#crimes and drugs being my go to genre lol

[pulquedeguayaba]

Got reminded of my Letterboxd recap for 2023 and yeah makes sense

[mylovejimimi]

The Kims, your breeding problem | SJ & NJ TWO SHOT PT. 1.5

— PAIRING: mafiaboss!seokjin x mafiaboss!namjoon x mafiaprincess!reader — GENRE: smut +18. minors dni — WARNINGS: omg none? sorry i didn't include much smut in this one, i didn't have much inspiration so i just made this to add a little context and to move the plot forwards. — SUMMARY: Desperate to save your empire and your name, you walk into the lion's den with a plan. Turns out those two lions had a plan of their own, and now you're the piece of meat they had been so starved for. — WORDS: 6k >>> You can read part 1 here <<< Soooooo it's been a while lol I have so many things to do omg but i'm happy i can give you something, even if is a little lame like this continuation lmao I swear to bring you something much better in the next one, pls forgive my dry mind and busy life, ilyyyy Please remember you can send me a tip by buying me a ko-fi if you like my works, it will meant the world to me ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ And as always, i look forward your thoughts on this. Enjoy !

Namjoon had picked an interest in you since he started in the whole crime business thing. You were big in that circle, more for yourself than for your family’s history. News always carried your name around, and then, one day, he had the luck to run into you in one party.

Back then, he was an orphaned eighteen years old whose only chance at life was to be a construction worker or a bouncer at a club, given his prominent height and overall bigger frame. Somehow, he ended up being a bodyguard at the service of some minor drug lord that loomed the outskirts of Seoul; he saw all kind of illegalities at work but could be proud of having never participate in any of them. However, any little remaining morals he had were thrown out of the window the day his boss was invited to a big party – the party your father was hosting.

The opulence of your mansion left his jaw on the floor. There weren’t that many people, but the power and easiness all of them exuded left him green with envy: no one there knew what was to have bellyaches because of how hungry you were to get sick for eating moldy food from the trash and having no hospital that would treat you, to fight to death with people that wanted to rob you or take advantage of you. None of them had lived a single tragedy, none of them even had to worry for breaking the law to survive and the possibility of prison time because all those people were over the law. It angered him; that party got him so furious to the point that he almost resolved to get out of that business, out of that circle of rich people, and start over as a fisherman in the sea or something like that. Or just go and jump under a train.

Just when he was about to turn around and leave, he saw you. There you were, appearing in a cinematic sequence: strutting down the staircase in your flowy, red dress, while all eyes were on you. You were in the spotlight, as always; shining more than any of the dresses and expensive jewelry being worn there. You had all the power in the world and you knew it, of course; he could see it in your prepotent smile, your ruthless eyes, your arrogant vibe. Only nineteen years old, but you showed so much promise and hunger for more – didn’t even hope for more, you just naturally expected it, felt entitled to more.

You were also very beautiful physically – he felt attracted to you like everyone else, after all –, but the poise and status you had entranced Namjoon beyond words. He decided he was going to be just like you, or even better. He was going to have all the power in the world. He was going to have you.

Seokjin, on the other hand, had always been lurking around you. Waiting. Plotting. Achieving.

In the beginning, he was the good guy. He was a nice kid, introverted yet polite and pretty smart. His family had served yours since your grandfather began his incursions into morally questioning matters. He was born into the same opulence you were, but it wasn’t his. He had traveled with you, and get to know many places far away, but as a servant. He had dinner every night on the same table as you, but he was the one picking up the rests of food you threw on the floor maliciously.

Each and every time he had to clean after you, carry your things around and put up with your whims and spoiled bitch tantrums. Insults, degrading words, and even objects were shoot his way by you any time of the day for any random reason. No other family member of his was treated as poorly as him, and no one knew why you picked on him. But he put up with all of it from birth until he turned fifteen.

Seokjin was a nice kid, but he always had a short temper, and each time it was more and more difficult to contain himself around you and your shit attitude. He tried, tried, tried but one awful day, you were in a bad humor and went to punch your favorite sandbag – him – who was in a worse humor.

That one time, you were both teens and full of hormones, each one dealing with their own teenage problems. You hated all you had to do to be better than your brother, please your parents and gain a second of their precious attention; Seokjin hated you and how he was chained to you to be your slave for God knows how long. You made his life miserable, always reminding him how worthless and stupid he was, how useless for society he was since he was so damn poor and dumb. You had said to him once – after sniffing a little crush on you from his part – that you could never give him a chance no matter how hot he gets because he would always be the same pathetic, useless bastard good for nothing but cleaning her shit; and that was exactly what he was remembering while washing your dishes when you came running to him at the scream of ‘you piece of shit!’. A crystal glass flew your way, followed by a plate, another glass and a ‘shut the fuck up for once, stupid bitch!’

After the big scandal you made in front of everybody – your parents, his parents and other employees of the mansion – your father gave Seokjin’s father an ultimatum: the violent little shit that almost hurt their precious girl gets lost before morning or all of them lose their jobs and get wiped out the face of the planet. Needless to say, within an hour, Seokjin was chased out of the residential neighborhood by your father’s thugs.

He wasn’t homeless for long; knowing the people in the business, he was linked by somebody to the same druglord that, years later, employed Namjoon. The old criminal took a liking in him when he saw his thirst for blood, his recklessness, his egocentrism; Seokjin was afraid of nothing now that he decided he wanted revenge and nothing else. So, he learned the ways, the ins and outs, and soon enough he befriended Namjoon, forming an alliance with him to overthrow the old drug master and start their own illegal enterprise.

Years working, years scheming, both with very different motivations but the same target: you.

…

Stirring up from sleep, you were disoriented for a good amount of time. You opened your eyes and set them on the ceiling but didn’t move, feeling soreness taking over your body from your feet to the last hair of your head. When you tried to move your arms and couldn’t was when you remembered where you were, and realized that your hands were tied again. You groaned.

As you were thinking what to do next, a snore interrupted your train of thought. At your right, Namjoon slept soundly on his back, snoring from time to time. At your left, Seokjin slept on his side with a frown on his pretty features – and both assholes had their sweats on and let you stark naked. Was it that they trust you enough to sleep with you or they were just dumb? Though, you were tied up, really sore, naked, and unarmed, so you weren’t exactly a threat.

Moving as little as you were capable while depleted of energy and having your hands literally tied, you sat yourself against the headboard and waited until the men woke up.

Did they really mean it when they said they wanted to make you pregnant? Had they read your mind? Because that was exactly what you had in mind.

After years watching your father wreak havoc everywhere he went, you realized his method wasn’t the most efficient always. Murdering the enemy to take their place? That’s how you conquered kingdoms in the Medieval Era, but not in the modern day; not when your enemy was as elusive and as informed as you. The many ‘surprise attacks’ your father orchestrated failed miserably, resulting in many of his men killed and his enemies to declare revenge against him. That was how your family was losing all its former power and glory, how you were losing money and influence. But you were smarted than that.

“Look who just woke up.” Seokjin groaned once he heard your voice, hosting a frown even before opening his eyes fully. “Prince Charming, the father of my child.”

“You’re fucking insane” the man muttered, sitting on the bed and looking at you in disbelief. “Aren’t you even the littlest bit worried about being held captive and forced to give birth? I can’t fucking believe you.”

“I told you there was no one like me.” You grinned proudly at him. “Besides, you’re hot enough to not ruin my good genes, so maybe I’ll give you a chance for the sake of my linage.” You expected him to tell you to shut up or something along the lines but it was radio silent. You saw Seokjin’s face transform in a second; his previous grimace turned in a stoic seriousness and he looked at you dead in the eye, with the coldest stare anyone has ever directed your way. His reaction did spark a little worry in you.

“What did you just say?” he asked in a mutter while taking hold of your arm, gripping it hard.

“Hey, this isn’t –”

“What did you just say – give me a chance?” he repeated with the same neutral tone through clenched teeth.

“Okay, chill, I’ll resist and kick and scream or whatever, no need to –” He interrupted you by pulling you close to his face, which sported a lethal scowl. His clutch on your arm tightened to the point you were sure it would bruise, but you were pretty shocked by the change in his whole persona to react accordingly.

“You don’t know who I am? You still don’t know who the fuck I am?”

“A fucking Kim? I don’t know what you want me to say, dude.”

“Fucking bitch! After all you fucking did to me!” the man yelled on your face, now shaking you aggressively. You refrained yourself from yelping and showing signs of fear, but the reality was that, this time, he was genuinely scaring you. What was he on? You hadn’t known him personally until that night. What could you had possibly done to him?

Namjoon woke up from all the scandal his brother was making; however, instead of being surprised and maybe even stop him, he just sat there rubbing his eyes, watching the scene unfold with a frown. Immutable, he saw how Seokjin left your arm alone and went for your hair, using it as leverage to make you stand on your knees when he stood up from the bed.

“I’m Kim Seokjin, that name doesn’t ring a bell?” The sting on your scalp made you groan but that wasn’t the answer Seokjin was looking for. “Answer me!” he demanded. Disoriented, you shook your head no, making him scoff. “Of course, it doesn’t. You made my life a fucking nightmare but you didn’t even bother to remember my name.”

“Man, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about –” And it was the truth. You didn’t have a clue of what he was accusing you of. You were far from an angel, that’s for sure; you had made many people suffer and turned many lives into a living hell, but Seokjin’s? You would remember fucking up his life. You would definitely remember a man like him.

“It’s so cruel that you don’t remember him, baby” Namjoon added calmly while lounging there on the bed, watching you like he was on the beach just admiring the waves of the sea –so unfazed by his brother’s outburst. It can’t be that serious, you thought. “He was that kid with glasses that worked in your house. You know, the one you kept fucking over? Your pet or whatever.” Your clueless face was the last straw for Seokjin, who threw you onto the bed with force. You grumbled when all your weight fell on your hands at your back but none of them cared. Your scalp still burned from Seokjin’s strong hold.

“I’ll make you remember me, stupid bitch” he promised through clenched teeth as his hands tugged brutishly the waistband of his sweatpants. Maybe it was the good shaking Seokjin gave you and the following toss, maybe it was the insult, but suddenly a light bulb went on in your head and you recalled who the man had been in your life.

“Wait, you’re that whiny bitch that almost kill me.” The older Kim clenched his jaw and pulled your body by the legs to his own standing in the side of the bed. You scoffed, putting all pieces together at last. “That’s the reason why I’m here? Seriously? It’s been more than ten years already, man, just get over it.” Now that you knew what was going on, it didn’t even surprise you when he took hold of your face abruptly. It was always so funny to you just how men would turn into villains because a girl was mean to them when they were twelve. “Wait, wait, let me be the bigger person here: I’m sorry, okay? I had always been a spoiled bitch and all that, but who could have taught me manners in that house? I was raised by literal criminals.”

“I couldn’t care less for your fucking reasons; you were more than a bitch back then and are a nuisance in the present. I should have busted your head open that night.” Albeit his menacing words, you didn’t perceive the threatening energy they should deliver. If anything, Seokjin seemed annoyed by his revenge. Reasonable, you thought, he had stretched it this long it, it’s no longer fun.

“Well, as I said before, just kill me now and finish with your fourteen or fifteen-years-old vendetta.”

“I promised Namjoon he would have you.” Still immobilized by Seokjin’s hand, you looked at the mentioned man by the corner of your eye; he gave you a wink and a smirk. That… you didn’t mind that. “And, as I said before, killing you would be the easy way out. You have to go through what I did and pay with your body.” A spark warmed your insides when his unoccupied hand cupped your breast – however, you still had a deal to seal.

“As tempting as a life being your sex slave sounds, I have other plans.” Disregarding you completely, the older brother started kneading your breasts with both hands. Namjoon joined him taking you by the armpits and yanking you up the mattress into a sitting position against his chest. “You said I was a nuisance, why?” A miscommunication happened between the brothers, because, while Seokjin remained silent with the intention of ignoring you so you would eventually shut up and know your place, Namjoon, who liked you, spoke up.

“You’re too strong. Your pussy has some kind of magic that makes men be loyal to death to you. The most powerful won’t let go.”

“Goddamn, Namjoon. Why are you telling her that?”

“She’s not going anywhere, hyung, this information is useless now. Besides, I’m wifing her and it isn’t nice to hide things from my spouse, don’t you think, baby?” You turned your head to give him a tight smile. It was dangerous to trust any of them, but there was at least one snake in that snakes’ pit that wasn’t going to bit you that hard – or even bite you at all, if you were nice enough to it.

“The fuck are you saying, Namjoon? This is not a damn rom-com.” Seokjin looked way too annoyed at his brother’s excuses, and you thought that maybe it was more personal than it seemed, and maybe your hypothetical wedlock had something to do with it – though, it would be illogical to you if a man like Seokjin felt anything but bitterness.

“And so what? My life is not all about crime and money, I want a family too, man.” His brother scoffed and rolled his eyes. Namjoon wasn’t someone that took offense in things that easily; however, he lived for irritating his hyung. “Sorry not everybody is as miserable and unlovable as you. I’m actually a pretty decent guy.”

“What a load of crap.” Seokjin let go of your body and stood up. “You turned me off with all that bullshit. So whatever, I don’t feel like using this bitch now.” Expecting him to turn around and leave the room, you were surprised when he went to the mini bar in the room, poured himself a drink and sat on the sofa in front of the bed.

“What, you’re going to watch us?”

“What else is there to do? I’m not leaving you with this simp. He is likely to let you go with a kiss on the forehead. Fucking cuck.”

“Well, this bitch doesn’t feel like being used now.” You looked briefly to the man behind you, to see if he was on your side even the slightest. He was not.

“You really think you’re calling the shots here, dear?” Seokjin clicked his tongue in disappointment. “We have a lot of training to do with you. Hoseok! Jungkook!” he shouted. In an instant, two men dressed in black entered the room solemnly; not a single emotion on their faces when they saw your naked body. “You will give all of us a show now. Learn that I decide what you do and who watches you doing it.”

When Namjoon secured his strong arm around your waist and descended a hand on your folds, you knew there wasn’t a way out but obeying that bitter asshole.

…

It was very difficult to find someone in the circle Namjoon moved in. He had already experienced three attempts of murder with beautiful women as bait, and an endless number of pseudo-dates with gold diggers. He wasn’t romantic per se, but he did yearn for an authentic, loving relationship, and a big family as a result – and you, that didn’t need his money because you had much more than him nor could kill him while being their hostage, were the very possible solution to his problem.

Namjoon’s desire to have a family wasn’t always as evident as in that point of his life, when he got all the financial power and influence he once dreamed of. Although life was great and all for him, he realized a feeling of hollowness that no amount of money, designer clothes or prostitutes could fill, or even conceal. Not anymore, at least.

He was smart enough to trace that desire back to his lack of a family since birth, and even admitted to himself that he needed tight bonds in the present as much as he had needed them when he was three or fifteen years old. It was not easy, however, to open himself completely to meet someone for an authentic, loving relationship. How to let himself be loved if no one had ever loved him? As uncomfortable as the feeling was, he needed to feel loved. He needed to be cared for. He needed to be important and special to someone for who he was as Namjoon the person, not as Kim Namjoon, Mafia’s Grim Reaper. Plus, he loved Seokjin as a real brother would, but he couldn’t rely entirely on his only friend for the rest of his existence; that man had a life of his own, after all.

Luring you into their mansion, then, was hitting the jackpot for him; even after all those years since he first saw you, he still had the hots for you. Having you under their thumb gave them absolute power over your fortune and business, and gave him the possibility to have a somehow okay relationship with a woman he felt attracted to and who had the same ideals as him. Killing two birds with one stone, right? And he was so sure he knew enough about women to know how to manipulate you so you would love him. It was brilliant, in his humble opinion.

Although, there was one potential problem that became more evident day by day: Seokjin. The man acted all mighty and unbothered, but after all those years working together, Namjoon knew better; he wanted to have you just as much as him, and not in a reversed-roles-revenge situation – which wouldn’t be so bad, if he wasn’t in a permanent childlike tantrum state. They had shared before, they could do it again, but as long as Seokjin denied his attraction to you and disguised it as a physical retribution for all you did to him, he would just be a pain in the ass for you and Namjoon.

…

“You know, when you said I was being held captive, I really thought it was just a figure of speech. Didn’t even cross my mind that you would actually keep me in this room like I’m an animal in a cage.” Exiting the bathroom in a white bathrobe, not at all like the ones in your home, you looked at Namjoon with a frown and crossed arms. He just stared at you innocently while sitting on the bed and folding your clothes.

“Sorry, princess, orders from above. Seokjin is in a power trip since you came so he thinks of you as his prisoner.”

“Aren’t you on his same level? Why are you letting him do as he pleases?” The man’s response was a nonchalant shrug. You cursed under your breath, decided to not lash out on Namjoon because he could be the only way out for you – and you really needed to be out of that room or you would actually go insane. You were sure it had been weeks already. “And what are you doing here, anyways? It’s been days and you keep coming and acting like my maid.”

“I like the domestic roleplaying.”

“So, it isn’t only that Seokjin doesn’t want me out but you also keep me here to play house?” Putting the last of the shirts he bought for you on the pile of clothes he also bought for you, he grinned and made an affirmative sound. “Is it that difficult to find a real girlfriend?” In your head, you meant it in a mocking way, but out loud it ended up sounding like a genuine question.

“You know it is, baby” Namjoon replied matter-of-factly. “You can’t tell me that all men around you are fit for a serious relationship.”

“Why would I want a serious relationship? I was loved enough as a kid, I don’t need that fairytale bullshit.”

“Good for you but some of us didn’t run that luck of having love or a family in our lives.”

“So I have to believe that, because you didn’t have parents, you come and act as if we’re a couple to feel like you’re actually wanted by somebody.”

“Oh no, I am really wanted by lots of people, but what I want is to feel loved by a person I consider my equal.” You snorted. It was the most ridiculous thing you heard a man say.

“Haven’t you tried therapy?”

“Not my thing.”

“Who says I love you, anyways?”

“You will love me. On your own or by Stockholm Syndrome.” You chuckled sardonically at that.

“You know what? You’re right. It’s either falling in love with you or with the viper that is your brother.” Loving them or not was the least of your concerns; first and foremost, you had to look after your enterprises and striking a formal relationship with the Kims was the least risky way. The family business was a kingdom torn apart that could not stand a chance if being put up against the Kim’s mafia.

“You know he is not actually my brother, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“It wouldn’t be illegal to marry us.”

“You really care for legality at this point?” He shrugged once again. “And you think I would marry you?” He got uncharacteristically serious in an instant.

“Look, I’ll be straight with you: I want a family because I didn’t have one. I want a wife and children and all that. It won’t work with just any woman but it could work out with you.”

“Why me?”

“Unlike my brother, I don’t underestimate you at all. I know you’re pretty smart and I know you figured out by now that an arrangement between you and a Kim will be only beneficial for your decaying family.” So, Namjoon was the brain there. You were mildly impressed.

“And for you and your unstable connections, since I’m such a hindrance for both of you and your affairs with powerful people.” He smirked at you and your sharpness. Not a single thing escaped you and he really liked that. “As strong as you appear, not many people trust two nobodies, huh?” Now you were talking. Namjoon clicked his tongue and gave you a real smile.

“You don’t have to say it like that, baby, it hurts my ego.” You shrugged.

“I see which one of you two has the balls.” When he chuckled, you noticed his dimples for the first time. Was it the domestic ambience and the casual sweats-and-shirt attire what made him much more attractive then than when you first met him? Whatever it was, you wanted him to start negotiating or just leave you alone – small talk and thinking about his hotness would not help you get out.

To your dismay, he put his big hands on each side of your hips and pulled you to him until you stood between his open legs, looking up at you with his head tilted and wide eyes. It was so intimate you almost gagged.

“Women like you get on my nerves, but” the man said lowly, holding your gaze. “I really like you, Y/N.”

“That’s my pussy magic.”

“Yes, but I also like you whole, not just when I fuck you.” His thumbs caressed your hips over the robe while he talked, and, for a moment, it felt real; like you had a bond with Namjoon, like he truly meant what he said. Nevertheless, you knew you were just hallucinating as a byproduct of the confinement and Namjoon being somehow nice – and he was taking advantage of that to make you slip, you could tell. Would he succeed? You didn’t think so; it's been days interacting with no one but the Kims, but the only person you knew you could trust was yourself.

“Listen, I understand you’re too deep into this marriage fantasy shit of yours but cut the bullshit, you don’t really know me, bud.” You crossed your arms and looked away in indifference, but by your peripheral view you saw him biting his lip slightly. Was he trying to seduce you now?

“May I get to really know you, then?” His eyes never strayed from yours, barely blinked even, as he leaned his head on your stomach. It wasn’t surprising that a man like Namjoon was so well-versed in being enchanting women; he had such acting skills that he looked genuine in his actions. Like he was really into you. Like he actually wanted you.

“No, you may not. And get out of my space, you creep.” Tittering, he let you push him away from your body. “And stop giggling at everything, it doesn’t make you look friendlier.”

What would he gain from making you trust him, though? It was true that you had more influence than them, and they killing you would not change that. Their best shot was to join forces with you to gain the favor of anyone, but it was vital you showed that you endorsed them. Then, what was he trying with you? You had no idea.

Namjoon got up from the bed slowly, his frame towering over yours and making you look and feel tiny (which your personal trainer could testify you definitively weren’t). A sudden tension raised between you two. His energy shift was accompanied with a hand stroking the side of your neck and a sleazy smirk. By now you got familiar with his changes in behavior, and oh, you were in for a very eventful night.

Sleeping with Kim Namjoon was just as enjoyable as you expected, if not more. The man wasn’t just about his pleasure, no; it seemed he also got off from giving you pleasure, as much as he could for as long as he felt like. Like in that moment, when he caressed your lower lip with his thumb as his lips descended on yours – both his hands also descending on your body. It made you so mad that his sensuous movements stirred some intense heat in your core. From the way your body reacted to him, you were sure he pulled a Pavlov on you.

“I’m telling you, sweetheart, you will love me.” In a swift motion, his strong arms hooked under your thighs and he picked you up roughly like you weighted nothing, walking towards the nearest wall to slam you against it. You yelped and cursed at him. Namjoon just laughed. “Are you sure you don’t love me already?” Your poorly tied bathrobe opened and exposed your naked form to the man’s eyes, who always enjoyed the sight and didn’t miss the chance to thrust up his clothed crotch into your bare pussy.

“Fuck you, asshole” you gasped, but didn’t fight him when he buried his head on your cleavage, making a path of kisses towards your left breast.

Namjoon took your nipple between his lips, sucking lightly and stimulating it with kitten-licks, but before a single moan left your mouth, the door was whipped open and Seokjin strutted into the room. If he was the least surprised from finding his brother feasting on your chest, he didn’t show it; he just looked at you smugly. He seemed in a much better mood than the last time you saw him:.

>> The last time he went to your room he was in a rage fit. You didn’t know but that day he tried bribing a congressman that was close to your father, who refused to switch sides and go against your family – the tenth failed attempt of turning people against you in the week. He was really mad and so he went to your room to fuck you and rough as punishment for existing and to let out off steam – which resulted counterproductive, because one, you actually enjoyed the whole thing, and two, as soon as he came, you started nagging at him to let you out of captivity. It was his last straw that day; with only his briefs on, he stomped out slamming the door behind him. Then, it was only Namjoon visiting you daily.

“I have great news for all of us” Seokjin began, standing less than a meter away from his brother and you. Uncomfortably close. “Please, carry on and don’t mind me, just listen.” The younger man ignored his brother completely, focused on sucking a hickey on the tender flesh of your breast. Closing your eyes at the pleasing sensation, you weren’t able to see Seokjin arch an eyebrow and take your jaw harshly, so you would actually pay attention to him. The biggest of smiles adorned his face when your eyes opened. “Your brother gave up, so daddy is planning on giving everything to you.”

“What?!” you gasped when Namjoon bit your nipple hard, jerking away from the other man’s grasp. Goosebumps raised on your arms from the stimulation – but as the information of your family sank in, your heart raced faster.

