#coz i did in fact NOT nap today

[xerospaced]

I literally just got up and marked down the poetry comp deadline on one of my whiteboards, as well as a personal deadline for my soft launch of WLMM (so I needa get working of reformatting that website ASAP).

I also made a note of target points for social media engagement and promo for the official launch as well as discount offers I'll be rolling out through January (onboarding and retention my guys - who wouldn't want a three month discount for mental wellness consulting with a free introductory session waaaaahhhhh. And tbh my fees are gonna be low af anyway so with the discount it's like... your def getting more bang for your buck yo. But I digress)

I also made a note on my other whiteboard of an upcoming medical appointment (which I almost panicked and thought I'd missed coz I remember it's this month but WHEN). Fortunately I still have time but I did pick up on a vital piece of info I hadn't noticed before so that's dope (seriously, how is an opthalmology appt being done over the phone ITS FOR MY EYES PEOPLE I been waiting years).

Anyhoooo

I know it's just listing things in coloured markers on whiteboards but (esp with adhd) visual prompts are key and mayne...

If y'all could see the energy I approached that task with. No hesitation. Genuine enthusiasm. And actually FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A DAMN LONG TIME believing ima do these things!! That it's not hurt a hope but like... yeah. Ima do that. That's me. I literally have got this in the bag.

Finally, I do know I want two magpies for my logo icon [alternate to the standard long form text name of my business] to go along with it also. And I have some kind of idea as to the positioning of the birds I want. Have not yet decided on the style. Or amount of colour. Or who tfuck is gonna do it coz my graphic designer friend is not able 😫

I have decided to omit the icon for now and stick to the text. Its clean. It's simple. It's a good launch. And it gives me time to play with iconography and really get something I like rather than settling on some rush job.

It def takes an element of pressure off.

Hennywaaaayyyy. I'm sure it's clear as day that my brain is ON.

I cannot describe the fricken HIGH of having a brain that refuses to activate when you need and will it to only to have it come on all lights flashing absolutely raring to go when it finally receives the right stimuli/trigger

Wowow

I knew I would get here but its so relieving to fucken FEEL it coz I know but like... did I?? Ykno

If you stayed with me through this, you're a trooper 😉

[madlymiho]

Hello! Can I request hc for Crocodile Doflamingo and Kid with SO that back from their mission badly injured, but keep hiding it coz he doesnt want to be consider weak.

Hello!!! Mmmh me love the three of them!! 🙈❤️ You got it anon! I love these headcanons!

Crocodile :

• Crocodile trusts you. He trusts your skills and your abilities, and he's not that worried whenever you go on mission. He believes that you are aware of the dangers there, and that you wouldn't act recklessly. Well, at least he hopes so

• So when you're getting back from your mission, he greets you with his eternal look over his papers, just to make sure that you are in one piece. He doesn't smile, nor say anything, but simply asks if everything went well

• Crocodile feels the lies within your answer, but he choses to act as if everything is alright. Since you don't seem to share what bothers you, he decides that perhaps, you have good reasons to act this way. Maybe you have been injured and you are ashamed of it? He just silently promises himself to investigate

• You are certain that Crocodile didn't notice your conditions, but he definitely did. He even asked Daz Bonez to check at the trash cans of the house, making sure that there were indeed some bandages inside. He lets you hide yourself for a little while, just to see how far you would go acting this way

• But after a day, or two, Crocodile would just abruptly steps into the bathroom while you are changing your bandages, a serious look within his cold eyes. He doesn't need to talk, one stare of him makes you understand that he knew for a long time

• Crocodile isn't the most demonstrative partner, and silently, he just picks the bandages on the sink and starts to apply them on your skin. He will lecture you, for sure, but not today. Today you need to get better because he doesn't want you to stay that way

• You awkwardly explain yourself about your behaviors. The fact that you are afraid of his opinion. That you didn't want to worry him just because you were hurt. But Crocodile doesn't talk. He sometimes looks at you through the mirror, his eyes neutral, before he continues his ministrations

• As he brushes your shoulder for a second, he informs you that there's a doctor on their way, and that you have to go to your room and rest. It's a cold and strict order, ignoring all your previous statement, but Crocodile squeezes your hip for a second. You know it's his way to tell you to get better, because he has been worried, despite his cold features

• Before he leaves the room, Crocodile tells you that you're not weak, and you shouldn't hide something like this from him anymore. It sounds cold, harsh, bitter. But through this sentence, you understand how attentive and caring this reptile could be towards someone he deeply loves, and respects

Doflamingo :

• Doflamingo is certainly one of the most complicated partner to fool when it comes to the people who share his life. You are his family, his possession, his entire world. He wants to know everything about you, and even if he seems careless, he's not an idiot

• He appreciates your boldness, and the fact that you are strong enough to go on missions of your own. He wouldn't like to have someone weak by his side, especially if you share his bed. You gotta have that wild spirit, and it's definitely something he enjoys about you

• But he hates when you lie. And right now, as you are paler than usual, he knows that you're fooling him. He knows that there's something you keep from him, and you better be sure that he will know what is your little secret, because he wouldn't appreciate any form of betrayal coming from you

• His eyes and ears are everywhere, and soon enough, Doflamingo understands that you are just trying to hide your injury... and he definitely feels weirdly proud about it. You are fierce, just like he likes it, but he needs to make you confess that you need his help, that he's the almighty god who will save you

• So Doflamingo acts way more clingy towards you. Always purring in your ears that he can't wait to undress you, chuckling when he feels your body flinching because he's brushing your skin a bit too close from your injury. You feel that you won't be able to escape his poisoning touch for too long, because you also miss it as well...

• This little game lasts until Doflamingo understands that you wouldn't be able to bear it anymore. As he traps you against a wall, he makes you confess the truth, one hand almost threatening to press the sensitive area around your injuries. It's terribly unfair, frightening, but it's just the way he is... you shouldn't have lied to him in the first place

• You try to argue that you believed he would see you as weak person, yet, it makes him only grin madly. He softly kisses your cheek, his devilish laughter escaping from his throat. You don't know what it means, but there's something strangely tender in the way he's fondling your arm

• Doflamingo does everything to heal you after that. Good doctors, stitches, regular checks up with well-knowns surgeons. He wants you to be all patched up to handle him and what he plans to do to you... He craves your body, your soul, your heart

• Within his tender and possessive gestures, you finally start to believe that Doflamingo doesn't see you as someone weak, on the contrary. You have been able to resist his intense aura while you were so badly injured, and it's a proof for him, that you're probably made to be his life time partner... a weird way to tell you how much he loves you

Kid :

• Kid was absolutely against your mission in the first place. Very possessive and jealous, he didn't want you to run away for weeks, abandoning him like this to do something stupid and meet new people... so no, he's not really in the mood to greet you when you come back

• You knew that it wouldn't be an easy return, but now that you are severely injured, you just want to escape his wrath and impossible mood. And since he seems more than ready to ignore you, you decide to hide your injury

• Kid is all grumpy. He doesn't understand. Alright he's very angry and moody, but why aren't you begging him to forgive you? You always seem to disappear in the bathroom for hours, and you are so pale... so sick. He clicks his tongue, trying to forget about it with heavy sessions of binge drinking

• He really didn't notice that you're hiding something. For him, you're just playing with his nerves, and soon enough, you'll have to explain yourself, otherwise, he might just burn your entire furnitures in your room and smashes everything you care for! Your distant behaviors piss him off soooo much!

