Beastars)

Scootaloo (MLP:FiM)

Apple Bloom (MLP:FiM)

Derpy (MLP:FiM)

Kirby

The whole Belcher family + Teddy (Bob's Burgers)

Unikitty (Unikitty!)

Puppycorn (Unikitty!)

Richard (Unikitty!)

Dr. Fox (Unikitty!)

The rest of the Furious Five (Kung Fu Panda)

Nick Wilde (Zootopia)

Baron Draxum & his little gargoyle minions (ROTTMNT)

And Po (Kung Fu Panda)

And Shifu (Kung Fu Panda)

And Zhen!! (Kung Fu Panda)

Fantoccio (Billie Bust Up)

Barnaby (Billie Bust Up)

Peridot (Steven Universe)

Fictionkin related f/o's🔥🪼🌺

Wade 💧

Wade's family <3 💦

Bernie & Cinder Lumen (my parents) ❤️‍🔥

Margot ✨️

Agatha, Arthur, & Sam Gillman (my parents and little brother) 🐙

Uncle Brill 🤪

Grandmamah 👑

Nessie!! 🐾

[+ bonus: my first fictional enemy! Chelsea 🧜‍♀️]

BRANCH!!! 🎤

Branch's brothers! <3 🎶

Viva 🌟

Several other trolls... 🤝

[But not Creek, screw that guy]

[Note: I haven't met any fictionkin folks who are them yet (I'm not counting my irl bf because he's not fictionkin though associate him with Wade and Branch), but I'd really like to meet Bernie & my kraken family, as well as just about anyone from Trolls🥲]

BRIDGET! 💇‍♀️

Barb 🎸

Alrighty! Well, that's all i can think of at the moment... thanks for reading I suppose :)

[boricuacherry-blog]

My sister seemed mature and had a hollow kind of glamour. She took a new interest in me as a preteen now rather than a little girl. She paid attention to the outside of me, swooping in and correcting my disastrous attempts to make myself pretty, which to a twelve-year-old girl means everything. After I accidentally made my hair all kinds of shades of ugly orange, she took me to get a toner for my hair and made it one color. She took me to a place that made my eyebrows beautiful. She took me shopping for my first bra. She and I would make earnest attempts at being normal. We were trying to be sisters - or so I thought.

Even though I was young, I knew my sister was doing things that were not good. I mean, she had a beeper, and only drug dealers, rappers, and doctors had beepers back then. She wore a nice manicure - bright-pink nail polish, sometimes decorated with rhinestones. Once, as she was dropping me off in front of my mother's house, she dipped a sharp pink nail tip into some white crystal powder and held it up to my face, saying, "Just try it, just try a little bit; who cares?"

I knew it was cocaine, and it scared me to death. Thank God, I didn't take the sniff. I played it off and calmly replied, "No thanks! Bye; see you later." I shudder to think what could've happened if I'd walked into her trap and then that house. I don't know what would've happened if I'd snorted cocaine right before seeing my mother, or ever in my life.

It was all such a setup. Alison began bringing me around her friends, and I started looking forward to our secret outings - though for all the initial glamour and excitement, it was a very scary time in my life. I still have nightmares about it.

One day, she explained that it was time to meet her boyfriend, John, and the other girls she hung around, who she'd been telling stories to me about. John was tall, with green eyes, a large, fluffy afro, and a strong charisma. Christine, a seventeen-year-old runaway white girl, an older woman named Denise - "older" meaning she was maybe twenty-eight - and my sister, then in her early twenties, all lived in a house together with John. I looked up to Christine; she had a worldly air about her, yet she also seemed like a little girl. Her pale skin was sprinkled with tan freckles, and she had medium-blonde hair that fell softly to her shoulders, which were long and thin like the rest of her body. She could've been in a teen movie, but instead she was here, in that house.

John's house was nicer, brighter, and cleaner than where I lived. They had a brand-new couch. There was a television, and I could watch whatever shows I wanted. They had all the snacks I could want. They had Juicy Juice. We couldn't afford any of that at home. A couple of times my sister came to where I lived and filled the refrigerator with the stuff I liked. This was part of the confusion I felt about our relationship. It sometimes felt and looked like she cared, but her motives were always unclear. It was manipulation masquerading as love.

My sister told me not to tell anyone I was going to the house where she lived with John, especially not my brother. She told me that my brother didn't like him because John had beat him at backgammon. Being so young and naive, I believed her. So there was no one who knew. Dysfunctional families are ideal prey for abusers. Now, of course it's clear to me now that the fun house was a whore house. I think my sister was kind of like the hustler, the talent scout. John, my sister, and I would drive to the city together. I remember one time we were going somewhere, and the radio was playing a song he loved. He loudly screamed out the lyrics, while my sister and I giggled at his strangled singing. They let me smoke cigarettes in the backseat of the car [I was twelve]. I felt free. We would go to IHOP. They took me to Adventureland and I played Pac-Man. I was having all these fun adventures and thinking to myself, I finally know what it feels like to have a big sister who's in my life for good. And I like this easy breezy guy, John. This was what I'd been missing. I was starting to feel something resembling a normal family. But confusing and curious things quickly started happening.

My sister had secretly gotten me my own phone line, which only she called me on. She would call me late at night during these bouts of drug-induced hysteria, constantly threatening to kill herself as I would talk her down, in the wee hours before I had to go to school. Then the calls stopped for awhile. Finally, one day, Alison phoned and said she and John were coming to pick me up. I was excited to think of the three of us together again, riding, laughing, smoking, singing, and playing. But John showed up alone.

We began driving, but there was no radio blasting, no talking. It wasn't fun at all, and I felt that something wasn't right. Finally I asked, "Where is my sister? When are we going to pick her up?" John kept his eyes forward and assured me, "Oh, she'll be here later." I was sitting in the front seat, and I could clearly see the handgun resting against his thigh. John, his gun, and I made two stops: a card game and a drive-in movie. There's a look, a feel, and a smell to rooms where grown men play in the dark. It was dank and cluttered. The air was dense with cheap booze, stale menthol cigarette smoke, and unspoken perversions. There were no pretty things. It was hard for me to see and hard to breathe. I don't know exactly how many men were there - but I do know it was all men, and me. I sat in a corner on the sticky floor where I could see the door and held onto myself. I would catch a glimpse of them leering at me or hear a lewd reference in their conversations. I knew my sister was not coming this time. I don't remember how I got from the card-room floor back into the front seat of the car. A panic bubbled up in my throat. Where am I going? Why am I alone with my sister's boyfriend? Our next stop was the drive-in, where John put his arm around me. My body went stiff. My eyes were fixed on his gun. I noticed an elderly white man peering at us with disgust from the corner of my eye. John pulled out of the drive-in slowly and drove me home in silence.

After a couple of days back in my room, the phone began ringing again, but this time I wouldn't pick it up. I resumed pretending I had a regular seventh-grade life. I wanted to be a child again. Sometimes all the kids in my neighborhood would play chase (tag) at night. Most of them lived in nice houses with two parents, and sisters who didn't burden them with thoughts of suicide and set them up with pimps. One night we were deep in a group game of chase, kids running and weaving, when I saw a car coming down the road. I recognized it as John's car. It was creeping along slowly, as if looking for someone. Panicking, I ducked behind a house, hiding. There was no way I could tell my friends that I was "it" to a pimp with a gun. John eventually drove away. Though I had narrowly escaped him, the fear of men followed me for a very long time. When I got home, I unplugged the phone from the wall and never trusted my big sister again. Sisters are supposed to protect you - not pimp you out.

-Mariah Carey

[the-active-news]

Rihanna 1st Child: Does She Not Care About The Haters?

Rihanna, real name Robyn Rihanna Fenty, is a Barbadian pop and rhythm-and-blues (R&B) singer who rose to fame in the early 21st century. She is renowned for her distinctive and versatile vocals as well as her stylish style. She was renowned for her fashion and beauty lines. Hurry and get the scoop on Rihanna's first child! Don't miss

Rihanna 1st Child

Many watchers thought Rihanna, the creator of Fenty Beauty, was showing a baby belly during her halftime show performance, and a spokesman for the singer confirmed the pregnancy rumours in a statement to The Hollywood Reporter. When Rihanna confirmed in a picture last year that she was having her first child with boyfriend A$AP Rocky, she once again astonished her fans. The musician-turned-mogul had her baby boy in May, a few odd months later. Possibly of interest to you: - Christina Milian Kids: Is She Amplified Her Blazer And Minidress With Crystal-Encrusted Mules? - Adam Sandler Kids: The 25th Anniversary Of The Wedding Singer

After Paying Homage To Her Wonderful Friend, Kanye West, Does Rihanna Not Care About The Haters?

After paying appreciation to Kanye West despite his cancellation due to his contentious remarks about Jews, Rihanna showed her unfazed ness towards her detractors. The rapper, now going by Ye, to whom The Diamonds hitmaker paid tribute in her powerful performance at the Super Bowl Halftime show, is still "great pals" with her. Kanye's costume from the Donda listening party in 2021 served as inspiration for RiRi's all-red ensemble for the concert, which allowed her to flaunt her growing baby bulge. Regarding the tribute, a source informed The Sun, "Ye and Rihanna remain close friends. Rocky is too. "She doesn't care whether she pays him tribute at the Super Bowl offends people, the insider continued. Even though she doesn't always agree with what he has to say or his political ideas, she still supports him. Fans of the musician anticipated Kanye making an appearance during the performance, but to everyone's surprise, he did not go on stage with Rihanna. Because it was her moment and she wanted to announce her pregnancy without a visitor, the insider said, "She would never have dragged him out on stage." "All of the Lights was one of Rihanna's biggest songs as a feature, and she's never going to take it out of her set. Now, as a result of the show, it's performing well again on iTunes."

FAQs

Did Rihanna Have A Baby? Rihanna welcomed her first child, a baby boy with boyfriend A$AP Rocky in May 2022. The couple had announced that they were expecting a child together in January 2022 with photos on social media revealing the singer's baby bump. How Many Kids Does Rihanna Have? Rihanna welcomed her first child, a baby boy, with rapper A$AP Rocky last May, People and Entertainment Tonight reported at the time. The couple announced they were expecting in January 2022 with photos that showed off the singer's baby bump. How Did Rihanna Get So Rich? She became America's youngest self-made female billionaire in 2022. Much of Rihanna's wealth has been attributed to her successful makeup company, Fenty Beauty, which she co-owns with French luxury retailer LVMH. Who Was The Father Of Rihanna's Baby? Rihanna and A$AP Rocky's first child, a boy whose name the couple has yet to disclose to the public, was born in May of 2022. Stay up to date by checking out the latest news on The Active News. Get the inside scoop and stay informed! Read the full article

[tinydeskwriter]

Could you write a Jack fic where (referring to this) where Gerald maybe approaches y/n or keep trying to pursue her even tho she’s in a relationship with jack? (or something along the lines of that, it could even be another celebrity or something) When I read it, i’ve come to realize I loove some jealous!jack… If not, then ignore it 😭

-🍒

BRAWL

She felt Jack’s arm possessively on the back of her chair, and his free hand left the nonalcoholic cocktail on the table and found a place on her thigh, his blue eyes fixed on Gerald, who was glaring back. Y/n smirked, kissing her boyfriend’s jaw and bringing his attention back to her, Jack smirked at her.

They had been together for a couple of months now, and they were going slowly and not so discreetly. Photos of the two together had been leaked—PDA included—, but neither had publicly commented. It had been his idea for them to go out.

Celebrating another successful magazine cover in Y/n career. Zack and Urban had tagged along, as well as two of the model’s best friends, Crystal and Meg.

Crystal was already on her third Cosmopolitan, and trying to convince the group to stretch out for a nightclub, Y/n couldn’t even contain her amusement at her always composed friend enthusiasm.

“Do you girls want another drink?” He asked pointing to the empty glasses around the table.

“Please.” Crystal smiled handing the glass to the tall brunette, Jack just smiled, amused at the woman’s slightly intoxicated state.

Meg refused, she was driving Crystal home later as the two shared a house in Laurel Canyons. Urban offered to go along with his best friend while Zack said he would stay back and gossip with the girls.

“Thanks babe.”Y/n thanked him, offering her lips for a kiss as he got up from the table towering over her.

Jack kissed her. “Always a pleasure, Babygirl.”

The of them just watched the man in all black leather outfit walk away.

Jack had swagger, he was handsome and stylish, it didn’t surprise Y/n that half the unaccompanied women in the room watched him walk.

“Are all rappers like that?” Persephone turned to her friend with a question mark evident on her face, Crystal rolled her eyes. “Little bitches.” The model laughed out loud at what her friend said. “I’m serious, Colson treated you like a goddess when you guys dated back in…2018? 2019?, I still remember him serving us coffee in a pink silk kimono.Gerald was a ass by the end, but he adored you and gave you the world. And now Jack, who is as sweet as sugar and clearly obsessive with you. So my question is: are they all like that?”

“Bitch I’ve only dated three, can’t exactly speak for the entire rapper population on the planet.” Y/n arched her brows, amused by Crystal drunk and uninhibited. “But rappers are usually more intense artists, rappers and rockers really, it seems like 95% have a tragic childhood history and abandonment trauma. They make good boyfriends, at least for a while.”

Their conversation was interrupted by a commotion in the bar.

“Is there fight at the bar?” Crystal asked, turning around to see what was happening.

Y/n quickly recognized the two tall figures facing each other by the bar, a barman and Urban trying to contain the two.

“Shit.” The blonde grabbed her bag and Jack’s cellphone and ran towards where the crowd was starting to gather to watch the rappers fighting, Crystal and Meg following a little behind.

“Y/n stays here.” Zack tried to stop her from approaching the fight.

"Let me help Urban, security will probably break up the fight already." The two of them managed to break through the human barrier just in time to see Jack swung at Gerald. The Bay Area rapper was able to dodge the punch, and threw one of his own, hitting Jack squarely in the face. Y/n yelled at the two of them to stop, and even tried to get closer when Meg stopped her.

“Girl, that’s a $400,000 Diamond Birkin, very hard-to-get Special Edition, you don’t want to risk it in a bar brawl.” She reached for her friend’s purse, taking it with herself as she then walked around the fight towards where she saw her Cosmopolitan sitting at the counter, she sat on a bench not far from where Gerald’s new arm candy was, watching her ‘boyfriend’ fight over his ex. “Your self esteem is very low if you stay with him after seeing him fighting over his ex. It’s rock bottom on another level.” She sipped her drink.

