#credit to dividers artist

[camilaxmartin]

her precious angel

request: Maybe a Velvette x reader fic where the reader is a fallen angel that helped Charlie out during the extermination but ended up losing one of their wings and now Velvette is just taking care of the reader?👀 this might be too much to ask but it's a fun idea and I suck at writing fics😭 but if you do end up doing it I will be very thankful :3

(from @kimmyisachiisaiakuma)

navigation // rules // masterlist

summary: *ask*

warnings: NOT PROPF READ probably ooc velvette, valentino not being a dick for the first time in his live, i’m not entirely sure if you can count it as angst but i guess a lot of crying-ish stuff??

notes: i’m still so fucking mad about this one like?? the amount of nerves i’ve wasted on this, tumblr💀 but anyway, it’s shorter than normally but i guess i like how it turned out anyway? i mean- it was hard with motivation yesterday/today but i managed to write it anyway so hurray! also i enjoyed writing lute as a bad guy a bit too much💀

requests: open!!

it was all happening so fast. the whole battle for the hotel was supposed to go differently as none of you were prepared for alastor’s shield to go down so quickly. everyone was trying their best at fighting angels but it turned out to be easier said than done. angel and husk were fighting angels on the ground alongside charlie and vaggie while you were flying in the air trying to stop as many of your past sisters as you could. angelic weapons swinging right and left making many of the exterminators fall down to the ground lifeless.

as the battle went on, you noticed adam fighting with alastor and almost fully killing him. you turned your head to him noticing him just disappearing and squinted your face not understanding were he went to. just as you turned your head again, you saw lute flying at you at a high speed with her sword in her hands. not being able to do anything else you just used one of you wings to shield yourself so her weapon wouldn’t hurt you that badly. you groaned in pain when the sharp tip pushed into your wing and opened it immediately trying to push it away. lute took it away and grabbed your shoulders flying straight onto the roof of the hotel.

both of you hit the ground, your body obviously being the one that actually hit the ground. glass was scattered around you two as lute got up and pointed her spear at you.

“pathetic” she said moving the spear to your neck as you were laying on the ground. you grunted, your wings flapping against the roof. she chuckled. “i can’t believe you were one of us. you’re even worse than sinners now” she continued making the spear slit your throat so blood started to run down it. “can’t even protect herself and trying to be a hero for this stupid hotel” she shook her head and took the spear away. “i’ll make you fucking regret it” she added through clenched teeth and before you could react she grabbed your shoulders again pushing you onto the window, making it break and making you fall down into the hotel. the whole scene looked rather poetic, but you weren’t in a state to notice that.

when your body hit the ground again, this time the ground being the hotel’s hall lute flew straight in through the window she just broke with your body. noticing her your grabbed your throat with one hand and get up by the bar’s counter so you were standing up again. lute landed right before you, haterance filling her eyes.

“i’m better than any of you” you said holding your throat still so you wouldn’t bleed out. lute laughed loudly and pushed her spear into the ground.

“don’t be ridiculous” she said walking over to you and pushing you onto the counter of the bar you used to stable yourself. “we are doing the god’s work, making hell’s population bearable and you think you are better?” she asked pushing your hand away and squishing your throat with both of her hands. you wondered for a second if she was trying to keep you alive or make you bleed more by doing so. “you were an honour to have in our ranks. and you became this?” she asked taking her hands away and making your throat bleed more than before. you knew now. “pathetic is too soft of a word” she scoffed and walked over to her spear again. you tried getting up but the amount of blood you lost made your body too weak while also causing white spots to appear on your vision.

“what a bitch!” yelled velvette watching the whole fight with vox and valentino. her hands gripped the phone she was watching it on almost breaking it in half.

“calm down velvette,-“ vox started saying but velvette send him a murder glare at which he rolled his eyes but kept his mouth shut.

“i’m going to fucking kill any angel i see in my way!” she yelled again throwing the phone into the couch and hiding her face inside her hands. both vox and valentino shared a glare of confusion and surprise.