• After a week, Kid just... smashed down the door of your current room (the guest room of his boat), ready to tell you so many dirty words, just to make you cry and understand that you are a piece of shit... but he sees your bandages, the blood, the needle you're using to stitch yourself all alone... and it shatters him so deeply...

• He suddenly shouts so many questions, half angry and half worried. Why did you hide this? Since when are you like that? Why the fuck didn't you say anything? He's crossing the distance between the two of you, circling your jawline... and you see the despair within his eyes. He's really worried, and it's the first time ever you see that in his stare

• You don't have time to do anything that Kid is already yelling in the corridor for the doctor of his crew to get his ass right there. He's a wild tornado, waking up everyone onboard because you're hurt and he can't let that happen! Not under his watch!

• When Kid comes back to you, he asks one more question : why did you hide it from him? And as you reply that you were afraid he would consider you as a weak person, you feel his hand on your nap, and his lips strongly on yours. He calls you moron and doesn't add anything else. But it makes you smile so much...

[writingforyourpleasure]

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Characters: GERARD WAY x Reader

Link to chapter one :   https://writingforyourpleasure.tumblr.com/post/190745024051/on-the-road-again

Author’s note: Enjoy ! 

2.      “ 666 “

After they all introduce their self to you, they all went back to their conversation with Billy and Dex . You sat on the floor having nowhere else to sit . 

You listened to their argument about which of Gotham villains was the best one, just when you finally wanted to take part into the conflict a loud bang on the door resounded and a voice, probably of the boys crew, maked itself heard calling the guy for make up and costumes. You were also told to hurry up on yours if you wanted to be on stage in 30 minutes. You actually started to stressed out at this point . You got your make up done and your stage clothes on in top record. Your make up was blue flames under your eyes made with your electric blue liner and red eyebrows with mate black lips. Your stage clothes was a XL Chaos T-shirt in vivid red completely destroyed in which you almost drowned because he was so large, your camo pants and rangers , easy and perfect for a lot of sweating. You took your drum sticks and headed to the stage. 

A wave of screams maked itself heard at your arrival, fading as soon as you joined your kit and Dex his bass. You closed your eyes letting Dex start with their bass introduction to the first song soon matching them on their rhythm and the familiar passion eating you alive. No one existed , right now it was just like when you were sixteen. In your bedroom behind your drums and Dex facing you with his bass close to your bed , the door of your room open to let your parents listen to your music, they asked for it. And the most important public in the world , your dog Matcha. Yes, playing for an entire arena was just amazing, but right now you played for yourself , wanting to let yourself go . You always tried to give the best of yourself, you didn’t wanted to loose the magic of what this moment procured you. 

Once you’re part was done , an interlude of 30 minutes took places .

“Dude you smell SO bad right now” You shoved your left elbow into his ribs for yelling it so loud to anyone who would listened .

“Shut your stupid mouth , you smell as bad as I do”

“Well Y/N I’ll loved to say you’re right … but you aren’t” This shitty Ames said coming up in front of you to leave for the scene to bring back in your truck your instruments . soon followed by Billy who shout you up a smile.

“I think you smell okay Y/N”

“Thank you , but no need for such big lies pretty boy” You winked at him , making pink appeared under his beard . You walked it off with a smug grin along with an amused chuckled .

Crossing paths with Ray , Gerard , Frank and Mikey along the way. Then you headed for your lodge to be the first one to shower as Dex stayed over to the scene to help Billy and Ames .

  This was already three months ago. You were now on a break of one week , back to your parents house in the suburbia of Leeds, in the county of West Yorkshire in Northern England . Since you couldn’t afford the rent of your apartment in London, while not living in it for most part of the year, anymore. The positive point in all this was that you got to live with your dog Matcha the rare times where you weren’t on tour.

During those last three months a lot of things changed . You, Billy, Dex, Mikey, Frank, Gerard and Ray became friends pretty fast. Even through you gotta to admit the fact that Ray being a goddamn Greek god at the guitar, and also with his amazing hair, was a tiny bit intimidating. Ames and Max were friends with the guys too but less close to them than Billy, Dex and you were. Ames because he had a short temperament and had trouble trusting people he didn’t knew, and Max just because he was overwhelmed with work all the time, you seriously doubted he even took full nights of good sleep , a nap maybe but nothing more .

 The shows were great too, the fans were shoving enthusiasm in your band and your music which was a good sign. Sometimes some of them even asked for autographs at the end of shows, you weren’t really used to it, but you guessed nobody ever was in the end. Ray was the closest you got to, he was very kind, smart and someone you just enjoyed spending time around, Frank, Mikey and Gerard too but a little less than Ray even if you would never say it out loud or you would never hear the end of it. You just were still a little bit intimidated by him where Ray seemed more approachable sometimes. Dex is pretty close to Mikey and Gerard from what you observed. 

Dex, you and your new friends we’re often sharing the same bus , most of the time the one of the guys while Billy , max and Ames stayed on your sleep , unless for sleeping . But with the shows and the adrenaline that came with it, most of the time you didn’t made it to your bunks until early in the morning. The memory of it was all it took to put a small smile on your lips . 

You were actually on the carpet floor of your bedroom playing guitar , just above a whisper coz’ your parents we’re asleep on the other side of the hallway . Matcha was watching you , her tongue out breathing loudly with a huge smile on her face, comfortably laying on her favorite xxl cushion by the side of your bed.

 On your velux Window, the drops of rain created a gentle rhythm . It was 3 in the morning , you didn’t arrived to find sleep that easily at home since your bedtime on tour was much different. You’d came back two days ago, since then something seemed to be giving you anxiety . You couldn’t remember when you felt it for the first time . Was it on the plane home ? Before or after ? You didn’t know but you felt like something was wrong and couldn’t seem to shake the feeling. 

