#couldn't watch in theatres at the time so at the very least I'm glad i can cross that off my list now

[kohakuchuu]

Just finished watching the Uncharted movie which became available on Netflix - I'm really not a person who lets the internets opinions influence my own judgement, so I went in with an open mind. But DEAR GOD, they were right 😅

I love the games and the characters and this didn't feel like them at ALL. Literally everybody is miscast and the script is a mess of "oh that was a cool scene, let's just put that in somehow even if it's super random", a missing cohesive plotline and badly written dialogue.

At least it was cool to see Nolan North's infamous beach cameo although i feel bad for him how this movie was not a good representation of the games.

Ah well, I think with other productions based on games that were actually good (like The Last Of Us for example), Hollywood veeeery slowly seems to realize how to do these right and wrong, a pity that Uncharted fell into the latter category...

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Guess what, guys? Guess what? Guess what guess what guess what guess what?

Finally. Fucking hell, finally. He took so long to finally announce what he's doing this summer. Which is apparently not Edinburgh, which I find odd because in previous years it's at least been a whole big thing, where he'd either go to Edinburgh or would spend a bunch of time explaining why he wasn't and how he was conflicted about staying home. I haven't seen Daniel Kitson explain any of that this year, but he has got shows in non-Edinburgh places that run to August 3rd and from August 24th, and he hasn't mentioned anything he's doing in Edinburgh even though we're a month out now, so I think it's safe to say he's not going there. Which I've known was likely the case for a little while now, and while that was disappointing, he had said he'd probably do a run of Collaborator in London in July.

I'm going to be in London from July 28-August 1, before being in Edinburgh from August 4-8 (a couple of days in Scottish Highlands in between), and if I can't see him in Edinburgh, I so, so hoped that he'd do something in London while I'm there. Anything. Anything at all. Not to be 6,287th person in the world to say "I'd happily watch Daniel Kitson read the phone book," but I'd happily watch Daniel Kitson read the phone book. I'd happily watch him do that show he wrote in 2019 that I'm convinced was conceived as a direct response to all the people who said they'd watch him read the phone book, as a fair bit of the early part of that show is just him essentially reading the household items equivalent of the phone book. No, seriously, I would love to watch that. He was supposed to do more of Keep in 2020 but that got canceled for some reason that no one can remember now and I think he should revive it.

Okay, sorry, I'm going off topic. The point is that I've been waiting for some time now on Daniel Kitson to tell us what he's doing with his life, and I've been putting off committing to any other concrete plans throughout my trip because I don't want to risk anything clashing with what could be the only chance to see Kitson. My godmother lives out there, she hasn't seen me in ten years, she wants to know when I'd be free to meet up with her, I said I don't know, I'm waiting for a comedian to send a message to his mailing list with his gig schedule. I wanted to book a show at the Soho Theatre, but not until I know what Kitson's doing. I want to plan one or two day trips out of London, but not until I know what evenings are taken.

And the thing is that I knew the longer I wait on everything in the hopes that KItson will do Collaborator while I'm there, the more I'll get my hopes up for it and start assuming I'll get to see it, and the more disappointed I'll be when he announces a run that ends before I get there. So I tried to compensate and remind myself that it's not actually the end of the world. Sure he's my favourite comedian, but he's still only one comedian. I'm booked in to see nearly thirty shows in Edinburgh, plus several more in London. One other show isn't going to make or break the trip.

That's what I was saying until today, when he finally announced his dates, and guys, guess what? I have a ticket to see Daniel John Kitson at an arts centre in London on July 29!!! And now that I actually have that, I can say, this trip is a hell of a lot of money to spend to not see Daniel Kitson. I'm so fucking glad I'm not doing this whole massive trip just to not see Daniel Kitson. I'm so glad. So very very glad. I couldn't have gone all that way to not see Daniel Kitson.

Guys it's going to be so good. Normally at something like this - a show with lots of audience speaking parts but the option to not speak - I'd take the latter. But obviously I'm not going to miss my sole opportunity to say I was in a Daniel Kitson show. Obviously I will take a speaking part and I will be in a Daniel Kitson show. It's such a great show, too. I'm going to be in a room with Daniel Kitson, guys. I have heard that guy talk for so many hours, a weird number of hours to have spent listening to a guy with whom I've never been in a room. I wonder if, of all the people in the world who have never been in a room with Daniel Kitson, I'm the one who's heard the most hours of him talking. There's a chance that I might be.

I'm so excited for this. The whole trip, not just the bit where I'll be in a room with Daniel Kitson. But definitely that. I've also got tickets to see Brynley Stent do her 2023 hour Frigid at the Soho Theatre during my week in London, and Desiree Burch do a WIP at ABC Comedy in London, the day I get back there from Edinburgh, and the day before I fly home. Both things I've been able to book now that I know what Kitson's doing. I'm hoping to do at least one other comedy night in London, I'd like to see the Bill Murray comedy club in person after all the words I've heard recorded there. But these are the main things. Soho Theatre and ABC are big things I wanted to see, venue-wise, Desiree Burch is a comedian I really wanted to see and was disappointed she gets to Edinburgh after I leave but it works out nicely with the WIP, and Brynley Stent I liked on Taskmaster and the description of her show looks very good. So I think I'll get to hit the main things I wanted on my list.

But I'll be honest, if Kitson's Collaborator run had ended in mid-July, I would be thinking that as wonderful as the rest of this trip is going to be, it's a long fucking way to go to not see Daniel Kitson. It's okay, though. I have a ticket (well sort of, my friend whom I'm staying with in London bought us tickets when they went on sale while I was at work and I shall pay him back with their strange British currency, so I don't actually have the ticket yet, but I'll get to use it). I can finally commit to things on other nights. Just over one month to go.

[eatinurgutz]

oh my dear im so sorry it didn’t send. i can rewrite it. 🤍 hello my dear. happy birthday. have a wonderful day. hopefully this letter will slightly brighten your day.

i love your attention. it is absolutely addicting, my love. i wish i could just talk to you forever.. i wish you were always with me. that we were never apart… 🤍 a job sounds fun. :) please take care of yourself though, i want to make sure you don’t overwork yourself. the idea of you loving me more once you find who i am is .. enticing. i hope you are right. for my sake.. im so glad you like talking to me, that brings me so much joy.

i would love if you could take me away.. you wouldn’t even have to pamper me or anything. you could keep me in a small cage, and as long as i got to see you every day, id be happy. 🤍 i would wait for you every day like an obsessed puppy. i crave you so deeply.. some days, i feel like im going crazy. ^^;

you’re opening up to me? oh my goodness, that makes me so happy! 🤍 im so glad i can be a comforting place for you, at least at times.. that brings me so much joy. i will definitely stay strange.. i dont enjoy being “normal”. i would absolutely love to have you at my side at all times … 25/8 🤍 i love talking to you. makes my heart flutter.

oh don’t write for me my dear.. i should be the one doing it for you! but if you insist.. i can’t deny that i would absolutely melt. 🤍 my black cat .. oh that’s so romantic 🤍 again, don’t worry too much about giving me anything. as long as you give me even a smidgen of attention, i will be happy.

id say i prefer pink and white. i am a very fem person :) id honestly recommend watching the entirety of legally blonde the musical. it is one of my favorites. also, im glad you were able to listen to some phantom .. it is so wonderful. i love opera in general 🤍 im glad i can be a first for you then, my dear. im a big musical theatre nerd, in all honesty. thank you for staying safe.

i love you. i love you i love you i love you. thank you so much for talking to me. it’s so hard to stop myself from thinking about you.. so i wont. 🤍 i hope you will respond soon my dear.

your coco, all yours ☕️

It's okay, love. Don't be sorry. :) it has brighten my day very much, brighter than the sun! 🤍 I love giving you my attention, i love when YOU give me attention. . . I do wish we could talk forever also. . . I think that would make my days better and make my life feel worth living, Because i would have you. 🤍 Even then, talking to you when i can is just as good. I enjoy our moments and i shall savour them inside my mind, heart and soul. <3 Yes, it does sound fun. Don't worry, if i do get one, I'll try my best to not stress or over-work. But, Hopefully i would be able to give you gifts. . . Even if i couldn't send them right away, i would keep them inside big boxes until i could. I would wait just for you, my dearest coco. :3 Whoever you are, try not to over think about when you reveal yourself, alright? I'm not sure why you do think i wouldn't love you anymore anyways. . . It breaks my heart. :( but if i have to reassure you every minute, every hour, every day, every week. . . I will. Just for you, dear. I love love talking to you, i truly do. You make me feel whole, coco. 🤍‼️ a small cage for you would be adorable. . . But i would have to decorate it. To make it extra special for my baby. <3 At times, i also feel I'm going crazy for you. . . But that's fine with me. ^_^ Yes, i am opening up to you! 🤍 And what ever you wanna know, just ask. I won't mind! Normal is boring, anyways. . . Let's be strange together, dear! We can write for each other, but ill probably write more. . . >:) ehehehe. Yes, I'll be your black cat and I'll protect you from the other cats. . . As you are mine. . . I'll give you every. single. drop. of my attention! 🤍 Hmm, alright!!! I can be your red and black to your pink and white. . . ♡ mwhehehe. . . I'll try watching it for you, dear. :) And maybe one day we can watch an opera together. <3 Just me and you. Then we can go for dinner, and I'll buy you whatever you want. <333 You're welcome, dear. . . I'll try to stay safe as much as i can! I love you too, i love you too, i love you too! I'll always talk to you, when i can, my dear. I can't wait to talk more and more and more. . . <3 I love talking to you so much! You make everything better. I never wanna be without you, coco. I want to be glued to your side. I want to be inside of your heart forever and ever and EVER. You could use my teeth as rings, my bones as necklaces. I'll rip out my heart and give to you, bloody and all. I want to follow you everywhere. . . No matter where you went, i would follow! Like a lost puppy, YOUR lost puppy.

