#crisscrossing romances of the defenders | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

akinnie75 · 6 years ago

Text

Thank You

Pairing: RM x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Veeery Slow Burn, Romance

Word Count: 27k

Summary: Namjoon is that neighborhood kid that is always known for causing trouble, but what will you do if you catch him in your backyard?

‘Don’t go near that Namjoon kid’ is what your mother always tells you. You can’t quite remember when your mother started telling you that, but all you can remember is that every time the topic of Namjoon is brought up or even the quickest glance of Namjoon running across the street is enough to trigger your mother’s urge to give you a lecture about how not to be like him. It’s always the same thing: being associated with someone like Namjoon means that they’ll influence you to enact on bad behavior, or that you will become a failure in school because you won’t focus on your studies.

You already know all of this, so whenever your mother gets into the mood of using Namjoon as a result of failed parenting, you tune her out. You’re always questioning why you have to listen to something that you’ve heard a dozen times anyway. It’s always been like this ever since you moved to the neighborhood.

It’s the weekends, and being a young child that you are, it means that there’s no curfew. And without a curfew, that means that you can stay up later than usual to watch adult cartoon content only displayed late at night. Since your parents don’t really care what you watch late at night, you have the freedom to watch almost everything.

Once the small hand hits 9 PM, the cartoon channel that you frequently watch during the day finalizes their last showing, then it transitions to their more adult content. Luckily for you, the first showing is one of your favorite cartoon shows. The show features adult jokes that you don’t fully understand and violence, but that’s the beauty of the show. You sit back and relax, preparing for your night to last for a few good hours.

…However, ‘few hours’ quickly turned to ‘few minutes.’ As it turns out, because you are used to your weekday curfew, you can barely keep your eyes open past 9:30 PM. After that, you knock out as fast as light before you got the chance to turn off the TV.

While you sleep soundly, you can hear the background noise of the show that is currently running on the channel. It’s a rerun of an episode that you’ve seen before, replaying the same joke that you’ve heard numerous times. You lay on your side, clutching the sofa pillow close to you as you can. Since you didn’t bring a blanket to keep yourself warm, you curl your body into a ball, using the pillow as your only source of warmth.

In spite of your peaceful sleep, it is quickly interrupted by the sound of footsteps trotting along your backyard. Normally when your mind plays tricks with you, you can hide under the comfort of your blanket, but because you forgot to bring a blanket with you, your entire body suddenly feels cold when your consciousness tells you that you’re now unprotected. Now, your paranoia is crawling up your spine, and you squeeze your eyes tighter, begging for the noise to stop.

And it did, right after a clear ‘thud’ to the ground. You now hear the bark coming from your dog in the backyard. Feeling a bit more secure that it might be all in your head, you sit up.

You dash to the nearest light switch and turn it on. Even though all of your paranoia was all in your head, you’re still scared of the dark, so you make a trail of lights as you travel from the living room to the kitchen to the backyard sliding door. Once you get to the sliding door to the backyard, you open it slightly, enough so that you can peek your hand out to pet your dog.

“What the heck are you still doing up? Go to sleep!” You whisper to your dog.

After petting your dog, it turns around and walks back to the center of the backyard, wagging its tail. Because of the distance between the sliding door to wherever your dog is going, you can barely see where your dog is at. You stand up to turn on the backlights of the backyard, and what you see on the ground makes sense to the barking and ominous footsteps.

A figure is lying down on the grass with its back facing you. You choke on your scream, covering your mouth to make sure that you don’t wake up whatever or whoever is lying right there. You don’t know what to do in this situation. Your house phone is currently broken, and your parents are still asleep in their bedroom. If you told them that there’s a person in the backyard, then they won’t believe you. Your curiosity gets the better of you, and you want to know who it is in your backyard. You skid your feet across the kitchen floor and to the yard.

When you make it outside, you still barely drag your feet off of the ground to get closer to what is on the ground. You get closer to the figure, you can understand why. There’s a person lying unconscious on the grass—and to be specific, it’s Namjoon Kim, the infamous mischievous child of the neighborhood.

Shocked by what you see on the ground, you panic, not sure of what to do with him. You don’t know whether you should call your parents and tell them who you found, or if you should just leave him there. You get a closer look at his face to make sure that he’s even sleeping in the first place.

You get a better look of Namjoon’s face, and you can see different shades of red and purple on his face, specifically around his mouth and eyes. You stare at him curiously, wondering if he had gotten into a fight earlier, which can probably explain why he’s knocked out in your backyard. You start to pity him, convincing yourself that you can just leave him here.

You grab him by the forearm and attempt to drag him into your house, but he is twice your weight, so it was an impossible plan from the beginning. You let go of his hand then fall back down. You breathe heavily, thinking of other possible ways to deal with Namjoon. That’s when an idea pops into your head.

You run back inside the house, with your dog running behind you, to grab a sofa pillow and the Band-Aids that your mother keeps in the kitchen drawer, then you run back out. You sit with your legs crossed, feeling the sensation of the cold, wet grass soaking up your pajamas.

You scoop your hand under Namjoon’s head, lifting it as high as you can, then set the pillow underneath his head. Now that his head is a little more comfortable, you stare at his face again. You’ve never seen such a bruised up face before, and honestly, it scares you a bit. You wonder what he was doing earlier that made his face so swollen. You take off the wrappers of the Band-Aids and place them over his wounds in hopes that it’ll heal without the usual ointment your mother uses when you get injured.

Thirty minutes have passed, and Namjoon is still sleeping on the grass. Meanwhile, you’ve gotten bored, so you returned inside to grab your Nintendo DS. To keep yourself warm, you dog kindly sleeps on your lap to prevent you from shivering. Ever since you put the pillow under Namjoon’s head, he hasn’t moved at all.

You start to think that he might be dead, but you can see that his chest slowly rises up and falls down. You don’t know why you’re sitting next to Namjoon in the cold, even though you clearly know that you’re dead meat if one of your parents finds you like this. Perhaps you’re waiting for him to wake up, but when he does, what will you do? You don’t know Namjoon well enough to predict what the first thing Namjoon will say or do. You try not to think about the near future, as you must focus on your game.

“What are you playing?” A voice suddenly breaks your focus on your game.

You are startled when the voice abruptly came out of nowhere. You draw your head down and trail your attention to find that Namjoon is awake, staring straight at you. Just a moment ago, you were wondering when he’ll wake up, and there he is, staring at you as if this situation isn’t heavy enough as it is.

“I’m playing Animal Crossing.” You say you’re playing it, but really, because it’s night time in the fame right now, all of the stores in the game is closed, so you’re just collecting seashells and shaking trees for gold.

Namjoon scoffs. “That’s a lame game.”

Offended, you puff your cheeks in anger. “It’s a fun game! How would you know??!”

“I know some people from my school that plays that game all the time. All you do is walk around and sell stuff. There’s nothing fun about that.”

You open your mouth to retaliate, but Namjoon isn’t lying. That’s literally all you do in the game. “S…so?!” You turn your head away from him, embarrassed that you couldn’t think of anything to defend one of your favorite games.

Seeing that he already made you upset, Namjoon spins his body around, resting his stomach on the grass and stare at the angry you. “How old are you?”

“Eleven.”

“What?! Really??”

“Shh!! My parents are still sleeping!” You put your index finger to your mouth. “Why are you so surprised? How old are you?”

“Old enough to be in my last year in junior high. Man, I always thought that you were younger or something. You look really little.”

You blush slightly. “Sh-shut up! I’m not lying! Wait…‘always thought’?? You know me?”

“Duh, of course. Just because I’m the neighborhood troublemaker doesn’t mean that I don’t know anyone here. Your mom is the one who’s always talking trash about me, right?”

“Uh…” You don’t know how to answer him.

“It’s alright. All the moms here hate me anyway. But I’m surprised you didn’t tell your parents that I’m here. And aren’t you supposed to be a good girl? You just gonna ignore what your mom told you?”

You and Namjoon silently stare at each other, when you suddenly remember why you helped him in the first place. “And…you look hurt, so I wanted to help you.”

The mood between you and Namjoon becomes serious. Namjoon looks down, staring at your legs that are crisscrossed and soaked in the wet grass. “Even though I’m the big, bad monster, you still helped me?”

“Well…” You look around to think of an excuse. “It’s normal to help people, and you’re a person, not a monster.”

Namjoon didn’t expect you to give an answer like that. Either, you’re one of the nicest people he’s ever met, or you’re the dumbest person he’s ever met. But…this feeling doesn’t feel too bad. “Theeennn, can I rely on you from now on when I get into trouble?”

“What?”

Suddenly, their conversation is interrupted by the blaring light coming from the sliding door. The light specifically blinds Helen only, and your dog jumps off your lap and to the source of the light.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?! GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW.” A female voice shouts at you, which you quickly knew it to be your mother’s.

To Namjoon’s luck, your mother didn’t notice him next to you. Instinctively, Namjoon gets up and heads to the nearest fence to climb over, but before he completely climbs over, he spins his head around and gives you a gentle smile, revealing his one-sided dimple. “Thanks.”

Once Namjoon is gone, your mother runs towards you, still blinding your eyes with the flashlight in her hand. She hastily grabs you under your arm, rising you up out of annoyance. “Are you stupid or something?! What are you doing outside here alone?? Do you know that you can get kidnapped or eaten by an animal??! And look! You got one of the pillows dirty! Do you know how much the pillow costs??! We’re going to talk about this with your dad tomorrow! Hurry up!”

However, your mother’s words flow out the other ear as you are only focused on the fence that Namjoon climbed over. He was nearly caught by your mother, so you exhaled a sigh of relief when he was gone. But in your mind, the repeating question is still stuck in your mind: why do you keep supporting Namjoon? You’ve been told countless of times about how dangerous Namjoon is, and yet, the moment you finally interact with him, it feels like all the gossip that the moms spread were all lies. Maybe…it’s because so many many people are against Namjoon that you want to be the only one rooting for him.

Ever since that night when you and Namjoon met in your backyard, Namjoon has been sneaking into your home, but more commonly in your backyard. Because you’re still in elementary school and Namjoon being in junior high, you and Namjoon don’t see each other often during the day, but at night during the weekends, usually Saturday nights, Namjoon would be sitting by the side of your house to avoid being detected by your parents. You would always lie about playing with your dog and instead would sit with Namjoon by the side of the house.

Where the two of you hide is the perfect place, since it’s a blind spot of the house where no one can see the two of you together. Your parents thought it was strange that you wanted to play with your dog so late at night, but they believe that that’s better than you sitting and watching TV. There, you two would converse, or more like, you’re the one talking, typically how your day went, and Namjoon in exchange wouldn’t say much but nod. Sometimes, you would just bring your DS and play next to him while he watches.

One day, you decided to go on a walk at the park with your mother and a neighboring friend. You walk ahead of her and your mother as they talk about trivial topics–topics that you deem as boring because it’s an ‘adult conversation’.

While whacking the branch you found nearby, you look up, and to your surprise, you see Namjoon. It’s the first time you’ve seen Namjoon this close during the day. He’s wearing baggy, ripped jeans and a black zipper jacket with the hood over his head, making him look even more suspicious. He has earphones in his ears, and he’s holding his iPod in his right hand.

You get excited seeing Namjoon outside of your private sphere, so when you guys make eye contact, you wave to him. But to your dismay, he ignores you. He continues to look down his iPod, shuffling through his music. You wave to him again, assuming that he didn’t see you the first time, but once again you don’t seem to draw his attention–though you attract your mother’s.

Your mother hits you on the head gently to stop you from waving your hands. “Don’t look at that boy! If you stare at him for too long, then you’re going to become bad like him!”

You slump your shoulders and puff out your lower lip in retaliation. “Just because I look at him doesn’t mean I’ll become a troublemaker Mom. That doesn’t even make any sense!”

“Don’t you dare speak to me that way! Do you want me to take away your games??”

“No…”

“I heard he got into trouble with the police again. They found him loitering around the outlet with a few of the older kids. Apparently, he refused to move from his spot and that caused a commotion.” Your neighbor interrupts and whispers close to your mother’s ear.

Even though your neighbor is trying to keep the gossips low, she speaks loud enough that you can hear. You spin your head around to look at Namjoon, who idly continues on his way.

“Oh my goodness. What on earth are his parents doing to discipline him? He’s such a bad child! He needs to be out of his neighborhood before he influences the other kids. I heard that Tommy from the Lin family is starting to cause trouble for his parents, and it’s all because of Namjoon!”

You can feel the anger rising up just listening to your mom and aunt talking about Namjoon as if they know him. Granted, you’ve only known Namjoon for a few weeks, but you’re probably the only one in the neighborhood who knows more about Namjoon than anyone else with the exception of his parents. You know that Namjoon isn’t what you mom makes him out to be. Now that you got to know Namjoon, you know that the gossip that you keep hearing is ridiculous. It’s always ‘I heard this’ or ‘I heard that’. It annoys you that no one bothers getting to know Namjoon.

You look at Namjoon from the distance, then you heave in a deep inhale. “I THINK NAMJOON IS A NICE PERSON!!”

Finally, you grabbed Namjoon’s attention. Your shout must’ve been loud enough that he was able to hear you through his earphones. He stops walking briefly to stare at you, and you smile back at him. There is that brief moment where it felt as though everything has stopped moving as the two of you make eye contact. You can feel the connection between the two of you, and you want to make sure that Namjoon isn’t alone in this world of misunderstandings.

However, Namjoon isn’t the only one who heard you, and your mother slaps you on the back of your neck, looking around making sure that no one else heard you. “Don’t you dare say that out loud ever again!!! Do you want Namjoon to hear you so you can become bad and fail at school?!”

Seeing how you got in trouble, Namjoon returns back to reality and continues on his way. You keep staring back at Namjoon, ignoring all of the scoldings you’re currently receiving from your mother. You question why Namjoon is seen as such a bad child when you know that so far, he’s been treating you really nice.

The school term has ended, and this means that summer break has started. You now have more time to hang out with Namjoon, and yet, despite all the free time, you and Namjoon still meet up in your backyard, mainly around the time when your parents are at work and you’re home alone. Since you are still a child, just finishing elementary school, your parents are still strict about letting you go out on your own.

As per usual, you and Namjoon continue to meet up in your backyard during the break. You are playing on your DS while Namjoon is sitting next to you and watches you play Super Mario Bros. Your dog is sitting on your lap, keeping you warm even though it’s unnecessary considering that right now is pretty hot, but your dog is permissible to sit on your lap.

It’s one of those days when you and Namjoon don’t say much to each other, but you’re both fine with this kind of silence. The thought of what happened the other day at the park still plays in your mind. You’re still a little annoyed about how your neighbor and mother disrespected Namjoon when he was right there, but you also couldn’t forget how Namjoon deliberately ignored you. You thought that at this point, he would consider you as a friend.

Since it’s in your mind, you might as well ask him right now. “Why did you ignore me the other day?”