“Well, I assisted him to give up on life with a bullet to the head and convinced your father with a punch on the nose, but now everything is lawfully yours, and so lawfully mine too” he added with a proud tilt in his voice. Taking everything from your family was all he had wanted for many, many years; taking revenge on you was on a close second place, and killing your father would’ve been the cherry on top – however, that would only make you a more insufferable bitch than you were already.

Getting rid of your useless brother, though, was favorable for them and a way to get on your good side.

Your response was to throw your head back, groaning as Namjoon rutted his growing bulge roughly against your now leaking core. Having your legs spread and perched on the man’s hips made your folds part and expose your clit to the harsh friction of his sweats whenever he moved, and to the air when he withdrew. His wet tongue ran up your chest to your throat once more and nibbled his way to the tender spot under your ear to abuse the flesh there. You squealed high-pitched, chills running all over your body and ending up on your pussy. Pants filled the room and Seokjin was completely forgotten, as Namjoon increased the speed of his shallow thrusts and grinded hard to make you whimper; which the older man didn’t like.

Taking hold of your hair from the roots, he pulled back and turned you to face him.

“I did this for you, bitch, can you show a little gratitude?” he grunted through clenched teeth. You just looked at him through heavy lidded eyes, conscious of what he was saying but deciding to disregard him and his alleged altruism in favor of focusing in Namjoon taking his cock out and rubbing its head on your folds. Once again, Seokjin was left out of the bubble of intimacy Namjoon and you had inadvertently built.

How could you keep disregarding him as if he was a mere dirty rag? Hadn’t you learned to respect him in the slightest in all that time?

Seokjin wasn’t as dumb as everybody thought – he realized instantly what were the emotions that invaded him in that moment. Anger – and envy and jealousy. His masochistic side had taken over his whole self and made him want the very same woman que hated the most. What was it with needing to posses the one person you despised and who despised you back? He would never know and he didn’t want to. All he knew was that it was impossible to keep denying how his carnal desires had evolved into something more.

“I’m talking to you!” he yelled before taking your arm and yanking you with such force that you fell from Namjoon’s arms straight to the floor at Seokjin’s feet. Then, he took you by the hair, pulling you up to land on the bed, tightening more and more his grip on your scalp. Bewildered by the sudden violence, you could only look at him and notice his very read face and how the vein in his neck was about to explode. “Look at me when I talk to you, you stupid useless whore!”

“Seokjin, fuck! Calm the fuck down, man!” Even Namjoon was taken aback by the vicious reaction and didn’t know what to do. His brother had a really bad temper, yes, but since when he let himself go so wildly around you?

“All I have done since you came and you keep being a fucking bitch to me like you had always been, shit!” Seokjin kept yelling on your face until Namjoon pulled him away. Your scalp burned like never before.

You couldn’t discern what was really happening: they tussled, yelled at each other things you couldn’t understand and Namjoon even grabbed his brother by the collar of his shirt menacingly. And then a blow, and another, and another, and another, and blood. Soon enough, the cockfight grabbed the attention of the men that guarded the room and a sea of thugs dressed in black barged into the room to put the brothers apart.

And you?

You feigned fear and walked backwards, away from the fight, until you reached the door. And then you ran.

[poshpunkqueen]

I've been listening to Taylor Swift since the debut. I'm not one of those listeners that believe Taylor is a Princess, wholly innocent, 24/7 victim but at the same time I don't believe she's a Villain. She's made mistakes.

I'm not one of those listeners that has the time and immoral capacity to sit on the Internet to committ Cyber crimes nor am I willing to put my health on the line to see her live. There should be boundaries.

The transfer from Teenhood to Adulthood for Taylor...I could tell ..she's still unravelling. Its okay to be in your 30s and still finding yourself. Hopefully there is an expiry date.

I'm not trying to be funny but I believe Taylor needs therapy. There are some unresolved things: fame, dealing with the industry and the media has definitely affected her. I don't think she's quite shake off alot stuff. It's passivity with a cupcake appearance of happiness.

Her patterns and methodology when it comes to music....mmmh the adults are taking a step back and analysing 😄. Writing those songs and knowing the effects will eventually become a "Here we go again" Moment. Everyone will move on and she will remain.Therapy is needed.The pride comes before the fall.

I say this because when Tortured Poets Project was announced I was unsure about it. I've never been unsure about a Taylor album. But then again I'm aware of the Taylor Formula. Not sure if she can carry this formula into her 40s and 50s 😄 but we will see. But I listen for listening sake..I'm listening to everyone this year.

TTPD Album: I had to stop half way because its the typical Taylor album...same note 🙆🏻‍♂️ same storyline... lol no doubt she's a good songwriter. Not sure how to feel about missiles being sent to someone who struggled or struggling with Depression. NOPE.

Emotional cheating is interesting lol We had this before 👀. Alcoholism and the talks about drugs is interesting too. Blurring the lines between two men. One you barely bedded to be in this deep. This seems like a tactic for writing material. Calculated PR stunts. I said this last year...she knows what she's doing...she dated him purposely ...she knew what to expect and Matty knew what to expect ...I'm disappointed in Matty selling out ...and acting out for attention..he needs to grow up too....he knows better. He made the whole band look bad...(I'm George fan btw)

Meathead guys years ago like Travis Kelce were saying they wanted to date Taylor for fame and songs. Sadly I'm starting to see it. Travis is a big time user. However we live and learn 😆

Idk I don't get it. If people pay attention to her lyrics not just on this album but previous albums, she tells on herself alot lol. We will have this again 2026.

Being Human isn't without flaws and wrong paths but it seems people only see it with Taylor Swift. .they don't see it with others 🫡 Others would would be stamped with cancellation. The Devil.

Taylor is in her 30s and I hope she figures out what she wants personally and professionally. It doesn't make sense moving from person to person then writing these songs. This is why therapy is important.

A few weeks ago, we heard Beyoncé album and I'm not the biggest Bey fan but we heard her different layers vocally and with the blending of genres. While I'm aware Taylor isn't a vocalist...I want to hear her do other genres.

Honestly I liked Midnights and reputation better.

Here are the songs I might listen to again:

✨️ Fortnight

✨️TTPD

✨️Down Bad

✨️So Long London

✨️The Prophecy

✨️Robin

⛔️Florida...but it's meh...Florence was downplayed...similar to Snow on the Beach with Lana.

The other songs were...okay....

I support Joe. I don't think Joe deserves this...I'm not gonna defend wrong actions even if I like your songs...

TBH EVENTUALLY I WILL STOP LISTENING TO TAYLOR BECAUSE I'VE GONE BACK DEEP INTO ROCK AND OLD SKOOL MUSIC

[meganmk28]

Were you named after anyone? My middle name is after my Mom... 😊

Are you a health freak? I take care of my health... but I'm not a freak. You'd think I would be since my Mom is a nurse.

Okay, what about a clean freak? If you consider keeping your house clean, then yeah.

Do you smoke? Ish, no.

List 3 turn offs. Blonde hair, Lying, disrespectful to their parents.

Favorite car? Chevy Camaro

Favorite genre? Country... Yee-Haw

Have you ever tried drugs? No. Drugs ruin lives.

When did you stop believing in Santa? Wait... what? He's not real??

Favorite TV show? Friends, FBI, Anything criminal... ID Channel.

Name something you can't stand. Greedy people,Liars, child predators, animal abusers. Cheaters.

Are you able to go to Target to only get what you need? Never. I feel like Target takes advantage of my weakness to spend money.

What's a talent you have? The claw machine... I stay winning.

Have you ever cheated? No. I would never hurt someone like that. I'd rather take the pain than cause it. Stay faithful or stay single.

If money was not an issue, where would you move to? Nova Scotia. I love the East coast & the ocean.

How many siblings do you have? 1 sister.

Do you drink alcohol? Nah... I don't have a taste for it.

Hottest person in the world? Me of course... lol, jk. Keith Urban.

Do you hold grudges? I wouldn't say grudges, but if you fkd me over & hurt me beyond repair, then I won't forget or forgive.

Dream job? I always wanted to be a Detective. Helping solve crimes & writing the end to someone's story is something I've always dreamed of. For now CSI is just as good.

Favorite movie? Beauty & The Beast.

Do you like surprises? Uhm, no. I have enough anxiety. Lol.

Where would or did you get married? I don't believe in marriage.

How do you feel about tattoos? They are a story for many... I personally wouldn't get one. However I think they are very sexy. Especially neck tatts.

Can you swim? Absolutely. My mom always said I was a fish. I spent all my summer days in the pool or lake. Growing up on a lake, you kinda learn that early.

List 3 things that are a turn on. Blue eyes are my weakness, humor & being a foodie. Lol.

Ever been to jail? Uhm, everyday... but not for myself.

Favorite holiday? Christmas. There is something so magical about it. The feeling, the smell, the comfort. It's so perfect.

Favorite season? Fall & Winter.

Favorite sport? I love all sports. Football is my main though.

Favorite color? Any shade of purple... pastels.

Favorite song of all time? Angel - Aerosmith.

[morphogenetic]

Mediaposting 2023, #35: Banana Fish (anime)

[said while vibrating very quickly and typing out like 20 different bullet points] i like this series a normal amount

okay so. non-spoiler thoughts:

step 1 YOU SHOULD READ/WATCH THIS. it does have content warnings for literally everything you can possibly think of as needing a common content warning (drug abuse, sexual assault, racism, and thats absolutely just the tip of the iceberg) but my fucking god. no wonder it's been such an influential piece of media on literally every jp anime/manga crime story (especially the BL ones) written since

for a series that is literally one of the early genesis points of BL as a genre i was ABSOLUTELY expecting more actual BL than was in this LOL. not that i'm really upset, bc honestly i really like the way that ash and eiji's relationship is written in a shoujo-y "they obviously care about each other a lot but it's not going to be outright romance" kind of way. bc like, honestly? that makes it way more emotionally satisfying (and devastating). i think it would actually make less sense if anything more happened In the story (though more happening in the epilogue wouldnt hurt LOL)

how the FUCK was this published in a shoujo magazine

the time period change to modern day from the mid-80's has both helped and hindered this series bc like. on one hand. much easier to do everything with a phone. also the update to shorter's character design was excellent,10/10 no notes. on the other hand. the Everything About It makes it so obvious that it was written to be a product of its time.

speaking of ^ ash turning from A Guy Who Knows How To Use A Computer into a hacking genius is so. why. i mean you can update it for sure but Why Like This

god i wish this had more room to breathe sometimes bc the exposition goes WILDLY fast sometimes. why did they try and do 19 volumes in 24 episodes. the 39 episodes that the director wanted would have been so nice to have

that said: the emotional moments that i actually give a shit about and that make up the core of the weight of the story are given what they deserve. at least up to volume 5 they are. gestures at ep 9? and 22 with a pained smile

i literally could write an essay about why it works so well as a spin on the american-style gangster story even while it definitely has flaws. and how its influenced so many fucking things. my god.

it has flaws for SURE but the rest is so good that i don't care. which is rare for me (gestures at nirvanai/neo twewy being other examples)

spoiler thoughts under the cut (like full-very-ending-of-series spoilers) but YEAH UH I LIKE THIS THING CAN YOU TELL BY HOW MUCH I WROTE ABOUT IT.

it does kind of annoy me that literally all of the canon-MLM (probably gay but you know) guys are horrible people lol. like wow love how the gay predator stereotype is on full display here. feeeeels baaaaad. i know i know asheiji homoeroticism i am ON THAT TRAIN

however yut-lung being feminine out of a wish to carry on his dead mom's legacy is kind of a slay. ive seen people go "ugh it sucks that one of the villains is a feminine man' but while he is definitely not a good person hes one of the less terrible villains, just like. as a person. hes also a teenager in shitty circumstances just with way more power and sway

here's the part where I admit that I was spoiled on the ending so it didn't hit as hard for me OOPS. however. the anime DOES leave it open-ended and it fucking irritates me that anime-only people are like "boo i hate the ending bc ash dies!!!" when it is LITERALLY AMBIGUOUS. i have heard that the manga is less ambiguous about it but :') oh well. anime-onlys what are you doing

speaking of ^ i actually like the ending. like i think a lot of people who absolutely hate it must not have a lot of familiarity with gangster movies as a genre bc it is a genre convention that the Main Gangster dies in the end. granted this was a hayes code thing which the manga definitely did not have to do LOL but its definitely supposed to feel unfair bc ash's damn LIFE is unfair.

however i'm glad the anime makes the ending ambiguous bc that feels like a more fitting end. like ash's life was always in limbo, considering what he was doing, so making his life in limbo at the end too? Good. Yes. Do That

the fucking. everything with shorter and the sa-yo-na-ra bit. i die. that shit is so emotionally painful

i know this sounds weird but i kind of wish they dragged out the "what the hell does banana fish mean" thing a LIIIITTLE longer but by that i mean like, halfway point of the series. like they could have used a little more time to figure out what it is. also that would have let shorter live a little longer ay lmao that said this criticism also almost definitely applies to the manga soooo. you know

[sky-casino]

stranger danger: drug lord!kuroo x detective!alisa (kurolisa)

drug lord!kuroo x detective!alisa

genres: fluff, angst, some police/detective stuff (suspense, action), sprinkle of smut word count: 7,300+ a/n: i believe it’s my first time to write something with suspense and action in it omg? so this is quite new for me lol 😅 😂 hope you like it!

alisa haiba is a detective who belongs to a small team tasked to apprehend kuroo tetsurou, the city’s rumored most notorious drug lord.

they need a cold hard proof to arrest him. he has to be caught red-handed. they’ve been investigating and watching him for almost half a year now. they so badly want to put a tracker in his cars but they can’t do it without warrant, and they don’t have enough basis to get one. they’ve tried wiretapping him but it yielded nothing. so all they could do is watch him.

as much as they hate to admit it, he’s really good at hiding his crimes and leading a seemingly normal life.

this seemingly normal life consists of working as an owner of multiple properties rented by companies, bar-hopping and partying hard almost every night, going to the gym, watching and participating in drag races, and being with a different girl every week. he’s your typical hot and rich guy who every girl thirsts for.

except alisa. all she wants is to arrest him and end his drug business, which is the main contributor in the city’s increase of drug use.

it comes to a point wherein alisa volunteers to go undercover herself in order to get close to kuroo and become a part of his circle. she believes that watching from afar is not enough, she needs to go to him.

her team was surprised with her idea, but they’re open to it. however, one of them, osamu, is against this.

alisa explains her plan: she’ll jumpstart the operation at night. she’ll go to the bar where kuroo will be. attract his attention, engage in conversation, and get to know him so that she’ll be his girl of the week or so. she’ll keep the act until he likes and trusts her enough to take her home to his penthouse, even better if he also takes her to his office because that’s where documents pertaining to his drug deals would most likely be located.

as her final argument to get her team’s approval, alisa states the obvious fact that she’s the only female in the team, so she has to be (and is only) the one to do this.

she also mentions how they already know kuroo’s ideal girl, given how much time they invested in watching him and his daily life. getting his attention will be a piece of cake, maintaining it will be a bit more difficult, but ultimately, the goal is to obtain cold hard proof.

osamu is silent for a moment, but given that everyone else has already agreed and alisa very much wants to do this, he relents.

the night of the start of the undercover mission has arrived. a few days ago, the team leader assigned osamu as alisa’s back-up and main point of contact as she goes undercover for the entirety of the operation, since the rest of the small team have other cases to work on.

alisa, clad in a short golden sparkly dress, comes out of her bedroom. osamu is in awe as he has never seen alisa dress like this, not even during their police academy days wherein they studied and graduated together.

“ugh, this is a bit uncomfortable. but i guess i’ll get used to it.”

osamu stammers as he replies, “y-yeah, you will. don’t worry about it.”

“thanks, samu. this dress is the least of my worries. i need kuroo and i to be friends by the end of the night. no matter what.”

one of their teammates has been keeping an eye on kuroo for the whole day and informed them which night club kuroo was heading to.

alisa and osamu drove to said club. before alisa alights the car, osamu reminds her to call him if anything remotely dangerous happens.

alisa enters the crowded and loud club and easily spots kuroo in the VIP section. she walks to the bartender nearest to kuroo to order a drink. as she waits for her order, alisa is unaware that she already caught the guy’s attention, with kuroo staring at her.

“is it your first time here?” kuroo says as he slides next to her at the bar. alisa didn’t expect to catch his eye this quickly. she congratulates herself in her mind, realizing that knowing kuroo’s ideal type after watching him for months is now paying off.

“uhm, yes! you’re right. it’s my first time here. how did you know?” alisa replies, speaking in a more girly tone.

“because this is my favorite club and i’m here almost every night, and it’s my first time to see your gorgeous face here, so i was guessing that you must be new. glad i was right.” kuroo says in a sultry voice with a smirk.

your drink arrives and kuroo tells the bartender, who he seems to be friends with, that he’s paying for your drink.

you thank kuroo and that���s where it all begins. he leaves the other girls he was originally with and focuses on talking to alisa.

“i’m kuroo tetsuro, by the way.” he says as he offers a handshake.

“i’m ali.” alisa smiles and takes the handshake. however, kuroo takes her by surprise as he kisses her hand instead. alisa giggles at this as she thought it’s the reaction kuroo would want.

“what do you do, ali? did you just move here recently and is now a new resident?”

“i’ve always been from tokyo, just not this part of the city. i work as an english teacher.”

“nice, i hope you can teach me one day.” kuroo flirts, earning a chuckle from alisa.

“how about you? you look affluent.”

“oh, not really. i’m just the owner of this building and few of the other buildings in this part of the city.”

“wow. that must be nice. so you just get to go in here anytime for free?”

“i guess so” kuroo smirks before downing a shot of tequila.

they’ve been talking for an hour now. it was nearing 2am and kuroo asks alisa if she wants to go to a hotel with him. alisa is taken aback, she didn’t expect kuroo to want to sleep with her already since it’s just their first meeting.

kuroo senses her hesitation and quickly takes the invitation back, “oh, no problem if you don’t want. it’s fine. i understand.”

alisa, scared that she might lose kuroo’s interest and attention, played hard to get and improvised a response, “it’s not that i don’t want. it’s just that, i wish i could spend more time and know more about you first.” alisa uses the ever-reliable puppy-eyes technique, and it seems to work.

“you want to go on a date?” kuroo asks excitingly

“yep! is that okay with y-”

“sure! i would love that. i don’t wanna scare a lovely girl like you.”

alisa giggles and flirts back, “thanks, kuroo. that’s gentlemanly of you, i guess?”

the two exchange numbers and scheduled a date two days from now.

by the time alisa and kuroo part ways, alisa was extremely emotionally drained. she never liked bad boys who are overly confident and flirty so she always avoided them.

but everything went well and she squealed in excitement before heading to osamu who was waiting outside the car.

first day of the mission: success.

their second encounter takes up the whole day. after having breakfast together at a famous brunch place that kuroo chose for them, they go to see a movie. after they get lunch at a restaurant overlooking the city, kuroo takes alisa to his favorite indoor archery facility to show off how good of an archer he is and also to teach alisa how to do it properly. alisa knew about this hobby of his because of their investigations, but she didn’t expect that he would bring her there and teach her. they ended their date with a dinner in his yacht.

“how was it? did you have fun? i hope you enjoyed.” kuroo said with a smile and a hint of nervousness, which alisa found endearing. she caught herself as soon as she realized that, though.

“yes! didn’t know archery could be so fun and quite easy. i think i just found a new hobby.”

“that’s great to hear, ali. i really prepared for this date, y'know?” he said with a smirk, all nervousness gone with alisa’s positive response.

“and i appreciate it, kuroo. thank you.”

“so, today i’ve showed you some of the things i enjoy because you said you wanted to get to know me better. now, it’s your turn.”

“huh?” alisa stops from eating, confused.

“i mean, i want to you to show me your hobbies, the things you enjoy. i want to try doing them with you for our next date.”

“oh, that’s what you mean.” alisa chuckles. “is he actually serious about getting to know me? but wanting to do my hobbies with me is kinda sweet, tho.” she thought to herself before clearing her throat.

“what makes you think there’ll be a next date?” alisa teases as she goes back to her food.

kuroo goes silent for a tad bit too long and alisa looks at him, amused at his face that reminds her of the surprised pikachu face meme.

“i’m just kidding! sure, i’ll plan the next date. brace yourself, kuroo.”

“oh, i will.”

the next day at the police station, alisa spends much of her morning scouring the internet for activities that couples usually enjoy. she’s having a hard time selecting which ones to do with kuroo and at the back of her mind, alisa is getting a bit sad as she realizes how non-existent her love life has been since she entered the police academy. the moment she got admitted to the school, she told herself to focus on studying and career. no boyfriends. and now she feels like she’s paying the price because how could she have no idea of dating activities at all?

“why don’t you just actually do something that you enjoy?” her boss suggests. alisa looks at him, puzzled.

“even though you’re a workaholic, you do have actual hobbies, right?”

“hmm… i love baking on the weekends where i still have energy left.”

“there you go. go bake some stuff with him or something.” he says before his attention is called by a more important matter.

and with that, alisa signs her and kuroo up for a baking class she found online.

the day of the class comes and alisa is inexplicably antsy as she waits for kuroo outside the building. she’s feeling excited, nervous, and anxious all at the same time and she doesn’t know why.

kuroo calls out to her with a wide smile and for some reason, she suddenly feels at ease.

after the teacher introduces herself and informs the class that they will be baking salted caramel cheesecake together with their partner, kuroo whispers to alisa, “i’m scared that i might fuck this up and you won’t get to enjoy this date.”

“what?”

“i’ve never baked anything in my entire life, ali.” kuroo says in an exasperated tone and a slight pout.

“aww, that’s okay!” alisa laughs as she comforts him. that’s why we have the teacher. she’ll explain the steps and we just have to listen and follow.“

the class takes up the entire afternoon and in that entire time, alisa finds herself genuinely enjoying the activity and kuroo’s presence. she loves how funny he is and it also amuses her to watch a muscular man bake clumsily.

after the cake is ready to eat, kuroo gets a chunk of it and feeds it to alisa. alisa does the same to him and they’re both in awe of how delicious their cake is, especially kuroo. "damn, we made this? i helped in making this fucking delicious cake???”

“yes, kuroo, you did.”

“your smile is as sweet as this cake, ali.”

“shut up.”

just like this, kuroo and alisa spends the next six months dating, alternating which one of them would plan the date. and with every encounter, the more they spend time together and unravel each other’s layers, the more alisa enjoys kuroo’s company.

osamu, despite being told that he doesn’t need to watch and follow alisa anymore as her back-up, watches from afar, and he doesn’t like what he’s seeing. whenever he gets the chance, he always reminds alisa that this is a mission and what kind of man kuroo is. alisa replies with irritation, reminding him that she’s the one who came up with this plan.

another thing that’s been bothering alisa is that she has been trying to avoid sleeping with kuroo as much as she can, but she’s getting the impression that kuroo is starting to get a tiny bit frustrated. he’s been very understanding and patient all this time, but alisa remembers that a man has carnal needs and these needs have to be addressed. then she realizes that she has been feeling these needs lately as well. unbeknownst to anyone, even to kuroo himself, is that he has ignited a fire in her that has been dormant for a while now. she just feels different, lusty, when she’s with him.

and so to keep this whole thing going and to also satisfy each other, she finally obliges. she opens her legs to get him to open up and tell her his secrets.

eventually, kuroo invites alisa to move in to his home, which alisa considers as a milestone for her mission. she has now gained a significant amount of kuroo’s trust.

upon her arrival with her things, kuroo explains that he lives alone and just gets some cleaners to keep the place pristine every other day. as for his family, his parents have passed and he’s an only child. the real estate business he has now is an inheritance. alisa knows all of these already though, but gotta keep the act and pretend that it’s her first time to hear all of it.

days of living with kuroo go by and there are some days wherein alisa can’t help but enjoy the bliss of being with kuroo. there’s just something about the guy. he’s very charming and he makes her happy. but still, she wouldn’t admit it to anyone, not even to her teammates and osamu, and especially kuroo, but she’s nervous about this whole living together thing. she’s aware that this is her plan from the very start, but it still feels surreal to be in a seemingly committed relationship with the man you’re trying to put behind bars. lately, she’s been feeling a bit guilty about what she’s doing to kuroo. but then she repeats what osamu told her like a mantra, “this is a mission, we have a goal, kuroo is a bad guy.”

while kuroo sleeps one afternoon, alisa sneaks into his work room and tries to find any evidence that could help their mission to arrest him, but found nothing.

it’s always been like this recently. all her attempts to uncover a possible evidence from all around his house leads to failure. his phone has no password so she’s able to open it, which excited her at first. but alas, nothing suspicious is in the phone at all. alisa deduces that kuroo has a separate phone for his drug operations, which is expected. but she can’t find another phone nor has she ever seen kuroo using one.

during their team meeting a few days later, they expressed their frustration with the slow progress. seeing alisa disheartened by the poor team morale, the boss assured her that it’s not her fault. he’s a patient man and so he tells alisa to continue her cover in the meantime.

after the meeting, alisa is about to drive to her own apartment to get some more personal stuff to bring to kuroo’s place. but osamu volunteers to drive for her.

osamu has been very quiet and serious the entire trip. alisa notices but dismisses it as osamu being his usual quiet self.

upon arriving at her place, she goes straight to her room to get some clothes and other sanitary items.

