#crechicore

[crechi]

8. make your pupils wide to indicate it's Silly Time™

9. it's okay to have strange, inexplicable rituals and very specific boundaries

10. stretch every time you wake up [when you remember to]

11. no one has to understand what you're doing as long as you're entertaining yourself

12. scream. loudly.

13. climb up the side of buildings [become ungovernable]

14. it is socially acceptable to show your love for an individual by licking them. ｛don't be a coward. try it.｝

Things cats were right about all along:

Fuck staying hydrated by drinking enough water - eat! more! wet! food! (watermelon, cucumbers, SOUP!)

Feels great to be really high up in your house where you can see the whole place (loft bed loft bed loft bed loft bed!)

Express yourself as clearly as possible when people are touching you and you don't want them to.

Optional, but you can also express yourself clearly when your people are not touching you and you want them to.

Sometimes it's important to just go "hmm. actually, I don't care" and wander off.

You don't have to be the strongest or toughest to defend yourself, it's enough to just be difficult enough to not be worth the trouble.

Ghosts will eventually leave if you stare at them for long enough.

[crechi]

bunny. i wanna die with you. and i don't mean the kind where we grow gray and weak together, and kiss each other on our deathbeds, warm and content. i mean in the way where life's a bitch. to both of us, because of who and how we are. you are the sole thing i want to experience forever. i want to end my life cradling or being cradled by you. you're so soft.

my demon. you make me crave life. not in the way that makes me upset that i can't die with our bunny, though. you protect us, when life makes us wish were catatonic. you save us, when we can't handle existence. you're so vibrant. and passionate. and stupid. your rage is beautiful, my dear. 〘if you call me gay for that again i'll commit〙

i love you.

[crechi]

♤

♡

additional system notes

for reference: redacted, amalgam, and placebo - the three alters in our head kymaera - a previous alter who split into amalgam and redacted; existed at the same time as placebo in a two-alter system karrion [yes, as in an animal carcass] - our name for our physical body, as all of us view it as separate 【:text】 - amalgamの備考 〘:text〙 - redactedの備考 ❴ :text ❵ - placeboの備考 [:text] - general note. could've been written by any of us, not important to specify who word.word - a typing quirk of ours. not purposely meant to emphasize anything, and has no meaning

☣＿content warning for: a suicide joke, sexual content, violent and/or disturbing imagery, body horror, sadist/masochist dynamic[s], semi-graphic description of fracturing, in-depth discussion of osdd system dynamics + mentions of a mischaracterized sense of self, dissociation/derealization, psychotic hallucinations, manic episodes, in public mental breakdowns and panic attacks, anxiety disorder, emotional unresponsivity, emotional amnesia, maladaptive coping strategies, osdd system based duress, arguing within osdd system, autism masking, menstruation, and age regression

✧quot; 'spinning the wheel' [our carousel]

when we're under extreme emotional duress, our individual control begins to weaken. this causes all three of us to have full control at the same time, turning karrion into a kind of conglomerate of our personalities. [the inspiration for amalgam's name] 【kind of like eclipse :D】〘yes, mal-mal. like eclipse.〙

one of two things will happen;

1 .we'll be noticeably unresponsive, because with all of our different mentalities piled on top of and contradicting each other, we wouldn't know how to feel, let alone react. [the inspiration for redacted's name]

2 .karrion will rapidly flicker between our individual personality traits, never quite being stable in which one.of us they are. [basically, a quiet manic episode] hence, 'the carousel' of rapidly spinning over and over. ❴ round and round and round we go~ where will we stop? nobody knows! ❵

✧we can make projections to each other. basically just weaponized psychosis; used to be involuntary, and sometimes still is, but we can create them on purpose now. [the inspiration for placebo's name]

the projections feel incredibly real to us, and can:

―touch us [squeezing, tapping, caressing, rubbing, etc.]