“Ignore you? What are you talking about?”

“When I was walking with my mom and that auntie. I waved ‘hi’ to you, but you ignored me. Did you ignore me because I was with my mom and auntie?”

You finish a level in your game, so it fades into black to the loading screen. Since the screen is pitch black, the dark shade of the screen allows you to see a reflection of yourself and Namjoon. From the reflection, you can see Namjoon does a quick smile, but then it goes away as fast as it appeared. Once again in that quick flash, you saw his one-sided dimple again.

“You know, you’re pretty dumb.” Namjoon pokes you on the cheek playfully.

“Hey! I’m not dumb!”

“Yea, you are! I don’t think any normal kid would let some troublemaker in their backyard like almost every week,” Namjoon leans his head back on the wall of your house, giving you a side smirk. “I’m a bad person, so if your parents were to find out that a good girl like you is hanging out with someone like me is going to get you into big trouble.”

You hear it again. ‘Namjoon is a bad kid’, the same lines that you hear everyone say all the time. Every time you hear that it just infuriates you. But this time, it offends you even more hearing that naturally rolls out of Namjoon’s tongue. It’s as if those words don’t mean much to him as it does to her. There’s more to a person than a word, but people keep tagging Namjoon with that phrase.

“Don’t you get tired of it?”

“Of what?��

“Of being called ‘bad’. I don’t like it when people call me that, so why don’t you hate it?”

Namjoon opens his mouth slightly, and he lets out a small voice to give his reply, but then pauses to contemplate about that question. Truth be told, it’s a question he’s never been asked before, so he has no idea how to answer.

“Hm…well…it’s kinda like…when people call you by your name. You become so used to hearing your own name that when someone calls your name, you react to it, but you don’t feel any emotional attachment. That’s how I am with the word ‘bad’; it’s not offensive to me, it’s just what’s attached to my name.”

You understand the words that he said, but you don’t understand the message he’s trying to tell you. All you know with your childish mentality is that Namjoon is going to let people call him names, and he’s not going to fight for himself. “But…but bad means not good! I think you’re good, so others should too!”

Namjoon heaves out a slight chuckle, then he messes with your hair. “Oh geez, there’s no point in explaining this to a kid like you.”

You struggle to move his hand away from your head, as he’s distracting you from your game. Your dog looks up, curiously tilting its head, wondering why you’re interrupting its nap. “Hey! Just so you know, I’m not going to be a kid anymore! I’m going to middle school now!”

“Wow, so intimidating,” Namjoon says with a sarcastic tone. “And I’m going to high school.”

You previously thought that by pointing out that you’re entering middle school would make Namjoon respect you a bit more, but he turns the table as usual by reminding you that he’s three years older than you and is going to attend high school. You obviously feel like you and Namjoon have gotten closer, but at the same time, there’s a line between the two of you, and it seems like Namjoon is doing that on purpose, and this saddens you.

“I wish I was the same age as you.” You mumble to yourself with a slight tone of jealousy and childish pout.

“Pfft, why?”

“Because that would mean that we get to go to the same school and say ‘hi’ to each other without having our neighbors constantly judging us.”

You shrug your shoulders up slightly, prepared for Namjoon to concoct his usual sly remark, but to your surprise, Namjoon keeps quiet. You run into a Goomba in the game, killing you with one touch. After Mario cries with failure the screen fades into black, returning you to see a reflection of you and Namjoon. Namjoon’s expression perks you somewhat. He’s reacting in a way you’ve never seen before. You see Namjoon looking away from you, hand covering his mouth. You quickly turn your head to see his face, and you catch a quick glimpse of bright red cheeks.

Before you can catch more details on his face, Namjoon puts his hand on you and messes with your hair like he always does. However, this time, it’s rougher than usual. It gets to the point where Namjoon puts weight on his hand, and since your head isn’t strong enough to withstand Namjoon’s hand strength, your back is bent forward, and your head is practically resting on your dog’s back. Your dog is again confused, looking at the both of you and Namjoon, wondering why once again, you both interrupted its peace.

“Hey! What the heck?! I can’t see my game!”

“Don’t say stupid stuff like that! You’re gonna get my hopes too high.” Namjoon makes it seem like what you said is bad, but when you peek at his face, you can tell that he’s blatantly happy.

You have no idea what you said to make him react this way. Is he doing this because he thought that you were joking around or that you insulted him? Honestly, you don’t like it when Namjoon looks down on you like that. You’re tougher than you look, but Namjoon still sees you as a little kid. No matter what you say to him, it seems like it’s only a joke to Namjoon.

“Hey, don’t worry. In three years, we’ll get to be in the same high school though, right?”

When hearing that, your expression turns bright, and you nod your head furiously. “Yea! And I’ll be in high school, so you’ll have to respect me this time!”

“But I’ll be a senior by the time you enter high school.”

You internally curse Namjoon’s neverending remarks. “Sh-shut up!”

The first day of middle school feels so hectic for you. Even though you sounded confident and excited to go to middle school, you were actually really nervous. You see people who are twice your height, and people who look more mature than their age. Middle school students seem…hairier than elementary school students…and a lot of them also have the…infamous acne.

You can’t help but feel somewhat grossed out by seeing all of this, but you’re even more scared by the fact that at some point, you might end up looking like them too. You kind of expected the older kids to look like Namjoon, not as hairy and have naturally clear skin because really, he’s the only older kid you know. It’s not only the hairy and acne-infested middle school students that are keeping you anxious, but the thought of going to six different classes every single day is driving you insane. Just looking at your schedule sheet is enough to make your head dizzy.

The first day of school ends, and you sigh of relief, just amazed that somehow, you survived the first day. Because you were so nervous, you didn’t get the chance to use the restroom to release the stress in your bladder. All of the teachers said that it’s fine to ask for permission to use the restroom during class, but the teachers look so intimidating that you were too scared to ask. You were also stiff during lunch, as you didn’t want to look for the restroom yourself, so you pushed your agenda to use the restroom to after school when everyone has practically gone home.

You search around the campus alone, looking for the restroom, unable to hold in your bladder’s tears. Fortunately, you find the restroom, and you release all of the demons inside of you. Finishing your business, you wash your hands and exit the restroom…but then you notice someone rather familiar loitering around the restroom.

It’s one of your neighbor’s son, Rob, who’s two years older than you, and he’s hanging out with three of his friends. You get this feeling of disgust the moment you lay eyes on him. You remember all of those times when your parents desperately tried so hard to fit into the neighborhood by making you befriend a few of the neighborhood kids. With this brat, in particular, you remember clearly why you dislike him so much.

The memories of him water gunning you with unidentifiable liquid, pushing you till you fell down, and even pulling your pants down for kicks and giggles resurfaces from the backs of your memories, and every part of your brain tells you to avoid this guy as much as you can. You were blessed in elementary school because he didn’t go to the same school as you, but now middle school will probably feel like Hell with him. You try to leave as fast as you can until you overhear a very familiar name when you tried to walk the opposite direction.

“You guys remember that Namjoon guy, right? Shit, he was fucking walking around my neighborhood again, and it was just so fucking annoying hearing him walking across the neighborhood. My parents say that he’s probably autistic or some weird shit like that.” He says confidently.

“Hah, didn’t you also tell me that you think that he’s disabled or something?”

“Yea! He slouches a lot because he’s gigantic. I guess he’s tryna be like a fucking hunchback, and it’s working. Dude, legit I think he’s also got some face disorder because his face is so ugly, it makes me wanna fucking puke all over his face.”

The group of boys laugh hysterically. You thought that what your mom said about him is bad, but this is worse. This is taking things to a whole new level of insults, and you can’t just sit still hearing this. Rob and his friends aren’t just insulting Namjoon, but different groups of people as well. You march right towards them, and they didn’t notice you until you got close enough to the point where you’re practically in the circle.

“Take back what you said about Namjoon.”

Rob lets out a chuckle and raises one eyebrow, impressed that you stood up. “Well, if it isn’t Miss Pussyfit, the one who fucking rats me out every time I just wanna play games with you. It’s great to see you again!”

“Take back what you said about Namjoon.” You repeat.

Rob looks at his friends, and they all laugh, then he turns his attention back to you. “What are you, some social justice warrior?” The smile fades away from Rob’s face, then he pokes you on the forehead harshly, nearly to the point where you fall backward. Still, this doesn’t waiver your anger. “Hey, why don’t you get out of your nasty-ass diapers and learn how to piss for yourself? Were we talking about you? No. So this is none of your business, fucktard.”

In the background, you can hear his friends say ‘Ooooooo!’ but you don’t understand what he’s saying that is worthy enough to be in awe about.

“Take back what you said about Namjoon.” You repeat for a third time, with your feet still standing tall.

“Oh my god, I guess people like you will never grow up.” He rolls his eyes. “Damn, you know what, you should be one of those employees at those insane asylums.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause you’d be great at cleaning the shits of mentally retarded people like Kim. Nam. Fucking. Joon.”

That’s it. You had enough of this guy’s bullshit. Without hesitation, you punch him, and because he wasn’t prepared for that, he falls to the ground helplessly. You stand over his body, which is curled up in pain, and you toss your backpack to the side.

You get on your knees to punch him again, but his friends get you off of him. One of his friends cries for help from an adult, and one of the teachers from a nearby class hears the cries. The teacher runs to Rob, asking if he’s alright, but Rob is crying in pain from your punch. His cheek is red from the impact, but it’s not enough to make his nose bleed or anything, so you don’t understand why he’s making such a commotion. After that, the teacher orders his friends to take him to the nurse’s office while he takes you to the office.

You kind of regret punching Rob in the face, only because your parents were called right after you were sent to the office and are currently yelling at you. This is nothing close to the usual scoldings they give you. You’ve never heard your dad scream at you this much before, and this is the first time you’ve seen your mom in a mental breakdown.

Your dad’s screaming to the point where his face is red, and he doesn’t care if he’s spitting saliva in your face. Your mom is slouching over a chair, covering her wet face as she continues to mumble about how she doesn’t know what to do with you. This lecture lasts for a good three hours before your father sends you to your room, refusing to let you eat dinner with them. Oh, and he takes away your games for a good half of the year. To rub more salt into your wound, you’ve already been suspended by the school for a day as a warning.

You fall onto your bed flat on your back, staring at your ceiling as you listen to your mother wail loudly from downstairs. You know how worked up your mother gets if you don’t behave yourself. She’s really scared about what other people will think of her and how she raises her child, and definitely after today, people are not going to see your family as normal anymore, especially since you clipped a boy who happens to be in the same neighborhood as you. What a great way to start middle school.

“Your parents are loud. The entire neighborhood can hear them.” A familiar voice asks by the windowsill.

You spin your head to see Namjoon sitting on your windowsill, staring at you with a forced smile. Once you see him, he jumps off the windowsill and sits on your bed next to you. “N-Namjoon…I…”

The instance you opened your mouth, you feel yourself choking on your tears. Because it seems like everyone is going against your side, just seeing Namjoon and knowing that he’ll comfort you makes you want to burst into tears and release all of your stress. All day, you’ve desperately tried to show only your strong face, but inside, you blame yourself for what happened. You curl up into a ball, hiding your face in your arms as you cry.

He smiles, then pulls you in for a hug. You don’t get out of your curled position, but you let Namjoon wrap his arms around you as you sob. It feels nice being hugged after everyone you’ve seen so far has either intimidated or yelled at you. He doesn’t say anything but simply pats your head softly, feeling his fingers comb your hair as a means of soothing you.

You can tell hear your parents arguing downstairs, but their shouts are background music as Namjoon rocks you side-to-side gently. You never knew that the rebellious Namjoon has a soft side to him. It could be because he knows how it feels like to have the entire world against you, but the only difference for him is that at the end of the day, he didn’t have anyone to comfort him to sleep. As your sobs quiet down, you tell yourself how lucky you are to have met Namjoon.

And of course, one cannot do something without having others spread rumors about what you have done. Ever since you threw that fist against Rob, everyone has been wary of you. It’s outrageous for a small, fragile-looking girl to have such a mean temper, but it’s believable enough that people are picking Rob’s side.

No one really knows the full story about why you started the fight, but Rob has been saying that it was because you simply came out of nowhere and punched him. That’s somewhat true because you did approach him out of nowhere, but you didn’t punch him without a good reason. And with that lie spread throughout the entire school, all of your friends from elementary school avoid you, afraid that you will create an outburst and beat them into a pulp, despite the fact that you still have the strength of a young child.

Assuming that he’s trying his best to get his masculinity returned to him, Rob has been bullying you non-stop, but this is worse compared to back then. Now, you have to see him every day at school, and what makes the situation even more terrible is that Rob has done an excellent job as painting you as the villain, so when he bullies you publicly, no one defends you–not even the teachers.

Every day, there’s shoving, name-calling, and even damaging your textbooks. Because you’re trying your hardest to get your reputation back as a ‘good girl’, more so that your parents can return your video games to you, you don’t fight back. You don’t want to see your mother as an emotional wreck again, nor do you want your father to spout insults to you, so you try your hardest not to fight back.

But what made it easier for you to get through all those times Rob bullied you is Namjoon. You know that at the end of every week, you’ll get to see Namjoon in your backyard as usual. At least you had something to look forward to after five days of Hell.

You’ve never once told Namjoon about what Rob does to you at school because you felt like that is unnecessary information to tell Namjoon. Besides, you convince yourself that you can handle it, as long as you get to see Namjoon at the end of the dark and brutal tunnel. You don’t like to talk about depressing topics such as bullying with Namjoon. You just want to have only good memories with him.

Unfortunately, your parents extended your punishment to nearly a year, and on the last day of the school year, your parents return your Nintendo DS back to you. You’ve never felt so happy in your entire life, but at the same time, this is the hardest you’ve worked your ass off in your youthful life. With the exclusion of that one day you were suspended, you never missed a day at school, and not once did you fight back against Rob. You already feel like patting yourself in the back.

“Now, don’t you go running and causing trouble again. Otherwise, we’ll be taking your games for your entire life.” Your father says as he points his index finger at you.

“Yes! Thanks Dad!!”

Feeling delighted, you run to the front door and put on your shoes.

“Where are you going?” Your mother asks.

“I’m going to tell my friend about this!! I’ll come back before dinner! Promise!” You don’t even say your farewells before you dash out the door.

The first and only person you want to tell this wonderful news to is Namjoon. All you could think about every day is Namjoon, about how you get excited to see him and talk to him in your backyard or bedroom. You’re proud of yourself for not fighting against your mortal enemy, and you want to hear Namjoon tell you that. You want to hear those exact words from him, that he’s proud of you. You can’t wait until you see him.

“Hey! Isn’t that Pussyfit right here??” A familiar and unlikeable voice shouts from a few distances away.

Your pace is stopped by the one person you hate the most riding his bike with his two friends and coming right at you. You take a few steps backward, but they’re fast enough to catch up to you. They circle around you for a bit, laughing and sticking out their tongues at you.

