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leverage-ot3 · 4 years

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notable moments from The Beantown Bailout Job

leverage 2.01

(see link for a video on this episode that captured literally all of my reactions and will undoubtedly capture yours too)

Manager: You found that stolen Monet in Florence, saved your company a $25 million payout. That identity-theft case, you saved $15 million.

nate sees .00005 seconds of normal life and yeets the hell out

- - - - -

(The lobby is teaming with people when Nate walks in. A sign shows that Sophie is starring in The Sound of Music. He sees Parker at the ticket counter)

Parker: Picking up for one.

Ticket Agent: Last name?

Parker: Parker.

Ticket Agent: First name?

Parker: No. Just one name.

Ticket Agent: Great. I hope you enjoy it.

(Parker turns to see Nate across the room and smiles)

Hardison: Parker?

(Parker looks to her right to see Hardison. The sound of Eliot’s laughter from across the lobby draws Hardison’s attention)

Eliot (to women): All right. After the show, then. I'll see you.

(Eliot turns and sees the others. The all meet in the center of the lobby)

Nate: Eliot.

Parker: Nate.

Hardison: Parker.

Eliot: Hardison.

Eliot: So, how have you...

Nate: Good. Good. Great. You?

Eliot: Fantastic. Six months of traveling. Did a couple of big jobs.

Hardison: eah. Me, too. Great off time. Well, I bought an oxygen tank. Cool, nice.

Parker: Yeah, super. I've been really super, too.

Nate: Yeah, she didn't tell me that you guys would..

this is that dinner scene from shrek 2 right???

also, parker’s lil smile when she sees nate, hardison’s big smile when he sees parker + hardison says parker and eliot says hardison = ot3 acknowledging each other

- - - - -

Hardison: I didn't know you could sing.

Sophie: You know. Not as well as I act, but, yeah.

Hardison: Oh

- - - - -

Sophie: Uhhgh…

Hardison: Yeah, you know, I'm sure the reviews will be...

(Sophie hands Hardison her phone)

Hardison: …on the news website already.

Parker (grabs the phone): Really? Wow. "Never before has a production of 'The Sound Of Music' made me root for the Nazis. (Hardison gestures something like ‘WHY’ to Parker and she gestures something like ‘JDJSJSJ SORRY’ back)

POOR SOPHIE LMFAO

- - - - -

Sophie: No. No, no, no. Stop it. There is nothing you can say that's gonna make me feel better.

Parker: I know what could make you feel better. We should steal something.

Nate: No, no.

Sophie: Yes! We could do it together.

Eliot: I like this. Get right back up on the bike.

Parker: Bike of crime.

Nate: Didn't you earlier tell me how great your new lives were?

Parker: Yeah, well, I stole the Hope Diamond.

Nate: What?

Parker: (Everyone looks surprised. Eliot looks like he is going to say something.) And then I put it back. Yeah, 'cause I was bored. Didn't care.

Hardison: I spent three days hacking the white house e-mail. No buzz.

Nate: See?

Hardison: But we are doing some pretty hinky stuff in Pakistan. Hinky.

Sophie: Look, I'm miserable. They're miserable. (to Eliot) Okay, what have you been doing the last six months?

Eliot: I was in Pakistan. (Parker grins)

Hardison: You see what you did? You took the world's best criminals, hitter, hacker, grifter, thief, you took us, and you broke us.

Nate: No, no. I-I, what I did, I taught you how to help people. That's all.

Parker: Exactly.

Sophie: Yeah.

Eliot: This is the problem, with being the good guy. It gets under your skin.

Sophie: Look, Nate. You have to have some poor, little lost soul somewhere who needs a little extra-legal aid.

Nate: Look, we all agreed that we'd just move on.

Sophie: Yeah, but we're... We're thieves.

Nate: Not me. Look, it was great. It was fun. It was wonderful while it lasted, but I was drunk most of the time, to be honest with you. And I… A little crazy.

Eliot: Yeah, but you were good.

Parker: You were the best.

Hardison: We were the best.

Parker: Yeah.

Nate: Listen, really, I owe all of you. And I'm very proud of what we did. I-I really am. But I got my life back, and I intend to keep it that way. And I am not a thief. (stands up) It was great to see all of you. Good night. (leaves)

BIKE OF CRIME + also bruh let them have their found family, nate

- - - - -

(Nate enters the dim room and looks around. Behind him, the Thug opens the door and comes at him with a knife. Nate sees the reflection in a pot lid and turns to block the blow. Sophie comes in behind the Thug)

Sophie: Oi! Does your mother sew? (headbutts Thug) Stitch that.

(Thug runs out of the condo. Nate runs out after him, but Thug gets away. As he reenters the condo, Sophie hits him in the head with a cookie sheet and Nate falls to the floor)

Sophie: Ah! Bugger

she tried, your honor + her tough talk and then AH BUGGER

- - - - -

(the next morning, Nate wakes up on the couch to the sound of Parker eating. Parker is wearing a Nun’s habit, smiles and moves away. Sophie comes downstairs wearing Nate’s shirt)

Nate: That's my shirt.

Sophie: Yeah. I stayed the night to make sure you were okay. You what? But don't worry. I didn't look under your bed. I know that's where guys keep weird, kinky stuff.

Nate: There's nothing under my bed.

Parker (opens cupboard): This is all coffee.

Nate: Get out of there! (sees Hardison and Eliot at the table) What are you guys doing? (gets up) Come on, get out of here. Get all this stuff out of here. You're planning something. I know it. Come on. Get out of my house.

...

Hardison: Look, nobody else is gonna help that guy and his little girl. Okay, that's what we do. We help people. By the way, I compared Sophie's description of your attacker to the accident footage from the security camera.

(Hardison pushes a few buttons on the laptop and zooms in on the Thug’s face to begin a facial recognition search through various cameras in the area)

Hardison: Do you realize, on average, people are caught on security cameras 13 times a day? ATM cameras, traffic cameras. It's crazy, man, but we can track him. We can. Well, I lost him in this.

Eliot: Yeah, well, I found this empty briefcase belonging to a Matt Kerrigan at that intersection.

...

Eliot: Yeah, well, the problem is, these two cats went down to the safety deposit boxes.

Parker: Which is the only room in every bank, with absolutely no cameras.

Hardison: Which means we up, baby. (puts on a priest’s collar) They tried to kill Kerrigan for what was in the briefcase. We're gonna steal it back.

Eliot (laughs): She was dressed that way 'cause she's doing a con.

Nate: What, you thought she was dressed like a nun for no reason?

Eliot: It's Parker.

...

(Nate walks away)

Sophie (to Eliot): So, you going?

Eliot: I'm not going anywhere. The man has 700 sports channels.