On the floor, Gerald was on top, holding Jack by the collar of his leather jacket, and delivering two punches in sequence to the younger man’s face. The Kentucky rapper managed to punch the other in the face, baffling Gerald enough for Zack to catch him, three security guards arrived and helped keep the two apart.

Jack didn’t need much restraint, while Gerald needed to be held by two bouncers.

“You stay the hell away from my girl.” The Bay Area native singer yelled at the Louisville rapper, loud enough for many in the room to hear as he pointed his finger at the other, bloody knuckles for all to see.

Jack needed to be restrained by the security guard with a hand on his chest, he smiled at his opponent, a smile red from his own blood.

“Man, what girl? Y/n and I’ve been dating for months.” The younger man gloated.“Bro, you only have yourself to blame for the end of your relationship, don’t blame me for your imbecility, it’s logical man, if you have premium steak at home, you don’t go look for cheap burger on the street.”

Y/n finally went to Jack’s side, one hand going immediately to his face and examining the bruises on it.

“I’m fine, Babygirl.” He put his arm around the young woman’s shoulder and kissed her temple, clearly teasing the other man.

The model looked at her ex with fire in her eyes as they were escorted to the entrance of the establishment, Crystal was just behind, drink still in hand, Zack had his arm around her shoulders.

Y/n wrapped her arm around her boyfriend’s waist, the two began to walk out of the establishment without more words, Urban and Meg close behind.

Crystal turned to her best friend’s ex.

“You broke her first you know? She was Ride or Die for you, too bad you didn’t see it before it was too late. Now she got herself someone who treats her right.” She turned to the receptionist, tapping her medium, polished, manicured fingernails on the glass in her hand. “Honey, I haven’t finished my drink yet, I’ll take the glass, put it on his bill. Don’t forget to overcharge.” And so the drunk brunette stalked out of the establishment, comically carrying two Birkins bags— one in each arm— and a glass of Cosmopolitan on her hand.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Han Jisung X Reader ~ Blue [M]

A/N: @yoongisdumplingcheeks​ Hope you like it hun and it was what you were after ALSO I DIDNT HAVE A GOOD NAME FOR THIS OKAY IM SORRY!!

WARNING: THIS IS NSFW IF YOU’RE UNDERAGE GO AWAY...please

Genre: smut

Word Count: 4,211

Warnings: degradation, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), threesome, swearwords? 

Pairing: Han Jisung X Reader X Twin!Han Jisung

Summary: You come home after a long day to see Han with new dyed hair, or least who you think is Han...

You came home to your shared apartment after another long day at work and sighed as you noticed the front door was ajar, Han must have forgotten to shut it properly after he got in. You straightened your work skirt as walked through, almost tripping over all the shoes that were crowding in the porchway,

"Han-Ah how many times have I told you about the front door?" You shouted out as you walked further into your apartment to try and find your boyfriend, you walked through the living room his shoes were by the front door so you knew he was home, 

"Han?" You called out as you reached the kitchen, he was sitting at the table drawing something, you smiled finally seeing him and then you took in his appearance, he must have had his hair dyed at work for the new comeback, it was a dark blue colour. 

"Blue is an amazing colour on you." You said going over to him and kissing him on the cheek, he looked taken back at first but he started smirking at you. 

"And those contacts, oh my god." You faked a moan as you spotted the crystal blue contacts in his eyes, he looked more amazing than usual, you walked over to the fridge, pulling out two bottles of water handing one to him and then making your way into the living room again. 

"Are we still on for our movie marathon tonight, I've been looking forward to it all week." You admitted turning to look behind you and seeing him standing around an inch away from you, 

"Oh hey." You giggled as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you back into his chest, he started kissing from your neck up to your ear, whispering so close to your ear that you could feel his breath sending tingles up and down your spine, 

"You look so good," You hummed to him, this wasn't like him at all he was normally reserved when it came to you, and would only come over and kiss you when you asked him to, which you loved but this new side of him was turning you on and you couldn't deny it, maybe it was the contacts and blue hair that was sending a pool to your core but you didn't care, all you cared about was the way his hands felt travelling up and down your sides.

"Fuck Han, what's come over you tonight?" You giggled as he forcibly turned you around so you were facing him he stared down into your eyes and pushed the stray hairs from your face behind your ear and cupped your face in his hands. He said nothing to you but just connected his warm lips to your neck again you could feel his hot breath causing a blush to creep up onto your neck, he pulled away and smirked at you, running his hand through your hair and kissing you, the kiss was hard and urgent as if he'd never kissed you before, his hand slides around to your waist and pulled you close to his body, his kisses moving from your lips to your neck and exposed shoulder. 

"Han we're in the living room." You mumbled as he continued to suck along your neck, he'd done this before but somehow it felt more aggressive and demanding, normally when it came to the bedroom Han was more laid back and didn't take power with you.

"So?" You giggled as he moved you across the living room, pinning your back against the wall taking your hands in his and pinning them above your head, one of his hands dropping from your wrists and trailing down to your neck, he traced the length of your neck with the back of his hand before he roughly gripped it and titled your head back against the wall, smirking as you squeezed your thighs together, there was no denying what this was doing to you and Han was loving every second of this.

"You look so good with my hand wrapped around your throat." He whispered to you, you let out a breathy giggle, both of you so lost in your little world together you hadn't heard the front door open and shut. 

"Y/n...I see you've met my brother Jay." The person you thought was Han dropped your wrists and neck from his grasp and you stared at him and then over to Han.

"H-Han I didn't know...You never told me you had a twin." You stuttered rushing over to his side and trying to see if he was mad at you but from what you could tell he wasn't mad at all

"I know I didn't, I didn't think he'd just show up on my doorstep and start making out with my girlfriend." He said to you looking over at his brother who was smirking and staring at you,

"Can you blame me? She's gorgeous." You blushed and hid behind Han's shoulder trying not to show that someone else was able to affect you as Han could.

"True, did you like the way he was handling you baby girl?" You swallowed the lump in your throat as they both turned to look at you, the same twinkle in their eyes as the one Jay had when he had you pinned against the wall, you nodded your head but it wasn't good enough.

"Use your words, Princess," Jay said coming to stand by his bothers side both of them inches away from you and you fiddled with your fingers nervously.

"Yes." You admitted in a whisper both of them turning to each other and having a silent conversation, 

"Think we should make her feel good brother?" Jay questioned turning to face you, Han chuckled and nodded walking over to you and brushing the hair away from your neck to spot the purple marks that had already been left there. 

"I think we should give the good girl what she wants, as long as she behaves like a good girl." You nodded eagerly at Han who was smiling at you. 

"You do as your told and when you're told, okay?" He whispered to you, kissing your lips gently when you nodded it was like a switch went off in his mind and he smirked, 

"On the sofa like a good little slut, legs spread." You walked over to the sofa and sat down in the middle, spreading your legs a little as he said. Han came to your left side and Jay was on your right, both of them sitting down beside you, Han took your face in his hands and began to kiss you passionately, his free hand roaming down your body and stopping at your button-up shirt, instead of unbuttoning it like he normally would he took his other hand and ripped the shirt open exposing your brightly coloured bra for him and Jay to see, both of them chuckled as you let out a small gasp. 

"No need to be shy now Princess," Jay said in your ear, kissing down your neck and sucking along your collar bone, you felt him smirk against your skin as you let out a whimper. 

"I bet she makes amazing noises Han-Ah." You whimpered again as Han's hands began pushing your bra down and tweaking your nipples,

"Why don't you see for yourself," Han said forcing your head to look at Jay who had a giant grin across his face, his hands travelled down to your core and pushed your lacey panties to the side running one finger up your folds making you bite down on your lip and try to avert his gaze but his other hand clasped against your face forcing you to look at him,

"Suck on my fingers and get them nice and wet for me Princess," He ordered bringing up his hand that was previously at your core, you smirked holding eye contact with him as you took two of his fingers into your mouth and began sucking on them, Jay chuckled deeply before pulling them out with a pop and making his way back down to your needy area. As Han took your face away from Jay's grasp and began kissing you, Jay's fingers wasted no time tracing the inside of your thighs he knew you were wet enough already and with the added lubricant from your mouth you wouldn't need much more to get you going,

"Jay." You whimpered as he slid his two fingers inside of you, toughly pumping them and giving you no time to adjust to the speed that he was going at, you moaned his name to Han's lips and both of the smirked, 

"Say my name again princess," Jay demanded, slowing his pace down to almost a stop until you moaned it out again,

"Jay." You whined this time at the lack of movement he let out a growl and his fingers began pumping faster and rougher than before, you threw your head back against the sofa as you clenched around his fingers.

"Such a good girl," Han said kissing your neck before dropping onto the floor in front of you and kissing your thighs, you tried to close your legs as the feeling of getting closer to your release was hitting you but Han roughly pushed them apart, 

"Mine." He growled sending a shiver down your spine, you looked down at him and he was smirking up at you, though Han had never been like this with you before you knew he was enjoying every second of torturing you like this. 

"What do you want me to do baby girl?" He smirked kissing one thigh and moving to the other, with each kiss he inched higher and high to your core, Jay's fingers were still pumping relentlessly in and out of you as you whimpered and cursed, just the thought of having Han's mouth against you was driving you insane, you knew what that boy could do and the fact that he was a rapper only helped his case

"Please H-Han just do it-" Your sentence interrupted when he began to suck on your clit, groaning as he saw how much you were enjoying this, your hands tangled themselves into his hair and he smirked against you. 

"So close." You cried as you felt the knot in your stomach begin to tighten, you were clenching around Jay's fingers but they came to an abrupt stop and you hissed as Han stopped his attack on your clit, 

"Feels so good." You whispered as you looked between them both silently pleading for them to start again but Jay shook his head, 

"I don't care how good it feels you'd better no cum until we tell you to." He ordered at you, you sadly glanced at Han who was in agreement with Jay. 

"But--"

"No buts baby girl, now be good and hold it." You nodded not wanting to fight them on it in case they just stopped completely, Jay smirked starting up his torturous fast pace again and Han went back to staring up at you watching as you were in pure bliss, it was an instant turn on for him whenever he ate you out, seeing the way he made you feel, to torture you just as much as his brother was he began nipping at your bud and chuckling as you let out strangled moans of his name.

"You take my fingers so well don't you?" Jay whispered in your ear your eyes moved away from Han's as you stared into Jay's, you could feel the all-too-familiar knot growing and tightening again and you let out a whimper. 

"Can I cum?" You pleaded with them but both of them shook their heads at you, you let out a long whine you didn't know how long you were going to be able to hold it back, you'd been needy all week and this was double the attention you would normally get.

"Han please." You whimpered your eyes gazing down at him as he chuckled against your sending vibrations through your body and causing your head to roll back against the sofa in pure ecstasy.

"Princess is being needy," Jay chuckled his pace quickening which you didn't think was possible, he smirked as he felt you clench around his fingers again, each of them causing you bliss in a different way, Jay's fingers were reaching your sweet spot every time and you were sure your eyes were going to roll back so much they would fall out. 

"Fuck Han, she's getting really tight down there, do you think we should let her cum?" You lifted your head up and began nodding at each of them but Han pulled away from you and shook his head, replacing his lips with his fingers and started to rub your clit in circles. 

"I don't think so, not yet. She can take a little more torture." But you couldn't, you felt the knot in your stomach tighten and you knew you couldn't hold it off anymore you were doing all your could to keep your mind off your release but the pleasure both of them were giving you was too much and you came undone, clenching around Jay's fingers and moaning out both of their names. 

"I never knew someone could cum that fast from just a few fingers," Jay said smugly to you pulling them out and sucking on them while he maintained eye contact with you, you whimpered as you felt the sudden loss of contact from both of them. As much as they loved the fact that they made you cum so quickly you'd disobeyed them when they told you not to, Han smirked standing up and looking down at you, you were a panting mess as you looked up at him. 

"Let me show you what happens to little brats who don't follow the rules." You swallowed hard as he pulled you up from the sofa, stripping you out of all of your clothes, before turning you around and laying chest first against the back of the sofa you hissed as the cold leather hit your nipples and Jay smirked going behind the sofa and looking down at you, running his thumb along your bottom lip, he looked away from you and up to his brother which caused you to look over your shoulder at Han,

"Don't give me those puppy dog eyes baby girl, you were a bad girl and bad girls need to learn their lesson." You stared up at him as he pulled back his hand roughly slapping you across and smirking as you hissed biting down on your lip from the sudden contact, he rubbed where his hand had come into contact with your skin.

"Do it again Han, she loved it," Jay said unzipping his jeans and pulling out his member, rubbing it in front of your face, you ass was met with another rough slap and you whimpered. 

"You're taking these spankings so well," Han whispered in your ear, pulling his hand back and slapping you again, your legs were starting to shake.

"You love having his handprints all over your ass, don't you?" Jay teased as he looked down at you, you nodded and he put his tip against your lips.

"Open wide baby." You did as you were told and parted your lips, taking the head and sucking on it, he bucked his hips when it came to sex he didn't have the patience for teasing and waiting around, you smirked around him finally taking his length into your mouth and gagging a little as you took him to the back of your throat, his hands making their way into your hair and forcing your head down, you stared up at him through your lashes and he groaned seeing the look on your face, even though you were gagging you continued to pleasure him and it almost sent him over the edge, having you pleasure him rather than pulling away, he liked how you choked around him and smirked, rubbing his thumb over your cheek, 

"Such a good princess," He moaned as you pulled off, licking the tip so you could catch your breath before doing the same thing again a few seconds later. The spankings stopped and Han watched as you pleasured his brother, he rubbed himself through his trousers as you stared up at Jay  smirking around him as he began to fuck your face

"Good girl." He moaned rolling his head back and speeding up his thrusts, 

"I guess I'll just get off all by myself." You heard Han say from behind you, you pulled away from Jay a mixture of saliva and precum dripping down your chin you slid yourself off the sofa and dropped onto your knees in front of Han, reaching up and undoing his jeans, pulling him free and slowly taking him into your mouth, smirking around him as he threw his head back and slid his hands into your hair, not forcing his hips against you like his brother had done but still applying a small amount of pressure so you could take all of him into your mouth, you stared up at him and then over at Jay who was rubbing himself as he watched this happening in front of him. 

"You look so hot with your mouth stuffed princess," Jay said coming over to you and pulling your hair into a makeshift ponytail, taking Han's hands and making him take over.

"Make her gag, she loves it," Jay whispered watching as Han slowly began to thrust himself into your mouth, you stayed still staring up at him as he began to fuck your face, starting slow so he wouldn't hurt you but when you began bobbing your head he stopped you and picked up his pace, staring down at you as you giggled around him, your giggle turning into a whine when Jay's fingers started to tease your entrance.