“What are you doing outside standing here all alone? Waiting to suck someone’s dick?” Rob laughs maniacally, making a few of his friends laugh.

You don’t understand the logic as to why Rob has to mention the word ‘dick’ in this conversation, but you just know to feel offended.

“It’s none of your business. Go away!” You exclaim confidently, as you are not in the mood to deal with him right now.

While circling around you, he notices something in your hand. It’s your Nintendo DS. He gets off his bike, throwing it to the ground to make himself seem more terrorizing, then snatches your DS out of your hands.

“Hey!! Give it back!!”

“The fuck is this stone? Dude, you still play with the DS?” Rob rolls his eyes. “Oooooh, my god. You really are just a fucking kid! I mean, who the fuck still plays with his cheap shit?” he brings his face closer to yours to the point where his nose is touching yours. “Get with the trend, you fucking caveman. Actually, you know what, lemme help you.”

Rob deliberately drops your DS on the ground, then stomps on it with both feet. You scream in horror as Rob’s lips curl into a malicious smile. You watch as he steps on your DS to the point where it breaks in half, and the shell of the DS breaks apart, revealing the wires and chips of the Nintendo flying across the cement sidewalk.

You can’t take this anymore. You’ve dealt with Rob long enough. You endured an entire school year of him nonstop bullying and teasing you at school. You thought it was tolerable because at least at the end of the school year, you have your DS to look forward to and an entire summer break of playing it.

Even though it’s like what Rob said, the DS is a shitty gaming platform, but you’ve been playing with it since the day when your father bought it for you for Christmas. You tend to have attachments to things and people that you adore, and anyone tarnishing what you love anger you the most.

You give out a warrior cry before jumping onto him, causing both you and him to fall, with him landing on his back. You start to slap and scratch him furiously as you scream. All of the anger that you’ve kept bottled up explodes at this moment. You’re like an animal that has just been released from its cage after being locked up and mistreated, letting go all of your anger. Today was meant to be a good day, but Rob ruined it. He took what was supposed to be the day you redeemed yourself and crushed it into pieces.

However, it’s not long before Rob has the strength to push you off. You fall to your side, caught off-guard by his sudden strength. Rob sits up, breathing heavily after managing to fight you off of him. “Guys, hold her down.”

As his friends seemed more terrified of him than you, they pull you up from the ground without hesitation, with one guy on each of your arm and locking you tightly with theirs. They put their free hands on your shoulders to restrict you from rotating your arms around. Rob stands up, wiping the sweat off of his chin. One glance into his eyes, you can tell that you went over your limit, and Rob is filled with wrath.

“…Make her go down on her knees. I wanna look down on her.” He orders as he snickers.

His friends look at each other, but they do as he says, as his words are the most powerful right now. Each friend kicks you behind your knees, causing you to fall to the pavement. You look up at Rob, who gets on one knee, but he’s still tall enough to look down on you.

“Feels great being at a disadvantage, right?”

“Fuck you.” You say, struggling to get out of the grips of his friends.

“Oh my shit, I’m so scared of you,” he says, sarcastically terrified, then laughs. “You know, I’ll admit, it was fucking embarrassing getting clipped by some underclassman, albeit a sixth grade, chanky-ass girl. It was like someone fucking smearing shit all over my name, and you don’t understand how long I’ve been building up this anger. But, after that, it became the best year of my middle school life. Puberty hit me fucking hard, and now I’m taller, stronger, and more intimidating than ever. I can take down a sixth grader like yo-”

“Fuck you and your mom.” You interrupt him, not wanting to hear his villainous monologue.

Rob, taken aback by your ‘rude’ interruption, looks away from you and nods slightly, taking in the fact that even after this, your confidence hasn’t been shattered yet. He stands up, claps his hands together as if he has gotten a new idea.

“You know what, I thought that maybe after a whole year of fucking around with you, I thought you would grow up. Nope, a kid is still a kid. I guess I have to help you grow up,” he gets on one knee again. “You know, parents feed their kids greens to help them grow up. I guess I should do that too.”

Rob turns to the side, and next to you, him, and his friends is someone’s front lawn. The lawn is somewhat overgrown, and some patches have dead grass because of the heat and lack of water. However, where you and the guys are standing, there’s a green patch of overgrown grass. Rob snickers as he tears a handful of grass. You and Rob’s two friends are suspecting what Rob is planning to do.

“Rob…don’t fucking do this. She’s just a fucking kid. Let’s just go.”

“Y-yea Rob, I just want to go home…”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Rob’s loud and dominating voice is enough to silence the both of them. Once they become sheeple, Rob turns to you. “Say ‘ah’.”

You know not to open your mouth, but Rob slaps you across the face, hard enough that you felt light-headed and saw all black for a brief moment. He grabs you by the cheeks, forcing you to open your mouth. He shoves a handful of grass into your mouth as he laughs at your misery. When he runs out of grass in his hand, he picks out more to shove more into your mouth.

Because he’s grabbing it so hastily, the patch he picks runs out of grass, but he continues by shoving dirt down instead. His two friends look away in guilt, as they thought this was just all fun and games up until this point. No, they learn that their friend, Rob, is morbid. Listening to you choke as you drool out grass and dirt with Rob laughing as background music makes them doubt being friends with a sociopath like Rob.

This experience feels so long and agonizing for you, but it’s only been two minutes since he started feeding you grass and dirt. He suddenly stops laughing, putting his hand—covered in a mixture of grass, dirt, and your saliva—down. He’s breathing heavily from all the laughing, and now he’s tired. Finally being able to breathe, you cough out as much of the grass and dirt from your throat and mouth, but you accidentally end up choking on it and begin to cough.

“So boring.” Rob stands up, stretches a bit before grabbing his bike and gets on it. “Hey, let’s go get some McDonalds. I’m fucking starving.”

His friends stare at you, unsure of whether they should leave you here, but their fear of their own friend is stronger. They release you, and your arms drop with gravity pushing them down. His friends grab their bikes, and they ride off after him.

Your joints are in pain from the amount of pressure they put on your shoulders, and because they gripped onto your wrists tightly, you can see red circling around your wrists. Because of the lack of blood circulating to your hands, the tips of your fingers are pale and shaking. The experience itself was so terrifying that your legs are too weak to stand up. You cry right there for a good five minutes alone. Not once as you cried did a single person approach you, nor did anyone come out of their house to help you.

Knowing that no one will come for your rescue, you push yourself to get on your feet, even though your knees are still shivering. You take baby steps to your broken DS, pick it up (though you drop it a couple of times because your hands still feel weak), then continue with the back to your house, barely picking up your feet.

The journey back to your home is nothing but pitiful and tearful. Your everything is a mess, the one thing you love the most is broken, and you can’t get that taste of dirt and bitter grass out of your mouth. You know for sure that you can’t let Rob get away with this. You still have that one spark of determination left inside of you. You want your justice.

When you return home, you are relieved when you see your mother standing by the door. She sees you in your disorganized appearance, so she rushes to your side and puts her hands on your shoulders. Glad to see your mother worried about you, you burst into tears.

“Oh my god, let’s get you cleaned up, Dear!”

“M-Mom…I…I…” You try to talk in between your sobs, but you keep getting interrupted by your hiccups. Just talking with the dirt and grass stuck in your throat burns. “R-Rob…he…he…did…”

“Honey, I can’t understand you. Hurry, let’s get you cleaned up, and quiet down too. Dad is taking his nap. You know how he gets when you wake him up before his night shift.”

“M-Mom…Rob…Rob did this…to me…” Because your mother couldn’t understand you the first time, you fight through the pain of your throat to make it clearer for your mother.

Your mother stares at you with a blank face. No expression of concern or confusion. Just blank. She crouches down a little until you and she are at eye level. She gently puts both hands over your cheeks, then pulls a forced, borderline insane smile. “You fell down, right? You fell so hard that you got a bruise on your cheek. Honey, you’re so clumsy that you even ate some grass and dirt when you fell, right?”

You can’t understand what your mother is talking about. She’s spewing nonsense. When you look at her in the eyes, you can tell…you know. Your mother saw the whole thing. She witnessed you being tormented by Rob and his friends, being force-fed and pushed down by a group of guys. She must’ve seen everything through the living room window. She saw everything, but her eyes are begging you to keep this a secret.

Reputation is everything in this neighborhood, and you already damaged the family enough by starting a fight with Rob on the first day of school. Getting into the second fight with Rob would destroy your parents’ reputation here. In a way, your mother’s eyes are telling you this is all your fault for hitting him in the first place. You feel so betrayed like someone stabbed you in the back. There’s no telling that other people must’ve seen Rob and his friends torture you, but would rather not help you. You run up to your bedroom, ignoring your mother as she calls for you from behind.

That same night, you lay in your bed, curled up into a ball as you hide under your blanket with only your head sticking out. After that incident, you brushed your teeth and rinsed your mouth a good number of times. Even after you know that you’ve cleaned out every aspect of mother nature out of your mouth, the thought that dirt and grass entered your mouth still makes you gag.

You try to fall asleep so that today can just end quicker, but what happened today still plays in your mind. You can’t erase what you went through, and you feel like you’re going crazy, especially with the fact that your mother is in denial about it, and no one came to rescue you.

You hear a tapping on your window, and you know that it’s Namjoon. Your heart starts pounding, as you don’t want him to see the circumstance that you’re in. You feel laughable right now, so all you want to do right now is to be alone. Without permission, Namjoon opens the window and jumps inside your bedroom.

“Hey, I didn’t see you by the side of your house. I thought you went out for dinner or something.”

Right off the bat, Namjoon knows that something is off about you. Usually, you’d be excited to see him and have a load of subjects to talk about with him. Tonight, you’re abnormally quiet, and you’re even hiding your face from him. You don’t want him to see your bruised cheek.

He sits on your bed and leans over your, putting his hand on your shoulder. “Hey, what’s wrong? You’re really quiet.”

“I’m just really tired.”

“Really? It’s not even that dark yet. Are you okay?” Namjoon believes that you’re pretending, so he smiles as he leans closer to you. “Did you stay up again just playing games? Geez, learn how to move your eyes away from the screen for once.”

Namjoon tries to pull the blankets down to get a better look at your face but fearing that he’ll find the bruise on your cheek, you quickly pull the sheets over your head. “Hey Namjoon, I’m really tired, so I’ll talk to you later.”

Seeing as you really want him to leave, Namjoon has no choice but to sit up. He feels somewhat offended that you’re brushing him away without telling him a reason, but he’s also confused. He wants to know what happened to make you not want to see him at this moment. There’s no way you’re tired. You’re always so excited to see him.

“Okay…see you next weekend, maybe?”

You don’t give him a reply. Namjoon doesn’t want to leave your sight because you’re really worrying him right now, but he knows that you’re too stubborn to tell him. He gets up from your bed, and you can hear the footsteps drifting away as he strays to the open windowsill. Once he sets his hands on the windowsill, he gives you one last glance–one last chance to tell him what’s going on with you, and you know that he’s giving you this chance.

Internally, you want to grab him. You want to tell him to stay with you and hold onto you tightly. You want to cry on his shoulder and tell him all your troubles. You want to hold his hand so that your hands can stop shaking. You want to say all this, but you don’t. You’re scared that he’ll become like your mother and tell you to deny what you experienced. You’re scared that he’ll deny you.

Since you aren’t even flinching, Namjoon assumes that you aren’t going to say anything, so he jumps out of the window and slides down the rooftop smoothly to the nearest tree, climbing down and running to his house. Once the sounds of his footsteps disappear completely, that’s when you start crying. You let everything out, but you make sure that your cries aren’t loud enough to alert your parents. All you can think about is Namjoon, but you don’t want to call out to him.

The next week comes, but you still can’t face Namjoon. You hid in your bedroom, and even if Namjoon knocked on your window, you don’t open it. You left it unlocked because a part of you wants Namjoon to come in uninvited like previously, but he never did it again. You assume it’s because you give off this aura that you want to be alone.

You know you should clear things up with him and tell him what’s going on with you, but you’re too scared to tell him. You don’t want to have to rerun the entire experience again. Plus, you believe that Namjoon will not believe you. It’s been a month since you last saw Namjoon. You don’t even know if Namjoon comes to see you anymore.

“Honey, can you please remember to feed the dog tonight? Your dad and I will be coming home late. Oh, and there’s food in the fridge that you can microwave when you get hungry.” Your mother keeps you in check, but she’s too busy looking for her purse while putting on her bright red heels.

Your parents are going out to eat with your father’s boss tonight at some high-end restaurant with some difficult, foreign name. You remember your mother screaming in excitement when your father came home with this invitation, as she exclaims this might be the chance for your father to get a promotion. Even with all this excitement, you can’t absorb your mother’s positive energy, as you think having dinner with adults sounds excruciatingly boring. You refuse to go, but not that your parents really care. You coming or not doesn’t make a difference.

“You still remember our phone numbers, right? Make sure to call if you ever need anything. We’ll be back late, so even if it’s summer break, don’t stay up too late!” Your father says as he stands by the door, with his hand on the doorknob, about to close it.

Your mother gives you a kiss on the cheek, and you wipe the red lipstick off with your sleeve. Both your parents give you one last goodbye before closing the door behind them. With the atmosphere filled with only silence, you decide that you would feed your dog first, then perhaps watch some television before going to bed. There’s nothing interesting to do anyway, so you might as well end the night early.

You walk to the kitchen, and under the kitchen counter is your dog’s food, the opening folded closed by a large binder clip. You take off the clip, putting it on the top counter, then you drag out the dog food to the backyard. You open the backyard sliding door and to the dog house, pouring the niblets into your pet’s bowl. You call out to your dog, and after a few seconds, your dog comes from the side of the house. As your dog enjoys the food you’ve just poured, you question why your dog was doing there. Your dog never goes there unless you and Namjoon are hiding there.

It takes you a few seconds for it to hit why your dog was there. You drop the wrinkled bag of dog food to the ground, spilling its contents all over the floor, and your dog chows down on what you spilled. You jog to the side of the house, and just as you suspected, Namjoon is sitting down, leaning against the exterior walls of your house. He’s listening to music through his iPod again with his earphones on, nodding his head up and down to the beat. You approach him, slowly taking each step at a time. Once you stand close enough to him, he takes off both of his earphones.

“Took you long enough.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you, duh. What else?”

You can’t understand. You’ve made it clear without having to communicate with him verbally that you wanted to be alone. Of course, you’re pleased to see him, seeing that he hasn’t abandoned you completely. If anything, you just want to sit down with him and forget about everything. Still, you were sure that you were acting unfair to him, so you can’t put it together why he’s here.

“How long have you been waiting here?”

“Hmm, let’s see,” Namjoon combs his imaginary beard as he looks up, pretending to actually think like a detective. “Excluding the times when I had to go back home so that my parents don’t get worried, and the times when I had to go back because I was getting hungry…I’d say that I came here two or three times every week since the time I said that I would see you the next weekend.”