Sophie: You want to see what he's got under his bed?

Eliot: N-no, I do not.

Sophie: Icky

- - - - -

(Parker opens her Bible to reveal a lock duplication kit with a depression in the plastic of the master key)

[Flashback]

(Parker takes the key from the Bank Manager’s pocket as Hardison talks, pressing the key into the form before replacing it into the Bank Manager’s pocket)

Hardison: And the children... The children thank you. They will send you a card just as soon as we buy them tiny pencils. And teach them how to spell. It's a two-step process, you see.

[Bank Vault]

Parker: Superglue and a heat-activated polymer to set it. Seven seconds, instant plastic key. (hands Hardison the Bible) Shake it.

Hardison: What?

Parker: Shake the bible.

Hardison: This is even more wrong.

(Hardison: takes the Bible and begins shaking it while Parker picks box 5076)

they’re so competent ugh

- - - - -

Hardison: I did look for you. For six months.

HE LOOKED FOR HER FOR SIX MONTHS

- - - - -

Parker: I think people are like locks. Really complicated and frustrating. But you can't force them. You have to take time and be fiddly.

Hardison: Fiddly?

Parker: You learn to be patient, and just wait until you hear the...

(the lock opens and the door swings wide)

- - - - -

(Hardison is sitting on the couch going through some paperwork and working on a laptop. Several boards have been set up with information about the case)

Nate: Now, this is not "gone." This is "more."

Hardison: Yeah, I, uh, I scanned the documents in Leary's box, but I wanted to print out a few pages.

Nate: I asked—I asked Eliot to get rid of this stuff. Now there's more stuff.

Hardison: Did you? Oh, we-we crossed, but didn't see each other. He didn't tell me.

Nate: Oh, that's how you're gonna play this?

Hardison: Oh, man. Look... (stands up and sniffs)

Nate: What?

Hardison: Is that... What is that aroma? That's that apple shampoo that's open.

Nate: You've been up in my shower, rummaging around?

Hardison: Man's in a strange bathroom, he's got a lot of time to kill... Nate, Nate, Nat-

I CANNOT

- - - - -

Nate: Grew up in the same neighborhood. The O'Hares are mobbed up. These are all mob businesses you're talking about here.

Hardison: Mob?

Nate: Where's Eliot?

Hardison: Oops.

Nate: What?

[Warehouse]

(Eliot is going through boxes when his phone rings. He answers)

Eliot: Yeah, Hardison. This is the third place I checked. It's all the same. What do you mean mob?

Thug: Hey!

(three men approach, one of them the Thug, who has his nose bandaged and is carrying a baseball bat)

Eliot: Oh, that mob. (hangs up)

hardison’s “whoops” followed by I HAVE TO WARN MY BOYFRIEND + in this episode we have eliot using a baseball bat as a weapon which is yet another piece in the continuation of eliot using things as weapons that are not supposed to be used as weapons

+ he apologizes to the guy that just had a nose job for beating him up and punching him in the nose he’s baby

- - - - -

(Nate opens the refrigerator to find it full of Hardison’s orange soda)

Nate: Seriously?

(Nate turns to see the island covered in food and dishes)

Nate: You know, guys, there is a dishwasher here.

Eliot: You're out of ice.

he literally can’t get rid of them + also I WONDER whose orange soda that is

- - - - -

parker robot dancing in the 80s jacket and looking DIRECTLY at eliot lmfao

- - - - -

Nate: What? Sophie, how do you catch mob guys?

Sophie: Ah, two glasses of Chianti and a story about my grandma in Sicily

- - - - -

Nate: Well, yeah. I mean, if you have a body in the trunk of your car, you're gonna drive under the speed limit, aren't you?

Parker: You know, when you're sober, your metaphors get creepier

- - - - -

eliot and parker sitting next to each other? cute

- - - - -

Hardison: Mr. Leary, I'm Detective Costello, with the Massachusetts State Police. This is Detective Costigan. I believe you met with our chief, Lieutenant Bonanno

more aliases to keep track of

- - - - -

Parker: We're investigating your colleague Matt Kerrigan's (air quotes) "car accident."

Leary: So you don't think it was an accident?

Hardison: Of course not. She did the finger thing. You got that. Everybody gets that.

Parker: Did I do it right?

Hardison: No. No. This guy just... (pulls picture from his pocket)

~ a few moments later ~

Parker: I did it right, didn't I?

Hardison: It was perfect.

Parker: I knew I did it right.

Hardison: It was beautiful execution. Absolutely.

Parker: Just like you taught me. I did it. (she smiles brightly)

Hardison: Yeah. Yeah, you did it. I like it. Yeah. (gives her a thumbs up)

SHES LEARNING IM SO PROUD OF HER

- - - - -

Eliot: Hey, this detonator - If I'm around the corner, is it still gonna be in range?

Hardison: Should be. I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. Sometimes the things just go off.

Eliot: Whoa, whoa, wait. Hey. I thought you said this thing was safe.

Hardison: Mostly. Mostly safe. I was very specific. Sometimes the frequencies get messed up.

Eliot: What frequencies, man? Huh? I got these things in my pants.

Hardison: Like, you know, a garage-door opener, a car alarm.

(a car alarm chirps then goes off, making Eliot jump. He moves away angrily)

Parker: What are the odds that Eliot's crotch will actually explode?

Eliot: Damn it, Hardison! (stalks off)

chaotic ot3

- - - - -

Sophie (shows passport): Annie Kroy.

O’Hare (grabs passport): Name's familiar.

Sophie: My family does business in North London with Terry Adams, and a couple of other organizations. We handle the money.

Nate (getting up): Yeah, see, what they do is they clean the money.

some people think that annie kroy is sophie’s true identity. I think, if anything, it would be her duchess alias but can you IMAGINE mob child sophie??? also, hi. im jackie and I wholeheartedly believe annie kroy has killed a man.

- - - - -

(Eliot is parked outside of the bank when Leary comes out, looking at files. Eliot hits a remote and the sound of gunfire fills the street as the squibs go off. People scream and Leary dives for cover. Eliot laughs and closes his window.)

chaotic eliot

- - - - -

Leary: And for that, the government hunts them down like dogs. People like me, we took billions from the banks. Billions. And what did the government do when they finally caught us? They wrote us a giant check and begged us to make it all better.

that’s disturbing

- - - - -

(Parker uses a taser on O’Hare and Hardison pulls up a recorder)

I think that was the first time parker tasered someone and we love to see it

- - - - -

Nate: So, how did you do it?

Eliot (gets up): Detonator, (holds up remote, reaches into his shirt and pulls out ketchup wrapper) ketchup.

Nate: Ah, the classics.