“do you want to get dinner?” she asks as she goes out of the room

“you should abort this mission.” osamu said, looking down at the floor.

“samu, you know i can’t do that. this is my mission. i started it-”

“it’s dangerous!” this time, osamu looks her in the eye.

“he’s not dangerous when he’s with me.” alisa says in a soft voice.

“exactly. you’re getting too comfortable with him.” samu could no longer hide the pain in his eyes so he looks away and stands up from the chair. he’s in pain and he’s frustrated that alisa doesn’t understand that the danger he’s warning her about is not the usual life-or-death danger they deal with in their job. it’s the kind of danger where one falls for a person they’re not supposed to fall for.

“i know you’re just worried about me, samu. and i’m truly grateful. but no matter what you say, i will continue. i will see this through to the end. boss gave his approval earlier, you were there.”

osamu is unresponsive as he contemplates whether this is finally the time to tell alisa of his true feelings. maybe if he confesses that he’s worried about her not as a colleague or a friend but as a man who deeply loves her, she would be more understanding and change her mind. but he knows that’s impossible. he’s known all this time that alisa only sees him as a friend, as her best friend, to be precise. he’s aware of this and has been in the process of painfully accepting it.

“fine. just call me if you need anything.” osamu says before leaving, not sparing her a glance.

the next morning, with her revived determination from her boss’ approval and to prove osamu that she can do this, alisa is sharper than ever. she pretends to be asleep as kuroo wakes up at 6am, giving her a morning kiss. kuroo then washes his face and leaves the room.

just last night, kuroo told her that he’s only available in the afternoon today if ever she wants to go out. alisa asked where he’ll be in the morning and kuroo replied that he’ll go to the gym. kuroo does go to the gym regularly, but he’s been complaining about his painful hips just the other day, so his response was already suspicious for alisa. and so she decided to spy on him more closely this morning to see where he will be actually going.

she secretly follows him out of the room and she’s surprised that he goes straight to his work room instead of the kitchen to have breakfast.

she peers into the room and sees him crouch down to the lowest drawer under his desk. he stays there for a while and with the desk blocking her view, alisa is frustrated as she can’t see what exactly he’s doing. it’s been almost a minute when he stands back up and he’s holding a blue notebook that alisa has never seen before. he flips the first few pages and after landing on the one he’s looking for, he then turns to the bookshelf right behind him and pulls out a thick old-looking book. he opens it and retrieves a hidden phone. “so that’s where he’s hiding it.” alisa thinks to herself.

kuroo dials the number written on the notebook and after only one ring, the other person answers and kuroo only says “today, 9am” before hanging up. he doesn’t return the phone to its place and instead puts it in his brief case. seems like he will be using and taking the phone out of the house for the day.

afterwards, he bends down to the bottom drawer to return the blue notebook. when alisa sees that he’s about to exit the room, she quietly runs back to their bedroom.

after having a quick breakfast, kuroo enters the bathroom in their shared room to take a shower. alisa sprints to the work room to check the bottom drawer, but nothing is in it, just like the last time she checked it. she remembers that kuroo had it open for quite a long time earlier, so there must be a hidden compartment in it. she uses a pen to lift the corners and after pulling up the wooden panel,  she sees the blue notebook. she quickly scans it to find a list of names, aliases, email addresses, contact numbers, and incomplete addresses. some of the names are familiar to alisa. that’s when she realizes that the names are those of drug pushers that her team is looking into as well. she instantly concludes that kuroo supplies to these elusive pushers and this list is one of the cold hard proofs to solidify his arrest. she also recalls a time wherein kuroo and her were talking about work and he mentioned how he’s scared of storing important or sensitive information digitally, as it might get hacked or lost in one way or another. alisa connects that statement to the fact that he has a physical list of the drug pushers’ contact details. kuroo doesn’t want these details to leak, so he’s keeping the perhaps only copy of it.

she intends to take a photo of every page but she’s scared that kuroo would find her missing from their bed. she quickly returns the notebook to where it was and runs fast to their room, jumping on the bed and pulling the blanket to cover her entirely. she quickly sends a short message to her team’s group chat instructing them to follow kuroo after he leaves the house. osamu, as her only back-up, replies quickly. with the rest of the team soon after.

she hears kuroo get out of the bathroom and quickly hides her phone under her pillow. kuroo then gently slides down her blanket to pepper her face with kisses. strangely, alisa feels a pang in her chest and a sting in her nose. this might just be the last time she feels those kisses. she disregards all of these feelings, though. the finish line is near now.

she eagerly awaits to hear the car engine go off and leave before she heads back to the work room. she finally retrieves the notebook and quickly goes to her own car. she calls her team and asks where kuroo is so she can follow him as well. all of this taking place and she’s still in pajamas.

eventually, alisa and the team concludes that the location where kuroo is heading is the place of his new building’s ongoing construction. that’s why his movements and destinations haven’t been suspicious, he’s blending his professional facade with his criminal life.

alisa parks her car far from where kuroo stopped his so he wouldn’t see her. she prefers to run to her team’s nearby van but she’s afraid that kuroo might see her and ruin the entire operation. instead, she takes her phone and binoculars and carefully got out of her car to go to a spot to hide while also watch kuroo talking to a man around the same age, looking like the usual businessman with his suit and tie.

they only talked for a short while until kuroo signals for a construction worker to approach them. the worker pushes a cart of around ten large sacks of cement. the businessman makes a small cut on top of the sack, feeling some of the powder in his hands and then smelling it. holy shit. some of the “cement” in this construction is actually drugs. with the businessman satisfied, he retrieved a couple of brief cases from his van. kuroo opened them and it’s visible to alisa and her team that it’s tons of cash.

for some reason, alisa felt like crying. this is it. the moment of cold hard proof they’ve been waiting for. but she’s not entirely happy. she has seen kuroo be a sweet, loving, and caring boyfriend for her all this time. this is the first time she actually sees him do something wrong. the rose-tinted glasses finally break, as it should. or to be more precise, these glasses should have never existed in the first place.

after kuroo secures the cases of cash and places them in his car, the sirens from all around start to blast and alisa’s team gets out of the van, pointing their guns at kuroo, his client, and the construction worker. the worker tries to run but was shot in the leg. with the sound of the gun shot, kuroo and his client know they cannot escape this.

alisa suddenly feels unwell, still sitting on the ground and just staring at it. osamu runs to her to comfort her.

alisa urges herself to look at kuroo with handcuffs, getting into the police car.

“don’t worry, he didn’t see you.” osamu tells her.

“there’s another evidence that i need to submit.”

“another?”

osamu helps alisa up and she musters all her strength to walk to her car to retrieve the notebook. “this is kuroo’s list of clients. all their contact details are in there. he hid it so well i wouldn’t have found it if i didn’t observe him this morning.”

“got that. boss is so happy and proud of you. all of us are, alisa. you did an outstanding job.”

alisa just gave a hesitant smile in response.

“my girlfriend… can i see her, please? i need to talk to her. please.” kuroo pleads to alisa’s boss in the interrogation room. it’s the first thing he ever said since his apprehension.

“we reached out to her right away after your arrest. she doesn’t want to see you.” the boss lies.

kuroo is astounded, but he can’t say that it’s unexpected. of course, his beloved ali is shocked and disappointed in him.

all of this unfolds right before alisa’s eyes as she’s in the other side of the interrogation room. osamu told her to just rest, but she refused. as she has said before, she needs to see this through.

kuroo is informed that his case won’t even go to trial because he’s caught in the act of hiding and selling drugs and getting paid for it, and also because of his possession and creation of the address book of drug pushers. he’ll have to serve seven years.

“fine. arrest me or whatever. i don’t care. i deserve it anyway.” he said weakly with a fake smile.

the boss leaves the room to get some papers and kuroo is left alone, with alisa watching him closely.

at this moment, kuroo’s eyes widened as if he realizes something.

the boss comes back with the papers and before he could tell kuroo the next steps, kuroo interrupted him.

“you mentioned about the address book, is it the blue notebook?”

“yes”

“how did you find it? where? when? i still used it just a couple of hours ago.”

the boss, alisa, and osamu are surprised by his questions.

“we found it in your house”

“who found it?”

with each question, kuroo sounds and looks colder

“us, of course”

“you found it too quickly. no one else knows where it was. no one. only me in this entire world. and if you rummaged through my house, my alarms would’ve set off and i’ll be notified in my phone. but i know there was no notification up to the moment you ambushed us. unless you found it in the past twenty minutes, which i know is impossible.” kuroo scoffed at the last statement, as if mocking the boss and the entire police force.

alisa’s boss is taken aback and he doesn’t get the chance to respond as kuroo continues.

“d…don’t tell me…” he covers his face with cuffed hands as he tries to stop his body from shaking, voice trembling.

alisa realizes what’s going on, and tears fell as she keeps her eyes on kuroo.

“if my alarms didn’t go off and you found the notebook this quickly, then the one who found it knew where it was and was inside the house.” kuroo says, showing his face once again.

“don’t tell me that my…. girlfriend is the one who found it, and she submitted it very quickly because she’s actually one of you.”

the boss just looked at him with a poker face, not willing to reveal anything. but his silence itself already did.

kuroo slowly turns his head to the one-way mirror, sensing that alisa might be there.

alisa could no longer hold back her sobs as she sees kuroo’s betrayed face filled with shock, hurt, and anger. she quickly gets out of the room with osamu following her.

“alisa-” “he knows, samu. he knows! but i guess i don’t have to be surprised, he’s actually one of the smartest guys i’ve known, after all.” alisa tries to laugh away her tears. “he feels betrayed. he knows i betrayed him-”

“no, alisa.” osamu replies firmly. “he can think whatever the fuck he wants, but just know that that’s not what you did. you didn’t betray him. it was your job to go undercover and find evidence so we can finally put him in jail. and you’ve done that. you should be happy, you should be proud of yourself. don’t shed tears for that guy.”

alisa is astounded to hear osamu talk like this, he’s full of rage and she’s a bit scared. she calms down and nods her head with a smile. osamu’s stern face is replaced with a smile as he wipes her tears before embracing her. he doesn’t tell alisa but the truth is he’s furious about the fact that a criminal like kuroo is the reason for her tears and that he’s the one she ends up loving.

their boss gets out of the room and tells alisa that kuroo is demanding to speak with her, but he assures her that she absolutely doesn’t have to do it.

after contemplating for a moment, alisa tells her superior, “it’s okay. i’ll talk to him. this will be the last time.”

“alisa, no-” osamu attempts to discourage her.

“samu, i’ll be fine.” she says with a genuine smile that puts his heart at ease.

alisa takes a few minutes to wash her face and put on some make-up in hopes of hiding the fact that she just cried.

when she’s ready, she stands before the door and composes herself before entering. kuroo is stunned to see her in her work uniform, complete with her ID and badge.

“i’m not obliged to speak with you. but i’m here and you can only tell me five things or ask me five questions.”

“fine. five questions, then.” he waits for alisa to say anything but she just looks at him with her poker face.

“who are you?” “alisa haiba, a detective here in the tokyo police station.”

“this might be obvious already, but i just want to confirm my suspicions.” kuroo scoffs. “did you go undercover and seduce me to get whatever evidence or information you needed to arrest me?”

“yes.”

“so it was all planned out from the moment i saw you at the club that night?”

“yes.”

“were you spying on me this morning that’s why you knew where the blue notebook was hidden, then you also instructed your colleagues to follow me?”

“yes.”

“was any of it real?”

there’s a pause before alisa replies, “i don’t understand your question. was any of what real?”

“you know exactly what i’m talking about, ali.” kuroo says with so much pain in his voice, slamming the table with his fists, knuckles turning white, restraining himself from shouting at her.

“sorry, my bad, you’re not my ali. you’re detective alisa haiba from the police station. got it.” kuroo laughs sarcastically to mask all the pain. he looks at her as he waits for her response.

“i’m gonna ask again, was any of it real?” he emphasizes each word.

“no… none of it was real, kuroo tetsurou. goodbye.” alisa says monotonously before standing up and leaving.

seven years later, alisa, now thirty-three, is preparing breakfast and she knows exactly what day it is: the day of kuroo’s release from prison.

she never spoke to him again since their short conversation on the day of his arrest years ago. she gave kuroo a chance to ask her his most burning questions, and she answered them as honestly as she could. she thought that might be enough for him.

that’s why she’s so shocked to see him outside her door in the morning.

“k-”

“hey.” kuroo greets her with a somber smile and an awkward wave.

“what are you doing here?” alisa asks cautiously, unknowingly gripping the doorknob tight.

“would you believe it if i said i wanted you to be the first person i meet after i get back my freedom?”

“there goes his usual charming smirk.” alisa thinks.

“would i believe that? no. get on with it, kuroo. why are you here?”

kuroo sighs, “it’s the truth, ali. don’t be so wary, please? i’m not angry at you or anything. i promise.” he puts up his hand, swearing that he’s telling the truth.

alisa knows that besides hiding his crimes, kuroo is an overall honest person. and in the worst case scenario where he attempts to hurt her,  she can defend herself anyway.

“come in.” alisa says and kuroo slowly enters.

“how did you know where i live?”

“uhh…” kuroo can’t form his response properly as his attention is captivated by the modern minimalist interiors of alisa’s apartment. “i asked my lawyer to look it up a few weeks ago.”

“have you eaten? i have extra french toasts here.”

“it’s okay. i’m still full from my last prison breakfast.” he smiles, earning a laugh from alisa.

“my lawyer also told me that,” kuroo says carefully. “you resigned from the police force seven years ago, a few months after my arrest.” he sits across alisa at the dining table. he stares at her as she plays with her food, waiting for her reaction and response.

alisa’s smile from seconds ago slowly disappeared. kuroo knows that he has now entered a sensitive topic.

“yep, that’s right.”

“may i know why?”

“it was exhausting.” alisa’s eyes still fixed on her tattered toast. “and i realized i wanted to try another path.”

“which is?”

“i have a small bakery now. just online though, no physical store yet.”

“wow, that’s nice.” kuroo replies, looking back at the tons of baking materials he noticed earlier.

alisa stands up and goes to the sink.

it’s been two minutes and no one is speaking. the tension and silence become increasingly suffocating. kuroo gazes at alisa’s body as she washes the dishes, with her back facing him. she feels his intense gaze but can’t do or say anything about it.

kuroo stands up and slowly approaches her. alisa feels his presence creeping up behind her.

when kuroo delicately slides his hands on her arms, alisa feels the chills but fights against it by turning around abruptly.

“what do you really want, kuroo? why are you here?” she asks breathily with wide eyes, demanding the absolute truth with her face just a few inches from his.

“don’t be scared, ali. i told you i’m not angry. it’s the truth.” kuroo speaks in a low voice, making him more irresistible than he usually is.

“just answer me.” alisa says in an exasperated tone.

“you’ve been a naughty girl, ali.”

“what?”

“i’ve always told you the truth. i hid my crimes yes, but i’ve always been honest with you. always. you know that. but all you’ve been doing recently is lie to me.” kuroo says in almost a whisper, with his hand creeping up to alisa’s throat to choke her mildly.

“i don’t understand-” alisa says, struggling a bit. she’s not in pain, but all of this feels foreign to her. kuroo has never been this dangerous to her.

“see? you’re lying again. fine. i’ll tell you your lies. do you remember my last question from seven years ago?”

alisa doesn’t reply.

“i asked you if any of what we had was real. do you remember?”

“yes”

“you said, quote unquote, ‘no. none of it was real, kuroo tetsurou. goodbye’. correct?”

“yes”

“those words never left my mind, you know? i kept hearing it in the seven years i was locked up. but i knew you were lying. did you really expect me to believe that? i’m not stupid nor naive, ali. i saw your face and your eyes and despite all the make-up you were wearing, i knew you were crying before we talked. your long pauses in between. you saying that you didn’t understand my question. all of those just to mask the truth and lie to me.” kuroo says with his choking hand getting progressively tighter.

alisa doesn’t know what to reply and tears fell from her eyes.

“and just now you lied again, huh? resigning from the police force because you wanted to be a fucking baker?”

“that’s not exactly unbelievable-” alisa tries to defend herself

“you left the force four months after i got arrested. and you want me to think that my arrest had nothing to do with your resignation? give me a break, ali. tell me the truth!” it’s now kuroo’s turn to demand honesty.

he’s getting impatient and so when alisa doesn’t say anything, he slams her down to the dining table and kisses her hard. he kisses her lips, her face, her neck, her collarbone, and her chest after he rips her shirt apart. he kisses her everywhere. and when alisa doesn’t fight back and kisses him in return, he fucks her then and there.

their synchronized moans the moment he enters her are so loud it feels like it’s reverberating throughout the apartment.

alisa is feeling seven years worth of kuroo’s libido as he hadn’t fucked during that time. she honestly thought that she would never feel him inside of her again since he got arrested. so having him in her now feels so unbelievable she doesn’t want to let him go ever again. she clenches around his hard cock the entire time, making kuroo hiss and grunt.

“can i come in you?”

alisa’s heart swells as she finds it endearing that despite all the animosity kuroo has for her, he’s still polite about this.

“yes. i have pills-”

alisa can’t even finish her statement as kuroo comes in her, urging her to come as well.

as they both ride out their orgasm, kuroo whispers in her ear breathily, “this is the last time you’ll ever see me, alisa haiba.”

“what?”

“i’m leaving in one week. gonna move to the States. leaving everything and everyone here behind. including you.”

alisa, feeling devastated, watches his face as he starts to separate from her. she doesn’t speak as she examines kuroo dressing up. he has made up his mind, and so this is the last time she’ll see him. ever. she wants to appeal his decision, tell him, “but you said you’re not angry with me, so why?”, but she knows that would be futile. and in the back of her mind, she thinks that maybe she deserves this.

kuroo doesn’t spare her a glance, not even when he leaves. “guess it’s my turn to say goodbye. take care of yourself, ali.” he says before opening the door, back facing her.

the silence after the door closes is the worst silence alisa has ever heard and experienced. it feels heavy, empty, and her sobs consume her soon after.

alisa can’t sleep that midnight, her head filled with kuroo and his last words to her.

then her phone suddenly rings and an unknown number is plastered on her screen.

she hesitates picking it up but her time as a detective taught her to stay alert for any danger or important information. the person on the other line probably needs help or will inform her about something important.

“hello?” she inquires, but she’s met with silence from the other end of the line.

“hello? who’s thi-”

“i’m supposed to hate you, y'know?” kuroo blurts out and alisa immediately feels the familiar pain and tightness in her chest, urging her to sit up from her bed.

“kuroo… where are you? are you okay?”

“i’m supposed to despise you for deceiving me, for causing my downfall, for lying to me, but i can’t. i just can’t bring myself to hate you, ali.” kuroo sounds like he’s about to cry, while alisa already is. she tries to do so quietly so kuroo wouldn’t hear, but she’s tired of pretenses and decided to let out her sobs wholeheartedly.

“i thought i meant it when i told you earlier that i’m leaving you behind. but i realized that it just felt so wrong.”

“kuroo-”

“run away with me, ali.” now it’s kuroo’s turn to be met with silence.

“please? run away with me. let’s start anew. no more deceptions, just love, newfound trust, and honesty. i’ll take care of you and i promise i’ll never commit crimes again.”

alisa stops crying as she’s too astounded with what she’s hearing.

“i know that all of this is shocking to hear. but i mean every word, ali. you’ve already hurt me, but here i am, still begging you to be with me. if that’s not pure love and honesty, i don’t fucking know what is.” kuroo says with exasperation in his voice.

alisa is still silent, so he continues, “you don’t have to answer right now. i can delay the scheduled flight for you… if you decide to go with me. so don’t worry about that. just please, think about it carefully. hmm? okay?”

“y-yes. alright. thank you, kuroo. i’ll think about it. good night.”

with that, alisa abandons any attempt to sleep as she lists all the pros and cons of running away with kuroo.

it’s been five days since kuroo’s midnight call to alisa and his scheduled flight is in two days. and yet he hasn’t heard from her ever since.

pacing around in his apartment with phone in hand, kuroo is extremely antsy as he contemplates on whether to call her again or not. he gave her time to think, but he needs to know her answer already.

he’s dialing her number when his doorbell rings.

he opens his door and finds alisa there, smiling shyly as she’s surrounded with several large suitcases.

for the first time since their call, he relaxes and heaves a sigh of relief before hugging alisa tightly.

“you cunning woman, why didn’t you at least give me a call or a text? i’ve been panicking.”

“because i wanted to surprise you? but i guess five days of radio silence was too much, indeed. i just had to make sure everything on my end is okay before i leave.” she caresses his head on her shoulder.

“well, is everything okay now?” kuroo lets go of the embrace to look at her

“yup, i packed only the things that i absolutely needed and wanted to take with me. as for the rest of my things, i left them as is in my apartment and i asked my landlord to buy or sell them. he’ll send me the money once he has it. i also met with my closest friends and family to say goodbye.”

“your friends and family… did they agree with your decision?” kuroo asks cautiously, afraid of her response

“of course not all of them did. but i told them that you’ve already served your time and for that, you deserve a second chance. i also told them how much you love me.” alisa says the last part with a sweet smile.

“thank you, ali. you won’t regret this.”

“i know, i trust you.”

[generous1ty]

I just found this account and the way you decorated your account is just perfectly splendid, it reminds me of a dreamy kind 90's anime game in a good way if that makes sense :)

So, back to my request;

Fuyuhiko, Mikan and Mahiru with a s/o who passes out due to period pain, in front of them.

Like, who would notice they were in pain sooner? Who would froze and panic? Who would try to help right away?

(This happened to me ones and since I had heavy periods too, I needed to go hospital and to say the least, it sucked. I needed to take norethisterone for 2 weeks after hospital. )

sexily beatboxes to gain reads/follows

anyway, hey anno!! :)) my account theme is now edgy red with emo diluc, however. i was very flattered by your compliment when my account was still a pretty purple with sparkles :') thank you for saying it's like a 90's anime game that is such a high compliment and i loved it (and still love it) a lot thank you <3

other than that, here is your request, anon from months ago! hope that you're doing well after that trip- sounds pretty scary, actually..

lots of love to you. :) <3

Fuyuhiko, Mikan, and Mahiro with an S/O who passes out due to menstrual pains

genre: fluff/misc.

warnings: AFAB!reader (gender neutral pronouns used), period stuff (cramps, blood, etc.) swearing, post-killing game (SDR2 spoilers), relapsing trauma from all three of them (killing games lol), clingy Fuyuhiko 🕺🕺🕺, panic attacks + medication (Tsumiki M.), i use the word "drugs" but it's just another synonym for medication, just a bunch of anxiety. seriously. and obviously, you being in a lot of pain. and also me writing too much, as per usual.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

Fuyuhiko is probably the most panicked out of the three listed .

i know he's the son of a mafia boss and he's probably got a criminal record, but just because he does crimes and stuff doesn't mean he knows what the heck is going on-

kidding.