He turns his head to you, raising one eyebrow and giving you a side smirk, his one-sided dimple showing as per usual. You absolutely can’t understand how Namjoon can be fooling around right now. You literally dissed him every time he came here. Even when he made his presence known to you, you deliberately ignored him. All this time, you thought that at this point, he would’ve stopped coming over to visit you, but not once has he stopped his usual routine, just for you.

“Though, I think with the number of times I’ve snuck to your backyard without you or your parents’ knowledge, it would be enough to where I can get arrested for stalking and trespassing, right?” Namjoon heaves out one heavy laugh, acknowledging the consequence of breaking into your backyard nearly every night.

“Namjoon…I…” You feel your hands shaking.

Although the physical scars on your body–the bruise on your cheek and the red marks around your wrists–are gone, the trauma was still as clear as day. Nevertheless, it wasn’t just the experience that kept you traumatized. The way your mother looked at you in the eyes, desperately wanting you to keep what Rob did to you a secret to prevent the neighborhood looking more down on your family. You fear that if Namjoon were to hear about it, he would deny it just as your mother did.

And yet…you want to tell him. You want to check and see if what happened to you was real, not something your mother made you believe that you made it up.

You can already feel the tears pushing out of your eyes. Your vision becomes blurred as you flutter your eyelashes, letting the tears roll down your cheeks. “Namjoon…I…me…”

Even though you’re finally trying to get this off of your chest, the actual thought of telling Namjoon is hurting more than you can imagine. Once again, the fear that Namjoon will not believe you overrides your need to tell him what happened. You look down, covering your eyes with your forearms. Namjoon silently watches you cry as he gets up. He walks towards you, gently combing your hair with his hands.

“Also, I had a feeling that something was up with you. How could I leave you if I knew that something was going on with you?” He says in a calming, soothing voice. “Hey, since your parents aren’t home, let’s go grab some snacks to eat. How does that sound?”

You stop your crying momentarily, though your throat is still hiccuping. “Wh-what? How did you k-know?”

“What can I say? I’m your own personal stalker!” Namjoon says with a wide, goofy grin on his face.

With the allowance of a middle-class high school student, Namjoon can only afford to take you to the nearest gas station and treat you to some snacks. After you cleaned up the mess you made with your pet’s dog food in the backyard, you grabbed a sweater and put on your converse before following Namjoon.

You were somewhat wary of going outside with him, since you know how hated Namjoon is in the neighborhood, but since everyone is either getting ready for bed or is eating out, you assume it’s okay to go out in public with him, but it wasn’t like you really cared about what others would think if you went outside with him in the first place.

This is the first time you and Namjoon are hanging out outside the barriers of your house. The last time you interacted with him outside was at the park, and that wasn’t really a good time, especially since that was just a month after the two of you became friends. You can’t believe it, but it’s already been a little more than a year since you and Namjoon became friends, though it feels like the two of you have known each other longer. You remember like it was just yesterday when you found Namjoon, all beaten up in your backyard.

At the gas station, you told him that you don’t want to go inside with him and would rather wait outside. You’re becoming conscious that you were just crying, and you don’t want any customers or the cashiers to see your swollen, red eyes. Plus, it might create a misunderstanding, assuming that Namjoon is the one who made you cry. Namjoon doesn’t seem to get why you want to stay outside, but he gives you the okay, then heads inside by himself.

Through the glass windows, you watch Namjoon picking out snacks, the typical chocolate bars, a bag of caramels, and one hot dog from the corner of the store. You spin your entire body opposite from him, and you look down as you sigh. You can’t believe it…you’ve cried twice in front of Namjoon. Your goal the entire time you’ve been with Namjoon is to get him to respect you. In a way, you wanted to gain his respect by showing off that you’re not childish and that you can take down any obstacle easily. So far, you think you’re doing a bad job at it.

Now that you think about it, you’ve never really had a friend who you would consider as ‘close’. Sure, you had your friends from elementary school, but the rumors that Rob spread about you scared them away. I guess one rumor is enough to scare away friends that you’ve been with for more than two years.

Namjoon doesn’t go to the same school as you, so he most likely doesn’t know what’s going on at your middle school, and you hope to keep it that way. You don’t want to burden him with this, as high school must be more difficult in terms of social skills. From all the movies you’ve seen that tackle topics of high school drama, high school seems way harder to deal with.

“Well, lookie what we have here!! A familiar face that we haven’t seen in a while.” Your head perks up, as you can recognize that voice from anywhere.

To your horror, Rob and his two friends are here. Rob and his friends approach you, and you notice that there’s a lit cigarette in between his index and middle fingers. Knowing what he’s done to you in the past, you become cautious of the cigarette, keeping a close eye on it. Remembering the time when he shoved grass into your mouth, all your fears come crawling back up your skin, and you’re frozen with terror. You can feel your legs start to wobble, and your arms are shaking uncontrollably. He notices how much you’re shaking, and this only strengthens his determination to mess with you tonight.

“I was not expecting to see a kid like you hanging around so late at night. What are you doing here all alone? Selling your body to some strangers?”

You don’t get what he’s trying to reference to, but whatever it is, it doesn’t sound nice. Nothing that comes out of his mouth is nice.

“Hey, you little cow, lunch tasted great the last time we met, didn’t it?” Rob says as he gets closer to you, chucking ashes off the cigarette.

He knows how to play with your emotions. He knows what ticks you off the most, so he says it purposely because he knows that you’ll react. He gets a kick out of your fear. It just makes him smile. While staring intently at your petrified expression, Rob notices that your eyes are swollen from crying. You try to look away from him, as you caught on to what he was staring at, but it’s too late, as he has already formed an idea.

“Hey, guys check it out! This lady in distress was crying for her prince charming. We can’t leave a lady by herself in the dark, right? What if, I don’t know, a group of really old and creepy guys find her all alone and kidnaps her? Let’s be gentlemen and have her be with us!”

You know the irony behind his plan, about creepy men approaching you, but you get the feeling that he purposely said that because he knows the situation he, you, and his friends are in. His friends look at each other with a devious smirk and both nod their heads almost in sync.

“Well then, that’s that! Let’s go, little lady!” Rob jokingly bows down to you.

Even if you’re scared, you still must act strong. From the corner of your eyes, you can see that Namjoon is just buying the snacks now, and he also seems to chit-chat with the cashier. You still have enough time to shoo Rob and his gang away, so you muster as much courage as you can to tell them to go away.

“I-I’m with someon-”

Rob suddenly grabs you by the collar of your sweater, pulling you close enough to his face to where the two of you are only inches away. He brings the lit side of the cigarette close to your cheek, so close that you can feel the heat coming off of it and the stench of cigarettes becomes stronger. He leans forward to your ear and whispers in a dead tone. “Don’t disobey me, or I’ll jab this right into your eyeballs.”

You’re still terrified of him, but each time you glance at Namjoon, you don’t want to disappoint him. You look down, fearful for Rob’s reaction. “No…I’m not leaving.”

Rob cocks his head to the side. “What…did you just say? Are you denying me? Listen here, bitch. I own you. And don’t you fucking dare believe that you can do whatever you want. Do you want me to fucking choke you with this cigar too?”

You shake your head, profusely. Your entire body is shaking, fearful of the cigarette that is centimeters away from your face. Because you’re so scared, your bottom lip begins to tremble, and tears start rolling down. You’ve finally broken down, and Rob smiles after seeing the scared look on your face. He lives for this kind of expression because of his power-complex.

“Awwww, is this damsel in distress crying? Well, I hope you know that no one gives a fuck about you. I bet you that even after I burn you with this cig, no one’s still gonna come for you. Actually, let’s try that.”

Rob brings the cigarette closer to your face to the point where the ashes are burning the tips of your hairs. You squeeze your eyes shut, embracing for the pain that is about to be brought upon you. While Rob might be standing close to you, all you can think about is Namjoon.

“What did you say about no one coming to save her?”

When you open your eyes, you see Namjoon standing by the front of the convenience store, one hand holding the grocery bag and the other in his pocket. Rob moves the cigarette from your face and turns his attention to Namjoon, whom he didn’t expect to see. Because of his bad reputation as the troubling kid, Rob’s friends become scared of him more than Rob.

“Oh shit, it’s Namjoon!!”

Both of Rob’s friends run off, fearful for their life.

“What the fuck guys?!”

“Move away from her.”

Rob, no longer the one with the upper hand in this situation, doesn’t know what to do but to continue to act strong. “And if I don’t?”

“Then…I’ll kill you.” He says, mercilessly, dropping the grocery bag.

Namjoon dashes towards Rob, and unsure of what to do, Rob stands there. For someone who talks big about tormenting others, Rob doesn’t know the first thing about combat. Namjoon grabs him by the shoulders, lowers him down to knock him on the chin with his knee.

Rob screams in pain from the impact on his chin, and he begins to cry as he falls to the ground. Namjoon looks at him without any sympathy, just a deadpan expression glaring down on him. Namjoon gets on one knee, grabs Rob by his hair, then turns his head so that he can stare at him and only him.

“I have a question. What’s so great about picking on people? Just so that you can feel good about yourself? But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re still a spineless, unimportant, waste of space. I feel sick just sharing the same air as you.” Even though Namjoon is speaking calmly and politely, both you and Rob can tell that underneath all that, he’s very angry–so angry that you and Rob don’t know if or when he’ll strike again.

“The difference between you and her is that she has the balls to confront people who annoy the shit out of her. You have none. Now, if I ever see you near her, even just glance at her, or even dare to think about her, I’m coming for your ass. You can go ahead and tell everyone that I did this, but I’m just letting you know, I’ve gotten away from the police multiple times.”

“Hey! What the hell is going on here?!” A man who you assume is the manager of the convenience runs out the door to check the commotion.

“Oh shit!” Namjoon puts his hoodie over his head to hide his identity, then he runs to you, grabbing your hand, and runs off with you. The manager calls after you and Namjoon, but neither of you turn to look back. Once the two of you are out of their sight, Namjoon turns his head a little, but not enough to where you can see his expression. He pulls a smile, once again revealing that dimple.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to help you. The cashier wouldn’t just shut up. I guess that doesn’t matter anymore because I forgot to bring the snacks! Shit!”

Even though it’s just a simple statement, you can’t help but feel secure being with him. It’s as if everything that just happened didn’t exist. Everything he says always has a way to calm you down, and you like that part of him.

That night, Namjoon returns you to your house. By the front porch of the house, you unlock the door with your house key, then swing the door open. On the walk back to your house, you told him everything that Rob has been doing to you. Of course, Namjoon got upset, but then you spare him some details. You fear that if you told Namjoon everything in just one sitting, Namjoon would march right to Rob and kill him that instance. The time when he shoved grass in your mouth, you decide to keep that a secret, as you think spoon-feeding him small details is good enough for now.

Also, you decide to hide the fact that you punched Rob in the first place because it was for him. For some reason, you feel really embarrassed if you tell Namjoon that, so you keep your mouth zipped about that detail. One day, you’ll tell him the full story. Right now, just being by his side is enough to make you feel safe. Even though what Rob did to you earlier would’ve been another traumatizing experience, but seeing Namjoon in the end and him saving you, you can’t help but smile.

By the doorstep, you try to say your farewells to Namjoon, but you don’t want the night to end. It’s been so long since you’ve spoken to Namjoon, and Rob ruined half of tonight. If anything, you just want to be with him all night. Namjoon doesn’t seem to be moving a muscle as well, he just keeps smiling at you.

“Hey Namjoon…thanks for uhm…helping me tonight with…you know, Rob.” You already feel disgusted just saying his name.

“This is nothing. Besides, it’s my fault for not coming sooner. Like, way sooner. If I had, then Rob would’ve been dead. Gosh, I hate that kid.”

“I think we all do.”

You and Namjoon exchange small chuckles, looking down at the same time like timid lovebirds. After your little laughs, there is a moment of silence.

“…If…If this ever happens again, I’m serious. I’ll punch the living hell out of him. If he messes with you again, then I’m definitely going to be there to fuck him up.”

“I don’t think he’s going to mess with us anymore. I think you scared him enough.” You grin, letting out a small, unintentionally cute giggle.

Seeing your bright, bubbly expression returning, Namjoon tilts his head to the side, mesmerized by you. As usual, he stretches his hand out, and you lower your head instinctively, assuming that he’s going to mess with your hair. However, his hand instead aims for your cheek. You look up, confused as he caresses your cheek. Even though you and Namjoon are making eye contact, it seems as though Namjoon is looking through you, his mind somewhere else.

“God…how can he go and try to rob that cute smile of yours? I’d do anything I can to protect it.” Namjoon speaks nonsensically with a blank expression as if he’s dreaming.

You don’t know how to react. You can feel your chest start to burn up as well as your face. Your heart rate is increasing by the second, and your mind is running in all sorts of directions. Was he always this handsome? Was his voice always this deep? When he did start speaking to you like this? All these questions flow through your head all at once. You’re so flustered that you can’t even make eye contact with him.

You look down, as you’re extremely embarrassed that he has to see you in this state, then you move his hand away. “I-I uh…I have to go to bed. I’m getting really tired.”

Namjoon looks slightly disappointed that you pulled his hand away, but then his smile returns. “You know, I noticed that you use the excuse that you’re tired when you want to avoid things.”

“Good night, Namjoon!”

“Yup, good night.” Namjoon waves goodbye before you close the door. “Oh, but before you go.”

Namjoon leans forward and gently gives you a peck on the forehead. The kiss lasts for a few seconds before he pulls back and gives you a sweet smile. You cover your forehead as your face turns entirely red, unable to make a proper reaction to the kiss.

“My mom told me that a kiss on the forehead means that you wish them nothing but blissful happiness. Sweet dreams.” Namjoon turns around and finally leaves for good.

Without a second thought, you lock all of the locks on your front door, then you fall to the ground. You touch both of your cheeks, and you can feel how warm they are. This is the first time you’ve felt this way towards Namjoon. You don’t really hate this feeling, but it’s annoying you because you can’t think straight. Everything in you feels really hot right now, and your legs feel so weak. This is different from the experience with Rob. With Namjoon, when he touches you, you really feel like you’re flying through clouds.

A good two years have gone by since that night. Rob did exactly what Namjoon demanded him to do, and not once that he gotten close, looked at you, or even thought about you (not counting the thoughts that he has to escape from you immediately). Your reputation at school hasn’t really changed. People still don’t talk to you, but it’s more so because you’re content with being alone. You don’t want to talk to people who you know won’t want to be your friend, so you managed to go through the rest of your middle school life without any friends.

Of course, along with hitting puberty, you’ve now realized that you have romantic feelings towards Namjoon. You think you’ve had these feelings even before you figured it out, but your immature mind mistook it for a friendly relationship. Every single day, all you can think about is Namjoon. You think about Namjoon always wearing dark-colored clothes, especially wearing sweaters with a large enough hoodie to practically cover his entire face. You also think about his loose but down-to-earth personality, which makes it easy for you to converse with him. You like staring at him from the side, as you think that Namjoon’s underbite is adorable, especially since you can see how his lower lip protrude outwards.