"She's dripping for us Han." You whined around Han who groaned at the sudden sensation, Jay's fingers began to slowly pump in and out of you, trying to get you to moan again and Han's hips began to buck and you knew that meant he was close. 

"Pushing back against my fingers already? How pathetic." Jay snigged pulling out his fingers and sucking on them, Han pulled himself from your mouth and bent down to kiss you on the lips.

"I think you deserve a reward for taking your punishment really well, what would you like it to be?" Han asked as he stroke himself, the shyness washed over you again and you nervously glanced between them both,

"I want-" You stopped and swallowed the lump in your throat as they both stared down at you, 

"Which of us do you want to fuck you, baby girl, we won't be offended," Han said running his thumb under your eye to remove the running mascara, you nervously looked away from him and over to Jay who returned your gaze with a smirk.

"The girl has spoken." Jay helped you up and took you to the sofa again putting you in the same position as Han had you in before, rubbing your clit as Han positioned himself in front of you at the back of the sofa, smiling down at you as you opened your mouth for him but Jay slipped into you without warning causing your back to arch as you felt his length to the hilt, you whimpered at the stretch and Han held your hand as you tried to adjust to him.

"Be a good princess and suck Han off while I fuck you." Before you could even think Jay started grinding his cock deep into you, the position new to you as you felt him reaching parts of you you'd never felt before, Han positioned himself at your mouth and you took him into your mouth, maintaining eye contact while Jay began to fasten his thrusts, his hands gripping onto your hips so that with every thrust he would reach deeper than before, your head was in a spin from the pleasure Jay was giving you and you could feel yourself getting close after a couple of thrusts, 

"She's so tight, fuck," Jay groaned slapping his hand across your ass cheek as he began to thrust a little rougher into you, you looked up at Han and used your hands to pump what you couldn't fit into your mouth. 

"You look so good like this baby girl," Han moaned moving your hair out of your face as you began to bob your head faster, gagging a little but forcing yourself to keep him in your mouth, moaning around him and causing him to groan. You could tell that Jay was getting closer to his finish, it wasn't hard to tell with every thrust he was getting sloppier and his moans were turning into groans, you smirked around Han and purposively clenching round Jay to bring him closer to his finish and he knew exactly what you were doing. 

"Oh does princess want my cum?" You pulled Han out of your mouth as you moaned out Jay's name, continuing to pump Han in your hand so he wouldn't feel left out of the situation. 

"Please." You whimpered as he gripped onto your hips tighter, his thrusts beginning to pick up speed again and becoming rougher, beads of sweat were forming along his hairline and your heart was beating so fast you were sure it was going to explode out of your chest.

"Fuck look at you, taking me so well." You whimpered and Han forced himself back into your mouth as you looked up at him, silently pleading for you to be able to cum but you knew it wasn't going to happen, he wasn't going to let you and neither was Jay, not yet anyway. 

"Shit." Jay moaned as he continued to fuck into your, his breathing becoming unsteady, you clenched around him again staring up at Han as you continued to take him all the way you could, gagging on him and causing him to groan out. 

"Don't you dare cum, don't you fucking dare." He growled his thrusts becoming sloppy yet again and you knew he was close, he let out a string of curse words and pulled out of you, jerking himself as he moaned out your name, emptying himself onto your ass letting out a sigh of relief as he finally came, you giggled at him and Han smirked down at you. 

"Fuck me Han-ah." You pleaded you knew he wouldn't last long since you'd been sucking him off the whole time but you knew you wouldn't last long either, he came around to the side of the sofa and sat down, pulling you over to him and having you hovering above him, you lowered yourself down while Jay went off to clean himself up. 

"So fucking tight...shit, you're such a good girl aren't you?" Han teased as he sank you down onto him,  your head rolling forwards and leaning onto his. "Han I can't take much...Please make me cum." You whimpered as he began to thrust upwards to meet your grinding hips, he nodded at you, taking your face in his hands and kissing you, the kiss was soft and gentle, unlike the rest of the night but it was a nice change of pace and you slowly began to ride him, your thighs still shaking from Jay fucking you so roughly. 

"Cum for my baby girl," He whispered as he felt himself drawing closer to his release, you bit down on your lip finally happy that you could cum around him, you began to ride a little faster and Jay came out from the bathroom, smirking and coming over to you, reaching down and rubbing your clit. 

"Shit. Fuck. Han." You cried out as you came around him, clenching and sending him over the edge, feeling you clench around him was all Han needed and he erupted inside of you, you continued to help him ride out his release until he was hissing from the sensitivity. You didn't move from him, you didn't have the energy to get up from him and Han didn't have the heart to make you move as you collapsed ono his chest, he stroked your hair and looked at Jay who was dressed again.

"Help me take her upstairs." He asked lifting you up from him and changing back into his clothes before he bent down to pick you up again, Jay leading the way upstairs as you fell asleep in Han's arms. Han laid you down in the double bed and covered you up with the duvet, being sure to run you a bubble bath to have once Jay was gone. 

"Never again." He said as he walked Jay down the stairs and saying goodbye at the front door, neither of them speaking about it to one another or anyone else. Han climbed the stairs and walked into the en-suite, running you a bubble bath with candles and making sure it was perfect for you before he came to wake you up.

tagline: @btsiguess-kpop​ @yoongisdumplingcheeks​ @yourguessisasgoodasminemate​ @snowy-meowl​ @lynnthevirgo​

[lgcdanbi]

#   1               sober (feat. Geum Danbi)                         by JUNNY                               ♡

without a doubt, danbi’s first (semi-)solo release is her most listened to song for the year! to some, it might be weird to stream your own song so many times, but this is the first time she’s ever ventured beyond the ‘rapper’ image she initially portrayed during the first season of ‘future dreams’, and a monumental step towards the artist she’s always dreamed of becoming. sober is a feel-good, r&b track that’s widely different from that of the discography of lgc girls & co., and its sound perfectly encapsulates her charming maturity and previously-overlooked vocals—she just can’t get enough of it!

#   2               zombie pop                                                by DPR IAN                           ♡

if it wasn’t obvious already, danbi’s actually a pretty big r&b fan—maybe it’s a mix of some sort of occupational hazard and her age that she’s grown less and less fond of listening to mainstream pop in her free time; it reminds her too much of training and practice, plus, she’s at the point of her life where’s she sentimental so zombie pop allows her to reminisce on simpler days and, as the lyrics suggest, makes her want to dance. the track’s in english (and fairly short), so she doesn’t understand entirely what the song’s meaning is, but it’s still good, regardless.

#   3               I’m Gonna Love You (feat. Wonstein)        by D.O                                  ♡

aside from how obviously-addicting d.o’s and wonstein’s vocals are individually and together, i’m gonna love you symbolizes a lot of how danbi currently views love. she’s still navigating a lot of what it means to be a ‘girlfriend’, and especially with so little time to actually invest in her current (and first ever) relationship, she’s unsure to properly show her care and affection to @lgcjaesun. despite dating for a year and a half already, she still has these doubts, and yet, at the end of the day, she’s just going to love (like?) him as naturally and as best as she currently can.

#   4               My Sea                                                          by IU                                   ♡

this year was rough—in more ways than one. going into her sixth year of training, danbi was battling a lot of insecurity and self-doubt about whether or not she’d chosen the right path for herself; a fourth of her life thus far had been spent as a trainee, and she’d be lying if she said she was completely happy with where she was in her career for most of the year. whenever she felt an urge for self-reflection (which was a lot, trust me), she’d turn my sea on, pity herself, cry, go train, and do it all over again.

#   4               Blue Hour                                                      by V&A (AGITO)                   ♡

even though her boyfriend is in versus, danbi definitely considers agito the superior v&a unit. blue hour is just so fucking fun; it’s actually crazy how addicting it is, and she’d still have this song on repeat even without jiho and haru, two of her favorite boys, singing it (though, they definitely make it better). she immediately learned the song’s choreography, and you can bet she’ll be covering this song as much as possible once she debuts. blue hour definitely ranks high in her mental list of ‘best debut songs of all-time’, and she can only hope that crystallis’ eventual debut track can be as good, if not better.

[sonicenvy]

8tracks is back babey and im back with a new (old) playlist that I made in iTunes right after the 8tracks shutdown! Presenting L O V E, a playlist of some of my iTunes library’s song about that magical thing called love.

Tracklist:

You Always Make Me Smile ~ Kyle Andrews

Featherstone ~ The Paper Kites

Anything For You ~ Ludo

I’m Nuts ~ The Polyjesters

Love is a Landmine ~ The Oarsman

Don’t Be Afraid, You’re Already Dead ~ Akron/Family

The Only Exception ~ Paramore

In Your Arms ~ Kina Grannis

Mystery of Love ~ Sufjan Stevens

How do I tell a girl I want to kiss her? ~ Modern Baseball

Crash Into You ~ Joe Agger

Can’t Help Falling in Love With You ~ Fleet Foxes

I Fall in Love Too Easily ~ Chet Baker

Wear Your Love Like Heaven ~ Donovan

You and I ~ Ingrid Michaelson

Love You Madly ~ Cake

Thank You For Loving Me ~ Bon Jovi

I Heard Love is Blind ~ Amy Winehouse

Fooled Around And Fell In Love ~ Elvin Bishop

Love Don’t Roam ~ Neil Hannon

Run Right Back ~ The Black Keys

I Want You Back ~ Jackson 5

I Could Fall in Love with You ~ The Flat Five

Let’s Get Married ~ Mitski

Gotta A Lotta Love ~ The Cactus Blossoms

Promises (Live) ~ Hadestown Original Cast

I Want You ~ Mitski

Interlude (That’s Love) ~ Chance The Rapper

Archie, Marry Me ~ Alvvays

I Wanna Be Yours ~ Arctic Monkeys

my baby loves me ~ CBMC

And I Love Her ~ The Beatles

I Will Wait ~ Mumford & Sons

Cupid ~ Amy Winehouse

Boyfriend (Cover) ~ Marina & the Diamonds

I’m On My Way ~ The Proclaimers

Kryptonite ~ 3 Doors Down

The Night We Met ~ PWRHAUS

Tear In My Heart ~ Twenty One Pilots

Beside You (Cover) ~ Inky Callora

O Valencia! ~ The Decemberists

Not In Love (ft. Robert Smith) ~ Crystal Castles

Into You ~ Ariana Grande

Sucker ~ Jonas Brothers

[brashierc]

Baby Brash

July 13th, his 20th birthday. That night was the reason why you were here today. If that night wouldn’t have happened you wouldn’t have peed on a stick this morning, it wouldn’t have been positive and you wouldn’t be sitting on the bed at your OBGYN’s clinic awaiting for her results. 

You’ve been best friends with Connor since you both were 7. That was 13 years of friendship. 13 years of listening to him go on about photography, 13 years of supporting him and his dreams no one else really supported when he first got started in high school. 

It was also 13 years of being asked how long you two had been in a relationship. 

Girls and boys can be best friends without falling in love. Or well, that’s what you always said to everyone when they asked. You’d been in love with Connor since you were 17, but you knew he’d never feel the same, so you kept that feeling pushed way back into your brain.

Connor was there for you through every boyfriend, just like you were for his girlfriends. The heartbreak and the first time discussions after the fact. 

“Alright,” The Doctor walks in after tapping on the wooden door with her knuckle twice. “So your positive was correct, you are pregnant.” 

You sighed, shoulders sinking. “Really?” 

“Yep, really really pregnant.” She smiles, handing you a few brochures. “Let’s go over your options.” 

You look up with wide eyes, horror running through your veins and emotions. 

“Let’s not, thanks Doc, but I’m already attached to this kid, and if you knew the Dad you would be too.” 

She smiles, nodding but telling you to take the brochures just in case. 

She refers you to one of her colleagues who’s an Obstetrician with her practice and can take you through your pregnancy and birth. 

You take the information she gave you and leave with a small smile and a polite wave goodbye to her front office receptionist. Once you’re back in your car you let the new totally settle in. 

You were having a baby, with Connor, at age 19 and 20. Super cool. 

On Connor’s birthday everything went a little crazy. Shawn threw a rager, wanting to celebrate his newest addition to his team, and his friend who was turning the big 2 0. He flew you out to where they were so you could be there to celebrate and surprise Connor.

Everyone went a little crazy, everyone. 

Brian was so blacked out that he took Alessia back to his room with him, forgot that he invited her in, and called Shawn from the bathroom freaking out that she’d followed him home. (Even though we were all in the same hotel) 

Shawn was the only one that didn’t go hard. Knowing he had shows and other obligations like filming music videos and meeting up with Chance the Rapper. He supervised, and not well, but had a blast watching everyone be stupid and make fools of themselves. 

Connor was a clingy needy drunk, so throughout the night he just became more and more glued to your side. He hadn’t seen you in months, and missed you so much. It all started when he wanted to dance to the slow songs with you, hands on your hips, holding you close. You fell into his embrace, missing being held in such a way, and feeling so safe with Connor. He planted a few kisses to your neck, and one just behind your ear learning very quickly that that was your weak spot. 

After you let out a shaky moan of his name, tucking your fingers into his hair, you were a goner. You both quickly found your way back to his room, falling on the bed nakedly exploring the other between the sheets. 

By morning? You both swore to never speak of it again, pretend like nothing happened, and move on. Everything was normal, it literally was like nothing happened. He still picked on you, you still gave him shit in front of the guys, but you both were still there for the other in ways no one else could be. 

You clicked on his contact; ‘Bri’s lil bitch C David Brash” 

Brian really changed Connor’s name in your phone to the best thing you’d ever seen, you wouldn’t dare change it. 

“Whattup?” He answered on the third ring, and suddenly, you’re emotional. 

“Hey,” You choke out, looking around trying to distract your brain.

“What’s wrong?” His side of the phone shuffles, and becomes marginally quieter.

“Nothing,” You whisper, “What are you doing?”

“I’m talking to you, tell me what’s wrong?” 

“It’s nothing Con.” 

“You’re upset though, I can hear it.” 

“When do you come home again?” 

“I come home next week, I have to meet my counselor and then register for classes. I get into town on Monday, and I leave Friday.” 

You nod, knowing full well he can’t see you. “Can we meet on Monday?”

You need to tell him, and you won’t keep this a secret from him longer than you have too.

“Um yeah, I fly in at like 8, wanna meet for coffee and breakfast or something?” 

“Yeah perfect.” 

“Okay…..? Ready to tell me what’s wrong yet?” He asks.