Although Fuyuhiko is fully prepared for the time of the month where you seem to be in the most pain, he never expected you to actually pass out-- no, he never thought it was even possible to.

so while he's out buying whatever you need and whatever you're craving at the moment, you're at his house on his luxury couch, under a luxury blanket with a microwaveable pillow on your abdomen, laying on a luxury pillow, in immense pain.

Fuyuhiko comes home with the bags of products on his arms and his face immediately contorts to worry when he sees you under so much agony

he's the quickest to rush over and hold you in pure panic.

"shi-- ff-- god! hey- hey look at me! are you alright? what's wrong?!"

you can't speak because of the pain, and he's not sure what to do-

and then you actually faint.

and it feels like his whole world falls apart when he thinks the worst had just happened in front of him.

he gets you into a car and the car is speeding through the streets.

he is the quickest to rush over and the quickest to get you to a hospital.

even if it wasn't life threatening, and even if it was (or is), he still wants it checked out and he still wants a professional to properly make sure you're okay.

you have to stay in the hospital for a while, and Fuyuhiko is adamant on staying by your side.

"you're gonna get a ticket for speeding down the road so fast. your parking sucked, too." you're grinning at him.

"...shut up and rest."

after you're finally discharged from the hospital, Fuyuhiko is a lot more anxious when the time of the month rolls around.

you have to constantly reassure him that it won't happen again, especially after the medication you were prescribed.

that doesn't stop him from worrying, though. even after the whole world was cleaned up, and after surviving a killing game with half of his sanity still in tact, that doesn't mean the trauma of losing those closest to you will disappear.

he grows a little scared time to time when he notices how fast a month passes by, but gets relieved to see that you're doing just fine.

Peko helps him out with his anxiety when he's away from you cause of work, and you always send him pictures and messages to reassure him you're okay.

he's just a lil puppy. just a lil guy. a lil guy with trauma. it's ok. he's ok.

and you'll both be okay together.

Mikan Tsumiki

so. i know, you know, we all know, that since Mikan is the Ultimate Nurse, that she would be great at taking care of you during your menstrual cycle.

she knows you bleed heavily, and that sometimes your cramps render you powerless at times, but she didn't expect for them to get so bad you'd faint-

she's by your side, gently caressing your hand (they're a little sweaty from her anxiety and constant worrying), as she eases the pain little by little.

she's done all she can; you're under a heated blanket with room temperature water, she's given you on-the-shelf painkillers, and massaged your abdomen with natural oils to try and get rid of the cramps-

she wants to avoid prescribing any off-the-shelf medication if you're not comfortable with it or if it's just a one-time thing and it'll pass

but she's really tempted to rush over to the hospital she works at and bring something she's prescribed last-minute to you after you've fallen asleep.

i mean, that would have been what had happened if you had just fallen asleep-

she definitely noticed you sweating a lot more than before, and you looked very, very pale. you'd yawned at least once in the duration she had been taking care of you, and your pulse had been stalling when she held your hand.

she honestly should have expected you to faint. the signs were so clear but-

you fainted.

your breathing was so heavy and shallow that she just blanked. and couldn't think of anything at the exact moment.

terrible habit for a nurse. but she's working to curb it. (woo!!! go Mikan!!!!! muah)

she immediately calls for an ambulance and paramedics get to the door and she's in tears and short of breath from her panic attack. she's so relieved that you both live so close to the hospital so that it didn't take long for people to show up.

after the paramedics take you into their car, she goes over to the bathroom cabinets to take her meds and rushes over to the hospital the quickest she can so she'll be able to treat you as well.

of course, since she just got done with a panic attack, and there are obvious tear stains down her face, and that you're her lover, the other employees at the hospital don't agree with her treating you in the state that she's in.

and it takes a while for her to agree, but she's convinced when a doctor tells her that she'll be too busy with the prescription to properly take care of you afterwards.

so you're both in the hospital she works at, and she's almost in tears again seeing you conscious after an hour or so.

"don't cry, little crybaby." you smile a little, it's hard to contain the smile from infecting your words.

"i--i'm sorry...!"

"no need to apologize, silly. are you okay? did you take your meds? i don't want you worrying too much even though i'm in this state," you laugh.

"i'm fine-- i'm fine..!" she's crying again after you're playfully joking with her.

the aftermath of the hospital visit is a lot calmer than before.

after being prescribed stronger drugs for your cramps, Tsumiki is doing a lot better during the weeks when you're at your weakest.

at least you won't pass out anymore. that's the good thing, because she'd rather you be conscious than unconscious.

unless you were in really bad pain. then of course she wouldn't want you conscious to experience that .

Mikan trusts in the medicines you're prescribed with, and she trusts herself and she trusts you trusting her. so, she feels alright now.

although, she still feels anxious time to time. nothing can stop that dreading feeling in her stomach when she notices how fast the days pass.

but she's fine, because she knows you'll be fine. and she'll take care of you through it every step of the way.

Mahiru Koizumi

aah. actually. Mahiru is so sweet and lovely i'm actually in love with her 😳👉👈

anyway .

Mahiru really takes care of you during your preiods; there's a cold towel in her hands and she's wiping down your body as it sweats from the heating pad on your abdomen and the apparent pain you're in.

Mahiru is used to you feeling this way during your menstrual cycles. but just because she's used to it, doesn't make the suffocating feeling in her chest disappear.

she dabs the cold cloth on your neck, then your forehead, and she gives you a small kiss for comfort as you squeeze her hand.

Mahiru saw you fainting as a possibility, but she would have rather thought otherwise than to think the worst.

after all, you're strong; you're sturdy. you've gone through this before, and you might be able to push past this, too. right?

she believed so. she hoped so.

Mahiru is talking to you all the while you're laying in bed, trying to keep the pain from distracting you from her words.

her voice is soothing you, and you feel a little calmer with her by your side this time, too. her warm hand in comparison to yours, and the cold cloth on your cold, yet somehow burning, skin.

"...so after we were done taking pictures, me and Hiyoko parted ways and..."

she notices you coming in and out of it, and before you say anything after she trailed off, she helps you sit up in bed.

she's concerned, and you can tell on her face that she's not happy with this development.

"we should go to the hospital. you look absolutely horrendous right now."

you know she's joking, but you can tell the severity of your condition in her voice as well.

so she helps you get into the car and you both drive to the nearest hospital. Mahiru's not trying to rush because she doesn't want to get pulled over (or a ticket), but her hands are clamming up in response to her unparalleled anxiety and the worry in her throat.

and you both walk to the front desk together, and she has a hand around your waist, then you completely black out after she's in the middle of her sentence of checking you into a room.

and, oh god, she feels faint. she feels like puking, her stomach is twisting and she wish it weren't so she could help you up.

but seeing another body so cold and frightened and bare again. it has her frozen and the front desk worker calls for staff to come and pick you up.

Mahiru is visibly shaking and a few of the staff try to calm her down, saying that you'd be fine and safe in the ER

and so, after treatment and diagnosis and a few hours of being by your side with you still unconscious, Mahiru is almost breaking down when you wake up.

"oh god, i ache all over..."

"yeah-- you-" she's trying to get a coherent sentence out despite her breathing, "you practically threw yourself at the floor..!"

you can tell she's trying to make light of the situation so it doesn't get too dark, but it doesn't stop her from crying in relief.

you give her a small kiss, and she kisses back in the moment. just glad to have you back.

after you're discharged from the hospital, Mahiru is adamant on having you take your medication and it being on schedule, on time.

if you faint on her again, she might die...

so she does all she can to make sure it doesn't happen again. everything within her power.

and she hangs up a little picture you took in her room of you two walking out of the hospital; her almost in tears and you smiling, laughing playfully with her.

she's just happy it wasn't anything immediately endangering to you. she's glad you're still here. she's glad it's you.

[oneoftheprettynerds]

Don’t Let Me Down: Dark!Steve x Reader (Mob AU)

Chapter 6 in the Lipstick and Crayons Series.

Chapter 5: In The Name Of Love 

Main Masterlist

A/N: Hi guys, thank you for being so patient with me! I have been editing this chapter a lot lol so i hope things make sense and there isn’t any plothole. Lmk your thoughts! Also I won’t update until August cause I have a very important exam in August and I’ll be giving up my phone soon. Hope this chapter was worth the wait, I’ve been so tired. Yesterday I passed out for a few hours while studying lol. Nevertheless, happy reading!  

Warning: Non-Con, Sickening Threats, Drugs, Mob Themes, Violence, Death, Manipulation, a mild mental breakdown, Cheap Tricks.

Genres + Characters: Mob AU, Single Parents AU, Steve Rogers x Reader.

Summary: Steve can’t ever repay you for what you did. After meeting you, Steve believes his broken family is the missing piece in the puzzle of your own wrecked one. Indebting the crime lord to you has been the biggest mistake of your life, cause now you can’t get rid of him, no matter what. Loyalty and favours go a long way in the mob.

Word count: 6K [whew]

Chapter 6: Don’t let Me Down

Dozing off while you were kidnapped and in unchartered territory wasn’t smart, but your day had been long and fatigue had worn you out. Was it even the same day anymore?

The window behind you that provided you with light some mere hours ago was covered with thick translucent glass; that’s where your neck’s flexibility ended. The soft glow of the filtered light was no clue; the beam’s luminosity could very well be that of an early morning or of a setting sun.

Your shoulders were stiff, lower back ached the worst it had in years and wrist and ankles were raw, bruising. It reminded you of the time you had tried to go to the gym to shed the pregnancy weight, and how badly that failed. Your trainer was kind enough to go easy on you, keeping in mind your hearty toddler and hectic job. It was funny how in moments of demise, one remembers the small things, one they believed to be insignificant, their failures.

Your thoughts went to Grace and your parents next, the little sparkle in all of their eyes whenever they got a gift they had been eyeing for too long or when feasting on sugar. You sometimes believed that your dad and Grace purely bonded over their joy for cupcakes and desserts. Of course, that wasn’t true, that was the cherry on top reason for her to be his little princess like once you had been.

  While thinking about all of this, you did wonder if you would see your parents again. Given, you did worry about seeing Grace and her future but that was all you fretted about the past few days. If something happened to you, at least she’d be in the more than capable hands of your parents. Maybe it’d be for the best, they would nurture her far better than you could even dream of; a tear escaped at that reflection. You had to place your trust in the universe, it owed you at least Grace’s security for all that you’ve both went through.

Another area of your brain focused on one more concern; what about you and your parents? As much as you were a mom, you were also a kid who possibly might not be able to take care of her fragile, old parents either. They had the enthusiasm and the strength but they also needed you. What about that?

Wow, dark gloomy places can really be depressing.

Your dismal train of thoughts was interrupted by the grating sound of the metal door opening and you realized the room was more like a cell because metals bars were present in the place of one of the walls.

“I see you’ve woken up, sweetie.” The man from earlier, gigantic, burly and tattooed came inside and switched on the light. Your eyes ached as they uncomfortably adjusted to the brightness, a headache striking through your skull.

Surprisingly enough he waited, till you were done evaluating your now bright surroundings and done struggling. Not that you struggled much, you knew better than to anger the man whose mercy you were at. Look what happened with Steve.

“You ain’t a talker, I see. Well, good for me.” He let out a hefty snicker and continued, “The main rule here is don’t piss me off. My hospitality can and will get worse. Understood?”

You slightly nodded, your neck straining and stinging at the awfully easy task. Your mouth wasn’t gagged but it wasn’t hydrated either to answer this man. Besides you really didn’t trust yourself fully to not lash out at him. He was robbing you of your future, depriving you of your child’s future.

“I’m going to remove the restraints and you are allowed fifteen minutes in the bathroom. My man will give you the privacy but the door won’t be locked, so don’t try anything. Then I’ll feed you something and we’ll talk. This much sound good?” You nodded again and let him untie you; your eyes downcast the entire time, showing you weren’t stupid enough to pull anything.

His hands uncuffed yours and then he removed the rope tying your torso to the chair while you complied and sat still. He really went above and beyond to ensure your captivity, leaving room for no errors. His hands did wander but not quite far enough to warrant a reaction, but just enough to alarm you.

He patted your shoulders and you got up while he pounded the door twice. It opened and three men stood outside. He pointed to the door and tilted his head to the side, his eyebrows urging you to go.

You went outside as one soldier marched away, as if to be your tour guide, while the other two stood guard. Your legs wobbled with each stride as you struggled to catch up, limbs aching after hours of inactivity. Trying to keep track of the dingy hallways and the turns you took was a task you failed miserably at, your mind foggy, frame weary and soul spent. Your legs struggled to carry you even to the bathroom but you reached there somehow and collapsed inside on the toilet seat, your bruises from the restraints burning.

A sob threated to escape. Your reflection in the mirror was tainted and timorous, but over-all tired. Within hours of captivity, your face lost all its glow and your body all its strength. There was no way you’d be able to overpower even a single man here, much less the entire army of his with whatever strength they had in numbers.

You sighed and splashed your face as you tried to wash away the horrors with the grime.    

"What about the call?”

“It couldn’t be traced. He was prepared.” Sam answered as he watched a fuming Steve. They had been at it for hours but without any clues. They had scoured Rumlow’s properties in the city, checked out each abandoned building and tried to hunt ‘The Vices’ scoundrels but each was in vain.

The man that snuck to Grace’s bedroom to capture the picture also evaded the cameras perfectly by sheer coincidence, nothing more than a black mass showing itself. Those were personal to him and it sucked that when he let his team take charge of the cameras, nothing came out of it.

It made no sense, even his allies got to know about you last week at Sarah’s party and even on assuming news spread from there, your abduction was far too planned and strategic. Your kidnappers almost knew your schedule as good as Steve: your work offs, day-care time, Grace’s bed time. They were even able to evade Steve’s man that periodically checked on you back then. Last time Steve checked, Rumlow didn’t even have the resources for this, far less for it to come to a point to trick Steve’s men.

Now that he had collected some records about it, he noticed that Rumlow had been buying new properties left and right. He wasn’t supposed to start the territory war, the claim for it should have taken at least a few more years according to Steve’s calculations. His growth and empire, although still less than Steve’s, was developing exponentially, almost as if he had stumbled upon some unknown treasure that funded him.

Hard questions then started hitting him; and although they were brutal, they made a lot of sense. Rumlow had a new associate.

“I’m thinking we might have a mole. Or maybe Rumlow has a new investor because look at the price of these properties.” Steve tapped the various documents lying messily on his table. “His trust fund wasn’t this well-off. We need to find his new ally. Look into it. Check our assets too, don’t leave the possibility of a mole compromising us. And get Tony on the line for whatever intel he needed to verify. I need something before the day ends. Clear?”

The men around him nodded and as soon as Bucky gave specific instructions to each, they marched off. Steve looked through the files of Rumlow’s activities to see if he missed something, to get any hint of his new partner. He did have some new recruits from his trusted allies’ legions but maybe he didn’t delve deeper enough in their backgrounds.

Bucky called Stark but reached his assistant who promised a callback as soon as possible while Sam tried to track the location again and make something out of the photo of you they had gotten. He was hoping to track the next time he called, which was scheduled tomorrow.

The boys were as busy as bees and efficient to get you back, you were as good as family. Steve huffed and got frustrated at his slip up, he needed to wind-up this foe, once and for all and bring you safely to his manor where you belonged, his little family as safe as protected as it could be. Grace might not notice your absence for a few hours but then what?

You finished eating the sandwich the man had provided you, with hands still cuffed but this time in front of you. You hadn’t eaten anything even hours before your abduction, trying to get ahead of schedule just to get the errands done with.

You were the tiniest bit grateful to at least get a trickle of your strength back. He was patient and you were surprised by his calm demeanor; maybe it came easy to him because he had the advantage against Steve in whatever he was plotting.

You finished the entire bottle of water and looked at him as he put his phone down and faced you.

“Let’s start darling.” He was awfully jolly and you were annoyed beyond measure but you didn’t let it show. “I’m Brock Rumlow, your man’s worst enemy, leader of ‘The Vices’.”

It didn’t take too good a memory to remember the name of the crew that killed almost hundreds. A montage of the people that died, the children whose corpses laid on the muddy ground and the creeps that tried to abduct Sarah, endangering you and Grace in the process played in your mind. This man in front of you was a monster, ready to light the world on fire just to set off some rockets for his own entertainment; ready to drown the entire world just to enjoy the luxury of a cruise. Terror flashed in your eyes and this bastard seemed to relish in it.

“We go way back but not as buddies as you’d have already guessed. I need something that the bastard is too stubborn to hand me and that’s why you are my leverage.”

The story was short and vague but it had everything you needed to know. These idiots thought that Steve would submit and surrender just to save you? They didn’t realize you were easily replaceable and their plan would be in vain. You have known Steve, for what, just over a month now? You held no significance to him except for being a sort-of a plaything for him for a few weeks at max. Did they just spot you together and assume you were a couple?  

Your mind made theories while your eyes followed every one of his moves. He picked up his phone again and still caught you off-guard, “Look into the camera, sweetheart.” Your eyebrows furrowed and he snapped a photo, your eyes blinking away the sting due to the flash. “His demands.” He shrugged. “I need to send him proof of you being okay and unharmed every day until Monday. So, you are unscathed.” He paused and thought. “Well, for now.” He shrugged and your eyes widened at the implication. You deciphered two things. Firstly, Steve had agreed to some sort of a deal to save you.  And secondly, it was confirmed that he was not going to hold up his end of the deal on keeping you unhurt.  

Your subconsciousness broke your vow of silence as you whispered in surprise more than wonder, “What is that supposed to mean?” You didn’t know why you were so astonished; you were already accepting of the possibility of not making out alive but the way he said it made you queasy. Maybe he was going to kill you anyways for revenge, or to send a message. Or some other greater ploy.

“Sad to be the bearer of bad news, but you won’t make it out of here breathing, darling. A pretty face gone to waste, such a shame.”

“You’ll never get through to Steve then.” You stupidly enough played his card back at him, trying to convince even yourself that Steve did care about you and for once that might save you. The bastard smirked at you, taking your words as a light teasing and whipped out a cigarette with a lighter, smoking right in your face.

You looked down as a tear escaped, your mind numb as you registered your subtle pathetic pleading. Not so accepting of death now, are we? Well, who could blame you? You were only human. And survival is the most basic instinct of all.

A stream of tears slid down following the traitor, your nose scrunching, not at the burn due to the joint, but at the realization of not even getting to say goodbye to Grace.

“Aww,” the fiend mocked, “I really did want to keep you, alive and as my personal slut, as a reminder to that bastard that lost and what a fine asset, I must say.” He eyed your cleavage. “But I have to hold up my end of the deal, sweet-cheeks, and I promised your sexy body in a bag.”

You felt naked under his lewd gaze, mind speculating on who hated Steve so much that they wanted you dead? You were just an unsuspecting lady and in a matter of weeks, someone had marketed you as an important person in the Rogers’ household. And this false information now promised you your demise, literally, in an attempt to retaliate to Steve, who you don’t know why still bothered with you. But you were glad he did, the fact that he coming for you, even though he might prove to be late, was the only solace you could find in this dingy cell of yours. It was unexpected of him, but somewhere deep within you, you were glad he was willing to take the extra leap.

Rumlow left you alone to attend a phone-call and you wallowed in self-pity meanwhile. At least, whoever hated Steve and somewhat, loathed you, didn’t despise either of your kids.

Steve strode into Tony’s office, hoping that Tony calling him all the way out from his headquarters to Stark industries across the city bridge better be worth the time he was losing. Tony had called Steve back himself an hour later to invite over the next day, promising intel he couldn’t discuss over the phone. Irritated at the lack of clues he was able to collect in regards to your abduction, he agreed in a heartbeat, though slightly disappointed to wait an entire day.

Steve was ready to give a whooping thirty percent of his territory up for you initially when he got the call for specifications, but the motherfucker demanded sixty-five percent. If the deal would be conducted fairly, he would even be ready for that, yes, you were that precious and he was a man of his word, but his team and his intellect both knew that Rumlow would play a trick. Or he would go through the deal and then attempt an assassination on him, continue the enmity.

Because Rumlow and him despised each other so much, that words couldn’t explain the rivalry. They had been in the same premises only thrice till now, no party hosted them together anymore. One celebration had ended with a fist fight that sent Rumlow to the ER with broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder and a shattered jaw. Another had ended with Rumlow killing his own ex-spy, aka Steve’s late wife in front of everyone and then grazing even Steve’s chest with the same gun.

    Needlessly to say, they both hated each other’s guts. It was like they came out of the womb as enemies.

Steve broke out of his pondering when Jarvis greeted him and stepped into Stark’s lab on the sixty-ninth floor. Sometimes, he felt Stark was a child trapped in a man’s body, which, of course, wasn’t true given how much of a prodigy he was, how his genius was known overseas.

He found Tony examining a small black device, barely visible to the naked eye, more like a piece of tape and also drinking brandy out of his favourite glass, one that hardly left his table to even get washed. He began pouring some for his blonde friend on spotting him but Steve shook his head. No matter how appealing alcohol seemed right now, he needed a clear head to get you back home.

“This shit better be good, Tony.” He came to stand beside his tech-savvy friend, who juggled and caught the device in his fist and then opened one of his hologram screens. “It is.”

“You must have come to some conclusions about the entire ordeal by now, Cap. Tell me.” Tony sipped his brandy while Steve grew exasperated, probably due to the lack of liquor, Tony concluded.

“Fuck you if you brought me here to play games, Tony. I have so much shit to fig-” Steve was getting impatient with each second that went by and left him uninformed. He needed to know you were safe and get you home; because he knew Rumlow was a man-whore and it wouldn’t be long before he tried something if he hadn’t already. And Tony’s games didn’t help.

“That’s mean, Cap. You are busy being a hotheaded piece of shit to your best friend and here I’ve already done the entire work for you.” Tony said, remembering to curse him back, and entirely unfazed by his fuming best friend.

“What? I swear if this is-”

“I don’t joke, you should know that, Capsicle.” Joke. “And I will tell you everything I’ve figured out but first I want you to tell me your deductions. Entertain me, I want to know how good you are at this, it’s been a while since the last time I got to see you in action.”

Steve felt relief and annoyance all at once. He wasn’t even sure since when his emotional range had gotten so vast, that he felt respite and anticipation for whatever data Tony had, anxiety and apprehension thinking of you, wrath and pure rage for that son-of-a-bitch, a little anger for Tony too for drawing this out, his pal really needed to learn how to read a room. Or at the very least, his friend. He was sure though; it was after he’d met you. Beautiful and charismatic you. Oh, how he missed you. Rot in hell, Rumlow.

Steve’s jaw ticked and tensed but he complied, the sooner he danced for Tony, the faster he’d get what his friend had brought him out here for.

“I know Rumlow has a new investor, who helps from the sidelines though. And I’m also eighty percent sure, I have a mole, or more than one of them. Maybe I didn’t check properly after those four at the carnival. I don’t know how else they got a whiff of her because only you and Pepper had met her prior to the party and I know it’s not you guys. I completely trust Wanda too so-”

Tony clapped Steve’s back to stop him from rambling and grinned, rapt by his analysis of the situation. “Impressive. Now take a look at this.” He gestured to the screen still floating there as a video began to play, a video of the penthouse that he had visited with you weeks ago.

Tony poured the glass Steve had earlier refused and handed him, “You are going to need this.”

It was day two or three of your captivity. You didn’t know exactly but you realized the passage of one night after you had woken up and talked to your captor.

You didn’t really want to sleep and be vulnerable at the claws of the men here but your barely-fed self had no choice but to conserve whatever left up energy you had through slumber. That didn’t mean you were rewarded uninterrupted snooze time, nope. Your creative as fuck mind chose to show you exactly what you suppressed while awake, a mosaic of memories of your kid.

You remembered her first steps at your parent’s house in the living room towards her Pops, the time she’d snuck up on you in the garden, her footsteps light and soft; her first nightmare and how tight she clutched you, the first time she spelled her name. You didn’t even remember your life before Grace, fuck her piece of shit biological father. It was you and her against the world.