“babydoll,” valentino started and sit down next to her on the couch purring one of his hands on her shoulder looking at vox still confused if what he’s doing is what he should be doing. “i’m pretty sure she’s going to be okay” he added and stroked her shoulder gently looking down at her hidden face. “you know her, you know how feisty she is” he said with a small chuckle at the end but when he heard velvette’s small sob his smile immediately dropped.

“i don’t want to loose her” she whispered hiding her face even more in her hands. valentino looked at vox again yet this time he was fully concentrated at the fight that was playing at their tv. valentino rolled his eyes and took velvette on his lap.

“doll” he said taking her hands away from her face noticing her smudged eyeliner. “she’s gonna be okay for sure” he said wiping her tears and flowing down make up. “she knows she has to hold on, she has someone to do it for, tesoro” he said with another small chuckle making velvette stop crying.

“i just…” she groaned and got up from his lap walking in a small circle thinking about her next words. “she should’ve been here with us. not there fighting” she said scoffing and wiping her own face. valentino got more comfortable on the couch while watching her and took a drag from his cigarette.

“she’s too stubborn for that. from all your stories about her, she wouldn’t bare watching her friends dying for her not to die with them” he said and shrugged velvette killing him with her eyes. “i’m not saying they’ll die, it was just a metaphor” he rolled his eyes taking another drag. velvette scoffed and grabbed her phone, walking to her room and shutting the door behind her.

lute grabbed her spear again and walked over to you grabbing you by the hair and pushing you off the counter, making you hit the ground once again. you groaned but couldn’t do anything about it as she just simply laughed at you. she let go of your hair and pushed the spear into one of your wings making you scream in pain as your hands tried gripping your throat to stop it from bleeding out. lute smirked maniacally and moved the spear around in your wing, making a lot of your feathers become yellow from your blood. you tried pushing her away with your other wing but she simply grabbed it in her other hand and held in place. lute moved her spear more cutting your wing almost fully from your body and enjoying the sound of your screams as she watched the whole thing. she licked her lips and made the last cut on your wing making it barely handing onto your back she smirked and chuckled at you. “now at lest you look similar to your personality. ruined” she huffed and grabbed her spear taking it away from your wing and flying up leaving you all alone in the ruined hotel’s hall. you wanted to get up, chase her make her regret it all but you weren’t able to. the only thing you could do was close your eyes and pray for someone to help you or for a quick second death to come.

the first thing you noticed when you opened your eyes was the amount of the color pink around you. you wanted to sit up but the immaculate pain going through your body made it unable to do so. you just laid there and looked around noticing you were laying in velvette’s bed, in her room. you thoughts were interrupted by the door swinging open.

“oh dear, you’re awake!” exclaimed velvette walking into the room and rushing to your side. “i’m so glad you’re okay” she said looking at you with worry in her eyes. you looked back at her confusion on your face as you tried to sit up again but the pain stopped you once again. you whined in pain and velvette’s eyes got even more soft.

“what happened?” you asked your voice a lot more husky than normally. velvette sighed softly taking one of your hands into her.

“i…” she started but stopped immediately trying to stop the tears coming into her eyes. “you fought the angels” she explained and sighed once again looking at your whole silhouette.

“did we loose?” you asked interrupting her looking scared at her. she chuckled softly at your reaction and sighed once again stroking your hand gently.

“quite the opposite, darling” she said and looked at you with a sad smile. “you won, but at what cost” she added and looked away from you trying so hard not to cry. velvette gripped your hand with hers and took a deep breath.

“at what cost? what you mean? did someone die? how did i even got here?” you asked all at once being more and more confused with every second passing. velvette chuckled dryly at your words and shook her head a bit.

“i… after the battle was done, i rushed to the hotel for you and… did everything in my power to escort you here with less damage i could” she explained and tears started to fill her eyes fully this time, she looked away from you gripping your hand with hers once again. “i’m so, so sorry” she said letting out a sob from her mouth.

you looked at her confused and scared again, not understanding why she was apologising as your eyes slowly went from her face to your interlocked hands and then your bandaged back. your eyes widened a bit and then the pain you felt finally placed itself in your back. you looked terrified at the bandages trying to move your ‘wings’ around brining yourself even more pain as only one of them flattered around a bit.