―push and/or pull us

―make us feel pleasure enough to cum

―obstruct our ability to see

―obstruct our ability to move

basically anything that an actual, tangible object could do and feel like.

the form of the projection is determined by the person who created it, but common ones are:

.vessels of 'ourselves'

.placebo's projections

.detached appendages

.sun and moon from security breach【i don't want to hear it. you should've figured we were freaks by now】

visual projections are easy for us, because we're a visual learner, but auditory projections are considerably more difficult because we are, decidedly, shit at recalling and identifying audio sounds[we love vocaloid, but i swear that it's, like, the worst genre for us]

the one and only exception to this is the voices of people; any other audio we are completely blind to. likely something we learned because it was useful for autism masking;being able to analyze different intonations and inflections[also probably why we have such a strong emotional reaction to voice actors]

✧we are able to identify the point of kymaera's fracture into amalgam and redacted, because it happened recently. for a couple of weeks, we had:

—rapidly developing dyslexia that dissapeared after the split was complete.

—photosensitivity, in which flashing black and white images, intense eye-searing colors, and excessive glitch effects would trigger our split to worsen quickly, or just make.us consciously aware of it [either way, it felt like our mind was splitting, and.it was ♢not good.png♢]

―sensitivity to static, garbled noises, and high-pitched.noises[< specifically the sound a computer makes when it turns on/is charging][atp low-key convinced that i'm an android]. hearing these would cause the same worsening splitting that our photosensitivity did.

―increased audio.sensitivity; technically two people, but still sharing sensation since we weren't fully split, so on top of already being audio sensitive, it would ring in our head twice over! how fun~

―a complete lack of our prior pan/omni desires, being romance averse entirely and having no sexual attraction at all

[my guess, is we didn't want to remember or feel. so we stopped anything that might contribute to that]

*the fracture between placebo and kymaera happened too long ago for us to remember, and we actively erased everything that happened during that fracture via intentional.emotional amnesia.

✧if one of us tries to move karrion while another is fronting, the movements will be delayed, uncoordinated, off balance, and/or.lethargic. 〘there was a time placebo was making us food, so it had primary control, and amalgam was zoning out and.making karrion sing; he tried to dance a bit, and we almost fell several times〙

this disparity is flexible, as it is possible for us to have a near 50／50 split with control, or a different ratio, but it depends on how much energy we have, how much emotion we're feeling compared to apathy, and how.focused we are.

✧as mentioned in the last bullet point, the severity of our emotion determines how.much control we have. if we feel strong enough emotions, it's entirely impossible for someone else to take control, or for us to give.up control to someone else.either.

unrelated /j:

1 .amalgam and redacted are prone to panic attacks.

2 .placebo doesn't share emotions with us, unless extremely potent.

so, in conclusion, it would be nice, and probably was intended based on how our system is structured, if placebo could take over while we are panicking and allow us to decompress/ride it out.in our headspace, but it can't, because in the moment of panicking, our emotions are too strong.

instead, it resorts to projections:

―things[usually hands, sometimes tentacles] surrounding us and putting pressure on us, as a form of hug [sort of]

―our body being ripped apart by clawed hands.

―our head being pealed open [common one]

―[this one's more recent] collars/cuffs with chains adorning our neck, wrists, waist, thighs, and [maybe] ankles, but that last one makes it a challenge to walk/makes.us trip

―gagging our mouth with an unknown object [can't see it, can.only feel it.]

―skin peeling and melting off

―placey's tail constricting around us and [depending on how severe] tearing us apart

surprisingly effective; a lot of these involve us being torn apart because amalgam is extremely more vulnerable to panic attacks than redacted [and his are.worse on average], & he's an extreme masochist. pain calms him.down.

*you could imagine how confusing this was before we knew we were seperate people: having hallucinations of being eaten alive during a mental breakdown; the.horrifying visions calm me down, but i also feel a slight sadistic satisfaction at knowing i enjoy being torn apart. like wtf?? bro, what are you on?

✧placebo's tail: [since we realized forgot to explain]

a consistent projection, appears when placey's mad

―a long, thin, black.demon's tail

―typical club-shaped tip

―spikes protruding from everywhere down the length of it. they increase in length, sharpness, and frequency depending on how badly it wants to rip someone's throat out

＿＿＿＿＿

even before we knew we were a system, we'd do things in effect of our system. as.an undiscovered system, we thought we were just wildly unstable and volatile.

examples:

―placebo would intentionally make itself livid to keep control, because the alternative was karrion beaking down in the middle of the street.

―there.was always a period after a breakdown or panic attack where i was uncharacteristically calm, and i.just figured i'd overexerted my emotions and couldn't feel for a while; it was actually placebo taking control to give me a break

―the times kymaera'd feel more "in control" of ourself because we had faster reaction time, said things without second guessing ourself [because we didn't even hear the thought before karrion said.it], and.were more coordinated because we had less anxiety, were, ironically, the times.placebo was fronting and kymaera wasn't in control.