When you had somehow gotten through the night, your day was ‘graced’ by Rumlow’s presence. The man was repulsive and a total creep, his lewd comments never stopped. Neither did his wandering hands when he untied you himself twice both the days. You slept on the chair the first night and when you woke up, he was in the room, watching like a hawk.

Rumlow generally didn’t stay to check on captives personally but you were an exception. Keeping you in sights made him grin every time; you were a trophy of his dominance over Rogers. A pleasant reminder that he had already won the ensuing battle. With the territory came the allies, as everyone favored the strong, and soon he’d set out to achieve the kingpin title that Steve was too much of a pussy to.

“There you go, sweetheart.” His terms of endearment made you heave on the inside but you didn’t react much externally, remembering his one rule of not angering him. You shook your free hands as he untied your torso, his hands playing with the clasp of your bra through your shirt after. He slid his hands up to your shoulders, dangerously close to your neck and whispered, “Twenty minutes today. Shower if you want.”

You pranced out of your chair after that and his snicker reached you, bouncing off the dingy walls of the room that held you captive. Even prisons were better than them. You made the mistake of looking back at him because you found him palming himself and winking at you.

You’d have to look for bleach for your eyes.

This was the fourth time you were in this rest room and every time, you wanted to smash the mirror, take a piece of glass and slit Rumlow’s throat. You would have been worried about your thought process if you weren’t practically in the jaws of death.

You had already killed a man, why not kill another?

Unfortunately for you, your plan had too many flaws. The sound of the mirror breaking would reach outside and his men would restrain you in an instant. The low-pressure shower and the taps won’t be able to mask the noise. And even if, by some miracle, you’d be able to do that, you would go out on a limb and say that overpowering three of his men that stood in the path that led to him was unachievable for you. Besides surviving for your kid was more important to you than revenge.

You sighed and got frustrated at the fallings of your plotting, you needed something, anything that would amount to hope in your brain. Screw your rational brain for the lack of optimism.  

This bathroom was your safe space here, you refused to show emotions in front of the men but here, you allowed your thoughts to wander, even if only for a few minutes. Here, you mourned everything you were going to lose and everything you had already lost.

You sobbed and closed your eyes as your mind kept reflecting the agony you were in, as if you were trapped in a kaleidoscope, with the jewels replaced by horrors you couldn’t fathom.  

You didn’t even get to say goodbye to Grace. You didn’t know that that morning would be the last time you’d get to see her off to school. That her lunchbox would be the last time you’d cook for her. That New Year would be the last time you’d get to celebrate something with your parents. You’d miss out on her growing up; that there was a possibility she’d be orphaned. You’d miss out on experiences that were destined to be yours, well were yours until Steve had ruined it all. Brock was your personal Grim Reaper here though, and you had never hated anyone as much as you did him for robbing you of your life, not even Steve.

You wanted to scream. You wanted to shout and wrangle your abductor with your bare hands. It was because of his insolent existence, his delirious need for greed that dug your grave as a normal human. It was the realization that men like him, men like Steve, killed more than a couple hundred people, even thousands with no second thought for their lives.

And even though they were alike in their torment and ambition, you hated yourself for preferring Steve over Rumlow. Maybe it had something to do with Rumlow promising you your death on a silver platter. In case of Steve, you were destined to be just another notch on his bedpost, but with Rumlow, you were fated to be one of his prized executions.

You washed your face and shook you head, wiping your tears. You still had the generous time Brock had given you but you decided against showering, you didn’t want to undress anywhere in this building, the comfort of your unclean clothes was far greater than what a shower would have provided. Maybe, he’d be repelled by you, the dirt and grime. You grimaced as you recalled him calling you attractive like this. You hoped he hadn’t meant it, that some odor would repel him.

The man led you back to the cell, and you could see the disappointment by the lack of hygiene in your captor’s eyes. He smirked in your face though a moment late, seeming to take this as a challenge. You trembled being within arm’s length of him but by the grace of God, his phone rung, a generic ringtone interrupting the looming silence before your impending doom.

He pointed his index up, as if asking for a moment and fetched his phone. Still wary of him, you scrutinized his movements closely, the name on the screen sending you reeling back. He rolled his eyes reading the name and stormed out, likely predicting a longer conversation than he had wanted.

For the first time here, you were without bounds and free to move but you couldn’t get out of the heavy metal door anyway. Besides, you were a bit preoccupied with what realization just hit you.  

“See that?” Tony knew Steve missed what he was pointing out, because to him it was just two ladies gossiping, getting drunk on Chardonnay. Because that was what he himself saw on first glance, nothing out of the ordinary, just his fiancée and her Maid of Honor.

Steve shook his head, looking quizzically, his nose scrunched and his face was in an adorable frown. Tony was impressed that Steve didn’t whine again, instead waited patiently for an explanation. The crotchety Capsicle was now a tolerant dad, oh how the times change.

“This,” Tony opened his fist to show the black gadget he was playing with earlier, “is a high-tech bug. I mean it, really impressive nano-technology. But no one could one-up The Tony Stark.” He scoffed. “I found six of these, one in each of my main properties. This video right here, it shows how and when they were planted.”

He replayed the video with 150x zoom on the flower vase. The men saw as clear as day, when the blonde woman lifted it to admire the pattern and adhered a very minute, small black rectangle akin to what Tony showed earlier, disguised very well in the pattern. It was no thicker than a sticker or a piece of paper and yet it had transmitting capability far impressive than a lot, Tony told.

Steve absorbed each statement spoken to him, eyes bouncing between the documents on the glass table, the screen and his genius as fuck friend, Anthony Stark.

“So you mean to say-”

Rumlow didn’t come back for the rest of the night and for that you were grateful; you had a lot of thoughts to string together.

“Sharon Carter has changed allies. She wins the psycho ex contest.”

If you were not mistaken, and you knew you weren’t, Sharon’s name had flashed across Rumlow’s phone earlier. And you knew of only one Sharon, the one you met at Sarah’s party. You had no doubt assuming her to be involves, there were few with the name and in the same ‘business’. It made no sense, why would she betray Steve just to help a lowlife like Rumlow rule the city? You thought she loved him? Was it aversion you mistook for allurement?

You didn’t sleep that night, pacing around the room coming up with reasons, involuntarily trying to defend the blonde woman you had met only once. This right here was your problem, Your stupid heart of gold. This is why you saved Sarah, gave Steve the benefit of the doubt, and now were mentally defending a woman who had brought you to ruins. If the guards outside heard your pacing and murmurs, they didn’t disturb.

You didn’t even realize how the nighttime had morphed into the dawn, the evanescent glow of the stars turning into the glimmering orange light that intruded the cell through the thick glass. At some point, you had sat down, your head in your hands.

You prayed to God that if Steve really wanted to save you, he’d see right through this traitor amongst his allies. That he’d use that smart, conniving brain of his to do at least something right by you. You were miserable coming to terms with all this, and even though you hated it with every bone in your body, the truth was it had come down to you placing your hope in Steve. Only he could help you find your way to your daughter.  

The clank of the heavy door brought you out of your contemplation, hands wiping any wet residue on your face. Your head was pounding, questions clawing at your throat just threatening to spill themselves about how and why to the man in front of you.

And so, just when the bastard was about to delve in his tormenting mind plays, you impulsively yet idiotically interrupted him.

“You know, I could hear you stomping-”

“Sharon is behind this?! Why would she even-” A hollow snivel interrupted you, just like you had Rumlow. You were afraid that he might be angered but you were still dumbfounded by the revelation. Why would she even want that?

“Nosy little bitch, aren’t you?” In contrast to his crude words, he was actually amused. More so entertained than actually mad. Maybe he was just being kind for your last days; well as kind as this mobster could possibly be.

“Yes, Sharon arranged the entire deal. You’d be surprised at how much intel that minx had and even more so at the price she was willing to pay to get rid of you.” He elaborated.

“That makes no sense. Was she always a rival in disguise? And why would she go after me? We have only met once! Sharon had-” Your brain to mouth filter had just disappeared. You, in your sane mind, would never mouth off to your dangerous captor like this, as if he was your friend with all the answers. But all your wit had away and disappeared with your time in solitary, hungry and introspecting.

It was almost some reward for the bad things you went through in span of last seventy-two hours that your abductor found you amusing and your musings hilarious and chose to answer, relishing in the horror that struck across your face at each revelation like some cruel sadist.

“Wow, you are oblivious as fuck, darling.” He sniggered and then resumed with a smirk, “Aw come on, you had to be blind to not see how desperate she is for Rogers’ cock. She wanted a family with him, house full of shitty kids. Looks like that cunt didn’t tell you they were exes.”

“Then why betray him? And where do I come in this? Me and Steve weren’t even exactly friends!”

Did you offend her somehow at the party? Was that why she wanted you dead as side task?

“Well, she viewed you as a threat, silly girl.” He shrugged, marveling at your turmoil while you were literally losing your mind, you were going to die because of a ridiculous crush. “She is a silent partner; we had a one-time deal to screw both you and Rogers over. I get the expensive land and a shit-load of money to dispose you off while she gets to pick Rogers’ pieces up after your loss and weave her way back into that household. I’d say she is at a loss because of the pathetic goals she wants to achieve, but it is what it is. A cock-drunk slut is what she is.”

He concluded and smoked a cigarette, not bothering to tie you up even after realizing that you’d been unrestrained the entire time. It was fun watching you get aggravates; people with expressive faces were few and far between in this trade full of disguised immoral humans.

Fucking jealousy got you into this mess. You’d have been more than happy to let Steve go, even though he never was yours to begin with. At least he succeeded in his task of advertising you as his. Well, good for him.

A simple conversation could have avoided this. If only you had gotten a chance to prove you absolutely hated the man. Was it even rational for her to reach out and talk? You didn’t even know each other!

Well exactly! How was she so bold in assuming you were dating Steve? Bitch should have used her ‘shitload of money’ for confirming that.

You would have been concerned by your cursing but you allowed yourself a pass days before fucking dying. You deserved a happy future with your kid; you deserved to witness her first day of elementary, even college, her first boyfriend, or girlfriend whatever; her first heartbreak and walk her down the aisle decades from now! The universe owed you that much, and you were only settling. You had deserved to watch her grow, shine. Witness all her seconds, and thirds and everything she’d go through. And now, because of one blond bitch and one misunderstanding, you’ve been stripped of that.

You collapsed on the chair as you veiled your face in your hands, not wanting the man to see you cry, after you had shown days of resilience; not wanting him to witness your acceptance of the future you’d lost.

Rumlow left the room to attend a call once again and didn’t come back for quite a while but you couldn’t care less. Your heart burned and throat hiccupped as your vision remained blurred for hours. You knew you didn’t have much time left, neither to plot nor on Earth.

You cried without restraint, your screeches echoing off the walls and back again into your own ears. You just wanted to hug your little girl one last time, clutch her as tightly as she did when she had her first nightmare. That’s all you wanted your last wish to be.

But you came to the terms with the fact that you won’t get to do that. You knew your life wasn’t that generous, and you’d have to make-do with memories of her; you just hoped you’d live on in her memories after this.

The only question that remained in your mind, after hours and hours of incessant crying was, were you willing to go down without a fight? After all, you had to buy Steve some time.  

[izzythehutt]

How did you get into Breaking Bad? Lol it just doesn't seem like your type of show, like at all

Kind of embarrassing but also hilarious, in a private conversation about Cobra Kai @gorevidalscaligula compared Walt and Jesse's relationship to Johnny and Kreese ("It's the prestige show version!") and I was intrigued enough by that idea I decided to give it a shot. I also had been wanting to watch Better Call Saul for awhile, which had a premise that appealed more to me on its face, but it seemed to me like you really needed to watch Breaking Bad first to get the whole concept of the show (which, having almost finished BrBa, I believe is true but I also think I'm probably going miss Walt and Jesse for the first six seasons until they finally show up.)

I think it's interesting it doesn't seem like my type of show, because it's...very consistent with my taste. I don't know how I come off on this blog, I guess I use tumblr for a lot of low pop art shit-posting, elaborate meta and pimping out my high concept Harry Potter fanfic, but I went to film school and I'm a screenwriter, I do have an appreciation for what passes for "sophisticated" in television terms, lol. Noir, westerns and crime drama are all genres I like because they deal with good and evil in clear-cut ways that many straight modern dramas don't. A well-acted character study that's actually about something (as in, is making a point about the human experience as opposed to just being shiny nihilism) is my exact cup of tea.

I also kind of can't imagine disliking BrBa once you start watching it. I know taste is taste, but some things are just objectively excellent.

In every respect—writing, directing, cinematography, production design, acting—Breaking Bad is a technical and artistic masterpiece. Me joking about stanning Walt aside, it is also probably the best portrayal of moral devolution and the dangers of consequentialism in TV I've ever seen. I know "Bravo Vince!" is a meme but it's also merited, damnit.

What kept me from watching it when it was initially on was probably my age (those were my college years and the dark premise was not interesting to me) and that I refused on principle to watch any shows about drugs in those days. I DO NOT FIND DRUGS INTERESTING, and there was a spate of prestige shows about white collar crime ten years ago that just.....annoyed me. Luckily BrBa isn't really about drugs so it is interesting.

Plus, I can never say no to a complex, dysfunctional (pseudo) father/son relationship!

[g0ldengubler]

chapter 6~life is a “high” way

(*i do not own this gif*)

A/N: this chapter is honestly one of personal favs because we get to see more of spencer feeling more confident in himself in a way while still being him and it’s just aaaaa :’) tomorrow you will get chapter 7 but then after that, expect chapters to come out a bit slower, including requests (which i am working on currently and thank you so much for sending them my way!). lots of my focus needs to be on my personal life but writing helps me get through all of that hell, so i’m in a very wishy washy position lol. thank you so much for the love on nauseous i love uuuuuu

Category: fluff w smut at the end

CW: road head, d/s dynamic, daddy kink

Word Count: 3282

before you read | last chapter | next chapter (coming soon!*)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spencer parks in front of your apartment building and stays in his seat as you get out. You both had decided that packing up right away and not going to lunch was better. That way, you can learn more about each other on the way there. You couldn't wait to get inside that smarty-pants brain of his and find out what's really going on in there.

You shut the car door and start walking, but stop when you don't hear his footsteps behind you. When you walk back to the car, you see Spencer sticking his battery in the cigarette lighter to charge.

"You're more than welcome to come in, y'know." You chuckled.

Spencer looks up at you, licking his lips as he moves some of his hair behind his ear. "It's ok, I don't want to bother."

"You won't be a bother. I've been to yours, now you can come into mine."

"Oh, so that's how that works huh? You have to go into the guys apartment before the guy goes to yours?" Spencer said sarcastically.

"You know what I mean!" You pull open the car and grab his hand, "C'mon, Spence. You'll be fine!"

He giggles under his breath and comes out of the car. After locking it, the two of you head inside and up the elevator to the 4th floor. Once at your door, you unlock it and open up to 4 paws jumping onto you. You hear Spencer gasp in surprise and giggle at his reaction, making it seem like you were giggling at your two buddies. Sitting on your old couch was your next door neighbor, Seth, who was watching Pose on the tv.

"Thank you again for watching the boys while I was gone. I really owe you big time for doing this." you say as you get up from the floor.

Seth gets off of the couch and walks up to you to give you a hug. "Anytime! If anything, they can stay at my place when you go on a case-" He stops and looks over at Spencer, standing awkwardly by the door still and letting the dogs sniff him, "Although, it seems like this new case was a success."

"Shut up, Seth!" You giggle, lightly slapping him on the arm. Realizing you forgot your manners, you quickly try to take it back. "Seth, meet Dr.Spencer Reid. Doc, meet my neighbor, Seth."

Seth reached his hand out to shake, but Spencer politely denies. "Sorry, I-I don't shake hands. It's actually been proven that it's safer to kiss." You catch Seth's eyes looking him up and down. "Seth stop teasing him like that!" You laugh. Spencer wasn't into guys, but somehow Seth looking at him made you a little jealous. You're not even dating the man, y/n shut up, you think to yourself.

"You and I will talk later." He says.

"Oh, Spence! These are my babies. The scottie is Benedict and the husky is Draco."

The room went silent for a moment, Spencer trying to hold in a chuckle. "Yes, I did name them after Benedict Cumberbatch and Draco Malfoy. I've had them picked out since I was a teenager, don't judge."

"Oh c'mon hun," said Seth, "it's adorable that you named them the way you did."

"It is," Spencer spoke, "I didn't depict you as a nerd."

"Oh my god, you kidding? She's probably the biggest nerd I've ever met with all her Sherlock and other crime shows, Harry Potter, Doctor Wh-"

"Ok, I think he gets it Seth!" You cut him off. That was enough embarrassment for today.

"I will say, Benedict or Tom Felton could always come my way."

You slap him on the arm again laughing. You look back at Spencer, who was awkwardly chuckling along with. You then announce that you were going to get in the shower. "Seth, can you take them for a few more nights? We're going up to my dad's cabin back home for the weekend. Also, when I get out and do my makeup, you promised me that you would tell me how your date went last night with 'Mr.Perfect' as you said it."

"Bitch I have ALLLLLL the tea that I'm not missing on spilling!"

"Good. Now you two get along. And Spence," He looks up at you, his hazel eyes looking into you...

"Don't miss me too much, hm?"

Then you walked into your bathroom, trying to wrap your brain on the fact that you just said that to him.

                           ~Spencer's POV~ I can't believe she said that.

She left me here a little turned on. I could start feeling my pants getting tight and had to put my bag over myself as I sat on the couch so then I wouldn't embarrass myself in front of Seth. I looked around her apartment to distract myself of thoughts of being in the shower with her. She had a very interesting aesthetic. Walls white with old picture frames that had beautifully taken old photos in them. The lamps that were in the living room looked like they were from the 70's, old gold coating chipped off at some parts of the stand. While there was a vintage look to her place, it was also very modern at the same time, a minimalistic look took over her kitchen. She had a fake vine hanging from the wall behind her tv, some of it covering her maroon record player. In some ways, our aesthetics were similar. If she had a bookcase in here, I'd feel like I was at my place.

Seth and I began to get to know each other. I came to find out that Seth worked as a bartender at a club, and he enjoyed taking photos for his social media. "I would love to be a photographer," he said, "but right now it's just a hobby that I do mostly during the colder months." He says cold, cloudy days (especially if it's raining) were the best times to take photos, in his opinion.

"So," he says, "you work with y/n at the BAU?"

"Yeah, we've really become good friends in the past 9 days. It's like we've known each other for years. Plus, she's great out on the field. She's definitely someone myself and the rest of the team will never take for granted."

"Thank god," Seth said as I heard the water turn off, "She told me that it was her dream to be a part of the BAU. She would never stop talking about it when she was in college."

"Hm, she never mentioned that to me."

"Well, let her tell you on your way to the cabin. She'll love it."

After a little bit more conversation, y/n came back to the living room. Her hair was damp, not fully wet but not dry either. She had thrown on a white turtle neck shirt with a brown sweater vest over it. She matched it with darker brown corduroy pants, cuffing the bottoms. In her hands was what looked like to be her makeup bag. She sat down in front of the mirror that was in the corner on the left side of the tv (when you look at the tv), beginning the process.

Seth and y/n talk about his date from last night and got pretty detailed about it. He talked about how the man took him to a gay bar that was a few blocks from here, and how they danced and drank the night away. "Oh and then get this," says Seth, "we're pretty drunk at this point, right? Well at one point, the local queen that performed came up to me and tried to flirt and shit, thinking she was all that and a bag of lashes, and he saw how uncomfortable I was and stood up for me. And let me tell you, he was REA-DY to throw hands!"

"Stooooop he's literally a keeper!" y/n says.

Once she was done with her makeup, she gets up and goes back to her room, coming back out with her luggage. She goes over to the door to grab a pair of Vans and comes back to tell Seth and her children goodbye.

"I'll be back in a few days. Thanks again, Seth. I really-"

"Owe me one, I know I know!" Seth cuts her off, "Now go have some fun and relax, you need to after working so damn hard for this job!" He turns to me and waves. "And it was very nice meeting you, Doctor."

"It was nice to meet you, too! But please, you can just call me Spencer."

Seth smiles as we walk out the door. What this trip will bring? For once, I'm letting fate take the lead instead of science.

~Y'N's POV~ It had been about a few hours of being on the road. At this point, you were somewhere in Pennsylvania, but not sure if you were close enough to Philly to grab a cheesesteak. You think back to the start of the drive. You suggested that you'd be the dj because your library on spotify had a full range of genres with some songs you had no clue were in there. "It'd be a fun little journey!" You told Spencer. And that it was, a journey.

You ended up driving right by a dispensary before even leaving DC. Garcia told you that that's where she gets her stuff, but knowing that bringing a lot of weed across the country wouldn't be a fun trip, you two decided to go with the original plan and just wait till you get to Michigan.

You could tell Spencer was getting a kick out of your music library. While majority of the songs he didn't know, he was still being goofy and jamming out along with you, trying to match the same energy you were having. The songs that talked about sex, drugs, and/or alcohol surprised him every time, his jaw dropping or his eyes bulging out of his head as he listened to the lyrics. You couldn't help yourself but laugh at his reactions, which would make him laugh along with you.

You two weren't alone, however. You were pretty much sucking down on the carts you still had, although you both made a deal that whoever was driving could only get a little high if they wanted to, drinking plenty of water and eating snacks to sober you up a bit if needed.

Driving through Pennsylvania, you look out the window and onto the scenery around you. You weren't paying attention, however, because you couldn't stop the dirty thoughts that intruded your mind. You couldn't help to think about giving him head, since you hadn't done it yet because both times he gave you all the pleasure. You couldn't wait to get to the cabin and go straight to your knees for him. Suddenly, you tried to get them out of your head. 'You're getting way too excited, y/n. STOP IT!' you thought to yourself.

You decided to just feel everything around you, taking a few more hits from your pen before taking it in. Nineteen by Movements was playing; it was like you could feel the song itself and everything about it as you looked up at the very tall street lamps passing by. Nothing felt better than this moment. Just you and Spencer out on the open road. It felt like nothing could stop you two. You felt free, but you also felt safe and complete, something you haven't felt in a long time.

At one point, you couldn't take it anymore. It was 2:30am and Spencer was still driving. He told you to get some sleep but you weren't sleepy or tired at all. You tried to feel free but when you did, you thought of Spencer, which led to dirty thoughts. It was like you couldn't escape it, and every time the thoughts came, you couldn't help but secretly rub your thighs together for some kind of friction.

As you tried to get the thoughts out of your head, you look over to see a nice little surprise. The passing lights outside helping you see, you noticed the bulge in Spencer's pants. How in the hell would he be getting hard now of all times? Were dirty thoughts intruding his mind, too? Seeing that made you even more wet than you already were. This was your chance.

You look out to the open road in front of you, and gently graced your fingers across his bulge. You look out the corner of your eye...nothing. Not even a flinch. 'Playing hard to get, hm?' You thought to yourself. So you did it again, which made him shift in his seat a little, still pretending he didn't notice anything. Finally, with some kind of courage that you never knew you had, you grabbed his cock through his pants and slowly started to stroke it. His eyes came out of his head, letting out a small gasp.

"You know I'm driving, right?" He asked, "We could crash if I'm paying attention more to this and not on the road."

You give him a smirk, "It's almost 3am," you begin to say, but then you notice that you're the only car on the road, "and no one else is on the road right now."

You start to undo his belt with your one hand. "You pleasured me twice already," you continue, your hand successfully undoing the belt and undoing the zipper on his pants, reaching inside to pull out his already, fully hard cock, "I need to show my thanks somehow, don't I?"

Spencer shifts in his seat, keeping his eyes out on the road. You were kind of hoping he was looking for somewhere to pull over, but you wouldn't mind doing it as he drove. "You...you already did...b-by inviting me to your dad's cabin."

You stopped stroking and he almost let out a whimper. "I saw that bulge in your pants just a few minutes ago, are you suuuurree you don't want to...daddy?"