“i’m so fucking sorry, darling” said velvette seeing the information getting to you. “i- i literally tried everything but… i couldn’t do much more to keep both of your wings connected to your body” she explained and started sobbing more, moving herself closer to you, leaning her forehead against your shoulder. “i’m so so so fucking sorry” she sobbed even more, wetting your bandaged shoulder. you felt tears coming into your eyes as well as you closed them shut and felt your breathing becoming faster and shorter.

“i’ve-“ you started but a sob interrupted you as velvette moved away from your shoulder. “i’ve lost my wing?!” you asked in a whine looking at her terrified and full of hate, not for her of course, but for everything else. you sat up slowly, not giving a single thought to the pain you were feeling.

“doll, i’m-“ velvette started and moved her head so her forehead was connected with yours, her eyes closed. “i’m… i’m gonna kill that bitch if i ever see her” she said and gritted her teeth sighing deeply, tears still strimming down her face.

you let out another whine, moving your head away from hers as you looked at your bandaged back. you moved your resting wing flattering it, not even caring about the pain as the adrenaline of loosing something so important got to you. you tried flying up a bit, obviously not being able to as another whine left your mouth alongside with many sobs. “how could she?!” you yelled, tears falling down your cheeks as your voice could probably be heard on the streets in the pentragram city.

velvette sobbed with you, moving even closer so she was now laying down with you on the bed trying to cling up to you while causing you as little pain as she could. “i’m so, so, so, so, so, sorry- literally, so sorry-“ she started repeating herself crying even more, as she was now cuddled up to you.

you continued screaming in pain and haterance as your remaining wing moved in place, adjusting to the emotions you were feeling. you wanted to scream and shout and just break anything that would stand in your way, but the worst part was that you even couldn’t do that. the battle exhausted you and that lost wing definitely didn’t help the case. you tried to control your breathing, trying not to hyperventilate as you utter a soft whisper. “it’s not your fault, velvette”

velvette grabbed both of your hands with one of her again, as her other one grabbed your cheek softly and started stroking it, her crying didn’t stop as well. “i’ll make her regret it” she said in between sobs looking you deep into eyes, making sure you understood the meaning of her words. your breathing calmed down a bit after a moment as you just started into her eyes. you let out w deep sigh still feeling like you might just break down any second now. she kept on stroking your cheek not taking her eyes away from yours. you closed your eyes finally, cuddling up into her hand more looking for any comfort. she smiled sadly at your and closed her eyes as well enjoying the sudden comfort between the two of you.

“you won’t take that pleasure away from me” you said and opened your eyes looking at her face, the corners of your lips going just so slightly up. velvette opened her eyes as well looking a bit out of place at the sudden sound of you voice but as soon as she understood what you said she smiled as best as she could at you.

“that bitch won’t even know what got her” she said and chuckled dryly, her fingers still stroking your cheek. you let out a deep sigh at her words and looked sadly into her eyes again. velvette sighed as well, just starring into your eyes. “you’re the most important to me in the whole hell, or world” she said suddenly, her voice a bit louder than a whisper. your eyes widened at her sudden confession but that didn’t stop your cheeks from blushing just a bit. you slowly moved your remaining wing, wrapping it around the two of you in a some sort of hug as velvette kept on touching your face.

“and to me, the world doesn’t exist without you-” you said as velvette tilted her head slightly. “-cause you are my world” you finished your sentence and velvette looked away from your face, feeling her cheeks reddening up as she gently grabbed the wing wrapped around her and put it onto her face not wanting you to see her blushing. you chuckled despite feeling the tears still on your cheeks, as you moved the wing away from her face not letting her hide anymore. she still didn’t look at you as you could easily notice the reddish color on her face. you moved your hand to her face this time, brining her closer to you once again, resting your forehead against hers.

velvette moved her head up slightly, so that your lips would touch but not just fully connect yet. she smiled to you, feeling the salty taste at your lips from previous tears as she moved her head once again, this time connecting both of your lips in a sweet and probably the most gentle kiss, the two of you have ever shared.

