#crew is like then you try trapezing and handling the sails

[smol-stardust]

Misc sailing team au dynamic brainworms

420 sailing partners with skipper who thinks they’re in charge because they have the tiller and always yells for port right of way and crew who’s done with their skipper bossing them and having to do everything.

Skipper yelling at crew for not rolling enough on the tack and crew swings the boom on purpose into skippers head on the next gybe

crew is on the trapeze wire and skipper does a mean tack, doesn’t give them warning to unhook and jokes about how sailors can die from not unhooking from the wire in time, capsizing and being wrangled to death under water by the trap

Screaming at the autobailers making the boat a pool… and why is it up to our knees?!? (Universal experience, a cut up milk container is your bestie now, I don’t make the rules)

Duct-taping the autobailers shut out of spite (as you should)

Skipper yelling about blisters from main sheet and crew yells back telling them to shut up and hike to flatten the boat before the capsize and just wear the damn gloves

Skipper who yells at crew about how they’re hips aren’t hanging off the boat so they’re hiking incorrectly (let’s be real, they just wants to stare at their crew) and whines about not wanting to capsize so flatten the damn boat.

Crew deadpans by telling them they can’t even trapeze and boat balance so handle your stupid steering stick properly.

Crew: WHY ARE YOU STEERING INTO IRONS ?! Did they not teach you sailing directly into the wind is a no?!

Crew whose role definition involved planing strategy for the regatta and stubborn skipper who won’t listen because I’m steering, I choose

Skipper saying they’re gonna tack, forgot directions, goes for a gybe instead, gets crew whacked in head by boom amidst confusion

THE duo that gets a black flag on the start line and has to forfeit the race

Skipper: WHAT IF WE DO A PORT TACK BARGE START ?!

Crew: … WHY? And cross tack the entire fleet?! (Of like 50 boats?)

Skipper: *excited eye glimmer*

Crew:…. *inhibitor side slipping and begins enabling*

Comes in last place, but hey, what’s a regatta without someone trying that?

Crew staring into the skippers soul on the start line like do not fuck up. And skipper begs them to just not sit in the crew box and face backwards because it’s scary. Crew retorts that this is proper crew posting so skipper should just shut the fuck up (skipper is kinda impressed their crew can backwards navigate left from right and not vomit, does not admit)

Dumps dirty bailer water on each other

Skying halliards and climbing the mast

Etc etc