─ forever and ever, my lovely coco. . . From nik. 🤍

[mirrorballwhoistrying]

I recall November holding my breath (23/12/2023)

I'm so late, late to the November reflection and it's almost 2024. It's so good to finally able to sit and look back on what I've done instead of rushing to finish one thing to another, which is basically what happened to me in November.

I feel like I've lived so many lives this November (am I saying this to every month?). Why am I still living for this thrill?

At the start of November, I was finishing my Chevening application. Then I got an email that I got shortlisted for the interview again for AFP on the 13th. That time, I lowkey knew I was giving up on Chevening (why do I always give up on things when it's almost the end? What kind of sabotaging behavior is this?) When the interview email came, I had to readjust my whole plan. I mean it was at least better than the interview falling during the time I was in Jakarta for real. I planned to visit HCM during the 2nd week to watch the Eras Tour. I readjusted immediately just so I had the 2nd week for interview preparation.

It was expensive traveling solo for real. For the I could save some 30% if I have companions. I was panicking about finding the Eras Tour ticket because I couldn't access the website in Cambodia. It ended okay. I wish my theatre was more lively though.

Then the usual thing was I went to G sauna. This sauna is not as good as the previous two. I'd make sure to go to the other 2 next time. Then I went to the G Club. I don't know where my confidence came from, I started talking to several people, making some Singaporean friends and got one Columbian & Filipino to connect to my IG and kept messaging me, ended up kissing the VN guy that caught my eye and the whole night. Damn! I felt very bejewed!

Then I have to come back to reality. Preparation for the interview, it was so emotionally torturous. It was likely reliving all the trauma and my fear of failure and rejection all over. I'm glad I asked P & K for help. I even did a coaching session about it and cried my heart out.

The topic I raised was about the confidence to live the life that I want to. She asked me whether I have a reason why I always use “I guess” or “maybe” in everything I say.

It clicked with me on how often I use downgrader words in my everyday sentence. In a way, it opens the door for further disagreement from others and means that I’m not absolute with my answers, but the thing is it also makes everything I say sound not confident, and somehow it also makes me feel not confident unconsciously as well.

She also asked me about the interview this time and how the progress I’ve made so far from last time. That’s when I reflect on how isolated those journeys I did before as well. I prepared on my own, scared to ask for help and to be judged. This time, I dared to reach out to my friends for feedback for improvement and did the mock interview. It gave me so much assurance that I’ve improved a lot. I got the courage to be seen and to receive feedback for improvement. Looking back I guess a lot of it was in my head. Maybe it was all perception in my head all along. Nobody is perfect and no one expects me to be. I’ve tried so hard to look confident and appear flawless, but at the same time, I locked myself out of any opportunity I had to improve myself or connect with people. Real confidence is the courage to be vulnerable and ask for help, to be seen. It gave me control, power, and comfort I know that I had it all along. 

Looking back to the program I applied for YSEALI AFP, and also other programs I applied for, or interactions with people that I have, I always look for what they are looking for and mold myself to fit their needs and narrative, but have I ever asked myself what exactly do I look for? Who I am? I might get selected or be liked initially, but in the long run, it’s just so, so exhausting. 

Still, after the session, I can’t control 100% how I’m going to be selected for the program or not, but that’s not important. I’m going to show up as my authentic self and if they don’t select me, it doesn’t determine my self-worth, or maybe it’s not what they are looking for and the program doesn’t fit me and that’s okay.

Energy attracts like energy. This is what my couch told me, and it’s just so powerful. I have to exude the energy that I want or like so that people with similar energy can join in. I can’t pretend to be something else and expect to find like-minded people. 

I did the interview and it was okay. nothing good, nothing exceptional. I tried my best and that's what matters.

Now I had a few days left before going to Jakarta. The few days, I spent on revising applications with my mates to apply for a grant. I really didn't rest at all. The application was done but it wasn't perfect.

Then the in-person forum in Jakarta. I needed a whole blog to write about that experience. What I can say is how different it felt with these people. They gave me so much comfort and safe space and assurance that we provide to one another. I love how it just doesn't end once the program ends. We still keep in touch.

Coming back from the in-person forum, I was so exhausted. The 4AM flight back home really messed up mentally. I rejected going to the SR marathon because I was so exhausted and had to prepare for the ERASMUS+ application. hmmm, all the hectic schedule of mine was really made by me!

After the in-person forum, I just spent the Water Festival trying to complete the Erasmus+ essays. That's it. That's how my November went!

I feel so fulfilled for this month. One thing I want to keep from these months is the perspectives I gained and something I want to carry into 2024 as well!

[nagitokomaeda-the69th]

Hello! I see request are open so may i request for headcannons for Felix with an artist!s/o or a oneshot where Felix becomes a muse (aka inspiration) for whatever they're drawing or painting no pressure!

dhfkdhkdhfghfgh I've been a wannabe artist for so long this is so cute akfhkehfksgjdfkhgkdgh

Also "or"? More like an "and" ill do both.

(Long post warning)

-C'mon felix is a nerd, a bookworm, and canonically a theatre kid what makes you think he isn't an art nerd

-Even if he doesn't have quite a art skills himself (the last time he touched a box of watercolors he painted his bedsheets more than he painted on the paper) he still has a deep appreciation for art and there's many expensive paintings hung around in their manor.

-You cannot tell me he doesn't have at least one goth painting hung as a display somewhere around his room

-If you're an art student, he's pretty interested in the things you have to tell about what you learned there. Art is a lot more than just drawing and painting, it's culture. It's history. He wants to know more about your culture.

-Teach him art! He'll be more than glad to finally improve his skills after perhaps having given up long ago.

-With every technique you're teaching him there's always some old fun memory that comes up to share. Laughing together. Felix talks about how Scylla wouldn't let him hear the end of it when he messed up his bedroom for an umpeenth time trying to 'perfect his skills in watercolor'. You watch him struggle with a particular technique and remember how long it took you to master it. You both realise that there's so many stories about each other that you don't know about yet and there's so much left to learn.

-Let me just imagine a picture of child felix sitting in a mess of watercolors with his hands the color of the rainbow. There's a little color mark on his nose and cheeks dhfkadshakha

-Has books about the history and culture in Astarea, tells you all about the famous era-defining paintings and artists.

-ART GALLERY DATE I REPEAT ART GALLERY DATE.

-If you've never gone to art school and self-taught yourself art, Felix is in awe.

-How. How are you so skilled?

-"It seems that I am not the only 'prodigy' in this room. You are a prodigy in art, just as much as I was in magic."

-He is a rich boy any art supply you want you'll get before you've finished asking for it.

-The way he looks at you when you're super concentrated on your current piece. He's paying full attention to every stroke you make. He's paying attention to the way you pause for a moment to brush back your hair. He's paying attention. He's paying attention and he's lovestruck.

-He will never tire of watching you work and do what you love.

-Make an art piece specially for him. Gift it to him. He will cry.

----------------------------------------------------------------

-"Woah, this is beautiful" Even if you wanted to say something humorous, or witty, or something that could just capture the pure awe you were feeling right now, you couldn't. Your breath was caught in your mouth.

Felix didn't even attempt to hide his smirk, satisfied that you loved this sight as much as he hoped you would. "I did tell you that this is one of those events I look forward to throughout the year. Papa is masterful at his gardening skills."

An assemble of flowers lay before you, in full bloom. They almost looked like tiny little lights sparkling in the sunset. The wind was cool, bright, making them sway only ever so slightly. You'd found a newfound appreciation for spring, right this moment.