But the one distinct trait of his that you like the most and have noticed since the day you’ve seen him is his one-sided dimple. At times, you try everything you can to make Namjoon grin just so you can see his captivating smile. It makes your heart flutter every time you see it. Namjoon made middle school possible for you because you knew that even if you didn’t have any friends, at least you had Namjoon. You think that even if your parents abandon you, then you know that you can always rely on Namjoon to be with you.

And today is the day that you’ve been waiting for. The nightmare known as middle school has ended, and you now are officially entering high school. You expected high school students to be in their expected posse and learn who are the ‘popular’ and ‘lame’ groups, but to your surprise, everyone seems so…normal. Of course, the students look way older and taller than middle school students, making you feel so insignificant.

If you thought middle school students are the epitome of puberty, then high school students look like full-on adults with beards and whatnot. The female students here are wearing less compared to middle school, wearing crop-tops, mini-mini-mini skirts, and heels. Their faces look like they’ve been caked with makeup, covering up their acne-infested faces. You remember when you felt so small in middle school, but this is something else compared to that prepubescent school.

Since the two of you are now going to the same school, you want to meet up with Namjoon the moment when time allows it. You didn’t get the chance to walk with him this morning because your mother was frantically trying to prep you for high school. Namjoon does tell you the place that he usually hangs out at the day before school started, which is at the right corner of the indoor cafeteria, so during lunch, you look for it in hopes that you’ll find him there. You can feel your heart pounding as you draw closer to the designated area. For as long as you can remember, you’ve always wanted to go to the same school as Namjoon, and now you finally get the chance to see him every day at school without worrying about people judging the two of you.

You make it to the spot Namjoon told you about, and you can see Namjoon’s head stand out amongst the crowd of students. You can’t hide your smile as you run to him. You weave through the students rushing to Namjoon, unable to control your excitement.

“Namjoon!” You shout his name as you get closer to him.

Your call is able to grab Namjoon’s attention, and he spins his head around to see you. His smile perks up, as he’s just as happy to see you. However, once you make it to his lunch table, you are immediately disheartened to see other people sitting with Namjoon. There are two other guys and one girl sitting at the same table as him, but you pay specific attention to the blonde girl, mainly because Namjoon’s arm is wrapped around her shoulders, and she’s leaning on him.

“Hey!”

You don’t say anything back. Your smile is gone, and you’re observing the people around him, who are staring at you in return.

“Is this the girl you’re always talking about?” One of the guys say as he points to you.

“You’re a lot shorter than what I had imagined.” The other says, unintentionally offending you.

“Wow, she’s really cute.” The girl says, looking up and down at your body.

You can’t get your eyes off of the girl, whom Namjoon still hasn’t removed his arm from her yet. She has this mature aura around her, and her long, flowing hair is so straight and golden. The clothes that she wears are very skimpy and scandalous. You feel your insecurity rising up. The Namjoon who is in front of you and with friends is someone who you don’t recognize.

“Hey, sit down.” Namjoon pats the open spot next to him.

You return to your senses, and you try not to make your worries surface. You sit down next to him and place your backpack to your side. You feel even more intimidated and unworthy just by sitting around a bunch of people who you don’t know.

“This is probably uncomfortable for you, right?” Namjoon chuckles, then points to his friend whose hair is completely shaven off and has tattoos on his neck. “This is Donghyuk Shin. He’s been my friend since last year. Don’t be scared of him. Even though he has tattoos all over his body, he’s a real nice guy. Well, if you don’t get on his bad side, that is.”

“Namjoon talks a lot about you. I swear, sometimes it gets annoying.” Donghyuk rolls his eyes.

Namjoon then points to his other friend wearing a black fedora. “And this is Will. If you look up the word ‘dumb’, you’ll see an image of his face, but don’t worry. This guy has a big heart.”

“That’s a lot coming from someone who copied off of my history notes all last year.” Will creases his eyebrows.

Namjoon laughs it off, then he looks to the blonde girl, still resting her head on his shoulder. “And this is my girlfriend, Cindy.”

“We’ve been dating for a few months now,” Cindy says, intentionally showing off the length of time they have been together right in your face.

“Hi…” You can barely manage out a greeting because you’re still trying to take in what Namjoon just said about dating her.

It’s so surreal seeing people around Namjoon. You somewhat expected Namjoon to be one of those cool loners at school. During all those times when you and Namjoon met up, he had friends you never knew he had. All the while, you’ve been a loner all your middle school life. It starts to pain you more when you think more about it. You’re always thinking about Namjoon and refusing to make new friends because of your desire to make him your only friend, and Namjoon made friends. To him, you’re just another friend–nothing more important than that.

But what makes the wound deeper is that all these years of secretly having feelings for Namjoon, he’s been dating a girl without your knowledge. Of course, it isn’t like you and Namjoon have been dating, and it’s not like he belongs to you in the first place. It’s just that during those precious times you’ve spent with him, you’d at least thought that he would make you more special than anyone else.

This makes your head spin since it pains you to know that there’s someone who’s special to him. Knowing the many months they’ve been dating, they’ve probably already gone on many dates, kissed more than you can count, and possibly even went third base. You want to run away right now and hide in the restroom to cry your heart out, but you know not to make yourself self-conscious.

“Uggghhh, I just want to ditch school right now. It’s just so fucking boring here.” Will lowers his head, brushing his hand through his curly hair.

“Dude, the school year just started.” Namjoon laughs.

“Yea, I know, but you when it’s still July and those fucking back-to-school ads keep showing up? Yea, that really fucked up my summer break, so I want a longer break.”

“It’s just advertisements, Will. It’s not like they’re really ruining you.” Cindy rolls her eyes while she plays with her nails.

“Hey, you know that advertisements are just propaganda playing with our insecurities, right? They embed these ads the moment you can remember shit to where you naturally become brainwashed with the thought-process that you need the product they’re selling. Dude, ads are just government theories trying to control the people!”

“…This is why I call him dumb.” Namjoon whispers in your ear, but loud enough for Will to hear the insult.

“I’m not shitting you!”

“Nah, I’m bored as hell too. Let’s do something tonight, Joonie.” Cindy tickles Namjoon’s nose.

You feel another aching sensation in your chest, clutching deep to tear everything apart inside you. You’ve never thought to give Namjoon a nickname, even though you’ve been friends with him for more than three years. You’ve always liked how natural it sounds to say his full name. What other bothers you more is how Cindy can touch him without any problems. You’ve never deliberately touched him like that before. If anything, Namjoon is the one who approaches you, never the other way around.

“Hey! Why don’t we go to the Rucha Randa?”

Donghyuk, Namjoon, and Cindy all shush Will. “Lower your voice.”

“…What’s ‘Rucha Randa’?”

The four of them look at each other, uncertain of whether they should let their secret out to someone so young. You stare at all of them for answers, which none of them give to you. You stare at Namjoon in particular, in hopes that at least he will answer you.

Namjoon gives in to your pleading expression, so he removes his arm around his girlfriend and sits forward. “Instead of telling you, why don’t we just bring you along with us?”

“Namjoon, don’t…!” His girlfriend tries to shush him but stops midway in fear that she might’ve offended you.

“It’s fine. I trust her enough. Obviously, you’re not going to tell, right?” Namjoon asks you.

You nod your head.

“Then it’s settled. Let’s go around ten tonight, yea?”

His two friends and girlfriend look at each other, concerned about bringing someone who they just met today. You feel guilty about being an unwanted guest, even if Namjoon is the one who gives the okay.

“Actually, it’s okay. I’m fine if I stay behind…I don’t want to ruin your fun tonight…”

Namjoon gives a pained expression when you declined. “What?? No, no, no! You won’t ruin the fun. Besides, you’re always the one asking where I go when I’m not around your house, right? This is your chance to see where I hang out.”

Where Namjoon usually hangs out? It does spark your interest, as you’ve been dying to know even before you met Namjoon where he goes so late at night. It sounds very convincing, and now you want to come, but based on the looks of Namjoon’s friends, it seems like they still don’t want you to go. You hate being that one person that ruins the mood, but the desperation in Namjoon’s eyes telling you to come is really working on you.

“Well…”

“Alright! It’s settled! Make sure you get out of your house around 9:30 tonight, and I’ll be waiting for you by the corner of the block.”

Namjoon doesn’t even give you a second to decline again. Once he made his decision, he continues on with their previous conversation. You can’t help but blush a little bit as you look down at your lap. Namjoon really wants to show you where he spends most of his time at. You try your hardest to keep your smile at a minimum.

In the depths of the nearby downtown city, you and Namjoon are walking in a suspicious-looking alleyway. The area of the city that the two of you are in isn’t the most sanitary area since the buildings look as though they’ve been built in during the 50s or 60s. You can clearly see the mold and stains growing on the buildings, liter and unwanted trash everywhere. The two of you go deeper into the alleyway until Namjoon stops in front of a dark green, rotting door.

“Okay, we’re here!”

You can hear music coming from the other side of the door. It’s so loud that you can feel the vibrations of the deep tone of the beat. The booming sounds coming from the opposite end of the door is enough to make you doubt whether you should’ve come with Namjoon all the way here, as he wanted to keep it a surprise where he wanted to take you. And to be honest, this is not what you expected of Namjoon.

Well, you did expect Namjoon to go to some dubious place, but not exactly this. Namjoon pats you on the head, and you look up at him, giving you a reassuring smile that everything’s going to be fine. You see his dimple again, and your heart flutters a bit as you look down with pink cheeks. Though you’re hesitant at first, you decide that since you’re here, you might as well do as he says and enter with him.

Namjoon leans over and gives the metallic, green, rusty door three loud, rhythmic knocks. Right after, an intimidating man opens the door. Though the man looks frightening, he gives Namjoon a wide smile, recognizing him within seconds. They shake each other’s hands, then pull each other into a chest pump. They then discuss subjects you aren’t very familiar with.

After their small conversation, the man by the door finally notices you.“And since when did you start bringin’ lil kids, man??” You know he’s joking, but you take it as an insult.

“Hey, don’t sweat it. She’s with me.”

The man lowers his eyebrows as he stares at you. “Alright man, I friggin’ hope you know what you doin’. Anyways, yer gang is already here, so hurry up and gettin! People’ve been askin’ where you been lately.”

“Just been going to places. Anyways, see you in a bit.”

You and Namjoon enter the building, and immediately, you’re hit with this strong whiff of this particular scent you’ve never smelled before, and it’s making you nauseous. You don’t know what it is exactly, but you get the feeling that the scent you’re smelling is a type of drug. You cover your nose and mouth, as the scent is too much for you to handle.

You feel like your ears can explode at any moment. If you thought the music from outside was loud, then this is unimaginably louder. The building is smaller than you thought, but it’s crowded with people. There’s absolutely no light in here whatsoever, so maneuvering through this maze of people in a building that’s dimly light is more difficult than you thought. Why on earth would Namjoon come here normally if it’s always this so uncomfortable here?

Once your eyes adjust to the barely visible flashing lights and loud music, one detail that catches your attention is that at the front of the room, there is a large stage. On stage is a man, rapping a series of lines and phrases that are too fast for you to comprehend what he’s saying. He’s throwing hand signs as he shakes his head side to side furiously as he raps, lips close to the microphone in hand. The dull lighting, the loud music, the performance on stage, the strong smell of some sort of plant-inducing drug, and the large crowd. You think you’re starting to get the essence of what kind of place this is.

“Hey! Namjoon!! Over here!” Will shouts from the corner of the room.

In the far corners of the room stands Will, Cindy, and Donghyuk. You and Namjoon make your way through the crowd a little more, and after much struggle, the two of you stand in front of the three friends. Will and Donghyuk greet Namjoon with high-fives, while Cindy gives Namjoon a peck on the cheek. You once again feel the pain in your chest again as you begin to feel the heartache again. You look away, as you can’t get the image of Cindy kissing Namjoon on the cheek out of your mind.

Just then, Namjoon leans close to your ear saying something to you since the music is too loud. “Stay with them. I’ll be right back.”

You turn to him, unsure of what he means. “Wait, what??”

Namjoon pats you on the shoulder before jogging off. You are in disbelief because the moment you meet up with his friends that you know almost nothing of, he leaves you alone with them. Before you get the chance to go after him, Will grabs you by the shoulder, refraining from you to run. He leans close to your ear in case you can’t hear over the loud music.

“You should really appreciate him. He had to last minute sign up to get on stage, and he didn’t even rehearse because he wanted to wait for you.” Will whispers loudly in your ear.

“Huh??” You have no idea what he’s talking about.

“You’ll see the magic soon!”

The music ends, and the crowd cheers for the man who was formerly spouting nonsensical but rhythmic expressions. The man smiles, blowing kisses before throwing the middle finger and shouting ‘I FUCKIN’ LOVE ALL OF Y’ALL’ to the crowd. He jogs off of to the back of the stage, and who you presume is the host of the entire night enters the stage with a microphone. He is a rather large, tanned-skin fellow, wearing all black: black shirt, black pants, black shoes, black bandana, you name it.

“Alright folks, let’s give Breath Brazzer one more cheer!!” the host shouts, to which the crowd cheers just as he tells them to. “Okay, okay. Next, we got an old-timer who hasn’t been coming here often but we all clearly, dearly missed. Now, let’s see if his freestyle still got some rhythm to it! Come on out here, Rap Monster!!”

You can’t help but let out a small laugh. These rapper names are ridiculous. Who names themselves Breath Brazzer, or even Rap Monster? It just intrigues you even more to find that who this ‘Rap Monster’ guy is. Your question is answered shortly thereafter, as Namjoon runs up the stage, wearing a black pair of sunglasses. Your jaws drop, as you would’ve never thought that that frivolous name would belong to Namjoon!

After the crowd quiets their cheers, Namjoon immediately throws out fast rhythms left and right, kneeling a little forward, and with every beat, he would throw his hands in front of him, helping him count the tempo that he’s going with. There is no music playing in the background, just all of it is Namjoon’s voice as he says his lines with unbelievable speed. You watch in awe, just as everyone else.

Everyone is silently listening as Namjoon smoothly giving out every word, though you can’t understand some of the words he’s saying because he’s splitting his rap between Korean and English. Out of everyone in the crowd, you’re the most shocked. This is the first time you’re hearing Namjoon rap, and you never even knew he can rap. You know that Namjoon has a strong affection for music, but you didn’t know that his love for music would go this far. You can’t help but just think about how freakin’ cool Namjoon is on stage!