You started to play some chords in a random order getting lost into your music . It remembered you those nights when Ray or Frank would mess around with their guitar while you were all talking to each other after a show. You always just stood there, staring more than participating in the conversation . You really admire the way they played and was listening quietly before someone would start talking to you as always. Sometimes , even if it was rarely , Gerard would play, in those moments you just stared completely bewitched by him. He didn’t play as well as Ray and Frank , but had his way around it. He looked so gentle each time he’d done it with an huge concentration, where Ray and Frank seemed more carefree. You stopped playing guitar lost in your thoughts, as you were remembering the scene. 

His dark locks just falling before his eyes and you just sitting in front of him watching him more than the guitar. Then he locked his eyes with yours catching you staring like he did every time you looked at him playing . You didn’t know how every time he just felt your eyes on him and caught you before you could turn your gaze away, making you blush a little bit because you didn’t want to seem like a creep . But he would usually just have a smug smirk on his lips before sitting his guitar and joining the conversation with everyone. Just remembering it, made you blush .

When you woke up the next day with Matcha laying on your side as always . Today was no different than yesterday you still had this underlying anxiety on the back of your mind, you sigh . You really had hope it will go away today. You  made a point to go out today, just to change that train of thoughts. 

You usually just tried to avoid going out because here, people knew you , not from being in a band no, people knew you from high school and you knew them from it. So you didn’t had that much success with people finding you likeable here for some reasons. Well maybe it was coz’ back in high school you were full of cynicism and people had a hard time understanding your humor or lack of it . Being a nerd who played D&D on Sunday’s didn’t help either. Add the fact that you were one of the only people in your school who had crazy hair colors and who always talked back to shitheads . 

But you kinda wanted to pay your friend Charlie a visit, it’s been a while since the two of you hang out . Charlie was one of your friends in high school who was in your D&D Sunday group, she is now on medical school, to be a doctor , which means you didn’t get a lot of news from her by text but tried to both do your best to keep each other updated on your lifes.

You got up unfortunately waking up Matcha along the way and made your way downstairs, soon followed by your golden retriever. Finding your box of cereals and making yourself a mug of coffee for breakfast. Before your mom entered the room already dressed , your dad worked from 8am to 6pm at the University of Leeds as a Philosophy teacher and your mom was working as an astronaut at the British Space Program and she was currently on break for several months before her next mission.

“Hello Y/N , you and I are going to the mall shopping for food in less than 15 minutes so go get dressed .

“Hi mom, can’t you go alone ? I’d planned on staying home this morning and going over to Charlie’s later .” You said pretty annoyed with your mother’s request.

“I could use the extra help , so got change yourself would you ?” She said before hurrying out of the kitchen not waiting for you to answer .

You finished your bowl of cereals and your coffee , quickly going upstairs to change.

You were waiting for your mom on your porch facing your street number. Younger the fact that you lived on the 666 of your street always made you laugh, it still does. You decided to take a quick picture of the number plate and put it on Instagram writing below it :”Never gets old” quickly pulling away your phone as you mom was locking up the front door and walked up to her car with you on her tracks.

Once inside your side of the Bentley on the left , while your mom was climbing on the driver seat on the right , your phone buzzed inside of your jeans . You pulled it out unlocking it , only to see the comment on your last post .

@Gerardway: “ seems perfect for a cult summoning!”

[susieskinner93]

Happy Father’s Day 

Ao3

“And Vic was really fine with it?” - asked Aaron biting his lips as they got in the car. It was father's day, and they wanted to spend the whole day with Seb... which was a bit difficult under these circumstances. They both knew this, but they couldn't be away from their little boy on this day.

“I asked her at least 5 times. She said it was okay... that we should go. But you were there, you know this.”

“I know it's just... “

“Diane's gonna come over. I already spoke to her.”

“Okay then.” - he sighed. - “I can't wait to see his little face.” - smiled Aaron already thinking about all the mischief they're gonna get up to.

“I know me too. It was a great idea.” - said Robert already imagining themselves by the pool.

“He loves the water.” - mumbled Aaron. It was true, he really did. Last summer they went to the Hotten Pool more than they could count on both hands, just because Seb loved being in the pool.

"I can't wait to drink an ice cold beer.”

“Alright let us get there first.” - laughed Aaron. - “Do you think he's impatient?” - he asked referring to Seb.

“I hope so, I know I am.”

“That's because you're practically a child.”

“Thanks very much.” – he laughed – “You know how she said he was fussy in the past few days?” - he asked Aaron. Of course he remembered, they had to video call Rebecca at one point because Seb was crying for hours and he wouldn't want to settle for anyone. That was until he saw his daddies, and after a “pep talk” from daddy Aaron, he was good as gold. Nobody knew how he did it. Not even Aaron himself.

“He settled quickly though... after the call I mean.”

“Yeah, because you, husband, are a baby whisperer.” - smiled Robert.

“I'm not.” - blushed Aaron.

“Okay then, explain it to me. Explain it how you managed to get him to sleep within 2 minutes. Just accept the facts alright. You're his favorite.” - said Robert and he meant it. Aaron and Seb seemed to have a bond like no other. And he was grateful for that.

“He doesn't have a favorite Robert... “ - answered Aaron rolling his eyes.

“Alright, we'll see.” - he said smirking. He wasn't upset by it, on the contrary. He adored how much his son loved Aaron. It was something that could always make him smile.

They spent the bare minimum at the house, wanting to get to the pool as soon as possible, but they had to listen to Rebecca's rambling about how she hasn't slept a wink because of Seb. He was crying all night for days now, and of course, he didn't care if Rebecca and Ross wanted to have some sleep. Obviously, in the morning he was the perfect little angel, napping for hours, being adorable, but she never got to see this because of work. So she was really exhausted and didn't mind one bit when Robert called her to take Seb away for the whole day. Ross looked even worse, and he still had that bite on his hand that Seb gave him 4 days ago. Robert wanted to laugh in his face when he told them, but he resisted the urge... barely.

“Do you think.... forget it.” - said Aaron as they headed to Hotten with Seb happily mumbling away in the backseat.

“What?” - asked Robert taking his eyes off the road for a second to look at Aaron – “Think what?”

“It's just... it seems like Seb doesn't really like... Ross...” - it wasn't exactly what he wanted to say, but Robert's next words made his angst go away.

“Or his mum.” - chuckled Robert. And that was exactly what Aaron wanted to say, but he felt like he couldn't. - “I mean I'm not saying she's a bad mum, but... I noticed that she's struggling sometimes.” - Aaron didn't answer to that, just kept on looking at Robert. Robert felt his gaze and stole a look, confirming what he's already suspected – “You wanted to say this didn't ya? I mean for real.”

“Okay yeah...” - he sighed not even trying to deny it. Why would he? – “It's just... as you said, I noticed it too. I think he's missing us.”

“I know, but... with this whole thing with Vic... I just don't think it's a good idea for him to stay over for long.”