[kyettax]

A Commission finished! This drawing is for the lovely @alicentdeservesbetter!! Thank you for the commission, I enjoyed drawing them!

[jils-things]

COMMISSION BY @beeholyshit WKWKWKWKWKKWKKDKKD BEST DECISION I EVER MADE 😭😭😭😭💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚 WKWKKSKKKKK WHEN I TELL UUU I WON'T SHUT UP ABT NORTO.NS TROUBADOUR SKIN THIS IS THE MANIFESTATION OF IT😭😭💚💚💚💚💚 HES SO GORGEOUS IN GREEN EHEHEHEHHDRDHDHFGHFHD WAAAAAGHGGGHFGH

[rocococannel]

[animatedglittergraphics-n-more]

mokke (toilet-bound Hanako) dividers

source▪️f2u w cr▪️artist credit 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7a 7b

requested by anon

[highwaystars]

sylvian ☆

19, he/him. indigenous. trans bisexual man. art major currently in college, with a love for digital illustration. traumagenic system host + tim stoker introject, endogenics aren’t welcomed.

dni

zionists proship and/or neutral/etc true crime communities of any sort

interests / byf ☆

i used to mainly post art surrounding all for the game, though i'm shifting focus to the magnus archives. other interests include scott pilgrim, resident evil, stardew valley, interview with the vampire, the locked tomb, gothic rock, the x-files, greek mythology, the bear, final fantasy, paramore, dunmeshi, etc etc.

[mister-fisch]

Come one come all to my weird corner of the internet!

I,the person who runs this blog,is Judas

I have 3 other main names I use,Calvin Radford,and Judah.

You may also call me Shiloh,mazablaska,and Kalwin

I currently dont use any pronouns so just reffer to me as one of my names.

I am a minor,15-17 years old.

Previous urls: monsieur-fisch,monsiuer-luigi-fisch,jonesy-squish

Dont interact if:

Homophobic,Transphobic,Aphobic,Rascist,Sexist,Zionist,Antisemetic,Islamiphobic,Ablelist,TERF,discriinatory of any kind,you find yourself glorifying or find yourself pushing aside Nazi characters actions,pedophile,proshipper/comshipper,incest liker,anti-furry,anti-gacha,etc,etc,etc

Some additonal info about user :3

-Im pangenderflux,leaning more in the masc and enby genders most of the time :3

-I am alterhuman,more specifically fictionkin(Radford from sm,and Old man mcgucket from gf),otherkin(badgers,russian sables,alot of other mustelids,vampires,and a creature i made called the jumbilkront.).I technicallly do count as a therian but i dont use the label.

-Im also objectum(i just figured this out :D) ,and posic.I do have 2 object boyfriends :3 a throw pillow :3 and a frog plush named Patton :3.Im also attracted to vintage and old computers.

-Im a heavy self-shipper,even though i dont post about it much at all.(ask about my F/Os if you want)

-Im in the tickle community(sfw only) so I will post stuff of that occasionally.Feel free to ask about it.

-Im always up for conversation(unless I'm asleep),I love talking to you guys,especailly my mutuals.So feel free to reach out by sending an ask in my inbox or something,Im all ears.Just keep it sfw :3

-Im currently obbessed with Spooky month.But I also currently really like Starkid's Hatchetfield series(I havent seen Nightmare time yet) Im also in a whole bunch of other fandoms,see -> this post to see what other fandoms im in,(i probably missed some,but feel free to ask me what fandoms im in aside from the ones mentioned there)

Blog info :3

I basically just post what I feel here,its not fandom specific,I post what I want when I want for fun :D Its just a silly lil space

Master post of my other blogs :]

Masterpost of tags I use :3

I take art requests! :D

Are they open?Yes they are.