Just hearing the word 'daddy' made him grab your hair tightly. You smiled as you shifted your position in your seat to go down on him. When you were ready, Spencer stopped at a red light and pulled your face close to his, lips almost ghosting each other.

"You better make daddy feel good then, since you're being such a fucking brat right now." He whispered as you continued to slowly stroke him again.

You couldn't even react to what he said because once the light turned green, he guided your head down to his cock before letting the tightness on your head go and letting his hand rest on top. You decided to egg on your bratty-ness by teasing the tip, giving him kitty licks at first and then slowly just running your tongue in it, licking up the pre cum.

Spencer tightens his grip again, making you whimper. "I'm not sure doing that is a good idea, angel. Do you want to get punished once we're there?"

You shook your head no, but the thought of him punishing you made you feel yourself drip between your thighs.

Spencer moves his grip from your hair and slaps your ass with a huge SMACK, which made you moan loudly.  "You have to use your words, angel. Unless you want to be a little slut tonight."

You look up at him to see his eyes were still on the road. You smirk as you pump him a few times before taking his head in your mouth. You bob up and down slowly, hearing him grunt and curse under his breath. You step it up by going down a little lower, each time going back up and then going lower until you had all of him in your mouth. You stayed like that for a few moments, gagging on it.

"Oh fuuuck that's it...that's it baby, take my cock in your mouth, just like that." He says before pulling you off to let you breathe. He's quiet for a moment before he says, "Now I'm going to guide you, angel. You're gonna make daddy feel more good than he already was, got it?"

"Yes, daddy." you answer, knowing that he wanted to hear you say again.

He pushes your head back on his cock, moving you head faster than before. He couldn't get enough it, making you gag every so often and pulling you back up. Spencer's cock twitched in your mouth and you knew he was close. He controls your head faster, his rhythm getting sloppy.

"You want me to cum in that pretty mouth of yours, angel? You want daddy's cum?" He growled, trying not to thrust into your mouth as he continues to drive.

"Mhmm!" You moan, which almost made him go over the edge.

"Keep doing that for daddy, moan for me. God, I bet you just love having my cock in your mouth, but I'm sure you're just desperate for my cum."

You moan again. That you were. You wanted his cum so bad in your mouth so you could taste him; taste how good you made him feel.

"Don't...fuck...don't stop doing that, angel...that's it...fuck I'm gonna cum..."

And with that, you feel his cum shoot inside your mouth, letting out moans and cursing. You slowly continued to suck him, getting every last drop. When you did, you move up to face Spencer as he pulled over, showing his cum in your mouth at first and then closing your mouth to swallow and open back up to show him it was gone. The look in his eyes told you that that was the hottest thing he's ever seen.

Spencer pulls you in surprisingly and attacks your lips with his, as if he was hungry for them. He was almost eating your face but you didn't care, you kissed him back and let your tongues play with one another. You both pull away after a bit and he just looks into your eyes. You look into his hazel eyes and felt complete.

"Now, will you stop being a brat and get some sleep?" He asks.

You giggle as you quickly look at the time in the car radio. "It's 3:15," you said, "it's my turn to drive."

"But now you're all tired from pleasing daddy," he jokes, "so you get some sleep, and I'll drive. I really don't mind it. Honest."

"Are you sure?"

Spencer nods his head. You decided to give in and get comfy in your seat.

"Goodnight, Spence." You say as you move the top part of the seat all the way back. You grabbed your traveling pillow and placed it on top of your right arm, laying your head as you turned your body to face away from him.

"Goodnight, angel."

[catchmewiddershins]

ahh ok ok, it's good !! i'm only halfway thru but mAN, i'm hooked HAHA, and abt the type, mmm i don't really have a preference tbh, i just take a look at the blurb and if it's interesting to me, then i send a message to my mom n she decided whether to buy it or not

as for recs, i've only gotten into reading recently, but i have a few that i've been wanting to read

- agatha christie seems to be pretty popular, and i think she writes on horror, so i'll look into that

- there's also this guy, anthony horowitz, and i'm very interested in reading a book of his, the word is murder (it's out of stock on our local bookstore, so i'm just waiting on it)

- one of us is lying and one of us is next is popular with my friends and classmates, so i'm interested in it as well

but do you have any book recs? i'd like to get more into it, but i haven't been able to find a lot of good ones ; i dont mind the genre, i just get at what seems interesting to me, so feel free to drop your favorites :D

HMMMM IMMA CHECK THAT ONE OUT :DD

ok so what you got sounds good I'll give you some basic recs because I want to explore the genre a bit more myself lol (my sister also really wants to read One of us is Lying lol)

Classics (not old but like... famous):

- an Inspector Calls - a play that's quite famous, it's a script so it's all dialogue and the story is revealed through an interrogation it's a classic for a reason :) - An inspector comes to the house of a rich family in the (oh dear) like mid 1800s? Anyway he claims that they are all guilty of driving a working class woman to suicide and the whole story is slowly revealed it's so GOOD

- Oedipus Rex - ok this is an old classic but :)))) what can I say - it's another play and it's good! Technically it's a tragedy but the plot of the tragedy is Oedipus trying to solve a mystery - chances are you know the ending but that's the point, knowing the ending creates tension as he tries to figure it out and you wonder when the ball is going to drop

- Sherlock Holmes - I... I haven't actually read these but one of my best friends has and she KEEPS bugging me to read them so it's on the list because it's a classic and also my bestie likes them

- Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde - Pretty short! And so so good! You probably recognise the story and it has it's fame for a reason... t's written from the POV of this Judge? I think? I can't remember his career, anyway he becomes involved in these murders and he decides to find out who's doing it and then track the perpetrator down and it's also sci-fi and psychological I believe anyway definite recommendation

Lower level (so like ages 11 - 15? I mean that's the age I was when I read them so):

- The Mysterious Benedict Society series - honestly? I want to reread these because a television adaption is coming out and I'm mad about some of the cuts they made - it's about a group of children recruited to stop someone from brainwashing the world

- the Lady Grace mysteries - definitely around the 11/12 age when I read these so they're quite an easy read but what can I say I still like them and easy reads are good and fun - it's set in the late 1500s and the main character is Grace, goddaughter to Queen Elizabeth the first, and she becomes a private detective for the Queen for various murders happening around court while outwitting the official (male) detective who thinks that her observations are worth pretty much nothing - she also has to keep it a secret from the other Maids of Honour (like ladies in waiting but... nobles)

- Orphan Monster Spy - ok I loved this when I read it at... 13/14/15? Anyway it's about a Jewish girl in WW2 who goes undercover at a school for nazi's children to gather information it is very good

- The murder most unladylike series - OK this I read at 10/11/12 as well but just because books are for younger audiences doesn't mean they aren't gripping and they're often more creative! My sister is reading this atm and she loves it ehe - it's two girls at a boarding school that start solving mysteries together

Higher Level (so like... 15/16/17? When I read or have been recommended and all that jazz):

- Oryx and Crake - This is written by Margaret Atwood which means it's good. The woman is a legend! Handmaid's Tale COULD be considered thriller or smth like it's sci-fi but like... cmon so that's another rec by her. My English teacher and my mum keep recommending me this but I haven't started it yet... general consensus is it's good though!

- Jane Harper - She's an author who's mysteries are apparently pretty good? I have one and they all seem to be popular sooooo a recommendation :)

- The Declaration + sequels - These are written by Gemma Malley and ALL I CAN REMEMBER ABOUT HOW GOOD THEY ARE is that when I was taking my GCSE mocks (I was 15 half of us were 16) we had to do revision in an exam hall and um anyway I read this book and the Resistance instead and did not do any revision I was hooked - not really a mystery or crime technically I don't think but definitely that vibe - Basically it's a future world where children just aren't a thing? The government has designed drugs for longevity and kids born outside of the law become 'surplus' and are all housed together but this girl meets a boy from outside (I cannot for the life of me remember if they get together or not) and they escape and go to investigate the government and where these drugs are coming from

I'll add more if I read them... IDEA! This list will have a tag (#wid's book recs! and #wid's mystery recs!) so I'll add recs to it when I get them so it'll be constantly evolving and I'll do the same for other genres at some point! I had a few more that I wanted to add but I forgot and the cat is being clingy

[ggukcangetit]

Dreamcatchers 6

Pairing: jungkook x oc

Summary: DI Jeon didn’t need a new partner. Unfortunately, his superiors felt otherwise; especially considering the extremely high-profile murder that had just taken place in the port city. Recent transfer, DI Choi Yuri finds herself confronted with a new cityscape, unfamiliar people, a hostile partner, and a homicide that is certain to bring back unpleasant memories.  

Genre/AU: fluff/action/mystery | detective! au | police!jungkook, police!oc

Word Count: 5.2k

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: mentions of violence, alcohol, blood, drugs, death. basically stuff you’d associate with a murder mystery/crime drama.

Chapters 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 

A/N:  it’s been a while since i posted and even longer since i updated this fic but its still here and so am i! lol. updates are not gonna be very frequent but i have a list of works in progress that i plan to finish so there will be something or the other being posted at the most random moments.

also, reminding everyone that this story features a named oc because i’m still very unfamiliar with writing second person reader inserts. i’m not aiming for strict accuracy in this story, and all criminal investigation/forensics knowledge i have has been gathered by watching crime drama/procedural dramas! my knowledge of geography is also not totally accurate so apologies for that. once again, one thing right by @hobios​ prompted me to write a police inspector! jungkook story. would highly recommend reading that because it’s probably one of my most favorite pieces of writing!

21st December

"Is this how you conduct a sample analysis?! Where did you even train? I've half a mind to report you and get you kicked out!!"

Yuri stopped at her desk, surprised to hear Seulgi's yelling so loudly that she could be heard all the way from the floor above. She was usually extremely calm and even-tempered, but the past couple of days had seen her irritable, snappy, and downright furious.

"Dr. Ahn sounds really angry," whispered Jisoo, clutching a file close to her chest. "I've never heard her yell at anybody before. I hope she's okay."

"I'm sure everything's fine," said Jeon, walking over to his desk and dropping a bunch of files on it. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Yuri raised an eyebrow at him, but complied nonetheless. They walked outside, standing near a clump of trees outside of earshot of anyone in the station.

"Guess who I've just brought in on suspicion of murder for the 2nd Nov case?" he asked, lowering his voice.

"No!" gasped Yuri. "Minhyuk?"

"Yep. He's been in the country for a while now. Fancy giving me a hand with the interview?"

"Me? I mean," she bit her lip. "I wasn't part of the original investigation."

"I know, but in light of what you've found out and the fact that you're now my partner, Goh thinks it's okay."

"You told Goh?!"

"I had to. I can't restart the investigation without his permission."

Jeon stared at her for a few moments, trying to gauge her reaction. "So, what do you say?"

"Alright. Let's nail this bastard."

Ahreum was late. She had a meeting with one of her professors to decide on which medical stream she'd specialize in. Despite using forensics as an excuse to distract Seulgi, she was seriously considering it now. Deciding to pursue medicine had been a drastic career switch for Ahreum, and a lot of people had questioned her decision relentlessly. But if there was something she had learnt in the years following her parents' divorce, it was patience and the ability to block out irrelevant conversations. Namjoon had always been immersed in his studies, barely affected by the bitterness existing between their parents. Ahreum, barely in high school, felt lost and helpless during those times. After the divorce, things had become less tumultuous and she was able to see her parents as individual entities. That was when she realized that her father was never going to like any of her decisions, no matter how hard she tried to please him, and her mother preferred to stay aloof at the best of times. Ahreum learnt pretty early in life, that she needed to be there for herself. She loved her brother and parents, though the latter a lot less than the former. Her decision to study English Literature and Creative Writing had been a spur of the moment one - dictated more by the fact that her high school boyfriend was going to study at a major Arts university. She didn't really regret any of her decisions. Her degree had led her to finding a hobby she adored - photography. And having a freelance job meant that she could stay with Namjoon - who earned a significantly larger amount than her - and move whenever he needed to move as well. This was also how she had met Taehyung 3 years ago - a happy coincidence of events when she had been taking pictures outside the museum at Seoul. They had started talking about art and photography, eventually realizing that they lived in the same part of the city. In addition to Yuri, she also considered Taehyung to be her best friend. She had seen him during one of his lowest moments when Seokjin had left home; and then some time later when he had found Seokjin living in the town Ahreum and Namjoon had recently shifted to, she had stayed by him as he grappled with his anger and frustration towards his older brother until an eventual reconciliation.

But at this moment, she was beginning to lose patience with him. Five minutes before she was about to leave for her meeting, she received a bunch of frantic texts from him.

8.25 am

T: ahreum?? are u up??

T: jimins still in custody

T: im so worried

8.26 am

T: u there?

T: i want to visit him...

T: will u come with me?

8.27 am

T: hey

T: ???

T: i didnt sleep much so i dont wanna drive there

8.28 am

T: are u sleeping?

T: ???

He knew she had a meeting today. He knew how important the meeting was for her. She had spoken about it many times. Not for the first time, Ahreum wondered whether Taehyung cared about her beyond what directly concerned him. If it wasn't somehow relevant to him, he never seemed to remember much. It was a careless apathy that had hurt her during the beginning of their friendship, but she had accepted it as a part of him.

Her meeting was at 9 am and she usually needed 20 minutes to get there on her bike. She closed her eyes and mentally rehearsed the points she was going to bring up during her meeting. Her phone pinged once more, breaking her concentration.

8.30 am

T: hey

T: can u pick me up?

She frowned and shot a quick text before pocketing her phone and strapping on her helmet.

A: sorry have a meeting... talk later

As Ahreum sped through the narrow lanes, she was convinced that there was no way she was going to talk to Taehyung today. He would have to manage on his own for once.

Yuri and Jeon sat across from a very nervous Park Minhyuk, his bloodshot eyes indicating that he had been brought in after a rough night.

"Good morning." Jeon began the interview, his notes stacked neatly in front of him. "You were very hard to get a hold of, Mr. Park. Specifically because your company categorically states that you've been out of the country for business."

"I-" His face was white as a sheet.

"When we called your office, we were told that you are often out of the country on business trips. Short trips," Jeon flipped through his notes. "A fortnight, 20 days at max. Your secretary was very obliging - he told us that you traveled on October 12th and returned on October 27th. Then left the country again on November 1st and returned on November 16th. Another trip between November 22nd and December 6th. And finally, one more on December 10th from which you still haven't returned."

"Your phone records are very interesting, Mr. Park," said Yuri, joining in. "I'm DI Choi, by the way, and I will be assisting DI Jeon as his partner on the case. Now -" she opened the file in front of her and took out a particular page - "is this your cell phone number?"

"Yes, but-"

"Our Telecomms division looked over recent activity over the last 3-4 months. While your office confirms that you have been on multiple trips out of the country from October onwards, your phone has been operating in Korea for almost two months. Can you tell us why?"

Minhyuk remained silent, his hands clenched on the table.

"Do you recognize this?" Yuri placed a plastic bag on the table and moved it towards him.

The remaining color drained from Minhyuk's face as he stared at the ring inside the plastic bag.

"Let me help you out, Mr. Park," she continued. "This is an heirloom from your mother's side of the family. There was three such rings - one buried with your mother, one on your brother's finger, and one found at the scene of Son Eunbi's murder. Can you tell us how your ring found its way to a murder scene?"

"I didn't kill her!" Minhyuk looked like he was going to pass out. Jeon poured some water into a glass and passed it to him.

"She was dead when I got there!" he said after gulping down the water. His hands were shaking by this point.

"If she was dead when you got there, why didn't you call the police?"

"I..."

Faced with a possible murder charge, Minhyuk looked frightened but not nearly as forthcoming with an alibi as one would have hoped.

"Mr. Park," Yuri spoke after a period of silence. "Did you know that Ms. Son had a three year old daughter named Gina?"

Minhyuk gulped, his eyes breaking contact with hers. He removed his hands from where they had been clenched on the table, choosing to hide them in his lap.

"Are you Gina's father?" she continued. Minhyuk head shot up at her question.

"H-how did-"

"When did you find out?" she asked.

Minhyuk sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I guess there's no point in denying it since you know everything." He reached out and finished the remaining water in the glass. "In October, after I came back from a trip, I happened to meet her by chance and Gina was with her. It was odd, the way that she tried to avoid talking to me. And the fact that Gina also had clear grey eyes."

For the first time since the interview started, Yuri realised the resemblance between the Park brothers was limited but striking. Their eyes were the exact same shade of grey - while Jimin looked cold and unwelcoming, Minhyuk's glasses did well to give him a warmer appearance.

"I asked her why she hadn't contacted me when she got pregnant. Or in the three years since Gina was born."

"What did she say?" asked Yuri, softly.

"She was scared that I wouldn't believe her." Tears had started to roll down his cheeks. "I loved her... so much. And then she just disappeared one day. I tried so hard to find her but..."

Jeon poured another glass of water for him.

"I told her how happy I was to hear about Gina. That I wanted us to be a proper family. I was willing to do whatever was necessary if that's what she wanted as well. I think she was beginning to warm up to the idea. I even told my father to postpone my next trip so that I could spend a little more time with both of them. But-"

"But?"

Minhyuk stared at his hands, looking tired and dejected. "He - uh, he wasn't happy when he heard about Gina. My father has very particular expectations."

"What did he say to you? Did he threaten you, Mr. Park?"

Minhyuk let out a soft chuckle. "My father doesn't threaten. He suggests."

"And what did he suggest you do about Gina and Eunbi?" asked Jeon.

"That I stay away from them. For the sake of my inheritance."

"And did you?"

"I was planning to... I-I was meant to travel the next day and I thought I would go and see her once more before I left. But when I got there..."

Minhyuk covered his face with his hands, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself.

"What happened when you got there, Mr. Park?"

"She was lying there... in a pool of blood. Gina was asleep in the back. I-I didn't kill her. You have to believe me."

Yuri and Jeon exchanged a quick look as Minhyuk protested his innocence. They were aware that the homeless man had killed Son Eunbi. The DNA found at the crime scene confirmed the fact that he had stabbed her. But they needed Minhyuk to give them as much information as possible.

"I'm afraid we do not conduct our investigations based on belief, Mr. Park," continued Yuri, shuffling her notes meaningfully. "You still haven't provided us with an alibi for that night. Strange thing - the Park family seem to have a particular aversion towards providing alibis. Your brother was also extremely resistant when we spoke to him."

"You spoke to Jimin? What for?" Minhyuk's expression had changed completely. He looked strangely alert.

"I guess you aren't aware that Jimin was arrested for the murder of Kang Eunwoo on December 15th." Jeon spoke deliberately, hoping to elicit a reaction. And he was successful.

"What?! That's impossible! There's no way he could've done that!"

"Why are you so certain of that?"

"Because he was with me on December 15th!"

"I'm sorry but we can't take you at your word. You can't even provide a proper alibi for yourself on the night of Son Eunbi's murder. How can we be sure that the two of you aren't just covering up for each other?"

It was then that Minhyuk realised that he would need to come clean. There was no way to save Jimin without telling them the entire story.

"Fine," he sighed. "I'll tell you everything."

"Everything?"

"Yes. If it can help Jimin, I'm willing to risk my father finding out."

Yuri glanced at Jeon who gave her an almost imperceptible nod.

"Go on."

"After I saw Eunbi... lying there, I couldn't leave Gina. No matter what my father had said, I couldn't leave my daughter in such a situation. So I... took her away with me."

"Where is Gina now, Mr. Park?" Yuri asked, frowning.

"She's safe."

"Where is she?" asked Jeon, sharply.

"In Busan. I have an apartment there and she's been with me since that day."

"Why didn't you tell the police that you had her? Why does your company believe that you are abroad on a business trip?"

Minhyuk rubbed his eyes tiredly and drank some more water. "I couldn't let my father find out. Jimin and I have an apartment in Busan that we bought under a different name. It was a place our father couldn't find us. Gina's been staying there with me since 2nd November."

"Are you sure your father thinks you're abroad? It doesn't seem like something easy to cover up."

"Jimin helped with that," said Minhyuk, leaning back into the cold metal chair. "He told father that I had run away because he hadn't been understanding of my situation with Gina and Eunbi. Jimin's good at convincing people - it's a talent he's barely ever put to good use."

"So Jimin knew that you were hiding in a secret apartment with your recently discovered daughter?"

"Yes, he did. I have an alibi for 2nd November. I was in a meeting till 9 pm and then stopped for drinks at a nearby fried chicken place till 11 pm. I was a bit tipsy after that, which is why I decided to visit Eunbi and Gina. After taking Gina away from there, I went to Jimin's place, got the keys to the apartment and drove straight there. I think I reached around 2 am."

Yuri jotted down all this information, making a note to check on every new detail that had been mentioned.

"What about December 15th? You said Jimin was with you. Why?" asked Jeon, folding his arms across his chest.

"We meet once a week to make sure everything is going okay," said Minhyuk, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly. "Sundays are usually the best days for that."

"Where did you meet?"

"At the local ice-cream shop," Minhyuk frowned, trying to remember something. "You know the one near the end of town?"

"The Dairy Berry? Yes, I know which one you're talking about." Jeon gave Yuri a brief nod to confirm that this was a legitimate spot and not something Minhyuk was making up on the spot.

"Gina loves sweet things and I thought it would be easier to take her with me the same day I met Jimin. I think we were there till 10 pm. After that, I dropped Jimin at a bar and drove back home."

"Which bar was this?" asked Yuri.

"Sunset."

"And you drove straight home after that?"

"You can check the dash cam on my car and the security tapes at my apartment building, if you want."

"We definitely will, Mr. Park," said Jeon, surveying him carefully. "In the meantime, you will be in custody until we have verified each and every single thing you just told us. So I suggest you keep yourself hydrated."

Yuri could feel a pair of eyes on her as she spoke to Jisoo and Suho.

"We need to verify everything that Park Minhyuk told us. But there's a lot of ground to cover and we've lost quite a bit of time since the murder of Son Eunbi. So I suggest you recruit some uniformed officers as well." Jisoo jotted down the locations and the times they needed to verify, and nodded to Suho to indicate she had forwarded the details to him. "We need to get the information as soon as possible."

"Will do," said Suho, giving her a reassuring nod.

Yuri waited for them to leave before walking over to the person who had been watching her for a while.

"Did you want to talk about something?" she asked Seulgi.

"I-" Seulgi tugged at her sleek, high ponytail, looking oddly hesitant. She seemed in a better mood than earlier in the morning when she had almost scared one of the interns into leaving the country. "Do you have a minute?"

"Yeah- " Yuri checked the clock on her phone - "just a minute though. I'm waiting for Jeon to get a warrant from Goh."

"Did he-? I mean, Jimin, uh... have you...? You know-" It was strange to see her grappling for words. "Are you certain he's done it?"

Yuri stared at her for a second. This wasn't what she had been expecting Seulgi to talk about. The doctor's relationship with Jimin was even more puzzling than she had originally perceived it.

"We're looking into it right now." She paused, trying to gauge Seulgi's reaction. "But you already know about the blood sample match - that, in itself, is pretty damaging."

"Y-yeah, I know."

Before Yuri could say anything more, Jeon came out of the Chief Inspector's office. "We've got a warrant to search Minhyuk's apartment. Let's go."

Glancing one more time at Seulgi's ashen face, Yuri put on her coat and scarf and followed Jeon out the exit.

Once inside Jeon's car, Yuri debated whether or not she should attempt to engage him in conversation. Her decision was made for her when he drove onto the main road, and lowered the volume of the police scanner.

"What was Seulgi saying?" he asked, his eyes focused on the road.

"Just where we were in the investigation."

"I see."

Yuri fiddled with the button on her coat, itching to say more.

"What's the deal with her and Jimin?" she finally asked.

"I- what do you mean?" Jeon raised his eyebrow and gave her the most puzzled expression he could muster while trying to stay focused on the crazy traffic.

"Their relationship is... weird. He keeps flirting with her, and she is on the verge of ripping his guts out at every given moment. But just now, she seemed almost worried about him."