"This is so peaceful."

Felix bent down only ever so slightly, moving his face closer to the bushes. "These are my personal favorites, they are called double-black hellebores." He looked up at you, expectant. "So, what do you think?"

But your priorities had changed, right this very moment. "Felix, don't move"

"Huh?"

"I need to paint this." You almost squealed with excitement. "You look absolutely ethereal."

"I'm glad you liked these flowers so much you want to paint the- Wait. Me? Did you just say you want to paint me?"

You rubbed your hands together, looking down nervously. "Umm, you don't mind right?"

"Mind? Me? WhywouldImindItotallydontmind" Felix glitched for a moment, realised he was tripping over his words so hard he might as well be speaking Vellan right now, and repeated in a coherent manner. "I was just surprised that you wanted to paint me of all things."

Clearly enjoying how flustered he got, you decided to take your chance. "Why? You're prettier than any flower over here."

-This man is redder than the sun rn fr. Make sure to have lots of red in your pallete to make a point of it.

-jk draw him pretty. And yes make a point of how pretty he is.

-Felix still decides that standing half-bent holding a flower in a bush isn't exactly the most comfortable position to pose in, so you still decide on a different pose. Now he's sitting on a bench nearby holding the black hellebore in his hand instead.

-This man doesn't move a muscle no matter how long you're taking fr. He wants you to do your absolute best and would feel guilty if you 'messed up because of him'

-It's especially hard too because the excitement of being painted by you is making him go jdbfkajsbsjvasvjbs internally. He is a mental mess rn he is the mascot of the screaming internally meme currently. He is my face when im reading fluff but my parents are in my room.

-The wind is just as cool and continues to blow just as lightly. His soft hair sways just as slightly as the other flowers in the garden. It the only thing of his that's moving right now.

-It's late in the evening and you can hear the sounds of all different kinds of birds chirping as they make their way home. It's getting dark so you decide to speed up a bit or you'll be having trouble completing it when the light's too dim.

-Felix doesn't know where to look so he just kind of decides to have a staring competition with the flower in his hand. He does that for quite a while until he finds himself wondering if you're done yet and shifts his gaze slightly to look at you.

-Unfortunately for him, your eyes meet.

-It's taking him everything to not get flustered and change his expression, posture, anything.

-You smile. "It's okay, you can relax. I'm done now."

-He does a little stretch of relief before getting up. "Boy, it was getting stiff."

-One look at your painting, and the past whatver-amount-of-hours he was sitting are suddenly worth it

-"This is so..." Felix was at a loss for words. "I've never had anyone paint me so.."

-"Handsome? Pretty? Cute? I worked hard to make it extra good. I really wanted to convey accurately how you look like, to me."

"Is... this how I look like, to you?"

"Well, I could work a bit on the angling, and i guess I messed the hair up a little and-"

"It's perfect." And he tackles you into a hug hkjfkjdfkjgbfdk

-That portrait will remain with him till the end of time i tell you.

-At some point when he's confident enough in his own art skills he'll offer to draw you too. He's probably going to take a lot of time 'because he really wants to convey how beautiful you look to him.' and he'll probably mess up because he was trying to be too perfectionistic BUT HES TRYING HIS BEST HES TRYING HIS BEST YOU HEAR ME? :(

DGUASKBKGJ THIS TURNED OUT LONG

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Inej Ghafa x fem! insecure! Reader - Arms Of A Saint

A/n: I know this came out of no where but... Here it is! I promise that dancing eyes part 2 is coming out soon I just had an idea and I couldn't get it off my mind. Plus! Cause I just watched Cruella recently I will be making a Kaz Brekker fic based off of that ish!

Warnings: Body dysphoria, the reader thinks she's ugly, blood, guns, mentions of wounds, YOUR ALL BEAUTIFUL REMEMBER THAT!!! I think that's it? You have been warned!

Summary: You get the Wraith hurt, and your insecurities get the best of you

(image not mine)

You sighed and rested your forehead against the cool glass of the window. You considered bashing your head in too, maybe this feeling would go away then.

Tears started to build up in your e/c eyes and you couldn't stop them from falling down your face. Of course, you were crying - not being good enough fucking sucked.

Brushing your tears away angrily, you stomp over to your dresser. Why couldn't you just be good at your job? It would make everything so much easier if you could just be as good as the others. At least then you would be competent at something and your looks might not have mattered that much then.

You bring out a small bag and start shoving some clothes in the sac. More tears start to drip out of your eyes and you can't seem to stop them as you pack up everything (which is very little).

Stop being weak Y/n.

You hurry and run out the door with your bag in your hands. Your lucky it's a Sunday because most of the dregs would be out at the bar or on a job. You almost start running down the stairs but the window seems like the better option. And the Wraith wouldn't be out tonight.

That was completely your fault too.

Starting to climb out of the window and you land on the ground with a thump. You groan in pain, great you probably bruised your bone. Fucking fantastic.

You double-check you have everything and that your katanas are on your back. Tracking your path back towards the harbour where your boat would be there always waiting for you.

It always knew you were going to run back to it. You always did, in the end.

You were blind, naive even. You've always been running your entire life, running from your abusive parents. Running from sick men, running from your insecurities. You were good at it too, Inej may have been good a disappearing in plain sight but you could travel across the world and no one would be able to find you again even if they had the exact coordinates to where you were.

Inej, oh Inej.

Leaving your friends was going to be hard, but leaving Inej? You almost wept at the idea. She was your moonlight, yet she was your sunrise. Your moonrise, your little nickname for her.

She was always so amazing but you never envied her, no. You embraced her and all that she was, her bad parts and her good parts, Inej Ghafa was a saint if you ever saw one.

And the fact that you love her may also be another reason.

You run down the harbour trying to reach your boat before anyone would catch you. Although you did have a seeking suspicion that they would be secretly glad you left. No one screws up as many times as you do, and this was just the breaking point because you screwed up big time.

You had nearly gotten the Wraith killed.

You were with the Crows on a simple job, get inside the house that had ten security guards and kill the sleeping man and get out. Simple. Really you wondered why Kaz even needed the crows for this one.

Then how did it go so wrong?

You were all running, they knew you were going to be there but they didn't even double their guards. No, they thought someone was going to be there, singular. Nevertheless, they still knew. So you kill the sleeping man, you all are running but as it turns out what they told you was true. As soon as you would kill that dense man they would (try) and kill the Wraith.

They almost did.

Two bullets landed in her chest, it's a miracle she survived really. Plus that was three days ago and no one would talk to you, you had realized then that you had to leave. What were you worth if they couldn't trust you? You remembered the harsh words they had said, and you don't blame them Inej is their best friend. That didn't mean it hurt any less.

"What will happen the next time? And the time after that? You are suspended for a few weeks, we just can't trust you to do the rational thing as of right now."

Ouch.

"Y/n?"

You whip your head around and you go to reach for the katanas on your back but then your eyes land on Inej.

Your hands fall from your back and you can't meet her eyes. How could you? Not while you were going to leave to the only person who could even come close to a living saint. Fuck Alina Starkov no one could ever beat Inej Ghafa. But that's not why you love Inej Ghafa and there would never be one reason, but hundreds that you could list off for all of eternity if you wanted to.

Unfortunately, you didn't have that type of time, did you?

"What are you doing?"

Your eyes finally meet her and your breath catches inside your throat. The moonlight shines on her skin making her look like she's glowing and it accentuates her eyes making them look like they're dancing moons.

Like you yell to the world every night, a living saint.

Quickly you look down again not wanting to have to see her face when you break it to her.

"Leaving." It's one word with two syllables but it still makes tears come to your eyes. Or maybe it's just the person you telling it to. But you force the tears down but you don't even bother with the neutral 'I don't care' face. Your not Kaz Brekker and Inej would see right through that. Maybe that's why you always liked her, she could understand you.

To a point obviously.

"That's all? You're leaving and that's all your going to say to me! Leaving!"

You throw your hands up in the air. "Well, I can't stay here! Not in Ketterdam! I almost got you killed. You don't come back from that! I just can't bear the thought that-" You cut yourself off not being physically able to finish the sentence. How could you not though? You had to make her understand why.

"That maybe next time you would be gone, and it would be because of me."

Shock adorns her face. "You see why now? I can't stay! Everyone is already mad at me as it is! I just am tired of not being enough and getting people killed."

You take a deep breath trying to steady your breathing. "And I would be damned if you got caught up in my web of screw-ups, you don't need that." You shake your head to put emphasis on your words. "It would only get you killed and the world needs Inej Ghafa."

"By the saints Y/n! What the fuck are you talking about!"