Your eyes gleam with awe and fascination, mesmerized by Namjoon’s performance. Your dropped-jaw then forms into a smile as you listen him rap with so much passion. There’s so much love with every word that he maintains through the microphone, sweat dropping almost on time with his beat. All this time, Namjoon came to this place to share his passion with strangers. Though usually you’d be jealous that there is a side of Namjoon that others know that you were unaware of, right now, you’re experiencing the same feeling you felt when you first realized your feelings for Namjoon. It’s as if you’re falling in love with him again.

Another two minutes go by, and Namjoon finishes his freestyle. The crowd claps and shouts for him, and Namjoon takes off his glasses and gives the crowd his innocent and adorable smile with his dimples. You can’t help but giggle a little since it’s so ironic that Namjoon just threw so many aggressive lines, but ends it all with a dazzling smile. You clap along with the crowd since you also enjoyed his performance. You decide to add a little extra and even cheer for him.

“Wooooo!!!! Go Rap Monster!!!!!!! You were awesome!!!” It feels weird for you to call him by his stage name, but you do so anyway.

And in that moment, you and Namjoon make eye contact. Among the hundreds of voices bouncing everywhere in the building, he heard yours the clearest. Hearing you say that, it reminds him of that time when you once told him that when you enter high school, you promised that you would be by his side and say nothing but greatness about him. Ever since you made that vow, he waited for the day when you entered high school as well. He purposely hid this side of him so that when the time came, he wanted to hear your voice cheering for him. He looks down bashfully, timidly holding the microphone with both hands and clutching it close to his stomach, not being able to hide his red cheeks from you any longer.

“He’s a badass rapper, isn’t he?” Without warning, Donghyuk had leaned to your ear and asked you that question.

You jump a little, as you didn’t expect Donghyuk to speak to you first. If anything, you’d expected Namjoon’s friends to ignore you, which you couldn’t care less.

“Yea! I think he’s soooo cool! I didn’t know he can rap!!”

“Ha ha ha, he is cool. I admire him too, but I can’t pull sick beats as fast as him.”

“Whoa! You can rap too??”

“Yea, I’ve gone on stage a couple of times, but not enough for people to know and remember my name.”

“Oh!! What’s your stage name??”

Donghyuk laughs, as he finds it comical that that’s the first thing you ask of him as a rapper. “Supreme Boi.”

You…really don’t have a reply to that. Is it just you…or do some of these stage names sound a bit…egotistical? You can’t believe that his name is Supreme Boi. You desperately try your hardest not to laugh to save Donghyuk’s pride.

“What??? Does it really sound that bad? I think it’s pretty cool.”

“It’s not really a bad name, but you know…”

“What??”

You and Donghyuk continue with your conversation about his amusing name, laughing and smiling. Your attention is focused on Donghyuk that you don’t notice Namjoon staring at the two of you enjoying each other’s company. His smile fades away the moment you no longer pay attention to him. The host signals him to get off of the stage, and he does. He jumps off the side of the stage, then heads straight to your direction.

He waves to you and the group, and the four of you wave back to him. From the corner of your eyes, you see that Cindy is approaching Namjoon. You can feel the pain your chest again as your jealousy burdens your mind. You avoid seeing Namjoon and Cindy to spare yourself the trouble of feeling heartache.

“Joonie! You did so great!” Cindy claps, then spreads her arms open, ready for an embrace from Namjoon.

However, to everyone’s surprise, Namjoon walks passed by Cindy. He didn’t even look at her, not even acknowledge that she was standing right in front of him. He looked through her so that he can see the person who he wanted to see in the first place. You’re taken aback when Namjoon walked right passed his girlfriend and stops right in front of to you.

“What did you think of my performance?”

He’s asking this question as if his girlfriend never approached him in the first place. You look around at Will, Donghyuk, and Cindy, and they’re just as surprised as you are.

“Uhm, I thought you were great!”

After hearing that compliment from you, Namjoon feels at ease, and he lets out a gentle smile. You blush slightly at the sight of his timid grin.

“Hey! It’s getting late, so we’re just gonna head back first!” Namjoon says out of nowhere to his friends.

“What??? But you just got here!”

“It’s a weekday, man. We got school.”

“Since when did you care about going to school??”

Namjoon completely ignores Will and turns to you. “Come on, let’s get going before your parents start to get worried about you. I’m pretty sure you snuck out, right?”

“N-no, I didn’t tell them, but we can stay here long if you want!”

Because you’re not used to this kind of setting, of course, you want to return to the comfort of your home. However, you don’t want to be the reason for his friends’ disappointment. You already know that they think of you as a drag because you’ve never been to an underground rap site nor are you old enough to even understand half of what’s going on in this building, so taking their main guest home with you gives you nothing but guilt. You feel awful, especially since they all planned this and presumed that everyone would be here together.

You give a quick glance to Cindy, and you can already tell that she is not content with what just happened. Namjoon deliberately ignored her for you, and now he’s even planning on leaving with you, no input from his girlfriend whatsoever. You can feel sharp, dagger eyes glaring at you as Namjoon continues to stare at you.

“I’m tired anyway. Let’s just hurry up and go, okay?” Namjoon turns to his friends again. “Well, we’ll be going now. See you guys tomorrow at school!”

Without warning, Namjoon takes you by the hand, then leads you out of the building. You tell him to wait, but because of the loud music, he might’ve not heard you. You take one last glance at his friends behind you, and the three of them don’t look too happy with Namjoon’s sudden decision of leaving so early. You look down, feeling shameful that you’re the reason why his friends don’t look too happy…but at the same time, you can’t help but smile. Even when Namjoon has friends and even a girlfriend, you are still a priority to him.

In the midst of a vacant, solemn isle of identical houses and long pavements of sidewalks and streets, the two of you are getting close to your neighborhood. After all this walking, Namjoon has yet to let go of your hand, which you think is strange because initially when you and Namjoon were going to downtown, he didn’t hold your hand.

When you think about it, this is the first time Namjoon has ever held your hand. The only time when he’s gotten into contact with you was when he pat your head and those rare times when he hugged you. Holding hands feels more…intimate, and this is making you embarrassed. You’re telling your heart to shut up because you’re scared that Namjoon can hear how loud your heartbeat is, and you’re praying that he doesn’t turn around and see how red your face is.

“Hey…” Namjoon breaks your train of thought.

“What is it?”

“…What did you and Donghyuk talk about?”

You’re a bit surprised that he would ask that. In fact, you forgot that you were talking with Donghyuk because your conversation with him was so trivial. “We just talked about his rap name, and I told him that I’d like to hear him rap one day too.”

You wonder why he would ask something like that. Your conversation with him wasn’t even all that important, so why does he want to know about it?

“Hey,” Namjoon calls out to you one more time.

“Yea?”

“If you…” Namjoon trails off. “Never mind. We’re getting close to your house. So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Namjoon lets go of your hand, and he gives you a distant smile. Immediately, you know that something’s wrong with Namjoon. “Namjoon, wait!”

But he walks off, ignoring you. You want to run after him, but you refrain yourself. You think that Namjoon might need some space from you and think over things himself. Besides, what good could you possibly provide for Namjoon?

Later that night, you can’t possibly go to sleep. You’re lying awake in your bed, staring at your ceiling as you sigh for the fiftieth time. Your first day of high school was very hectic, and it’s going to take time for you to take in what just happened today.

But what you keep thinking about the most is what Namjoon wanted to tell you earlier. What did Namjoon want to tell you? Why did he sound so far away from you? If Namjoon is going through something, you think about what you can possibly do to help him.

You remember during the time when Rob bullied you relentlessly during middle school. You closed yourself off to Namjoon, but that didn’t stop him from coming to you. He kept going over to your house without your knowledge because he was worried about you. You’re worried about him too, but you’re worried that you might be overthinking things. Maybe he’s just tired, and he gave off the wrong vibe to you? Whatever it is, you decide that you’ll talk about this with Namjoon tomorrow if the time allows it.

You are abruptly interrupted when you hear loud banging against your glass window. Initially, you were frightened because the knocking came out of nowhere, but then you feel assured to know that Namjoon is standing on the other side of your window. The two of you separated not too long ago, so it’s unusual to see him visiting you suddenly. You get out of your bed and walk to your window to open it, and Namjoon jumps in.

“Namjoon, what are you doing her-”

Without warning you, Namjoon suddenly embraces you, not letting a single gap between you and him. He hides his face in your shoulder as if he hasn’t seen you in such a long time. His breathing is hoarse as if he’s had just finished running a mile. You have no idea what is going on with him, but you wrap your arms around him anyway. Your heart is pounding, since it’s so rare for Namjoon do pull something suddenly like this, but at the same time, you’re confused because Namjoon isn’t telling you anything.

“Namjoon? Are…are you okay?”

Of course, he isn’t. If he was, then he wouldn’t be running to you like this. You know it’s a dumb question to ask him, but you don’t know how else to break the silence.

“Just…just for a moment…let me hold onto you like this.”

You blush even more than previously. You’ve heard this line so many times in the dramas that your mother watches. Maybe it’s because it’s directed to you, and Namjoon has never relied on you like this before, but this moment feels special.

Your heart is fluttering, and you can feel the butterflies in your stomach. The two of you stand by your half-opened window, the moon being the only illumination in your bedroom. As you stare over Namjoon’s shoulder, you can see particles of dust floating everywhere while you listen to Namjoon’s heavy breathing. Just like what Namjoon says, you wish to be in this position forever.

“…Hey…is it okay to…rely on you?” Namjoon’s voice sounds so faint that you can barely hear him.

“What?”

“Can I trust you?”

Even though it’s a question, you can tell by the desperation of his voice that he’s expecting you to say yes. This is the first time you’ve ever heard Namjoon sound so hopeless, and honestly, it’s scaring you.

“Sure, what is it, Namjoon?”

“…Run away with me.”

For a second, you thought you heard him wrong. You cock your ear to him, just in case you might’ve misinterpreted him. “What?”

“Let’s leave this place together, just you and me.”

You can’t believe what he’s suggesting. You have no idea where this is coming from. One moment, Namjoon was the happiest person you’ve ever seen, and now he’s speaking nonsense. “Wait, wait, wait. What about Donghyuk? Will? Cindy??? Why do you want to leave so suddenly?? Did something happen??”

Namjoon doesn’t give you a straight answer.

“Namjoon?”

Namjoon flashes you a smile, pretending as if his mental breakdown earlier never happened. “I was just trying to test you and see what kind of answer you would give me. Don’t sweat it! Sorry to bother you so late at night.”

You can obviously tell that something is going on with Namjoon. There is no way that was only a joke. Namjoon would never sneak to your bedroom and joke around about this.

“Namjoon, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing! It was just a joke. You should really get to bed before it gets really late. Sorry, I took you out to some weird place on the first day back to school!” Namjoon laughs.

You know that Namjoon is trying to put some distance between you and him. Each time you take a step forward, it only leads him to slide closer to the window to escape.

“Stay happy, alright?” Namjoon gives you one last, bitter smile before jumping out of your window and sliding off the roof of your house.

You run to the window, lifting half of your body out the window. You want to call for him, but you fear that calling for him will make him lose his cover, then he’ll get into trouble. You watch as he puts his hood over his head and runs to his house.

Once again, this is the second time you wanted to run after him but didn’t. However this time, you feel this great sense of guilt–that the decision of not running after him this time will be one of your biggest regrets.

Namjoon didn’t come to school the following day. You went to the lunch table where he and his friends eat at, and they all said that they didn’t see Namjoon either. What was even stranger is that when you met with them, Cindy was crying, stating that the night before, Namjoon broke up with her through text. You don’t know what’s going on with him, and his friends seem to know as much as you do, even a little less. You couldn’t pay attention to class today because all you could think about is Namjoon and if he’s okay.

You return home from school dejectedly without seeing Namjoon for half of the day. A part of you wanted to go over to his house and check to see if Namjoon is okay, but then you get the feeling that venturing to his house would be fruitless, since Namjoon doesn’t seem to be the type to hide in his house all day. You go through the front door of your house to find both of your parents standing in front of each other as they discuss among themselves.

“Hi Mom, Dad. What are you guys talking about?”

Once your mother noticed that you’ve returned home from school, she rushes to your side with a wide smile etched across her face. From that look on her face, you know that either something good has happened to her, or it’s going to be something you don’t want to hear. Or it could be both.

“Haven’t you heard? The Namjoon kid ran away. His parents are going door-to-door to ask if we know where he is.” Your mother tells you.

Namjoon…ran away? He actually did what he said he would do last night? You knew that he wasn’t kidding, and yet you didn’t do anything to help him. Your breathing starts to become uneasy after hearing that news, then you start to sweat out of anxiety.

“I knew at some point that kid would run away. All he does is cause trouble in this damn neighborhood.” Your father comments.

Panic starts to set in, and you can’t even look straight into your mother’s eyes as your vision starts to become blurry. The immense amount of guilt you’re feeling inside is unbearable for you to handle. Last night, Namjoon was pleading for your help, but you were too scared to confront him simply because you thought you were worrying over nothing. When he asked you to run away with him, you should’ve told him that you would. Tears flow out of your eyes, as you wish for nothing but to see Namjoon again.

Impulsively, you run back out the front door, and your mother calls after you. You don’t even bother looking back at your mother because you know that she’s going to stop you. You sprint to Namjoon’s house, making an impact at his front door to stop your speed. You press on the doorbell repeatedly, not stopping until Namjoon’s father opens the door.

“What in the hell do you want??” Namjoon’s father, clearly annoyed by your repetitive ringing, asks with an upset tone.

“I-it’s my fault that Namjoon is gone! It’s all my fault, I’m so sorry!! If…if I had listened to what Namjoon wanted to tell me, then he wouldn’t have run away! H-he told me last night, but I didn’t do anything to help him!!” You heave through your sobs, trying with so much effort to confess everything to Namjoon’s father.

In the end, your rambling makes no sense to Namjoon’s father, and he only gives you a puzzled expression. From behind you, your parents run after you, grabbing you one on each arm, then pulling you away from Namjoon’s father, who still looks just as confused as before.

“Hi, Mr. Kim! We are so sorry for our daughter’s rude behavior! Please ignore everything she said and continue with whatever you were doing! We pray that you find your son soon though!” Your father says hurriedly as he helps your mother drag you, kicking and crying.

In the living room of your house, your mother slaps you across the face for your reckless behavior. You feel the stinging pain a second after, and your cheek starts to burn from your mother’s hand. “What the hell were you thinking, going over to that kid’s house and causing a ruckus??!! Do you know how bad we’ll look to the neighbors?! Why are you so brainless??!”

“Mom, listen to me!”

“And what did you mean when you said that you met with Namjoon last night??” Your mother puts one hand on your shoulder, and you feel it shaking. Her eyes are wide with fright, but she smiles with insanity, fearing that their daughter they desperately tried to separate from Namjoon is becoming a troubling child just like him. “Honey…don’t tell me…Please, don’t tell me…”

You’re sick and tired of your mother never wanting to understand you and always misinterpreting Namjoon. You can’t stand it anymore. You wipe your tears away from your eyes, creasing your eyebrows and standing with confidence. “I’ve been friends with Namjoon for years. I let him sneak into our backyard almost every week, and I sometimes let him into my bedroom too.”

