#craig.exe

[sillycqt]

cryle posting :33 some stuffs ive done over the past few days !!!! sighh i love cryle and all its forms. (3rd photo is craig.exe x insane kyle))

[frestoniia]

“ah, fuck it”

Send “ah, fuck it” to shove my muse up against a wall for a surprise kiss || accepting

@sweetlybite

" Did you say someth-- "

Craig barely had time to register the predatory look on Floyd's face before his back was suddenly shoved up against a nearby section of stone wall. It didn't take much force to move him, though the collision still elicited a squeak of surprise-- which would be the last sound to leave Craig's mouth before it was met with Floyd's own.

There was a hand braced on the wall above Craig's shoulder and another gripping his jaw, pulling him close, pushy as ever. Craig supposed it all made sense in retrospect; Floyd had terrible impulse control. Then again, perhaps he wasn't supposing much of anything, not with the eel's tongue in his mouth.

" F- Floyd...! "

The other's name comes out muffled against his lips, heat spreading from his cheeks all the way out to the rounded tips of his ears. It felt like an eternity before Floyd finally relented and pulled away, leaving only a thin strand of saliva between their mouths.

It takes Craig a moment to fully recover, expression blank as he processed the events that just transpired. He can't help but feel weak in the knees after all that.

" What... "

" WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT FOR, YOU WEIRDO!? " he exclaims suddenly, fully alert once he's finished processing. " Do you just shove your tongue down people's throats for fun or something?? Actually, don't answer that-- but still! "

[cool-island-songs]

44 for otp asks 🐈💕

44. Who would confess their love first?

Ooo ok ok I'm writing a drabble where it's Cregg so my mind is pretty fixed onto that scenario when it comes to confessions rn, but I could also see Tweek blurting it out and then quickly exiting the premises when Craig.exe stops working in response

I think Craig does not say it so easily but probably feels it for a while before he's able to even name it, let alone think of making himself vulnerable by saying it. Then again they got dis bish out here calling Tweek honey and babe so . what do I know

(for this ask game)

[wondersofchocolates]

“…Craig, are you okay?”

[maxwell-the-pizza-boy]

Tweek: [Gives Craig a kiss on the cheek] I love you.

Craig,all flustered: A- [Craig.exe has stopped working]

[tokkis-lemonade]

Craig.Exe stopped working 

[traveling-madness]

everything for shi(t)p(ost) :)

 @lyesander you asked on anon and then openly told me it was you come forward. Anyway this is under the cut because it got. Really long.

- How do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals?a. You know how kittens pile on top of each other? Usually they sleep like that. b. Clara wakes up at 5am in the morning, Craig does…not do that, She makes breakfast goes for a run showers and is usually gone for work before he’s even halfway awake and on one hand he hates that but on the other being awake before 7 is too haaarrrd. c. She also leaves him notes every morning but usually the note asks him to do at least one thing and that’s so much work :(.

- How’s their team work? Do they share well?a. Depends on what the teamwork is for. b. Sharing love? Yea. Sharing blankets/the tv/ Clara’s attention? Craig.exe has stopped.

- Are they open about their relationship? How do they feel about public displays of affection?a. Clara at everyone she knows: “This is my boyfriend and I love him.” Craig at everyone he doesn’t know, strangers, baristas, waiters, gas station employees: “This is my girlfriend she loves me.” b. They aren’t gross teens making out in public but they are holding hands or her arm is around him or he is sprawled across her lap in a booth at Burger King.

- First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight?a. He called her sexually frustrated and she punched him in the fucking face. b. It was Not.

- Nicknames? Pet names? Any in-jokes?Clara calls him shitlord and their in-jokes are strangely specific memelike phrases and things like Clara still having a plastic poop emoji from Mcdonalds glued to her dashboard.

- Any tasks that are always left to one person?Clara has taken full responsibility for loading the dishwasher and taking out the trash. Craig is in charge of making dinner at LEAST once a week and unloading the dishwasher after it’s done. They switch off on everything else by which I mean Clara does most of it.