Sophie: Oh (hops happily), I love a good death scene

- - - - -

parker in a nun costume smelling money and saying “ahhhh” is certainly a mood

- - - - -

Leary: I was tricked. I was tricked. It wasn't me, you understand?

Bonanno: Somebody tricked you into bringing a briefcase full of evidence of your own crimes straight to the police? Come on, Mr. Leary. Nobody's that smart. Get him out of here

THEY ARE T H A T SMART

- - - - -

Zoe: Thank you. There are wolves in the world. But sometimes they're the good guys, I guess.

I didn’t like that whole metaphor because it felt kinda cliche but whatever, they ARE the good guys

+ bruh why is hardison wearing glasses??? him and eliot will sometimes wear them and honestly I don’t know who actually needs them and for what at this point ???

- - - - -

(Nate enters the condo to find that Hardison has installed five of six large monitors on the wall and is working on the last one)

Nate: Whoa, whoa. What are you doing there?

Hardison: I'm running this cat 5 cable to the--

Nate: Oh, no, no, no, no. You don't understand. No, I don't want to have these monitors in my apartment. No.

(Parker opens the door and walks in carrying a large painting)

Parker: Coming through!

Nate: No, these must go. What? No! Parker, no! Not that paint--I don't ever want to see that painting.

Parker: (shaking the painting as she talks in a funny voice) “Hi, I'm old Nate, and I live here, too."

Nate: You can't just break in here and start hanging--

Hardison: Oh, yeah, yeah. For repairs or renovation, your landlord has full access to your dwelling. It's in the lease.

Nate: What are you doing reading my lease?

Hardison: I bought the building.

Nate: You bought the... You're my landlord?

Hardison: Yeah. (holds his hand out for a fistbump) Yeah.

(Nate looks away, then hears the sound of a chain saw. He turns to see the end of a chain saw come through the wall)

Nate: No, no! No! No!

(Part of the wall falls to reveal Eliot holding the chainsaw and grinning. Nate coughs and both Parker and Hardison put their arms around him)

CHAOTIC OT3 + THEIR TIRED DAD

#leverage #leverage 2.01 #leverage 2x01 #the beantown bailout job #leverage season 2 #season 2 #notable moments #mine

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soft-baby-dobrik · 4 years

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pretty girl // david dobrik

a/n: this was not requested but this gave me some VIBES that needed to be addressed SHITITITITIT.... this may be too specific but let me live okay quarantine got me feeling some TYPE OF WAY FOR MY BABY DADDY DAVID

summary: the vlog squad buys an a huge inflatable hot tub and david notices how good you look in your bikini

masterlist

requests are open

follow my tiktok!! (i wanna start interacting with yall and we can make a groupchat or something idk im lonely in quarantine lmfao)

Most of the time being apart of David’s crazy ass friend group meant complete and utter chaos. Everything was absolutely crazy at all times. David’s camera flash was blocking out light while everyone was loud and being complete fools. For once, you were excited for a vlog idea. You had proposed as a joke to buy an enormous hot tub because I mean, who wouldn’t want to relax in a hot tub? With that idea, an inflatable hot tub was bought within minutes. What could you say, the perks of being friends with them means they’ll go for any outrageous ideas. This was just one of the few ones that benefited you. While you didn’t want to be recorded in your swimsuit, you were at least happy to be sitting in a hot tub. You also bribed some wine out of the boys which Natalie and Corinna were happy about. After a couple weeks, the night finally came for the hot tub party. You were excited, but couldn’t help but to feel a little nervous sitting in your bikini. David agreed to pick you up since you were going to drink and he didn’t want you to worry about a ride home, so he offered to pick you up and drop you off. As much as you wished he would of offered for you to stay the night, you were at least thankful that he was a kind enough friend to let you drink and be your D.D.

It was finally time and David had just pulled up. You rushed out of your house and into his car in excitement. You had your bikini in your bag ready to go.

“Hey, y/n,” David grinned as you flopped into his front seat. Luckily, the night hid the slight flush of your cheeks as you sat.

“Hi,” you smiled back, buckling up quickly.

“Well someone is in a rush,” David laughed loudly, beginning to drive.

“Listen, there’s wine and a freaking hot tub, this is any girls dream,” you responded back. “Honestly, I would tell you to speed since you can afford a ticket, but I am a law abiding citizen,” you added, with a joking attitude.

“Anything for you, princess,” David joked, shaking his head. Without trying, he made your heart skip a beat. This was an ongoing joke between the both of you. David joked that you were like a princess since you wanted your way, and usually got it.

“Listen here! Just because I don’t put up with no bullshit and follow some rules does not make me a princess!” you exclaimed with a smile.

“That is exactly what a princess would say,” David smirked, turning of the music slightly.

“Don’t think I don’t notice you turning up the music to tune me out,” you scoffed, trying not to laugh.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Would you like me to turn that down? Is it too loud for you, princess?” David teased, biting back a smile.

You gasped and crossed your arms over your chest dramatically. “Just for that, I’m not sharing my wine with you. And no you keep blasting the music, because I AM NOT A PRINCESS,” you said the last part loudly.

“I couldn’t drink the wine anyway cause I have to drive you home because you are a princess,” David responded, matter of factly.

“Okay, you offered the ride!” you exclaimed. He just kept driving, laughing and shaking his head at you. By this time, you had reached his house. Both of you peeled yourselves out of his car and headed into his house. Much to your happiness, you saw Zane and Matt, whom you haven’t seen in awhile. You rushed up to Matt and gave him a bear hug.

“Ugh, Matt, I missed you!” you smiled, as he hugged back.

“I missed you too,” he responded, kindly. Zane stood there with is lips pursed.

“Well fuck me then, shit. Guess you didn’t miss me,” Zane said, rolling his eyes. Quickly, you left Matt’s arms to wrap your arms around Zane’s neck dramatically.

“I missed you so much, Zane. I haven’t see Matt in weeks and I saw you last week, but I missed you so much!” you squealed, jokingly. Matt laughed from next to you and Zane finally hugged you back.

“That’s better,” he exclaimed. After a small hug, you both pulled away.

“So, now that I have my two favorites, let’s start drinking,” you smiled.

“This is why I actually miss you for the week I didn’t see you,” Zane smiled. already heading to the kitchen to find the alcohol. Matt followed quickly behind. You giggled and shook your head at them. As you walked in further, you saw David lingering in the kitchen.

“I didn’t get that reaction when I came to pick you up,” David said, sassily. A slight laugh left you.

“I saw you like three days ago, David,” you responded, heading over to the wine bottles on the counter.

“And I’m the one who is driving you home tonight so I deserved a hello like that,” David exclaimed, jokingly.

