#couldn't fit everyone but i love all the damn cast

[yamsgarden]

quick Still Wakes the Deep doodles

Left to right on top pic: Innes, Caz, Roy, Finlay, Brodie and Trots

[santaasi]

moth to a flame

pairing: james potter x black!reader

summary: what could be more forbidden than loving your brother's best friend?

warnings: mdni, 18+, smut with plot (fingering), reader is sirius’s twin sister, james smokes, no use of y/n, english isn’t my first language

word count: 3.7k

a/n: i'm alive! and now i have bachelor degree! it was a hard few month but i survived and decided to try smth new. i've never posted smut before… sooo idk if it good or not but bc it was in my drafts for a long time now, and i wanted to post smth for u guys… now it's here. not my best work i think but nevertheless i hope you will like it. have a good time reading <з

"JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER, STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" 

The Gryffindor dorm was a whirlwind of noise and energy, laughter bouncing off the walls. You lay sprawled on your bed, desperately trying to wriggle free from his bear-like grip. You never understood where James got so much power from. He was an animagus deer, not a bear, damn you. You twisted and kicked in every direction, but his nimble fingers danced over your bare skin, tickling mercilessly and making you shriek with laughter. Time seemed to blur as your best friend’s relentless tickling pulled you away from your herbology test preparations. Your stomach muscles ached from laughing, and your cheeks felt sore from the constant smile etched on your face.

“Jamie, please stop. I'm going to die now," you mumbled without stopping laughing. “Sirius will come soon and there'll be hell to pay” 

After these words, James grinned, loosened his grip, and rolled onto the other half of the bed. His warm brown eyes followed your every move, a gentle intensity in his gaze. He left a light kiss on your cheek before getting out of bed, and you breathed deeply, trying to steady your erratic breaths. You watched as James crossed the room in a few swift strides, heading to the desk and opening the window. Propping yourself up on your elbows, you felt the cool wind slide through the chiffon curtains, a refreshing contrast to your heated skin.

James's fingers, which had been caressing your skin moments ago, moved with deliberate slowness as he took a cigarette from the pack. He clamped it between his teeth, the flame from his lighter casting a brief, warm glow as he lit it. You couldn't tear your eyes away from him. His disheveled curls and rumpled white shirt, with its first few buttons teasingly undone, drew your gaze to his collarbones. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, revealing the veins on his forearms, each one accentuated in the dim light. That familiar, mischievous grin played on his lips, making you believe that James Potter did it all on purpose.

That grin shone on his face as if he had already won the Quidditch Cup against Slytherin. It made your breathing falter again, sending a whole crazy swarm of butterflies dancing in your stomach. You loved that James Potter grin, the playful twinkle in his eyes, and the way he slightly raised his head to exhale cigarette smoke out the window, where the sun was setting. Yeah, you liked everything about James Potter to the point of a stomach ache and an incredibly fast heartbeat in your chest. 

You were the biggest fan of your brother's best friend. Sometimes, it seemed you literally couldn't live without James—without his jokes, his light touches, his gentle whispers in your ear, and those sparkling eyes like two precious stones. However, James probably didn't even know it, thinking of you only as his best friend's little sister.

“Hey you, don't touch my stuff!” you were indignant, watching him run his fingers over the photo that stood on your desk. You saw James roll his eyes, not paying any attention to your words, and take the frame in both hands, studying it carefully.

“It seems you fit in well with our shabby group,” the guy said quietly and looked around. "Everyone likes you, even Mr. Grumpy Peter”

In his hands was a white frame, its edges adorned with delicate gold filigree, cradling a photo captured just a few weeks earlier. In the picture, you and the Marauders are all there, faces lit with joy—Lily’s laughter bright, Marlene’s mischievous grin, and Dorcas’s warm smile. The scene is set in the cozy common room, where you had all gathered around, lost in the delight of silly Muggle games Lily had introduced. The simple pleasure of those games, so different from the usual weight of family troubles, offered a rare warmth and comfort. You hold this photo close, a cherished relic of laughter and friendship, its presence a bittersweet reminder of how much you missed Sirius when he left you and the rest of the family behind. 

You were profoundly grateful to the entire gang for the chance to be reunited with your twin brother. It was a rare gift to once again be enveloped in his care and protection, to bask in his unwavering love. Your bond with Sirius had always been a delicate thread, frayed by circumstance. The divide between Slytherin and Gryffindor had severed your Hogwarts communication, yet at home, he remained your cherished brother. Though he could be infuriating at times, he was always a steadfast presence, an integral part of your very being.

But the rift deepened when his conflicts with your parents escalated, leaving you unwillingly caught in the crossfire. Sirius's bitterness led him to view you and Regulus as traitors, and then, when he departed, the bond between you was irrevocably severed. It felt as if a piece of your soul had been torn away with him, leaving life in the cold, shadowy manor utterly unbearable.

Then Lily’s intervention restored a semblance of normality. Sirius’s familiar gesture—ruffling your hair in the hallway, calling you "pearl," and flashing that familiar, mischievous smile—was a balm to your wounded heart. Even though a part of you grappled with guilt over maintaining your connection with Sirius while feeling disloyal to Regulus, you couldn't bear to be without your twin. And now, life seemed also incomplete without his cheeky Quidditch captain friend, James Potter, who had become an unexpected but welcome fixture in your world.

“What ‘bout you?” 

The words came out of your mouth before you could think them through. You nervously bit your lower lip, your gaze fixated on James as he methodically extinguished his cigarette, leaving the window ajar. His movements were slow and deliberate as he slid his hands into his trouser pockets and made his way towards the bed. Each step seemed to draw him closer to you, the mattress sinking slightly under his weight as he settled next to your feet.

You shifted uneasily, trying to maintain some distance, but James’s presence was undeniable. Your heart raced with every inch he came nearer. When he finally reached out, his hand gently caressed your cheek, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. The faint, lingering scent of smoke began to weave its way into your senses, adding to the tension that filled the room.

“What ‘bout me, lovely?” He said softly.

His hot breath scorched your neck as James tilted his head slightly to the side. Your eyelashes fluttered and a soft sigh escaped your lips. You could feel the blush rising up your neck and stopping on your cheeks. You've never considered yourself the one who could melt at the sight of a guy… You have always been sure that you are a tough nut to crack and the path to your heart is not easy and thorny. But as soon as James Potter came into your life, sat so close to you and looked at you with his big chocolate eyes, you became a puddle in his hands and there was nothing you could do about it.

It was unbearable to have feelings for James Potter, the school’s shining star, who was constantly surrounded by a throng of admirers vying for his attention. But the situation was even more agonizing knowing that James was your brother's closest friend, the one who had rescued him from the chaos of your family, the brother Sirius had chosen as family.

Despite the unbreakable bond you shared with Sirius, and the way you two were as inseparable as a single machine, you never broached this subject with him. Why? Because you had seen and heard countless stories from friends and acquaintances whose relationships with their siblings’ best friends ended in resentment and discord. You understood the underlying issue all too well: no one wanted to be caught in the crossfire of a breakup between a family member and a closest friend.

For Sirius, the situation would be even more complex. You couldn’t imagine being forced to choose between your twin brother—who was half of you—and your closest friend. It was a choice you knew you could never make, and that realization only deepened the anguish of your feelings for James.

That’s why you remained silent, burying your feelings deep within yourself. Whenever you spent time together, you made a conscious effort to keep your distance from James, but it never seemed to work. With every encounter, your feelings for the Quidditch captain grew stronger, more consuming. Lately, however, it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep everything bottled up. Listening to stories about his snogs was tormenting. Watching him flirt and interact with others was a growing source of anguish. You felt yourself unraveling under the weight of it all.

You licked your dry lips, drawing in a shaky breath, and cast your eyes downward before murmuring, barely audible.

"I-uh... do you like me?"

Your voice trembled, faltering until, by the end, your words dissolved into nothing more than a breathy whisper, a stream of air that barely formed a coherent sentence. And you would have died of shame on the spot if it hadn't been for James's thumb stroking your hot cheek soothingly. His gaze slid over your face, carefully, as if under a microscope, studying every detail that seemed to have already learned everything during these couple of months of your close communication. You were so beautiful with those confused eyes, and halting breathing, and that scar showing above your eyebrow when you frowned. You were divine. 

James, having endured relentless teasing from his friends about his feelings for Lily, believed he was as transparent as an open book. He thought that all his innocent touches, lingering glances, and heartfelt compliments had not gone unnoticed by you, and that you were fully aware of how he felt. He was almost certain of it. But now, as he gazed into your wide, bewildered eyes—eyes that looked at him with a mix of adoration and anxiety—he realized he might not have been as obvious as he’d thought.

You nervously bit your lip and fidgeted with the rings on your fingers, and James couldn't help but chuckle softly, shaking his head. His gaze briefly lingered on your lips, and he was consumed by a longing to taste them. When he looked back up, he stared straight into the depths of your soul, searching for the truth that lay hidden within.

“I thought you knew the answer.… Everyone knows…”

You blinked a few times, nervously swallowing the lump that was beginning to tighten in your throat. James Potter was far too close, encroaching on your personal space in a way that made your heart race and your breath catch. You slowly raised your eyes, trying to come up with some clever answer or make a joke of everything, just not to feel this shame and misunderstanding, just to stop this war in your head. But before you could make a sound, you were on your back again. A surprised sigh escaped your lips when you saw James's smiling face looming over you. His palm rested on your waist, gently squeezing the soft flesh exposed under your shirt. 

"Do you want to know the answer, angel?" James asked slowly, bending forward slightly and stretching out each word. His voice was soft and sweet like honey, making goosebumps cover your body. 

"Only if I... like it," you whispered softly to him in response, blinking your eyes in surprise, feeling your eyelashes tickle your cheeks. 

You felt the ghostly brush of his lips against your temple, then your cheekbone, your cheek, and finally the corner of your lips. James Potter's teasing touch was driving you wild. Your hands instinctively clenched the fabric of his shirt in tight fists as you closed your eyes, a soft whimper escaping your lips. His kiss lingered on your chin before trailing down to your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

“James...” you exhaled, parting your lips as a shiver of impatience rippled through your body. Your fists tightened on his shirt, pulling him closer, desperately craving the contact you longed for. James's laugh came out in a low, throaty sound, and you pouted, frustrated by his playful teasing. But before you could voice your discontent, his lips met yours, pulling you into a tender, sweet kiss that made all your frustrations melt away.

Kissing James Potter was as enchanting as you’d imagined, if not more so. His lips, softened by your cherry balm, carried a lingering taste of cherries, mingling with hints of cigarettes, fresh herbs, and even chocolate—the same chocolates you’d savored just moments before, before James had playfully wrested the last one from you. Where had it gone now?

Your hands gently released his shirt, moving up to his shoulders, fingers threading through his tousled curls and drawing him nearer. You felt a delightful shiver on your lips as James exhaled a satisfied sigh and nibbled on your lower lip. You giggled softly, your fingers tangling further in his hair, pulling him even closer, savoring every second of the sweet, intoxicating kiss. James squeezed your waist a little tighter before reaching under your shirt. His fingers closed around your chest and you moaned softly into his lips, arching your back to meet him.

James slipped his knee between your legs, and you gently moved your hips, feeling the already wet fabric of your panties slide over the stiff material of his pants. James's lips moved lower, covering your neck with kisses, giving you time to catch your breath.

“Jamie... James... don't,” you whispered breathlessly with pleasure. His lips touched your sweet spot behind your ear and you moaned softly. James Potter will be the end of you. 

“Yeah,” James said confidently in the area of your collarbone, quickly unbuttoning the buttons of your white dress shirt. James looked up at you for a second and you frowned slightly, not understanding what he was talking about. “Yes,” he repeated, looking you straight in the eye. “Yes, I like you, angel. Ever since you blew up our amortentia at potions,” you felt the vibration of his laughter on your neck when he left another kiss. 

“But... but that was in the third year...” you whispered, not believing him. James liked Lily at that time, and probably still does. Sirius and Peter often joke that…

“Hmm...” James mumbled in agreement, moving lower, leaving light kisses on both of your breasts. "I couldn't confess ‘cause Sirius is my friend... you're his lil’ sister... and I was a fuckin’ thirteen-year-old loser who was afraid to even look in your direction." 

You laughed softly, sliding your fingers through his hair, lightly scratching the skin of his head. James's hot breath burned your skin as his lips moved lower and lower down your body. Every new kiss is a new place. The cleavage. The ribs. Belly. Bellybutton. 

"And then Lily brought you to us... and I couldn't just watch anymore... when you were so close... so beautiful... gentle... sweet..." James's lips touched the bottom of your stomach, and his fingers gently slipped under the elastic band of your skirt. But before he could pull it down your trembling legs, you grabbed his face with both hands, lifting it higher, connecting your lips. James Potter could resist anything, but not you. He could never resist you. 

Kissing James Potter was like soaring through the sky, a rush of air that caressed your skin with a tantalizing chill. It was like the first warm summer rain, gently gliding through your hair, or the sun's rays breaking through after a long, cold winter, warming the earth with their tender touch. His kisses were like the living water from fairy tales—revitalizing and magical, making you breathe deeply and revel in the pure joy of the moment.

“As much as I would like to continue, but James...” you kissed his lips again, looking into his frowning eyes. Your hands gently stroked his cheeks, feeling a slight tingle from his growing stubble. "Sirius is coming soon and I... I don't want him to find us in such a-... such a compromising position." You blushed fiercely, your cheeks turning as red as a ripe tomato, and James’s laughter rang out once more. He leaned in to kiss you savoringly on the cheek, his touch both tender and playful.

His hand was gently stroking your stomach, and his knee was still moving slowly between your legs. You exhaled noisily, throwing your head back on the pillow, breathing heavily. Hips involuntarily moved to meet him and you squeezed his biceps with your hand. You whimpered when the pleasure became almost unbearable, when you wanted to feel something more.

“I think you're enjoying yourself too much, angel,” James whispered next to your ear, nibbling on your neck. You felt his hand slip through the elastic of your skirt, barely touching your pelvis. “Who am I to deprive you of this pleasure, pretty girl?”

You squeezed your eyes shut when James's fingers slid into your panties, gently tracing between your folds, smearing your arousal. 

“Merlin... Jamie,” you muttered in a trembling voice, moving your hips towards his hands. You heard James chuckle, leaving kisses on your neck and collarbone. You were one hundred percent sure that his marks would remain in these places. And you would have objected if it weren't for the feelings that made you forget about everything. You moaned when his finger slipped inside your dripping hole. Your eyes opened and you met his brown ones, James left a gentle kiss on your lips.

“Yeah, look at me, angel,” James said hoarsely. “I want to see how good I make you feel” 

You meowed and nodded, unable to say anything to him. His finger slowly slid inside your gummy walls, hitting that very spot, making you roll your eyes in pleasure. But you kept looking at him. 

"Jamie... more," you said faintly, and he laughed, adding another finger, twitching an eyebrow, asking, "Is that better?" 

You nodded your head, feeling a surge of euphoria. You've never felt anything like this before. Your fingers have never been so skillful and long to reach the cherished place that they make your whole gut cry with desire. James gradually increased the pace, making you moan softly, clinging to his shirt. You looked into his eyes, feeling them devour and memorize every emotion that slipped across your face. Enjoying your pleasure. His thumb slid over your clit in soft circular movements, and your body arched towards him with pleasure. You could feel the knot of pleasure tightening within you, on the verge of breaking free. Your eyes fluttered rapidly, and your lips parted in silent wonder. You tried to form words, but only soft, breathless moans escaped, betraying the intensity of the sensation.

“I know angel... just let go,” James whispered in your ear, and it snapped the last thread that was holding you back. You closed your eyes, moaning louder than before, feeling like you were coming. James was whispering something in your ear, continuing to pump his fingers through your orgasm, but you were over the moon with pleasure to attach any importance to it.

And a moment after it you felt empty. Breathing heavily, you turned your closed eyes to the guy who was grinning at you, licking your release off his fingers. You ran your hand tenderly over his cheek, trailing down to his neck, gently guiding him closer. Your body felt almost unresponsive, but your need to kiss him was overwhelming. You wanted to feel him, to lose yourself in the connection. As his lips met yours, you relaxed into the kiss, parting your lips lazily and letting James take the lead, savoring every moment. You could still feel the sweet taste of your juice on his lips and it made your heart flutter faster, giving reality to what was happening. 

Your hand slowly slid from his shoulder lower to his chest, then to his torso and slightly lower, gently touching the buckle of his belt, but before you could even make an attempt to undo it, James grabbed your hands in his and pulled them away, shaking his head. You frowned, not understanding why he doesn't want you to bring him the same pleasure as he gives you. You wanted to please him. You wanted to do it for him. 

“Not today, angel.” He kissed your knuckles, kneeling next to you. You sat up in front of him, your lower lip trembling as his hands began to button your shirt. You sniffed, not understanding what was going on. He wanted it as much as you did, didn't he? 

Seeing your expression, James immediately cupped your cheeks in his hands and shook his head. 

“I want you, beauty. Merlin, lovely... more than anything in this world, I want to take you right here and now.” James laughed hoarsely, shaking his head. “But like you said, I don't want Sirius or anyone else to get in the way, do I?” you were still pouting, blinking your eyes. James kissed you and joined your foreheads, looking into your eyes. "I promise I'll make it up to you, but later, ‘kay?" 

“Okay,” you nodded, reaching for his lips once more. Having tasted James Potter, you felt an insatiable craving for more. With a playful smile, he pulled you closer, and you shifted to straddle him on the bed. His laughter rang out as he placed his hands on your hips, giving them a gentle squeeze. Your hands wandered slowly over his chest, savoring the moment.

“So, there will be a next time?” you asked, playfully biting your lip. Before he could respond, you leaned in and kissed him, cutting off any potential answer.

You didn’t need a reply. In his eyes, you saw the same fiery intensity that drew you in like a moth to a flame. Now, James was the moth flying straight into your blaze. After tonight, there would be no turning back for either of you—both consumed by a fire that would burn without end.

thankx for reading <3

for all my lovelies who are waiting for james fluff i’m currently working on some fluffy stuff, so stay tuned!

and as always, you can share your opinion in comments or my inbox :3

- your santi 🪐

masterlist

[kitasgloves]

Thinking about seeing your ex-lover SAKUSA KIYOOMI. In a crowded room during a mutual friend's birthday party.