- What annoys them the most about their partner? Would they change it if they could?a. Clara’s least favorite thing about Craig is he doesn’t do jack shit and she is significantly worried about his lack of motivation. Craig’s least favorite thing about Clara is that she smells like wet dog but other than that she loves him and so she must not have any flaws. b. They’d both change these things, Clara for Craig’s own good and Craig also for his own good.

- What do they like best about their partner?‘Willing to date me’ is pretty high on both of their lists. On a more lighthearted note they have a lot of similar interests, they��re good at bouncing humor off each other, and they can both provide the amount of affection the other one needs (which is… a lot).

- Do they discuss big issues? Religion? Marriage? Children? Death?Mmmm kind’ve? Religion isn’t hugely important to either of them. It’s pretty clear that they want to get married at some point but It only came up once when Clara was on pain killers. Clara can’t have kids and that’s fine neither of them have an interest in parenting. Death, no, they don’t talk about that because thinking about it is terrible.

- Who drives? Cooks? Does the handiwork? Cleans? Pays the bills? Handles the public?a. Clara. b. Both of them but Craig more often because he does not have a fucking job. c. Depends on the job; Clara fixes what she knows how to and Craig is tasked with figuring out the rest, which he can do, he just doesn’t want to. d. Almost exclusively Clara. e. Clara. f. Both of them but Craig is actually better at it when he wants to be.

- Do they celebrate holidays? Anniversaries?Yes, to both. A lot of holidays are spent at Sketch’s company parties, (or more accurately his mom’s company parties.) They haven’t actually had their first anniversary yet but that’s coming up and will probably be cute as shit.

- Is there a wedding? What was the proposal like? Any kind of honeymoon?There hasn’t been yet but like let’s be honest it’s a solid ‘probably.’ Not anytime imminently soon though.

- What do they do for fun? Do they have a favorite activity or do they like to switch things up?Video games and movie nights are probably the most common. Mostly because they cost the least amount of money and take the least amount of effort. Sometimes they get crazy and go to an arcade or go bowling. Or to the Y across town because swimming is one of the few things that involve physical activity that Craig actually likes doing and Clara will capitalize on that as much as possible.

- Anything they both dread?The other one dying/disappearing, which sounds obvious but sometimes it gets to the point where Clara is overwhelmingly paranoid about leaving the room for a few minutes because what if he gets sucked back into his own dimension and she never sees him again?? That and part of Craig has flat out convinced himself that that Clara is a godsend and he couldn’t survive life without her. (He could but try convincing him that his worth isn’t dependent on people loving him)

- How adventurous are they?Their most adventurous moment so far was exploring an old abandoned military fort in the town Clara used to live in.

- Do they keep secrets? Lie? Cheat? Secrets/lies like Craig sometimes still skims her diary or Clara blaming farts on the dog. Or when Craig says he ‘forgot’ to do what ever chore he was supposed to do that day when in reality he just made a conscious choice not to do it. Or when Clara doesn’t tell him she’s disappointed that he’s not doing anything with his time because she doesn’t want to sound like rev!Clara. Neither of them would cheat on the other one though. Ever. 

- What would make them break up? Would it be permanent?a. Craig doing something to ruin her career so she wouldn’t have any reason to leave his side for more than an hour at a time ever. b. in a healthy world yea but it wouldn’t actually be because a week later she’d be like “oh no you’re still crying… I don’t forgive you but you are sad so I’ll pretend it doesn’t matter : (”

- What are their dates like? How long do/did they date? Do they ever feel the need to take a break from each other?a. When they do go out it’s pretty eclectic; anything from going to an arcade to setting up a candle lit dinner… in a burger king. b. They’ve been dating since last May and that’s not going to change any time soon c. No. Never. At all. It’s probably kinda unhealthy.

- What do they fight about? What are their arguments like? How do they make up?a. Craig doing something stupid. Clara saying something sarcastically that sounds a little too close to rev!Clara’s go-to drags. Craig not having a job vs. Clara putting in way too much time that she doesn’t have to a her job. b. Clara is almost always the one to actually address the problem, and puts a lot of planning into how she phrases the conversation. Craig is… capable of having those conversations, but his go to approach is more along the lines of vying for pity based attention because he knows if she feels bad for him she won’t actively be angry, he’s not even always conscious of doing it, and it’s usually on impulse. This is starting to improve, and Clara’s gotten much better at recognizing and addressing it. Unlearning toxic shit takes time but she’s still gonna call him out on it. c. Parroting ‘I-love-you’s back and forth while sometimes crying. Usually a good few hours chilling on the couch watching movies. Whoever was wronged picks the movie and whoever fucked up makes dinner- that’s not a rule it’s more of an unspoken agreement. 