"I don't really know... they've never really seen eye-to-eye on much." Jeon checked the rear view mirror to make sure he was clear before deftly changing lanes. "Jimin has always been the person who tries his utmost to push everyone's buttons. And Seulgi... well, she has a lot of buttons."

Yuri snorted loudly. "That tells me nothing and everything at the same time. You really have a way with words, Jeon."

He smirked at this, his eyes never leaving the road. "So does that mean you trust me now?"

"No." She looked at him and caught the way his face fell slightly at her response. "But who knows what the future holds..."

The smirk was back.

Ahreum had a terrible headache. She usually didn't get many headaches. So on the rare occasion that she did, it put her in a really terrible mood. The only person who knew how to handle this situation properly was Namjoon. He knew that she needed silence, dim lighting, green tea, fresh bread, and absolutely no unexpected company.

So when Ahreum got home after her grueling 3 hour long meeting, hoping to relax and recuperate, she wasn't too pleased to find Taehyung sitting in her living room, playing a very loud game on his tablet.

"You're back!" he yelled, once she slammed the door to make her presence felt. "I've been waiting for hours. How was your meeting?"

"'S okay," she replied, shortly. Taking off her coat, she opened the middle cabinet in the kitchen and searched for the green tea.

"Great! So do you wanna go and visit Jimin now?"

"No."

"What? Why not? You don't have anything else to do right now. Just come with me. Please!" He had walked into the kitchen and was standing in front of her with a pout on his lips.

As endearing as she always found his antics, Ahreum was at breaking point. She placed the cup on the counter with a loud clink, and turned to face him.

"Because I don't have time to follow you on your every whim, Taehyung. Because I have a life of my own. Because I am studying medicine, which, if you aren't aware, is a very taxing occupation." She paused for a breath, as his mouth fell open in shock. "Because I am not your babysitter. Or your handler. Or your caretaker. And I'm tired of being responsible for you. You're a grown ass adult and it's about time you acted like one."

"Ahreum, I'm-" His eyes were wide and worried, and she felt a tiny sliver of remorse. "I don't think you're my babysitter or handler or whatever. You're my best friend."

"I thought so too. In fact," she said, looking away from him. "I thought we were, or we could be, more."

"W-what? Ahreum?" Taehyung sounded so lost and confused that she was tempted to console him.

She walked to the front door and held it open for him. "I think you should leave now. I'm tired, I have a headache, and I don't want to be around anyone right now."

"Wait! What did you mean by that?" he asked, hesitantly standing at the entrance.

"I'm tired, Taehyung. I don't have the energy to explain everything to you. Now, please," she began closing the door slowly. "I want to rest."

"It's clear!" The uniformed officer confirmed to them, before opening the door further.

"Okay, let's see whether little Gina is here," instructed Jeon, his face drawn into a frown.

Yuri nodded and walked into the room on the left of the large living area. It was a study of sorts, with a large wooden desk, a swiveling chair, and shelves upon shelves of books. She quickly checked to see if there was anyone in the room before shouting "clear!". There was another door connecting to a smaller room, it's walls bathed in bright sunlight and smelling of soft lavender. This was clearly some sort of guest room, judging by the inconsistent decor theme. The furniture looked sleek and modern, but the sheets on the bed were soft and pastel colored. A bunch of soft toys stood leaning against the flat screen tv, and Yuri realised that this was probably the room that had been hastily fixed up for a small child's unexpected stay. And sure enough, soft strands of brown hair peaked through the large covers on the bed.

She walked over to the bed slowly, not wanting to startle the child. Yuri barely managed to stifle a gasp as she looked into the child's clear grey eyes - the same color as both Park Minhyuk and Park Jimin.

"Hello," she said, softly. "Are you Gina?"

The little girl nodded, bringing the covers closer towards her.

"I'm a police officer. I help catch bad people." She didn't respond, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Do you want to go to your dad, Gina?" She nodded vigorously, sitting up at the mention of her father. "Okay, we will. But first, tell me, are you okay? Do you feel pain anywhere?"

The little girl shook her head.

"Are you sleepy?"

Again, she shook her head.

"Are you hungry?"

Slowly, she nodded her head.

"Okay, we'll go and see your dad, and also get you something to eat. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes."

"Wonderful."

It was just after 2 pm and Yuri felt completely drained. After they had found Gina, she had insisted on returning to the station to ask Jimin about his alibi for the night of Kang Eunwoo's murder. From what she had understood, he had refused to provide an alibi to protect his brother and keep him out of the police's radar until the situation with Gina worked out. Even though she still couldn't get herself to consider him a pleasant person, his desire to protect his brother had humanized him a great deal in her eyes.

Sure enough, once he was made aware that Minhyuk had come forward and spoken about his daughter and the events of the past month and a half, Jimin looked much less hostile than before.

"I was at Sunset from around 10.30 pm to closing time - which is 2 am," he said, sighing tiredly and rubbing his face with his hands. "You can confirm with them."

While Minhyuk and Jimin's alibis were verified, Yuri received a text from Namjoon, asking her and Jeon to meet him at Seokjin's bakery. It was barely a 2 minute drive there, so Jeon suggested they get lunch over there and make it before Goh finished compiling the list of paperwork for them to finish.

The smell of freshly baked milk bread wafted out of the kitchen, adding another layer of warmth to Seokjin's cozy shop. The man in question picked up the large tray filled with various different confections, and brought it over to the table by the window.

"Peach danish and americano for Namjoon, chocolate fudge brownie and vanilla bean ice cream for Jeongguk, and a snow croissant and hot chocolate for Yuri." He placed everything on the table, before grabbing his lukewarm cup of tea and sitting down with them.

"So you finally find the child, then?" asked Seokjin, sipping the tea. He made a face at the odd taste that tea acquires when it's between comfortingly steamy and soothingly chilled.

"Yeah we did," Yuri replied, when her partner remained silent. "Goh is dealing with Minhyuk and the custody charges. It's no longer in our jurisdiction."

"Namjoon, how's grad school treating you?" Seokjin diverted the conversation, realising that his friend wasn't ready to talk about the case at that moment. "How much longer do you have?"

"A few more months and I should be done." Namjoon wiped the pastry flakes from the corner of his mouth and nearly tipped over his americano in the process. Yuri chuckled at this, suddenly remembering those random moments in high school where Namjoon was a lot thinner and less confident, but still had a propensity for knocking things over.

"Remind me why you're putting yourself through this?" Seokjin broke off a piece of the peach danish and popped it into his mouth.

"The last time I tried to explain that, you spaced out and created a new pastry recipe for your menu. As much as I like helping your business flourish, I'm gonna preserve my energy and only talk about things when necessary."

Seokjin chuckled and picked up a spoon from the dispenser. "Jeongguk, can I get a bit of ice cream from you?" There was no response, and looking at him for confirmation Seokjin's eyebrows shot up in alarm.

"Okay okay, I won't eat any of your ice cream. You don't have to tear up about it!"

Yuri and Namjoon turned towards him as well, not sure what to do when they saw tears slowly sliding down Jeongguk's cheeks.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" asked Namjoon, patting his shoulder softly.

They sat in silence, as Jeongguk sobbed softly and wiped his face with his coat sleeve. He turned towards Yuri, his eyes glazed with tears but holding a soft radiance unlike what she was used to.

"Thank you."

Yuri felt her face heat up suddenly. This wasn't what she had been expecting. The soft sincerity in his voice startled her. It was nothing like the person she had met only a week ago. She looked away abruptly and nodded her head.

"There's nothing to thank me for. This is our job."

Jeongguk smiled and resumed eating the disgustingly sweet dessert combination in front of him. He nudged Seokjin to take some ice cream like he had originally intended. There was silence once more, but this time, it was very different.

Back at the station, Yuri finished the paperwork for the day. There was a lot to complete, and since they had stopped at Seokjin's for a break, they had lost some time as well. Goh had been very clear about completing all the paperwork for social services to take over the case from them now that Gina had been found.

It was barely even 5 pm but Yuri felt a large yawn coming on for the third time in the past few minutes. She wasn't sure how long she would be able to carry on without getting proper sleep at night. At this rate, she would eventually burn out. There was only so much coffee could do for her.

A light tap brought her attention to another person standing in her cubicle. She looked up to see Jeon holding two steaming cups of ramen, tilting his head slightly to confirm whether it was okay for him to sit down.

"Did you need anything?" she asked, after moving her slightly. He placed the ramen on her desk and pulled up his own chair and sat down.

"I've got a peace offering," he gestured to the ramen. "I wanted to apologize properly for being an absolute dickhead to you. I-" He hesitated, looking down at his hands that lay clenched on his lap - "I don't really have an excuse for my behavior but I had a lot on my mind. Particularly about finding the little girl. And, well... you really don't know what solving this case means to me."

Once again, Yuri wasn't sure how to react. She felt embarrassed that he was thanking her for doing her job - something that he did as well. While she appreciated his apology, his entire being remained confusing to her.

"Don't worry about it," she said, waving her hand dismissively. "And thanks for the ramen; food is always appreciated."

Thankfully, her computer ping-ed with a new email before the atmosphere could get any more awkward.

"Okay, we've confirmed Minhyuk's alibi's for 2nd November and 15th December. He wasn't involved in either murder. Jimin was with Minhyuk till 10.15 pm on 15th December - his car's dash cam confirms that he dropped Jimin off at Sunset bar around that time."

"Fantastic! And what about the CCTV footage at Sunset? Does it confirm Jimin's story? He said he was there till 2 am."

"Hang on, I'm opening the report. Th-" she stopped abruptly, frowning at the screen.

"What?" asked Jeon, looking over her shoulder to read the email.

"CCTV footage does not place Jimin at Sunset from 10.15 pm till closing time at 2 in the morning. He doesn't have an alibi for Eunwoo's murder."

She turned to look at him, an odd sense of foreboding hitting her as she realized that they would have to charge Jimin for murder by the next evening. He held her gaze, his dark eyes reflecting a similar shadow of doubt.

please reblog and leave a comment if you liked this part! thank you! 😊 

[gild-and-fire]

Okay so I gotta ask - I can see you’re watching QotS and I’ve always been curious about it. Would you recommend??

I was so excited to receive your ask, Lauren! Thank you so much for sending it (and humoring me)--especially since I could talk about QOTS all day, but try to restrain myself bc I don’t want to be annoying lol. But unfortunately I have allowed myself to be unhinged and thus wrote a 700 word answer :) If you don’t feel like reading the whole thing lol I will refer you to @riosnecktattoo​’s ask which helped me to decide to watch QOTS. But here’s my spoiler-free, long post for why I love Queen of the South!

General

WOC as lead: I am obsessed with complex, badass, relatable women as leads, and i literally go FERAL when woc are leads. QOTS has two woc as leads and both are incredible actresses playing layered characters (Teresa and Camila).

For Camila, she leaves her husband and daughter to follow her ambitions and grow her business (not a spoiler). I think it’s very interesting how the show builds tension between Camila and her daughter due to this choice, and I enjoy that the show doesn’t answer but explores the “can women have it all” aspect and how she’s underestimated in the cartel business bc she's a woman and has to work harder to get where she is. 

For Teresa, I love her fortitude and moral compass, and like Beth, she’s definitely a badass. She is luckily a little bit more sensible/experienced than Beth when it comes to crime lol and actually has long standing success as the Queen of the South (duh, Audrey).

Worldbuilding: If the premise (mexican drug cartels) is interesting to you, then you’ll enjoy how they’ve built the gritty underworld of cartels and all the ruthless players from Texas to Columbia. Also, QOTS includes fantastic moments with magical realism which is such a neat genre overall and it really adds to the richness of the story. One of my favorite parts

Jeresa

It’s the parallels, it’s the trust, it’s the friendship and the way they sacrifice for the other person and save each other over and over again. 

Tropes: I especially love how James is framed as a “bad guy” (assassin in a cartel lol) and Teresa is the “good guy” (victim of cartel violence and thus against it,) but that over the course of the 3 seasons, they grow in different ways because of the other person. I think a lot about the fact that in their line of work it really does pay to be selfish/look out for yourself, and that both of them are very logical and realistic people. And yet! They both actively choose to protect and make sacrifices for the other person. makes me cry every time :,)

James is hot: James is fucking hot in that white henley and Lauren, I swear to god if this other gifset of James in his signature aviators doesn’t convince you, then I might throw this blog away

GG/BRIO

I want to contextualize this show by comparing it to good girls 

Consistency & Parallels: GG does this really well, but QOTS does it even better because there are plots and people from literally the first episode that come full circle and make a difference many episodes/seasons later. It’s clear that the writers really care about and have thought deeply about the development of their characters and plots. True for GG, but a little less so (looking @ you cancer lie and buddy the dog)

Violence: Okay you know how Rio just brings out the gun once in a while as foreplay? And like we have “seen” only one death in the entire series so far? In QOTS, it is impossible to watch a scene without two guns and a corpse lying around somewhere. If we’re lucky, maybe we won’t see a decapitated head being kicked around like a soccer ball more than once. I think if you can stomach the first two episodes, you’re fine.

OTP: brio’s UST is off the charts and im not sure i will EVER find a show that can match it, but jeresa is just so real. Ofc the cartel stuff can feel a little contrived sometimes, but their friendship and relationship is so healthy (given their circumstances), and it really is true love. For gg, I'm in the camp that they don’t actually love each other.  Side note: James is a main character with his own plots that intertwine with Teresa’s, which means we see him more than Rio’s 2min of him per episode. I know. It is truly a gift.

tl;dr QOTS is so good that I am incapable of acting like a normal human being and would like to scream about my love for this show. And if you decide not to watch this show, at least look at some gifsets of James. 

[keplercryptids]

nonfiction LGBTQ+ books i read this year

i read a lot this year, and a good chunk of it was LGBTQ+ nonfiction. so i thought it might be nice to list what i read. as a note, many of these books deal with LGBTQ history in the United States. too often, mainstream US-centric LGBTQ texts focus on white middle-class cisgender folks, though I’ve done my best to balance that as much as possible with other perspectives. (that being said, if you got ‘em, i would LOVE book recommendations that tackle worldwide/non-white LGBTQ issues!)

Accessibility notes: Given the nature of the genre, there’s a lot of intense discussion re: homophobia and transphobia. Basically every book listed covers those things to some extent, and I’ve specified where there’s additional potentially triggering content. (If you have specific questions about triggers, please let me know!) also, some of these books are on the academic side. I’ve done my best to note when a book was very academic or when I found it to be more readable. (full disclosure on that note: I’m a college grad and voracious reader without any reading-specific learning disabilities, so my opinion may be different than yours!) as a final note, I was able to access most of these as e-books/audiobooks through my local library. I live in a major metropolitan area, if that gives you any idea of how easy it’ll be for you to find these books. I’ve noted when a book was more difficult to get my hands on.

History

Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World 1890-1940 by George Chauncey. As the title suggests, this book focuses on gay male communities in NYC pre-World War 2. Even with that limited scope, this is an important read to better understand gay male history in the early 20th century. Gay communities thrived in the early 1900s and this snapshot of that is really wonderful. This is definitely more of an academic read, but I highly recommend it. while it definitely focuses on white middle-class gay men, there was more discussion of poor and/or gay men of color than i had actually expected, so that’s nice. (CW for rape and sexual assault, homophobic violence and medicalization of homosexuality.)

Queering the Color Line: Race and the Invention of Homosexuality in American Culture by Siobhan B. Somerville. Finally, a book about queer history that actually talks about black people! I was expecting more of a history book, whereas this was more of a critique of specific novels, plays and movies of the early 1900s and was way more focused than i was expecting. don’t get me wrong, I majored in English lit so i’m super into that kind of analysis as well, it just wasn’t as far-reaching as I would have liked. Also, it’s very academic. (Only the print version was available at my library.) (CW for racism, mentions of slavery.)

Transgender History by Susan Striker. This book describes itself as an “approachable introductory text” to transgender history in the US, which I agree with. It’s a pretty short read given the enormity of the topic, so it doesn’t go into much detail about specific groups or events, but imo it’s a good introduction. Especially interesting to me was the information about where and when TERF ideology began. Academic but on the easier-to-read side. (CW for transphobia, gross TERF rhetoric, brief mentions of the AIDS crisis, police violence.)

Gay Revolution by Lillian Faderman. okay so, I gave this 1 star. it’s probably a good book if you know absolutely nothing about US LGBTQ history and want an intro, but a review on goodreads said that it should be called Gay Assimilation instead and i completely agree. Faderman focuses on white middle-to-upper class gay and lesbian assimilationists, often at the expense of radical queer and trans people of color. The latter is hardly mentioned at all, which is ridiculous given trans folks’ contributions to the LGBTQ movement. When radical people ARE mentioned, it’s often in a disparaging way, or in a way that positions the radicals as too extreme. Faderman constantly repeats the refrain that the fight for LGBT rights was “just like what black people did for their rights” without any addendum about why that is...not a good take. There’s no meaningful discussion of race, class or intersectionality. She lauds Obama as a hero for the gays and there’s a ton (I mean a TON) of content about how military acceptance + gay marriage = we won, or whatever. anyway, i wasn’t a fan, although many of the events and organizations discussed in this book are important to know just from a factual basis. (CW for all the stuff I mentioned, plus police violence, medicalization of homosexuality. it’s also fucking LONG so i recommend the audiobook, lol.)

Queer (In)Justice: The Criminalization of LGBT People in the United States by Joey L. Mogul,  Andrea J. Ritchie, and Kay Whitlock. This is “a searing examination of queer experiences--as ‘suspects,’ defendants, prisoners, and survivors of crime.” A frequently upsetting but super important read about how LGBTQ identities have been policed in the past, and currently are policed today. i wish there was more focus on trans folks, but other than that it’s a solid read. (CW for all the things you’d expect a book about policing and imprisoning LGBTQ folks to include: police and institutionalized violence, sexual assault, transphobia, homophobia.)

Stonewall by Martin Duberman. This book follows the lives and activism of six LGBTQ folks before, during and after the Stonewall riots. Note: Stonewall itself is only discussed in one chapter about 2/3 of the way through, the rest of the book dedicated to the six individuals’ lives and activism up to and after that point. It’s a history book with a strong narrative focus that I found to be a fairly accessible read. (CW for minors engaging in sex work and sexual predation by adults, sexual and domestic violence, police violence, drug and alcohol abuse, mentions of suicide.)

And the Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic by Randy Shilts. This is a HEAVY but really important read about the AIDS epidemic in the US, tracking the disease and the political/cultural response from about 1980-1985. It’s journalistic nonfiction, so although it’s a very long book I found it easier to read than more academic-y books. the only thing i really disliked was how the book demonized “Patient Zero” in quite unfair ways, but it was originally published in ‘87 so that explains part of it. I want to stress again that it’s heavy, as you’d expect a book about thousands of deaths to be. (CW: oh boy where to start. Graphic descriptions of disease/death, graphic descriptions of sex, medical neglect, republican nonsense.)

Memoirs, essays, etc

Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme edited by Ivan E. Coyote. i felt mixed about this one! i appreciated the different perspectives regarding gender and desire, especially since this anthology contains a lot of essays by people who came of age in the 60s-80s (so there’s a historical bent too). but some of the essays feel dated, at best, and offensive at worst. there was more than one instance of TERF-y ideology thrown in. probably 1/4 of the essays were really really great, and i’d still recommend reading it in order to form your own opinions--also, imo it’s useful to see where TERF ideology comes from. this book was harder to find, and i had to order a print version through interlibrary loan. (CW for a few TERFy essays. i read this earlier in the year so it’s possible i’m forgetting some other triggers, sorry!)

Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation by (editors) Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman. Serving as a follow-up of sorts to Bornstein’s Gender Outlaw, this is a collection of narratives by transgender and gender-nonconforming folks. While not “history” in a technical sense, many of the writers are 30+ and give a wide array of LGBTQ+ experiences, past and present, that are important. I didn’t agree with every single viewpoint, of course, duh! But some of the essays were really powerful and overall it’s a good read. (CW for one essay about eating disorders, some outdated language/reclaimed slurs as to be expected--language is one of the main themes of the collection actually so the “outdatedness” is important.)

S/He by Minnie Bruce Pratt. A memoir published in 1995, focusing on Minnie’s life, marriage, gender identity, eventual coming out and relationship with Leslie Feinberg. i really enjoyed this one. it was beautifully written. there are many erotic elements to this memoir so keep that in mind. also was a little harder to get, and i had to order a print version via interlibrary loan. (i read this awhile ago and can’t remember specific triggers, sorry! if anyone knows of some, please let me know.)

I’m Afraid of Men by Vivek Shraya. A memoir by a trans woman ruminating on masculinity. it’s beautiful and very short (truly more of a longform essay), so it’s a good one if you don’t have the attention span/time for longer books. (CW for sexism, harassment, transphobia.)

Zami: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde. god, this memoir is gorgeous and is one of my favorite books of the year. it chronicles Audre’s childhood in Harlem and her coming-of-age in the 1950s as a lesbian. ultimately, this is a book about love and that resonates throughout every page. idk can you tell i loved this book so much??? (CW for child abuse, sexual assault, a friend’s suicide, racism.)

We Have Always Been Here: A Queer Muslim Memoir by Samra Habib. suuuuch a good book! Samra writes about her life as she and her family arrive in Canada as refugees from Pakistan in her early childhood, onto her life today as a queer Muslim woman of color, photographer and activist. beautifully written and just such an important perspective. Only the print version was available at my library. (CW for child sexual assault, a suicide attempt and suicidal ideation, non-graphic mentions of domestic violence, racism and sexism.)

Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kababe. this is a beautifully illustrated graphic novel memoir about the author’s journey of discovering eir identity as queer. i related to a lot of it, which was great on a personal level, but i also think it could be a great educational tool for those wanting to know more about gender queerness (especially for those who prefer graphic novels!) (CW for gender dysphoria, descriptions of gynecological exams, imagery of blood and a couple pages depicting being impaled, some nudity, vomit.)

[niteshade925]

The Thunder Concluding Thoughts

So I finished watching The Thunder (《破冰行动》) in about a week.  I have to say this drama is definitely NOT the disappointment that people say it is.  It's pretty good.  I’m recommending it to the cdrama fans out there who like crime dramas with a dark and serious story.  Just be aware that it does not have an official English subtitle or fansubs (so far as I know).

Anyway, this post will be very very very long (4500+ words, in fact), filled with spoilers and my opinions.  If you are planning on watching, please skip this post.  I’m hiding everything else so this post won’t be hogging space on anyone’s dashboard.

Storytelling

Considering the story is about an operation to raid a whole village involved in drug trafficking (inspired by real events of Boshe village/博社村) and bring the criminals to justice, it is bound to be dark and gritty, filled with tragedies.  But it’s also surprisingly not very gruesome.

The entire plot is separated into many different storylines, which merge and intersect with each other at different times throughout the drama.  Here’s the main four:

The first (main) one follows the main character Li Fei/李飞 as he tries to avenge his friend and partner’s murder by finding evidence to bring down the big bad, with help from Chen Ke/陈珂, Ma Wen/马雯, and numerous others.

The second one follows Li Weimin/李维民 and Zhao Jialiang/赵嘉良 (real name Li Jianzhong/李建中), who are the two most experienced people on the law enforcement side in dealing with drug traffickers.  Since the former is a director and the latter is an informant/undercover agent who reports directly to the former, their individual story lines only merged after the midpoint.

The third one follows the third branch of the Lin clan (mostly Lin Zonghui/林宗辉) and how it was half destroyed by the main branch and second branch, which culminates in Lin Zonghui’s decision to turn informant.

The fourth one follows Ma Yunbo/马云波, the Deputy Director of Dongshan City Police Department, as he slowly realizes the error of his ways and tries to earn his redemption.  

There are other more minor storylines, but I won’t be listing them all out since this isn’t a wiki article lol.  Anyway there are a lot of different storylines in this drama, and the ways in which they intersect are interesting, though rather predictable.  These intersections also roughly separate out the drama into a few sections, which allows the drama to have a good pacing overall.