You sigh, “I should let you go, you’re probably busy.” 

“No, hey,” He protests. “I wanna talk, I miss you.” 

You smile, insides running warm when you hear his voice say those words. “I miss you too Baby Brash.” 

You can hear him sigh and you can practically see him rolling his eyes. “So you watched the newest video?” 

“Of course I did, got your post notifications on.” 

“No you don’t.”

“No you’re right, I don’t, I have Shawn’s on.” 

At this he laughs, like a snort and everything and it makes you feel good, to be able to get him to laugh like that again, to hear that laugh. 

“Brashier, we gotta go!” Brian yells at him in the background.

“You’re literally standing behind me, why you gotta yell?” 

“Because I felt like pissing you off.” Brian snickers. “Who you on the phone with? Gots a girlyfriend?” Something must happen on Connor’s side of the phone because suddenly all you can hear is boys yelling. 

“Connor that’s the fourth girl you’ve been on the phone with today!” 

“There is no hot sex going on over here!”

“PASS THE WEED MAN!” 

“Shut the fuck up!” Connor’s voice is back, “Jesus it’s just Y/n, could you…?” 

“But we wanna say hi!” Shawn and Brian whine. 

You giggle and blush a little at the attention. 

Connor shuffles the phone, and then you can barely hear him, he’s really muffled but you make it out. “She’s upset about something, so could you fucking leave for a minute. I was getting her to talk and then you fuckers walked in.” A few seconds later and he’s back crystal clear. “Okay they left, you still there Honey?” 

“You didn’t need to kick them out.” 

“But I wanna talk to you.” 

“They just wanted to say hi.” 

“But you’re my best friend.” He whines, “They’d steal all your attention.” 

“You need to go, I’ll see you next week okay?” 

“Okay, love you kid.” He says softly.

“Love you too Brash.” 

**

He walks in, looking all nerdy cute, face down into his phone. 

iMessage from Bri’s lil bitch C David Brash: Im here where u is

“If you ever looked up from your phone you’d know I’m here too Bitch.” You say from your table, laughing when he jumps and looks over at you. 

“You scared the shit out of me.” He laughs, smiling really wide when you stand and give him a big hug. “Fuck I missed you Kid.” He sighs into your neck, letting your scent relax his stressed out mind.

“Missed you too.” 

 He takes the seat across from you, thanking you for the coffee you already had ordered and sat in front of his seat on the table. He takes a sip as you take a deep breath and shut your eyes to give yourself that last push of encouragement. 

“Connor?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m pregnant.” You blurt. 

It’s then that you realize your eyes are still closed, opening them one at a time to see his reaction. It’s comical almost, the sight of him, jaw dropped, eyes bugging, body frozen. 

You give it a moment, a second to really settle into his brain, you needed to do the same when you found out. Hell, you’re still doing that. 

He clears his throat, shakes his head a bit, but his eyes continue to flare out at you. 

“Excuse me?” He croaks. 

“I’m pregnant,” You nod, watching him nod with you. “And it’s yours.” 

He hums, and continues to stare at you. You take a sip of your decaf coffee, wincing at the weird taste. 

“Fuck man, I don’t know if I can handle 9 months of decaf, that shit is gross as hell.” 

This seems to snap Connor out of whatever daze he was in. 

“You’re being real right now?” He looks around, “Is Brian here filming me? Is this a prank or something? You got me, you got my reaction, turn it off now.” 

You sigh, worried he would think something like that. You just sit there, staring at him.

“You’re being real?!?” He says with persistence in his voice, leaning closer to you. 

“That night we swore to never speak of again? Well, we’ll be talking for at least the next 18 years.” You shrug.

He’s still in shock, just staring at you with a glazed over glance. You just nod and smile a little at him, trying to coax him through his shock.

“I-” He gapes, “Um, we...I...condom!” 

You giggle, shaking your head at him while rolling your eyes. “Really? That’s what you’re gonna do? Blurt ‘condom’ out like it’ll fix everything?” 

“But I used one!” He’s becoming defensive. Snapping at you in ways he’s done in the past when he’s stressed to the brim and can’t control his emotions. You can count the amount of times snapped at you on one hand. 

“They’re only 98% effective, if that, Connor. Or maybe it broke or something. It happened, and I’m pregnant.” 

“No! We can’t, a baby?” 

You take a deep breath, trying to tell yourself that he’s just in shock and that he’s gonna be happy about this, someday. He doesn’t mean the way he’s reacting right now. 

“How are you calm right now?” He asks in shrill. 

“I don’t know Connor, life happens. It’s not perfect but we’ll figure it out.” You shrug, raising your voice a little to match his level.

“Fucking shit,” He tugs at his hair, face grimancing as he groans. 

You sigh, grabbing your purse, collecting your phone and coffee and stand to leave. His head whips up when you stand, and he watches as you straighten out your shorts before starting to walk away.

“No, don’t go.” He pleads.

“Talk to me when this settles Connor. I can’t be here to watch you freak out. My hormones are all sorts of fucked up right now and I’m trying to stay positive about this whole thing but your reaction isn’t helping.” 

He gets up and follows you out of the coffee shop, racing to meet you at your car before you can leave. 

“Wait, talk to me, please.” He blocks your door so you can’t close it. 

You look up, tears in your eyes that tear his heart apart. “We really did turn into Ross and Rachel huh? Just like everyone said throughout high school. Except we won’t end up together, we’ll always be the Ross and Rachel before they got together.” 

He shakes his head, “I’m your lobster.”

**

Connor sits on your couch three days later. This was the first chance he’d been able to actually come over, any other conversations have been over the phone or text message since your meeting at the coffee shop. 

It’s kind of awkward, the both of you sitting in silence as you try to not bring up the elephant in the room. 

“I’m sorry,” You clear your throat, wincing as you lean forward and start this conversation. “I’m sorry that I up and left you on Monday. That wasn’t cool. I dropped a big ass bomb on you, something we would have never expected in a million years, and then just got up and left you alone. My hormones are whacked out right now but that’s not an excuse. So I’m sorry for being a shitty friend and making you go through that shock alone.” 

“Hey,” He shakes his head, turning towards you on the couch, scooting closer. “Don’t be sorry. I was kind of being a jackass. I shouldn’t have flipped out like that.” 

You sigh, smiling up at him. “I missed you, a lot.” 

His hand falls on top of yours, fingers intertwining. “I missed you so much, you have no idea.” He sighs, letting his eyes rake over you for a moment, imagining what you’ll look like with a baby bump. “How the hell am I supposed to leave for tour?” 

“Just go, I’m not due until May. You’ll be back in December, that’s plenty of time.” 

“You’re pregnant, I want to be here for appointments, picking out and setting up the crib, cravings, all of it!” 

You smile, reaching over and caressing his cheek. “Then talk to Shawn, sit down with Cez, explain it to Brian because he’ll lose his shit if you leave him without a solid reason behind it. We’ll figure it out, and make do.” You shrug.

He nods, leaning into your hand a little. “You always make everything better.” 

“That’s because I know you Connor David,” You tap his cheek twice, “I know how to handle you.” 

He grins, rolling his eyes before flopping back into the corner of your couch he’s claimed as his. “Have you told your mom yet?” He asks, throwing your fluffy white and black throw blanket over his lap. 

“No,” You sigh, kicking your feet up and relax across from him on your sectional. He smirks as you take a breath, reaching over and grabbing your feet to give you a foot massage. “What are you doing?” 

“Gotta get used to pampering you, might as well get a head start.” He murmurs. “Are you scared to tell your mom?”  

“I mean not really. It’s not the ideal situation I was hoping for when I thought about having kids. But like, I can’t complain. I’m honored to have your kid Con, I think I got lucky when it comes to the baby daddy part of this.” 

He tilts his head, looking over at you with a blush on his cheeks. 

“I guess you could say I got pretty lucky with the baby mama part.” He mutters, watching you from under his lashes, grinning when you roll your eyes and throw your head back to hide the apparent blush forming across your cheeks.

**

Your guest bedroom that once used to be your small library and office area has now been bombarded with camera gear, a full sized bed covered in basic grey sheets and a black comforter.

Connor spoke with Shawn and Cez the first chance he had when he got back to tour. He explained the situation, as awkward and unexpected it is, and expressed his need to be home more for you and his unborn child.

Both were very understanding to him and his needs, granting him a week off a month ensuring that he’d still be able to get enough footage but also time at home. It also gave Shawn and the crew a moment of peace and not having to worry about cameras so much, not that Connor is like the crazy paps. 

But now that Connor will be home once a month it made sense that he move into your spare room instead of having to stay with his parents or pay for a place he really wouldn’t see all that often. It was the perfect set up, to be there and help you when you need it. 

You two were still adjusting to living together, or with another human (of the different sex). 

You walked into the apartment from class, stopping short when the first thing you saw in your kitchen was Connor, in only his black Calvins.

“Bro,” You shield your eyes setting your backpack on your bar stool, “Can you wear pants?” 

Connor looks over at the sound of your voice, a slice of cheese between his fingers, munching on a bite. He looks down, and then back up to you holding a hand over your eyes. 

“I’m in boxers, I’m not naked.” 

“No one wants to see your dick though,” You shake your head, grinning as you say, “Been there, done that.” 

He chuckles, leaning closer to you and peeling your hands away from your eyes so you can see his smug smile. “You weren’t complaining then.” 

Your jaw drops and you blush as he raises an eyebrow at you. “Well,” You stutter, “I mean,” He smiles, getting the best reaction out of you. “Shut up, go put clothes on!” You smack his arm shooing him to his room. 

**

You both were getting really good and creative with ways to hiding your pregnancy. The only people who knew were the team, and family. Not even friends from your high school knew.

The issue with hiding this was the fact that Connor was gaining a lot of attention from Shawn’s fans. You didn’t blame them, no matter what brought them to become a fan of his, it at least brought more attention to his work and was getting him that much more popular. This just meant that you had to take hiding your pregnancy to a whole new level.

For a while you were able to just wear some big sweatshirts to cover the smallest bump you had. When sweatshirts weren’t able to work so much you then resorted to really flowy shirts and a big purse you could always swing in front of your belly. 

There was even one time that Connor and the whole crew were in town. They had invited you to lunch since no one had seen you since Connor told everyone. But at the end of lunch the manager came to tell the group that the paparazzi had followed Shawn and his own lunch date. 

You were panicked while everyone just rolled their eyes and grumbled about how someone had probably called them so pictures of Shawn and his date could be taken. You looked to Connor and gulped as he laughed with Brian about a meme he was showing him. 

“Y/n, you okay?” Shawn asked from across the table.

He was always so kind, and it boggled your mind how he could always see everyone, even when there were thousands in front of him, he could see everyone and notice every mood change.

Connor looked over after Shawn’s question and noticed your worried expression.

“Um, I’m,” You looked down at your shirt that very clearly showed off your small baby bump. “We haven’t told-”

“Oh shit,” Connor mumbled now noticing what you were referring too. “Fuck they’re gonna get pictures of us.” He looked to Shawn.

“I totally forgot,” Shawn rubs his forehead. “I’m so sorry you guys.” 

“Do you have anything to like hide behind?” Brian asked.

“No, I didn’t bring a jacket because it’s so nice out.” You shake your head. 

“Actually,” Connor cringes, looking at Josiah. “Do you still have your pocket reflector?” 

Josiah nods, handing it to Connor. 

“We’ll head out first, and then you guys go with Brian and maybe they’ll won’t pay you much attention. We’ll take a walk down the block or something.” Shawn stands, giving you an apologetic smile before walking out with his date.

You look to Connor and Brian as Connor is unfolding the reflector that creates a decent sized circle. You just laugh out loud when he offers it to you. 

“What?” He asks.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?” You laugh taking it from him. “It definitely doesn’t look like I’m hiding anything.” You’re sarcastic tone makes the boys chuckle. 

“Here,” Brian hands Connor an old disposable camera. “Pretend like you’re taking my picture as we walk to the car so it looks like she’s actually using it.” 

You just laugh harder and so do the boys at this elaborate plan to cover your pregnant belly. 

** 

At 5 months your little one is now starting to move. You’re really uncomfortable at the moment, in the stages of dealing with pregnancy and the symptoms. 

Tonight is no different, if anything, it’s worse. Baby Brash (literally) has the hiccups and it’s causing your belly to move every 30 seconds or so. So sleeping at the moment isn’t a reality. Finding a comfortable spot to fall asleep isn’t a reality either.

iMessage from Papa 👶: Stop moving, I can hear your bed springs, lord help our child when you get laid.

You rolled your eyes at Connor’s message. He changed his name in your phone when he finally saw what you had him under. He even changed your name in his phone to ‘Mama 👶’ with the baby emoji. 

iMessage to Papa👶 : Tell your child to stop moving so much then

You watched as he read the message, but frowned a little when he didn’t start responding. You jumped when your bedroom door creaked open, revealing Connor in a worn white t shirt and plaid pajama pants. 

“Hey you,” He crawls into your bed, shuffling under your covers with you. “Hey Kid,” He smiles, leaning down to plant a small kiss to your belly. “Stop moving in there so Mama can go to sleep. She’s keeping me up because you’re keeping her up.”

You roll your eyes again, glaring at him. “Really?”

“You told me to tell the kid.” He shrugs. 

His hands have found their way to your belly, rubbing soothing circles in hopes of calming his baby down and lulling you to sleep. 

You sigh and let your eyes flutter close.

“What hurts tonight?” He whispers.

“My hips and back.” 

“Roll to your side for me.” 

You do as told, and moan a little when he starts massaging at your tender hips. Your lower back is so tired and your hips are sore. 

He keeps rubbing and tracing designs on your skin until your breathing evens out. He rolls away a little to go back to his room before your rolling towards him, and resting your head on his chest.

“Don’t go.” You whine.

**

His whole life flashed before his eyes when he got the call. His whole life. 

That’s the only words running through his mind. 

His whole life.

“What did she say?” Brian as he drove to the airport. 

“She said that she was being transported to the hospital and because she’s pregnant they wanted to take her in for more testing just to double check that everything was okay.” 

“And what happened again?” 

“She was driving home from work, her light went green and she proceeded through the intersection when some dipshit in a fucking truck ran the red and hit the back of her car, sounds like it’s totaled but luckily he just hit her trunk, so she wasn’t hurt to much.” 

“She’s okay though right?” Brian asked again.

“As far as I know, but I’ll keep you updated. Just tell everyone else for me okay?” 

“Of course man. Just go take care of her and that Baby.” 

Connor takes a shaky breath as he looks out the window. 