- What does their home look like? Their room?Bad. Not the actual apartment like it’s a pretty nice apartment they’re just both shitty at cleaning. See also:Mads-02/28/2018 he lives in a house full of dog fur and grease stains lye-02/28/2018 doesn’t mean he likes it but he’s also too lazy to clean it himself so it’ll be likeclara: (comes home from work)craig: your house is grossclara: then clean it you slut.

- Do they share any interests or hobbies?Vidya game. They’re both roller coaster fanatics also. Those are the biggest things that they both really like independently but also when you spend enough time with someone you love some of the things they like will start to remind you of them to the point you like them vicariously. The best example I can give is Clara used to hate the fucking Hallmark channel in all it’s heteronormative glory but now she actually enjoys like at least three of the movies. Maybe four.

- Does their work ever interfere with the relationship?Craig’s LACK of work does, it’s something Clara is really, REALLY frustrated over and she’s still a little unsure how to convey that without it coming off guilt tripping. At the same time Clara works overtime much more often than Craig would like, which is to say more than once or twice a month. He’s not any better at addressing this than she is though, he tends to do shit like pretend to be sick or actually make himself sick (the latter only once at least) so she’ll stay home.

- How do they hug? Kiss? Tease? Flirt? Comfort?Hugs have a 60 second absolute minimum in this household. Kisses have a two second record minimum but it’s usually at least 5. They are absolute dicks to each other but 99.9% of the time it’s fully communicated to be just that. Teasing. Flirting is terrible romantic gestures are go big or go home. Unless you count Clara making the WORST romance puns and Craig holding up his phone sometimes with ‘love my gf’ memes and going “that’s us babe!” or the one time he tried to lay seductively across the table when Clara got home and her immediate response is “So I guess we’re ordering take out again?” Comforting is either ‘I will hold you for 17 hours non-stop’, ‘you like food right? I’ll make some food’, or both.

- Any doubts about the relationship?Not that they don’t tune out and bury as deep down as possible!

- How much time do they spend together? Do they share their feelings, or hold things in?a. As Much As Possible. Another thing that’s not entirely healthy. b. They share most feelings, until it’s something negative and significant about the other, then they aren’t so good at it. Working on it, but not good at it.

- How do their friends feel about their relationship? Their families?Craig was the one who told Sketch at least because Clara genuinely could not figure out how. I’m assuming the question means like, mutual friends. Clara’s family is touch and go, not too big on Once-lers in general. Her mom likes Craig a lot though and her dad tolerates him which is saying something. Craig’s family doesn’t exist in this universe. 

- Do they have kids? Grow old together? Split up?¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Well actually I can say for certain they don’t have kids. Clara physically can’t have kids, or at least not safely, and more importantly can you imagine either of these fucking losers trying to parent anything? Terrifying.

- What are their vacations like?The closest thing to a vacation they’ve gone on is driving like 2 hours to Rhode Island/Connecticut once and then another 2 hours to Vermont for Thanksgiving.

- How do the handle disasters or emergencies? Minor injuries? Sickness?Bad. Mostly because if and when anything bad happens to one of them, the other subsequently flips shit. Clara is a little better at flipping shit INTERNALLY, but don’t let her fool you she is very stressed over her boyfriend coming down with the common cold and yes she DOES need to go home over her lunch break to check on him and NO she is not babying him what the fuck are you talking about.

- Could they manage a long distance relationship?They would INSIST that they can, and maybe they could for a few weeks, but after that things would go pretty bad pretty fast.