“David, if you want a hug from y/n, just ask nicely. No need to be jealous,” Zane joked, making your breathe hitch in your throat. You felt the familiar feeling of your face becoming flushed.

“I was just joking, Zane,” David laughed, slightly awkwardly. As you looked at him, you noticed a slight blush on David’s cheeks.

"Oh, so you don't want one of my hugs? That's fine, they're too good for you anyway," you shrugged, jokingly, trying to cover up the awkwardness. Quickly, you came over to the wine bottle and poured some into your wine tumbler. "Also, this is my wine bottle!" you said, hugging it tightly to your chest. "I will not be sharing," you added, looking directly at Zane. He pretended to be offended and you shrugged. Zane had already started drinking and so did Matt. In the other room you saw Corinna and Natalie. With your wine bottle in one hand and wine tumbler in the other, you headed over to them.

"Hey, boos," you smiled, sitting down next to them happily. The couch had been pushed in the way corner to make room for the hot tub. Todd and Jeff were loudly in the other corner and Heath and Mariah had just walked in. They both said hi with a big smile.

"We were just talking about you!" Corinna exclaimed.

"Me?" you laughed, beginning to sip your wine.

"Yeah, we think something is up with David and you," Natalie said, bluntly. You choked on your wine the second you heard those words come out of her mouth.

"W-what?" you stuttered out, gulping down another sip of wine.

"I can't explain it, there's just something there," Corinna said, pursing her lips at you. Your face once again began to flush and you could see the smirks taking over both of their faces.

"There's nothing going on," you said, continuing to sip your wine to try and calm your nerves.

"You look guilty," Natalie said, knowingly.

"Seriously," you said, keeping a straight face.

"Nothing? At all?" Corinna asked, not believing you.

"Well nothing is going on between him and I. Just friends," you mumbled out. Without realizing, your face gave away all the information they needed.

"Do you like him?" Natalie asked, grinning.

"No!" you exclaimed. Your eyes scanned the room, nervously. Luckily no one was paying attention.

"Listen, if you do, you know you can tell us," Corinna said, smiling.

Groaning, you chugged the rest of your wine tumbler. Both of them stared at you with furrowed brows and amused faces. "Look, of course there's like a little crush. I mean doesn't everyone have a little crush on David?" you spoke, quietly. Immediately after you spoke, you started to throw the wine bottle back, letting the wine try to calm your nerves.

"I fucking knew it," Corinna said, with a huge smile.

"I hate you both," you breathed out, biting your lip.

"First of all, not everyone has a little crush on David. Don't try to make it not seem important," Natalie said.

"It's not," you whined out, scrunching your face in frustration. "Let's not talk about it. It's one sided and the more I talk about it, the more awkward it is and then I will be awkward all night and I don't want that. I want wine and a hot tub," you rambled out.

"What if it's not one sided?" Natalie said, tilting her head and raising her eyebrows at you.

"Exactly," Corinna added.

"Except it is. I don't want to consider it and get my hopes up and make everything weird," you sighed. Before they could argue any longer, you heard the boys start to become louder.

"Hot tub time," Zane sang out, excitedly. You were the only one not changed besides David. After that conversation, you needed more wine, so you threw your head back and began to chug the bottle. In the background, you could hear Zane and Matt cheering you on. Once you got up, you felt slightly dizzy for a couple seconds. You grinned at Zane and Matt and took your bag back towards the bathroom. David was coming out of his bedroom, still fully dressed.

"Why aren't you in a swimsuit?" you asked, confused, definitely starting to feel the effects of all the wine you chugged.

"I'm filming," David laughed, holding up his camera. He had changed into a yellow shirt and now had a hat on his head. The only thing you could focus on was how good he looked right then.

"Well, that's lame," you bluntly spoke, leaning against the wall on the opposite side of the hall.

"Does the princess not approve?" he joked, laughing.

"I'm not a princess," you whined, over this joke. "You just have this cool hot tub in your house and you're not even going to go in! That's lame."

"Well, I have to get some footage," he said. "Everyone's going to be drunk soon and we bought a fucking ginormous inflatable hot tub. It needs to be documented." You shook your head before continuing down the hall a couple feet to the bathroom. David stood in the same spot staring at you. "Are you drunk already?" David asked, with a huge smile on his face, when you looked, you saw his camera facing towards you.

"Don't worry bout it, sweetheart, don't worry bout it!" you exclaimed back, giggling at yourself for quoting that vine. He laughed loudly in response before you flicked him off and closed the bathroom door. Once the door was closed, you began to change into your swimsuit. The second it was on, you looked up to the mirror to see yourself. Nervously, you looked over yourself. It wasn't a common occurrence to be in a bikini in front of everyone. Actually, you never had been before. Something about it made you nervous. Finally, you exhaled and folded your clothes up and picked up your bag. There was noise coming from the living room as you padded towards it. No one noticed you at first, but once you started to set your clothes and bags on the couch, Zane and Corinna began exclaiming at you. David stood while everyone else had gotten in the tub. Every part of you tensed when everyone was looking at you. Zane and Corinna were hyping you up with the best intentions, but you felt yourself start to panic. With the wine bottle in your hand, you tried to laugh away the feeling.

As you looked at everyone, shaking your head, your eyes met David. He was looking right at you. His teeth were biting his bottom lip so hard, you thought he was going to make it bleed soon. His eyes scanned you up and down and you could feel your whole body become hot all over. One of the boys loud noises broke your eye contact. Both of you looked over to see Zane drowning in the hot tub, making you burst out laughing. David's camera was trained on him immediately. Music bumped through the house as you began to sip your wine again. Finally, you climbed into the pool next to Corinna. Todd was sat next to Natalie, making her roll her eyes constantly.

"So we can't talk about David eye fucking you?" Corinna asked as your body began to relax in the hot water.

"What are you talking about?" you asked. If you admitted to what Corinna was saying, you would end up doing something very ballsy since you were starting to really feel the wine.

"You both literally had the longest eye contact I've ever seen go on, and he definitely wasn't just looking at your eyes," Corinna said, smirking. It was no use arguing with her, so you shook your head and focused on everyone else.

Hours passed and to say you were tipsy would be an understatement. Everyone had pretty much filed out and Natalie headed out somewhere, so it was just you in the hot tub. David had just closed the door behind Zane as his uber got here. He walked back towards the living room where you were sat comfortably in the hot tub.

"David!" you exclaimed, giggling. He laughed and shook his head at you.

"I'll be right back," David replied, grabbing his camera and heading down the hallway. You quietly sat and continued to sip your wine. David came out a couple minutes later shirtless and in swim trunks. Without meaning to, your eyebrows raised at him.

"Whatcha doing?" you asked, watching him walk towards you. He held two towels in his hand.