Everybody adored you and him back when you were together. It seemed to everyone that you and Sakusa complimented each other perfectly. Like two sides of the same coin. Yin and Yang. Dusk and Dawn. Summer and Winter. Like you were fated to meet and be together forever, you both thought the same thing.

When you and Sakusa met eyes years after separating, there were identical somber smiles on both of your features. You walked towards him, you were always the one to approach him first. He chuckles at the fact. Even if romance failed you both, you and Sakusa remained friends. After all, you were friends at the beginning before lovers.

"Hey, how are you doing?"

You spoke with a genuine smile. Sakusa knew you were better at conversation than he was because he preferred listening to you for hours. He returns the gesture.

"I'm well. Though this season had a rough start"

"How's volleyball, lately?"

"It's still okay. My teammates remained insufferable as always"

He replies and this draws a laugh out of you. God, he missed hearing that. A part of him remained selfish to know that somebody else gets to hear it now. From what he gathers, you're not in a relationship at the moment. It brought a tiny portion of solace to him. Sakusa thought how perfect it was to slide back into a relationship with you again considering he hadn't found anybody yet. He doubts anyone would replace you.

"I like your new hair color"

"Oh, thanks! God, I was afraid that I would like shit"

"No, it doesn't. Anything suits you, in my opinion"

Sakusa replies and there is a familiar glimmer in his eyes, a soft upward curl of his lips is present. Your heart unwillingly skips a beat.

Damn you, you handsome beast

You softly glared at him. On the surface, anybody would've never thought that you and he broke up, the closeness still lingered even if you and he fell apart. But if one were to look closer, ache laced in every smile, laugh, and look you and Sakusa exchanged.

The history you shared with him was irreplaceable. There were no regrets, but heartbreak instead. The romance was not fit to stay between you and Sakusa. Conflicts were inevitable to hurt both of you and the solution was to kill the tenderness only lovers shared. You thought it was reasonable, and Sakusa was a rational man. If it won't work, then you shouldn't force it, it only further complicates things.

But it hurts like shit to acknowledge that the yearning for each other was there. You still loved him. And from that stupid soft gaze, he only gives to you, Sakusa returned the sentiment. But to try again would only bring doom in the end. As you cast your heart away when he walked off, you couldn't help but think to yourself with glassy eyes: would there still be a chance again someday?

I'm trying to hurt myself to feel something lmao

[9haharharley1]

For the prompt ideas, how do you feel about hanahaki? Vlad not knowing how to handle having this, trying to keep it a secret from everyone around him.

I've never done hanahaki before, I don't really read it, but it's starting to perk my interest, so this couldn't have come at a better time! I hope this is OK, it's my first time lol

---

Vlad excused himself from the meeting with his CFO as a cough welled in his throat. He barely managed to get out of the room before he doubled over with it, handkerchief covering his mouth. Stumbling away, he headed for the nearby restroom where he hunched over the sink to hack his aching lungs out. The porcelain cracked under his grip as he heaved.

A red glow cast over the sink, his eyes having turned red from the force of his body trying to expel the nuisance in his throat. He sincerely hoped no one was in one of the stalls or would come waltzing in as he spat the first of a blackened petal out of his mouth.

It tingled on his tongue.

Blood blossoms were old magic, rarely found in the wild in this day and age, but they had always been a rare species of flower to begin with. Black petals tipped with a streak of violet, they were a morbid flower, and Vlad had always appreciated their otherworldly beauty.

At least, he had up until they started growing on his lungs.

Once upon a time, Vlad had thought hanahaki disease to be a myth, a silly superstition meant to coerce young lovers and abusers into staying together in relationships that should have never made it past the first date. He'd been on the receiving end of such advances, one woman in accounting going so far as to shove actual flowers in her mouth to cough up the next time they were in the same room together. There had been threats of the same kind in his mail, strangers vying for his attention by saying they were suffocating on their love for him. He'd never believed their rubbish and had his systems trace back to the perpetrators so either he or his security team could deal with them.

Turns out all of those people had been perfectly healthy and were just trying to guilt him into giving them some attention. Go figure.

He spat out another petal, glaring at a drop of blood landing next to it in the sink. Whoever said hanahaki was supposed to be a tragically romantic disease was a damn liar. He couldn't say he was a fan.

It was even worse when the subject of his so-called unrequited love wasn't the person he had imagined it would be.

The day he woke up with the first petal in his throat, after weeks of increasingly violent couching fits, the source of which he couldn't find, Vlad had had an outright panic attack. He had sat curled up in his shower, the heat cranked all the way up to combat his shaking, but it had done little as he stared at the single black petal. He had sobbed. He had screamed and wailed, punching through the tile beneath him as he struggled to breathe with thorns stabbing his lungs and flowers in his throat. It hadn't been a pleasant morning.

It was made all the more unpleasant when he had finally calmed down enough to think logically again, to analyze the facts of what was happening to him and why.

He was in unrequited love. He knew that much about the disease, that the flower only grew when a person couldn't admit their feelings to another. At first, Vlad had tried to refute that fact, thinking back on the multitude of times he had tried to make Maddie Fenton his, to convince her to leave her bumbling husband for him, who could take better care of her and her children than Jack ever could. He had made his intentions quite known to her that time in Colorado, even, so even if it was unrequited, at least Maddie was aware enough to reject him outright.

But that was years ago. The disease hadn't manifested itself back then, which meant - if the tragic love poems were to be believed - that Vlad had never really loved her in the first place. It was a hard pill to swallow, even as he had picked his sorry self up off the shower floor to go to his lab, running an MRI on himself to check his insides.

He had been horrified by what he saw.

A black mass had planted itself in his lungs, tendrils of vines stabbed into the sides of his organs to grow upward into his throat. That, at least, explained the slight wheeze to his breathing these past few weeks, growing steadily worse as the plant grew in size. In a moment of panic, he had attempted to phase it out of himself, going so far as to have a clone reach into his body and yank the thing out, only to be painfully repelled back with a scream, hands burning and blistering even through the gloves his ghost wore. After coming down from yet another panic, Vlad had analyzed the single petal he had coughed up.

His horror grew after concluding it was, in fact, blood blossoms flowering in his lungs.

He threw up in the trash shortly after this revelation, not needing to do anymore research as he realized who could possibly be causing this in him.

There was only one person. Only one person had ever matched him, who had stood up to him and mocked him, thwarting his plans time and again because Vlad was too soft on the boy to go further. Only one person had ever superceded his obsession with Madeline Fenton to make himself Vlad's whole world, to want to win his affection, to be in his life, to go so far as to make a clone copy of him if he couldn't have the real thing for himself.

Back then, Vlad hadn't thought it anymore than wanting a son of his own, to want Maddie's son for his own, but he knew better now. Thinking back, he should have wanted young, brilliant Jasmine as his daughter as well, and some part of him still thought that she should have been his, too, but that want, that yearning he felt for Daniel had never quite extended to Jasmine. He had once chalked it up to just never having wanted a daughter to begin with, and his chest ached knowing that his little Danielle was out there somewhere, far away from him and hating him so spectacularly that he may never get a chance to rectify the pain he had caused her.

This... disease put into perspective what he lacked - companionship, love, family - and as he spat up another petal with a fleck of blood on it, he knew that he could have had all of that with Daniel, with Danielle by their side.

The perfect little half-ghost family. Everything he had ever wanted.

His lungs burned from the poison of the blossoms inside him, his throat sore and raw. Vlad spat into the sink, glaring at the mess of blood that came with it. He grabbed a paper towel, using it to clean the petals and throw them away without touching them directly, washing out the sink and his mouth once they were dealt with. He still had a meeting to get back to, so he stood up straight, fixing his tie and his ponytail until he looked every bit the put-together CEO he showed the larger world. His handkerchief was folded up and placed back in his breast pocket, and when he stepped out of the restroom, no one would ever realize he had just spent five minutes literally coughing up his lungs. He strolled back to the meeting room with his head held high.

A rush of red steam slipped from his lips, Vlad quickly reaching up to cover his mouth with the back of his hand. He glowered, glancing around for whatever ghost dared to enter his building. He still had a schedule to keep.

His eyes went wide when he turned around, however.

"Daniel?" he wheezed around the flower threatening to choke him.

Daniel stood in the hall, shivering and miserable. There were deep bags under his eyes, his hair unkempt and windswept. His clothes were wrinkled, like Daniel had grabbed them straight from the laundry basket and thrown them on, flying as fast as his exhausted body possibly could to stand before Vlad. There was a dribble of blood on his lips, like he had just finished a painful coughing fit of his own, and the horror that crept over Vlad had him all but running to the younger man. Daniel hung his head as Vlad knelt before him, grabbing his arms.

"Daniel?" he practically pleaded, willing the young halfa to look at him. "What happened? What's wrong?"

Nothing could have prepared him for the shock that jolted through him when Danny held up a handful of blood blossom petals in a shaking hand. Vlad's breathing went ragged.

"C... Can we talk?" Daniel muttered, voice wheezy and hoarse, his pain significantly worse than Vlad's. Vlad met his pleading eyes with his own wide, bewildered ones, barely registering the bloom of hope in his lungs. He fished his phone out of his pocket.

"Hello, Dolores. Cancel my appointments for today."

[melancholy-of-nadia]

love u lately (m) #7 | myg/knj/pjm

title: love u lately​ chapter title: #7 - People (Pt. 2)​ pairing: yoongi x f. reader, namjoon x f. reader, jimin x f. reader (yoonminjoon x f. reader) rating/genre: m (18+) ; smut ; college/university au , pseudo frat! bts; best friends! yoonminjoon friends to lovers; summary: a camping trip in the middle of January does not prove to be ideal at all. for many reasons. and you'll blame taehyung for suggesting this! with high tensions and emotions simmering beneath the surface as you, the beta tau sigma boys, and your girly besties go on a weekend getaway, someone unexpected decides to confess to you, leaving you to wonder what your heart even wants? warnings:  camping, reader being obviously jealous, AND STRESSED, smut, deep talks, shower sex, consensual groping, v in p penetration, unprotected sex (well she's on BC), swearing, kissing...A LOT, fingering, yoongi smoking cigarettes, hwasa the drama pot stirrer, ANGST, INJURY, eventual CONFESSION, yoonminjoon on high tension, jungkook carrying reader = jealousy, ft. Hwasa, IU, Adora, and Soyoon note: as always thank you to @daegudrama for editing this chapter and giving me smut ideas!!! total word count: 12.6k drop date: February 9th, 2024 3:00PM PST cross posted on AO3 here ← #6 | Series Masterlist | #8 →

January 19 [Saturday]

The rhythmic hum of the engine and the soft purr of the tires on the pavement accompany your focus as you sit shotgun in Yoongi's car, en route to the campgrounds. Winter break ended earlier that month, and reality is setting in as you find yourself juggling the remnants of relaxation with the impending demands of university life.

Yoongi decided to bring his car to campus this semester, knowing that he would need it for the camping trip to be able to fit everyone. Each car housed a portion of your close-knit group:

Jin's car: Hoseok, Hwasa, Soohyun Jimin's car: Namjoon, Soyoon, Jungkook Yoongi's car: You, Taehyung, Jieun

Seated beside Yoongi, you diligently work on a writing assignment, your laptop open on your lap. Yoongi cast a sidelong glance, noting your dedication despite his concern for your motion sickness.

"Are you seriously working on your homework in the car? You get bad motion sickness, Honey." He sighs, worry lacing his words as he continues looking at the road.

You finally lift your gaze, meeting his eyes after a focused 25 minutes. "I took a dramamine before this, so it’s not too bad. I just need to get this assignment done before Tuesday. I know I’m going to fuck around and not work on it much this whole trip, so I’m doing all I can to get it done within the next 3 hours."

Yoongi hums, understanding the struggle. "Damn, that business comm class has you hustling hard this semester, huh?"

You groan in agreement, "Yes! I was so close to dropping it because the professor is so stingy, but I need to take it now so I can graduate on time." This spring semester is going to be a lot harder so you have to stay focused. Though, this camping trip offers a temporary escape with your friends before you start calling the library your new home for the rest of the school year.

As the car rolls along the highway, your mind wanders back to a few weeks before the semester started. The course load is much more formidable than Fall, now taking some upper division courses like psychology, business communication, international economics, and market analysis. That business comm class is going to kill you though. You sigh at yet another twist of fate of Jaebeom's presence in a class, which somehow leaves you feeling uneasy.

He struck up a conversation after the first class, asking for your phone number to discuss homework and projects. While you agreed, sensing something off, Yoongi appeared behind you as if summoned from thin air. His dark expression and the firm grip on your wrist conveyed a silent warning to Jaebeom.

Before leaving, Jaebeom couldn't resist a sudden sarcastic remark, "Wasting time? You better finish that mixtape if you want to get signed before me, Agust."

At the time, you didn't fully grasp the implications. However, his words linger, and you wonder if Yoongi has recently been struggling with his music and if that somehow was connected to you. The mixtape project, once a seamless process for him, now seemed to be hitting roadblocks.

You decide to try to pry into Yoongi’s mind and see if your suspicions are correct by continuing the conversation. "What about you, Yoongi? I know you’re taking that Recording Production Process class this semester to release a mixtape by the end of it."

"Yeah, yeah, it's going well,” Yoongi nods shyly, offering a few affirmations.

"Right, hyung is working on an album!" Taehyung chimes in from the back seat where he sits with Jieun, your upperclassman friend you'd invited on the trip.

"Oh really? That’s really cool, Yoongi!" Jieun compliments, her eyes sparkling at the mention of Yoongi producing music.

"And if you need a vocalist feature, you should ask Jieun. She’s in the university’s acapella group." you suggest, thinking it could add a unique dynamic to Yoongi's music. Yoongi has asked you to sing a couple parts in the past for his songs, though you always try to gently refuse. You don’t think you’re much of a singer and don’t want to ruin his works. However, Yoongi always thinks differently.

"Really? Jieun, if you don’t mind helping me out with some of my projects, I would greatly appreciate it." Yoongi proposed.

"Sure! I sing as a hobby, so I don’t know how great I would be, but I’ll do my best." Jieun responds, her willingness evident in her tone.

You met Jieun last year when she was a 2nd year TA in your Psych Statistics Analysis class. After several office hour sessions of trying to understand how Tukey’s Honestly Significant Difference worked (which you don’t want to explain how it works), you ended up befriending her and becoming good friends. You found out she’s an amazing singer outside of her pursuing a psychology degree and even a theater major. You think Yoongi would get along really well with her (cue Yoongi’s obscure interest in broadway musicals).

The car continues its journey through picturesque landscapes, and after two hours, you finally arrive at the campsite. Nestled in the embrace of nature, the site sprawls out with a serene lake nearby, and scattered cabin lodgings surround the area. You note the promise of a hot spring spa somewhere around here, creating a mental checklist for exploration later on.

As you step out of the car, the crisp January air hit you, carrying remnants of moisture from the previous days' rain. It is undeniably cold, and you question the wisdom of camping in the middle of winter. Everyone starts unloading the supplies from the cars for the next 2-3 days. Jin, Yoongi, Soyoon, and Jungkook take charge of building the tents, their collective efforts combating the chilly breeze.

After everyone settles down, you all decide to have a group meeting to discuss what you guys are going to eat for lunch.

Taehyung, who is always down for something random, proposes a cooking challenge that divides everyone into two teams: Team Red and Team Blue. The plan involves creatively preparing lunch and dinner using the BBQ grills and sinks at the picnic area, as well as utilizing the supplies Jin and Namjoon bought the night before. Everyone will decide on the best meal after dinner.

Team Red, consisting of Jin, Hoseok, Namjoon, Soyoon, Soohyun, and Jimin, strategize their approach.

Jin, surveying the available ingredients, rubs his hands together, ready for the challenge. "Alright, team! We have premade dough, broth, veggies, meat, fruit, side dishes, bread…ideas, anyone?"

Hoseok, ever the enthusiast, suggests, "I’m tempted to say we should make the barbecue feast for lunch. I’m craving BBQ so bad. Please, Jin."

“No! We’re doing that tomorrow night!” Jin lightly argues, earning a groan from Hoseok which makes everyone else laugh.

Namjoon, exchanging glances with Soyoon, feels a spark of inspiration. "What if we do something a bit different? Pizza. We can make pizza outdoors. It's a bit unconventional, but we do have the premade dough. I think the result will be worth it."

Soyoon giggles and nods in agreement, adding, "Yeah, I actually brought the dough because I thought we could use it to make something cool out here. Pizza would actually be fucking cool." Namjoon smile widdens knowing she understands him so well.

"I'm down for pizza!" Jimin, excited by the idea, chimes in.

"Let's make a giant combo pizza. That way, we can feed everyone." Soohyun, examining the ingredients, suggests.

Jin, impressed with his team brainstorming thoughts, declares, "Fantastic! Let's get to work. Hoseok, start the fire. Namjoon, you and Soyoon work on rolling the dough. Soohyun, you and Jimin can handle cutting the ingredients for the toppings. We've got this!"

The team disperses to their designated tasks, banter and laughter fills the air as they toss around more ideas. Amidst the cheerful chaos, your attention involuntarily drifts to Soyoon and Namjoon.

You steal glances at them, observing how they playfully engage with each other while improvising rolling pins from random cylindrical objects. The rhythmic motion of rolling dough becomes a backdrop to their shared laughter, and you can't help but feel somewhat uncomfortable.

It's different. In the past, Namjoon would get close with girls you didn’t even know, like Jihyo. This time, it hits a bit closer to home—Soyoon is your friend, and Namjoon is your childhood best friend. You remember the first time they met is when Namjoon came by to pick you up after a late night library shift during finals season last year. But you’re not even sure when they started talking to each other more without you knowing. Could it have been through one of their art history classes?

Lost in your thoughts, you're snapped back to reality when Yoongi playfully flicks your forehead, jolting you back to reality.

“Get your head in the game, Y/N.” He grumbles and you wince slightly in pain. Jerk.

“I am!” You retort as you go back to facing him and looking at the ingredients in front of you. “I was just trying to see what they were plotting for lunch.”

