football tournaments give me a genuine midlife crisis because one day it’s 2014 and you’re a kid and your favourite player is still in their peak and then it’s another two years and then you’re older and your favourite player is older and then it’s another two and you’re older than the newest players and your favourite player is retiring. not good. do not recommend.
Welcome to the thing that has consumed my life for the last few months. I've decided to plot every footballer and manager this site loses their shit for on a political matrix.
Not a political spectrum - I really can't be arsed to guess their left/right leanings. Instead, we have a matrix, measuring:
Political Ideation (vertical axis) - How do they see the world? Do they have good ideas or bad ideas?
and
Political Intelligence (horizontal axis) - Do they have a clue what's going on? Could they make an argument for anything?
These judgments are based on their actions both on and off the pitch.
Disclaimer
This document is the result of years of careful, thorough analysis. It is 208% accurate. If you disagree with it, cope. I have a degree in Politics. The position of your favs on here does not affect you.
A lot of women's football players are left out of this as I don't want to pit them against men. The ones that are on there are there for a good time!
Best viewed on desktop!
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Edits
05/03/24: amended Bounou's description to say "Emerging Arabian figurehead"
Cho Gue Seung having to turn his phone off bc he got too many marriage proposals after going from 20k to 1.6M followers on instagram is one thing, but him learning Portuguese just so he can swear at Ronaldo in his own language is a whole other level of legendary