―kymaera called placey "Mr. Voice" and would have screaming matches with essentially what he thought was.himself

―one of our favorite songs was chonny jash's cover of 'the bidding' by tally hall, cuz it made us feel seen

―we'd talk to each other, only half the conversation aloud depending on who was in control; we'd use differientiators: 'you' v. 'me' v. 'us' as if we weren't actually monolouging. because we weren't. and it didn't feel that way to us. we still somehow convinced ourselves that we were one person, and it was just easy for us to create a faux dialouge because we have adhd.

it'd confuse.us when there.was a disparity in knowledge or understanding; the frequency of the phrase ｢[but] you're me.｣ made us question things several times.

we'd talk between us before and after kymaera split, though the feeling.of disconnect was even.more.pronounced when there were three of.us.

*in the same vein; before we found out we were an age regressor:

―｢i'm too big.｣

―｢i'm small right.now.｣

―｢he doesn't wanna be big!｣

―｢i'm too small [for this]..｣

―｢a nice place. where i can be warm and small.｣

―｢xe make me feel small. like xem.｣

〘he'd say things like this and not.bat a braincell. like bro−〙

【just thought i was being 'tistic.】

✧we can control a lot of things about karrion; placebo, in particular, is really good at this. [second inspiration for placebo's name, since this is basically just intentional placebo effect]

perception; we can:

―alter karrion's sense of smell and taste

we can make meat taste like candy or root bear soda like strawberries

for some reason, subconsciously? i think?? we changed the taste of chicken eggs. they still taste like eggs, but now come pre-seasoned with spinach and cilantro

―turn off our reception to pain

makes fist fights easy

painless periods babeyy

―dissociate incredibly easily

can turn it on and off like a lightswitch

works better if we use an ｢activation phrase｣; 'it's fine', 'whatever', 'bye-bye'【goofy ahh―】, 'anyway'

―turn off our motion sickness

is sometimes difficult because we'll forget we can, or it won't register to us that we're motion sick until it's more severe

we've been trying to comepletely turn off/alter our hearing and sight, too, [basically trying to make an extremely real daydream]【escapism yippee】 with mixed results so far. i think.the projections are as far as we can go with hearing and sight.

physically; we can;

―slow down our heartrate

a necessity chronic anxiety created

if we really wanted, we can hold it long enough to pass out [insomnia cure]

can't stop it completely, unfortunately

―extendedly hold our breath without triggering asphyxia heaving

mainly used to keep singing even after our lungs are empty 〘will stetson, spare us please〙

✧we have seperate cognitive function. meaning, we can multitask, and do entirely seperate activities at the same time.

currently, the most impressive example of this would be the instance where amalgam was writing down our story ideas while redacted was listening to instructions; amalgam did not pause to listen once, and redacted recieved the full instructions with no misconceptions

we've heard of a case where someone was able to have a full conversation while copying information from a board, and we've been trying to get to that level, though that would require at least two of us to both have 100% motor control over different parts of karrion, which we haven't mastered yet.【been kicking our ass ；−；still trying, tho】

[crechi]

additional notes silly shit

system differences list because we think this shit is.fun

for reference: redacted, amalgam, and placebo - the three alters in our head karrion [yes, as in an animal carcass] - our name for our physical body, as all of us view it as separate 【:text】 - amalgamの備考 〘:text〙 - redactedの備考 ❴ :text ❵ - placeboの備考 [:text] - general note. could've been written by any of us, not important to specify who word.word - a typing quirk of ours. not purposely meant to emphasize anything, and has no meaning

⚠＿content warning for: sexual themes and discussion, in-depth discussion of masochism, swearing, + mentions of cutting, genitalia, and intoxication, but not by typical drugs.