Yoongi can’t help but shoot you a questioning expression. You wonder if he knows that you were looking at them. It wouldn’t be the first time he catches you staring at Namjoon being with another girl. Whether he knows or not, he doesn’t decide to pry and instead looks back at the ingredients on your table.

“You can do that later, we need to start making something so we can have more time to not do shit later.”

“Just make some of your good old kimchi jjigae and have some rice on the side. It’ll keep us feeling warmed up for the night.” You see some packaged pork belly and hand it to Yoongi, “Add a little protein too.”

You’ve helped Yoongi cook in the past, so you have a sense of his cooking process when he decides to make stuff, specifically stew. This won’t take too long to prepare.

“I hate that this is such a good idea.” He groans, grabbing the meat as you smirk right back at him cheekily. “Everyone else on board? I just need the onion and green onions cut, then the pork belly stir fried before I put it all in the big pot for the stew.”

Everyone nods, followed by a “Yes Chef!” from Taehyung. As you get straight to chopping onions, you notice Yoongi looking at you with admiration. You want to know the thoughts that blossom behind his cat-like eyes, but you decide not to ponder it right now.

Taehyung takes a suspicious glance at you two, seemingly wondering about something. Though he remains silent, and instead goes to assist Jungkook and Jieun in preparing ingredients.

++++++++++++

The sky paints hues of orange and pink as the sun begins its descent, casting a warm glow over the campsite. You, Jimin, and Hoseok venture towards a pile of firewood behind the shower houses to build a cozy campfire for the night.

Jimin, ever perceptive, notices the contemplative look on your face. "Hey, Y/N, everything okay?" he asks, concern etched on his face.

You hesitate for a moment before replying. Did he notice you looking at Namjoon and Soyoon earlier? Shit, this is embarrassing. He must be thinking about how ridiculous I’m being.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just stuff on my mind, you know?"

Jimin shoots you a curious glance, silently questioning if you were ready to share what was bothering you.

Before he could delve deeper into your thoughts, Hoseok, his eyes darting around nervously, chimes in, "Guys, let's pick up the pace. It's getting dark, and I'm not really a fan of the dark in the woods. Gives me the creeps!"

You take this interruption as a chance to avoid answering him and focus on the task on hand. Jimin doesn’t push you to continue and you all walk back to the campsite.

+++++

The campfire casts dancing shadows on the faces of your friends as laughter and chatter fills the night. The aroma of the delicious kimchi jjigae lingers in the air. Yoongi and Jungkook busied themselves with slicing fruits and getting out the ingredients to make some s'mores.

Jimin goes to his trunk to take out several boxes of soju bottles, sparking a cheer among the group. The soft strains of music emanate from Hoseok's compact speaker, adding a melodic backdrop to the festivities. Crackling fire, music and the clinking of soju bottles set the perfect ambiance for the end of the B.T.S. member trip day one.

"Alright, why don’t we share some confessions around the campfire to bond with one another. Jin, you wanna kick it off?" Hwasa settles down on the picnic blanket around the fire and grins.

Jin nods, a mischievous glint in his eye, "Huh?! Me? Why don’t you start it off since you want to do this.”

“Give me like three minutes to think of something. So please go for it, Seokjin?”

“Agh, fine. Just don't judge me too hard,” Jin looks around and clears his throat before he continues. “Back in middle school, I tried to impress my crush with a card trick. It didn't go as planned, and I ended up looking like a dumbass magician. Needless to say, she wasn't impressed."

“That was kinda a lame confession.” Hwasa tells him and you try to stifle your laughter next to her.

“I said don’t judge me!” A bit of laughter ripples through the group. “You also didn’t add any rules!”

"If Hwasa wants to hear about embarrassing shit, let me share.” Hoseok eagerly volunteers, “I accidentally liked my crush's old Instagram photo while stalking their profile. It was from two years ago, and there was no way to undo it. I hoped they wouldn't notice, but they did."

“Oh see! That’s what I want to hear!” Your girl bestie yells in excitement.

Soyoon follows after, "Something to confess…I have this quirky habit of talking in my sleep. One time, my roommate caught me in the act and recorded. I talked about kissing girls for a good five minutes."

Namjoon chuckles a little too hard at that. "Funny you mention sleep-talking. I've been told I do the same thing. Apparently, I give motivational speeches about pursuing dreams in my sleep."

“No, you just ramble about shit that sounds like it makes sense when it doesn’t!” Jimin opposes. Namjoon tsks, narrowing his eyes at the younger man.

The round table of confessions continues with Jieun, "Alright, brace yourselves. I had a massive crush on my neighbor when I was in high school. Turns out, he's now a famous actor in every Netflix show imaginable. I had no idea back then."

“Wait who?!” Everyone exclaims.

“I can’t kiss and tell.” She pretends to seal her lips, leaving everyone sighing and groaning.

The stories lighten the mood, but as Hwasa shifts the rules to be only dating confessions, a tension hangs in the air. You decide to tread carefully as your turn, "Well, I had this experience just once… you know, with someone. It was interesting, but things didn't exactly pan out."

“Come on, give us more juicy details! I haven’t heard you talk about this much.” Hwasa presses.

The gazes of Yoongi, Jimin, and Namjoon linger a bit longer, as you navigate through your words, leaving certain details in the shadows.

“Me and that guy were basically academic rivals. Always trying to one-up each other. I beat him and got the Salutatorian honor when I graduated. Jimin was Valedictorian. We never thought we’d date until I asked him to be my fake date to a wedding–”

A collective gasp and “oohs” escapes the group, and Hwasa clasps her hands together, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“It was my brother’s wedding.” Jin adds matter of factly.

“Yes, your brother’s wedding. Then one thing led to another and we dated for about 3 months until we broke up right when I moved for college.”

And now there was suddenly a bit of silence. Did I make the mood awkward? Oh god, maybe I should’ve made something up. You look around and see a bit of disappointment after a short rom-com summary of your first dating experience.

“Why did you need a fake date?” Namjoon was the first of your three best friends to speak up and ask. This catches you off guard.

“I…Er…”

Your hesitant response left an air of curiosity hanging around them. Namjoon's question touches on a chapter of your life you haven’t shared with anyone at all, and now, with the flickering firelight revealing the subtle expressions on everyone's faces, you feel a mix of vulnerability and uncertainty.

Why were you insistent to get a fake date back then? Even thinking about it now, it seems so silly of an idea. What were you trying to prove by having arms linked with a man, who you didn’t originally like, in front of your male best friends?

"It was to spite us. She didn't want to show up alone and have us think she couldn't find a date." Jimin interjects. He must’ve sensed you struggling to answer.

"Spiting us at a wedding? We could’ve just all gone as friends like we did for prom." Namjoon teases, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Was it really spite? Aimed at Namjoon, Jimin and Yoongi for taking other girls instead just going with you? What does that really say about you? Why do you feel unhappy when they don’t have you at the center of their attention? This isn’t a good time to spiral into this.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't the best idea." you chuckle nervously, glancing quickly at Yoongi and Jimin. Their expressions are unreadable, and the silence that follows your story lingers a bit too long.

Hwasa, not one to let awkward moments fester, leans in with a playful smile, "Okay, spill. Was he a good kisser?"

"I…uh, I think this is getting a bit too personal, isn't it?"

The group erupts into laughter, dispersing the tension that momentarily settled. As the night continues, the stories shift to lighter topics, the crackling fire providing a comforting backdrop.

+++++++

The campfire's warmth lingers on your skin as you gather your things from your shared tent, preparing to head to the shower building. The night is settling in, and the laughter of your friends still echoes in the cold air. As you pass by the dwindling group still gathered around the fire, you catch Jimin's eyes for what feels like a minute. There is a depth in his gaze that leaves you wondering if he, too, is navigating through a maze of emotions from earlier today.

It’s been two months, when will you finally make up your mind instead of leaving them hanging?

Your attention is momentarily diverted by a scene that tugs at your heart. Namjoon and Soyoon are sat close, giggling animatedly about an unknown topic in the glow of the firelight. The sight of Namjoon's deepened dimples and the warmth in his smile captivates you, the flames casting shadows on them.

And there it is again. A twinge of an unknown, yet familiar feeling sparks within you. It is a feeling you couldn't entirely shake off, even though you tried to bury it beneath layers of rationality. A mix of emotions swirls as you continue on your way to the shower building.

The path to the shower building is dimly lit along the way, and the sound of laughter at the campsite slowly fades behind you.

Upon reaching the shower building, you notice Yoongi sitting by a picnic table, a dim glow from his cigarette and phone lighting up the darkness around him. It is a sight you haven’t seen in a long time, and concern creeps into your mind. You thought he stopped smoking a while back. Without hesitation, you call out to him and take a seat.

"Hey Yoongs," you begin, studying his expression, "Are you good?"

Yoongi looks up at you, caught off guard by the sudden question. He hesitates to speak, opting instead to take a drag from his cigarette. The smoke curls into the night air, carrying with it a sweet yet bitter scent, reminiscent of cherries.

“Why do you say that?” He finally responds, with a question, however.

“I haven’t seen you smoke since that time.” You refer to the month right before college when Yoongi got word that his father had fallen ill and was admitted to the hospital. Yoongi doesn’t smoke unless he feels like he needs something to keep him afloat while his mind is conflicted in chaos.

“Just felt like I needed it right now.” He explains shortly.

You sense his reluctance to provide context. While you normally don’t like to pry too much when it comes to him, you feel like you should right now. Aside from whatever transparency or honesty rules you have as fuck buddies, you are his best friend at the end of the day.

You sigh softly, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Yoongi. But, you know, I'm here to listen to any of your worries. Anything. That's what best friends are for."

Yoongi's eyes widen a little from your reassuring words. It takes him a moment to collect his thoughts, the ember of his cigarette glowing in the darkness as he begins to speak. "You truly are an angel that comforts me when the world has gone to shit."

You feel your cheeks heating up a bit before following it up with another question, “What’s been troubling you this bad?”

Yoongi scratches his temple anxiously before putting his phone down. “It's just…the mixtape project is weighing on me more than I thought.”

"But you always come up with something amazing when it comes to music. We literally call you the hands of Midas."

He exhales a sigh, the smoke dispersing in the air. "Yeah, but this time it's different. Professor Kang is pushing us hard, and he's been emphasizing how crucial this project is if we want him to recommend us to work for Mr. Bang."

The gravity of his words sinks in. "The Mr. Bang from that one major record label in LA you told me about?"

Yoongi nods, and you can see the anxiety in his eyes. "Exactly. But he’s only recommending two mixtapes out of our 10-person class.” He takes a minute to assemble his next thoughts, finding it hard to speak out the potential outcomes. “This could be a game-changer for my career, but it feels like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff. One wrong move, and everything could just crumble."

You remain silent, absorbing the weight of his concerns. Yoongi told you awhile back that Professor Kang is actually another big producer named Pdogg. The man is incredibly close with Mr. Shihyuk Bang, who is a part of a major record label that Yoongi has been dreaming of joining since high school. You know Yoongi doesn’t want to disappoint anyone, and that carries even more magnitude and pressure to his creative process.

"I've been working day and night, trying to create something that stands out. But with every passing day, doubt creeps in. What if it's not good enough? What if I disappoint everyone who believes in me?" Yoongi admits, his vulnerability laid bare. “Jaebeom really hit a nerve when I saw him a few weeks ago. He’s been working on good stuff too, especially with the help of some upperclassmen. I have Yijeong and Sammy giving me some feedback from time to time, but this is all done by me.”

He extinguishes the cigarette with a firm stomp, the embers scattering in the night air. Discarding the remains into the trashcan next to the table, he releases a heavy sigh, the weight of his thoughts etched on his features.

You recognize the heavy burden he carries. The expectations, the fear of failure, and the desire to prove himself in an industry that can be unforgiving – it's a lot for anyone to handle.

"I get it, Yoongi," you begin, your voice adopting a soothing cadence that seems to meld with the ambient night sounds of the forest around you. "It's a big opportunity, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. The music industry can be relentless, and there is a lot on the line for your future.”

Yoongi narrows his eyes at you, “Thanks for confirming my fears.” He chuckles.

“Wait! But here's the thing—you're not alone in this. We're all here for you, supporting you every step of the way."

You pause, letting the words linger in the crisp night air. Yoongi looks at you, his gaze a mix of gratitude and vulnerability.

"You've got an incredible talent, Yoongi," you continue, your expression earnest. "I've seen you pour your heart and soul into your music since we were in high school. Your dedication is inspiring, and it's about time the world recognizes it. The journey you’ll take will be tough, but remember, you're not just carrying your dreams. You're carrying the dreams of everyone who believes in you, and that's a powerful force."

Yoongi takes in your words, a subtle nod acknowledging the truth in them. The flickering light from the light post dances in his eyes, reflecting a renewed sense of determination.

"And, hey," you add with a soft smile, "even in the face of challenges, don't forget to savor the process. This journey is as much about the growth and experiences along the way as it is about the destination. Embrace it, and you'll find strength even in the toughest moments." You hold Yoongi’s large hand against your face, comforting him. He always likes his hands being held.

He exhales slowly, as if releasing a burden he didn't realize he was carrying. "Thanks, Y/N," he says, his voice genuine. "I needed to hear that."

Yoongi looks at you, gratitude and a touch of relief in his eyes.

As the heaviness of Yoongi's concerns lifts with your words of support, a more casual conversation takes its place. Yoongi turns to you, his gaze softening, and asks, "What have you been dreaming of lately, Y/N?

You ponder the question. As a second year in college, you haven’t spent much time thinking about it. "Honestly, I'm not entirely sure yet. Maybe a corporate job somewhere nice, stable. I don’t really have much of a dream.” Yoongi looks at you, wanting to dive deeper on that, but you chose to divert the question. “But, no matter what, I hope to be close to you and everyone else until the end of time!"

His eyes widen, filled with admiration and awe at your sincerity. It's a sentiment that seems to touch him, and you feel a sense of warmth between you two. Emotions linger in the air, as if inching closer to understanding something profound.

Suddenly, as if propelled by an internal decision, Yoongi gets up. He extends his hand towards you, his touch gentle as he grabs your wrist. He looks at you with a hint of anticipation and eagerness in his eyes.

You don’t know what he has in mind, but if you’re with Yoongi, you have nothing to fear.

Intrigued, you follow him to the shower building which was empty at this hour in the night. Without a word, he pulls you into one of the shower stalls, closing the curtain behind you both. He starts kissing you, making you gasp into his mouth. As you close your eyes, you feel yourself slipping away, and in the process, accidentally turning on the shower. The water begins to flow, causing your clothes to get wet. In response, Yoongi starts undressing you, peeling off your clothes and tossing them to the side to keep them from getting too soaked. You didn’t mind though. You were going to shower anyway.

The soft sound of running water creates a soothing ambiance. The air fills with a mix of steam and electricity as your lips keep meeting each other again and again, while the world outside the shower stall fades away.

The sounds of water droplets hitting the tiled floor mixes with the soft hum of your shared breaths. There's a delicate dance between you and Yoongi, a silent exchange of emotions that words can never capture.

As the kiss deepens, you find a certain comfort in the connection, a reassurance that goes beyond the worries and pressures of daily life. Yoongi's hands, tender and deliberate, trace a soothing path across the expanse of your back.

He pulls back slightly, his dark eyes fixed on yours. "Y/N," he breathes, his voice a soft murmur that's almost lost in the sound of running water. "Do you want me to keep going?"

All thoughts in your brain are clouded by the horny brain rot brought about by Min Yoongi. This man is probably the most dangerous out of your three best friends.

“Please.”

This is the cue Yoongi needs to suddenly unchain his desires. His hands continue to explore, tracing patterns on your skin, and the heightened awareness of where you are adds a layer of excitement. The sound of the shower and the muffled noises from outside create a cloak of privacy, but at any moment, an impending intrusion could get you both caught. You don’t want to know what consequences await that.

The pure thrill of the situation and the delicate touch of Yoongi’s hands gets you wet with little effort. He breaks away from the kiss, leaning down to swirl his tongue around one of your nipples before turning you around. He kneads your ass in his hands then slips one hand between your thighs. Without warning he pushes one finger inside you with ease.

“So wet for me already?” He whispers into your ear sending a shiver down your spine. He uses his other hand to cup your soft breast.

The sound you choke out is not intelligible which brings a low chuckle to Yoongi’s throat. He slides the finger in and out of you slowly like he’s trying to drive you insane.

When he adds another finger you can’t help the sound that espaces your lips. He moves more quickly building the pleasure inside of you. Yoongi rests his head against your shoulder putting his hands on your waist.

“I don’t have a condom with me.” He groans, mentally beating himself. You turn around to see a pout gracing his lips.

“It’s okay, I’m on birth control now.” You pause looking into his eyes.

“Really?” He says excitement lighting up his face before you can continue.

"Yup," you confirm with a playful wink. "I had been thinking about going on it when we made the deal to include Jimin, and I finally did it over winter break."

Yoongi chuckles, reaching to hold your chin gently with his fingertips, ensuring your eyes stay locked on his. "Such a little minx. You planning to do something scandalous with that?"

You eye him mischievously. "Maybe… but no risks tonight. Let's take it steady for now."

He turns you back around and gently guides your shoulder until you are bent over. He unzips his pants, revealing his hardened cock and holds it in his hand. With no resistance, he glides inside you and groans at the feeling.

You’ve never done this before. Not with Wonwoo. Not with Yeonjun. Yoongi is the first to go raw in you, and it feels so damn good. Every vein and curve of his dick is felt in your pussy, molding itself as the perfect fit. You don’t know if you could ever go back to the feeling of a condom-covered dick, but you’d have to. Though you’d hope that you’d get to be safely creampied at least once before going back to double coverage of condom and BC protection. That’s one of your ultimate goals, though you won’t let them know.

Yoongi traces his fingers up your side as he thrusts into you with long slow strokes. He is enjoying the thrill of being this close to you in such a risky environment and savoring every moment.

You find yourself lost in the intense pleasure he brings, each thrust a wave of delicious sensation that floods your entire body. You arch your back, allowing him deeper access. The slight pain from his movements intertwines with the pleasure, making this experience all the more unforgettable.