Jumping startled at her outburst you realize then she might not just let you go like you were hoping for.

Well... Shit.

Honestly, this was not part of the plan.

"Of course you're enough for our little group of friends! Your a valuable team member who can slice people in half, and no one has the same knowledge of ancient to new languages as you! You blend in so well in a crowd it's scary! But we don't just keep you around because your good for jobs you brighten everyone's day by taking time for all of us, we need you!" Inej sighs and takes a step forward. She takes her hands into mine.

"I need you."

You breathe out a stuttering breath as she says the words. I need you. Although the words brought fields of hope into your heart, the doubt was still in the back of your mind, why would she need you? And for sure the Crows didn't want or definitely need you! But Inej wouldn't lie!

"I think-" You take in a breath and look straight into her eyes. Her eyes are the night sky. They're brown almost black but they have flickers of light like the stars in the Zemni farms. It hits you with full force and you nearly stumble over. You force yourself to look and pull away from her arms and those beautiful eyes.

"I don't think you get it Inej."

"Then explain it to me."

You close your eyes. How could you explain it to her? That every moment you look in the mirror and you feel disgusted with yourself. That you feel like your skills could never match with the ones of your friends?

"I'm just not enough, okay! I look at myself and I see these tiny flaws and they slowly just get bigger, and bigger. And every time I attempt to make them go away it just gets worse!"

You let out a choked-on-sob laugh. "And then my useless skills! Don't even get me started on that! Maybe looks don't matter that much, and I can suffice without looking even a bit fucking pretty but my 'talents' made up for that! But I look around at everyone else and I just can't seem to see why anyone ever keeps me around!"

Tears finally fall from your eyes as you sob and your knees wobble and they go to give out, but Inej catches you.

"I wouldn't lie Y/n, you are my everything."

The words were simple, yet they held so much weight of what they actually meant.

"You will always be enough for me."

And the Saint takes you into her arms.

Words 1605

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien

(I do not own six of crows or shadow and bone!)

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

You’ve probably answered this a million times, but I love Nikki so I’m going to ask again - what’s her favorite color? Food? Does she go to a regular school eventually? Does Steve become an actual dad or more like an uncle/older brother? What inspired you to create her?

oh my god I've never gotten to answer most of these thank you!!!!!!!!!! also I'm so glad you love Nikki that means so much to me!!

Nikki's favourite colours are pastels, mostly pink and blue and purple!!

Her favourite food tends to be a full Sunday roast (roast beef, roasted potatoes, yorkshire pudding, and gravy) because she learned to prepare it all on her own back when she still lived with Peggy and it was a weekly tradition that meant everything to her! She starts doing it again with Steve too, and Tony tries to organize one any time that she's with him on a weekend (unless they have to go to a gala but then she gets to see Harry so it's a fair trade). Other than that, she loves milkshakes, strawberry shortcakes (Sharon's nickname for her), french toast, and sugar cookies — basically Nikki just has a huge sweet tooth tbh!

She does go to regular school eventually! After the events of Winter Soldier, Steve leaves DC and moves back to Brooklyn and Nikki moves with him. When he's away on searches for Bucky, she stays with Tony and sometimes Clint (in this I hc that he has an official apartment in the city where he used to stay when working and will come up when Nikki needs a guardian), but as part of the move, Nikki finally got to go to real school and got enrolled to start her freshman year at Midtown High! Winter Soldier fucked her up in a lot of ways (more than anything, it's the arc where she has to come to terms with the fact that she was raised as a child soldier/spy and that a lot of her life was actually fucked up) and Steve is trying to help her experience at least a partially normal life, so they agree that school is a good place to start. And she makes it an entire semester before things go to shit with Ultron and then another year before Civil War, so it did kind of work!

And Steve very much becomes a dad to her! It's actually a pretty quick thing, a road trip to DC and then the plot of Avengers kind of speeding up their bonding process, and Nikki is absolutely a daddy's girl and has Steve wrapped around her finger! They end up honestly incredibly close and it's just very sweet and precious. Nikki is also still only 9 years old when they meet, so while she's not a baby by any means (and has had Tony as a father figure for her entire life, and Clint as a guardian), she's still at an age where she really does need an actual parent. Peggy filled that role until she couldn't anymore, and Tony always tried (but Fury refused to let him have custody no matter how much he fought), but her life was really just living at Shield and bouncing between Clint, Natasha, Coulson, and Maria depending on who was on which missions at any given moment, so Steve doesn't hesitate to have her live with him instead.

I was first inspired to create Nikki after watching The Avengers, though she was quickly designed to fit around TASM too (which later changed to mcu spiderman). I don't entirely remember how it started but I watched it so many times in theatres and within a week I had both she and my original Kat Aliano. But honestly I've had her for so long now, and she's been so precious to me the entire time, that I don't really remember making her I just remember her existing and I loved her from day one (though fun fact, she started off as a PJO crossover oc!)

thank you so so so so so so much for asking about her!!!!!!

[mali-umkin]

I was reading the replies to the question on Quora "Why is Les Misérables the musical not popular in France", so this French guy explains that the culture surrounding musicals is barely existent in France and it doesn't enjoy the same kind of prestige at all etc etc which is very true and used to shape my idea of musicals, then he goes, "and then you know everyone studies Les Misérables in school and many have at least read part of it. So adapting such a masterpiece of literature into a musical, a text about the difficult and violent history of 19th century France's fight for a Republic can feel degrading. What would you feel like if someone adapted How to kill a mockingbird into a musical? It would be weird. Some people feel like that."

Of course that's not my opinion at all and I don't think it's anyone's opinion either but that's a common feeling people have here. However it really made me wonder how I would have felt if I had first read the (whole) book before watching the movies and then getting into the musical. It's true that I would have been very perplexed. I had only read a (somewhat) shortened version of it when I was 13 before. I could never have imagined Javert being a musical character, I could never have imagined the June rébellion to be presented on stage. The deaths, the failure of an ideal on stage, the misery, poverty, prostitution. And more than anything, I couldn't have imagined the story without Hugo's voice. I wouldn't have known what musicals were like or are for (because as we said, before this year my idea of musicals was 'annoying and a bit silly things where people sing' - and that also was my family's opinion before I made them watch Hamilton). I would have repeatedly compared it to the book and been sorrowful about the characters being very much changed. So, I'm really glad that I got into musicals before I decided to read it seriously again, that I learnt about Broadway and this whole culture before studying the text again. Because otherwise it might have taken me more time to fall in love with Les Mis as I would have mistaken literature and musical theatre, and that would have been a tremendous waste - and also thanks to that I do see how remarkable it is to have actually succeeded in making a musical out of this book.

[sanstropfremir]

oh my god i am SO in love with lord of the dance. however i never think about michael flatley first when i think about it because in my mind gillian norris is the most important and iconic person in that show.

i used to have it on a dvd when i was little, i must have watched it like two times a week and never got bored of it. it was the original 1996 dublin stage, the only version i enjoy to its maximum capacity. fun fact, they came to bucharest in 2014, and i wanted to go, but ultimately didn't. and thank god for that. i found clips on youtube after that and everything was worse: the music, the outfits, the acting.

fortunately there are clips on youtube of the 1996 dublin stage too, as well as the whole show. i still sometimes watch them. and after much consideration, i have come to the conclusion that fiery nights, warriors and gypsy (however unfortunate the name) are my favorite numbers, in that respective order.

fiery nights wouldn't be what it is without the soundtrack, that fucking saxophone. i saw somebody say that that is what sex sounds like. i have heard the same thing said about ateez's desire outro. these things are so unrelated right now but i honestly can hear it and feel it for both and it makes so much sense to describe them that way. gillian norris is so mesmerizing, so captivating, like i am fucking seduced through the screen. and when she starts dancing with the guy who plays don dorcha and gives him that smile you can only see a brief second in shitty 360p quality? i am positively passed out. after they leave the stage the rest of the performance is kinda meh because the other girls don't give me any passion, much less the guys. they're lucky the choreography is so tight tho.

warriors is a fucking experience from start to finish. the "oh shit it's going down" vibe right from the beginning, the intensity of the dance, the speed, the accuracy, the synchronization, the piercing looks of don dorcha - i am both horny and intimidated. today's warriors number doesn't even come close to sparking up the same kind of heavy feeling the original did. it's so... cartoonish.

and finally, gypsy, which was my og favorite. i really wonder how i did not turn out bisexual, because gillian norris definitely made me question some things. i was always impressed with her elegance and power of seduction, my dream was to be sexy like her but also to jump as high as her for my birdies. sadly i never did learn irish dance. also i really wanted her hair.