"Getting in the hot tub," he replied, stepping in. "Not being lame anymore," he added, making you laugh loudly.

"I may never leave this tub," you replied, throwing your head back. David sat next to you and tried to take the wine out of your hand. "Hey!" you exclaimed, looking at him.

"y/n, you don't need anymore wine," he laughed, as he held it in his hand. Your bottom lip jutted out as you pouted. He looked at you as he took. a big sip.

"You can't drink! You have to drive me home, David!" you screamed, trying to grab the wine out of his hand.

"Do you want to go home?" David asked. The question caught you off guard and your face changed to confusion.

"What?" you asked, not understanding.

"Or do you want to crash here?" he asked. His eyes were staring at you and the glass of wine had disappeared. His body slowly started to come closer to you.

"I can crash on the couch if that's easier for you," you said, staring at him. With the heat from the hot tub and the way David was staring at you, your heart was beating out of your chest.

"Or you can stay in my bed," David started, moving even closer to you. By now, his hand was grazing your shoulder and his legs were almost touching yours. "I'll take the couch," he finished, looking you up and down. That made sense. The fact you almost thought he was going to invite you to sleep with him like out of the blue? Stupid. You nodded, feeling your eyes become tired. With the warmth of the water, you let your eyes close for a minute and relax into the tub further. Once your eyes were closed, you felt something brush some hair out of your face. When you opened your eyes, you saw David with his hand on your cheek. "You are so beautiful," David mumbled, looking at you with his lip tugged between his teeth. "Such a pretty girl," he continued, looking your up and down. Your mouth parted slightly as you began to breathe uneasily. He can't just say that in a friendly way right? Or are you drunk and reading in to it too much?

"David," you breathed out, blinking to see if you were losing it. "I'm drunk," you blurted out.

"Like too drunk to remember tonight?" he asked, taking his hand away from your cheek.

"Well, no, but I'm," you couldn't find the words to finish a coherent thought.

"That's good, princess," David said. This time, he didn't say it in a joking manner. There was no laugh after. This time you didn't even fight him on it either because truthfully, it sounded so nice. "Do you know how beautiful you are?" David asked, turning his body to face yours so his face was lined up with yours. Your skin felt like it was burning all over with his words. "Like, you are so pretty, when you came out earlier, just wow." The way he was looking at you made your whole body melt.

"David," you exhaled, gulping nervously. "You can't talk like this," you whispered.

"Why not?" David asked, moving closer to you.

"I'm drunk and I will act on impulse," you mumbled out, continuing to look at him.

"That doesn't sound bad to me," he responded, letting his fingers trail on your shoulder and up your neck to your cheek.

"David," you groaned, feeling the tension building between you two. Once you let his name out, David was leaned into you, his lips hovering right over yours.

"I'm not drunk, but I'm going to act on my own impulse," David whispered, making your whole body tense. Without any hesitation, his lips crashed against yours roughly. Although the initial part of the kiss was rough, he began to slow it down. His lips moved against yours gently as his hand snaked its way down to hold your waist. Both of you moved in harmony and before your mind could process, he was pulling your body to straddle his lap without breaking the kiss. Both his hands found their way to your waist as you continued to kiss. There was no fight for dominance since David was in charge the whole time. You just followed his lead. Your fingers made their way up to entangle in his hair, gripping the ends every time your fingers ran through them. He finally pulled away to leave a trail of kisses down your neck and to your collarbone, making your whole body melt into him.

After some time, you pulled away, with ragged breathing. "David," you whispered.

"Like I said, such a pretty girl," he whispered, biting his bottom lip.

"What the hell was that?" you asked, in a complete daze.

"I-well," David paused for a second, leading a stray hair of yours behind your ear, and letting his thumb rub your cheek gently. "Honestly, you just came out looking so gorgeous in your swimsuit, I couldn't control myself anymore."

"Anymore?" you asked, looking at him, confused.

"You think all this just started tonight?" David asked, laughing. "This has been built up for months. Every time I see you, you're so beautiful and I cant focus on anything else besides you," David finished, pressing a small kiss to your nose.

"Well, shit I guess Corinna was right," you whispered out, making David look at you confused. "Well, uh, earlier, she asked if anything was going on between us and I said no and she thought so, and I admitted of course I liked you, I mean everyone likes. Every girl likes you," you rambled out, making David laugh loudly. "Okay, so I didn't say it as romantic as you," you grumbled out.

"I think it was adorable," David smiled. "So why don't we get out and get you in bed? You've been in here for way too long," he laughed out. Dramatically, you stood up, wobbling slightly from the alcohol. David stood up as well and grabbed the towels. Both of you climbed out and began to dry yourselves off.

"Do you still have to sleep on a couch?" you asked, jutting out your lower lip to pout. This made David laugh loudly. He came over to you and wrapped his arms around you.

"No," he said, pressing a kiss to your forehead and your body leaned on his. With your head against his chest, your eyes began to close. "Alright, let's get you to bed," he laughed out, seeing you get comfy. Sighing, you stood up and walked to his room behind him. He handed you some dry clothes of his and left the room for you to change, going to change himself. Right when you opened the door, he was waiting outside. His eyes looked you up and down and huge smile overtook his face.

"What?" you asked, puckering your lips.

"You look so adorable right now," he responded, shaking his head. You shuffled over and went into his warm embrace. "Alright, princess, let's get you in bed," he spoke up after a couple moments. You couldn't hide the smile that overtook you as you both headed into his bed. Without hesitation, he pulled your into his arms and you happily cuddled into his warm arms. The alcohol had left you more tired than you thought you'd be. Before you knew it, you started to doze off to the sound of David's breathing.

a/n: so this was REALLY LONG!!! but this gif of David had me feeling SOME TYPE OF WAYYYYY and i hope you guys enjoyed :)

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szopenhauer · 4 years

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How was your day?: it wasn’t good.

