#crunchingnumbersmyass

[mamasaidyoureapimp-blog-blog]

Oh You Wana Buy a Car?

It's time to buy a car. Let me go ahead and tell you that you're not ready. Here's how it goes: you are greeted by a man who smiles far too widely, who shakes your hand with practically painful enthusiasm, and who seems more eager than anyone ever should be.

All the while you're grinning like an idiot on the inside who's simply just excited to get a new car but you politely smile and say, "Oh, I'm just browsing.. I'm not really looking to buy." 

And then it begins, "Well, let's just step into my office and talk." because of course he can detect that underlying excitement of yours. Suddenly there's that familiar hand on your shoulder guiding you into his web. 

Then it turns into, "well what are you looking for?" And then the guy tries to read you which plays in for the test drives. Next it just so happens that the car you want that's actually affordable isn't available in the lot. Oh but wait! Guess what! The next model with all the new gadgets that happens to be a good 6K more is out in the lot. The guy flashes you a charming grin and convinces you that it has the same engine and thus is practically the same car so you simply must take it out for a spin at least just enough to start to really want it get a feel for it. 

and one of these encouraging smiles reduces you to

"Yeah, ok, it can't hurt"

Aaaand before you know it you're getting caught in strings of torques, 3.5L engines, rear view cameras, bluetooth, 22mpg, and all the like. 

And for the love of all that is holy, the man even put on 104.9FM during the test drive! THE FREAKING HINDI STATION?!?!! Sweet Jesus, he brought Mother India into this?!?!!You're all too comfortable now jamming away with all of your guards down.

  When you both return from the drive the guy leaves you for what feels like hours to "crunch the numbers". You know they're really just laughing like jackasses-- "Oh! Look! She's going for the overview again! Alright who had "overview more than 5x"? I honestly thought she would've gone for coffee again or at least the restroom-- and all the while you are wondering whyyyyy in hell you didn't think to bring a damn book. 

By the time the guy comes back from laughing at you with the guys upstairs crunching the numbers you're so worn down that you're just ready to sign for a damn car already. He looks like a freaking angel! Where has he been this whole time?! You've been sitting there for so long with absolutely nothing but your thoughts! 

And it's a wrap. You're driving out of the dealership like a chump. Way to go.