“I know... I know.” - he said as he turned to look at Seb – “I just miss him so much when he's not there.”

“Me too.” - said Robert patting Aaron's thigh.

“DADA!” - they heard Seb.

“Alright, buddy we're gonna be there soon.” - said Robert looking at his son in the rearview mirror. - “It's a bit hot, can you give him his sippy cup?” - he asked Aaron.

“Yeah sure.” - he said already searching for it. That's how they spent the whole car ride. Making sure Seb was happy and content, and just enjoying their time together.

“How's the water Sebby? You like it?” - asked Aaron as he watched his husband splashing water at Seb. The little boy laughed so much, mirroring his father's actions, trying to get some water in his face as well. It was adorable to see, and Aaron couldn't help the smile on his face. He sat there at the edge of the pool for a couple of minutes more, before he gave in to Robert's invite.

“Finally.” - he whispered when Aaron got there pulling him to his side. The water was chest-high, so Seb was in his little swim ring. He was sitting in it like a king, without a care in the world. The water was still fascinating for him, and when he noticed no more splashing from his dads, he took matters into his tiny hands, trying to cause a scene. Robert's lips barely touched Aaron's when they heard their son, wanting attention.

“Exactly like his daddy.” - smirked Aaron – “ ...always wanna be in the centre of attention.... don't ya?” - he laughed swinging him around.

“Having fun?” - asked Robert as he rested his chin on Aaron's shoulder, looking at Seb, making funny faces at him.

“Yeah, we really do.” - answered Aaron as he bumped Seb's nose, letting him catch his hand in the process. Robert noticed how at ease was Aaron, and it was relieving. He kept his shirt on, but he wasn't the only one, and nobody seemed to be bothered about it. Robert was worried they might get some dirty looks because no matter how open-minded people were these days, there were always one or two arseholes wanting to ruin their fun. Not today it seemed.

Seb was pouting when they removed him from the pool. He was in it for hours, he needed to get out. They wanted to grab a bite, and maybe he didn't feel it now, but Seb needed his nap. Aaron dried him off, ruffling his hair with the towel, making him giggle. Then they agreed to eat something. They even got ice cream afterwards, and watching Seb trying to eat ice cream was one of the funniest things in the world. He looked like a little monster.

“Wait a second.” - said Robert to Aaron before he jumped up from his seat, only to return minutes later with a lemon.

“What's that?”

“Come on Aaron... it's a lemon. You should know.” - he laughed.

“No you idiot, I know what it is, I don't know why you got it.”

“Remember all those videos we watched like months ago? Where babies were eating lemon for the first time? It was so funny.”

“No.” - he said shaking his head. - “You're not gonna give that to him.” - he chuckled.

“Why not? Come on. It's gonna be funny, you can take a video.”

“Robert, I mean it, you can't do that to him.” - said Aaron laughing already, as he reached out to stroke Seb's little hand. He was unaware of this whole show, he just kept looking at his dads, not knowing what was going on.

“You wanna try this right Seb?” - asked Robert as he sat down next to the high chair. His tone was too convincing for a little kid, so Seb obviously started nodding. - “See? He wanna try it.”

“He's gonna cry.”

“It's a good thing I have the baby whisperer here with me then.” - he winked. Aaron only rolled his eyes, licking his ice cream.

“Go on then.” - he sighed finally.

“Here, just make sure to get it all on camera.” - grinned Robert as he tossed his phone over the table.

“The things I do for ya.” - mumbled Aaron, but Robert heard it.

“Ready?”

“Yeah, go for it.” - he smiled as he shook his head again. It's gonna end in tears... at least he was convinced about it.

Robert prepared the lemon before he slowly reached it out to Seb. - “Come on try it.” - he said with the biggest smirk on his face. Seb took it from him, then licked it, and as soon as he had that sour taste in his mouth, his little face started twitching. That was before he started coughing a bit, but he still kept on licking it. - “I think he likes it.” - laughed Robert.

“And I think that's enough.” - said Aaron, but he still hasn't stopped recording. - “Come on get it away from him.”

“Alright, alright.” - said Robert trying to get the lemon back from his son. It took a couple of minutes before he could achieve that because Seb seemed to like it. In fact, he liked it so much they had to buy a lemon ice cream afterwards, just to prevent the crying.

“I can't believe it.” - laughed Aaron, rewatching the video.

“I honestly thought he's gonna hate it.”

“Then why did ya give it to him?” - asked Aaron shoving Robert away from his side.

“Ouch. It was fun wasn't it?” - he smiled.

“You're lucky he loved it.”

“I think someone wants to go back to the pool.” - said Robert nodding at Seb.

“I think he needs to have at least a little nap first. He's gonna fall asleep any minute, look at his face.” - true enough they were both right. Seb wanted to get back, but he was too tired to keep his eyes open. - “Come here, buddy.” - said Aaron taking him into his arms. - “We're gonna go back, but first, you gotta rest a bit, coz you can't go in there with a full stomach.” - he kept on talking and Robert kept on looking at them. He rested his chin on his hand, looking like a lovesick teenager as he was listening to his husband's soft voice.

“Robert? Robert?” - called Aaron, trying to not speak too loud.

“Yeah... what?” - he said shaking his head to get out of his daydream.

“He's nodded off.” - he whispered, looking at his lap. Seb was holding onto Aaron, his face buried in his chest, as he slept.

“Stay there, don't move.” - said Robert before he took a picture. Aaron wanted to protest but he was too late. - “There. My new background picture.” - smiled Robert showing it to him.

“It's cute.” - admitted Aaron. - “Happy father's day.” - he said reaching out with his free hand.

“Happy father's day.” - smiled back Robert, taking his hand in his, just for a moment before they got lost in watching Seb sleeping soundly.

[fallen029]

Another au Miraxus. Your idea instead coz it’s amazing

“I’m gonna level with ya, man. I have no experience. None. And I will fuck up your copier if you leave me alone with it. It’s happened before and it will happen again. I didn’t even work at the last place I fucked up the copier. It was just a random gas station where the dude behind the counter was not helping me and I could not figure it out and, well, let me tell you, copiers ain’t cheap. I would know. It’s why I need this job. As your assistant. To pay back the dude at the gas station who I owe a copier. I’d really like to not get any more law enforcement officers involved than already are, you know?”

Freed sat there for a long moment, at the side of Laxus, heir to the Dreyar fortune. The two men, at the moment, were seated in the conference building of the latter man’s family corporation and were supposed to be doing the most menial task of all. Laxus’ grandfather, Makarov, had told Freed in no uncertain terms that this was Laxus’ last chance and he did not want anymore fuck ups to happen.

Because fuck ups were constantly happening.