Would you ever try to count to 5,000 for $5,000?: I’d try

When is the last time you took a picture of yourself?: last days

When did you last take a shower?: I’m going to take a bath soon

What song are you listening to?: The Weeknd - Blinding Lights

Last sentence you said aloud?: not sure what was last

What is the point of scented pens/pencils/erasers? ppl like to smell stuff I guess Do you buy/wear band-aids with cartoon characters on them? they’re usually not sticking well enough What do you think your reaction would be upon entering the White House? meh, they could spend those money better by helping ppl, nobody needs such a big house - president or not, we’re not in medieval times and guards would have less to do

Do you buy and wear crazy looking socks? I would like to Would you run down the street wearing a tutu, fishnets, & flippers? topless? for how much tho Have you ever grown your own sea monkeys or dinosaurs? nope

Did you ever own an Etch-a-Sketch? yes, I loved it so much, I miss it Do/did you ever have glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling? on my wall and furniture, I still have some left Does your house have an attic? it does Have you ever gone white-water rafting? no and don’t want to Does your grandma wear an apron when she cooks? she did How often do you need “me” time? all the time? :x Does it bother you that almost everything is done on computers now? sometimes, a little bit Have you ever gotten stuck in a revolving door? I haven’t What animal do you most resemble while eating? dunno but it reminds me of that yt video - how animals eat their food lmfao Would you play Jumanji, if given the chance? someone already plays it this year

Do you text/call while going to the bathroom? I might but prefer not to Do you always make sure your cell phone is charged before going somewhere? and powerbank too Did you get Happy Meals just for the toys as a kid? only once, I got Eeyore that I still own Have you ever seen your parents cry? of course

Do you often shift blame towards others? usually it’s other way around? Do you ever feel like you’re smarter than your boss? I don’t have a job Your very first best friend: Is he/she STILL your best friend? not counting my family - no Have you ever witnessed a crime? minor What’s the coolest personalized license plate you’ve ever seen? I saw a bunch :D Do you write grey or gray? grey, it doesn’t have 50 shades

If you make surveys, how do you decide about its title? I don’t add titles as you can see, that’s stupid

When are you going back to school? never?

What do you do when you tell a really bad joke? my jokes are so bad that they’re good if you know what I mean ;)

Do you like having a huge group of friends or would you rather have few close friends? few close

Do you watch the TV Show Skins? If so, who’s your favorite character? fragments

Can you get a strike at bowling? I never tried bowling but would like to

Do you swallow chewing gum? wtf

Were you into the Beanie Baby craze? nah Would you ever wish to ride a dolphin? nope, I’m not fond of dolphins Do you ever watch the news just for the weather forecast? my parents did and that was dumb, I don’t like/believe in weather forecats If your remote was missing, where is the most likely place you’d find it? in dad’s stuff Ever considered the thought that kangaroos technically have fanny packs? hehe

When was the last time you blew bubbles? not that long time ago from what I remember Did the last doctor’s office you were in have a crappy magazine selection? it did indeed Have you been to a restaurant where they cook the food in front of you? bakery only The last ball you threw was a… (baseball, basketball, etc.) childish ball for my niece Have you seen how much candidates for president are willing to spend for their campaign? it’s insane Have you ever caught a friend snooping in your room? I have and that’s why I am afraid of leaving ppl alone in my room Quick! Name the longest word starting with the letter ‘J’ you can think of: jurisdiction was the first that came to my mind Do you still write letters to people, even though there’s e-mail now? no longer but not because of e-mail’s existence

Have you ever taken a survey with a friend, listing both answers?: I tagged my friends in the past

Do you know a guy who has hair longer than yours?: not currently

What color was the last cup you drank out of?: it’s a llama mug (minty color)

If you’re in school, what do you do to fill in time between classes?: there was never enough time for me

Where was the last place you got lost?: mall or park

When was the last time you had cheesecake?: this year

When you last shed tears, was it because of a person?: partially

Other than yours, whose house did you last fall asleep at?: John and P

Have you ever had a significant other whose parents didn’t like you?: looks like it

What’s so unique about your computer?: what’s on it - pictures/memes/documents

What’s one thing you have never done? I didn’t do lots of stuff and don’t want to many of them actually

What is one trend you wish you have been a part of? I’m not into trends in general

Do you enjoy reading fanfictions? About who? Or do you write fanfictions, too? nah

What is something you own that you wish was in your favorite color? it’s not that important

Is there someone from your past that you wish you had dated? used to think that way, no longer

Can you snap with both your hands? If not, which hand can you snap with? both but not every single time

Do you like cosplays? I tried cosplays but it’s not for me and I’m a bit traumatised by it due to experiences from the past, they remind me of someone and not only so I prefer not to follow/look at those related to anime mostly

If you were to participate in one, what/who would you dress up as? I’d dress up as characters I relate to

Do you sometimes answer surveys with “Idk”/“Idr” because you’re too lazy? I just realized that I don’t, wow, I used to do that all the damn time

Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? am not

Have you ever acted like a bitch and used PMS as an excuse? I don’t use PMS nor period as an excuse as it’s actually a stereotype and shouldn’t be an argument besides painful/uncomfy/annoying physical sensations and being unable to do some stuff due to that fact

Do you know someone who brushes their teeth in the shower all the time? *shrug*

Have you ever tried doing that? Did you like it? Why or why not? tried and it’s not that good

Are you patient when it comes to instructing others? I’m not, sorry...

Do you listen to Panic At The Disco? nah

Name a band/artist you like that isn’t that popular.: I like many bands/artists that seem not very popular

Can you lift your significant other (your best friend if you’re single)?: can’t :(

Have you ever lost a pet you were attached to?: we had to give away

You can read minds; Whose mind do you snoop around in first?: hmm...

Do you ever talk to inanimate objects?: stuffed animals, kettle and fridge

Have you ever tried to fold a piece of paper more than 7 times?: possibly

Your best friend needs a kidney to survive; Do you give them one of your’s?: oh my...

Your brother breaks into your house; Do you press charges?: ... ghost?

Would you rather have a huge cat or a tiny dog?: tiny dog <3

Do you use your hands when you talk to emphasize what you are saying?: do I?

Are you afraid to ask for help when you know that you need it?: depends

Should adopted kids be allowed to find their birth parents if they want to?: I guess

You’re writing a novel; Is it horror, mystery, romance, etc.?: sci-fi/fantasy

Will you usually admit it when you’ve made a mistake? would say so

Does your name begin with a B, L, R, or T?: Z

Could you go a day without texting?: but she couldn’t and we don’t want to

Do you have a step-parent?: I don’t

If so, do you get along with them?: -

Do you have any nieces or nephews?: one

Does your current/last job require that you wear a uniform?: one of jobs that I had

Who is your 23rd phone contact and how do you know them?: I don’t have this many

If the last person you kissed proposed to you what would you say?: try me

Where is your dad right now?: sleeping

Are there any writing utensils close to you? several

Look up, what do you see? ceiling

Do you have a bigger upper or lower lip? lower

Do you have any screen names with spelling errors? luckily not

Open the nearest drawer and tell me what’s inside it: I know it’s empty, don’t have to open it

How many other rooms can you currently see into? my door is closed

Do you need to take the trash out? already done

Do you need to clean out a litter box right now? we don’t have a cat anymore

Are these questions reminding you of things you put off to do this survey? nah

How many days have you been wearing those clothes? 1

Do you like listening to 60’s music? some songs

Can you move your nose? many ways

Can you wiggle your ears? my dad can

How many songs have you downloaded this week? I don’t download songs

Would you rather be a pirate or robot? robot, can’t robot be a pirate tho?