I will take requests for any fandom Im in,but Spooky Month is very muched prefered,I wont have much motivation to draw for other fandoms

Guideline:No sexual stuff,blood and gore is fine to some exent nothing too hardcore.I will draw tickle stuff :3

Guildines are subject to change.

That's basically it for now! :D

I hope you guys have a good day. :3

Keep trying your best :] You're doing a great job. :3

the radford user box is by @the-spookiest-graphics

[beatsboy]

8.19.24 / day 57 of being a delusional artist

day 5 of moon time

today was chaotic, i was under slept, it was 90 degrees outside, and yet, i still carved out time for my art, albeit at the end of the day, and i almost managed to eat a meal before 11am (even though i’d been up since 8). the problem is not when i wake up, i don’t even mind if i get up late, it’s that i keep getting stuck in holes. in hyper fixations. and not the good kind. like the kind that makes your fear of contamination worse and worse every time you open instagram. like the kind that makes grocery stores a battle ground.

today in therapy, we talked about my obsessions, compulsions, and how they’ve been inhibiting my daily life lately. it feels like it’s always about control, unless it’s about my father. i did realize today in therapy, that, because my father controlled me for so much of my life—even when i rebelled, and sometimes especially when i rebelled—i relied on him to inform me of what was real, what wasn’t, what was good, bad, immoral, etc and now i have to figure these things out for myself.

instead of asking myself what i think, though, i ask the internet. i look for experts to validate any side, either side, any opinion, just tell me it’s right and true and real. like my dawn dish soap. i don’t really give a shit if it’s poisonous or not, i’d just like to know if i need to stop using it. it’s more than the dawn dish soap, though. and it’s about more than controlling my environment in a post-addiction life. it’s about the root of the problem: i don’t trust myself anymore. or, maybe i never did, i’m not sure.

i don’t really think i trusted myself back then, i think i more so just leaned into the chaos of it all and let go. sure, substances helped to embrace this chaos. my (same) therapist at the time told me that she thought perhaps i didn’t want to let go of my attachment to being a hot mess. she was right, of course. that was a difficult part of myself to let go of since it was inextricably tied to being accountable for my actions, and responsible for actual growth and change. it was easier to cry about my ex, fuck his friends, and blame it on how much i drank. same as it was easier to go into a k hole in my bedroom and have video sex with strangers on the internet, shoving a dildo up my ass until i feel something, barely able to remember it the next day when i go to work, than to simply be alone with myself at night, in a time when everything was closed, and i had no one else to talk to.

so, alas, now, that i am not an unhinged addicted closeted transsexual, i have let go of much of the chaos, and yet, i have found myself bound to an order that does not always serve me. there are rules in my head, spirals that lead to rabbit hole upon rabbit hole of research and internet deep diving, only to come out with no answers. i still don’t know if crocs are toxic, if dawn dish soap is poisoning me, or if receipts put forever chemicals in your bloodstream just by touching them, but there are some things i cannot afford to worry about, and those things are taking up so much space in my brain it is hard to see anything else. yes, we are talking about if i have ocd or not, i think it might just be the autism though if i’m being honest like, i haven’t always been so afraid of food and contamination things, it’s really developed more and more since covid. that’s when i developed an intense fear of getting sick (i remember taking a full shower and stripping my clothes in the garage the first time i was exposed) and working in healthcare where i had to be exposed was not fun during that time, so i just tried to learn as much as i could to feel as in control of the situation as i could, because i was so scared of getting it. when i got the call that i was getting my vaccine, i literally cried. and now, i know i’m immunocompromised, and the vaccine is not t h a t effective on me and i’ve had it like 3 fucking times and i’m even more scared now because of that so yeah

and i mean i want to believe that it’s the food poisoning me, that it’s my dish soap, or my polyester clothing because even removing every single ounce of plastic from my life is easier than going through the american healthcare system when you don’t know what’s wrong with you and i do know parts, i know about my eds, which has helped explain a lot, and i know that my digestion is s l o w but i don’t know w h y so that’s fun

through all this fear, nonetheless, and realizing that my fear and internet rabbit holing was a way to fill the void where i used to have a father, i still sat down and made art today. i opened ableton, i worked on choirboy, which is, in a way, a song in reference to my father, and myself, of course. i wonder what he would think if he heard it.