Your mother’s smile fades away. She gives you a moment to tell her that you’re just joking around but seeing as you are standing firm with your statement, she knows that you aren’t lying. Your mother’s worst fears are coming to life, and she doesn’t know how to react to this. For all of your life, she made sure that she would raise you as the perfect daughter, but she failed the moment they moved to this neighborhood.

Your mother moves backward from you, not familiar with the daughter that she thought she raised. It wasn’t that you’re changing that is making her not recognize you, but she is seeing the real side of you, not her idealistic version of you.

“No…no, no, no no no no.” Your mother puts both hands on each side of her head and tugs her hair to the point where strands of hair rip off of her scalp. She begins to speak in mumbles, telling herself that all this can’t be real and that she’s a good mother.

Your father marches to you, just speechless with what to say. All these years when he thought that you had changed from your suspension in middle school for the greater good, you only disappointed him even more. What makes him find all of this outrageous is that all these years, Namjoon has been sneaking over to this house, and he has never noticed.

Although you may know that not once Namjoon ever physically harmed you, but your father doesn’t have the same perspective as you, so his imagination goes wild while he thinks of the endless possibilities of what Namjoon could’ve done to you.

“I’m going to kill that motherfucker. That little fucking rat had no right to fucking march into my house and trample all over my property. I bet you it’s all because of his dad that that Namjoon kid is so fucked up.” Your father mutters with murderous rage under his eyes.

Your father paces to the front door, readying himself to blow off his temper at Namjoon’s father.

“Dad! I’m not going to let you hurt Namjoon..”

Your father stops right at the front of the front door, then spins his head around to look at you. He squints his eyes at you, wondering if you actually just said what you said.

“Dad, both Mom and you never bothered to understand me. I’ve reached out to you two so many times, but you’ve only ignored me and told me to ‘improve myself’ while turning the other way. You never bothered to know why I do what I did, and you two never gave me the chance to ever speak. You guys made me feel like an outcast…just like how this entire neighborhood made Namjoon feel like an outcast. He is the only person who I can relate to because…we’re both under the same umbrella. That’s why I let him into our house…at least I was able to talk to him.” You can feel your eyes well up with tears again, so you use your sleeves to wipe them away.

“…Even though I’m supposed to understand what he’s going through too…I pushed him away because of my own fears and selfishness. And now because I spaced myself from him…he must’ve felt so alone…so he left. This is all because of me, and don’t tell me that it isn’t.”

Your father is just at a loss of words because, for the first time, he’s looking at you for you. You aren’t just a child created by him and your mother to then be modeled by their ideas, but his daughter who is growing to become her own person. And he wasn’t even there to see your growth. The person who saw you grow is not him, but Namjoon.

You lower your eyebrows again with the determination to defend Namjoon’s side regardless. “So…if you say that you’re going to hurt, or even kill him, then do that to me too. His pain will become mine as well.”

His one and only treasure, his only daughter–the daughter who he remembers was opening up the Nintendo DS he carefully wrapped for you for Christmas, even though he’s never wrapped a present before. You were smiling with your mouth wide open, showing your missing teeth you lost and gave to the Tooth Fairy to express just how ecstatic you were to receive your first DS. You were once his little girl, but you’re not anymore.

“Even if Namjoon understands what you’re going through, why? Why, of all people, would you protect him?” Your father barely manages to ask.

You contemplate on how you should answer your father’s question, but then you knew straightaway what your answer is. “Because…I love him.”

Hearing you declare your love for Namjoon, your father finally understands you. He once remembered sacrificing so much for your mother, having the same passionate look in your eyes, having the desire to protect those who you love. All this time, he felt so immature. He bullied a neighbor’s kid to the point where he became an outcast, whereas his own daughter accepted him in her arms.

And yet, even after hearing all of this, he knows that letting you sneak Namjoon into the house is still unacceptable. In one way or another, he still has to punish you.

“Just…go to your room. I’ll take care of your mother.” He says, not looking at you and points to the stairs.

You’re surprised that your father let you off so easily. You’d expect him to lose his mind just like how your mother did. You smile in relief, finally happy to know that at least on one thing, your father is willing to hear you out.

Even though you were able to get through to your father, that didn’t make Namjoon return. For the next couple of days, Namjoon hasn’t returned from school nor has he returned home. His parents do report this to the police, but they don’t act fast or act at all, because this is a ‘runaway’ case, not a kidnapping. They tell his parents that he might come back voluntarily.

Just as you predicted, everyone in the neighborhood eventually found out about Namjoon’s runaway. Many of them are glad to hear that Namjoon had run away. It seems as though only you and his parents are the only ones who actually seem to be worried about his well-being.

Every so often, you go to the side of your house in hopes that Namjoon will return. You even leave your window open in case he ever wants to see you. However, your actions only are in vain, not once has he enter your house. You spend sleepless hours staying awake to make sure that you don’t miss a chance to see him one more time.

It’s been a few days since Namjoon ran away. It’s lunchtime at your school right now, and you find a seat in the vast cafeteria filled with conversations and students. You sit by yourself in an obscure area where only you can enjoy your lunch by yourself. You don’t really talk to Namjoon’s friends and ex-girlfriend because you’ve never felt like you were ever close enough with them to approach them in a friendly matter.

Speaking of which, while you eat your peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Donghyuk, Will, and Cindy walk pass by you, trays of lunch in their hands. Cindy gives you a stone-cold glare while Will pretends you don’t exist. Once again, the guilt rises up, and you start blaming yourself that their friend is gone.

However, Donghyuk does acknowledge you by taking a seat across from you. You look up from your tray, wondering why Donghyuk is suddenly sitting down with you. Cindy and Will don’t know what to do since Donghyuk did this by his own volition, so they simply stand behind him, hoping that whatever he wants to tell you is short.

“Just to let you know…we don’t blame you for Namjoon running away.”

“I wasn’t thinking about that.” But you were.

Donghyuk sighs, as he can tell that you’re obviously lying. “Namjoon is a very secretive person, so he might’ve planned this for a long time, or maybe he might’ve planned this last minute. But what I want to know is if you knew anything about this.”

“What are you talking about? He’s your friend, so shouldn’t you know?” You sound very defensive about yourself, but you don’t mean to. It’s just that you’re frustrated with yourself about this whole situation that you make yourself come off fussy.

“Look, I’ve been friends with him for more than a year, but not once have we ever had a serious conversation. He’s always drawing a line between us and him since you’ve known him longer than any of us, we just think that you know something.”

“…I don’t know anything.” To be honest, you don’t know why you’re not cooperating with Donghyuk and the other two. If anything, having them will provide more help into finding out why Namjoon ran away. Maybe it’s because the selfish part of you is a little jealous that these three knew something about Namjoon that you didn’t, and so you don’t want to associate yourself with them.

Out of irritation with your unwillingness to cooperate, Cindy slams her hand against the table, causing you to jump from your seat. She cocks her head to the side once you finally make eye contact with her.

“Look, of all the time I’ve known Namjoon, he’s only talked about you. Before I knew him, he hated talking to anyone but one day, he magically became social. We all think that it’s because it has something to do with you.”

You know that behind her annoyed expression, her eyes are filled with jealousy. She’s now coming to the realization that all those moments that she’s spent with Namjoon has been meaningless and one-sided. It hurts to come to this, but she has to face it no matter what.

“We’re just as worried about him as much as you are, maybe you’re feeling more worried than us. To be honest, we think that running away is the dumbest decision he’s ever made, and we want him to come back because he’s probably wandering around doing nothing but pitying himself. We think that he doesn’t trust us enough which is why he suddenly left. We think…you might be the only one to convince him to return.”

“What? Me?” You don’t know what to say to that. You look down with stigma, as you can’t comprehend how they came to that solution. “But…Namjoon…he ran away because of me. I…I rejected him…and it’s all my fault…”

Will, not being able to handle all this emotional talk, sits down next to Donghyuk. “I don’t mean to bring in the cheese or anything, but I think he likes you.”

A flush of red burns bright in your cheeks. “Wh-what? No!! There’s no way. I’m…I’m just a friend.”

Will rolls his eyes. “Open your damn eyes girl! I have never seen him look so happy looking at someone to the point where it gets kinda gross. I mean, shit, he doesn’t even look at Cindy that way. Sorry, Cin.”

“Offense taken.” Cindy scoffs as she looks away with even more envy.

“And geez, stop being so melodramatic! You ain’t at the center of the attention all the damn time! If anything, I don’t think he ran away because of you alone. It’s probably something he’s been hiding, but we don’t know what it is, and I think as his friends, we deserve the right to know so that we can help him. And shit, if you’re gonna keep saying shit like ‘oh, boo-hoo, it’s all because of me’ then fucking do something about it! Run after that motherfucker and hug the shit out of him! Let him know that he ain’t gotta go through what he’s going through alone!”

You’re speechless. For someone Namjoon calls ‘dumb’, he ended up being the one to make you realize how really dumb you are. You really are the most conceited person in the entire world. You knew that you were scared to really search for Namjoon because he might push you away and run off again. When you were going through your hardships, Namjoon not once turned away from you.

You become really embarrassed because you literally just confessed your love for Namjoon to your own father a few days ago, and yet you do nothing to prove that you really do care for him.

You scoff at yourself, but really those words that Will said impacted you emotionally to the point where you’re on the verge of tears. “Thanks for being upfront about it with me and calling me stupid, Will.”

“Any time, girl.”

You can understand why Namjoon is friends with these people. They may look intimidating at first, but they do keep an eye out for each other. Maybe it’s time for you to try and trust people other than Namjoon, just like how he did.

“If I had to possibly guess, I don’t think Namjoon has left the city. There’s no way he’d leave the place and leave the girl of his dreams behind, right?” Donghyuk smirks.

Your cheeks are flushed with red again.

“Alright, let’s just hurry up and eat before lunch ends. I’m starving.” Cindy, not wanting to hear that the boyfriend that she was once dating had feelings for another girl this entire time, says hastily while walking off to find a seat.

Will gives you a wink, and Donghyuk smiles, shrugging his shoulders while mumbling ‘girl problems’ under his breath. The other two follow after the grouchy Cindy, leaving you alone with your thoughts. With the encouragement of their words, you now feel like you can help search for Namjoon. Even if you fear that Namjoon will only reject you, it’s worth a shot than to sit and pray that he’d come back. For all those times he was there for you, it’s about time you repay him.

The first place you can think of to look for Namjoon is the underground rap site. Since you’re parents grounded you, you can’t really search during the day, so you had to wait until both your parents fell asleep before sneaking out of the house.

You don’t exactly remember where the underground rap site is, but after many, many detours, you are able to find the downtown city only. Even though it’s so late at night, the streets are still bustling with busy cars, sidewalks filled with coated strangers and half-naked prostitutes who giggle at you for being so adorable and walking alone on the dangerous streets of the city.

Every corner you turn, there’s a suspicious-looking stranger, and it makes you wary of them as your paranoia convinces you into thinking that they’re going to whack you behind the head and hide you in some place to kill you, but you huff with relief when they don’t do anything to you. You don’t recall the streets always being this scary, but maybe it’s because you had the comfort of Namjoon by your side the first time that made this place feel safer.

You look at every alleyway of the city since your memory of the exact location of the site is still fuzzy. Since it’s an underground site, they try to keep their place on the down low to prevent police from shutting them down, which makes it all the more difficult for you to pinpoint the exact location.

You are extremely terrified for your own well-being as you don’t know when or how you’ll return home because you took so many detours that you don’t even remember where you originally came from. You didn’t even bring money, nor do you have a phone, so you can’t exactly call your parents when you become desperately in need of help.

After walking for hours, you can no longer bare with your aching feet, so you stop at a random alleyway, lean against a wall, take off one side of your shoes, then massage one side of your feet. You rub the chest cavity of your foot, feeling a sense of relaxation after all that work you put on your feet. You swear to yourself that you should work out more often because you’re so exhausted. You set your foot down on the roof of your shoe, but you don’t put your foot in just yet.

“It’s good to see you again.”

The ends of your hair stand up, as you can recognize that haunting, abhorrent voice anywhere, despite not hearing it for years. But before you know it, something metallic and hard whacks you across the head, and you’re immediately met with black.

“…ake…up…wake…Hey…wake up…” You can hear that same voice telling you something, but you’re still half-unconscious to perceive what he wants from you.

You’re met with a slap across your cheek which immediately wakes you up. You open your eyes wide open, and you’re met with the eyes of the person who Namjoon had warned years ago to stay away from you.

You look around at your surroundings that look different from the original alleyway you were once at, and you can feel the pain of scratches and cuts on your back. It clicks in you that Rob must’ve knocked you out and dragged you by the leg to another section of the alleyway, which can explain the injuries on your back. Your head is pulsating with such a horrible aching sensation. When you touch the back of your head, you can feel a large bump forming.

“It’s about fucking time. Damn, you’re a fucking sleeper.” Rob says with so much dispassion in his voice.

“Why the hell are you here? Did you stalk me??” Instead of feeling terrified, you’re very agitated, as this is the worst time to see Rob again.

“Wow, I guess Namjoon really got into your head. Even after I swung a pipe across your head, you still have the spirit in you to go fucking against me,” Rob grabs you by the collar of your shirt and brings you closer to him. “Listen to me, you little shit. Namjoon ain’t coming for your help anymore. He ran away like the pussy he is.”

“Fuck you. I’m not scared of you.”

“Keep talking to me like that, and I’ll pop that fucking head of yours,” Rob sneers at you, just as fearless as you. “Do you know how fucking long I’ve been holding this grudge against you? You and that piece of shit fucking ruined my life, and you deserve to get what’s coming for you.”

“Wow,” you scoff. “I can’t believe you waited until Namjoon left because you’re too spineless to go against a real man? You waited until I was with no one so that you can do this to me. You’re a sociopath with a fragile ego.”

Rob thought that you’d at least be somewhat terrified of him, especially since you’re nowhere near people, nor are you in any condition to run because your feet hurt from all the walking. Your fearlessness isn’t wavering one bit. Even though he methodically planned this, his control isn’t working on you at all. This only frustrates him more, as he is craving for that petrified look that you once gave him years ago.

This leads him to bring out his backup plan. He takes out the pocket knife from his back pocket to scare you, and it works. You now know to shut your mouth, as you know from previous experience with him that he’d do anything just to see you scared. You’d hate to make him feel superior, but you rather have that than a stab wound.

Now having the control in this situation, a smile perks up in Rob’s face again. “Ha, feels great right? To be rock bottom, the place where everyone shits on you. Feels fucking awesome, right???”

“Rob, you don’t have to do thi-”

He grips around your cheeks aggressively, digging his nails into them. “SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BITCH. DON’T FUCKING TALK WHILE I’M TALKING.”