It wasn’t that Laxus wasn’t drive. It wasn’t that Laxus wasn’t focused. It wasn’t that Laxus didn’t have good work ethic. It’s just that he was driven, focused, and work oriented towards other things. Like motorcycles. Cars. Women. Drinking.

Not interviewing candidates for stupid positions.

That’s what the old man didn’t get. If he would actually give Laxus something real to work on, something with substance, maybe he wouldn’t fuck it up.

“You’re not interviewing for the position to be Mr. Dreyar’s assistant as I, clearly, and Mr. Dreyar’s personal assistant,” Freed sighed when it was clear the man in question was lost then and had no interest in bothering with the canidate before them. “Bickslow, was it?”

“That’s it.”

“Bickslow what?”

“Bickslow what what?”

“No, I mean…you just wrong Bickslow on this…why did you hand me a sheet of paper with just your name printed on it?”

“Was gonna be my whole resume, see? But then, well, you already heard about the copier-”

“But you had to have had a copy, yes? To start with?”

“Look, man, your askin’ a lot of questions about this copier situation. You don’t know him? Do ya? That guy at the gas station? That son of a bitch-”

“I think,” Freed began slowly as he kept glancing at Laxus, expecting him to take over, “we’re done here.”

“Ya just think?” Bickslow whistled. “I would know, if I were you, before sayin’ somethin’ like that. Hey, Laxus, was it?”

“Mr.,” Freed told him with a glare, “Dreyar.”

Still, hearing his name, his actual name, Laxus finally stopped his gazing out of the glass walls surrounding the conference room and to Bickslow.

“I’m not askin’ for a fair shot, you know,” Bickslow told him. “I want, uh, special treatment, yeah? I want a job where I show up, nap some in the bathroom, smoke some in the break room, hit on women in the office. And not get fired for that. I was told to apply here, you know? By that woman out there? The one you’ve been staring at for the past ten minutes? Does that make any difference to you?”

“Mirajane,” Freed began slowly as Laxus just studied the guy before them, “asked you to interview for this position. The position of her assistant. She asked for you to interview.”

“Yeah. Why’s that so hard to believe?”

Well, there Mirajane was, anyways, that morning, in her brother’s convenience store, getting a cup of coffee before work. She was griping to him, Elfman, about how she couldn’t even afford nice coffee with her meager earnings at the Dreyar Corporation and then Elfman was offended because his coffee was made fresh daily, as in the start of the day, at midnight, because he was open 24/7 just to make ends meet and what the fuck was that guy doing over at the copier?

Well, after wrestling her brother away from the man she was ninety percent sure was homeless, she gave him her coffee and asked if he had somewhere to stay. When he said they all had somewhere to stay, if you really thought about it; the earth provided for all. And then Elfman was yelling out a price on the copier as he cried in anguish because most people only came in for the copier and then he made them buy something and how had Bickslow even gotten passed that rule?

“I’m sneaky,” he offered Mirajane as she just sighed some. “Lie, cheat, steal. I also steal gimmicks!”

“Maybe you should come work for my company then,” the woman sighed sarcastically and, well, here he was. After following her to her car and then almost getting assault by the woman who thought he was trying to assault her, he got a business card and, well, a few days had past by and she was kind of shocked to see him there, but still waved him on through.

How could she not?

Her brother wanted thousands of dollars out of him.

“So that’s the position, huh?” Bickslow looked out the glass walls surrounding the room as well, to where they saw a clean shot of her. Mirajane. Answering phones behind that floor’s receptionist desk. “Well, uh, I can work behind her, if you know what I mean. Under too. A top, if that’s an option.”

“Excuse me?” Freed looked to Laxus, to see if the man was going to throw the vulgar creep out yet.

Instead, Laxus’ eyes had drifted back over to Mirajane, where they stayed. When she noted this, all the way on the other side of the glass, the woman grinned over at them, and waved.

Bickslow immediately rose from his place at the conference table and waved back making her frown and sit back down.

“Yeah,” he said. “Me and her go way back.”

“You do?” Laxus, finally, spoke to him. “You know Mirajane. Seriously know Mirajane Strauss.”

“Know her? I owe her family money!”

“Why,” Freed groaned, who knew of her brother’s gas station, “is this all coming together now?”

Laxus, who had no idea anything about Mirajane Strauss or her brother or anything, really, just nodded his head. “IF she wants you as her assistant, then have at it.”

“Can I start today?”

“You are wearing jeans and a highly inappropriate t-shirt,” Freed remarked in evident disgust.

“If Mira wants you,” Laxus said with a shrug and, well, that required a high five. When Bickslow held his hand up, hoping to get this, and got nothing of the sort, he only shrugged and rushed from the room.

“No take backs,” he snickered over his shoulder.

“That would be called,” Freed complained as he rose too, to yell after the man, “being fired!”

Laxus felt a smile spread across his face though as he watched him go, the weird little guy, over to Mirajane’s receptionist desk where, upon getting to it, he ignored the fact she was on a phone call and only began to loudly talk about how he’d been hired on as her help.

“Help for the help, ah?” Bickslow whistled out there, loudly, getting some complaints about not only this, but also his loud voice from the surrounding cubicles. “What a swanky place.”

“They hired you?” Mirajane asked with a stricken look. “First they force me to take on an assistant and then they make it you? Of all people? The guy who just left had five degrees! I mean, I’d have felt bad for him, being the assistant to a receptionist, but still. You?”

“Me,” Bickslow said with pride. “I start today.”

“But-”

“And I’m also going on break. Oh, you guys got a break room? For me to do this in? Eh, don’t worry, I’ll find it.”

“You need a keycard. Sir. Sir!”

He disappeared though, off into the elevator, and Mirajane only slowly sunk down into her seat, head in her hands. She was busy considering if maybe upper management was trying to just get her to quit. You know, make her life miserable, so miserable that she just quit. Because they couldn’t fire her for some reason. Yes. That had to be it.

She was then considering what it would be like, if she had to go back to pulling hours at the convenience store with her brother and sister, which would suck because they couldn’t support themselves that way, but there was hardly any work, in Magnolia, and to move would mean…it would mean…when a large shadow fell over her and, stopping her considerations, Mirajane tilted her head back and forced a smile.

“Mr. Dreyar.”

“Laxus,” the man corrected with his serious expression.

“R-Right. Laxus. I-”

“Did you like him? Are you happy now?” Laxus still just stared at her. “I picked him for you. Special. Okay?”

Slowly, she nodded and he grinned, sort of, awkwardly, and Freed was at his side, more pressing matters on his mind.

“Mira, did you finish that filing I asked you to do?” he questioned. “And did you set up a meeting for Laxus with-”

“Well, I mean, special’s a kind of weird word for it.” Laxus was far from done with speaking to Mirajane about anything, but work. “I just know that you, you know, requested him and, well, that’s what I like to do here. Make people happy. Make you happy. Not you specifically. But… Hey, where is he?”