Yoongi's gaze never leaves your face, his eyes locked on you as he pushes deeper into your warmth. Your own eyes are wide with passion, the fear of getting caught replaced by the thrill of the moment. His fingers dig into your hip, his expression a mix of raw lust and pure adoration.

"Look at you," he growls, "You're so wet, and so tight just milking me.” He whispers against your ear, driving you slow to become viscerally animalistic. You’re so close.

Suddenly, as if the world wanted to manifest your worst fears, the door swings open. The voices of Hwasa and Soohyun echo through the shower building. Panic sets in, and you tense, trying to stifle any telltale sounds of your current sexcapade. Yoongi, ever the master of composure, holds back a laugh at your panic without halting his movements. How is he not worried?!

"Steam? Oh, someone’s already in here? Is it you, Honey?" Hwasa's voice calls out.

You struggle to respond, caught between pleasure and the risk of exposure. Yoongi's movements pause briefly, awaiting your cue. "Y-Yes," you manage to stutter out despite feeling how good his dick feels stuck inside of you.

Hwasa, seemingly oblivious, starts a conversation with you about the night as the two girls do their nightly skincare at the sinks behind your showers. She begins touching on the earlier confessions and how it was a fun activity. You struggle to act like you're paying attention, but all you can muster in response are muffled "Mhms." Each of them start to sound like moans, which scares you even more. Yoongi looks like he wants to laugh so bad. This won’t end well. Can the girls tell something is off?

The proximity to getting caught adds a thrilling layer to the encounter. Yoongi decides to continue several strokes mid conversation, “A-Ah..”

Hwasa's concern grows. "Are you okay, Honey?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine," you manage through gritted teeth, looking back at Yoongi looking smug. You desperately hope they won't linger. Another noise escapes, and you quickly try to cover it up, pretending it was you dropping your shampoo bottle on your toe.

The girls, unsuspecting, leave not too long after, and you release a breath you didn't realize you were holding. The tension lifts, and a soft, shared laugh between you and Yoongi echoes in the confined space.

Without warning, this is Yoongi’s cue to go faster. He grips your hips tightly holding you into place as he thrusts into you harder and faster leaving you.

"Y-Yoongi!" He grips your hips tightly holding you into place as he thrusts into you harder and faster leaving you.

Your eyes flutter, a lustful grin pulling at your lips lost in ecstasy. Gripping the shower wall for support, you meet Yoongi's thrusts with equal intensity, your hips bucking back against him in perfect rhythm. The pleasure is overwhelming, the tension and fear of being caught only adding fuel to the fire.

His name from your lips was music to his ears, and that was all he needed. He moves deeper, relishing the tightness of your body around his member. You feel the pleasure coursing through your own body, your orgasm nearing.

Yoongi's eyes never leave your face, his expression showing that he's drinking in each detail of this moment.

"Come for me, baby," he growls, his tone changing from a mix of lust and adoration to something more possessive. "Let me feel you come around my dick."

His words are the spark that lights the fire, and you feel your body reacting to his touch. The waves of pleasure crash over you, your orgasm washing over you like a tidal wave. Your nails hold onto dear life, and you cry out his name, your voice echoing in the shower stall.

“F-Fuck.” Yoongi soon falls to his own pleasure, pulling out quickling and cumming on your ass. Drops of his cream drip down your thighs and soon washed away by the shower downpouring on you two.

You both try to control your breathing as Yoongi holds you close in an embrace.

“T-That was…oh my God.” You can’t find the words to explain the whole experience, added with the adrenaline rush of getting caught.

“Good to know my cock feels better without the condom.” He smiles in a goofy way, still high on the orgasm. You smack him in the hip with your hand.

When your orgasms subsides, you send Yoongi to go retrieve your toiletries, towel, and pajamas that you left outside by the picnic table you two sat. You two bid goodbye to each for the night, and he leaves. You don’t know how he’s going to explain why he’s soaked from head to toe, but you pray he’s slick enough to avoid any eyes.

+++++++++

As Yoongi walks back from the shower house, water droplets cling to his tousled hair and drip down onto his damp clothes. His steps are sluggish as he wearily tries to wring out the water. In this moment, Namjoon suddenly strides up, his curiosity piqued, eyes narrowing at the unusual sight.

"Yoongi, why the hell are you all wet?" Namjoon questions, checking out the shorter man up and down.

Yoongi rolls his eyes, a smirk playing on his lips. "Just checking out the shower building, man. One of them was broken and here I am." He cheekily points to his wet attire. He feels a euphoric confidence after his rendezvous with you. So much so that if anyone tries to challenge him right now, he will not back down.

Namjoon narrows his eyes, finding it a little hard to believe. "Really? I thought I saw you go smoke alone back at the picnic area."

Oddly, this observation pisses him off.

"Didn’t know you liked stalking my whereabouts too." Yoongi is quick to rebuttal, bitterness lacing in his voice. Namjoon is taken aback by his best friend’s response.

"What are you even talking about? Aren’t you the one hiding—" Just as Namjoon is about to press further, Jimin appears, interrupting the conversation.

“What are you guys up to?” Jimin puts his hands on Yoongi’s shoulders, which makes him relax slightly. He knows Jimin can manage to get Namjoon off his ass. He might even say that Jimin is his second angel tonight.

Namjoon glances between both of them, the tension palpable in the air. Yoongi's demeanor seems a tad defensive, and Namjoon feels there might be more to the story than he thought before.

“Just trying to figure out why Yoongi here looks like he went for a swim."

Yoongi rolls his eyes, dismissing Namjoon's inquiry. "Shower issues, Jimin. Nothing to worry about."

"Come on Joon, let's not make a big deal out of this. It's cold, and we're out in the middle of nowhere. Let’s just get him a towel and help him get a change of clothes." Jimin says casually, diverting Namjoon's attention away from Yoongi.

As Yoongi gives Jimin a subtle nod of gratitude, Namjoon reluctantly lets the matter go, deciding to drop the interrogation for now to help. Jimin seems to have an idea about Yoongi's whereabouts in the last 30 minutes, and he's not spilling the beans to Namjoon.

“If you think I haven’t caught on to you guys getting closer to Y/N in the last few months, you’re wrong.” The taller man says, warning heeding his voice.

The shorter men glance at him, not saying anything and enter Yoongi’s tent. They do share one thought at that moment though. You have to give them an answer once they come back to campus.

+++++++++

January 20 [Sunday]

The second day of the camping trip unfolds, and the group embarks on a hike through the scenic surroundings early in the morning after breakfast. The weather, though chilly, is pleasant, and the crisp air invigorates everyone. Conversations ebb and flow as the trail winds its way through the tree-filled landscape.

Jieun, a few steps ahead, animatedly shares memories of visiting this place during her childhood. "I remember catching fireflies by the lake in the summer." she reminisces, her eyes reflecting the nostalgia. Seokjin, walking beside her, chimes in with a grin, "I used to come here a lot too when I was a boy scout.”

Hoseok, Taehyung and Jungkook snicker in response to this.

“You guys can laugh all you want, but these boy scout skills come in handy."

"I don't know about them, but for sure Jungkook can fight a bear barehanded." Yoongi playfully remarks, the group erupting into even more laughter. Jungkook, sporting a lighthearted grin, flexes his muscles jokingly.

As you walk, you notice Namjoon and Soyoon strolling together. Soyoon, despite the chilly weather, wears a form-fitting pine green turtleneck that lacks the expected thermal warmth. Namjoon, ever the gentleman, notices her discomfort from the cold and offers his jacket. She initially refuses, probably mindful of the potential interpretations of their exchange. But after Namjoon continues insisting, he finally accepts with a gracious smile.

Behind Namjoon, you see Hoseok also catches the scene and shoots him a disapproving look.

Further back, Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jimin seize the opportunity to tease Namjoon about his chivalrous gesture. "Look at Mr. Romantic over there." Jimin smirks, nudging Taehyung and Jungkook.

"I bet he practices that move in front of a mirror." Taehyung chuckles with them.

Namjoon, momentarily caught off guard by their reactions, glances at them and then immediately at you. He seems to be searching for a reaction. You know you struggle at being fake. It’s not in your nature to hide your feelings. Though, you feel like he does sense a subtle frustration from you. He wonders if you have been feeling like this for some time. Why is he starting to see it only now?

Before he even has the chance to go over to you and question it, the sky suddenly transforms, heavy raindrops plummet from the clouds and onto the earth. Great. It's as if the weather gods have decided to test you and see what you would do. However, panic sets in when you realize you left your laptop in the tent, vulnerable to the impending downpour.

“Holy fuck! My laptop!”

“Wait, Y/N!”

Hastily, you dash back down the path toward the campgrounds, your footsteps echoing in the mud leaving behind a voice that calls out to you.

You worked on your assignment last night in the tent before going to sleep. Once you finished for the night, you left your laptop next to you and that was where you last saw it this morning before you left on the hike as well. There are no signs it was going to rain this weekend. Yeah, the soil seems moist from rainy days from the prior week, but everyone should’ve been safe now. How could the weather change so suddenly like this?

You recklessly sprint, fueled by worries of your irreplaceable laptop and paper, amongst other things. Like reality. And the irritation you feel seeing Namjoon keep giving his attention to— Your thought process cuts as you notice the uneven terrain beneath your feet become treacherous. The realization of the potential catastrophe awaiting you propels you forward, a surge of adrenaline pushing you beyond reason.

In your haste, disaster strikes. A misstep, a slippery surface, and you find yourself sprawled on the ground.

No sound from you, but pain radiating from your scraped knee and throbbing ankle. The once jubilant group following behind is now consumed by concern seeing you on the ground, injured and covered in mud.

Jungkook and Jieun are the first to reach you, genuine worry etched across their faces. "Are you okay?" Jungkook's voice carries a note of genuine concern. Wincing in pain, you shake your head, the gravity of the situation sinking in. "I left my laptop in the tent, and I can't let anything happen to it, so I rushed off." you explain, your words rushed and pained. You feel yourself about to sob as you try to get yourself to stand and your legs are not cooperating.

“Hey, hey, be careful.” The younger man advises. However, the pain makes walking nearly impossible. Before anyone can offer help, Jungkook immediately leans down and decides,“You know what, just get on. I’ll take you somewhere safe.” Jungkook offers, gesturing you to get on his back.

The unexpected gesture catches you off guard.

“O-Okay…thank you Jungkook.”

“I’ll help retrieve your laptop as well. You’ll be okay” Jieun says, and you thank her.

However, as Jungkook carries you through the rain-soaked trail, glances are exchanged among the group. Jimin and Yoongi share a look laden with unsaid sentiments, a subtle pang of jealousy lingering in the air. It should’ve been them to help you, they think to themselves. They are the ones that like you after all. Though for some reason, they froze in that moment.

Namjoon, still grappling with the aftermath of his earlier actions, feels a tinge of disappointment in his own inability to respond swiftly too.

You, Jungkook, and Jieun are the first to make it back to witness the mess. The campsite now lies in disarray. Flooded and muddy soil squelches beneath Jungkook’s feet, and the aftermath of strong winds has left tents in tatters. Items that were once neatly arranged outside the tents now scatter across the ground, casualties of nature's sudden fury.

Amidst the chaos, Jieun takes charge, her quick eyes scanning the wreckage. Miraculously, your laptop emerges unscathed, protected by the cocoon of your sleeping bag. With a relieved smile, she carefully places it in its bag next to it and hands it to Jungkook, who holds it securely.

"We can't stay out here like this," Jin remarks, his practicality cutting through the disappointment that hangs in the air. "It could rain again and we could also get sick."

A collective sigh ripples through the group. The abrupt turn of events forces them to confront the reality of their situation. Plans of an idyllic hike and spending a weekend outdoors have been derailed by the unpredictability of nature.

"I can go check the cabin lodging next to the campsite to see if they have any available," Soyoon suggests, her willingness to take charge evident. Namjoon quickly volunteers to accompany her, the two of them lightly jog toward the lodging office.

In the meantime, everyone takes shelter under the picnic area until the downpour turns into light showers. Once it does, everyone starts packing up and cleaning the campsite in the meantime.

++++++++++++++++++

Luckily, Soyoon and Namjoon manage to book a large cabin by the lakefront.

“It was the only largest one available that could fit all of us. It’s also a little expensive…” Namjoon stated earlier. Seokjin shrugs, saying he’ll cover majority of the cost as long as everyone is able to chip in a little. We all agree. You thank god that Seokjin is the rich friend in the friend group during times like this.

The cabin charms with its cozy allure. A fully stocked kitchen was just what everyone needed right now. The gas BBQ included will definitely be useful to the meats that survived the storm. The upstairs living room invites relaxation with comfy seating and a Smart TV. Everyone immediately takes advantage of this and sits around.

Outdoors, the upper deck beckons with stunning views. Downstairs, the master bedroom offers luxury, a California King bed, and a sliding door to the lower deck overlooking the lake.

Four rooms in total provide ample sleeping space, including a bunk room with two sets of twin bunk beds. Practicality meets convenience with a fully equipped laundry room and an upstairs half bath.

Jungkook carries you into the master bedroom and lays you down on the bed, elevating your head with the pillows. Seokjin grabs a first aid kit he found in the kitchen and takes out bandages, disinfectant and other supplies to tend to your scraped knee and sprained ankle.

“See, told you my boy scout skills will come in handy!” You giggle at Jin’s attempt to cheer you up. As he works, Namjoon hovers nearby, his concern evident.

"You should’ve been careful." Namjoon murmurs, a gentle scolding in his tone.

You manage a sheepish smile, acknowledging his warning. Seokjin finishes the impromptu first aid session, making sure you're comfortable before stepping back.

"Thank you, Jin," you express your gratitude, relieved that the injuries aren't as severe as they could have been.

Seokjin waves it off, "No problem. Just take it easy for a while."

Jin and Jungkook disperse to join the others upstairs. Jimin and Yoongi, lingering at the doorway, exchange a glance.

Jimin steps forward, concern etched on his face. "How are you feeling, Honey?” he asks, sincerity in his eyes.

You nod, offering a reassuring smile. "Alright now, thanks to Jinnie. Thanks for worrying, Jimin."

Yoongi, standing a bit more reserved, adds, "Do you need anything? I can whip up some food."

"That would sound really good right about now."

"Give me about 20 minutes, and I'll come back with some sweet rice porridge. Sounds good?"

"Yes!"

Namjoon remains standing there watching your interaction with them. He feels somehow intimidated by how they're so much closer to you despite you all having the same title of "best friends".

He glances at your laptop on the nearby table trying to find a reason to remain here. While part of him wants to join the others upstairs, he lingers. Maybe he needs to let you know about his feelings soon before his relationship with you strains any further.

He sighs loudly, making you all look at him, “I’ll come back to talk to you later.” He excuses himself and follows Yoongi upstairs, leaving Jimin alone with you.

Aside from the fact that he’s upset that you got hurt, you’re not sure what else could be fueling an unknown frustration behind his eyes. You guess you’ll find out later.

Jimin has some thoughts about Namjoon’s behavior, but decides not to voice them right now and gives his attention back to you.

“You need to get out of these clothes, love. They’re really muddy and gross.” He comments, looking at you with a disgusted expression, making you laugh.

“I would try, but I literally can’t move much.”

“I’ll help you.”

Huh? Did Jimin just say he’ll help you undress yourself? You find yourself feeling very flustered suddenly. What if someone walks in? Locking the door seems suspicious but what else can you do?

“I-It’s fine! I’ll just try removing my clothes slowly one piece at a time!” You wave your hands frantically, creating a makeshift barricade against Jimin's helpful hands.

“Why are you being so shy right now? I’ve seen you naked at least 15 times by now.” he remarks, a mischievous grin playing on his lips.

“H-Hey! Shut up! What if someone hears you?”

“Everyone’s upstairs, probably playing board games in the living room. Yoongi won’t be back for another 10 minutes or so. Plus he’s seen you naked too.” He checks his phone. “And he just texted the Sanctuary chat to say that he’ll come in whenever I’m done.” He flashes the text messages Yoongi sent.

You can’t continue arguing with a concerned Jimin, so you decide to surrender.

“Fine, just be quick.”

Jimin's eyes turn into crescents, satisfied he won this battle. He carefully removes your lilac puffer jacket, followed by your black converse sneakers and then your medium washed jeans covered in mostly dried mud and blood from your knee scrape. When he finishes gently unbuttoning your cropped long-sleeve polo shirt and removing it, he starts giggling. Perplexed, you shoot him a puzzled look, unsure what’s so funny to him. I mean, sitting here half naked is humiliating, so maybe you deserve it. You’ve been acting reckless.

“You’re just so pretty, Y/N. Never thought I’d be in a situation to even see you like this before the deal we made.”

Heat fills your face and you can’t even find words to rebuttal his claims. Why have those two men been saying things that make you feel like you’re going insane?

Jimin knows you feel embarrassment, but pays no mind as he unclasps your black bra, removing it and leaving your breasts bare. He decides to tease you a bit more and softly grasps your breasts, squishing them with his hands. Your eyes widen, suddenly feeling a surge of heat radiating elsewhere due to your chests’ sensitivity.

“I really never realized how beautiful you look naked before.” he admits with a playful tone. He continues with his massage until you finally fight back the horny demon that he awakens in you. Not today, Satan.

You playfully smack his arm, urging him to stop. “O-Okay, Jimin! I get it! Just give me that oversized t-shirt from my duffle and leave before I go crazy.”

He chuckles, relinquishing his playful antics and retrieving the desired t-shirt from your bag. “Glad I was able to cheer you up a bit, darling. We’ll have fun another time.”

Once he ensures you're comfortably tucked in, he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead before exiting the room.

Oddly, that felt a lot more intimate than all the sex you two had before. It feels like you two are inching closer to a new territory beyond whatever fuck buddy and best friend relationship you have. You feel a little scared, but somewhat excited.

Before you can dwell on it further, you feel your body become heavier and you gradually drift into a peaceful slumber. You make just a small mental note to apologize to Yoongi for falling asleep before he can feed you some of his porridge.

+++++++++++

Several hours have passed and it is 2:30PM by the time you wake up from your nap. You were hoping to sleep for the rest of the day to avoid whatever confrontation Namjoon wants to have. You are still feeling tingles from the interaction you had with Jimin, but it proved too difficult with your sprained ankle getting in the way. There is also a group of your friends upstairs that will get suspicious at his sudden disappearance if that did happen.