- Do they finish each other’s sentences? Pick up any phrases or habits from each other? Know when the other is hiding something?a.They are the couple that would attempt to finish each other’s sentences but fail horribly. Like, really badly, like, inserting words that don’t even make sense badly. “We finish each others-” “Chores, so you’ll clean the kitchen so I can go watch Pretty Woman while it’s on Starz? Thanks!”  “No!”b. Ok so Craig is from Texas, very rural tiny ass town in Texas, and unlike Sketch he has done next to nothing to not SOUND like someone from a very rural tiny ass Texas town. After living with him for several months Clara now says y’all’d’ve, y’all’d’n’t’ve, I’d’n’t’ve, and both ain’t and y’ain’t entirely unironically. She very rarely realizes this is happening. c. Clara knows because she’s good at reading people, Craig knows because he’s good at still occasionally reading her diary and just not telling her.

- Do they ever get into trouble? Is it serious, or are they just mischievous?They have had to climb a fence and bail halfway through a game of paintball because Craig shot a kids father who was NOT in the game.

- What kind of presents do they get each other? Do they only do it on special occasions?Craig goes with chocolate because that’s yet to fail, that and just, money he talks Sketch into giving him. Sketch has a habit of giving Clara money and she won’t accept it from him without a fight so at this point he’s reached a state of “I’ll give it to you IF you give it to Clara/put it towards food/rent.”Clara spoils the SHIT out of Craig now that she has a steady job and income. She has gotten him, so far, A Nintendo Switch, an Xbox 1s, and a fucking PS4. Now it should be noted that she also has unlimited access to all of these and tends to beat him at most games played on them, so the selflessness of buying them is debatable.

- Do they have any pets?Sticks!!! But he’s really just Clara’s dog that Craig lives with because being provided with love and affection from Clara is worth being allergic to her dog apparently.

- Do they bring out the best in each other, or the worst? Do they have a fatal flaw?It’s tough to say whether it’s their BEST qualities, but overall they bring out more good in each other than bad. I’m not sure about a fatal flaw but a pretty big one is just, not addressing negative emotions around any aspect of their relationship enough out of fear of losing each other. They aren’t the picture of a perfect relationship by any means either, Clara has an obsession with feeling needed and depended on, and because of this is a massive enabler who pretty much does everything for him. Including things he can very easily do himself. Craig, who doesn’t want to do jack shit and constantly needs to be loved and validated, is very ok with this.

- What’s their greatest strength as a couple? Their weakness?This sounds really disgustingly cheesy but listen they are very in love. Like frighteningly dedicated to one another in love. This is a double edged sword. 

- How much would they be willing to sacrifice for the other? Any lines they refuse to cross?They would deadass take a bullet for each other they are Ride Or Die™ let’s be real.

- What are they like in the bedroom? Any kinks/fetishes/turn-ons? Anything they won’t do?a. Uhhh synopsis; Craig’s a sex positive ace and Clara was a virgin until age 26. They are,, I think my most vanilla ship actually? If that says anything lmao. Other than Craig crying after sex on occasion. Lots of eye contact and being as close to each other as possible, less sex more ‘cuddling but with orgasms’. b. Craig has a fucking praise kink and Clara just so happens to never shut up when it comes to giving said praise so jot that down. c. Refer to a, there’s a shit ton of stuff they won’t do I’m too lazy to list all of it.  Listen anyone who actually cares can send asks to my nsfw blog because like. I know the answers. It’s probably sad how many answers I’m equipped to give here.

- Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first?  When did they realize they we’re in love?a/b. That’d be Craig who kicked off the relations hip with the class act of asking “hey wanna make out?” c. That’s not something that happens all at once, for anyone really. It’s a slow realization of ‘oh fuck I’m in love I guess.’

- Any special memories? Do they have a special place they like to go to?Define special because the most prominent memories are of shit like jumping the fence at the paintball place or the time Craig pretended to drown. Also the first time Clara said “I love you” then immediately buried it in a mouthful of spaghetti. 

- Are they party-goers? What are they like when they’re drunk? Does it happen often?Nah, other than like, holiday company parties they get invited to. Clara doesn’t drink at all anymore, or at least not without strong supervision, and she definitely doesn’t get drunk anymore. Craig’s just not crazy about alcohol in general, unless it’s got a gallon of sugar it doesn’t even taste good. 