this is in no particular order, and might be updated as we find out stuff

sex_drive: ✦amalgam - hypersexual〘bunny boi〙 ✦redacted - sex repulsed ace, except for towards amalgam ✦placebo - feels nothing toward or against most of the time; demisexual, not interested.in people we don't.know.well

chirping: [we all chirp.as a vocal stim, it means different things] ✦amalgam - hi friend! / love u♡; because of affectionate nature, is also used as 'thank you', 'i don't mind', 'it's okay', etc. ✦redacted.- heyyy~ / [teasing tone] uh huh, sure ✦placebo - you're annoying me. leave.【cat hiss♡】

masochism: ✦amalgam - extreme.masochist, prefers if marks are left/lasting damage is.done ✦redacted - less of a masochist, has to be in the right mindset first to enjoy it ✦placebo - doesn't care for pain, will turn our pain receptors off at its leisure

pronouns: ✦amalgam - lun/he/pan/it/they, in order of preference ✦redacted - he/they ✦placebo - it and only it, they/them not accepted

animal:related_shit: ✦amalgam - bunny therian; if doing pet play, is a.puppy boy／crechi is his sona ✦redacted - non-sexual cat-type pet regressor; even when not regressed, called 'black cat' by us 'cuz of personality type／shade is their sona ✦placebo - into pet.play as an owner; scary dog vibe, does.bite／mentally is its sona

sugar_drunk: [sugar's a downer.instead of an upper for.us, probably a neurodivergence thing] ✦amalgam - highest tolerance ✦redacted - least tolerant【holy fuck he's a lightweight】 ✦placebo - a bit less than mal-mal, but is better at hiding it

drawing:style_differences: #image_to_be_added; - redacted's not an artist, and isn't as practiced as amalgam and placey ✦amalgam's style: very three-dimensional and soft/round, good at drawing chibi things & 3D space ✦placebo's style: not focused.on forms.in space, more adept at drawing flatly [symbols, stamps, simplified sticker designs, etc.]

animal_stims_we_have: ✦yawning when stressed [dog] ✦ears pinning back when agitated [lot of animals] ✦chirping [bird; maybe cat since they chirp to hunt] ✦nose twitching [rabbit] ✦kneading [cat/rabbit] ✦slow-blinking when calm.[cat] ✦purring [cat] ✦growling [technically human, but ours sounds more canine] ✦agressively shaking head to release tension/stress [cat]

types_of_pain_we_enjoy: ✦amalgam; ◯ 'melty' pain - cutting[knife], piercing [clothes pin], alcohol/peroxide, burning inside mouth, biting, squeezing too hard, the lingering ache after a breakdown【no explanation, just a freak】, ripping nails off with teeth, impact ╳ 'itchy' pain - fire, hot water, cuts too close together[trypophobia thing], random sharp pains, soreness from being bound, that one pain when you twist your foot wrong−, peeling skin, rope burn ✦redacted; ◯ 'soft' pain - soreness, random pains, cutting[knife], hair pulling, peeling skin, internal throbbing/numb pains ╳ 'rough' pain - skidding, alcohol/peroxide, burning inside mouth, biting, carpet burn, razor cut〘;−;〙, nail biting ✦placebo; ☆mental anguish !Ii the pain it inflicts on others

aesthetic/style: amalgam - punk + emo; cyberpunk redacted - techwear; scene/kidcore placebo - hardcore punk/demonic[? if that counts; like specifically satanic and/or monstrous excessories] ❴ 鬼や妖怪♡ ❵

handwriting: #image_to_be_added; barely different from each other, only slightly.in spacing; amalgam writes slowest, redacted messiest

makeup: ✦amalgam - likes eyeshadow, nothing on the rest of face【only if face paint; don't like foundation or blush】〘is icky; autisic sensory issue〙 ✦redacted - doll/drag queen makeup, likes obnoxious blush, bright bold colored eyeshadow, etc. but wouldn't wear it as often as amalgam ✦placebo - likes makeup on other people, would gladly do someone else's, but never on.its own face【i've been trying to convince.it. it'd look so pretty ；−；】

piercings: [obviously karrion has all of our piercings, just a list of who wants/wanted what] ✦nostril piercing - amalgam + redacted ✦tongue web - placebo ✦venom - placebo + amalgam, for.differing reasons【it's a freak /aff】 ✦edge of tongue piercings - redacted ✦transversal lobe - amalgam ✦many helixes - amalgam ✦industrial - redacted ✦dermises along our arm that align with our tattoo sleeve - placebo + amalgam + redacted ✦foreskin ladder - amalgam + placebo ✦magic cross [an apadravya and an ampallang] - amalgam + redacted ✦double dydoe - placebo ✦pubic - redacted + placebo

tattoos: [same as peircings; who wanted what] ✦sleeve - amalgam + placebo + redacted ✦v-line tattoo - redacted ✦cock design that connects to the v-line one - amalgam