Hwasa has sent you text updates regarding what everyone else is doing upstairs.

Hyejinnie [12:00PM]: I’m going to send you updates so you don’t feel FOMO Hyejinnie [12:01PM]: Wait you might.. I’m sorry bestie. ;( Welp, we are playing board games and eating snacks! Hyejinnie [1:22PM]: I’m helping ur boyfie make lunch with jieun eonnie. Oh and we’re all going to eat kbbq for dinner. Don’t miss out Hyejinnie [1:25PM]: wait not your boyfie i forget he’s just your fwb right now oops. pls ignore. Hyejinnie [2:07PM]: also you need to catch me up on whatever is going on with you and your.. friends. Don’t think i haven’t caught on ;p Hyejinnie [2:14PM]: I think we’re going to watch a movie now. Jieun said she’s going to show us a movie her old crush was in and we have to guess who it is lol Hyejinnie [2:25PM]: idk if you’re up from your nap, but let me know if you need anything. I’ll be in the living room watching the movie with everyone else. Some of the guys are on their phones though haha

You appreciate her consistent updates while you remain MIA from the trip festivities. Maybe you should take this quiet time as a chance to get back to working on your paper. You just need a few more paragraphs and a final revision before submitting it on Canvas.

Just as you plop your laptop on your lap, a strong knock is heard at the door. You yell to whoever is on the other side of the door that it's okay to enter. It turns out to be Namjoon.

You don’t feel mentally ready to talk to him yet. You’re honestly not sure if you can come up with any cohesive thoughts as you remember that you haven’t eaten since this morning. You glance around and see the bowl of porridge Yoongi must’ve left on the bedside table while you slept.

“I wanted to come in sooner, but Yoongi told me you fell asleep.”

You nod. “I felt really exhausted after that hike, the run and injury, so I knocked out once I felt safe enough to do so.”

“So is now a good time to talk?”

You feel hesitant to say yes, knowing another lecture from your tall, beefy best friend awaits you. You’re so over this trip. Despite all these feelings, you decide just to do it and get it out the way so you can eat.

You nod. “Okay, what did you want to ask me?”

“Why have you been acting really weird lately?”

He doesn’t hesitate to get straight to the point, which doesn’t surprise you much. Okay, so you’ve been caught. But what about you has been weird to him though? Does that mean the others have caught on to your behavior too?

You feign ignorance. “Can you elaborate by what you mean, Namjoon?” Your voice sounds deadpan, with a hint of coldness.

“Can you stop acting like you don’t know what you’re doing when you’ve been staring at me and Soyoon throughout this whole trip?”

Oh.

You shrug. “I still don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He ignores your remark and continues, “I already told you before. There is nothing going on between me and her, so you can just stop feeling jealous or whatever.”

Jealous? What?! How dare he make that accusation. You’re not jealous. You’re just worried for the sake of your friendship. There’s no other feelings tied to that…is there? Memories from the party in October where you saw Namjoon and Jihyo flash in your mind.

“No the fuck I’m not!” you immediately deny, a little too quick at that.

“Yes, you fucking are.” he smiles, knowing how right he is based on your defensive response.

“You’re sorely mistaken, Joon.”

“No, I’m not, Y/N. I noticed this even when I was seeing Jihyo and the girl before that. For some reason, you’re always acting off when another girl is involved with me.” He explains further.

Fuck. He really caught on to that a little too well. You know what, maybe he is right. Maybe you’re not jealous out of concern that these girls that keep showing up in Namjoon’s life will take him away from you. It’s really because you wish you were in their place. Being so intimately closer to him than you have ever been. Another flying thought of Yoongi’s questions that caused you to spiral comes to mind.

“You literally do that to me! I couldn’t even go somewhere without you acting weird and accusing me of hanging out with other men who do not live in our house.”

“That’s different.” He rubs the crease between his brows, you press your lips even tighter in frustration. “Plus, I don’t even think I trust some of the ones that do live in our house.”

Namjoon’s comment has you puzzled. What is he trying to imply?

“Why do you think that?”

“I’ve just had a feeling that something weird is going on, and everyone seems to know except for me.”

Shit, everyone? You’ve been cautious this whole time except when you first slept with Yoongi, leading Jungkook to find out. But Jin, Hoseok and Taehyung? Have they somehow realized and have been quiet about it. There’s no way to address something you don’t even know. You have to redirect the conversation.

“You say that, but you’re the one being so vague about why you've been so buddy buddy with Soyoon lately.” You mutter with an attitude, crossing your arms. “You don’t have to hide it and lie to me if you’re interested in her. Just go date her already.”

Namjoon scoffs. He walks closer to you, outstretching his arms on both of your sides, caging you. He’s so close, smelling like the fresh wood sage cologne he sprays on after a shower. For some reason, this smell is more intoxicating right now than ever before. Your heartbeat feels like it’s increasing from the close proximity. This isn’t even the first time you’ve been this close to him, but there’s some kind of energy making you feel anxious than before.

“Because I don’t fucking want to.”

“Then what’s stopping you?”

“You.” Namjoon mouths out, words so quiet feeling like only you two are meant to hear.

“Huh? Me?” You scrunch your eyebrows while whispering at him. “Is my jealousy really getting in the way of you being happy?”

“You’re one of the smartest people I know and you still want me to spell it out for you?” He chuckles bitterly, seemingly feeling like he’s going to regret the next sentence that’s going to come out of his mouth.

You nod, “Yes, because I’m still confused about your actions and I’m tired of the constant misunderstandings and fights— ”

“Because I’m in love with you.”

The world suddenly goes silent for what feels like a thousand minutes.

Your mouth is left agape, unable to find any reason to continue speaking. Whatever thought bubbles filled your head with anger and anxiety are now gone. You find it hard to gather the next words you say from looking right into Namjoon’s dragon eyes, mesmerizing you.

“Y-You’re in l-love with me.” The realization escapes your lips, rather shaky, The words hanging in the air, charged with an unexpected gravity.

Namjoon takes a deep breath, his eyes holding a mix of determination and vulnerability. "Yes, I've been in love with you for a long time. Soyoon was in the process of helping me confess to you on Valentine's Day, but with you acting jealous and making up scenarios in your head, I couldn't keep it a secret any longer."

Your mind races, processing his confession. Namjoon, your best friend, has just declared his love for you. The first one out of your friends… but is he? You vaguely remember Yoongi saying something similar during that one party, but you brushed it off. There’s also Hwasa’s observations… Jimin’s kiss on his birthday…

Oh no.

The gravity of the situation sinks in, and your internal conflict intensifies. You're entangled in a complicated fuck buddies deal with Yoongi and Jimin, who potentially may be in love with you too. And now a lot of these things are starting to make sense,

Then there’s Namjoon's words adding a new layer of concern. How will this confession affect your shit with Yoongi and Jimin? You like all of them but do you love them? You also do not live in a perfect universe to be dating all of them. Would they even want that?

Namjoon must sense your anxiety skyrocketing, because he leans in and kisses your forehead. And for just a bit, you go back to feeling floaty. You want to feel like this all the time, but it’s not going to happen anytime soon. You have things to resolve.

“You probably have a lot on your mind. I do too.” He cups your cheeks, sincerely staring into your eyes. “You don’t have to answer me right now. I just wanted to ease your mind before anything else happens.”

You nod back slowly, waiting for him to continue.

“I might be gone for the fall semester.” He starts, moving over to sit on your bed.

Oh.

“I applied for a study abroad law program in New Zealand and Korea. I’ll be in my last year and my parents told me over winter break that they want me to go abroad and gain some new experience. I see Yoongi working so hard and I feel like I haven’t been doing much at all.”

This new information comes as a shock to you, and you feel excited for him, yet sad for several reasons

Namjoon had fought with his parents last summer about wanting to pursue a career as an archivist or art conservator. They said it wasn’t ideal and that he should focus on being a civil servant and then become a politician. He came over to your house once and stayed the night in your room, shedding tears about how his parents didn’t understand him.

The second reason is more selfish: You’ve never been apart from Namjoon for a long time since you first met him. Sure, since you guys have a one year age difference, there were times that you weren’t at the same school together. Though, it’s not like you never saw each other at least some point in the week. You’re neighbors after all. This would be different. Maybe there will be an occasional facetime call or texts sent during different time zones from him retelling his adventures. Though it won’t be the same as having him with you. You’re not going to admit that right now though.

“So you’re not going to pursue art and become an archivist or art conservator anymore?”

“I…I am. I’ll find a way to prove to my parents that I can do this and be successful. I’ll network, find a way to get into that space more. Studying abroad would be a great way to do that.” He explains softly.

You remember the question Yoongi had asked yesterday about your dreams. You still feel like you don’t have a concrete answer, but seeing the way your older best friends try so hard makes you think you should start focusing on that as well. You wonder if Jimin has any thoughts of his own regarding the future too.

Namjoon continues to converse with you about his future plans and why he had to confess to you now, as he didn’t want it to be “too late” and regret it later on. While you don’t ask him what he meant by that, you kind of had an idea.

++++++++

Once Namjoon leaves your room to rejoin everyone upstairs, the floaty and relaxed feeling inside you fades away and you immediately start to feel like shit.

The truth begins to bear down on you: Yoongi and Jimin's friends-with-benefits arrangement might not be just a casual fling. They probably like you too — well, more than a best friend. The deal was probably to act as a trial period, a way for them to express their feelings without the complexity of a formal confession and for you to realize some repressed feelings. Although now, with Namjoon's direct and sincere confession, you just simply don’t know what to do anymore.

Things were easier when you didn’t have to think about this much originally with Yoongi. Just have sex from time to time and still remain best friends. When Jimin managed to seduce you, awakening something within you, and get added as fuck buddy #2, you had stepped into a dangerous zone. Now the thought of Namjoon getting added to that…

No! He’d never do it. He’s not as open-minded and insane to become your third fuck buddy. If he found out, you don’t think he’d be happy. He’d probably murder Yoongi and Jimin for hiding and doing such an insane thing. Then you’d be next. And even if you’d add Namjoon to this fuck buddies trial deal, you don’t think anyone would be happy in the end.

You love them all. No favoritism for one over the others. They all have something that makes you feel butterflies, whether you realized it before or not.

Is this the perfect time to talk to Hwasa about your dilemma? You don’t even think you’ve told her about you and Jimin, but she’s perceptive. She probably saw some signs, but hadn’t commented on them.

You [4:03PM]: Hey Hwasa, we need to have a girl talk time. Hyejinnie [4:04PM]: Say no more! I’m telling Jungkook to come carry you up so we can talk in my room.

And just when you received that message, Jungkook shows up at the door and bows to you.

“I have been requested to bring up the Honey Princess to Hwasa’s room.”

You laugh. He’s adorable, you think. “Yes? Please take me up, Sir Jungkook.”

Jungkook carries you on his back once again, up the stairs. You take a glance of Yoongi, Jieun, Jin and Namjoon in the kitchen, preparing dinner before you are in Hwasa and Soohyun’s shared room at the end of the hall. Jungkook comments that he’s getting you ice to make your ankle’s swelling go down, leaving the room. You faintly hear him scolding your guy besties for not doing that earlier, making you guys laugh. He comes back with a bag of ice and then exits the room, closing the door in the process.

Hwasa greets you with a warm smile as you settle onto the bed, propping yourself up against the pillows. This bedroom is adorned with fairy lights, creating a cozy atmosphere that contrasts the turmoil in your mind. Hwasa, perceptive as always, senses that something serious is on your mind.

"So spill, what's going on?" she asks, her eyes filled with concern.

You take a deep breath, contemplating where to begin. "Remember my thing with Yoongi…” You whisper, hoping no one outside could hear. The TV is pretty loud playing someone’s Spotify playlist though.

“Yes, of course! Are y’all still…”

“We are.” Hwasa nods in response. “I’ve been keeping things lowkey so I haven’t told you much advancements, but I also started doing that with Jimin."

Her eyes widen, not in surprise, but more in confirmation of her past observations. “I figured that might’ve been the case when I kept seeing you be a little more touchier than usual in class last semester."

Your face reddens as you remark. “Nothing really passes by you, does it?” Hwasa can’t help but laugh at your reaction.

“You’re literally living the dream!” She holds both of your hands, intrigued at your ‘love life’. “They’re two of the finest frat boys on this campus. I don’t see how there can be a problem.”

"Except there is…" you admit, unraveling your overall deal with Jimin and Yoongi, your thoughts about them probably liking you and the argument you had with Namjoon earlier. As you share the details, Hwasa listens attentively, offering occasional nods and empathetic expressions.

"Wow, that's…a lot," she remarks when you finish. "And now Namjoon dropped the bomb? He’s equally as hot too."

You nod, feeling the weight of the situation. "Exactly. I never expected him to confess. I didn’t think he felt that way about me. Now, I'm stuck in this mess, and I don't know what to do!" You fall back onto the pillows, looking at the ceiling in frustration.

Hwasa places a comforting hand on yours. "First things first, take a deep breath.” You do. “It's a lot to process, but you'll figure it out. Now, tell me how you feel about each of them. Let’s start with Jimin"

“Jimin is someone who I feel comfortable with to try new things. He’s always managed to get me out of my shell and without him, I don’t think I’d be the person I am today. He’s also really kinky in bed so…Soft dom vibes?”

“Okay, spicy, I see! And Yoongi?”

“Yoongi feels like my soulmate…even Jimin pointed it out. We’re so in tune with one another that I don’t feel so on edge around him. I feel more relaxed. But I’m so emotionally driven and sometimes he doesn’t get that. Though he does try. Always does.”

Hwasa coughs repeatedly, “How’s the sex?”

“I… It’s really fucking good. Getting fingered by a man who plays the guitar is another worldly experience. Ten out of ten.” Hwasa squeals hearing this, but quickly covers her mouth to avoid anyone coming in concerned.

“Well holy shit. I guess that leaves Namjoon?”

“Namjoon, right.” You haven’t thought about it much before, but it was mainly because you’ve tried not to see him like that. He was obviously attractive with his muscles and tall height. His brains are another thing. “Aside from how obviously hot he’s always been, his mind is just so eloquent. He’s such a big brother at times and while I get annoyed at his lecturing, he makes me feel grounded and keeps challenging me to work harder. I don’t know what else to say?”

You find that articulating your emotions brings a sense of clarity. Hwasa provides thoughtful insights and asks probing questions, guiding you through the maze of your own emotions.

Once you've laid out your feelings, Hwasa leans back, pondering. "Alright, here's what I think. You need to have an honest conversation with all of them. Start off with Yoongi and Jimin, then somehow get Namjoon in that conversation. Lay your cards on the table, and let them know where you stand. It's the only way to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings."

You sigh, realizing the truth in her words. "But what if I can't choose between them? What if I ruin everything?"

Hwasa smirks, "Then, my dear, you need to consider a different kind of arrangement—one that works for all parties involved. But that's a discussion for another day. For now, focus on being open and honest with them. You owe it to yourself and to them."

“You’re right. Thank you Hwasa for hearing me out on my crazy dramatic life. I appreciate you so much.” You gesture her to get closer so you can give her a hug, and she does.

+++++++++++

After your heart-to-heart with Hwasa, Jungkook comes in to let you know that dinner is ready and that he’ll be taking you over there. You appreciate his kindness.

The delicious aroma of the meat wafts through the air as you enter the kitchen, where the group is gathered around the table, engaged in lively conversation.

Jin, always the culinary maestro, tells everyone to take their seats. As you settle in, you can't help but glance at your three best friends at different points during the meal.

Yoongi is focused on grilling meat, his brows furrowed in concentration. The subtle scent of his cooking skills fills the air, momentarily distracting you from your internal conflict. You catch his eye, and there's a silent understanding between you two.

Jimin, sitting across from you, steals occasional glances your way. His gaze is warm and comforting, reassuring you that no matter the complications, he's there for you. A small smile passes between you that speaks volumes.

Namjoon, busy discussing something with Hoseok, occasionally looks in your direction. There's a mix of emotions in his eyes—longing, and perhaps a touch of hope.

The dinner is filled with laughter and camaraderie as the trip ends tonight. You try to savor the meal and the company, but the weight of the unspoken hangs in the air.

As the night progresses, you find yourself more restless. The uncertainty of your situation gnaws at you. Once dinner concludes, you and the other girls go to the living room to watch some youtube videos on the smart TV. As they busy themselves talking about stuff, you grab your phone and open the group chat with Yoongi and Jimin.

You [8:45PM]: Valentine’s Day. I’ll give you my decision.

Sending the message, you brace yourself for the conversations that lie ahead. Whatever happens, you face it headstrong.

–

–

tbc :O a/n: uh-oh we're getting to the conflicting part hehehehe !!! i apologize for the delay getting this chapter out. i am currently working on some big things and doing some interviews so the fic had been neglected for a month or so, but i am back for a bit and already working on CH 8 as well! Anyone have any thoughts or theories on what Y/N will decide to say? i'd love to hear about them so lmk hehehe thank you all for reading!