Would you rather be a ghost or a zombie? ghost

Have you ever considered living in a bomb shelter? I’d be scared to live underground

If I gave you a piano and told you hit middle c, could you? nooo

do you think it’s weird for someone to have never tried soda? not really

which floor of your house/building are you on now? there’s basement under me and attic above me

would you ride a motorcycle if given the chance? (or have you?) I would, haven’t yet

what are your thoughts on reincarnation? (have you ever read up about it?) it’s possible

does your home have a balcony/deck/porch? balcony

how would you feel about traveling abroad alone? anxious

do you have an interesting passport? I don’t have a passport

what happens to your old clothes? I donate them, give them to ppl I know, reuse them, sell them etc.

who supports you financially? my parents

if you wanted to go to the movie cinema, how would you get there? walking then by bus then walk again

have you ever had a crush on a sibling’s friend or a friend’s sibling? minor

do you know much about feng shui? (do you use it?) not much, I don’t use it

what’s your favorite spot to read? librocubicularist

did you know that buddha is not considered a god to buddhists? ok

do you save tickets from movies, etc.? saved some

without looking him up, who was jim morrison? vocalist

do you have a nervous habit? several

would you be/are you a good role model to a younger sibling? nah

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initiumseries · 5 years

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Jessica Jones Review

This was a request, but I will keep it relatively short because I live posted most of my issues, and it didn’t get better lol. So basically, my issues with JJ are twofold: Jessica Jones, as a character, is not interesting. Neither is Tricia, or Jeryn, they’re just...white lol. Most, if not all their problems are self created, and everyone else has to manage the fall out. Second, as usual, antiblack trash. JJ proves to me, yet again, having white women in the writing room does not help antiblackness and misogynoir, like, at all. In a lot of cases, it just kind of, amplifies it. Jessica had a hard life, so she drinks, I guess. She runs a detective agency, and for no reason at all, she keeps encountering people who want to love her, but she’s too damaged by being strong and living with her best friend, Tricia, and her mother- to just, be with them. Lolll. Okay. Who fucking cares? No one, that’s who. Not even the show, because we spend an inordinate amount of time with every BUT Jessica this season. Ok let’s start with Jerry.

She had me cutting the fuck UP this season, because I can’t imagine being diagnosed with ALS, knowing I’m like, actually dying, then bulldozing into an old flame’s life and blowing up hers AND mine, just to...I don’t even know what the POINT was. Neither did the writers. Ol’ girl tells Jerry that her and her husband are in an open marriage. Jerry takes her on dates to the orchestra and shit. They be fucking. SO WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?? She does A LOT, just to get her away from her husband, when she could have literally taken the information Malcolm found, and just...gave it to her. LOL. Also, guy gets exposed for embezzling, and then just...live video’s him killing himself? OH MY GOD, melodramatic and contrived!!! What is anyone’s motivations here? When we’re introduced to Jerry in s1, she just seems like a fuck girl who likes smashing hot women and lives life hard and fast (theoretically), manipulating the women in her life, but also her clients etc. Cool. She’s kind of a bitch. I’m on board with that. But then this season, she suddenly becomes obsessed with this Brown woman we’ve NEVER seen before (unless I’m wrong, cuz I hopped tf out of s1 at some point but she def wasn’t in s2), smashes into her life, destroys it, then legit stands around like..wait so you’re just gonna...leave me here? LOL SIS WTF. It’s just...I resent how this show uses Black and Brown people as sites for white female dysfunction, and their lives and everything about them, becomes a fridge for these white female protagonists’ story arcs. I can’t say this enough because it’s annoying and it ONLY happens to the nonwhite characters. For ex. so the brown guy down the hall from Jessica is gone, now, since I guess he’s not needed to make illegal documents (oh and wasn’t he also undocumented? LOL OK JJ), but his son can still keep coming to see her. Not weird at all. Whatever. That white guy she starts boning in s3 gets a whole ass character arc. But the brown guy down the hall was just that for like...most of s2. Any “arc” he had was directly tied to JJ’s own story and arc. Anyway, Jeryn’s motivations were basic and murky all season. She says her life is her work, and yet she set that all on fire for some old flame booty. Lmfao. She takes on the case of a serial murderer against powered people (and I really, REALLY resent the way “powered” people are constantly used as a placeholder for racism here, because like...that’s stupid), because Jessica and Tricia upset her lmfao. Jeryn was just..doing stuff. It was so redundant, but I guess the same could be said of her last season as well. Malcolm. He starts off like this:

LOOK AT HOW BLACK THAT ROOM IS. He’s working for Jeryn, making money, got himself a good girlfriend he loves, some new, Black friends, living his Black ass, sober life, doing well now that these trainwreck white women are leaving him alone. There’s no reason at all he should still be living here. But Jessica, FOR NO REASON AT ALL, once again, bulldozes into his life and Malcolm ends the show with, being sexually assaulted by the sex working sister of the guy Jessica is boffing, beaten up by her pimp, quits his job, cheats on his girlfriend, for NO reason at all, with the same woman who assaulted him. He even ADMITS he sabotaged their relationship at the end of the season when she comes by to get her things, but before he can explain why he sabotaged a good thing, Ms. Lady, his assaulter, comes strutting out in no pants. Ok. Again, there’s no reason why she’s in Malcolm’s life at all. They made it seem like she was going to be relevant to the plot, but the Big Evil of this season kidnaps and tortures her brother, not her. She’s utterly useless except to ruin Malcolm’s life for no reason other than I guess there’s a ban on happy Black relationships on tv. Tricia fucks her Black trainer, because I guess, using Black men as sexual draino for their self inflicted problems is a theme on this show. At least this time they lit Luke Cage properly so he wasn’t just eyes and teeth. :/ Luke Cage makes a guest appearance in an ugly ass olive suit to be Jessica’s moral compass on how to deal with Trish. Mmmkay.