special shoutout goes to breakout tho. i don't even know if i love the first half of it or the second more. bernadette flynn as the leader all the other girls follow, girlboss moment. her unspoken duel with gillian, exchanging those fucking murderous looks, i was SO there for it!!! again, watching today's version, it's like watching a bad disney channel series. there's no seriousness to it, no commitment, it's like putting on a puppet show for kids, which this musical is so not.

ugh, i'm probably gonna go and watch some scenes again. thank you for letting me rant in your inbox!! i've only really shared my interest and love for this show with my parents, who only like it a moderate amount (not because they think it's bad but because it's just not something they're passionate about) and my ex, who couldn't care less about dance and acting and who wasn't really interested in it.

if it's okay, let me ask, how did you get interested in stage performances, dance, theatre, all that jazz? for me, it was because i did cheerleading and dance for 5 years when i was little (then i quit because i thought i had it hard in school in 5th grade). i regret not continuing with it so much. and i daresay i was pretty good at it too. oh well, at least the passion for dance remained. it's the main part i got into kpop!!

it's no problem at all!! like i said, this is my virtual pub please come talk about about random things while i serve you a pint!! i love reading about other people's passions, this was lovely!

i only think of michael flatley because he's top billed and also one of the producers so his name is always on it, and also i haven't actually seen the whole show since probably 2005 because it didn't much strike a nerve with me as a kid. i think it was probably because i watched waaaaaayyyy too much cirque. i won't say very much on it but i will say that adolphe saxe knew what he was doing when he unleashed the saxophone on the world and we are still dealing with the repercussions (i say this lovingly as a saxophone player). i'm also a horrible person and i cannot watch any fiddle + flute based musical and not think of the the lord of the rings musical, because i love the lord of the rings musical.

well i got into theatre kind of unintentionally because i thought it might be fun to try doing stage crew for the musical when i started high school and then a year later i was the stage manager. my tragic flaw is that i need to be in a position of knowledge and authority at all times, but i’m slowly getting over it. i liked it so much that i decided at like 14 that it was going to be my career and here i am over a decade later. but i also watched a lot of perfomance and art programming as a child because my parents were weird hippies, so lots of cirque du soleil, a lot of classical ballet, and also shows like toy castle (do not click on this is you are in any way afraid of clowns or frogs) which is mildly horrifying in the way all children's content is mildly horrifying in hindsight but as a child in 2000 i ate that shit with a spoon. i also dated a contemp/ballet dancer in high school and then had a very weird and ethically dubious affair with another ballet dancer in undergrad. it's a long story. it helps that i'm truly obsessed with performance and art in pretty much all its forms and i'm one of those awful people that draws in art galleries and watches shows that i know are going to be bad so i can analyze them and avoid making the same mistakes in the future. kpop was a thing that just happened as a byproduct of being friends with lot of first gen asian immigrants as a kid. i've been around and aware since 2008 but i didn't get that deep into actually following releases until first lockdown because i just didn't have the time. but i'm glad i did, because it's been a really nice hobby!

[goldenmazzello]

Lay all your love on me | Part 3

(I don't own this gif. Credits to the owner)

Warning: Language, angst, cheating, stress, innuendo?, mention of songs. 

W/C: 5.6k.

MASTERLIST

~

Friday. It was finally friday, the day for the audition. You spent the last four days rehearsing for the audition, maybe the biggest and most important one you've ever had. You were so nervous that you could barely close your eyes and sleep. Now, you couldn't remember how many times you watched Grease on Netflix or how many times you watched videos on YouTube in such little time.

Now, you were with Joe in his living room. You asked him for help since you felt a bit mousy to ask Aaron to practice with you because you've just met him. However, he sent you some messages giving you some tips to remember during your audition. You were so glad he told you that because he had experience in Broadway, it wasn't his first time there. And for the same reason, you wondered if you were really going to get the role or if you were going to make a dog's dinner of it again as the last one.

You put Grease on his tv and rapidly pause it at the very beginning where Danny and Sandy were at the beach, the place they met vacationing, holding each other's waist and looking at each other with love and angst at the same time as they were going separate ways due to the end of the summer and Sandy had to come back to Australia.

"Okay so, now, come here please." You grabbed Joe's arm and made him get up from the sofa. Joe chuckled. You indicated him how to pose his hands on you and posed yours on him. "You remember this line, don't you?" You asked raising an eyebrow.

"Of course, we've watched this the whole morning!" He laughed and you shrugged.

"Yeah, but remember they changed the original story and some dialogues a bit to make it more interesting. She's from Utah now. Let's start." You closed your eyes and sighed. "Danny I don't want the summer to be over, I may never seen you again." You said Sandy's first lines in the musical, while staring at Joe.

"Sandy, don't talk that way." Joe replied as Danny and you interrupted him.

"But it's true, I've just had the best summer of my life and now I have to go back to Salt Lake, it isn't fair." You said complaining as you moved your eyes to the floor. Joe put his hand on your chin and lifted your head gently, so his eyes could meet yours again.

And Joe got lost in your eyes. He felt waves of running feelings on his body. For him, time stopped, the whole wolrd stopped and it was only you and him.

He thought about what was next in the script, the kiss. What if he kissed you now? Of course it would be part of acting, it wouldn't mean anything at all, but for him, oh, he didn't know how he would feel if he kissed you right now. He didn't want your frienship to be at stake, but he had to do it anyway.

Joe moved his hand on your cheek, you kept staring at him and when he was a few inches away from you, your phone started ringing and you both jumped.

"Fuck, it scared the shit out of me." You said taking a breath with a hand on your chest and moved to take your phone. Aaron is calling.

As you answered the call, Joe went to the kitchen. He rested his back against the wall and closed his eyes. He was so close to finally kiss you and he couldn't believe it. He was so close to your face, to your lips.

When you finished talking with Aaron, you went to the kitchen and found Joe there, in silence.

"Joey, are you okay?" You asked as you walked towards him. He opened his eyes and nodded. "Are you sure?" You weren't very convinced at all.

"Yes, I was just thinking about a few things I have to do with my agent." Hi moved his hand on the nape of his neck.

"Okay. Aaron just called and offered to take me to the theater with him but I turned it down." You said and Joe furrowed his eyebrows. "I want to go with you, I need you by my side." You beamed. So did he. "We should leave now,  or we won't have enought time."

The car ride was full of laughter, Joe knew absolutely well how to make you laugh and forget about everything. He was trying to make you feel relaxed and it seemed that his attempts were working out. You really appreciated it.

As you realized you were near the theater’s street, your face was pale.  Al Hirschfeld Theatre. You were there.

Joe noticed your expression had changed and squeezed your hand. You closed your eyes. He parked a few feet away from the theater and you both got out of the car.

“Listen (y/n).” He looked into your eyes while holding your shoulders. “No matter what happens today, don’t ever hesitate how talented you are, please never forget that.” He gave you a tender smile and you hugged him.

“Thank you Joey, you don’t have an idea of how much I appreciate and love you.” You closed your eyes and rubbed his back.

“I know you do, and I love you too. Good luck.”

Joe stayed inside his car, waiting for the audition to end. He knew he would be there for a long time so he brought with him his notebook where he kept writing ideas for his future directing projects.

When you entered the theater, you saw Aaron reading the script. He was really focused on it.

“Hey, how you doing?” You asked and sat beside him.

He lifted his head and kissed your cheek. “I’m great, and you? Nervous?”

“You’re absolutely right.” You sighed.

“Remember what I told you, just be yourself and imagine you are dancing alone in your room in front of your mirror.” He chuckled.

“I’ll try.” You looked at his script. “Which role are you auditioning for?”

"I'm going for Danny Zuko, your lover, Miss Sandy." He blinked.

You? Starring opposite him? At first it seemed absolutely crazy, because he had a lot of experience. That's when you remembered what Joe had said Don't ever hesitate how talented you are, and you couldn't help but beamed happily. You were so lucky to have him in your life, such a tender and loyal friend.

You were still confused about your feelings. Perhaps, you were feeling like this because you've been single for almost a year and the need of being loved was taking over you. You didn't truly believe you were falling for him.

As soon as the casting crew called you, Aaron wished you good luck and you went to the scenario. You introduced yourself to the casting crew who was waiting for the music to start. The instrumental music of You're the one that I want was playing loudly at the background while you gracely moved your body to the rhythm of the music and started to sing. Your hips were loose and your feet seemed to never touch the ground. Your movements were fluent, they were done without any effort and the lightly way you were dancing could have been seen from every little part of the theater. 

When you finished your audition, they asked you to wait outside. A few minutes later, a tall woman in her 20s holding some papers showed up.

"Are you (y/n) (y/s/n)?" You nodded. "I'm the director's assistant, he wants to see you."