[crechi]

puzzle pieces :]

[crechi]

𝀺''𐤙 ⦂ ▍▊⃢" along with ｢i love it so much!｣ ask them ｢why do you like it?｣

teaching them that their internal satisfaction and pride is better than praise from others; they'll never feel a need to please, to question if they're good enough for someone else. they'll learn that making themselves excited and proud is the only important thing.

if they ever ask why you keep asking them that question, explain it to them. they aren't stupid, just relay it simply. ｢it's important to/it's good to be happy about something because you like it. if you constantly look to others to make you like something, you'll chase their opinion to make.you happy instead of giving it to yourself. it's harder to be happy when someone else has to give it to you.｣

perhaps a personal peeve [accidental alliteration 【二回！】], but i specifically want to avoid "should." it's a word that has connotations of control and judgement for me; i'm not here to tell them how to live their lives, i'm here to guide them to happiness. developmentally, i know that word won't have those connotations if.i never make them feel judged or as if my opinion is sacred, but i just find it icky. i'd feel like a failure of.a parent.

ᨙ߮- -.ˇ≻ފ ̽ ᷍ゞ✧ this post isn't only about children. you can.say things like this to adults, too.

[crechi]

journal.assignments for a creative writing class.

２０２４年９月２７日"write a letter to someone you know who attempted suicide or committed suicide."

i chose myself. yes, i was emotionally raw after this. and yes, my instructor is a bitch for making me write this.

🎭

２０２４年１０月１１日"think of an event where you were betrayed. write a letter to a personification of that betrayal."

yea.. all of these are.kinda emotionally taxing; hence, the comedy & tradgedy masks.

🎭

２０２４年１０月１８日"is it acceptable for boys and men to exhibit qualities of vulnerablity and sensitivity? under what circumstances is it okay for boys and men to be vulnerable and sensitive?"

cannot escape the binary ANYWHERE.　in my own home!!

🎭

２０２４年１０月２５日"if nothing was stopping you from being, doing, and having whatever you desire, what would your life look like?"

むむむ this was easy. i turned it in without the part about headmates at the end.

🎭

２０２４年１１月１４日"consider a time you had to help someone through a difficult situation. what did you say or do? how did it make them feel? how did you feel? did you show empathy or sympathy? reflect on the differences between sympathy and empathy, and how excercising empathy can change your behavior in similar interactions."

back on the wheel again, boys. maybe they'll miss vital arteries this time. [spoiler― they didn't.]

🎭

２０２４年１１月２２日"reflect on the memory you chose during the exercise earlier in the week. quietly relive the experience, paying close attention to your internal and external responses. consider how you've changed since then. how have you evolved from the person in that memory to who you are now? what insight can be taken away from this disparity?"

this is starting to.feel like therapy, ya'll. [and i just escaped that hell last week―]

for context, the orginal.memory――

🃏

i don't have many full, intact memories, so i settled for a reoccuring constant in my life.

🎭

will update everytime.i get a new one.of these assignments

[crechi]

うちの猫はよく私がそれがより小さいかのように眠私を抱きてくるの。[私の頭をそれがのお腹に押し当てながら]ガーラポップ、あなたの身長は15センチよ。wwwwwwwww 何なんだ、これは？wwww

[crechi]

torture + person who heals fast.

𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚞𝚙, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒 𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍. 𝚒 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕, 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚒 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚖𝚢 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚎𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚘. 𝚒 𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚗𝚘 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚜... 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 ‹i›𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕‹/i› 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖; 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚒𝚊𝚜𝚖𝚊 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚎 𝚍𝚛𝚢.

[crechi]

まだ半分眠っている状態で猫の胸に横たわると、私は小さなアヒルの子のような気分になる。♡

[crechi]

i win.

[crechi]

[image id: on the left, a drawing of a nondescript character smiling and throwing up peace signs, labelled “first fan art of a character you liked”. on the right, the same character is chained to a wooden frame; the wooden frame is attached to a pirate ship steering wheel with lines indicating it is spinning. the drawing on the right is labelled “30th fan art of the character. something happened”. /end id]

the pipeline of fixating over some thingy

[crechi]

me>

-sleep deprivation veteran

-currently riddled with angst

this fuckery> *appears*: AaAAÆ—

not one, but TWO moon kisses drawn by tumblr user cacaocheri????