[luxifrv]

fall themed discord welcome banner

credits to me, repost/like if you use it!

reqs open

[hiro-h0taru]

LORE INTRODUCTION

—Main Story/Lore—

▪︎Elexaria

▪︎Aveunall

▪︎The Divines

▪︎Intersecting paths

▪︎"History repeats itself"

▪︎The personifications of Strength

▪︎Spider trapped in another kinds of web

▪︎Puppeteer

—Main Characters—

(Or important characters that most likely will appear in each of these stories)

▪︎Mary Lia Scandell Lee

▪︎Ryan Nyhr Reyes

▪︎Zaine Villanueva

▪︎Zheng Lin

▪︎Aeriai

▪︎Solaria

▪︎Wavreni

▪︎Hiro Hotaru

▪︎Hyoka Hiroshi

—Side Characters—

(Or characters who are every important in the story but have little screentime/mention)

▪︎Nat lidef Matilda

▪︎Adam Scandell lee

▪︎Lisa Scandell lee

▪︎Xing qi Scandell lee

▪︎Vivienne Laurent

▪︎Léon Laurent

▪︎Alexandre Villanueva

▪︎Ziara Claire Villanueva

▪︎Brianna Reyes Austen

▪︎Leonardo Lee

▪︎Madonna Scandell

▪︎Breda Donato

Maybe in another post, I'll explain the plot and lores in the characters :))

all work and designs are owned and copyrighted by @cafekitsune (© 2023-2024). all rights reserved.

[ratbakes]

"iF pEoPLE dIDn'T kNOw AbOUt mY AU BeFoRE tHEy dO NoW" you have less than 100 notes on that bullshit call out post and half of those are not supporting your side. What an ego lmfao fucking bozo

[mortal-cupid]

♡ Divider Creators ♡

Please Please Please Please Please Show These People Love!! They've Made Wonderful Dividers!!

@saradika

{https://saradika.tumblr.com/?source=share}

@benkeibear

{https://benkeibear.tumblr.com/?source=share}

@v6que

{https://www.tumblr.com/v6que?source=share}

@rosypotions

{https://rosypotions.tumblr.com/?source=share}

ʚᦗɞ FEEL FREE TO REQUEST TO ADD ʚᦗɞ

[kyettax]

"I think my blood has wild shape powers." - Alorix, holding a confused transformed Batstarion

So this is based on this HC I saw from @artsy-iru (but this was on Instagram), where Astarion learns how to transform because he had been drinking his leaking blood bag frequently. Thought this idea was amazing (and I don't like A.A.), so here's my silly drawing based off that, but the transformation was more so by pure accident while Astarion was in the mood.

Batstarion.

Borders are credited to Remi resources

[ghost-cwunch-artz]

Light blood warning for this one too :3

The first image is in black and white to prevent triggers <3

🤍 Dividers by @sigmoon 🤍

This sketch was inspired by the last song of Chicago (2002) where Velma and Roxie dance together! I particularly love the choreography in that scene, I just HAD to do it with Lessie and Moksie.

Moksie is one of my close friends DnD characters (that I too play with), and we were talking about if they would get along or nah, so I got this idea!