➸ let me know what you think OR join the taglist! ➸ love u lately series masterlist

[pennyserenade]

God Sejanus is so damn special to me. He’s such a unique character and I love him with my whole heart. He carries this belief that he’s somehow abandoned his people, abandoned himself, when he’s doing all he can to put an end to the games but he’s just a teenage boy with the weight of the world on his shoulders and he still feels like he isn’t doing enough despite doing more than anyone ever has before him and all he wants is a better life not for himself but for everyone suffering and oppressed by the capital and he’s just so important to me, like such a pure good hearted person in a world full of hatred and violence and he still thinks he’s not doing enough when staying as kind as he is and keeping his connection to his home was an act of resistance in and of itself

I could talk about him for hours tbh

i'm very happy to be receiving this ask because he's truly been on my mind for WEEKS. i feel oddly protective of sejanus because i think a lot of people have come to view him as weak and annoying---which, i think, is mostly a reflection of the way coriolanus views him. i do think there are conversations to be had about the fact that the decisions sejanus made weren't always sound, but he was meant to serve a foil to coriolanus. every move coriolanus made was calculated, thought out to even the most minute detail at times, and sejanus' were quick, instinctual, done not to impress because they he they had to be done. when arcahne crane was murdered by her tribute, coriolanus hesitated, had to be told by lucy gray to help, and did so because of the cameras. sejanus knelt down and spread bread crumbs over her body, without a single thought about the cameras. he did not care that no one understood this gesture, or that arachne was someone who never treated him with an inkling of respect. coriolanus thought about that-- he thought how she was evil and deserved to get her throat slit, and he thought about how he wasn't her friend, not really, and he even thought it was ironic that he was painted that way later. sejanus was angry at these people but forgiving, good, and he spoke out vehemently against their games and as often as he did because he hoped against hope; he wanted to reach them because he felt that he could. in all of his anger, sejanus never robbed these people of their humanity the way that they did the district people, because he knew how erroneous it was. the fight would not be worth fighting if he felt, even for a second, that there was no one to listen.

i also love that his identity is shaky; that, even though he has fierce, unapologetic ties to district two, he knows that they don't view him as one of their own. this is one of the parts that i find myself relating to the most when it comes to sejanus. i think many first gen latines can and do feel the same way. it is an odd experienced to be othered by your own and simultaneously hated by what you're 'meant' to be. sejanus could not readily fit in to the capital no matter how hard he might've tried, and he couldn't fit in to the districts because he was too 'capital' in their mind, just for the mere fact that he'd been sent there and taught there. and you do feel endlessly guilt about it -- at least in my experience -- and it is hard to contend with. you can carry on their traditions and love what you are and defend it until you are blue in the face, but what happens when they are in the cage and you stand on the other side, privileged? and like -- this is a real life thing that happened! they put children in cages. i wish with EVERYTHING in me that people would start talking about the parallels between the events in the ballad of songbirds and snakes and trump presidency because that's what it's talking abt!!! it is no coincidence they casted who they casted

[worldismyne]

"He's like us." Chrona said. - Where Do All the Good Kids Go? (Ch 22)

((spoilers under the cut))

HERE HE IS!

Orion is the lil MaStar fan kid I made for the end of my fic. With the exception of Angela, he is the only kid from the main cast. Even with almost everyone paired off, I couldn't see any of them wanting kids.

For his design, I deliberately wanted to avoid just mashing Maka and Black Star's designs together. So I pulled from the canon grandparents' color palettes instead. When he's first born, his hair being white is a bit contentious among outsiders, because people suck and love to spread gossip. It doesn't help he was a very quite/calm baby.

Once he's able to speak, it's very clear he's Maka and Black Star's kid. Verbous, stubborn and short tempered, he had a hard time dealing with being powerful for his age when he was little. He constantly compared himself to Angela, who is both a witch and way older than him. So whenever his age/maturity level kept him from keeping up with her, there were meltdowns.

Between Maka's exposure to black blood and Black Star's lineage, he ends up inheriting his grandmother's abilities as the Inevitable. That does mean, unfortunately, he's more like Kid than a human. As soon as he figures out that he's not strong, everyone else is super weak, he swings in the opposite direction of Black Star and is overly cautious. Maybe too cautious, he's afraid to make friends and outliving them.

The book he carries around is like a Death Note, in that he drafts people's fates, but he's only 10, so it's mostly drawings. The fic ends on people going from having one set fate they're stuck on, to having the freedom to choose their own path amongst several branching potential deaths. Orion represents humanity's will to choose their own destiny, similar to how Order and Chaos changed in the manga, Death has changed as well.

At the point the fic ends, his powers are far from fully awakened and he's still recovering from his parents passing away. (I'm sorry, but the run of SE was hell on their bodies, plot armor be damned.) He's wearing one of Black Star's hoodies and is basically being raised at the school by the time the epilogue takes place.

This was my first time drawing him, and I'm really happy with how well his design fits in the family tree. I was honestly surprised by how much he ended up looking like Maka as a ten year old.

((Also, Maka and Black Star were good parents.))

[dumdeeedum]

How is an eighteen year old hooking up with a nineteen year old that he was previously worried was younger in any way rape? they are both older teenagers please be serious. baby faced nineteen year olds exist in the world it's not rape when they date their literal peers. i do kind of take your point about aging up claudia- it doesn't always work for me either but they really couldn't have cast a kid and done two seasons even if the ethics of that situation wasn't extremely dodgy. at a certain point you have to treat it like a mid special effect or stop watching.

I'm gonna go ahead and keep watching and commenting on what I'd like, thanks. I find it very strange that that's everyone's go-to when it comes to everything now. Are adaptations just whatever people want them to be now and if you expected to AT LEAST recognize the characters that's your bad and you're an idiot? I'm honestly still here because I love the book series, have been waiting for an adaptation for DECADES (was SO EXCITED for the Fuller adaptation that fell through) and now I'm waiting for the "Interview" part, the most boring but necessary foundational part for me, to end and to get to the good stuff. The problem is that the changes have been so great that I'm concerned and I'm allowed to feel that.

I feel like y'all want to be intentionally stubborn and weird about this which is part of the point and reason why aging up Claudia was a bad idea. She's MENTALLY 18 but she's physically meant to be a child. If we're having to have it so we're all just splitting hairs about how old she actually is/looks/is meant to look like in the show or having to suspend utter disbelief for it to work then it doesn't work. It also takes away from the visceral reaction we get from Claudia in the book, the utter sense of wrongness and pity we have for her and her situation. And how utterly wrong and fucked up it was of Lestat and Louis to make her.

Even Armand says as much and thinks of himself as having been too young at 17 in retrospect in the books. He's also angry at Marius in the books for turning Sybelle and Benji, the latter of whom is only 12. It's a big thing in the book series.

Claudia being unambiguously young allows the story to convey its idea in no uncertain terms: she'll be a child forever. She can't simply explain away her situation to her contemporaries whom are human because she can't tell them she's a vampire. She can't have sex with someone because she's a child and only a pervert would want to fuck her. She has all these adult feelings and sensibilities and she's not taken seriously and can't act on many of them because of that. Even her fathers, who know her the best and know she's mentally old as fuck still see her as a child. In her diary in "Queen of the Damned" she describes how cruel it is that Lestat gives her a DOLL every year on her birthday just to fuck with her because Lestat is a bitch.

When you not only age the character up to 14 but then cast someone who is an adult and then IN THE SHOW tell us that it's easy enough for her to just go "no, I'm an adult I just look young" then you take away pretty much all the angst of the character and she loses what makes her such a horrific element.

In fact, in season 2 she's so out of character for me because book Claudia, as an adult, is very smart and dignified and SEEMS old, which this actress does well but doesn't fit with an adult body. Book Claudia would not allow herself to be treated the way this Claudia allows herself to be treated and it's part of why book Claudia finds Madeline and starts to pull away even from Louis whom she knows is about to leave her for Armand. She also knows that the theater troupe suspect she killed Lestat and dislike her and want her dead. She's not even trying to make nice with them.

In this she's allowing them to dress her up like a child and make her a servant and humiliate her. I know they needed to expand on shit to make a season of television instead of a shorter book but I think it only ends up showing us that the show is floundering on how to convey its idea that Claudia is a child without actually having a child. They could have put more time into her relationship with Madeline which they only sort of did. Have Madeline treat her different and show her spending time with Madeline instead of prostrating herself for these people who disrespect her.

It's especially poorly done when a 14-year-old isn't even a child the way they want to depict her in the stupid waste of my life play they have her in by the standards of THAT TIME. The conceit of that idea would have worked better if the actress had been much younger and may even have served as a surrogate for Lestat and the doll. Unfortunately here it just doesn't work because she's already too old for the Shirley Temple shtick.

They could have gotten a teenager who perhaps looks like they're pre-teen Disney channel aged or whatever. I know that Kirsten Dunst was 12 when she filmed the movie and that's young enough to get a couple of seasons in before they get too old looking. Again, Disney channel aged (I'm too old to know where the kids are these days). Especially when Claudia reasonably should only be there until the end of this season even if they don't mean to continue past "Interview with the Vampire." Ideally they'd have made "Interview" into a miniseries and moved on because the entire thing is too long-winded and different.

Children do horror all the time. You don't have to have anything explicitly sexual for the character to work and that's another reason why the age up bothers me. Kirsten Dunst didn't HAVE to kiss Brad Pitt either, they added that to the movie so making that some sort of bar a young actress would have to meet is nonsense.

It feels like they ONLY aged her up TO put the actress in sexual situations and make it acceptable. But then they ALSO decided to age up Armand, presumably because it would be weird to put him in a sexual relationship with Louis if he's meant to be 17. So which is it? Can we have mentally young characters in sexual situations with adults or not? After all, mentally Armand is over 500 years old and Louis is much younger.

How much more impactful would it have been for us to see Claudia spending time with a boy she likes, a boy her "mental" age, to have him shoot her down and treat her like a child and even perhaps laugh at her? And for that to happen to her over and over again if need be. Instead she can just explain it away and it's fine if the guy she likes sees a teenager and still wants to fuck her, it's all fine?

It was a bizarre decision and as good as the actresses are and I wish them incredible success in their careers, it doesn't work for this show. A LOT doesn't work for this with the age changes as far as I'm concerned.

[polycharismas]

my monthly alien stage rewatch findings. or rambles. Yeah rambles. i didnt say anything about Black Sorrow or Cure because those are like the most analyzed videos of all time and im tired Sigh

My Clematis: It still amazes me how much of an effect this one still has on me after all the time that has passed and after all the things that have happened in Alien Stage by now. It truly represents every single thing that makes Alien Stage such a special story. I think watching it again after all that went on in the story just elevates it so much more. This time around what did it for me was the monologue because you can easily apply it to every other character in this and it just Fits so well. Because truly what else do these children have aside from one another? Who else are they supposed to believe in? Where else are they supposed to find a God that can keep them moving forward in a world as cruel as this? All of them have someone, the nature of their admiration and the way they express it varies so much between all of them, but it still follows the same principle after all. The whole mv just put it in such a beautiful way it honestly holds up as its own story but knowing there was way more to these two girls and this whole world makes it so much better. I love yuri

ALIEN STAGE: UUugggGGahsgagahHahwnajwjdj Sorry. Okay. This is like the actual real trailer for this thang and its also so perfect. It foreshadows everyone's role surprisingly well. I think the fact Sua is the one singing also makes it better somehow because it just makes sense. She's the one that indirectly triggered a lot of what happens in Alien Stage in the first place she's the most important for our protagonist she's related with the rest of the cast in many different ways and to this day we still know next to nothing about her and yet she's the one singing the song that can be considered a true introduction to this whole world and that's Fascinating to me. I just feel nostalgic about this one also even if it really hasn't been that long since it was released. General banger and also it looks pretty as hell it makes me ill. Waugh

Unknown (Till the end...): OKAY I REALIZED THIS WAS PROBABLY THE ONE WHERE MY OPINIONS WOULD CHANGE THE MOST i have recently taken quite a liking to thinking about Till since a Twitter thread changed my whole perception about him and Oh Boy Did It All Change. It kind of really fucks me up. Till's relationship with Mizi i mean. It's stated he's one of the most brilliant in Anakt Garden. Not only is he skilled at both singing and playing an instrument he's also a pretty damn good composer. It's really something when you realize Mizi was the one who gave him both the determination and the inspiration to achieve all of this. The song he performed was the fastest selling album and he made it to Top 2 despite the fact the aliens are just not fond of him at all to put lightly. And he only achieved all of this because Mizi decided to show him a kindness she has always been familiar with but also a kindness he never experienced once in his life. Till has suffered a lot. Struggling to find an alien that would actually want to adopt him, being experimented on by the aliens and probably way Wayyyyy more, but it only took a single person to show him kindness for him to be able to keep on living. The nature of his feelings can be easily interpreted as romantic but it honestly resembles more that of a painter and his muse to me. So how do you think he felt when he saw his muse experience for the very first time the unkind world they lived in? He couldn't even glance at her during his performance because seeing his idol in such a state was painful. That still didn't stop him from wanting to speak his heart out through a song specifically made for her to hear. I sure hope nothing bad happens to this determined and energetic little guy!

Ruler of My Heart: Hi. This time around i thought really hard about how naturally Luka could hit all of Mizi's weak points through his performance. It's like a skill he learned throughout the years which is a really disturbing idea for me because we all know the state of his mind but what else could this be than giving the aliens exactly what they want from hosting this competition through all these years? Luka's parallels with Hyuna in the way they went about their roles in this world always fascinated me greatly because on one hand we have a total rebel who didn't hesitate to escape and do what She thinks is correct and on the other we have the Perfect contestant for Alien Stage. A title that sounds prestigious but can be also terrifying if we look at it from a human perspective. Someone so capable of twisting people's minds for the sake of entertainment and someone just detached enough to not hesitate at the truly awful implications of being a part of this competition and still participate with everything he's got. We don't know what exactly is the reason he did all of this and we also don't know much about. Anything that goes through his mind. So what the hell am i even talking about honestly. I want him so badly its painful i can fix him❤️

TOP 3: guys Guys Guys Guys Guys Guys Guys. Here it is. Famously known video i never shut the fuck up about. I think dropping this not before Alien Stage started but in the middle of it was genius because now we know exactly what the nature of this world truly is. I will never shut the fuck up about how absolutely amazing this video specifically is. The shift between the perspective of Alien Stage the aliens have to the perspective the humans themselves have is so fucking well done it makes me insane everytime. What could Alien Stage be to beings incapable of feelings? Just the perfect source of entertainment and money they could ask for. Its nothing more than that. But to the humans themselves its absolutely everything. Where they could win everything or lose it all. In this world humans have no other option than to trust their abilities to have even the slightest chance of being given the right to live freely. Where the cost of losing is your life. But also where the cost of winning is your own humanity. This video represents all of that in such a perfect way and it makes me ill in the head. GHhagzgHagGagagagav im normal

MIZISUA: Having a dedicated video for the most important relationship in the whole series is actually such a brain move. You can always feel the love these two have for each other every time they are together but the way you can feel it here just hits. Not a single word is spoken and yet you can feel everything they felt for each other in just that peaceful moment they shared when they were being sent to Anakt Garden. And the way you can also feel the pain Sua's absence has on Mizi in the span of so little time. You can feel absolutely everything with just that final scene alone. You can also see how opposite they were to each other and yet how well they fit together despite that. Seeing Sua like this makes me feel ill because i know already how much Mizi's everything changed her completely. To be loved is to be changed indeed. This video says everything you need to know about their feelings for each other and im DIGGING IT man. I miss them so much it hurts

All-in: HEH. HEY. HI HYUNA. This is like the perfect way to introduce her. We already know Hyuna somehow managed to break into the competition itself to save Mizi and this video just enhances more the way we see her by showing us how strong she is both as leader of the resistance and as a person. Hyuna is by far the most mature of the cast and this video shows it in such a perfect way. Someone like her is exactly what Mizi needed to finally break away from the pain Alien Stage caused her and to search for a path of her own in the freedom she now has. I love how easy going and fun the whole song feels because its no longer a performance for the aliens its a performance for the humans. Its no longer a song trapped beneath all that surrounds Alien Stage. Its a song made for the people that are free from the aliens that's meant to inspire them to keep moving forward and to not stop fighting for the future where the humans hold freedom. All of this also makes the fact that Luka is such a huge trigger for her elevate both of their characters greatly and also just make the whole conflict between them more interesting. What exactly was it that made Hyuna despise this man to the point thinking about him makes her sick? What exactly goes through Luka's mind when it comes to Hyuna specifically? They make me insane in the head i think the day we get more Hyuluka lore is the day i officially pass away forever. Godbless

[abigailmoment]

"Volo," said Tav.

"Blackstaff wine," Astarion responded after a moment of thought. "Boisterous, bright, and unbalanced."

"I like that," said Tav. She was sprawled on a couple of cushions, sorting through their supplies for dinner. "A little different from the namesake, but it works. Your turn."

Astarion was sitting on the elegant stool he usually kept by his tent. He'd dragged it over to the campfire to enable conversation. He tapped his lips in thought.

"The hag," he decided.

"Oh gods," said Tav. "That's an interesting one. Something that starts lovely, but with an awful surprise. Elverquisst, but there's a rotting fish at the bottom of the bottle."

Astarion made a noise that was both disgusted and approving. Tav picked out some cheese and then stared off into the middle distance as she considered her next choice.

"Zevlor," she settled on. Full text below. Full Text On AO3

Astarion frowned. "Who is that?"

"You know him." Tav gestured with the cheese she was holding. "The retired Hellrider. He leads the tieflings in the Grove."

"Oh him." Astarion sighed. "He did have a name, didn't he? My mind wanders when people are begging us to do things for free."

"He offered to pay," Tav pointed out.

"Yes. And you immediately turned that down in an exasperating fit of altruism. I lost interest."

Tav waved her hand dismissively. "Then be interested in the game. Zevlor. You met him."

Astarion shrugged. "Elfsong cider."

Tav snorted. "You can't just call everyone you don't like Elfsong cider."

"I clearly can."

"What in the realms are you two talking about?" Gale asked as he and Karlach arrived for dinner.

"It's a game," Tav told him as she handed him bread and cheese. "You're brandy."

"Am I?" Gale asked curiously. Then he glanced at Astarion who was smirking and eyeing Gale's neck brazenly enough to immediately provide context. "Oh. This is about blood. That's a bit morbid, isn't it?"

"Do me!" Karlach insisted as she accepted a ceramic plate with her food on it. "What am I?"

"Chultan Fireswill," Tav and Astarion said, almost in concert.

"Aces," Karlach said, pleased. "I love that stuff."

----

Tav did most of the talking. She was good at it. She and Wyll were perhaps equally persuasive, but he couldn't lie worth a damn, so the job fell to her.

She negotiated with everything from tieflings to ogres to squirrels. While she did this the rest of the party would fan out behind her. It was a nice setup. It made her feel secure having people to watch her back. It also let the others observe and occasionally comment on the conversation, when they felt so moved.

They all had particular habits. Lae'zel had strict ideas about where people were supposed to be standing in relation to Tav--probably the Githyanki had a specific way you were supposed to do guard formation--and she got irritated when people broke it. But her disdain for the others and absolute conviction they could never live up to her people's traditions meant she never actually explained what anyone was supposed to be doing. Just cast the others hostile looks, which were indistinguishable from her normal hostile looks.