You walked towards the scenario again and found Aaron in there. He smiled as you stood beside him.

"We want you to perform the opening scene, where Danny and Sandy are saying goodbye at the beach. We'll give you thirty minutes to prepare it and then you'll be called to do it." The director expossed as he and the casting crew left you alone.

"Do you know what that means? It's 80% probable that we got the role." He said excitedly.

"Oh my..." You moved your hand to your mouth. "I really hope so."

"So, let's prepeare the scene." He started reading the script. "What about the kiss? Do you want to practice it or just let it happen?"

"Hmm...I prefer practicing it at least once, just to be sure that everything will be perfect."

"That's a good point." He left the script on the floor, so did you.

"Danny I don't want the summer to be over, I may never seen you again." You said Sandy's first lines while staring at Aaron. He was holding your waist. You placed your hands on his toned arms.

"Sandy, don't talk that way." He nodded.

"But it's true, I've just had the best summer of my life and now I have to go back to Salt Lake, it isn't fair." You moved your eyes to the floor. Aaron put his hand on your chin and lifted your head, you looked at him again.

It felt completely different from when you did it in the morning with Joe. You felt you were really acting now, doing your job, but with Joe, it was difficult to focuse on the lines and everything, but why? You were so close to each other that you almost kissed if it wasn't for Aaron's call.

And that's when you felt Aaron's lips on yours. You closed your eyes, trying to examine the situation. His lips were rough because of the windy winter and his hands moved softly on your skin. You followed the kiss and he held you closer, embracing you, but you quickly moved him away.

"Danny don't spoil it." You fixed your eyes on his.

"It's not spoiling. It's only making better."

"Is this the end?" You asked sadly. He held your hands again.

"Don't think about that, just be here on the moment. All that matters is what's happening right now." As he spoke, you posed your hands on his cheeks and kissed him deeply. He did the same and followed your kiss.

"That was fantastic, I have no doubt that we got the role!" Aaron said, cutting off the kiss. You were still close to him.

"I really hope so."

"You are a great actress and a great kisser as well." You moved your eyes to the floor and Aaron giggled. "I'm telling you the truth."

You looked at him again and his lips mashed against yours again, you hungrily pushed back. It wasn't like one of those close-mouthed kisses you had when you were at elementary school, it was full on, open-mouthed, with pure lust. He nearly knocked all wind from your lungs. His hands drifted to your hips, pulling you closer. You inhaled, sharply. It's been so long since you last kissed someone like that and you couldn't deny it felt so good. When you heard the director and the casting crew coming back, you pulled apart and acted as if nothing happened.

They sat in the front row and asked you to start. You repeated what you did before, but this time, everything went on more naturally. It seemed like Aaron and you had known each other for years. You really had chemistry.

When you finished the audition, the director and the casting crew discussed about it and finally decided that both of you got the role. You were thrilled to bits when they said they couldn't praise you enough and you did an brilliant job.

You ran out of the theater happily and when you saw Joe waiting for you inside his car, you called his name and he got out, leaving his notebook there.

"I got the role!" You yelled and jumped into his arms. There was nothing in the world that's gonna kill this mood.

~

The next day, you and Joe were walking in the city. Joe was holding his phone, checking his To do list to see your plans for the day. He was very excited, you could see it on his face.

“Are you going to tell me where are we going to or not?” You asked while crossing the street.

“Hmm...I see you are very impatient.” He chuckled and you rolled your eyes.

A few minutes later, he stopped walking. You moved your sunglasses and gave a glance at the familiar tram station. “Are we going to Roosevelt Island?”

“Yes, I haven’t gone there in ages and I thought It was a good idea.” He said happily.  

The Roosevelt Island Tramway is an aerial tramway that brings you from Manhattan to Roosevelt Island in less than five minutes. There are some amanzing views of the city. It’s a very attractive option for people who want to get away from the crowds in Manhattan and enjoy the peace and quiet of the beautiful island. And you can enjoy it at night too, that was one of your favorite activities to do when you moved there a few years ago, admiring the wonderful skycrapers through the window.

After waiting for like fifteen minutes, you finally took the tram. Joe suggested going to a café and you agreed. It was a friendly place with a few tables outside. The peculiar smell of coffee made you feel hungry, especially because it was 10:00 am, so you ordered and sat outside the shop. It was a perfect sunny day to be outside.

As soon as you started having breakfast, Joe’s phone buzzed and when he saw his notifications, his expression changed, now, he looked haunted.

“Joey, what happened?”  You leaned forward.

“Nothing.” He said tautly. He blocked his phone and had a sip of his coffee. You knew he wasn’t telling you the truth.

“That’s a lie. You know you can trust me.”

Joe sighed. “I’ve never told you about my ex...she sent me a message saying she wants to see me to talk about something, but I blocked her.”

“What happened with her?”

“We’ve been together for so long, seven years to be exactly. Everything seemed to be fine. We lived in Los Angeles, that’s where I met her. One day, I was on my way to the airport, I was going to visit my family because it was Christmas season and I realized I had forgotten my passport, so I quickly came back home and when I opened the door...” He stopped and moved his gaze. “A friend of ours was...he was fucking her in our couch, our house...” He sighed again. “The excuse she had for not going to visit my family was that she had to work and obviously, it wasn’t true. Whatsmore, she had been cheating on me with him for over a year.”

Your jaw dropped. How could someone be so cruel? Nobody deserved that, especially Joe, he had a heart of gold. He was a person that believed real happiness lay on doing good for others, for him there wasn't anything that made him feel better than it.

He always seemed so happy but you could feel that behind that beautiful smile he had, he was in pain.

You moved and hugged him. “I’m so sorry Joey, you don’t deserve this.” He held you tight, in silent. “Someday, you’ll find somebody who will care about you.”

Joe wanted that person to be you. It was as if he had built his walls up high and didn’t let anyone enter his heart, but now, they were falling and you were the reason why. His heart has been locked away since that day he found out his girlfriend betrayed him. He was afraid of being in the same situation again. He supossed you were waiting too, to fall in love with someone who was worth the wait, after some failed relationships. He wanted to tell you that you were the person he was waiting for, that he had been searching so long for a feeling like this, but he was afraid, not only about being hurt again but also because he was convinced that feeling wasn’t mutual.

“I hope so.” You heard him say. “After that, I moved back to New York and all my dates failed, so I think I’m staying alone for a long time.”

“Don’t say that, I bet you have a lot of girls behind.” You moved you eyebrows and he giggled.

"And what about you? Have you had a date recently?"

"No, I haven't gone out with someone in six months." You replied as you finished your coffee. Joe almost choke. "What?"

"You have to be kidding me."

"Why?" You laughed.

"You are telling me that you haven't been with someone in six months, for real? Not even a kiss?" He was amazed.

"Well, I kissed yesterday but..." He interrupted.

"But that doesn't count, you were acting!"

"Actually, we kissed more than once." You blushed and Joe raised an eyebrow. He had to pretend he wasn't jealous of his friend for doing what he wanted the most, to kiss you.

"So, you like him."

"No."

"Yes, you do." He insisted.

"No, well, I'm not sure, okay?"

Joe nodded and took another sip of coffee. Inside, his heart was breaking. But outside, he seemed he didn't really care, he was a good actor.

If you change your mind

I'm the first in line

Honey, I'm still free

Take a chance on me.

~

Six weeks passed since the audition. The last days of winter were almost gone and spring's arrival meant that the musical was about to be released.

But things started to get pretty hectic, especially with Joe.

Rehearsals had taken over your life that you could barely have time to relax. The To do list that Joe had planned on set while filming Bohemian Rhapsody in january was practically forgotten, the only activities you did was going to the Central Park and going to a Yankees' game. You knew Joe wasn't mad at you for not having enought time, he knew that theater involved a lot ot rehearsals for a perfect performance but the fact that you hanged out with Aaron and not with him made him feel replaced.

The worst happened two weeks ago. It was friday and Joe was waiting impatiently for you at the Sky Room Rooftop in Manhattan. He was excited to catch up with you after seeing you like three times the last month, but you were late, you both agreed to meet there at 10:00 p.m and thirty minutes later, you haven't showep up yet. Two, four, six calls and you didn't anwer.

You weren't in New York. You were staying in California for the weekend since you and Aaron had been invited to a promoting event for Grease in Los Angeles and you forgot that you had made plans with your friend. When you saw his missed calls, you almost pass out. There was a message saying he was going home and asking where the hell were you, you explained him everything. You had a horrible sinking feeling when you saw he left you on read. You deserved that although you didn't do it on purpose, you had totally forgotten about it.

He felt so dejected by your behaviour. And it upset him even more because he loved you, he really did.