- Do they let each other get away with things that would normally bother them?Constantly. There’s some stuff that Clara will draw the line on, and that’s usually when it’s a manipulative situation. But we all know that Craig will put up with just about any shit if it means validation and attention. THIS Clara doesn’t give him too much shit to put up with though, she just kinda smells like wet dog.

- Do they talk often? What about?Yea but not always about things the need to. They talk about their days or plans for the next week or how they’re doing in general, and they will delve into some levels of sharing insecurities but like I said there’s definitely some things they should talk about but haven’t.

- Are the comfortable with each other? Anything they have to have their privacy for?Maybe there was some need for privacy for the first month of living together but honestly at this point “Clara I ate half a pint of ice-cream and on a very related note we are out of toilet paper” is just commonplace conversation. They will hang out for an entire day sitting on the couch eating corn chips wearing each others sweatpants like it’s safe to say they’re comfortable.

- Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets?They both wanna marry each other like a lot, like I’m surprised it hasn’t come up more because let’s be honest it’s harder to leave someone when you have to go through a bunch of legal paperwork-. I think the most heartbreaking thing is that all of Craig’s family and friends live in an alternate plane of reality that it seems like there’s no way of getting back to, and if there WAS a way of getting back that would mean choosing between his home and his Clara, who is much better than the Clara back home. There’s some regrets in the making with the whole Clara not sitting down and telling Craig he NEEDS to get a fucking job. 

[wingyanyim2]

Craig.exe has stopped working

WONDER TWEEK: Craig!

SUPER CRAIG: Whoa wait, Wonder Tweek?

SUPER CRAIG: How–

TWEEK: Ugh! Knock this hero bs off for a second!

CRAIG: Uh… Tweek? How did you break free?

TWEEK: That doesn’t matter right now.

MYSTERION: Why haven’t you untied the others?

TWEEK: Shut up SHUT UP I’m not TALKING to you right now!!!

TWEEK: C-Craig…

TWEEK: I… I want to tell you something.

TWEEK: And I’ve been wanting to tell you all day.

TWEEK: And… and I almost did, earlier, but then fucking CLYDE had to go and FUCK SHIT UP–

TWEEK: BUT…

TWEEK: But… I’m not… I’m not really mad about that anymore.

TWEEK: Not after everything else that’s happened today.

CRAIG: Babe we already discussed this over text, remember?

CRAIG: Everything’s fine.

TWEEK: No, Craig, everything is not fine.

TWEEK: I’ve had a really, really bad day.

TWEEK: Everything has sucked ass.

CRAIG: …You didn’t have fun on our date?

TWEEK: N-No! I did!!!

TWEEK: But everything since then has gone to shit, and I can’t find myself feeling anything but… pent up anger!

TWEEK: I’m mad at everything stopping me from expressing how I feel!

TWEEK: I’m mad that today wasn’t perfect!

TWEEK: I’m mad that nothing went as planned!

CRAIG: Dude, what are you talking about?

TWEEK: I’m so, so so so sorry, Craig.

TWEEK: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.

TWEEK: And I don’t know if you feel the same way as me or not.

TWEEK: But.

TWEEK: But uh.

TWEEK: I

TWEEK: hh hh

TWEEK: Okay I’m sorry but I’ve wanted to do this like, all day, and I know this is probably the worst place in the world for this and it’ll probably suck I mean I’ve never even DONE this before and I’m sure you have oh god oH go D–

Smornch!

CRAIG: H

TWEEK: …

TWEEK: Oh, wow.

TWEEK: Wow!

TWEEK: Oh my God I feel so much better!

TWEEK: That was so easy!

TWEEK: Why did I wait this long???

TWEEK: I can’t believe Cartman was actually right about something for once, holy cow!

MYSTERION: Alright buddy we’ve all had our first gay kiss.

MYSTERION: You’ve had your moment.

MYSTERION: Can you please untie us all now?

TWEEK: Hghhh!

TWEEK: I almost forgot, of course!

CRAIG:      .         , ,oh my god ,

[mcddle-fcnger-aesthetic]

Craig.exe has stopped working.

Angel girl

[shin-holly]

Craig.exe has stopped working

Best ending ever ♥

Craig is the repressed homo