Gale was often the target of these expressions because the second anything magical turned up he would blithely break the casual formation and trot up to examine and comment. Karlach was almost never subject to Lae'zel's silent ire--probably the Hells had similar conventions to the Githyanki when it came to paranoid security. Karlach would occasionally sidle up behind Tav. She had a good instinct for when intimidation was about to happen. She'd loom, cross her arms, and smolder. Somewhat literally. And Tav was suddenly much more intimidating than a stick-thin tiefling in a floppy hat had any right to be.

Astarion loved to watch and comment, but he would wander about randomly the moment he lost interest in a conversation. Probably because he knew it annoyed Lae'zel, but also because his attention was as capricious as breezes. However, much like Karlach, he had a good instinct for when a discussion was getting tense.

Once, when a talk with goblins had just ratcheted up from calm to wary, he wandered back. He stepped close to Tav so that his mouth was a breath away from her ear and whispered: "Would you like me to kill then for you, darling?"

Which was not an act conducive to Tav's ability to concentrate on the tense negotiation at hand. And he knew that, the prat. So she elbowed him right in the chink in his light armor, between shoulder and chest-plate.

After that he didn't coquettishly whisper murder offers anymore. But sometimes he'd meander surreptitiously around until he was behind whoever Tav was talking to. Then he would arch his eyebrows at her and make suggestive stabbing motions.

It was intended as a joke. They both knew that--it was almost a running gag at this point. But then he did it while she was talking to some duergar. Tav paused and thought for a long moment. Then she nodded vehemently.

The look on Astarion's face was like she'd just given him a puppy. Then there was a great deal of violence.

----

"Raphael," said Tav.

"Presumably some hellish vintage distilled from the screams of the damned? That or Esmeltar Red."

----

"Forges. Arcane towers. Why can't we ransack an ancient library?" Astarion groused as they sat in an alcove of the Underdark, sorting through their meager pile of loot by mushroom-light.

"We will if we find one," Tav said mildly. "I picked up a 'Death and Divinity' today. Do you have that?"

"Two copies. It's common a mud, propaganda that it is. Wait, is this new?"

Astarion picked up a black book from Tav's pile, but she shook her head.

"That's the Gauntlet essays. You stole that, remember?"

Astarion tapped the cover. "When I stole this it was green."

"It got caught in a fireball," Tav told him. "Got a bit singed."

Astarion shot her a reproachful look. "You should take care of the things I steal. It isn't easy."

"I was taking care of it!" Tav insisted. "That's why it still exists. It was a fireball."

That mollified Astarion's reproach slightly, but he still put the damaged book back in his pile. Tav didn't object because she'd read it and it was rather boring.

"Here's something I bet you haven't read." Tav said, holding up a ragged pamphlet. "Goblin poetry."

"Are you serious?" Astarion asked, incredulous.

"Sort of, yes." She regarded the pamphlet she held. "It has a kind of raw honesty to it."

"How artistic. Still, I think I'll confine myself to authors who can spell."

"Suit yourself," Tav tucked the paper into her 'weird things' pouch.

They sorted in silence for a little while, discarding journals and duplicates into a pile to be sold, exchanging books based on who was interested in what and who had read which how many times. Then Tav uncovered a battered old gray volume and snatched it up.

"Oh. Oh!" There was a livewire of excitement in her voice. "I forgot I found this! You'll love this."

"Will I?" Astarion asked, looking speculatively at the drab book. "What is it?"

Tav flipped it open. She raised one hand as if beginning an incantation and read off the title page with sinister intonation: "The Curse of the Vampyr."

Astarion stared at her for a moment.

"Are they..." he asked slowly. "Are they spelling it with a Y?"

"They are," Tav confirmed.

"That's fantastic," he said, taking the book from her to look for himself. Not because he doubted her. He just wanted to see it.

"I think we should do a dramatic reading," Tav said.

"You are extremely correct."

----

"Withers," offered Astarion.

"Hah! Vinegar."

----

The most useful thing about a bardic performance was that, during it, no one was paying any attention to their pockets.

After only a little bit of bullying Astarion did agree to share the profit. After all, Tav had done half the work.

It didn't suit him to give the money over directly, and some bystander might recognize a ring as they made the exchange. So they developed a little ritual: after Tav finished playing and was packing up Astarion would wander by. He'd bump shoulders with her, editorialize cleverly about the song she'd chosen, and wander off.

Then she'd check her pockets and find a magpie nest of coins and trinkets that weren't there before.

----

"What do I taste like?" Tav asked.

"Mermaid whiskey," Astarion said, because of course he had that answer prepared. "Elegant and expressive as a song."

"You're very good at flattery," said Tav, because it was important to their dynamic that she not take such words at face value.

"I like to consider myself a professional," said Astarion, because it was a comfort that she didn't.

----

Karlach's voice boomed over the campsite: "Presents!"

That meant the adventuring troupe was back. Astarion ducked out of his tent. He could hear Tav's much quieter voice announce from a few tents down: "Wizard presents!"

They were with Gale, who was exclaiming over the new scrolls he'd just been handed, wondering aloud which to save and which to copy into his spellbook. Karlach also handed him a pair of shimmering boots:"In case you get nibbly."

Wyll and Shadowheart had peeled off already, having taken their share of the spoils as they were found. But Karlach always went along for the entire process of loot-distribution because she enjoyed it and because she'd be carrying anything too heavy for Tav. Such as the deadly, gold-shimmering longspear she handed to Lae'zel.

"Githyanki warrior presents," Tav reported, also giving over a few of the larger, more effective healing potions.

Lae'zel tested the spear by stabbing the mind-flayer dummy she kept in her personal campsite. It shuddered under the blow and she made an approving noise. "This will do."

Astarion's tent was next to hers and therefore next.

"'Elven magistrate' presents," Tav said, enunciating in a way that made the quotation marks very clear. That always made Astarion smirk.

She gave him a handful of lock-picks, a kit for disarming traps and a scroll.

Then she left. Rather quickly. Before he had a chance to continue their game. It was his turn, after all, and he'd come up with a good one.

Karlach stayed and chatted for a bit. Told him about the horrible shark thing they'd fought. Hearing about such fraught and profitless combat made him feel quite sanguine about having been left behind for the day, but it didn't quite dispel the vague impression he'd been snubbed.

Karlach left to change out of her armor. Astarion considered looking for Tav for a moment, but only a moment. If she wanted to talk she would have stayed, and he wasn't going to trailing after her like a lost owlbear cub. 

He packed away the lockpicks in useful places and tucked the new toolkit next to the old one--he'd gradually replace the worn tools with fresh ones. Waste not want not. The scroll was probably something utilitarian, like Misty Step. If it was Invisibility he was going to have a conversation with someone about the meaning of the word 'redundant'. He unrolled it.

It was a scroll of Mirror Image.

He felt very suddenly the need to be sitting down, so found the elegant stool and sat. It put him right next to the table on which he kept his perfectly mundane mirror. Which was useful for spying purposes and nothing else.

He read over the scroll. It took him a few tries, for some reason. He felt a bit wrong footed and not quite sure what to say. So it was convenient that there was no one present he had to speak to.

Ah. That had been intentional.

He was filled with the sharply vindictive desire to get her a valuable and extremely thoughtful present. Hide it somewhere startling, like inside that ugly hat of hers. See how she liked being surprised like this.

...

Why was he like this?

That was a rhetorical question. He knew exactly why. The reason 'lived' in Baldur's Gate, rhymed with underscore, and underscored his every thought and action. Made things that should be nice instead fretful and poisonous.

The impulse to lash out at Tav with vengeful generosity was perverse, but it was also very strong. And it wasn't like it was a bad thing to do. And it would make things feel more even. And doing things was easier than thinking about them.

***

This is part of a series. The rest of the story is on AO3.

***

[piglet26]

A Year In the Mess and the Millennial Cross Rory Bears. FALL

I've pinned what part of my issue has been with the past three episodes. Everyone is miserable. No one was this miserable in the original series. Except no one is miserable about the actual justifiable issues to be miserable. They make their own misery.

What enabled this realization? This episode wasn't complete misery. Dear God- I actually enjoyed most of it.

THE LIFE AND DEATH BRIGADE aka the best of Rory and Logan. This is them at their best. This Logan at his best. Clearly the Palladino's always wanted to do more with this group except possibly didn't have the budget for the TV show version. The brigade was somewhat deserving of it's bad rep is about spontaneity, playfulness and theatre. The brigade is made up of wierdo's of a different kind and Rory found such realness amongst them.

Rory and Logan are also frustrating. They are clearly in love and yet both refuse to make commitments to each other. Why? Don't know. Rory finally realizes that she needs to stop falling back on Logan or being the side piece either one. It's sad really Rory was such a purpose for Logan and she made him genuinely happy. She brought out the best in him. Logan provides Rory with excitement, independence and stability. He seems to be just paddling in life as well, just in a better swimming pool.

Something is going on when Jess Mariano is like a warm hug on this show. He is though. His muscley arms and that long silky hair. It was grounding and warm. Like a cookie. He's still Jess. Comes in says what he needs to say, pulls the WIFI and dips. No more. No less.

Rory walking through her empty grandparents' home was poignant and heartbreaking. All the flashbacks and then Rory writing her novel at Richard desk. It would've have meant more if Rory had been shown as being more affected earlier by her grandfather's passing.

Emily employed in a whaling museum is delicious. Turning tales into grimly fascinating stories of woe. It’s perfect. I would go there every week. Her finding a sense of individuality amongst her grief was beautiful.

It was delightful seeing Dean. Rory finally gave Dean his flowers.... hopefully the fanbase can learn to grow up to. No, Dean was not the worst. Jess was. Speaking of....

Grown and Sexy Jess. Maybe he is the one for her. Honestly, I think the Palladino's have always rooted for them anyways. Longing looks and all. We just weren't given much to go on this go round.

Luke and Lorelai finally stopping the nonsense unfreezing time and getting married was beautiful and fairytale like and deserved. It was about damn time.

The car ride between Lorelai, Rory and Luke was so sweet. Like I've always said...... those three really soul mates. I wish Rory and Luke had gotten more scenes with just them two this go round.

Sookie wasn't present at the wedding, but she did show up. Given Melissa McCarthy status at the time she couldn't show up the way she wanted to. I just hated their excuse for Sookie being gone...... She's studying vegetables? Whatever

Let's think about season 7 for moment here. It's nowhere near as bad as this shit has been. Rory didn't receive a personality transplant for one. History has gotten twisted a bit to fit the narrative that the show was perfect until the Palladino's left. It wasn't. The Palladino's continued to do what they do well and do horribly what do horribly.

They were always brilliant at casting, setting and characterization. They were always brilliant at making the simple interesting. They were never good at backstories everyone rich kid on the show got the same one. Every boy Rory dated was Christopher until the next boy Rory dated. The audience focused too much on Rory's love life like that wasn't part of her storylines since episode 1. Lorelai is a narcissist with a man who hates to communicate unless he's losing the woman he loves. Luke got a soap opera surprise child that was a knock off Rory/slash plot device.

But what they did to this character? I have no words except stupidity.

I never wanted Gilmore Girls to come full circle. Like her or not, Lorelai gave herself over to Rory so that Rory could aim for the proverbial stars. You know what? Rory did achieve and achieved great things. So what happened? We don't know.

The biggest problem with this reboot is that it appears to treat at ten-year gap as cavalierly as if it were one year. Rory’s backstory is a bunch of blanks. We have no idea how covering Obama went, or when her career started to sputter, why is she with Paul, how'd she get back with Logan...... just nothing. That intervening decade happened, and it should matter. Yet, it doesn't why? Again, the Palladino's have never been good with backstory, but it didn't matter but it literally didn't matter. This wasn't about Rory..... it was a statement piece about Millennials. Don't even get me started on the THETHIRTYSOMETHINGCLUB. Which mocks these individuals as failures...... I think without depth. Oddly, this show lost whatever shallow depth it had.

I'm not sure about Rory becoming a 16-year-old Lorelai either which is what the original intention of the Palladino's was. Are we supposed to feel good or bad about these things? Is Lori a good mother? Is Rory a success? Which part of repeating her mother's life is beautiful or tragic? The show itself is confused on these things.

I'm not surprised no one had been called them to do another version of A Year in the Life. The best parts of the Gilmore Girl revival were not the Gilmore Girls. Season 7 ending felt hopeful. The revival ending felt like things going from bad to worse. Also, bitterly, like pregnancy is never a happy occasion in this family.

Side Note: Diana and the old Lulu from General Hospital having a scene together was great.

[lady-phasma]

Wow thankyou so much much for replying back and for also for @gemini-mamaadding their opinion. It meant a lot to me. And also I don’t feel alone as I haven’t been able to talk to anyone else about this. 💕💕It has really helped me a lot and I did have a cry over it. It’s been really hard this week as for some reason. I have realised I’m more invested in a character/actor and their life than my own life. And so scared to be vulnerable to date etc. Your advice was so kind and compassionate. I am also going to read the article you linked me to too.

I’ve also thought a lot about my life and I’m determined to get back out there. These connections can be lovely (in your head) but they are stifling because that person is doing things in their lives and it looks so damn amazing and I’m in the office having to tick off tasks for the day! I have a brilliant trip aboard scheduled for the summer and have been working out etc but today I did have a McDonald’s because I felt so low. 

I’m re- reading your advice and will be taking it onboard.

I think I also need to take a step back from fandom for the next couple of weeks because I see things that I don’t really like but people on tumblr go crazy for. And I feel bad for having opinions that are not positive or supportive. An example would be EM at the last comic con event where he was pushing his chest out to show off his mesh top. I thought that was very Liam Gallagher and Oasis of him and slightly arrogant, whereas Steve T seemed so refined, gentlemanly and was taking it all in his stride. Maybe as an older actor he didn’t feel the need to peacock? I am also older than EM (never fancied anyone younger in my life! 🫣🫣) and have liked Matt Smiths energy more than EM’s recently. But even with that there has to be a line drawn. I do not know MS at all and have no connection with him!

I think I am alittle scared of dating and putting myself out there but I have also been confused about the type of person I would like to be with. This experience has taught I wouldn’t want to be with anyone younger than me because it just feels like the reality would be very different to the fantasy.  I don’t want any regrets and I really can’t allow this to get in my way.

I think I’m also envious alittle of the confidence that EM has. Or is perceived to have. I know he has probably worked really hard but it does all seem to happening so young for him and the other younger cast mates. I had an ugly duckling complex when I was younger and even though people say I’m good looking I have an insecurity especially about my nose so I found it fascinating when EM came out with a prominent chin. I love his chin and it fits his face but I’m envious of his confidence and the fact he hasn’t let it get in the way. Sorry for saying that but that is how I feel - please be kind to me. I wiuld love to hear your views. 💕💕

thank you again for being kind to me. 🥰🥰

Hi anon! I'm sorry I couldn't get back to this right away. My job got really stressful this week and then more HotD press and chaos.

I am so glad that you saw @gemini-mama's reblog! It was a lovely addition. 💕

I will always be kind to you nonnie! I just wish I could respond to every point you made. Please don't ever let that stop you from coming to my inbox though.

A few thoughts after the cut.

Dating is difficult for nearly everyone. For plenty of people "age is just a number" and they go by personality. I find that difficult irl (with intimate relationships). There are so many factors that I'm not going to go into, but I'm flexible. I can't say "I won't ever" because I might meet someone five years younger or 10 years older than myself and be smitten!

Switching to appearances, I love love love Ewan's jaw. Just like I love Matt's chin and ears and lack of eyebrows. What makes us unique, makes us beautiful! I'm self-conscious about some of my physical features but the insecurities started to go away in my 30s. Do I still think my lips are too thin? Yup, do I care any more? Nope. They've been the same for 41 years, they aren't getting any bigger!

There's nothing anyone can ever say to us to change how we think about our appearance. Maybe your envy of Ewan isn't a bad thing, maybe it can help you see that other people can inhabit their body without openly conveying how they feel about it. I hope he loves how he looks, but most humans don't.

I hope your break is good for you and that you come back refreshed. I would love to hear what you have to say about episode one after it airs (all the episodes if you want to stop by and chat about them)!

One last thing, Ewan's style: I have the unpopular opinion that he and Matt need to fire their stylists and borrow Olivia's. But I don't think Ewan was pushing his chest out to show off. My take (and I made a few slow motion gifs of that outfit) is that he was probably in his head, trying to get past nerves, and not fuck up and spoil anything. Like I said in my other ask, he's young, he's figuring it out.

Again, sorry for the delay. I'm always here if you need me, even if it takes me a moment to answer. 💜

[yeahyankee]

Palimpsest [Trigun '98 - Post Show - Vash x Meryl] - Pt. 2/?

Meryl's aching feet carried her home, stupefied from the dusty red heat bearing down on the town. She dropped her boots off by the door and slipped upstairs, drawing herself a bath.

It was a long day of holding slamming doors open, trying to get any sort of quote for the paper. The hours of walking around in the baking sun made her calves scream.

She took her time drawing her bath, tossing the day's dusty clothes over her changing screen. She traced her thumb down the length of her arm, marveling at the layer of grime that came loose.

If a bath for dinner was all that she could muster tonight, that would be fine, too. If anything, she'd rustle around the ice box for something to hold her over, after everyone was asleep.

A polite knock on the door nudged her out of her thoughts. Probably Milly asking if she was ready to come down for dinner.

Meryl took a bracing breath and opened the door, not prepared to see Vash on the other side in the half-dark of the hallway.

He wore a set of work clothes--something leant from Milly, no doubt--a loose-fitting shirt and a faded pair of dungarees. She noticed that he was dusty from the day's work as well--but cleanly shaven.

"Mr. Vash," Meryl said, suddenly very aware that she'd answered the door in a nightgown. She pulled herself behind the door.

"Milly thought you might like dinner upstairs tonight," he gave her a smile, and she recognized that it was to put her at ease.

Meryl looked down and saw that he was holding a plate of meatloaf, piled high with mashed potatoes and gravy. Her stomach clenched hungrily. "That does look good."

"Gotta love a woman with an appetite--it mean's she's got the spirit to live," Vash nodded sagely, he was echoing an old joke back to her--one she'd tell him when all he could keep down was noodle soup and ice cubes, riddled with bullet holes.