However, the way this drama establishes the backgrounds of the characters and storylines is slightly problematic, since nearly all of it is done with flashback sequences.  Flashback sequences are a staple in crime dramas of any kind, because it satisfies the viewers’ curiosity, but the constant sudden scene changes were disorienting and broke the flow of storytelling.  I guess flashbacks are an easy way to stick to the “show, don’t tell” rule, but I do think some flashback sequences can be told by characters in the “present time”, and this may even help to flesh out those characters more, depending on how they “tell” viewers about the past.

Another thing that was noticeable was amount of closeup shots used, especially in the interrogation scenes in the first half.  They do give actors the opportunity to use micro expressions and their eyes to convey the characters’ true emotions.  On the downside.....too many closeup shots tend to make me uncomfortable, so......I guess I both liked it and disliked it.

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Characters and Acting

Hoooo boy, where to start.  I would say this is the best thing about the drama overall.  The characters are what really drove me to sacrifice sleep just to binge the entire thing in a week.  These characters aren’t exactly unique in the genre, but they made up the heart of the drama, no questions about that.

I guess I’ll start with the main cast here and ramble talk about both the character and the portrayal together.  Because this drama had a rough “cops vs. criminals” setup, the main cast was sort of “locked in” to specific character archetypes, and that left little space for the actors themselves to perform freely.  Despite this, most of the main cast were able to do pretty well:

Li Weimin/李维民 (portrayed by Wu Gang/吴刚):  

In my opinion, Li Weimin was the best portrayed character out of the main cast.  Some people said that Wu Gang overacted in certain scenes where Li Weimin got upset or displayed his eccentric side, but to be honest, I don’t think it’s bad at all.  I'm pretty sure the dramatic approach is due to Wu Gang's acting style and training, since he was a theater actor first, and transitioned to an actor for TV/cinema later in his career.  Wu Gang’s constant little physical movements-- whether it was fidgeting with something or playing hopscotch with his feet--gave Li Weimin a certain air of eccentricity that I liked.  Li Weimin wasn’t without his faults, of course, he’s rather quick-tempered and was too eager to see results, which Wu Gang illustrated with his dramatic line delivery in the scene where he was furious at Ma Yunbo for not ending all drug trafficking in Dongshan city in 3 years.  The most noticeable flaws in Wu Gang’s performance (to me) was his salute (seriously can he just straighten that wrist lol) and his voice, because his voice had that smooth quality of a documentary narration, so occasionally it felt like he’s just flat out describing things.  Not that I’m complaining, his voice is very pleasing to the ear, but it just doesn’t fit the scene sometimes.  His best scenes for me were: 1) when he stubbornly refused Li Fei’s offer to buy a hoodie for him because it made him look too young (can relate because I have an older relative who’s exactly like that lol); 2) when he was questioning Cai Yongqiang while nonchalantly playing with his shoelaces; 3) when he had a sorrowful inner monologue about how he would be all alone if both Li Fei and Li Jianzhong died like all of his other comrades; and 4) when he suffered the loss of his friend during the climax, and had to try hard to stop himself from losing control to grief before the operation was over, because he was the frontline commander and was thus responsible for all of the agents.

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Lin Yaodong/林耀东 (portrayed by Wang Jinsong/王劲松):  

Wang Jinsong never disappointed in any role he’s been in, really.  He’s the actor who played Marquis Yan Que in Nirvana in Fire and the unforgettable eunuch Yang Jinshui in Ming Dynasty in 1566.  I don’t think Lin Yaodong was his best performance (the best had to be Yang Jinshui in Ming Dynasty in 1566, hands down) but it was still very good.  The way Wang Jinsong played Lin Yaodong (especially the even line delivery and the deliberate body movements) gave him a dignified air befitting a powerful elder.   It was also thanks to Wang Jinsong’s great performance that I realized what Lin Yaodong was:  he wasn’t just a drug lord, he was a hypocrite.  He kept stressing the importance of clan and family, yet he was the one of the people responsible for deaths of half the third branch family; he kept reiterating that he brought wealth to Tazhai village, but what he did was slowly eroding the villagers’ motivation to do any honest work; he kept emphasizing the need to protect the Lin clan, yet the drug trafficking he introduced to the village literally ruined the young people of the village.  To Lin Yaodong, the clan was nothing but a means to an end that benefits him, otherwise he would not be exclusively using members of the second branch family to do all the dirty work.

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Li Fei/李飞 (portrayed by Huang Jingyu/黄景瑜):  

Li Fei is apparently quite controversial despite being the undisputed main character of the show.  A lot of people think his character was “unnecessary”, “badly written”, and there were even gossip floating around about how the character was just a way to “get Huang Jingyu onboard”.  Seeing all of those comments made me pretty confused, because I thought Huang Jingyu did a pretty good job for someone who didn’t have a lot of experience in acting.  Before anyone says though, I am not a Huang Jingyu fan, just want to get that out of the way first.  This is literally the first drama I’ve seen him in.  I think his portrayal was easier for younger audiences (by that I mean early to mid 20s viewers like me) to relate to.  Li Fei’s outpour of grief upon seeing his partner getting murdered right in front of him, his clever interrogation of drug dealers, his goofy little tricks that outsmarted the criminals, his dejected disregard for his own life when he expressed desire to go to Tazhai village alone; his shock and anguished headbanging on the car window upon seeing his father getting murdered (also right in front of him); and finally his emotional numbness while saying goodbye to the father he never got a chance to know.......all of it was done convincingly.  I’ve laughed with him, I’ve cried (a little) with him, and for me that’s good enough.  There were other comments about how Li Fei was too hot-headed to the extent of being frustrating, but I think that’s just how the character was meant to be (Li Fei was supposed to be in his early 20s).  That said, I do think Huang Jingyu needs work on two things:  enunciation and facial expressions.  He did well when a scene required him to convey a particular emotion, but he wasn’t able to convey a mixture of different emotions (I will give an example later).  If he could make improvements in these two areas, I’m sure he would become a much better actor.

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Now for memorable supporting characters.  In my honest opinion, the supporting characters are the ones who really made this drama good.  These actors’ performances regularly steal the limelight away from the main cast.

Lin Shuibo/林水伯 (portrayed by Qian Bo/钱波):  

Lin Shuibo was a once-respected teacher who became addicted in a desperate attempt to save his addict son, and was thrown out of Tazhai village for being an addict after his son died from overdose (was revealed to be murder).  Later he devoted his life to take care of a homeless drug addict teen he met on the streets.  I have to say, Lin Shuibo was the first supporting character that really caught my attention and made me cry.  Qian Bo nailed this character.  The dejected slump of his shoulders, the hopelessness and anxiety in his darting eyes, weeping for his son with tears leaving tracks on his dirty face, explaining that he tried drugs so he could set an example of successful rehab for his son......this character may not be more than just a plot device, but he actually tore at my heart.  Teaching was a highly respected profession in China, so for a teacher to fall into addiction and homelessness, resort to picking garbage for a living, that’s literally falling out of paradise and straight into hell.  Despite this, Lin Shuibo never lost his kindness or capability to love, and that's what saved him in the end.

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Ma Yunbo/马云波 (portrayed by Zhang Xilin/张晞临):  

Originally I was going to put Lin Shengwu as the second of the memorable supporting characters, but then Ma Yunbo’s best scenes happened and made me change my mind.  Ma Yunbo was a pretty interesting and complex character, since he started the drama as a “good guy”, but as the story went on, it was revealed that he was the corrupted cop.  Then as the viewer learned more about the character, we started to see that he was not simply in it for the money like Chen Guangrong (another corrupted cop).  He was more or less coerced into it by Lin Yaodong because of his wife’s debilitating chronic pain, which was in turn the consequence of taking a shotgun blast meant for him.  Before the start of the story, the pain had grown too much for his wife to bear, so she turned to heroin for relief, and Lin Yaodong took the opportunity to become her supplier.  This was a major problem for Ma Yunbo, since he was seen as a hero who served justice to drug traffickers and was the pride of his shifu Li Weimin.  Here, both the drama and many viewers say that Ma Yunbo’s greatest weakness was pride, and that was why he became corrupted, but I disagree.   I don’t think Ma Yunbo’s most important trait was pride, I think it was love. I think he loved his wife deeply and that was the only reason why he started dealing with Lin Yaodong.  If he was as prideful as people say, I think he might refuse his wife's request instead.  In fact, his wife's suicide was what finally unshackled him from his constant internal conflict.  Thus, his internal conflict was really a three way conflict of pride vs. love vs. doing what’s right.  Zhang Xilin’s approach to such a complex character was subtle, conveying most of the internal conflict with facial expressions.  The way he could seem to make his face age instantly with an expression was brilliant.  

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Lin Shengwu/林胜武 (portrayed by Zhao Xuan/赵煊):  

First, this character was pretty much a plot device.  Lin Shengwu really only served 3 purposes in the story:  to delay the video evidence from getting to Li Fei until the time is right (to manage pacing); to cement the people from the main branch and second branch of the Lin clan as the big bads of the drama; and to serve as a reason for Lin Zonghui’s eventual decision to become an informant.  The first one is pretty straightforward, but the second and third purposes require acting skills to achieve, because the audience needs to be able to pity Lin Shengwu.  And boy did Zhao Xuan deliver.  Lin Shengwu’s death was the second time I got emotional while watching this drama (first time was that scene of Lin Shuibo I mentioned).  The scene where a wounded Lin Shengwu called asking Lin Zonghui to take care of his children and telling him “if there’s a next life, you will still be my Uncle Hui” with a quivering voice just straight up broke my heart.  Lin Shengwu was certainly not a good guy (he was the one who destroyed the evidence at the very beginning, and probably participated in drug dealing), but he really did love his family and tried to protect them, unlike Lin Yaodong.  Unfortunately, his family was already in the grips of the devil from the very start, so he was destined to lose everything.

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Lin Zonghui/林宗辉 (portrayed by Gong Lei/公磊)

Of the two most conflicted characters in the drama, one is Ma Yunbo, and the other is definitely Lin Zonghui.  As the family head of the third branch in the Lin clan, he was forced to watch as members of his family died at the hands of his relatives, but because he tried to stay out of trouble, he could neither say nor do anything about it.  Plus, like most other members of the third branch family, he was a person who actually cared about the clan.  As time went on and more people close to him died, his internal conflict changed from self preservation vs. avenging his family to protecting the Lin clan vs. doing what’s right.  I don’t feel that his death at the end was really necessary to the plot (it was probably done to further expose Lin Yaodong’s hypocrisy), but given everything his cousins Lin Yaodong and Lin Yaohua have done, he’s more than justified to confront them.  Acting-wise, like Zhang Xilin, Gong Lei also conveyed Lin Zonghui’s internal conflict mostly with facial expressions and body movements.  There was always a slump in his shoulders, and the way his eyes alternate between looking powerless and burning with fury was really great.  However, I didn’t quite like his approach to the climactic confrontation scenes, because I felt that he was a little overdramatic there, especially the line delivery, which briefly broke my immersion.

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Lin Can/林灿 (portrayed by Song Hanhuan/宋撼寰)

If I’m only talking about the acting, then I might rank Song Hanhuan’s performance as the second best in the supporting cast, right behind Zhang Xilin.  I do admit that I’m rather biased towards the good guys and complex characters, but no matter which way you cut it, Lin Can deserves a mention.  The first time I noticed him was very late in the story, right at the climax where Lin Can and Li Fei were both threatening to kill the other’s father.  Huang Jingyu was not able to convey Li Fei’s emotions well enough (again, his facial expression needs work), but in contrast, Song Hanhuan really conveyed a wide range of emotions just in a few seconds, from fear to desperation to even a little hint of regret.  In fact, he looked as if he was on the verge of total mental breakdown.  That scene prompted me to go back and revisit his other scenes after I finished the drama, and that was when I realized Lin Can actually cried a little bit when Lin Shengwu died.  At the time when I first saw the scene, I thought Lin Can was just shocked to see Lin Shengwu commit suicide, but now, thinking back on Lin Can’s lines about how he and Lin Shengwu grew up together as playmates, I think Lin Can actually felt sad there, however briefly that emotion lasted.  That single tear was a very simple (and easy to miss!) gesture that added a whole other dimension to what would otherwise be a rather flat henchman character.  

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Cai Yongqiang/蔡永强 (portrayed by Tang Xu/唐旭)

I do wish the writers could have given Cai Yongqiang more scenes, because the few scenes he appeared in were all great.  The scenes where Li Weimin questioned Cai Yongqiang were the among the best in the entire drama.  At the time in the story, Cai Yongqiang and Li Weimin didn’t trust each other (although it was later revealed that they were both good guys), and were both trying to see if the other person was corrupted.  This led to a few interesting exchanges between them filled with quotable lines, but the best part has to be Cai Yongqiang’s answer to Li Weimin’s last question about Cai Yongqiang’s evaluation of himself and the drug control division.   The way Tang Xu delivered these lines (his voice was quivering with emotion almost the whole time) was really touching:

“For drug control officers like us, there’s two dangers.  The first is mortal danger, because our opponents are people who would bid their lives for money.  It’s not just our own lives in danger, but also the lives of our partners, our families”......”The second is temptation.  Money making is easy for drug traffickers.  To save their own skins, they would try their damnedest to bribe us.  Tens of thousands (yuan), hundreds of thousands, even a few million at a time.  For them, a few million is the profit they earn in a few days, but for young officers who earn a measly 2-3k per month and has to pay mortgages and raise children with it, this contrast is too much.  Not being tempted is impossible.  But every officer in my division has overcame the temptation, and for that, I think they are all terrific.  All of them are admirable.”.....”When you’ve been on the force for a while, you start to develop a deeper understanding of human nature.  A lot of bizarre things happen every day.  Sometimes, not being able to see them is a real blessing.”

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Thoughts on Theme

The message of a story like this is obviously “drugs are bad, kids, it ain’t worth it”, but I would say the theme is conveyed pretty well here, because the story gives us all of these characters who are examples (some of which I’m sure are inspired by experiences of real people) of what may happen once you start to do/sell/make such addictive controlled/prohibited substances as crystal meth.

First is the effects of addiction on users.  This part is pretty obvious, and we have many examples throughout, though there were a few different reasons for each of them coming into contact with the drug in the first place.  Zaizai (Lin Shuibo’s son) was a representation of teenagers who became addicted because it’s seen as “cool” and “everyone was doing it”.  Wuzai became a drug dealer, because it gave him better profits than working entry-level jobs, and eventually he became an addict as well.  Then there’s women who became addicted due to severe emotional stress, like Yang Liu and Cai Xiaoling (it was hinted that her addiction may have been a major factor in her miscarriage).  Of these people, Lin Shuibo was a special case, as he apparently tried drugs out of a desire to help his son quit, but became addicted as well.  Out of these characters, most died either due to overdose, continued drug-abuse, or murder (from being in close contact with dangerous criminals).  The only two who got a good ending were Lin Shuibo and Wuzai, since both were able to quit and earn an honest living.  Of course, this could not happen if they weren’t supporting each other through the rehab process.

Second is another type of effect that the drugs had on those who made/sold them, and that is greed.  The reason Lin Yaodong had so much power over everyone else in the village was because he could give them the money they desired.  According to Lin Yaodong, the village used to be dirt poor, but ever since he led the villagers to manufacture crystal meth, everyone there quickly became wealthy, and all that easy money gave rise to greed.  Lin Yaodong then used a combination of his own status in the clan and the greed of the villagers to control them, thus satisfying his own lust for power:

“I know whether the people of Tazhai have had a change of heart just from sitting in this car.  At this hour, adults should be leaving work, and children should be leaving school, all of them going home, even the elderly lady selling produce.  The fact that our car can drive forward so smoothly on this narrow road means the people of Tazhai haven’t had any change of heart.”

This lust for power was also the reason he described his goal as to build the biggest, most beautiful ancestral shrine for the Lin clan.  He saw the ancestral shrine as the seat and symbol of his power, and this was apparent when the three family heads gathered there like a panel of judges at a court to announce Lin Shengwen’s punishment.  

Lin Yaodong’s image as the great provider for the village then began to corrupt the younger generations of the village as well, since they all looked up to Lin Yaodong and hoped to become his henchmen.  This began to destroy the real familial bonds between people in the clan and replaced it with simple trust and blind loyalty, which effectively turned the clan into a sort of mafia.  Even though almost everyone in the main branch and second branch still talked about what’s good for the clan and seemingly tried to contribute in their own ways, when one compared what these characters say versus what they do, then their true motivations began to show.  There’s Lin Yaohua and his two sons, Lin Can and Lin Tianhao, who would maim, torture, and kill members of their own clan just because trust was broken.  For them, there’s not much real familial bond to speak of, there’s only loyalty to “Uncle Dong” (Lin Yaodong) and "Uncle Hua” (Lin Yaohua).  They may still call each other “brothers”, “uncles”, but these words contain more indications of power than affection.  At the same time, the blind loyalty eroded away at the humanity of the younger members of the Lin clan, and this was perfectly demonstrated with Lin Can’s sudden decision to kill Zhao Jialiang at the climax, an act that disturbed even Lin Yaodong.

-------------------------------------------------

My Criticisms &  Other Thoughts

Finally, criticisms.

I agree with other people that the writing for the 3rd and 2nd to last episodes (ep 46 & 47) did not seem to have the same quality of writing as earlier episodes, but I am of the opinion that it wasn’t a huge problem.  What was a problem was the overacting from some actors at the climax.  Again, it wasn’t that bad, but it was enough to briefly break my suspension of disbelief.  Also, the last episode was among the best in the drama.

About the complaint that Zhao Jialiang’s death was unnecessary and forced into the script, I disagree.  I don’t think Zhao Jialiang ever went into Tazhai village expecting to come out alive in the first place.  Dude’s there to avenge his wife and that was it.  On the other hand, his death also highlights how far Lin Can had fallen.  Point is, his death might feel abrupt, but it does make sense if you think about it.  

About the “plot holes”.  I agree with one comment I’ve seen that many of the “plot holes” people pointed out were actually explained in later episodes.  They probably commented pretty early on in the drama, so that’s why certain things seemed like plot holes to them.

As for Chen Ke, again, I do agree that she may be the weakest character in the drama, but unlike some have said, I don’t think it was 100% on the actor, and I’m pretty sure it had something to do with the writing.  This drama clearly aimed to be realistic, so almost all of the characters expressed some sort of shock upon seeing another character get wounded/killed, and I think that’s the reason why Chen Ke panicked when Ma Wen got blasted with a shotgun.  Chen Ke was just a normal civilian who happened to be a nurse, she’s not a nurse in the army or something, of course she would be shocked if the event took place in front of her eyes.  Seeing the aftermath and witnessing the event first hand are completely different things.

Everything else about the drama, cinematography, music, etc....were all ok.  Nothing bad, but also nothing notable.  I did like the theme song though.

(Bonus little rant about all those cdrama scenes where a character is severely ill or wounded or killed..........can we stop having all of them spit out mouthfuls of blood????  When a character got stabbed in the guts or shot through the heart, they should NOT be spitting blood, unless they are also wounded in the lungs or stomach or mouth, then ok fine, but it’s still more of a situation of coughing up blood.  Seriously.  When Zhao Jialiang got shot through the heart and immediately started spitting blood, I actually burst out laughing.  This silly shit needs to change.)

And that is it!  All in all I liked The Thunder, and I may watch it again later.

[surveys4ever]

29.

Who’s your favorite comedian? Bo Burnham.

Aren’t you sick of all the *Are We Alike?* surveys? I don’t think I take those.

Do you think there’s anything you did better, when you were younger? I was a lot better at living in the moment.

Would you take the advice you give others? Definitely. I wouldn't tell anyone else to do something I wouldn’t do myself.

What did you have for lunch yesterday? I honestly don’t remember.

What’s one thing that you would change about yourself physically? Ooooh yes.

What song has made you cry? I honestly don’t cry when listening to music very often.

How would you define success? Completing a goal you set for yourself.

Who was the craziest teacher you’ve ever had? One of my math teachers used to always call on me as a joke because he knew I was shit at math and when I said I didn't know, he would respond, “of cooourse you don’t, because you’re stupid”. He would also legitimately S C R E A M at his classes when too many people got the answers wrong in a row and kicked a filing cabinet so hard once when he was angry that he broke a toe. Good ol’ christian education.

Do you think the Earth will face an apocalypse one day? I mean...everything comes to an end I guess. I don’t understand the obsession with the apocalypse though.

What’s the last thing you got paid to do? Work.

What’s the one thing you could eat everyday? Cream cheese rangoon and I would be a happy, happy girl.

What do you hate about yourself? I hate living in this stupid brain that gets anxious over literally e v e r y t h i n g.

What’s your favorite alcoholic drink? I don’t like alcohol.

Are you hyper today? Nah, pretty melancholy.

Do you have a Neopets account? I never deleted mine so I assume its still there.

What’s your life philosophy? Be the person you needed when you were young.

What was the last thing you talked to your friends about? Beebs just got out of the shower and told me he was getting a coffee and asked if I needed anything.

If you are interested in going out with someone, what do you do? Well I’m married so if I wanna go somewhere, I just ask. But beforehand, my approach was to just quietly love them from far away and never speak to them. Worked great.

Do you ever go to the beach? Sadly there isn’t one around here.

Would you rather have a cup of coffee, tea, or hot chocolate? Hot chocolate!

How’s your hair looking right now? It’s in a bun but it’s pretty okay.

What’s something your mother always says? Rude things, lol.

What’s something your dad always says? Bigoted things, lol.

What’s your favorite thing to wear? Comfy things.

Have you ever had a near-death experience? One time we were driving on the highway after a freak snow storm in the middle of May and we were listening to Michael Jackson, just jammin, and the next thing I knew, we were staring at the car behind us and then we flew ass first into the ditch. Apparently we’d hit a patch of ice and just lost control of our car. We easily could have died but thankfully nobody hit us.

What do you order at Starbucks? Strawberry açaí refresher + lemonade + light ice + no berries.

What kind of exercise do you enjoy? Swimming and sex.

What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had, and what was it from? I ran into a dumpster and sliced my head open.

Do you still have any of your childhood toys? If so, what? Probably at my mom’s house.

Did you have a Precious Moments colouring book? Oh I’m sure.

Don’t you miss being 13? Ehhhh. I don’t miss being a kid and having to live by other people’s rules.

How’d you react to receiving your very first pimple? I thought it was cool. I only had 5 pimples by the time I turned 18...now I get them all the time. Tell me how that's fair.

What’s your favorite day of the week? Friday.

What room of your house do you spend the most time in? Either the living room or the bedroom.

Do you have MSN, Yahoo, or Skype? I used to!

What is your biggest turn-on? It’s nothing I can put into words, it’s just a feeling you get when you’re with someone and you know they’re special.

If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? Just somewhere on vacation, idk where.

Do you ever have any problems just *moving on*? Depends on the topic.

Do you collect anything? Just lots of vintage items--the Sears Merry Mushroom collection, creepy baby angel wall art, fabric, vintage Coach bags (the nice leather ones, not the ones covered in ugly C’s), anything that feels 70′s, etc. I also collect makeup!

If you saw a shooting star, what would you wish on it? Happiness.

Do you like rollercoasters? Absolutely not.

What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for someone else? One Christmas I got Beebs a leather bracelet with the coordinates of our first kiss, our first home, and where we got married engraved on it. At least, that’s his answer.

How do you celebrate Halloween? I dress up and take pictures for instagram lol.

Who is your favorite villain? Bill Cipher is pretty creepy.

Do you have a favorite coloring book artist? I didn’t know that was a genre of artist.

How many pairs of shoes do you own? Over 25, under 50.

Have you ever wanted to model? I didn’t but uh, here we are.

When you want to unwind, how do you relax? Cuddle up with Beebs.

How do you react when someone you know’s having a freak out? Well I ask them what they need from me and then I do that.

Have you ever seen someone have a seizure? A cat once.

Do you have a phobia? Butterflies.

Who is your hero? Beebs.

If you were to commit a crime, what would it be? Stealing puppies.

Have you ever used drugs? I smoked weed once and had a psychotic break so uh, not doin’ that again.

How would you define what you want out of life? I just want to be happy.

What’s your favorite car? I want a Tesla, honestly.