Mirajane threw her hands up in the air. “I have literally no idea.”

“He’s loose? In the building? The vagrant?” Freed took off then, speed walking to the nearest elevator. “Laxus, your grandfather is not going to like this.”

But the blond just glared after his assistant. “I was told to improve morale. I’ve improved morale. Mirajane, is your morale improved?”

“Well, I mean- Oh! I still have someone on the phone!” Suddenly, she spied the phone sitting there, on the desk and, when she brought it up to her ear, she cursed internally to find the line dead. Sighing loudly, she fell back into her chair, defeated. Then she realized he was still just standing there. Over her. Looming. Like someone who wanted to take her job away from her. A true Dreyar. Still, she forced a grin as she asked, “Did you need something else? Mr. Dreyar?”

“Laxus.”

“What?”

But he only scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck before saying, “I just, uh, well, your welcome.”

“For…”

“Hiring your friend.”

“My friend.”

“Yeah. The weird little guy.” Nodding, Laxus smiled at her, truly, before saying, “Just, uh, keep him away from the copier, huh?”

“You know about the copier?”

“Should I not?”

They both stared at one another then, Laxus in confusion and Mira in suspicion, but then Freed was rushing right back out of the elevator and over to them.

“Uh, Laxus, I think we have a situation…”

“He’s just gonna go smoke in a break room, Freed. I really don’t see what the big deal is.”

“No! It’s your grandfather. He wants to know why you’ve spent the whole morning interviewing candidates for a position that doesn’t even exist.”

“Our receptionist,” Laxus complained, motioning to the woman, “needed help. She’s swamped! Overworked! I improved morale.”

“He says he just wanted you to plan a party. And not even for this floor!”

“Well, you can’t please everyone, can you?” But Laxus grinned at Mira then. “I pleased you though, huh?”

She was glancing between the two of them, frowning, but did manage to say, “I really have calls to make-”

“Of course,” Freed said and bowed his head to her before reaching out to grab Laxus’ arm in an effort to lead him away.

“Bye. Mira.” Laxus cleared his throat some as he raised a hand to wave. “Jane. Mirajane. Yeah. Bye. See ya around.”

She gave half a wave back though, the second they were gone, she only buried her head in her hands and groaned.

If that awkward conversation was any indication, they were definitely trying to fire her.

“You cannot keep trying to sleep with the receptionist,” Freed told Laxus when, alone on the elevator headed up, to his grandfather’s office, the blond haired man only snorted.

“I’m not doing that.”

“You’re clearly doing that. And not well, I might add.”

“I hired her friend, Freed. What more can a woman want? Than for me to give her friend a job?”

“Shit.” Freed frowned as he recalled they’d let a beggar not only into the building, but also supposedly hired him. “I need to get security on that man.”

“If anything,” Laxus said as he straightened his tie as he stared at his rough reflection in the shiny metal of the elevator doors, “I’d say that was a successful day’s work.”

“It’s not even noon.”

Meh.

Details.

[sugod2-22]

3:29 PM Today’s the start of my new shift but last night, I went to sleep around 5 AM coz I just got used to it somehow, so on my 1 hour break, I took a nap. Ain’t even a proper nap coz I kept on checking the time. I’m prolly gonna go directly back to sleep after my shift. It’s the last day we’re gonna be handling our current queues. Easiest job I ever had really, it’s bound not to last long. I just hope the new one won’t be too complicated. Anyway, I compulsively bought 2 mangas again today. For real, as much as it does make me happy, it’s also kinda draining my bank account heh. I should learn to balance it. I just get a bit scared every time I found a title that I like that’s been out of stock for a while get posted at a cheaper price. I felt like I might lose an opportunity to have it in my small collection and read it. But yeah, what’s done is done. Can’t hide the fact that I’m quite excited to read them all! 4:44 PM First 3 pictures were throwback of me on the year 2015, when I turned myself blonde. Had a day trip in Camotes Islands with former workmates. Late 2014 was when I learned the news that my bf at the time died due to hit-and-run. Killed at 28 years old and left to die on the dark streets of Oceanside by a drunk driving marine corpsman. I didn’t really meet Philip in person coz he’s from the US of A but we were “together” for quite some time and made plans on meeting up, getting married, ya know those kinds of shit. I do remember him fondly. I found out about the tragic news through his mom. When he suddenly stopped talking to me without us having any previous fight, I just assumed he found someone else. Of course I wanted explanation but I thought you can’t really force people to give it to you, even if it’s the least you deserve. I refused to believe something horrible might’ve happened to him, although, I had felt it I guess weeks before and even told him about it. That something bad might happen to him. He assured me he’ll be fine though, he always tried to. Anyway, more than a month passed, I was heartbroken but somewhat accepting things between us, but then I received an email from his mom. She said she found a paper with written email addresses and passwords when she was cleaning up his place. She tried to log in and there she found my contact. Thus, we talked about what happened and what’s gonna happen to the guy who did it. That night on September 21, 2014, Philip texted me he was gonna ride his bike around, it was prolly quite late in his time while still mid-noon in mine. He said he loves and misses me so much, that was his last message. You know, it’s funny, in a cruel way, that even there was a CCTV footage of the suspect getting out of his Green Kia Soul to check what he had hit that night, even the police said the body was apparently moved, and there was a witness who heard everything, the guy was out on bail and pleaded not guilty. I think the court hearing ran for over three years, I can only imagine the pain his family went through attending it and reliving the same pain all over again. So I kinda understood why they just want it to be over, forgave him and try to move on from it as much as they can. Last update his mom gave was that the judge didn’t even rule to their favor, so apparently, the guy didn’t experience jail time and now a free man, prolly still a navy medic ironically enough. Philip was cremated and his ashes were scattered at sea with beautiful flowers, a lot of friends and family attended the ceremony. I’ll always appreciate how his mom took the time to share these pictures with me. He was a good surfer, funny, a gentle soul, and over all a great guy. We met in Tumblr of all places lol! Bonded over the band Tool, South Park shit, gif of a fat cat trying to push its way out a tiny pet door, and a bunch of odd conversations. I loved that guy a lot. May he rest in eternal peace.