“Connor,” Brian said, surprising him by using his full name. “You need to breathe.” 

“My whole life was in that car Brian, my whole life was sitting in the driver's seat of that car, and-” 

“You need to breathe Connor.” 

“I’m trying!” He snaps at Brian, “But I’m freaking out! My girl and our baby were in an accident today and I’m not there with them! So please forgive me if I’m a little scared and panicked.” 

“I know you are, you just gotta stay calm. Positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes.” 

“You really need to stop doing that weird fucking yoga thing with Shawn. It’s changing you man.” Connor jokes, trying to lighten his own mood. 

**

By the time Connor’s landed you’re already home and resting. He bursts into the apartment like a bat out of hell, slamming the door and flipping the lock before throwing his bag to the ground and racing to your room.

“Jesus, be a little louder why don’t you.” You comment when he falls into your room.

“Are you okay? What did the doctor say? Is our Bean okay?” He throws himself onto your bed, hands instantly searching for your ever growing bump.

“We’re okay.” You whisper, threading your fingers through his hair to calm him down. “I told you we were fine and that you didn’t need to come home.”

“Right,” He scoffs. “Like I was just gonna stay miles away from you after you’ve been in an accident.” 

“But we’re okay! You’re parents, my parents, our siblings, everyone was there with me. Really we’re okay.” 

“Okay, okay.” He nods, laying down with his head beside your big belly, rubbing and tapping at it, smiling when he feels a few kicks. “My Bean is kicking?” He looks up at you.

“Yeah, has been for a week or so.” 

“Why didn’t you say so?” 

“Well,” You frown, looking away. “To be honest I planned on pretending that the first time Bean kicked when you were home next was the first time so you didn’t feel like you were missing out on anything.” 

Connor smiles at you, shaking his head and leaning up to plant a kiss to your cheek. “Thank you for planning to lie to me.” 

You giggle, before shifting to sit up more. You reach for the papers on your bedside table and hand them to Connor.

“What’s this?” He asks, looking down. His face falls, frown dropping his lips eyes looking up at you. “What is this? Why are you handing me this?”

“I think we need to talk about it.” You shrug.

“Not right now.” 

“Connor this is serious, it’s not just us anymore. We’re having a kid, we need to have a Will drawn up.” 

“I understand that, but I don’t wanna talk about it right now.” 

“Connor, in the event that something happens to one of us, we need to know what the other wants.” 

“Stop, stop, stop talkin’ like that!” 

“Connor,” 

“Please,” He tugs at his hair, “Please not right now. I understand we need to know, I get that and we’ll have it drawn up but I don’t want to talk about it right now. All my nightmares came true today.” He looks at you with sad eyes. “I haven’t told you this, but lately I’ve been having a few nightmares that something happens to you and our Bean, and I’m not there to help you or protect you.” He shakes his head, eyes squeezed shut. “And that happened to me today. You both were in an accident, and I wasn’t here.” 

“Connor,” You say again.

“I get it!” He snaps. “But I don’t like the thought of losing you okay? I’m fucking in love with you, and I don’t really have you, but I thought I lost you when I got that call. So can we stop talking like this for the day? Please? Please can you give my heart a moment?” 

You stare up at him with wide eyes, your heart rate picking up at his words. 

“You’re what?” You whisper, caressing his cheek.

“Huh?” 

“You’re in love with me?” 

His eyes go wide in panic now that he’s realized what he’s said.

“Are you being serious?”

“Yeah?” He nods.

“Why haven’t you said anything!” You slap his arm.

“I don’t know, you never-”

“I’ve been in love with you since Junior year!” You keep slapping his arm.

“Stop hitting me!” He grabs your hands, interlocking your fingers.

“You never said anything!” “Neither did you!” He responds.

**

Things were different now, you still hadn’t really said officially what you two were now, but it was this weird in between stage of best friend and boyfriend.

He would kiss you sometimes, and always hold your hand, he’d even let a few pet names slip, but when asked by others he still referred to you as his best friend. 

It confused you to no end, because now that something changed he’s moved into your room, claiming that he would just sneak in every night anyway, and now you had room for a nursery. 

“Babe?” He called from the nursery, seated criss cross on the ground, staring up at the ceiling while waiting for your response. “BABE?” 

“What?” You call back, walking down the hall to the laundry room.

“Can you bring me a water?” 

“Really? You can’t get it yourself?” 

“I’m building the crib!” 

“I’m doing your laundry!” You yell back, leaning against the dryer, rolling your eyes at his request.

“Please?” He asks softly. When you don’t respond he resorts to baby talk he knows you can’t resist. “Pweety Pwease? I’ll give you kisses.” 

You groan, waddling down the hall to the kitchen, grabbing him a cucumber mint flow from the fridge, and grabbing yourself a watermelon lime one. You make your way to the nursery, throwing him the water before taking a seat in the new rocking chair Shawn bought you guys.

“How you doing there Pretty Mama?” He smiles looking over at you. 

“I’m tired, and big.” You whine, looking down at your very pregnant belly.

“I think you look really pretty.” He blushes, looking back at the crib.

“You owe me kisses.” You pout.

“Do I?” He looks at you, “What if I was crossing my fingers?” 

You gasp, furrowing your brows and crossing your arms across your chest. “That’s so mean. You’re pregnant best friend just waddled her way to the kitchen and back to bring you your precious water and you won’t give her kisses like you promised?” 

He’s up on his knees crawling towards you. “Girlfriend.” He hums setting his hands on your thighs so he can lean closer.

“What?” 

“You mean my pregnant girlfriend.” He corrects you.

“Do I?” You asked softly, biting your lip as you stare into those blue eyes.

“I sure hope so.” He whispers.

“Is that what I am? Your girlfriend?” 

He pulls back a little, brows furrowing in confusion. “What do you mean? I thought-”

“Yeah me too but then you told the guy at the baby shop that I was your best friend.” 

He sighs, hanging his head. “It’s so natural, or I don’t know, programmed in my head to introduce you that way. But I thought we turned into something more when we confessed.” 

“Me too, but when you did that it through me off.” 

“Babe,” He smiles, rubbing his hands up your legs, “We live together, we sleep in the same bed, we kiss, we love, we laugh, we fight, we’re pregnant.” He let’s his right hand wander to your belly. “I consider you my girlfriend. I hope you consider me your boyfriend.” 

“I do.” 

“So then why are you pouting?”

“Because I really want kisses.” 

“Oh my goodness.” He laughs, leaning forward to cover your lips with his own. He kisses you deeply, pecking your lips three more times before pulling away. “Better?”

“For now.” 

“Okay.” He laughs, shaking his head before going back to building the crib.

**

“Boyfriend?” You yell from the bedroom when you hear the door open.

“It’s Boyfriend and his friends!” Connor yells back. “Girlfriend?” 

“Yes?”

“Where are you?” 

You quickly finish tying the bow to his gift before making your way to the living room where Shawn and Brian are seated on the couch.

“Hey!” Shawn jumps up, giving you a hug before looking down to your belly. “Can I touch your belly?” 

You laugh a little, “Yeah go ahead, thank you for asking.” 

“Of course, it would be a little rude to just go ahead.” He says touching your belly. 

“Can you tell that to the rest of the world?” 

“Hey Bean!” Shawn says to your belly. “Uncle Shawn got you the coolest thing ever!” He says before running to the couch to show you a small guitar case. 

“Shawn you didn’t.”

“I couldn’t help myself, I was looking for a new one and saw this little thing.” He pops the case open. “I’ll teach Bean how to play and everything!” 

“There you are!” Connor smiles when he enters holding three beers and your favorite flow flavor. He walks up to you, planting a wet smooch to your lips before handing the boys their drinks. 

“I have something for you.” You grin, holding up the little gift wrapped box.

“Oh yeah?” He takes it from you. 

He unties the bow, rips the paper, and opens the box to reveal a small blue Polaroid camera.

“This is so cute,” He says holding it in his hand.

Shawn gasps and Brian stands up in excitement.

“Where’d you get this honey?” 

“It doesn’t matter,” You wave him off, bouncing on your toes in excitement. “What color is it?” 

“Blue?” He asks, looking up at you, and then over to the excited boys next to him that are punching the other in the arm.

“And blue is for what?” You pull it out of him.

“Blue is for….” He stares at you, “Blue is for boy.” His eyes light up. “Blue is for boy?” 

“Blue is for boy!” You squeal.

“Oh my god! Blue is for boy!” He wraps you up in his arms, kissing your neck. “It’s a boy, we’re having a boy!” 

“ITS A BOY!” Shawn and Brian cheer.

**

You groan in pain as you feel another contraction hit. You’ve been in labor for three hours now and your little boy does not want to come see the world.

Connor tries not to wince or complain about his hand he’s sure you’ve severely bruised. He breathes with you through the pain, running a soothing hand over your head and taking your matted hair back away from your forehead.

“There you go Baby.” He whispers, “You’re doing so good.”

“I love you Connor David,” You smile at him, “But I want to fucking kick you in the balls right now.” 

He winces at the thought and shakes his head. “I’m sorry Baby,” He looks away. “I wish I could take your pain away, I wish it were me.” 

“Me too.” You relax when the contraction stops.

“Still holding your hand?” The nurse smiles when she walks in to check on you. “You’re better than most Dad’s, they usually wimp out by now from the pain.” 

“He never lets go, no matter what.” You smile up at Connor.

“You’re my lobster Baby,” He leans down to kiss your lips.

**

//

written by: @shawnm521 

[blondrichclosetwitch]

“You be me and I’ll be you and then everything stopped. “

I remember england playing the day my boyfriend broke up with me in seattle, over IM. i was nannying, and it was like a punch in the stomach. that's how he is, though. he likes it to hurt. like, on our last dinner together ever, i was trying to gingerly talk to him about what happened at his going-away party, and he snarled, "it was a test. pass/fail. and you failed. "

what can i say, he was a wanna-be rapper.

but i remember, staggering in the living room after the brutal break-up, and england started to play. all i was capable of was crying or dancing. so little 3 year old cecilia danced while i did both.

england developed new meaning in 2016-17.

i started performing in hotel rooms. i sang in the house for stella, just to give her something to attach to. the first album i played for her was lemonade; that was pre-playlist. i remember thinking when she first crossed over, shit what do i do to entertain my niece who i haven't seen in the flesh in two years? so i asked her if she liked beyonce, and that's how the music started. i remember how it almost seemed like the pendulum was dancing, so i went with it. we'd walk down the street; the pendulum was in my left hand always, and me always talking to it. it became a constant companion quickly, and more or less, wasn't that far of a stretch from an invisible human.

things didn't get started with psychic jakk until january, when he started telling me about dramatic happenings everyday. i did think i was already talking to him in november/december; things really got rolling on new years, but we'll skip that part for now. let's just say that the first week of january, psychic jakk was telling me about life-threatening situations every day, and so we started hiding out in hotels.

and that's how i started performing for psychic jakk and fake stella.

the first song, ironically, was blank space. i remember improv dancing some routine in heels and a bustier, and until that moment, i had forgotten how much i loved performing. when I was little, i dragged my little brother from classroom to classroom, dressed in a wig, skirt & tambourine, and i sang i feel pretty, along with the jet song. i wasn't a pretty girl but i did love being on stage. singing was my jam. i just would forget about who everyone thought i was, and take off.

england was probably the first song that was used as a narrative. in the first week of march, we were staying in LIS. psychic jakk told me england had been playing so much because some things had happened that i didn't know about, which to sum up, basically was about him freaking out on drugs in california, and being put into a straitjacket.

this was after i had also been told that blond was pregnant and was going to miscarry, and that he never could show up in the same room as me because blond was going to make him say goodbye to me forever. on this same weekend, PJ also told me he was supposed to break up with me as soon as i aborted the baby. that one broke me.

personally in my opinion, listening to the tapes and putting the dates together, it does seem like psychic Jakk was some sort of emotional terrorist for me. but i will say hostage by billie eilish just started to play.

If I had been less naive, if I hadn’t had some spell put on me, I probably would have said, “hmmmmmm. My recently estranged boyfriend is telling me all sorts of horrible things are happening to him, and that he has schizophrenia and needs help, and that the way he wants me to help him is by performing in public to coax him to leaving his prison of an apartment, oh and right, he wants me to self-pleasure to help his brain while holding a pendulum, and he’s telling me to meet him In all these places but never shows up, and gosh, he told me he’s now the Chef de Cuisine of his old restaurant on Second Ave where I used to wait for him, but his name isn’t on the website....I wonder....am I being played?”

i remember walking the streets of LIC with the pendulum, the stick & the crystal, and probably Psychic Jakk's picture, and catching a glimpse of myself in a reflected glass. England had just played, and I had sang it while we walked the street. And I said, " Hey Jakk, look. I look like you used to look. " I said this because i had cute sneaks & striped athletic socks, and I was super thin in braids & the orange polka dot shirt he always wanted me to wear. And there i was holding the picture he likes to be identified by, him in a hospital bed looking like he was on the brink of death.

"It's like we changed places” he said.

“Were you doing any drugs?

What were you doing? Were you doing cocaine?

Were you doing anything else?

Just cocaine and alcohol.

Let me switch back, I can hear you on this one better (switches pendulums)

Just cocaine and alcohol?

And was it you and Blond with some other people?

And….did you...did you get...did you get aggro?

…..

Yes.

Was it at one of your friends?

One of your guy friends?

Wait, let’s have you come to a stop. I want you to answer each question one by one.

Was it at one of your guy friends.

Yes. OKay. Stop. Did they have to sss., did they have to...sedate you?

Were you out of control. Did you lose control.

Yes.

Um, ...did, did they call the cops? (quietly) Yes.

…………...did you see a doctor when you got back. So that’s why i’ve been shaking so much?

Because you’ve got shakes? Did you tell Blond that she’s going to miscarry the baby? You did. (sighs) ……..Did the doctors put you on anything? You know if Blond is on so many medications, why is she drinking? You know?

Um, ...God. So you went on medication right before our anniversary. Right before the abortion anniversary. So when you keep playing “England” and you say you went into a church, you had just gotten out of a hospital. …..was this the secret you wanted, you needed to tell me? That had been building up for a long time...you know. It just had. How bad did it get? You hit your friend? Did you keep drinking after that? She was trying to keep you drunk you know. Please jakk , don’t let her...don’t let her win. You’re stronger than she is. You’re stronger. I know you feel compromised. Did you tell me that you were already in the hospital just so that i would be with you all the time? Theres no question that (yawns) you’re in the wrong band. You’re in the wrong band, babe. You know that? You’re in the wrong band.