Saturday. You were at another event but this time there was a surprise for you, John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John showed up at the place and sang You are the one that I want with you and Aaron, you were over the moon.

Meanwhile in New York, Lucy was staying the weekend in Manhattan to attend to an event she had been invited to. Rami couldn't make it there, although he was in the same city, he was filming Mr. Robot's last season and not only he played the main role, he was also one of the producers, so Lucy asked Joe to go with him and have fun, especially after the bad night he had waiting for you.

What Joe didn't know was that Lucy invited a friend of her too. Her name was Julia, she was a blonde blue-eyed girl that was around Lucy's age and she lived in New York too. She was a new friend, they met on set filming The Politician, a new Netflix series that will be launched by next year's end.

Joe and Julia got on really well.They exchanged intense glares the whole night and laughed at each other's jokes. They even followed each other on Instagram and posted some stories together. When the event finished, they went to a bar and had some drinks. This time, Joe was sober.

He and Julia went to dance. He kept his hands on her hips to guide her. At one point, everything started to get hot. Joe kept her tight to him with his hands on her waist while dancing and she began to feel hot and tingly when she felt his breath near her ear. He asked her if she wanted to do something after the bar and she said yes.

So when Lucy decided to call it a night, Julia invited Joe to her appartment.

When they entered the building, she didn’t even say a word, she just led him to the elevator and kissed him. His hands continued to explore her body, almost slipping under her dress a few times.

And they spent the night together. But Joe didn't sleep, insomnia took over him. He kept thinking about you and how you were slowly falling for Aaron and forgetting about your friendship with him.

I wasn't jealous before we met

Now every man I see is a potential threat

And I'm possessive, it isn't nice

You've heard me saying that acting was my only vice

You and Aaron have been on a few dates but nothing too serious. You were convinced that the chemestry you had on stage was making you confused and you didn't want to be direspecful so agreed going out with him. You felt you were behaving like a fifteen-year-old girl.

On monday, when everybody was at their respective places, Gwilym organized a group video call to catch up with the six of you. You placed your phone on your kitchen counter while you prepare your kettle for a cup of tea after a tough day.

You couldn't stop looking at Joe and he tried to avoid you. The tension between you both could be felt. You were sure your friends noticed it.

"How was the event, Luc?" Ben asked while lighting a cigarette in his garden.

"It was great, I had so much fun with Joe and Julia! And I'm glad they got on very well." Lucy was lying on her couch, resting after an exhausting weekend.

"Yeah, we all know that." Gwilym giggled while cleaning his glasses.

Wait, what did they know? Did you miss anything?

You kept your gaze on Joe, waiting for his next words while your hands grabbed the kettle that just boiled. He was lying on his bed.

"Have you heard about it, Lu?" Ben asked mischievously.

"Shut up, Benjamin Jones." Joe warned him, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, c'mon! We all know, Joe." Rami's eyebrows were bobbing up and down while walking to his hotel room. Lucy didn't have an idea of what was going on. So did you.

"What did I miss, hmm?" Lucy wondered. Joe's face blused.

"Mss. Lucy Boynton, your friends slept together." Ben confessed, entuthiastically. Joe rolled his eyes again. He was annoyed.

"Oh my god!" Lucy yelled in surprise, moving a hand to her mouth.

As soon as you heard Ben, you felt your heart dropped to your stomach. The kettle that was on your hands was now on the floor and an amount of countless swearing were heard from your mouth. Your skin was burning like hell.

"(y/n), what happened? Are you okay?" Gwilym asked worried and all eyes were on you.

"I've just dropped my kettle, call you later guys." You left the video call and run to your bathroom. You could hardly walk. You let the cool running water to cool your burning foot for like 20 minutes and covered the burn with a moist bandage. It wasn't that bad so you didn't need to go to hospital and in a matter of days it will be gone.

You were cleaning the kitchen when phone rang and you knew it was one of your friends, wondering what happened to you on the kitchen.

Lucy is calling.

You spent the next two hours talking with her. She kept telling you that you were in love with Joe, she knew it, it was obvious. You told her that you weren't sure about it and explained everything that had been happening the last weeks was making you feel out of your head. She said that it would be better if you talked about last friday with Joe and tried to apologize again.

You couldn't stop thinking about him, he's been stuck on your mind for the last weeks.

~

8:00 a.m, rehearsals again. You were sat on the floor, yawning. You haven't been sleeping properly, waking up every two hours or getting only 3 hours of sleep. Your head was aching so hard that you could scarcely open your eyes.

Aaron showed up, holding two cups of coffee. "Hey, good morning, here you have." He extended his arm so you could grab a coffee but you didn't.

"Sorry, I don't feel like having breakfast today." You sighed.

"Today, yesterday and the day before yesterday, what's going on?" He sat by your side.

You knew that your situation with Joe didn't leave you in peace and the stress you had for the countless hours of rehearsals a week was making it worse. Fault was the only thing that you could feel.

"I don't know, I haven't been sleeping well and I'm not hungry. I'm worn out." Your eyes were closed by now. He was listening carefully. "But, let's dance anyway." You put your hand on the wall and got up.

"Are you sure? I don't think you.. " you interrupted him.

"Aaron, I wanna do this. Let me try, at least." You insisted.

As the music started playing, the choreographer indicated your dance moves. Your body moved lazily, muscles aching as if you've been hit by a truck. Your sight was numb, so you stopped, moving your gaze to the floor. Your knees started shaking. There was no way you could finish even a song.

"I've told you it wasn't a good idea." Aaron grabbed you by your waist and placed your arm around his neck. He guided you to a chair and left you there. "Do you have your phone here?"

"I don't even know if it has battery. It's in my jacket." You massaged your forehead trying to calm the ache but it was helpless.

Aaron talked with the director and then grabbed your phone, he called your emergency number. "Hi, is anybody there?" He could hear someone breathing but it was silent.

"Aaron?" Joe spoke, his voice was husky, he must have been sleeping because it was pretty early.

You'd chosen Joe, he was the only person who could help you if you found yourself in times of trouble since your family lived in another state and it would take them ages to get there. But if you had to call him now, you weren't going to do it.

"Joe? It's me, listen. (y/n) isn't doing good so I've just called her emergency number and here we are. I didn't know it was your number. Can you pick her up? I asked the director to give her a break and he agreed. She looks terrible."

Joe was still mad at you, but he wasn't going to let those feelings interfere with the situation. He was a kind person and he loved you, so the only thing he was going to do was to leave you home and continue with his day.

"I'll be there in 10 minutes."

Aaron came back with you. "You're leaving in a few minutes, here you have." He gave you your phone.

"What? Are you going to leave with me?" You frowned.

"Actually, no. I asked the director and he wants me to stay but he said you could go home. Joe is coming."

Your eyes bugged out, you hadn't seen Joe in weeks and you felt it wasn't the right moment to do it.

Aaron was holding his phone. "Joe sent me a message, he's out."

He helped you to get to the front door of the theater. Joe didn't say anything, he opened the door of his car and helped you get in. You couldn't see his eyes because he was wearing sunglasses. And he was glad, because when he saw you like that, his heart broke. He wanted to hold you in his arms and take care of you, kissing every little part of your face and telling you everything was gonna be alright.

Once you were in your appartment, he helped you to get in bed and prepeared a cup of tea. When he came back, he sat on the edge of your bed. He didn't say a word, you knew he was hurt.

"Thank you." You took a sip of tea.

He looked at you and pursed his lips, as if he was going to say something but he didn't.

"Please, say something. Don't be like that, I know I was wrong, I'm sorry." You pouted.

"Okay, I forgive you, are you happy?" He said expressionless.

"Joe." You left your cup on your nightstand and moved closer to him. "Don't say it because that's what I want to hear, say it because you feel it."

"I'm feeling this, but you're too busy with your new friend that you don't seem to know me anymore." He gave you a glowering look and you sighed.

"Joey, please, look at me." You took his hand and rubbed it softly. He looked at your hands and then moved his eyes to meet yours. "Forgive me, please. You don't have an idea of how much I miss you." You were already in tears. He sighed.

"I miss you too." He opened his arms wide and pulled you in for a warm hug. You let out a small sigh while sobbing and hid your face in his neck, you could smell his scent, it's been so long.

You both stood there for a few minutes while Joe caressed your back. "We have to talk about it."

"I know." You wipped your tears with your thumb. "But please, can we do it later? I feel my head is going to explode at any moment."

"Okay but just tell me something, what's going on with you?"

"I'm tired, that's all." You assured him.

Joe hesitated a few seconds until he decided to ask something he was afraid to.

"Are you pregnant?" Joe murmured.

You burst out laughing. "Are you kidding me?"

"What? I don't know about your dating life." He shrugged.