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 16.06.17 lb

plain text version here. 

god, i'm honestly EXHAUSTED by this never ending conversation. how do people fucking talk to each other for more than 2 minutes at a time? i need a fucking nap after a routine “how are you? ghar pe sab kaise hai?” type conversation itself. and these ppl just. keep. going. 😯😯😯

"i was almost going to say that i... main galat tha." 

that's not that you were gonna say, you coward. you were gonna tell her that you fucking loved her. fucking fuck. 😒😒😒

yikes he's saying sorry and thank you all passive aggressively. 😬😬😬

oh man, anika's look towards om for strength. i can't. i caaan't. 😥😥😥

"he was right, i was wrong."

ok simmer the f down, dr. jekyll and mr. hyde. 🙄🙄🙄

omRu's "ugh itni mushkil se toh sudhar gaya tha. ab waapas iska puraana waala chutiyaapa jhelna padega." faces. 😆😆😆

yeah, ok, you know what, YOU’RE FUCKING WELCOME. 😑😑😑

pft, every day it’s a new status update with you and your marriage. some day you’re married to someone else, then you’re married to a whole new person who’s your “taaqat” and reason of you winning business awards, then 3 days later you’re breaking up with her. honestly, the indian public is so done with you and your teenage emo drama, shivaay. we have bigger issues. like drought, famine, disease, and the fucking economy. 😒😒😒

ohhhhhhhh mannnn, anikaaaaaa, my babyyyyyyyyy. noooooooo!!!!!!! this family isn’t even worth shedding tears over, let alone blood! 😥😥😥

ughhhhhhhh pinkyyyyyyyyy. i wish the bubonic plague and leprosy on you. 😤😤😤

keeeemat?????? bitch you want a keemat of having to deal with you and your mother on a daily basis? 😒😒😒

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaassss tell him girl. him and his fucking “keemat”. 😠😠😠

i’m honestly fascinated by the physics of anika’s blouse. how’s it even staying on, when there’s practically nothing holding it together in the back/sides??? magic!!! 😧😧😧

ok there’s no need for SUCH VIOLENT MANHANDLING, ASSHOLE.

the official tagline of this show. 😑😑😑

LMAO WHY THE HELL ARE THEY SUDDENLY UPSTAIRS???? is he taking her on a tour of the house to show her what she’ll be missing from today??? 🙄🙄🙄

ok his face is kinda killing me. a little bit. 😶😶😶

AND THIS FUCKING SONG. EVERY TIME. EVERY FUCKING TIME IT MAKES ME SOB LIKE A BITCH BABY. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

esp the “rang the noor tha, jab kareeb tu tha, ek jannat sa tha yeh jahaan” part. it’s always the part that gets me. 😫😫😫

is there deeper symbolism to the fact that she fell into the lap of the deity (can’t quite identify which one it is? the posture is that of Shiva, but the face more Krishna-like...) maybe that divine forces will protect her through this phase? 🤔🤔🤔

no, don’t show me all his promisessssss. lies. alllllllllll lies. MEN ARE NOTHING BUT FUCKING LIARSSSSSS. I HAAAAAAAAAAAATE THEM ALLLLLLLL. 😡😡😡

the last time they did this exact same thing, they were faking, and sharing secret smiles. 😪😪😪

he still can’t resist turning back to look at her one last time. 😭😭😭

anikaaaa, myyyyyyyy babyyyyyyyyy. honestly, i just want dharti maa to phatofy and take her. coz none of you fucking mortals deserve my goddess. she deserves to be free of the fuckery of the human plane forever. 😤😤😤

shivaay’s going to go on a tod-phod benderrrrrrrrr isn’t he? 😕😕😕

yeah dude, ok, you’re pretty handsome. stop staring at your own reflection so lovingly, you narcissist. 🙄🙄🙄

lmao what a weakass punch. PUT SOME FEELING INTO IT, YOU GODDAMN PUSSY. FUCKING BLEED. LIKE MY GIRL DID. 😠😠😠

good. also my god the terrible graphics. fucking hell. 🤢🤢🤢

he’s bleeding rooh afza again. 🙄🙄🙄

is that chanda? (and ranveer/kamini’s house? lol.)

oh wait she’s closing the door. it’s supposed to be her old house again??? 🤔🤔🤔

i honestly have zero sympathy for shivaay right now. so don’t even bother showing me his breakdown. like i know it’s not any of his fault, but it’s a little his fault. because he’s so goddamn stupid. and didn’t even use 0.3% of his fucking brain before reacting immediately like a goddamn monkey at the zoo that kids were throwing peanuts at. 😒😒😒

and also coz he’s a man. and men suck. and are incapable of doing anything right. 😑😑😑

^^^ the ishqbaaz fandom, after every episode this week. 

okay, how have i never noticed how fucking high pitched this song was? it’s making MY lungs hurt, just listening to the notes she’s hitting. 😬😬😬

ok little bit sympathy at his baby face while crying. but still not even 10% of what i’m feeling for my girl. 😭😭😭😭

lmaooooooooooo meghna, girl, give him more than a fucking hour at least? like his damaged ass was fucked up to begin with, you really wanna go after him NOW and be his rebound? love yourself, girl. love yourself. 😐😐😐

man i just don’t likeeeeee aditi’s acting. like... it always feels like whatever emotion she’s trying to show is 85% diluted or something. i never really FEEL anything. plus her dialogue delivery is still sucky, after allllllllllll these years. 😕😕😕

oh shut up dadi. aapko kisi lambi yaatra pe nahi jaana? please go. and don’t come back for 6 - 9 months, thanks. 😒😒😒

NAZARRRRRR HI LAG GAYI. IS KALMUHI MUMMEH KI. 😤😤😤

yo man i never thought there would be a time when i’d be so strongly team Shakti. this show. truly such a mindfuck tripppppppp. 😳😳😳

ooooh pinky ko jhanvi ki baat chubhiiiiii. good. 😈😈😈

“jabse anika gayi hai...” 

meaning what??? how many days have passed? 🤔🤔🤔 are you ppl just getting overly emotional about him missing ONE meal and staying in his room for ONE night???? the fuck is wrong with you clingy ass fuckers. let a man fucking breathe. 😒😒😒

why is this rando security staff in charge of fixing meetings? surely it should be mishra’s job? 🤔🤔🤔

i miss mishra. mishra was cute. 😊😊😊

lmaoooooo yeah ok, “ON TOP OF THE WORLD.” sure. 😆😆😆

oh hallelujah, 300 episodes later, this fucker is finally GOING TO OFFICE. 😯😯😯

gotta say, if nothing else, i relate to pinky’s level of being in denial. 😎😎😎

fat free toast. jesus christ, rudra. who the fuck starts off their morning with a plateful of depression like this???? 😟😟😟

no one wants your food-bribes, shivaay. we want anika. 😣😣😣

why are we even here, checking up on shivaay??? we already knew how the shivaayBot would react to this situation. i care about my girl. show me herrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!! 😥😥😥

lmaooooooooooo omRu’s 1000% done faces. rudra looks like he straight up wants to kick shivaay in the nads. 😂😂😂

phone isliye kaata kyunki bitch don’t you dare come for mishra. he’s the one who’s been running this empire while you’ve been lounging around at home, dealing with your “girl problems” for a year. 😒😒😒

son please. you haven’t been “absolutely normal” since the day you exited your mama’s womb. 🙄🙄🙄