You’re in the wrong band. You deserve to be in my band.”

[pavcrti]

chicago’s very own pavarti kumari has been spotted on madison avenue driving a rose gold model x , welcome ! your resemblance to mishti rahman is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty fifth  birthday bash .  your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re fiery , but being eloquent might help you . i think being a pieces explains that .  3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be fresh fields of lavender that expand into a cotton candy sky , the reflection of the sun caught in the glimmer of a crystal , rhyming couplets professing deep - seeded emotion . ( i ghost write songs for artists who like to claim they write their own work . ) & ( cis female + she / her  ) +  ( emily , 25 , sher / her , pst )

holy shit , it’s ya girl . i’m back after needing a bit of a break from being in a group . and bc i honestly adored this place sm and i made so many great friends here i am back . . . 👀 i expect plots with each and every one of u btw so u best deliver . i desperately wanna get this finished before i pass the fuck out . i’ll be joining the server in the morning , but in the meantime if u wanna be my friend  👀 👀 titsiana praises satan#7989

    biography .

name : pavarti kumari 

age : twenty five

gender : cisfemale

zodiac : pieces 

sexuality : bisexual 

profession : singer / songwriter 

hair color : black

eye color : brown

piercings : both lobes , nose 

tattoos : none

voice claim : jhene aiko

released albums : sail out ( ep ) , trip 

miss pavarti was born in bangladesh . her parents are both 100% bangladeshi and immigrated to chicago when pavarti was four years old . she had an older brother who was five years older than her . his name was siva .her family traveled back every summer so she is very immersed in the culture of her homeland and is a very spiritual person as a result . from a young age , pavarti had a fascination with the english language . not only was it so complex , but there was so much that could be done with it as well . she loved poetry and different types of prose . she also developed an absolute adoration for hip hop as a result . she’s been able to work several of her lyrical inspirations in her albums , something she would’ve never anticipated growing up as an immigrant child . when she entered middle school , she joined the school choir as an extra curricular activity which is what inspired her love for music and introduced her to her vocal talents . within time , she began combining her inclination for poetry with her voice . she wrote her first song at thirteen and began to freestyle for her friends . unfortunately , she was never taken too seriously by her peers . she was a female , hardly the usual suspect for the rnb , soul vibe that her voice conveys . before she graduated high school , her brother siva was killed in a car crash . the unexpected death of her best friend and protector sent pavarti into a spiral . this begun her tendency to alter her reality to escape from her pain with the help of drugs . she frequently writes about her brother in her music . when she was eighteen , she was discovered , ironically , by a manager of a local rapper at a poetry slam she was performing at . she impressed him and he introduced her to his client . this is how pavarti entered the hip hop scene , albeit , in secret . in hip hop , it’s very custom for performers to write the tracks that they put out themselves . pavarti learned that she could learn the skills of the trade whilst making her own connections and making pretty good cash , as well . as the years progressed , the notoriety of her clients rose . she’s written bars for multiple big names and by harvesting these friendships , she was able to get signed to a record label and put out her first ep at age twenty one . it was well received by critics and pavarti was thrilled to be taken seriously as an artist doing what she loves . she kept working , kept her nose in her business and released her first full album , trip , just last year . she feels like she is constantly growing artistically and finds herself inspired everywhere she turns . she’s currently working on her second full album and just dropped a new single , p*$$y fairy . other than that , there’s not too much else to note in her history . she did not grow up rich , rather she’s only recently come into wealth . her money is very new and she’s not too skilled at spending it wisely .

    personality . 

okay , so this will probably just be a long winded explanation that no one really asked for / needed but here we go ! first and foremost . . . pavarti is a dreamer in every sense of the word . she’s whimsical , she’s connected to the earth around her . she drifts off into elaborate day dreams and tells herself stories in her head as she falls to sleep . she is very spiritual . she meditates twice a day . her house always smells of incense . she has an affinity for weed and hallucinogenics . she really enjoys writing under the influence . her album trip is literally inspired by several drug experiences she had that had a profound impact in her life . pavarti’s general demeanor is borderline wall - flower . you wouldn’t expect her to be so shy , but she is . she’s the giggly girl who’ll hang back and let someone else come to her first . in the meantime , she’s taking in every single detail . she’s incredibly observant . sometimes she thinks in poetry . she realizes that she isn’t the typical visual for a female hip hop , rnb artist but it’s truly her passion in life and her art flows through her . she says more in her songs than she does to the people she needs to and that can definitely be problematic . with that said , pavarti is very well spoken . girl knows how to sweet talk her way through just about anything . but she also has the temper of a devil . she does not tolerate being fucked around with . she has that attitude about her where she will go and key your car if you hurt her or one of her best friends . people typically wouldn’t expect such an explosion from someone so outwardly sanguine and easy going but she’s the type to scratch someone’s eyes out if she has to . her music is her spouse . this fucks her up relationship wise a lot because she tends to let chances pass her by because she would rather stay undistracted . she has an ego , but not really in the outward way that one would anticipate when ego is involved . she knows she’s talented . she knows she’s attractive . but she also knows that she’s fucking lucky to be where she is and she’s grateful . pavarti is the type who wakes up with a smile because she has another twenty four hours to be alive . she doesn’t take things for granted --- she used to , until she lost her older brother and she realized just how quickly things can change . pavarti is a fiercely loyal individual to her friends . she will stand up for them , no matter what . the thing is , she expects it back . she is very much aware of her self worth and does not react kindly to a one sided vibe . 

    plots . 

ok , ok , ok . . . so how i am going to do this is offer up some songs / song pairings for songs that i believe pavarti has written for specific people with certain plots in mind for at least her side of things . and then i will also list some basic plots that aren’t based on anything in particular , but are still plots that i would like very much to have ! the links go to lyrics ! all plots are gender neutral , so ignore any pronouns that are in the songs .

bed peace / stay ready / while we’re young --- fwbs with feelings : pavarti and your muse have been friends for a while . somewhere along the line things crossed the line and they began hooking up . it’s obvious that they feel something intense for each other but something is always in the way of them being together --- plus , neither are really sure if the friendship could withstand a romantic relationship crashing and burning . so here they are , stuck in this awkward limbo . they hook up , hang out , awkwardly third wheel when the other is dating someone else . it’s an interesting dynamic and pavarti wouldn’t deal with drama with anyone else but your muse . they have a really compelling bond and neither can think of life without the other but things have been like this for a long time and there is only so long a relationship as complicated as this one could actually function .

the worst / comfort inn ending / moments / when we love --- exes that ended badly with lingering feelings : this was . . . just a crazy hot and cold relationship . when it was hot , it was fucking hot . when it was cold ? damn . hell itself could freeze over . they probably have done and said a lot of nasty , nasty shit to each other . at the same time , they could’ve been literally planning their wedding at some point because they both were incredibly serious about each other . in comfort inn ending , pavarti suggests their relationship was a result of her cheating on another boyfriend to be with your muse and your muse ultimately cheated on her as well . we can discuss that but i would high key kill for the extra drama . around the time pavarti was writing her first full album , they had a rekindling that inspired her to write moments and when we love . i don’t envision this relationship having ended in a decent way from there , though . more cheating ? fighting ? they were definitely toxic . she’s definitely planning on dragging their ass some more in her tracks .

lsd / sativa --- platonic soulmates : omg so this plot is . . . so fucking cute . but these two would basically die for each other . there is zero sexual attraction , just genuine , pure love . they do everything together . but what really sealed their bond ? well . . . many different intense acid trips , of course ! they love to get high together and forget about the world . they both feel like they can trust the other because they have been present for so many life - changing moments . they rarely go a day without seeing each other and absolutely never go a day without talking in some capacity . sometimes they fight like siblings . but pavarti would honestly kill for your muse . there is nothing she wouldn’t do for them . 

new balance / newer balance / you are here / clear my mind --- the romantic bad influence : this plot is another messy piece of trash . from the beginning , when they first met , pavarti always thought your muse was too good to be true . they reminded her so much of her brother . she felt this sense of peace with your muse . she fell in love quickly but at the same time , felt like there was something looming over their relationship . like it wasn’t permanent . like it’s all just a dream . the bad influence part isn’t portrayed too much in the lyrics other than stressing pavarti’s fear that your muse isn’t exactly who they say they are and this relationship is doomed to fail somehow . she knows that when this explodes in her face that it’s going to destroy her . i see your muse bringing out edgier sides of pavarti’s personality . they party a lot , they influence pavarti to do crazy things with them and she does and she feels so alive with your muse . that is , until , it all crumbles . the facade is destroyed and whatever it was that your muse wasn’t being upfront about shatters the way she feels for your muse entirely . she feels betrayed . clear my mind is pavarti’s way of trying to hype herself up to be stronger than she really is . 

never call me / --- best friends turned enemies : this is my last long one i promise , wtf , why did i decide to do this . anyways --- this plot is again , a shit ton of angst so enjoy that . your muse and pavarti used to be the best of friends . inseparable . that is until things went south . fast . we can discuss what it was that happened between our muses but it was something huge and preferably something where they both could stubbornly blame each other . pavarti feels slighted because she thinks that your muse should be the one who reaches out and perhaps your muses could be thinking the same about her . 

romantic plots : crushes , unrequited love , hateship , party hookup , friends with benefits , secret fling , summer romance 

platonic plots : give me close friends ! and tons of them please ! thanks . roommates , drug buddies , confidants , unlikely friendship , travel friends , only friends in the dms , enemies turned friend

[blackkudos]

Lisa Lopes

Lisa Nicole Lopes (May 27, 1971 – April 25, 2002), better known by her stage name Left Eye, was an American rapper, singer, music producer, and dancer. Lopes was a member of the R&B girl group TLC, alongside Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins and Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas. Besides rapping and singing background vocals on TLC recordings, Lopes was one of the creative forces behind the group. She received more co-writing credits than the other members. She also designed the outfits and staging for the group and contributed to the group's image, album titles, artworks, and music videos. Through her work with TLC, Lopes won four Grammy Awards.

During her brief solo career, Lopes scored two US top 10 singles with "Not Tonight" and "U Know What's Up", as well as one UK number-one single with "Never Be the Same Again", the latter a collaboration with Melanie C of the British girl group Spice Girls. She also produced another girl group, Blaque, who scored a platinum album and two US top 10 hits. Lopes remains the only member of TLC to have released a solo album.

On April 25, 2002, Lopes was killed in a car crash while organizing charity work in Honduras. She swerved off the road to avoid hitting another vehicle, and was thrown from her car. She was working on a documentary at the time of her death, which was released as The Last Days of Left Eye and aired on VH1 in May 2007.

Life and career

1971–1990: Childhood

Lopes was born in 1971 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, the daughter of Wanda Denise (née Andino), a seamstress, and Ronald Lopes Sr., a US Army staff sergeant, who was of African-American descent. Lisa had a younger brother, Ronald Jr., and a younger sister, Raina Anitra (her nickname goes by Reigndrop). Lopes said her father was "very strict, very domineering" and that he treated the family like they were in "boot camp". He was also a "talented musician" who played the harmonica, clarinet, piano, and saxophone.

Lopes' parents separated when she was still in school, and she was raised by her paternal grandmother during the later years of her childhood. She began playing with a toy keyboard at 5 years old, and later composed her own songs. By age 10, she formed the musical trio The Lopes Kids with her siblings, with whom she sang gospel songs at local events and churches. She attended the Philadelphia High School for Girls.

1990–1998: TLC

In late 1990, having heard of an open casting call for a new girl group through her then-boyfriend, Lopes moved to Atlanta to audition. Originally starting as a female trio called 2nd Nature, the group was renamed TLC, derived from the first initials of its members at the time: Tionne Watkins, Lisa Lopes and Crystal Jones. Things did not work out with Jones, and TLC's manager Perri "Pebbles" Reid brought in Damian Dame backup dancer Rozonda Thomas as a third member of the group. To preserve the band's original name, Thomas needed a name starting with C, which is how she became "Chilli," a name chosen by Lopes. Watkins became T-Boz, derived from the first letter of her first name and "Boz" (slang for "boss"). Lopes was renamed "Left Eye" after a compliment from New Edition member Michael Bivins who once told her he was attracted to her because of her left eye, which was more slanted than the right eye. Lopes emphasized her nickname by wearing a pair of glasses with the right lens covered by a condom, in keeping with the group's support of safe sex, wearing a black stripe under her left eye, and eventually getting her left eyebrow pierced.

The group arrived on the music scene in 1992 with the album Ooooooohhh... On the TLC Tip. With four hit singles, it sold six million copies worldwide, leading to the group becoming a household name. Two years later CrazySexyCool was released, selling over 23 million copies worldwide. TLC's third album, FanMail, was released in 1999 and sold over 14 million copies worldwide. Its title was a tribute to TLC's loyal fans and the sleeve contained the names of hundreds of them as a "thank you".

During the recording of FanMail, a public conflict began amongst the members of the group. In the May 1999 issue of Vibemagazine, Lopes said, "I've graduated from this era. I cannot stand 100 percent behind this TLC project and the music that is supposed to represent me." In response to Lopes' comments, Watkins and Thomas stated to Entertainment Weekly that Lopes "doesn't respect the whole group" and "Left Eye is only concerned with Left Eye." In response, Lopes sent a reply through Entertainment Weekly issuing a "challenge" to Watkins and Thomas to release solo albums and let the public decide who was the "greatest" member of TLC:

I challenge Tionne Watkins (T-Boz) and Rozonda Thomas (Chilli) to an album entitled "The Challenge"... a 3-CD set that contains three solo albums. Each [album]... will be due to the record label by October 1, 2000... I also challenge Dallas 'The Manipulator' Austin to produce all of the material and do it at a fraction of his normal rate. As I think about it, I'm sure LaFace would not mind throwing in a $1.5 million prize for the winner.

T-Boz and Chilli declined to take up the challenge, though Lopes always maintained it was a great idea. Things were heated between the ladies for some time, with Thomas speaking out against Lopes, calling her antics "selfish", "evil", and "heartless". TLC then addressed these struggles by saying that they are very much like sisters who have their disagreements every now and then as Lopes explained, "It's deeper than a working relationship. We have feelings for each other, which is why we get so mad at each other. I usually say that you cannot hate someone unless you love them. So, we love each other. That's the problem."

1998–2002: Solo career

In 1998, Lopes hosted the short-lived MTV series, The Cut, in which a list of aspiring pop stars, rappers, and rock bands competed against each other in front of judges. The show's winner, which ended up being a male-female rap duo named Silky, was promised a record deal and funding to produce a music video, which would then enter MTV's heavy rotation. A then-unknown Anastacia finished in third place, but ended up securing a record deal after Lopes and the show's three judges were impressed by her performance.