They're both witty and cunning, so it was only fair :3

[animatedglittergraphics-n-more]

tbhk dividers

source▪️f2u w cr▪️artist cr: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8

requested by anon

[beatsboy]

8.18.24 / week 8 of being a delusional artist

day 4 of moon time

how did i live like a delusional artist today? maybe in photographing my period stains on my bed maybe in journaling my dream about my ex the minute i woke up at 7am before going right back to bed because i can’t stand to be awake for another moment after having to freshly remember that they’re not here again (these dreams are like waking up to a fresh bandaid being torn off the wound over and over again) maybe in procrastinating, for they say that all artists do this, and while i know this is true, i am struggling to get unstuck and stay unstuck lately. it’s hard to fully break out of the cave, when you’re stuck, when you’re by yourself. sweet pea helps, licking my face (i swear) to remind me to go to the bathroom, to eat, to go outside. all he does is lick my face, so i have to interpret these as signals to get moving. last night, for instance, i was sitting on my computer for far too long, on the couch next to sweet pea. and promptly, as my bladder started to nag at me to go to the bathroom, he started to lick my face, inhibiting me from using my computer.

i’m starting to think he parents me more than i parent him, and i only pretend that it’s the other way around to feel better about my lack of self-sufficiency as a human adult. my fucking goals for tomorrow are to eat 3 meals, first one before 11. like, come on.

i just feel so slow while i’m bleeding, and i know that it will be over soon, but i think part of the reason i need to spiritualize it, to give it meaning, is because it’s just so fucking painful, physically, emotionally, and generally in relation to my gender.

i was supposed to leave the house today, and i did get all ready to do so, another sunday where i put my swim trunks on and waited. this time, it never came time to go, the party wrapped early, and i remained, having spent time getting ready, covered in sunscreen, with nowhere to go. and instead of quickly pivoting to art, which was very possible at that time, i got stuck. i got stuck waiting to go to bri’s to return their keys, for no reason at all, and then got stuck when i got home, and finally unstuck enough to make myself some food at 10pm, do the dishes, change the sheets (i did do some cleaning today, just very slowly, like imagine a slug doing chores, very slowly, and getting caught on corners), and sit here and journal.

i have therapy tomorrow, and tomorrow, i swear to god, i will continue working on music again. i had a good groove of working every day, basically until i finished boypop, which some have suggested i rename (which, yes, maybe, but what?) then, i got out of it, because it is so hard for me for some reason to maintain a consistent practice with my craft while working and socializing fucking still even though i don’t even work a full-time job like that. it’s truly not that i don’t have the time, it’s that i don’t have the energy? the focus? the routine?

healthy habits start small, though, right? i am believing in my future self, that i can make the new dates i’ve set for the release timeline. and i am giving myself these deadlines because i deserve to share my work with the world and i can’t wait any longer. i believe in the artist i want to be, in the artist i will be, because i am building toward it today. i am building my practice. i know i am good at what i do, i know i can do what i need to do to finish this project. i just need to focus and finish.

i’ve never completed an album before (unless you count the collection of phone demos i dropped on soundcloud for the lore) that’s like comparing publishing a fanfic on ao3 to getting your debut novel published, there’s a lot of extra steps that separate the two. it’s all i’ve ever wanted, so why am i waiting? why would i put off becoming the pop star i have dreamt of being since i was a fucking child? i am alone in my own apartment that i pay for with my own fucking money, why am i not spending every second making art in it? this is what i have always wanted for myself, space and time to make art, and i feel like i am wasting it spiraling and cleaning and pinteresting and tumblring and cleaning and looking up if the chemicals in my soap are poisoning me (pretty sure everything is poisoning me at this point)

i want to be fair to myself, i have not been completely idle. i redid the release timeline last night. i made a pitch deck for the next photoshoot the other day. i watched alien, for research (lol, but seriously!) i have been brainstorming the entire vibe/aesthetic/characterization of this persona, trying to mend together what we initially envisioned and what the music video shoot is giving (which are kind of different things but it’s ok)

the thing is, though, these things are part of the art, they are necessary to the art, to communicating the art to the people, to the audience. that does not make them art, though. the job part. the industry part. and sometimes i get so lost in these parts, that i forget that the whole point is to be able to sustain making art for the rest of my life. and none of this bullshit is worth it if i’m not making art. and if i’m not making art, it’s not going to feel like it either.

here is to tomorrow, to getting back to a daily practice, even if it’s in the form of small steps.