When you look into his eyes, you know that at this point, there’s no use in trying to communicate with Rob. He’s completely lost his mind, and there’s no way to save him. All rationale has left him, and you don’t know what to do.

Rob slides the blade down your cheek, and you don’t avert your eyes from it whatsoever.

“We had such great times together, didn’t we? Those memories are ones that I’ll never forget,” He forces your mouth open and gazes inside it. “This is the exact same mouth where I fed you your grass like a cow. You were such a bad child back then, and you still are. It’s like, no matter how many times I tried to help you, it’s that damn Namjoon guy who’s always giving you these weird ideas. It’s his fucking fault that you’re so demented, but it’s okay now. He’s gone now, and it’s just you and me.”

Rob slides the knife closer to your mouth pressing it harder onto your skin, but not enough to pierce it. You can feel your old skin being carved off by the sharp end of the blade, and Rob gets enjoyment out of your pain.

“I told you to stay the fuck away from her, didn’t I?”

That voice—the voice you’ve been wishing to hear one more time–echoes across the alleyway. Rob removes the knife from your mouth and grunts out of frustration.

Both you and Rob look at whoever said that, and it’s the man you’ve been searching for all night. Namjoon is standing a few feet away from you and him. You notice that in his hand is your missing shoe–the one you took off when you were massaging your foot.

“Namjoon…you fucker!” All the hate and anger Rob has kept within himself is slowly oozing out of him. You can feel his dark aura becoming more apparent.

“What you said, about feeding her grass…is it true?”

“What? Why the fuck do you want to know tha-”

“Fucking answer me!!”

“Yea, it’s true, so fucking what?? You’re gonna make me eat a few greens too?” Rob mocks Namjoon.

“Namjoon, be careful! He has a knife!”

Namjoon hears you, but he doesn’t say anything. He merely takes another step forward, which makes Rob flinch back a little, but he still stands firm, knife in hand. The way Namjoon is calmly approaching Rob is unsettling, and this is knocking Rob off-balance. Not wanting to feel the anticipation anymore, Rob runs towards Namjoon, getting ready to stab Namjoon.

Namjoon swiftly grabs ahold of the hand that holds the knife, and for a few seconds, Namjoon has the upper hand, able to withstand the strength Rob enforces into his arms as he tries to stab Namjoon. However, during the years that Rob has been MIA from your life, you never realized how muscular Rob has gotten, even stronger than Namjoon. The knife draws closer to Namjoon’s abdomen, and you can’t bear to see Namjoon get hurt.

You stand up, ignoring the aching pain on your feet, and run to Namjoon’s aid. You tackle Rob down, causing him to drop his knife in the process. Within moments, Rob is able to kick you off of him, kicking you hard in the stomach, causing you to throw up a pool of saliva and cough. Already with the wound to your head only makes your vision more blurry, and the pain hurts more in your head than your stomach.

Watching you getting hurt for the sake of him, Namjoon is red with rage. The girl that he treasures so much being thrown around is enough for him to make murder sound like an excusable punishment for Rob. Rob rolls over, using his knees and elbows to help himself get up.

But before he is even given the chance to stand up, Namjoon gets on top of him. He grabs him by the back of his hair, then forces his head into the ground. Namjoon brings his head back up, then throws him back down. He repeats this again, pebbles stuck deep into Rob’s skin, bleeding from the nose, cheeks, forehead, mouth from the repeated bashing into the ground. Rob can only taste the dry black tar each time Namjoon aggressively pushes his head down into it.

“Please…please, no more…”

You watch as Namjoon smashes Rob’s face into the ground in horror. You knew that if Namjoon found out about what Rob did to you, then he would become violent. This side of Namjoon is all the more terrifying, and it’s your fault that you brought this side of Namjoon out. You can’t stand Namjoon turning into something that he isn’t.

“NAMJOON STOP!!” You cry out his name as loud as you can.

Namjoon freezes, lifting the half-unconscious Rob’s head in the air. You sob hysterically, unable to control the flow of your tears as they roll down your cheeks.

“Namjoon…you’re not a bad person. I know you’re not…You’re not the person that everyone paints you to be. So please, don’t make that come true.”

Your words hit him directly into his heart. He looks down to realize what he’s doing, and you’re right. Namjoon isn’t who he is right now. He stares at his shaky hands in disbelief that he’s done this unconsciously. You smile in relief, as Namjoon has come back to being himself.

With the adrenaline finally going away from your body, your head becomes light-headed, and the pulsating pain in the back of your head returns. You fall to the ground, falling in and out of consciousness.

“(Y/N)!!!”

Namjoon runs to your side, getting on his knees as he carries you in your arms, his hand covered in the blood from your head. He calls your name repeatedly, watching as the light from inside you slowly die out. Namjoon begins to cry as he cradles you in his arms.

“Please, don’t go. Of all people, I don’t want you to leave me.”

You open your eyes suddenly, and you’re met with a white, blank ceiling. The only sound you can hear is the sound of something beeping. You slowly turn your head to the side to see a heart monitor. Next to the heart monitor is a table filled with flowers, teddy bears, and boxes of chocolates, all with get-well cards on them.

Everything looks so crystal clean, cleaner than any place you’ve ever seen. The white room, gifts, and the heart monitor brings you to the conclusion that you’re in the hospital. You use your right arm to feel your head, and all of your hair is gone. It’s been entirely shaved off and bound with bandages. Lifting your arm was a struggle, as it feels so weak.

You try to sit up, but something—or someone—is holding your left hand down. You turn to see Namjoon sleeping on the side of your bed, holding your left hand tightly. You don’t remember much after what happened that night, and you don’t know how long you’ve been sleeping. You look out the window and see that it must be either dawn or dust.

Because of the slight movements you’re making, it causes Namjoon to move around as well, slowly opening his eyes as he grumbles quietly. He opens his eyes to see you, fully awake and staring right back at him. In that midst of silence, Namjoon sits up straight, unable to comprehend you being awake, staring at him with a confused expression.

“Na-Namjoon,” Your voice sounds so hoarse and dry. “O-oh my gosh. M-my voice sounds almost g-gone.” You giggle, trying to alleviate the tension in the room.

Suddenly, Namjoon pulls you in for a hug, wrapping his long arms around you and breathing heavily as he tries so hard not to cry.

“N-Namjoon? Wh-what are yo-”

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear you laugh.”

You blush, as you weren’t ready to wake up to an adorable Namjoon. Your heart rate on the heart monitor increases up to 121 bpm. Because of the sudden spike of your heart rate, this alerts the nurses by the desk, and they rush to your room. The nurses were really worried that something might’ve happened to you, but you explain to them what happened. You feel so embarrassed about admitting this to the nurses, and they all put their hands to their chest, saying ‘aw’ as you tell them your reason.

Later, the doctor explains that you don’t suffer from anything super serious, but it did take quite a few stitches to close the wound that Rob did to your head. Apparently, Rob was caught by the police, then taken into juvenile hall after Namjoon’s testimony. You slept for almost the entire day, not really because of the hit to the head, but more so because of the nights you stayed up sleeplessly, waiting for Namjoon to return, plus that night when you went to search for him. The doctor suggests that you stay for a few more days before they can discharge you.

During those days in the hospital, you’ve had endless visits from your parents, who bursted into tears when they saw their daughter wake up and is fine. This is the first time you’ve seen your parents actually care for you, so you cry with them as well. Cindy, Donghyuk, and Will also come to visit you too every so often too. Because Will knows how much hospital food sucks, he would sneak some candy bars for you to eat. Donghyuk kept his promise and sometimes raps to you, though you don’t think his fast-paced rapping is soothing for a hospital setting. When you and Cindy are alone, the two of you have some girl talk, usually about Namjoon, fangirling and squealing when you two share what you love the most about him.

However, of all the people, Namjoon is the one who visits you the most. The two of you have trivial conversations, usually about you wanting to hurry up and get out of the hospital. Most of the time, Namjoon just listens to you talk about your day. Even if it’s the same conversation every day, Namjoon still listens to you diligently with the gaze that makes you feel nervous and unable to give him direct eye contact.

“Hey Namjoon…how important am I to you?” You ask suddenly one day.

Namjoon, who is peeling an orange for you, looks up from the half-peeled fruit. He then looks back to the fruit again, giving you a slight smile.

“You’re the most important person to me.”

You blush at his reply, but it isn’t enough to satisfy you. “Why?”

Namjoon’s cheeks turn red, as he doesn’t want to admit to you how he really feels about you. Since you asked, he might as well tell you. He takes in a deep inhale, preparing the cringiest lines he’ll ever say out loud.

“Let’s just say that before I met you, I wasn’t exactly in the happiest place in my mind. Actually, I think right before I met you, I was in my darkest moment of my life.”

You open your mouth to say something, but you don’t say anything. This is something you aren’t used to, so you don’t know what to say to comfort him.

“Remember when you asked me if I ever got tired of being called ‘bad’?”

You nod.

“I was called that for most of my life. It started when I became passionate for rapping, and my parents thought that rap is a bad influence, so they called me bad as well. No matter what I did from then on only disappointed them. I couldn’t bear with the rejection from my parents, so I snuck out of the house often, just going wherever I felt like going. That was how I found the underground rapping site, and that was where I could express myself.

“However, because of my daily routine of sneaking out, people started to suspect that I was doing bad things. As time went on, more and more people started to isolate me from the rest, and I started hearing my name behind their backs more than in front of their faces. Because of this isolation, I felt like what I was doing was wrong. I felt like my entire existence was a mistake and to only cause misery to my parents and disgust to others.

“Because of the hatred from other people, I began to hate myself too. There was nothing about me that I loved. Having that as my mindset, I thought about dying a lot, to the point where sometimes I would get in trouble on purpose just to get myself killed by another person. I didn’t want to kill myself because I’m too much of a coward, so might as well put the blame on someone else, right?”

You can tell this is difficult for Namjoon to talk about. His voice keeps shaking. You want to hold him, but you let Namjoon continue on.

“I started having arguments with my parents a lot because of my behavior. The night that I met you, I had a really rough argument with my parents. I don’t remember what it was even about, but what I do remember is that my mom was crying, then wishing that I was never born. I know that I’m not the best son, but still, hearing that from your parents was the worst thing I’ve ever heard.

“After that, I ran out the door, walked around aimlessly, purposely got myself into a couple of fights with some big men, got my ass beaten, limped my way back home. I don’t know why, but I thought that your house was my house, then I snuck into the backyard because that’s where I usually sneak out from. Maybe I got really messed up from the fight.

“But I was so beaten up that I couldn’t move anymore, so I just laid down, waiting for my parents to come and yell at me some more. I remember staring at the empty, dead night sky for a long time. That was when I decided that tonight, I would finally do the world a favor by ending myself and be up there next to the stars. I closed my eyes, preparing for my soul to soar with the stars, but when I open my eyes, the only shining star I saw…was you.”

Your heart skips a beat, as you weren’t expecting that coming from Namjoon. Seeing how flustered you look, Namjoon only smiles.

“When you took care of me that night rather than calling for the police or your parents, I just thought you were some naive kid who couldn’t tell from right to wrong. At first, I took advantage of your naivety and used you as a way to get away from my life. But…you changed me.

“That day at the park, when you shouted to me these exact words: ‘I think Namjoon is a nice person’, that was the first time someone has ever valued me. Then you kept telling me that you wanted the whole world to know that I’m actually a good person, it made me feel…so happy. For once…I felt like I have a reason to exist–that even if I were to die, then there would at least be one person to mourn for me.

“When I returned to the grim part of my mind and thought about killing myself every so often, your smiling face would pop up in my head, then I would tell myself, ‘I want to see you one more time’. All those times when I went to visit you were all the times when I thought about killing myself.”

It’s a lot to take in, and Namjoon finally breathes after talking for so long.

“But…why did you decide to run away?”

Namjoon, having finally finish peeling the orange, sets it on the plate and leans forward in his chair, folding his hands close to his mouth. “…Because of my constant bad behavior, my parents decided that once I finish high school, I would study abroad in New Zealand.”

You’re shocked. New Zealand?! You never expected it to be so far away and for that reason as well.

“It was the night when I took you to the rapping site for the first time. When I came home, that was when my parents broke the news to me. The first thing I thought was: ‘I won’t be able to see her again’, and by her, I mean you. I was going to be separated from you, who gave me a reason to exist, and that scared me.

“I wasn’t thinking straight, so I snuck into your bedroom and that’s when I asked you to run away with me because I couldn’t imagine my life without you. You were the one who helped me open up to strangers like Donghyuk, Cindy, and Will because I thought that even if they reject me in the end, I would still have you. But without you, I felt like I would go insane.

“I thought you would immediately say yes when I asked you to come with me, but when you hesitated, I realized that I was just dragging you into my mess of a life. I told myself that I cannot make a future for both you and I because I am too down into the rabbit-hole to fix myself. But really…I was just scared that you’d say ‘no’, that you wouldn’t want to run away with me. I was…scared more of your rejection than I was of death itself. I mean, in the end, I still have to go, regardless of what happens next.”

You can see Namjoon’s folded hands are shaking. You never knew that this entire time, the confident, strong-looking Namjoon whom you’ve respected and loved for so long is in the end, just like anyone else–someone with insecurities and fears. You can feel yourself choking on your own tears, as you never knew how much you impacted his life. You feel stupid, never once asking if Namjoon was okay. He was suffering by himself all this time, and you didn’t know.

“Namjoon…come here.”

Namjoon doesn’t know what you have in mind, but he does what you asked of him and leans close to you. That’s when you give him on a light peck on his forehead. He moves back instinctively, covering his forehead, face all red.

“A special someone once told me that a kiss on the forehead means that you wish for nothing but blissful happiness for them.” You smile.

Namjoon, realizing that you’re saying what he exactly told you years ago, scoffs and laughs to himself. He’s so embarrassed that he doesn’t even know how to look at you in the eye.

“Namjoon, even if you go to New Zealand, it’s not like we’re going to be separated forever. By that time, you’ll have become an adult, and we can even contact each other through Facebook, Twitter, some other place. I’ll even get a job to raise enough money and buy a phone so I can talk to you. I’m not going to let a few hundred-thousands of miles stop us from being together! Once I graduate high school, then I’ll come for you!!” You say with such determination.

Namjoon, star-struck with your words, becomes three darker shades of red. He knew that it was right to fall in love with you. You never fail to amaze him, and that’s what he loves about you. For the first time in forever, he can finally truly smile without concerns for the future.

Namjoon leans closer to you, giving you a soft, gentle kiss to the lips. You are caught surprised by the kiss, and your face then turns red with embarrassment too. Namjoon leans back, lips stilling grin, and his one dimple still vivid for you to see.

“Thank you…for helping me learn to love myself.”

The End

A/N: Thank you for those who actually read this fanfiction until the end! This is the first fanfiction I’ve ever posted, so I appreciate those who read it. I’m looking for improvements, so if there’s any advice you want to give me, please message me!

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