After the release of FanMail, Lopes began to expand her solo career. She became a featured rapper on several singles, including Spice Girl Melanie C's "Never Be the Same Again", which topped the charts in 35 countries, including the United Kingdom. She was also featured on "U Know What's Up", the first single from Donell Jones' second album, Where I Wanna Be, and she rapped a verse in "Space Cowboy" with NSYNC on their 2000 album, No Strings Attached. On October 4, 2000, Lopes co-hosted the UK's MOBO Awards with Trevor Nelson, where she also performed "U Know What's Up" with Jones. She also collaborated on "Gimme Some" by Toni Braxton for her 2000 album The Heat. She had previously featured on Keith Sweat's song "How Do You Like It?". In 2001, she appeared in a commercial for the fashion brand Gap. In July 2001, Lopes appeared on the singers' edition of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire along with Joey McIntyre, Tyrese, Nick Lachey, and Lee Ann Womack. She dropped the $125,000 question and won $32,000 for her charity. After her death in 2002, the episode she appeared in was shown and was dedicated to her.

Lopes created Left Eye Productions to discover new talent. She mentored the R&B trio Blaque, and helped them secure a record deal with Columbia Records. Their self-titled debut album was executive-produced by Lopes, who also made a cameo appearance in their music video "808" and also rapped in their second music video "I Do". Lopes was also developing and promoting another new band called Egypt. They worked with Lopes on her second album under her new nickname, N.I.N.A., meaning New Identity Not Applicable.

In 1996, Lopes created the UNI Studios for the purpose of recording solo projects. Lopes' family opened the studio to the public. Her brother Ronald is the general manager of the studio. Lopes had a dream of making new artists able to record music at a low cost, in a high-end studio at her house. Her family continues to operate it and fill it with new equipment.

Supernova

Lopes spent much of her free time after the conclusion of TLC's first headlining tour, the FanMail Tour, recording her debut solo album, Supernova. It includes a song titled "A New Star is Born", which is dedicated to her late father. She told MTV News:

That track is dedicated to all those that have loved ones that have passed away. It's saying that there is no such thing as death. We can call it transforming for a lack of better words, but as scientists would say, 'Every atom that was once a star is now in you.' It's in your body. So, in the song I pretty much go along with that idea. ... I don't care what happens or what people think about death, it doesn't matter. We all share the same space.

Other tracks covered other personal issues, including her relationship with NFL football player Andre Rison. In 1994, before the start of Rison's fifth and final season with the Falcons, Lopes accidentally burned down Rison Atlanta mansion. Among the album's 13 tracks was also a posthumous duet with Tupac Shakur that was assembled from the large cache of unreleased recordings done prior to his murder in 1996. Initially scheduled for release on a date to coincide with the 11th anniversary of her grandfather's death, Arista Records decided to delay and then cancel the American release. The album was eventually released in August 2001 in different foreign countries. The Japan import includes a bonus track called "Friends", which would later be sampled for "Give It to Me While It's Hot" on TLC's fourth album 3D.

N.I.N.A.

After numerous talks with Death Row Records CEO Suge Knight, Lopes severed her solo deal with Arista (despite remaining signed to the label as a member of TLC) and signed with Knight's Death Row Records in January 2002, intending to record a second solo album under the pseudonym "N.I.N.A." (New Identity Not Applicable). She was recording with David Bowie for the project, whom she was also trying to get involved with the fourth TLC album. The project was also to include several songs recorded with Ray J along with close friend Missy Elliott. After Lopes' death in April 2002, Death Row Records still had plans to complete and release the album (unfinished at the time of Lopes' death) in October 2002, but the album was cancelled for unknown reasons. In 2011, some tracks from the album were uploaded onto YouTube featuring artists from Tha Row Records. Lopes's unreleased songs were also sampled by TLC for their fourth album 3Dafter she died. Another track, "Too Street 4 T.V" (featuring Danny Boy), was released on the soundtrack to the 2003 film Dysfunktional Family.

2008: Posthumous honorary album

In 2008, Lopes' family decided to work with producers at Surefire Music Group to create a posthumous album in her honor, Eye Legacy. Originally set to be released October 28, 2008, the release date was pushed back to November 11, then to January 27, 2009. The song 'Neva Will Eye Eva' and "Crank It", both feature and were co-produced by Lopes' sister Raina "Reigndrop" Lopes. The first official single from the album, "Let's Just Do It", was released on January 13, 2009 and features Missy Elliott and TLC. The second official single, "Block Party", features Lil Mama. The album largely consists of reworked versions of tracks from the Supernova album. In November 2009, Forever... The EP was released which contained international bonus tracks not used on the Eye Legacy album. The EP was only available to download. An unreleased track featuring Lopes was uploaded to SoundCloud on the eve of the 10-year anniversary of her death by Block Starz Music.

Personal life

Lopes was often vocal about her personal life and difficult past. She readily admitted that she had come from an abusive, alcoholic background and struggled with alcoholism herself. These issues became headline news in 1994, when she was arrested for setting fire to Andre Rison's sneakers in a bathtub, which ultimately spread to the mansion they shared and destroyed it. She claimed that Rison had beaten her after a night out, and she set fire to his shoes to get back at him but that burning down the house was an accident. Lopes later revealed that she did not have a lot of freedom within the relationship and that Rison abused her emotionally and physically; she said that she released her frustrations about the relationship on the night of the fire.

Lopes was sentenced to five years' probation and therapy at a halfway house, and was unable to shake the incident from her reputation. Her relationship with Rison continued to make headlines, with rumors of an imminent wedding, later debunked by People magazine. Lopes revealed on The Last Days of Left Eye documentary that her meeting with a struggling mother in rehab left a big impression on her. She subsequently adopted the woman's 8-year-old daughter. She had adopted a 12-year-old boy ten years prior.

Lopes had several tattoos. Most prominent was a large eagle on her left arm, which she said represented freedom. Later, she added the number "80" around the eagle, which was Rison's NFL number while in Atlanta. She also had a tattoo of a moon with a face on her foot in reference to Rison's nickname, "Bad Moon", Lopes later added the words "Love U 2" in the musical notes on her foot for Tupac Shakur. On her upper right arm was a large tattoo of the name "Parron" for her late step brother who died in a boating accident, arching over a large tattoo of a pierced heart. Her smallest tattoo was on her left earlobe and consisted of an arrow pointing to her left over the symbol of an eye, a reference to her nickname. Lopes struggled with self-harm and even carved the words "hate" and "love" into her arm with a razor.

Roughly two weeks before her own death, Lopes was a passenger in a traffic accident that resulted in the death of a 10-year-old Honduran boy. As reported in Philadelphia Weekly, "It is commonplace for people to walk the roads that wind through Honduras, and it's often difficult to see pedestrians." The boy, Bayron Isaul Fuentes Lopez, was following behind his brothers and sisters when he stepped off the median strip and was struck by a van driven by Stephanie, Lopes' personal assistant. Lopes' party stopped and loaded the boy into the car, and Lopes "cradled the dying boy's bleeding head in her arms" while "someone gave him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation as they rushed him to a nearby hospital." He died the next day. Lopes paid approximately $3,700 for his medical expenses and funeral, and she gave the family around $925 for any extra costs, although it was apparently agreed upon by the authorities and the boy's family that his death was an "unforeseeable tragedy" and no blame was placed on the driver of the van or Lopes. In the documentary The Last Days of Left Eye, Lopes is shown choosing a casket for the child from a local funeral home. Earlier in the documentary, Lopes mentioned that she felt the presence of a "spirit" following her, and was struck by the fact that the child killed in the accident shared a similar last name, even thinking that the spirit may have made a mistake by taking his life instead of hers.

Death

On April 25, 2002, Lopes was driving a rented Mitsubishi Montero SUV in La Ceiba, Honduras, when she swerved slightly to avoid a truck (it is not clear if the truck was slow-moving or stationary) then immediately to the right as she tried to avoid an oncoming car. The vehicle rolled several times after hitting two trees, throwing Lopes and three others out of the windows, and finally coming to rest in a ditch at the side of the road. Lopes, at the age of 30, died instantly of "fracture of the base of the cranium" and "open cerebral trauma", and was the only person fatally injured in the accident. A cameraman in the front passenger seat was videotaping at the time, so the last seconds leading up to the swerve that resulted in the fatal accident were recorded on video. Victims of the accident were taken to Liverpool Royal Hospital. Her sister Reigndrop Lopes was in the vehicle and survived the collision.

Lopes' funeral was held at New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Lithonia, Georgia, on May 2, 2002. Thousands of people attended. Engraved upon her casket were the lyrics to her portion of "Waterfalls", stating "Dreams are hopeless aspirations, in hopes of coming true, believe in yourself, the rest is up to me and you." Gospel duo Mary Mary sang their song "Shackles (Praise You)" at the funeral. Lopes was buried at Hillandale Memorial Gardens in Lithonia.

In a statement to MTV, producer Jermaine Dupri remembered Lopes: "She was determined to be something in life. She was a true rock star. She didn't care about no press. She was the rock star out of the group. She was the one that would curse on TV. She had the tattoos. You could expect the unexpected. When you see Lisa, you could expect something from her. That's the gift she carried."

Legacy

Lopes was in the process of setting up two educational centers for Honduran children. One was built on an 80-acre plot of land she called Camp YAC. The other center was called Creative Castle.

In 2003, shortly after Lopes' death, her family started the Lisa Lopes Foundation, a charitable group dedicated to providing neglected and abandoned youth with the resources necessary to increase their quality of life. Her spiritual motto was the one used for her foundation: "Energy never dies... it just transforms." Her foundation went into various underdeveloped villages and gave new clothes to poor children and their families. In August 2007, the foundation hosted a charity auction, selling items donated by celebrities. It raised approximately $5,000 for the Hogar de Amor ("Home of Love"), an orphanage in Honduras. In 2012, the foundation began hosting an annual music festival, known as "Left Eye Music Fest", in Decatur, Georgia.In the 2018 Boots Riley film Sorry to Bother You, members of a fictional activist group called "Left Eye" use as their symbol a stripe of eye black under the left eye, in an unmentioned reference to Lopes.

Posthumous documentary

A documentary showing the final 27 days of Lopes' life, titled The Last Days of Left Eye, premiered at the Atlanta Film Festival in April 2007, for an audience that included many of Lopes' contemporaries, including Monica, Ronnie DeVoe, 112, Big Boi, India.Arie, and Cee Lo Green. VH1 and VH1 Soul broadcast the documentary on May 19, 2007. Most of the footage was shot with a handheld camera, often in the form of diary entries filmed by Lopes while on a 30-day spiritual retreat in Honduras with sister Reigndrop, brother Ronald and members of the R&B group Egypt. In these entries, she reflected on her personal life and career. A calmer side of her personality was on display, showing interests in numerology and yoga. In January 2020, Lifetime aired an episode of Hopelessly In Love, a docuseries that captures the relationships of the rich and famous, about Lopes and Rison's tumultuous relationship. It showcased the complexity of their relationship and how she ended up with a felony arson charge for burning down Rison's Atlanta mansion.

[hms-chill]

RWRB Study Guide, Chapter 8

Hi y’all! I’m going through Casey McQuiston’s Red, White & Royal Blue and defining/explaining references! Feel free to follow along, or block the tag #rwrbStudyGuide if you’re not interested!

James I (203): James I/VI (First of England, Sixth of Scotland) is known for both translating the Bible and being just... so, so incredibly gay. The book mentions that he promoted a dumb jock to gentleman of the bedchamber, but it leaves out that 13-year-old James would just make out with dudes in public, and that the dumb jock (George Villers) was James’s third serious adult relationship. His friends introduced him to George because his last boyfriend was bad for the kingdom. 

George Eliot (205): Mary Anne Evans wrote under the pen name George Eliot to escape the stereotype that women could only write romances. She wrote seven novels, of which Middlemarch is the most famous, known for their realism and psychological insight.

Daniel Defoe (205): A pioneer of the English novel, Defoe wrote Robinson Crusoe as well as a series of divisive political pamphlets and tracts.

Jonathan Swift (205): Irish political writer most famous for A Modest Proposal, a satirical piece that suggests cannibalism of infants as a more humane response to the British treatment of Ireland than letting them grow to starve in adulthood.

Dickens... “woman who languishes away in a crumbling mansion wearing her wedding gown” (205): Charles Dickens wrote stories concerned with the lower classes. This quote in particular refers to Miss Havisham from Great Expectations, who was left at the altar and refused to take off her wedding dress or even put away the food set out for the wedding.

Sense and Sensibility (205): This is probably Austen’s second most popular novel (after Pride and Prejudice); it follows the four Dashwood women in their move to a new home following the death of Mr. Dashwood. Like most of Austen’s novels, the opinionated narrator follows the women through a series of romantic mishaps, culminating in a happy ending.

Green American Money (206): Fun fact, British money is blue and orange and purple and all sorts of fun colors! It also all looks different, because (at least in Scotland) four banks are allowed to print pound notes, so there are four different designs all in circulation.

Sean Hannity (206): A conservative American political commentator.

Harvard rowing (206): Rowing is like... the bougiest of sports.

Pleiad (206): In Greek mythology, the pleiades were the daughters of the titan Atlas who became stars following his entrapment under the earth. They are remembered for their beauty and loyalty. Myths of the missing pleiad explain why only six of the seven stars are visible to the naked eye. According to some sources, the missing pleiad is Merope, who was shamed out of the sky for her relationship with a mortal.

Minute Maid Park (206): The baseball stadium associated with the Houston Astros baseball team; it seats just over 41,000.

Politico (207): An American political opinion news source.

Drop-kick Murphys (208): An American Celtic punk band. (listen here and here)

The Klan (209): The Ku Klux Klan, an incredibly racist organization that has been responsible for the lynching of thousands of people of color.

Kim Nam-June (210): Kim Nam-Joon, known as RM or Rap Monster, is the leader and rapper of the K-pop group BTS.

Milwaukee (211): The largest city in and main cultural center of Wisconsin, which is a “swing state”, meaning that it could go either way politically in a national election.

Seth Meyers (211): An American talk show host and comedian whose creatively titled show, Late Night with Seth Meyers, is liberal-leaning. He hosts celebrities and often chats about politics or the news.

Clear Crystal Quartz (211): Apparently the most “iconic” crystal, it is believed to be able to help with clarity and the achievement of goals.