[crechi]

SCARIAN ANGST HELL YEA

an isal drabble based on @isjasz and @kunehokki's au and this ask ( content warning for blood and death <3 )

(Someone is screaming. You realize it’s your own voice.) 

His head hurts, it aches as if it were splitting in two, his throat feels raw, blood spills on his chin. But he can’t stop, he can’t. He’s so close, he’s almost there. He can’t give up now, can’t allow the name of his home to slip away from him once again and leave him a wanderer with no anchor. 

The King is right here, he can help. Together they can say the name of their home, they can–

(Your country!!! Your home!!! It’s gone, it’s gone, it’s gone!!!)

He can’t lose it, he needs to grasp it. 

(You’ve never screamed this much before. So much of you hurts. Does any of it even matter?)

It was his. It was his!

(But you can’t even say it’s name. You can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you–)

A sound breaks through the chaos of noise in his head, breaks through the agony gripping his body. It breaks through like some sort of light spilling in through dark storm clouds, just before the sun comes through. 

Something, someone touches him. They grab him by the shoulders, and their hands burn – and yet they do not. Pleasant and gentle, calming and warm, but the contact makes Grian want to tear himself away. He thrashes and wriggles in their grip, yelling some unintelligible thing. It hurts it hurts ithurtsithurtsiTHURTSITHURTSITHURTS!

There’s a pressure against his cheek, one that causes Grian to still entirely. His head is still aching, still leaving him heaving with dry breaths from pain. His throat hurts, jaw aching from strain. But ever so slowly does he come back to himself, and it’s all because of the weight on his cheek. He leaves his country behind, lets it truly slip past his fingers like grains of sand, as he locks gazes with gentle looking eyes. He abandons ownership of his home in order to find his place in the lightless depths before him. 

It’s Scar. 

Scar’s hand is pressing into Grian’s cheek, holding it still. 

(He’s… touching you? He’s willingly touching you?) 

The other is looking at him with gentle eyes, the edges of his lips strained in a struggling smile. His thumb brushes along Grian’s cheekbone, “There you are, G.” His voice is soft, like a soothing melody. 

(But…)

(Wait.)

There’s a trail of blood dripping down Scar’s chin. 

Eye going wide, Grian slowly drags his stare down. He finds the front of Scar’s shirt bloody and slightly torn. What he also finds… is his dagger embedded in the other’s chest, his hand on the handle. Panic shoots down his spine, and it feels like the air in his lungs is being squeezed out. He trembles, but he can’t pull his hand away, can’t remove the dagger that’s actively causing Scar to bleed. 

Scar, sweet Scar, tries to play it off, tries to smile at Grian like he isn’t dying from a stab to the heart. Like he isn’t dying at Grian’s hand. He laughs, a dribble of blood spilling over his lips, “Yeah, not m-my brightest moment, huh? Should’ve m-made sure you wouldn’t go swinging at me while f-freaking out.” 

Grian can’t look away from him, family and enemy fading away from him. He hurt Scar. 

“‘s alright though, G, I-I know you didn’t mean it.” Scar pulls his hand away from Grian’s cheek, and some disgusting part of Grian’s mind wants to cry for Scar to put it back, to touch him again. 

Yet all he can manage to respond with a stutter, “S-Scar…” 

“R-Really, it is!” Scar smiles, even as he wobbles forward. “I’d… rather it be the person I love… dealing the last blow…” He slumps over, head landing right on Grian’s shoulder, and Grian can feel the warm blood dropping on his hand. He uses his other arm to catch Scar, as if it’ll do much to help besides keep him from hitting the floor. 

“Scar..?” he slowly asks, breath speeding up as it hitches roughly. “S-Scar?” 

(You killed him.)

Did Scar… say he loved him? “Ah.” He shakes. He trembles. His breath is coming in too fast, too sharp, he can’t breathe. His hands tremor, he lets go of the dagger but it remains in Scar’s chest. Scar loved him. Scar loved him. Scar loved him and Grian killed him. 

(You hear the raw scream that sounds from your voice.)

[crechi]

:]> so do i!! sometimes. like, half the time i like it. other half is icky 'cus i'd rather be ����������������������������������������

I like being a boy

[crechi]

of the non-tesicular variety.

Torsion (pov 2/4)