"No Joe, I'm not pregnant."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I need to sleep, that's all."

He stole a glance at his watch. "I better go, I have a meeting." He moved from your bed.

"Will I see you soon?" You asked hoping he would say yes.

"Of course, when you'll get better."

~~~

It was 08:00 p.m when Joe came back home. He lay on his couch and watched tv. Two hours later, he was sleeping when he heard the doorbell riging. He was so sleepy that he didn't remember falling sleep.

When he opened the door, he frowned. Aaron and you were standing there, beaming cheerfully. You looked better than you did in the morning.

"Surprise! Are you going to make us wait any longer? This pizza is waiting for us!" Aaron had a pizza box in his hands.

"We wanted to visit our dear friend." You confessed. Joe let you in and told you to sit on the couch. But before, you hugged him. "I know we've seen each other in the morning but I missed you."

He smiled. "How do you feel? You definetely look better."

"I do!" You kissed his cheek and took a seat beside Aaron.

"I'm glad. I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

He disappeared for a minute and when he was walking down the hall, he heard some noises. He leaned against the wall, hiding himself and peeped. He couldn't believe his eyes. A pang of jealousy ran through his veins. He gulped, his heart was racing so fast that he swore it would jump out of his chest now. His stomach was sick. "It's all in my head" he thought, trying to convince himself but it was helpless.

You were sat on Aaron's thights, your hands playing with his hair as he held you. His strong arms were around your waist and his hands placed on your ass.

Warm lips pressed against yours. You were kissing as if you were the only people in the world, as if you weren't in your friend's house. You didn't care about anything except that kiss.

He pressed your body against his and a soft moan scaped your lips. He giggled and told you to be quiet so as not to be caught. Then, he continued devouring your mouth.

Joe was perplex, he didn't know what to do. He wanted to stop looking at you, but he couldn't.

When Aaron put his hands on your breasts, Joe knew it was enough. He couldn't look, it was killing him.

He came back to the bathroom, waiting for things to cool down a bit. "It started out with a kiss, they were acting. How did it end up like this?" He thought. This has gone too far.

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Oh so we took the same quiz yeah. Sounds like yours is pretty accurate really! I found out today my friend is, in fact, bisexual, and idk I'm just apprehensive her husband will try to use that against us at some point but I'm sure that's just my anxiety talking. I am a good friend when I put some effort into it I guess but I complained the entire time we were cuddling bc I'm also a bit of an asshole haha. Good thing she ignored it tho, sometimes I wonder why my friends put up with me lol. See now we know how to win you over miss, readers unite! She'll give us all we want if we compliment her loads (I'm joking, pls leave her alone. Girl has got an important job that keeps her busy). I actually watched a few clips of The Six musical on youtube but couldn't find the entire thing. I was able to watch the whole Legally Blonde Musical on YT tho. Cool! I do like Kylie Minogue so I'll def check this song out. I'm sorry you had to go through that but I'm happy Kylie made it better at least! I listened to Nirvana when I got my heart broken, clearly there are two types of people lol. Little Mix is good too! I've never heard of Peach PRC tho but I'll also give it a go, thank you! I recommend Pink + White by Frank Ocean, Washing Machine Heart by Mitski and Just Kiss Her by Concorde. Hope you like it, have been listening to these a lot lately! My day was great too! The whole weekend really. Glad to hear you had a good time as well. Awh I'm sure they'll win next time! Have a good week Colour and take care!

Mine is so accurate its scary haha!! Ahh I see why you would be anxious about that but I am sure nothing bad will happen- but I totally understand why you would be anxious over something like that because I'm anxious all day every day haha I don't think you're an ass for complaining especially if you're not an overly touchy person like people really should understand that and not be too harsh on you for not being as into physical touch as they are I don't think it makes you an ass at all that you complained. I know my best friend would complain if I wanted her to cuddle with me because she's not an overly touchy person at all with anyone!! You really do know the way to win me over... like just be the tiniest bit nice to me that's really all it takes... it's quite a worry actually haha 😂 And yes my new job is keeping me so busy!! But I have one week left of this term / semester and then I get a week off so I can do some more writing which is great but I really am hoping to have an update for you all very soon!! .... nice words are always welcome though haha 😂 😉 I wonder if the whole musical has been deleted then I'll have to check my liked videos and see because I used to watch it all the time but haven't had much time to watch it again recently it's honestly great and K. Howard has the best song ( almost 7 minutes long and she gets some of the best lines in the show) Legally blonde the musical is incredible gutted I didn't get a part because I had a cold during auditions but like, I'm totally gonna fo watch it when it's actually showing at the theatre There is a song called Golden but I am recommending the WHOLE album here because it has some truly incredible songs on it and just made me feel so much better. Like Radio On is a song that just spoke to me so much during that time and Shelby 68 is one of my all time favourite Kylie Minogue songs. The whole album is incredible and when me and my sister saw Kylie on her golden tour it was such an incredible night like the whole album is just *chef's kiss* Peach PRC only has like 5 songs or something but she's great and she's on tiktok and she's pretty funny too I really like her... and I love Little Mix should've seen them this year but because of Covid the tour was postponed until next year *sigh* I will see them eventually though!! Ooo I'll definitely check these songs out when I get chance, probably when I'm on my way to work tomorrow!! I'm glad you're whole weekend was great!! Mine was too it was nice getting to see some of my family though I am eagerly waiting for the day that me and all of my siblings are together (hopefully November 5th for Bonfire / Guy Fawkes Night!!) I mean they probably won't we're not the best team but dammit I still love them and the fans are pretty great too very passionate people in the city of Leeds!! Thank you I hope you have a good week and take care too!! 💜

[anxiouslymalicious]

i'm so glad you enjoyed the game!i guess im salty that abby got to get away i fucking hate her i couldn't sympathize with her at all. also ! by first part i meant like the first half ? of the game. i liked it up until abby came to the theatre,, i absolutely hated the ending but oh well it is what it is ! i just hated that ellie ended up alone and abby was let go but i guess there's not always happy endings. maybe i would feel differently if i had played the game myself -grace

AS ALWAYS A LITTLE SPOILER WARNING JUST TO BE SURE HI I WANT TO PROTECT YOU FROM BEING SPOILED ON MY BLOG LAST OF US PART 2 MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD

———————————————————————

Honestly, I feel like you would. I remember when Last of Us first came out, I was about 13 years old and could only watch let’s plays of the game rather than playing it myself. And y’know, I thought it was fun. But nothing entirely special. A few years later, I played it myself for the first time and it was so, so different. Watching a let’s play or walkthrough is, in some ways, like watching a movie. You see what’s happening but you’re not exactly part of it all. When you play the game yourself, you are involved. You help the characters get to where they want or need to be. You are in charge for the most part.

And especially with Abby, it gives you a whole different feel. Because you don’t want to play her. You don’t want to lead her to success. But you have to. And at least I felt that, the more I played as her, the more I felt with her. It was subtle at first. Y’know, being nervous when there was a horde of infected or seraphites because you gotta keep that Lil shit alive to progress. But then, I kind of felt myself rooting for her. With the kids. When Manny died. When she brought Lev back to the aquarium to Owen and Mel only to find them dead. I feel like that stuff really bonds, y’know?

I even saw people choose “Team Ellie” or “Team Abby” and it’s intense. If you ever get the chance, please do play the game yourself. It fucks you up deeply. Big time. Like I want to play that game again right now but at the same time, I am not ready to cry my heart out again like that. It’s just so emotionally exhausting and yet so rewarding.

I only really didn’t like how rushed the ending with the rattlers was. Like there was this whole new and different group of people to get to know and, evidently, there was more to them but we just??? Kinda never found out??? Or at least I never did. Like I really want to know why there’s a runner tied up there, why there are clickers kept in that pool, what the hell they are doing with the people and how all of that came to be but it was just so rushed. I think that’s kind of unfortunate.

Idk man I kind of thought that Ellie fighting Abby but deciding not to kill her showed just how strong Ellie is?? Like she knows that Tommy wanted her to kill Abby, she knows that there was so much weight on her shoulders but she decided that she was bigger than Abby and wouldn’t kill possibly the only family Lev still had and instead go back to her own family.

(And with Ellie going back to the empty farmhouse, I kinda like the open ending??? Like she may go looking for Dina and JJ or she could go back to Jackson or go her very own way? Either way, I really hope that this wasn’t the last we’ve seen of her.)

(Also I feel like the sadder end suited a little better than a happy one would. In some ways, the first game never ended with a happy ending either with the obvious tension between Ellie and Joel and the roughness of his decision. The game always had a bittersweet feeling to its end and seeing it repeated in Part 2 is just kinda satisfying)