"Mind if I come in to put this down?"

"Sure, I was just getting ready for a bath, so you can just put it down on the desk," Meryl watched him come in, uselessly trying to smooth down the silk front of her nightgown to look presentable.

"Sorry, I'm not really fit for company right now," she said, training her eyes on a spot on the ground, still too nervous around him alone.

He laughed, "Haven't you seen me in a worse state?"

"Well, I had to bathe you unconscious for quite a bit, I would say so. You were damned heavy," she blurted suddenly, not meaning for that memory, or those words to come bubbling up.

"I never did get to thank you for that," he said, crossing the room.

She felt the panic attack coming on in full force now, squeezing her heart in her chest like a dark hand coming to smother the small, fluttering bird inside her ribcage.

"It's fine," she said curtly, eyes still cast downward.

"What you did back there, I owe you my life. I never got to tell you that," he paused. "Meryl, why won't you look at me?"

"I can't--I'm sorry, I'm not feeling too well right now," she managed, her hand balling in the silk of her nightgown.

He couldn't be standing there after all this time, picking up where they left off. After so many years of waiting, disappointment, giving up hope.

"Hey--what's up?" He asked, hands reaching out to steady her shoulders. "You're shaking all over."

"I'm sorry," she said, trying to keep it bottled up, from spilling out. Tears squeezed out of her eyes as she stood and simply shook in his arms.

"Shh, it's okay, stop apologizing," he smoothed the bangs away from her forehead, "Are you hurt anywhere?"

The absurdity of the question made her start to cry harder.

"No," she said, between gulping breaths. She felt like she couldn't catch up. Of course she was hurt, she hurt everywhere, all over. It felt like her whole body was a bruise she'd carried around, aching, for years.

"I'm having," she heaved, placing her palms against his chest to steady herself for the coming dizziness.

"Yep, come on," Vash nodded, not needing any further validation. He lead her over to the tub, and lowered her gently to sit on the lip.

He steadied her with one hand while reaching for the wash rag with another. Against the window, the steady scrape of sand and rattling of the outside shutters was already becoming a symphony.

Vash murmured softly and lowered the damp rag onto her nape. The shock of cold against her hot neck sent a shiver through her. He swiped a thumb over the tense cluster of muscles behind her ear, slowly working out the knots.

Meryl's eyes slipped closed, leaning back against him.

Another quiet splash of water from the tub, and then she could feel his hands back over her shoulders. Vash gently placed the rag against her and gave it a soft squeeze, sending a flurry of cold rivulets down her neck.

She shuddered, but the cold tickle of water felt like relief. The taut feeling in her abdomen began to unfurl.

Vash's fingers slipped the straps of her nightgown aside, dribbling water down the round slope of her shoulders. Then, he moved the rag down to her décolletage, and the water dripped past the lace trim of her nightgown.

She opened her eyes halfway, watching the water soak the front of her gown, gluing the fabric down around the curve of her breasts.

Vash's fingers pinched softly at the sore spot at her neck and then eased away the pressure.

A quiet moan escaped from Meryl's lips, too quickly for her to catch it. Her eyes fluttered open, her embarrassed gaze shooting up to Vash.

He smiled down at her serenely, "Feeling better?"

Meryl pulled back, slipping the straps of her nightgown back over her shoulders, "Yes, thank you Mr. Vash."

"Just Vash," he corrected her. "You used to call me that."

"That was a while ago," she said, feeling very aware of her body, how close he was, how very long it had been since her touch-starved body had been held this way.

"Not that long ago," he said gently, giving her that classic pout that let him get away with everything. Vash's eyes stayed on her, as if he was hoping she would say something else.

She tried to bring herself to say something--anything at all that could encompass how surreal it was see him again, after so much unfinished business. How much she'd missed him, cursed his name, cried about his absence.

"I'm going to go check on the generator and then head to bed," Vash said after a moment, rising from the edge of the tub. "You make sure to eat something."

"Thanks," she said, leading him out of the bedroom. Her voice rang like a joke back in her own head when she closed the door.

What just happened?

[escherstrange-ffxiv]

Day 31: Heroic

"I am not a hero in soul and never will be, but I am better than I was before. Or so I tell myself; and for now that is enough." -Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle

-

This took AGES to take not only because I got distracted by crafter levelling and tribal quests (it was very distracting), but because Escher is not a heroic character by any stretch of any imagination. He does good things and isn't a villain, but I couldn't think of any instance in RP where he was.

What is the definition of heroic when you have a literal Warrior of Light saving the entire universe from a nihilistic harpy? Is it the small good deeds to everyone else or is it walking in the Warrior of Light's footsteps of world-scale saving? Escher fits neither; he started using nouliths to cast black magic, he's gone on a few adventures and defeated one bad guy, but that's it. I don't think it's heroic even on a personal scale. This guy is all about proving his point and it shows.

I think these pics represent him the best within PS5 limitations (he cannot look at the camera when casting amplification): Even when he's heroic he's going to look like a damn villain, and everyone will /ponder at him for it.

It is what it is, and I love my pink madlad for it.

...You know what, let's stick with "I got distracted by DoH levelling." Sounds saner.

[starrygalaxy04]

"Psycho" {MLQC Lucien x Reader}

Summary : After a bad breakup, you use singing as your coping mechanism. You just happened to be singing a little too loud, and Lucien comes in to check on you and even joins in. (Gavin is an OC, not the MLQC character)

(Song used in this fic is "Psycho" by Taylor Acorn)

(Characters except Reader are not mine, neither is the song!!!)

You just couldn't keep it together. The anger, the pain, it all was desperate to be set free. Gavin had cheated yet again, a serial cheater in the worst way. This was the last straw, and when you said you were done, he spat the harshest words at you. Called you every single insult in the book that every scorned and unwilling-to-take-accountability boyfriend would throw at his girl before she left.

So now you're back home, your heels cast aside as your Spotify blares from your TV. You know you have neighbors, but can't bring yourself to care as you blare your angry playlist, singing and screaming at the top of your lungs. Your ruined mascara has long dried, and your hair is a mess of tangles. You just keep singing, venting out all of those emotions you could never vent any way else.

A knock on the door breaks you out of your singing binge. Surely it was a neighbor who was about to fuss at you to turn the music down. You huff before opening the door, only to find a concerned Lucien standing behind it. His pale eyes are wistful with a hint of concern as he looks down at you.

"Are you alright? You're blaring your angry songs."

Out of everyone you knew, Lucien was the only one who knew just by the song what playlist you were listening to. He had become so accustomed to your music taste that a single song would tell him entirely how you felt. You don't reply, instead moving aside so he can come in.

He walks in, taking in the state of the living room as you shut the door. There's half eaten take out, which you planned on finishing before you began your singing binge. Your shoes rest in two entirely different places, and your jacket is slung over the back of the couch. The TV is still playing songs from a playlist simply titled "ANGY". Yes, something was definitely wrong.

Lucien looks back at you with furrowed brows as the song changes, your eyes glued to the lyrics scrolling on the screen. Its the staple song you picked out for that good-for-nothing man. Lucien looks at the lyrics then to you, waiting for the damn to break. You're silent til the chorus, and then you begin screaming all over again.

"So, let's play a game

Where I throw a little brick through your pretty little face You're easy on the eyes but you're easier to hate An angel's gonna fall if you come around If my name's still on your tongue, then I'll rip it out

Since I'm already the bad guy in your head, I'll hit you with my car and I'll leave you for dead And I'll always like the view from the high road but baby for you, I'll be your psycho I'll be your psycho

I'll be your psycho

I'll be your psycho"

Lucien seems to easily put two and two together, coaxing you into sitting down as you continue to sing, tears streaming down your face as you scream the chorus one last time. It seems to be cathartic for you, so he lets you. The lyrics don't even seem to phase him as he wraps a comforting arm around you.

He doesn't ask questions as the song ends. He doesn't have to. He simply hands you your takeout, making sure you finish eating before getting you a glass of water. He watches you, makes sure you drink it, before he turns down the volume of the music.

"I assume things went for the worst?" He looks almost sad, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder.

He had been partly your therapist throughout this entire relationship and had been the first one to suggest that if your ex was standing you up he wasn't the right fit. He hadn't pushed you on it, but you know part of him loves and hates to be proven right. He's proud of you for doing the right thing, but is also here to listen to you. Whether its depressed or sad rambling, or just screaming angry songs to get those emotions out.

"Want me to join in?"

His voice is soft, a smile on his lips. You wordlessly nod, changing the song to something he's more familiar with. You both sing along, albeit much more quietly, spending the night in the comfort of his arms. It would take a while for the wounds to heal, but with Lucien around it didn't seem so bad.

[three-duck-houses]

@fe-oc-week Day 3 - Backstory

Going to cut because again, it's long (though I swear I tried my best to condense it from what I've got written in my google doc. I've got it from 35 pages down to 6 <_<;;;;) And also give a warning for implied rape (first entry), sort implied bad side effects for using magic in the last paragraph of 1170, and possibly upsetting parental death in 1171

1155 - 

Kestrel Eisner (Nico's mum) was attacked and abducted while working as a new Pegasus messenger for House Gloucester, and taken somewhere underground to be used in some sick freaks experiments involving giving unborn babies crests

1160 -

Verdant Rain (August) -

Kes and ten other women were left in the mountains between Goneril and Ordelia after the experiments were deemed a failure and then abandoned. Kes was rescued by a group from the Portia performers troupe, she was the only one of the ten who'd been found to have survived, and since she'd been drugged and couldn't remember anything she went with them back to their base near the Locket. She was looked after and grew close to Mali Anakuja and her daughter Cassida (nearly 2, adopted after Mali's best friend died, both are Almyran)

29th Lone moon (March) -

Nico was born (which was a surprise to Kes. She'd simply thought whatever had turned her hair white had messed with other parts of her body too)

1161 -

Kes' family (brother Perry, his wife Helen, their 14 month old son Ryan) moved to be with her and support her since she was very sick and weak after having Nico. And she'd fallen in love with Mali so wanted to stay with her. Gramps and Gramma Eisner also joined them a few months later, and fit in surprisingly well with the troupe

1165 -

Nico started developing strange magic powers: sparking lightning when angry, ice when scared, and "thinking people better"

A few priests at the local church didn't like that, said it was unnatural and an affront to the Goddess. Started treating the family poorly, which spread to them disliking the whole troupe more than they already had (there are a few Almyrans in the troupe who'd been "rescued" in fights but refused to work for the Gonerils)

1169 -

Summer sickness went around town, Kes got very sick. Church had medicine they were giving out for free to the town but refused to give any to the troupe, saying they deserved to suffer for being faithless heathens

Nico broke into the church at night and stole enough medicine for everyone who was sick

The troupe packed up and left soon after to avoid retaliation. Nico and her family left Fodlan altogether, while the troupe moved to Edmund

Red Wolf (November) - They reached Sreng

Pegasus (February) - They reached Duscur

1170 -

Harpstring (May) - They reached Albinea

Blue Sea (July) - They reached Brigid

Pegasus (February) - They reached Morfis

Morfis was full of mages from all over, who were able to start helping improve Kes' health and also start helping Nico learn to control her magic

Nico learnt a wide variety of ways to cast the same types of spells using different combinations of words, gestures, and occasionally material focuses. So now knows four different ways to create fire for example. She can cast all of the Fodlan Reason/elemental spells, and versions of the Faith spells too. Also learnt a variety of utility spells, such as one to let her find people or objects via shared blood connection or for things that had been in regular contact for extended periods of time (so can find children who have wandered off, and people's sentimental items), and one similar to Nosferatu but isn't limited to draining magic from living creatures, she can also drain "potential" energy/magic from moving water or the ground (which will prevent anything growing there for a damn long time)

She got a spell tattooed around her eye so it's easier for her to cast various sight spells, such as: seeing embedded magic in things to know when spells need renewing. Seeing peoples magic/energy flow to help with healing. Low light vision. Far distance/close up focus

Found out that Nico has a lot of magic and a huge range (several hundred miles, she can "find" people she grew up with in Fodlan from Morfis). Develops a tracking spell of sorts that she puts on the back of people's hands so she can track them and they can communicate by via a sort of morse code system. While Nico can make glowing words appear where the other person can see, they can only respond with taps and swipes

Also found out she doesn't really have a magical limit. As in, if she uses more magic than what her body has available as magic, it will convert stored body fat into magic and she'll be weak and tired for a few days afterwards. If she keeps casting even after that point, it has the potential to become deadly.

1171 -

28/29th Lone moon -

Nico and Kes stayed up watching the stars and drinking tea to wait for the midnight call so Kes could wish her a happy 11th birthday, because Kes had seemed to be doing a lot better and she wanted to celebrate with Nico. They went to bed together, Kes saying Nico would be too old and too big to do this for much longer. But Nico woke up to find Kes had died in her sleep, and she was trapped in a hug until Perry was able to break her free. Nico becomes terrified of sleeping by herself, and gets nightmares if she gets too cold or it's too quiet, and casts magic while she sleeps. Also has trouble sleeping in general, since she's also terrified of everyone else she loves getting hurt while she can't help them

1172 -

Nico tried to add a spell to her eye to let her see and speak with the dead. It reacted strangely to her inherent magic, and she ended up seeing the "ghosts" or "echos" of everyone who had died in Morfis for the last decade before her master managed to fix things and tune it down to her only seeing people who had died within the last 48 hours unless she's actively trying to

They moved to Almyra, partly so Nico won't get herself into any more trouble, partly so Mali could visit her family.

They stayed with Mali's mother (Arya, aka Mamani), her brother Rafa, and Rafa's two children Rizeti and Kota

Nico started learning various dances and stories from Mamani (who is a fairly famous dancer herself and knows a lot of performance related people) and also wyvern care after Rafa takes her to the army eyrie to meet the wyverns one day

1174 -

Kilani hatched and Nico was instantly smitten with the spunky runty wyvern. Was officially gifted at at midwinter

1175 -

After an incident where Nico threw some kids who were bullying her as she cried on Kes' birthday into a pile of wyvern shit, Nico kinda got exiled from the capital for two years.

(Because one of those kids was Shahid, whose mother tried to have her executed for attempted murder, but Tiana who had been visiting the eyrie with Nader thought what Nico did was hilarious so got her death sentence downgraded to exile)

Nico's family decided to move back to Fodlan (as much as they'd liked Almyra, they had faced discrimination for being Fodlani) and Tiana anonymously arranged to help the family by arranging their transport out of Almyra and giving a hint to look for work with Judith (also a sealed letter of introduction to Judith)

Judith took the first letter she'd had from Tiana in fifteen years pretty well, and did as asked to help set up the Eisner family with a home and jobs. Nico started working as a wyvern messenger for her

Met Lord Oswald and Duke Godfrey when Judith was confident enough in her flying to send her outside Daphnel. She liked them. They started keeping sweets in the office for when she stopped by with letters

The troupe moved their base to Daphnel (Judith helps "sponsor" then during winter when they don't travel as much in exchange for them passing on any rumours and interesting info they happen to hear)

Met Byleth and Jeralt when she got lost one day in one of the smaller territories. Was excited to meet more family, got permission to visit them again

Met Shez while he was helping defend a village she was delivering a message to. Started being friends after running into each other a few more times and she tracked him. Has an ongoing joke with him that since he doesn't know his birthday, he can't prove he's older and thus doesn't get to call her a brat so nur. And since he does need a birthday, they'll just call it Great Tree 1, start of the year, and the fact it's 3 days after Nico's is a wild coincidence

Met Leonie after Count Gloucester asked her to stop by and make sure they'd had no more poacher problems. Started visiting semi regularly

1176 -

Nico got asked to visit her Mamani in Almyra and meet a potential suitor (who’d heard of her from the Shahid incident and decided infamy is still fame). Asked Shez to pretend to be her boyfriend, he agreed when he stopped laughing. He ate way too many kebabs and baklava while there, but did convince the guy to stop going after Nico

Horsebow moon

On her way home from collecting medicinal plants in Duscur for Ryan (who became a healer) saw a group being attacked near the border. She tried to help, but there were too many people, and the victims (she's assuming the more heavily injured group that has a kid in it didn't start the fight, at least) are struggling. Asked the kid if he could think of somewhere safe she could try to get them too, he said with Uncle Rodrigue, the father of the grumpy knight she was trying to heal, but he was really far away

Nico used the grumpy knight as a focus to find his dad, and warped the entire group (including their horses) to him. It took far more magic than she had available, and she collapsed before she could see where she'd brought them all.

Kilani did as she'd been trained to, and picked up Nico and took off, getting her away from the unknown people and potentially dangerous situation. She luckily found Jeralt's crew in Galatea and took Nico to them. Nico slept for a week, and was then incapacitated for a month. Jeralt escorted her home to Daphnel, and then allowed Nico to join the crew sometimes to learn how to fight/defend in ways the Daphnel guards couldn't teach her

Nico started splitting her time between running messages for Lady Daphnel and joining the Blade Breakers for jobs

1178 - 

Rizeti and Kota got “drafted” into an army battalion because the general was mad at Rafa over something that happened to his wyvern that wasn’t actually Rafa’s fault. Nico got called to help get them back

She employed some psychological warfare tactics on the battalion who had taken her cousins, making a mist/fog out of nowhere, walking on air so the soldiers couldn’t hear her coming, laughing and giggling and manipulating the air to make it sound like there were multiple creepy children approaching the camp, bringing the temperature right down so all the soldiers started shivering and their breath misting in front of their faces, and then using melted ice to drip water down the backs of their necks.

Threatened the army captain to stop stealing children for his grudges, or their next meeting wouldn’t be quite so pleasant, then warped away taking all the underage “soldiers” who had been “enlisted” because of the guys grudges, and dispersed the mist so the whole camp could see he’d been strung up upside down by an icicle, with some very sharp ones pointed at some very delicate body parts

1179 -

Wyvern Moon (6 months before meeting the Lords at Remire)

Shez tapped for Nico's help and she warped to him to find he was fighting Byleth. Eventually got the full story, managed to convince him to stop fighting Byleth, then convinced both him and Jeralt that Shez should join the crew. A wobbly pout and teary eyes might have been deployed on all involved till they agreed