... no like seriously, is this next morning or 2 weeks later or a month later or.... i don’t get it. 😕😕😕

kal se... ok, it’s next day. 😐😐😐

ok anika, come on. don’t turn on chanda like this. sisters above misters, always. 👯🏽👯🏽👯🏽

also wait, this is chanda’s house???? LMAO, SO SHE SHUT CHANDA OUT OF HER OWN HOUSE IN ORDER TO TO HAVE HER LITTLE EMO SHIT FIT???? LOLOLOLOL. 😂😂😂😂😂

i likeeeeeeeeee chanda. she’s sweet. and sensible. and supportive. i hope we see more of her in the coming days! 💖💖💖

OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. DON’T MAKE ME FEEL FOR SHIVAAY BY USING SAHIL LIKE THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.😩😩😩

are they ever planning to tell sahil??? 🤔🤔🤔

probably not, coz they know he has the most sense of them all and will make them get back together in like 3 minutes flat. 🙄🙄🙄

oh, looks like shivaay’s pesky little Awareness™ problem is back. 🙃🙃🙃

[islandpcosjourney]

Nodding off while playing piano!?! Yikes!

8th November 2018

One of the facebook memories from 6yrs ago that came up today was:

“Well that’s a new one! Nodding off while playing the piano in the school wind band! I need matchsticks to keep my eyes open today!”

Little did I know that this was anything relating to my PCOS! I would get tired at work, everyone does, but the tiredness was really affecting my work and I was kind of ignoring it or rather not understanding it coz I genuinely didn’t know why it was happening.

A few months after diagnosis, I moved to Somerset and started a new job at a music school where I was working between buildings and in the boarding house overnight. I’d got a diagnosis, started on the pill then moved so I’d had no follow up with my GP, registered with a new one and that was that, no further help or communication regarding my condition. So when I began to realise that I wasn’t able to burn the candle at both ends (Get the girls out of bed at 7am, supervise them at breakfast then go to work all day, come straight back to the boarding house and be on duty from either 4-7 or overnight) I started becoming suspicious that this wasn’t really my fault, it wasn’t plain tiredness. I was drinking at least half a dozen cups of tarry black coffee each day, sometimes a dozen, just to keep me going. It was when I started falling asleep while walking between buildings at work (on the main road too I might add) that I realised I was dangerous! Coffee just wasn’t hitting the spot anymore.

When I went to the GP about it and declared that I had been diagnosed with PCOS, he straight away suggested a medication (Metformin) that might help me but he didn’t explain why. I took it without questioning it, I was desperate. I also continued reading my PCOS books, which became clearer to me that I had to give up caffeine to help my hormones. So I switched to de-caff. It was hard and I was still battling the daily/hourly exhaustion. I would have spells of adrenaline rushes then almighty lows. I put it down to the caffeine first of all then the caffeine withdrawal. I still didn’t think it was anything relating to my PCOS. 

A year later, I was still experiencing the terrible ups and downs of my exhaustion and had been caffeine-free since christmas so it wasn’t that. Clearly in 2012 it was affecting me that badly that I was falling asleep while playing the piano - uh oh! Why didn’t I see all this as major warning signs? I maybe did but living & working in a boarding school situation was hard enough with the long hours that I was perhaps just putting it down to that rather than my health. Thinking back on it, even years before diagnosis I would find myself very sleepy to the point of not being able to keep my eyes open. That’s when my real coffee addiction started! I was doing stupid things like teach all day, then drive from manchester to edinburgh after school, stopping at each service station for an americano, Stay at my folks’ all weekend then get up at silly o’ clock monday morning to drive back to go straight into teaching again! My body was really confused, I was pushing it too hard and that’s all it was surely?

Well years later I discovered it had nothing to do with my coffee addiction, it was my hormone levels messing with my insulin. I wasn’t having caffeine highs and lows, I was having sugar highs and lows - majorly! But Metformin didn’t help me like it was supposed to, believe it or not, my exhaustion got better when I came off it and I watched what I ate, not that I was yet connecting all the dots together correctly, but it was a start. It wasn’t until I got married and asked for fertility help that I reluctantly agreed to go back on Metformin again, just so I could get a referral to the local Gynecologist. By then, I’d been following Kym’s plan and felt amazing for a few months. Going back on the metformin put me back a few stages - like back to the beginning! Exhaustion ups and downs again! By the time I saw the Gynecologist and I explained my symptoms she actually said that it sounded like I was intolerant to Metformin so I was to stop it straight away - Phew! Having said that, I still haven’t got back on track quite yet but at least I know to stay away from the meds! 

It’s very appropriate that the sleepy memory should pop up today as it’s due to my caffeine addiction that I recently decided enough was enough. The most recent period of my life (sept-oct) where I was needing a boost due to work hours was sponsored by Coca Cola! This was my go-to source for temporary caffeine as I knew that if I had a cup of coffee, I would become addicted to it again as I loved the taste of a cup of coffee - so comforting! so I genuinely haven’t touched one since I gave up de-caff coz i got bored of asking everywhere if they did de-caff. Back in 2011 it was surprising how few places did a good de-caff. Normally I’d get hit back with “do you mind a sachet?” whereas now you could actually get a de-caff coffee that tastes like proper real coffee! Anyway, no hot cups of coffee for me - caff or de-caff! 

SO I turned to Coca Cola in september to give me both sugar & caffeine hits to keep me going when I needed to work long into the night. It worked, I never felt tired and I got all my work done. Hubby asked me to keep my empty coke bottles so he could germinate seeds in them so it was a win win situation, until he came home....... He was staggered by the number of bottles I’d collected for him. He expected a few but not dozens! He pointed out that I was drinking too much of the stuff but it was a few weeks later when my heavy workload finished that I was able to give it up. I went 3-4 days without coke before the withdrawal started - bad, bad headaches & needing power naps. As I had a weekend to Yorkshire planned with my girls and my dog with lots of driving required, I decided to go back on the Coca Cola for a few more days before I reached home and could come off it cold turkey and not worry about the tiredness. 

Happy to report that I’m now caff-free again, the Coca Cola withdrawal is finished and I’m back on the water full time. In fact now its getting colder, perhaps getting back on my spearmint tea would be a good thing! (Fact of the day: Spearmint tea rather than peppermint lowers testosterone levels when taken regularly like twice a day every day for a long period of time).

I remember the period when I managed to get my blood sugar under control (February-June 2017) and I really want to get back to that stage. This time I am learning all about the right foods to sustain me and keep my sugars level.

Wish me luck as the journey continues!!

xx M xx