mamasaidyoureapimp-blog-blog - Tumblr blog

mamasaidyoureapimp-blog-blog · 11 years ago

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let it go, let it go, the cold never bothered me anyway

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mamasaidyoureapimp-blog-blog · 11 years ago

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Call Me Tumbledore

#harrypotter #parksandrec #isofunnnnnny

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mamasaidyoureapimp-blog-blog · 11 years ago

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Oh You Wana Buy a Car?

It's time to buy a car. Let me go ahead and tell you that you're not ready. Here's how it goes: you are greeted by a man who smiles far too widely, who shakes your hand with practically painful enthusiasm, and who seems more eager than anyone ever should be.

All the while you're grinning like an idiot on the inside who's simply just excited to get a new car but you politely smile and say, "Oh, I'm just browsing.. I'm not really looking to buy."

And then it begins, "Well, let's just step into my office and talk." because of course he can detect that underlying excitement of yours. Suddenly there's that familiar hand on your shoulder guiding you into his web.

Then it turns into, "well what are you looking for?" And then the guy tries to read you which plays in for the test drives. Next it just so happens that the car you want that's actually affordable isn't available in the lot. Oh but wait! Guess what! The next model with all the new gadgets that happens to be a good 6K more is out in the lot. The guy flashes you a charming grin and convinces you that it has the same engine and thus is practically the same car so you simply must take it out for a spin at least just enough to start to really want it get a feel for it.

and one of these encouraging smiles reduces you to

"Yeah, ok, it can't hurt"

Aaaand before you know it you're getting caught in strings of torques, 3.5L engines, rear view cameras, bluetooth, 22mpg, and all the like.

And for the love of all that is holy, the man even put on 104.9FM during the test drive! THE FREAKING HINDI STATION?!?!! Sweet Jesus, he brought Mother India into this?!?!!You're all too comfortable now jamming away with all of your guards down.

When you both return from the drive the guy leaves you for what feels like hours to "crunch the numbers". You know they're really just laughing like jackasses-- "Oh! Look! She's going for the overview again! Alright who had "overview more than 5x"? I honestly thought she would've gone for coffee again or at least the restroom-- and all the while you are wondering whyyyyy in hell you didn't think to bring a damn book.

By the time the guy comes back from laughing at you with the guys upstairs crunching the numbers you're so worn down that you're just ready to sign for a damn car already. He looks like a freaking angel! Where has he been this whole time?! You've been sitting there for so long with absolutely nothing but your thoughts!

And it's a wrap. You're driving out of the dealership like a chump. Way to go.

#conniving #letsjusttakeitoutforaspin #crunchingnumbersmyass

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mamasaidyoureapimp-blog-blog · 11 years ago

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Oh You Wana Take Me to Maggiano's?

K so I work at a pharmacy. Any deliveries that are to go out on a particular day must be called in before 3pm. The delivery guy decides he's going to leave around 2:30pm. At 2:40 a nursing home calls us saying they need medications for a patient. I immediately start on it and put the delivery guy on the phone on speakerphone to make sure I get him before he gets on the highway which is, HOLY SHIT! A WHOLE U-TURN AND 300 FEET AWAY! He doesn't answer, I text him, he calls back, I notify him that he still has shit he has to take out and to come back now, he says he'll come back after his other deliveries and pick it up. Keep in mind that this fool only has two places to go today: Flower Mound and Denton and was boasting to the boss that he would be back by 3:30pm*

Boss leaves to meet a lawyer (personal divorce shit) and a floater pharmacist comes in. See now I NEVER tell this pharmacist anything bc he's slow as balls anyways and cmon guys, he answers the phone saying, "Hi this is the pharmacy, how can I help you, please?" + he's kind of a punkass in that when a Spanish speaking patient walks in saying a timid greeting 'buenos tardes, buenos dias, etc.' he immediately looks at them, says 'oh I don't speak Spanish, here' and then redirects them to me. At which point I look like a fucking douchebag bc the most Spanish I know is from high school. It normally goes a little like: "..Oh.. hola.. okay, hablo espanol poquito solo..." which I just looked up to ACTUALLY mean: "I speak little Spanish only".. so yeah..

Sooo as I was saying. although there's no point ever saying anything to this pharmacist, I feel like I should tell him that, 'hey, if the delivery guy comes back while I'm in the restroom tell him that he's got one more delivery to take and not to forget it'. Now imagine my disbelief as I hear this idiot lumber in saying. "oh no, that's got to be for tomorrow! Alright bye!"

You can not even imagine how fast I washed and dried my hands. I swing the door open wiping my hands on the back on my pants like "um, I KNOW you're going back inside to get that last delivery" and he has the audacity to come up with a million questions like

Him: When did they call it in?