Wimbledon (213): The oldest tennis tournament in the world, considered by many to be the most prestigious.

Royal Box (213): The royal box at Wimbledon is a section of the best seats, reserved for royalty and specially invited celebrity/politically powerful guests.

David Beckham (213): A former professional soccer player and current fashion icon known for being hot and wearing nice suits.

McQueen (214): Alexander McQueen was an openly gay British fashion designer who rose from a lower class background to become one of the most famous designers in the world. Though he died in 2010, his brand continues to be known for unconventional fashion shows and theatrical imagery. 

Dashikis (215): A colorful, ornate piece of clothing somewhere between a shirt and a tunic originally from West Africa.

Orangery (218): A very large greenhouse or conservatory designed for growing orange trees.

Woman at her Toilet (218): This painting shows a woman in her bedroom putting on her socks with a little dog next to her; you can see it here.

Baroque bed* (218): Baroque art was designed to show off a monarch’s power; it is incredibly extravagant (Versailles is pretty much the iconic Baroque thing; you can see more about it here).

The Killers (219): An American rock band formed in the early 2000s and known for having donated over $1 million to charity (they did “Mr. Brightside”). (listen here and here). According to McQuinston’s twitter, the song Henry plays is “When You Were Young”, which you can listen to here.

Dred Scott (219): In the 1857 Dred Scott v. Sandford case, the US supreme court ruled that the constitution did not extend to or protect Black folks. 

Nina Simone (219): An American singer/songwriter/political activist whose music spanned a variety of genres and whose activism focused largely on the civil rights movement and was largely influenced by her “friend” Lorraine Hansberry, a Black lesbian playwright. (You know Hozier’s “Nina Cried Power”? She’s Nina) (listen here and here)

Otis Redding (219): Considered one of the greatest singers in American pop music and was one of the foundational soul artists in the US. (listen here and here)

Brahms (219): A German composer known for sticking to more classical forms of music while his contemporaries often leaned toward more dramatic or opulent styles. (listen here and here)

Wagner** (219): A German composer who wrote both the music and the librettos for his operas; his works tend to be very complex, and he has been credited with beginning modern music. (listen here and here)

Romantic (219): Artistically, the Romantic movement was a direct response to industrialization that called for a return to and celebration of nature. Queerness was very much a part of this movement, as it was seen as a return to or celebration of one’s natural state (think Byron).

War of the Romantics (219): A music history term used to describe the split between conservative composers like Brahms who wanted to stick with the Baroque, opulent styles of the past century and radical progressive composers like Liszt, who favored newer styles that blended music with narrative and morals.

Liszt (219): A Hungarian composer known for a diverse body of work and his position as the leader of the radical progressive group in the War of the Romantics. (listen here and here)

Alexander Scriabin (219): Russian composer known for his atonal or dissonant music. (listen to the piece Henry mentions here)

Elton John’s “Your Song” (219): A song written before Elton John came out, but with his queerness in mind. In a 2013 interview, John referred to it as “a perfect song”, and that the lyrics (written by Bernie Taupin) got even better as he got older and sang it more. (listen here)

Consecrated (220): made holy.

DNC (221): The Democratic national conference, when members of the Democratic (liberal) party get together to prepare for a presidential race.

College Republicans of Vanderbilt University (221): Vanderbilt University is a private (and therefore more expensive) school in Nashville, Tennessee. Its location in the South and its price tag would both mark it as being more conservative.

Cage match (221): A type of wrestling match that takes place inside a steel cage; the most common way of winning is by escaping the cage, usually by climbing over the top.

Paul Ryan (222): A conservative retired politician and former Speaker of the House.

The Second Amendment (222): The second amendment grants Americans the right to bear arms (have guns).

Salon (222): An American news and opinion website with a politically liberal editorial stance.

Air Force One (222): the president’s plane

“My Canadian girlfriend” (223): A running joke that someone (often a high schooler) whose partner goes to another school or lives somewhere else is made up.

Five Guys (225): Five Guys Burger and Fries is a popular fast food burger chain across the US.

Vampire Weekend (225): An American indie rock band.

The general (226): the general election in November, when Americans would vote for their president

Plainclothes (226): out of uniform

The Beekman (226): A very fancy hotel in Lower Manhattan, near the Brooklyn Bridge.

NATO (233): the North Atlantic Treaty Organization; an intergovernmental military alliance between 29 North American and European countries.

----

*every time I read this, I flinch just a little bit. Baroque architecture is just... so much, and the concept of a Baroque bed when beds/bedrooms are supposed to be simple to help you rest... It’s just so much and I hate it with all of my being. I’m sorry if you like Baroque furniture, but especially for Henry, who dreams of a simple life where he can just write and be anonymous... It’s a big yikes.

** Literally no one asked, but his stuff is just... it’s so boring? Like I’m sure it’s great to fall asleep to or calm down to, but I tried to listen to it while I wrote this and I just couldn’t. Liszt is better, but he’s no Mozart. Also? Mozart wrote BOPS. ONLY. “The Birdcatcher’s Song” slaps and no one can change my mind on that.

----

If there’s anything I missed or that you’d like more on, please let me know! And if you’d like to/are able, please consider buying me a ko-fi? I know not everyone can, and that’s fine, but these things take a lot of time/work and I’d really appreciate it!

—–-

Chapter 1 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 9

[nomimits7]

Multiple Members Recs

If any of the links don’t work or the authors are wrong, please let me know...

(Gif not mine)

Mile High Valentine club Nammin Model au - @softjeon

The dom’s next door Taekook neighbours au - @tatertotthethot

The new neighbors Taekook neighbour au - @xxgothickxx 

Embittered Yoonjin Alice au- @84402099

Unrequited Yoonmin college au  - @bang-tan-fan

Business Taekook business au - @btssmutgalore

The Kim line Kim line idol au - @jjungkookislife​

Colors Vminkook roommates au - @fortunexkookie 

Adore Taemin - @bang-tan-bitches 

Trapped in the closet Jihope non au - @hungline 

Break my stride Kookmin werewolf au - @solastia 

Wolfbane Kookmin wolfbts - @softjeon 

Need Rapline abo universe - @bang-tan-bitches 

Taste Taegi boyfriends au - @jungblue 

Satisfy Kim line escort/ceo au - @suga-kookiemonster 

Behind the mask Namin Crime au - @chimknj​

But that’s not my business Nammin Drug au - @chimknj​

Reincarnate Vmon Vampire au - @yandere-society​

Baby got back Yoonmin Idol verse - @btssavedmylifeblr​

Florescence Taejin Hybrid au - @jincherie​

Kitten Hyung line - @yeontanismypresident​

From the depths Namkook Pirate/Poseidon au - @soladtia

Samhains blessing Taegi Vampire/witch/Halloween au - @softjeon​ 

Evergreen Yoonkook hybrid/gang au - @softjeon​

Shadow of you Jinkook Werewolf au - @solastia​

A devil play thing Vmon Devil au - @jamaisjoons​

How to fall in love Yoonkook roommate au - @softjeon​

Dark desire Jikook Mafia au - @anpanbts​

Exposure Nammin Highschool au - @jeonsficrecs​

Bitten knotted Namhope Vampire/werewolf au - @jamaisjoons​

Hush Taekook - @suga-kookiemonster​

Infatuated Jinmin college au - @hobiwonder​

A little bit dangerous Namhopeyoonjikook open relationship au - @jjungkookislife​

Angel Namtaekook Friends with benefits au - @bang-tan-bitches​

Tats’n’tots Taekook – AO3 (Death_Impala)

Yours to keep Namtae Hybrid au - @hybridfanfiction​ 

Crystal rum Taejin Mafia au - @jeonsficrecs​

Thic series Taekook Hybrid/college/CEO au - @btsinned​

Better together Yoonmin Rapper/dancer au - @softjeon​

The sky is burning in your eyes Yoonmin Badboy/gang au - @softjeon​

Spring day Nammin Terminal illness au (Major character death) - @jeonsficrecs​

Featherlight Nammin Angel au - @softjeon​

Knotting hill Vmon Werewolf au - @solastia​

An invitation Sope 3some au - @inkjam-moon​

Ghost of you Yoonkook hotel de luna au - @jeonsficrecs​

Wow namjoon Namkook university/roommate au - @jooneos​

Pink Jinkook - @bang-tan-bitches​

Blush tae implied bts - @bang-tan-bitches​

Tension Jikook 3some - @kpopfanfictrash​

Shhh Taekook - @bang-tan-bitches​

Good-girl Vmon daddy bangtan - @bang-tan-bitches​

Whine Rapline - @bang-tan-bitches​

Fourteen Namjin Hybrid au - @mintedmango​ 

[mermaidsirennikita]

do you have any head canons on the roy kids childhood?

Yes for sure!  I think more teenhood than anything else, but this is what I’ve got.

I think that Connor was probably fairly close to his mother, who was, yes, most likely mentally ill–but also probably pushed semi-purposefully to some pretty dark places by Logan.  I tend to feel like Caroline was a domino effect kind of second wife–Logan was fucking her while married to Connor’s mother.  I feel like Connor was alienated from his father because he was a part of the starter marriage and the “defective” wife.  His mom probably leaned on him a lot and that warped him a little too; being her emotional crutch.  We now know she was most likely institutionalized, but I don’t know if she’s still alive?  Or if she perhaps killed herself?  That would be… very dark for Roman to offhandedly joke about, but it is Succession.  Imo, Connor was probably kind of distant from his younger siblings and the fact that their mother and in turn they essentially supplanted his family is always going to be a pain point.

Connor probably didn’t go to boarding school as young as the trio, because I don’t think Logan had QUITE made it to where is today when Connor was a kid…  Imo his marriage to Caroline was probably a transition into that.  So Connor probably went to boarding school in like, middle-high school, while the younger three went from a very young age and were raised by nannies.  Connor was probably like, a rich drug dealer type kid and MAAAAYBE like dealt his mom’s prescription meds along with some herbal shit.  Which, come to think of it, is probably some of the first shit Kendall tried.

Roman probably tried drugs in middle/high school but never got that hardcore into it because Kendall’s got enough years on him where I think the issues were already starting to show…  Like, I’ve known people who became addicts in their early teens and are still addicts into their 40s, and I tend to feel like Kendall is probably that kind of person.  Imo, his coke habit was definitely crystallized during like, summer vacations and shit like that.  Also, not sure if it’s been defined exactly how long he and Stewy have known each other, but if they knew each other in boarding school, they definitely did that “just two straight bros jerking each other off” thing… a few times. 

Shiv was never really into drugs as a teen, it’s never been her thing.  I feel like she was actually a very conventional rich little princess daddy’s girl type basically up until she went to college and hurtled into a years-long granola phase that is only somewhat tempered by the time we meet her in the pilot.  I think she probably wore a ton Caroline Kennedy-esque looks.  She focused on her language classes, rebelling in subtle rich girl type of ways–like sneaking her boyfriends into the school dormitories.  She probably did some weirdly rebellious fucked up shit, like fucking her boyfriend on the couch when “no one was home”, but really she knew that at least one of her brothers was down the hall, JUST to get Logan’s attention???  But in terms of outward appearances, she was a princess.  She’s never gotten along with her mom, really, and the knockdown dragout fight shit started when she was like… 10.  

Obviously, they were all desperate for their father’s love and also hated that they were desperate for their father’s love.  But to outside eyes, they probably came off as typically preppy asshole rich kids.  They all wore a fuck ton of Ray-Bans.  Connor would share his cigarettes with Kendall and Roman when they were like… way too young.  Think 10-12-ish.  But there weren’t that many ways for him to bond with them, because he was always a little separate.  I do think he really loves them deep down, but he’s not able to express that in a way, there’s this wall there.

The brothers definitely ganged up on Shiv, and based off their behavior around Tom it was probably in really weird ways, like… high-fiving the dudes who’d come to pick her up for prom, saying snarky shit when she wore short skirts.  Basically nobody knew how to drive, of course (that came later, and like, apparently it wasn’t that successful).  They were all aware of when Logan would fuck the nanny or Shiv’s horseback instructor, and they would often go out to the pool house and pass a joint around to avoid Logan and Caroline’s fighting.  (And for that matter, Shiv and Roman both knew waaaaay before either of their parents that Kendall’s coke addiction had progressed to like, nosebleeds during math class bad.  But they didn’t say anything, just gave him shit about it.)  Most likely, there were occasions when Roman got in trouble by running his mouth.  Kendall (and occasionally MAYBE Connor) would never actually beat anyone up for him, but he’d either pay the person who Roman was in trouble with off or pay someone else to beat him up.

Kendall was definitely in a garage band of some kind.  (But as we know now HE REALLY WANTED TO BE A RAPPER.)  They all had to learn an instrument, but all of them sucked at it.  I feel like Roman probably did some really weird needy sibling with separation anxiety (from being put in a dog crate) things that he got a lot of shit for?  Like he probably would sleepwalk… And then Kendall or Shiv would wake up and he’d be like, asleep on top of them.  Not in a sexual way, he’d just be like… asleep…  But he’d be like 13 SO IT WAS KINDA WEIRD.

Kendall and Shiv are two sides of the same coin, imo, so they were hypercompetitive for a while until she started to break off from the family business endgame and he started to be be obsessive about it.  They probably compared test scores from a young age.  But they also have a way of communicating while barely speaking and exchanging minor visual cues.  Like, I think each of the siblings, especially the trio, have this with each other on some level but imo you take Kendall and Shiv and it’s very different from like, the “oh they love each other deep down” bond that Kendall and Roman have.  It’s definitely this sense of them both wanting Logan’s love so badly and both having a drive to succeed–like I’ve said before, they’re his top dog children battling it out for who’s gonna be the alpha and who’s gonna be the beta.  While Roman and Connor’s issues are very different.  So while I feel like Roman was probably already covering for Kendall’s damage from a young age and noticing it, and Shiv was someone he could have weirdly honest moments with where they said nothing and then hated each other the next day.  Like oh let’s sit at the pool together and quietly soak up the misery of never being good enough for Dad and maybe you squeeze my hand for a second but then tomorrow we’re gonna be back to competing intensely.

Also, there were definitely perverse “contests”.  Like, Roman stretched the million dollar home run thing because he’s Roman, but Logan would definitely do shit like “last one there is WALKING HOME” and “the one who eats the most ice cream without throwing up gets to go to work with me tomorrow”.  Connor bowed out of this shit fairly early?  But he’d also secretly wish that he could get in on it without looking weirder than he already did.

And finally: Connor Roy was interested in politics from a young age.