Malcolm has nothing left I guess so he might as well also moonlight as Tricia’s moral compass, because I guess that’s all non white people are good for on this show. And it was a waste of time, because Tricia, on a pretty serious bender to completely ruin her life for absolutely no reason at all other than she’s high on her own superiority complex, STILL turns around and murders the guy who tortured and killed her mother. Now personally, I’m not particularly bothered that she went and got revenge. I think shows like theses equivocate these weird slippery slopes with “if I obtain revenge, I become the person who harmed me”, which is just...such a western perspective. And it’s stupid. But in this case, Tricia literally became the “Bad Guy”, just going off the rails attacking people and using a disproportionate amount of force with the help of the Human Divining Rod Jessica was boffing. Very convenient his power is seeing the evil in other people and being physically hurt by it (but not his own evil when he blackmails other people?? LOL). It was clear he existed for Jessica and Tricia’s story arcs to pivot off of, and yet he’s still handled with more interest and humanity. The show works really hard for you to feel sorry and/or conflicted about Tricia, but I don’t, because her problems aren’t real problems and she’s kind of crazy, and can’t manage to deal with her issues without ruining other people’s lives. I lived for the moments when Malcolm said: “You should just keep us on retainer, because I know you, you hurt as many people as you help.” and for that time Jessica SLAPPED the teeth out her mouth and got the phone she asked for after Tricia went on another self righteous unhinged diatribe about how great she is now because she can jump over stuff. She’s a cat now, so she’s unbeatable. Except when Jessica beats that ass l m a o. Anyway. Yeah, as we already knew, this show sucks. The whole Big Bad of the season was a disgruntled white man who was smarter than them and mad at women. LOL. Ok. None of these characters are interesting or likeable. No growth. Abuse of non white people. Boring storylines, meandering plots. It’s just an overall trainwreck and I’m pretty sure this is the last season of JJ and I’m glad because we didn’t deserve to be hurt with any seasons of this. I was lowkey hoping they wouldn’t do Malcolm the way they did, but I’m not surprised. Overall -5/10

#jj #jessica jones #jeryn hogarth #patsy walker #luke cage #malcolm ducasse #text post #long post

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xoxoemynn · 6 years

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can i complain? im gonna complain. my mental health has been horrible lately, and as if i'm not struggling enough, my downstairs neighbor has decided to hate me. literally. she's like 60 years old, and calls in the middle of the night claiming that i'm throwing things into the floor and making noise, even though i'm literally doing nothing, and other neighbors think she's crazy too. also she smokes so that the tobacco scent travels up through my balcony door and when i asked her to stop (cont)

she claims she will continue to bother me with the smoke until "i have learned my lesson" (not making noise? i'm not making noise, she is literally waking me up complaining about how i just made a noise?? i'm asleep??? lol) and she's called authorities bc my dogs apparently never get to go outside?? they are outside four times a day on long walks but ok??? lol. and now she found out i have snakes so ofc she called the authorities bc "they're venomous, they're going to escape and crawl up my toilet!!" lmfao. i'm so tired. my snakes help me with my anxiety and i have locks on their enclosures and i walk my dogs and i am very careful not to make noise i literally want to die i'm dealing with enough shit. sorry i needed to go on an anon rant im sry love u em

omg oh no bb I’m so sorry this sounds awful, your neighbor sounds like a petty, spiteful beast and I know it sucks that there’s just no escape. Shitty neighbors are the worstttttt, and I’m sure hearing from the authorities isn’t helping your anxiety at all. :( Okay so idk if any of this will actually be applicable/helpful but just some things that came to mind when reading your messages:

Okay first just BREATHEEEEE. You did literally nothing wrong, you’re just living your life and being a responsible pet owner and you don’t deserve to be treated this way. I would just try to avoid her as much as possible, since I kind of doubt she’s going to change. But I would also just take some steps to protect yourself so she can’t make things any worse for you.

If you have a landlord who’s remotely useful, reach out to them about this neighbor’s behavior. If she’s violating any parts of her lease, that’s their job to deal with. Plus, it sounds like her behavior may even now be considered harassment at this point?

Even if the landlord thing is a moot point, I would keep a paper trail and document everythingggggg. This may just be because I’ve been spending a lot of time reading stories at JustNoMIL, but once people reveal themselves to be this horrible, “little” things can escalate quickly...and honestly, if she’s already contact the authorities for completely unsubstantiated reasons, I’d say she’s already pretty far up there. Any time she calls, yells, or snaps at you, does anything to make you feel REMOTELY uncomfortable, write it down. PAPER TRAILS ARE EVERYTHING SERIOUSLY PROTECT YOURSELF. Pro-tip: get one of those black and white marble composition books , because it’s then really obvious if a page just “mysteriously” goes missing for whatever reason. I’m sorry if I sound paranoid and I don’t mean to alarm you, but I’m just a HUGE proponent of always having everything in writing because it protects YOU, so always better to be safe than sorry.

Okay, so it sounds like “the authorities” = animal control or the like, yes? And not the police? Because if it’s the police, I have a feeling they’re going to get fed up REAL fast with some asshole filing false complaints...especially since, ya know, that’s a crime. If it IS the police, and if you feel safe doing so, it may be worth calling their non-emergency line and say you have a neighbor harassing you and filing false complaints, detailing exactly what’s been happening. Honestly it’s doubtful they’ll do anything but it may serve as a pre-emptive action step so if she DOES go to them, they have a record of it. If it’s some sort of animal control, it may be worth doing something similar and perhaps inviting them to your home to do a wellness check? So that way if she calls again they can go “lady please fuck off you are wasting everyone’s time and oxygen.”

Okay but she’s CALLING you in the middle of the night, what the hell??? Two options here: 1) BLOCK HER ASS or 2) Set it up in your phone so calls from her are always set to silent/do not disturb mode -- that way she won’t wake you up but you’ll also have record of all the times she called you for your paper trail.

It’s occurred to me that I sound very Dramatic in all this so I hope nothing I say in here is frightening to you!!!! Chances are she’s just an obnoxious twatbox who’s miserable and bored and trying to make life difficult for everyone around her, but I just want to make sure you are SAFE bc she worries me. :(

Okay so now that I’ve gotten all the safety precautions out of the way LOL just please take care of yourself!! If your mental health is already struggling, having to deal with this indomitable force of ... idk evil sounds dramatic but I’m gonna run with it anyway, can REALLY fuck you up. (Seriously, I’m shuddering imagining it, all the hugs to you.) So make sure you really prioritize things that do help with your anxiety. If that means more snake time, going on long walks, baking, writing, taking bubble baths, WHATEVER, do that and be entirely unapologetic about it.

Maybe find some camaraderie with your neighbors? Misery loves company and all that, it may make you feel a little better to just be able to vent to someone who gets it. Plus it’s always good to have some allies on your side. (Also, honestly, I LOVE reading JustNoMIL, even though I don’t have a mother-in-law, lol, but they do give a lot of really good advice and inspiration on how to stand up to these kinds of people who are out on some mean-spirited, vengeful spite fest.)

Seriously go treat yourself to some ice cream or something because you deserve it.

I’m so sorry, lovely, this sounds really terrible and it sucks that you feel uncomfortable in your own home. :( Please just take care of yourself and stay safe. Hopefully she’ll calm down or move or something and you won’t have to deal with her for much longer. Pop into my inbox anytime you need me. I hope you get a good rest tonight!!!! Sending you all the hugs and good vibes in the universe.

#Anonymous

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