Me: 2:40. Check your phone.

Him: Ahh well I gota go..

Me: You're the one who wanted to leave early. You said you would take it. That nurse is super bitchy and I told her the patient would get it today"

*Keep in mind that this patient has been waiting on these meds and for whatever reason the insurance delayed paying for it til today so she's been going without it/going with substituted medications to make up for it.

Him: Well it's like 10 minutes from her--

Me: --Which is why you should hurry up and just take it.

etc. etc. and tell me why this fool actually leaves without taking the delivery. You stupid piece of shit, NO WONDER I won't ever EVER see you outside of work no matter how many times you've asked me 'When can I treat you to something sweet?" or "When you gona let me take you to Maggiano's?" ----hmm I realize I need to tumble when my feelings are tumbling... otherwise I haz nothing.. lol I get over things too quickly but hey for a minute there at work I was like:

and yes, 3 gifs were completely necessary as to encapsulate my rage at the moment because NO, you selfish, worthless man, you CAN'T fucking taking me to fucking Maggiano's because I'm too busy doing your fucking job along with Mr. Let-Me-Sleep-With-a-25-Year-Old-When-I'm-34-And-Basically-Adopt-Her-And-HER-Daughter-While-Forgetting-About-My-Own-Daughter's job. "What? I can get joint custody? I don't have to let my crazy wife pick up and move my daughter across the country? Wait, wait, I'm the victim... and I deserve to relive my college days with all the magic that comes with a 6 figure salary". Meh. Whatevs.

#nohabloespanol noyoucantfuckingtakemetomaggianos thelastfuckigive

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mamasaidyoureapimp-blog-blog · 11 years ago

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Oh you think Jesus is white?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7XYlJqf4dLI

^Fox News' Megyn Kelly says "just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn’t mean it has to change. Jesus was a white man, too. He was a historical figure. That’s a verifiable fact — as is Santa. I just want the kids watching to know that. My point is, how do you just revise it in the middle of the legacy of the story and change Santa from white to black?"

What? Hello? Jesus wasn't a white man.. Jesus was an Israeli man.. A NAZARENE, to be specific. Feast your eyes upon the image of an Israeli male

Olive skin, dark hair, dark eyes, in uniform, AND holding a kitten..

Sweet baby Jesus take the wheel..NO! baby Jesus, no! you're only a child! You can't drive! *regains control* I digress.. the following image is of a white male

Oh wait, no.. that is just white Barack Obama lol see now this is just unfortunate

This is a white male

This is Santa Clause

Now if you will take notice of the pasty complexion of the white male, the white Santa, and the white Barack Obama, you may actually see that none of them fit my description of the very attractive Israeli man.

See, I don't care if Santa's black or white because hello? I'm Indian and growing up I had no reservations thinking that Santa was a rotund white man sneaking into my house through the chimney while I was asleep to leave me presents in exchange for cookies. I truly didn't give a shit about his race. "Oh, well why isn't Santa Indi"--No! You shut your mouth! That huge white man is flying all over the world and giving everyone shit! WHO CARES! WE'RE GETTING PRESENTS!

I feel entirely differently about Jesus though.. Jesus was not a white man nor was he a black man. HE WAS ISRAELI. I mean, I get it, old white men wrote the history books and drew the pictures of Jesus to portray themselves as equals to Jesus and then proceeded to raid nations all the while shoving religion and culture (or lack of) down uncivilized people's throats. I totally get it. Let's be real, had I written the history books I would have said that Jesus was an Indian woman who loved winter weather, listened to Eminem, and wore "intense" eyeliner *cough*

But it's just not accurate! Jesus was Israeli.. which as far as I'm concerned, is far closer to being Indian than being white simply based on appearance alone. Jai Ho! Just kidding.. are white people still singing that song?

Anyways, summary:

Santa gives gifts-- who cares what race he is

Jesus was Israeli, not white.

Oh.. and Israeli men are pretty damn attractive

#whitejesus #hotisraelimenwithkittens #jesusloveswintereminemandeyeliner #whiteobama

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mamasaidyoureapimp-blog-blog · 11 years ago

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Mother called Dauddy in INDIA to complain about me at which point Dauddy called me from INDIA to yell at me... well played Mother, well played.

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mamasaidyoureapimp-blog-blog · 11 years ago

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CHRISTMAS DECOR IS OUT IN STORES ;OISEJFRSLOIEJMALOK

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mamasaidyoureapimp-blog-blog · 11 years ago

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My reaction upon learning that vanilla ice cream contains an ingredient called "Castoreum" which is a mixture of beaver scent gland excretions and of course beaver urine.

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mamasaidyoureapimp-blog-blog · 11 years ago

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